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beeca1.jpg
Iris Belle
beeca1
Well, I wasn't actually planning to do this but I said I would so here I go. Itcher/Jessica slashfic. In spoilers, but if anyone objects to that I can repost it without spoilers. If this is not where this should go, please tell me.
New drinking game: For every OOC moment or mistake in weird alien anatomy I make, take a shot of <favored liquor>. Highest medical bill is the winner.
Whiskers found she was already getting bored with Itcher. She felt a little bad whenever she started thinking about her next adventure in the middle of a conversation with him and caught herself, but she would just have to move on. It was a bit cruel, but Itcher didn't seem like the type to get too attached. He'd accept that it had just been a quick fling and move on. At least, she hoped so. She hoped that neither of them would be too disturbed by the scheme she'd come up with to deal with it, either.
Whiskers walked into What Does This Rag Smell Like to You?, the premier over-the-counter rape-drug store and asked Leering Dan for a bottle of Handwavium, the miracle neurotransmitter/nanobot slurry that did whatever the fuck you wanted it to do or twice your money back! It was prohibitively expensive, but if she pulled this off, the nanoband's video would be more than worth it.
Whiskers dialed Itcher's nanoband on her custom-fitted radio, ingenuously disguised as a rotary phone, and said "Hey, Itcher. You and Jessica want to go drinking with me? The last bar in the little fetch quest I set up for you two. I was... impressed... with how well you did. My wallet will regret this, but drinks on me." in as light a tone as she could manage. Mentally, she added holy fuck that thing with the shiny table was hilarious, I might really have to hire them.
Itcher and Jessica amazingly accepted free booze and showed up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Whiskers saw another neumono trip over Jessica's tail on his way to try and chat her up and giggled to herself. She insisted on pouring the drinks herself, telling them about this great cocktail she learned from a cockatiel. She managed to keep them from noticing the Handwavium she slipped into their drinks by telling them that, no, it wasn't really a cockatiel, but the Heef she'd gotten the recipe from really did look like a cockatiel, crest and all. He claimed it was his lucky charm for poker, and was proven wrong when Whiskers won the shirt off his back and the recipe besides.
Some time later, when they were well and truly sloshed, she walked off and said, "Well, that's it, then. My sincerest apologies, but you two really do make a cute couple! No, don't worry about what I said, it'll make sense in the morning."
Itcher wasn't sure what had just happened, other than lots of booze, but when Jessica suggested that they call it a night and go to bed, he accepted. When they arrived and they'd gotten in bed, Itcher realized that he really was extremely aroused, and had just enough time to wonder too late about what Whiskers had done to their drinks before the two began their passionate attempts at lovemaking.
Itcher pushed himself into Jessica's soft flesh and only drew back in surprise when he heard Jessica laugh, "Haha, what? Why are you trying to use my ear as a cocksleeve?" The next time, he managed to enter an orifice that clenched as he entered. Shit, had he just tried to fuck her ass? Was Jessica going to try to bite his dick off? But she wasn't complaining, and besides, neumono vaginas did that weird squeezing vacuum thing, right?
Itcher decided to stop thinking about it and start thrusting, and Jessica seemed to enjoy it, so all's well that ends well, right?
The next morning, Jessica woke up and managed to notice three things through the hangover: her ass was sore, Itcher was still improbably erect, and her hand was wrapped around Itcher's dick.
The phrase What the fuck? appeared in Jessica's blurry mind, and she realized that Itcher was now awake and had indeed just said "What the fuck?"
Jessica tried to remember what had happened. Whiskers and Itcher had... broken up? Whiskers had said she was fine with the two of them hooking up, and apparently Itcher had been too, considering their position. Jessica began to grin and realized that she was fine with it too. More than fine, in fact. She felt great. So she decided to kiss Itcher and maybe ask if he was up for round two, and managed to get herself on top of Itcher. The kiss was less successful, because she tried to proposition Itcher at the same time and it came out as "Mm, mmf mmm mfmm?"
Happily, Itcher managed to put "raging erection" and "naked girl on top of me" together, and he actually managed to achieve vaginal on the first try.
AND NOW THE STORY ENDS WHILE THEY'RE STILL DOPED UP ON BOOZE, DRUGS, AND SEX, LONG BEFORE THEY CAN ACTUALLY START THINKING ABOUT THINGS. THIS IS CLEARLY A WONDERFUL BASIS FOR THEIR FUTURE RELATIONSHIP.
So this is the first time I've ever written an actual slashfic. I hope it's not too narmy, and I'd appreciate criticism.
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