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Magic Circles
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"Sorry for seperating you from your friends."
>"Oh, they're just downstairs! I can see them any time."
"Oh... well, my first buddy was kind of in the same situation now. He wasn't good with responsibility, but had a lot, and had a tough time with how many people were counting on him to make the right decisions. Then my second was the nicest one I've ever met. As nice as you even. She didn't give up on me regardless of how many times I gave up on myself and everything. Then my third, she didn't even think she was a person, but we got along just fine, and she basically was. The fourth... eh, no, the fourth was a scientist. Might barely even be a friend, but he's alright, just a downer."
>"Only four friends?"
"I, hm... is that bad?"
>"No, but there's a lot of people out there."
"Well, I just made a fifth I guess."
She grins and hugs me some more.
I go into more detail about the main people I know. Maybe I let too much slip. Maybe I give it away that it's Alison when I talk about her not being afraid of me and even willing to hug and sing to me. Or that it was corruptor, when I talk about a safe area outside of the contest. Or the Rulekeeper, about how we complemented one another even if we got off on the wrong foot.
"But they aren't really my friends now, because I feel too disconnected from it all. They liked my counterpart, and they might try to get what they had with the counterpart, through me. It would be like I'm back from the dead or something, but then I would just disappoint them. Plus, I might have obligations that I never signed up for that get dropped on me or something."
>"You also don't want to start from square one and try to make friends with them all over again while hiding the idea that you're not a completely new person, either, am I right?"
"You're right. I don't want to pretend."
>"Would you rather continue avoiding them?"
"It... might be for the best."
>"So you can't approach them as a blank slate since you don't think you're a blank slate, but you're not a, ah, 'filled' slate either, so you don't want them to think that, and approaching as a half slate might have those consequences and expectations of you, and you can't just undo them if you do any of that, can you?"
"I... what if I could?"
>"If you could rewind the whole world if you didn't like how something turned out? Hmm..."
She thinks for a moment.
>"What a tricky question. I don't think I'd like that power, though."
"What? Why not?"
>"Because if I had three options, and I decided on option A, and it didn't turn out well... well, option A is what I chose, and people's reactions to it would be their honest reaction to what I chose. If it didn't work the way I wanted to, and instead I rewinded to option B or C, well, I would then be making a decision based off of how timeline A went, but after rewinding it, timeline A wouldn't happen, it would be, say timeline B. But I experienced timeline A, and I know what it was like. If I kept rewinding every time I thought I made a mistake, I would be shaped by a huge amount of timelines that just don't exist. I would be, heh, I guess I just wouldn't feel like I was legitimately shaped by the timeline that everyone else is. I might feel a little too different. I'd end up remembering people more for what they didn't actually do than what they did. But at the same time, I'd feel so guilty if I just let my mistakes have big consequences. What a responsibility that would be! I'd be a wreck, Ringer. I'd feel more like a wandering entity through time than I would be like a person like everyone else. I couldn't last long like that."
"Huh. I don't know if I agree. Maybe? What if you had a few friends you could travel through those timelines with, in that case?"
>"This... ah, this is getting so complicated, but I still don't think I like the idea."
"Sorry."
>"Well, if we're talking about if you could undo, you'd have to make the decision for yourself. I think, back on the topic of meeting your friends or not, it's a really tough situation while you're in a weird between state of who you are. I think you should settle who you are first, because this sounds like being in the middle is what is making this so complicated for you. You say there's a chance this person might come back, though?"
"Uh... if they do, it'll be through me. I'll become that person."
>"That makes it simpler, then. If you feel too disconnected, you should embrace that and start off fresh, like we are. You can visit who you want, and you can stay with me as long as you like. You might have your old memories, but memories do fade, no matter how precious they might be. I'll support you while you try to let go. If you hate your disconnection, and want to try to become who you might once have been, then you should visit your old friends as soon as possible. Do it as an old friend who lost himself and wants to come back and reinforce all of those good memories you don't want to let fade. It might be painful, but if there's a chance of it working out, you might feel better trying."
Maybe there's an easy third option, but I don't think so. What the naga is saying makes sense, that it's a lot easier just trying to pick one or the other, and not waffling trying to solve everything as a half aberration.
Remain with the Naga. The Ringer is who I am right now. Whether I like responsibility or not, I'm the bridge between the two worlds. Trying to juggle that responsibility while being a confused mess is going to be dangerous. It might be easier for me to let go instead of trying to pursue being the person I used to be.
Approach the Rulekeeper. Try to save the glitcher. It might not work. Trying to revive the glitcher isn't going to be a pretty process either, and it's all for the kind of person that should never have nukes. If the Glitcher was an imperfect jewel, then the Ringer was a smashed jewel that's been put back together and held with duct tape, and is going to take a while to heal.
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