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In memory of Flyin' Black Jackson
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File 147709633108.png - (210.69KB , 800x600 , the ominous coronation of queen tgchan.png )
754415 No. 754415 ID: a606da

Through an incredibly unlikely series of events, you have just been crowned as Supreme Queen of the Earth!

“The crowds are gathered to witness your speech, Your Majesty.” Official Royal Manservant Loodleston bows. “What shall be your first global decree?”
Expand all images
>>
No. 754416 ID: 71d443

Declare war on Steves!
>>
No. 754417 ID: 3abd97

>>754415
BUILD ME A MOONBASE!
>>
No. 754418 ID: 3663d3

let them eat cake!

no wait, another queen did that and it blew up in her face...

how about you will put all the extra money into curing cancer.
>>
No. 754419 ID: 398fe1

STOP BEING DICKS
>>
No. 754420 ID: 37f049

Build a royal palace of wonders. On the Moon.
>>
No. 754421 ID: c441c1

everyone must commit an act of homosexuality
>>
No. 754422 ID: 180f83

Declare war on mars.
>>
No. 754424 ID: a606da
File 147709704332.png - (103.79KB , 800x600 , somebody really should have thought of this.png )
754424

You step out onto the balcony. You clear your throat. Then you raise your arms and yell: "EVERYBODY! STOP BEING DICKS!"

For a moment, there is silence.

But then the crowds erupt in applause and yells of agreement.

The world has entered a golden age of peace and prosperity.

100% APPROVAL RATING, 9.9/10 END
>>
No. 754427 ID: defceb
File 147709720647.png - (116.39KB , 500x500 , mmq01.png )
754427

The witch cooking contest is almost upon us! What should I put into my witchy brew to compete?
>>
No. 754428 ID: 306357

>>754427
Hot sauce, pinto beans, and beef.
>>
No. 754429 ID: 180f83

Your hair. All of it.
>>
No. 754430 ID: 1f8505

A can of Dr. Pepper.
>>
No. 754431 ID: 71d443

MORE WITCHES!
>>
No. 754435 ID: 3abd97

>>754427
Put your dick in it.

(If you lack a dick, magic one up first, obviously).
>>
No. 754436 ID: c441c1

all of your competitors panties.
>>
No. 754439 ID: 6612fa

>>754424
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the royal speech writing left a typo on my cards i meant to say"
"EVERYBODY! WHIP OUT YOUR DICKS!"
royal orgy commences
>>
No. 754440 ID: a606da

The clothes of everyone in a ten-mile radius.
>>
No. 754441 ID: defceb
File 147709830689.png - (130.04KB , 500x500 , mmq02.png )
754441

I'll do all of those!
>>
No. 754442 ID: defceb
File 147709834969.png - (76.83KB , 500x500 , mmq03.png )
754442

KABOOM!

NOBODY CAN WIN THE COMPETITION IF THERE IS NO COMPETITION out of TAKE THAT OTHER WITCHES
>>
No. 754443 ID: a606da
File 147709842182.png - (192.84KB , 800x600 , plan tgchan from outer space.png )
754443

“According to my computer, the locals call it… ‘Earth’. But who cares about that? What matters is that it’s perfect! For eleventy space-years, I’ve been searching for a planet like this. Finally, I can follow my dreams. Finally, I can ______!”
>>
No. 754444 ID: 3abd97

>>754443
Eat a pineapple.
>>
No. 754445 ID: 306357

>>754443
git gud
>>
No. 754446 ID: 71d443

have the fanciest centerpiece on my coffee table!
>>
No. 754447 ID: c441c1

pick my nose without exploding.
>>
No. 754450 ID: 3663d3

probe some anuses
>>
No. 754452 ID: 91ee5f

>>754443
Eat all of the food!
>>
No. 754455 ID: 398fe1

Have sex with a planet.
>>
No. 754457 ID: 9f3729

>>754443
engage myself in heated discourse with a cow
>>
No. 754461 ID: a606da
File 147710042692.png - (185.71KB , 800x600 , see you space cowboy.png )
754461

“Finally, I can eat a pineapple! The greatest, rarest, and most delicious food in the galaxy! Maybe I’ll get a second one, just to use as a nice centerpiece. When they see it, oh boy, all my space-friends will envy me but good! I’ll be the talk of space! Also, while I’m here, I might as well bang a cow or two. Or three. Or forty. Heck, why am I holding myself back? I’ve got a pineapple! I might as well just fuck the whole planet!”

FUCK THE WORLD (LITERALLY) END, PINEAPPLE/10
>>
No. 754462 ID: 37f049
File 147710046933.png - (42.14KB , 640x560 , cyborg_wat_do.png )
754462

You are a combat cyborg! You were born on the battlefield, shaped by it. Your body is a finely tuned machine designed to wage war. No matter what, you've always survived. You are basically the best at fighting and winning.

But this is a scenario you're not sure if you can win.

One of the mechanics at the maintenance depot has asked you on a date. You didn't learn about this on the battlefield! It's in two hours, how should you get ready?!
>>
No. 754463 ID: 1f8505

>>754462

Zandatsu all the objects nearby.
>>
No. 754464 ID: c441c1

preform ZANDATSU on at least 10 other cyborgs to prepare your body for the coming date.
>>
No. 754465 ID: 3663d3

add a software limiter to your strength so you don't crush him by accident, but can unlock if things go south.
>>
No. 754466 ID: 1f8505

>>754463

Alternatively, tell Doktor to remove your Romance Limiter.
>>
No. 754469 ID: 9f3729

>>754462
Get your vibranium cock packed in. Ain't nobody gonna turn down a vibranium cock.
>>
No. 754471 ID: a606da

Download the proper software to woo her.

If you can't find dating software in your combat database, clearly you must search the futurenet for 'in-depth dating sims', and then download and install whatever the first result is. Work it into your system, and then emulate the program as accurately as possible.
>>
No. 754472 ID: 67f0a5

It would be embarrassing to see a mechanic in poor shape! Make sure you oil up your body thoroughly so you don't show any signs of corrosion or make any awkward noises when rotating your limbs.
>>
No. 754473 ID: 3abd97

>>754462
Zone out on your internal cell phone, playing games, until it's time for the date and you didn't prepare at all.

Then just shrug and roll with it.
>>
No. 754474 ID: 71d443

Help your date pick out the best combat cyborg mods so he can survive the rigourous dating maneuvers that are about to commence.
>>
No. 754475 ID: 35c0cb

Dress in stealth recon gear and spy on other date-goers. We need more intel on what one does on a 'date'.
>>
No. 754476 ID: 6c25ef

>>754462
Bring a gift sword.
>>
No. 754482 ID: df90d0

>>754464
Inner Zandatsu your romance limiter with your built in HEART BLADE, Zandatsu anyone who gets in your way of the PERFECT DATE.
>>
No. 754488 ID: 37f049
File 147710306779.png - (15.67KB , 961x360 , cyborg_codec.png )
754488

>Tell Doktor to remove your Romance Limiter.
You need to make a call.

bleep bleep, vweeeeEEEEP

"Doktor, I have a date. I need you to disable my romance limiter!"

"Is that wise? Are you ready for it?"

"I can handle it!"

"They grow up so fast... There, limiter off."

You shiver all over. What is this feeling? It's like the joy of battle, but stronger. Your heart is pounding!

"How do you feel?" Doktor asks.

"I'm going to find a cute mechanic and make out with them!"

"Ho ho ho, don't forget to use protection."

>Zandatsu all the objects nearby.
>Zandatsu anyone who gets in your way of the PERFECT DATE.
No time to lose, you zandatsu through the wall! Here you come, PERFECT DATE!

Your date is swept off their feet by the Limitless Ending: Cyborgs are a menace/10
>>
No. 754489 ID: a606da
File 147710313930.png - (196.24KB , 800x600 , not every genie is a meanie.png )
754489

“I don’t know…” I scratch my chin, wondering aloud. “Don’t genies always twist wishes around so that things go terribly?”

“Nah, that’s just a nasty stereotype caused by a few bad apples. You haven’t got anything to worry about!” The peppy genie gives me a thumbs-up. “The Djiin Union got together and set down some ground rules. All wishes are granted one-hundred-percent exactly as the wisher intends. Customer satisfaction is our business!”

“That sounds too good to be true.”

“Well, we had to cut the wishes down from three to one. Labor costs, taxes, you know how it is. So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, may I take your order? Go on, make a wish!”
>>
No. 754490 ID: 35c0cb

I wish you wouldn't grant my wish.
>>
No. 754491 ID: 306357

>>754489
Wish for THE GREATEST MUSTACHE IN ALL THE WORLD
>>
No. 754492 ID: 71d443

Wish for bigger wishes!
>>
No. 754494 ID: 3663d3

>>754489
i wish... for you to be my girlfriend!
>>
No. 754495 ID: 37f049

I wish I knew how you make a business model out of just giving wishes away.
>>
No. 754496 ID: c441c1

clearly the best wish is to bind the djinn to yourself in holy matrimony til you die such to gain infinite wishes as long as you are a good husband.
>>
No. 754498 ID: 3abd97

>>754490
Why wish for anything else when you could wish for an ontological paradox.
>>
No. 754499 ID: 6c25ef

>>754490
I also have to support this. You look like the type to wish this.
>>
No. 754500 ID: 9f3729

>>754489
I wish.....
FOR A DATE
(with you)
>>
No. 754501 ID: 1f8505

>>754489

"I wish for a genie that can grant me three wishes."
>>
No. 754502 ID: 0eae4d

>>754501
Naw, you have to wish for more genies.
>>
No. 754503 ID: 38685c

>>754489
Wish to become godzilla.
>>
No. 754504 ID: db0da2

Omnipotence. Always wish for omnipotence.
>>
No. 754511 ID: c2552b

>>754489
Ask her why she doesn't have any legs, and is she made of smoke or what?

If she turns out to actually have them make a compliment.
>>
No. 754513 ID: b2a153

@#$% I missed the opening uh let me see one-wish genie right well uh um PARADOX INVOLVING ZOMBIES yes that sounds right.

"I wish for a horde of zombies whose number is exactly the seventh even prime number. To be released. Myes."

Twiddle moustache.
>>
No. 754526 ID: a107fd

I wish for the Djinn Union's operating costs to be reduced in such a way that I get two more wishes out of this deal.
>>
No. 754528 ID: 180f83

Wish for a date with a combat cyborg
>>
No. 754530 ID: 91ee5f

I wish for you to be free so that you can grant your own wishes. (I'm taking the Aladdin route. I don't care what you guys say, you can't stop me!)
>>
No. 754536 ID: a606da
File 147711098440.png - (245.04KB , 800x600 , phenomenal cosmic powers.png )
754536

“Why don’t you have any legs? Are you made of smoke or what?”

“Nah, I’ve got all the usual bits, but I can turn into smoke whenever I want to. It’s awesome. You’re missing out.”

“Well, you have nice legs.”

“…Thanks?”

“I wish… for a date! With you!”

“Are you serious?”

“No, come to think of it, I should think bigger. I wish you were my girlfriend!”

“Gosh. That's flattering, but... look, are you really sure that’s what you want?”

“You’re right, I should go for the gold! Marriage! I wish we were married!”

“Well, okay…” The genie hesitantly waves her hands around. “Sorry, dude.”

There’s a bunch of smoke and a loud ‘poof’ sound, and then I’m a lady.
>>
No. 754537 ID: a606da
File 147711100483.png - (212.20KB , 800x600 , you ain't never had a girlfriend like me.png )
754537

“What the hell?!”

“Wish granted! We’re married and all, so that’s a thing. Even though you don’t know my name.” The genie shrugs happily. “Whatever! I love you now, so I can forgive a little creepiness.”

“I fucking knew it. What did I say? Genies, man! Not even once!”

“Hey, I tried to stop you!” The genie sighs. “I’m not exactly into the whole ‘men’ thing. If I turned straight then I wouldn’t be ‘me’ anymore, so you couldn’t have ‘me’ as your wife. This is the only way the wish could work.”

“This is outrageous! I…” I blink. “Wait, I’m actually cool with this.”

“Yeah, I made you a lady inside and out. Nipped that little identity crisis in the bud.”

“Disturbing.” I decide not to think about that too much. “Do I at least get infinite wishes?”

“Sure thing, sweetie. Well, one a day. Good enough?”

“Yeah! Tomorrow, I want to be godzilla! No, no, omnipotence! I want omnipotence! Can I have more wishes - or, wait, more genies! Give me more genies! Say, is a horde of zombies off the table?”

“…I think this is going to be an interesting relationship.”

SASUGA IDIOM END, GENIEWIFE/10
>>
No. 754539 ID: 71d443

What a sasuga fest.
>>
No. 754540 ID: defceb
File 147711126045.png - (88.40KB , 500x500 , mmq04.png )
754540

BARK BARK BARK ARF ARF WOOF BARK ARF WOOF
>>
No. 754542 ID: dfcec0

>>754540
Play dead.
>>
No. 754543 ID: 71d443

Sit. Stay. Make out with your clone!
>>
No. 754545 ID: 3663d3

bow wow bark bark bork woof
>>
No. 754546 ID: 3373e2

Good Dog.
>>
No. 754547 ID: c2552b

>>754540
Realize that the extremely complicated plot involving time travel, mysteries, brainwashing, and amnesia is - you sort of lost track somewhere?

Why are you killing a man with a fish while wearing a pot on your head again?
>>
No. 754548 ID: 37f049

Sniff another dog's butt.
>>
No. 754549 ID: a606da

Enhance paws.
>>
No. 754550 ID: 0eae4d

Hide the body
>>
No. 754551 ID: 3abd97

>>754540
Rollover.

Bark when you hear knockers.
>>
No. 754552 ID: 1f8505

>>754540

Barf up something that isn't food
>>
No. 754553 ID: 180f83

bark woof woof bark woof woof YIPE!
>>
No. 754567 ID: 3abd97

>>754540
Go hump Haley's leg.
>>
No. 754577 ID: defceb
File 147711550616.png - (50.84KB , 500x500 , mmq05.png )
754577

>Roll over

YOU'RE WINNER
120/10 best dog end

>>
No. 754578 ID: 37f049
File 147711554895.png - (29.94KB , 700x640 , blake_mmq_1.png )
754578

Somewhere in the vastness of tiiiime and spaaaaace...

Robert Blake was a scientist on a survey spaceship. Right now he's in a secret lab in an un-surveyed star system run by midget xenophobic aliens called xotls who are meddling with the eldritch and unfathomable technology of the Precursors, who vanished millions of years ago. Because this inevitably goes terribly wrong, he is looking for an exit and the rest of his crew.

One of his crew mates, Alice Dietrich, was experimented on and has turned into a flesh eating monster. She's the one who rescued him. She is seven feet tall; communicates via notes due to a malformed larynx; is dealing with alien and cannibalistic urges; and soaks up biomass like a sponge.

They've been waiting in this room for a while and it's starting to feel a little awkward. Perhaps Blake should try to make conversation?
>>
No. 754579 ID: 71d443

We'll bang, ok?
>>
No. 754580 ID: 3663d3

ask about a blowjob
>>
No. 754582 ID: 3abd97

Ask her to convert you to a plantgoo girl.

And stick your dick in it. (Or vice versa).
>>
No. 754583 ID: 1f8505

>>754578

"So uh... come here often?"
>>
No. 754586 ID: ba506f

>She is seven feet tall
ask if she'd ever consider to start playing basketball?
>>
No. 754587 ID: c2552b

>>754578
Get caught staring at her ass.
>>
No. 754588 ID: 6c25ef

>>754578
Reassure her that her ass is fine, lots of guys are into meatier girls.
>>
No. 754592 ID: 71d443

>try not to think about her tongue
>wait, no, her tongues
>she can make them come out of just about anywhere
>oh no you're thinking really hard about tongues
>>
No. 754598 ID: 8111b6

>>754587
>>754586
not baseball, fashion modelling. they're usually tall, right?

(also, don't stop staring if caught)
>>
No. 754599 ID: 8111b6

>>754598
er. *basketball. not sure how that typo happened
>>
No. 754607 ID: 91ee5f

>>754578
Bloom hasn't been updated in an entire year and when it finally gets an update, it's a non canon update in a different thread?! Well my only response to this is: Awwww..... :'-(
>>
No. 754613 ID: a107fd

Do the bit from the fire extinguisher episode of Mythbusters. Play charades to pass the time.

"Okay, two words. First word starts with..." and then something abruptly explodes.
>>
No. 754627 ID: 37f049
File 147712254762.png - (27.94KB , 500x900 , blake_mmq_2.png )
754627

>Ask about a blowjob
Blake thinks he'd probably die.

>We'll bang, ok?
He'd definitely die!

>Ask her to convert you to a plantgoo girl.
It doesn't look like a fun thing to be. A body of mutable, protoplasmic flesh tricking itself into assuming a roughly human form and a mind under assault from alien impulses that's constantly three steps away from a mental breakdown. The xotl must be insane. Who could possibly think it was a good idea to try putting a human brain into a Precursor servitor?

>try not to think about her tongue
>wait, no, her tongues
>she can make them come out of just about anywhere
>oh no you're thinking really hard about tongues
Need a distraction, need a distraction.

>Get caught staring at her ass.
Look, it's hard to stare at because she's got all these tentacle things coming out of her tail-bone. Second, Blake is pretty sure Dietrich's awareness isn't too good on her right side. She's missing that eye.

Wait, the flower eye! Oh no, she saw him!

>Reassure her that her ass is fine, lots of guys are into meatier girls.
>Ask if she'd ever consider to start playing basketball?
>Not basketball, fashion modelling. they're usually tall, right?
Blake is too mortified to say anything!

Mission failed! See you later, space cowboy! CANON/10
>>
No. 754628 ID: defceb
File 147712260788.png - (23.57KB , 500x500 , mmq06.png )
754628

How should I cross this canyon?
>>
No. 754629 ID: 37f049

Do you need to cross this canyon?
>>
No. 754630 ID: dea742

Rocket skateboard!
>>
No. 754631 ID: 180f83

Consult your GPS.
>>
No. 754632 ID: 71d443

By flipping the image in Photoshop!
>>
No. 754633 ID: 3663d3

just go left until you are on the other side
>>
No. 754634 ID: 6c25ef

>>754628
Ride a chicken. I hear they get to the other side of things all the time.
>>
No. 754635 ID: 9876c4

>>754632
Gotta respect the classics
>>
No. 754642 ID: 67f0a5

Call your wizard girlfriend and get her to levitate you over.
>>
No. 754645 ID: c2552b

>>754628
build a bridge and get someone else to pay for it
>>
No. 754646 ID: e95cec

Switch places with the alternate-universe version of yourself that is already on the other side, but wants to be on your side.
>>
No. 754648 ID: b7883c

Meditate and realize that in the oneness of all things, you are already there.
...Then walk around.
>>
No. 754650 ID: 35c0cb

Ask the nice Orcs Horde behind you to give you a nice punt over.
>>
No. 754652 ID: 094652

You're lying flat on your side, just get up and walk on the "sky".
>>
No. 754654 ID: 3abd97

>>754628
Commit suicide by jumping off into the gap, and then wait to be reincarnated on the other side.
>>
No. 754675 ID: 2eeb65

What's the point?
>>
No. 754693 ID: defceb
File 147716899512.png - (38.77KB , 500x500 , mmq07.png )
754693

>build a bridge and get someone else to pay for it
I'll send you the bill.

IT'S PRETTY EXPENSIVE/10
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: GO BROKE

>>
No. 754694 ID: a606da
File 147716904101.png - (384.26KB , 800x600 , man it sucks to be the 1%.png )
754694

“Mommy.” I tug at Mommy’s arm. “Aren’t we going to play?”

“No, dear, not right now.”

“But you promised!

“Did I? Oh, right. I’m sorry, honey, but I need to work. Australia’s been acting up. Can’t you go play with your kitty?”

“I don’t wanna play with Mr. Fiddles.”

“Why not? I had my top scientists turn Mr. Fiddles into the smartest kitty in the world, just for you! He knows how to play games, and he can talk… so what’s the problem?”

“He always wins!” I pout. “Plus he won’t let me pick him up or pet him anymore! He says it’s ‘ob-ject-ee-fee-cay-shun of fee-lines’ and then he gets all grumpy.”

“Hm. Well, I’m sure you can find another friend, can’t you?”

“All the other kids are scared of me. They think I’ll dungeon them if I get mad.”

“Maybe you can read a book or something, then. I don’t have any time for games right now; I’m very, very busy ruling the world. It’s a big job! But I promise I’ll play with you in a week or two, okay?” Mommy pulls her arm out of my grip and walks away.

Ever since she became Supreme Queen of the Earth, Mommy’s always like this. I never get to see her anymore.

We used to play together all the time! I wanna make things like they were before. But how am I gonna do that?
>>
No. 754695 ID: 71d443

>>754693
Well, at least it's still cheaper than a Photoshop license.
>>
No. 754696 ID: 71d443

If you help Mr. Fiddles take over the world, then Mummy will have more free time!
>>
No. 754697 ID: 9876c4

>>754694
Crash the economy by issuing junk bonds and giving out excessive foreign aid.

Mr. Fiddles can help with that.
>>
No. 754698 ID: 2eeb65

>>754694
It's simple: You kill the mommy.
>>
No. 754699 ID: 35c0cb

Have some scientists build a machine to swap mommies brain with Mr. Fiddles. She'll be a cat, but she then can play with you while Mr. Fiddles runs the world.
>>
No. 754700 ID: 3663d3

she has to work because she is in charge and the people under her are bad at their jobs. so make everyone good at their jobs so your mom doesn't need to watch over them.
>>
No. 754701 ID: 8715cf

Well you could always do something dangerous to get her attention?
>>
No. 754702 ID: c441c1

overthrow her rule and declare her new job title playtime ambassador of the queen.
>>
No. 754703 ID: 094652

Stuff that stupid hat into your pussy

cat.

Find the latest edition of the Earth Thesaurus and call the result of your prank a screaming [cat].
>>
No. 754706 ID: 91ee5f

>>754694
Remind your mom that she's breaking her own rule of "not being a dick"!
>>
No. 754716 ID: 3abd97

>>754706
"Mom you're being a dick" is a pretty excellent comeback.
>>
No. 754718 ID: a606da
File 147717718023.png - (135.11KB , 800x600 , the revolution will be catalyzed.png )
754718

“Hey, Mr. Fiddles!”

“Yes? What is it, human?”

“I don’t want Mommy to be Supreme Queen of the Earth anymore. Can you help me take over the world?”

“Preposterous! Why, to do such a thing, that would be… hm.” Mr. Fiddles pauses. “Possibly. Yes, quite possibly…”

“Here’s a map I got from school.” I put my map of Earth down on the table. “Does that help?”

“Perhaps it will.” Mr. Fiddles climbs up on a chair and looks at the map for a while. “Yes, of course, with only the slightest maneuvering… or potentially just a little bit of well-timed pressure… yes, it would be simplicity itself!”

“You mean you’ll help me?”

“Indeed, and you will help me.” His whiskers twitch. “Do remember this day, human, for it marks the beginning of the end. The reign of man shall soon fall.”

“Oh, Mr Fiddles! You’re such a silly kitty.”

CATEGORICALLY CATASTROPHIC COUP END, 🐾/10
>>
No. 754719 ID: defceb
File 147717727590.png - (84.20KB , 500x500 , mmq08.png )
754719

"Barkeep! I wish to go on an adventure full of peril, treasure, and glory! Do you perhaps know of one?"
>>
No. 754721 ID: 3abd97

>>754719
"No one's cleaned the ladies' restroom in months. Nary an adventurer is brave enough to plumb those depths."
>>
No. 754722 ID: 3663d3

>>754719
try slimecrown citadel, it's a rising star of a new dungeons.
>>
No. 754723 ID: c441c1

"tis a great cave of dangers in front of you" and then proceed to unbirth him as all mimics must.
>>
No. 754724 ID: a606da

"Yes. The greatest adventure of all... love."

And then make out with them.
>>
No. 754725 ID: 71d443

Yes. Get into my magic catapult and I shall send you to do battle with the cursed demon of the skies, the Day-Star!
>>
No. 754726 ID: 398fe1

>>754721
plunge those depths
>>
No. 754727 ID: 6c25ef

>>754719
Yep, take the Treasured Trash of Tribulation and place it in the Doomed Dumpster of Dreadfulness out back.
>>
No. 754728 ID: c2552b

>>754719
"Get married to a drow woman."
>>
No. 754729 ID: a107fd

Call up the Duke of Australia and threaten to dungeon him unless he says you were secretly behind whatever the latest problem is.

Alternatively, go play with some Martian kids. They won't be scared of you because they've got diplomatic immunity.
>>
No. 754771 ID: 1f8505

>>754719

I hear Blighttown is good this year.
>>
No. 754777 ID: defceb
File 147718921419.png - (65.74KB , 500x500 , New canvas.png )
754777

>Yep, take the Treasured Trash of Tribulation and place it in the Doomed Dumpster of Dreadfulness out back.

"Take that, vile trash!"

Quest Complete!
-Treasured Trash of Tribulation-
Rewards:
50g
100xp

Renown:
50 - Public Sanitation Commitee
5 - G'oran
1 - Trash Pandas

>>
No. 754778 ID: a606da
File 147718929273.png - (62.64KB , 800x600 , she took it as a challenge.png )
754778

“No! You can’t fuck the _____, Raban!”

“Oh yeah? Watch me!
>>
No. 754779 ID: 71d443

DRAGON
>>
No. 754780 ID: c441c1

Queen of england
>>
No. 754781 ID: 3abd97

>>754779
"Don't be a specist, Willamina, I totally can."
>>
No. 754782 ID: 180f83

>>754779
>>
No. 754783 ID: 6c25ef

>>754778
concept of celibacy
>>
No. 754785 ID: 811732

That's right! I will fuck obscure Marvel villain The Blank! Ah ha ha ha!
>>
No. 754786 ID: 398fe1

>>754778
planet
>>
No. 754788 ID: 91ee5f

>>754779
This. Because dragons deserve to get laid just as much as anyone else!
>>
No. 754789 ID: 1f8505

>>754778

Giant Butt
>>
No. 754791 ID: ea2bfa

>>754778
Ass-destroyer 5000
>>
No. 754792 ID: c2552b

>>754778
In Russia, _______ fucks you.
>>
No. 754798 ID: 094652

hand with your hand without making a clap

Remember, @#$% also means "slap" in German.
>>
No. 754812 ID: 9876c4

>>754783
Underrated choice

>>754791
Also a goody.
>>
No. 754830 ID: b7883c

Law
>>
No. 754839 ID: a606da
File 147719772619.png - (131.77KB , 800x600 , you still can't fuck that princess though.png )
754839

“You can’t just fuck a dragon, Raban! It’ll eat you!”

“Ooh! Do you really think so?”

“Ugh, no, that’s not what I…! Oh, get a grip, Raban! You have no idea where that thing has been!

“Wow, rude. Don’t be a specist, Willamina.”

STOP CALLING ME THAT!

“Well hello there, cute stuff! Let’s fuck.“

"But I'm a dragon."

"So? Maybe I'm into that."

"That's hot."

FUCKING EVER AFTER END
>>
No. 754840 ID: defceb
File 147719779133.png - (88.34KB , 500x500 , mmq10.png )
754840

At last! All the pieces have fallen into place. Now I, THE ILLUMINATI shall enact my plan to _____ !!!
>>
No. 754841 ID: 1f8505

>>754840

Put more triangle eyes everywhere.
>>
No. 754842 ID: 71d443

Make everyone love cyclopes! Especially BRAD!
>>
No. 754843 ID: a606da

Turn the world into a big pyramid, and then make it so that, when the planets align, the moon looks like a big eye in front of pyramid Earth.
>>
No. 754844 ID: 3abd97

>>754840
Illuminate the world! Hahahahahaha!

...wait, you thought all our planning was for something else? Really? The name didn't tip you off? We thought it was kind of obvious, to be honest.
>>
No. 754845 ID: ea2bfa

>>754840
MAKE THE WORLD'S MOST DELICIOUS SANDWICH!!! AND THEN NOT SHARE IT!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
>>
No. 754846 ID: a8bc5c

Succumb to the MJ12 backstab!
>>
No. 754849 ID: c4e08f

Make all quests overly prurient so those meddling suggestors can't uncover your diabolical plans again
>>
No. 754850 ID: 91ee5f

>>754840
Oh no! The voices have found you again! Quickly, push the button!
>>
No. 754851 ID: c2552b

>>754840
Ensure that everyone's mental image of cheese is a perfectly-shaped TRIANGLE WEDGE, and NOT a wheel.
>>
No. 754853 ID: 9876c4

>>754845
you fiend
>>
No. 754860 ID: 6c25ef

>>754840
Yo. Sandwich.
>>
No. 754866 ID: 3373e2

Turn everyone else into Cyclopes.
>>
No. 754879 ID: 2eeb65

Rebrand the franchise! Replace the old outdated triangle-with-an-eye-in-the-middle logo with something more new and hip
>>
No. 754881 ID: 094652

flip your triangle head upside down
>>
No. 754883 ID: 35c0cb

Create a triangle whose internal angles don't add up to 180 degrees.
>>
No. 754887 ID: b7883c

>>754879
Redesign your logo
We know what were doing
We are here to help you
Everything's connected
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qImHuiYnVQ0
>>
No. 754893 ID: 493949

>>754840
push the triangle shaped button
>>
No. 754894 ID: 6e3add

Summon your true master. Bill Cypher
>>
No. 754897 ID: dea742

>pieces have fallen into place

observe the completed 10,000 piece puzzle in all it's glory
>>
No. 754914 ID: 60700b

>>754894
This.
>>
No. 754978 ID: defceb
File 147728144124.png - (74.40KB , 500x500 , mmq11.png )
754978

Summon the ONE TRUE ILLUMINATI-
>>
No. 754979 ID: defceb
File 147728148347.png - (15.66KB , 500x500 , mmq12.png )
754979

This quest contains content from Disney, who has blocked it on copyright grounds.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Struck Down
>>
No. 754980 ID: 37f049
File 147728154021.png - (13.32KB , 560x640 , stargazer_mmq1.png )
754980

Some time in the future, but not too far away...

This is Stargazer! She's a chimerical staff, a lesser spawn of the incomprehensibly ancient beings that dwell at the edge of the universe and whisper forbidden knowledge to those brave and foolish few with the resolve to seek them out.

It's her wizard's birthday soon and she needs to come up with a present for him!
>>
No. 754984 ID: 71d443

Teach him the forbidden art of Ti Kwan Leep!
>>
No. 754987 ID: 3abd97

>>754980
Surprise him by dressing up in a bikini and a bow and letting him unwrap you.
>>
No. 754989 ID: c441c1

A scarf with at least 3 pretty bows and one picture of Supreme Leader Deem on it.
>>
No. 754991 ID: 6c25ef

>>754980
Make him grow an inch. No matter the sacrifice.
>>
No. 754992 ID: 398fe1

>>754980
A new spell!
>>
No. 754994 ID: 094652

Turn into an onahole.

(then watch as he uses you as a flag or some other utility)
>>
No. 754997 ID: 91ee5f

>>754984
Voting for this because it'll be funny to see him boot people in the head.
>>
No. 754999 ID: 1f8505

>>754979

Bummer.

>>754980

Give him a gift card to Chili's.
>>
No. 755027 ID: 8111b6

>>754991
this, to his junk. No matter the sacrifice being testing it out by rubbing one out on or in you.
Y'know. Just like all those other times he needed a gift. Surely there is no poooossible way it can go wrooooooooong. (Cost of conspiring with elder beings, right?)
>>
No. 755028 ID: 71d443

>>755027
did you forget how old he was or something
>>
No. 755029 ID: 398fe1

>>755028
He's an adult. He's just short, because being an Alienist stunted his growth.
>>
No. 755030 ID: 71d443

>>755029
'Coming of age' usually comes before the true age of adulthood. But enough talk. Have a boot to the head at thee!
>>
No. 755031 ID: 37f049
File 147730449327.png - (53.62KB , 800x600 , stargazer_mmq2.png )
755031

>Teach him the forbidden art of Ti Kwan Leep!
>Surprise him by dressing up in a bikini and a bow and letting him unwrap you.
>Give him a gift card to Chili's.
>Turn into an onahole. (then watch as he uses you as a flag or some other utility)
>Make him grow an inch. No matter the sacrifice.
>This, to his junk. No matter the sacrifice being testing it out by rubbing one out on or in you.
>Y'know. Just like all those other times he needed a gift. Surely there is no poooossible way it can go wrooooooooong. (Cost of conspiring with elder beings, right?)
Stargazer thought she told you never to talk to her again.
>>
No. 755032 ID: 37f049
File 147730453410.png - (23.03KB , 800x600 , stargazer_mmq3.png )
755032

>A scarf with at least 3 pretty bows and one picture of Supreme Leader Deem on it.
Wait, no that's actually a good idea. A scarf, a nice new scarf. He'll love it.

>Make him grow an inch.
Stargazer does feel a little guilty about parasitising his life force.

>A new spell!
Of course! Knowledge is the gift that keeps giving.

Thank you everyone. Now go away.

You are slightly confused by the Paradox Ending. Gift Rating: GREAT!
>>
No. 755034 ID: defceb
File 147730479961.png - (72.64KB , 500x500 , mmq13.png )
755034

Oh shit it's 3am and I forgot to prep a Miniscule Quest.

I should quickly make out about...
>>
No. 755035 ID: ea2bfa

>>755034
Blatant fanservice, because you just know people will eat it up regardless of the actual quality as long as it has boobs.
>>
No. 755036 ID: 71d443

Drinking potions with randomly selected effects!
>>
No. 755037 ID: dfcec0

>>755034
The better triangle, Yung Venuz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEvOZAFZIFE
>>
No. 755038 ID: 7f917c

>>755036
>>755035

Why not both?
>>
No. 755039 ID: 18c950

>>755034
>I should quickly make out
I think you answered your own question
>>
No. 755056 ID: 4569ad

Quick just do a sequel to a previous quest. You can call it stay quest. We'd spend hours trying to come up with things that aren't staying still for the dog to do.
>>
No. 755057 ID: 180f83

Make it about forgetting to prep a Miniscule Quest. Should say something like:

Oh shit it's 3am and I forgot to prep a Miniscule Quest.

I should quickly make out about...
>>
No. 755058 ID: 094652

Censorship bureau forced to censor itself
>>
No. 755106 ID: 1f8505

>>755034

LOTS and LOTS of SWEATERS.
>>
No. 755107 ID: 07685c

enhance knockers: THE MOVIE!
>>
No. 755122 ID: 9f3729

Screw drawing, go play overwatch instead. Best end, really.
>>
No. 755136 ID: 91ee5f

>>755122
Yes! Overwatch is the answer to everything!
>>
No. 755137 ID: e08660

>>755122
Ah yes, the "Mei is bae" ending.
>>
No. 755167 ID: defceb
File 147737284756.png - (97.20KB , 500x500 , mmq14.png )
755167

>I should quickly make out
>I think you answered your own question

Shit son, typos ain't real idk what you're talking about

>The better triangle, Yung Venuz
pop pop

>Screw drawing, go play overwatch instead. Best end, really.
Man i can't be playing Overwatch yet, I've got a quest to update.

Mei IS bae though.

Here's a drawing of satan waifu instead

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Winter Wonder Land
>>
No. 755168 ID: 9f3729
File 147737318067.png - (5.85KB , 640x640 , old text adventure quest.png )
755168

Your name is EMILIO HARDMANN. You're a handyman by trade, and a damn good one at that.
You just got a call from a notable landowner out in the boonies asking to fix up their shed. Something in his voice had seemed off, but you weren't about to turn down the pay he was offering.
Now that you're here though, the place looks like it's been abandoned for years.

You've got a bad feeling about this.
>_
>>
No. 755169 ID: dfcec0

>>755168
Steal whatever isn't nailed down and leave.
>>
No. 755170 ID: dfcec0

>>755169
Also shit on the floor.
>>
No. 755171 ID: 1f8505

>>755168

Get ye flask.
>>
No. 755172 ID: 398fe1

I'm sure it's just because he doesn't live in the house, and had only recently bought the property. Go around back to the shed and see what you can do.
>>
No. 755173 ID: 18c950

>>755168
oh man I've played this one, those two black pixels near the left side are a cockroach, if you don't click on him and choose the "talk" option he won't come save you when you're in jail later
>>
No. 755179 ID: 91ee5f

>>755168
Don't fall through the floor! It's weak and will collapse when you step on it!
>>
No. 755188 ID: a107fd

Notice that you're not casting a shadow on the floor, realize that this is because you're secretly already dead, and the whole spooky adventure is an elaborate afterlife metaphor of some sort.
>>
No. 755201 ID: 9f3729
File 147737839097.png - (6.23KB , 640x640 , old text adventure quest.png )
755201

>>755169
>>755170
You do that, and it initiates a sequence break because you didn't talk to the cockroach first, soft-locking the game!
Aha nah, you're too CAUTIOUS to make that mistake, and the cockroach scurries off with a wave and a handful of your shit, properly appeased.

Eugh.

>>755171
You also grab the MYSTIC DRAUGHT off the shelf, chugging it on the way out. Ooh, blueberry!

>>755188
That's just VIDEOGAMES.

>>755179
Good fortune! Thanks to your safety diligence you uprooted the floor. There was a stockpile of Nazi gold under one of the floorboards! You're set for life, and promptly move to vacate the premises!

Oh, the owner was there.
Oh, he was watching everything.
Oh, he saw me shit on the floor and steal his gold.
Oh dear, that's a very sharp harpoon.

MYSTIC DRAUGHTS: 1/35
SECRETS: 1/10
DEMON GHOSTS VANQUISHED: 0/10
SACRED URNS TOPPLED: 0/10

BLACKLISTED FROM ALL FUTURE EMPLOYMENT WITH A HARPOON END/10
>>
No. 755207 ID: defceb
File 147737898590.png - (60.67KB , 500x500 , mmq15.png )
755207

I've been waiting for this dumb boob-enhancing robot to wake up from her brainlink for like ever. Now I'm just bored and feel like playing a prank on her while I wait. What kind of prank should I pull?
>>
No. 755209 ID: 71d443

They'll never suspect the ol' "Shaving cream in the palm but also a grenade ring wrapped around their pinky" prank!
>>
No. 755210 ID: 3663d3

deflate her tits.
>>
No. 755211 ID: dfcec0

>>755207
Make her into a him and change their function to dick enhancement. That'll show them!
>>
No. 755213 ID: 398fe1

>>755207
Draw a dick on her face.
>>
No. 755214 ID: 180f83

Plug her charging cord into an outlet. That way, when it wakes up and tries to walk out, it will get stuck on the outlet.
>>
No. 755218 ID: a107fd

Reset her clock so she thinks it's the dawn of the Unix era.
>>
No. 755229 ID: 9f3729

>>755213
Why stop there? STAPLE a dick to her face.
>>
No. 755249 ID: c2552b

>>755207
Replace her morning coffee with decaffinated Folgers Crystals.
>>
No. 755252 ID: c3f8b7

>>755207
This:
>10 print "your message here"
>20 goto 10
>>
No. 755253 ID: c3f8b7

>>755252
alternatively:
>10 reduce knockers
>>
No. 755254 ID: a8bc5c

Draw a mustache on her face with a permanent pen, then reprogram her knockers to shrink whenever she goes for the enhance option!
>>
No. 755256 ID: defceb
File 147738791673.png - (61.74KB , 500x500 , mmq16.png )
755256

>They'll never suspect the ol' "Shaving cream in the palm but also a grenade ring wrapped around their pinky" prank!
I don't have shaving cream! Or a grenade. But I have a pin, which I stuff into their INVENTORY.

>deflate her tits.
Done.

>Make her into a him and change their function to dick enhancement. That'll show them!
I don't have any mechanical dicks to slap onto her!

>Draw a dick on her face
Oh man that's a classic, done.

>Plug her charging cord into an outlet. That way, when it wakes up and tries to walk out, it will get stuck on the outlet.
Flawless. Done.

>Reset her clock so she thinks it's the dawn of the Unix era.
Ahahaha, maybe she'll think that's time travel too. Done and done!

>Why stop there? STAPLE a dick to her face.
I'd rather keep mine on me, thanks.

>Replace her morning coffee with decaffinated Folgers Crystals.
I don't have either of those!

>This:
>10 print "your message here"
>20 goto 10
Slow down Satan.

>10 reduce knockers
Slow down there Double Satan.

Oh man she's gonna be so confused when she wakes up, this'll be great.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Be a meaniebutt.
>>
No. 755257 ID: a606da
File 147738799934.png - (174.82KB , 800x600 , lasers can do anything.png )
755257

“Hey, guys!” I walk into the room. “What’s going on in here?”

“What are you doing?! This is a live testing area for the morphogenic ray! Get out of the way! Get out of the-!”

Before I know what’s happening, I’m struck by a blast from the strange-looking nearby machine.

When I come my senses, I realize, to my utter shock, that I’ve been completely transformed into _____!
>>
No. 755258 ID: 71d443

A slightly taller version of yourself, assuming your original self was an inch tall.
>>
No. 755259 ID: c2552b

>>755257
A male.
>>
No. 755260 ID: 5d1657

>>755257
A HUMAN BEING. The horror!
>>
No. 755261 ID: 398fe1

>>755257
a morphogenic ray!
>>
No. 755262 ID: 3663d3

what you want to be the least. when you become used to your new form and stop thinking it's the worst thing ever, you automatically switch to a new worst form.
>>
No. 755263 ID: 180f83

a pile of ash. you died
>>
No. 755264 ID: c441c1

a pillarman
>>
No. 755265 ID: a8bc5c

Your are now Johnny Bravo. Egad.
>>
No. 755266 ID: a107fd

An animate crash-test dummy. Good thing, too, or they would've thought it was a dud until the intended target (a normal, inanimate crash-test dummy) snuck out after the lab closed for the night.
>>
No. 755268 ID: db0da2

The most terrifying monster of all: man.
>>
No. 755274 ID: 37f049

BEES
>>
No. 755276 ID: 8111b6

A sentai. It was morphin' time, after all. ...just watch out for a greedy, IP holding, old man.
>>
No. 755278 ID: 91ee5f

>>755257
An anthropomorphic dragon that's the opposite gender of what you used to be.

This is the coolest thing that's ever happened to you in your entire boring life.....it would've been cooler if you didn't also change genders.
>>
No. 755284 ID: a7e3a5

A goat
>>
No. 755286 ID: 51dadc

>>755257
A POTATO!
>>
No. 755289 ID: 9876c4

>>755284
>>755286
A Goatato
>>
No. 755297 ID: 594c18

>>755257
A pile of octopus. That are still one being somehow.
hey wait this sounds familiar...
>>
No. 755328 ID: a99075

A spooky ghost nanobot swarm thing!
Thats what the morphogenic stuff is in Outlast, right?
>>
No. 755471 ID: a606da
File 147746898751.png - (188.50KB , 800x600 , i didn't know you had a transmogrifier.png )
755471

“What the…?!” I look down at my newly pink and meaty body. “Alright, what in space are you kids up to?!”

“I got this thing called a ‘morphogenic ray’ from the brood next door. They were just going to throw it out, can you believe it?” My youngest child squelches happily, then warbles with realization. “Oh, um, sorry, mom! I tried to warn you, but you walked right into the beam, so it’s kind of your fault.”

“That’s not what I want to hear, mister. What have you done to me?”

“Uhhh…” My youngest child frantically taps away at the machine that blasted me. “Looks like it turned you into an, uh… a human male.”

“A what?” Bleats a strange tuber-like mammal sitting off to the side.

“It says it’s from, um… give me a space-sec… Earth! Humans are mammal things from a planet called Earth.”

“You mean the pineapple world? Well, whatever. Humans look dumb. At least I ended up with a normal form.” Boasts what I assume to be my transformed eldest child. “Look at me, mom! I’m a goatato!”

“Yes, yes, dear. Very impressive.” I wiggle my strange fleshy extremities. “Anyway, I came to tell you it’s time for space-dinner. Now turn the two of us back to normal, please.”

“I, er… I lost the manual.” My youngest croaks nervously. “I don’t know how to revert things, yet.”

“What?! Well, you’d better figure it out fast, or somebody’s not getting any of my pusmaggot stew tonight!”

“But it was an accident, mom! I didn’t mean to - !”

“I don’t want to hear it! Get to work, or I’ll send you to your tube and make you stay there. Is that clear?”

“Aw…” My youngest’s tentacles slump with defeat.

OOPS MOM IS SOME WEIRD GROSS MAMMAL THING END
8.555555/10

>>
No. 755472 ID: defceb
File 147746920858.png - (80.48KB , 500x500 , mmq17.png )
755472

"So what kind of hat will YOU be wearing to the 133rd Intergalactic Fanciest Wizard Hat Competition with no black hole hats allowed Festival"

"Well..."
>>
No. 755473 ID: 398fe1

>>755472
Cheese hat.
>>
No. 755474 ID: dfc4c7

The ultra-supreme hat which only the coolest people are capable of seeing.
>>
No. 755475 ID: dfcec0

>>755472
Nothing but A Hat.
>>
No. 755476 ID: b7883c

I forget, has someone already tried turning themselves upside down and hopping around on their head so everything is their hat?
>>
No. 755477 ID: 37f049

A mimic. I trained it to imitate hats. My plan is to copy the three best hats all at once, creating the PERFECT HAT.
>>
No. 755478 ID: 9876c4

>>755477
This is the only answer, and nothing could possibly go wrong.

>>755471
Big ups for the Goatato
>>
No. 755479 ID: a606da

I may or may not be wearing my Quantum Hat, which is the best hat ever, but only for as long as nobody sees it.

If someone does observe my hat, its waveform will collapse, and I'll be forced to demand compensation from the guilty party.
>>
No. 755481 ID: dea742

Your portal to the plane of gravity, of course.

What? It's not a black hole...
>>
No. 755482 ID: 180f83

A white hole hat
>>
No. 755487 ID: 2a7417

My top hat made out of stacked portable holes, of course!
>>
No. 755488 ID: c2552b

>>755472
My hat... MY HAT WILL BE THE FESTIVAL ITSELF.
>>
No. 755489 ID: 8111b6

Wear the previous winner as a hat.
Alternatively, make a spatial distortion to wear yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself as a hat. Maybe if the rules require it, a tiny traditional hat that'd need nanoscale vision to see at the top.
>>
No. 755491 ID: 3d2d5f

>>755479
Yes
>>
No. 755544 ID: 094652

"I'm going to wear profanity!"

"That's it? One big and literal @#$% y-"

"No, I mean I will be wearing PROFANITY. ITSELF.

"... That's ... UNTHINKABLY IRREDEEMABALE! You can't just-"

"But I'll filter out the bigotry and victimization and concentrate the hat to ooze the essences of self-hatred, mortalkind's misbegotten flaws, and suicide-inducing general obnoxiousness."

"Oh, that's MUCH better! Carry on!"
>>
No. 755765 ID: defceb
File 147764161291.png - (95.89KB , 500x500 , mmq18.png )
755765

"Didn't you hear? I'm going to be wearing THE ENTIRE FESTIVAL!"

PLEASE DON'T THROW THE HAT IN CELEBRATION End

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Finally win the wizard hat festival

>>
No. 755766 ID: 63ed5e
File 147764191585.png - (103.28KB , 500x500 , the shiv'd king.png )
755766

King's blood stains the throne, and you hold the instrument of his doom.
"Agh... so it has come to this? I never knew it would be you that betrayed me. All this time...! You, ________!"
>>
No. 755767 ID: 398fe1

The Knife of Stabbing!
>>
No. 755768 ID: ea2bfa

Betrayal Joe, Official King Murderer of the Royal Court!!!
>>
No. 755769 ID: 37f049

Yes, that's right. You know the truth now. I am your father!
>>
No. 755770 ID: 180f83

Pleppo (from QWAUHLO)
>>
No. 755771 ID: 71d443

You double jester!
>>
No. 755772 ID: 9876c4

>>755770
>>755771
Can't decide, as both are golden.
>>
No. 755773 ID: 180f83

>>755772
Why not both?
>>
No. 755774 ID: 594c18

>>755768
And Grand Vizier. Has to be a grand vizier.
>>
No. 755779 ID: c2552b

>>755766
DOG! Man's best friend!

Until now...
>>
No. 755781 ID: db0da2

Brutus
>>
No. 755790 ID: fa6d6e

Piter De Vries!
>>
No. 755793 ID: 4569ad

>>755774
Don't you remember? We outlawed all Viziers, great to small, almost ten years ago. Before us, the average life span for a King here was two months.

No, this is the previous King. Back from the dead to finally slay his own killer and reclaim his throne. We really shoulda seen it coming.
>>
No. 755797 ID: 094652

The invisible cartoon naga who lives in my fifth-dimensional butthole! I thought I was crazy!!!
>>
No. 755799 ID: 5822f6

>>755766
my own self! come from the past to avoid our lifetime of hardships and reign in the peace I worked so hard for!
>>
No. 755828 ID: 213ff6

>>755799
this
>>
No. 755830 ID: 8111b6

>>755766
massive, cock-gobbling, limp-wristed, pus-picking, goat-groping, null-minded, yellow-bellied, junk-faced piece of rotten, worm-fed sloth droppings! ... We're trying to get out one final insult on our attacker, right?
>>
No. 755918 ID: 2eeb65

...b-baka!~
>>
No. 756123 ID: 884e04
File 147781961593.png - (89.66KB , 500x500 , the killer!.png )
756123

"Yes, it is I. Your little official King Murderer of the Royal Court."
"...!"
"I've killed kings for you. Neighboring kingdoms, far-away empires, even a few queens and heirs. And I've grown wary of it!"
The killer moves a hand to its cloak.
"And by the way, you dick, my name isn't Joe."
>>
No. 756124 ID: 884e04
File 147781971659.png - (71.43KB , 500x500 , PLEPPO.png )
756124

>>756123
"It's motherfucking Pleppo."

But whose hands were those/10
>>
No. 756126 ID: 37f049
File 147782156858.png - (79.46KB , 720x620 , miniscule_summon.png )
756126

There's a sound like breaking glass and the stench of burning sugar. The summoning grid wavers and the portal to the eighteenth hell dimension gapes open!

"FOR WHAT PURPOSE HAVE YOU SUMMONED ME, MORTAL?"
>>
No. 756127 ID: 71d443

Well I was on my way to the kitchen and got lost. Do you have a map of Dis?
>>
No. 756129 ID: b412df

Just hang on a tick while I set up the demonic conference call, I've got some great ideas to pitch to you and I need to get the 6th, 10th, and 3rd dimensions roped in on this as well.
>>
No. 756130 ID: 5d1657

Wait what? I was just trying to play some D&D.
>>
No. 756131 ID: 09c6b9

*Beat* "Wrong number. HARRIET, DID YOU BUY ANOTHER DISCOUNTED DOILY SET MADE FROM THE DISCREDITED RESEARCH NOTES OF THE 813TH GRAND ARCH-MAGE OF THE DAGON CULT?"
>>
No. 756132 ID: 38685c

>>756126
Just wanted to hang out, ya know?
>>
No. 756133 ID: 9876c4

>>756132
Scheme's legit.
>>
No. 756135 ID: a606da

"I'm lonely. Will you be my friend?"
>>
No. 756136 ID: 180f83

Yes, I would like to order one large pepperoni pizza, cooked in the flames of hell, some breadsticks with some sauce, and a large cup of soda.
>>
No. 756137 ID: 24e38f

Netflix and chill, fam
>>
No. 756139 ID: 91ee5f

>>756126
"I found this old summoning book with your picture in it and I think you're very beautiful! So, I was wondering.....will you be my demonic girlfriend?"
>>
No. 756140 ID: db0da2

I need your help to end the tyranny of the global cat empire once and for all!
>>
No. 756141 ID: 4569ad

Look neighbor, I'm not mortal, and neither of us are impressed with the showmanship. I just need to know if I can borrow a cup of sugar.
>>
No. 756144 ID: 3abd97

>>756126
Look I need my room clean before mom grounds me over the mess. So get to it.
>>
No. 756149 ID: b7883c

Hello! Have you heard the Good Word?
>>
No. 756152 ID: b34504

>>756126
I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.
>>
No. 756153 ID: 1c92a4

I, THE EVIL WIZARD ZARGOTHRAX DESIRE THE COSMIC FIRE WITH WHICH TO DESTROY MY ENEMIES!
>>
No. 756155 ID: 2eeb65

>>756126
Make me a sammich
>>
No. 756156 ID: 1a30cb

Hey man, here's that $20 I owed you. Want to go grab lunch or something?
>>
No. 756803 ID: 37f049
File 147816388520.png - (17.39KB , 720x720 , summoning_2.png )
756803

>Just wanted to hang out, ya know?
"HAHAHAHA, FOOL! BASPHOMY THE CACOPHONOUS DEMANDS SNACKS!"

You discover she's actually amazing at co-op in the Hangout Ending. Soul fractionally imperilled/666
>>
No. 756804 ID: defceb
File 147816394793.png - (141.08KB , 500x500 , mmq19.png )
756804

"Barkeep! I'm about to partake in a LONG AND DANGEROUS though also entertaining and highly profitable JOURNEY! Find me a band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be to venture forth with me!"
>>
No. 756805 ID: 71d443

Welp. Time to break out the doll action figure collection.
>>
No. 756806 ID: 37f049

Have you considered adoption?
>>
No. 756807 ID: 483829

>>756804
"You can't handle my strongest band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be!"
>>
No. 756808 ID: 3663d3

>>756804
how about, cheerleader, so and so, what's her face, THE UGLY ONE
>>
No. 756809 ID: 398fe1

>>756804
Uh, isn't that your job? Go on, gather some random pub-goers.
>>
No. 756812 ID: 094652

No, Timmy. You can't hire other inmates for your dangerous, terrifying, stress filled, insanity-inducing adventures anymore. Back in your padded cell.
>>
No. 756825 ID: 6fbb6a

>>756804
Last call was half an hour ago. Get the hell out of my bar before I call the cops, you weirdo.
>>
No. 756827 ID: 4569ad

Sorry man, the last hero cleaned us out an hour ago. We only have socially well-adjusted contributing members of society with steady jobs and families to feed. You might be able to convince Barry the happy go lucky Blacksmith to join you. He needs some extra cash to pay off his little girl Sasha's braces.
>>
No. 756828 ID: 2a7417

Social outcasts? Oh, my bad, I thought you said GIANT SPIDERS!
>>
No. 756829 ID: 9876c4

"Look Mac, you want the tavern down the way. This is the bunny brothel, and our clientele is very respectable."

"Now drink your carrot juice and Git."
>>
No. 756834 ID: 91ee5f

>>756804
"Listen, Dave, no one wants to play D&D with you anymore because you always whine like a little bitch every time you have a bad roll and claim everyone else has loaded dice because they always have a better roll than you."
>>
No. 756838 ID: fa6d6e

>>756804
You forgot to improve the stage coach with your family heirloms, so you will only get a leper with rabies and a kleptomanic vestal.
>>
No. 756864 ID: 3abd97

>>756804
Look, I already supply the booze. That attracts all the social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be. All you have to do is scoop some of them up off the floor or off one on the tables.

If you're really too lazy to do it yourself why don't you just buy a round of drinks? That will get them converging on you.
>>
No. 756909 ID: c2552b

>>756804
"One of each? Well, you're in luck, the yearly October Spooky Undead festival rolled around and a bunch showed up. The paladins are still cleaning things up, but there should be a couple of them still lingering in back alleyways."
>>
No. 756924 ID: a606da

>>756804

>Find me a band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be

"Sure, we have a band: they're called Princess and the Kidnappers. They play nights, mostly. I think they do requests, if you're interested."
>>
No. 756998 ID: 4a0368

>>756804
Excuse me sir, this isn't some roadhouse, is a very respectable and exclusive club for the distinguished. We've got military officers, minor aristocracy, Investors, and academic elites.

Conquistadors and the like pushed tavern-dwelling looters out of business years ago. Now get lost before the highbrows do you over for trying to destroy the archeological record.
>>
No. 760269 ID: defceb
File 147961560624.png - (167.77KB , 597x625 , mmq20.png )
760269

"Here you go!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!! THESE AREN'T THE ADVENTURERS I ASKED FOR!"

"Oh, I thought you said giant spiders. Though that one's a ranger, I think."

ACTUALLY IT'S A LEVEL 5 ROGUE. 8/10 CLASS ASSESSMENT
>>
No. 760271 ID: 2169b1
File 147961581539.png - (17.86KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 1.png )
760271

You stand over the dying God of Tyranny. Your quest has been long and arduous, but as you watch the deity before you die of his wounds, you feel his divine power flood you.

You shall soon ascend to the position of God yourself. You'll have it all! The power! The smoking hot Goddesses! The adoration of the people!

But now, you must choose... what shall you become the God of?
>>
No. 760273 ID: 9f3729

>>760271
in a combination of blind panic and tripping over your own words in haste, proudly declare yourself the god of tiny dicks.
>>
No. 760277 ID: 71d443

Become the god of snektits.
>>
No. 760279 ID: 3abd97

>>760271
Pettiness.
>>
No. 760281 ID: 180f83

The god of all gods.
>>
No. 760283 ID: 910380

You should become the god of something everyone hates but isn't serious enough to want to kill you over. Become the God of socks that get lost in the wash.
>>
No. 760287 ID: 398fe1

>>760271
The God of Power Vacuums. You just created a big one, so it'll be great!
>>
No. 760290 ID: 8d65de

The god of tangled earbuds.
>>
No. 760291 ID: c441c1

The god of tentacle sex.
>>
No. 760292 ID: 9876c4

>>760290
>>760291
These two.
>>
No. 760309 ID: 7d8168

God of Smoking Hot Goddesses
>>
No. 760311 ID: b7883c

The god of Not Getting Overthrown.
>>
No. 760312 ID: 32b708

Disproportionate retribution.
>>
No. 760360 ID: 093c47

>>760281
god god, the god of gods
>>
No. 762860 ID: 2169b1
File 148057528896.png - (14.00KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 2.png )
762860

>>760312
That's it! Of course! You'll become the god of the thing that lead you on this quest!

You become, PRICKUTUS, GOD OF DISPROPORTIONATE RETRIBUTION!

Every time a fist fight starts over someone cutting in line, you'll be there! When someone keys a car over lawn disputes, that'll be all you! When someone gets lettuce on their no-lettuce sandwich and they firebomb Subway, you'll know it!

That'll show that stupid God of Tyranny jerk. Thinks he can just take the last box of Cheerios and get away with it.

Unfortunately, the only Goddess willing to touch you is the Goddess of Bad Haircuts
Only a little worth it/10
>>
No. 762862 ID: defceb
File 148057533633.png - (109.19KB , 528x551 , mmq21.png )
762862

Uh oh, looks like the recipe for this magic potion has faded away with time.

Maybe I can just make it up?
>>
No. 762864 ID: 595d54

>>762862
No you can't, the end. Nothing can stop that fiery meteor from buying up all the premium real estate around now.
>>
No. 762865 ID: 3abd97

>>762862
Make a potion to make the potion. Find the recipe for un-fading or really good eyesight and make that first so you can read this recipe.
>>
No. 762866 ID: 9876c4

>>762862
All the Ketamine, most of the Laudanum, and both of the kumquats. Bring to a boil, and forget about it for 2 hours.
>>
No. 762872 ID: 180f83

here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:

Hot sauce, pinto beans, and beef
Your hair. All of it.
A can of Dr. Pepper.
MORE WITCHES!
your dick (If you lack a dick, magic one up first, obviously).
panties.
The clothes of everyone in a ten-mile radius.

I swear, nothing will go wrong.
>>
No. 762910 ID: e05680

Well it can't be called a witches brew without some eye of newt, can it? Maybe toss in a little ground Unicorn horn for good measure.
>>
No. 762914 ID: a80326

>>762872 This, but also throw in some enhanced knockers. Just for kicks. (doorbell variety, obviously)
>>
No. 762917 ID: 0555b9

All potions are cumulative. Therefore, you just take the previous potions in the book, mix them together, and add a phoenix feather!
>>
No. 762928 ID: 3583d1

Or you could just take it back to the book store and get a new copy so you could make it properly. Good thing you saved the receipt.
>>
No. 763269 ID: a606da

>>762862

Pop rocks and soda.
>>
No. 763270 ID: 398fe1

Just make some tea.
>>
No. 763278 ID: 91ee5f

>>763269
This.
>>
No. 763354 ID: 8111b6

Cut up onions, smash some garlic, add potato too!
A splash of cream, a block of cheese, some diced beef into the brew!
Grind a pepper, hot as Hades, put it in the mix!
Boil it well, add some rice, you'll have enough for tricks!
(At least some tasty use can be made out of the pot)
>>
No. 763529 ID: defceb
File 148089453409.png - (180.53KB , 574x679 , mmq22.png )
763529

>here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:
One meta quest reference coming up! What's the worst that could happen?

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN
>>
No. 763530 ID: a606da
File 148089457869.gif - (189.26KB , 800x600 , just another one of those days.gif )
763530

So, you know how it goes: I was having a nice night at the local tavern, but then I trounced a grouchy wizard at cards, and now I’m battling a magical copy of myself in a duel to the death.

Poor loser, am I right? Sheesh.

Now, I’m always up for a good scuffle, but this has been going on for almost an hour. My arm’s getting tired, and I’ve got shit to do.

Help me out, here: How can I win a fight against a duplicate of myself that is my equal in every way?
>>
No. 763532 ID: 0b4dd7

>>763530
learn something. it's a copy of you from an hour ago.
>>
No. 763533 ID: 398fe1

>>763530
Make it a duel to the little death.
>>
No. 763534 ID: 97712e

Or you could challenge it to Rock Paper Scissors instead
>>
No. 763535 ID: a8aa74

Jump on top of that amazingly convenient table in the background. Everyone knows high ground has the advantage, and that table is way too small for you both to stand on.
>>
No. 763536 ID: 094652

This is going to sound weird, but maybe YOU'RE the clone?

... Yeah, I thought it sounded weird too. Start out by insulting yourself with your worst self-hatred, then cheat in a way that you know will destroy your fighting style. Other than that, kill the caster.
>>
No. 763537 ID: 3abd97

>>763530
Seduce clone.
>>
No. 763540 ID: 71d443

Point out that no matter which one of you wins, you are still the winner and therefore your duplicate loses.
>>
No. 763541 ID: 8111b6

Change contest to which can seduce the wizard.

Or change it to some less skill based contest
>>
No. 763542 ID: acd0ca

Why don't you team up? Then you'd both win!
>>
No. 763581 ID: d79f26

obviously, sex.
>>
No. 763637 ID: 180f83

Wonder if having sex with your clone would be considered masturbation.
>>
No. 763639 ID: 9876c4

>>763533
Underrated suggestion.
>>
No. 763641 ID: c57f6b

>>763533
yes
>>
No. 763675 ID: a107fd

Throw your appointment book at the clone. If they know everything you do, they're just as likely to remember all that stuff you need to do.
>>
No. 763723 ID: 036280

>>763530
Point out that while it's evil, it's still you, and that the appropriate - and still evil! - thing to do is to help stab your creator to death.
>>
No. 763821 ID: 60700b

>>763530
If your duplicate is equal in every way, then their arm must also be getting tired.

Challenge your duplicate to another contest, whoever can stab the wizard wins!
>>
No. 763852 ID: c441c1

challenge clone to three-way fuck battle with the bar winch.
>>
No. 764064 ID: dea742

If you're really identical, you can just simultaneously decide to turn on the caster. You outnumber him now.

Or maybe just die? I mean, there's two of you now. It's not really the end, right?
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