Declare war on Steves!

>>754415
BUILD ME A MOONBASE!

let them eat cake!

no wait, another queen did that and it blew up in her face...

how about you will put all the extra money into curing cancer.

STOP BEING DICKS

Build a royal palace of wonders. On the Moon.

everyone must commit an act of homosexuality

Declare war on mars.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)17:44 No. 754424 ID: a606da
File 147709704332.png - (103.79KB , 800x600 , somebody really should have thought of this.png )

You step out onto the balcony. You clear your throat. Then you raise your arms and yell: "EVERYBODY! STOP BEING DICKS!"

For a moment, there is silence.

But then the crowds erupt in applause and yells of agreement.

The world has entered a golden age of peace and prosperity.

100% APPROVAL RATING, 9.9/10 END

Apollo 2016/10/21(Fri)17:46 No. 754427 ID: defceb
File 147709720647.png - (116.39KB , 500x500 , mmq01.png )

The witch cooking contest is almost upon us! What should I put into my witchy brew to compete?

>>754427
Hot sauce, pinto beans, and beef.

Your hair. All of it.

A can of Dr. Pepper.

MORE WITCHES!

>>754427
Put your dick in it.

(If you lack a dick, magic one up first, obviously).

all of your competitors panties.

>>754424
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the royal speech writing left a typo on my cards i meant to say"
"EVERYBODY! WHIP OUT YOUR DICKS!"
royal orgy commences

The clothes of everyone in a ten-mile radius.

Apollo 2016/10/21(Fri)18:05 No. 754441 ID: defceb
File 147709830689.png - (130.04KB , 500x500 , mmq02.png )

I'll do all of those!

Apollo 2016/10/21(Fri)18:05 No. 754442 ID: defceb
File 147709834969.png - (76.83KB , 500x500 , mmq03.png )

KABOOM!

NOBODY CAN WIN THE COMPETITION IF THERE IS NO COMPETITION out of TAKE THAT OTHER WITCHES

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)18:07 No. 754443 ID: a606da
File 147709842182.png - (192.84KB , 800x600 , plan tgchan from outer space.png )

“According to my computer, the locals call it… ‘Earth’. But who cares about that? What matters is that it’s perfect! For eleventy space-years, I’ve been searching for a planet like this. Finally, I can follow my dreams. Finally, I can ______!”

>>754443
Eat a pineapple.

>>754443
git gud

have the fanciest centerpiece on my coffee table!

pick my nose without exploding.

probe some anuses

>>754443
Eat all of the food!

Have sex with a planet.

>>754443
engage myself in heated discourse with a cow

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)18:40 No. 754461 ID: a606da
File 147710042692.png - (185.71KB , 800x600 , see you space cowboy.png )

“Finally, I can eat a pineapple! The greatest, rarest, and most delicious food in the galaxy! Maybe I’ll get a second one, just to use as a nice centerpiece. When they see it, oh boy, all my space-friends will envy me but good! I’ll be the talk of space! Also, while I’m here, I might as well bang a cow or two. Or three. Or forty. Heck, why am I holding myself back? I’ve got a pineapple! I might as well just fuck the whole planet!”

FUCK THE WORLD (LITERALLY) END, PINEAPPLE/10

Arhra 2016/10/21(Fri)18:41 No. 754462 ID: 37f049
File 147710046933.png - (42.14KB , 640x560 , cyborg_wat_do.png )

You are a combat cyborg! You were born on the battlefield, shaped by it. Your body is a finely tuned machine designed to wage war. No matter what, you've always survived. You are basically the best at fighting and winning.

But this is a scenario you're not sure if you can win.

One of the mechanics at the maintenance depot has asked you on a date. You didn't learn about this on the battlefield! It's in two hours, how should you get ready?!

>>754462

Zandatsu all the objects nearby.

preform ZANDATSU on at least 10 other cyborgs to prepare your body for the coming date.

add a software limiter to your strength so you don't crush him by accident, but can unlock if things go south.

>>754463

Alternatively, tell Doktor to remove your Romance Limiter.

>>754462
Get your vibranium cock packed in. Ain't nobody gonna turn down a vibranium cock.

Download the proper software to woo her.

If you can't find dating software in your combat database, clearly you must search the futurenet for 'in-depth dating sims', and then download and install whatever the first result is. Work it into your system, and then emulate the program as accurately as possible.

It would be embarrassing to see a mechanic in poor shape! Make sure you oil up your body thoroughly so you don't show any signs of corrosion or make any awkward noises when rotating your limbs.

>>754462
Zone out on your internal cell phone, playing games, until it's time for the date and you didn't prepare at all.

Then just shrug and roll with it.

Help your date pick out the best combat cyborg mods so he can survive the rigourous dating maneuvers that are about to commence.

Dress in stealth recon gear and spy on other date-goers. We need more intel on what one does on a 'date'.

>>754462
Bring a gift sword.

>>754464
Inner Zandatsu your romance limiter with your built in HEART BLADE, Zandatsu anyone who gets in your way of the PERFECT DATE.

Arhra 2016/10/21(Fri)19:24 No. 754488 ID: 37f049
File 147710306779.png - (15.67KB , 961x360 , cyborg_codec.png )

>Tell Doktor to remove your Romance Limiter.
You need to make a call.

bleep bleep, vweeeeEEEEP

"Doktor, I have a date. I need you to disable my romance limiter!"

"Is that wise? Are you ready for it?"

"I can handle it!"

"They grow up so fast... There, limiter off."

You shiver all over. What is this feeling? It's like the joy of battle, but stronger. Your heart is pounding!

"How do you feel?" Doktor asks.

"I'm going to find a cute mechanic and make out with them!"

"Ho ho ho, don't forget to use protection."

>Zandatsu all the objects nearby.
>Zandatsu anyone who gets in your way of the PERFECT DATE.
No time to lose, you zandatsu through the wall! Here you come, PERFECT DATE!

Your date is swept off their feet by the Limitless Ending: Cyborgs are a menace/10

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)19:25 No. 754489 ID: a606da
File 147710313930.png - (196.24KB , 800x600 , not every genie is a meanie.png )

“I don’t know…” I scratch my chin, wondering aloud. “Don’t genies always twist wishes around so that things go terribly?”

“Nah, that’s just a nasty stereotype caused by a few bad apples. You haven’t got anything to worry about!” The peppy genie gives me a thumbs-up. “The Djiin Union got together and set down some ground rules. All wishes are granted one-hundred-percent exactly as the wisher intends. Customer satisfaction is our business!”

“That sounds too good to be true.”

“Well, we had to cut the wishes down from three to one. Labor costs, taxes, you know how it is. So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, may I take your order? Go on, make a wish!”

I wish you wouldn't grant my wish.

>>754489
Wish for THE GREATEST MUSTACHE IN ALL THE WORLD

Wish for bigger wishes!

>>754489
i wish... for you to be my girlfriend!

I wish I knew how you make a business model out of just giving wishes away.

clearly the best wish is to bind the djinn to yourself in holy matrimony til you die such to gain infinite wishes as long as you are a good husband.

>>754490
Why wish for anything else when you could wish for an ontological paradox.

>>754490
I also have to support this. You look like the type to wish this.

>>754489
I wish.....
FOR A DATE
(with you)

>>754489

"I wish for a genie that can grant me three wishes."

>>754501
Naw, you have to wish for more genies.

>>754489
Wish to become godzilla.

Omnipotence. Always wish for omnipotence.

>>754489
Ask her why she doesn't have any legs, and is she made of smoke or what?

If she turns out to actually have them make a compliment.

@#$% I missed the opening uh let me see one-wish genie right well uh um PARADOX INVOLVING ZOMBIES yes that sounds right.

"I wish for a horde of zombies whose number is exactly the seventh even prime number. To be released. Myes."

Twiddle moustache.

I wish for the Djinn Union's operating costs to be reduced in such a way that I get two more wishes out of this deal.

Wish for a date with a combat cyborg

I wish for you to be free so that you can grant your own wishes. (I'm taking the Aladdin route. I don't care what you guys say, you can't stop me!)

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)21:36 No. 754536 ID: a606da
File 147711098440.png - (245.04KB , 800x600 , phenomenal cosmic powers.png )

“Why don’t you have any legs? Are you made of smoke or what?”

“Nah, I’ve got all the usual bits, but I can turn into smoke whenever I want to. It’s awesome. You’re missing out.”

“Well, you have nice legs.”

“…Thanks?”

“I wish… for a date! With you!”

“Are you serious?”

“No, come to think of it, I should think bigger. I wish you were my girlfriend!”

“Gosh. That's flattering, but... look, are you really sure that’s what you want?”

“You’re right, I should go for the gold! Marriage! I wish we were married!”

“Well, okay…” The genie hesitantly waves her hands around. “Sorry, dude.”

There’s a bunch of smoke and a loud ‘poof’ sound, and then I’m a lady.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/21(Fri)21:36 No. 754537 ID: a606da
File 147711100483.png - (212.20KB , 800x600 , you ain't never had a girlfriend like me.png )

“What the hell?!”

“Wish granted! We’re married and all, so that’s a thing. Even though you don’t know my name.” The genie shrugs happily. “Whatever! I love you now, so I can forgive a little creepiness.”

“I fucking knew it. What did I say? Genies, man! Not even once!”

“Hey, I tried to stop you!” The genie sighs. “I’m not exactly into the whole ‘men’ thing. If I turned straight then I wouldn’t be ‘me’ anymore, so you couldn’t have ‘me’ as your wife. This is the only way the wish could work.”

“This is outrageous! I…” I blink. “Wait, I’m actually cool with this.”

“Yeah, I made you a lady inside and out. Nipped that little identity crisis in the bud.”

“Disturbing.” I decide not to think about that too much. “Do I at least get infinite wishes?”

“Sure thing, sweetie. Well, one a day. Good enough?”

“Yeah! Tomorrow, I want to be godzilla! No, no, omnipotence! I want omnipotence! Can I have more wishes - or, wait, more genies! Give me more genies! Say, is a horde of zombies off the table?”

“…I think this is going to be an interesting relationship.”

SASUGA IDIOM END, GENIEWIFE/10

What a sasuga fest.

Apollo 2016/10/21(Fri)21:41 No. 754540 ID: defceb
File 147711126045.png - (88.40KB , 500x500 , mmq04.png )

BARK BARK BARK ARF ARF WOOF BARK ARF WOOF

>>754540
Play dead.

Sit. Stay. Make out with your clone!

bow wow bark bark bork woof

Good Dog.

>>754540
Realize that the extremely complicated plot involving time travel, mysteries, brainwashing, and amnesia is - you sort of lost track somewhere?

Why are you killing a man with a fish while wearing a pot on your head again?

Sniff another dog's butt.

Enhance paws.

Hide the body

>>754540
Rollover.

Bark when you hear knockers.

>>754540

Barf up something that isn't food

bark woof woof bark woof woof YIPE!

>>754540
Go hump Haley's leg.

Apollo 2016/10/21(Fri)22:51 No. 754577 ID: defceb
File 147711550616.png - (50.84KB , 500x500 , mmq05.png )

>Roll over

YOU'RE WINNER
120/10 best dog end

Arhra 2016/10/21(Fri)22:52 No. 754578 ID: 37f049
File 147711554895.png - (29.94KB , 700x640 , blake_mmq_1.png )

Somewhere in the vastness of tiiiime and spaaaaace...

Robert Blake was a scientist on a survey spaceship. Right now he's in a secret lab in an un-surveyed star system run by midget xenophobic aliens called xotls who are meddling with the eldritch and unfathomable technology of the Precursors, who vanished millions of years ago. Because this inevitably goes terribly wrong, he is looking for an exit and the rest of his crew.

One of his crew mates, Alice Dietrich, was experimented on and has turned into a flesh eating monster. She's the one who rescued him. She is seven feet tall; communicates via notes due to a malformed larynx; is dealing with alien and cannibalistic urges; and soaks up biomass like a sponge.

They've been waiting in this room for a while and it's starting to feel a little awkward. Perhaps Blake should try to make conversation?

We'll bang, ok?

ask about a blowjob

Ask her to convert you to a plantgoo girl.

And stick your dick in it. (Or vice versa).

>>754578

"So uh... come here often?"

>She is seven feet tall
ask if she'd ever consider to start playing basketball?

>>754578
Get caught staring at her ass.

>>754578
Reassure her that her ass is fine, lots of guys are into meatier girls.

>try not to think about her tongue
>wait, no, her tongues
>she can make them come out of just about anywhere
>oh no you're thinking really hard about tongues

>>754587
>>754586
not baseball, fashion modelling. they're usually tall, right?

(also, don't stop staring if caught)

>>754598
er. *basketball. not sure how that typo happened

>>754578
Bloom hasn't been updated in an entire year and when it finally gets an update, it's a non canon update in a different thread?! Well my only response to this is: Awwww..... :'-(

Do the bit from the fire extinguisher episode of Mythbusters. Play charades to pass the time.

"Okay, two words. First word starts with..." and then something abruptly explodes.

Arhra 2016/10/22(Sat)00:49 No. 754627 ID: 37f049
File 147712254762.png - (27.94KB , 500x900 , blake_mmq_2.png )

>Ask about a blowjob
Blake thinks he'd probably die.

>We'll bang, ok?
He'd definitely die!

>Ask her to convert you to a plantgoo girl.
It doesn't look like a fun thing to be. A body of mutable, protoplasmic flesh tricking itself into assuming a roughly human form and a mind under assault from alien impulses that's constantly three steps away from a mental breakdown. The xotl must be insane. Who could possibly think it was a good idea to try putting a human brain into a Precursor servitor?

>try not to think about her tongue
>wait, no, her tongues
>she can make them come out of just about anywhere
>oh no you're thinking really hard about tongues
Need a distraction, need a distraction.

>Get caught staring at her ass.
Look, it's hard to stare at because she's got all these tentacle things coming out of her tail-bone. Second, Blake is pretty sure Dietrich's awareness isn't too good on her right side. She's missing that eye.

Wait, the flower eye! Oh no, she saw him!

>Reassure her that her ass is fine, lots of guys are into meatier girls.
>Ask if she'd ever consider to start playing basketball?
>Not basketball, fashion modelling. they're usually tall, right?
Blake is too mortified to say anything!

Mission failed! See you later, space cowboy! CANON/10

Apollo 2016/10/22(Sat)00:50 No. 754628 ID: defceb
File 147712260788.png - (23.57KB , 500x500 , mmq06.png )

How should I cross this canyon?

Do you need to cross this canyon?

Rocket skateboard!

Consult your GPS.

By flipping the image in Photoshop!

just go left until you are on the other side

>>754628
Ride a chicken. I hear they get to the other side of things all the time.

>>754632
Gotta respect the classics

Call your wizard girlfriend and get her to levitate you over.

>>754628
build a bridge and get someone else to pay for it

Switch places with the alternate-universe version of yourself that is already on the other side, but wants to be on your side.

Meditate and realize that in the oneness of all things, you are already there.
...Then walk around.

Ask the nice Orcs Horde behind you to give you a nice punt over.

You're lying flat on your side, just get up and walk on the "sky".

>>754628
Commit suicide by jumping off into the gap, and then wait to be reincarnated on the other side.

What's the point?

Apollo 2016/10/22(Sat)13:43 No. 754693 ID: defceb
File 147716899512.png - (38.77KB , 500x500 , mmq07.png )

>build a bridge and get someone else to pay for it
I'll send you the bill.

IT'S PRETTY EXPENSIVE/10
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: GO BROKE

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/22(Sat)13:44 No. 754694 ID: a606da
File 147716904101.png - (384.26KB , 800x600 , man it sucks to be the 1%.png )

“Mommy.” I tug at Mommy’s arm. “Aren’t we going to play?”

“No, dear, not right now.”

“But you promised!”

“Did I? Oh, right. I’m sorry, honey, but I need to work. Australia’s been acting up. Can’t you go play with your kitty?”

“I don’t wanna play with Mr. Fiddles.”

“Why not? I had my top scientists turn Mr. Fiddles into the smartest kitty in the world, just for you! He knows how to play games, and he can talk… so what’s the problem?”

“He always wins!” I pout. “Plus he won’t let me pick him up or pet him anymore! He says it’s ‘ob-ject-ee-fee-cay-shun of fee-lines’ and then he gets all grumpy.”

“Hm. Well, I’m sure you can find another friend, can’t you?”

“All the other kids are scared of me. They think I’ll dungeon them if I get mad.”

“Maybe you can read a book or something, then. I don’t have any time for games right now; I’m very, very busy ruling the world. It’s a big job! But I promise I’ll play with you in a week or two, okay?” Mommy pulls her arm out of my grip and walks away.

Ever since she became Supreme Queen of the Earth, Mommy’s always like this. I never get to see her anymore.

We used to play together all the time! I wanna make things like they were before. But how am I gonna do that?

>>754693
Well, at least it's still cheaper than a Photoshop license.

If you help Mr. Fiddles take over the world, then Mummy will have more free time!

>>754694
Crash the economy by issuing junk bonds and giving out excessive foreign aid.

Mr. Fiddles can help with that.

>>754694
It's simple: You kill the mommy.

Have some scientists build a machine to swap mommies brain with Mr. Fiddles. She'll be a cat, but she then can play with you while Mr. Fiddles runs the world.

she has to work because she is in charge and the people under her are bad at their jobs. so make everyone good at their jobs so your mom doesn't need to watch over them.

Well you could always do something dangerous to get her attention?

overthrow her rule and declare her new job title playtime ambassador of the queen.

Stuff that stupid hat into your pussy

cat.

Find the latest edition of the Earth Thesaurus and call the result of your prank a screaming [cat].

>>754694
Remind your mom that she's breaking her own rule of "not being a dick"!

>>754706
"Mom you're being a dick" is a pretty excellent comeback.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/22(Sat)15:59 No. 754718 ID: a606da
File 147717718023.png - (135.11KB , 800x600 , the revolution will be catalyzed.png )

“Hey, Mr. Fiddles!”

“Yes? What is it, human?”

“I don’t want Mommy to be Supreme Queen of the Earth anymore. Can you help me take over the world?”

“Preposterous! Why, to do such a thing, that would be… hm.” Mr. Fiddles pauses. “Possibly. Yes, quite possibly…”

“Here’s a map I got from school.” I put my map of Earth down on the table. “Does that help?”

“Perhaps it will.” Mr. Fiddles climbs up on a chair and looks at the map for a while. “Yes, of course, with only the slightest maneuvering… or potentially just a little bit of well-timed pressure… yes, it would be simplicity itself!”

“You mean you’ll help me?”

“Indeed, and you will help me.” His whiskers twitch. “Do remember this day, human, for it marks the beginning of the end. The reign of man shall soon fall.”

“Oh, Mr Fiddles! You’re such a silly kitty.”

CATEGORICALLY CATASTROPHIC COUP END, 🐾/10

Apollo 2016/10/22(Sat)16:01 No. 754719 ID: defceb
File 147717727590.png - (84.20KB , 500x500 , mmq08.png )

"Barkeep! I wish to go on an adventure full of peril, treasure, and glory! Do you perhaps know of one?"

>>754719
"No one's cleaned the ladies' restroom in months. Nary an adventurer is brave enough to plumb those depths."

>>754719
try slimecrown citadel, it's a rising star of a new dungeons.

"tis a great cave of dangers in front of you" and then proceed to unbirth him as all mimics must.

"Yes. The greatest adventure of all... love."

And then make out with them.

Yes. Get into my magic catapult and I shall send you to do battle with the cursed demon of the skies, the Day-Star!

>>754721
plunge those depths

>>754719
Yep, take the Treasured Trash of Tribulation and place it in the Doomed Dumpster of Dreadfulness out back.

>>754719
"Get married to a drow woman."

Call up the Duke of Australia and threaten to dungeon him unless he says you were secretly behind whatever the latest problem is.

Alternatively, go play with some Martian kids. They won't be scared of you because they've got diplomatic immunity.

>>754719

I hear Blighttown is good this year.

Apollo 2016/10/22(Sat)19:20 No. 754777 ID: defceb
File 147718921419.png - (65.74KB , 500x500 , New canvas.png )

>Yep, take the Treasured Trash of Tribulation and place it in the Doomed Dumpster of Dreadfulness out back.

"Take that, vile trash!"

Quest Complete!
-Treasured Trash of Tribulation-
Rewards:
50g
100xp

Renown:
50 - Public Sanitation Commitee
5 - G'oran
1 - Trash Pandas

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/22(Sat)19:21 No. 754778 ID: a606da
File 147718929273.png - (62.64KB , 800x600 , she took it as a challenge.png )

“No! You can’t fuck the _____, Raban!”

“Oh yeah? Watch me!”

DRAGON

Queen of england

>>754779
"Don't be a specist, Willamina, I totally can."

>>754779

>>754778
concept of celibacy

That's right! I will fuck obscure Marvel villain The Blank! Ah ha ha ha!

>>754778
planet

>>754779
This. Because dragons deserve to get laid just as much as anyone else!

>>754778

Giant Butt

>>754778
Ass-destroyer 5000

>>754778
In Russia, _______ fucks you.

hand with your hand without making a clap

Remember, @#$% also means "slap" in German.

>>754783
Underrated choice

>>754791
Also a goody.

Law

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/22(Sat)21:42 No. 754839 ID: a606da
File 147719772619.png - (131.77KB , 800x600 , you still can't fuck that princess though.png )

“You can’t just fuck a dragon, Raban! It’ll eat you!”

“Ooh! Do you really think so?”

“Ugh, no, that’s not what I…! Oh, get a grip, Raban! You have no idea where that thing has been!”

“Wow, rude. Don’t be a specist, Willamina.”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

“Well hello there, cute stuff! Let’s fuck.“

"But I'm a dragon."

"So? Maybe I'm into that."

"That's hot."

FUCKING EVER AFTER END

Apollo 2016/10/22(Sat)21:43 No. 754840 ID: defceb
File 147719779133.png - (88.34KB , 500x500 , mmq10.png )

At last! All the pieces have fallen into place. Now I, THE ILLUMINATI shall enact my plan to _____ !!!

>>754840

Put more triangle eyes everywhere.

Make everyone love cyclopes! Especially BRAD!

Turn the world into a big pyramid, and then make it so that, when the planets align, the moon looks like a big eye in front of pyramid Earth.

>>754840
Illuminate the world! Hahahahahaha!

...wait, you thought all our planning was for something else? Really? The name didn't tip you off? We thought it was kind of obvious, to be honest.

>>754840
MAKE THE WORLD'S MOST DELICIOUS SANDWICH!!! AND THEN NOT SHARE IT!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Succumb to the MJ12 backstab!

Make all quests overly prurient so those meddling suggestors can't uncover your diabolical plans again

>>754840
Oh no! The voices have found you again! Quickly, push the button!

>>754840
Ensure that everyone's mental image of cheese is a perfectly-shaped TRIANGLE WEDGE, and NOT a wheel.

>>754845
you fiend

>>754840
Yo. Sandwich.

Turn everyone else into Cyclopes.

Rebrand the franchise! Replace the old outdated triangle-with-an-eye-in-the-middle logo with something more new and hip

flip your triangle head upside down

Create a triangle whose internal angles don't add up to 180 degrees.

>>754879
Redesign your logo
We know what were doing
We are here to help you
Everything's connected
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qImHuiYnVQ0

>>754840
push the triangle shaped button

Summon your true master. Bill Cypher

>pieces have fallen into place

observe the completed 10,000 piece puzzle in all it's glory

>>754894
This.

Apollo 2016/10/23(Sun)20:57 No. 754978 ID: defceb
File 147728144124.png - (74.40KB , 500x500 , mmq11.png )

Summon the ONE TRUE ILLUMINATI-

Apollo 2016/10/23(Sun)20:58 No. 754979 ID: defceb
File 147728148347.png - (15.66KB , 500x500 , mmq12.png )

This quest contains content from Disney, who has blocked it on copyright grounds.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Struck Down

Arhra 2016/10/23(Sun)20:59 No. 754980 ID: 37f049
File 147728154021.png - (13.32KB , 560x640 , stargazer_mmq1.png )

Some time in the future, but not too far away...

This is Stargazer! She's a chimerical staff, a lesser spawn of the incomprehensibly ancient beings that dwell at the edge of the universe and whisper forbidden knowledge to those brave and foolish few with the resolve to seek them out.

It's her wizard's birthday soon and she needs to come up with a present for him!

Teach him the forbidden art of Ti Kwan Leep!

>>754980
Surprise him by dressing up in a bikini and a bow and letting him unwrap you.

A scarf with at least 3 pretty bows and one picture of Supreme Leader Deem on it.

>>754980
Make him grow an inch. No matter the sacrifice.

>>754980
A new spell!

Turn into an onahole.

(then watch as he uses you as a flag or some other utility)

>>754984
Voting for this because it'll be funny to see him boot people in the head.

>>754979

Bummer.

>>754980

Give him a gift card to Chili's.

>>754991
this, to his junk. No matter the sacrifice being testing it out by rubbing one out on or in you.
Y'know. Just like all those other times he needed a gift. Surely there is no poooossible way it can go wrooooooooong. (Cost of conspiring with elder beings, right?)

>>755027
did you forget how old he was or something

>>755028
He's an adult. He's just short, because being an Alienist stunted his growth.

>>755029
'Coming of age' usually comes before the true age of adulthood. But enough talk. Have a boot to the head at thee!

Arhra 2016/10/24(Mon)03:21 No. 755031 ID: 37f049
File 147730449327.png - (53.62KB , 800x600 , stargazer_mmq2.png )

>Teach him the forbidden art of Ti Kwan Leep!
>Surprise him by dressing up in a bikini and a bow and letting him unwrap you.
>Give him a gift card to Chili's.
>Turn into an onahole. (then watch as he uses you as a flag or some other utility)
>Make him grow an inch. No matter the sacrifice.
>This, to his junk. No matter the sacrifice being testing it out by rubbing one out on or in you.
>Y'know. Just like all those other times he needed a gift. Surely there is no poooossible way it can go wrooooooooong. (Cost of conspiring with elder beings, right?)
Stargazer thought she told you never to talk to her again.

Arhra 2016/10/24(Mon)03:22 No. 755032 ID: 37f049
File 147730453410.png - (23.03KB , 800x600 , stargazer_mmq3.png )

>A scarf with at least 3 pretty bows and one picture of Supreme Leader Deem on it.
Wait, no that's actually a good idea. A scarf, a nice new scarf. He'll love it.

>Make him grow an inch.
Stargazer does feel a little guilty about parasitising his life force.

>A new spell!
Of course! Knowledge is the gift that keeps giving.

Thank you everyone. Now go away.

You are slightly confused by the Paradox Ending. Gift Rating: GREAT!

Apollo 2016/10/24(Mon)03:26 No. 755034 ID: defceb
File 147730479961.png - (72.64KB , 500x500 , mmq13.png )

Oh shit it's 3am and I forgot to prep a Miniscule Quest.

I should quickly make out about...

>>755034
Blatant fanservice, because you just know people will eat it up regardless of the actual quality as long as it has boobs.

Drinking potions with randomly selected effects!

>>755034
The better triangle, Yung Venuz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEvOZAFZIFE

>>755036
>>755035

Why not both?

>>755034
>I should quickly make out
I think you answered your own question

Quick just do a sequel to a previous quest. You can call it stay quest. We'd spend hours trying to come up with things that aren't staying still for the dog to do.

Make it about forgetting to prep a Miniscule Quest. Should say something like:

Oh shit it's 3am and I forgot to prep a Miniscule Quest.

I should quickly make out about...

Censorship bureau forced to censor itself

>>755034

LOTS and LOTS of SWEATERS.

enhance knockers: THE MOVIE!

Screw drawing, go play overwatch instead. Best end, really.

>>755122
Yes! Overwatch is the answer to everything!

>>755122
Ah yes, the "Mei is bae" ending.

Apollo 2016/10/24(Mon)22:20 No. 755167 ID: defceb
File 147737284756.png - (97.20KB , 500x500 , mmq14.png )

>I should quickly make out
>I think you answered your own question

Shit son, typos ain't real idk what you're talking about

>The better triangle, Yung Venuz
pop pop

>Screw drawing, go play overwatch instead. Best end, really.
Man i can't be playing Overwatch yet, I've got a quest to update.

Mei IS bae though.

Here's a drawing of satan waifu instead

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Winter Wonder Land

OLD ADVENTURE GAME QUEST Suggestion 2016/10/24(Mon)22:26 No. 755168 ID: 9f3729
File 147737318067.png - (5.85KB , 640x640 , old text adventure quest.png )

Your name is EMILIO HARDMANN. You're a handyman by trade, and a damn good one at that.
You just got a call from a notable landowner out in the boonies asking to fix up their shed. Something in his voice had seemed off, but you weren't about to turn down the pay he was offering.
Now that you're here though, the place looks like it's been abandoned for years.

You've got a bad feeling about this.
>_

>>755168
Steal whatever isn't nailed down and leave.

>>755169
Also shit on the floor.

>>755168

Get ye flask.

I'm sure it's just because he doesn't live in the house, and had only recently bought the property. Go around back to the shed and see what you can do.

>>755168
oh man I've played this one, those two black pixels near the left side are a cockroach, if you don't click on him and choose the "talk" option he won't come save you when you're in jail later

>>755168
Don't fall through the floor! It's weak and will collapse when you step on it!

Notice that you're not casting a shadow on the floor, realize that this is because you're secretly already dead, and the whole spooky adventure is an elaborate afterlife metaphor of some sort.

riotmode 2016/10/24(Mon)23:53 No. 755201 ID: 9f3729
File 147737839097.png - (6.23KB , 640x640 , old text adventure quest.png )

>>755169
>>755170
You do that, and it initiates a sequence break because you didn't talk to the cockroach first, soft-locking the game!
Aha nah, you're too CAUTIOUS to make that mistake, and the cockroach scurries off with a wave and a handful of your shit, properly appeased.

Eugh.

>>755171
You also grab the MYSTIC DRAUGHT off the shelf, chugging it on the way out. Ooh, blueberry!

>>755188
That's just VIDEOGAMES.

>>755179
Good fortune! Thanks to your safety diligence you uprooted the floor. There was a stockpile of Nazi gold under one of the floorboards! You're set for life, and promptly move to vacate the premises!

Oh, the owner was there.
Oh, he was watching everything.
Oh, he saw me shit on the floor and steal his gold.
Oh dear, that's a very sharp harpoon.

MYSTIC DRAUGHTS: 1/35
SECRETS: 1/10
DEMON GHOSTS VANQUISHED: 0/10
SACRED URNS TOPPLED: 0/10

BLACKLISTED FROM ALL FUTURE EMPLOYMENT WITH A HARPOON END/10

Apollo 2016/10/25(Tue)00:03 No. 755207 ID: defceb
File 147737898590.png - (60.67KB , 500x500 , mmq15.png )

I've been waiting for this dumb boob-enhancing robot to wake up from her brainlink for like ever. Now I'm just bored and feel like playing a prank on her while I wait. What kind of prank should I pull?

They'll never suspect the ol' "Shaving cream in the palm but also a grenade ring wrapped around their pinky" prank!

deflate her tits.

>>755207
Make her into a him and change their function to dick enhancement. That'll show them!

>>755207
Draw a dick on her face.

Plug her charging cord into an outlet. That way, when it wakes up and tries to walk out, it will get stuck on the outlet.

Reset her clock so she thinks it's the dawn of the Unix era.

>>755213
Why stop there? STAPLE a dick to her face.

>>755207
Replace her morning coffee with decaffinated Folgers Crystals.

>>755207
This:
>10 print "your message here"
>20 goto 10

>>755252
alternatively:
>10 reduce knockers

Draw a mustache on her face with a permanent pen, then reprogram her knockers to shrink whenever she goes for the enhance option!

Apollo 2016/10/25(Tue)02:31 No. 755256 ID: defceb
File 147738791673.png - (61.74KB , 500x500 , mmq16.png )

>They'll never suspect the ol' "Shaving cream in the palm but also a grenade ring wrapped around their pinky" prank!
I don't have shaving cream! Or a grenade. But I have a pin, which I stuff into their INVENTORY.

>deflate her tits.
Done.

>Make her into a him and change their function to dick enhancement. That'll show them!
I don't have any mechanical dicks to slap onto her!

>Draw a dick on her face
Oh man that's a classic, done.

>Plug her charging cord into an outlet. That way, when it wakes up and tries to walk out, it will get stuck on the outlet.
Flawless. Done.

>Reset her clock so she thinks it's the dawn of the Unix era.
Ahahaha, maybe she'll think that's time travel too. Done and done!

>Why stop there? STAPLE a dick to her face.
I'd rather keep mine on me, thanks.

>Replace her morning coffee with decaffinated Folgers Crystals.
I don't have either of those!

>This:
>10 print "your message here"
>20 goto 10
Slow down Satan.

>10 reduce knockers
Slow down there Double Satan.

Oh man she's gonna be so confused when she wakes up, this'll be great.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Be a meaniebutt.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/25(Tue)02:33 No. 755257 ID: a606da
File 147738799934.png - (174.82KB , 800x600 , lasers can do anything.png )

“Hey, guys!” I walk into the room. “What’s going on in here?”

“What are you doing?! This is a live testing area for the morphogenic ray! Get out of the way! Get out of the-!”

Before I know what’s happening, I’m struck by a blast from the strange-looking nearby machine.

When I come my senses, I realize, to my utter shock, that I’ve been completely transformed into _____!

A slightly taller version of yourself, assuming your original self was an inch tall.

>>755257
A male.

>>755257
A HUMAN BEING. The horror!

>>755257
a morphogenic ray!

what you want to be the least. when you become used to your new form and stop thinking it's the worst thing ever, you automatically switch to a new worst form.

a pile of ash. you died

a pillarman

Your are now Johnny Bravo. Egad.

An animate crash-test dummy. Good thing, too, or they would've thought it was a dud until the intended target (a normal, inanimate crash-test dummy) snuck out after the lab closed for the night.

The most terrifying monster of all: man.

BEES

A sentai. It was morphin' time, after all. ...just watch out for a greedy, IP holding, old man.

>>755257
An anthropomorphic dragon that's the opposite gender of what you used to be.

This is the coolest thing that's ever happened to you in your entire boring life.....it would've been cooler if you didn't also change genders.

A goat

>>755257
A POTATO!

>>755284
>>755286
A Goatato

>>755257
A pile of octopus. That are still one being somehow.
hey wait this sounds familiar...

A spooky ghost nanobot swarm thing!
Thats what the morphogenic stuff is in Outlast, right?

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/10/26(Wed)01:03 No. 755471 ID: a606da
File 147746898751.png - (188.50KB , 800x600 , i didn't know you had a transmogrifier.png )

“What the…?!” I look down at my newly pink and meaty body. “Alright, what in space are you kids up to?!”

“I got this thing called a ‘morphogenic ray’ from the brood next door. They were just going to throw it out, can you believe it?” My youngest child squelches happily, then warbles with realization. “Oh, um, sorry, mom! I tried to warn you, but you walked right into the beam, so it’s kind of your fault.”

“That’s not what I want to hear, mister. What have you done to me?”

“Uhhh…” My youngest child frantically taps away at the machine that blasted me. “Looks like it turned you into an, uh… a human male.”

“A what?” Bleats a strange tuber-like mammal sitting off to the side.

“It says it’s from, um… give me a space-sec… Earth! Humans are mammal things from a planet called Earth.”

“You mean the pineapple world? Well, whatever. Humans look dumb. At least I ended up with a normal form.” Boasts what I assume to be my transformed eldest child. “Look at me, mom! I’m a goatato!”

“Yes, yes, dear. Very impressive.” I wiggle my strange fleshy extremities. “Anyway, I came to tell you it’s time for space-dinner. Now turn the two of us back to normal, please.”

“I, er… I lost the manual.” My youngest croaks nervously. “I don’t know how to revert things, yet.”

“What?! Well, you’d better figure it out fast, or somebody’s not getting any of my pusmaggot stew tonight!”

“But it was an accident, mom! I didn’t mean to - !”

“I don’t want to hear it! Get to work, or I’ll send you to your tube and make you stay there. Is that clear?”

“Aw…” My youngest’s tentacles slump with defeat.

OOPS MOM IS SOME WEIRD GROSS MAMMAL THING END
8.555555/10

Apollo 2016/10/26(Wed)01:06 No. 755472 ID: defceb
File 147746920858.png - (80.48KB , 500x500 , mmq17.png )

"So what kind of hat will YOU be wearing to the 133rd Intergalactic Fanciest Wizard Hat Competition with no black hole hats allowed Festival"

"Well..."

>>755472
Cheese hat.

The ultra-supreme hat which only the coolest people are capable of seeing.

>>755472
Nothing but A Hat.

I forget, has someone already tried turning themselves upside down and hopping around on their head so everything is their hat?

A mimic. I trained it to imitate hats. My plan is to copy the three best hats all at once, creating the PERFECT HAT.

>>755477
This is the only answer, and nothing could possibly go wrong.

>>755471
Big ups for the Goatato

I may or may not be wearing my Quantum Hat, which is the best hat ever, but only for as long as nobody sees it.

If someone does observe my hat, its waveform will collapse, and I'll be forced to demand compensation from the guilty party.

Your portal to the plane of gravity, of course.

What? It's not a black hole...

A white hole hat

My top hat made out of stacked portable holes, of course!

>>755472
My hat... MY HAT WILL BE THE FESTIVAL ITSELF.

Wear the previous winner as a hat.
Alternatively, make a spatial distortion to wear yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself wearing yourself as a hat. Maybe if the rules require it, a tiny traditional hat that'd need nanoscale vision to see at the top.

>>755479
Yes

"I'm going to wear profanity!"

"That's it? One big and literal @#$% y-"

"No, I mean I will be wearing PROFANITY. ITSELF.

"... That's ... UNTHINKABLY IRREDEEMABALE! You can't just-"

"But I'll filter out the bigotry and victimization and concentrate the hat to ooze the essences of self-hatred, mortalkind's misbegotten flaws, and suicide-inducing general obnoxiousness."

"Oh, that's MUCH better! Carry on!"

Apollo 2016/10/28(Fri)01:00 No. 755765 ID: defceb
File 147764161291.png - (95.89KB , 500x500 , mmq18.png )

"Didn't you hear? I'm going to be wearing THE ENTIRE FESTIVAL!"

PLEASE DON'T THROW THE HAT IN CELEBRATION End

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Finally win the wizard hat festival

Indonesian Gentleman 2016/10/28(Fri)01:05 No. 755766 ID: 63ed5e
File 147764191585.png - (103.28KB , 500x500 , the shiv'd king.png )

King's blood stains the throne, and you hold the instrument of his doom.
"Agh... so it has come to this? I never knew it would be you that betrayed me. All this time...! You, ________!"

The Knife of Stabbing!

Betrayal Joe, Official King Murderer of the Royal Court!!!

Yes, that's right. You know the truth now. I am your father!

Pleppo (from QWAUHLO)

You double jester!

>>755770
>>755771
Can't decide, as both are golden.

>>755772
Why not both?

>>755768
And Grand Vizier. Has to be a grand vizier.

>>755766
DOG! Man's best friend!

Until now...

Brutus

Piter De Vries!

>>755774
Don't you remember? We outlawed all Viziers, great to small, almost ten years ago. Before us, the average life span for a King here was two months.

No, this is the previous King. Back from the dead to finally slay his own killer and reclaim his throne. We really shoulda seen it coming.

The invisible cartoon naga who lives in my fifth-dimensional butthole! I thought I was crazy!!!

>>755766
my own self! come from the past to avoid our lifetime of hardships and reign in the peace I worked so hard for!

>>755799
this

>>755766
massive, cock-gobbling, limp-wristed, pus-picking, goat-groping, null-minded, yellow-bellied, junk-faced piece of rotten, worm-fed sloth droppings! ... We're trying to get out one final insult on our attacker, right?

...b-baka!~

Indonesian Gentleman 2016/10/30(Sun)02:26 No. 756123 ID: 884e04
File 147781961593.png - (89.66KB , 500x500 , the killer!.png )

"Yes, it is I. Your little official King Murderer of the Royal Court."
"...!"
"I've killed kings for you. Neighboring kingdoms, far-away empires, even a few queens and heirs. And I've grown wary of it!"
The killer moves a hand to its cloak.
"And by the way, you dick, my name isn't Joe."

Indonesian Gentleman 2016/10/30(Sun)02:28 No. 756124 ID: 884e04
File 147781971659.png - (71.43KB , 500x500 , PLEPPO.png )

>>756123
"It's motherfucking Pleppo."

But whose hands were those/10

Arhra 2016/10/30(Sun)02:59 No. 756126 ID: 37f049
File 147782156858.png - (79.46KB , 720x620 , miniscule_summon.png )

There's a sound like breaking glass and the stench of burning sugar. The summoning grid wavers and the portal to the eighteenth hell dimension gapes open!

"FOR WHAT PURPOSE HAVE YOU SUMMONED ME, MORTAL?"

Well I was on my way to the kitchen and got lost. Do you have a map of Dis?

Just hang on a tick while I set up the demonic conference call, I've got some great ideas to pitch to you and I need to get the 6th, 10th, and 3rd dimensions roped in on this as well.

Wait what? I was just trying to play some D&D.

*Beat* "Wrong number. HARRIET, DID YOU BUY ANOTHER DISCOUNTED DOILY SET MADE FROM THE DISCREDITED RESEARCH NOTES OF THE 813TH GRAND ARCH-MAGE OF THE DAGON CULT?"

>>756126
Just wanted to hang out, ya know?

>>756132
Scheme's legit.

"I'm lonely. Will you be my friend?"

Yes, I would like to order one large pepperoni pizza, cooked in the flames of hell, some breadsticks with some sauce, and a large cup of soda.

Netflix and chill, fam