>>756804
Excuse me sir, this isn't some roadhouse, is a very respectable and exclusive club for the distinguished. We've got military officers, minor aristocracy, Investors, and academic elites.

Conquistadors and the like pushed tavern-dwelling looters out of business years ago. Now get lost before the highbrows do you over for trying to destroy the archeological record.

Apollo 2016/11/19(Sat)20:20 No. 760269 ID: defceb
File 147961560624.png - (167.77KB , 597x625 , mmq20.png )

"Here you go!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!! THESE AREN'T THE ADVENTURERS I ASKED FOR!"

"Oh, I thought you said giant spiders. Though that one's a ranger, I think."

ACTUALLY IT'S A LEVEL 5 ROGUE. 8/10 CLASS ASSESSMENT

The Archivist !0iuTMXQYY. 2016/11/19(Sat)20:23 No. 760271 ID: 2169b1
File 147961581539.png - (17.86KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 1.png )

You stand over the dying God of Tyranny. Your quest has been long and arduous, but as you watch the deity before you die of his wounds, you feel his divine power flood you.

You shall soon ascend to the position of God yourself. You'll have it all! The power! The smoking hot Goddesses! The adoration of the people!

But now, you must choose... what shall you become the God of?

>>760271
in a combination of blind panic and tripping over your own words in haste, proudly declare yourself the god of tiny dicks.

Become the god of snektits.

>>760271
Pettiness.

The god of all gods.

You should become the god of something everyone hates but isn't serious enough to want to kill you over. Become the God of socks that get lost in the wash.

>>760271
The God of Power Vacuums. You just created a big one, so it'll be great!

The god of tangled earbuds.

The god of tentacle sex.

>>760290
>>760291
These two.

God of Smoking Hot Goddesses

The god of Not Getting Overthrown.

Disproportionate retribution.

>>760281
god god, the god of gods

The Archivist !0iuTMXQYY. 2016/11/30(Wed)22:54 No. 762860 ID: 2169b1
File 148057528896.png - (14.00KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 2.png )

>>760312
That's it! Of course! You'll become the god of the thing that lead you on this quest!

You become, PRICKUTUS, GOD OF DISPROPORTIONATE RETRIBUTION!

Every time a fist fight starts over someone cutting in line, you'll be there! When someone keys a car over lawn disputes, that'll be all you! When someone gets lettuce on their no-lettuce sandwich and they firebomb Subway, you'll know it!

That'll show that stupid God of Tyranny jerk. Thinks he can just take the last box of Cheerios and get away with it.

Unfortunately, the only Goddess willing to touch you is the Goddess of Bad Haircuts
Only a little worth it/10

Apollo 2016/11/30(Wed)22:55 No. 762862 ID: defceb
File 148057533633.png - (109.19KB , 528x551 , mmq21.png )

Uh oh, looks like the recipe for this magic potion has faded away with time.

Maybe I can just make it up?

>>762862
No you can't, the end. Nothing can stop that fiery meteor from buying up all the premium real estate around now.

>>762862
Make a potion to make the potion. Find the recipe for un-fading or really good eyesight and make that first so you can read this recipe.

>>762862
All the Ketamine, most of the Laudanum, and both of the kumquats. Bring to a boil, and forget about it for 2 hours.

here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:

Hot sauce, pinto beans, and beef
Your hair. All of it.
A can of Dr. Pepper.
MORE WITCHES!
your dick (If you lack a dick, magic one up first, obviously).
panties.
The clothes of everyone in a ten-mile radius.

I swear, nothing will go wrong.

Well it can't be called a witches brew without some eye of newt, can it? Maybe toss in a little ground Unicorn horn for good measure.

>>762872 This, but also throw in some enhanced knockers. Just for kicks. (doorbell variety, obviously)

All potions are cumulative. Therefore, you just take the previous potions in the book, mix them together, and add a phoenix feather!

Or you could just take it back to the book store and get a new copy so you could make it properly. Good thing you saved the receipt.

>>762862

Pop rocks and soda.

Just make some tea.

>>763269
This.

Cut up onions, smash some garlic, add potato too!
A splash of cream, a block of cheese, some diced beef into the brew!
Grind a pepper, hot as Hades, put it in the mix!
Boil it well, add some rice, you'll have enough for tricks!
(At least some tasty use can be made out of the pot)

Apollo 2016/12/04(Sun)15:35 No. 763529 ID: defceb
File 148089453409.png - (180.53KB , 574x679 , mmq22.png )

>here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:
One meta quest reference coming up! What's the worst that could happen?

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/12/04(Sun)15:36 No. 763530 ID: a606da
File 148089457869.gif - (189.26KB , 800x600 , just another one of those days.gif )

So, you know how it goes: I was having a nice night at the local tavern, but then I trounced a grouchy wizard at cards, and now I’m battling a magical copy of myself in a duel to the death.

Poor loser, am I right? Sheesh.

Now, I’m always up for a good scuffle, but this has been going on for almost an hour. My arm’s getting tired, and I’ve got shit to do.

Help me out, here: How can I win a fight against a duplicate of myself that is my equal in every way?

>>763530
learn something. it's a copy of you from an hour ago.

>>763530
Make it a duel to the little death.

Or you could challenge it to Rock Paper Scissors instead

Jump on top of that amazingly convenient table in the background. Everyone knows high ground has the advantage, and that table is way too small for you both to stand on.

This is going to sound weird, but maybe YOU'RE the clone?

... Yeah, I thought it sounded weird too. Start out by insulting yourself with your worst self-hatred, then cheat in a way that you know will destroy your fighting style. Other than that, kill the caster.

>>763530
Seduce clone.

Point out that no matter which one of you wins, you are still the winner and therefore your duplicate loses.

Change contest to which can seduce the wizard.

Or change it to some less skill based contest

Why don't you team up? Then you'd both win!

obviously, sex.

Wonder if having sex with your clone would be considered masturbation.

>>763533
Underrated suggestion.

>>763533
yes

Throw your appointment book at the clone. If they know everything you do, they're just as likely to remember all that stuff you need to do.

>>763530
Point out that while it's evil, it's still you, and that the appropriate - and still evil! - thing to do is to help stab your creator to death.

>>763530
If your duplicate is equal in every way, then their arm must also be getting tired.

Challenge your duplicate to another contest, whoever can stab the wizard wins!

challenge clone to three-way fuck battle with the bar winch.

If you're really identical, you can just simultaneously decide to turn on the caster. You outnumber him now.

Or maybe just die? I mean, there's two of you now. It's not really the end, right?