>>755770
>>755771
Can't decide, as both are golden.

>>755772
Why not both?

>>755768
And Grand Vizier. Has to be a grand vizier.

>>755766
DOG! Man's best friend!

Until now...

Brutus

Piter De Vries!

>>755774
Don't you remember? We outlawed all Viziers, great to small, almost ten years ago. Before us, the average life span for a King here was two months.

No, this is the previous King. Back from the dead to finally slay his own killer and reclaim his throne. We really shoulda seen it coming.

The invisible cartoon naga who lives in my fifth-dimensional butthole! I thought I was crazy!!!

>>755766
my own self! come from the past to avoid our lifetime of hardships and reign in the peace I worked so hard for!

>>755799
this

>>755766
massive, cock-gobbling, limp-wristed, pus-picking, goat-groping, null-minded, yellow-bellied, junk-faced piece of rotten, worm-fed sloth droppings! ... We're trying to get out one final insult on our attacker, right?

...b-baka!~

Indonesian Gentleman 2016/10/30(Sun)02:26 No. 756123 ID: 884e04
File 147781961593.png - (89.66KB , 500x500 , the killer!.png )

"Yes, it is I. Your little official King Murderer of the Royal Court."
"...!"
"I've killed kings for you. Neighboring kingdoms, far-away empires, even a few queens and heirs. And I've grown wary of it!"
The killer moves a hand to its cloak.
"And by the way, you dick, my name isn't Joe."

Indonesian Gentleman 2016/10/30(Sun)02:28 No. 756124 ID: 884e04
File 147781971659.png - (71.43KB , 500x500 , PLEPPO.png )

>>756123
"It's motherfucking Pleppo."

But whose hands were those/10

Arhra 2016/10/30(Sun)02:59 No. 756126 ID: 37f049
File 147782156858.png - (79.46KB , 720x620 , miniscule_summon.png )

There's a sound like breaking glass and the stench of burning sugar. The summoning grid wavers and the portal to the eighteenth hell dimension gapes open!

"FOR WHAT PURPOSE HAVE YOU SUMMONED ME, MORTAL?"

Well I was on my way to the kitchen and got lost. Do you have a map of Dis?

Just hang on a tick while I set up the demonic conference call, I've got some great ideas to pitch to you and I need to get the 6th, 10th, and 3rd dimensions roped in on this as well.

Wait what? I was just trying to play some D&D.

*Beat* "Wrong number. HARRIET, DID YOU BUY ANOTHER DISCOUNTED DOILY SET MADE FROM THE DISCREDITED RESEARCH NOTES OF THE 813TH GRAND ARCH-MAGE OF THE DAGON CULT?"

>>756126
Just wanted to hang out, ya know?

>>756132
Scheme's legit.

"I'm lonely. Will you be my friend?"

Yes, I would like to order one large pepperoni pizza, cooked in the flames of hell, some breadsticks with some sauce, and a large cup of soda.

Netflix and chill, fam

>>756126
"I found this old summoning book with your picture in it and I think you're very beautiful! So, I was wondering.....will you be my demonic girlfriend?"

I need your help to end the tyranny of the global cat empire once and for all!

Look neighbor, I'm not mortal, and neither of us are impressed with the showmanship. I just need to know if I can borrow a cup of sugar.

>>756126
Look I need my room clean before mom grounds me over the mess. So get to it.

Hello! Have you heard the Good Word?

>>756126
I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.

I, THE EVIL WIZARD ZARGOTHRAX DESIRE THE COSMIC FIRE WITH WHICH TO DESTROY MY ENEMIES!

>>756126
Make me a sammich

Hey man, here's that $20 I owed you. Want to go grab lunch or something?

Arhra 2016/11/03(Thu)02:04 No. 756803 ID: 37f049
File 147816388520.png - (17.39KB , 720x720 , summoning_2.png )

>Just wanted to hang out, ya know?
"HAHAHAHA, FOOL! BASPHOMY THE CACOPHONOUS DEMANDS SNACKS!"

You discover she's actually amazing at co-op in the Hangout Ending. Soul fractionally imperilled/666

Apollo 2016/11/03(Thu)02:05 No. 756804 ID: defceb
File 147816394793.png - (141.08KB , 500x500 , mmq19.png )

"Barkeep! I'm about to partake in a LONG AND DANGEROUS though also entertaining and highly profitable JOURNEY! Find me a band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be to venture forth with me!"

Welp. Time to break out the doll action figure collection.

Have you considered adoption?

>>756804
"You can't handle my strongest band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be!"

>>756804
how about, cheerleader, so and so, what's her face, THE UGLY ONE

>>756804
Uh, isn't that your job? Go on, gather some random pub-goers.

No, Timmy. You can't hire other inmates for your dangerous, terrifying, stress filled, insanity-inducing adventures anymore. Back in your padded cell.

>>756804
Last call was half an hour ago. Get the hell out of my bar before I call the cops, you weirdo.

Sorry man, the last hero cleaned us out an hour ago. We only have socially well-adjusted contributing members of society with steady jobs and families to feed. You might be able to convince Barry the happy go lucky Blacksmith to join you. He needs some extra cash to pay off his little girl Sasha's braces.

Social outcasts? Oh, my bad, I thought you said GIANT SPIDERS!

"Look Mac, you want the tavern down the way. This is the bunny brothel, and our clientele is very respectable."

"Now drink your carrot juice and Git."

>>756804
"Listen, Dave, no one wants to play D&D with you anymore because you always whine like a little bitch every time you have a bad roll and claim everyone else has loaded dice because they always have a better roll than you."

>>756804
You forgot to improve the stage coach with your family heirloms, so you will only get a leper with rabies and a kleptomanic vestal.

>>756804
Look, I already supply the booze. That attracts all the social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be. All you have to do is scoop some of them up off the floor or off one on the tables.

If you're really too lazy to do it yourself why don't you just buy a round of drinks? That will get them converging on you.

>>756804
"One of each? Well, you're in luck, the yearly October Spooky Undead festival rolled around and a bunch showed up. The paladins are still cleaning things up, but there should be a couple of them still lingering in back alleyways."

>>756804

>Find me a band of rag-tag social outcasts, orphans, neer-do-wells, and heroes-to-be

"Sure, we have a band: they're called Princess and the Kidnappers. They play nights, mostly. I think they do requests, if you're interested."

>>756804
Excuse me sir, this isn't some roadhouse, is a very respectable and exclusive club for the distinguished. We've got military officers, minor aristocracy, Investors, and academic elites.

Conquistadors and the like pushed tavern-dwelling looters out of business years ago. Now get lost before the highbrows do you over for trying to destroy the archeological record.

Apollo 2016/11/19(Sat)20:20 No. 760269 ID: defceb
File 147961560624.png - (167.77KB , 597x625 , mmq20.png )

"Here you go!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!! THESE AREN'T THE ADVENTURERS I ASKED FOR!"

"Oh, I thought you said giant spiders. Though that one's a ranger, I think."

ACTUALLY IT'S A LEVEL 5 ROGUE. 8/10 CLASS ASSESSMENT

The Archivist !0iuTMXQYY. 2016/11/19(Sat)20:23 No. 760271 ID: 2169b1
File 147961581539.png - (17.86KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 1.png )

You stand over the dying God of Tyranny. Your quest has been long and arduous, but as you watch the deity before you die of his wounds, you feel his divine power flood you.

You shall soon ascend to the position of God yourself. You'll have it all! The power! The smoking hot Goddesses! The adoration of the people!

But now, you must choose... what shall you become the God of?

>>760271
in a combination of blind panic and tripping over your own words in haste, proudly declare yourself the god of tiny dicks.

Become the god of snektits.

>>760271
Pettiness.

The god of all gods.

You should become the god of something everyone hates but isn't serious enough to want to kill you over. Become the God of socks that get lost in the wash.

>>760271
The God of Power Vacuums. You just created a big one, so it'll be great!

The god of tangled earbuds.

The god of tentacle sex.

>>760290
>>760291
These two.

God of Smoking Hot Goddesses

The god of Not Getting Overthrown.

Disproportionate retribution.

>>760281
god god, the god of gods

The Archivist !0iuTMXQYY. 2016/11/30(Wed)22:54 No. 762860 ID: 2169b1
File 148057528896.png - (14.00KB , 1000x1000 , Miniscule Quest 2.png )

>>760312
That's it! Of course! You'll become the god of the thing that lead you on this quest!

You become, PRICKUTUS, GOD OF DISPROPORTIONATE RETRIBUTION!

Every time a fist fight starts over someone cutting in line, you'll be there! When someone keys a car over lawn disputes, that'll be all you! When someone gets lettuce on their no-lettuce sandwich and they firebomb Subway, you'll know it!

That'll show that stupid God of Tyranny jerk. Thinks he can just take the last box of Cheerios and get away with it.

Unfortunately, the only Goddess willing to touch you is the Goddess of Bad Haircuts
Only a little worth it/10

Apollo 2016/11/30(Wed)22:55 No. 762862 ID: defceb
File 148057533633.png - (109.19KB , 528x551 , mmq21.png )

Uh oh, looks like the recipe for this magic potion has faded away with time.

Maybe I can just make it up?

>>762862
No you can't, the end. Nothing can stop that fiery meteor from buying up all the premium real estate around now.

>>762862
Make a potion to make the potion. Find the recipe for un-fading or really good eyesight and make that first so you can read this recipe.

>>762862
All the Ketamine, most of the Laudanum, and both of the kumquats. Bring to a boil, and forget about it for 2 hours.

here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:

Hot sauce, pinto beans, and beef
Your hair. All of it.
A can of Dr. Pepper.
MORE WITCHES!
your dick (If you lack a dick, magic one up first, obviously).
panties.
The clothes of everyone in a ten-mile radius.

I swear, nothing will go wrong.

Well it can't be called a witches brew without some eye of newt, can it? Maybe toss in a little ground Unicorn horn for good measure.

>>762872 This, but also throw in some enhanced knockers. Just for kicks. (doorbell variety, obviously)

All potions are cumulative. Therefore, you just take the previous potions in the book, mix them together, and add a phoenix feather!

Or you could just take it back to the book store and get a new copy so you could make it properly. Good thing you saved the receipt.

>>762862

Pop rocks and soda.

Just make some tea.

>>763269
This.

Cut up onions, smash some garlic, add potato too!
A splash of cream, a block of cheese, some diced beef into the brew!
Grind a pepper, hot as Hades, put it in the mix!
Boil it well, add some rice, you'll have enough for tricks!
(At least some tasty use can be made out of the pot)

Apollo 2016/12/04(Sun)15:35 No. 763529 ID: defceb
File 148089453409.png - (180.53KB , 574x679 , mmq22.png )

>here is a legendary potion recipe passed down from suggester to suggester:
One meta quest reference coming up! What's the worst that could happen?

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2016/12/04(Sun)15:36 No. 763530 ID: a606da
File 148089457869.gif - (189.26KB , 800x600 , just another one of those days.gif )

So, you know how it goes: I was having a nice night at the local tavern, but then I trounced a grouchy wizard at cards, and now I’m battling a magical copy of myself in a duel to the death.

Poor loser, am I right? Sheesh.

Now, I’m always up for a good scuffle, but this has been going on for almost an hour. My arm’s getting tired, and I’ve got shit to do.

Help me out, here: How can I win a fight against a duplicate of myself that is my equal in every way?

>>763530
learn something. it's a copy of you from an hour ago.

>>763530
Make it a duel to the little death.

Or you could challenge it to Rock Paper Scissors instead

Jump on top of that amazingly convenient table in the background. Everyone knows high ground has the advantage, and that table is way too small for you both to stand on.

This is going to sound weird, but maybe YOU'RE the clone?

... Yeah, I thought it sounded weird too. Start out by insulting yourself with your worst self-hatred, then cheat in a way that you know will destroy your fighting style. Other than that, kill the caster.

>>763530
Seduce clone.

Point out that no matter which one of you wins, you are still the winner and therefore your duplicate loses.

Change contest to which can seduce the wizard.

Or change it to some less skill based contest

Why don't you team up? Then you'd both win!

obviously, sex.

Wonder if having sex with your clone would be considered masturbation.

>>763533
Underrated suggestion.

>>763533
yes

Throw your appointment book at the clone. If they know everything you do, they're just as likely to remember all that stuff you need to do.

>>763530
Point out that while it's evil, it's still you, and that the appropriate - and still evil! - thing to do is to help stab your creator to death.

>>763530
If your duplicate is equal in every way, then their arm must also be getting tired.

Challenge your duplicate to another contest, whoever can stab the wizard wins!

challenge clone to three-way fuck battle with the bar winch.

If you're really identical, you can just simultaneously decide to turn on the caster. You outnumber him now.

Or maybe just die? I mean, there's two of you now. It's not really the end, right?