So... Phillip's got warped minds then. Or he's just a headcase.

Ham 2012/09/21(Fri)21:56 No. 456633 ID: 34cbef
File 134828977731.png - (35.16KB , 952x579 , ham14.png )

Phillip gives in, he realizes nobody is playing along and decides to let his fantasies go. He explains to kandi that he really doesn't appreciate it when some squirrel-girl in pajamapants thinks he's autistic, he also mentions that he heard nat yelling about exploring something at the front door and asks if kandi needs help getting there.

Oh my god you are so into each other.

Cinnamon 2012/09/22(Sat)21:03 No. 457075 ID: eba327
File 134837303623.gif - (36.49KB , 1200x800 , 14.gif )

Nat decides to see if the power can be fix, and also grab some pants, before exploring. She also can add some more people to the exploration party.
She looks through the basement door, which is jammed in place by the floor, which rose at some point.
The generator looks fine to Nat. Little does she know, the fuse box and general electrical system is super NOT FINE.

oh my gosh you been sabotaged!
and someone painted a green button on your wall!
Ooooooooh someone is going to get it.

>>457085
arrow, green arrow

>>457075
Is it wire puzzle time? I think it's wire puzzle time.

>>457075
>>457298
Commence wire puzzle to restore power.

>wire puzzle!~
Getting ahead of ourselves here. We need to force the door, first. Nat, go grab someone burlier than yourself and put 'em to work.

Someone who most certainly isn't a scrawny teenager again.

Fennel 2014/04/01(Tue)20:00 No. 568650 ID: 7e0def
File 139640763224.png - (25.32KB , 1024x768 , 104.png )

Kandi emerges from the house with a flashlight, but it's not actually dark out here on account of the creepy braziers. Oh well.

>>568650
Well go on out and explore.

Yeah. What's outside besides creepy braziers?

Basil 2014/04/02(Wed)10:30 No. 568846 ID: 67bfa9
File 139645980132.png - (28.07KB , 900x600 , 13.png )

Glyt finds something else outside

he finds a skull, an omen?

NO! the great floating skull was just an delusion . . .

right?

What kind of skull is it?

>>568846
Ye brave explorers, team up and find some improvised weapons so you can explore the great unknown!

Hope I'm not too late for this...party?

I'd like to suggest Tavern the awkward cat to join the group.

Cumin 2014/04/02(Wed)16:59 No. 568897 ID: 6e85c8
File 139648314467.png - (30.06KB , 1200x800 , 15.png )

Franklin walks out of the building as well. He has gathered some basic supplies in his backpack.

He asks if this is the plan, for the three people outside to go see what's up while everyone else tries to get power on and holds down the fort.

Fennel 2014/04/02(Wed)17:44 No. 568907 ID: 7e0def
File 139648585302.png - (26.17KB , 1024x768 , 547.png )

Kandi goes with Franklin down the mysteriously lit corridor and gasps in awe as the passage opens out into a gigantic cave containing a subterranean city of mystery. Mysterious.

Looks like that little mermaid box cover artist designed the architecture here, too.

Well, let's investigate. There's got to be something in this city!

Basil 2014/04/04(Fri)08:22 No. 569157 ID: 67bfa9
File 139662496251.png - (26.85KB , 900x600 , 14.png )

The skull is a big kinda skull . . . with fangs

Glyt turns it into an improvised weapon

Fennel 2014/04/05(Sat)17:28 No. 569349 ID: 7e0def
File 139674411179.png - (32.81KB , 1024x768 , 13.png )

Kandi stops and makes a note of all the bones laying in the dirt. If everyone is dead, who is lighting the braziers? Until Nat's house inexplicably collapsed into the ground, it doesn't seem like anyone would have access to this place.
Also the architectural style doesn't match that of the indigenous population of the region. Unless this city was built recently, it might suggest a previously unknown civilization. The fact that these skulls appear to be those of races which were not historically native to the area also suggests that all these people died relatively recently, within the last few hundred years, at most.

Kandi is stripping her way through college.

Inspect the braziers to see what fuel source (wood, oil, a mysterious lack of any fuel at all, etc) is in them. Then continue citywards.

>>569356
It's probably natural gas.
Old civilizations used to build temples at oil/gas seeps to fuel eternal flames, and constructed simple plumbing for that purpose.

Conium 2014/04/05(Sat)21:46 No. 569378 ID: 4fa614
File 139675956234.png - (25.49KB , 800x600 , dear lord.png )

>>569356

Kali, now feeling inexplicably worse-drawn than ever before, examines the braziers in an attempts to understand the means by which they are fueled.

The stench is unmistakable. Natural gas indeed; this flame is fed by none other than dolphin farts. But how?! This makes so little sense that it could not possibly be -- could it?

Alright, we've checked out the bones and the gas. Now let's go check out what's inside the penis-towers already.

>>569378
You've stumbled upon the ancient city of Atlantis!

>>569827
Or possibly Asslantis from the smell.

Basil 2014/06/09(Mon)13:46 No. 577917 ID: 9dd1ee
File 140234676340.png - (29.24KB , 900x600 , 15.png )

"It could!!!"

cries out Glyt, it is indeed the long lost city of Asslantis!
believed to have sunken beneath the earth more than three hundred years ago when a fissure opened between the gassy hills!

Glyt is super glad he brought along his "Obscure And Pointless History" textbook that he stole from Kandi last week

with it he'll be able to translate any "Buttroglyphs" they find!

Oregano 2014/06/09(Mon)14:39 No. 577924 ID: 189a54
File 140234996954.jpg - (90.30KB , 1024x768 , Plz don\'t stab me I just wanted to be part o.jpg )

Meanwhile, Lt. Urge wakes up from a flashback of his time in 'Ram. He's not sure where he is.

Fennel 2014/06/09(Mon)17:19 No. 577934 ID: 7e0def
File 140235954473.png - (13.36KB , 800x600 , 154.png )

But if this is Asslantis, what happened to all the Asslantians?

>>577934
They asscended.

Ham 2014/06/10(Tue)15:04 No. 578069 ID: f7aa74
File 140243784889.png - (7.45KB , 474x329 , ham15.png )

Phillip finds himself in the dark alone, he then contemplates whether he's been a very hospitable guest and if the other partygoers just decided to ditch him.

The lost city... glorious (if somewhat smelly) adventure awaits! Onwards!

>>577934
OH GOD KILL IT! Glyt, quick, use that improvised weapon!

Maybe also squeeze dat ass.

Basil 2014/06/11(Wed)08:19 No. 578168 ID: 9dd1ee
File 140249994781.png - (83.53KB , 900x600 , 16.png )

"Look out Kandi! behind you!"

>>578085

This is Glyt's turn to shine!
he will resque Kandi and she will fall madly in love with his masculine heroics!

oh noooo!
Glyt's "Improvised Weapon"(tm) has proved ineffective all he's done is make it mad!

"HELP! someone, ANYONE save meeeeeeee!" Glyt cries out!

1/2 Ham 2014/06/11(Wed)13:28 No. 578196 ID: f7aa74
File 140251848582.png - (12.89KB , 474x329 , ham16.png )

The front door of Nat's house comes crashing into the asslantian, nocking all the hot air out of it.

2/2 Ham 2014/06/11(Wed)13:29 No. 578197 ID: f7aa74
File 140251858608.png - (9.25KB , 474x329 , ham17.png )

Phillip stands at the entryway a little nervous about the repurcussions of ripping off a door and tossing it at a giant buttox, he also wonders if nat has home insurance.

"I don't have the money to replace a door, also what sorta butt shenanigans is going on out here?"

>>578197
Just the usual weird butt things that come with participation in an orgy.

Holy shit when did this quest get revived?

It's not in the graveyard yet, still counts.

Urge: Observe your surroundings.
Glyt and Kandi: Thank Phillip for rescuing, double tap the Asslantian.
G+K+P: Nothing for it but to explore deeper in.

Basil 2014/08/15(Fri)08:42 No. 589539 ID: 9dd1ee
File 140811735816.png - (30.05KB , 900x600 , 17.png )

"w-why did you attack me?" gasps the dying asslantian

"uh . . . wasn't me!, it was that jerk over there I told him not to he just didn't listen!" Glyt responds shiftily

"Hear my dying breath I bare a message that you must hear about-" The asslantian dies before finishing.

>Thank Phillip
"Wow thanks A LOT phil!, now all because of you, we'll never know the important message it was trying to give us!"

Glyt recovers his skull bludgeon from the asslantian's corpse

Quick, mouth to mouth ass! He can still be saved?

...no? Uh, anyone know any necromancy? Or have a Ouija board? Maybe we could get the message from the dead-ass that way.

Fuck it, it probably wasn't important. Let's just gather everybody up and get exploring.

Eh, he probably had nothing important to tell us, Asslantians are notoriously full of shit.

Fennel 2014/08/16(Sat)06:16 No. 589645 ID: 265534
File 140819501078.png - (24.78KB , 1024x768 , 11.png )

Now without the asslantian's warning, any number of ominous things could happen and no one will be able to prepare for the coming horror.

Thanks a lot, Phil.

Kandi does not know what to do, now that everything has become so vaguely menacing.

Dude we got sucked into a hole to an ancient civilization deep underground, things were already very menacing before the failed warning. Just get to the top of a building and start surveying the surroundings.

Conium 2014/08/16(Sat)07:31 No. 589648 ID: 2e1470
File 140819949473.png - (10.36KB , 800x600 , what a phallusy.png )

"Those towers sure are of a dangerously penile design," Kali mentions, as though it had any relevance to the situation at hand. "Anybody would think the Asslantians would have designed their towers in a more uh, ass-like manner."

>>589648
Its is obviously a challenge to the gods. The Asslantians probably wanted to do rather disrespectful things to the great anus in the sky.

Conium 2014/08/16(Sat)08:12 No. 589651 ID: 2e1470
File 140820196813.png - (62.63KB , 800x600 , uh.png )

>>589649

It makes plenty of sense.

Kali recalls the fairy tale of King Horass. He was a very mean king, and due to how poorly he treated his subjects, the old ass-gods cursed him to stop smelling like ass for the rest of his life. In the tale, smelling like ass was a symbol of status, and when Horass lost his Asslantian fragrance, he slowly lost respect from his people until his death years later. It is said that his mourning ghost wandered forever afterwards, smelling pine-fresh.

It's possible that the legend was true, and that Horass demanded these phallic towers to be erected in defiance of the old Ass-Gods in Assgard.

Kali firmly believes that the Asslantians were a vile and contemptible race, and that their apparent near-extinction was well deserved. Nothing is allowed to smell that bad and get away with it. It might just be the dolphin fart braziers, but Kali can still smell the Asslantian in these ancient ruins.

Fennel 2014/08/16(Sat)10:29 No. 589660 ID: 265534
File 140821016647.png - (29.39KB , 1024x768 , 45.png )

CHEESE AND CRACKERS!

It all makes sense now. In their hubris, the Asslantians defied the gods and awakened a darkness which ultimately destroyed them! It all makes sense now!

>>589660
...ask if the dickmonster has anything to say for itself? Maybe it just wants to talk, like the ass did.

It it doesn't respond positively kill it with extreme prejudice.

>>589660
Get back! Don't let it grab you with its smaller dick-tentacles!

This quest started out gross, got better, then got gross again. Welp, run screaming.

Conium 2014/08/22(Fri)00:15 No. 590606 ID: 2e1470
File 140869175495.png - (44.07KB , 1200x1000 , thatsapenis.png )

>>589660

Kandi, be careful! That is a fabled Pen Islander. Don't scream, you will startle it. If it becomes frightened, it might be driven into a homicidal rage that won't end until it vomits its vile, parasitic slime onto our faces and breasts.

It might be horrifying, but the enemy of our enemy is our friend. And like those mysterious purple aliens that we almost forgot about, it might be able to help us figure out what the heck is going on down here. It already looks stressed, I don't know how we could possibly calm it down.

>>590606
Maybe if you pet its head?

Dousing it with a bucket of ice water is your safest bet to calm it without any slime spray.

Damn, nazi mods much.

After dousing it be sure to donate to charity!

Conium 2014/08/23(Sat)01:17 No. 590747 ID: 2e1470
File 140878183151.png - (18.12KB , 800x600 , cheque.png )

>>590635
>>590675

Kali agrees. The best way to help yourself, is to help others. Kali writes a cheque for all the money in her bank account, to her favourite charity. Wowie, it sure is hard writing a cheque without a table or something to lean on.

Conium 2014/08/23(Sat)01:17 No. 590748 ID: 2e1470
File 140878185450.png - (51.09KB , 800x900 , methamphetamine.png )

>>590747

There isn't much water around here, and it's quite humid; there aren't any buckets of frozen water anywhere. But after some quick searching, Kali finds a bucket full of ice in a small laboratory. Clearly the Asslantian chemist responsible did not intend to sell all this glass on the street, because Kali estimates that it is worth a lot of money. It's likely that they were producing it to a larger distributor.
In fact, Kali is having second thoughts about just throwing it all to this Pen Islander. She could sell it to the druglords back home and make a few grand - to then donate, of course.

But if you don't do that the Pen Islander won't really be able to help you without risk of exposure to its slime, and there are unlikely to be anywhere where you can make a donation to down here. If you heat the bucket just a bit on your stove you can convert the bucket of ice to a bucket of ice water, just be careful this is delicate alchemy and too much heat will make it a bucket of warm water which will not be useful.

...wait. If that bucket of 'ice' is full of drugs, is it even a good idea to dump it on the thing? A drugged out or hallucinating creature isn't necessarily calmed down, or any safer to be around.

Ham 2014/08/25(Mon)17:45 No. 591171 ID: dff0a8
File 140901395713.png - (8.10KB , 394x265 , ham18.png )

Phil slightly stirs, but not enough to rouse him from his nap. He had fallen asleep after the profound appreciation he had gotten. Phil has decided he'll just take a nap til there's a need for any heavy lifting or muscle work.

>>591171
Kali is hesitating, we need you to take charge and either make that bucket of ice into a bucket of ice water and dump it on the Pen Islander or to just wrestle the thing into submission, if you know what I mean.

Basil 2014/08/25(Mon)21:03 No. 591201 ID: 9dd1ee
File 140902578862.png - (31.98KB , 900x600 , 18.png )

"Kali, save the Ice! I'm sure this guys is actually quite friendly like the other guy who Phil so cruelly attacked without any reason"

Glyt says walking up to the Pen Islander

"Greetings freindly creature I-"

*CHOMP*

"BlyargaaaaaaaaaaaaaH" Glyt flails wildly and impotently within the Pen Islander deadly maw

You know what he deserved that for being a idiot.

But if you let it devour him unhindered its just going to get a taste for blood and go after the rest of you.

Maybe you will get lucky and it will choke on his bones or something and save you the trouble of fighting it.

Phil, punch the dick in the head.

quick someone lick the beast!

Cumin 2014/08/26(Tue)07:09 No. 591216 ID: 6e85c8
File 140906214083.png - (36.39KB , 1200x800 , 16.png )

Glyt Nooooooooo!

Franklin had apparently wandered off exploring on his own without the others, but comes rushing back at Glyt's cry for aid!

Apparently during his poking around he has found an Asslantean Assxe! with a mighty swing he sinks the voluptuous blade into the side of the beast, causing it to release its grip on Glyt and howl in pain!

Cumin 2014/08/26(Tue)07:10 No. 591217 ID: 6e85c8
File 140906222513.png - (28.69KB , 1200x800 , 17.png )

The wounded beast retreats!

Franklin: 'Glyt are you okay?!'

Glyt: 'I dunno maybe my everything hurts'

Franklin: 'WHAT IN THE COCO PEBBLES IS GOING ON HERE?!'

Quick, who knows first aid.

Forget first aid, we need a necromancer!

Quick the Pen Islander may have injected Glyt with some of its Parasitic Slime, someone needs to suck the slime and spit it back out before it causes irreversible damage to him.

ham 2014/08/27(Wed)10:39 No. 591372 ID: dff0a8
File 140916119019.png - (8.77KB , 394x265 , ham19.png )

Phillip sits upright on the steps of nat's house wondering what he just saw. He is unsure if he just imagined a giant dick come out and bite the little zebra or if it's just him losing his mind due to dolphin fart braziers... He also wonders if he should just look around the house and gather some adventuring stuff to help out those horribly unprepared dingbats.

Cmon, help em. Besides, phat loot and adventureness.

Basil 2014/09/10(Wed)19:31 No. 593647 ID: 9dd1ee
File 141040269043.png - (35.03KB , 900x600 , 19.png )

Glyt is bleeding heavily on the floor

"Franky they got us good" *Cough* "I fended off like thirty of em protecting Kandi couragiously even saved phil's life like ten times, but you missed all that" *cough* *cough* "eventually they overwhelmed me with cheap shot, I was like a modern day Borimir except for the asshole parts . . ."

Glyt continues to ramble on

Hold his broken body in your arms and weep. As he passes away raise your fist to the sky and swear vengeance on the monsters that did this.

That or try to stop the bleeding.

>>593668
Do that put also softly whisper "Goodnight, sweet prince." into Glyt's ear.

We can do all that desperate shenanigans of vengeance when he is beyond saving. Try to get the blood to stop, and maybe any parasitic slime in him could be sucked out? Call for assistance and get one of the girls to do it.

We could really use some alien healing magic the purple guys had forgetting to mention until now.

Or you know, failing that, bandages. Start tearing up spare clothes or something.

Kick him in the side.
'Get up loser, that fake blood isn't fooling anyone.'

Oh great floating skull, I ask that you show your mercy upon Glyt your vigilant servant in this his time of greatest need. Whether you choose to spare his life or accept him into your embrace let him be at peace, amen.

Piss on his wounds to staunch the bleeding. 'Cuz that's how it works, right?

Conium 2014/09/11(Thu)22:30 No. 593742 ID: a9b849
File 141049981666.jpg - (238.94KB , 1000x1200 , das-cray.jpg )

>>593647

The totally-relevant aliens, or whatever, are excited by the idea of repairing Glyt's tattered, and quickly-languishing body with robotic enhancements that they apparently just had lying around. "We can rebuild him," one of them says. "We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better, stronger, faster."

But can you make him Harder?

We could use those, yeah! Oh wait, but what's that Zebra Pincher Grabber Toy doing right there? Boy, wouldn't that make for a high attractive, and versatile appendage with an extraordinarily long reach, not to mention the kids love it!

But does anyone have six billion dollars?

They came for an orgy, I think payment would be kinky sex.

>>593742
Seems legit.

Just remember to get a bloody thumbprint or something on the consent forms.

Well then how kinky would the sex have to be and how long would it have to last to be worth six billion dollars? We have no idea what passes for kinky to these aliens or how long there usual copulations last.

Basil 2014/09/16(Tue)09:06 No. 594334 ID: 9dd1ee
File 141088361505.png - (42.76KB , 900x600 , 20.png )

Glyt is fixed up with the best space technology space money can buy!
except he doesn't have to pay a dime for it cause the aliens are just straight up nice guys!
"Hard-core! I'm some kind of nano-cyborg! I bet I can do all sorts of kick ass stuff now!" Glyt seems to be taking his new lot in life rather well.

remember these words of wisdom "rules of nature"

>>594334
No you fool, you let them make you a cyborg ninja. Your basically naratively obligated to go insane at some point now. Oh well nothing to do about it now, check your pants to make sure they left everything intact.

>>594388
Well, that or end up angsting a lot. On the positive side cyborg ninjas almost never die before first filling their quota of insanity and/or angst.

>>594418

Stay away from that Sam guy, he's trouble.

Conium 2014/09/17(Wed)19:10 No. 594552 ID: a9b849
File 141100624324.png - (143.73KB , 1000x1200 , dayum.png )

>>594334

Damn, Kali is really mirin' that new cyborg bootay that Glyt is rocking. If only she could get those kinda upgrades everytime she got ravaged by a giant di- uh, met aliens.

Instead she's just got a bucket of meth and some sunglasses she found. At least Glyt can protect them all, should they run into any more Pen Islanders, or Asslantians.

>At least Glyt can protect them all
You're assuming he's a competent cyborg, with some kind of defensive capabilities. We don't know these things.

Ham 2014/09/18(Thu)07:30 No. 594597 ID: dff0a8
File 141105060897.png - (13.75KB , 475x330 , ham20.png )

Phillip hurries over with some goods he salvaged from the house, "Hey, So I got a first aid kit that has all sorts of medical stuff to help the little... uh..."

Ham 2014/09/18(Thu)07:30 No. 594598 ID: dff0a8
File 141105063688.png - (7.89KB , 380x265 , ham21.png )

"...so you're a robot now..."

Ham 2014/09/18(Thu)07:32 No. 594599 ID: dff0a8
File 141105077321.png - (8.72KB , 380x265 , ham22.png )

"... Anybody need any scratches or bruises bandaged up? Or something for a rash... maybe a hello kitty bandaid... piggy back ride?"

Just stick one of the free children's refrigerator magnets that came with the toy doctor kit on Glyt.