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In memory of Flyin' Black Jackson
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File 133074945186.gif - (18.43KB , 900x900 , doolbagbegins2.gif )
389918 No. 389918 ID: 0fd59b

First part: http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questarch/res/350260.html

***

>"So, since you caused so much trouble for me, I was thinking of something a little more colourful, to express the hospitality of the NFGPD. So, what do you think? Lashing you with hot bacon strips? Flicking rubber bands into your eyes? Dunking your head into..."

Well, I've been arrested. I am going to be in so much trouble when- er, if get back home. What's worse is that my sweet ass-boombox is right here. Almost within arms reach.

>"...slap you with a fish, or maybe superglue prawns into your ears, and then slap you with a fish!"

I guess when I get to the police station, I am in for a lot of pain. Unless of course, my friends rescue me.

>"...but I suppose we'd better get to command first. See what's causing them to maintain radio silence. Step on it, officer faggot."

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Whoops.
Expand all images
>>
No. 389921 ID: 9c7c3b

Quick, roll away.
>>
No. 389926 ID: d5ee6f

Ask for bacon lashing. Bacon is delish. Ooh ooh! Make him rub your face in the sweet-ass boombox!
>>
No. 389927 ID: 00e1ef

Activate sweet ass-boombox's SECRET ESCAPE MECHANISM!
>>
No. 389930 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075015268.gif - (16.87KB , 900x900 , iunno.gif )
389930

Whoa, hang on. Where's Doolbag?! MacDeath! MacDeath, where's Doolbag?

>"I am not sure, he was just over there, earlier..."

And the music is gone too!

Wait - look! Over on the horizon!
>>
No. 389931 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075022467.gif - (5.74KB , 900x900 , there.gif )
389931

It's the cops! We had better go after them! They might have Doolbag.

>"I can't run very well in this body."
>>
No. 389934 ID: 2f7168

then FLY
>>
No. 389935 ID: 9c7c3b

Use fire breath as propulsion, catch up to the cops. Drop MacDeath on them.
>>
No. 389938 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075117805.gif - (8.55KB , 900x900 , fly.gif )
389938

Fly? Using my breath!?

Ok!


***

No, no, no. This is an awful idea and I should never have agreed to it!

>"Whenever you talk, we lose propulsion, so keep quiet back there! It's going to be too hard to drop me on there! And even if I did land on it, I am at risk of crushing Doolbag with my immense weight!"
>>
No. 389939 ID: 1854db

>>389931
Then ditch the flab! Back to skelbro. Also we need a ride.
>>
No. 389940 ID: ed57e8

oen the mouth and jump out.just make noises on the roof and it should stop.
>>
No. 389941 ID: 00e1ef

Angle breath in such a way that you propel yourself and MacDeath into the hood of the vehicle. Gravity + propulsion + flab = rescued Doolbag
>>
No. 389942 ID: 9c7c3b

Ditch the flab and toss it in front of the jeep.
>>
No. 389943 ID: 2f7168

create a SEISMIC WAVE of earth crashing NEXT to the jeep. it should cause the vehicle to tumble out of control and slow down.
>>
No. 389944 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075198501.gif - (14.47KB , 900x900 , stillbirth.gif )
389944

You're too fat, MacDeath! We had better set down somewhere, but we don't have much time for it.

>"I had better do away with this body right away, then!"

No MacDeath! No!

Oh god it's disgusting! Careful! We'll lose our balance if you're going to climb around the place!

>"And we'll plummet to the earth if you keep talking! Now zip it, fuzzy!"

How am I gonna get rid of this body, balance with MacDeath climbing all over the place, and save Doolbag?
>>
No. 389946 ID: 00e1ef

Angle breath to propel you ahead of the cops then drop the flab in front of it.
>>
No. 389949 ID: 1854db

>>389946
BRILLIANT
>>
No. 389950 ID: d5ee6f

Drop the bomb!
>>
No. 389952 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075307744.gif - (14.19KB , 900x900 , bombsaway.gif )
389952

Well, it's as good an idea as any!
>>
No. 389953 ID: 0fd59b
File 133075311290.gif - (10.70KB , 900x900 , bogged.gif )
389953

Yes! It's trapped under the tank! They're stuck on it!

Now what?
>>
No. 389954 ID: 00e1ef

Swoop down and drop off MacDeath. Begin the assault!
>>
No. 389955 ID: 2f7168

o-oh .. bear : vomit fire upon witnessing a second time macdeaths grotesque feat.
>>
No. 389974 ID: 3e85e3

CAN'T YOU SEE HE IS VOMITING FIRE AS FAST AS HE CAN
>>
No. 389975 ID: c71597

>>389953
Land on the top and rip off their turret, then spew fire into the compartment. Doolbag should be ok, he's resistant to fire, right?
>>
No. 389984 ID: d5ee6f

>>389953
You are a fire vomiting MACHINE.
>>
No. 390026 ID: 2d6aed
File 133081495991.gif - (11.02KB , 900x900 , landing.gif )
390026

Well, since the vehicle has stopped, it's easier to land on.
>>
No. 390027 ID: 2d6aed
File 133081503393.gif - (16.91KB , 900x900 , hrrr.gif )
390027

I am not going to breathe fire into the vehicle, because I am willing to bet Doolbag isn't fireproof.

But no matter how hard I try, I can't even get the hatch open.
>>
No. 390032 ID: 2f7168

say youre cops
>>
No. 390036 ID: ed57e8

knock and say pizza.
>>
No. 390046 ID: 2d6aed
File 133081671914.gif - (13.63KB , 900x900 , pizzacops.gif )
390046

I knock on the hatch.

>"Who are you, and what the hell do you want?"

Uhh... it's us, the Pizza Cops™ here to um, arrest your taste buds.

There's mumbling and hushed argument from inside the vehicle.

>"Get lost. Pizza Cops™ went out of business 14 years ago. Secondly, neither of us remember ordering a pizza."

Uh... no, Pizza Cops™ is back in business! Yeah, actually it's why we're here. To give you a free, celebratory pizza, to celebrate this occasion.

>"Bullshit. If you're really from Pizza Cops™, then you will know the Pizza Cops™ jingle."

Crap. How did it go again?
>>
No. 390048 ID: 2f7168

So you have a pizza ? Bitch, I'm ten pizzas ! We're back, better hope you're not black.

Pizza Cops.
>>
No. 390070 ID: 32d0cf

We're the pizza cops,
The best of the pizza shops.
Yes we deliver,
all the way to the mississippi river.
For every delivery,
we use field artillery.
Putting an end to crime,
and making a pretty dime.
But don't forget to pay in cash,
or we'll arrest you in a flash.
>>
No. 390092 ID: 252e1b

It's a hip hop double trip,
Triple-flip, keep it zipped
Double header triple cheddar
Sausage pepperoni and ham
Thin crust stuffed crust
Extra side of garlic bread
>>
No. 392119 ID: 0524bd
File 133154625941.jpg - (74.59KB , 900x900 , open.jpg )
392119

Oh crap. Um, was it...

"We're the pizza cops,
The best of the pizza shops.
Yes we deliver,
all the way to the mississippi river.
For every delivery,
we use field artillery.
Putting an end to crime,
and making a pretty dime.
But don't forget to pay in cash,
or we'll arrest you in a flash."


There's more hushed argument from inside. Eventually, the hatch opens.

>"Well, we are kind of hungr-"
>>
No. 392120 ID: 0524bd
File 133154627845.gif - (14.14KB , 900x900 , oh.gif )
392120

>"oh."
>>
No. 392121 ID: 0524bd
File 133154631245.gif - (14.69KB , 900x900 , nowwhat.gif )
392121

>"Okay, it wasn't the Pizza Cops™."

Well no shit. They already gave us the free pizza about three hours ago, but apparently you were too goddamn baked to even remember it.

>"Uh, so why did I open the hatch again?"

To hold them off while I escape with the suspect, you fucking idiot!

>"But they'd beat me up..."

And what made you decide I wouldn't?

The IFV won't even move, because it's stuck on something. I cannot believe we're even in this situation.

We need a new plan. In the back there is a flare gun, some pepper spray, a loudhailer and an ATV quad, which can be deployed from the back of the IFV. How are we going to go about this?
>>
No. 392144 ID: c71597

>>392121
Have officer tool fire off the flash into the sky while using the loudspeaker to yell for help, guess he can take the pepper spray as well. Meanwhile you and the suspect make a truly cunning get away by using the ATV.
>>
No. 392226 ID: 0006f5

deploy the ATV and fire at them with the loudhailer
>>
No. 392272 ID: 865603

>>392121
Deploy. It is time for your fellow officer to prove his worth as a blunt weapon.
>>
No. 393269 ID: 55c4cf

play dubstep at maximum volume
>>
No. 399359 ID: b79631
File 133385919220.gif - (21.15KB , 900x900 , escaip.gif )
399359

Alright, I'm going to grab the suspect, get on the ATV and get the hell out of here.

Officer Faggot can sort out his own affairs.
>>
No. 399360 ID: b79631
File 133385921319.gif - (13.50KB , 900x900 , yoink.gif )
399360

>>
No. 399361 ID: b79631
File 133385937660.gif - (15.37KB , 900x900 , oh.gif )
399361

Welp, not much to do here. I gave my gun away hours ago, so all I can hope is that these people aren't going to beat me up. Who'd blame them? The stuff NFGPD gets blamed for, thanks to that barbaric... butt hole, Officer Murder.


So. What should I say?
>>
No. 399363 ID: a43a6c

EVERYONE PLEASE REMAIN CALM

YOUR OBJECTIONS AND COMMENTS WILL BE NOTED AFTER YOU ASSEMBLE INTO A SINGLE FILE LINE.


Then run, Officer. Run.
>>
No. 399382 ID: 0006f5

inform the bear he is in violation of being a bear
>>
No. 399391 ID: c2c011

>>399363
This is a pretty solid plan, should work out.
>>
No. 446727 ID: 1a7071
File 134577597295.png - (39.47KB , 900x900 , doolbag untie.png )
446727

I can just loosen the ropes...
>>
No. 446728 ID: 1a7071
File 134577600417.png - (24.49KB , 900x900 , landing.png )
446728

Yes!
>>
No. 446729 ID: 1a7071
File 134577603801.png - (31.97KB , 900x900 , broken.png )
446729

Oh no, what have I done?!
>>
No. 446732 ID: 6a1ec2

Maybe it still works? Try turning it on.
>>
No. 446733 ID: 1a7071
File 134577624257.png - (12.98KB , 900x900 , nop.png )
446733

>>446732

Nope. This is a terrible day.
>>
No. 446739 ID: b85f8c

Quick, to an electronics repair shop!

Hahaha who am I kidding. You now have a broke ass-boombox. Get some gas and set it on fire, give it a viking funeral. Then while you watch that smokin' hot ass, try not to get mesmerized by the booty.
>>
No. 446741 ID: 1a7071
File 134577666784.png - (16.14KB , 900x900 , town.png )
446741

There's a new city here though. It must be where that cop was taking me. Maybe there's someone in here who can fix my sweet, sweet ass-boombox.
>>
No. 446753 ID: 1a7071
File 134577815526.png - (24.24KB , 900x900 , muggan.png )
446753

>Hey, boy!

Aah! What?

>That's a sweet-ass boombox you got there, boy.

Well, actually it's a-

>I could really use one for my workout routine. I could use that particular one.

I don't really...

>So how about you just hand it over and I don't need to knife you. Fair deal?

Well, I really like it and I, um, er... I just uh, I need to find a repair-

>I've had enough of your yappin, boy. You gimme one good reason why I shouldn't just stick you and take it.

Oh well, you see ________________________ .
>>
No. 446768 ID: bf54a8

'well a good reason is.... wait hold up, what the fuck is that?" and point behind him. when he looks run.
>>
No. 446780 ID: 6a1ec2

>>446753

The cad! He spent too much time pumping his left arm leaving his knife arm weak and noodly. It can barely tap the knife against you. Then he falls over from imbalance. VICTOLY
>>
No. 446785 ID: 7459d5

"Its wayy to heavy for you. Guy like you'd need BOTH HANDS to even pick it up."
>>
No. 446799 ID: 1a7071
File 134578249116.png - (22.84KB , 900x900 , tough choice.png )
446799

Well uh. You see, it's really heavy. I mean REALLY heavy.

>Boy, you ain't gibbon me nothing but reasons to take it. It would be a real tough workout, I bet.

No, I mean it's unbelievably heavy. I may not look like much, but I am the number one strong-guy in my home town. And everyone in that town is super-tough. A scrawny guy like you would need both hands to lift it. Even I am breaking a slight sweat holding it. But not too much, since, like I said, I am real strong.

>Hmm. I see the problem. I would need to drop my dumbbell to lift it, and risk my arm deflating over that time. I would also need to drop my knife and risk no longer being a threat to a tough guy like you.

I am glad you see it as I do.

>Well, sorry for the inconvenience of holding you up. I will go and find an old lady to threaten or something.

It's okay. Oh, by the way - you look like you know your way around the city. I was wondering if I could ask any questions I might have.

Do I have any questions?
>>
No. 446812 ID: 6e44d2

Well played, Doolbag.

"Where can I find an electronics repair place?"
>>
No. 446859 ID: 1a7071
File 134579188660.gif - (19.68KB , 900x900 , there.gif )
446859

Uhm. Is there an electronics repair shop here somewhere? Another reason you shouldn't steal this is that it doesn't work.

>Dunno 'bout electronics, but Duc's general repair shop is right here. Take it to Duc, and see if something can be done.
>>
No. 446873 ID: 1a7071
File 134579351840.png - (25.41KB , 900x900 , fixan.png )
446873

I go into the store. There is a lady fixing a watch. Actually there are a lot of watches in here. It's weird.

>I am in the middle of a very delicate practice. Please leave your watches in the box marked 'in.' They will be ready in a week.

"Are you Duc? Do you know how to fix a Sweet ass-boombox?"

Immediately she sits up straight and looks at the boombox, quite delighted.

>I am Ducques, yes. And it would be a pleasureto fix your Boombox. Although, I admit my electronic skills are somewhat out of practice. All I have had to fix for the last two years are wrist-watches.

Oh my god she has really freakish arms.
>>
No. 446874 ID: bf54a8

dude, you are friends with a bear and a skeleton. you can't complain.
and ask what the fuck is with the watches.
>>
No. 446876 ID: 1a7071
File 134579426734.png - (34.32KB , 900x900 , hmm.png )
446876

>This is a very rare item! I have not seen one like it. It must have cost a lot of money! Where did you get it.

I dunno, Christmas present.

>You are a lucky man, but it is sad to see it so broken. It will be a great challenge to fix it. I may not be able to do it.

Her arms are weird. I hope she doesn't catch me staring.

>Ah I read about these devices once. It is a quality piece of technology. A state of the art sound system housed in a casing shaped like a feminine posterior. Only five were ever made.

They're like robot arms or something. Completely different to the rest of her.

>I saw one sell at an auction for almost half a million!

I wonder what happened to her real arms.

>Pardon?

Er, I said. Uh... I wonder what happy tubes do in steel farms. So, what is your verdict? Can you fix it?

>No. A crucial part is missing. All of these boomboxes contain a special item, to ensure the perfect sound quality, and it is a very rare item. The one of yours is missing; it must have fallen out when it broke.

What is the item?

>It is a _________________________________ .
>>
No. 446881 ID: bf54a8

crystallized fire.
>>
No. 446890 ID: 885ee8

pair of awesome robot arms
>>
No. 446921 ID: 6e44d2

Lump of calcified malice.
>>
No. 446924 ID: 6a1ec2

hamplifier
>>
No. 446930 ID: 7459d5

>>446876
A Gluteus Maximizer
>>
No. 446931 ID: 7459d5

>>446876
A Gluteus Maximizer
>>
No. 446944 ID: 12c19f

A Gluteus Maximizer Phat Ass Beat (PHAB) Amplifer.

One of the most advanced sound rendering chips manufactured.
>>
No. 447117 ID: eeaddb
File 134585256407.png - (14.10KB , 900x900 , chip.png )
447117

>>446944

>It is a Gluteus Maximizer Phat Ass Beat (PHAB) Amplifer. It is one of the most advanced sound rendering chips manufactured.

Right. Well, can't we just go and buy another one?

>No. As I said, only five of these devices were ever made, and this is a very specific item.

Uh, can we order one online?

>No! They are no longer made or sold. The only thing left to do is to go back to the creator and steal the prototype chip!

What? That doesn't sound very solid. Who says there's even a prototype, and if there is, who says it's compatible with my sweet ass-boombox?

>Well it's either that or search all around the planet for somebody else's, and steal the chip from it. And you wouldn't want to deprive somebody else of such a thing, would you?

I suppose not. So, where am I meant to go? I don't know my way around Sprawlen Matropless.

>It's alright, I will show you the way.
>>
No. 447133 ID: 6e44d2

Can't we just, like, go back to where we were when we broke this thing?
>>
No. 447136 ID: eeaddb
File 134585491562.png - (17.60KB , 900x900 , ARE WALK.png )
447136

>I did not get your name, by the way.

Oh! I am Doolbag. I actually live in 'Town,' but I am here right now because I was arres- er. I got lost.

>I see. It is nice to meet you, Doolbag.

Say, what happened to your arms? Um. If that's not a rude question.

>It was a tragic accident that happened in school. At the school fair, they decided to host an eating competition. The food: Teriyaki duck wings.

They ATE your wings?!

>No. I entered in the competition. I was winning; but I was so into the moment, and after a while, my own wings became coated in the Teriyaki sauce. In my frenzied rush to victory, I could no longer tell the difference between my wings and the wings prepared for the competition. I ate my own wings by accident.

You ate your own wings?. You won in the end though, right?

>Third place. The resulting inability to pick up the food allowed the others to catch up. But it's okay, these mechanical prostheses allow me to work on watch repairs without feathers getting in the way.
>>
No. 447137 ID: eeaddb
File 134585497515.png - (9.79KB , 900x900 , huh.png )
447137

>>447133

That is the dumbest suggestion I have ever heard.
>>
No. 447151 ID: 6e44d2

>>447137
Your FACE is the dumbest suggestion you've ever heard!
>>
No. 447152 ID: 54c7e5

Eh, just keep walking. Also, ask what the fuck is with the watches.
>>
No. 447188 ID: eeaddb
File 134586218283.gif - (13.28KB , 900x900 , explain.gif )
447188

What the duck is with all the watches, anyway?

>Oh, I don't know. Every week, someone comes in with an armload of watches, and drops them off, then never comes to pick them up. Where they get so many watches, and how they get broken, I don't know. It's not even the same person every week!

Why don't you sell the watches?

>Well, it would be dishonest of me to sell the watches, since I don't own them.

Please tell me you at least charge them before you do the work.

>Err...

So you fix hundreds of watches for nothing, for basically nobody.

>Eheh... um.
>>
No. 447198 ID: 0c2247

>>447188
Tell her she should charge money when they drop them off, and sell any that haven't been claimed in like a year or so.
On a completely unrelated note, you would like to claim dozens of armfulls of watches which you are totally going to turn around and sell.

She'll swoon over your business acumen and having saved her business from the Big Watch Repair conglomerate.
>>
No. 447206 ID: 6a1ec2

She basically ate her own arms in a Teriyaki cannibal contest that she entered and almost won. I think those mechanical arms are the least of your worries about now. You probably should get... away from her... like... like right now.
>>
No. 447210 ID: c28be6

Then tell her she should give them to you to sell, as getting them from her with permission to sell would make it legit for him to sell them.

>>447206
Naw man, he's not made of teriyaki duck wings so he's safe
>>
No. 447220 ID: 12c19f

I say we go to the manufacturer and see if we can commission a replacement print of the chip as opposed to outright stealing the prototype.

This will either be costly or require a long and hilarious side-quest.
>>
No. 447323 ID: eeaddb
File 134587739749.png - (19.39KB , 900x900 , no.png )
447323

You should charge money before you start the repairs. You know, when they drop them off. Also, you should consider implementing a policy that says you are going to sell the watches if they aren't picked up after a month or so.

>Good idea. Still, that doesn't get rid of all the watches I have already accumulated, since those people who dropped them off didn't agree to such terms of service.

I could take them off your hands and return them to their owners... yeahhh.

>No, Doolbag. They are not mine to give.

Not even for say, three Pounds? I heard the exchange rate was pretty high!

>No, Doolbag. Keep that money. You will need it for bribing the security when you are caught stealing that prototype, which is an inevitability considering your level of subtlety.

Lady, you are looking at a master thief. A burglar without peer.

>Really.

Yes. I stole chocolate bars earlier today.
>>
No. 447501 ID: 6a1ec2

>>447323

You also stole her robotic arms. Then replaced them. Didn't she notice? Of course she didn't. You're just that good.
>>
No. 447572 ID: 54c7e5

>>447501
And the three pounds are the profit you made from selling them and buying new ones off the black market.
>>
No. 447611 ID: 7976cf
File 134593998101.png - (17.28KB , 900x900 , sold.png )
447611

And, although you don't realise it, I also stole your arms and sold them, and bought new ones for you. All without you noticing.

>Highly unlikely.

Oh yeah? How do you think I made this three Pounds? That's right - profit off your old arms.

No but seriously, this was payment for burning down half the to- er... Delivering a letter for an old lady.

>Okay whatever, we're here.

Oh cool.

>Just one problem.
>>
No. 447612 ID: 7976cf
File 134593999566.png - (9.69KB , 900x900 , security.png )
447612

>How do we get past the security at the entrance?
>>
No. 447614 ID: 54c7e5

Tell him there are suspicious characters trying to rob this place OH GOD LOOk they're right over there sneaking in through a window!
>>
No. 447620 ID: 6a1ec2

Security is the entrance. That's actually not a security guard, just the visage of one painted around the doorway.
>>
No. 447738 ID: 7976cf
File 134595598212.png - (13.96KB , 900x900 , door.png )
447738

Haha, you're so silly. The security is the entrance. It's literally a picture of a security guard painted over the door.

>It seems like such a silly idea!

Well, it worked on you, didn't it? Now let's go find that prototype. Or somebody to ask about where said prototype may be.
>>
No. 447740 ID: 7976cf
File 134595605383.png - (12.79KB , 900x900 , signs starring mel gibson.png )
447740

But what way should we go? 'Cause I got no idea.
>>
No. 447742 ID: 54c7e5

Well obviously since everything that isn't the prototype is to the left, the prototype must be to the right. What are you, stupid?
>>
No. 447753 ID: b85f8c

Administration.
>>
No. 447772 ID: 6a1ec2

It could be in the break room, where they test out new breakdancing moves. Why is that sign even there if everything is to the left?
>>
No. 448245 ID: e2fe12
File 134605199756.png - (10.54KB , 900x900 , why is there even a sign then.png )
448245

Huh... Well it looks like we were bound to go right anyway.

So I guess we could go to the administration area, maybe someone knows where to go from there. ALTHOUGH OBVIOUSLY WE WONT ASK ABOUT WHERE TO FIND THE THING SO WE CAN STEAL IT MY GOD.
>>
No. 448247 ID: e2fe12
File 134605204283.png - (16.65KB , 900x900 , yapping.png )
448247

>Ohmygod like, that's what I said to her! She was all like "oh hey weren't you going out with John?" and I was all like "gross, no way he has, like, cancer, I don't want to catch that!" And then she told John I said he was gross and I was all like "you bitch, I'm deleting you off my Faceboof" and then like, we aren't talking now.

We stand there awkwardly for a while, until Duc finally says

>Hey, can we get a little assistance, please?

The lady glares at us briefly, but doesn't actually get off the phone.
>>
No. 448248 ID: 6a1ec2

You haven't rung the bell yet.
>>
No. 448251 ID: bf54a8

she has to wait until you ring the bell, if you ring the bell and she STILL wont offer service then just walk past.
>>
No. 448268 ID: 54c7e5

Step one. Ring bell.
Step 2-2135. Ring bell.
Step 2136. Set her on fire.
>>
No. 448320 ID: e2fe12
File 134607687941.png - (14.86KB , 900x900 , annoyed.png )
448320

Duc rings the bell. And again.

She leers intensely at us, and continues to talk for about another minute. I get it's probably really important business stuff, but geez.

Then I also have a go at ringing the bell. I ring it a lot of times.

>Like, ohmygod Carol. There are some really, like, RUDE people here. I'm really sorry, but I have to go.

She looks really annoyed at me.

>That's not a toy. Now, what do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?

Guh- I hadn't thought of what to say.
>>
No. 448323 ID: bf54a8

"we're inspectors and this is a surprise inspection, so far it looks like i'm gonna need report on my poor customer service"
>>
No. 448331 ID: 54c7e5

"Surprise inspection. You fail."
>>
No. 448347 ID: e2fe12
File 134608304435.png - (7.69KB , 900x900 , gun.png )
448347

Surprise inspection.

And you just failed - bitch.
>>
No. 448348 ID: e2fe12
File 134608308253.png - (18.43KB , 900x900 , snatch.png )
448348

>Doolbag, no!

That crazy duck just snatched the gun right out of my hand!

>What do you think you are doing? Where did you even get this?!

Uh, I got it off a cop.

>You got it off a cop?! What is that supposed to mean?

Well it was right after I framed some guys for shoplifting.

>You WHAT?!

I mean, they were really rude. I can explain.

>You'd better. But later - thanks to you, the situation has escalated.


The desk attendant is cowering under the desk and won't come out. She is calling for security.
>>
No. 448373 ID: f46f0d

>>448348
Laugh at her foolhardy bluff and explain that you already know that the security she is calling IS the entrance. Also tell her that you are a pair of traveling security personnel who can actually protect this place better than some fresco, and you have come looking for a job.
>>
No. 448594 ID: 6a1ec2

No no I'm pretty sure they have actual security. You might want to hide about now.
>>
No. 448682 ID: 4d9400
File 134615232488.png - (11.18KB , 900x900 , uhh.png )
448682

No, I am just joking about the gun, lady. We aren't actually inspectors. We are traveling security agents. We can protect your premises even better than fresco!

The attendant gets up from under the desk.

>How can I know you're not lying?

Hmmm...
>>
No. 448691 ID: 34cbef

don't you have that totally legit badge, remember? It was on the ground last week and you picked it up- if i recall you haven't dropped it since.
>>
No. 448762 ID: 0006f5

think about it. someone who was trying to trick you would -have- a badge, and you dont !
>>
No. 449830 ID: 9d96e5
File 134638206397.png - (9.50KB , 900x900 , slackjawedness.png )
449830

>Like, don't you have a security badge or something?

Oh fuc- er... Yes.
I mean, no.

Silly clerk. We prefer to prove our legitimacy through our mettle; our skills speak for themselves. We don't need some silly badge to prove it.

>Uhhhh.

Besides of which, if we were just petty thieves, after some rare prototype item, do you honestly think we would come so unprepared and disorganised? If we were not legitimate, we would have thought ahead and brought a badge to trick you with.

>Well, I guess that does, like, make some sense.

Excellent. Now, we need to inspect this building.

We really need you to show us to the __________________________________ .

Remember - this is Doolbag's Mission. You don't need to make sensible suggestions.
>>
No. 449831 ID: 1e72ae

Large Hadron Collider!
>>
No. 449833 ID: c31f72

>>449831
Yes! You must show us the large hardon collider!
>>
No. 449867 ID: 209eb3

LHC is so 20'late, we're looking for the Very Large Hadron Collider (VLHC)
>>
No. 449883 ID: 2cc3ac

Restrooms. You really have to go.
>>
No. 449906 ID: 6e44d2

Buttsmeltery. Not to be confused with the buttsmellery.
>>
No. 449925 ID: 6a1ec2

Big Ass Hadron Collider
>>
No. 449942 ID: 9d96e5
File 134640873262.png - (9.05KB , 900x900 , yes.png )
449942

We need to go and inspect the Large Ass-Hadron Collider, sometimes colloquially referred to as the 'Butt-Smeltery,' which is used to create the Higgs Bottom; the ultimate farticle. I believe the technology is present in many of your products.

>Whatever, follow me.
>>
No. 449943 ID: 9d96e5
File 134640875226.png - (25.88KB , 900x900 , LAHC.png )
449943

>Well, here we are. If you don't need me anymore, I've got, like, way better things to be doing.

Oh shit, I forgot why we needed to come here again. Can you remember?
>>
No. 449955 ID: 0006f5

stealing antimatter, it is key to obtaining the PHAB prototype somehow
>>
No. 450094 ID: 8042f4

>>449943
(that is an awesome drawing)
You are here to make a black hole. Your options are to either A use it as a distraction to steal the prototype, B use it to dispose of the clerk, or C use it to travel back in time to somehow solve the problem.
>>
No. 450097 ID: 8042f4

>>450094
Or D none of the above, forgot that was an option.
>>
No. 450199 ID: fb8ed2
File 134646332070.png - (14.38KB , 900x900 , catch.png )
450199

Ah yeah, we have to collect some antimatter, to create pseudoscience black holes for whatever reason. I am sure that power will be useful.

Using one of these conveniently placed storage containers, I somehow collect some of this convenient-looking antimatter.

Now what do I do with it?
>>
No. 450200 ID: fb8ed2
File 134646334329.png - (11.10KB , 900x900 , make.png )
450200

>I could build a type of launcher, provided that you aren't irresponsible with it.

Holy shit an antimatter gun, that is the coolest thing ever!

>Just give me some time to figure the design out.
>>
No. 450203 ID: 6a1ec2
File 134646385982.png - (122.15KB , 900x900 , realistically.png )
450203

>>
No. 450204 ID: 34cbef
File 134646399258.png - (42.71KB , 900x900 , 134646334329.png )
450204

cream of the crop right here.
>>
No. 450206 ID: fb8ed2
File 134646414194.png - (10.68KB , 900x900 , uneducated.png )
450206

>>450203

Where did this guy go to school?
>>
No. 450234 ID: 0006f5

the school of silly walks
>>
No. 450274 ID: e87252
File 134648441883.png - (43.02KB , 900x900 , kittygun.png )
450274

>>
No. 450357 ID: bdb3f8
File 134651900131.png - (79.69KB , 900x900 , advanced design.png )
450357

>>
No. 450492 ID: f34730
File 134654398210.png - (18.91KB , 900x900 , here.png )
450492

>>450357

Duc draws up the plan and shows me. It's pretty complicated - I can barely understand any of it.

She gets to work, and at least 5 minutes later has the weapon ready.

>Doolbag, here is your 'highly advanced antimatter gun.'

Oh man, gimme. Hey, where did you get all these tools anyway? And this workbench?

>Oh, you know, around.

I can't wait to blow stuff up with this.

>Doolbag, it's very important that you realise the danger of this weapon. You must not use it for criminal activities. It is for this reason, that you have only got five shots. Use them wisely and please do not blow up the planet.

>Huh, yeah sure. Man, this is cool.

Now we have a good means of breaking into just about anywhere, we need to decide where to go, to get this chip.

>I suggest the ________________________________________.

Yes, let's go there.
>>
No. 450547 ID: 6a1ec2

Shit I dunno. It's not in the LAHC? Try the break room refrigerator?
>>
No. 450583 ID: 6e44d2

Well, if you're looking for something butt-related, you should look in this facility's butt-analogue: the trash chute.
>>
No. 450595 ID: 0006f5

try the closet
>>
No. 450874 ID: 8f1c61
File 134662871354.png - (8.44KB , 900x900 , fridge.png )
450874

>>450547

>Let's go to the break room.

I am pretty hungry.

Now, the question is:

Do I open the refrigerator by normal means?
>>
No. 450875 ID: c31f72

Yes, you should open the refridgerator normally. Now, if it happens to have a jar of pickles in it? Those you can use abnormal means to open.
>>
No. 450876 ID: 1f8505

>>450874

Vigorously thrust your head forward to pierce the veil of the refrigerator.
>>
No. 450914 ID: 8f1c61
File 134663246320.png - (15.94KB , 900x900 , open it.png )
450914

I'll just open it with my hands.

Well, nothing overly unusual in here. What do you guys think?
>>
No. 450918 ID: c31f72

That severed head looks tasty. Eat it.
>>
No. 450922 ID: 34cbef

holy crap, could it be? HELL YEAH IT'S YOGURT! but what flavor is it?
>>
No. 450933 ID: 6a8f04

>>450914
drink the booze
>>
No. 450935 ID: 067a04

>>450922

oh my god yogurt

eat it

eat it now
>>
No. 450939 ID: 8f1c61
File 134663548893.png - (25.36KB , 900x900 , yoghurt.png )
450939

Wow yes, yoghurt.

All the flavours seem so enticing.
>>
No. 450976 ID: f2c20c

...just hold onto that, for if we need to torture someone later to get information out of them.

Maybe by mixing it all together into one disgusting slurry.
>>
No. 450997 ID: 0006f5

ask the head if theres anything to eat
>>
No. 450999 ID: c31f72

Eat the severed head! EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT!
>>
No. 451001 ID: 8f1c61
File 134664160254.png - (14.50KB , 900x900 , head.png )
451001

I might just go in and look at that head, see if it's good to eat, or if it knows where something good to eat is.
>>
No. 451003 ID: 8f1c61
File 134664170840.png - (12.89KB , 900x900 , stuck.png )
451003

It appears to be stuck.
>>
No. 451006 ID: 34cbef

ask the fridge why the head is in here, it's an odd place to keep such a dirty thing.
>>
No. 451011 ID: c31f72

Bags can be torn. Use the antimatter to tear the bag, eat whatever remains of the head.
>>
No. 451035 ID: 0006f5

tell it to stop looking at you funny then proceed to mock by making the same face at it
>>
No. 451070 ID: 8f1c61
File 134665003538.png - (19.66KB , 900x900 , rrr.png )
451070

I try to tear the ba-AAAAGH!

>RRRROOOAAARGH!

HOLY SHIT
>>
No. 451072 ID: 6a1ec2

WOAH BACK UP BACK UP
>>
No. 451096 ID: 0006f5

close the door and make sure it stays closed. effectively blinded !
>>
No. 451119 ID: 8f1c61
File 134665405367.png - (15.74KB , 900x900 , idiot.png )
451119

Okay okay I hit the door closed in an attempt to blind it. But not a moment passes before the freezer compartment swings open.

>YOU FOOL! YOU FELL FOR MY DECOY HEAD. NOT UNLIKE THE DEATH ADDER OR ANGLERFISH, THE HEAD IN MY BODY SERVES AS A LURE, TO TRICK UNSUSPECTING HUNGRY PEOPLE!

Um, why didn't you choose something appealing, like a custard tart or fruit smoothie? Or basically, anything that isn't a severed head. I mean, really?

>SILENCE, YOU FOOL!

You must be a really stupid fridge. Killfridge, more like... Dillfridge.

>ENOUGH! NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO DIE.
>>
No. 451125 ID: bf54a8

use WEPON
>>
No. 451127 ID: f2c20c

But he can't reach you because if he moves forward he unplugs himself.

Taunt him. Then maybe blow him up.
>>
No. 451135 ID: 8f1c61
File 134665630621.png - (24.68KB , 900x900 , run.png )
451135

No there's no time to shoot it now.

I grab Duc (who is completely aware of the situation, despite her perceived absence) and get out of there.

>GRRRRAAAAAGH! YOU'RE PAST YOUR EXPIRY DATE. IT'S TIME TO DISPOSE OF YOU!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!

>BECAUSE I AM A KILLFRIDGE! LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE ARE NOT IN MY LIST OF CAPABILITIES. ONLY KILLING!
>>
No. 451137 ID: 8f1c61
File 134665710116.png - (18.44KB , 900x900 , HMM.png )
451137

Something feels off...
>>
No. 451142 ID: f2c20c

You lost the goddamn ass-boombox!

Oh also that other thing.
>>
No. 451143 ID: bf54a8

awww dammit, the ROPES snapped, fucking shitty rope. next time use huge fucking chains.
>>
No. 451145 ID: 6a1ec2

You're not high on weed.
>>
No. 451148 ID: 08ee5e

>>451137

More like something FELL off!
>>
No. 451153 ID: 8f1c61
File 134666039310.png - (24.64KB , 900x900 , dam.png )
451153

Hm, yes. Due to insufficiently sturdy binding materials, I seem to have lost some important cargo. That fat little lawbreaker will pay for this in good time, but for now, I will have to find something else to do.

I could continue heading over to the Sprawlen Metropless Police Command, to restock some equipment, or I could do something else for a while.
>>
No. 451154 ID: 42cfca

>>451153
Are'nt you hungry?
You should either go to the Snowball Bar or get that pizza you were so cruelly denied. You deserve a break, maybe even clock out for the day.
>>
No. 451159 ID: 8f1c61
File 134666105390.png - (12.17KB , 900x900 , yes.png )
451159

Very well, I suppose that I have worked very hard today. Perhaps I will take the rest of it off. My pursuit of justice can wait until tomorrow morning.

What should I do for the rest of the day?
>>
No. 451161 ID: 6a1ec2

Smoke weed.
>>
No. 451164 ID: 8f1c61
File 134666254868.png - (12.37KB , 900x900 , wont work.png )
451164

As I may have stated earlier, due to having given up smoking in the '80s, I am clearly not affected by this. Also, probably POW camp stuff, I don't know.

Also it's illegal. Just because I am having the rest of the day off as a lawman, does not mean I can take a break from the law.
>>
No. 451165 ID: 6a1ec2

Very well then. Repose in your den. Perhaps a light novella?
>>
No. 451166 ID: 42cfca

Grab a light lunch and retreat to your home for some well deserved relaxation.
>>
No. 451459 ID: be5e8c
File 134672002299.png - (30.09KB , 900x900 , guide.png )
451459

I suppose I am in need of some food. I'm not overly familiar with this city anymore. Places change. It is not lunchtime anymore (closer to dinner time). Normally I finish work at midnight, and then go home. Since I live in Town, I should stay overnight here in the city.

I possess a guide to Sprawlen Metropless. It has some restaurants, and accommodation as well. I have a lot of money from today's fines, so I should be able to afford most things.

Any preferences?
>>
No. 451470 ID: 84f944

>>451459
Might want to stay at the rape motel to fend off any potential law breakers
>>
No. 451534 ID: 797a5a

You're a veteran, right? RSL might be good, since I don't know if we're really dressed appropriately to eat at Ponce.

I say we go to the mattress warehouse and build a mattress fort to stay the night in.
>>
No. 451568 ID: c6ec33

>>451459
Bar fights and rape, please.
>>
No. 451579 ID: 75fe35
File 134674171903.png - (20.00KB , 900x900 , rsl.png )
451579

To the RSL it is.

The place has not really changed much since I was last here. Some new light fixtures, furniture and carpet.

There are some patrons here.
>>
No. 451580 ID: 75fe35
File 134674174781.png - (15.67KB , 900x900 , manueue.png )
451580

The bartender greets me. Lieutenant Dosh, as I knew him.

>Murder? My word, it's been a long time, m'boy! How are things treating you since you left the forces.

Hello Sir. I have been fine. I work for the NFGPD now.

>Please, just call me Dosh now. What can I get you. Half price.

Hmmm, what do I get?
>>
No. 451583 ID: f2c20c

>>451580
Steak and wanker's.
>>
No. 451587 ID: 6e44d2

>>451583
Yep. Solid meal for just 12 bucks plus tip.
>>
No. 452333 ID: 6f1f41
File 134699439220.png - (27.09KB , 900x900 , yes.png )
452333

>>451583
>>451587

Good choice, but where do I sit?

All the tables are occupied by at least one person.
>>
No. 452352 ID: 31fdc9

Do you recognize anyone at the tables for any reason? If so, ask politely to sit with a friend.

If not, ask to sit with the cowboy guy. You have a big MANLY PHYSIQUE and I don't know if you'd fit in the seat to the right.
>>
No. 452371 ID: 6015cf
File 134700218306.png - (19.35KB , 900x900 , man.png )
452371

>>452352

I recognise nobody, but I will ask to sit with the man with the hat.

"May I sit here?"

>Of course, of course. You look like a man from the services, yes?

Yes. Vietnam, second parachute regiment.

>Paratroopers, eh? Good man. I bet you are a reliable man. How could I interest you in a job.

What kind of job?

>Removing a public menace.

Hmm.
>>
No. 452379 ID: f2c20c

We can look into it when we're back on duty. Ask for more info.
>>
No. 452380 ID: 6e44d2

"Go on..."
>>
No. 453246 ID: 2adb60
File 134725656941.png - (19.62KB , 900x900 , info.png )
453246

And you do realise Vigilantism is illegal?

>Yes, and I wouldn't do this if there was any other choice, but the NFGPD won't bring him down.

Why?

>He keeps himself secret from them, and he's about ten years old. The NFGPD won't ever truly stop the crime spree of a young child.

I see. Tell me more about this person.

>Well, like I said, he is a child. He is armed with a fiddle that he doesn't know how to play. A supreme vandal, he swoops in from the shadows, to destroy all in his path with his destructive sonic waves. Before he can be caught, always he disappears back into the shadows.

Why me?

>A serviceman is always my preference. I usually come here to look for people to help me get things done. Not only are you that, but you are also very capable, I can tell by just looking at you.

What is in it for me?

>Other than bringing down a menace, I can offer you 1000$ which I have saved over the last half a year.

>Do you accept? Y/N


This is a 'side quest' type thing; it's not intrinsic to the story or anything, although it might be affected, depending on what happens.
>>
No. 453422 ID: f2c20c

>>453246
If a policeman catches a criminal when off duty, is it really vigilantism?

Y
>>
No. 464460 ID: 489dd8
File 135064276915.png - (20.29KB , 900x900 , uh.png )
464460

Well, I guess crime doesn't stop just because I'm having some time off. Besides, maybe this guy is onto something.

"Alright. I guess I could use more money."

>"Great, just follow me out to my car."

"Why?"

>"Weapons."

We go out to his car, which, I might add, is loaded. There is no license for possession of this many firearms.

>"Take this one."

"Why do we need this if its a child, we aren't going to kill?"

>"'Cause it's intimidating."

This gun is also an illegal model. Whoo, my inner cop is gonna fly off the handle.
>>
No. 464466 ID: 0006f5

better bring two to be twice as intimidating /flex
>>
No. 464468 ID: f2c20c

>>464460
For someone so concerned about a vandal, he sure isn't obeying the law. The kid probably broke some of his stuff, so this is a personal beef with him. Get his license plate number, and report it later to local law enforcement.

Also if you're not gonna kill the kid with these guns, then make sure they're all unloaded.
>>
No. 464487 ID: 6a1ec2

On one hand it's an illegal model. On the other hand you might get to shoot it.
>>
No. 464493 ID: 6cc859

When you get to the kid, restrain this guy and question the kid.
>>
No. 464850 ID: fc2eda
File 135078353025.png - (14.10KB , 900x900 , oohoohoo.png )
464850

>>464493

Noted. I'll question this guy later.

>"I don't like this, man."

"What?"

>"It's too quiet, you know?"

"No I don't really understand."

>"It's like, because it's quiet, we're being watched."

"Or it could just be that nobody is around."

>"Yeah maybe, but no, I don't think so."
>>
No. 464852 ID: fc2eda
File 135078367556.png - (22.33KB , 900x900 , Oh.png )
464852

A shadow swoops in from the dark sky.

>"Hand over all of your money!"

"Why, who are you?"

>"I am the Kiddie Fiddler, and my I will use my destructive waves to end you if you do not comply!
>>
No. 464867 ID: f2c20c

Break his fiddle.
>>
No. 464869 ID: 34cbef

...shoot him
>>
No. 464871 ID: 997ce7

Shoot him while making a joke to the effect of you being a kiddie molester.
>>
No. 464902 ID: 6a1ec2

Is that fiddle an illegal model? If not, continue with original plan.
>>
No. 464922 ID: cf4c5b

We need to fight fire with fire. Find a way to produce soundwaves even more horrible.
>>
No. 464930 ID: 0006f5

demand you settle this by fiddle contest
>>
No. 539592 ID: 979ec9
File 137846338176.png - (18.26KB , 800x800 , paunch.png )
539592

I solve the dilemma the only way I know how...

BY PUNCHING THE CHILD IN HIS FACE.
>>
No. 539593 ID: 979ec9
File 137846352490.png - (20.67KB , 800x800 , unconscious.png )
539593

His body falls onto the footpath.

>"Thanks a lot for your help."

The man gives me 1000$. Great.


Wait a second-
>>
No. 539594 ID: 979ec9
File 137846354749.png - (21.67KB , 800x800 , hmmm.png )
539594

Hmm, this boy is familiar.
>>
No. 539595 ID: 1cf691

Well he kinda looks like the fat little lawbreaker that you lost earlier, maybe they even know each other.

But questions will have to wait until we have pummeled and restrained the law breaking vigilante menace!
>>
No. 539596 ID: 979ec9
File 137846672890.png - (23.11KB , 800x800 , Crime.png )
539596

>>539595
I have a much better idea.

>THE NEXT DAY
>>
No. 539597 ID: 979ec9
File 137846674293.png - (32.98KB , 800x800 , newspaper.png )
539597

>>
No. 539598 ID: 979ec9
File 137846681428.png - (17.85KB , 800x800 , ooh corruption.png )
539598

Here is your payment. If you can keep it up, there will be more for you.

>"Whatever grampa, just gimme the money"
>>
No. 539599 ID: 979ec9
File 137846689712.png - (16.63KB , 800x800 , Killfridge hungers for blood.png )
539599

>OPEN UP. I AM KILLFRIDGE. YOU WILL NOT DENY ME MY FEAST.
>>
No. 539600 ID: 979ec9
File 137846698008.png - (20.47KB , 800x800 , Do something.png )
539600

>"Doolbag, quick, do something! I can't hold the door much longer."

Damn lady, there isn't shit to do here. It's probably easier to just let him eat us.

>"DOOLBAG!"

Ugh, fiiine.
>>
No. 539607 ID: e1609c

>>539600
get duc to hack that computer so the security system goes nuts
>>
No. 539615 ID: 12c19f

>>539600
See if that computer has access to the local power and disable the lights! Fridges are known to fear the dark due to midnight snackers!
>>
No. 539636 ID: 0006f5

haxer skills are go
>>
No. 539683 ID: 979ec9
File 137852254670.png - (17.49KB , 800x800 , haxx0r.png )
539683

Duc abandons her place at the door to use the computer.

>"Maybe we can hack the security system go crazy and kill the fridge!"

You mean the fresco painted around the door?
>>
No. 539684 ID: 979ec9
File 137852258666.png - (17.14KB , 800x800 , computer.png )
539684

>"Ooh, there is a program for security systems."
>>
No. 539685 ID: 979ec9
File 137852261705.png - (20.59KB , 800x800 , turn that shit on.png )
539685

>"Okay we should be good. Please work."
>>
No. 539686 ID: 979ec9
File 137852263471.png - (7.70KB , 800x800 , weird camera.png )
539686

>>
No. 539687 ID: 979ec9
File 137852269013.png - (16.50KB , 800x800 , it is a robot.png )
539687

>"ANTI-FRIDGE MEASURES INITIATED. I'M GONNA KILL A BITCH."
>>
No. 539688 ID: 979ec9
File 137852280869.png - (19.34KB , 800x800 , fight.png )
539688

>"WHO DARES TO ATTACK I: KILLFRIDGE 9000?"


Duc, it worked! We need to get out of here. But where do we go? Those guys are blocking the door.
>>
No. 539689 ID: e1609c

>>539684
Steal the "not porn" and credit card numbers for later, then hop out any windows in the place
failing the posession of a thumb drive, steal the whole computer
the "not porn" is vital to our quest
>>
No. 539690 ID: 0006f5

theres only one option, the only other door in this room, MICRO$OFT DOOR ! dive into cyberspace (iexplore.exe)
>>
No. 539803 ID: 979ec9
File 137862650103.png - (19.03KB , 800x800 , GO.png )
539803

The choice is clear: To escape into Cyberspace!

>"What?"
>>
No. 539804 ID: 979ec9
File 137862652168.png - (22.63KB , 800x800 , whoaa.png )
539804

WOAAAAH
>>
No. 539805 ID: 979ec9
File 137862666917.png - (24.61KB , 800x800 , cyberspaceland.png )
539805

Whoa, this place is crazy! Lookit the ground. It's like I always imagined. It's like my favourite videogame: "Poorly Modeled Furry Sexual Roleplaying Simulator 3D."

>"Doolbag, this was a bad idea. How are we going to get out again?"
>>
No. 539806 ID: 0006f5

the important thing is it bought you time, and made plenty of space away from the fighting robots.

try talking to that furry in the distance
>>
No. 539813 ID: 1cf691

You still need to find the (PHAB) Amplifer so i guess you need to get downloaded by some other computer at the facility?
Maybe someone working there has a character in this game who you can take as a hostage until he downloads you back to the 'real' world.
>>
No. 539814 ID: 888df6

Well there's a furry right there. So....

You should tell her about your favourite game in extensive detail!
>>
No. 539828 ID: 9ddf68

to escape you just have to log out

Also I thought you said your favorite game was that ruby quest game.
>>
No. 539830 ID: c23ab0

Through another computer, duh.
>>
No. 539918 ID: 979ec9
File 137869391608.png - (11.17KB , 800x800 , hey.png )
539918

>>539828

Pff, well buddy, is your favourite game still the same one that it was almost two years ago? Things change.


>>539806

I go over to that fat, green guy in the distance.

Hey excuse m- UGH
>>
No. 539919 ID: 979ec9
File 137869393274.png - (37.29KB , 800x800 , gross.png )
539919

>"GOODNETH GRACIOUTH. WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? HEY THERE, HOWTH IT GOING? FUNNILY ENOUGH YOU ARE THE MILLIONTH PERTHON TO CROTH MY PATH TODAY. I SHOULD REWARD YOU THOMEHOW."

What an ugly thing. I dunno, he's kinda sus.
>>
No. 539920 ID: 96c896

>>539919
Ask him if you could like, leave, and wind up outside your house when you get out.
>>
No. 539921 ID: 0006f5

compliment his high definition and ask how to get out of here
>>
No. 539940 ID: 9ddf68

ask how you and your friend can leave.
>>
No. 539960 ID: 207ae7

Be wary, he might be trying to distract you while internet hooligans bypass your "firewalls" and upload a "virus worm" to your "database".
>>
No. 539962 ID: c23ab0

Punch it for 90exp
>>
No. 585273 ID: 769221
File 140601366274.png - (644.99KB , 1111x973 , wow.png )
585273

Hey, we need to get out of this place. I like it, but it ain't my home, home-skillet. So if you can tell us how we can get out of there, it would be nice.

>"MMM, I FEEL YOU, HOME-THKILLET. I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I WATH NOT HOME. BUT THEN I WENT HOME AND IT WATH A LOT BETTER. YEAH... GOOD TIMETH.

Right. Right. So uh, if you can point me to the nearest door...
>>
No. 585275 ID: 769221
File 140601369226.png - (490.72KB , 1446x818 , over there.png )
585275

>"OH, WELL, THE NEARETHT DOOR ITH RIGHT OVER THERE. BUT IT WON'T TAKE YOU NOWHERE, NO THIR. WELL, MAYBE INTHIDE THE HOUTHE IT'TH ATTACHED TO. LOL!"

>"TO GET INTO THE THO-CALLED 'REAL WORLD' YOU NEED TO FIND A KEY, OR PAPERCLIP, AND PUT IT IN THAT KEY CLEANER RIGHT THERE, NEXTHT TO IT."

Wow, thanks for the advice. By the way.. you have beautiful skin. It's so detailed.

>"OMG, THANKTH."

It does something that reminds me of blushing.
>>
No. 585276 ID: 769221
File 140601372637.png - (11.63KB , 1200x1000 , idk what power outlets look like in intrnet land.png )
585276

Here is the key cleaner. It's a shame I don't have any keys (or paperclips). I wonder where I can find something like that...
>>
No. 585277 ID: 2fd516

Go find a word processor. Start typing anything in it.
>>
No. 585278 ID: 53548a

Well, go check out that house. Maybe there's a key in there.
>>
No. 585284 ID: 9ddf68

hm, well you ARE in the internet right now so might as well do what anyone does when they are on the internet and need to figure something out that they don't know how to. GOOGLE it.
>>
No. 585287 ID: 769221
File 140602281426.png - (27.71KB , 1200x1000 , house.png )
585287

>>585278

We go into the house. There's not much here.. I dunno what kind of person would live here, but there isn't a toilet. Oh, there's a fridge, though.

>"Don't touch the fridge, Doolbag."

Oh...

What are the chances of running into TWO Killfridges in one day? Wait - is it the same day? I could have sworn it was almost a year ago that we ran into the other fridge... but I suppose time goes slowly in moments of adrenaline-fueled terror.

There's a computer, too. That's weird. I wonder if we can go into cyber-cyber space. Haha.. cyber space. What is this, 1995?

>"Doolbag, can you please focus on finding a way out? You can engage with your strange, abstractive thoughts when we are safely home."

Sure, toots. we just need to find a key to put into that key cleaner.

>"Toots...? Doolbag, you didn't seriously buy that, did you?"

Why? What's the problem?

>"HE TOLD YOU TO PUT A KEY INTO A POWER OUTLET."

So? I did that before. I had to go to hospital and I nearly died. But I just assumed that must only happen in real life. Or if you put the key in wrong. Besides, I used a butter knife last time because I accidentally pushed a jelly baby into the gap... and let me tell you, that was a mistake. But for future reference, if you happen to lose a jelly baby to a power outlet, a butter knife gets most of it out.

>"You have brain damage, don't you?"
>>
No. 585291 ID: ef7fd2

>>585287
Nah, probably just an idiot.
Probably.
Anyhoo, can you hack from inside the cyberspace?
>>
No. 585294 ID: e6f437

You need to hack someones 3d printer and print yourselves out of the cyber space. Get on the computer.
>>
No. 585299 ID: 53548a

>>585287
Go touch the fridge, Doolbag. Duc is getting far too bossy and you need to exert your independence.

Also probability tells us that it's extremely unlikely to run into two kill fridges in one day. Most likely this will be the opposite of killfridge, hugfridge.

Worst comes to worst, you could always hop into cyberspace again inside cyberspace.
>>
No. 585300 ID: 53548a

>>585299

Oh wait, I didn't even notice you explicitly could do just that when I was writing that suggestion. It's settled, then; you have an escape plan ready if things go wrong.
>>
No. 585301 ID: dc9b7e

the probability of encountering two kill fridges in one day approaches 100% with only about 22 or so chances. see if you can find out its birthday if you do encounter it again, too
>>
No. 585340 ID: 2fd516

>>585287
Boot up the computer and google how to get out of cyberspace.
>>
No. 585415 ID: ff0694
File 140607771056.png - (597.56KB , 1200x1000 , cool.png )
585415

Yeah! I'm not gonna let Duc push me around.

>"I'm going to see if I can find a solution on the uh, internet's... internet?"

Ok, I'll just look around here..

Haha. Now to open the fridge.
>>
No. 585416 ID: ff0694
File 140607772327.png - (23.69KB , 1000x1200 , fridge.png )
585416

Hmmmm... not a lot in here. Some orange juice, vinegar, severed head, candy bars. OH, and more yoghurt!
>>
No. 585429 ID: ef7fd2

Wave at the severed head
>>
No. 585446 ID: 53548a

Yeah! Candy bars! This was the best idea. Nab those babies.

Hey, this fridge has a freezer on the bottom. That means it can't be a head like Killfridge's was. Come to think of it, since this is Poorly Modeled Furry Sexual Roleplaying Simulator 3D, it's probably his dick.
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