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File 144909105323.png - (35.29KB , 471x764 , phillip-dollarfield-large-junk 3_18_21 PM.png )
686590 No. 686590 ID: 61ec19

You have received a letter.

Dear Sir/Madam,

As you probably know, our Fair Lady and Future Heir To The Throne, The Princess has been captured by the dark and terrible enemies of our fair Kingdom for some time now. In these dark times, it may appear as if hope is lost. This, however, is not the case. The oracles have determined that there is a chosen one who has the power to vanquish the dark forces that hold our Fair Lady and Future Heir To The Throne, The Princess captive, and save her. This man's name is Phillip Dollarfield, a nobleman of some renown. His skill and fortitude are the very thing that can save the future of our Kingdom. However, there is one area of concern...Phillip Dollarfield does not care about saving the Princess. Despite our best efforts, no one has been able to convince him to take up a sword and save her. As strange as this may sound, we are starting to get desperate. Our research into Dollarfield's past suggests that despite your low born status, you and him were companions at some point in your younger years. We task you with going to Dollarfield, and through any means you can, convince him to save the princess. If you do, a handsome reward will come your way.

Sincerely,

Your ruler, The King.

...well should you leave your little farm hut in the countryside and head to the city looking for Phillip? You haven't spoken to that man in years. Maybe you should go to the castle and see if this letter is legitimate. If it is, they'd let a peasant like you into the castle to clear things up. Or maybe you should just ignore this letter and do other stuff.
Expand all images
>>
No. 686592 ID: 2a7417

The Philip you knew died long ago. Grab your garlic and your stakes and let's go a-vampire huntin'.
>>
No. 686593 ID: 89f1b4

I second the above with all the passion in my body
>>
No. 686597 ID: ad936f

>>686592
stake him in the balls
>>
No. 686598 ID: 534cc4

>>686592
Yea, DO THIS!
>>
No. 686601 ID: 61ec19
File 144909513097.jpg - (91.05KB , 620x400 , kit.jpg )
686601

>>686590
You put the letter down on the table, and head over to your closet. You open your closet, and pull out your toolkit. Opening it up, you see the key items in your vampire hunting business.

A stake.

A hammer for hammering in that stake.

Some really cool black hunting clothes so you can look cool when hunting vampires.

Garlic. It's starting to go bad so you might want to pick up some more.

An old silver locket from Phillip Dollarfield, before he fell to the vampiric side. Inscribed inside, it says "stay cool."

Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door.

"Hey," a gruff man's voice shouts out, "you in there? I saw you got mail. You don't have any friends, what's going on?"

This is the voice of your neighbor, Jacob Ladder. He's a dick. He doesn't know that you've been keeping this farming village safe for years now. No one does. You're really good at keeping that vampire hunting stuff a secret.
>>
No. 686602 ID: ad936f

>>686601
but why?
>>
No. 686604 ID: acc3d2

>>686602
Because you don't have a vampire hunting license.
>>
No. 686605 ID: b8ceae

>>686601
Meh, lets just save her ourselves. Or at least scope out the situation.
Vampire Hunters are like ninja barbarians, so we're hardly defenseless.
>>
No. 686606 ID: 4bf71f

Yell at old man to get off your lawn.
>>
No. 686607 ID: ad936f

>>686604
Maybe we can ask for one as a reward for saving the princess. What do the neighbors think you do, carpentry? Call him a weirdo for stalking your mail habits. Leave out the back door.
>>
No. 686615 ID: acc3d2
File 144909932793.png - (11.48KB , 400x400 , piq_48914_400x400.png )
686615

>>686601
Your goals are clear in your head.

1. Kill Phillip Dollarfield
2. Save the Princess
3. Yell at the old man on your lawn

Well, those first two are still just ideas mulling around in your head, but getting Mr. Ladder off your lawn is something you're going to do. You hide your sweet vampire gear back in the closet, and go to the front door.

Jacob doesn't look too hot.

"Well, who's the letter from? Your mom dead or something?"
>>
No. 686620 ID: defceb

Look at his bloodshot eyes and his dead expression.

Vampire.


Do what you do.
>>
No. 686632 ID: 86cfc3

>>686590
>stares at image
So... Phillip has enormous balls?

>You don't have any friends, what's going on?
It's not from a friend, it's from the government tax offices. Some tedious bureaucratic nonsense that's probably going to cost you money. (Wave the envelope so he sees the government seal).

You aren't my accountant, do you really want to talk about this?
>>
No. 686633 ID: ad936f

>>686620
>has blood
>vampire
what?

Whether or not I'm receiving letters is none of your business, just as what you do when your wife isn't around is none of mine. Now get the fuck off my property.
The secret to keeping your own secrets is to know everyone else's, that's what I always say.
>>
No. 686634 ID: defceb

>>686633

It's probably not his blood.
>>
No. 686637 ID: acc3d2
File 144910127978.jpg - (91.05KB , 620x400 , kit.jpg )
686637

>>686615
You wave your envelop in front of Jacob, telling him that it's just some beuqacratic mess that's none of his business. You then tell him to fuck off your lawn or you'll be spreading information about what he does when his wife isn't around.

"You're garbage, bud. Just like my wife."

He spits on the ground in front of you and leaves. You're not positive if he's a vampire or not, but you really do wish he is so you have an excuse to kill him.

...now that he's gone, I guess it's back to getting your vampire hunting gear and setting off to kill Phillip or go look for the princess...or whatever. Maybe you should just walk around aimlessly for a bit.
>>
No. 686654 ID: d9d287

Dude, dude, who the heck would send a letter trying to tug on your heart strings about poor, dead Phillip like that? This is probably a vampire conspiracy that managed to take control of part of the government.
The problem is that this gives us two conflicting goals, and both are significantly important. The obvious one is to figure out what the vampires are up to. We need to trace this letter back to where it came from and verify the humanity of everyone along its path until we find the nest of monsters that was smart enough to come up with this idea. Smart monsters are incredibly dangerous, that's why we try to kill them first whenever we have a choice.
The other thing we have to do is continue protecting our town. Never lose sight of the fact that some of the best plans are actually really damn simple, and the letter may only be a dumb ploy to get us out of town for long enough that a prepared action can do something. We don't know enough about this to guess what kind of something, but some plausible answers are putting some monsters around town, wrecking our place so we've got no home base, or even go full scale night of the monsters and assault the whole town.

We don't have time for aimless walking, what we need to do right now is get in contact with our friends, apprentices and allies, find out what they know, and make a plan to do both those things.
>>
No. 686655 ID: aef4bc
File 144911238745.png - (2.67MB , 2000x2000 , medieval_village_by_blind_ice.png )
686655

>>686637
Your crippling paranoia is at it again. You are convinced that there is a very high likelihood that this is all part of a grand vampire conspiracy. You can't trust anyone right now, except your closest companions.

The thing is, you don't have many friends in this village. Or friends in general. Phillip was always the more charismatic one in your little pair.

But there's always that bartender in the local pub, he usually knows what's up.

Then there's Janet, the village psychopath. She knows a lot of stuff if you can decipher whatever she's talking about. She likes to play by the fountain.

You could always go to Sheriff, the town guard. He doesn't like you, but he might know if there's any vampires near by.
>>
No. 686656 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686655
Talk to the village psychopath because WHAAAT?

Also, is this a puzzle?
>>
No. 686657 ID: b8ceae

>>686655
Psychopath.
Ask her if she wants to murderize a bunch of dumbfucks keeping a princess hostage.
>>
No. 686661 ID: d9d287

Hey, at least the psychopath is human, and maybe we can get her to kick some monsters' asses. At the very least she ought not balk at the notion of violence so much as normal people do.
>>
No. 686664 ID: aef4bc
File 144911899289.png - (12.76KB , 400x400 , piq_52692_400x400.png )
686664

>>686655
You decide to head over to the village fountain, where you see Janet chasing the local ducks. Everyone else going about their way attempts to ignore her, as usual. Janet likes to think she's some sort of werewolf sometimes, though those ears on her head are clearly glued on. She's become somewhat of an unwanted mascot for the town.

She sees you and crawls over on all fours.

"Have you seen those people watching me I know they're trying to take my bone and they keep saying I'm not a dog but they're lying I know it."

You ask her if she knows anything about vampires.

"My friend Suzy is vampire-kin so she's not a real vampire but her soul is a vampire soul and she draws really good art you can see it on the village notice board if the knights didn't take it down yet they hate vampires did you know that?"

You ask her if she wants to help you kill a bunch of people and save the princess.

"Didn't you hear dummy? Only Phillip Dollarfield can save the princess have you seen the size of his penis I sometimes wish I had one of those okay I'll help you- AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

She leaps into the air and climbs on top of your hear.

You know have a Janet equipped.

The towns people shake their heads at you.
>>
No. 686670 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686664
SO WORTH IT.

Alright, you're now high-profile, unsocial, and ready to throw a neurotic ball of sugar wrapped in a little girl at the first bandit you see. Get to the nearest bounty board and "deal with" a few outlaws

and by "deal with" I mean recruit them, fake their deaths, take the bounties on their heads, and assault Dollarfield's base. Take Dollarfield alive (Yes I know) and use him and his minions in a ritual sacrifice to turn "anyone within two miles of the princess (except her) into ingredients for a permanent shapeshifting potion that is force-fed into the princess' mouth"

Or whatever.
>>
No. 686676 ID: fa8f9d

Inform Janet that the "flap" she see's in the front of your outfit is actually a large pouch that contains your junk.
>>
No. 686677 ID: 86cfc3

Well we now have a nice distraction. No one will wonder if you're a vampire hunter with her around. They'll wonder why you're stuck looking after the nutjob.

>have you seen the size of his penis I sometimes wish I had one of those okay
Sidequest unlocked?
>>
No. 686687 ID: f2461f

Let's go visit Suzy.
>>
No. 686691 ID: aef4bc
File 144912382411.jpg - (1.15MB , 1920x1200 , 70260-2-1443838787.jpg )
686691

>>686664
With Janet now equipped on your head, it's time to build yourself a militia of bandits so you can either defend the village from the upcoming vampire attack, or attack Dollarfield if he really is the only hope of saving the princess and is a vampire, but you won't kill him because...look your paranoia is confusing you, let's just see what's going on with the notice board.

You head over to it, Janet barking and yelping constantly at the other villagers. You bring great shame upon everyone by supporting her ways.

You look at the jobs on the board.

1. HELP, BANDITS ARE IN THE WOODS AND THEY STOLE MY FUCKING MONEY SACK. GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY SACK AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR OWN MONEY SACK THAT'S EVEN BIGGER THAN THE MONEY SACK THOSE FUCKING BANDITS STOLE.
-Bobby Dingle

2. I require assistance delivering some baked goods from here to the noble city. I am assisting in a bake sale to raise funds to pay Phillip Dollarfield to save the princess. I know he's already said he doesn't want to do it, but maybe if we all pitch in he will. I just need someone to protect the food as we travel.
-Gloria Ploop

3. ...it's just a drawing of some spiky haired, sword wielding man with one large angel wing and another large demon wing.
-Suzy. OC DO NOT STEAL
>>
No. 686693 ID: 86cfc3

Steal the OC, then help the bake sale.
>>
No. 686715 ID: d9d287

Janet should equip the drawing for the stat bonuses, if willing.
Also, follow up on Bobby Dingle's job, this seems totally legit and we need a large money sack.

Janet doesn't make a very good hat while we're about town, and we should probably try to address that situation somehow. Since she's a psychopath I'd rather not risk angering her more than necessary. Start by assessing the possibility that Janet equipping herself to your head is a poor attempt at seduction, or non-verbal demand for oral sex. Proceed from there as necessary.
>>
No. 686716 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686691
1. Idiot. Take the job. DO NOT GIVE HIM BACK THE ORIGINAL MONEY SACK; there might be some intel written on the sack or a key hidden in one of the coins. Just count the money and the material/volume/shape of the original and turn that in after you recruit the bandits.

2. You wouldn't care about giving money to people who already have some stored away and do not provide services for the public except COOKIES! Use the publicity stunt to sneak into the Nobles District, infiltrate Dollarfield's key structures. Make sure that you limit Janet's sugar intake to the weight of her stomach.

3. Janet, draw some inappropriate sexual characteristics on the OC. Go crazy and show us the image when you're done.
>>
No. 686717 ID: f13e17

>>686691
If we are to travel, we need a big sack to put all our stuff in. Let’s talk to Bobby Dingle.
>>
No. 686718 ID: f2461f

Draw an eye patch on the OC and claim it as our own. Afterwards proceed to increase the size of our sack by kicking some bandit ass.

Also ask Janet how she is doing.
>>
No. 686748 ID: 3641d4

Equip the OC to Janet's forehead.
>>
No. 686749 ID: acc3d2
File 144914795014.png - (7.91KB , 400x400 , piq_86708_400x400.png )
686749

You grab the nearby pencil and draw an eyepatch on top of the OC's face, followed by scratching out Suzy's name and replacing it with your own. You take the drawing off from the board and stick it onto Janet's head.

Janet now has OC DO NOT STEEL equipped.

"Wow I didn't know you drew your drawing is really good I hate you so much right now I want to be this good at drawing can I take a commission and then say what you draw was done by me pretty please?"

You then decide that Bobble Dingle's job seems the most appropriate right now. Everyone needs a big sack. You take Bobby Dingle's notice off the board, and head over to Bobby Dingle's little cottage. Bobby Dingle is right outside eating a sandwich as you approach.

"Hey, you're that weirdo in that little farm hut, huh?" Dingle says, "you here for the money sack job? Why do you have that little girl on your head? She trying to hump ya or something?"
>>
No. 686750 ID: a10c82

Say she is but you are ignoring it easily due to the lack of penis
>>
No. 686754 ID: aef4bc
File 144915472584.jpg - (147.01KB , 1024x768 , spooky-woods.jpg )
686754

>>686749
You confirm Bobby Dingle's assumption that Janet is trying to hump your head.

"Yeah, that kid's a fucking loon, huh?" he says.

"Don't make fun of me you're just jealous because you can't get any head yourself!" Janet yells back. Bobby ignores her.

"Anyway, buddy, those assholes ran off with my money sack into these spooky woods outside the village. I don't know if they're still there or anything, but you should go in there, kill them, and bring me back my money sack. I'll give you an even bigger sack if you do. It's still day time and stuff, so you shouldn't worry about any spooky spooks out there."
>>
No. 686755 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686754
Just... get going. Now.
>>
No. 686761 ID: aef4bc
File 144915872182.jpg - (75.33KB , 736x736 , 7c4ccdfc914bb099a5e86ede16fa8eec.jpg )
686761

>>686754
No time to delay, you head out into the spooky woods.

---

These woods sure are spooky. A perfect place for vampires to hide. It's a good thing it's still daylight, or else all the vampires who probably hide out here would be out, along with the other nasty spooks. The only real problem right now, besides your neck feeling sore from letting Janet hold onto your head for so long, is the chance that you won't find the bandits. These woods are pretty big, and by now the bandits would probably head out to somewhere safer- hey look the bandits.

There are four of them. They are all dirty and uncool. It's a toss up though as to who is uncooler at the moment, you or them.

"What the fuck do you want?" says the apparent leader of the bandits. You can see one of the bandits in the back is holding a distinctive money sack. You also notice that these people seem a whole lot less blocky than everyone else, which usually means they're not afraid to battle you right now.
>>
No. 686762 ID: 2ccbb3

"How would you like a bigger wallet?"

Then proceed to defeat them in combat. Offer them a job to kill a noble and steal his stuff.
>>
No. 686775 ID: aef4bc
File 144916609873.gif - (72.70KB , 579x428 , NEW-FIGHT-LOGO.gif )
686775

>>686761
You ask them how they would like a bigger wallet.

"What? Yeah, I could go for one."

Before the conversation can continue, you engage them in battle.

FIGHT TIME

YOU
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run
>>
No. 686776 ID: aef4bc

>>686775
TARGETS
>Bandit Leader
>Bandit spearman 1
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer
>>
No. 686786 ID: 2ccbb3

Use the stake and hammer to punch a hole in the leader's armor, steal his weapon while he's distracted. Janet, go straight for the archer.
>>
No. 686794 ID: acc3d2

>>686775
You run forward and slam your stake into the bandit leader's chest. He shouts out in pain as you give the stake a good smash with your hammer. The bandit leader falls onto the ground. Judging by the insane amounts of blood coming from his chest, his armor wasn't that strong. You take the bandit leaders sword.

Janet rushes over to the archer and starts smashing his leg with a bone. Her bone is not very strong, and this is only a minor annoyance for him. The archer puts down his bow and lifts Janet up by the back of her dress as she kicks and bites the air.

"I'm not gonna hurt a kid!" yells the archer.

The first bandit spearman, horrified by your brutal assault on his leader, vomits a little and misses his turn.

The second bandit spearman pokes your left nipple with his spear. Ouch! That smarts!

YOU (minor wounds)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (bound)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bandit Leader (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Bandit spearman 1
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer (scuffed leg)
>>
No. 686799 ID: 8e86f9

>>686794
Use the "none" spell to remove the spears.
>>
No. 686801 ID: ad936f

Ignore the nipple poker, stab the archer while he's distracted. Then throw your pet dog at the closest spearman.
>>
No. 686802 ID: 2ccbb3

Throw sword at Janet. The archer should drop Janet in horror, and then Janet attacks his legs and beats him senseless.

Grab the spears and pull. Throw the spears at the two guards to shock them and then knock them out with your hammer.
>>
No. 686805 ID: 4f1253

>>686794
Ignoring the man who has made your left nipple bleed, you rush over to the archer holding Janet. In terror, he throws the little girl at you, which you successfully dodge. You slice at the archer's stomach, and though it does draw blood, the blade isn't very effective. The archer stabs your right nipple with an arrow in response.

Meanwhile, Janet in mid-flight has clung to the face of the first spearman. The spearman vomits in terror, ruining Janet's dress, and missing his turn.

The second spearman runs at you and stabs you in the back. It feels almost as if you had a third nipple on your back which was pierced.

YOU (painful wounds)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (dress ruined)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [OC DO NOT STEEL]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bandit Leader (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Bandit spearman 1 (blinded by head grapple)
>Bandit spearman 2
>Bandit archer (scuffed leg, cut belly)
>>
No. 686815 ID: b8ceae

>>686805
Stake Bandit Spearman 2 in the chest and take his spear. Janet can have the sword.
>>
No. 686825 ID: ad936f

Eat garlic to regain health.
>>
No. 686827 ID: f2461f

Let's finish off that archer by slashing at their neck.
Janet, please poke the bandits eyes out.
>>
No. 686829 ID: acc3d2
File 144918728026.jpg - (17.33KB , 320x290 , tumblr_mk5zn1SWNZ1r413h3o1_400.jpg )
686829

>>686805
It's time to finish this archer off once and for all! You quickly slide the blade across the archer's neck. Blood spews all over your face as the archer falls to his knees and dies. Judging by the mess that the bandit leader you first attacked is now, the bandit leader is dead too.

You yell out to Janet to poke out the eyes of the bandit she's holding onto. Hearing this, the bandit spearman vomits for a third time.

"Stop blowing chunks on me you're acting just like my mom I hate you so much mom I hate you so much!"

Janet shoves her tiny fingers right into the eyes of the bandit, blinding him permanently. Vomiting one more time, he falls to the ground, now in critical condition.

The second spearman backs away and drops his spear, and throws you the money sack. It's a small, but heavy sack.

"Okay, okay, you win! Just let me go!"

VICTORY!
>Bandit Leader: DEAD, 3 Cool Points
>Bandit Spearman 1: CRITICAL, 2 Cool Points
>Bandit Spearman 2: Surrendered, 1 Cool Point
>Bandit Archer: DEAD, 2 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 8
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>YOU: 0 CP, JANET: 0 CP
>>
No. 686831 ID: ad936f

>>686829
CP!? We can't be seen with child pornography! Give it all to Janet.
>>
No. 686832 ID: f2461f

Keep 2 and give the rest to Janet.
>>
No. 686838 ID: 43cfa4
File 144919416527.jpg - (39.63KB , 736x414 , big_thumb_f1ad958422d156c6a4da9c564a808154.jpg )
686838

>>686829
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 2 CP, JANET, 6 CP

The remaining able bodied bandit drags off his blinded companion deeper into the woods. Weren't you going to try recruiting some of them? Ah whatever, it's not important, you got the money sack, you feel just a tad bit cooler, Janet even more-so. This money sack sure is heavy. Probably full of lots-of money. You should probably return it to Bobby Dingle though, as he did say he would give you an even bigger money sack.

"Oh my gosh that was so cool we killed a bunch of people we're like real werewolves I mean I am a real werewolf but you were like a werewolf too we should have kids- DON'T TOUCH ME I'M FILTHY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Janet leaps onto your head again, and you feel the vomit on her dress on the back of your neck. It is not a good feeling.

The sun is starting to set. The spooks will be out soon.
>>
No. 686841 ID: 47160d

We need to clean her dress somehow
>>
No. 686842 ID: fa8f9d

Take Janet back to your place and engage sweet bathing of one another's bodies. If Janet is too young then bathe separately.
>>
No. 686844 ID: f2461f

Take a little gold from the sack, then return the rest for more gold.
Then let's go clean up Janet and her dress.
>>
No. 686851 ID: 43cfa4
File 144919963368.jpg - (79.24KB , 900x675 , witch_hut_at_night_by_bagam-d52q4v2.jpg )
686851

>>686838
After mulling it over in your head for a bit, you decide that it's best to first take a little advanced payment from the money sack, and then get Janet to your home so you can wash the vomit off of her and her dress. You open up the bag...only to find rocks. There is no money in the money sack, only rocks.

Ignoring that for now, you head out of the woods with Janet on head and bag in hand.

---

You return to your little home. Night has fallen, and the land outside of the village is probably spook central, but you should be safe right now. When you head inside, you pry Janet off of your head and begin to pour some water into a bath bucket for her. Janet wanders around aimlessly, until crawling on top of your table and grabbing the letter you seem to have left there.

She reads it while you begin to warm the water for her.

"You know Phillip Dollarfield is his penis really as big as they say it is I just want to see how fancy his clothes are I'm writing a fan fiction about him do you want to hear it later it's not ready but anyway what's with this letter?"
>>
No. 686852 ID: ad936f

>>686851
No it isn't, he just has huge balls, it's really weird. He's a vampire and I'm going to kill him. Now get in the bath.
>>
No. 686853 ID: b8ceae

>>686851
"His dick was smaller than mine back when he was alive, and vampires being like eunichs just means his dick is useless now, too.
If he saved the princess they'd make him marry her, which would be pointless, frustrating, and annoying for both of them. He is actively disinterested in both the quest and the reward, but we live in a nation of brick-headed idiots so they're just going to dumber and dumber things to convince him to do it.
So we'll save the princess, they'll give him credit, and he'll pay us to rescue the princess from him. Then maybe I'll stake him - haven't decided yet."
>>
No. 686855 ID: f2461f

We have fancy clothes and we will show you them once you're clean. Now do you have any other clothes or do we need to find you something else to wear?
>>
No. 686856 ID: 2ccbb3

I wonder if "save the princess" means raping and murdering her to sire an heir, because she's now "deflowered with the corruption of free spirit and joyous mercy to all sentient beings - oh, and deflowered too". Because ew.

What do YOU intend to do to the princess? Hold her ransom, demanding a brand-new Hunters Guild? Or do you intend to tie her up and leave her next to Janet for three whole days with nothing to eat but whatever Janet shares via regurgitation? Do you loathe the government?

So when was the first time you met Janet? Why didn't you take her in yourself (She might be unstable but you're paranoid enough to handle her).

Check your nipples for piercing.
>>
No. 686858 ID: d9d287

Ask, determine or remember where Janet sleeps, we've gotta get her home if we can. Stealing little girls and having them sleep at our place overnight can't be good for our reputation, even if it's entirely voluntary on the girl's part.

>>686852
Don't be so hasty about telling her Phillip is a vampire! We don't know if this little psycho, who thinks she's a werewolf, *likes* vampires. We need to ask her what she knows about vampires first
>>
No. 686870 ID: 43cfa4
File 144920581837.png - (7.91KB , 400x400 , piq_86708_400x400.png )
686870

>>686851
You don't want to reveal that Phillip is a vampire to Janet just yet. She said her friend Suzy is "vampire-kin", whatever that means, so for all you know Janet might be a closet vampire lover. You explain that Phillip's penis is not as big as yours, and that everyone is just too stupid to realize he only has weird, abnormally large balls. You then continue to badmouth Phillip and explain how it's up to you and her to help save the princess.

Janet nods.

"You're a snake in the grass but I'll believe you since you're sharing your water."

She begins to drink from the tub. When you tell her the tub is for bathing in, she takes off her dress and jumps in...and then continues to drink the water. You take her dress to wash it, but as soon as she jumped into the water, she jumps out.

"Okay thanks I gotta go home now my mom is probably drunk on elves again I think she's hiding things from me okay bye."

She puts on her vomit covered dress and marches out into the night...you then notice that your nipples are still bleeding pretty badly, along with that wound on your back. You simply patch them up with a few bandages you have lying around and go to bed. You should probably go see a doctor about your wounds in the morning.

---

You wake up to find that Janet is clinging to your head again. She doesn't smell like vomit and her dress seems clean. There's a knock on the door.

"Hey, you find my money sack yet?"

Bobble Dingle waits for you.
>>
No. 686871 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686870
Smack him silly with the sack of rocks (and remember, you did murder two outlaws and blinded another FOR A @#$%ING SACK. OF. ROCKS.)

Then steal from his house.
>>
No. 686872 ID: f2461f

Say you have it and go fetch from within the house. Remove a rock just in case it becomes important later then return the sack.
>>
No. 686891 ID: 43cfa4
File 144921248650.jpg - (316.47KB , 1200x1200 , 1_jpgaf636e4b-1c91-4e19-b47d-0953cdc4c0c0Original.jpg )
686891

>>686870
You have the strong desire to grab the bag of rocks and smash Bobby Dingle across the face. However, you force yourself from doing so.

"Still got that dumb kid on your face, huh? You some kind of pedophile?"

It's not very easy to remain calm. You walk back inside, taking out one of the rocks as a souvenir. You then come back, and hand him the money sack. Bobby fills with glee as he opens the sack.

"Ah yeah, my rock collection is all intact! Thanks for getting it back for me, that was really cool of you. You two aren't as awful as everyone says."

QUEST COMPLETE!
>TOTAL CP EARNED: 5
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>YOU: 2, JANET: 6
>>
No. 686892 ID: f2461f

Keep two and give the rest to Janet.
>>
No. 686906 ID: fa8f9d

We should for reals ask how old Janet is... So we don't like get in trouble.
>>
No. 686914 ID: d9d287

>>686906
She's 'too young.' We don't need the details of when her birth date was unless you want to give her a birthday party. It would be a nice thing to do if we had the time, but we've got vampires to hunt.

Ask about the promised reward, we need a money sack even if it doesn't have money in it.
When this meeting is over, we should talk to Janet's folks and ask them what to do about the fact she seems to want to be our new hat. This is obviously pretty bad socially if we're getting people remarking about whether or not we're a pedophile to our face: That's fighting words normally. If she were grown up or formally our apprentice vampire hunter it would be different to hang around with her, but this ends badly as we're going right now.
After that we should visit the doctor to get our wounds properly treated.
>>
No. 686939 ID: b8ceae

>>686891
Even split. 2.5 for each.

How old IS Janet, anyway? She seems kinda short to be going through the angsty-teenager-werewolf-kin thing, unless she has Gary Coleman syndrome or something.
>>
No. 686943 ID: 43cfa4
File 144925314032.jpg - (50.49KB , 275x352 , pixel_art_girl_5_by_cale8-d4mgtfh.jpg )
686943

>>686891
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 4 CP, JANET, 9 CP

Completing that quest fills you with a sense of being cool, but it's nothing compared to how cool Janet must be feeling right now. If she looked just a little bit cooler, there's a good chance she'd go from a social outcast to...well, nothing really great, but something slightly better than social outcast.

"Hey wait a minute," says Bobby, "one of my rocks is missing! Those damn bandits probably pawned it off before you could get to them. Ahhh damn it. Anyway, here's that money sack I promised you."

He hands you a very large money sack. It's incredibly light, but you hear some jingling inside. Looking into the bag, you see it contains 5 gold coins.

"Alright, see you freaks later."

Bobby wanders off. With him now gone, it's time to go deal with Janet's folks. Don't want to be seen as a child kidnapper now, that would be uncool. Then once you get that mess settled, you'll go to the doctor to get your nipples and back properly fixed up.

You walk out of your house and head over to Janet's home, a dingy, but slightly better than your own, hovel. You knock on the door, and a tall woman answers the door.

"What are you doing with my kid on your head?" she asks you.

"Mom look at this man he's like my dad except he doesn't cover you in cinnamon roll cream all the time we should feed him food but not any of my food." Janet leaps off of your head and runs behind her mother, suddenly acting nervous.
>>
No. 686944 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686943
"Oh hello. We're on a quest to kill Dollarfield before he ritually sacrifices the princess and takes over the nation. See, I was one of his close friends, but we all left him when he finally went insane; he keeps it better hidden.

Oh, and we're going to rescue the princess. Even though I think that an unfettered monarchy can go @#$% itself. I suppose we'll tie up Dollarfield and use him as a meatshield in the battle against the Overlord or whoever the whatever screw the forces of darkness. Seriously, what's wrong with being dark and terrible so long as you help some people?

Look, you can't take care of Janet forever. She's a good fighter, I can teach her the ropes."
>>
No. 686950 ID: 86cfc3

>"What are you doing with my kid on your head?
Damned if I know, she just gets up there, somehow.
>>
No. 686955 ID: 4cc36a

"she likes being up there I think? ask her, not me. I'm just here to apologize for getting her into danger yesterday.
She killed a bandit though, she's pretty cool now."
>>
No. 686958 ID: acc3d2
File 144925985349.jpg - (50.49KB , 275x352 , pixel_art_girl_5_by_cale8-d4mgtfh.jpg )
686958

>>686943
You enter a tirade about how Phillip Dollarfield is planning on sacrificing the princess and how dark forces might not be so bad and how you're going to use Phillip as a meat shield to defeat whatever captured the princess. Janet's mother isn't quite sure what you're talking about, and it seems to confuse and frustrate her. You then discuss how you want to take Janet off her hands so you can train her...and she likes to be on your head for some reason, but you're not sure what that reason is.

"...yeah, sure, whatever, just don't get her killed or anything."

Janet's mother pushes Janet out from behind her, out of the house, and then closes the door slowly. Guess this means Janet's your apprentice now.

"Bye mom!" yells out Janet as she climbs on top of your head.

Maybe it's time to get your nipples checked out by the doctor.
>>
No. 686960 ID: d9d287

Yeah, our nipple injuries could go really bad if they get infected. Alternatively, we might now have an equip slot for magic nipple piercings to use. We should definitely seek a medical opinion about that as our first order of business.
>>
No. 686966 ID: fa8f9d

We gotta get Janet a sweet black coat so people know how cool she is.
>>
No. 686968 ID: 43cfa4
File 144926396203.jpg - (30.92KB , 480x800 , WUPP_WF2_drM_char01_2_R_ad.jpg )
686968

>>686958
You head your way to the local doctor of the village, Doctor Dario. He's outrageously good at patching people up, so it shouldn't be too hard to get your nipples fixed up. You enter his nice little cottage just as he finishes sewing an unconscious man's leg back on.

"Someone stab your nipples again? This is the 3rd time this month!"

You've had a few nipple related accidents in the past.

"No matter, I just got a fresh batch of nipples from the part market yesterday. Two gold for two fresh new nipples...unless you want to keep your old nipples and just want me to clean them up...then it's still two gold. Oh, and one gold for fixing that nasty scratch on your back."

You have 5 gold.
>>
No. 686971 ID: fa8f9d

Can we get a detailed explanation as to what the purpose of cool points are? Could we possibly use them to bump down these prices for the doctor? Also I vote we keep our nipples... We only got poked a bit.
>>
No. 686973 ID: 2ccbb3

>>686968
Okay, how EXACTLY do your city's doctors "replace nipples"? Because even with regeneration magics, the new flesh may be incompatible in the long run without the appropriate genetic-manipulation magics.

Fix / disinfect the scratch and clean/replace the nipples, you're not sure what those bandits smeared all over their weapons.

Well that leaves you with 2 gold. So how much is two gold worth anyway?
>>
No. 686979 ID: 43cfa4
File 144927042640.png - (19.29KB , 281x254 , earn-cool-points-1.png )
686979

>>686968
Before answering the doctor, you suddenly feel the urge to contemplate the concept of coolness. More specifically, cool points. Cool points are earned through the completion of specific tasks, the defeating of enemies, and certain actions that are just really bodacious. The more cool points you have, the more people will respect you, and the more opportunities for growth you will experience. For example, you and Janet are currently Complete Outcasts, but Janet has 9 cool points. If she were to get one more cool point, she would probably go from a Complete Outcast to a Hopeless Loser, which is still bad, but will give her a few more opportunities to grow. Coolness is all subtle mumbo jumbo, so it may not be clear at first, but the point is that coolness is important.

"...hey, you alright there? You want your nipples replaced or not?"

You say that you just want a good repairing, no replacements.

"Pfffft, you're no fun." says Dr. Dario.

---

After a quick surgery, your nips are cleaned and disinfected, along with your back wound. You feel good and ready for whatever new battles come your way.

You pay him the three gold you promised, and head out with Janet.

The question is, now what do you do? Check the notice board and finish up that other quest you didn't do? Go shopping and see what two gold can get you? Leave immediately to find Phillip Dollarfield? Leave immediately and try to find the princess? Sit on the ground and do nothing? The world is your oyster!
>>
No. 686983 ID: f2461f

Let's go visit Suzy, she sounds like Janet's friend so maybe she'll want to help us out somehow.
>>
No. 686988 ID: fa8f9d

Suzy seems like she would have the inside scoop on anything vampire related. let us try to subtly prod her to see if she knows about Philip's condition.
>>
No. 686989 ID: 2ccbb3

Find some more weapons. Disposable knives would be a good choice.

Can Suzy come out to play "Murder Time"?
>>
No. 686992 ID: ad936f

Seek out the most savage rapper in all the land, his defeat would most certainly net you a ton of cool points.
>>
No. 687002 ID: 43cfa4
File 144927810804.png - (6.80KB , 400x400 , piq_303880_400x400.png )
687002

>>686979
Though getting better weapons and getting cooler are high priorities, you decide that it's best to check out Janet's friend Suzy. One, because she might be a potential companion, and two, she might know a thing or two about Phillip Dollarfield and vampires in general. You ask Janet to guide you over to Suzy's house.

"Okay just follow where I'm pointing Suzy's house is where I'm pointing at I bet she's almost done on her new OC it's going to be so good but not as good as my stuff I'm a golden god you know."

You knock on Suzy's front door, and are greeted by a skinny girl wearing plastic vampire teeth and a gaudy dress.

"Hello mortal...I am Suzan the vampire. What brings you to my lair- oh hi Janet what are you doing here?"

Janet leaps off your head and hugs Suzy.
>>
No. 687003 ID: f2461f

Ask her about herself and if she would be interested in gallivanting around the country in the pursuit of adventure.
If she isn't interested would she mind sparing some supplies so that we are less likely to fail and/or die trying?
>>
No. 687020 ID: ad936f

>>687002
Ask her what it's like being a vampire.
Ask her what a man is.
>>
No. 687026 ID: 2ccbb3

Janet, subtly place pirated OC back in Suzy's collection.

And by "pirated" I mean draw a bodacious rogue who raids little castles on the cliffsides and butchers their way through nobles for their stuff. That's right

A VAMPIRE HUNTER!

(Hopefully this will convince her to get into the Dhampyr Hunter business)
>>
No. 687029 ID: ad936f

>>687026
Vampire hunters are basically land pirates, if you think about it.
>>
No. 687045 ID: 43cfa4
File 144929077269.png - (39.82KB , 271x346 , 5644189+_40ff41d27ff32e72d5d88d52dae770ab.png )
687045

>>687002
There's a test you want to pull, just to make sure she's not an actual vampire who only looks like she's a fake vampire. You ask her what a man is. Her eyes brighten up.

"Oh oh!" says Suzy, "I know this one!"

She clears her throat.

"A miserable pile of secrets! Mwahahaha!"

You're just about to stake her in the heart when her fake teeth fall out mid laugh, and she has to put them back in. She's not a real vampire. Suzy and Janet begin to discuss comic books and original characters. You subtly take out Suzy's OC that you stole from the notice board, and add a few adjustments to it to make it look like a badass vampire hunter. You slide it on top of a massive pile of drawings on Suzy's table. When Suzy draws her attention back to you, you ask her if you want to join you and Janet on adventures around the countryside.

Suzy stops to think, stroking her chin as she looks at the badass picture you created.

"Mom!" shouts Suzy, "can I go out with some friends and go on adventures?"

"You have friends? As in, more than one? Finally! Yes, you can!" yells back a voice from the darkness.

Janet foams from the mouth with excitement (more of a thick spit, really), leaping back onto your head.

"Come on Suzy let's get going we're going to meet Phillip Dollarfield and touch his balls I bet he has them signed by other celebrities."

"Alright, alright, let me just get on." replies Suzy. Suzy jumps onto your back, wrapping her legs around your stomach and putting her arms over your shoulders.

You know have a Suzy equipped.
>>
No. 687051 ID: ad936f

>>687045
If we get a few more party members we'll have a full suit of meat armor.
Anyway, about that rap battle...
>>
No. 687052 ID: 2ccbb3

>>687045
Oh, you'll "sign" his balls, all right. Should you go with the stainless-steel "@at@a" or that iron barbed-lotus-flower? You're not sure which will hurt more, but the one that injects steam burn straight into the testicles seems like a better choice.

Well, this just went from "wolf on your head" to "old-rpg party glomp". You still need more squad members to take on Phillip (Enemy A), and many more still to taken on whoever captured the princess (Enemy B).

So, who else is enough of a loser to follow a vampire hunter and his two fuzzball psychopaths? You're still going to need to consider hiring outlaws, but those bandits probably spread the word by now...
>>
No. 687062 ID: fa8f9d

Off to have a 3 year vampire hunter training montage! Hopefully the girls will be old enough for you to not get in trouble with the law just by hanging out with them. You could just get like a signed document from their parents stating that everything is fine; kinda lame though if you ask me.
>>
No. 687066 ID: 43cfa4
File 144929633270.jpg - (1.77MB , 1920x1200 , the-path-to-sunset.jpg )
687066

>>687045
You find yourself at a crossroads right now, mentally. On one hand, you could really use some more cool points, and fighting someone cool, like a rapper, would really help with that. On the other hand, you want to find more companions, since taking down Phillip Dollarfield and saving the princess (or killing here, you're not sure what you're going to do half the time) will be even harder.

Thinking about it, a few options come to mind. You remember hearing word of a bard in the village on the other side of the spooky woods that is of some note. Any good adventure party needs a bard, maybe finding them would be a good idea. On the other hand, if they're cool enough, you could beat them up and feed off the coolness that would result in. Then again, sunset will probably come soon. Maybe you should just stay in town and look for more potential companions here, though there probably aren't a lot of other social outcasts here. Or hell, what about waiting until nightfall, going into the spooky woods, and fighting some spooks? Is that dangerous? Yes, extremely dangerous, but imagine how cool that would make you, Janet, and Suzy feel. Of course, you could check the notice board for more quests, if straight traditional grinding feels more right.
>>
No. 687073 ID: d9d287

We must grind until we have adventure blueballs, then we must either ignore or defeat Phillip Dollarfield. I propose we start grinding by finding something really cool to do, like becoming a jazz band.
>>
No. 687108 ID: ad936f

>>687066
Head towards bardtown, ignoring the danger of spooks we have to fight some.
>>
No. 687109 ID: f2461f

Back to the notice board for one last good grind in town.
>>
No. 687132 ID: 43cfa4
File 144935226496.gif - (26.98KB , 500x500 , tumblr_mvehi0bexs1rt0oi0o1_500.gif )
687132

>>687066
You are compelled to grind cool points, that much is clear, but this dirt town is running low on good quests. It's time to do something really cool, like start a band, or fight some baddies, or something else. Point being, you head out of the town and start moving through the woods to the next village, Snickersberg, where that musician is supposed to be.

---

Looks like Snickersberg is taking longer to get to than usual, and the sun has set much faster, it seems. You start picking up the pace in the hopes of avoiding any spooks. If only you could convince Janet and Suzy to get off of you, maybe you wouldn't be so slow. But before any discussion on travel accommodations can be made, a TERRIFYING SPOOK APPEARS!

"Oooooooooooooooo"

Janet and Suzy shriek in terror, squeezing both your head and your stomach respectively as they do so.

But wait, the spook is still blocky. Maybe you don't need to fight it right away.
>>
No. 687134 ID: ad936f

>>687132
Unleash the skeleton inside, everyone knows that skeletons are spookier than ghosts.
>>
No. 687145 ID: d9d287

Yes, we can defeat this ghost with the power of our bones. Let us now bone this ghost.
>>
No. 687146 ID: 2ccbb3

Actually, why not just set the ghost on fire?
>>
No. 687147 ID: fa8f9d

The ghost will probably start crying when it realizes that it will never have the power of bones like us.
>>
No. 687150 ID: 43cfa4
File 144935624693.jpg - (25.32KB , 450x338 , 606533-bigthumbnail.jpg )
687150

>>687132
The only way you're gonna out spook this ghost is by releasing your inner skeleton. Everyone knows skeletons are scarier than ghosts, no bones about it. You shake Janet and Suzy off of your body and dig your fingers into your chest. You begin pulling pack, hoping to tear through your flesh and release your skeleton onto the world. However, ripping off enough flesh for your skeleton to escape through all your clothes is really hard, and you can hardly make a real impact on your flesh. Plus, doing something like that would be extremely cool, and you are not that cool.

"Hey, are you trying to attack me with your skeleton? How rude!

The spook bursts into its combat form!

FIGHT TIME!

YOU
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [garlic, rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run
>>
No. 687156 ID: 2ccbb3

Physical attacks probably won't work, unless they have a mental element attached.

You, Janet, and Suzy: chew raw garlic and bad-breath the ghost into a coma.
>>
No. 687162 ID: 86cfc3

>Physical attacks probably won't work
Suzy / Janet combo: make a psychological attack. Expose the ghost to the horrors of their deluded little minds.
>>
No. 687164 ID: ad936f

We don't have many cool points, so we can't do attacks that require the user to be cool, but can we use attacks that require the user to be... uncool? Consider that ghost are undead, just like vampires, so they're likely to share many weaknesses. Consider further that our vampire hunting mc eats garlic with every meal as vampire deterrent. Finally, consider that a Wario-style garlic fart attack is one of least cool attacks possible. I think our path is clear.
>>
No. 687172 ID: 43cfa4

>>687150
Attacking the ghost spook with physical attacks probably won't be very effective, and since you don't have any magical weapons or spells to cast, your best bet would be some classic psychological warfare. You order Suzy and Janet to talk about their favorite comic books.

"Janet, have you read the latest issue of Ms. Fortune?"
"Yes I have it's so amazingly and good her breasts are so big she's a role model for all of us if only she was a little bit fatter I would want to hug her so much right now."
"I really think she and Mr. Mystery are going to get together! It's gonna be so hot!"
"Their marriage is going to fall apart he's going to die in some alley and she's going to keep his teeth as a souvenir and wear them around her neck on a necklace."

The ghost is very confused and uncomfortable, weirding him out and lowering his effectiveness in battle.

You eat the garlic, giving yourself stinky breath. You are unsure if the ghost can smell or not, but if it can, he's in for a world of stink!

The ghost, weirded out by the girls, grabs you and goes "OOGA BOOGA BOGGA!"

This spooks you, but not too much.

YOU (Stinky, Slightly Spooked)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Ghost Spook (weirded out)
>>
No. 687175 ID: 7b65b9

Try getting Suzy to make some really spooky OC to scare the ghost away.
>>
No. 687176 ID: 7b65b9

Also, get Janet to discover her latent werewolf powers and transform into a badass werewolf to intimidate the ghost.
>>
No. 687219 ID: 43cfa4

>>687172
You order Suzy to draw the most spooky OC she can. She works right away, scribbling out a knight with a skull for a head and lots of hyper realistic blood.

The ghost is spooked...by how bad it is!

You then tell Janet to transform into a full on werewolf. She barks and howls at the moon above...but she's just a little girl, and it's more adorable than scary, causing no effect.

The ghost grabs you yet again, trying to avoid eye contact with the weird littler girl and her friend that draws scary bad pictures. "BOOOOOO" he shouts.

You are now straight on spooked.

YOU (Stinky, Spooked)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Ghost Spook (weirded out, spooked)
>>
No. 687220 ID: 15a025

Have Janet say it's sexy and she wants to have ghost babies with it.
>>
No. 687222 ID: 2ccbb3

Sing the "We R Friends Again" song!

Remember to take off your pants, you don't want to ^&*( them.

Suzy, please bite Janet in the neck.

Janet, pretend you're going into heat. Scrach off your fur and breathe deeply to cool the excess body heat.
>>
No. 687224 ID: ad936f

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is janet but u can call me t3h WeReW0Lf oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im ?? years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,

t3h WeReW0Lf oF d00m
>>
No. 687226 ID: f2461f

Eat the ghost, consume its soul, regret nothing.
>>
No. 687232 ID: d9d287

Janet has that crappy bone, it's a little bit of a skeleton and she might be able to threaten or even attack the ghost with it.
>>
No. 687254 ID: 43cfa4
File 144938180654.png - (12.83KB , 250x322 , white-ghost.png )
687254

>>687219
You're feeling pretty darned spooked right now, but with the power of two insane little girls, you can spook this ghost out to infinity! You order Janet to seduce the ghost.

"Oh I want your ghost babies so bad is it alright if I eat your babies too I bet they taste delicious kind of like a yogurt where does that stuff come from anyway I'm getting so hard right now."

The ghost is looking really uncomfortable. You then order Suzy to bite Janet on the neck. It's only more of a nibble, really, but it's strange enough for the ghost to be grossed out even more.

Finally, you rip your pants clean off, and begin to singing like a maniac.

The combined strangeness weirds the ghost out so much that the ghost reverts back to its blocky form.

"You people are weirdos. I'm out of here."

The ghost leaves.

VICTORY!
>Ghost Spook: Retreated, 3 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 3
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 4 CP, JANET: 9 CP, SUZY: 0 CP
>>
No. 687255 ID: 2ccbb3

Janet gets 1, Suzy gets 2. Not many cool points for creeping a ghost out, but you couldn't exorcise them anyway.

Right, put your pants back on, there are girls present.
>>
No. 687257 ID: 86cfc3

Put your pants back on, before someone finds you pantsless with two crazy little girls and accuses you of being a pedophile again.
>>
No. 687265 ID: f2461f

Everyone gets one CP.


Please put your pants back on.
>>
No. 687267 ID: 7b65b9

If ripping your pants clean off meant they are unwearable now, try finding some new pants. If you can't find any new pants, have Suzy make a ton of awesome drawing, and glue them together in the shape of pants.
>>
No. 687295 ID: 43cfa4
File 144938975013.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 22e20dc2bef9371b1221a00e97917c21.jpg )
687295

>>687254
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 5 CP, JANET: 10 CP, SUZY: 1 CP
>JANET LEVELED UP
>JANET WENT FROM...Complete Outcast...to Hopeless Loser!

You feel coolness emitting from Janet. She's still pretty damn lame, but between the three of you, she's the face now. Janet squees with joy.

"I feel so cool right now I bet I could piss on people and no one would even care I am having so much fun right now!"

The two girls get back into position on your body while you put your pants back on. You continue down the road to Snickersberg.

---

The small village of Snickersberg, much like your home village, isn't very cool on a grand scale. However, since it does have some big walls, and a few places of note, people remember the name Snickersberg more. There's a local in, a local wizard shop, a nice little dive bar, an a little circus tent...thing.
>>
No. 687310 ID: fa8f9d

I'm starting to seriously question our taste in party members. Also maybe we should have a name by now? I vote on Roderick Belmont.
>>
No. 687314 ID: 7b65b9

I second finding out/creating your name.
I also think you should go to the inn to rest since you were up all night, if you can afford it.
>>
No. 687325 ID: 2ba5a0

>>687295
Food and sleep after a productive day-night cycle.
Also I propose "Future redeadeners of Phillip Dollarfield and maybe murderers (also future) of the Princess"
>>
No. 687353 ID: 43cfa4
File 144942949346.png - (8.65KB , 400x400 , piq_171893_400x400.png )
687353

>>687295
You head over to the inn and go inside. It's a small but cozy little place. The innkeeper, a chubby woman with bright red hair and a scar going down from her nose to her lips, looks at you three with sympathetic eyes...actually, come to think of it, she's not looking at you three, she's looking at Janet.

"Oh, you poor little dear," the innkeeper says, getting out from behind the front desk and prying Janet off your head.

"Dressed up like a dog, being in the care of these...people..." she looks at you and Suzy with contempt. "Let me get you a place to sleep for the night, my treat," she says to Janet, and when she looks back at you and Suzy she says "...oh and I guess you two gotta sleep there too."

Point being, the three of you are given an extra room in the back off the inn that hasn't been properly cleaned yet...but it's free! I guess being a hopeless loser made Janet look a lot more sympathetic, and you and Suzy got to ride on her coattails.

The three of you sleep.

---

You dream about yourself.
What is your name?
>>
No. 687355 ID: 2ccbb3

Penny Screwplow
>>
No. 687359 ID: d9d287

Phillip Dollarfield, obviously.
>>
No. 687361 ID: 86cfc3

>>687353
You name is [INSERT NAME HERE].
>>
No. 687364 ID: ca183f

Person Man.
>>
No. 687365 ID: 7b65b9

Dale Pennymeadow
>>
No. 687366 ID: defceb

>>687359
Obviously the best name
>>
No. 687370 ID: ad936f

Johnathan Joestar.
>>
No. 687374 ID: 43cfa4
File 144944248291.jpg - (99.14KB , 640x640 , whats_in_a_name_2.jpg )
687374

>>687353
You think long and hard...has anyone actually called you by your name...ever? I mean your mother and father, obviously, and you know Phillip used to call you by your name back when you were partners, but it's been awhile since you've heard your name out loud...are you...
>Phillip Dollarfield
No, that's not you. Phillip Dollarfield is a vampire and a traitor and he needs to die, maybe.
>INSERT NAME HERE
No way, you're not Insert "name" Here, he's a famous jouster. You don't think you've ever been a jouster.
>Jonathan Joestar
Somewhere deep in your mind, you imagine Suzy and Janet would go nuts if they learned that was your name. You don't know if you can handle that.
>Person Man
Sounds like a comic book character. Let's try something else.
>Penny Screwplow
No...but close...
>Dale Pennymeadow
That's it! Your name is Dale Pennymeadow.

---
You wake up, and the scar faced innkeeper sends you and the girls out to the village. The sun is shining brightly and the spooks are all gone.

So, what now? Go check out that wizard shop? That notice board with potential quests? That dive bar with the crummy music coming from it? That circus tent thing? Maybe just wander around and see if anything happens?
>>
No. 687375 ID: 86cfc3

Check the notice board. Gotta keep farming cool points until you've made it above the gum underneath people's shoes.
>>
No. 687376 ID: 7b65b9

Maybe you can go to the little circus tent thing to find some circus performers that hate their job and can join you on your quest.
>>
No. 687387 ID: 08fd77

Notice board. Sadly you have very little money to spend at the wizard shop. Might be worth taking a look just to see the prices though.
>>
No. 687389 ID: 43cfa4
File 144945561067.png - (3.35MB , 1920x1080 , Tw2_noticeboard.png )
687389

>>687374
You all need money, and the only good way you can think of to make some cash is to do a few quests from the notice board. You head over and read what's going on.

1. Hey dudes, this is Ryan Rockstone here and I've got myself in a little trouble. You see I was doing a music gig for some goblin dudes outside of the village, near those goblin caves and stuff, but after the show I was jumped by some goblins and they stole my sweet guitar. If you could get it back for me, that would be really cool. I'd also give you like, 10 gold for doing it. Thanks guys.
-Ryan Rockstone

2. BEHOLD! I require Blood Berries for my magical potions, but I do not wish to go out and get them myself. I will give a free magic lesson to anyone who can get me a bushel of Blood Berries!
-Chumbles the Wise

3. For a good time, come by the hole in the wall at midnight.
-XOXO Cindy
>>
No. 687392 ID: 2ccbb3

>>687389
FREE MAGIC LESSONS?! OH BOY!!!

Be sure to take their assets (rip out spellbook pages, threaten to let loose their latest biological affronts to society, "recruit" their kids on your dangerous little adventure) hostage right before turning in the quest in case they decide that because you probably don't have magic (which is true) and they do they can just spam magic at you until you stop moving.

That goblin quest seems reputable, but I don't feel good about murdering a bunch of rock-and-roll kids.

Candy's an obvious trap, but you've got two psychopaths in your party. You can handle this if you fight from a distance, so consider purchasing some bombs. Throw into well and let all havoc loose.
>>
No. 687394 ID: f2461f

Let's go a berry picking. If anyone is allergic to these things speak now.

Side note, is anyone curious what would happen if we stuck a carrot into a hole in a wall at midnight? Because the temptation is there and the curiosity isn't helping.
>>
No. 687396 ID: d9d287

Huh. The first one sounds pretty good. Very little is more rock and roll than lethal mosh to the death, this is a serious opportunity to pick up a lot of cool if it is what it says it is. I like, but be wary... if this is as cool as it sounds why hasn't someone else already done it?

The second one is berry picking in the forest, for a, 'magic lesson,' which may only turn out to be, "Getting hit with magic fireballs hurts!" if we're not careful: Wizards can sometimes be immense, diarrhea-spewing assholes. Do you know anything about those berries or how difficult they are to get, or what they may be used for besides booze?

A hole in a wall and a promise of, "A good time." This traditional way for prostitutes to advertise, sexual deviants to search for each other and annoyed ex-lovers to harass their former romantic partners. This could actually mean lots of different things, which may actually be rather hazardous, and expensive. This seems like a questionable opportunity at best until we've exhausted everything else available, because our finances, social-power and party dynamics are not optimized for making use of this kind of opportunity.

I say check them out in order, if we get to the last one at all.
>>
No. 687397 ID: 86cfc3

Blood berries. Maybe we can teach one of the twerps magic, make them the party mage. (I guess vampire mage makes more sense than a werewolf mage? She should get some kind of physical upgrade).
>>
No. 687399 ID: 7b65b9

Try asking Suzy if magic is good against vampires as tastefully and non-suspiciously as you can. If it's good, i'd say go with the berry quest, if not, than the guitar quest.

Also before you go, carve something cool into the notice board for some potential cool points. Something like your team logo which you need to make up soon. Get Suzy and Janet to make a cool team logo so you feel like more of a team.
>>
No. 687444 ID: 43cfa4
File 144946421157.jpg - (15.13KB , 204x204 , tumblr_muvp77fXKF1r413h3o1_250.jpg )
687444

>>687389
It's a hard decision, but magic is really damn cool. If one of you can learn a few spells, that should really boost your coolness in the long run. You rip the wizard's notice off the board and march off back into the spooky woods in search of blood berries.

"Are blood berries good they sound really good we should rub them on ourselves and then kill somebody and eat them" says Janet.
"Janet, you're allergic to blood berries" says Suzy, "if you eat any your face starts to bleed all over."
"Oh...okay."

You keep walking until you find some bright red berries with little skulls on them growing on a bush. You're pretty sure these are blood berries. Suddenly, a strange old man pops out from the bush. This man smells dirty and probably doesn't bathe often. It's your best bet that he's some kind of druid.

"Halt, I am Don the Druid. Did Chumbler send you to get blood berries? If he did, then get out of here. Chumbler's an asshole and he doesn't respect nature. Every time I try to grow blood berries in these parts he sends someone to go pluck them all. I think he's doing this in spite of me. You people don't look that stuck up, you probably get it, right?"
>>
No. 687446 ID: f2461f

We don't need all of them, just a lot of them. Also if you try to stop us we'll stop recycling, and it will be your fault Don.
>>
No. 687447 ID: 86cfc3

Nudge Janet, get her talking about how much wolves are in tune with nature and how much she respects it.
>>
No. 687448 ID: 2ccbb3

>>687444
"Okay, what are the conditions for growing this stuff? Chummer's newest reward is one magic lesson per bushel, so you could teach us some healing magic or something and we'll leave you alone for now."
>>
No. 687451 ID: 7b65b9

Ask him if there is a quest you can do for him for the blood berries?
>>
No. 687468 ID: 43cfa4
File 144947981805.png - (248.55KB , 400x320 , GREEN-MAGIC-psd70279.png )
687468

>>687444
You decide that the best course of action is to explain that, yes, "Chumbles", not Chumbler, wants you to get these berries in exchange for magic lessons, and if the druid were to teach one of you some magic, maybe you wouldn't need to take the berries.

"Hmmm..." Don scratches his neck, thinking... "well, you and that girl with the fake teeth seem to be druid material..."

You're not sure if you should take that as an insult or not.

"...your little dog girl is a bit too cool though...okay, I'll teach you a quick little spell. I'll teach a healing spell, how about that? But I can only teach one of you the spell. I'm old and it takes awhile to learn it."
>>
No. 687469 ID: 13f362

Given your history of nipple injury, I think you should learn this.
>>
No. 687470 ID: 3641d4

Dale you need this spell man.
>>
No. 687474 ID: 88960e

You're the fighter / ranger type, not the healer.

Suzy can be the healer.
>>
No. 687475 ID: 8fd580

>>687468
Learn it ourselves. Saving gold is great.
>>
No. 687476 ID: 2ccbb3

Take the healing lesson for now, you'll need it.

Ask Donny if he can teach another lesson later. You're bound to find something that he wants.
>>
No. 687482 ID: 43cfa4
File 144950957317.jpg - (127.96KB , 1024x768 , green_magic_orb_by_toast_sama.jpg )
687482

>>687468
You say that you want to be the one to learn the healing spell.

"What? Oh come on I'd be a cool druid!" says Suzy.
"Exactly," says Don, "but cool and druid are things that should not be combined. Unlike other magic, to embrace nature is to ignore things like coolness. If you don't fully embrace being an outcast, I can't feel comfortable teaching druid magic."

Don looks back at you.

"Anyway, let's get teaching."

---

It is now the late afternoon, and after hours of awkward hand touching and rubbing, you have learned the spell druidic healing.

You ask Don if he can teach another spell later if you do a quest for him.

"Maybe, maybe...actually, yes, there is something I could use your help with. I've heard word that a group of hunters from one of those nasty hunter guilds is going to come to the woods for some general animal slaughter. As you can probably tell, I'm not very okay with that. If you three can help me ward them off tomorrow, I'll teach another druid spell. You'll even get some coolness out of it for everyone not learning my magic."
>>
No. 687484 ID: 2ccbb3

Well, a job's a job. Just make sure that Don isn't talking about a vital hunting party.

See if you can find some other healing magic that Janet can learn. For now, get to the hunting grounds.
>>
No. 687557 ID: acc3d2
File 144953029193.jpg - (15.13KB , 204x204 , tumblr_muvp77fXKF1r413h3o1_250.jpg )
687557

>>687482
You ask Don if this hunting party is vital in anyway.

"...naaaaaaaaaah."

Well, you can trust that. You think about getting some healing magic taught to Janet or Suzy, but the druid is all tuckered out right now, and the only other wizard you know is Chumbles, who won't teach any of you magic unless you get those berries. Though you can go to the hunting grounds now to wait for the hunters to come, they won't be here until tomorrow.
>>
No. 687560 ID: ad936f

>>687557
Power nap?
>>
No. 687570 ID: 86cfc3

Right. That's a quest for tomorrow. Let's hunt for something to do in the meantime.

...Hey druid guy, you know, if we bring that jerk some berries, he'll teach us his magic. Then we can use his power against him to protect more berries in the future.
>>
No. 687574 ID: 7b65b9

See if your healing spell works on inanimate objects by healing one of Suzy's bad drawings.
>>
No. 687575 ID: 47160d

Yes try mending the drawing!
>>
No. 687599 ID: dd50f8
File 144953829531.jpg - (106.89KB , 1024x819 , yuki_snow__bad_oc__by_cptn_quint-d83bnom.jpg )
687599

>>687557
It's time to give your druidic healing a test run. You ask Suzy to give you one of her OC drawings. She shows you a wolf girl with two wings and weird sword.

You attempt to heal the OC to improve it, your hands glowing green and letting out a nice minty scent, but deep down the OC believes in itself and knows that it's perfect just the way it is. There is no effect.

Without much else to do, you tell the girls that you're going to take a power nap until something interesting happens or you somehow sleep all the way to the next day to fight the hunters.

Don the druid pulls out some little beds of leaves for you all to sleep on.

---

You are now dreaming.
What is your favorite fruit?
>>
No. 687601 ID: 15a025

Bananas.
>>
No. 687603 ID: 7b65b9

Blood oranges.
>>
No. 687604 ID: 86cfc3

kiwi
>>
No. 687605 ID: 8dfdf3

Blood bananas
>>
No. 687606 ID: 2ccbb3

>>687599
Blood Tangerines
>>
No. 687608 ID: f2461f

Yggdrasil and the various blood fruit that fall off its branches.
>>
No. 687619 ID: ad936f

Gum-Gum
>>
No. 687626 ID: dd50f8
File 144954586427.jpg - (5.01MB , 3840x2400 , Nature___Forest_Stream_in_the_forest_at_night_0654.jpg )
687626

>>687599
You
Love
Blood
Bananas

You used to eat them all the time back when you had your vampire hunting license. In vampire claimed areas of the land, blood fruits and blood vegetables grew all over the place, but you always liked the blood bananas the most. Now most of the vampires have been defeated, and the lands reclaimed by the kingdom, but the blood fruits and veggies still remain...don't worry, they don't actually have any real blood in them...you think.

---

You wake up in the middle of the night. Don shakes the two girls awake.

"Hey...hey guys...the hunters...those hunters came earlier than I thought...help me kick their asses, let's get going."
>>
No. 687631 ID: 2ccbb3

Janet, get to cover and start howling. Suzy, play the role of the scared little girl in da hood. Janet, attack from above and wait. Once they let their guard down from the show, open fire and give them PAIN. Nonlethal attacks only.
>>
No. 687676 ID: ad936f

Five more minutes!
>>
No. 687682 ID: 3641d4

Watch out for the earthquake coming.
>>
No. 687686 ID: acc3d2
File 144958373046.jpg - (87.68KB , 736x1007 , 12421ab0995230204c885e19fbbea262.jpg )
687686

>>687626
Uuuuuugh, why does he has to wake up right now? You twist and turn, asking for five more minutes.

---

You are dreaming.
What is your favori-

---

"Get up, lazy bones!" Don shakes you awake again. Alright, alright, you're up. It's time to go to these hunting grounds. Sneaking through the bushes and past the trees under the cover of night, you see three bow wielding hunters, stumbling around looking inebriated.

"Ahhh...lovely night for a...hunt, don't ya think, boys?" asks one of the drunken hunters, reading his bow at nothing in particular.

You break the plan down to Suzy and Janet, Don listening in as well. Suzy is to go out looking scared and confused in front of the hunters, while Janet makes wolf noises. Janet will then pounce onto Suzy, confusing the hunters long enough for some non-lethal action.

Suzy walks out in front of the hunters.

"Ooooooh, poor me! I am, uh, lost and scared! I'm just a poor, defenseless girl (who's secretly a beautiful fairy seductress or something really cool like that) and I'm afraid of the scary wolves in these parts!"

Janet howls and barks like crazy. The hunters are tense and ready for action. Janet then leaps out from the bushes, in all her might...and is shot in the leg by one of the huntersmen's arrows while she's in the air. Janet falls to the ground in front of Suzy, yelping in pain.

"Ah shit!" yells out one of the hunters, "what the fuck I thought you were a wolf!"
>>
No. 687687 ID: 2ccbb3

>>687686
Rush in with expletives, Don should stay low-profile. Threaten the hunters for attacking a little girl under your charge; your cover story is that you were looking for basic mercenary / odd-jobs work and that these kids are so weird that you were the only person in your town who was willing to give them an apprenticeship. Blackmail them into giving you money and tell them that hunting while drunk is stupid. Also ask if they use poison.

Heal Janet after they leave.
>>
No. 687708 ID: f2461f

Guilt trip the hunters into stopping this drunken hunting spree. If that doesn't work start punching faces, preferable the hunter's.
>>
No. 687713 ID: 7b65b9

Try to make them feel really bad about shooting Janet, and ask them to stop hunting.
And heal Janet after they are out of sight so they feel they really messed up.
>>
No. 687714 ID: ad936f

>>687713
yup
>>
No. 687737 ID: 86cfc3

>>687713
Yes, maximum guilt trip them.

If we're lucky, they'll try and pay you off and get the hell out of there before they get in trouble for shooting a kid.
>>
No. 687744 ID: 15a025

Have Suzy tease the hunters by flashing them with her gazongas.
>>
No. 687745 ID: 49976b

>>687686
Janet may be bleeding and whimpering in pain, but that doesn't mean all is lost. You tell Don to stay in the bushes while you rush out with a new plan.

The hunters have gathered around the girls, unsure of what to do. You come up and try to give them the best solution. You say that you were just out for a late night stroll with your apprentices, looking for mercenary jobs, and that these hunters will be in a lot of trouble if they don't give up their hunting ways and leave these grounds. You then bend over and attempt to use a healing spell...but something doesn't feel right.

The hunters look at each other, and then back at you.

"You know," says one of the hunters, "if we kill all of you, then there's no way you can tell on us!"

FIGHT TIME!

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (leg pierced)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1
>Hunter 2
>Hunter 3
>>
No. 687747 ID: 86cfc3

Attain MORAL HIGH GROUND bonus! Resorting to child murder just to stay out of trouble! Tut tut. Why can't they be fine, upstanding (child throwing into danger) citizen like us?

>what do
Archers aren't much good at melee range, and Janet can't close with a hurt leg.

Throw her at one of them.
>>
No. 687748 ID: 15a025

Have Suzy break out the fake vampire teeth and have her start biting them all.
>>
No. 687754 ID: 7b65b9

First off, get Janet to grab your head and run to cover so you can fix up her leg.
Also try throwing that rock at the face of whoever looks like they are the best shot.
>>
No. 687755 ID: f2461f

Stab one of them in the stomach with the sword.
>>
No. 687760 ID: b8ceae

>>687745
Child killers are worse than vampires. Steak them in the heart.
>>
No. 687781 ID: 2ccbb3

They can't shoot if they don't have ammo! Yell at Don to turn their arrows into gnarled roots.

Do you get more cool points for starting battle with a handicap?
>>
No. 687792 ID: 49976b

>>687745
You order Suzy to bite one of the hunters as you grab Janet in your arms, and then drop her on top of your head. Rushing to cover, you watch as Suzy runs up to the first hunter and bites him in the neck. He shakes her off, and she leaves behind a few puncture wounds. Nothing too crazy, but he's starting to bleed lightly.

You consider whether you should throw a rock at the hunters or start healing Janet right away. Morality gets the better of you, and your heads release the minty healing freshness. You begin to repair Janet's leg, removing the arrow in the process.

Don speaks in an ancient tongue and leaps from the bushes. A vine bursts out from the ground under him, speeds over to the second hunter, and whips them in the head, knocking them over and leaving some head trauma.

The first hunter, a little peeved off that a teen girl bit his neck, stabs her in the chest with one of his arrows. The third hunter joins in, pulling out a dagger and stabbing her in the back.

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (healing)
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (chest and back stabbed, heavy pain)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1 (light bleeding)
>Hunter 2 (head trauma)
>Hunter 3
>>
No. 687807 ID: 2ccbb3

Whack archer number 2 with your hammer to keep him stunned for the rest of the battle. Stake archer number 3! Hammer the nail straight into the lung! Heal that after the battle if you can. Stab archer number 1.

Janet, rush in while they're distracted and bite an archer hard until you feel the flesh rip into your throat!

Suzy, begin screaming. Make it loud enough to stun the archers.
>>
No. 687822 ID: 7b65b9

Tell Suzy to stay strong like one of her really cool OCs, and try to finish healing Janet as quick as you can.
Also ask Don to help her not get hurt any more if he isn't doing that already.
>>
No. 687865 ID: 49976b

>>687792
You finish healing Janet, and immediately spring back into action. You rush towards the first and third hunters, and shove your stake right into the neck of the first hunter. He falls to the ground, bleeding heavily now. Janet runs over and bites the leg of the third hunter as hard as she can, leaving nasty teeth marks and causing some pretty strong pain. Suzy attempts to limp away from the action. Don starts dancing around in a circle. Is he performing a spell? You're not sure. The second hunter has finally pulled himself up. He's still too woozy to attack, but he is standing. The third hunter kicks Janet off of his leg and stabs you in the back.


DALE PENNYMEADOW (back stabbed)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (chest and back stabbed, heavier pain)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON will act on his own accord

TARGETS
>Hunter 1 (heavy bleeding)
>Hunter 2 (head trauma)
>Hunter 3 (hurt leg)
>>
No. 687877 ID: 2ccbb3

Tackle the third hunter and use your sword with his throat!

Suzy, steal any bows and/or arrows you find! Focus on stalling the second hunter!

Janet, jump up and down on the first hunter! Ramble about the physics of banana bombanas!

Don had better be ready with that spell!
>>
No. 687911 ID: 49976b

>>687865
Don finishes his dance, and you start to hear growling from the darkness surrounding you. A massive wolf runs out from behind a tree and bites the third hunter. The wolf begins to maul the third hunter as Janet joins in, putting the third hunter in critical condition.

You take your time to pin the first hunter to the grand and stab him in the neck one more time with your crappy sword, killing him.

Suzy grabs one of the fallen arrows and lunges towards the second hunter. She stabs him in the chest, but he fights through it, kicking Suzy to the ground. Suzy's not looking too good.


DALE PENNYMEADOW (back stabbed)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (CRITICAL CONDITION)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

>DON and WOLF will act on their own accord

TARGETS

>Hunter 2 (head trauma, stabbed)
>Hunter 3 (being mauled, CRITICAL CONDITION)
>>
No. 687913 ID: 47160d

Heal Suzy and have Janet and her wolf brethren attack the Suzy's target if possible
>>
No. 687921 ID: 7b65b9

Heal Suzy as soon as you can, and have Janet cover you while you heal Suzy.
>>
No. 687923 ID: 15a025

Heal Suzy and have Janet beat the heck out of the 3rd hunter with her bone.
>>
No. 687926 ID: 1b7e4f

>>687877
heal suzy but ask if she wants to keep the bitchin' scars, scars are radical
>>
No. 687930 ID: acc3d2
File 144970533260.png - (8.96KB , 400x400 , piq_28290_400x400.png )
687930

>>687911
The wolf leaves the third hunter to drown in his own blood as Don points at the second hunter. The wolf pounces on top of him, and begins tearing at his face. Howling and giggling, Janet helps the wolf by smacking the second hunter with her bone. You rush over to Suzy and begin healing her, though it will take a little while to get her up and running again. Good thing you made it to Suzy as soon as you did, she could very well have died.

Luckily for you, the third hunter has finally given in to his wounds and gives up on life, and with the second hunter now in critical condition, the battle is finally over.

VICTORY!
>Hunter 1: DEAD, 5 Cool Points
>Hunter 2: CRITICAL CONDITION, 5 Cool Points
>Hunter 3: DEAD, 5 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 15
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 5 CP, JANET: 10 CP, SUZY: 1 CP

>DON (and his wolf) refuses to take CP.
>>
No. 687931 ID: 7b65b9

Give 9 to Suzy for not dying, and the rest evenly between Janet and you.
>>
No. 687933 ID: 15a025

Give 8 to Suzy and the rest to Janet.
>>
No. 687934 ID: 7b65b9

I take that back, if Suzy gets cool, she can't learn the healing spell. Make Janet the coolest mascot ever.
>>
No. 687935 ID: 7b5aa8

Better not take any CP for this or that druid might get angry at you. Give 9 to Suzy and the rest to Janet.
>>
No. 687944 ID: 86cfc3

Can we just wait to distribute the CP until after we're done with the druid, here?

Then I say 9 Suzy, 5 for 1, 1 for Janet. You'll be equal-cool again.
>>
No. 687945 ID: cb0c25
File 144970923250.jpg - (12.68KB , 460x250 , Ivy-Plant-460x250.jpg )
687945

>>686590
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 8 CP, JANET: 13 CP, SUZY: 10 CP
>SUZY LEVELED UP
>SUZY WENT FROM...Complete Outcast...to Hopeless Loser!

Suzy, still very out of it due to her wounds, feels an intense rush of coolness filling her body.

"I was really...cool, right?"

Suzy lifts a weak hand into the air, expecting a high five. You give it to her, and she feels totally awesome. Don sits by you and Suzy, and performs his own druidic healing spell on her, speeding up the healing process.

Janet, riding on the back of Don's wolf, is having the time of her life. The wolf rests by Don's side.

"So...that got pretty hectic there," says Don, "sorry about the girl here...say, after we heal her up, how about I teach you that other druid spell you wanted. How about vine whip? It's a good way to smack your enemies around, and if you aim it just right, you can disarm people with it too. Hell, just for all the trouble I caused you, I'll even teach the spell to one of your friends here if you want instead, even if they aren't druid material, just this once though."
>>
No. 687948 ID: 2ccbb3

Vine whip is tempting, but the girls got hit more than you did for all that CP. They probably deserve a healing spell more than you do. Ask Don if he'll teach an advanced healing spell to one of the girls.

Also, take the bows of the hunters. See if you can heal the second hunter, keep him captive for a while until you can turn him in for a reward. Or maybe Don would like to experiment on the guy; death-row guinea pigs are expensive these days.
>>
No. 687950 ID: 7b65b9

Ask don to teach Suzy the healing spell so you have two healers in case one is incapacitated.
Also ask Janet to draw a cool drawing of Suzy to give to her once she gets better.
>>
No. 687951 ID: 86cfc3

A whip is a pretty vital spell for a vampire hunter!
>>
No. 687953 ID: 15a025

Woo hoo whip powers!
>>
No. 687972 ID: cb0c25
File 144973566828.jpg - (452.48KB , 1366x768 , 14030-sunrise-in-the-forest-1366x768-nature-wallpa.jpg )
687972

>>687945
You ask Don if he can teach one of the girls an advanced healing spell instead.

"Ehhhhh...maybe, but I've already got my hands all ready for a vine spell...come back to me in a little while, we'll talk about it. For now, give me your hands, it's time for you to learn vine whip."

---

After many hours of rubbing hands and plant touching, you have learned the spell vine whip.

Don is all tuckered out again and falls asleep right after teaching you just as the sun rises. You and everyone else are feeling pretty tired too. Suzy is limping, but she can at least walk.

Maybe you should just rest a bit here too with Don, then ask him about learning another spell for the girls later...then again, with Don asleep, nothing's stopping you from grabbing those blood berries he was guarding, rushing over to Chumbles' place, and getting him to teach some kick ass spells.
>>
No. 687973 ID: d9d287

Absolutely nothing could go wrong with betraying a violent druid's trust, let's go! Make sure to plant some of the berries before turning over the rest so that we piss off both magic men.
>>
No. 687986 ID: f56624

>>687972
be honorabru and don't steal your druid friend's berries, he promised us a better healing spell
>>
No. 687995 ID: 2ccbb3

Please don't steal from Don after that fiasco. You don't want to betray his trust, not after he taught you some powerful spells. What if he has a way to disable your magic?

For now, time to go on another adventure. Unless you want to guard the berry bush. It will probably be fine, so find another berry bush in the woods.

And PLEASE scavenge the dead hunters. Those were BOWS.
>>
No. 688013 ID: cbcb6e

Stealing from Don after him being so nice would be really uncool, and you still want that other spell. Maybe try asking Don where you can find other berries that aren't his?
>>
No. 688029 ID: cb0c25
File 144978191345.jpg - (1.15MB , 1280x1904 , blood_berries_by_bert13one12.jpg )
688029

>>687972
You stumble over to the dead hunters and take their bows from them. With three bows in total, you give one bow to Suzy, one to Janet, and one to yourself. Splitting the arrows up amongst you, you each have 10 arrows.

You decide to not be a dick, refusing to steal the berries while Don is asleep. Instead, you'll gently nudge him awake.

"Wuh...what's up?"

You ask him if there's anyone else he might know who could have blood berries.

"Uuuhhh...well, besides for just buying them in another town, I think I might have an idea, maybe...there's a carriage that comes by the road every once in awhile. It belongs to some noble guy who has a cottage out in these parts. Rich people like berries, right? Just watch the roads and follow the carriage when it comes by, you can't miss it."
>>
No. 688034 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688029
That's not solid logic for investigating, but thank Don anyway.

Either complete the goblin quest or go stalk the noble for loot.
>>
No. 688044 ID: 7b65b9

I guess wait for the carriage to show up, and ask if they have any berries. If not, go do the goblin quest, but if they do then ask if there is a way you can get some.
>>
No. 688061 ID: d9d287

It's the middle of the night, and we're hanging out near the scene of a murder. Either we should stay here to try and get that healing spell, or we should go clean up and find some place in town to be--far away from the scene of the crime--while we sleep.
>>
No. 688079 ID: 86cfc3

>>688029
Well we shouldn't resort to highway robber just cause these guys might know where some berries are.

Yeah, let's try talking to them. Maybe our slightly cooler party members will be able to diplomacy through this.
>>
No. 688101 ID: cb0c25
File 144980374816.png - (442.42KB , 714x536 , 20.png )
688101

>>688029
Well, let's hope that nap from before keeps you moving. The sun is up now, and you and the crew are going to wait by the roads until a carriage comes by. You thank Don for all his help, and leave. Don goes back to sleep.

You go through the woods until you can find the road again. You and the girls sit down and wait for any interesting carriages to come by.

"I really wish I could ride that wolf again hey maybe now that you know that vine spell you can smack lady butts with it my mom really likes it when dad does that" says Janet.

"Ugghhh...my body still hurts" whines Suzy.

You wait for a long while until a fog begins to roll in. Even though it is day right now, this strange fog seems to darken the sky. You worry that the spooks might come out. You hear the clopping noise of horses and the spinning of wheels, and see a large black carriage going down the road. The windows of the carriage are covered by thick curtains, and a strange looking hunched man is in control of the horses. Maybe that's the guy Don was talking about.

You and the girls stand in front of the road, and the carriage comes to a stop. The man driving the carriage looks down at you, and throws you 10 gold pieces.

"Here. Now buy yourselves some food and get out of here. My boss needs to get home."

You ask him if he, or whoever is actually in the carriage, has any blood berries.

"...no."

The man gets his horses moving again, and the carriage rides off. The fog lifts soon after.
>>
No. 688112 ID: 7b65b9

well damn, that seemed suspicious. Is there any way to tell where they were headed? If so, I think you should investigate once you are all well rested and ready in case there is a fight.
For now i'd say get some sleep and do that goblin job from before.
>>
No. 688121 ID: ad936f

>>688101
Blacked out windows? Hunched backed coachman? This is a vampire carriage if I've even seen one, follow it!
>>
No. 688124 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688101
Okay, normally it's dishonorable to rob a guy who gave you money to get out of his way. But

>>688121
Yeah. If the people inside are vampires, this may be your only chance to attack them while they're away from their base. Stalk the carriage and knock out the driver.

Just make sure you're attacking criminals and not little girls. In terms of experience that is; don't hesitate to murder a withering old mafia vampire loli if ya have to.
>>
No. 688158 ID: cb0c25
File 144983449831.jpg - (7.09KB , 300x300 , img-thing.jpg )
688158

>>688101
That carriage is suspicious, and you know you need to investigate it. Luckily enough, it seems to have left a trail of horse hoof-prints behind it. You will simply need to follow those from a good distance and hopefully you will be able to find where that carriage is going.

So...taking into account that crazy fight last night, and how Suzy isn't perfectly ready to get moving yet, you decide another quick nap for everyone is a good idea. Finding some comfortable underbrush, you and the girls sleep.

---

You are now dreaming.
What is your favorite animal?
>>
No. 688160 ID: ad936f

Dogs, especially the big and fluffy kinds.
>>
No. 688161 ID: 4488b8

That most noble of Nature's creations, the giant centipede.
>>
No. 688163 ID: 3641d4

You love really fluffy sheep.
>>
No. 688167 ID: 7b65b9

Wolves, even if they are a little annoying.
>>
No. 688170 ID: ee81a6

>>688158
Vampire bats. Named that way because they eat vampires. Not the other kind, that one sucks.
>>
No. 688175 ID: dc551b

Wombat.
>>
No. 688187 ID: 99ca2b

>>688158
Boa constrictors
>>
No. 688194 ID: 6e1503

>>688158
Man is the greatest animal
>>
No. 688195 ID: b781f4
File 144986330586.png - (37.13KB , 212x159 , pixel_sheep_by_sheepolution-d498rk9.png )
688195

>>688158
Ah yes, the sheep. You always wanted to have a sheep of your very own. Maybe that's why you moved to that little farm village, because of all the cute sheep. Never really got to have a sheep of your own when you were hunting vampires with Phillip Dollarfield, and you never actually took care of your own sheep ever since, but still, they're pretty great.

---

You and the girls wake up. It's later in the afternoon, and Suzy looks like she's generally better. The hoof-prints are still up there, and hopefully you will be able to follow them right to where this suspicious carriage leads. Then again, who's to say you can't head into town and goof off a bit first?
>>
No. 688200 ID: 13c4a5

Forget the possible vampire for the moment, go have some fun.
>>
No. 688228 ID: 7b65b9

You have been working really hard the past couple days, you all deserve to have a little fun. And who knows, you might find something worth while too, like a new friend.
>>
No. 688231 ID: 2ccbb3

Follow the trail, you know how much nobles pay for dinner and a show of the socially inept and basically they want to see stupid.

You should also case the mansion / fortress / whatever during daylight. Afterwards, scavenge for nuts and blood berries on your way back. See what's new on the bounty board.
>>
No. 688235 ID: 15a025

You should go secure your-self a pet sheep to join you on your journey. Every rag tag team needs some kind of pet to help keep morals high.
>>
No. 688284 ID: e0e3fe
File 144994311721.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 144938975013.jpg )
688284

>>688195
You know what? You've been doing a lot of hard stuff lately, and you and the girls deserve a little break. The tracks aren't going to disappear anytime soon, probably. With Janet getting back on your head and Suzy riding on your back, you march on back to Snickersberg.

Well, it's time to relax a bit...but how? You believe you hear a ukulele playing from inside the bar. You also see that there's a group of clowns walking into the circus tent thing. Besides that, nothing too fun seems...oh hey look, there's a bake sale going on.
>>
No. 688285 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688284
Bake Sale!

But seriously, go buy some weapons for the vampire raid.
>>
No. 688291 ID: 86cfc3

>>688284
Bake sale!

Two of the party will be much more dangerous once you get them high on sugar.
>>
No. 688340 ID: e0e3fe
File 144995423671.png - (7.79KB , 400x400 , piq_226522_400x400.png )
688340

>>688284
You head over to the little stand in the middle of town selling various treats. A little old lady is working at it, handing out cookies and taking gold. Upon closer inspection, you recognize this woman as Gloria Ploop, someone from your home town.

"Oh hello dearies, would you like to buy some treats? All funds go to hiring Phillip Dollarfield to save the princess."

>Sugar cookie: Great for a boost of energy: 1 gold
>Slice o' cake: Win someone over with a delicious slice of cake: 2 gold
>Donut Roll: Some say this has minor healing properties, being so delicious: 3 gold
>Cookie helmet: A helmet made out of cookies. You can wear it and eat it!: 4 gold
>Shiny Dagger: Good for shanking someone trying to take your cookies: 7 gold

>You have 12 gold.
>>
No. 688345 ID: ad936f

>>688340
Hell no, boycott that shit.
>>
No. 688350 ID: 86cfc3

>>688340
Buy 3 cookies, one for each.
>>
No. 688351 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688340
Knock her out and give the cookies and profits she made directly to the poor and downtrodden, the ones you can trust on intuition to spread the wealth to the best of their ability.

After all, you ARE going to "hire" Phillip yourself - even if you have to nail him to a Wooden Horse and push him straight into the kidnappers at the crack of dawn.
>>
No. 688352 ID: 91cfcf

>>688351
How is he going to knock her out when she has that dagger?
>>
No. 688353 ID: 4488b8

Get a cookie each. The girls deserve a treat after all their help.
>>
No. 688354 ID: 86cfc3

No stealing cookies, that's work, and we're trying to relax.

Besides, any money in that fund will end up funding our mission eventually, so the cookies are basically free.
>>
No. 688391 ID: d9d287

>Besides, any money in that fund will end up funding our mission eventually, so the cookies are basically free.

No you fool, the money goes towards funding the corrupt symbols of hierarchy from l'ancien regime that we as an anarchist outcast must resist! Paying money to feed the obsessions of the rich (like rescuing some damn figurehead princess) is figurative vampirism sucking the financial lifeblood of the poor to sustain the vampiric rich. Combat the vampirism, steal the money from Gloria Ploop!
>>
No. 688440 ID: e0e3fe
File 144999168362.jpg - (106.04KB , 1008x662 , sugar_cookies.jpg )
688440

>>688340
This may be one of the toughest decisions you have ever had to make in all your life. On one hand, you and the girls could use some sugar cookies. On the other hand, you have the strong urge to murder this old woman for daring to support someone as vile as Phillip Dollarfield. You cookie lust overcomes your blood lust, however, and you by three sugar cookies for each of you.

You now have 9 gold.

Now, this is an important decision. Do you eat the cookies now for that great taste and sugar high, or save them for now and investigate the other things going on in town...or just get back to investigating that weird carriage?
>>
No. 688441 ID: 7b65b9

Janet really needs a better weapon than a bone, and a dagger seem the perfect size for her.
I say get a dagger for Janet, and a cookie for each of you.
>>
No. 688444 ID: 7b65b9

Also, I think eating the cookies now would be good. They look like they'd crumble or go stale pretty easily, and you bought them to enjoy them, not for items.
>>
No. 688493 ID: 2ccbb3

1 whole gold piece for a freaking cookie?

Whatever, go to the job board and the bar. Take the shortest route.
>>
No. 688499 ID: ad936f

Eat them slowly throughout the day and savor every bite.
>>
No. 688508 ID: 86cfc3

>>688440
Eat cookies, snoop around town.
>>
No. 688510 ID: e0e3fe
File 145003139990.gif - (8.39KB , 440x220 , bard.gif )
688510

>>688440
You're all hungry, right? You eat your cookie right away, and so do Janet and Suzy. You feel an immediate rush of energy fill your body.

"Oh my gosh this is the greatest cookie I've ever had I want to capture this old lady and force her to make cookies for me forever in my basement it would be the best thing ever please please please I need more!" Janet's mouth is basically foaming at this point.

"Ohhhhhh this is a really good cookie!" Suzy is jittery and twitchy. "Let's go do some cool stuff, I can take on the whole world!"

In your sugar high state, you slam down seven coins on Ploop's counter and buy the shiny dagger. You then throw the dagger over to Janet, who catches it in her teeth. You now have 2 gold.

"I am going to be the greatest werewolf cookie knife girl ever just you wait and see!"

You then run over to the notice board. No more new jobs to be had, just the missing guitar and the blood berry quests. Suzy spits on the board for wasting your sugar high time. The three of you then rush into the bar, knocking over stools as you do. The drinkers look at you all, confused. You see the source of the ukulele music, a young man rocking out on a small stage.
>>
No. 688512 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688510
Janet and Suzy, latch onto the bard.
>>
No. 688533 ID: ad936f

>>688510
RAP BATTLLLLLLLLLLEEE!
>>
No. 688548 ID: f2461f

Challenge the bard to a rap battle, winner gets the loser's shoes.
>>
No. 688551 ID: ad936f

>>688548
No, the winner gets ALL of the loser's cool points.
>>
No. 688568 ID: e0e3fe
File 145004671128.png - (86.12KB , 397x267 , 635771686119723957-1956670383_Screen%20Shot%202015.png )
688568

>>688510
It's time to get crazy!

You run over to the bard and start calling him out. You insult his musical skills and challenge him to an intense rap battle. Winner takes ALL the loser's cool points. In the heat of the moment, Suzy latches onto the bard's chest while Janet leaps on top of the bard's head. The bard doesn't seem to mind to much.

"Uh...dude, I'm not much of a rapper, man. I mean if this were a guitar off, maybe I'd take you up on the offer, but all I got on me right now is this ukulele. Goblins stole my guitar...oh, pleasure to meet you though. The name's Ryan Rockstone."
>>
No. 688569 ID: 7b65b9

Introduce yourself, then immediately Rush over to the goblins, take his guitar back, and challenge him.
Also ask him if you can recruit him on your adventure.
>>
No. 688570 ID: 2ccbb3

Right, let's do the goblin quest.
>>
No. 688615 ID: ad936f

>>688568
Oh, well okay then. Do you know were we might find a rapper? Not like a super good one though. We'll find your guitar for you, you seem like a pretty cool guy and goblins seem like a nice challenge.
>>
No. 688634 ID: b200b3
File 145008337167.png - (8.33KB , 400x400 , piq_7643_400x400.png )
688634

>>688568
Still driven by sugar, you agree to help the man get his guitar back. Calling the girls back to their places, Janet leaps on your head, Suzy gets onto your back, and you run out into the woods searching for the goblin cave before the bard can give you any more details.

You run around the woods until finally you start to crash from all that sugar. You slow down, and you just feel all the energy leaving your body. Janet and Suzy, based on their droopiness, are feeling the same way.

"Sugar crash?" asks a nasally voice from behind you.

You turn around to see a goblin, just kind of chilling.
>>
No. 688636 ID: f56624

>>688634
"Yeah. Sup dude? Seen a guitar around here?"
>>
No. 688647 ID: 7b65b9

Say yes, say hello, and ask him how his day is today. Try to be polite in case he's the one who stole the guitar.
>>
No. 688660 ID: 3641d4

Act cool and casual. Be all like sup little goblin bro see a guitar anywhere out in this neck of the woods?
>>
No. 688717 ID: b200b3
File 145011760528.jpg - (5.62MB , 4288x2848 , 2770.jpg )
688717

>>688634
You decide to be nice to the goblin, and ask him if he's seen a guitar around here, explaining that you believe someone in this area stole it from a local musician.

"Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about," says the goblin, "that Ryan Rockstone guy's guitar. He was playing a show over by our caves. He was pretty good. Thing is, we have our own band in the caves too. More of a gang than a band, really, but their leader, Tuner, was talking about how he wanted a guitar, so him and his friends probably took it from the guy, seeing as now Tuner has a guitar now. Us goblins would probably do something about it but...well, Tuner's band really needed that guitar. Their music is so much better now. If you want to check them out, just go into the caves, I'm sure they're playing somewhere in there...just don't go killing them and and then killing all of us or something. If I had a gold piece for every time some adventurers came in and performed goblin genocide on us, I'd be one rich goblin."
>>
No. 688731 ID: 7b65b9

dang, this doesn't sound like it has an easy solution, unless you could somehow get the money to get an all new guitar for Tuner.
For now go inside and hear how the band sounds, and go from there.
Also be on the defensive.This might be a trap so they don't have to give up the guitar.
>>
No. 688732 ID: 32de16

>>688717
Thank the nice goblin. Check out that gang-band. Maybe they can share the guitar or something similarly ridiculous?
>>
No. 688754 ID: ad936f

>>688717
>If I had a gold piece for every time some adventurers came in and performed goblin genocide on us, I'd be one rich goblin.
Well at least none of them seem to have done a very good job of it. Let's just go in there, beat the crap out of the band members, and take the guitar back.
>>
No. 688756 ID: 2ccbb3

Cover your ears and scream at Tuner until the cave reverberations unnerve him?
>>
No. 688774 ID: b200b3
File 145013964912.jpg - (162.66KB , 1280x1024 , night-goblin-village-2.jpg )
688774

>>688717
You thank the goblin for his time, and enter the cave. It's a long, dark, and narrow pathway, much more suitable for goblins to go through than humans. Janet and Suzy get off of your body to have an easier time squeezing through each of the passages. Eventually though, you do make it to the goblin village of "Underground Goblin Village Stay Out Adventurers"...the sign down here doesn't really give a proper name.

You look around to see anything interesting around here. It's got its standard stuff you'd find in any normal village; houses, shops, ect, but a few things do catch your eye. For starters, there's a sack hanging from a stick. A sign points to the sack, reading in red letters...

Party Sack.

You also notice this village has its own notice board. Guess goblins have their own quests that need to be done too. Finally, you see a larger hut with a sign on it that says "Performance Hall." You hear...what you think is music coming from it, but honestly it sounds more like a random combination of instruments being played pretty poorly. Guitar can be heard from that mess, you are certain of that.
>>
No. 688775 ID: 47160d

Open the party sack, partake of whatever is inside.
>>
No. 688776 ID: 2ccbb3

>>688775
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

It could be filled... with *shudder* lubricated cow milkers! Or *GASP* lemon-scented pig colons!! Or even... even...

THE SOUL JAR OF WILLIAM MAYS!!! AAAAAA-

But seriously it might be a trap and you should probably wear gloves and point it at someone else.

Please check the job board. Head to the Performance Hall and annoy Tuner until he throws the guitar at you.
>>
No. 688783 ID: ad936f

Kick open the door to the performance hall (don't break the door though that would be rude) and shout "TUNERRRRR!!"
>>
No. 688784 ID: ad936f

Kick open the door to the performance hall (don't break the door though that would be rude) and shout "TUNERRRRR!!"
>>
No. 688788 ID: 86cfc3

>>688774
Get in the party sack this instant.
>>
No. 688790 ID: 7b65b9

Check what's inside the party sack.
>>
No. 688858 ID: b200b3
File 145016704839.jpg - (1.78MB , 2000x1333 , SYSTEM_114_WM_20112.jpg )
688858

>>688774
You open up the sack and peer deeply into it. However, the sack appears to be completely empty. Just then, you are shoved by something behind you, and tumble head first into the party sack. You feel Suzy and Janet slam into you as well. The party sack must have been some sort of trap, and now you've all been captured in it. You feel the sack fall from the stick it was hanging from, and someone, perhaps your capturer, drags the three of you across the ground. Despite your struggling, the party sack appears to be very durable, and in this dark and crammed space it's hard to grab any weapons. You then start to feel small hands from outside the bag pushing you from all sides, until the sack is no longer being dragged, but rolled to its destination. The three of you tumble about all over each other. You hear loud banging and shouting all around you, and strange lights seem to penetrate the darkness within the sack.

The sack then opens.

You are at a goblin nightclub.
>>
No. 688865 ID: 2ccbb3

Steal their technology!

They won't care about ONE lamp...
>>
No. 688933 ID: b200b3
File 145020801555.jpg - (10.81KB , 246x220 , mgp-gunnar220.jpg )
688933

>>688858
Your know exactly what must be done...you gotta steal one of these crazy lamps! Look at these lights! This is some pretty advanced stuff. As goblins rave around you, you grab one of the lamps. Before you can put it into your inventory, however, you are approached by a goblin wearing a crown. He doesn't seem to be super blocky, yet at the same time isn't detailed enough to be an obvious threat. Might be best to be carful around this one.

"Greetings," the goblin says, "I am the king of this village, and you are our new welcomed guests, courtesy of the party sack!"
>>
No. 688936 ID: 13c4a5

Store the lamp then shake the goblin's hand. Afterwards proceed to party but keep an eye on your companions, wouldn't want to loose them.
>>
No. 688951 ID: d9d287

Ask Goblin King why his people needed to steal a guitar if they can make nifty stuff like these lamps. Also, it would be nice to find out more about what the vampires are up to if we can.
>>
No. 688985 ID: 7b65b9

Greet the goblin king, and compliment him on his party decore.
>>
No. 688988 ID: 15a025

Ask if you can make out with that sexy crown of his.
>>
No. 689052 ID: 86cfc3

>>688933
Ask him what the occasion for the party is.
>>
No. 689121 ID: e0e3fe
File 145027996130.jpg - (133.24KB , 1188x725 , New-Year-Dance-Party-Image-Courtesy-Feedio_net_.jpg )
689121

>>688933
You gotta be friendly here. You greet the goblin king and ask him what this party is all about.

"That's very simple," he says, "it's been a whole three months since someone tried to grind us for cool points. That's something worth celebrating. So please, enjoy yourself, grab some of the food, grab a gal, grab a bloke if you want. Wait a little while, we've got Tuner and the Tunettes playing soon."

You ask him why the goblins needed to steal a guitar when they could just sell these cool lights.

"I'm not the one who told Tuner to take that guitar, he did that himself. Not that I'm complaining, he's pretty good at the guitar now. Anyway, we can't sell these lights because no one wants to trade with us...probably because we do things like steal guitars."

You ask him if he knows anything about vampires.

"I don't know much about vampires, other than that Phil Dollarface guy and some other guy basically hunted them out of the country. If they're still around, they're probably hiding in the night with all the other spooks."
>>
No. 689146 ID: 32de16

>>689121
Well… listen to the guitar player. Talk to the band after the performance.
>>
No. 689154 ID: ad936f

>>689146
yep
>>
No. 689208 ID: e0e3fe
File 145030668855.jpg - (398.92KB , 1280x1472 , guitar_god_goblin_by_gberbz-d894hp8.jpg )
689208

>>689121
You decide that the best thing to do right now is to just wait this out and see what happens. Janet is a freak on the dance floor, impressing many a goblin. Suzy just sits by the corner drinking punch and feeling awkward.

Eventually though, the king of the goblins calls everyone's attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen...I present to you...Tuner and the Tunnettes!"

A goblin with flowing red locks is applauded on stage. He is holding a badass guitar. He is followed by seven more goblins. Yes. Seven.

One with drums.
One with a tuba.
One with a kazoo.
One with a piano.
One with a xylophone.
One with a didgeridoo.
And one with a triangle.

They play as terribly, but the goblins seem to love it.
>>
No. 689211 ID: 2ccbb3

>>689208
... Ironically, we may have needed the Ukelele.

Find something that doubles as an annoying instrument. How about one of your vine whips and a few forks?
>>
No. 689212 ID: ad936f

well... wait until they're done and meet them backstage.
>>
No. 689237 ID: 86cfc3

>no one wants to trade with us...
Hey, I wonder if you could make a fortune acting as a middleman trading golbin goods. No one will have any problem buying if they don't know where the stuff is really coming from, right?

>>689208
Needs more cowbell.
>>
No. 689281 ID: e0e3fe
File 145033913456.jpg - (107.45KB , 750x1000 , o.jpg )
689281

>>689208
Despite the music making you want to cut off your ears, you wait for the band to finish their show.

And wait.
And wait.
AND WAIT.

Until finally, after their 4th encore, Tuner and his fellow goblins take their equipment and enter a back room. You follow them in with the girls.

"Hey hey hey! What the fuck are you doing here? You don't got any VIP access!" Tuner yells at you while shaking his fist.
>>
No. 689283 ID: 7b65b9

"And you don't have the right to steal someone's guitar, so I guess we're both breaking the rules."
>>
No. 689285 ID: d9d287

Seriously, we want tips on how to steal musical instruments, we need to get some.
>>
No. 689287 ID: 2ccbb3

Threaten to steal the backstage if he doesn't return the guitar. Janet, start your bladder.

Also, his music could do better.
>>
No. 689296 ID: 3641d4

"But we're the party sack people!"
>>
No. 689340 ID: e0e3fe

>>689281
It's time to pull the fast and aggressive method. You accuse him right away of stealing the guitar, and start threatening all sorts of terrible things if he doesn't return it; you say you'll literally STEAL the backstage from them, and have Janet piss on everything.

"Yeah I would so do that don't even try me my bladder is full of sin and it's ready to burst!"

Tuner raises the guitar like a baseball bat, and the other bandmates get noticeably tense.

"That dumb human can buy a new fucking guitar if he fucking wants to, but I can't get another one! Our band is more rocking than ever before! I stole this fair and square! If you want it, you'll have to go through me and my Tunnettes!"

The Tunnettes don't look happy with the idea of fighting.
>>
No. 689386 ID: 7b65b9

I don't think you should actually fight them, because he might use the guitar as a weapon and break it. Also because they don't seem like horrible goblins, they just can't buy instruments like humans can.
Maybe if he has money he can give it to you and you can buy a guitar that suits him better, and he can give you that one?
>>
No. 689391 ID: f447af

You've shown them the stick, time for the carrot. How about they return the guitar, get tips from a real bard on getting even better and you help them find a replacement guitar. (Possibly via lamp trade?)
>>
No. 689393 ID: f56624

"Guys, can you slap your friend down? I swear to god I didn't sign up for this shit when I agreed to go find some dude's missing guitar."
>>
No. 689395 ID: 90f3c0

Challenge them to a battle of musical skill. Whoever wins at the ancient art of karaoke keeps the guitar.
>>
No. 689403 ID: 86cfc3

>>689340
Dude, we're just the repo-men. We're not here to murder you and your band over it.

Look, if your band is so successful, couldn't you buy a new one? Or pay back the guy you ripped that one from.
>>
No. 689437 ID: e0e3fe
File 145041611417.jpg - (398.92KB , 1280x1472 , guitar_god_goblin_by_gberbz-d894hp8.jpg )
689437

>>689340
You decide that instead of resorting to violence or competition, you continue a clear, blunt approach. You explain that you're only hear for the guitar, and you would be happy to work something out if the Tunnettes if they just did something about Tuner here.

The xylophone player puts his hand on Tuner's shoulder and says "just give him the guitar, man." The other Tunnettes shoot Tuner a similar look that says "it's just not worth it."

Tuner shouts incoherently and walks out of the room.

"Fuck you guys! I'm out of here! Find yourselves a new Tuner!"

He wanders into the crowded goblin dance floor with the guitar.
>>
No. 689451 ID: 2ccbb3

>>689437
Steal it back. Have Janet and Suzy dry-hump Tuner while you grab it. Looks like the Goblins have a "finders-keepers" cultural mindset, so be wary of your coin purse. Tie it up with a vine whip to be safe.
>>
No. 689455 ID: 7b65b9

Try to go out there and talk it out. Try to convince him that you can get him an even better guitar.
>>
No. 689478 ID: e0e3fe

>>689437
You walk into the crowd and try your hardest to convince Tuner to give up the guitar, but he won't have any of it. You decide the only solution left is to take it from him whether he's fine with it or not. You send Janet and Suzy over to dry-hump tuner, and without question, the girls do so with an intense fury.

"Hey, get off of me!" Tuner yells.
"We're just dancing, calm down!" replies Suzy.
"This is going to make you so popular I mean you're going to be like the goblin guy who was seen dancing with a vampire and a werewolf that's really cool in my book" says Janet.

You then use a little magic flair to cast vine whip. A vine erupts from the ground, wraps itself around the guitar, and flings it towards you. You grab the guitar, and feel pretty cool for pulling off this tactical masterpiece.

"That's it!" yells Tuner, "I'm gonna kick your ass!" A crowd of goblins form around you as Tuner puts up his fists. The Tunnettes watch from a distance, uneasy. The king of the goblins does not look pleased.

FIGHT TIME!

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Tuner
>>
No. 689479 ID: 88960e

If we kill him, it's gonna go bad with the king and the band watching.

Attempt to rock out.
>>
No. 689480 ID: f2461f

Try tying Tuner up with vine whip, the goal is to subdue not kill.
>>
No. 689490 ID: 136163

>>689478
Why fight? We have what we want. Trip him with the vine whip and run away. Remember to take the girls with you!
>>
No. 689491 ID: 2ccbb3

Don't start an international incident over a @#$%ing guitar

Use the vine whip as a grappling hook and parkour your way out of this fight; you'll look cool and avoid an actual battle.
>>
No. 689499 ID: 7b65b9

Try singing something kind and emotional like "why can't we be friends", or "brother my brother", and hope he's moved by it.
>>
No. 689508 ID: e0e3fe
File 145048616008.png - (8.33KB , 400x400 , piq_7643_400x400.png )
689508

>>689478
You're not going to kill the guy over a guitar! You cast vine whip yet again, causing a small vine to come out from the ground, wrap itself round Tuner's legs, and trip him. You call the girls back to you, and once Janet is on your head and Suzy is on your back, you run as fast as you can out of there.

ESCAPED BATTLE!

"Get back here and fight me!"

You run out of the club and find yourself back in town...why exactly you needed to get into a party sack to get to the club is unclear. No matter, you continue running, Tuner's shouting coming from a fair distance behind you. It doesn't seem like any of the goblins are trying to stop you though. Guess they don't want to fight either. Eventually, the three of you squeeze your way through the tight tunnels of the cave and find your way out. You think you've lost tuner.

"Hey," says the first goblin you met before entering the cave, "you got that guitar back...you didn't hurt anyone to get it, did you?"
>>
No. 689509 ID: d9d287

"Tuner might have fallen over and hurt himself a little when we tied him up to stop him from picking a fight, but not as far as I know."
>>
No. 689513 ID: 86cfc3

>you got that guitar back...you didn't hurt anyone to get it, did you?
Look ashamed, and admit you're pretty sure you hurt Tuner's feelings. Being an adventurer is a hard job, sometimes.
>>
No. 689518 ID: 2ccbb3

"Nothing permanent. Tuner's a jerk, but not worth starting a war over."
>>
No. 689569 ID: e0e3fe
File 145054445465.jpg - (224.99KB , 720x720 , setting-sun-724644_960_720.jpg )
689569

>>689508
You explain to the goblin that while you might have given Tuner a bruise here or there with your vine whip spell tripping him, but you have not harmed any other goblins.

"Oh thank goodness. I know us goblins are a little wonky with things, but I'm really happy that you didn't seriously hurt anyone seriously. You could have taken the cooler route of fighting a bunch of us, but I really appreciate that you didn't. I'll make sure to put in a good word for you guys if you ever need help from us goblins."

Well, I guess the only thing left to do now is return to Snickersberg and return that guitar...the sun is starting to set though. Heading back might lead you to encounter a few spooks if you don't rush.
>>
No. 689570 ID: 662d90

>>689569
Spooks are ok, let’s not rush.
>>
No. 689571 ID: 86cfc3

>>689569
Well, we kind of have to head back don't we? The alternative is staying here, and some goblins might be less than pleased we took that guitar back.
>>
No. 689583 ID: ad936f

Clearly the only way to get there fast enough is to powerslide over.
>>
No. 689593 ID: 7b65b9

I think you should head back at a normal pace, and deal with whatever you find when you find it. I also think you should keep your eyes out for any guitars you can find to bring back as a sign of good will.
>>
No. 689606 ID: e0e3fe
File 145058160120.jpg - (27.40KB , 750x1000 , raf,750x1000,075,t,navy_u3.jpg )
689606

>>689569
You decide not to push yourselves too hard and casually start walking back to Snickersberg. The sun unfortunately sets just as the front gate to town is visible.

A spooky wolf-man approaches!

Suzy shrieks and terror while Janet's eyes grow wide.

"Oh my gosh holy shit oh my gosh look at that it's like looking in a mirror EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" Janet loves every minute of this.

The wolf-man covers his ears, her noises hurting them.
>>
No. 689607 ID: 86cfc3

>>689606
Janet, throw yourself up and into his teeth. Try to get yourself infected with lycanthropy.
>>
No. 689608 ID: 7b65b9

Greet this wolf man. If he has clothes, he at least probably isn't feral.
>>
No. 689609 ID: 2ccbb3

Demand surrender. Janet, scream. Suzy, open fire in the chest, he can take it.
>>
No. 689621 ID: d9d287

This guy is just chillin' so far. We've known for years that Phillip Dollarfield's a vampire, and if he hadn't gone too far over the edge we wouldn't be out to hunt him down like the rest of the vampires. Say hi, ask what's up, maybe he's got a job for us to do. If it turns out he's dangerous we use whips to snag his feet and start figuring out a way to burn him to death.
>>
No. 689642 ID: 37cf4a

>>689606
Great wolfy.
>>
No. 689643 ID: 37cf4a

>>689642
…Greet. Greet wolfy. Dangit.
>>
No. 689667 ID: e0e3fe
File 145063889207.jpg - (20.14KB , 450x422 , werewolf-01.jpg )
689667

>>689606
You decide to greet the wolf-man. You've been able to avoiding fighting pretty well so far. Maybe this wolf-man is friendly. You greet you wolf-man, introduce your friends, and ask him if he would like to stay and chat the night away.

"...I think I'd prefer to just eat you guys."

FIGHT TIME!

DALE PENNYMEADOW (you)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Wolf-man
>>
No. 689668 ID: 86cfc3

>wat do
Dale: Vine whip to tie it up
Suzy: Shoot it with the bow
Janet: Attempt to throw yourself in his mouth in an attempt to contract lycanthropy.
>>
No. 689704 ID: f2461f

>>689668
This plan sounds fool proof, let's go for it.
>>
No. 689706 ID: 7b65b9

Use vine whip to try to subdue the werewolf as Janet runs in with her shiny dagger (totally not trying to catch lycanthropy or anything), and have Suzy run around his back so she can shoot him in the back.
>>
No. 689709 ID: 2ccbb3

Well, Janet is the least afraid of getting infected with a rampaging werewolf virus, so

EVERYONE OPEN FIRE! USE ARROWS UNTIL HE GETS INTO MELEE RANGE, THEN CLOBBER HIM INTO SUBMISSION!

Keep running and shooting until you're in a tactically sound environment!
>>
No. 689748 ID: e0e3fe

>>689667
Time for some grade A teamwork!

You cast vine whip, and slap the right across the face. You leave a noticeable red mark on him. The wolf-man is aggravated!

Suzy pulls an arrow back and fires. It pierces the wolf-man's chest! He's even more pissed off now!

Finally, you send Janet at him, dagger raised. She stabs the wolf right in the leg with her dagger, giggling.

The wolf, chest pierced, leg bleeding, and face slapped, grabs Janet and bites her neck.

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I'm gonna be a real werewolf now I'll look on the outside how I feel on the inside oh boy I'm losing a lot of blood."

Like a dog, the wolf-man brings you back Janet and leaves the bloody girl by your feet.


DALE PENNYMEADOW
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (BLEEDING PROFUSELY)
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Wolf-man (enraged, face hurt, chest pierced, leg bleeding)
>>
No. 689751 ID: f2461f

Drive a stake into his skull while Suzy kicks him in the balls. We have to be fast though, wouldn't want Janet to bleed to death.
>>
No. 689754 ID: 86cfc3

Dale, apply healing to Janet before she dies.

Suzy, shoot it again.

Janet, try not to bleed too much.
>>
No. 689756 ID: 2ccbb3

Cute.

Please heal Janet while she's working. Or vine whip them together.

Janet, show this loser how a REAL werewolf rips apart the neck and feasts on the bone marrow inside! Oh and stab him in the eye while you're at it.

Suzy, aim for his balls. But aim high so that you don't miss.
>>
No. 689798 ID: b8ceae

>>689748
Dale: Heal Janet.
Suzy: Throw a stick and shout "Fetch!"
Janet: Stop bleeding.
>>
No. 689801 ID: e0e3fe

>>689748
You prepare your druidic healing spell and place your hands on Janet's neck. You notice a bit of hair on her upper lip that wasn't there before.

While you heal Janet, and Janet tries to stop bleeding, Suzy prepares another shot from her bow and fires it at the wolf-man. The arrow lodges itself right into the wolf-man's testicles! The wolf-man cries and cups his privates, then runs over to Suzy, knocking her to the ground. The moment he gets over his testicular terror, he'll no doubt maul her.



DALE PENNYMEADOW
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET (Bleeding, healing)
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (on ground)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (8 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Wolf-man (enraged, face hurt, chest pierced, leg bleeding, right nut pierced)
>>
No. 689803 ID: 2ccbb3

Keep healing!

Janet, shoot him in the asshole!

Suzy, bite his neck!
>>
No. 689805 ID: 88960e

Dale, finish the wolf. Stab him from behind, get him off of her.

Suzy, kick him in the other nut.

Janet, uh, contribute if you can.
>>
No. 689817 ID: 7b65b9

As soon as you're done healing Janet, use vine whip to hold the werewolf back from Suzy, have Suzy shoot him again.
>>
No. 689884 ID: e0e3fe

>>689801
Once you're finished healing her, you grab your stake, run behind the wolf-man, and ram the stake into his back. For extra damage, you slam it in a little bit more with your hammer.

While still on the ground, Suzy kicks the wolf-man in the crotch again to keep him further stunned! It works! The wolf-man, despite being incredibly durable, is stunned hard!

Janet attempts to get up and fire an arrow, but due to being woozy from the healing, misses the shot.

The werewolf, though unable to properly attack, thrashes around enough to slam you into the ground.

DALE PENNYMEADOW (on ground)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY (on ground)
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (8 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Wolf-man (enraged, face hurt, chest pierced, leg bleeding, back stabbed, nuts devastated)
>>
No. 689886 ID: 2ccbb3

ALL SQUAD MEMBERS, FIRE!
>>
No. 689933 ID: e0e3fe

>>689884
It's time for a full on beat down! You and Suzy take turns kicking away at the wolf-man's nuts, while Janet leaps on top of the wolf-man and stabs away at his head. He thrashes and bashes, crashes and yowls, but those nuts are not going to be unkicked and his face isn't going to be unstabbed. Eventually, the wolf-man falls over, unconscious. Damn, wolf-men are durable.

VICTORY!
>Wolf-man: Unconscious, 12 cool points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 12
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 8 CP, JANET: 13 CP, SUZY: 10 CP
>>
No. 689934 ID: f2461f

1 for us
4 for Suzy
7 for Janet
>>
No. 689936 ID: 2ccbb3

>>689934
1 for Dale
4 for Janet
7 for Suzy
>>
No. 689937 ID: 977a6a

>>689933
5 for you
2 for Janet
3 for Suzy
>>
No. 689951 ID: ad936f

2 for us, 10 for suzy.
>>
No. 689953 ID: 7b65b9

4:us
4:Suzy
7:Janet
>>
No. 689955 ID: 7ae8e1

2 for Dale, 7 for Janet, 3 for Suzy.
>>
No. 689975 ID: e0e3fe
File 145083593040.png - (690.16KB , 900x600 , sleeping_werewolf_by_petplayer976-d3lmwhr.png )
689975

>>689933
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 10 CP, JANET: 20 CP, SUZY: 13 CP
>YOU LEVELED UP
>YOU WENT FROM...Complete Outcast...to Hopeless Loser!
>JANET WENT FROM...Hopeless Loser...to Total Disgrace!

The wolf-man lies defeated on the ground in front of you. The coolness flows through your veins and Janet's. There's something else flowing through Janet as well.

"I feel...the werewolf WITHIN ME!"

Janet now has a mustache.

Well nothing left to do now but to go back into town and turn in that guitar, or maybe head to the inn and sleep off the night, or heck, do something strange and spontaneous instead.
>>
No. 689978 ID: 2ccbb3

>>689975
Skin the werewolf repeatedly using healing spells and Janet's knife until he dies of starvation?
>>
No. 689980 ID: 977a6a

Let the werewolf be. You're sort of a druid, you're sort of supposed to respect nature, and werewolves are sort of natural, right?

Head back to town and cache in that guitar.
>>
No. 689987 ID: 99ca2b

>>689975
Well, get Janet to drink some werewolf blood to make the wolf stronger. Then leave and return the guitar.
>>
No. 690019 ID: 7ae8e1

>>689987
Yeah I am 84% certain drinking werewolf blood is the way to go for Janet.
>>
No. 690045 ID: 7b65b9

I sure do hope Janet's mom won't hate us for turning her into a werewolf, but nothing we can do about it now.
I guess we turn in the guitar for now.
>>
No. 690060 ID: e0e3fe
File 145088973716.jpg - (170.60KB , 700x351 , purple_big.jpg )
690060

>>689975
Janet leaps up and down on your head while stroking her mustache.

"Please please please let me drink some of that wolf blood I bet it tastes so good I'll turn into a super duper werewolf not that I wasn't one already I just mean that I'll be even more of a super duper werewolf than I am now please let me do it everyone will think I'm so cool!"

Somehow not having a problem with the drinking of blood unless the person doing it is a vampire, you let Janet go ahead. Using her shiny dagger, Janet makes a small cut on the wolf-man's back and suckles at the blood.

"I feel...the werewolf GROWING!"

Janet now has 5 o'clock shadow.
>>
No. 690063 ID: 5430e0

>>690060
Go to sleep.
>>
No. 690064 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690060
Skin the werewolf.
>>
No. 690079 ID: 15a025

>>690064
Yes skin the werewolf! It's pelt might be worth some cash.
>>
No. 690083 ID: 7b65b9

You should be careful about letting Janet drink too much blood. She might become too much of a werewolf and try to eat you guys.
Also check what phase the moon is in. I thought werewolves only grew hair during full moons.
>>
No. 690089 ID: 977a6a

>>690064
Spare the werewolf.
>>
No. 690101 ID: b8ceae

>>690060
Let her keep the werewolf as a pet to increase her wolfiness.
>>
No. 690107 ID: 7ae8e1

That's because you're a vampire expert. You know drinking werewolf blood won't turn you into a vampire.

Spare the werewolf. This should have taught him a lesson he'll never, ever forget.
>>
No. 690129 ID: 99ca2b

>>690060
Spare the wolf. He'll get worse flak from the embarassment of losing to you guys.
>>
No. 690160 ID: e0e3fe
File 145093715322.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 144938975013.jpg )
690160

>>690060
You decide that the werewolf has had enough abuse for one night, and leave him alone. Janet gets back on your head, Suzy gets back on your back, and you return to the village. You look up in the night sky to see that the moon is not full. You're no expert on werewolves, but you thought for sure that werewolves only came during full moons. Maybe you'll need to research this more later.

Anyway, you're back at the village. The general options still stand. Go to the bar and turn in the quest, go to the inn and sleep, go to the circus tent, go to the wizard's place, sit around throwing rocks at windows, and all that other goodness.
>>
No. 690162 ID: 977a6a

Stand a-square throwing windows at rocks.
>>
No. 690164 ID: 99ca2b

>>690160
Return the guitar and quest. Then inn and sleep.
>>
No. 690184 ID: 2ccbb3

Hm... maybe it was a hairwolf.

Whatever, turn in the guitar quest and start throwing rocks.
>>
No. 690215 ID: e0e3fe
File 145098529732.gif - (8.39KB , 440x220 , 145003139990.gif )
690215

>>690160
As you walk to the bar to turn in the guitar, you pick up small pebbles on the path. You're gonna throw little pebbles at windows and it's going to be lots of fun. You enter the mostly deserted bar and see Ryan Rockstone just as he finishes his last song for the night. You come up to him with the guitar in hand.

"Dude, you got my guitar back!"

Ryan takes the guitar from you and holds it tight like you've just returned his long lost baby.

QUEST COMPLETE!
>TOTAL CP EARNED: 5
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>YOU: 10 CP, JANET: 20 CP, SUZY: 13 CP
>>
No. 690216 ID: 977a6a

4 to you, 1 to Suzy.
>>
No. 690218 ID: f2461f

Give all the points to Suzy.
>>
No. 690226 ID: 2ccbb3

3 to you, 2 to Suzy
>>
No. 690257 ID: e0e3fe

>>690215
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>YOU: 10 CP, JANET: 20 CP, SUZY: 18 CP

Suzy feels incredibly cool for some reason, almost as if she did all the work on this quest.

"Say, dudes..." Ryan looks away from you, embarrassed, "you know...this may be a weird question but...well, even though you're not the coolest gang out there, I was really thinking of turning my whole thing from a one man performer to a...you know, a big band...and I was kinda wondering...could I join your crew?"
>>
No. 690262 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690257
Your funeral.
>>
No. 690263 ID: 7b65b9

Ask him if by chance he has any songs that can buff party members, but don't deny him if he doesn't.
>>
No. 690280 ID: e0e3fe
File 145103207399.gif - (8.39KB , 440x220 , 145003139990.gif )
690280

>>690257
You ask him if he has any specific music playing skills that could be useful.

"Oh yeah dude, totally. I know songs to make you want to kick serious ass, songs that help you take a few more punches, spells that make you super speedy, and songs when you wanna talk with the ladies, dude! I could be a really good asset."
>>
No. 690281 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690280
Okay, but make sure that he actually knows buff songs. Go to the circus and look for a battle to test out your new tactics.
>>
No. 690282 ID: d9d287

We are now a band. We need more instruments, we need practice, and then we need a gig. I recommend a double-bass for us, drums for Janet and... ask Ryan to suggest something for Suzy.
>>
No. 690338 ID: f56624

>>690280
can you play through the fire and flames?
>>
No. 690416 ID: e0e3fe
File 145112079689.jpg - (94.96KB , 500x333 , 2211716153_858ec749b4.jpg )
690416

>>690280
You decide you want to test out Ryan's powers a little bit, and tell him to come with you to the circus tent to do a little combat training.

"Sweet dude, I won't let you down. Let me just get on your chest real quick."

Ryan walks up to you, hugs you, and then warps himself around the front of your body. With Janet on your head and Suzy on your back, you now seem to have a really nice set of human armor.

You now have a Ryan equipped.

You walk out of the bar and enter the circus tent. The lights are dim, and it's hard to make out anything, but you know for certain that you are looking at a bunch of sleeping clowns.
>>
No. 690441 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690416
Okay, ew. Too far. Your ****s are touching.

Tie up the clowns and steal their stuff! Also, make sure to take down any threats.
>>
No. 690449 ID: 977a6a

Have the kids begin yelling loudly about how excited they are to see the circus. That'll wake the buggers up.
>>
No. 690520 ID: e0e3fe
File 145119735178.png - (7.59KB , 352x519 , 8bit_evil_clown.png )
690520

>>690416
You tell the kids to get the attention of the clowns. The children start to sing and yell about how much they want to see the circus.

"I just love the circus!" says Suzy, "clowns are really cute and stuff!"

"Yeah I really like clown do you think they paint their entire bodies or just their faces I bet their red noses can smell the universe!"

A clown guard wakes up and approaches you.

"What's going on here?"
>>
No. 690521 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690449
WHY DID YOU DO THAT

>>690520
Dale, analyze the clown's weapons. Spin a tale of how your screwed-up band would like to play in tomorrow's show, possibly as the musical part of the clown act. If he doesn't buy it, get out your bow and then instantly cast vine whip. Aim for the torso.

Ryan, play an annoying clown song that usually involves a lot of screaming, sobbing, and/or cursing.

Janet, get close to the guard's neck. Threaten to infect lycanthropy.

Suzy, flank the guard and aim for the left posterior kneecap.
>>
No. 690522 ID: 13c4a5

Tell the clown that we wanted to hug some cool clowns and chill with them. We starting making noise to try and rouse the coolest among the sleeping clowns.
If the guard doesn't buy it, run for it without further explanation.
>>
No. 690527 ID: 977a6a

>"What's going on here?"
We're seeing the circus, what's it look like?
>>
No. 690645 ID: e0e3fe
File 145126286153.png - (7.59KB , 352x519 , 8bit_evil_clown.png )
690645

>>690520
You tell the clown guard that this was a test to see which cool clowns would wake up and hang out with your crew. The clown guard holds his mace and shield cautiously and gets closer to you.

"Yeah, I am really cool. My name's Bozo. There's not really much to do right now, but if you come back in the morning we'll have tons of cool clown stuff going on."
>>
No. 690647 ID: 2ccbb3

Okay, it's time to leave and NOT fight the clown head on.

Go hunting for berries. Also, tell Don that some hairwolf is running around fighting people and giving naturalists a bad rep.
>>
No. 690649 ID: 977a6a

>>690645
Okay, cool, we'll be back then.
>>
No. 690682 ID: e0e3fe
File 145129117296.png - (8.65KB , 400x400 , 144942949346.png )
690682

>>690645
You tell the clown guard that you'll just come back in the morning, and then head out as the clown guard bids you farewell. You're all pretty tired, so you head back to the inn. The chubby redhead sees you, and like before, she at first seems to have only sympathy for Janet. That is until she realizes that Ryan is on your chest.

"Ryan? What are you doing with these...people? You and that little dog girl...who has a beard now...really shouldn't be dealing with these folks."

"Don't worry, babe," says Ryan, "they're cool."

Begrudgingly, the woman gives you all a free room.

---

You are now dreaming.
What do you think of spooks?
>>
No. 690685 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690682
You keep dreaming about everyone you care about dancing with the spooks to the tune of Spoopy Skawy Skeekytons as their skin visibly rots from the vampirism

AND YOU CAN'T MAKE IT STOP.

Even those strange weapons that always appear in your hands and turn into your friends into bull's-eye targets do nothing to slow them down as they dance closer and closer and closer and

But you personally have little against spooks, they're dangerous but not obsessed with killing you.
>>
No. 690689 ID: 7ae8e1

Spooks are pretty bad but you wonder if one day you'll find some that are just misunderstood.
>>
No. 690722 ID: 0efab6

You think about how some spooks can be pretty hot and it gives you a weird boner.
>>
No. 690725 ID: f2461f

Kinda neat, a little useful, and slightly scary.
>>
No. 690751 ID: dc07bb

>What do you think of spooks?
Ghost blowjobs, woo woo!
>>
No. 690774 ID: 15a025

>>690751
Don't forget hand jobs ;)
>>
No. 690821 ID: e0e3fe
File 145142524428.jpg - (1.22MB , 3121x1944 , HullLetter_1850_11_11_p2.jpg )
690821

>>690682
You have such mixed feelings about spooks. On one hand, you hate them, on the other hand, you think there can be good found in spooks, and get strange erections occasionally when thinking about them. You don't like this dream, and decide to wake up.

---

Well, it's morning now, and the four of you have been pushed out of that spare room. It's time for you to figure out what to do next...but just as you start thinking, a courier runs up to you.

"Are you Dale Pennymeadow?" he asks.

You say that you are.

"This is for you." He hands you a letter. It reads...

Dear Sir/Madam,

As you are hopefully well aware, it has been a few days since you were called upon to convince Phillip Dollarfield to save our Fair Lady and Future Heir To The Throne, The Princess. It appears that you have yet to do this. We understand that you may be having difficulties with this task, but we stress the importance of it further. If you do not convince Phillip Dollarfield to save our Fair Lady and Future Heir To The Throne, The Princess, we may be forced to take drastic measures. We do not wish to take any drastic measures that do not need to be taken. Take your time, don't get stressed, but their will be consequences if you fail.

Sincerely,

Your ruler, The King.
>>
No. 690825 ID: dc07bb

>>690821
Jerks, what are they doing harassing you? Gotta do sidequests and stuff to prepare for the main plotline.

Heck, even if you'd left as soon as you'd gotten the first letter, you wouldn't have made it to Phillip Dollarfield's yet.

How did they know, anyways? It hasn't been very long, it doesn't seem like there would be time for a spy's letter to have reached the king and him to have sent another back to you. Did he send a warning after the first letter, just in case you were still home when it arrived?
>>
No. 690826 ID: f97b9e

Write a reply back saying you are still gathering supplies and helping others out in order to get ready and convince him to save the princess.
>>
No. 690837 ID: 2ccbb3

>>690821
Reply back to them about how you're currently doing missions to obtain assets, which will be used to persuade Dollarfield to get out on the field. This is not a simple "tea-time convincing" job, Dollarfield refuses to go on a quest and you expect that the lack of minions and all the legendary-class weapons that were stolen from his well-trapped home MIGHT have something to do with this (you know he's a vampire and his other friends probably stole his stuff and left when they found out). You also have a lead on a possible conspirator in the kidnapping so you're going to perform a raid for interrogation, which will take about a week.

If the king wants you to go faster then he should send you a crate of various supplies. Otherwise, you're going to do your own quests until you're strong enough to convince Dollarfield to go out into a warzone AND follow in his quest, like any good friend would.
>>
No. 690849 ID: e0e3fe
File 145145444036.png - (837B , 235x336 , Mailman.png )
690849

>>690821
Who the hell does this guy think he is? You're the one busting your ass off to grind so you can get ready for Dollarfield. These things take time, and you can't rush them. You ask the courier to deliver a letter back to the king, and you present to him a written explanation (more of a rant, really), on how important it is for you to be fully prepared for this mission, and if the King doesn't like it, he can get off his royal butt and help you. The courier can't help but feel the sass emitting from the letter, and reads it. He is brought to tears by its beauty, and heads off to deliver it. That should keep the King off your case for awhile.

Well then, what are you going to do today? Visit the circus tent? Go looking for blood berries? Find the mysterious home in the woods?
>>
No. 690855 ID: ad936f

Go to circus tent, view majestic pink elephants on parade.
>>
No. 690865 ID: 7b65b9

Check out the circus, and maybe look for someone who wants to join your team.
>>
No. 690866 ID: 7ae8e1

Check out that house in the woods. Vampires!
>>
No. 690868 ID: 34389b

House in the woods needs immediate investigating. Also check to see how wolf Janet is.
>>
No. 690899 ID: 2ccbb3

It's morning, so buy some more anti-vampire tools and raid the house.
>>
No. 690915 ID: e0e3fe
File 145152541952.png - (50.71KB , 300x142 , circus_time_by_casey_lee.png )
690915

>>690849
Well, this is a predicament. You want to go to the circus, yet at the same time want to go investigate the house in the woods, and can't decide which one to do first. It's time to rely on a traditional coin flip. You flip 1 gold into the air, heads being the circus, tails being the house. It lands on...heads!

You head off into the circus tent. It's so bright and colorful now, with clowns doing tricks and a clown band and...well just a lot of clowns. Some of them in polkadot chains. There's a few things you can do here. You could go to the clown band and see what they're playing. You can go to the clown guards and see what's worth guarding around here. You can go looking for the ring master to get more info on this place. You can just sit back and watch the clowns do tricks. The clown is your oyster!
>>
No. 690918 ID: 2ccbb3

... Calling it, demon circus.

Case the joint, then duel the clown band. You can be weirder, hands down.
>>
No. 690919 ID: 34389b

>>690915
Go see the clowns in chains? Why are there clowns in chains?
>>
No. 690920 ID: d9d503

Are the chained clowns doing work or jut kind of sitting there?
>>
No. 690926 ID: f2461f

Find to the coolest looking clown and give them a fist bump.
After finishing this mandatory step, uncover the secrets of the clowns. Also find out where they keep their legendary weaponry (to my knowledge each circus has at least one legendary weapon) and see if we can have it.
>>
No. 690946 ID: e0e3fe
File 145157166123.png - (7.59KB , 352x519 , 145126286153.png )
690946

>>690915
You approach the chained clowns, who appear to be practicing clown tricks for upcoming shows, when a clown guard approaches you.

"Hey, don't come any closer! These clowns are dangerous...oh wait, I remember you guys from last night. It's me, Bozo."

You ask him why these clowns are chained up.

"These are dangerous fugitive clowns who tried to leave their clowning duties before their clown debts could be payed off. Clowns who leave the circus before they can pay off their clown debts are rogue clowns, and rogue clowns are a threat to all of clownkind,...and mankind too."

"Suck my balloon!" yells one of the chained clowns at Bozo.

"I'll pop your balloon if you don't shut it!" Bozo replies.
>>
No. 690956 ID: 2ccbb3

Where did the clown debts come from?
>>
No. 690964 ID: 99ca2b

Ask him for a quest or something
>>
No. 691004 ID: e0e3fe

>>690946
You ask the clown guard where these clown debts actually come from.

"Once you join a clown guild, you've got debts to pay off. In exchange for learning the secret arts of clowning, you need to work at a circus for a number of years. Your total time here is the clown debt."

You ask him if there are any quests the clowns can offer.

"Go look for the ring master. He should have some missions for you."
>>
No. 691017 ID: 15a025

Well let's go see the ring master then.
>>
No. 691027 ID: 7b65b9

You should try paying off one of the clown's clown debt with a quest, and get the clown to join your party.
>>
No. 691037 ID: e0e3fe
File 145161918675.png - (43.34KB , 177x250 , circus-ringleader-clip-art-free-1477314.png )
691037

>>691004
You search around the circus tent until you find another smaller tent within this tent with the sign "Ringmaster's office" outside of it. You walk inside to find a pudgy bald man with yellow light coming from his hands.

"Well heeeellllooooooooo, I am Pinchly Bottom, head of the Pinchly Traveling Circus! How can I help you mmmmmhhmmm fiiiiiinnnneeeee fellows today? I do say sir, you are holding three people on your body all at the same time, you could very well be a strrrooooooonnngg man!"

You ask him if he has any quests.

"Now that you mmmhhhhmmmmm mention it, I do think I have a job you four could do. You see, these woods are just fuuuuuuuuuull of dangerous spooks at night, and many rogue clowns have taken to hiding in the woods at night to escape their clown duties. If you come across any large clown prints in the dirt in your travels, and just so happen to fooooooollloooww them and find some clowns, and decide to bring those clowns to me, I would happily rewaaaaaaarrrrrd you."
>>
No. 691041 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691037
Back away slowly. Ask for any other jobs. Go to the house in the woods.
>>
No. 691061 ID: d0868f

>>691037
What kind of reward is he offering for the return of escaped clowns?
>>
No. 691093 ID: e0e3fe

>>691037
You ask him what exactly the reward would be if you brought him some clowns.

"Mmmmmmmmmmm well I would gladly give you...100 gold for every clown you bring me. Does that sound mmmmmmmmmmmmm faaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiir?"
>>
No. 691094 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691093
Do not fall for this. With that much money to risk, the ringmaster could save on retrieval costs by drugging any bounty hunter who throws a clown on his doorstep, and turning them into a clown with forged contracts for the circus.

Seriously, how much could clown acting cost? You're better off heisting from their inventory rather than fulfilling the manager's control fetish.
>>
No. 691095 ID: d0868f

>>691093
More than fair!
>>
No. 691147 ID: 15a025

Turn it down. Let the poor runaways escape their poor life decisions and start fresh.
>>
No. 691163 ID: 99a64d

Don't bother hunting down the clowns, but if we happen to see any we should try to subdue them. Shirking clown duties is a serious issue.
>>
No. 691174 ID: f2461f

Ask the ringmaster if he is human and what secret clown arts are.
>>
No. 691289 ID: e0e3fe

>>691093
You decide to decline the ringmaster's deal. In all honesty he's a weirdo and you don't like how he talks.

"OOohhhhhhh alright, that's fine. If you ever chhhhhaaaaaaaaaannnnnnggggeeee your mind, feel free to just bring in a clown!"

You leave the tent. Well, you're back in town. What's next on the list? Investigating that house in the woods? Looking for blood berries that Don the Druid hasn't laid claim on...throwing rocks at windows?
>>
No. 691322 ID: 2ccbb3

Ask Ryan where to find weapons and supplies. Purchase weapons and supplies. Look for blood berries on the way to the house in the woods. Attempt an assassination on the suspected vampire and steal his stuff.
>>
No. 691455 ID: e0e3fe
File 145181274109.jpg - (1.15MB , 1280x1904 , blood_berries_by_bert13one12.jpg )
691455

>>691322
You decide to go searching for blood berries in the woods again, and though you don't really have the money to buy any good weapons or armor, you ask Ryan if there's any good shops for those types of things in town.

"Sorry man, but we don't really have a store for any of that. See, we've got the big ass walls to protect us from spooks, and whenever we do need new weapons we just head into one of the other towns to buy some during the day."

---

You're back on the dirt road in the woods. You've been searching for blood berries for some time, away from where Don's berries are, yet have been unable to find any. Eventually you come across the tracks of the carriage from a little while ago, still there and still most likely leading to the house in the woods. Yet you notice something else on the ground...a trail of red juice, leading off deeper into the trees. Janet gives it a whiff, and contemplates the smell while rubbing her hairy chin.

"Yep I know this smell this is a smell that really smells like something I know and that thing is blood berries. This is a blood berry smell."

So...follow the tracks or follow the juice?
>>
No. 691457 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691455
Juice it up.

Do not waste more than three hours of daylight.
>>
No. 691481 ID: 99a64d

the juice can wait, follow those tracks!
>>
No. 691501 ID: 15a025

The juice is loose! follow that trail!
>>
No. 691562 ID: e0e3fe
File 145186689099.jpg - (14.05KB , 320x292 , tumblr_mk29swzdSR1r413h3o1_400.jpg )
691562

>>691455
You follow the juice trail into the woods. The juice line twists left and right around the trees, through thorn bushes and ditches and all kinds of mess. You eventually begin to see footprints in the dirt alongside the juice, and follow those. You find a man with a handful of blood berries looking up at the tree.

"...oh shit, you're not here for the clown, are you?"
>>
No. 691563 ID: d9d287

"We weren't. What's this about a clown?"
>>
No. 691564 ID: d0868f

Nah, we're looking for berries, dude. The ringmaster seemed kind of sketch.
>>
No. 691568 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691562
"Nah, the job seems to suspicious. But we'll defend you for an hour / get out of your way if you give us those blood berries. Where did you find them?"
>>
No. 691669 ID: e0e3fe
File 145193826413.jpg - (60.50KB , 1200x675 , 040111+clown+tree.jpg )
691669

>>691562
You ask the man about where he got his blood berries.

"These? I love blood berries, mate. Have a little blood berry garden back home, and I always pick some for the road. You want any?"

You ask him what he means when he mentions clown. The man points upwards, and you see that high in the tree tops is a sad looking clown.

"He's a rogue clown, mate. I'm a bounty hunter. You see where this goes, right?"
>>
No. 691676 ID: 99a64d

>>691669
"Yes I'd quite like some. Thank you and good luck to ya sir."
>>
No. 691684 ID: 15a025

Tell him don't worry, you have no interest in clowns. You'd just like some blood berries.
>>
No. 691691 ID: d0868f

>>691669
You'd love some berries. We have no interest in the clown ourselves, the two of you will have to resolve your dispute on your own.
>>
No. 691704 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691669
"Yeah, I like the Blood Bananas myself. Too bad they're harder to cultivate, so I can't afford to make a farm of them. Can we have your blood berries? We'll leave you alone."
>>
No. 691743 ID: e0e3fe
File 145196832618.jpg - (1.15MB , 1280x1904 , blood_berries_by_bert13one12.jpg )
691743

>>691669
You say you'll leave him alone to get the clown, but you would like some of those blood berries. The bounty hunter seems relieved, and hands you a small bag of them. You could take these to the wizard in Snickersberg and learn a spell for them! You l get back onto the path, where the tracks are. Before you can decide what to do next, you hear a muffled yell from back where the bounty hunter's direction, and...squeaking?
>>
No. 691749 ID: 99a64d

>>691743
Best to ignore it. Bring the berries to the wizard, but note the direction of the tracks in case they get washed away before we can return.
>>
No. 691753 ID: f2461f

That poor bounty hunter, probably underestimated those secret clown arts.
Anyway let's go find that wizard.
>>
No. 691756 ID: 2ccbb3

Uh oh. Make sure that the bounty hunter captured the clown and not the Glamor Ninja Clown. He did give you his candy for free.

Then go to the wizard and browse his spell list, see if there's anything worth training. But don't take too long, you're burning daylight here. And waiting might mean that the vampire will get another day to hunt. Note that you can take a rain check on the free spell; make a password that you both store somewhere safe in case he has a faulty memory.
>>
No. 691758 ID: d0868f

>>691743
Uh, hey. You okay back there? Who won that fight? You need any healing?

(Take no sides, but maybe we can win some cool points playing druid medic. And/or dragging the bounty hunter back to town if the clown got the better of him).
>>
No. 691842 ID: e0e3fe
File 145201576332.png - (25.98KB , 300x300 , unnamed.png )
691842

>>691743
You don't want to get involved in the clown hunting business, but after much consideration you decide to check in on the scream, just in case something bad did happen. You walk back into the woods to find the bounty hunter on the ground, his face in the dirt and a nasty bruised lump on the back of his head. You see the clown that was in the tree running off deeper past the trees, but something is off about how he moves. It's almost...spook like.
>>
No. 691852 ID: cd90cb

The clown has been possessed by spooks! Hurry and find a way to expel the spooky spooks from the poor clown!
>>
No. 691858 ID: f2461f

The clown looks like it could be more dangerous than we first thought, let's try to recruit them into helping us on our adventure.
>>
No. 691868 ID: d0868f

Offer druid healing to the bounty hunter, then go after the clown. Rogues aren't your business, but the supernatural sure is. Investigate!
>>
No. 691870 ID: 2ccbb3

Offer the Bounty Hunter free healing in exchange for stuff later; discuss it after the clown is knocked out.
>>
No. 691874 ID: e0e3fe
File 145203709893.png - (21.94KB , 300x300 , unnamed.png )
691874

>>691842
You're no clown hunter, but if that clown's got supernatural spookness in them, you need to figure it out. You offer to use your healing magic on the bounty hunter, who groans in pain. You're pretty sure he gave consent, and you heal him. The lump on his head gets smaller, and the groggy bounty hunter gets up.

"Thanks mate...but you gotta catch that clown before he gets away...bastard jumped on my head."

With no time to lose, you run as fast as a man with three people clinging to his body can go. The closer you get to the clown, you easier it is to see that there's clearly a spook nature to how the clown runs; it's animalistic, supernatural movement. The clown suddenly stops dead in its tracks, and you accidentally run into it, falling down on the ground with the rest of the group.

"Ho ho, if you let me go, I'll tell you some of my clown secrets, ho ho."
>>
No. 691876 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691874
"I reject your offer and declare an alternate offer: you tell me your secrets and I don't whip the eyes out of your face."

Prepare for combat! Ready your bows! Ryan, play an Exorcism Song!
>>
No. 691882 ID: 15a025

Tell the clown he isn't going anywhere and you have no interest in his clown secrets. For all you know those secrets could be something bad.
>>
No. 691886 ID: 878f10

Clown secrets!?


You've got a deal.
>>
No. 691903 ID: 7b65b9

Ask him why he ran away from the circus, assuming that's what he did.
>>
No. 691907 ID: d0868f

Tell him we're more interested in spook secrets. What's going on with him? He's clearly spooky.
>>
No. 691929 ID: e0e3fe
File 145205085409.png - (11.37KB , 300x300 , unnamed.png )
691929

>>691874
You want to know more about what this clown is talking about, but don't want him to get away. The group gets off of your body and lifts their weapons. You tell the clown that you won't attack him if he explains his secrets, because you know there is something strange about him.

"Ho ho, I'm about to tell you about the biggest clown secret out there, ho ho. I was a high ranking clown you know, ho ho, from a circus far from the east, ho ho. That's not important though, ho ho. The biggest clown secret is that when clowns are sleeping, ho ho, we get infused with spook blood! Isn't that hilarious!? Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! It's how we get to do all our crazy clown tricks, ho ho! The higher up the clown ranks you go, the more blood they get into you, ho ho! It's a nightmare, ho ho! It starts out so small, you never even realize it early on, ho ho! Then you learn more clown secrets, and get higher clown debts, ho ho! Then you'll never be able leave! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

The clown twitches violently.
>>
No. 691931 ID: f2461f

Ask the clown if he could use any help or if he would like to travel with us.
Also ask the clown what his name is.
>>
No. 691932 ID: d0868f

Ummmm. Maybe we should try to exorcise the clown. Purge the spook!
>>
No. 691940 ID: d9d287

Just exorcizing the spook out of the clown without permission could be... bad. The clown owes money for that shit, whether it's illegal or not, so there would be cause for murder if it's valuable enough to... kidnap him over it.
We should totally ask if this clown wants an exorcism or not, how big their debt is, whether they have any line on a way to get clear of their debt, and if they wanna join our group plotting to overthrow the King.

....Fucking royal jackhole, wants us to rescue a goddamn princess does he? He deserves to die!
>>
No. 691950 ID: 7b65b9

I don't think fighting him would be a good idea since he doesn't seem to want to fight, and he's kindof the victim of the circus taking advantage of him like that.
I think you should try to get him back to normal, however you'd do that. Maybe ask him if there is a way to reverse it, and I don't know if he'd agree, but try getting him to join your team.
>>
No. 691956 ID: 2ccbb3

>>691929
I get the feeling that he's lying. If you try to perform an exorcism something non-spoopy might pop out and explode your squad.

Ask him if he would like to kill some vampires. Go to the bounty hunter and explain that you're not going to support extension enslavement but you WILL support sending a demon clown into a vampire's nest.
>>
No. 691970 ID: 3641d4

Ho ho ho oh no. Time for an exorcism!
>>
No. 692018 ID: e0e3fe
File 145212182566.png - (7.00KB , 300x300 , unnamed.png )
692018

>>691929
It looks like this clown needs a good old fashioned exorcism, and fast. The only problem is that none of you know how to perform an exorcism. You're expertise is killing spooks, not getting spookness out of people, Suzan and Janet are just kids, and Ryan may know a lot of good songs, but he doesn't have a song rocking enough to remove spookness from someone's blood. Still, you could take the clown to a temple and have some religious folks deal with him. You ask the clown if he would like to get an exorcism.

"Ho ho no no! My spook blood is the only thing helping me escape, ho ho ho!"

The clown starts running away from you.
>>
No. 692020 ID: 7b65b9

If you can even grab someone with spook blood, try to trip/wrap him with your vine spell, and haul him to the temple against his will. Also if you catch him try honking his nose just because.
>>
No. 692023 ID: 54d6e0

Let him go, for now. We need to find a priest and cut a deal with them, then we'll see about dragging the clowns over en mass.
>>
No. 692024 ID: 15a025

The one time a vampire might be useful, they could have sucked all the spook blood from him. Any use vine powers to trap the poor sap and haul him off to some priest person and tell Ryan to start coming up with an exorcism song.
>>
No. 692056 ID: 99a64d

I think we're better off not meddling in the affairs of clowns, this is a nasty conspiracy, but I fear that if we try to crack it we'll only end up distracted from our main goal, which is still slaying Phillip Dollarfield and any other vampires along the way. If it's still feasible at that time then we can come back and help with the clown situation after we kill Dollarfield, but for now the last thing we need is a powerful cabal of magical carnies as our enemies.
>>
No. 692072 ID: e0e3fe

>>692018
It's a tough decision, but you decide to let the clown run off. You do plan on visiting a temple eventually to get a holy man or woman's help in case this. The clown is now out of sight, and the rest of your team gets back onto your body.

Now, you head back to the road. The tracks are still there, and you can still follow them to the house if you want, but you've also got lots of blood berries to give to that wizard, and if you want to you can go looking for a temple to look into purging spookness.
>>
No. 692083 ID: 2ccbb3

Follow the tracks and find the house already. If the tracks fade you lose the vampire house. And stop wasting daylight!

Go back to the town at night and learn some spells.
>>
No. 692085 ID: 7b65b9

I'd say get your magic spell first, then go figure out how to purge the clown of his spookyness at the temple.
>>
No. 692090 ID: 99a64d

follow the tracks, magic can wait, but vampire hunting is what we DO
>>
No. 692194 ID: e0e3fe
File 145227344965.jpg - (6.09MB , 4000x3000 , mansion_fog2.jpg )
692194

>>692072
You look down at the tracks and start following them. You don't know how long it will take, but if there's a vampire in these woods, you're going to find them, and you're going to kick their ass. As you walk, you notice the area is getting foggier and foggier, to the point where it becomes very difficult to see the tracks below you. After many twists and turns though, you find yourself outside a large mansion. It was a little larger than you were expecting.
>>
No. 692196 ID: 2ccbb3

Okay, did you pinpoint the mansion's location? If not, you may need to

Find evidence of the vampire's crimes, and take him down. Try stealth first.
>>
No. 692286 ID: dbf021

>>692194
Sneak up on the mansion.
>>
No. 692293 ID: 99a64d

infiltrate through the mansion's back door
>>
No. 692310 ID: 7b65b9

Before you go in, I have a question. Do you kill any vampire no matter the circumstances? If you met someone kind, would you kill them despite that, just because they are a vampire? Does being a vampire overwrite every reason to not kill them?
>>
No. 692521 ID: e0e3fe
File 145237690057.jpg - (174.28KB , 799x533 , 118307282_avP2yDBX_CA_167_6381_1.jpg )
692521

>>692194
You sneak around the front gate of the mansion and look for a backdoor to sneak through. As you move through the fog, you begin to think about your relationship with vampirekind, and just how violent it is. You've never met a vampire that didn't want you to be killed. Whether it's because of their violent nature, or because it was pretty obvious your job is killing vampires, you've never been able to have a proper conversation with a vampire while working with Phillip Dollarfield back in the day before they attacked you. You finally find the back door, and it creeks open. You find yourself in a destroyed kitchen.
>>
No. 692528 ID: 2ccbb3

Nothing to see here, most of the stuff is either rotten or buried under diseased wood splinters.

Clear a path or build a stake trap in case you need a quick exit later.
>>
No. 692531 ID: 61fd94

>>692521
Sneak sneak through the kitchen.
>>
No. 692543 ID: 770315

Be wary of traps and ambushes, but don't bother searching the room.
>>
No. 692573 ID: e0e3fe
File 145239537870.jpg - (36.64KB , 320x292 , tumblr_mhf2kmo4NT1r413h3o1_400.jpg )
692573

>>692521
You search around the ruined kitchen for traps hidden in the trash, but find none. Carefully, you step through the kitchen into the main hall of the mansion. It is massive, dusty, and dark, and just as destroyed as the kitchen was. You jump when you feel someone (who's not Janet, Suzy, or Ryan) touch your shoulder. You turn around to see a butler.

"Excuse me, sirs and madams, but just what are you doing in this manor?"
>>
No. 692578 ID: 2ccbb3

"Phillip Dollarfield sent us. Well actually, he was busy up to his balls in some THING that shall not be described, we just took his rambling and pretended it was a request, anything to get out of the house really..."

And then knock the butler out. Remember, before you can switch to lethal mode you must find evidence that

1. There are vampires
2. There are vampires doing crimes
3. There are vampires doing crimes right now

Or else this might be a grave misunderstanding and you're going to slaughter a small family over superstition and bloodlust.
>>
No. 692623 ID: 7b65b9

Tell him you found some horse tracks on the ground, and followed them here to return them to their owner.
>>
No. 692675 ID: d9d287

>>692623
I like this answer too much, way too much. Can we make use of it in our creative master plan?
Seriously, as someone who has experience hunting vampires we've probably got some experience with talking people into giving help. Something like asking, "I'm following the trail of possible vampires, have you noticed anything unusual or suspicious in the area recently?"
>>
No. 692702 ID: 61fd94

>>692623
Haha, yes.
>>
No. 692829 ID: e0e3fe
File 145247553165.jpg - (36.64KB , 320x292 , 145239537870.jpg )
692829

>>692573
You say that you were following some horse tracks on the ground in the hopes of returning them to their owner. The butler squints his eyes, reading your face, before softening. It looks like he believes you.

"There is no need to worry. The horse tracks that led here were most likely from the carriage of Master Bagül, the owner of this manor. We have no missing horses at this time, and Master Bagül is not in the manor at the moment, so you will just need to leave-"

You hear a crashing from upstairs, followed by a strained old voice shouting various swears.

"Butler! Come up here and clean up this mess!" you hear from upstairs.

The butler looks embarrassed before running upstairs.
>>
No. 692839 ID: 15a025

Maybe we should leave then.
>>
No. 692840 ID: f2461f

Follow the butler.
>>
No. 692842 ID: 61fd94

>>692829
He lied to you! The nerve!

Follow, carefully.
>>
No. 692845 ID: 2ccbb3

Quickly, try to perform a nonlethal takedown on the butler! If you can keep him tied up in the kitchen, Bagül will likely get agitated and start roaming the house, allowing your party to search his room and prepare traps! You can also take the butler as a hostage.
>>
No. 692927 ID: 7b65b9

He seems like an okay enough person. You should follow him upstairs quietly, and check out the boss.
>>
No. 693192 ID: 2b25d8
File 145261630766.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , tumblr_m3zqlbCqTX1r413h3o1_250.png )
693192

>>692829
You creep up the stairs while the butler is distracted to get a good look at what's going on. You see the butler enter a bedroom that is just as decayed as the rest of the mansion. Peering into the room, you see the butler is talking to a pale, enraged individual. His hair looks like it was recently dyed black.

"Butler, I can not be a fancy vampire if these tables we have keep breaking and spilling food everywhere! All the other vampires are going to make fun of me! Clean this up and then go get better tables!"
>>
No. 693243 ID: 7b65b9

Okay, now he may SEEM like a vampire, but just because he says he's one and looks like it, it doesn't mean he is. He might just be pretending to be one, so don't jump to conclusions.
We also don't know if he's evil either, so we don't have a reason to kill him yet.
I think you should first find out if he's evil, and is up to anything bad. If he is, try finding out if he's a vampire by sneaking garlic into his food.
>>
No. 693271 ID: 99a64d

>>693243
>We also don't know if he's evil either, so we don't have a reason to kill him yet.
He's a vampire and he associates with other vampires, he's evil.

We shouldn't murder him right now, he might only be pretending to be a vampire (we've seen a lot of vampires in our day, is there any way to tell on sight that couldn't be faked?), and if we kill him now we might miss the chance to slay his pals.
>>
No. 693305 ID: 2ccbb3

Well, no sense giving him the benefit of a spike trap! You can figure out if he's a vampire or a LARP like Suzy later, knock him out and crucify him tomorrow!

... But first, figure out if he's hosting a party now or next month, and then decide if you can set a trap or should take out one while you still can.
>>
No. 693348 ID: 8c66a6

>>693192
Hide, wait for the butler to leave. Then we need to test if he's a real vampire, or another harmless freak like suzy.
>>
No. 693462 ID: acc3d2
File 145269747833.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , tumblr_m3zqlbCqTX1r413h3o1_250.png )
693462

>>693192
You decide to play it safe for now. Something is suspicious about this Bagül person, and you're not positive that he actually is a vampire. He might be another weirdo just pretending to be a vampire, like Suzy. You stay hidden and continue to watch the scene. The butler cleans up the spilled food.

"I apologize sir, but perhaps this place wouldn't be in such disarray if you didn't insist on inviting spooks-"
"What did I tell you about using that word, butler?! We prefer the term persons of supernatural origin."
"I don't believe that is a real term, sir."
"Who's paying your paycheck?"
"You are, sir."
"And am I paying you to question my vampire knowledge?"
"No sir."
"Then clean up this food and get out. And don't even think about cleaning anything else. When my vampire friends get here I want them to feel right at home."
"Just because-"
"Butler do not question my vampire knowledge!"
"Yes sir."

You hide as the butler walks out of the room, and continue to watch Bagül when the butler is out of sight. You see Bagül applying makeup on his face.
>>
No. 693464 ID: 2ccbb3

Yeah, I think you should knock him out and steal his stuff.
>>
No. 693519 ID: 7b65b9

So, he's actually a spook disguised as a vampire apparently, so at least there's some good news.
It sounds like he's inviting vampires to his house, and unless those turn out to be vampire wannabes too, you could totally do a stake out, and bust them all.
Although that's assuming all vampires are inherently evil, but it wouldn't hurt to wait and find out. Maybe you can send Suzy in as a spy, since she also considers herself a vampire. She can find out what their potentially evil scheme is.
>>
No. 693562 ID: 227b29
File 145272910112.png - (6.80KB , 400x400 , 144927810804.png )
693562

>>693462
Though it would be easy to knock this guy out and loot whatever goods he has, the potential to bust some vampires pulls at your heart. You tell Suzy to get off of your back and go talk to Bagül.

"S-sure! Since I'm a v-vampire, I'm sure I can talk to him."

Suzy gets off of you and enters the room with Bagül.

"H-hi there. I'm Suzy the vampire. I'm a real vampire. How are you, f-fellow real vampire?" Suzy is shaking in her boots. Bagül's eyes widen as he looks Suzy up and down.

"You're a vampire enthusiast too?"
"Y-yes. I am so into vampires."
"Me too!"

Bagül smiles widely and grabs Suzy's shoulders.

"Young lady, I just knew word would get around of my vampire soiree. You're a little bit earlier...a few days early, in fact, but I'm sure vampires and vampire enthusiasts alike will find it amazing."
"Are you sure?" asks Suzy, "this place looks kind of...dirty."
"Yes it does, young lady, but between you and me..."

Bagül whispers something into Suzy's ear, and you can see her get visibly pale.

"I uh, have to go to the bathroom!" Suzy yells, "be right back!"

She runs out of the room and back to where you and the others are. She is incredibly panicked, and you ask her what's wrong.

"There...is...a...real...angry...vampire...in...the...basement!"
>>
No. 693578 ID: 2ccbb3

Suzy, please clarify what you said.

Okay, here's the plan: Suzy, go back up and start talking about the party. Janet, pounce on Suzy and start licking her face. Suzy, explain that this is your pet Hairwolf, and that every vampire needs a pet Hairwolf and two dick butlers. When Bagül starts asking about the cock butlers, Suzy will explain that you don't need a cock to watch. Dale and Ryan, come out and claim to perform for the nice man. Whatever he says, proceed to do your best imitations of a chicken and start moving around. Ryan, make sure that Bagül focuses on your insanity. Dale, get behind Bagül.

After this embarrassing play, Dale should be within backstabbing distance of Bagül. Stake him in the dick (use the hammer too) and knock him out.
>>
No. 693609 ID: 007e78

Why's it angry? Does he have it trapped down there?

I suppose that makes it easier to deal with, if it's already cornered. Although if it's pissed and trying to escape, I doubt we'll have the element of surprise...
>>
No. 693619 ID: 7b65b9

okay, we shouldn't panic now, or you'll blow Suzy's cover. I think we should break up into teams, with Ryan staying up here to keep an eye on Suzy and make sure nothing goes wrong, while Janet and You go downstairs to check out on the vampire, but don't let it out.
>>
No. 693620 ID: 47160d

Okay that's it, we must set the manor on fire. The vampire infection shall be cleansed with fire.
>>
No. 693621 ID: 7b65b9

Or maybe Ryan should go downstairs to try to calm the vampire with a song, I don't know.
>>
No. 693770 ID: acc3d2

>>693562
You ask Suzy for a better explanation of what Bagül told her.

"The guy said that he found a real life vampire in the woods and lured it into the house. He then got all his servants to throw chains on the vampire and drag it down into the basement. Bagül thinks the reason why the vampire got mad and started destroying everything wasn't because it was angry at being captured, but because vampires just like destroyed houses! Now he's trying to ask it advice on how to have a vampire party!"
>>
No. 693793 ID: 2ccbb3

>>693770
So today is one of those days, huh.

Capture Noble
Capture Servants
Execute Vampire

Get started before the spooks show up.
>>
No. 693816 ID: 3c6def

>>693562
Please clarify:
<Real angry> "vampire" or a vampire who is both angry and real? In the first case, remind her that it should be "really", as you need an adverb to modify adjectives. In the second case ask her to say "angry real" instead of "real angry" to avoid confusion in the future.
>>
No. 693900 ID: 99a64d

Introduce yourselves as vampire enthusiasts to Mr.Bagel. Ask him to allow you to have a look at his basement vampire. Stick around until his vampire soiree to see if any real vampires show up. Vampires are cold to the touch right? Be sure to shake everyone's hand.
>>
No. 693966 ID: 24f48c
File 145282502821.jpg - (128.29KB , 1362x1722 , Vampirev4.jpg )
693966

>>693770
You've heard enough of this! You storm into Bagül's room and demand his immediate surrender. You and your companions enter a battle stance.

"What!? You want to bring an end to my vampire party, don't you! We'll I won't allow it!"

FIGHT TIME!

DALE PENNYMEADOW
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock, bag of blood berries]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: werewolf howl]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (8 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

RYAN
>Attack [weapons: guitar]
>Magic [spells: kick ass song, endurance song, speedy song, sexy song]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bagül
>>
No. 693969 ID: 7b65b9

I guess use the stake since it's the most fitting.
Have Janet use werewolf howl
Have Suzy use the bow once you're out of the way.
Have Ryan use the sexy song because reasons?
>>
No. 693970 ID: 007e78

>>693966
Dale: vine whip

Janet: howl

Suzy: appeal to and confuse fellow vampire lover

Ryan: play a kickass song.
>>
No. 694019 ID: 2ccbb3

Pelt him with arrows

and keep pelting

until he screams for his mother

Ryan, kick-ass song! Also, watch the back in case reinforcements show up.
>>
No. 694030 ID: 99a64d

>>693970
this but suzy should use arrows instead
>>
No. 694052 ID: acc3d2
File 145286995248.jpg - (36.64KB , 320x292 , 145239537870.jpg )
694052

>>693966
You cast vine whip, and a green root bursts from the ground and slams Bagül right in his balls! How a root could rip through the ground when you're above ground floor is a little confusing, but don't question it, it's magic. Bagül clenches his nuts and falls over.

"I surrender!" Bagül shouts out.

...well that was a quick battle.

VICTOR-

Your victory is interrupted by the butler, who walks in on the scene.

"...I am going to kick your asses" says the butler.

FIGHT TIME!


DALE
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows), guitar]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock, bag of blood berries]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: werewolf howl]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (8 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

RYAN
>Attack [weapons: guitar]
>Magic [spells: kick ass song, endurance song, speedy song, sexy song]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bagül (surrendered)
>Butler
>>
No. 694072 ID: 2ccbb3

Wait a minute, why does Dale have a guitar?

Dale, horizontal vine whip!

Janet, werewolf howl!

Suzy, pelt him!

Ryan, speedy song!
>>
No. 694169 ID: 007e78

Uh-oh, battle butler!

Distraction: Dale, vine whip. Suzy, bow. Ryan, the loudest song you got.

Janet: sneak up to the surrendered noble, and hold him hostage with your knife. We'll get the butler to back down that way.
>>
No. 694193 ID: 99a64d

Play it safe, butlers are dangerous.
>>694072
>>
No. 694209 ID: 15a025

Bust his balls with another vine attack.
>>
No. 694375 ID: e0e3fe

>>694052
As the battle begins, you realize that you have something in your weapon inventory that doesn't feel normal. Is that a guitar? No, no, impossible! There's nothing there! Just a trick of the mind. You must have been mistaken. You remove the imaginary guitar from your mind. Time to get to fighting.

You point to Ryan, and tell him to play a speedy song. He starts jamming out on the guitar at a speed so quick you swear you're seeing sparks come from his fingers. He also starts singing about needing to go fast. This fills you all with the speed you need to get your turns over the Butler's.

You perform a horizontal vine whip on the butler. The vine bursts from one of the walls and slaps the butler across the chest. That's gotta hurt! The butler doesn't show it though, except for a single tear that rolls from one of his eyes.

Janet bellows out a werewolf's howl! It's pretty adorable coming from a little girl with beard hair, but it's enough to strike a little fear in the heart of the butler.

Suzy pulls back and arrow and fires. It hits the butler right in his shoulder! Damn, he's gonna feel that one in the morning!

Bagül has surrendered, and does nothing.

The Butler grabs Bagül, lifts him into the air, and throws him at Ryan! Ryan falls over from the impact. The Butler then runs over to you, and ignoring the arrow in his shoulder, begins to pummel your face until it's a swelled mess!


DALE (face smashed)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock, bag of blood berries]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: werewolf howl]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (7 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

RYAN (on ground)
>Attack [weapons: guitar]
>Magic [spells: kick ass song, endurance song, speedy song, sexy song]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bagül (surrendered)
>Butler (shoulder pierced, chest sore, slightly scared)
>>
No. 694377 ID: 2ccbb3

Grab the butler and stake him in the heart!

Janet, pounce on the butler's head and claw at his eyes!

Suzy, grapple the butler's left leg and bite his right leg!

Ryan, endurance song to keep the party steadfast against the butler's struggling!
>>
No. 694382 ID: 9357dd

>>694375
flip over and around, then
suplex the butler
>>
No. 694658 ID: 7b65b9

Hit him with your stake while Janet stabs him in the ankle with her dagger from below, Suzy bites him in the shoulder from behind, and Ryan plays the endurance song.
>>
No. 694663 ID: 15a025

The stakes are high! Stab this pansy butler with the stake and win this.
>>
No. 694687 ID: f56624

christ almighty just kick him in his dick and be done with it
>>
No. 694769 ID: e0e3fe

>>694375
This bastard isn't going to smash your face and get away with it! You lift your steak up in the air and go right for his heart in a pain filled frenzy...but not before Ryan plays a really nice power ballad while laying on the ground, which helps you fight through the pain. You then proceed to slam that steak right in the butler's chest! He stumbles back, but somehow he endures...no way it could be the song's doing, so this butler's clearly had some experienced being stabbed before or something.

Janet rushes over to the butler's legs and stabs one of them with her dagger. It brings him down to his knees before he can push her away.

Suzy, embracing her vampire persona, bites his neck as he kneels...it's not very effective, but she's trying.

The butler forces himself to stand, and hobbles over to Bagül. He lifts his master above his head and flings him at you. Bagül slams right in your face, causing some nasty stings. The butler then goes about stomping on Ryan's face with his good leg, and it's far from pretty.

You hear a very uncomfortable shattering from below you that does not sound good.


DALE (face smashed, minor pain)
>Attack [weapons: stake, stake hammer, crappy sword, bow (10 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: druidic healing, vine whip]
>Items [rock, bag of blood berries]
>Guard
>Run

JANET
>Attack [weapons: bone, shiny dagger, bow (9 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: werewolf howl]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

SUZY
>Attack [weapons: fake vampire teeth, bow (7 arrows)]
>Magic [spells: none]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

RYAN (on ground, face no longer pretty)
>Attack [weapons: guitar]
>Magic [spells: kick ass song, endurance song, speedy song, sexy song]
>Items [none]
>Guard
>Run

TARGETS
>Bagül (surrendered)
>Butler (shoulder pierced, chest sore, slightly scared, chest bleeding, leg bleeding, extreme pain)
>>
No. 694798 ID: 2ccbb3

>>694769
I think the vampire got loose. Plan: Throw the butler out and let the feral vampire rip him to shreds!

Dale, Vine Whip!

Janet and Suzy, attack the butler's legs and push him out of the room! Also, close the door so that he can't use Bagül as a human mace anymore.

Ryan, confuse the butler with a Sexy Song!
>>
No. 694805 ID: 15a025

Stab the butler some more.
>>
No. 694813 ID: c5049a

Grab the butler's legs with the vines and then go in for the kill.
>>
No. 694914 ID: f56624

>>694769
shout "Shit I think the vampire is loose, maybe we should postpone this slightly until we fix that."
>>
No. 694915 ID: f56624

oh, right!
Favicon is up for approval, http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questdis/res/66907.html#97074
>>
No. 694960 ID: e0e3fe
File 145310671850.jpg - (103.24KB , 800x600 , bloody_door_by_trebb.jpg )
694960

>>694769
That shattering noise might be serious, maybe the vampire escaped!

...that actually gives you a great idea.

First, you have Ryan play a slow and sensual, sexy song. The sound of Ryan's voice along with the strumming of his guitar is so overwhelming that, if that feeling below your belt is concerned, it makes all menhoods stand to attention and all womenhoods tremble. The butler is very uncomfortable right now.

Now it's your turn! You cast your vine whip spell yet again, and the vines wrap themselves around his legs, pulling him to the ground. Suzy and Janet rush in on the butler, with Janet continuing to stab his already bleeding leg, while Suzy pushes him towards the door on your command. Letting the vines release him just as he is outside of the room, you close the door on him.

The butler bangs on the door to be let back in. "The vampire, it's escaped! It's coming up the stairs now! Everything I did was to protect-"

He is cut off by a violent ripping noise.

VICTORY!
>Bagül: Surrendered, 1 Cool Point.
>Butler: DEAD, 15 Cool Points.

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 16
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP
>YOU: 10 CP, JANET: 20 CP, SUZY: 18 CP, RYAN: 40 CP
>>
No. 694961 ID: e0e3fe

>>694915
And thank you for your contribution, Riotmode
>>
No. 694965 ID: 0dc9cf

We have enough CP to level the whole party up to 20 if we give ourselves 10 and suzy 2.

We want to stop shortchanging ourselves while still being as fair as possible. I vote we get six, Ryan 3, Janet 4, Suzy 2.
>>
No. 694996 ID: 99a64d

>>694965
sounds good.
>>
No. 695005 ID: 2ccbb3

Give Janet most of the CP, share the rest?
>>
No. 695125 ID: e0e3fe
File 145315428037.jpg - (37.56KB , 736x552 , ca9c5195a2d8f5186413163349327583.jpg )
695125

>>694960
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>DALE: 17, JANET: 24, SUZY: 20, RYAN: 43
>SUZY LEVELED UP!
>SUZY WENT FROM...Hopeless Loser...to Total Disgrace!

What delicious coolness fills you all, especially Suzy...but it is soon followed by an all too familiar chill.

The door is smashed down as a VAMPIRE enters. It looks around at all of you, blood still dripping from its mouth. Looking outside of the room, you see what remains of the butler. Clenched in the hand of his corpse, you can see a strange gray orb.

"You four...you were the ones that distracted these fools long enough for my escape."

The vampire walks over to Bagül and lifts him into the air.

"H-hey now!" says Bagül, "I'm a vampire, j-just like you! I'm cool. I'm hip. I j-just needed you around so I c-could get more advice on my v-vampire party. I kept you w-well fed with all those dead s-servants, right?"

The vampire looks away from Bagül and back to you.

"As a reward for helping me, I will allow the four of you to leave. As for the master of this house...I'm going to show him what a real vampire party is like. Now go."

This vampire looks like a tough bastard.
>>
No. 695127 ID: 2ccbb3

>>695125
Pretend to take his offer... then choke him unconscious with your vine whip.

Then crucify him and Bagül in the sun. They're guilty of mass murder. Interrogate them as long as you can.
>>
No. 695130 ID: 15a025

Sounds like it's time for round 2. Fuck'em up!
>>
No. 695141 ID: 007e78

You're a vampire hunter. You can't let him walk.

Pretending to take the deal and then backstabbing him is the best plan we got.

You might want to grab that grey orb with vine whip or something when the battle starts, it's probably important.

If it's daylight out, the fight might be easier if we let some sun in. Maybe if Ryan played something to shatter the windows? (I'm guessing they're blackened? Or if they're covered, we need to remove the shades or what have you).
>>
No. 695212 ID: 99a64d

>>695127
He may be able to turn into mist, vine entanglement is not recommended. pretend to take his offer, but covertly bring the orb to yourself. This guy is tough, we may require more information before fighting him.
>>
No. 695379 ID: f26e64
File 145318301871.jpg - (23.78KB , 240x237 , 1813082176_9c085297e0_m.jpg )
695379

>>695125
The urge to kill this vampire is strong, but before you even think about how you're going to split this bastard in half, you want to investigate that strange orb in the butler's hand. You call your party to get back onto your body, and then tell the vampire you are going to leave.

"Good..."

You step out of the room and pick up the orb. It feels surprisingly squishy. You squeeze it with your hand, and then look out to the windows to see that the fog that was around the mansion is starting to dissipate and let in sunlight. Squeezing the orb again seems to cause the fog to roll back in. This must be some sort of magic orb...or some really advanced fog making system. You look back into the room where the vampire prepares to bite down into Bagül, and see that the only window in the room is being blocked by heavy shades.
>>
No. 695381 ID: 2ccbb3

>>695379
Make sure there's daylight. Then smash the whole damn window and dog-pile onto the vampire. Stay away from the head, just pin him down in the same way that your squad acts as human armor. Ryan, sit on his right arm. Janet and Suzy, sit on his left arm. Stomp and stab if necessary. You'll grab and stab his legs with vine whip and your sword, then mutilate his torso from the bottom and end with a stake to the heart.
>>
No. 695382 ID: 2ccbb3

If you're not up to the challenge, just trick the vampire into taking a flap in the fog.

Squeeze ball.
>>
No. 695383 ID: f56624

>>695382
solid plan. Trickery is max cool these days.
>>
No. 695421 ID: 2bf846

>>695382
Pretend it is night, tell the Vampire about some kid of escaping servant or something, use the orb as soon as the vampire left?
>>
No. 695447 ID: bb0cf4

>>695379
Fighting this bastard head on is a dangerous idea, so you decide that it might be best to trick the vampire into going outside while he's safe from the sun in the fog, and then use the orb to give this guy a lethal dose of vitamin D.

You tell the vampire, just as he's about to kill Bagül, that another servant had escaped and is running out through the fog right now. The vampire puts Bagül down and looks down at you.

"I thought for sure that this fool fed all of his servants to me already. Tell me, why are you assisting me so much?"
>>
No. 695450 ID: 2ccbb3

"Because I want this mansion to myself. Please leave."
>>
No. 695476 ID: 99a64d

What do you think We're doing here? We're vampire enthusiasts.
>>
No. 695480 ID: 007e78

>>695447
If I liked this guy, do you really think we'd be in his house, getting him and his friends killed? That's all the motive we need.
>>
No. 695754 ID: bb0cf4
File 145327137879.jpg - (44.23KB , 460x276 , sunlight4.jpg )
695754

>>695447
You kneel down, and say that you are vampire enthusiasts just looking out for vampire kind.

Vampire enthusiasts? Like this guy?" the vampire says, pointing at Bagül. You tell him that Bagül and everyone else from this mansion are dicks.

"Yes, that is true."

The vampire walks out of the room and looks through the windows, seeing that the fog is still there. This fills the vampire with enough confidence to walk outside of the building. You go down the stairs to watch him, and just when it seems that he's far away enough from the front door, without a moment to spare, you squeeze the orb, and the sun shines through the dissipating fog. The vampire's scream pierces your ears, as you smell the all too familiar stench of cooking bat. The vampire falls to the ground, and crawls to the front door, but is unable to enter it.

"You...assholes...

The vampire turns to dust.

VICTORY!
>Vampire: DEAD (from the sun), 25 Cool Points

>TOTAL CP EARNED: 25
>PLEASE DISTRIBUTE YOUR CP.
>DALE: 17, JANET: 24, SUZY: 20, RYAN: 43
>>
No. 695764 ID: 2ccbb3

>>695754
Give 6 to Janet, 12 to Suzy, and 7 to Ryan.

Tie up Bagül and interrogate him. If he's hosting a party, you can assassinate the guests in one fell swoop.

Also, the mansion is yours now. YAY!
>>
No. 695766 ID: f56624

Scrape the ashes into a jar as a trophy
>>
No. 695791 ID: 99a64d

Wow, that was really cool. We deserve some more cool points, let's give ourselves 13 cool points. Suzy can have 10 and Ryan can have 2.
>>
No. 695807 ID: bb0cf4
File 145330054792.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , 145269747833.png )
695807

>>695754
>CP DISTRIBUTED
>DALE: 30, JANET: 24, SUZY: 30, RYAN: 45
>YOU LEVELED UP!
>SUZY LEVELED UP!
>YOU WENT FROM...Hopeless Loser...to Freakin' Weirdo!
>SUZY WENT FROM...Total Disgrace...to Freakin' Weirdo!

You and Suzy are just killing it come it comes to coolness now! In no time, you and her are sure you'll be seen as wanted members of society! But now's not the time to daydream about that, you've got to interrogate Bagül. You go back into the mansion and up the stairs to Bagül's room, where he's still cowering on the ground. You surround him, and poke him to get his attention.

"...w-what do you want from me?"
>>
No. 695812 ID: 3d2d5f

>>695807
To extort you in exchange for not turning you in for vampire crimes.

Do we need to do anything with the butler's body to ensure he doesn't rise?
>>
No. 695817 ID: 2ccbb3

>>695807
Give us stuff or we'll crucify you.
>>
No. 695928 ID: 15a025

Give us everything we want or we stick a wooden stake in your chest.
>>
No. 695929 ID: bb0cf4
File 145332521423.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , 145269747833.png )
695929

>>695807
Bagül cowers as you threaten his life if he doesn't give you either information or valuables.

"Is this about the party!? It's not like I can have it now, everyone who worked for me is dead...and I'm pretty sure that vampire was lying about vampires liking destroyed houses! I'm just really big into vampires, alright?! Just leave me alone and I'll give you 300 gold, alright?!"
>>
No. 695933 ID: 7b65b9

All things considered he did get a vampire in his basement which allowed you to kill him, so it went well overall. Try calmly asking him if there are any other vampires in the area he knows about.
>>
No. 695938 ID: 99a64d

We're missing 10 cool points

We aren't in this for the gold, we're here to kill vampires. It'll take more than a paltry 300 gold for you to escape here with your life. Now tell us everything you know about the vampires in this area.

We should also take this opportunity to cross reference our knowledge of vampire weaknesses and powers with his.
>>
No. 695942 ID: 007e78

Take gold.

Get information about where he found the vampire, and how he learned of it.
>>
No. 695959 ID: 2ccbb3

This is your mansion now. He can't bribe you with money he no longer has.

Two more offers, then you crucify him.
>>
No. 696111 ID: bb0cf4
File 145335541339.png - (621.96KB , 774x554 , Screen Shot 2016-01-21 at 12_49_47 AM.png )
696111

>>695929
You take the 300 gold from him, but you're not satisfied. You want to know everything he knows about vampires and his vampire party, how he found that one vampire, just everything he can say. Bagül spits out a lot of nonsense, but here's a list of things you know for certain are true.

1. Vampires are high-tier spooks, and were once one of the greatest threats to this country
2. Vampires are weak to attacks to the heart, garlic (they're just really allergic to the stuff), and holy powers, but can still put up a good fight even if you have or do all these things.
3. The sun is their greatest nemesis, and it will destroy most vampires if they are caught by surprise by it. If properly prepared though, they can fight in the sunlight, though they will be significantly weaker
4. Vampires have beast-forms, and more human-like forms for espionage

You learn that party wise, he was going to have his butler invite all the vampires he could find to the party. Though it's hard to just find and talk to a vampire in this country, in the enemy country, where the princess has been captured, they are more prominent and easy to find. Bagül suspects though that his butler wasn't actually inviting any vampires over, in hindsight.

When it comes to the vampire he captured, that was just dumb luck. To better get into the role of a vampire, Bagül had his butler craft a magical series of runs that would create fog around his house. The vampire saw this fog while trying to escape the sun and rushed to it to hide, and from there the rest is history.
>>
No. 696115 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696111
So Bagül's house acre is basically one big vampire deathtrap?

Oh hell yes you so need to keep this mansion! You could lure the vampires inside, wait until dawn in a panic room, and then blow up the mansion and de-activate the fog machines!

Or just keep the mansion and lure unsuspecting vampires into the general vicinity, picking them off one at a time with the sun.

Two more chances to live, Bagül. Start yappin'.
>>
No. 696125 ID: f56624

>>696111
there any way we could revive the butler? he seemed like a cool guy, didn't deserve that.
>>
No. 696130 ID: edf87a

>>696125
Yeah I feel kind of bad for him.
>>
No. 696135 ID: 99a64d

>>696125
>>696130
Yes, we should absolutely resort to the dark art of necromancy for some guy we barely knew.
>>
No. 696138 ID: bb0cf4
File 145337903105.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , tumblr_m3zqlbCqTX1r413h3o1_250.png )
696138

You still want more out of Bagül, and press him to keep talking.

"What more do you want?! You want my carriage? I mean you'll need to feed the horses, but you can take it if you want! Is it info? I've already told you everything I know!"

Out of the blue, you ask if there would be any way to resurrect the butler. Bagül, and the rest of your party members, look at you confused.

"What like...summoning his ghost?" asks Bagül, "or bringing him fully to life? Because unless you're a god, the only way you're going to get him back is by turning him into an undead spook."
>>
No. 696152 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696138
One more offer.

You want the deed to the mansion. And more.
>>
No. 696176 ID: c84423
696176

>>696152
lets not extort him of his fortune guys, thats a cock move.
just tell him you'll be back if any more vampires show up so he isnt stupid like this again.
>>
No. 696238 ID: bb0cf4
File 145341861469.png - (26.90KB , 209x294 , 145269747833.png )
696238

>>696138
You're stuck between being a good person and letting him go, or getting some sweet justice and extorting him just a little more. After a mental coin flip, you decide that you want to get just a little more out of him.

"Fine, fine, you can have the mansion! Just let me go! Great Spook Lords above, this is just idiotic!"
>>
No. 696241 ID: 7b65b9

It's not like the mansion is worth much in this state anyway, but if he isn't living there anymore I guess, where is he going to go?
>>
No. 696243 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696238
OUT OF OFFERS.

HE WILL SIGNAL THE VAMPIRES TO WAR IF HE IS ALLOWED TO LIVE. THOUSANDS OF VILLAGERS MAY DIE IF THEY CONVERGE ON YOUR POSITION.

CRUCIFY HIM.
>>
No. 696298 ID: 0b66e1

>Great Spook Lords above
THE LORDS ABOVE ARE SPOOKS?!

That's it, they'll have to go. Vampire-God Killer Quest.
>>
No. 696353 ID: 67f342

>psyche about all that taking his stuf stuff. We aren’ *that* evil. take him to prison instead for killing his servants and aiding vampires.
>>
No. 696356 ID: cb903a

>>696353
This.
>>
No. 696357 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696353
YES WE ARE AND NO WE'RE NOT LETTING HIM OFF EASY.

This is an entire mansion we're talking about. Do you want him to keep his wealth so that he can bribe the local police force to let him out and then hire new servants to murder for his hypothetical and nonexistent Spook Party?
>>
No. 696401 ID: acc3d2
File 145347515428.jpg - (3.67MB , 3300x2552 , 87609409.jpg )
696401

>>696238
Look's like it's time to kill this fucker!

...wait...on second thought, maybe you're getting a little carried away here. Your party watches you, waiting to see what you'll do next. Bagül closes his eyes, waiting for the beating of his life. You tell Bagül that instead of stealing all of his stuff, you are going to keep Bagül as a prisoner so he can't try any of this tricky business again. Bagül is at first confused, and doesn't seem to understand how serious you are. You send your party off of your body to go looking for rope, and when they finally return with some and get back to their places on your body, you bind Bagül and carefully place him at the very top of your head, like a hat.

You now have a Bagül equipped.

"This isn't fair how come I need to share my spot with him?" asks Janet as she clings to the back of your head. "He's touching my beard and it feels really nice if I covered him with razors and then just rubbed myself all over him I would be shaved so hard you wouldn't even believe it, make that his new life now."

Bagül is flabbergasted at this turn of events.

"What are you going to do with me as your prisoner?! I'm not going to be any use to you, I can't even fight!"

You ignore that question to think about what your next move will be. You do have the bag of blood berries, and that wizard back in Snickersberg probably still wants them. There's also all that weird clown business going around you might want to look into. Or maybe you'll just use Bagül's horses and travel to another town on your epic quest to grind cool points like a maniac until you're able to defeat Phillip Dollarfield!
>>
No. 696404 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696401
... We could send Bagül to the circus. That would shut him up.

But I think we should dismantle the circus. Maybe we could find a surveillance spell and send him in with more wires than a barbed fence?

Let's turn in those blood berries before they go stale.
>>
No. 696409 ID: 99ca2b

>>696401
Why not give him to the king. Say that the noble was part of the conspiracy against Philip Dollarfield.
>>
No. 696593 ID: 52423a

>>696357
Oh Kome, I thought you had lost your edge.

>>696401
Isn’t there someting like Guards or Police in the city? Bring Bagül there.

Also take some gold as recompense for saving him from assisted suicide by vampire.
>>
No. 696620 ID: e0e3fe
File 145357140122.jpg - (101.47KB , 736x546 , 144938975013.jpg )
696620

>>696401
You march out of the mansion, the sun still high in the sky, and go back to the walls of Snickersberg. You would collect some of that vampire ash to show to the townspeople and get some praise, if only you had your vampire hunting license. Back in town, now you must decide what to do. Shall you take Bagül to the guards? Sell him to the circus? Ignore him for now and give those blood berries to the wizard? Sit on the ground and do absolutely nothing?
>>
No. 696623 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696620
We don't need a ninja-ghost-vampire on our asses... fine, let's throw Bagül in jail.

Check the notice board for more quests.

Then turn in those bloodberries and get paid in magic powers.
>>
No. 696794 ID: e0e3fe
File 145365933239.jpg - (20.45KB , 300x400 , 370830-medieval-prison-looking-out-through-bars.jpg )
696794

>>696620
You decide that keeping Bagül around as a hat isn't going to work out, and the best thing to do is to bring Bagül to the local dungeon. You approach the gate of the dungeon, where two heavily armored guards stand.

"Oi, what's this going on here?" says one of the guards.

You explain to them that Bagül is a vampire enthusiast who allowed an outrageous number of people to get killed to feed a captured vampire. True, you never did go into the basement to confirm it, but you're pretty sure a lot of people died.

"Yeah, it's so true," says Janet, "I saw so many dead bodies and they were so spooky I had to cry so hard that I cut out my own eyeballs I'm basically blind now these eyes are fake my beard is real though does it make you hot under the collar?"

"Um...yeah, what Janet said!" yells Suzy.

"Dudes, trust us here. Brothers, we wouldn't lie. You know me, I'm your good pal Ryan Rockstone."

Bagül simply tries to brush off the heckling.

The guards look at each other, and then back to you. They seem to be judging you to determine how truthful your comments really are.

"Oi...alright, we'll look into it. Hand the guy over."

Bagül is taken off your head and thrown into one of the cells. The guards say they will send some people over to investigate the mansion in the woods, and thank you for your service to the community.
>>
No. 696795 ID: e0e3fe
File 145365974842.jpg - (551.27KB , 1280x967 , the_old_notice_board__by_blinkingzzz-d1uzrz7.jpg )
696795

>>696794
With Bagül off your hands, you decide to investigate the notice board and see if there's any new quests before giving the wizard those bloodberries.

1. BEHOLD! I require Blood Berries for my magical potions, but I do not wish to go out and get them myself. I will give a free magic lesson to anyone who can get me a bushel of Blood Berries!
-Chumbles the Wise

2. For a good time, come by the hole in the wall at midnight.
-XOXO Cindy

3. ATTENTION PEOPLE OF SNICKERSBERG! YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATED AND LIED TO! PHILIP DOLLARFIELD WILL NOT SAVE THE PRINCESS, AND HE IS NOT THE HERO YOU THINK HE IS! COME TO COASTBERG FOR THE FIRST MEETING OF THE ANTI-DOLLARFIELD CLUB!
>>
No. 696796 ID: 2ccbb3

>>696794
Crap. You were breaking and entering, so Bagül has a shot at bribing the jury to let him go.

>>696795
Yeah, this Anti-Dollarfield rally seems like a scam. Plus, you don't want to get identified by the kingdom as anti-government.

Turn in the blood berries and have Janet learn a bomb spell. Then blow up the local well.
>>
No. 696918 ID: e8a501

>>696795
Is there any information on where this wizard dude is? Otherwise asks around where he lives.
>>
No. 696983 ID: 15a025

Let's go cash in our blood berries.
>>
No. 697031 ID: fa8f9d

Can we quickly ask our party their ages and how educated they are. I would assume dale is somewhere between the age of 27-32 considering his background.
>>
No. 697140 ID: ca3a6a
File 145377326125.png - (2.71KB , 220x220 , pixel_wizard_by_nself-d5kwow8.png )
697140

>>696795
Well, fuck those other notices, it's time to turn in those berries and learn some magic. You head off to a blue tower in town with a sign that says Chumbles The Wise: Wizard at Law and Associates and enter it. An old man brimming with the scent of magic stands before you. This magic smells a lot like soap.

AWW! I knew the Blood Berries would be coming soon- oh no, you're two weirdos, a disgrace, and a nerd. Lame.

You explain that you've brought in the blood berries he wanted, and want a magical lesson from him. He takes the blood berries out of your hands and inspects them.

"Uuuuggggghhh, fiiiiiiiine. Let me show you what I can teach. My magic's all based on coolness though, and let's face it, none of you are that cool. You sure you don't want to learn lame people magic, what do they call that now? Oh yes, druid magic. You sure you don't want to learn some of that?"

You tell him you're positive you want a spell taught by him. Chumbles sighs and pulls out a list of what he can teach your party members right now. It seems that each spell requires that the party member meets a minimum level of coolness to use it.

>Dazzle Sparks: Draw the enemies attention: 10 CP.
>Shameful Stench: Makes enemies avoid you or someone else: 20 CP.
>Phantom Touch: Makes the enemy feel awkward and off guard: 30 CP.
>Awful Familiar: Creates a floating mouth that bites and won't shut up, not the best fighter but the enemy will want to kill it the most: 40 CP.
>>
No. 697142 ID: 2ccbb3

>>697140
Get one of each spell:
Ryan: Awful Familiar
Dale: Phantom Touch
Suzy: Shameful Stench
Janet: Dazzle Sparks

No I did not mix up the last two.
>>
No. 697159 ID: 15a025

>>697142
Sounds like a good setup to me. So my votes what they said.
>>
No. 697294 ID: ca3a6a
File 145381827962.png - (2.71KB , 220x220 , pixel_wizard_by_nself-d5kwow8.png )
697294

>>697140
You tell him the spells you want taught and who you want each spell taught to, but Chumbles does not look pleased.

"I said I would give a free magic lesson, not magic lessons. One magic lesson, that's it. If you want more, you're going to have to either buy them, or do some favors for me. Pick one person and one spell you want them to learn."
>>
No. 697316 ID: 2ccbb3

>>697294
FINE.

Ryan, Awful Familiar.
>>
No. 697334 ID: fa8f9d

>>697316
Seconding kome on this one
>>
No. 697335 ID: 99a64d

>>697316
this

After this let's head to the glory hole wander into the obvious trap see what this "good time" thing is about.
>>
No. 697344 ID: 15a025

>>697316
I third this. After that we should go enjoy that "good time" thing or whatever that was.
>>
No. 697422 ID: 42546f
File 145384788816.jpg - (32.33KB , 620x387 , beckett_2964752b.jpg )
697422

>>697294
You tell Chumbles to teach Ryan the awful familiar spell. "Dude," says Ryan, "this'll be great. I'm gonna have a little mouth buddy!"

"Come with me, nerd, this is going to take awhile."

---

After many hours of what sounds like tongues and yelling, Ryan has learned Awful Familiar. To celebrate, Ryan casts the spell, and a large floating mouth the size of your head appears by his side.

"WOWY ZOWY WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE I'M SURE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE GREAT FRIENDS! HEY CAN WE GO TO THE THEATER LATER? I LOVE THE THEATER! PEOPLE SAY I CHEW TOO LOUD BUT THEY GOTTA LEARN HOW TO LIVE A LITTLE! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE THEATER? THEY SAY IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL-"

Ryan gets rid of the familiar. You thank Chumbles for his services and leave with the party. The next step of your quest is to investigate the strange, semi-sticky looking hole in the Snickersberg wall. You wait by it, but there are still a couple of hours before midnight. While waiting, you doze off.

---

You are now dreaming.
There are many religions in this land. Some people, mainly nefarious cultists and people of ill-repute, believe in the Great Spook Lords. Others, like the priests and priestesses who combat spooks with holy powers, believe in the Sensational Soul Spirits. Others, like the wizards and witches who study the art of coolness, believe in the One True God, Coolio. There are those who simply do not know what to believe, and those who do not believe in any of them.

What do you believe?
>>
No. 697425 ID: 15a025

You seem like a worshiper of Coolio to me.
>>
No. 697564 ID: 4229c9

>>697422
You believe in Vlad the Impaler, known for impaling any vampires he sees. Some detractors claim he is a vampire himself, but you know that to be a blasphemous lie!
>>
No. 697566 ID: f56624

you worship only the one true god, Kermit defrog, a man so charismatic and good that he managed to uplift himself to godhood through his altruism.
>>
No. 697576 ID: b8ceae

>>697422
You believe in a thing called love; just listen to the rhythm of your heart.
>>
No. 697586 ID: 99a64d

The power in mens' souls is the greatest power of all! the willpower of humanity is greater than any god! Something something ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWA!
>>
No. 697591 ID: fa8f9d

>>697586
You know what... I second this in the hopes for awesome anime boosts in our biggest time of need.
>>
No. 697625 ID: 00e3f2
File 145393825740.jpg - (53.76KB , 583x575 , il_fullxfull_382910177_6zq5_original.jpg )
697625

>>697422
You don't need to believe in anything other than yourself, your friends, and the will of the human spirit! No spook, fiend, or god can stop you when you've got the power of humanity's soul by your side! Your steak is the steak that will pierce the Heavens!

...so whenever someone asks you about your faith and you don't feel like getting into details, you just say you believe in the Sensational Soul Spirits, the souls of sentient beings who go to the spirit world and assist all life. Your values are a little more on the ground then in the clouds, but whatever.

---

You wake up. On the other side of the hole, you hear a quiet whisper.

"Is like, someone there?"
>>
No. 697627 ID: 99a64d

*sweating loudly* ...yes
>>
No. 697638 ID: 15a025

Ask who's asking.
>>
No. 697648 ID: 2ccbb3

Stick your Awful Familiar near the glory hole and get to cover.
>>
No. 697664 ID: 7b65b9

Wow, what a glorious hole, being able to talk like that. Greet the strange hole.
>>
No. 697790 ID: 4229c9

>>697625
>"Is like, someone there?"
"I’m not sure, I’ll check."
>>
No. 697802 ID: acc3d2
File 145398917725.jpg - (308.75KB , 491x700 , tumblr_m1bki5XBwu1rso5roo1_500.jpg )
697802

>>697625
You make your presence known to the voice on the other side of the wall by greeting them, signaling the rest of your party to stay quiet for now.

"Like, cool. Now just like, do what comes naturally, I don't have all night."

You're not exactly sure what to do next. It's not like you can just "use" the hole, there are children present. You decide to get creative, and signal Ryan to cast his Awful Familiar spell. Ryan does so, and that massive mouth appears.

"WOWY ZOWY WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE! WHAT'S THIS WE HAVE HERE, A GLORY HOLE? I HOPE I FIT IN, I'M PRETTY BIG!"
"What? Who is...just someone use the hole!" yells the voice from the other side.
"WILL DO!"

The familiar floats over to the hole in the wall, and sticks its tongue through it. The familiar's tongue seems to be tugged by whoever's on the other side of the wall. You hear a wet rubbing noise before the familiar is let go, and you see that there is a bright green goo on the familiar's tongue.

"WOWY ZOWY, I'M TRIPPING BALLS!HOW DO I EVEN SEE I DON'T HAVE ANY EYES!DO YOU FEEL ALL THESE EYEBALLS IN MY MOUTH?!THEY'RE LIKE PEELED GRAPES!"

The familiar floats sloppily in the air, slamming against the wall occasionally. You hear footsteps moving away from the other side of the wall. The person who seems to have drugged the familiar is running away.
>>
No. 697824 ID: fa8f9d

Hey! Cut it out.
>>
No. 697826 ID: 2ccbb3

>>697802
AFTER THEM!

Also, dismiss familiar.
>>
No. 698078 ID: e0e3fe
File 145409924657.png - (3.77KB , 204x205 , nature_girl___lineless_pixel_by_anthaid_kid-d9gkn7.png )
698078

>>697802
The familiar is dismissed, and you try to catch whoever this person is by going through the front gates, and then around the wall. The perpetrator on the other side of the hole at first is nowhere to be found, however you do notice a trail of bright green ooze heading off into the trees. You follow the ooze until through the trees you see a girl with long green hair and a jar emitting the neon green glow of that same slime. She notices you gaining up on her and keeps running.

"Like, just leave me alone!"
>>
No. 698081 ID: f2461f

Keep chasing her, when she appears tired ask her why she is running from us.
>>
No. 698082 ID: 71891b

>>698078
"Why!?"
I think that conveys our feelings adequately.
>>
No. 698098 ID: fa8f9d

"If you don't stop I'll slurp up all your delicious lime jello when I do catch you!"
>>
No. 698100 ID: 2ccbb3

>>698078
If you use vine whip, she might use that drug to turn your foliage against you...

Summon Awful Familiar and use vine whip to sling him onto the girl's face.
>>
No. 698112 ID: b8ceae

>>698078
Vine whip her feet to trip her.
Then recruit her.
>>
No. 698148 ID: fa8f9d

>>698112
Where the frak are we gonna carry her? I also just realized that all of our party members are pretty much kids. We need a responsible adult to help carry potential recruits.
>>
No. 698210 ID: 2ccbb3

>>698148
Two psychopathic man-children and two hyperactive psycho-girls. I dunno if your statement is valid.

Let's just capture her already.
>>
No. 698216 ID: 7b65b9

If he can without running out of breath, get Ryan to sing the speedy song so you catch up faster.
>>
No. 698252 ID: e0e3fe
File 145417288048.png - (3.77KB , 204x205 , nature_girl___lineless_pixel_by_anthaid_kid-d9gkn7.png )
698252

You're not going to let her get away that easily! You cast vine whip, and a vine bursts from the ground and wraps itself around the mystery girl's legs. Her eyes widen at the sight of the vine before it drags her to the ground. You and the rest of the party surround her to make sure she doesn't get away.

"Like, I'm guessing you learned that vine spell from Don...I was just, like, uh, having fun, you know? Hehehe...please don't tell him what I'm doing."
>>
No. 698253 ID: 3783b9

>>698252
"How is drugging strangers fun? Also, can I get in on it?"
>>
No. 698254 ID: 2ccbb3

>>698252
Why are you drugging everyone who sticks their stick into that glory hole?
>>
No. 698261 ID: 7b65b9

It didn't look like your familiar was damaged in any way, just really tripping eyeballs, so I don't think you should be too hard on her.
Ask her why she's drugging people though, and what that stuff even is.
>>
No. 698302 ID: b8ceae

>>698148
Yes, which is why we should recruit this irresponsible adult to carry more party members.

>>698252
"You want to have fun by randomly drugging people? Great, you're perfect for our team."
>>
No. 698392 ID: e0e3fe
File 145420775604.jpg - (79.04KB , 800x534 , neon_slime_by_5ev-d790rxp.jpg )
698392

>>698252
You ask the girl why she's drugging people for a glory hole.

"Like, I'm not just drugging people for fun. This is like, research. I'm experimenting, learning more about the druid arts. I think that's fun."

You ask her what this green neon stuff is.

"It's sap from the rave tree. It, like, doesn't grow here a lot, but I...found...some of the seeds and I wanted to see what its sap does. So I thought, you know, the glory hole would be a good way to test things out. Most people don't like hanging out with druids, so I thought, they don't need to see me on the other side, they get touched down there, and I can see what happens when the sap gets on skin...guess it's hallucinogenic."
>>
No. 698396 ID: 99a64d

Well, as a responsible authority figure we should probably still tell Don, but I don't see too much wrong with it.
>>
No. 698405 ID: 2ccbb3

>>698392
You just slathered an unknown biological substance on random dicks. That's not very nice, young lady.

Whatever. Let's go to Don, he might take you in.
>>
No. 698406 ID: f2461f

Invite her to join your party.
>>
No. 698409 ID: b8ceae

>>698392
She does SCIENCE! by slathering hallucinogens on dicks. Yea, we need her in the party.

Recruit her!
>>
No. 698494 ID: 12e71e

>>698392
Tell her that is awesome and all (really, it is), but she should probably mention that sort of stuff to the people she is applying it to beforehand. Consent and all that.
>>
No. 698506 ID: e0e3fe
File 145425966884.jpg - (371.54KB , 716x900 , cerebral-dysfunction-callie-fink.jpg )
698506

>>698392
You know what? You're going to be nice to this girl. You see
something you like in her. In fact, she may very well be a potential recruit. You tell the girl to calm down, and that you're actually impressed by her scientific pursuits.

"Like...thanks?"

You then tell her that you will need to tell Don about this, and she should be telling others about her plans before rubbing mysterious goo on their bodies, but if she wants to maybe joi- SUDDENLY, RAVE TREE SAP RIGHT IN THE FACE.

The girl hurls the sap from her jar at all of you, pulls herself away from the vines on her legs, and then runs for it.

"Like, sorry, but that doesn't sound cool!"

You start to feel funny.
Why are all your teeth talking to you? Should you listen to what they have to say?
Janet's beard is stretching to infinity. You gotta help her trim it with your hands, which are now razors.
Suzy's turning into a giant! Maybe we should hug her legs so she'll shrink.
Ryan's a blood banana now. You must eat him, the giant nose demands it.
>>
No. 698507 ID: 99a64d

>>698503
We could send Janet and Ryan after her, or we could chill here for a while, then tell Don about this later.
>>
No. 698511 ID: 0d0b6a

>>698506
Send your minions to capture her. Then enjoy the trip.
>>
No. 698534 ID: 2ccbb3

Send the party after her unless she gets to the woods. Then capture a centauress with your Vine Whip. Proceed to rant at her.
>>
No. 698548 ID: 15a025

We must eat Ryan as a sacrifice to our new giant nose god.
>>
No. 698644 ID: e0e3fe
File 145428739044.jpg - (1.27MB , 1000x750 , farewell-color.jpg )
698644

>>698506
You speak a fish language now, but you are able to tell the rest of your party to go after the girl. Janet has already turned into a bird and flown off, Suzy has embraced her rightful place on the throne of the snail kingdom, and Ryan needs to go on a vision quest.
You try to sit down and wait this out, but suddenly, a Spook appears! He's trying to give you financial advice, but you forgot your checkbook and now you're in your underwear.
>>
No. 698647 ID: 15a025

Don't listen to the spook, he just wants your money and credit info.
>>
No. 698651 ID: f2461f

Offer the spook your shoes.
>>
No. 698686 ID: 99a64d

Attempt to say "don't come any closer" but otherwise don't do anything, you'll only hurt yourself.
>>
No. 698689 ID: 2ccbb3

Knock the spook unconscious. Do not kill anyone while you're drugged, you could murder an innocent in reality.

... But yeah, Vine Whip + Headbutt. Make them squeal and pass out from the pain.
>>
No. 698732 ID: 54665d
File 145453273160.jpg - (12.54KB , 200x200 , 144953029193s.jpg )
698732

>>698644
No, no, you say! You tell the spook to stay back, as you don't want him to steal your identity, but it's too late, you are already a lawyer and the case has been settled! You scream into the night!

---

When you finally come to, the sun is beating down your face. The rest of your party is by your side, each one of them quiet, trying to remember what happened last night. The fact that you weren't actually attacked by a spook while you were all drugged is incredibly lucky. But you may not be out of danger just yet, as you hear footsteps approaching you. You pull yourself to your feet just as the intruder comes forward.

"Hey guys. It's me, Don the Druid, remember? I saw some bright green go near here that looked a little bit like rave tree sap, and decided to check it out...seriously though, did you steal my rave tree seeds? Because my seeds are missing, and this looks pretty suspicious from where I'm standing.”
>>
No. 698733 ID: 54665d

test post
>>
No. 698734 ID: 15a025

Tell him about the girl who drugged you in the well with that stuff.
>>
No. 698735 ID: 7b65b9

Seems like the only good solution is to rat out the girl. She seemed to know Don, so maybe he'll go easy on her.
>>
No. 698743 ID: 54665d

another quick test, pay no attention.
>>
No. 698851 ID: 54665d
File 145456251634.jpg - (12.54KB , 200x200 , 144953029193s.jpg )
698851

>>698732
You tell Don exactly what happened, no lies and or held info.

"...wait...green haired girl...green haired girl...damn. I know who that is. Cindy, right? She's an outcast from Coastberg. I found her trying to survive out in the woods on her own, and offered to take her in as a student. It didn't last long though, she has the trait that goes directly against my teachings; a lust for coolness. I tried to tell her that she didn't need to be cool, and that my teachings weren't meant for coolness, but she didn't listen. She ran off sometime later. She must have stolen my seeds to try teaching herself the druidic arts on her own. That could be...pretty bad."
>>
No. 698862 ID: 2ccbb3

"Well, we went up a few coolness levels ourselves.

Busy week. Had to raid a mass murderer's den.

... Can Janet and Suzy learn ONE spell each if we help you with Cindy? Please?"
>>
No. 698954 ID: d31120
File 145461318245.jpg - (130.03KB , 800x600 , 990361056_e93274f493_o.jpg )
698954

>>698851
You briefly explain some of your exploits to Don since you last me, such as visiting a goblin village, Janet getting lycanthropy, recruiting Ryan (who "digs Don's hobo look"), learning terrible clown secrets, and investigating the mansion in the woods that Don told you about, which turned out to hold a serial killer and a vicious vampire. It's been a busy few days. Point being, you and your friends have gotten cooler. Despite this, you ask Don if he can teach a spell to one of you if you help him deal with Cindy.

"Uuuuuhh...you know how I feel about that...but...you do still seem like good people, all things considered. I mean going to a goblin village without slaughtering everyone and taking down a vampire loving fanatic? I have some questions about letting a little girl drink werewolf blood, but alright. If you come with me and help get that sap away from Cindy, I'll teach some more druidic spells. I have a good feeling that Cindy might be heading back to Coastberg. We should go as soon as possible."

WARNING. GOING TO COASTBERG NOW WILL START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF PHILLIP DOLLARFIELD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT SAVING THE PRINCESS. ARE YOU READY TO GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER?
>>
No. 698956 ID: 2ccbb3

LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!!!
>>
No. 698960 ID: 99a64d

Shit yes lets do it!
>>
No. 699016 ID: 15a025

Let's hit the road toad.
>>
No. 699037 ID: 7b65b9

My only regret is that we totally disappointed that goblin guitar player by re-stealing Ryan's guitar from him without being able to help, but yeah, let's go.
>>
No. 699208 ID: d31120
File 145468830617.png - (27.79KB , 600x133 , white-shadow-swirl-h_white.png )
699208

>>698954
You've outgrown Snickersberg and your nameless hometown. It's time for you and your crew to move on to bigger and better things...well, slightly bigger and marginally better things. You tell Don that you're ready to go to Coastberg with him.

"Great. The road to Coastberg is a little long, but we'll be able to make it by foot. Let's get going."

Making sure all your party members are secured safely to your body, you follow Don out of the woods and onto the dirt road. Small remnants of neon green go line the pathway down to Coastberg.

Janet shakes your head violently. "Aw yeah this is gonna be so great I hear the beach at Coastberg is so good we can catch some waves and catch some crabs and meet cute boys and catch some crabs and it will be great I am a werewolf also did you remember that please feel my beard!"

Suzy's hold on your back tightens. "I don't think I tan well, we should really pick up some sunscreen while we're there, please. I don't think I want to be a pretend vampire anymore but I also don't want my skin to turn bright red. I like my paleness."

Ryan's hold around your chest is pretty comfortable. "Dude, I hope there's some beach parties going on. The ladies like dudes who can play a guitar. Man, imagine how cool that would be, getting popular at the beach."

Don scoffs at this talk of cool. "If only Phillip Dollarfield cared as much about saving the princess as you all do about being cool."

END OF CHAPTER 1
>>
No. 699211 ID: 2ccbb3

9/10, would stake again.
>>
No. 699222 ID: 62d3f9

>>699208
Glorious.
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