Wow, what a glorious hole, being able to talk like that. Greet the strange hole.

>>697625
>"Is like, someone there?"
"I’m not sure, I’ll check."

PM 2016/01/28(Thu)05:52 No. 697802 ID: acc3d2
File 145398917725.jpg - (308.75KB , 491x700 , tumblr_m1bki5XBwu1rso5roo1_500.jpg )

>>697625
You make your presence known to the voice on the other side of the wall by greeting them, signaling the rest of your party to stay quiet for now.

"Like, cool. Now just like, do what comes naturally, I don't have all night."

You're not exactly sure what to do next. It's not like you can just "use" the hole, there are children present. You decide to get creative, and signal Ryan to cast his Awful Familiar spell. Ryan does so, and that massive mouth appears.

"WOWY ZOWY WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE! WHAT'S THIS WE HAVE HERE, A GLORY HOLE? I HOPE I FIT IN, I'M PRETTY BIG!"
"What? Who is...just someone use the hole!" yells the voice from the other side.
"WILL DO!"

The familiar floats over to the hole in the wall, and sticks its tongue through it. The familiar's tongue seems to be tugged by whoever's on the other side of the wall. You hear a wet rubbing noise before the familiar is let go, and you see that there is a bright green goo on the familiar's tongue.

"WOWY ZOWY, I'M TRIPPING BALLS!HOW DO I EVEN SEE I DON'T HAVE ANY EYES!DO YOU FEEL ALL THESE EYEBALLS IN MY MOUTH?!THEY'RE LIKE PEELED GRAPES!"

The familiar floats sloppily in the air, slamming against the wall occasionally. You hear footsteps moving away from the other side of the wall. The person who seems to have drugged the familiar is running away.

Hey! Cut it out.

>>697802
AFTER THEM!

Also, dismiss familiar.

PM 2016/01/29(Fri)12:27 No. 698078 ID: e0e3fe
File 145409924657.png - (3.77KB , 204x205 , nature_girl___lineless_pixel_by_anthaid_kid-d9gkn7.png )

>>697802
The familiar is dismissed, and you try to catch whoever this person is by going through the front gates, and then around the wall. The perpetrator on the other side of the hole at first is nowhere to be found, however you do notice a trail of bright green ooze heading off into the trees. You follow the ooze until through the trees you see a girl with long green hair and a jar emitting the neon green glow of that same slime. She notices you gaining up on her and keeps running.

"Like, just leave me alone!"

Keep chasing her, when she appears tired ask her why she is running from us.

>>698078
"Why!?"
I think that conveys our feelings adequately.

"If you don't stop I'll slurp up all your delicious lime jello when I do catch you!"

>>698078
If you use vine whip, she might use that drug to turn your foliage against you...

Summon Awful Familiar and use vine whip to sling him onto the girl's face.

>>698078
Vine whip her feet to trip her.
Then recruit her.

>>698112
Where the frak are we gonna carry her? I also just realized that all of our party members are pretty much kids. We need a responsible adult to help carry potential recruits.

>>698148
Two psychopathic man-children and two hyperactive psycho-girls. I dunno if your statement is valid.

Let's just capture her already.

If he can without running out of breath, get Ryan to sing the speedy song so you catch up faster.

PM 2016/01/30(Sat)08:54 No. 698252 ID: e0e3fe
File 145417288048.png - (3.77KB , 204x205 , nature_girl___lineless_pixel_by_anthaid_kid-d9gkn7.png )

You're not going to let her get away that easily! You cast vine whip, and a vine bursts from the ground and wraps itself around the mystery girl's legs. Her eyes widen at the sight of the vine before it drags her to the ground. You and the rest of the party surround her to make sure she doesn't get away.

"Like, I'm guessing you learned that vine spell from Don...I was just, like, uh, having fun, you know? Hehehe...please don't tell him what I'm doing."

>>698252
"How is drugging strangers fun? Also, can I get in on it?"

>>698252
Why are you drugging everyone who sticks their stick into that glory hole?

It didn't look like your familiar was damaged in any way, just really tripping eyeballs, so I don't think you should be too hard on her.
Ask her why she's drugging people though, and what that stuff even is.

>>698148
Yes, which is why we should recruit this irresponsible adult to carry more party members.

>>698252
"You want to have fun by randomly drugging people? Great, you're perfect for our team."

PM 2016/01/30(Sat)18:35 No. 698392 ID: e0e3fe
File 145420775604.jpg - (79.04KB , 800x534 , neon_slime_by_5ev-d790rxp.jpg )

>>698252
You ask the girl why she's drugging people for a glory hole.

"Like, I'm not just drugging people for fun. This is like, research. I'm experimenting, learning more about the druid arts. I think that's fun."

You ask her what this green neon stuff is.

"It's sap from the rave tree. It, like, doesn't grow here a lot, but I...found...some of the seeds and I wanted to see what its sap does. So I thought, you know, the glory hole would be a good way to test things out. Most people don't like hanging out with druids, so I thought, they don't need to see me on the other side, they get touched down there, and I can see what happens when the sap gets on skin...guess it's hallucinogenic."

Well, as a responsible authority figure we should probably still tell Don, but I don't see too much wrong with it.

>>698392
You just slathered an unknown biological substance on random dicks. That's not very nice, young lady.

Whatever. Let's go to Don, he might take you in.

Invite her to join your party.

>>698392
She does SCIENCE! by slathering hallucinogens on dicks. Yea, we need her in the party.

Recruit her!

>>698392
Tell her that is awesome and all (really, it is), but she should probably mention that sort of stuff to the people she is applying it to beforehand. Consent and all that.

PM 2016/01/31(Sun)09:01 No. 698506 ID: e0e3fe
File 145425966884.jpg - (371.54KB , 716x900 , cerebral-dysfunction-callie-fink.jpg )

>>698392
You know what? You're going to be nice to this girl. You see
something you like in her. In fact, she may very well be a potential recruit. You tell the girl to calm down, and that you're actually impressed by her scientific pursuits.

"Like...thanks?"

You then tell her that you will need to tell Don about this, and she should be telling others about her plans before rubbing mysterious goo on their bodies, but if she wants to maybe joi- SUDDENLY, RAVE TREE SAP RIGHT IN THE FACE.

The girl hurls the sap from her jar at all of you, pulls herself away from the vines on her legs, and then runs for it.

"Like, sorry, but that doesn't sound cool!"

You start to feel funny.
Why are all your teeth talking to you? Should you listen to what they have to say?
Janet's beard is stretching to infinity. You gotta help her trim it with your hands, which are now razors.
Suzy's turning into a giant! Maybe we should hug her legs so she'll shrink.
Ryan's a blood banana now. You must eat him, the giant nose demands it.

>>698503
We could send Janet and Ryan after her, or we could chill here for a while, then tell Don about this later.

>>698506
Send your minions to capture her. Then enjoy the trip.

Send the party after her unless she gets to the woods. Then capture a centauress with your Vine Whip. Proceed to rant at her.

We must eat Ryan as a sacrifice to our new giant nose god.

PM 2016/01/31(Sun)16:43 No. 698644 ID: e0e3fe
File 145428739044.jpg - (1.27MB , 1000x750 , farewell-color.jpg )

>>698506
You speak a fish language now, but you are able to tell the rest of your party to go after the girl. Janet has already turned into a bird and flown off, Suzy has embraced her rightful place on the throne of the snail kingdom, and Ryan needs to go on a vision quest.
You try to sit down and wait this out, but suddenly, a Spook appears! He's trying to give you financial advice, but you forgot your checkbook and now you're in your underwear.

Don't listen to the spook, he just wants your money and credit info.

Offer the spook your shoes.

Attempt to say "don't come any closer" but otherwise don't do anything, you'll only hurt yourself.

Knock the spook unconscious. Do not kill anyone while you're drugged, you could murder an innocent in reality.

... But yeah, Vine Whip + Headbutt. Make them squeal and pass out from the pain.

PM 2016/02/03(Wed)12:52 No. 698732 ID: 54665d
File 145453273160.jpg - (12.54KB , 200x200 , 144953029193s.jpg )

>>698644
No, no, you say! You tell the spook to stay back, as you don't want him to steal your identity, but it's too late, you are already a lawyer and the case has been settled! You scream into the night!

---

When you finally come to, the sun is beating down your face. The rest of your party is by your side, each one of them quiet, trying to remember what happened last night. The fact that you weren't actually attacked by a spook while you were all drugged is incredibly lucky. But you may not be out of danger just yet, as you hear footsteps approaching you. You pull yourself to your feet just as the intruder comes forward.

"Hey guys. It's me, Don the Druid, remember? I saw some bright green go near here that looked a little bit like rave tree sap, and decided to check it out...seriously though, did you steal my rave tree seeds? Because my seeds are missing, and this looks pretty suspicious from where I'm standing.”

test post

Tell him about the girl who drugged you in the well with that stuff.

Seems like the only good solution is to rat out the girl. She seemed to know Don, so maybe he'll go easy on her.

another quick test, pay no attention.

PM 2016/02/03(Wed)21:08 No. 698851 ID: 54665d
File 145456251634.jpg - (12.54KB , 200x200 , 144953029193s.jpg )

>>698732
You tell Don exactly what happened, no lies and or held info.

"...wait...green haired girl...green haired girl...damn. I know who that is. Cindy, right? She's an outcast from Coastberg. I found her trying to survive out in the woods on her own, and offered to take her in as a student. It didn't last long though, she has the trait that goes directly against my teachings; a lust for coolness. I tried to tell her that she didn't need to be cool, and that my teachings weren't meant for coolness, but she didn't listen. She ran off sometime later. She must have stolen my seeds to try teaching herself the druidic arts on her own. That could be...pretty bad."

"Well, we went up a few coolness levels ourselves.

Busy week. Had to raid a mass murderer's den.

... Can Janet and Suzy learn ONE spell each if we help you with Cindy? Please?"

PM 2016/02/04(Thu)11:13 No. 698954 ID: d31120
File 145461318245.jpg - (130.03KB , 800x600 , 990361056_e93274f493_o.jpg )

>>698851
You briefly explain some of your exploits to Don since you last me, such as visiting a goblin village, Janet getting lycanthropy, recruiting Ryan (who "digs Don's hobo look"), learning terrible clown secrets, and investigating the mansion in the woods that Don told you about, which turned out to hold a serial killer and a vicious vampire. It's been a busy few days. Point being, you and your friends have gotten cooler. Despite this, you ask Don if he can teach a spell to one of you if you help him deal with Cindy.

"Uuuuuhh...you know how I feel about that...but...you do still seem like good people, all things considered. I mean going to a goblin village without slaughtering everyone and taking down a vampire loving fanatic? I have some questions about letting a little girl drink werewolf blood, but alright. If you come with me and help get that sap away from Cindy, I'll teach some more druidic spells. I have a good feeling that Cindy might be heading back to Coastberg. We should go as soon as possible."

WARNING. GOING TO COASTBERG NOW WILL START THE NEXT CHAPTER OF PHILLIP DOLLARFIELD DOESN'T CARE ABOUT SAVING THE PRINCESS. ARE YOU READY TO GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER?

LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!!!

Shit yes lets do it!

Let's hit the road toad.

My only regret is that we totally disappointed that goblin guitar player by re-stealing Ryan's guitar from him without being able to help, but yeah, let's go.

PM 2016/02/05(Fri)08:05 No. 699208 ID: d31120
File 145468830617.png - (27.79KB , 600x133 , white-shadow-swirl-h_white.png )

>>698954
You've outgrown Snickersberg and your nameless hometown. It's time for you and your crew to move on to bigger and better things...well, slightly bigger and marginally better things. You tell Don that you're ready to go to Coastberg with him.

"Great. The road to Coastberg is a little long, but we'll be able to make it by foot. Let's get going."

Making sure all your party members are secured safely to your body, you follow Don out of the woods and onto the dirt road. Small remnants of neon green go line the pathway down to Coastberg.

Janet shakes your head violently. "Aw yeah this is gonna be so great I hear the beach at Coastberg is so good we can catch some waves and catch some crabs and meet cute boys and catch some crabs and it will be great I am a werewolf also did you remember that please feel my beard!"

Suzy's hold on your back tightens. "I don't think I tan well, we should really pick up some sunscreen while we're there, please. I don't think I want to be a pretend vampire anymore but I also don't want my skin to turn bright red. I like my paleness."

Ryan's hold around your chest is pretty comfortable. "Dude, I hope there's some beach parties going on. The ladies like dudes who can play a guitar. Man, imagine how cool that would be, getting popular at the beach."

Don scoffs at this talk of cool. "If only Phillip Dollarfield cared as much about saving the princess as you all do about being cool."

END OF CHAPTER 1

9/10, would stake again.

>>699208
Glorious.