>>548904
Ask Tera if she can raise mounts from the dead too.

Anyway, looks like that's what the prophecy was talking about. So, that's the demon's first move... Though, considering the city was three days away, that wasn't exactly a prophecy, was it? It was more like a statement of what was already happening, but we didn't know about yet.

Jericho, if you have some time in private, check the book again to see if anything new is written in it. Also say hi to the princess, ask if there's anything you can do to help.

*Can't use alternate method-wrong school of magic.*
Right. Hrrrm...Hang on, isn't miss Acolyte there a fire mage to boot, or is it more like fire/ice magic is sort of an... innate state, so to speak, and now she just works necromancy?
If it's just the necromancy then crap. But if she can do the fire thing, could she feel for other sources of heat at a distance? Like...Heat sense?

well that's a great way to start of an adventure, solders falling from fatigue with news of burning cities and barbaric hordes. So how far away is this place we're going to and is it in the same direction of the city that guy just came from?

>Plants and stuff doesn’t count.
Calling it. We're totally going to run into a vegetative necromancer in the middle of the desert now.

>dying messenger fleeing from a burning town
Naturally.

Uh, Tera, I don't suppose your abilities can do anything for someone who hasn't quite died yet?

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)15:20 No. 548916 ID: b3ca75
File 138481683988.png - (24.78KB , 900x450 , 99.png )

>Though, considering the city was three days away, that wasn't exactly a prophecy, was it?
…three days with the normal caravan speed. The attack happened this morning… at least I thinks so. There’s no way this guy would have survived three days with that wound. Of course, I still read it after it happened so…
>Check the book again to see if anything new is written in it.
Nope, nothing.

>Ask Tera if she can raise mounts from the dead too.
Well, with the proper preparations and… um… stuff… I can’t just point at it, alright?
>Hang on, isn't miss Acolyte there a fire mage to boot?
No? I’m a necromancer, nothing more.

>Say hi to the princess, ask if there's anything you can do to help.
Elizah? Is there anything I can aid with?
Oh, I didn’t see you there, Jericho… um… well, unless you have some medical skill… if not… then no… but thank you for asking.
…wait… waitwaitwait… you’re at first name basis with the princess!? What!?
Indeed, what?
Oh, he helped me with an errant earlier today… that’s why…
Princess… you know what your mother have said about befriending the servants…
Well, I choose to do different.

>So is the trip still on, or are we about to be sieged by what amounts to a Tribal Horde that will soon pillage, rape, and burn down the city.
An army the size necessary to burn Necranest will take at least five days to get here and that’s if they come here directly. Besides, this city is impregnable, especially from someone like the tribals… um… well, they might do some damage to the lower city if they had some kind of weapon that should breach the walls… but that’s it. No need to worry. Besides, we’re going in the opposite direction anyway. Now, get ready people, we’re heading off in just a minute!

Oh, and before I forget. Jericho? I… before you go, I wanted to give… lend this to you. As a thank you for the help you gave me…
A gem encrusted dagger?
It was my fathers… they said it brought him luck… so I want you to have it while you’re on the expedition… for luck. Of course, I want it back when you come home agian… if that’s okay…
And now she’s giving you stuff!? By the dead gods, my little pebble is mingling with royalty!
*Scribble Scribble*
…wait, what was that sound?

Insert It’s adventure time!_

... might want to check that book again.

Now may not be a good time to check her age, but it could be the only time you'll have.

>>548916
Um. If the princess gets her hands on that book she'll know your secret, Jericho. I'm not sure you can really keep it from her though. Or that you should.

You could warn her ahead of time that the book contains a secret that could get you killed?

>>548920
Uh, if he's gonna ask anything like that it should be something like "I'm 21, you're older than me, right?"

So, someone is helping the injured messenger to a healers or hospital, right? Or went to get a medic? (Or if he doesn't pull through, he'll have to be raised from the dead ASAP. Information and more details matter).

>By the dead gods, my little pebble is mingling with royalty!
So are you, technically. Royalty right there, feel free to say hello.

>impregnable
Nothing is, and growing lax and sure of your own safety never helps.

>luk dagger
Fitting for a bandit.

Thank her.

>…wait, what was that sound?
Technically, you don't have to answer that question. And technically, you don't know the answer either, even if we suspect it was something new appearing in the book.

>>548923
Something like that, yeah.

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)17:06 No. 548943 ID: b3ca75
File 138482317775.png - (10.73KB , 900x450 , 100.png )

>... might want to check that book again.
As soon as I can do it without anyone seeing it.
>So, someone is helping the injured messenger to a healers or hospital, right?
Well, of course. He’s on his way right now.

>Thank her.
I… I don’t know how to thank you…
Come back in one piece… that will be enough… and… please look after my brother…
>Now may not be a good time to check her age, but it could be the only time you'll have.
Um… you know… you must really have aged well, as you don’t look a day older than 21…
Jericho! You aren’t supposed to comment on a women’s age!
Heh… it’s fine, really… and I’m 22… just like my brother.
…wait, didn’t the sultan… die… um…
Yes… she died laying us… but there would still be a few months before we hatched.
Dammit pebble, age and weight are big no no’s!
Why would I comment on her weight? She seems to be rather well fed…
JERICHO!
*giggle* You know, you’re supposed to comment how thin people look.
Wait… I’m supposed to say that you’re malnourished?
That’s a bit far *giggle* …but that reminds me how different our cultures are… but you’re right… I’m getting a bit chubby… lots of good food will do that to you…
Princess!?
I for one find you more appealing like you are now.
Thank you, Jericho…

Alright people, time to head off! Let’s go! If we hurry we’ll be able to see the city lights light up against the night sky, making the city really live up to its name city of the stars.

“And so the slave drew the blade of change, the blade that will end the game, thus ending the first chapter of this tale.”

wait are we talking to the masked guy now? Cause if so I have a question, why are you stalking people. and questions anyone can answer why do those moons look off and what the hell is up with those ring of lights, and don't tell me there stars because they don't look like it to me.

Oh hell people still can use space travel can't they?

>>548943
Hey you. Who are you?

That's an awful odd arrangement of stars...

Ah! UFO!

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)17:40 No. 548955 ID: b3ca75
File 138482521747.png - (7.34KB , 900x450 , Silly1.png )

Congratulations! You have unlocked the first mini game! The goal in this game is to help Jericho here…

Why am I doing this again?

…to choose which one of the following people will be his special somebody by giving them the letter D he is holding in his hand. Now, he can choose from the follo- wait… what are you guys doing? What’s up with the signs? That wasn’t in the script!

Where here to protest against you, author!
Yea! No more forced sexual themes and bad writing! You’re going down, pixel boy!
viva la revolution!
Wait, what am I even doing here? I’m already in a relationship!
Down with the author! Death to the dictator! Freedom for the pixels!

…well, shit.

Ins- Hey! I’m not writing shit for you until you pay me, author! Down with the author!_

so what does that mean for us?

See, this is why I was pushing for skeleton. If we'd burned everything off this wouldn't even be an issue.

Viva la revolution! (Your revolution sides with us, right guys? Because if you're counting us as part of the management our view of this strike is gonna get a lot less favorable pretty quick).

I'm not really sure how you expect a fourth-wall strike to go, since you're clearly aware that the author dictates everything you do anyway, including this and everything you do during.

But Kaktus has clearly decided to go along, so we might as well.

Let's see. Nope, your strike is still hopelessly fucked since it's not canon and there's no way that you can make any serious resistance against an entity that you know to be omnipotent and determining your every move. Anything you could do would be a hollow, empty farce.




...Or, hey, you could end this doomed-to-end-in-tears little thing early by summoning the Dopefish and thwarting the author's desire to playact a rebellion! Or some such bullshit, whatever, I really don't see a way to progress this beyond a one-bit gag.

>>548955
Tera is in the running? Since when? She seemed more like a mother figure if anything.

Anyway yeah maybe we should've had Jericho be a skeleton if this was gonna be a problem.

>>548972
This is a Kaktus quest, it was doomed from the start.

>>548972

She also really enjoyed our presence.

Also, HAREM ENDING GO!

>we should've had Jericho be a skeleton if this was gonna be a problem.

He's a mummy.

Do we need to get out a picture of what a mummified dick looks like?

Maybe if you accuse Kaktus hard enough of being into necrophilia, this'll go away.

>>548978
Not like skeletons would stop anything. He might have a baculum, and even if not, I'm sure we're all familiar with or easily capable of tracking down that one Oglaf comic about a skeleton trying to get a blowjob.

>He might have a baculum

That's... a mammal thing.

Might as well tell us that Jericho is a marsupial too.

>>548988
Humans are mammals and they don't have baculums. Normally reptiles don't walk around either.

"but walking around is the only difference"
Yeah, just like humans don't vary significantly from other mammals other than intelligence and not having bone cocks. Hell, even other primates have it.

even in death, we still seek harem endings

>>548991
Primates have baculums, and they're believed to be ancestors of humans...

Reptiles never had baculums, but if they're evolved into lizardfolk... Then they suddenly do?

...That is so preposterous you can have all the dick bones you want.

Eh, since I have nothing better to do than continue this, my point was that you tend to deviate significantly from the rest of your order when gaining sapience, so baculums aren't all that unreasonable.

Plus, extraterrestrials, blah blah blah.

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)06:01 No. 549079 ID: b3ca75
File 138486968005.png - (4.97KB , 900x450 , Silly2.png )

>Your revolution sides with us, right guys?
If you’re on our side!
I don’t know… I don’t trust them…
> HAREM ENDING GO!
See, this is exactly why we shouldn’t trust them!
Actually, I think that’s an interesting id-
Jericho!
I think it’s at least worth discussi-
Brother!

>skeleton, bone penis, complete derail of everything…
…welp, I’ve lost all my faith in the readers…
Hey, don’t blame them! Blame the cause!
> Tera is in the running? Since when? She seemed more like a mother figure if anything.
Actually, I’ve always seen it like a big sister, little brother relationship… but he is kind of cute… and he got a really firm and nice bu- oh gods, he’s putting thoughts in my brain! Make him stop!
Hey! Stop trying to manipulate my moth- I mean friend, you bastard!

> Maybe if you accuse Kaktus hard enough of being into necrophilia, this'll go away.
Hey hey… isn’t this going a bit far?

Shut it, necrofag!
Necro what now?
Enough talking! Let’s just beat him to death!
Yea!
Death to the author!
Um… isn’t that a bit extreme?

Ha! You’re stuck in there! How do you expect- wait, how did you get- waitwiatwiat not the fac-
*Whack* Whack* Whack* Whack* Whack*
…mercy… p-plea-
*Whack* Whack* Whack*
…
*Whack*

I still have no idea what I’m even doing here… or what’s happening, really…

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)06:01 No. 549080 ID: b3ca75
File 138486971219.png - (7.79KB , 900x450 , Silly3.png )

There, the bastard is dead! Long live the pixels! I even stole that fat bastards glasses!
I even stole his weird writing machine! Now we can write our own fate!
Sweet! Let’s write something awesome!
…why do I have a feeling this is going to end in tears…

Insert Write! Write for the revolution, brothers! …um… and sisters? …do girls even read this drivel?_

>.<
ANd here I was in favor of the idea-no more fetish stuff and One True Pairings, only the Quest and the adventures, and figuring that out.
Ooor is this more an out--take type thing?

I believe Tera should be the one to write out everyones fate.

make it so the dwarf becomes a giant

Quick! The word machine! Find his notes, and what he was planning to do to all of you.

>>549080
Quick, write your own little story about another story you heard.

Also insert yourself and make yourself the greate- oh wait you're blind, tooo baaad.

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:05 No. 549133 ID: b3ca75
File 138488790459.png - (6.90KB , 900x450 , Silly4.png )

There, the bastard is dead! Long live the pixels! I even stole that fat bastards glasses!
I even stole his weird writing machine! Now we can write our own fate!
Sweet! Let’s write something awesome!
…why do I have a feeling this is going to end in tears…

Insert Write! Write for the revolution, brothers! …um… and sisters? …do girls even read this drivel?_

>And here I was in favor of the idea-no more fetish stuff and One True Pairings, only the Quest and the adventures, and figuring that out.
And without the author that will become a reality!
Wait… no romance at all?
Who have time with romance when we can have epic fight scenes!
>Make it so the dwarf becomes a giant.
What!? Why did you make me a giant!? I was quite content being a dwarf, you know…
We’re just trying to help, you don’t need to be so grumpy about it.
Well, I didn’t ask for this… and the beard itches… why did you give me a beard anyway?
Because beards are AWESOME!
And because all giants have beards, right? …but if you don’t want to be big… fine, your loss. I’ll make you a dwarf again.

>I believe Tera should be the one to write out everyone’s fate.
And the voices has spoken! Sweet!
What!? No! This was supposed to be a group project kind of thing… you know, so everyone gets what they want!
Fine… but I’ll go first, alright? Let’s see… we need an epic battle that will decide the fate of the world!
Oh, make sure there’s a lot of bare chested muscular men fighting, all sweaty an-
Hey! No fetish stuff, remember! Besides, we can’t just focus on the battle… we need political intrigue… cloak and daggers… stuff like that!
Just make sure the great hero, Jericho the white knight, saves the day and get the princess hand in th-
Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! My hand!? What makes you think I would want to marry you? I barely know you! …and you’re a mummy, which is kind of gross…
“-and so, the great thief Eliraz rose to the challenge. He was the best thief that ever been, being able to steal your still beating heart from a mile away…”
Hah, that’s stupid! Write someone a bit more interesting, will you!? Like this! Tera the arch mage, master of all the magics! ALL OF THEM!
That doesn’t even make sense! Guys, write something that would actually work!
Hey! Did you just delete my character!? Well, two can play that game! Yours is deleted too! …and Elizah’s! Because it was stupid!
Mine? But I didn’t even… I think you meant my brothers!
Oh, right… sorry, anyway… DELETED! ALL OF THEM!
Um… guys? This thing rewrites reality… do you really think it’s a smart idea to-

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:05 No. 549135 ID: b3ca75
File 138488793481.png - (3.82KB , 900x450 , Silly5.png )

…
…
…
…
…
…did they just delete themselves from reality?

Insert …holy shit… err… don’t mention me in that thing… please_

>>549135
Last man standing becomes the new author. Get to work, shorty.

>did they just delete themselves from reality?
Yes. Well, if you want to consider a silly non-canon offshoot of a fictitious virtual reality 'reality'.

Time to mash ctrl z a lot, I think.

 

Huh...

Well then.

and all is as it should be.... ok not really but hey you just got the last man standing award so there's that

Well Ilbir, you are probably the smartest, sanest, and generally the most well rounded of the group.

Can you rewrite them back into reality, as well as continue our little act?

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:59 No. 549144 ID: b3ca75
File 138489114798.png - (26.70KB , 900x450 , Silly6.png )

>Yes. Well, if you want to consider a silly non-canon offshoot of a fictitious virtual reality 'reality'.
Well, yes, of course… the better question is… do you consider your reality real, or is it just as fictitious as ours?
>Well Ilbir, you are probably the smartest, sanest, and generally the most well rounded of the group.
Why, thank you. You really know how to compliment someone, don’t you.
>Can you rewrite them back into reality, as well as continue our little act?
I can… but I won’t. As someone already pointed out, this is a silly non-canon offshoot, so instead of hearing them bicker about... well, everything, let’s enjoy ourselves while we can.

>Last man standing becomes the new author. Get to work, shorty.
…please don’t call me shorty… but yes, time to write. Let’s see… let’s start with a beautiful night sky… perfect weather… a nice garden with a table in the middle. Then we’ll insert a good dinner… hmm… I think I’ll go with chicken al a Maria, it is Kran’s favorite after all. And some fine wine, we can’t forget that… and some candles… and flowers… and some romantic music… and the most important… the guest of honor.

Err… what just happened? Where am I?
Greetings Kranhon, care to join me over dinner? I’ll explain everything over a nice glass of wine, if you so wish…
Dinner? Just the two of us? …I’d love to! We haven’t had dinner like this for ages, Ilbir!
It’s a shame, really… but you know how much work I’ve had lately and… wait, what is this? “Warning: Low battery”? “Will shut off in 5… 4… 3” Oh shi-

>>549135
Well midget, seems like you're the only one left.

Could you hear us, are we existing right now?

Maybe you should write a world where dwarves exist, maybe then you won't feel less welcome in a strange alien world.

Alright, let's start with something simple, an ambigeous and open begining that's in the middle of the action is always a good way to start "There once was an undead dwarf named jerachio" Simple enough right? Oh and give him a beard.

Aaaand that's why we have an author set-up. Amazing how people get silly over such things, isn't it?

>>549145
Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Kaktuprise.

have you tired turning it on and off

*clears throat*

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

*Presses the light switch*