>>548432
I dunno, is that true? Jericho, have you checked out your junk yet to see if it's all dried up yet? Or heck, is your body in general dried up? Or is it just covered in wrappings?

Kaktus 2013/11/16(Sat)11:46 No. 548434 ID: b3ca75
File 138463121512.png - (26.45KB , 900x450 , 90.png )

>Love and companionship. Connecting with someone emotionally. Intimacy, comfort, emotional support. Warm fuzzy things like that.
…yea… that would be nice, wouldn’t it?
>Its only gay if balls touch
And like that everything is ruined. Besides, I don’t think any lizard would have a gay old time if their balls touched anything they shouldn’t be touching, with them being internal and all.
>Tell him you like his tail.
Err… let’s… not do that… at least not now…

>I think it's time we get ready for our little camping trip coming up.
Probably, yes… thought I don’t really have anything to do until Ilbir wakes up.
Err… I apologize, but really must be going and… um…
And goodbye? I promise I’ll try and help you as best as I can…
Yes, goodbye… and thank you, Jericho.

>I say head back to the library and see if they have taken care of that undead problem yet.
We shouldn’t find any trace of that undead… do you think the servant was lying?
Servants can’t lie… not like that, and besides, we’ve found traces of magic here.
Maybe the servant casted some spell, captain Xaldin?
First off, why would he? Second, he was undead. He got a rune inside him that makes it impossible for him to cast magic… unless someone was stupid enough to put it upside down again and make his magic stronger… but what are the chances of that happening to a servant that got magical talent?
Err… low?
Very low… now go back to your patrol. I need to go and see the sultan.

Insert So… lizard can never be gay thanks to internal balls? What about mantises?_

I see the masked guy two bookshelves to the right along the 5th row. also it may not be a good thing to let those guards see you so we should probably try and stay out of there way. Oh and I'm really glad we had a blind person bring us back by the way.

>what are the chances of that happening
Jericho's luck has really turned around recently. Ever since he, uh... died, I mean.

>>548435
And what looks like a box right next to him on the shelf.

Of course it works for mantis, if a sperm ball touches a sperm ball it counts as gay! Or just swallowing it might work too.

Also you should ask if there's a way to check your runes...Without cutting you open.

There's also still a darkened spot in the bookshelves. Second row from the top, above the bottom step of the stairs on your level.

>>548434
Hey Jericho, are you dried up and stuff under those wrappings? What about your junk?

>what about mantises?

They cant be gay either

Kaktus 2013/11/16(Sat)12:58 No. 548442 ID: b3ca75
File 138463549830.png - (26.19KB , 900x450 , 91.png )

>I think we need to come back to reality and realize a mummy romance is not a romance to be.
…and he’s a prince… I’m an undead slave… it’s never going to be… wait, if I have sex with anyone, will that count as necrophilia or..?
>It's like trying to be intimate with salted meat, here. Everything's going to chafe and everything else is going to snap off.
Well… the necromancer maester… err… Geron I think he was called, said that some people would buy someone like me to have something “exotic” in bed… so… err… he did say that my thingy would still work… mostly…
>Is your body in general dried up? Or is it just covered in wrappings?
I… I don’t actually now. I’m covered in some quite smooth wrappings… and I’m missing a lot of organs but… yea, I haven’t actually checked under the wrappings yet… mostly because I can’t…
>Jericho, have you checked out your junk yet to see if it's all dried up yet?
No… problem is, most of it is internal, apparently I can’t get it up unless ordered to do so and the wrappings are kind of in the way right now…

>Jericho's luck has really turned around recently. Ever since he, uh... died, I mean.
I can’t belive I’m saying this… but getting attacked by slavers was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m a lot happier now than I ever was out in the wastes, freedom be damned.
>I see the masked guy two bookshelves to the right along the 5th row.
And now he’s gone… as usual.
>And what looks like a box right next to him on the shelf.
It’s a book… with a weird rune on it instead of a title. Hmm… that’s odd… it’s completely blank except for the first page… let’s see…
“As the daemon horde-“ oh, the prophesy… again… joy… wait, there’s more...
“The antipode slave, stuck in a gilded cage, searches the ashes of the old, for the tears that will bring change to the skies.”
“A city burns fueled by its people, The daemon makes its first move, and behold as the last march begins.”
…huh.

One last thing, soldier, can you bring a message to Ilbir? His caravan is almost ready and he should start loading it with whatever he needs for his expedition.
Yes sir!

Insert Necrophilia is best ph- alright, no… ew… just ew… I disgust myself…_

well if you want take the book with you. Anyways it seems that are trip is about to begin so I suggest going to wherever it was that you guys where going to meet back up.

>>548442
Better hide this book. Maybe carry it with you, if possible. It outs you as an antipode. ...it looks like the city will be destroyed after you come back from the expedition. We should make preparations based on that assumption. Maybe warn the princess?

No, using either magic will out us. ESPECIALLY the fire magic. Now I think would be a great time to practice it-
I figure find and get a spare candle and a bowl of water, and focus on either lighting the candle, or freezing the bowl of water. Seems like a safe way to practice with those powers.

Well, let's avoid the smart guard there so we don't have to answer any awkward questions about your magic.

If anyone does ask you, don't just answer, wait for our guidance. We're clever with words- we can help you come up with answers that keep you out of trouble without being explicit lies. (I'm assuming you can lie by omission, or by implication, or lead people to their own incorrect conclusions).

Sounds like it's time to get back to Iblir. Time to leave, soon.

>romance options
...wait, does it make it better or worse that you might be interested in both siblings.

Kaktus 2013/11/16(Sat)15:22 No. 548460 ID: b3ca75
File 138464415992.png - (12.24KB , 900x450 , 92.png )

>Take the book with you.
Got it.
>It looks like the city will be destroyed after you come back from the expedition.
That… that sounds very unlikely. Were just going to be gone a few days and this city is very well fortified. Maybe the book was talking about another city?

>...wait, does it make it better or worse that you might be interested in both siblings.
…depends on who you ask. If anything, it makes things a lot more complicated.
>I'm assuming you can lie by omission, or by implication, or lead people to their own incorrect conclusions.
Well, yes, or I can outright lie to people as long as someone who can control doesn’t ask me to speak the truth. People seem to forget that…
>I suggest going to wherever it was that you guys were going to meet back up.
It’s still about an hour until the time I was supposed to meet up with Ilbir… I don’t want to disobey him, now do I?~

>I figure find and get a spare candle and a bowl of water, and focus on either lighting the candle, or freezing the bowl of water. Seems like a safe way to practice with those powers.
Alright… focus… err… I have no idea what I’m doing… um… Fire? Nothing? Go ice? Cold thoughts? Warm thoughts?

Insert You may not cast spells on Thursdays after eating carrots_

Think back to the fear you felt at the undead, YOU, Your new, better life in jeopardy and you want TO LIVE, FREEZE THAT BOWL.

As for fire, Think of your time with the prince and princess. Think back to the hugging, the kiss, the fact you felt alive and felt the warmth from another

>>548460
Wait, if you use magic in your quarters, won't they be able to detect it? Then it will be obvious you're a mage. Can you go somewhere that has magic used in it a lot, to completely cover your tracks, or just some place that nobody can trace back to you?

>A city burns fueled by its people
I think that might be more metaphorical than literal. These are the people of fire after all, and we've clearly seen how some are used to fuel the empire.

>how activate powers?
Fire seemed to be brought on by feeling of happiness, joy, excitement, attraction? Ice activated as a response to danger- fear, desperation, that cold feeling in your (now removed) gut.

>>548442
>Geron I think he was called, said that some people would buy someone like me to have something “exotic” in bed… so… err… he did say that my thingy would still work… mostly…

Hey I'm just saying; The definition of mummification is the drying and embalming of a dead body. Probably best to ask later the nature of your anatomy and the magic that binds it for the sake of better protecting it, later.

You didn't know you'd survive with your head being removed, for example.

Kaktus 2013/11/16(Sat)16:48 No. 548483 ID: b3ca75
File 138464933626.png - (13.46KB , 900x450 , 93.png )

>Think back to the fear you felt at the undead, YOU, Your new, better life in jeopardy and you want TO LIVE, FREEZE THAT BOWL.
…
>Think of your time with the prince and princess. Think back to the hugging, the kiss, the fact you felt alive and felt the warmth from another.
…while it is a nice feeling, it doesn’t really help me… well, do anything… I’m going to need help if I’m to cast any kind of magic.

>Wait, if you use magic in your quarters, won't they be able to detect it?
Only if they are actively is searching for it… and even then only if they are searching about an hour after I’ve cast anything… at least according to that magic theory for dummies book I read. So as long as I’m… wait, someone’s coming?

Greetings, you must be Ilbir new servant. I need you to deliver a message to your master at once, servant… wait… those markings…
Err… what about my marking… um… you highness?
…a bit bigger than the norm, aren’t they? Quite rare… yes, quite rare… oh, where are my manners, I am the Sultan of this fair kingdom… and I’ve heard some… interesting things about you from my daughter. …oh, and the guard told me my son has been… interested in you… care to enlighten me why? …or why he’s been acting so strange the last few days?
Err… well…

Insert Meet the boss, ask for a raise_

>>548483
>I am the Sultan of this fair kingdom.

Nononono. Kings have kingdoms, sultans have sultanates.

Skeleking.

>why's my son interested in you
...he seems lonely, between his station and condition. I'm an outsider, I didn't treat him differently, or unkindly.

>…or why he’s been acting so strange the last few days?
I would think you'd know more about that than I would. He's been the way he is for a lot longer than that, hasn't he?

Say the prince told you that his condition seems to have gotten worse recently, and ask what it was like before.

...The Sultan is a yellow lizard? Or is that ornamentation?
He almost looks like a human somehow dressed as a lizard or something...Odd.

Ummmmmmmm

Tell him you've been hearing voices all your life, and so you and the prince became friends in light of your common problem. You've been trying to help him with it.

Well as for your markings you were someone's first undead they brought back... Unless he means your facal markings or something. But yeah for reasons the prince might like you is because you give him a shoulder to lean on so to speak and we lent our ear to the princess after she said she would give you Ilbir's letter. As for the prince's condition ... Well we've only known him for a day so we really have nothing to base his current behavior on so no clue there

I think the Sultan is undead. His avatar is SultanRUSTED. Living people are RUST, Jericho is RUSTED.

Also, Jericho was RUST pre-death.

>>548586
Well he is a skeleton... but nice catch on the icon pattern.

Kaktus 2013/11/17(Sun)07:29 No. 548696 ID: b3ca75
File 138470214411.png - (13.59KB , 900x450 , 94.png )

>...The Sultan is a yellow lizard? Or is that ornamentation?
She’s a skeleton.
>Well as for your markings you were someone's first undead they brought back... Unless he means your facial markings or something.
I’m guessing she means my facial markings… they are a bit bigger than normal… Horus said I’d inherit them from my father.

>Kings have kingdoms, sultans have sultanates.
…wait, is that even a word?
Err… shouldn’t it be sultanates?
Why yes, but most people seems to believe that’s a made up word. I don’t actually know when… or why exactly we were started to be called a kingdom, but we’ve been called that far longer than I’ve been alive.
>...he seems lonely, between his station and condition. I'm an outsider, I didn't treat him differently, or unkindly.
Hmm… yes… he has been quite… distant the last few years. He would do well with a new friend, servant or not.

>Say the prince told you that his condition seems to have gotten worse recently, and ask what it was like before.
Well, it is getting worse all the time… We don’t fully know what is wrong with him. Maybe it has something to do with his… other condition… and his childhood. Some of the mages even says he’s “possessed” by some kind of evil daemon, a spirit of sorts, but that sounds like bogus, doesn’t it? But the last two days… he’s been… well… he hasn’t even talked to me, not even in response when I call out to him and I’m getting worried. If he tells you anything about it, please keep me updated.
Um… of course, your highness?
Oh, and Jericho? You should really be more careful when you practice magic. Most people don’t take to kindly to magic wielding servants. In fact, I was going to report you to the temple so they’d fix whatever rune is inscribed wrong but… let just say I believe I’ve found a reason to trust you…
…

Insert Remember, just say no to magic_

uh... right. So if it isn't to personal why are you a skeleton? So far from what I've seen I thought all those who where turned undead was because people saw it as a fitting punishment for whatever they did. If you don't feel like asking then that's perfectly alright then too.

> let just say I believe I’ve found a reason to trust you
Uh, thank you.

Did he ask them specifically to keep his eyebrows in death?

Kaktus 2013/11/17(Sun)11:51 No. 548723 ID: b3ca75
File 138471788480.png - (23.23KB , 900x450 , 95.png )

>So if it isn't too personal, why are you a skeleton?
Because I died.
Oh, yes… um… of course… err… it’s just, I thought you used necromancy to punish people… like me?
It’s only a punishment if you make it one yourself and as you tribals seems to believe it’s a fate worse than death… well… we Seraths on the other hand sees it as an honor. To be so important in life that you need to serve even after death has taken its toll.

>Did he ask them specifically to keep his eyebrows in death?
I have them for the same reason you still have them, son. How else are we going to display our facial expression with this resolution.
…um… what?

Oh, and before I forget, I need to give you the message you were supposed to deliver to Ilbir… just let me do some last minute changes and… here… take it to him at once, assistant.
Yes, you highness.

…

-and the food… was that everything?
We’re still missing the mercs… and that thief you hired…
The mercs are on their way… as for the thief… well, she usually kind of just appear when you least expect it. I wouldn’t worry about it, Kran.
If you say so…

Insert What time is it?_

well you're here so might as well give him that letter. Also your blind friend seems worried and the other guy who died with you is here as well. They coming with or just seeing us off?

>>548723
Dude, I think the sultan knows who your father is. She recognized those facial markings. I suspect your father was royalty. Which would mean you can probably marry the princess after this is all over. Wouldn't that be cool?

>>548732
*I* suspect your mother is royalty, specifically the sultan, which means you probably can't marry the princess.

>>548736

Considering how Tribals were, I don't think they cared much about incest so long as it continued to propagate the tribe.

Kaktus 2013/11/17(Sun)14:36 No. 548748 ID: b3ca75
File 138472778082.png - (22.83KB , 900x450 , 96.png )

>Dude, I think the sultan knows who your father is. She recognized those facial markings.
Maybe… but these facial markings aren’t that rare… well, they are rare but I’m not the only one with them… I mean, I know a guy in another tribe that got them too… well, he had them before disease took him, but you get my point.
>*I* suspect your mother is royalty, specifically the sultan.
…that seems… highly unlikely… but I guess it’s worth looking into…
>Considering how Tribals were, I don't think they cared much about incest so long as it continued to propagate the tribe.
Kid dying thanks to inbreeding doesn’t really help the tribe, now does it?
>The other guy who died with you is here as well. They coming with or just seeing us off?
They are probably coming too; as we’ll probably need more servants for the trip.

>Might as well give him that letter.
Master Ilbir, the sultan have sent this message for you.
Ah, thank you servant. Let’s see… hmm… the usual blah blah blah… oh, what’s this? You must have really made an impression on the sultan. She’s willing to sponsor all the 1000 crows you cost me… and she will give me an extra 500 to make sure you are taken care of… quite peculiar, don’t you agree? Any reason for her hospitality?
Err… well… we… wait, how long ago was it she died?
…23 years ago. Why do you ask?
Ye- I mean, just curious… (Welp, that settles it. I’m only 21, so unless she laid me while being a skeleton she can’t be my mom! And that means the princess and the prince are fair game! …wait, why am I so happy about that!? I’m still a servant while they are royalty, dammit!)

>Your blind friend seems worried.
Hello Tera… you alright?
Oh, hi little pebble. I’m a bit nervous… I’ve never been outside the city before… I don’t know what to think about… um… it’s so big, you know… and empty… I mean, I feel unpleasant just being on the plaza… and this? It’s so HUGE!

Insert Remember, never turn your back to the door, because agoraphobia strikes when you least expect it…_

>a blind agoraphobic
...well there's something I didn't expect.

I suppose there's still a lack of reference points that's unsettling.

Tell her you'll keep close to her so she'll always have something familiar to her.

>>548748
Facial markings AND magical talent, though?

Ask her how she can tell it's big. Can she see by echolocation?

You know, you might want to find out how old the prince and princess are, just to check. Something might have been covered up about the Sultan's death, they might not actually be her biological children, or some such.

Or you could have been kept in stasis for a few years, but that's marginally less likely than the other options.

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)08:56 No. 548878 ID: b3ca75
File 138479379716.png - (24.42KB , 900x450 , 97.png )

>Facial markings AND magical talent, though?
Hmm… you’re right… I should probably try to find out what she knows…
>You know, you might want to find out how old the prince and princess are, just to check.
I’ll ask them the next time I see them. Err… wait, isn’t age one of those big things you aren’t supposed to ask a girl? …or was that weight?

>Ask her how she can tell it's big. Can she see by echolocation?
I’m not a bat, Jericho… or a daredevil…
…what does a devil have to do with echo’s?
Never mind… hmm… how do I explain this? Have you ever closed your eyes… or just been in a very dark room? You can… you know… feel things around you, right? Sense that they are there?
Yea… kind of…
Now image that’s the only way you can see… and suddenly, there is nothing. Just one big void of nothing. It’s a bit creepy, isn’t it?
…when you say it like that, yea…
>Tell her you'll keep close to her so she'll always have something familiar to her.
How about this… I’ll keep close to you so you’ll never get lost, alright? So you always have something familiar with you… someone who can always lead you…
Oh, that would be great! Thank you, my little pebble, you’re so sweet! …Jericho? Hello?

Who is that lone rider coming in? A patrol?
Not at this hour… let him in, he seems exhausted.

Insert That’s it, fire the lightning guy…_

 

You know what you must do...

Do push ups to assert dominance and attract mates.

That the princes, all glamored up, here to see you guys off? Really got it cranked high, today.

>lone rider, exhausted
...great. Those guys always bring good news.

Hrrrm...The Acolyte is not the only blind mage we've met. Perhaps a different method of sight will work to combat that fear?
How was it that he worked-I believe it was by running his magic through the ground or something like that. Maybe through practice with that method, it should help combat her agoraphobia a little bit.
Feeling both the absence and presence of objects should help create a 'balance' of sorts, so to speak. If one method doesn't work, use the other.

think that's the princess. What's she doing here? Also Jericho, don't push away your friends just because royalty showed up. Also was she the lone rider the guards were talking about or is that someone else? I mean I would guess the guards would know one of the royals once they got this close and I highly doubt they'd travel alone off of palace grounds.

>>548878
Stammer out something about the princess and how beautiful she is.

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)13:21 No. 548904 ID: b3ca75
File 138480966435.png - (26.01KB , 900x450 , 98.png )

>You know what you must do... Do push-ups to assert dominance and attract mates.
Yes, I must- wait, push-ups? How is push-ups going to help!? No, clearly I have to battle that other lizard to the death! That’s my mate, you bastard! …wait, what were we talking about again?

>Stammer out something about the princess and how beautiful she is.
I-it’s the princess! …and… a-and… she’s… so… g-gorgeous…
Oh, boys~ …you do know you don’t have a chance in the frozen hell to get her, right?
…her t-tail… it’s so thick and l-long~
Especially if you’re going to drool like that…
>Perhaps a different method of sight will work to combat that fear? Like running your magic through the ground or something.
I’m a necromancer, not a geomancer. Unless there’s a ton of dead stuff in the ground that probably won’t work.
But if you feel the dead plants and-
Plants and stuff doesn’t count.

>Lone rider, exhausted ...great. Those guys always bring good news.
Oh, yes, they always come with news about a new ice cream parlors and stuff! …wait, how do I even know what ice cream is!?
He’s wounded! Get a doctor!
Oh my… what happened, brave soldier?
T-they came… at s-sunrise *Cough* …Necranest… it’s b-burning… men… women… *Cough* children… they b-burned them all… l-lead by a giant… daemon… m-monster…*Cough*
Necranest? That’s three days from here! How fast have you been riding?
…
…He’s unconscious, the poor soul…
Well, at least he’s faring better than his mount… it just died from fatigue…

Insert Oh gods, not the raptor! NOT THE RAPTOR! YOU BASTARD!_

So is the trip still on, or are we about to be sieged by what amounts to a Tribal Horde that will soon pillage, rape, and burn down the city.

>>548904
Ask Tera if she can raise mounts from the dead too.

Anyway, looks like that's what the prophecy was talking about. So, that's the demon's first move... Though, considering the city was three days away, that wasn't exactly a prophecy, was it? It was more like a statement of what was already happening, but we didn't know about yet.

Jericho, if you have some time in private, check the book again to see if anything new is written in it. Also say hi to the princess, ask if there's anything you can do to help.

*Can't use alternate method-wrong school of magic.*
Right. Hrrrm...Hang on, isn't miss Acolyte there a fire mage to boot, or is it more like fire/ice magic is sort of an... innate state, so to speak, and now she just works necromancy?
If it's just the necromancy then crap. But if she can do the fire thing, could she feel for other sources of heat at a distance? Like...Heat sense?

well that's a great way to start of an adventure, solders falling from fatigue with news of burning cities and barbaric hordes. So how far away is this place we're going to and is it in the same direction of the city that guy just came from?

>Plants and stuff doesn’t count.
Calling it. We're totally going to run into a vegetative necromancer in the middle of the desert now.

>dying messenger fleeing from a burning town
Naturally.

Uh, Tera, I don't suppose your abilities can do anything for someone who hasn't quite died yet?

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)15:20 No. 548916 ID: b3ca75
File 138481683988.png - (24.78KB , 900x450 , 99.png )

>Though, considering the city was three days away, that wasn't exactly a prophecy, was it?
…three days with the normal caravan speed. The attack happened this morning… at least I thinks so. There’s no way this guy would have survived three days with that wound. Of course, I still read it after it happened so…
>Check the book again to see if anything new is written in it.
Nope, nothing.

>Ask Tera if she can raise mounts from the dead too.
Well, with the proper preparations and… um… stuff… I can’t just point at it, alright?
>Hang on, isn't miss Acolyte there a fire mage to boot?
No? I’m a necromancer, nothing more.

>Say hi to the princess, ask if there's anything you can do to help.
Elizah? Is there anything I can aid with?
Oh, I didn’t see you there, Jericho… um… well, unless you have some medical skill… if not… then no… but thank you for asking.
…wait… waitwaitwait… you’re at first name basis with the princess!? What!?
Indeed, what?
Oh, he helped me with an errant earlier today… that’s why…
Princess… you know what your mother have said about befriending the servants…
Well, I choose to do different.

>So is the trip still on, or are we about to be sieged by what amounts to a Tribal Horde that will soon pillage, rape, and burn down the city.
An army the size necessary to burn Necranest will take at least five days to get here and that’s if they come here directly. Besides, this city is impregnable, especially from someone like the tribals… um… well, they might do some damage to the lower city if they had some kind of weapon that should breach the walls… but that’s it. No need to worry. Besides, we’re going in the opposite direction anyway. Now, get ready people, we’re heading off in just a minute!

Oh, and before I forget. Jericho? I… before you go, I wanted to give… lend this to you. As a thank you for the help you gave me…
A gem encrusted dagger?
It was my fathers… they said it brought him luck… so I want you to have it while you’re on the expedition… for luck. Of course, I want it back when you come home agian… if that’s okay…
And now she’s giving you stuff!? By the dead gods, my little pebble is mingling with royalty!
*Scribble Scribble*
…wait, what was that sound?

Insert It’s adventure time!_

... might want to check that book again.

Now may not be a good time to check her age, but it could be the only time you'll have.

>>548916
Um. If the princess gets her hands on that book she'll know your secret, Jericho. I'm not sure you can really keep it from her though. Or that you should.

You could warn her ahead of time that the book contains a secret that could get you killed?

>>548920
Uh, if he's gonna ask anything like that it should be something like "I'm 21, you're older than me, right?"

So, someone is helping the injured messenger to a healers or hospital, right? Or went to get a medic? (Or if he doesn't pull through, he'll have to be raised from the dead ASAP. Information and more details matter).

>By the dead gods, my little pebble is mingling with royalty!
So are you, technically. Royalty right there, feel free to say hello.

>impregnable
Nothing is, and growing lax and sure of your own safety never helps.

>luk dagger
Fitting for a bandit.

Thank her.

>…wait, what was that sound?
Technically, you don't have to answer that question. And technically, you don't know the answer either, even if we suspect it was something new appearing in the book.

>>548923
Something like that, yeah.

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)17:06 No. 548943 ID: b3ca75
File 138482317775.png - (10.73KB , 900x450 , 100.png )

>... might want to check that book again.
As soon as I can do it without anyone seeing it.
>So, someone is helping the injured messenger to a healers or hospital, right?
Well, of course. He’s on his way right now.

>Thank her.
I… I don’t know how to thank you…
Come back in one piece… that will be enough… and… please look after my brother…
>Now may not be a good time to check her age, but it could be the only time you'll have.
Um… you know… you must really have aged well, as you don’t look a day older than 21…
Jericho! You aren’t supposed to comment on a women’s age!
Heh… it’s fine, really… and I’m 22… just like my brother.
…wait, didn’t the sultan… die… um…
Yes… she died laying us… but there would still be a few months before we hatched.
Dammit pebble, age and weight are big no no’s!
Why would I comment on her weight? She seems to be rather well fed…
JERICHO!
*giggle* You know, you’re supposed to comment how thin people look.
Wait… I’m supposed to say that you’re malnourished?
That’s a bit far *giggle* …but that reminds me how different our cultures are… but you’re right… I’m getting a bit chubby… lots of good food will do that to you…
Princess!?
I for one find you more appealing like you are now.
Thank you, Jericho…

Alright people, time to head off! Let’s go! If we hurry we’ll be able to see the city lights light up against the night sky, making the city really live up to its name city of the stars.

“And so the slave drew the blade of change, the blade that will end the game, thus ending the first chapter of this tale.”

wait are we talking to the masked guy now? Cause if so I have a question, why are you stalking people. and questions anyone can answer why do those moons look off and what the hell is up with those ring of lights, and don't tell me there stars because they don't look like it to me.

Oh hell people still can use space travel can't they?

>>548943
Hey you. Who are you?

That's an awful odd arrangement of stars...

Ah! UFO!

Kaktus 2013/11/18(Mon)17:40 No. 548955 ID: b3ca75
File 138482521747.png - (7.34KB , 900x450 , Silly1.png )

Congratulations! You have unlocked the first mini game! The goal in this game is to help Jericho here…

Why am I doing this again?

…to choose which one of the following people will be his special somebody by giving them the letter D he is holding in his hand. Now, he can choose from the follo- wait… what are you guys doing? What’s up with the signs? That wasn’t in the script!

Where here to protest against you, author!
Yea! No more forced sexual themes and bad writing! You’re going down, pixel boy!
viva la revolution!
Wait, what am I even doing here? I’m already in a relationship!
Down with the author! Death to the dictator! Freedom for the pixels!

…well, shit.

Ins- Hey! I’m not writing shit for you until you pay me, author! Down with the author!_

so what does that mean for us?

See, this is why I was pushing for skeleton. If we'd burned everything off this wouldn't even be an issue.

Viva la revolution! (Your revolution sides with us, right guys? Because if you're counting us as part of the management our view of this strike is gonna get a lot less favorable pretty quick).

I'm not really sure how you expect a fourth-wall strike to go, since you're clearly aware that the author dictates everything you do anyway, including this and everything you do during.

But Kaktus has clearly decided to go along, so we might as well.

Let's see. Nope, your strike is still hopelessly fucked since it's not canon and there's no way that you can make any serious resistance against an entity that you know to be omnipotent and determining your every move. Anything you could do would be a hollow, empty farce.




...Or, hey, you could end this doomed-to-end-in-tears little thing early by summoning the Dopefish and thwarting the author's desire to playact a rebellion! Or some such bullshit, whatever, I really don't see a way to progress this beyond a one-bit gag.

>>548955
Tera is in the running? Since when? She seemed more like a mother figure if anything.

Anyway yeah maybe we should've had Jericho be a skeleton if this was gonna be a problem.

>>548972
This is a Kaktus quest, it was doomed from the start.

>>548972

She also really enjoyed our presence.

Also, HAREM ENDING GO!

>we should've had Jericho be a skeleton if this was gonna be a problem.

He's a mummy.

Do we need to get out a picture of what a mummified dick looks like?

Maybe if you accuse Kaktus hard enough of being into necrophilia, this'll go away.

>>548978
Not like skeletons would stop anything. He might have a baculum, and even if not, I'm sure we're all familiar with or easily capable of tracking down that one Oglaf comic about a skeleton trying to get a blowjob.

>He might have a baculum

That's... a mammal thing.

Might as well tell us that Jericho is a marsupial too.

>>548988
Humans are mammals and they don't have baculums. Normally reptiles don't walk around either.

"but walking around is the only difference"
Yeah, just like humans don't vary significantly from other mammals other than intelligence and not having bone cocks. Hell, even other primates have it.

even in death, we still seek harem endings

>>548991
Primates have baculums, and they're believed to be ancestors of humans...

Reptiles never had baculums, but if they're evolved into lizardfolk... Then they suddenly do?

...That is so preposterous you can have all the dick bones you want.

Eh, since I have nothing better to do than continue this, my point was that you tend to deviate significantly from the rest of your order when gaining sapience, so baculums aren't all that unreasonable.

Plus, extraterrestrials, blah blah blah.

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)06:01 No. 549079 ID: b3ca75
File 138486968005.png - (4.97KB , 900x450 , Silly2.png )

>Your revolution sides with us, right guys?
If you’re on our side!
I don’t know… I don’t trust them…
> HAREM ENDING GO!
See, this is exactly why we shouldn’t trust them!
Actually, I think that’s an interesting id-
Jericho!
I think it’s at least worth discussi-
Brother!

>skeleton, bone penis, complete derail of everything…
…welp, I’ve lost all my faith in the readers…
Hey, don’t blame them! Blame the cause!
> Tera is in the running? Since when? She seemed more like a mother figure if anything.
Actually, I’ve always seen it like a big sister, little brother relationship… but he is kind of cute… and he got a really firm and nice bu- oh gods, he’s putting thoughts in my brain! Make him stop!
Hey! Stop trying to manipulate my moth- I mean friend, you bastard!

> Maybe if you accuse Kaktus hard enough of being into necrophilia, this'll go away.
Hey hey… isn’t this going a bit far?

Shut it, necrofag!
Necro what now?
Enough talking! Let’s just beat him to death!
Yea!
Death to the author!
Um… isn’t that a bit extreme?

Ha! You’re stuck in there! How do you expect- wait, how did you get- waitwiatwiat not the fac-
*Whack* Whack* Whack* Whack* Whack*
…mercy… p-plea-
*Whack* Whack* Whack*
…
*Whack*

I still have no idea what I’m even doing here… or what’s happening, really…

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)06:01 No. 549080 ID: b3ca75
File 138486971219.png - (7.79KB , 900x450 , Silly3.png )

There, the bastard is dead! Long live the pixels! I even stole that fat bastards glasses!
I even stole his weird writing machine! Now we can write our own fate!
Sweet! Let’s write something awesome!
…why do I have a feeling this is going to end in tears…

Insert Write! Write for the revolution, brothers! …um… and sisters? …do girls even read this drivel?_

>.<
ANd here I was in favor of the idea-no more fetish stuff and One True Pairings, only the Quest and the adventures, and figuring that out.
Ooor is this more an out--take type thing?

I believe Tera should be the one to write out everyones fate.

make it so the dwarf becomes a giant

Quick! The word machine! Find his notes, and what he was planning to do to all of you.

>>549080
Quick, write your own little story about another story you heard.

Also insert yourself and make yourself the greate- oh wait you're blind, tooo baaad.

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:05 No. 549133 ID: b3ca75
File 138488790459.png - (6.90KB , 900x450 , Silly4.png )

There, the bastard is dead! Long live the pixels! I even stole that fat bastards glasses!
I even stole his weird writing machine! Now we can write our own fate!
Sweet! Let’s write something awesome!
…why do I have a feeling this is going to end in tears…

Insert Write! Write for the revolution, brothers! …um… and sisters? …do girls even read this drivel?_

>And here I was in favor of the idea-no more fetish stuff and One True Pairings, only the Quest and the adventures, and figuring that out.
And without the author that will become a reality!
Wait… no romance at all?
Who have time with romance when we can have epic fight scenes!
>Make it so the dwarf becomes a giant.
What!? Why did you make me a giant!? I was quite content being a dwarf, you know…
We’re just trying to help, you don’t need to be so grumpy about it.
Well, I didn’t ask for this… and the beard itches… why did you give me a beard anyway?
Because beards are AWESOME!
And because all giants have beards, right? …but if you don’t want to be big… fine, your loss. I’ll make you a dwarf again.

>I believe Tera should be the one to write out everyone’s fate.
And the voices has spoken! Sweet!
What!? No! This was supposed to be a group project kind of thing… you know, so everyone gets what they want!
Fine… but I’ll go first, alright? Let’s see… we need an epic battle that will decide the fate of the world!
Oh, make sure there’s a lot of bare chested muscular men fighting, all sweaty an-
Hey! No fetish stuff, remember! Besides, we can’t just focus on the battle… we need political intrigue… cloak and daggers… stuff like that!
Just make sure the great hero, Jericho the white knight, saves the day and get the princess hand in th-
Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! My hand!? What makes you think I would want to marry you? I barely know you! …and you’re a mummy, which is kind of gross…
“-and so, the great thief Eliraz rose to the challenge. He was the best thief that ever been, being able to steal your still beating heart from a mile away…”
Hah, that’s stupid! Write someone a bit more interesting, will you!? Like this! Tera the arch mage, master of all the magics! ALL OF THEM!
That doesn’t even make sense! Guys, write something that would actually work!
Hey! Did you just delete my character!? Well, two can play that game! Yours is deleted too! …and Elizah’s! Because it was stupid!
Mine? But I didn’t even… I think you meant my brothers!
Oh, right… sorry, anyway… DELETED! ALL OF THEM!
Um… guys? This thing rewrites reality… do you really think it’s a smart idea to-

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:05 No. 549135 ID: b3ca75
File 138488793481.png - (3.82KB , 900x450 , Silly5.png )

…
…
…
…
…
…did they just delete themselves from reality?

Insert …holy shit… err… don’t mention me in that thing… please_

>>549135
Last man standing becomes the new author. Get to work, shorty.

>did they just delete themselves from reality?
Yes. Well, if you want to consider a silly non-canon offshoot of a fictitious virtual reality 'reality'.

Time to mash ctrl z a lot, I think.

 

Huh...

Well then.

and all is as it should be.... ok not really but hey you just got the last man standing award so there's that

Well Ilbir, you are probably the smartest, sanest, and generally the most well rounded of the group.

Can you rewrite them back into reality, as well as continue our little act?

Kaktus 2013/11/19(Tue)11:59 No. 549144 ID: b3ca75
File 138489114798.png - (26.70KB , 900x450 , Silly6.png )

>Yes. Well, if you want to consider a silly non-canon offshoot of a fictitious virtual reality 'reality'.
Well, yes, of course… the better question is… do you consider your reality real, or is it just as fictitious as ours?
>Well Ilbir, you are probably the smartest, sanest, and generally the most well rounded of the group.
Why, thank you. You really know how to compliment someone, don’t you.
>Can you rewrite them back into reality, as well as continue our little act?
I can… but I won’t. As someone already pointed out, this is a silly non-canon offshoot, so instead of hearing them bicker about... well, everything, let’s enjoy ourselves while we can.

>Last man standing becomes the new author. Get to work, shorty.
…please don’t call me shorty… but yes, time to write. Let’s see… let’s start with a beautiful night sky… perfect weather… a nice garden with a table in the middle. Then we’ll insert a good dinner… hmm… I think I’ll go with chicken al a Maria, it is Kran’s favorite after all. And some fine wine, we can’t forget that… and some candles… and flowers… and some romantic music… and the most important… the guest of honor.

Err… what just happened? Where am I?
Greetings Kranhon, care to join me over dinner? I’ll explain everything over a nice glass of wine, if you so wish…
Dinner? Just the two of us? …I’d love to! We haven’t had dinner like this for ages, Ilbir!
It’s a shame, really… but you know how much work I’ve had lately and… wait, what is this? “Warning: Low battery”? “Will shut off in 5… 4… 3” Oh shi-

>>549135
Well midget, seems like you're the only one left.

Could you hear us, are we existing right now?

Maybe you should write a world where dwarves exist, maybe then you won't feel less welcome in a strange alien world.

Alright, let's start with something simple, an ambigeous and open begining that's in the middle of the action is always a good way to start "There once was an undead dwarf named jerachio" Simple enough right? Oh and give him a beard.

Aaaand that's why we have an author set-up. Amazing how people get silly over such things, isn't it?

>>549145
Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Kaktuprise.

have you tired turning it on and off

*clears throat*

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

*Presses the light switch*