Hey, you. Bad pilot person who confused the sky with the ground. You're currently confusing standing up with burying yourself headfirst in the sand. Cut that out. Get up.

That's not how you fly a plane! Get up!

women can't even drive! what made you think they could fly planes?

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)13:46 No. 435480 ID: 4183c9
File 134307638513.png - (54.91KB , 933x600 , db_002.png )

One can appreciate lacking serious injury.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435480
And now we know why you crashed and why you survived. Your tits weighed down the plane and made it tip forward. They also cushioned you.

Get your survival kit out of the canopy.

Apparently you have magic tits that repel sand from sticking to them even when they're buried in the stuff.

Take stock of your situation. What supplies / equipment do you have on you? What do you know of the local geography? (ie, how big is the desert, which way to civilization, or a more survivable not-desert environment, at least). Hopefully you saw something useful in your doomed flyover, and/or you have a map, compass in the plane.

examine crashed plane

Also, why where you flying about anyways?

>>435484
I think those dots on her right boob when you enlarge the image are sand grains, but that's still amazingly clean.

>>435480
Hope this isn't one of those desert lands where they treat women poorly.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)14:34 No. 435490 ID: 4183c9
File 134307928269.png - (86.26KB , 933x600 , db_003.png )

>Get your survival kit
>What supplies / equipment
One sees no damage on the emergency box or its seal.

>examine crashed plane
It has ceased to function properly, permanently so for one without tools - and professionals and a workshop.

>why where you flying about anyways?
When a pilot is best of Séblagsniesemroné, and decorated, it is not in one's nature to stay grounded.

>What do you know of the local geography?
WYSIWYG.
>how big is the desert
Very.

>Hopefully you saw something useful in your doomed flyover, and/or you have a map, compass in the plane.
Not even newest and most expensive aircraft of Séblagsniesemroné can see through clouds and sandstorms. Nor nap tens of thousands of sand dunes during a spin.
>have a map, compass
The compass shares the fate of a plane. The map... The map may have been blown away during the unplanned descent.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435490
open the box and see what you have

use the sun instead of a compass. which way is it moving?

You could light the whole thing on fire and hope for friendly nomads to see it.

can you speak normally?

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)15:15 No. 435497 ID: 4183c9
File 134308170375.png - (68.12KB , 933x600 , db_004.png )

Flask, cigarettes, two rolls of gold coins, lighter.

Perhaps one should design one's own emergency box, if there will ever be a chance to do so.

>use the sun instead of a compass. which way is it moving?
A sun moves slowly without cinematographic trickery, and is currently directly above.

>You could light the whole thing on fire and hope for friendly nomads to see it.
One could do that, but a burning plane does not provide shade. One must assess, plan, and decide.

>can you speak normally?
One is not actually speaking, but disregarding semantics, does one not speak normally?

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435497
Hm. One is alone. One has no supplies. One has never heard of the pronoun "I".

One's only option is to tap the magic clearly latent in one's tits.

One ought to rest until the plane casts a shadow, such that one might orient oneself towards the four directions.

okay then. try tilting the plane so it's a better shade.

Sit in the cockpit and pretend to fly.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)16:02 No. 435509 ID: 4183c9
File 134308456203.png - (73.02KB , 933x600 , db_005.png )

>try tilting the plane
Applying a little elbow grease and arranging sand, one can improvise a sufficient shade.

>tap the magic
This is both ridiculous and ineffective.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435509
And one did it anyway. Can one think of any practical application of one's time and energy? If not, one might as well enjoy oneself.

look out to the horizon and see if there's anything but sand out there

You're strangely familiar... It's almost uncanny. Have I seen you before?

Anyway, what are your points of origin and destination? How much of this route you traveled? Someone is waiting for you?

scan the horizon for any landmarks.

In a desert travelling during the day without protection and plenty of water is a death scentance, rest until night before travelling

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)16:54 No. 435532 ID: 4183c9
File 134308769260.png - (41.93KB , 933x600 , db_006.png )

>>Can one think of any practical application of one's time and energy?
Sand is abundant, everything else is not. Can one think of applications for sand and limited shade?

>the horizon
One cannot see all that far due to interference from haze.

>You're strangely familiar... It's almost uncanny. Have I seen you before?
One might resemble decorated pilot of Séblagsniesemroné, going by the name of Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies, who has featured in various publications for reasons related to aviation.

[Insert Suggestion]

then nothing to do but sleep until later. when the haze will disipate.

Were you on a scheduled mission before the crash? Was your flight plan known? When you do not arrive back at base or at your destination, will your absence be noted? In short, can you expect a rescue to come looking for you?

Failing rescue, does the plane's radio / communication equipment still function?

Does the flask contain water? Judging from the questionable usefulness of the rest of the emergency box, I'd expect it to be filled with booze.

>>435532

Fashion a crude shovel out of plane parts.

Tunnel to China.

>>435539
this, but for water rather than foreign lands

> Booze, cigarettes, alone and totally lost.
Enjoy yourself.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/23(Mon)18:16 No. 435553 ID: 4183c9
File 134309256868.png - (76.10KB , 933x600 , db_007.png )

>Were you on a scheduled mission before the crash? Was your flight plan known? When you do not arrive back at base or at your destination, will your absence be noted?
Flight plans are generally known by air control stations. However, a desert takes long to cross even by plane, so a delay will inevitably occur. Eventually an aerial search may be conducted over the hundreds of kilometers between Madaskimugat and Juhanaukodanik.

>radio
A radio is not crashproof, nor is a battery.

>flask contain water?
>shovel out
An elevator, loosened by a crash, works as a shovel. A little digging does not result in water or discovery of China, and sand trickles down at all times, bit by bit or in larger collapses, slowing down progress. A break is a good excuse to test a flask, which does contain whisky.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435553
DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY IN DESERT. YOUR BRAIN WILL CRUMBLE INTO DUST.

>>435553
drink the whiskey

>>435553

Remove shirt and violently shake chest.

To remove any sand, you see.

>>435568
Make sure to wash with whiskey, the whiskey will further clean chest and kill bacteria. It will also cool you via evaporation.

The whiskey is not to be used for drinking.

Rest until nightfall, then we'll head out looking for better shelter and a supply of water.

you will die slowly and horribly if you drink that.

Do you have a jacket, or blanket, or a parachute? A utility knife of some sort?

What are your clothes made of? Silk and cotton? Leather for that aviator's helmet?

As much as you'd like to keep your clothes on, it'll make you sweat more, due to them impeding the evaporation of the sweat, keeping your body temperature higher. Strip down to your underwear, and sit on your clothes instead. As long as you stay in the shade you won't have to worry about sunburn.

>>435577
If you have a parachute, using it as a makeshift canopy to keep the sun off would be a great idea right about now. Cut a piece off big enough to lay down on as well; It'll keep the sand out.

...Wait a second. What's that buried in the side of the hole you dug? Looks like it has a squared off edge. Is it a part from your plane?

>>435609
hey yeah, there is an OBJECT in the sand.

What are those dark shapes off in the distance? Are those trees, buildings, or something else?

Calimari God !MZclmh0sIk 2012/07/23(Mon)23:14 No. 435634 ID: b26bd8
File 134311047939.jpg - (27.61KB , 340x343 , solar_still.jpg )

>>435609
do take your clothes of, this man knows fact. however, any parachute silk or other thin, film like material should be used to collect water. normally you would need moister soil, but desert usually have surprisingly high water tables. if you can dig a pit at least 8 feet deep, preferably not in the shade, so you can make it as big as necessary, you should have a small supply of water available.

and don't you dare drink that whiskey.

At least take off those boots.

Ignore naysayers. Drink all whiskey. Have vision quest.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)11:17 No. 435751 ID: 4183c9
File 134315385438.png - (74.40KB , 933x600 , db_008.png )

>no whisky
One had just a little sip, no more. A little taste.

>Do you have a jacket, or blanket, or a parachute?
No.
>A utility knife of some sort?
Not unless an emergency box has a secret compartment.

>What are your clothes made of?
A shirt is cotton, breeches are wool, scarf is silk. Boots and cap are genuine leather.

>Strip down to your underwear
Well...

>OBJECT in sand
An odd object with a handle, antenna and button. A desert is a strange place for this.

>dark shapes off in the distance
Such is an effect of heat haze.

>Ignore naysayers. Drink all whiskey. Have vision quest.
Dehydration is more likely to lead one into afterlife quest.

One must think carefully now.

[Insert Suggestion]

wait a goddamn second... SDF!?

> One must think carefully now.
Push button.

I don't suppose you could improvise a knife? A shard of metal broken off from your wrecked plane, perhaps? A knife would be useful to have.

Yeah, push the button. As long as the object doesn't appear to be explosives or something.

Press the button a good many times.

>>435751

Press all the buttons on your mystery device.

push it

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)12:29 No. 435777 ID: 4183c9
File 134315818835.png - (53.45KB , 933x600 , db_009.png )

>wait a goddamn second... SDF!?
>As long as the object doesn't appear to be explosives or something.
It... It is dangerous?!

>push the bu
>push the bu
>push the button
It is not so certain one wants to push an unidentified button!

>I don't suppose you could improvise a knife?
One is more likely to cut oneself trying, and still not end with a usable tool.

[Insert Suggestion]

Fine, examine the box carefully, look for any markings that will point to its purpose. Then dig around where you found it. Perhaps there is more.

Okay, pull out the box carefully, and try to discern its purpose. Look for any writing, labels, warnings, symbols, etc. We can probably figure out what it is before pushing the button.

And even if it is dangerous? You're caught in the desert with no useful supplies, no water, and rescue a long way off. Even if it is a bomb, it doesn't make your odds of survival much worse than they already are.

Well, if you are scared of a button.
Rig something up to remotely push the button, Like string attached to the lid of the emergency box and when you pull the string the lid will fall on the button and thus press it down.
Or something

Construct crude sand clock to press button from afar.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)13:46 No. 435806 ID: 4183c9
File 134316280251.png - (38.96KB , 933x600 , db_010.png )

*BOOP*

[Insert Suggestion]

>>435806
Wait and see what happens. Seriously though, you do look sweaty. Take off your pants, shoes and gloves, at the very least, black is *horrible* in a desert. Probably socks, too, they'll be more useful for filtering any water we might be lucky enough to find.

Hold onto your tits in anticipation of the explosion.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)14:24 No. 435828 ID: 4183c9
File 134316504610.png - (39.34KB , 933x600 , db_011.png )

Well, something is happening. Could be anything.

How should one prepare?

[Insert Suggestion]

try to kinda hide behind your plane and observe.

Get inside the plane.

>Hide
>Behind the only unique landmark for miles
Gee, I wonder if they'll find you.

If you want to hide and observer whatever's coming instead of just letting them find you, you should be hiding some distance away from the plane.

Wait. No impact because of the explosion? Go check what's there.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)15:32 No. 435870 ID: 4183c9
File 134316913569.png - (49.21KB , 933x600 , db_012.png )

>No impact because of the explosion? Go check
There was not an explosion. A device has only extended an antenna.

But while there is still time, should one hide in a plane, behind a plane, away from a plane or not hide at all?

[Insert Suggestion]

not hide at all, there is nowhere TO hide

Make a hole.

Trying to dig a hole in this heat would just wear you out. Might as well relax and wait to see what happens.

Make a trap.

behind plane

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)16:13 No. 435898 ID: 4183c9
File 134317161498.png - (66.02KB , 933x600 , db_013luckynumber.png )

>not hide
>relax and wait
One's chances of hiding are quite slim, truly, so one might just as weHUUÉ!

[Insert Suggestion]

Who is that behind you with the handsome angular face?

turn around dramatically.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)17:19 No. 435917 ID: 4183c9
File 134317557446.png - (83.80KB , 933x600 , db_014.png )

>turn around dramatically.

"HELLO FRIEND I TRADE USED AEROPLANE FOR USED AUTOMOBILE OR USED CAMEL WITH FREE SACK OF DATES"

[Insert Suggestion]

go for the camel.

ask if the automobile comes with free gas

It's fucking Crazy Hassan

You better believe we are going for the camel, even if it only mildly retarded.

Haggle him up to a camel, a sack of dates, and some water. Or anything else you might need.

>>435917
Yes. Or a Water Finding Camel. That would be awesome. Make sure you get the Fresh Water Finder expansion pack, it's a real life saver.

Use your massive charisma assets to get a better deal.

Camel better than car.

Offer the useless stuff in your emergency kit for trade. You want real supplies- food, water, tools, etc.

Ask if he'll give you water and more dates if you flash him your tits. Might give you extra if you offer a little more. A touch or something.
He'll go for it, trust me.

Maintain your self-respect, slap the fuck out of him, get the camel with sack of dates, trade whisky for water.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/24(Tue)18:55 No. 435968 ID: 4183c9
File 134318131028.png - (67.27KB , 933x600 , db_015.png )

>go for the camel
"FRIEND TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY I HAVE CAMEL NOT EVEN MILDLY RETARDED BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY OLD I WILL EVEN THROW IN AN EXTRA FREE RIFLE JUST FOR YOU!"
>Haggle Water Finding Camel
"FRIEND ALL OF CRAZY HASSAN'S CAMELS ARE GUARANTEED TO FIND FRESH WATER SOMETIMES EVEN IN PLACES WHERE IT DOES NOT EXIST BUT TO CONVINCE YOU I WILL ADD TWO FREE BOXES OF .303 ON TOP OF THE DEAL!"

>ask if the automobile comes with free gas
"A TOUGH CUSTOMER I SEE LET ME TELL YOU WHAT NOT ONLY WILL I GIVE YOU FREE GAS BUT I THROW IN FREE EXTRA SUPPLIES FOR AUTOMOBILE INCLUDING A VERY SLIGHTLY USED SPARE TYRE!"

>food, water, tools, etc.
"FOR JUST A SMALL INCREASE IN PRICE ONLY SLIGHTLY USED GOODS AT BULK VALUE ON PURCHASE OF CAMEL OR AUTOMOBILE!"

>Offer the useless stuff in your emergency kit for trade.
How does one decide which items are useless?

[Insert Suggestion]
>Use your massive charisma assets to get a better deal.
[Roll 1d20-3 For Barter Check]

rolled 13 - 3 = 10

---

Get the Camel, and whatever extras. Trade the whiskey, the gold and the cigerettes for supplies. The lighter is useful and the rest are only useful for barter which is what you are doing.

>>435973
The gold might be a bit much. Let's keep it in reserve if/when we need it.

rolled 4 - 3 = 1

---

Also, why does having huge tits give us a penalty? Is he gay, do we have an impossibly low base Charisma, or was that supposed to be +?

Go for the camel,rifle, and sack of dates which just so happens to be the amount of dates that your heart desires.

We are not crazy enough for him so we get a penalty to our deals.

>>435973
This, but limit your gold expenditure to a handful of coins. Aim to get some food, some water and maybe the rifle if he seems willing to part with it.

>>435968
Maybe a low roll is what we want.
I say, go with the camel/gun combo.Cars and sand don't mix for long.

also ask if the camel is spooked by gunfire. Major selling point.

> How does one decide which items are useless?
Try whisky and cigarettes. See if you can buy anything with the gold coins.

> Also, why does having huge tits give us a penalty?
Because modest breasts are better.

rolled 15 - 3 = 12

---

get the gun and camel and see what else you can get with the gold coins

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/25(Wed)11:31 No. 436159 ID: 4183c9
File 134324111360.png - (72.49KB , 933x600 , db_016.png )

Shopping list so far:
>2 full canteens, box of jaffa cakes
>Camel, sack of dates, rifle, 2 box .303
>OR Automobile, gas, supplies, spare tyre

>flask, cigarettes
"FOR THIS I TRADE TWO CANTEENS OF FRESH WATER AND AS A TOKEN OF GOOD WILL A BOX OF JAFFA CAKES!"

>gold
"I SEE YOU HAVE GOOD GOLD I WILL GIVE ONE FULL 20-ROUND MAGAZINE FOR AUTOMOBILE'S 2 CM KWK 30 L/55 FOR EVERY TWO GOLD COINS AND JUST FOR YOU AS BULK BONUS I GIVE ONE 250-ROUND 7,92MM AMMO BOX FOR EVERY FIVE 2 CM MAGAZINES!
IF YOU PREFER CAMEL WILL FOR 20 GOLD COINS GIVE YOU ONE MORE CAMEL AND A BARREL OF FRESH WATER PLUS JUST ONLY TODAY A GENUINE 1928 THOMPSON SET WHICH INCLUDES THREE 50-ROUND MAGAZINES AND 300 ROUNDS OF .45 ACP!"

>ask if the camel is spooked by gunfire
"CAMEL IS WELL TRAINED AND IF YOU FIRE ON THE LEFT SIDE WILL NOT EVEN NOTICE!"

[Insert Suggestion]
>why penalty
Crazy Hassan is immune to Boob Shock due to massive experience and has +5 to Barter, negating one's +2 bonus.

>Crazy Hassan is immune to Boob Shock
Dang, our only assets, negated.

Trade the wrecked airplane for the camel and accessories. Trade the cigs and booze for the extra water and food.

I'm not sure what good buying an extra camel and armaments would be. What's the sociopolitical situation in these parts? Are you likely going to encounter hostiles?

rolled 9 - 3 = 6

---

>2 CM KWK 30 L/55
Sold, get that fuckn car and shitloads of extra ammo.

Get the camel. Better slow and sure then soemthing that can break down in at a moments notice.

Trade plane for car, buy camel. Put camel in car.

>>436159
I'm tempted to buy only the rifle and ammo and kill him when he reveals where he keeps at least some of his stuff.

Probably wouldn't work due to numerous reasons including my failing to think this through for more than a second, but I'd like to try and play it straight.

>>436181
Crazy Hassan is Level Way-Too-Fucking-High. He'd wreck our shit.

>>436159
If the "car" has a 2cm gun, chances are it's an old German armored car or halftrack. Ask what model it is. If it's a 222 don't get it, if it's an 8-wheeled 231 do get it. If it's a 250, get that shit and put a camel in the backseat.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/25(Wed)14:34 No. 436204 ID: 4183c9
File 134325208228.png - (95.38KB , 933x600 , db_017.png )

>What's the sociopolitical situation in these parts?
Officially a territory belongs to three different nations, but in practice there are numerous small tribes, five forts of various nations' foreign legions, and several persons of significant wealth, all with their own interests.
>Are you likely going to encounter hostiles?
This a very contextual matter - and ever changing.

Camel or automobile, one must decide!

[Insert Suggestion]
Only definite votes count. No decision before a minimum of 5 votes.

Voting Camel.

Sounds like this region is ripe for potential conflict and unrest- buy the extra gun and ammo he offered for gold.

Two camel combo. Keep flask and cigarettes, buy canteens and jaffa cakes.

obvious automobile, camels lack proper armor plating.
Also they smell

>>436204
I vote for the two-camel combo.

>>436204
Camel driving automobile

>>436204

Car.

Camel and guns and water

>>436204
...That'd be a 222. Fucking avoid it, those things just don't work offroad.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/25(Wed)17:38 No. 436245 ID: 4183c9
File 134326311858.png - (70.07KB , 933x600 , db_018.png )

>CAME L

[Insert Suggestion]

Right. Travel in a strait line, whatever direction you think may lead out of the desert.

Camp during the day, travel at night. Wake us up when something interesting happens, we'll leave you on autopilot till then.

Is he flying the airplane away with camels pulling it? God bless you crazy hassan.

Forgot clothes.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/25(Wed)18:50 No. 436268 ID: 4183c9
File 134326744294.png - (73.13KB , 933x600 , db_019.png )

>Wake us up when something interesting happens
BUGH

[Insert Suggestion]

Not again.

>>436268

Welp, back on your camel. Keep gong until we find a NOT Rape Dungeon.

>Candy Cave
>Secret Rape Dungeon

Yeaaaaah, you've got plenty of supplies right? No need to stick your head in there. Keep moving.

>>436268
Clearly the secret rape dungeon was abolished and replaced by the candy cave.

but check the signpost before going for candy.

How good are you in a fight? If you're confident you can win, fight and rape everyone inside.

Looks legit

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/25(Wed)20:00 No. 436291 ID: 4183c9
File 134327162252.png - (47.48KB , 933x600 , db_020.png )

>check the signpost

[Insert Suggestion]

Which of those would be most likely to get you home?

I say we bust down the door to the rape cave and start firing wildly inside.

the fact the candy cave sign fell off says it hasn't been used in a while.

Do any of those names sound familiar to you? Are any of them close to, or allied with, your home country?

If not- Fort means soldiers, which could be bad, since you're a female pilot from another country. The port means water, and possible ocean transit home. That seems the best choice.

If none of those places sound familiar/safe to you, we ought to check in the cave for a map. We've got guns and plenty of ammo so I'm not worried.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

If Fort is known to be friendly, go there

Else if Port is not known to be hostile, go there.

Else go to Tawruk

Let's go to the Candy Cave.

Candy Cave seems like a good place to get supplies.

I see nothing wrong with rape.
Sure olive oil would be preferable, but it's the desert. Not an place to be overly picky.

In conclusion, check out that cave.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/26(Thu)11:45 No. 436502 ID: 4183c9
File 134332832747.png - (118.55KB , 933x600 , db_021.png )

>Which of those would be most likely to get you home?
>Do any of those names sound familiar to you?
A port is an obvious choice, but if a fort is close and a port far away, a fort would be more useful if it is not hostile.
Tawruk is the only familiar name, being a large port city and having been mentioned in history books. Being large it probably has an airfield.
But how far anything is, one has no clue.

>Are any of them close to, or allied with, your home country?
One does not know, and Séblagsniesemroné does not have any high-profile dealings in the region so this is not information many would even care about to begin with. Any businesses or individuals of Séblagsniesemroné are most likely operating independently either way.

>How good are you in a fight?
Possibly not at all. Is this really a good idea?

[Insert Suggestion]

>Is this really a good idea?
No.

Leave. I vote Port.

I vote NO to the rape cave. Lets head to the port.

The cave is probably full of people you can shoot without feeling that guilty.

Either that or it's full of candy and the sign is double reverse psychology.

Honestly the place looks like its been abandoned for a long time. And in a adventure like this if you don't clear out every loot cave you will miss all the good stuff.

You should at least open the door and look in before you decide if you really dislike rape and/or candy.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/26(Thu)13:09 No. 436519 ID: 4183c9
File 134333339294.png - (89.62KB , 933x600 , db_022.png )

>at least open the door and look in
Can one leave now?

>if you really dislike rape
ONE HAS DEFINITELY DECIDED ALREADY.

[Insert Suggestion]

I think we should leave... but if your going to stay theres a book to look through beside that skeleton. Also jam the door open with the bones so it doesn't lock behind you.

>>436519
get book first

Leave now, book is unimportant compared to not getting raped

>>436522
Firstly, the dungeon seems to be abandoned. Second, the dungeon proper is likely behind that other door in the background.

It seems safe.

No information in a book is going to increase your odds of survival right now.

And for the record? A lone woman, untrained and unskilled in combat, exploring a rape dungeon? Bad idea.

>No information in a book is going to increase your odds of survival right now.

Unless said information has info like, "The fort/port/town is closest to here." Or journal entries like saying the guy stopped by an oasis, then headed in x direction to get here.

That clearly looks like a vault door and not like a rape door. I'm pretty sure the name is just to scare of less brave adventurers than you.

Make sure the front door can't accidentally close and carefully explore.
Like the book.

The presence of such an old corpse is a good thing. Human occupants would almost certainly have removed it. That means only wildlife or non-permanent residents to worry about. And the sign obviously wouldn't apply to those sorts.

That book looks interesting.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/26(Thu)14:36 No. 436557 ID: 4183c9
File 134333856413.png - (62.68KB , 933x600 , db_023.png )

>book

Aug 1

11 AM
I'm close to finding my daughter. Those kidnappers will never see me coming!
P.S.: I'm a bit disappointed. The jungles of El Humidor had more trees in the pictures. The sand and lack of water aren't what I expected.


Aug 4

2 PM
Found an honest to Bóg Candy Cave! I thought such things only existed in stories!

3 PM
Got the door open. The cave leads downwards. Going to close the door so that a sandstorm can't sneak up on me again. They always come from behind!

4 PM
Found another door inside the cave. It is made of steel.

9 PM
No matter how much I push, the steel door will not budge! This door must be permanently sealed, as no amount of pushing has any effect. What secrets it guards! With great sadness I must leave this mystery unsolved, for I have a mission.

10 PM
Skurwysyn! I push and push but the cave door does not open! I am now trapped!


Aug 5

6 PM
No progress on the door. Saving my last pickle for tomorrow in hopes that someone will find the Candy Cave and somehow manage to open the door from outside.


Aug 6

1 PM
Bzdura! I forgot I ate my last pickle three days ago! I am doomed!


Aug 7

1 PM
Tried eating sand. I don't think it has enough nutrients to sustain me.


Aug 8

5 PM
cant think of any last words kurwa


[Insert Suggestion]

He never tried pulling the door. The poor, stupid SOB.

ok, seems like the is no immediate candy danger.

Make double sure the front door can't slam shut and try to open the metal door. With pulling and such.

Well at least he was not raped to death. You could try the vault door, but make sure your camels are securely tied down and that there is no one outside first.

Store book on camels. Maybe you can give it to that daughter if you figure out who she is,

Destroy this devilish door.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/26(Thu)16:10 No. 436608 ID: 4183c9
File 134334421275.png - (66.14KB , 933x600 , db_025.png )

[Insert Suggestion]

why are you going deeper into the rape cave?

>>436608
ok door works now get out of there as it's too dark to see anyway

Do the light fixtures work?
Make a makeshift torch out of bones and rags anyways, just in case.

also proceed

Yes onward to adventure!

>>436608

Prop the door open with a heavy thing and proceed.

Destroy the doors! They are the enemy!

Okay. Going alone is a terrible idea. You want to fly again, not to go straight to heaven.

...what advantage is there in exploring this place? If anything happens to you in there, you're alone and helpless. Unless there's a magic teleporter down there, that route doesn't take you home. And anyone who came along could steal your camels and gear and leave you to starve to death, like the last guy.

You already got incredibly lucky to survive the crash uninjured, and get the gear necessary to survive and escape from Crazy Hassan. Don't push your good luck any further. Take what you have, be thankful, and move on.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/26(Thu)17:49 No. 436651 ID: 4183c9
File 134335015185.png - (67.18KB , 933x600 , db_026.png )

>why are you going deeper into the rape cave?
Perhaps one may find something useful - or quite valuable.

...But one is also behind a door labeled "rape dungeon".

Now is a good time to make a decision, while one still sees an exit.

[Insert Vote: Continue/Escape]

[Protip: Clever solutions are always rewarded.]

Leave.

Hey. Cable in the ceiling. Where's it go?

An apparently empty cave isn't more dangerous than a desert.
I'd say explore some more.

Follow the cables to the generator, maybe you can start it.

BURN IT ALL FROM THE ENTRANCE. Loot the ashes. Rape will have been destroyed in the burning.

Continue.

Try turning on the lights. Open random crates.

Escape

Yeah follow the power cord and see if you can find a generator. Also take a peek in those crates. Depending on the contents we will find out what was going on here. Also loot.

This is too well equipped to be a rape cave. Probably someone's bunker. They might not be too happy to find you here, though.

I wonder if the thing with the antenna and the button is related.

Continue.

To get back home we need to travel to a location that can provide transportation and that is at least not hostile to us. We also need to be able to pay for that transportation. This cave has good looting potential.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/28(Sat)12:51 No. 437126 ID: 4183c9
File 134350506654.png - (55.85KB , 933x600 , db_027.png )

>continue
Into a candy cave rape dungeon one ventures. Hopefully a rape dungeon is not only apparently empty.

>Try turning on the lights.
One sees no switch.

>crates
A crate is empty and an amount of dust indicates it has been so for a time. A crate itself feels quite sturdy and heavy. It will be an effort to get to ones on bottom.

[Insert Suggestion]

Well, open whatever is easily accessible.
If there's nothing interesting explore the ra- I mean candy dungeon some more. There has to be more if they bothered to install lights.

Before you get too deep in, make absolutely sure you've got the inner doors wedged open too (use the heavy box, maybe). And that your camels are tied up and not going to wander off. Maybe even lead them inside the first room, so they aren't visible from a distance.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/28(Sat)15:59 No. 437170 ID: 4183c9
File 134351637562.png - (72.60KB , 933x600 , db_028.png )

>open whatever is easily accessible
A crate contains a bundle of cloth. Seems to have simply been tossed in, rather than packaged for storage. There is barely any dust.

>make absolutely sure you've got the inner doors wedged open too (use the heavy box, maybe)
One might drag some of these crates, but is an effort worth it? Bringing camels in might be a good idea, especially if a book's description of sandstorms is accurate.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>437170
aaaand there's something behind you.

There's something looming behind you.
I guess you should flip out and point your gun towards it.

hit the deck!

Bluff. "I know that you're here."

Turn around, gun at the ready.

If they're hostile, you need to disable them, fast. They're between you and the only exit, and your supplies. They could easily step back, shut the door, and lock you in here to starve.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/28(Sat)18:39 No. 437202 ID: 4183c9
File 134352599428.png - (114.54KB , 933x600 , db_029.png )

>flip out and point your gun towards it
>Turn around, gun at the ready.

>If they're hostile, you need to disable them
ONE MUST THING QUICK AS BALLS.

[Insert Suggestion]

slap his pistol hand with the torch then kick him in the junk and finally shoot him in the junk afterwards

Dodge and shoot! Throw the torch at his face!

The torch is nicely lined up to go in his eyes... shoot him afterwords though.

throw fire!

Nice knowing you, Clarisse.

Jab his gun hand with the torch, then hold him at gunpoint.

>>437202
Liberty or Death Clarisse.
Only one of you should leave that room alive.

Man are we going to feel bad when this is just the candy cave guy trying to defend his home.

>>437223
Nah, that's a rapin' grin.

Try all of those at once and manage to trip over your own feet.

Pivot to your left on your left foot. Swipe at his gun with the torch held in your left hand during the turn, knocking its line-of-fire off of yourself. He is trying to grab for your gun. Shifting your grip on your gun to be suitable for delivering a melee strike while also lifting your arm above your head to both prepare for your attack and to bring it out of his grasp. Step forward with your right foot and perform a simple downwards strike with the stock of your rifle, on the bridge of his nose. Back up a couple feet and shoot him in the chest several times.

Hopefully you aren't dead. Rejoice.

TORCH TO THE FACE. HIS FACE, NOT YOUR FACE.

Then, dodge.

Scream like a little girl and drop or throw the torch at him. Hopefully it'll blind him so you can move back and away from his reaching arm so you can bring your rifle to bear.

Hopefully he wants to rape you alive rather than dead so he might hesitate.

>>437202
Good thing this is a rape dungeon and not a murder dungeon or your life might be at risk.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/29(Sun)12:19 No. 437356 ID: 4183c9
File 134358956405.png - (65.72KB , 933x600 , db_030.png )

>torch
>face

>shoot

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/29(Sun)12:20 No. 437357 ID: 4183c9
File 134358963585.png - (80.12KB , 933x600 , db_031.png )

>discharge firearms in a confined space
ONE SEES NO FAULT IN THIS PLAN.

[Insert Suggestion]

>>437357
On the upside, you totally shot him in the upper torso/neck area, so he's probably good as dead.

Ringing ears is better than rape though. Well, from your viewpoint at least.

Take his gun and see if he's actually already dead

>Drops gun to hold both hands to head and complain.
Yeah, one sees no fault in that plan either.

Reacquire your weapon, and make sure your assailant is dead, disabled, and/or disarmed. You can worry about your hearing and headache later.

it was options. there were problems with the plan, but had nothing better to pick.

Once the ringing in your ears dies down make sure he is no longer a threat and check him for loot and possibly some identification. Then we can get back to searching the place.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/29(Sun)14:56 No. 437392 ID: 4183c9
File 134359899740.png - (76.50KB , 933x600 , db_032.png )

>see if he's actually already dead
One is not a doctor, but a man is not moving and his head is on fire, so one dares to take a chance.

>loot
A dead man has nothing in pockets.

>some identification
Nothing but a flag with a yellow cross on a blue background on sleeve.

[Insert Suggestion]

That's hardly confirmation of death. Check for a pulse.

Which direction did he come from? Deeper in the rape cave, or from the entrance?

>yellow cross on a blue background
So he didn't want to rape you after all, he was just driven crazy by the heat.

Quickly check out if he came from the entrance, look for footprints in the sand. If not, explore further and keep the pistol at the ready. Pretty sure pistols are better in enclosed environments.

>>437392
My god. Swedes. Be on guard for the vicious and pig-like monstrosities.

stab him a little.

okay, did you check the barrels? if not, do so. then move further into the cave.

Try to work out how that pistol fired with no magazine.

>>437502
The guy had only one round left for that pistol, so he manually loaded it in the chamber and didn't bother with the magazine?

>>437392
Get the cloth, wrap it thickly around the mouth of your gun. It should muffle the sound to.. slightly less disorienting levels. It may only be good for one shot though, as it will be set on fire.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/30(Mon)11:20 No. 437540 ID: 4183c9
File 134367243560.png - (79.84KB , 933x600 , db_033.png )

>Try to work out how that pistol fired with no magazine.
One is an aviator, not a weapon expert. Movies are one's only education on this matter.

>check the barrels
All are empty, but a topmost barrel is wet on bottom.

>Check for a pulse.
He has none.

>footprints
Seem to lead into dungeon.

>Be on guard for the vicious and pig-like monstrosities.
LIKE THIS?
"Ahmed! De dödade Åke! Ta prinsen till den bakre ingången, måste detta vara ett räddningsteam!"

[Insert Suggestion]

shoot him!

Gods damned, I knew the rape cave was a bad idea.

Okay... that's Swedish.

>Ahmed! They killed Ake! Take the Prince to the rear entrance, this must be a rescue team!

There are more of them, and they have prisoner(s) they think are worth rescuing. They also think you're part of a team. Overestimating you might be good, as it gives you chance to play them, or bad, since they may deploy more people after you.

You have the choice now to stage a fighting retreat (shoot anyone who comes after you, get to your camels and run the fuck away) or to try and kill all these fucks and rescue the prisoner(s).

First thing you should probably do either way is shoot this guy, and get behind cover (boxes).

Kill him.
you'll also have to kill everyone else I guess.
If you run away now they'll hunt you down and rape you later.

Where's the light coming from now, thought the torch is gone?

>>437543
it's not gone it's on the floor.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/30(Mon)13:30 No. 437557 ID: 4183c9
File 134368022711.png - (102.72KB , 933x600 , db_034.png )

"ÅH FAD RÖB BODDAR SKID!"

[Insert Suggestion]

Awesome, seems like you're an quick learner.

Make sure he's dead and proceed with your killing spree.

>Swedish Swedish Swedish
Huh. Machine translation fails. I suppose his words could be distorted by being shot in the face.

Take up defensive position behind crates, asses situation. Are more of them coming your way, or are they retreating to the rear entrance?

Then we must decide to flee, hold ground, or pursue.

What a clusterfuck. Well it's what you get in the desert during dangerous times when people point guns at other people.

Secure your camels and get ready to flee. That's what matters at the moment. You are stranded and alone.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/30(Mon)15:59 No. 437589 ID: 4183c9
File 134368914866.png - (44.14KB , 933x600 , db_035.png )

>Make sure he's dead
>Take up defensive position behind crates, asses situation.
>Secure your camels and get ready to flee.
One is experiencing some technical difficulties.

"AHBED, VAD FAD GÖR DU?!"

[Insert Suggestion]

Okay, extremely bright light. Fire at will.

flash bang! jump back!

Pretty sure they turned on those lights at the ceiling.
Slowly back away and fire towards noises and movements to scare em off.

Take cover, quick. Duck behind the wall, out of sight of the door. They'll try to shoot you while you're blind and off guard.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/30(Mon)17:48 No. 437604 ID: 4183c9
File 134369573604.png - (51.26KB , 933x600 , db_036.png )

>back
>fire
EUHÉ!

"AHBED, DIB DUBBA SABDBEGER! Ta eb kubsprudepiddod og bågra grabader! Häbda bid bagebgebär også!"

One needs a better plan than just shooting and moving aimlessly!

Fortunately one's eyes have adapted to light now.

[Insert Suggestion]

become one with the box. and the gun.

hide ehind the box and watch the door.

"AHBED, DIB DUBBA SABDBEGER! Ta eb kubsprudepiddod og bågra grabader! Häbda bid bagebgebär også!"
"AHBED, YOU STUPID SANDNEGRO! Grab an SMG and some grenades! Fetch my shotgun as well!

Hiding in boxes might be a bad idea.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/31(Tue)11:47 No. 437824 ID: 4183c9
File 134376046166.png - (73.96KB , 933x600 , db_037.png )

>hide
>don't hide
One has to do something fast to avoid rape - or worse!

"Ahbed, för hebvede, SKYDDA DIG!"

[Insert Suggestion]

>"Ahbed, for woe to the Hebrews, PROTECT YOURSELF!"
...huh. Weird explicative. I wonder if my translator got that right.

In any event, you're not trained for a firefight, and closed spaces are bad to face grenades in. Fall back. Get through the big metal door with the wheel, then shut it and lock them in. Then get the fuck out of here.

oh. well, an SMG and a grenade might be a bit too much for you to handle. leave.

>>437826
What, no. That's "Ahmed, for hells sake, hurry up!"

Anyway, time to GTFO before they get heavier ordinance there. You won't be able to keep them away once there's two of them and they get proper weapons.

>>437824
Hide, with the rifle ready to shoot him.

get out of rapecave

They have a Prince in there somewhere.

Go rescue him!

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/31(Tue)14:10 No. 437858 ID: 4183c9
File 134376904925.png - (77.09KB , 933x600 , db_038.png )

>bravely run away

[Insert Suggestion]

>>437858
get on camel and flee from here as fast as the smelly beast can run

>>437859
if camel is too slow, prepare to ambush achmed and fatass

If you have still some fight in you you could make the camels run away to fake your escape and camp on top of the entry.
That way you could shoot them in their backs when they come running out.

You'd get an free prince out of it, totally worth it.

I say we run away, go to the fort, report what we found and let the local army deal with this. Besides they have a back entrance and could ambush US instead.

Close the blast door behind you! Spin the wheel so the door is locked. Jam it if possible.

Before you run outside, peek out, make sure no one is out there, and that your camels are still there. If the coast is clear, then flee.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/31(Tue)15:44 No. 437885 ID: 4183c9
File 134377467433.png - (47.38KB , 933x600 , db_039.png )

[Insert Suggestion]

Oh crap thats a sandstorm. If you can't out run it have the camels both lay down and try to keep them between nd the direction the storm is blowing from, use a mask of heavy cloth to keep the sand out of your eyes and mouth. Stay away from the leeward side of sand dunes as well.

I think that is a sandstorm from her bravely running away.

Wait! What direction are you heading it? One of the landmarks from the sign, I hope? Not randomly off into the desert to be lost?

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/07/31(Tue)17:52 No. 437918 ID: 4183c9
File 134378234187.png - (132.30KB , 933x600 , db_040.png )

>Not randomly off into the desert to be lost?
Of course not, one knows what one is doiHUÉBLEHGLUB---

[Insert Suggestion]

Drink, refill canteens, water camels.

well seems that guy was right, these camels good at finding water.

Take a bath.

Alright, that's a fine faceplant, but you need to raise your butt more, and keep your legs tucked in. Legs in the air are all well and nice, but a firmly raised butt will always be the better option, showing off the effort and dedication that went into the landing on your part. Still, you managed to hit the oasis quite neatly, so I'll still give you a 4.5/5.

The landing after the airplane crash is the one I'd give that a solid 5/5 for good form, poise and comedic value.

The one in front of the Secret R Cave I'd give a 3.5/5. The elevation of the butt wasn't as much personal effort as it was a byproduct of the sandy derpsert slope, and the evidence of you stumbling in the camel's reins somewhat ruined the overall graceful image. Another decent faceplant, though you didn't really have anything but sand to plant into.

One also has to ask. What -is- Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies decorated for?

>>437926
Bath in drinking water are you retarded.

>>437936
Lots of people drink their bath water.

>>437938
I'm sure lots of guys would drink her bathwater.

>>437919
Actually, check the oasis for other travelers first, and taste the water to make sure it doesn't taste funny.

That done, drink, top off your canteens and water barrels, get the camels to drink, then bathe and wash your clothes.

You guys are ridiculously hilarious.

I wonder why she always falls face first.

>>438038
because she always falls while going forward? When she went backwards and fell, she didn't land on her face.
>>437604

lemme rephrase that: why does she always fall?

>>438126
center of gravity

>>438126
How can you NOT tell how top-heavy she is?

>>438134
>>438137

That, and the impractical high-heel boots and unstable stand probably don't help either.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/08/05(Sun)02:49 No. 439442 ID: 4183c9
File 134416016150.png - (106.83KB , 933x600 , db_041.png )

>Actually, check the oasis for other travelers first
"Hello!"

[Insert Suggestion]

>>439442

Shake his hand with your boobs.

Well he seems like a nice young fellow with no ulterior motives, get the lay of the land from him, where the hell we at and where the hell are the local landmarks/towns/whatever we need to know about.

>>439442
Put on your angriest face possible and glare at him until he makes eye contact. THEN shake his hand.

The last guy who looked at me like I set his face on fire. Then I shot him for good measure.

>>439446
That only works if he's looking at our face in the first place.
>>439447
He's not rapy-looking, just "holy shit those are awesome" looking.

So I'd go with saying, "Yes, I know they're impressive and glistening. My eyes are still up here, and my firearm is still down here. Now why don't you pull your gaze up and I put the gun down."

Wait, after looking at the last few pictures... did you lose the gun? God damn it.

If you did, replace firearm and gun with fists as appropriate.

Cup your boobs and push them forward until they envelop his outstretched hand, then give him a hand/boob shake.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/08/05(Sun)04:12 No. 439473 ID: 4183c9
File 134416517090.png - (96.86KB , 933x600 , db_042.png )

[Insert Suggestion]

[Roll 1d20 To Resist Debilitating Dignity Loss]

rolled 6 = 6

---

Welp. That certainly happened. Loot his body.

rolled 12 = 12

---

>>439475
Might as well.

rolled 17 = 17

---

>>439473
Loot him and shove any small convenient objects into his anus. When he awakens, ask him how he likes being sexually harassed.

rolled 8 = 8

---

What the hell are you doing, Clarisse...

you don't need to lose dignity cause you just gained his loot.

Wait did we just rape him?

rolled 9 = 9

---

Oh dear.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/08/05(Sun)05:53 No. 439519 ID: 4183c9
File 134417119910.png - (83.09KB , 933x600 , db_043.png )

That was a stupid trick but at least one "won", if one can call it that.

>loot
He has two less-than-decent magazines and some and in a pocket a cylindrical, hard object which seems to be stuck to something.

[Insert Suggestion]

Thats part of his body... you'd need something sharp to detach it... I forget did you get a knife?

>>439519
It's probably a roll of coins! Tug on it until it comes free.

>>439529
If brute force won't do, you may have to work it loose.

Well he didn't seem terribly unkind so put those magazines back where you found them. Take a break in the shade, eat some food, drink some water, fix your appearance and wait for him to recover with your gun at hand. Check how you're doing for pistol ammunition.

>>439519
That would be a penis.

Clarisse de la Yxessértsnies 2012/08/05(Sun)08:36 No. 439580 ID: 4183c9
File 134418100745.png - (68.75KB , 933x600 , db_044.png )

>put those magazines back
One certainly does not feel a need to keep them.

>Tug on it
>work it
One does not know what one is doing, does one.
>That would be a penis.

"Oh, hello!"

[Insert Suggestion]

[Roll 1d20 To Resist Debilitating Dignity Loss]