[Burichan] [Futaba] [Nice] [Pony]  -  [WT]  [Home] [Manage]
[Catalog View] :: [Graveyard] :: [Rules] :: [Quests] :: [Discussions] :: [Wiki]

[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Last 100 posts]
Posting mode: Reply
Name (optional)
Email (optional, will be displayed)
Subject    (optional, usually best left blank)
File []
Password  (for deleting posts, automatically generated)
  • How to format text
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG, SWF
  • Maximum file size allowed is 10000 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.

File 131640091367.jpg - (61.78KB , 600x800 , doolbag.jpg )
350260 No. 350260 ID: c0e5fe

Hi! Hi'm Doolbag, and I'm on a mission to save my _________ !
Expand all images
No. 350261 ID: 1854db

No. 350263 ID: a3b8c0

Sweet Ass Boombox.
No. 350264 ID: f70e5e

No. 350265 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640131481.jpg - (70.49KB , 600x800 , Ihavecheese.jpg )


NO, you autistic loser! I already have cheese; I keep it safe in my pocket.
No. 350267 ID: 383006

You need to save your lover's diaphragm then, obviously.
No. 350268 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640155898.jpg - (57.44KB , 600x800 , I dunno.jpg )


I don't even know what that is. It sounds like Latin Faggot Shit.

No, I am finding something way more important than that!
No. 350269 ID: a3b8c0

Definitely your sweet ass boombox.
No. 350270 ID: e3f578

No. 350271 ID: c7b6c2

No. 350272 ID: c7b6c2

No. 350273 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640199662.jpg - (51.76KB , 800x600 , sweet ass.jpg )


I am on a mission to save my sweet, ass-boombox!
No. 350274 ID: 4f0447

a quest about denying the reader is kinda hard to suggest for. just sayin'.
No. 350275 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640235175.jpg - (56.82KB , 600x800 , where.jpg )

Well, where do you think I should start looking for it? Could be anywhere... and I'm thirsty; it's a really hot day.
No. 350276 ID: 2e6bf0

Solve both problems, search the local bar.
No. 350288 ID: 1854db

Search for it at a snowball stand.
No. 350293 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640661065.jpg - (72.43KB , 800x600 , snowball.jpg )

I'd better go to the Snowball Bar; kill two birds with one stone. Damn, these snowballs are tasty, but I can't see my sweet ass-boombox anywhere.
No. 350294 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640668052.jpg - (36.47KB , 400x436 , snoeman.jpg )

Hey! Bartender, you seen my sweet ass-boombox?

He isn't very helpful. Maybe I should look somewhere else...
No. 350298 ID: c7b6c2

Set his filthy fucking bar on fire.
No. 350301 ID: 1854db

Go to a snoball stand next.
No. 350303 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640728429.jpg - (76.41KB , 800x600 , burn.jpg )


Yeah, fuck this icy gay bar! I'm gonna send it to hell!

Hmmm... my matches aren't very helpful.
No. 350305 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640736424.jpg - (58.95KB , 800x600 , ice this deadbeat.jpg )

I decided I better just kick the bartender's ass.

But now I gotta focus on the mission!Where else could it be?
No. 350306 ID: c7b6c2

Obviously, you must consult your local TRIBAL SHAMAN to have him locate your SWEET ASS-BOOMBOX using TRIBAL MAGYICKS.
No. 350308 ID: 1854db

Hey are you a robot or what?
No. 350309 ID: c0e5fe
File 131640786066.jpg - (93.99KB , 600x800 , card.jpg )


Only Magyick I know is this! And I'll kick your ass at it any day, buster.
No. 350310 ID: 35e1a0

naw that's cool. i mean get a newspaper and look up "shaman" or something in the business section.
No. 350322 ID: 1854db

Did you leave it at your house?
No. 350331 ID: c7b6c2

Well, maybe you can put up posters?

lost sweet ass-boombox
will offer reward if found
No. 350475 ID: c0e5fe
File 131647491578.jpg - (82.12KB , 600x800 , poster.jpg )


Well sure! Do you think this is a good one?
No. 350476 ID: 017d51

Close, just replace the last two lines with your contact information.
No. 350486 ID: c0e5fe
File 131647886649.jpg - (83.67KB , 600x800 , fixedposter.jpg )


Yeah, good idea!

Uhm, I'm not sure what my phone number is exactly, but this is probably it. Or similar, at least.

Where should I stick my posters?
No. 350487 ID: 35e1a0

on the stop light poles at every corner.
No. 350489 ID: 9dd68b

Stick them to telephone poles, hand them to people...



Let's cut out the middleman and stick them to the people themselves.
No. 350490 ID: c0e5fe
File 131647969756.jpg - (143.88KB , 800x600 , litter.jpg )


Yeah! Consider it done!
No. 350491 ID: c0e5fe
File 131647973574.jpg - (98.98KB , 600x800 , officr.jpg )

Oh wait...

>"Citizen, can we have a word?"
No. 350498 ID: 35e1a0

"what can i do for you officer?"
No. 350511 ID: c7b6c2
File 131648272103.png - (890.25KB , 5000x4068 , hueg.png )

Problem, officer?
No. 350532 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648594124.jpg - (85.78KB , 800x600 , problemofficer.jpg )


Hehe... Why, officer? Is there a problem?

>"Yes there is, citizen. You see, I'm having a bad day because I haven't had my daily fill of excessive police brutality."
No. 350533 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648603175.jpg - (86.24KB , 600x800 , grrr.jpg )

>"...Though, thanks to you, I think my day's about to become a lot better."

Wow, this cop is a really scary guy! Maybe I should do something before I have dogs licking my brains off the sidewalk.
No. 350534 ID: c7b6c2

Tape a flyer to his face and run!
No. 350537 ID: 1854db

No. 350538 ID: 35e1a0

point over and say "HOLY SHIT A JAYWALKER!"
No. 350544 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648688451.jpg - (85.05KB , 600x800 , whammy.jpg )

Whammo! I put a flyer right on that guy's face! Gee, he's really pissed now! Shit, time to get outta here.
No. 350547 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648696684.jpg - (87.72KB , 800x600 , run.jpg )

I was gonna tell him about jaywalkers, but I just realised I'm jaywalking!
No. 350556 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648743530.jpg - (54.72KB , 800x600 , alley.jpg )

Okay, I escaped in this alley, like in movies.

Phew, I must have run a new record! I ran all the way across the street without needing to stop even once!

>"Hey there, sonny! You lookin' for something?"
No. 350558 ID: c0e5fe
File 131648748915.jpg - (72.73KB , 600x800 , pedo.jpg )

Oh look! There is a kind stranger. Maybe he can help me rescue my sweet ass-boombox.
No. 350563 ID: b6edd6

That guy does not look helpful at all. Keep absconding.
No. 350565 ID: 4cb19a

This guy looks legit, tell him your woes.
No. 350603 ID: c0e5fe
File 131649411135.jpg - (67.22KB , 800x600 , pedoconversation.jpg )


Well sure! I'm just after my sweet ass-boombox.

>"Do tell me more."

I can't help but think this guy has a terrible groin itch.
No. 350605 ID: c0e5fe
File 131649422510.jpg - (72.65KB , 600x800 , PedoTalk.jpg )

>"Hey, maybe I can follow you around. You know, cover your back on your mission?"

The hand holding his coat together is now free and I can see the sad truth that his groin was not at all itchy. Should I take him with me on my mission?
No. 350606 ID: ebe90b

Seems legit
No. 350609 ID: c7b6c2

Sure, why not.
Don't mention the troubled officer that you passed on your way here.
No. 350613 ID: 84b916

>I can't help but think this guy has a terrible groin lich.

...Wait what?
No. 350614 ID: 1854db

Ok so he's been jacking off while staring at you.

Get the fuck away and/or kick him in the nuts.
No. 350822 ID: c0e5fe
File 131656754535.jpg - (55.59KB , 935x801 , uhOkay.jpg )

Well sure! I see no harm in bringing this guy along.

Now... tracing back along where I last took my boombox, I remember taking it to the supermarket, and to the playground. Gee where should I look first?
No. 350823 ID: c0e5fe
File 131656767962.jpg - (87.47KB , 935x801 , wheretogo.jpg )

>"Ooh! I'm pretty sure I saw something like your boombox last time I was at the playground. We should check there first. Mmm~"

Gee, I dunno... What do you guys think?
No. 350835 ID: c7b6c2

Yeah, go on ahead. Lead him next to the cop on the way there.
No. 350848 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657065233.jpg - (148.34KB , 935x801 , bueno.jpg )


Well, if you say so. I guess if it means I get my sweet ass-boombox back, I'm for all suggestions. All of them.

Though, I don't know if I feel comfortable with my new companion's reaction...

Got no tablet in this class, hence the change in 'art' style.
No. 350850 ID: c7b6c2


cartwheel the whole way there.
No. 350852 ID: 5eddac

This, do this.

And ignore the cop, he's just a big killjoy.
No. 350857 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657177604.jpg - (64.83KB , 935x801 , cartwheel.jpg )

Okay! Cartwheeling all the way to the park is sure fun, even if not something I'd normally consider to be within my physical capabilities.

Doesn't look like that cop is going to be a problem. Looks like he found another criminal over there. I feel really bad for absconding from justice.
No. 350861 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657238423.jpg - (105.80KB , 935x801 , playground.jpg )

Okay, now I'm at the playground. Although it seems to be practically swarming with children. I'll never find my boombox with all these kids around. How am I ever going to get rid of them?

Do you have any ideas?
No. 350863 ID: 35e1a0

point towards theroad and yell "ICE CREAM TRUCK!"
No. 350866 ID: c7b6c2

Engage in children's card games. Make them bet all of their posessions. Surely you'll find it that way.
No. 350867 ID: 35e1a0

challenge them to a game of Magyik for everything.
No. 350869 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657361835.jpg - (100.99KB , 1173x801 , icecream.jpg )

Hey guys! Look over there! ICE CR-

Oh no...

Looks like our friend has beat me to it. Now all the kids are getting in the back of his 'ice cream' van.

Man, I wish I'd just challenged them to a game of Magyik: The Garnering. Well at least the playground's clear now. Where should I start?
No. 350871 ID: 35e1a0

... pretend we never saw him.
start with the sandbox. kids love burying stuff in there.
No. 350873 ID: 55c4cf

Flip the truck.
No. 350874 ID: c7b6c2

Priority one: Get BOOMBOX.
Priority two: Gather SPARE MAGYIK CARDS from playground.
Priority three: ...Maybe do something about your companion?
No. 350877 ID: 1854db

Contact the police and point out the obvious pedophile.
No. 350879 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657511823.png - (24.64KB , 937x725 , lifttruck.png )


Man, I can't even lift the van, let alone flip it!

I guess I can scour the playground now. Scour it like a fucking boss.
No. 350885 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657567458.png - (17.53KB , 671x801 , sandbox.png )

Hmm, my Sweet Ass-Boombox doesn't appear to be anywhere here, either. Drats!

>"Heeeelp! Oh Help!"

It sounds like our friend is in trouble! Should I go and see what's wrong?
No. 350887 ID: c7b6c2


Look in the van's direction. We're not affiliated with that man.
No. 350889 ID: 1854db

Yes, go see what's wrong you irresponsible person you.
No. 350894 ID: 400170

Nah. Pick up that shovel and start digging. It's gotta be here somewhere.
No. 350895 ID: c0e5fe
File 131657744475.png - (23.17KB , 973x801 , tube.png )


EQUIPPED SHOVEL! Its shiny, green plastic finish is appealing, and its ergonomic handle makes building sandcastles a breeze.


Hmm, he doesn't seem to be in the van!

>"Oh dear lord, heeeelp me!"

It's coming from within the playground! He's... he's... oh-

>"Oh my word. Thank the lord you found me! I seem to be stuck in this childrens' play tube, and I just can't squeeze out! Maybe you could give me a little push~"

Hmmm... I dunno about this. Should I help this guy out?
No. 350898 ID: b6edd6

Wait, where did the van go?

Also, I vote you steal his shoes.
No. 350899 ID: c7b6c2

Push on his face-meats. Give him a swift kick if that doesn't work.
No. 350914 ID: 1854db

Push on his face.
No. 350940 ID: c0e5fe
File 131658042414.png - (26.10KB , 973x801 , tube2.png )

I'm trying to push him out, I'm trying!

He won't budge, although I have the sneaking suspicion that he's just resisting with his feet.

On to plan B: ____________________!
No. 350941 ID: 400170

Get bored and wander off to go look around for your sweet ass-boombox. I have a sneaking suspicion he had not actually seen it here at all.
No. 350945 ID: bf95d9

Steal his shoes first
No. 350946 ID: 1854db


Or kick him in the ass.
No. 350948 ID: c7b6c2

No. 350949 ID: b6edd6

Yes. That is what you should do to help your clearly distressed friend.
No. 351062 ID: 0d7a83

The fire department will not be enough.
Call the police. And the Feds. And the Navy. And the Pope. His life is at stake NO MEASURE IS TOO GREAT.
No. 351165 ID: 3b7830


I agreed about you should call the fire department or something more.

By the way... DON'T try to steal his shoes or kicking/pushing/pulling his ass... Because it is high risk that he will not wear any underwear... Oh my GOD the horror...! >_<
No. 351174 ID: 1854db

Well his bare ass is exposed so unless he has invisible underwear...
No. 351180 ID: 3b7830


or he could be wearing thong... oh God there goes my sanity...
No. 351230 ID: c633e7
File 131665250009.png - (19.33KB , 1000x1000 , call.png )

Yeah, you're right. I should call the fire service or something. I am not strong enough to get him out.

What's the emergency number again? I dunno, I'll just guess it.
No. 351231 ID: c633e7
File 131665261992.png - (28.97KB , 1000x1000 , helpishere.png )

Oh wow, that was fast!

>"What can I do for you, sir?"

Uh, my friend here is stuck in this children's play tube, and I can't get him out.
No. 351232 ID: c633e7
File 131665274686.png - (34.40KB , 1000x1000 , wink.png )

>"Oh mister fireman, do be careful pulling on my tender legs. I don't want you to bruise them~"

No no no. Please don't hit on the fireman.

>"Mmm~ I bet you know how to handle a hose."

I don't feel comfortable in this situation.
No. 351233 ID: c633e7
File 131665282359.png - (18.87KB , 1000x1000 , fireman.png )

...Aaand the fireman is now visibly ill. And now he's leaving.

What a disaster. I need to do something else, and this friend of mine is getting annoying.
No. 351234 ID: b6edd6

Call the police. That large officer looked both strong and hard to nauseate.
No. 351235 ID: 35e1a0

use the hose on your friend. the pressure will launch him out.
No. 351236 ID: bf95d9

Just... Just steal his shoes and walk away
No. 351239 ID: 1854db

Leave him there.
No. 351242 ID: c7b6c2

Promise to go get a bunch of strong young men to help him, then leave.

Leave and never come back.
No. 351332 ID: 7daa75
File 131666938813.png - (18.13KB , 1000x1000 , grabbinBoots.png )

Well, I think he's beyond help now. It's unfortunate, but true. And his shoes are nice, so I am taking them.

>"Hey, what are you taking my boots for?!"

Well, I need them in order to fetch strapping, young men to help you.

>"Oh, okay. Hurry back, now."

It's good that he doesn't realise I won't be coming back.
No. 351336 ID: 7daa75
File 131666950286.png - (29.49KB , 1000x1000 , cards.png )

Although I didn't find my boombox, I found these two Magyik cards in the playground. Neither are particularly great, though.
No. 351338 ID: 7daa75
File 131666954812.png - (20.85KB , 1000x1000 , inventory.png )

And look! I just got an Inventory!

Now, should I continue my search at the supermarket?
No. 351350 ID: c7b6c2

Equip BOOTS- wait no that's a terrible idea.

Go to the supermarket. Find the manager.
No. 351417 ID: 55563b
File 131669359887.png - (22.66KB , 1000x1000 , hooligans.png )

Oh no. There are hoodlums outside the supermarket entrance!

I'm just a short, doughy boy. They'll confront me for sure! How should I deal with them? Should I just wait until they go away?
No. 351428 ID: aa2f16

Inform them of a man stuck in a play tube at the children's playground, ripe for a mugging.
No. 351435 ID: 40cb26

Don't say that though, say he "needs help"
No. 351438 ID: 3b7830


That could be good idea but problem is that they properly start mugging/beating Doolbag before he could say anything to them.
No. 351532 ID: 67916e
File 131673284365.png - (22.38KB , 1000x1000 , confrontation.png )

Well, I guess I could-

>"Hey, you! C'mere ya tardy little cunt!"

>"Hey brah, let's bash him."

Oh no. I've been confronted.

>"What are ya doin' here? This is my fuckin' neighbourhood. Gimme a good reason not to smash those fuckin' shitty glasses of yours."


Oh my, If I do anything rash, they'll brutalise me! How can I ever get out of this?
No. 351540 ID: c7b6c2

"Yo, I saw dis old fart stuck in oneo'dose tube things at the park. Jus' wanted to tell you homies that yo' can take anythin' from him. Look, i got 'dat fag's shoes!"
No. 351567 ID: 67916e
File 131673970319.png - (18.51KB , 1000x1000 , boganEscape.png )

Well, I did that drama class in grade 8. Time to put my acting skills to good use and temporarily adopt the mantle of 'hoodlum.'

Yo, I saw dis old fart stuck in oneo'dose tube things at the park. Jus' wanted to tell you homies that yo' can take anythin' from him. Look, i got 'dat fag's shoes!

>"Oy, this guy's a straight up G, innit."
>"Yeah, bruv."

>"Orright. Safe, blad."

And with that, they're picking up their little scooters and leaving. Phew!
No. 351568 ID: 1854db

Well played. Heheh.

Get in dat supermarket.
No. 351570 ID: 67916e
File 131674064765.png - (24.89KB , 1000x1000 , supermarket.png )

Wow, the supermarket is big. It must have at least nine aisles! I sure as hell can't remember where I would have left my sweet ass-boombox. I usually bring it here, so I can have my sweet tunes when I grocery shop.

Where should I look first?
No. 351579 ID: 1854db

Ask customer service.

Wait that would be reasonable and boring. Go check out the ice cream section.
No. 351581 ID: 0c9952

Mouse trap isle
No. 351588 ID: 67916e
File 131674444378.png - (26.25KB , 1000x1000 , chocolate.png )

Well, I did need to buy mousetraps and Ice cream last time I was here, so-

Oh my god, my favourite chocolate bars are on sale... but I don't have any money on me. Do you think I could, you know, take one?
No. 351591 ID: 1854db

Only if you wanna get chased by the cops again.
No. 351593 ID: 35e1a0

take several, in for an inch in for a mile. and the cop already wants you, not like you could make him madder.
No. 351605 ID: 67916e
File 131674678397.png - (13.56KB , 1000x1000 , shoplifting.png )

Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a couple. I mean, won't they expire after a while? I'm probably even doing them a favour.

I hope no one saw.
No. 351606 ID: 67916e
File 131674680341.png - (25.51KB , 1000x1000 , inventory.png )

No. 351607 ID: c7b6c2

inb4 criminal scum

Maybe you should start asking random people in the store.
No. 351622 ID: 1854db

Yeah, bother random people.
No. 351695 ID: e0c719

Wear your bo-- on second thought, let's hold off on that until they get a wash.

Yeah, bug people.
No. 351824 ID: dad742
File 131683211307.png - (16.98KB , 1000x1000 , lady.png )

Well, I guess some other people might know.

Maybe this lady can help. Hey lady!

Lady! Hey, you!

No. 351826 ID: dad742
File 131683218103.png - (11.38KB , 1000x1000 , oh wait.png )

Oh... it's a mannequin. Do they even have those in supermarkets normally?

Well regardless, I feel like a right dummy.

Maybe this guy knows...
No. 351827 ID: dad742
File 131683224901.png - (21.92KB , 1000x1000 , fatty.png )

Hey, excuse me, sir?

>"Fuck off you little piece of shit!"

Whoa! So hostile. What about that woman over there?
No. 351828 ID: dad742
File 131683231242.png - (21.06KB , 1000x1000 , bitch.png )

Hey, excuse me ma'am?

>"Get the fuck away from me? What the fuck do you think this is? A fucking meet 'n' greet?"

Okay okay! I'm sorry, don't hit me!
No. 351829 ID: dad742
File 131683236277.png - (14.36KB , 1000x1000 , SAD.png )

Gee, I feel so sad now. I don't know if I'll ever find my sweet ass-boombox.
No. 351830 ID: 35e1a0

don't get sad, get MAD. how DARE these people be jerks!
No. 351834 ID: 450b8d

Maybe you should ask someone who actually works at the store. You know, those people who are PAID to help customers.

Also, sorry for being a noob, but can someone tell me how to do spoiler tags and the different colored text?
No. 351836 ID: 0bd0b0


Read all of this.
No. 351837 ID: c7b6c2

http://tgchan.org/kusaba/news.php?p=faq is helpful, read it.
I think you need to give into your inner arsonist.
No. 351840 ID: 450b8d


Oh wow, I feel silly. That's the first place I should have looked. Thanks.
No. 351860 ID: dad742
File 131684005203.png - (45.67KB , 1000x1000 , RRRAAAEEGG.png )

FUCK THIS GAY EARTH; I'M GOING TO BURN IT ALL! How dare these people be so fucking impolite to me!

Where should I start with my blaze of hatred?
No. 351862 ID: 450b8d

The frozen food section.
No. 351869 ID: e79d6a

A firetruck.
No. 351870 ID: 180c73

Start with the hobo stuck in the tube.
No. 351878 ID: bf95d9

Agreed, we must burn the shoeless hobos!
No. 351879 ID: 1854db

NO don't go back there!

Just kick the nearest dickhole in the shin, and run for it.
No. 351903 ID: 3b7830


Start with the fatty and bitch. They REAL need punishment first for being ass.

You can sneakily put those chocolate bars inside their pockets or bags. And them you tell to the store clerk or police that they have stealing candy.

If those plan fails... kick their shin and then flee.
No. 352578 ID: c0e5fe
File 131699793471.jpg - (200.40KB , 1000x1000 , splinterCell.jpg )


Great idea! Man, these people are so dumb. Time to go tell that cop over there!
No. 352580 ID: c0e5fe
File 131699819166.jpg - (229.63KB , 1000x1000 , gun.jpg )

Hey, uh, officer?

>"Yes, Citizen? How can I serve?"

There were some people in the supermarket that I caught shoplifting. They are also laughing at how evil and corrupt the police are, and they even said that they were going to shoot a policeman, and laugh the entire time!

>"This is indeed disturbing. Thank you for your vigilance. I don't have any money to give you as a reward, as is customary, so here: take my gun."

WOW, thanks officer! I have never used a gun before!

>"Oh boy, I'm going to regret this."
No. 352581 ID: c0e5fe
File 131699823478.png - (21.42KB , 1000x1000 , Inventory.png )

That nice police man gave me a gun! Wow! What should I do now? I still haven't got my boombox back yet.
No. 352583 ID: 0bd0b0

Stats check? Maybe you have some unused ability points.
No. 352585 ID: c0e5fe
File 131699995065.png - (141.65KB , 600x1000 , character record.png )


Ability points? What do you think this is?

Here, I made a character sheet for you. Impressive, huh?
No. 352994 ID: c7b6c2

Time to burn shit.
No. 352996 ID: e8cd4a


eat cheese
No. 352998 ID: 0bd0b0

Look on craigslist for your sweet ass boombox.
No. 353063 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709143871.jpg - (224.11KB , 1000x1000 , multitask pro.jpg )


Multi-taskin' it like a pro. Though, rather unfortunately, the fire is melting the cheese and breaking the computer.

>"Hey, mister! You like arson?"
No. 353067 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709158721.jpg - (206.58KB , 1000x1000 , skeletn.jpg )

And Lo, a thin fellow has crossed my path.

>"If you want, I can show you a really cool place to light some stuff up."

This man does not reek of trustworthiness.
No. 353068 ID: e8cd4a

oh, that's hot. light the way !
No. 353073 ID: b6edd6

Cut out the middle man. And by cut out I mean immolate. See how much he likes arson when he is on fire!
No. 353074 ID: bf95d9

Yes, burn the undead bastard!
No. 353078 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709218042.jpg - (211.99KB , 1000x1000 , what.jpg )

What?! You just want me to set fire to this guy?
No. 353089 ID: 1854db

Nah. Ask him more about this cool place and why he's so thin. What kind of diet is he on? Maybe you could get some of that, lose some weight.
No. 353099 ID: 4531bc

Bring the heat.
Make it burn.
Love the fire.
No. 353158 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709939270.jpg - (177.47KB , 1000x1000 , Untitled-1.jpg )

Well, that sounds pretty good, Mr...?


Right. Oh, I have this gun as well, if we need it.

>"I doubt that it will be used. For now, let us go for a walk."
No. 353162 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709961794.jpg - (256.60KB , 1000x1000 , walkntalk.jpg )

Uhh, sure.


How'd you get so thin? I'd been meaning to ask you.

>"I died."

Err... okay.

>"Hey, you should probably stop waving that gun around. We're going to meet a friend of mine, before we reach our destination."

No. 353164 ID: c0e5fe
File 131709989643.jpg - (167.95KB , 1000x1000 , mcfriend.jpg )

No. 353179 ID: b6edd6
File 131710113323.jpg - (6.39KB , 178x160 , The_Majora's_Mask_Moon.jpg )

Name: The Goddamn Moon
Gender: N/A
Age: Really old. Seriously.
Profession: Being the Moon. And maybe killing everyone on occasion.

Notes: You can attempt arson all you want... ON THE MOON!
No. 353191 ID: 692e92
File 131710469339.jpg - (295.47KB , 1000x1000 , 775678587.jpg )

No. 353364 ID: 510737

seconding this.
No. 353399 ID: d09277
File 131716928013.jpg - (155.11KB , 1000x1000 , temp.jpg )

No. 353436 ID: 922059

guys, you're being ridiculous. where's Steve?
No. 353459 ID: 1035fa

No. 353468 ID: c0e5fe

The character design 'event' window will be left open until next Monday, 3 October. (That's Sunday night for you Americans.)
No. 353482 ID: 692e92

Thats rather long for a character design 'event'
No. 353492 ID: c0e5fe


Is it? Fine then; you have until I randomly decide to update it.

Clock is ticking.
No. 355098 ID: c0e5fe
File 131759961629.png - (136.94KB , 1000x1000 , cave.png )

>"We have arrived at our destination."

Well, it's been a while, but MacDeath and I have finally reached our location! All the way out in the desert. I didn't even know there was a desert around here!

>"He's just up in that cave."

No. 355099 ID: c0e5fe
File 131759974139.png - (163.43KB , 1000x1000 , bear.png )

This cave is dark, but I can make out somebody in there.

>"Meet Bear."

>"Oh, Hi MacDeath. Who's this?"

>"A new guy. He is going to help us summon the inferno."

>"Right. Hey, new guy, wanna beer?"
No. 355109 ID: 510737

accept the beer , chug it, then crush the can on your head to establish you badassery.
No. 355114 ID: c7b6c2

Hell yes you do.
No. 355151 ID: 1854db

Crack yourself open a bear.
No. 355186 ID: c0e5fe
File 131760756293.png - (12.42KB , 1000x1000 , beer.png )

Yeah, thanks! I'd love a bear. BEER! I meant to say beer! Please don't eat me!

>"Don't worry about it. Though, now you mention food, can you get me another bearrito while you're over there?"

Ahaha, what a funny guy. I always enjoy drinking my favourite beer, Crud Light, while partying with my friends. It is a true quencher of thirst.
No. 355188 ID: c0e5fe
File 131760782252.png - (14.89KB , 1000x1000 , hurry.png )

>"Excuse me, Bear? We have a job to do, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped wasting time."

>"Chill out, gramps. Ain't nothing going to spoil over another beer or two."

I honestly don't know what they are talking about. Sounds like some really well-developed plan. Hey, Bear has a game console. I'm sure he wouldn't mind me playing it.

Oh wow, he has ___________________ ! That is my favourite game!
No. 355192 ID: c7b6c2

No. 355241 ID: 35bcde

A mouth-based video game!
No. 355545 ID: c0e5fe
File 131768580096.png - (18.29KB , 1000x1000 , game.png )


Yes, that's right: 'Ruby's Quest 2: Ace's Revenge.' The only mouth-based game released for the Stupor Wintendo.
I am a great player of it. The greatest, if I may be so bold.
No. 355648 ID: c7b6c2

Did you get the high score?
No. 355710 ID: c0e5fe
File 131769882198.png - (11.12KB , 1000x1000 , winnar.png )


I always get the highest score.
No. 355712 ID: c0e5fe
File 131769926268.png - (17.90KB , 1000x1000 , cmon.png )


>"Hey! Come on, we are leaving!"

Where are we going?

>"To the _________________________!"
No. 355714 ID: e83f6a

No. 355715 ID: 8ceeb9

No. 355716 ID: c7b6c2

Local Firestarter & Arsonists Club meeting!
No. 355938 ID: c0e5fe
File 131776977495.png - (25.47KB , 1000x1000 , meeting.png )

>"To the Local Firestarter & Arsonists Club meeting, of course. Which is, as per usual, being held in the appropriately named FIREDOME's arboretum.

>"Yes, this is what my data says, anyway."
No. 356336 ID: 8d05c0
File 131791448659.png - (39.22KB , 1000x1000 , motorbike.png )

Wow, I never knew Bear had a motorbike - one with two side cars, no less! Then again, I met Bear like an hour ago. This fire-starter meeting thing sounds really exciting.

Suddenly, the blaring call of a siren does resonate throughout the air!

Oh no!
No. 356337 ID: 8d05c0
File 131791463087.png - (26.41KB , 1000x1000 , cop.png )

Oh darn! There's a cop chasing me. I haven't done anything wrong! I was a little reckless as a cub, but I'm a good guy these days!

What should I do?
No. 356340 ID: 3ec596

pull over.

then maul him.
No. 356343 ID: d49627
File 131792024165.jpg - (7.18KB , 400x340 , Maul.jpg )

Maul him with the maul you keep in your sidecar for such occasions.
No. 356354 ID: 1854db

>good guy
>mauling a cop

These things don't mix. Just pull over and ask him what's up.
No. 356374 ID: 8ceeb9

please, don't maul the cop.

pull over and insist that you were bearly going over the speed limit at all
No. 356386 ID: e83f6a

pull over and politely address the cop. maybe hell realize youre a bear and play dead
No. 356475 ID: f80f15

These. If worst comes to worst, you have a gun.
No. 356482 ID: 35bcde

Stick a flier for your sweet-ass beatbox on his face.
No. 356652 ID: 8361f6
File 131804255004.png - (24.79KB , 1024x1024 , pullover.png )

True, I've beared far more serious encounters with the police before, but I'm a more mature person now. I was bearly going over the speed limit anyway. If I'm honest, maybe he'll just give me a warning.

Man, the new guy's acting pretty twitchy.
No. 356653 ID: 8361f6
File 131804262786.png - (31.51KB , 1024x1024 , Ohgodohgod.png )

Oh my god, oh my god, it's him! I know it! I don't know if I can handle this! Calm down, Doolbag! Just calm down!
No. 356657 ID: 1854db

Going to jail for a day is a far better fate than shooting a cop and being hunted down like a dog then beaten to within an inch of your life several times in the police station before being thrown in maximum security jail. If you even make it there.
No. 356668 ID: 35bcde

No. 356669 ID: e83f6a

your body is ready. do it
No. 356712 ID: 8361f6
File DoolbagAnim1.swf - (60.22KB , 800x600 )

Watch the movie before reading, thanks!

Holy fuck, what have I done?! He is so pissed off! What am I going to do? We have to get out of here! Shit!
No. 356713 ID: 35e1a0

tell bear to FLOOR IT!
No. 356737 ID: fa2f8d

how about apologize and tell him you have a mental disorder. it's not like you'd be lying.
No. 356835 ID: 39368c


Shiiit! I don't think he will be VERY nice after got the fliers on his face... it seem it is time to flee right away!
No. 356978 ID: 692e92

Got this shit covered. Just tell bear to breathe some fire for us.
No. 356988 ID: 35bcde

Bear and skeleton dude will distract him CHEESE IT

No. 357298 ID: c0e5fe
File 131828636443.png - (23.93KB , 1000x1000 , escape.png )


I don't even need to tell him. We're out of here.

>"Why would you even do that, man? He was just gonna give me a warning!"

Whoops, my mist-

No. 357299 ID: c0e5fe
File 131828641646.png - (71.98KB , 1000x1000 , grabd.png )

HOLY SHIT! What do I do?
No. 357300 ID: c7b6c2

Apply shovel directly to forehead!
No. 357309 ID: c0e5fe
File 131828950256.png - (26.06KB , 1000x1000 , shovel.png )


It's not very effective.

No. 357312 ID: 35bcde

Of course it isn't! Take off his helmet or something!
No. 357319 ID: 9d0152

oh man you should totally steal his helmet. and bash his fingers with it.
No. 357320 ID: e83f6a

No. 357324 ID: f3cdb4

Shoot cop in head with gun.
No. 357328 ID: 0bd0b0

Set him on fire.
No. 357329 ID: 4449cc

Remove helmet THEN shoot face.
No. 357331 ID: c0e5fe
File 131829570414.png - (23.46KB , 1000x1000 , extreme.png )

Okay, I remove his helmet, and hit his fingers with it! He falls away, but not before he TASTES LEAD! AHAHA


Bear is yelling and breathing fire, man, we are so hardcore. Just a bunch of bad eggs on the high seas.
No. 357332 ID: c7b6c2

Claim that helmet as your own!
No. 357335 ID: c0e5fe
File 131829641444.png - (18.22KB , 1000x1000 , Grrr.png )

Damn it!

That fat little hooligan shot me! And took my helmet! Justice will be served, and I know I can't rely on that faggot, Officer Tolerance, to dish it out.

I will brutalise him so badly, there won't be anything left to arrest.

Murder to command, requesting a course of action.
No. 357336 ID: e83f6a

No. 357337 ID: c7b6c2

Officer Murder, be advised; The best course of action is commandeer the nearest vehicle and give chase.
No. 357345 ID: 6ab264

Adding to this, anyone resisting giving you their vehicle should be terminated without warning or questions. Only vehicles with current occupants should be considered in this situation, as they are the only ones guaranteed to be in running condition.

This situation is also of such urgency that any vehicles or pedestrians in your commandeered vehicle's path are to be mowed down without mercy or warning, as they are clearly attempting to aid the suspects in their getaway.
No. 357367 ID: c0e5fe
File 131830366153.png - (36.69KB , 1000x1000 , commandeered.png )

Right. Commandeering nearest vehicle; this truck. Citizen, stop your vehicle. It is now police property. Resistance will be met with lethal force.

>"But I just-"


You were warned, citizen.
No. 357368 ID: c0e5fe
File 131830383881.png - (22.15KB , 1000x1000 , justice.png )

Command, I have lost sight of the suspects. Furthermore, instances of civilians aiding the suspects are frequent. Recommending a crackdown on lawbreakers some time soon.

Have any satellites picked up the suspects' location?
No. 357373 ID: c7b6c2

Negative. However, we have reason to believe the suspects are headed eastbound. Continue persecuting citizens suspected of aiding the fleeing suspects.

We'll see what we can do about getting a helicopter in the air.
No. 357386 ID: 44766a

By the way, there is a new General Command. No Civilian Deaths.
No. 357392 ID: 35e1a0

of course there are no civilian deaths, everyone who aids criminals is a criminal themselves.
No. 357445 ID: 52adb4

go left.
No. 357446 ID: e83f6a

nothing on the attack satellites, BUT IT IS ARMED AND READY
No. 358341 ID: 4429ed
File 131868694676.png - (35.74KB , 1000x1000 , immediate left.png )


Eastbound, left; they're essentially the same direction. En route now.
No. 358342 ID: 4429ed
File 131868704939.png - (22.28KB , 1000x1000 , criminalplace.png )

Damn it! The suspects seem to have erected some makeshift building to deter me from apprehending them all. Well, I have something to say to you, criminals: I fear no brick wall!
No. 358343 ID: 4429ed
File 131868708417.png - (28.08KB , 1000x1000 , crash.png )

No. 358344 ID: 4429ed
File DoolbagAnim2.swf - (173.03KB , 800x600 )

Gasp! There are criminals everywhere! Time for some good old fashioned law enforcement.
No. 358349 ID: 3b39fb

officer, you inglorious bastard.
No. 358364 ID: c71597

IT would appear that they have gotten away, at least for now. But they will never be safe, because Officer Murder is on the case!
No. 358365 ID: 35e1a0

drat, they did their job though, they bought enough time for doolbag and his accomplices to escape. maintain vigilance officer. you are a credit to the force.
No. 358372 ID: c7b6c2

You deserve the highest honor that the NFGPD can bestow, Officer Murder.
No. 358698 ID: c0e5fe
File 131880906445.png - (14.44KB , 1000x1000 , firedome.png )

Oh wow, the FIREDOME is a massive building! We are finally here!
No. 358699 ID: c0e5fe
File 131880924575.png - (13.31KB , 1000x1000 , inside.png )

We're a bit early, actually. The Arsonist's Club meeting is not to begin for another fifteen minutes, apparently.

There are some market stalls and stuff around. The FIREDOME is a massive building. It'd be easy to get lost in if it weren't just a massive dome.

What should we do to kill some time?
No. 358704 ID: e83f6a

go check out the arboretum
No. 358712 ID: c71597

Go and set fire to the toilets and Other, get the meeting in the mood early before the others get there.
No. 358746 ID: 35bcde

Arborem. Fertilize the plants, save a trip to the bathroom.
No. 358769 ID: c0e5fe
File 131881561955.png - (10.93KB , 1000x1000 , burntoilets.png )

Well, since the actual meeting's being held in the arboretum, I don't think we need to go there yet.

Well, that sounds like fun. Man, I love setting stuff on fire.

>"Hey, Doolbag?"

Yes, Bear?

>"Uhm, there are still people in here. I don't think you should start fires until they have been safely removed."

No. 358800 ID: 383006

Maybe if you're lame you should let people out.
No. 358804 ID: f80f15

Don't give into becoming criminal scum, Doolbag! You're a good boy. Listen to Bear.
No. 358808 ID: 40cb26

Do the responsible thing! Confirm that the fire will not block any escape routes, and that they can handle the traffic of persons necessary, then ensure that they use the escape routes in a minimal timeframe. By lighting the fire as soon as possible, of course.
No. 358812 ID: c71597

Hey fuck that noise. You're setting fires wherever you feel like it and the Man can't tell you any differently. If they don't want to burn then they can damn well discover the fire and run on their own.
No. 358821 ID: c0e5fe
File 131882204749.png - (12.51KB , 900x900 , knock.png )

Damn it! I'll start a fire and warn this person politely!

Hey, mister! There's a fire in here, on the bench. Your door is on fire also.


Lol, ok. Your fiery funeral.
No. 358842 ID: 1854db

No. 358844 ID: 35bcde

Off to the arboretum!
No. 358860 ID: 35e1a0

whelp, you tried.
No. 358885 ID: c71597

Well who are you to insist when he clearly wants to take a shit. Leave him to his fate and ask MacDeath when the others will arrive.
No. 358963 ID: c0e5fe
File 131889028387.gif - (15.20KB , 900x900 , Buttersworth.gif )

We are at the arboretum, just in time for the Local Firestarter & Arsonists Club meeting.


>"Oh, hello Buttersworthington."

>"MacDeath! You are exactly FIFTEEN minutes late! Explain yourself promptly!"

>"Um... our clocks were incorrectly set by that dashed clocksetter!"

>"Rather. Come now, take a seat. Let us not waste any more time."
No. 358968 ID: c0e5fe
File 131889051367.gif - (11.74KB , 900x900 , meeting.gif )

>"So, 'Deulbag,' was it?

Uhm, yes sir.

>"So, MacDeath tells me you are quite the firesmith."

Apparently, sir.

>"Do tell, what qualities do you think you possess to be part of this gentlemanly club? We acknowledge only the finest and most sophisticated members, and bears."

Ummm... Well, I ___________________________ .
No. 358969 ID: 0bd0b0

Am a pyromancer.
No. 358974 ID: 5c768a

Was once able to help a freezing businessowner provide heat to his establishment. He repaid me with a free lesson of gentlemanly fisticuffs.

Recently, I also was able to divert citizens out of a burning building by setting fires of my own.
No. 358988 ID: c71597

Regale them with the tale of how your just started a nice fire in the bathroom and plan to burn down this entire building.
No. 358993 ID: e83f6a

No. 359157 ID: 7e9c15

No. 359966 ID: a77e2d
File 131928431821.png - (16.89KB , 1000x1000 , IMadeFires.png )

Well, I just started a nice fire in the bathroom and plan to burn down this entire building.

>"Jolly good show! You are well-deserving of a place in this fraternity, m'boy! What drives you to shoot so high?"

Thanks! I just want to know that, at the end of the day, I can get my sweet ass-boombox back.
No. 359967 ID: a77e2d
File 131928448238.png - (31.89KB , 1000x1000 , book.png )

>"Maybe, if you help me, I can help you get your gramophone back."

Uh, sure.

>"Now, I need you to take a look at this book. Study every word of it."

Uhh, okay? I don't understand.

>"Oh, I just thought it was a good book."

Uhh. Sure.
No. 359968 ID: a77e2d
File 131928457511.png - (17.21KB , 1000x1000 , vehicletemplate.png )

>"Now it is time for us all to depart for the Inferno Summoning Zone, which can only be achieved by means of my special vehicle!"

The _____________________!
No. 360238 ID: 39368c
File 131938967846.png - (102.43KB , 1000x1000 , julesverne.png )


Ok here is my design of his vehicle. A strange mobile house vehicle that are powered with steampower.
No. 360610 ID: c71597

Needs more flames and belching fire in random directions.
No. 360650 ID: 39368c
File 131948034549.png - (118.69KB , 1000x1000 , burnhouse.png )


Ok more flames. Changed the design slightly, added flaming roofs and giant flamethrower.
No. 360661 ID: b6edd6

Just add a metal top hat on top of the flamethrower.
No. 360675 ID: 39368c
File 131948584953.png - (122.40KB , 1000x1000 , burnhousev2.png )


Ok I added a metal top hat on flamethrower. And also I added flame on it before somebody ask for it.
No. 360717 ID: c0e5fe
File 131949600651.jpg - (202.98KB , 1280x1024 , mobile.jpg )

>"BEHOLD! The Burnhouse Mobile! Nowhere can you find a more stylish vehicle! Father Reginald, man the bellows! Bear, Fuel the furnace! MacDeath and our new friend should meet me in the exquisite smoking room."

Ooh, a smoking room!
No. 360724 ID: c7b6c2


You've definitely hit the big time now. Check it out!
No. 360727 ID: b6edd6

It is a thing of beauty.
No. 360735 ID: c71597

This is going to be so awesome.
No. 360737 ID: 39368c


It is bootiful! Look more better than my original design.
No. 360766 ID: c0e5fe
File 131950155118.gif - (27.45KB , 1280x1024 , smokingroom.gif )

Well, this certainly is an exquisite smoking room. From all the fire, I just expected it was going to be a room full of smoke.

>"Rather! It is worth at least four-hundred punds!"

Hey, who is steering this thing anyway?

>"Oh yes! MacDeath, do be a good fellow and make sure we aren't careering towards any walls! And could you bring us some more scotch?"

>"Sigh. Very well."

>"Capital! Doolbag, would you like some scotch? I have an important duty for you!"

No. 360769 ID: c71597

Of course you would, it's the drink of men and arsonists. Just don't use it to start any fire with, it's way too fine a beverage for such a purpose.
No. 360771 ID: 383006

Drink a goodly tup of scotch for certain, old bean
No. 362431 ID: c0e5fe
File 132001329094.jpg - (180.32KB , 1000x1000 , drunk.jpg )


Yeah, of course I would. I'm not sure what a 'tup' is, but it's probably Latin Faggot Shit for 'bottle,' so I'll just have that.
No. 362434 ID: c0e5fe
File 132001354450.jpg - (191.43KB , 1000x1000 , importantJob.jpg )

Whoa, time out. I need a little sit down. Oh yeah, Butterswoschffpfch, wasn't there an impror- an imprortr..ant duty you wanted me to do?

>"Ah yes, I wanted you to man the heavy flame thrower on the roof. I feel that a man of your experience is truly someone we can rely on to do the job without any mess-ups. What do you say?"

No. 362439 ID: e55966

oh jez DRIVE or FLAME

i cant decide !!!
No. 362445 ID: 4b5689

Oh we're going to be flaming a lot of stuff. To the FLAMETHROWER!
No. 362466 ID: c0e5fe
File 132001868688.gif - (25.87KB , 1000x1000 , flamer.gif )

Ug, I don't feel so good, but okay.

Man, this flamethrower is huge, and really complicated too. There was a metal top hat on it, which was on fire as well. I didn't know why, so I put it on. It was too big, so I had to bolster my head size with the helmet I stole off that cop. Now I look like a complete badass.

>"Doolbag, I need you to follow my instructions carefully. Your first target will be coming up on the left, and I need you to make sure you don't hit the building next to it. Okay, your target is the _____________ ! Do not burn the building next to it! Remember, aim for the _____________!"

Well, I'll try.
No. 362467 ID: c7b6c2

TGchan Server Building.
No. 362472 ID: db03a4

slappy's meat shack
No. 362473 ID: e55966

well an orphanage was destroyed already, i think the tgchan server building will do nicely, and aim for /temp/
No. 362586 ID: 13ed99

the target is... officer MURDER.
No. 362644 ID: 4b5689

It certainly is Officer Murder, lets just hope he's in the police station we're torching
No. 362928 ID: 35bcde

The Medicinal Marijuana depot, where the growth, storage, and distribution of Medicinal Marijuana is handled for the entire continent! They also have a museum and gift shop. It is also home to the largest block of hash in the world, a staggering 420 sq feet! They also have a 200 sq foot block of compressed salvia divinorum, but that's not exciting because Canada has the 220 sq foot record holder.

Anyways, this testament to the loss of public morality must be purified through flame!
No. 362993 ID: 13ed99


No. 364380 ID: c0e5fe
File 132072005240.jpg - (49.49KB , 900x900 , which.jpg )

>"Doolbag, you need to incinerate Officer Murder! He issued me a ticket for double-parking this fine vehicle last month. Aim for the police station."

Ugh, which one is that?
No. 364381 ID: c71597

Umm, not sure. Better burn them both just to be certain.
No. 364383 ID: e55966

it's the right one !
No. 364384 ID: c7b6c2

Yeah, the one on the right.
No. 364385 ID: e79d6a

No. 364410 ID: 252e1b

It's the one on the left.
No. 364411 ID: 453e62

No. 364469 ID: 55c4cf

go left
No. 364492 ID: 9c8d4f

No. 364928 ID: ad2f92
File 132097361112.jpg - (250.52KB , 900x900 , New Canvas.jpg )

Uh, okay. The one one the left. Got it.

Fwoosh, spot on!

>"Jolly good show, Doolbag. Not only did you incinerate the Police station, and that wretched Officer Murder, but you also completely missed the Pole Lease Station, like I requested. Why, if you burned that down, I don't know where I would go to borrow high-quality poles. This is only a small part of all the inferno summoning that we have to do. Let us Proceed!"

Ooh, I get to burn more? Cool.
No. 364929 ID: ad2f92
File 132097365770.jpg - (274.16KB , 900x900 , Medicinal.jpg )

Meanwhile, at The "Medicinal" Marijuana depot, where the growth, storage, and distribution of "Medicinal" Marijuana is handled for the entire continent:

Medicinal, my arse. This is one big block of Hash. I'd go so far to say it's the biggest in the world. Going by my estimate, I'd say it's a staggering 420 square feet.

>"Uh, if you say so."

Well, admiring this guy's crime isn't going to get our work done. Book him, officer Faggot.

>"It's Officer Tolerance, and I can't book him because you killed him."

He's fine.

>"How can you say that? His guts are hanging out! His face isn't recognisable anymore! We can usually rehabilitate these types! Why do you have to be so brutal? I... I feel sick."

I'm just following orders, I'm not the boss around here.

>"Yes you are!"

Then you'll obey me when I tell you to book him. Got it?

>"Oh, fine."
No. 364930 ID: ad2f92
File 132097369276.jpg - (231.55KB , 900x900 , JobDone.jpg )

It's days like this that make me proud to be an officer of the law.

Command, the criminal has been apprehened, and his contraband will probably be seized by somebody at some point. Not my job.


Command. Are you receiving me?


Hmmm... this is odd. Secondary command, this is Officer Murder. Are you getting anything from command?
No. 364935 ID: 1854db

Negative, Officer Murder. Looks like it's just me and you.

That contraband is too large to move into storage. We'll just have to destroy it, in the usual way. Light it up!
No. 364937 ID: 453e62

hmm, according to the system ALL the alarms at command are going off at the same time.
No. 364938 ID: c71597

Noped, Command seems to be as dead as a doornail in a burnt down building.
No. 364941 ID: e55966

shit is gonna be SO HASH
No. 364944 ID: 78b9fc

Command? What are you talking about? Look at your hats. You are obviously taxi drivers.
No. 365471 ID: c0e5fe
File 132122790792.gif - (13.77KB , 900x900 , seizeEvidence.gif )

Well, secondary command, I'll have to investigate what happened to regular command, but in the mean time, I'd better seize this evidence. The same way anyone seems to do anything around here - by burning it.

Since I gave up smoking in the '80s, I luckily won't be affected by this noxious smoke.

You'll be interested to know, Command, that I got an interesting lead on this 'Doolbag' character.
No. 365472 ID: c0e5fe
File 132122829658.gif - (11.90KB , 900x900 , Flyer.gif )

That's right; his phone number!

I don't know whether to admire or fear the criminal who shoves personal information into a police officer's face during his crimes, but one thing's for sure:

Doolbag is going away for a long time - permanently.
No. 365473 ID: 55c4cf

call the number, put on your sexiest hooker voice
No. 365476 ID: c7b6c2

Call that shit. Also, some of that marijuana may have, uh, traces of crime on it. So recover about, say, a pound of it so we can process it. Yeaaaaah, process it.
No. 365483 ID: c0e5fe
File 132123463406.gif - (9.11KB , 900x900 , namer.gif )


Consider exactly 0.45 kilograms seized for processing. Yes, processing, with no suspicious undertones at all.

Now, to the patrol car.
No. 365489 ID: c0e5fe
File 132123528044.gif - (19.74KB , 900x900 , call.gif )

Alright, time to call this criminal scum's provided telephone number. I'll try to put on my best hooker voice, but given that I am an exceedingly manly police officer with an earth-shakingly deep voice, I doubt that it will be very convincing.

>ring ring


Ahem. Yes, I am a classy lady, looking for a mister 'Doolbag.'

>"Ah, I'm sorry. He's at the library studying at the moment. He should be home in time for supper."

Blast, I don't have time for that. What's your address? I have to visit on uh... unrelated matters. Yes.

>"You sound like a classy lady. You must be one of Doolie's little friends, then."


>"Alright, it's 2, Road street, Town."

Thank you, ma'am.

>"Have a nice day, dear."


Okay, secondary command. Advise course of action. I could go to his house and wait for him, or I could go to the library and see if he's there. Of course, the former would require I disguise myself as a hooker.
No. 365499 ID: 35bcde

Disguise is best.
No. 365500 ID: c7b6c2

I think she's onto you, officer. Go disguised, but BE PREPARED. Hide as many weapons on your person as you can.
No. 365522 ID: c71597

Go to his house, then shoot it up with your cannon, after that call for him to give up and surrender so you can shoot him some more. Start firing again as soon as you're done talking so the hardened criminal scum can't get away.
No. 365523 ID: e55966

No. 365543 ID: 78b9fc

No. 365561 ID: 55c4cf

Disguise yourself as the classiest hooker, have dinner with doolbag's mom
No. 365562 ID: 024ec9

Disguise yourself
No. 365571 ID: 383006

This is literally the only plan that will work.
No. 365573 ID: 476456

disguise yourself
No. 365639 ID: c0e5fe
File 132131497310.gif - (21.89KB , 900x900 , Byootimus.gif )

Is this sufficient? I tried to conceal as many weapons on my person as possible. I hope they aren't too obvious.
No. 365640 ID: c7b6c2

I have never seen a more effective disguise.
No. 365646 ID: 383006

Yes, this is perfect.
No. 365647 ID: 453e62

if that disguise is seen through i will eat my badge.
No. 365648 ID: 55c4cf

xcuse me!!!

shorter skirt, and some shutter shades and you're golden
No. 365667 ID: c0e5fe
File 132132247314.gif - (21.20KB , 900x900 , greetings.gif )

Alright, I have arrived at the criminal hideout. By the book of law, I have never seen so many cats.

>"Hello, dear."

Yes, hello. I am the classy lady to whom you spoke earlier. I am here to exact justice upo- er, I mean visit that little wretch, Doolbag.

>"Ah, he isn't here just yet. Come in, dearie. Would you like tea and biscuits?"

No. 365671 ID: c7b6c2

Careful with the cats! Don't make any disparaging comments about them. Pet them, even, if the opportunity arises.

While waiting, maybe you can "excuse yourself" and head to the "bathroom", and instead go gather evidence.
No. 365673 ID: c71597

Careful, she's probably trying to poison you or something. And that many cats has to be illegal somehow. I think you should take her back to the station for some interogation.
No. 365690 ID: cc779c

Sir, I am receiving reports that this woman is a very important suspect in this case. Under no circumstances is she to be injured, knocked unconscious, or killed. This same protocol goes for her cats, not single hair is to be harmed.

You are deep undercover, Officer. You are to stay within the character of a "classy lady" no matter what. Perhaps you should try being friendly with the animals, or excuse yourself to the "bathroom" for some investigation.
One wrong move, though, and you might just blow this whole case.

I shall repeat myself only once more, Officer Murder.
Do. Not. Murder.

Do I make myself clear, sir?
No. 365693 ID: b6edd6

Yes, if you kill her now you could alert her accomplices, who would then go to ground before you can crack this entire case open. This is a sneaking mission.
No. 365697 ID: 1854db

She doesn't suspect a thing. Accept the invitation and look around a little.
No. 365698 ID: 55c4cf

sit down and drink tea pinkies out. cover yourself in cats. it is perfect stealth.

discuss boys with old lady
No. 365699 ID: e55966

the cats are hiding substances. inside them. you will uncover what it is
No. 365775 ID: 9c8d4f

arrestinate her in a whay that guarantees she won't be able to ward Doolbag and wait for him in ambush.
No. 365797 ID: 0d7a83

Just be careful that while you're waiting you don't fall into an ambush yourself. You might think the old lady and cats are harmless, but remember this: You are heavily outnumbered, and in enemy territory. When it comes down to it the only difference between Standard Criminal Scum and Old People is that the old ones have had LONGER TO PLOT.
No. 365798 ID: 35bcde

You do have defensive catnip, right? Deploy it.
No. 366026 ID: 3367e5
File 132143513676.jpg - (222.22KB , 900x900 , tea.jpg )

My time being tortured as a POW in the Vietnam war means I have developed a strong resistance to poisons, verging on immunity. I have little to fear.

I should be fine.

>"Do you have sugar, dear?"

Two, thank you.

Damn, these cats are giving me the creeps. I had better not make any sudden moves. I have my emergency catnip to deploy if things get out of hand.

>"Here is your tea, dearie."

Thank you, ma'am. These are fine biscuits.

There is a cat standing on my manly shoulders. I learned that you can hide in them, back in the academy, but right now, this is a seriously dangerous situation. To assert my dominance to the cat, I place a handgun onto the table. The cat doesn't seem alarmed.

>"Boys, eh?"


The old crone speaks to me, but does not appear to have noticed the gun. Continuing my attempts to intimidate the cat, I place a grenade also onto the table. Nothing.

Damn it, if I am found out...
No. 366034 ID: 210977


holy shit, there it is! the sweet ass-boombox!
No. 366042 ID: 25d956

Cats are not like normal creatures. Not making eye contact with them is an open gesture that invites them to come up to you. You should eyeball each of the cats in turn, as this will make them less likely to approach. To make the gesture less obvious, comment on the cats. Ask the old lady their names. This will also keep her talking without you having to actually think of anything to say.
No. 366043 ID: 55c4cf

Tell her a story of a bad boyfriend. Then ask what kinds of things make Doolbag happy--as well as miserable.

These things may benefit you.
No. 366054 ID: e55966

oh my god i thought it was only a legend
No. 366105 ID: ab6b15

Officer Murder, that sweet ass-boombox resembles the sweet ass-boombox that Doolbag was looking for. You should seize this and use it against him.
No. 366111 ID: c9db3c
File 132148395763.jpg - (189.24KB , 900x900 , MyGod.jpg )

By the law, I see it! I must have it! I can use it to aid me in capturing that fat little lawbreaker.

>"...and that's when Agnes found her missing glasses, but oh boy, what happened after that was..."

Good, the crone is distracted by idle conversational topics. How can I possibly seize that fine piece of ass without being busted? Sometimes, the best cops need to bend the rules to get to the bad guys.
No. 366112 ID: e55966

the dead cant catch you
No. 366114 ID: 453e62

ask if it is time to feed the cats. if so she will get up to feed them and while she is distracted you grab it.
No. 366115 ID: d63e15

spill your tea and cry about it, steal the boombox while she panders around over it and asks if you are okay.
No. 366161 ID: ab6b15

Yes, comment on how distressed and hungry the lovely kitties must be. And spill your tea. At the same time.

Then take the boombox. As evidence.
No. 366166 ID: c71597

Clearly you need a proper distraction. Tell her that you need to use the bathroom, then unpin a grenade and leave it in the bowl. Exit the bathroom and take the boombox while the crone investigates the explosion.
No. 366863 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183910932.jpg - (196.79KB , 900x900 , spill.jpg )

Right. A distraction. Okay, I'll spill my tea and then ask to go and 'clean up.' In this time, it will be easy for me to snatch the boombox and get out of here.

Whoops, I spilled my tea. May I be excused?

>"Yes, dear. Accidents happen."
No. 366864 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183916651.jpg - (173.64KB , 900x900 , grabban.jpg )

Easy as pie. Really easy pie. The kind of pie you buy from the supermarket and only need to microwave.

Wait a minute-
No. 366865 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183920104.jpg - (111.35KB , 900x900 , cat.jpg )

...I don't like the look that cat is giving me.
No. 366866 ID: 55c4cf

make super kawaii :3 face at cat, take sweet ass-boombox
No. 366867 ID: c7b6c2

Quick, staring contest.
No. 366868 ID: 25d956

Okay, you have to kill the bastard. He's on to you. The old lady isn't looking. Use a knife - quick and silent is key here.
No. 366881 ID: c71597

That cat is probably preparing to break the law in some law breaking disgusting fashion. You had better arrest him while there is time!
No. 366884 ID: 40cb26

He's indicating the cutting of a knife along his throat. Oblige him, go and cut it.

Make that face as you do so.
No. 366894 ID: f4c3c6
File 132184383816.jpg - (199.58KB , 900x900 , bring it.jpg )

Okay, I better silence this lawbreaker. Doesn't he know it's a capital offence to sneer at an undercover police officer?

I also make a face which I accidentally learned from those stupid Japanese cartoons, for whatever reason.
No. 366896 ID: f4c3c6
File 132184388727.jpg - (146.70KB , 900x900 , situation.jpg )

Whoa, looks like this cat wants to fight? How should I handle this? Should I play his game?
No. 366898 ID: 40cb26

It's time for that emergency catnip. Then proceed with throat cutting.
No. 366899 ID: 25d956

More of them will get froggy unless you teach them that you know how to ENFORCE THE LAW through street fighting with knives. Take out their ring leader with a stab right to the head and an amazing action movie pose, then beat the next closest one to death with his body. Unless you teach them fear through murder, they will never respect you.
No. 366902 ID: 35bcde

Take it out back. You're in some old hag's house for fucks sake. And set the boombox to some fitting music.
No. 366908 ID: ddc511

What! Are you stupid!? They're inviting you to lunch! Today's dish is chicken soup!
No. 366931 ID: c71597

There is only one way to settle this. A knife fight with the two of you chained together at the wrist by some handcuffs!
No. 366934 ID: e55966

deploy chaff / decoy flares
No. 366939 ID: c7b6c2

Arrest them all, Officer Murder.

Oh wait, there's no room for cats in jail. What a shame. I guess you'll just have to use good old-fashioned police brutality.
No. 368118 ID: 63ffc3
File 132226038785.jpg - (190.59KB , 900x900 , garden.jpg )

Alright. I'm not an unfair guy. I can settle this their way if need be. We take our fight into the back garden.

One of the cats activates its ghetto blaster.

Who will make the first move? How should I go about this?
No. 368120 ID: c71597

Open with a punch to the face with the spiked brassknuckles and follow it up with a slash across the chest with the blade.
No. 368121 ID: da696f

Action roll to get behind him while slashing his legs in the process, we gotta cripple this cat before he unleashes those cat like reflexes of his.
No. 368124 ID: e55966

stretch the chicken back over your shoulder then cut it
No. 368127 ID: 55c4cf

No. 368128 ID: 55f0cc


No. 368163 ID: c71597

But you loose if you let go of the chicken or cut it to get free.
No. 368189 ID: 25d956

No. 368304 ID: 36d963
File 132235995453.jpg - (201.67KB , 900x900 , cheater!.jpg )

Okay, I stretch the chicken over my shoulder and cut it, and it flings back and slaps the cat in the eyes!
No. 368305 ID: 36d963
File 132236003077.jpg - (152.07KB , 900x900 , breakdance.jpg )

I then use my Defensive Breakdancing Technique that I learned in the POW camps, to defeat the rest of the cats. But now my cover is blown - how do I handle this?
No. 368307 ID: c7b6c2

As long as she didn't spot you, you're golden. Just put some catnip on the ground and grab the box then go back to the table.

If she DID spot you, grab the box and run. What's she going to do, call the cops?
No. 368316 ID: da696f

Make that :3 face and crawl to the door with the boom-box in hand acting like a cat, she wont suspect a thing.
No. 368347 ID: 55c4cf

Staple all the cats to you so grandma thinks the cats love you now.
No. 368353 ID: c71597

Grab the boombox and bust through the wall like the god damned cool aid man, you got what you needed.
No. 368398 ID: 55f0cc

I don't want to scare you, but... If her cats are capable of doing this... GET OUT! DO NOT LOOK BACK! GET THE FUCK OUT!
No. 368653 ID: 2f02b8
File 132254630170.gif - (16.56KB , 900x900 , escape.gif )

Alright. I grab that Boombox and break out of there like cool-aid man. She didn't even see a thing.
No. 368654 ID: 2f02b8
File 132254639275.gif - (21.82KB , 900x900 , drive.gif )

Let's get out of here, Officer Asshole.

>"Um, I don't think you should have burned all those drugs. I don't feel all that, uh, normal."

I don't care, just drive.
No. 368655 ID: e55966

rake your lashes, you are very pretty with them

oh and head to the station
No. 368656 ID: 55c4cf

Mission Accomplished, Madame Murder.

Pose like a pretty lady.
No. 368657 ID: c7b6c2

Drugtest Officer Faggot over there. He doesn't look cool to drive.
No. 368658 ID: 35bcde

Dude needs a piss test.
No. 368659 ID: da696f

Turn up some funky fresh beats on that sweet ass boombox and cruise down the street looking for that fat kid.
No. 368660 ID: e75a2f

Yes, lure that lawbreaker with the tunes coming from that hot piece of ass in your hands.
No. 368669 ID: 2f02b8
File 132255506691.gif - (33.30KB , 900x900 , beep.gif )


No! The time for all that candy-assing is over. It's time to bring this little scumbag down.


That's a good idea. Officer Faggot, piss into this. I'll process it when we get back to the station.



No. 368670 ID: 2f02b8
File 132255510598.gif - (24.47KB , 900x900 , music.gif )

No. 368673 ID: e75a2f

Yes... The sexy serenade of the siren's call from that bombastic badonkadonk will surely draw the attentions of that reprehensible renegade.

Let that righteous rhythm flow!
No. 368677 ID: 2f02b8
File 132255661418.gif - (25.41KB , 900x900 , reward.gif )

>"Well, mister Doolbag. Your efforts here have been most efective. You are a fine inferno-summoner. I should ask your help once again, should I require it."

I doubt it, half the city is burnt. I am gonna be in big trouble when granny finds out. The air smells like drugs too, interestingly.

>"Hm, yes. So it does. Well, I am feeling a little strange now, so I would like to take my leave of you. Here are three pounds, to help you buy another music maker."

Well, I kinda wanted my old... actually, nevermind. Thanks.

>"One more question before I take my leave, and that is, do you want to take our companions with you?"

>"Don't we have a say in that?"

>"Silence, MacDeath! No, you will do as I say."

No. 368678 ID: e55966

No. 368679 ID: e75a2f

Pilfer them all so they may partake in the party that will pointedly produce from the purchase or procurement of your Positively Pulchritudinous Posterior.
No. 368685 ID: 35bcde

Three pounds of what? Also no they have brought you trouble with The Law and you don't want to bring them down with you heroic sacrifice!

Give them posters to remember you by.
No. 368692 ID: c71597

Sure, they have been quite the friendly people, certainly better than that hobo.
No. 368735 ID: 4ea906

I would very much like to have a professional bear accompany me at all times. But you should let them decide for themselves.
No. 368796 ID: 55c4cf

pose as a team
No. 368827 ID: 8dd1ee

No. 372238 ID: 30b781
File 132384513151.gif - (21.37KB , 900x900 , pose.gif )

Well, I don't see the harm in bringing them along. I hope you guys like brussel sprouts, because that's what we'll probably be having for dinner.

We pose as a team, but the others are generally disenchanted and don't put much effort in, making it all seem a bit awkward.
No. 372239 ID: 30b781
File 132384515314.gif - (20.68KB , 900x900 , stranger.gif )

>"Hey man!"

Oh wow, some drugged strangers.

>"You don't look affected! Maybe you can help us. We have a real problem here, like, since that music came along, we have been hitting some real pr... pro... professors?"

He's staring at the ground, I don't understand.

Oh wait no, this gold bar is coming over to talk.
No. 372240 ID: 30b781
File 132384517829.gif - (14.88KB , 900x900 , explain.gif )

>"Excuse me, I know this seems sudden, but you have to help us! Ever since that music came into the city, our tribe has been hit by storms of insufferable rage. None of you are affected by the smoke! I'm not either, but I don't have any limbs, so I can't do anything."

What's this about music?

>"Well, there's a big truck that drives through the city ruins, and it plays songs. Sometimes it plays different songs, and other times it plays the same song twice. When our villagers hear the songs, sometimes they go crazy! We have to kick them out, and they form feral tribes around."

I really don't get it. What am I doing?

>"Stop the music, please! I can't offer much as a reward, except my gratitude."

Gee... do I wanna help the gold bar?
No. 372273 ID: 597dc4

oh my god, ham warrior. I KNEW HE WAS REAL- well for a pork-toon-venture.

kick the long haired hippie then help them out.
No. 372336 ID: c71597

Yeah you should probably help them, this music player might be the fabled boombox.
No. 376119 ID: 3d1c2e
File 132522348210.gif - (10.81KB , 900x900 , ok.gif )

Sure! I'll help out! Where do I begin?


No. 376120 ID: 3d1c2e
File 132522353438.gif - (12.33KB , 900x900 , cant-see-anythign.gif )

Well, looking around, I can hear some music, but I can't see where it's coming from.

Can you see it?
No. 376121 ID: bfe7b2

hm not really no but why not mosey on to the scene of the crime for a fix like a good deeply disturbed arsonist
No. 376160 ID: c2c011

The police APC behind you appear to be sending out sonic waves of some kind.
No. 379717 ID: 841075
File 132653054326.gif - (10.94KB , 900x900 , nope.gif )

You're being ridiculous. I don't see anything...

Help me out here.
No. 379744 ID: bfe7b2

activate vision modes
No. 385952 ID: fbaece
File 132902105001.png - (17.23KB , 900x900 , look.png )

>activate vision modes.

Doolbag doesn't have any vision modes, but I just so happen to have purchased these fine x-ray glasses. They may look like simple, cardboard glasses with a spiral pattern drawn on them, but they are certainly not as mundane as that. Nope.

Looking around, I can't see the source of the music, but I can certainly hear it. It's awful.

Hmm... wait.
No. 385955 ID: fbaece
File 132902116230.png - (16.34KB , 900x900 , roughians.png )

There are some drugged individuals coming this way. They are obviously those enraged outcasts that the gold bar spoke of.

They do not look friendly, and I am not the fighter I once was.
No. 385973 ID: d12795

No. 385988 ID: 94bd1e

Bear: Wield MacDeath like a polearm, then engage these outcasts.
No. 386000 ID: fbaece
File 132903427297.png - (25.78KB , 900x900 , grrrr.png )

>Wield MacDeath like a polearm, then engage these outcasts.

Argh! While this is really an awful thing to do, I don't wanna be harmed by these guys, y'know?

I'm sorry MacDeath!

I have never fought using a skeleton before.
No. 386002 ID: 82a03b

Shove Macdeath down his throat, MacDeath can pilot him from the inside.
No. 386026 ID: c71597

Stab McDeath through his soft gut, then McDeath can claw his way out by starting to spin at high speeds.
No. 386036 ID: f8bfdd

Realize that you could have simply breathed fire on all of them and proceed to do so.
No. 386038 ID: 2f7168

light macdeath on fire too so he can become ghost rider
No. 386071 ID: c7f6d1
File 132908897636.png - (23.96KB , 900x900 , possession.png )


Oh my god this is an awful idea, but it might work. I stab MacDeath into the soft gut of the morbidly obese man.

There's a sick, slithering noise as he is absorbed into the man, before the sound of bones being pushed out of joint, as he crawls around within. In a few moments, MacDeath finds his way home, and has successfully possessed the morbidly obese man!

This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I think I'm gonna puke. Oh yeah, I am totally going to use my fire breath as a weapon now. Actually I normally use it to cook sausages and reheat leftovers.
No. 386691 ID: a2a04a

Watch out for those other two guys.
No. 386701 ID: 2f7168

puke fire
No. 386767 ID: c71597

Time to set the other two on fire, then high five McDeath over his new body.
No. 388893 ID: 598206
File 133022173174.gif - (17.97KB , 900x900 , fight0.gif )

MacDeath seems a lot less fragile surrounded by half a metre of lard. It's time to get cooking.

MacDeath and I begin fighting the savages.
No. 388896 ID: 598206
File 133022183784.gif - (10.23KB , 900x900 , whatsgoingon.gif )

Hm, seems to be a ruckus going on over there with Bear and MacDeath. I wonder what that's about. Still no sign of that vehicle, but I can hear the music, it sounds like it's getting closer.
No. 388898 ID: 598206
File 133022193692.gif - (17.67KB , 900x900 , fight1.gif )

The noise from our fighting seems to have attracted the attention of more savages. This is totally legal, right? To beat these guys up like this? I mean, they aren't in control of themselves. It's like pushing over a sleepwalker or something.

sorry for all the character swaps, hopefully it isn't too confusing
No. 388899 ID: 598206
File 133022197058.gif - (18.41KB , 900x900 , oh.gif )

Hm! They look like they can handle themselves. If I went over to help them, I would probably get in the way.

The music sounds really, really close now.
No. 388927 ID: 53aede

Doolbag, good buddy, i think that your sweet ass boombox is inside the innards of what might be a vehicle.... maybe something with killer treads and is in the tank shape. If you are to get your muzak back to your residence you will need to seek out this vehicle. Make sure to look everywhere, even behind, but always make sure that you are attentive to your surroundings. Now be the man and search like the dickins.
No. 389031 ID: b772aa
File 133025970226.gif - (22.82KB , 900x900 , intonet.gif )

Aaaaah! Help!
No. 389032 ID: d5ee6f

No. 389034 ID: 2f7168

waggle harder !!
No. 389035 ID: ed57e8

No. 389385 ID: 5e4719
File 133041745313.gif - (24.32KB , 900x900 , ohno.gif )

Oh no, it's that cop again! I've been arrested!


Doolbag's Mission - To be continued...
[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts] [Last 100 posts]

Delete post []