arrestinate her in a whay that guarantees she won't be able to ward Doolbag and wait for him in ambush.

>>365775
Just be careful that while you're waiting you don't fall into an ambush yourself. You might think the old lady and cats are harmless, but remember this: You are heavily outnumbered, and in enemy territory. When it comes down to it the only difference between Standard Criminal Scum and Old People is that the old ones have had LONGER TO PLOT.

>>365667
You do have defensive catnip, right? Deploy it.

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/16(Wed)01:18 No. 366026 ID: 3367e5
File 132143513676.jpg - (222.22KB , 900x900 , tea.jpg )

>>365673
My time being tortured as a POW in the Vietnam war means I have developed a strong resistance to poisons, verging on immunity. I have little to fear.

I should be fine.

>"Do you have sugar, dear?"

Two, thank you.

Damn, these cats are giving me the creeps. I had better not make any sudden moves. I have my emergency catnip to deploy if things get out of hand.

>"Here is your tea, dearie."

Thank you, ma'am. These are fine biscuits.

There is a cat standing on my manly shoulders. I learned that you can hide in them, back in the academy, but right now, this is a seriously dangerous situation. To assert my dominance to the cat, I place a handgun onto the table. The cat doesn't seem alarmed.

>"Boys, eh?"

Indeed.

The old crone speaks to me, but does not appear to have noticed the gun. Continuing my attempts to intimidate the cat, I place a grenade also onto the table. Nothing.

Damn it, if I am found out...

>>366026

holy shit, there it is! the sweet ass-boombox!

>>366026
Cats are not like normal creatures. Not making eye contact with them is an open gesture that invites them to come up to you. You should eyeball each of the cats in turn, as this will make them less likely to approach. To make the gesture less obvious, comment on the cats. Ask the old lady their names. This will also keep her talking without you having to actually think of anything to say.

Tell her a story of a bad boyfriend. Then ask what kinds of things make Doolbag happy--as well as miserable.

These things may benefit you.

oh my god i thought it was only a legend

Officer Murder, that sweet ass-boombox resembles the sweet ass-boombox that Doolbag was looking for. You should seize this and use it against him.

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/16(Wed)14:52 No. 366111 ID: c9db3c
File 132148395763.jpg - (189.24KB , 900x900 , MyGod.jpg )

By the law, I see it! I must have it! I can use it to aid me in capturing that fat little lawbreaker.

>"...and that's when Agnes found her missing glasses, but oh boy, what happened after that was..."

Good, the crone is distracted by idle conversational topics. How can I possibly seize that fine piece of ass without being busted? Sometimes, the best cops need to bend the rules to get to the bad guys.

the dead cant catch you

ask if it is time to feed the cats. if so she will get up to feed them and while she is distracted you grab it.

spill your tea and cry about it, steal the boombox while she panders around over it and asks if you are okay.

Yes, comment on how distressed and hungry the lovely kitties must be. And spill your tea. At the same time.

Then take the boombox. As evidence.

>>366111
Clearly you need a proper distraction. Tell her that you need to use the bathroom, then unpin a grenade and leave it in the bowl. Exit the bathroom and take the boombox while the crone investigates the explosion.

1/3 Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/20(Sun)17:31 No. 366863 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183910932.jpg - (196.79KB , 900x900 , spill.jpg )

Right. A distraction. Okay, I'll spill my tea and then ask to go and 'clean up.' In this time, it will be easy for me to snatch the boombox and get out of here.

Whoops, I spilled my tea. May I be excused?

>"Yes, dear. Accidents happen."

2/3 Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/20(Sun)17:32 No. 366864 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183916651.jpg - (173.64KB , 900x900 , grabban.jpg )

Easy as pie. Really easy pie. The kind of pie you buy from the supermarket and only need to microwave.

Wait a minute-

3/3 Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/20(Sun)17:33 No. 366865 ID: f4c3c6
File 132183920104.jpg - (111.35KB , 900x900 , cat.jpg )

...I don't like the look that cat is giving me.

make super kawaii :3 face at cat, take sweet ass-boombox

Quick, staring contest.

Okay, you have to kill the bastard. He's on to you. The old lady isn't looking. Use a knife - quick and silent is key here.

>>366865
That cat is probably preparing to break the law in some law breaking disgusting fashion. You had better arrest him while there is time!

>>366865
He's indicating the cutting of a knife along his throat. Oblige him, go and cut it.

>>366866
Make that face as you do so.

1/2 Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/20(Sun)18:50 No. 366894 ID: f4c3c6
File 132184383816.jpg - (199.58KB , 900x900 , bring it.jpg )

Okay, I better silence this lawbreaker. Doesn't he know it's a capital offence to sneer at an undercover police officer?

I also make a face which I accidentally learned from those stupid Japanese cartoons, for whatever reason.

2/2 Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/20(Sun)18:51 No. 366896 ID: f4c3c6
File 132184388727.jpg - (146.70KB , 900x900 , situation.jpg )

Whoa, looks like this cat wants to fight? How should I handle this? Should I play his game?

It's time for that emergency catnip. Then proceed with throat cutting.

More of them will get froggy unless you teach them that you know how to ENFORCE THE LAW through street fighting with knives. Take out their ring leader with a stab right to the head and an amazing action movie pose, then beat the next closest one to death with his body. Unless you teach them fear through murder, they will never respect you.

>>366896
Take it out back. You're in some old hag's house for fucks sake. And set the boombox to some fitting music.

What! Are you stupid!? They're inviting you to lunch! Today's dish is chicken soup!

>>366896
There is only one way to settle this. A knife fight with the two of you chained together at the wrist by some handcuffs!

deploy chaff / decoy flares

Arrest them all, Officer Murder.

Oh wait, there's no room for cats in jail. What a shame. I guess you'll just have to use good old-fashioned police brutality.

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/25(Fri)14:33 No. 368118 ID: 63ffc3
File 132226038785.jpg - (190.59KB , 900x900 , garden.jpg )

Alright. I'm not an unfair guy. I can settle this their way if need be. We take our fight into the back garden.

One of the cats activates its ghetto blaster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn7FHal6sUI

Who will make the first move? How should I go about this?

>>368118
Open with a punch to the face with the spiked brassknuckles and follow it up with a slash across the chest with the blade.

Action roll to get behind him while slashing his legs in the process, we gotta cripple this cat before he unleashes those cat like reflexes of his.

stretch the chicken back over your shoulder then cut it

Breakdance.

ONE TWO THREE KICK IT!

>>368124
DO THIS!

>>368124
But you loose if you let go of the chicken or cut it to get free.

>>368127
FUCKING THIS TIMES ONE MILLION

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/26(Sat)18:12 No. 368304 ID: 36d963
File 132235995453.jpg - (201.67KB , 900x900 , cheater!.jpg )

Okay, I stretch the chicken over my shoulder and cut it, and it flings back and slaps the cat in the eyes!

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/26(Sat)18:13 No. 368305 ID: 36d963
File 132236003077.jpg - (152.07KB , 900x900 , breakdance.jpg )

I then use my Defensive Breakdancing Technique that I learned in the POW camps, to defeat the rest of the cats. But now my cover is blown - how do I handle this?

As long as she didn't spot you, you're golden. Just put some catnip on the ground and grab the box then go back to the table.

If she DID spot you, grab the box and run. What's she going to do, call the cops?

Make that :3 face and crawl to the door with the boom-box in hand acting like a cat, she wont suspect a thing.

Staple all the cats to you so grandma thinks the cats love you now.

>>368305
Grab the boombox and bust through the wall like the god damned cool aid man, you got what you needed.

I don't want to scare you, but... If her cats are capable of doing this... GET OUT! DO NOT LOOK BACK! GET THE FUCK OUT!

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/28(Mon)21:58 No. 368653 ID: 2f02b8
File 132254630170.gif - (16.56KB , 900x900 , escape.gif )

Alright. I grab that Boombox and break out of there like cool-aid man. She didn't even see a thing.

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/28(Mon)21:59 No. 368654 ID: 2f02b8
File 132254639275.gif - (21.82KB , 900x900 , drive.gif )

Let's get out of here, Officer Asshole.

>"Um, I don't think you should have burned all those drugs. I don't feel all that, uh, normal."

I don't care, just drive.

rake your lashes, you are very pretty with them

oh and head to the station

Mission Accomplished, Madame Murder.

Pose like a pretty lady.

Drugtest Officer Faggot over there. He doesn't look cool to drive.

>>368654
Dude needs a piss test.

Turn up some funky fresh beats on that sweet ass boombox and cruise down the street looking for that fat kid.

Yes, lure that lawbreaker with the tunes coming from that hot piece of ass in your hands.

Officer Murder!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/29(Tue)00:24 No. 368669 ID: 2f02b8
File 132255506691.gif - (33.30KB , 900x900 , beep.gif )

>>368655
>>368656

No! The time for all that candy-assing is over. It's time to bring this little scumbag down.

>>368657
>>368658

That's a good idea. Officer Faggot, piss into this. I'll process it when we get back to the station.

>"Eh...?"


Click!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itvJybdcYbI

Yes... The sexy serenade of the siren's call from that bombastic badonkadonk will surely draw the attentions of that reprehensible renegade.

Let that righteous rhythm flow!

Doolbag Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/11/29(Tue)00:50 No. 368677 ID: 2f02b8
File 132255661418.gif - (25.41KB , 900x900 , reward.gif )

>"Well, mister Doolbag. Your efforts here have been most efective. You are a fine inferno-summoner. I should ask your help once again, should I require it."

I doubt it, half the city is burnt. I am gonna be in big trouble when granny finds out. The air smells like drugs too, interestingly.

>"Hm, yes. So it does. Well, I am feeling a little strange now, so I would like to take my leave of you. Here are three pounds, to help you buy another music maker."

Well, I kinda wanted my old... actually, nevermind. Thanks.

>"One more question before I take my leave, and that is, do you want to take our companions with you?"

>"Don't we have a say in that?"

>"Silence, MacDeath! No, you will do as I say."

Hmmm...

yesssss

Pilfer them all so they may partake in the party that will pointedly produce from the purchase or procurement of your Positively Pulchritudinous Posterior.

>>368677
Three pounds of what? Also no they have brought you trouble with The Law and you don't want to bring them down with you heroic sacrifice!

Give them posters to remember you by.

>>368677
Sure, they have been quite the friendly people, certainly better than that hobo.

I would very much like to have a professional bear accompany me at all times. But you should let them decide for themselves.

pose as a team

>>368679
Precisely.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/12/13(Tue)22:45 No. 372238 ID: 30b781
File 132384513151.gif - (21.37KB , 900x900 , pose.gif )

Well, I don't see the harm in bringing them along. I hope you guys like brussel sprouts, because that's what we'll probably be having for dinner.

We pose as a team, but the others are generally disenchanted and don't put much effort in, making it all seem a bit awkward.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/12/13(Tue)22:45 No. 372239 ID: 30b781
File 132384515314.gif - (20.68KB , 900x900 , stranger.gif )

>"Hey man!"

Oh wow, some drugged strangers.

>"You don't look affected! Maybe you can help us. We have a real problem here, like, since that music came along, we have been hitting some real pr... pro... professors?"

He's staring at the ground, I don't understand.

Oh wait no, this gold bar is coming over to talk.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/12/13(Tue)22:46 No. 372240 ID: 30b781
File 132384517829.gif - (14.88KB , 900x900 , explain.gif )

>"Excuse me, I know this seems sudden, but you have to help us! Ever since that music came into the city, our tribe has been hit by storms of insufferable rage. None of you are affected by the smoke! I'm not either, but I don't have any limbs, so I can't do anything."

What's this about music?

>"Well, there's a big truck that drives through the city ruins, and it plays songs. Sometimes it plays different songs, and other times it plays the same song twice. When our villagers hear the songs, sometimes they go crazy! We have to kick them out, and they form feral tribes around."

I really don't get it. What am I doing?

>"Stop the music, please! I can't offer much as a reward, except my gratitude."



Gee... do I wanna help the gold bar?

oh my god, ham warrior. I KNEW HE WAS REAL- well for a pork-toon-venture.

kick the long haired hippie then help them out.

>>372238
Yeah you should probably help them, this music player might be the fabled boombox.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/12/29(Thu)21:38 No. 376119 ID: 3d1c2e
File 132522348210.gif - (10.81KB , 900x900 , ok.gif )

Sure! I'll help out! Where do I begin?

>"Anywhere."

Great.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2011/12/29(Thu)21:38 No. 376120 ID: 3d1c2e
File 132522353438.gif - (12.33KB , 900x900 , cant-see-anythign.gif )

Well, looking around, I can hear some music, but I can't see where it's coming from.

Can you see it?

hm not really no but why not mosey on to the scene of the crime for a fix like a good deeply disturbed arsonist

>>376120
The police APC behind you appear to be sending out sonic waves of some kind.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/01/14(Sat)00:42 No. 379717 ID: 841075
File 132653054326.gif - (10.94KB , 900x900 , nope.gif )

You're being ridiculous. I don't see anything...

Help me out here.

activate vision modes

MacDeath MacDeath!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/11(Sat)20:30 No. 385952 ID: fbaece
File 132902105001.png - (17.23KB , 900x900 , look.png )

>activate vision modes.

Doolbag doesn't have any vision modes, but I just so happen to have purchased these fine x-ray glasses. They may look like simple, cardboard glasses with a spiral pattern drawn on them, but they are certainly not as mundane as that. Nope.

Looking around, I can't see the source of the music, but I can certainly hear it. It's awful.

Hmm... wait.

MacDeath!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/11(Sat)20:32 No. 385955 ID: fbaece
File 132902116230.png - (16.34KB , 900x900 , roughians.png )

There are some drugged individuals coming this way. They are obviously those enraged outcasts that the gold bar spoke of.

They do not look friendly, and I am not the fighter I once was.

SING, SING LIKE THE WIND!!! THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO COUNTER THE RAGE MUSIC!!!

Bear: Wield MacDeath like a polearm, then engage these outcasts.

Bear Bear!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/12(Sun)00:11 No. 386000 ID: fbaece
File 132903427297.png - (25.78KB , 900x900 , grrrr.png )

>Wield MacDeath like a polearm, then engage these outcasts.

Argh! While this is really an awful thing to do, I don't wanna be harmed by these guys, y'know?

I'm sorry MacDeath!

I have never fought using a skeleton before.

Shove Macdeath down his throat, MacDeath can pilot him from the inside.

>>386000
Stab McDeath through his soft gut, then McDeath can claw his way out by starting to spin at high speeds.

Realize that you could have simply breathed fire on all of them and proceed to do so.

light macdeath on fire too so he can become ghost rider

Bear!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/12(Sun)15:22 No. 386071 ID: c7f6d1
File 132908897636.png - (23.96KB , 900x900 , possession.png )

>>386002
>>386026

Oh my god this is an awful idea, but it might work. I stab MacDeath into the soft gut of the morbidly obese man.

There's a sick, slithering noise as he is absorbed into the man, before the sound of bones being pushed out of joint, as he crawls around within. In a few moments, MacDeath finds his way home, and has successfully possessed the morbidly obese man!

This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I think I'm gonna puke. Oh yeah, I am totally going to use my fire breath as a weapon now. Actually I normally use it to cook sausages and reheat leftovers.

Watch out for those other two guys.

puke fire

>>386071
Time to set the other two on fire, then high five McDeath over his new body.

Bear!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/25(Sat)18:02 No. 388893 ID: 598206
File 133022173174.gif - (17.97KB , 900x900 , fight0.gif )

MacDeath seems a lot less fragile surrounded by half a metre of lard. It's time to get cooking.

MacDeath and I begin fighting the savages.

Doolbag Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/25(Sat)18:03 No. 388896 ID: 598206
File 133022183784.gif - (10.23KB , 900x900 , whatsgoingon.gif )

Hm, seems to be a ruckus going on over there with Bear and MacDeath. I wonder what that's about. Still no sign of that vehicle, but I can hear the music, it sounds like it's getting closer.

Bear Bear!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/25(Sat)18:05 No. 388898 ID: 598206
File 133022193692.gif - (17.67KB , 900x900 , fight1.gif )

The noise from our fighting seems to have attracted the attention of more savages. This is totally legal, right? To beat these guys up like this? I mean, they aren't in control of themselves. It's like pushing over a sleepwalker or something.

sorry for all the character swaps, hopefully it isn't too confusing

Doolbag Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/25(Sat)18:06 No. 388899 ID: 598206
File 133022197058.gif - (18.41KB , 900x900 , oh.gif )

Hm! They look like they can handle themselves. If I went over to help them, I would probably get in the way.

The music sounds really, really close now.

>>388899
Doolbag, good buddy, i think that your sweet ass boombox is inside the innards of what might be a vehicle.... maybe something with killer treads and is in the tank shape. If you are to get your muzak back to your residence you will need to seek out this vehicle. Make sure to look everywhere, even behind, but always make sure that you are attentive to your surroundings. Now be the man and search like the dickins.

Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/26(Sun)04:35 No. 389031 ID: b772aa
File 133025970226.gif - (22.82KB , 900x900 , intonet.gif )

Aaaaah! Help!

PLAY DEAD NETS DONT TRY TO EAT DEAD PEOPLE

waggle harder !!

duck

Chapter 1 End Doolbag!!AwZwHkBGWx 2012/02/28(Tue)00:24 No. 389385 ID: 5e4719
File 133041745313.gif - (24.32KB , 900x900 , ohno.gif )

Oh no, it's that cop again! I've been arrested!

***

Doolbag's Mission - To be continued...