TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:23 No. 27547 ID: 728150
File 124998977677.png - (126.28KB , 829x556 , 71.png )

DOCTOR DEFERENS is not amused.

> "Listen, if you don't have any further business here, please leave. You've clearly upset my assistant."

If he know DEFERENS well enough, he can explain. If not, JACK can ask for the sample to be analyzed, but now I'm worried about the original NURSE. These baddies seem serious and she sounds like a major loose end. JACK should check on her. She gave him her number.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:44 No. 27553 ID: 728150
File 124999106485.png - (132.64KB , 828x553 , 72.png )

>>27551

JACK doesn't know this man at all. He looked up SEMONOLOGY in the Yellow Pages and picked the biggest ad.

JACK asks DOCTOR DEFERENS to analyze the STRANGE RESIDUE he brought along with him. DOCTOR DEFERENS heads to the back to get to work, a little wary of leaving his assistant alone with this large, strange man.

A few minutes later he comes back, looking even more annoyed.

> "I don't know how you did this, but it's obviously a prank. This semen is composed of female DNA. That's not possible. This is a prank and I'm tired of wasting my time. Leave my practice before I call the police, sir."

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)04:46 No. 27554 ID: 728150
File 124999117696.png - (54.95KB , 713x551 , 45.png )

While he was waiting on the results of the analysis, JACK produced the scrap of paper the thief handed him, trying to assuage some of his concern for her well being.

Check up on Chloe!

Do we have a feminine counterpart? This seems to be the case.

How did we get our powers?

>>27554
Hey! That phone number starts with 555, and has only x's for the rest of it.

It's fake!

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)12:51 No. 27774 ID: 728150
File 125002028629.png - (42.49KB , 542x391 , 73.png )

>>27555

JACK calls up the thief.

> "Uh... hello? You're the cape, right? Nobody else knows this number. What did you find out?"

>>27774
Tell her there where some dudes who attacked you when you went back to the site captured one of them, but a bad guy shut him up and that this is big. (and incert sexual puns where ever possible)

Point out the sniper death girljizz. Ask if she knows anything that might be useful.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)17:05 No. 27938 ID: 84ae51
File 125003551148.png - (77.82KB , 477x468 , 74.png )

>>27787

JACK confides that he was attacked by three mean in tight latex bondage gear. He exhausted two of them and managed to disrobe a third. He says that as soon as he got the subdued man's mouth open, a thick white goo splattered all over him. He says this is a big deal.

> "Uh... okay. That's a little disturbing, but I think I (sadly) know who you're talking about. Those are Kinks. I heard they're really just fetishists in special suits. They'd escort the daily shipments in and out of the ship, but they weren't part of the doctor's crew."

>>27856

> "I can't say I've ever heard of a... uh... "jizz" sniper, much less a female one. That's kind of fucked up."

The other end of the line goes quiet for a moment.

> "Oh! I did remember something that might help you, though! There was a logo stamped on every shipping crate we got from the Kinks. It was the symbols slash-dee-slash. Hope that helps. Hey, what am I supposed to call you, anyway? You never told me your name."

YOU MAY CALL ME DONG MAN, I STROKE OFF IN THE FACE OF EVIL TO PAVE THE WAY FOR A BETTER TOMMOROW...whats your name?

>There was a logo stamped on every shipping crate we got from the Kinks. It was the symbols slash-dee-slash.
>/d/

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

>>27938
Tell her your name is JACK. Whenever you press the superhero shit on her, she backs off.

>>27954
Jack is to generic go with Richard

>>27956
But it happens to be true.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)18:36 No. 27997 ID: 84ae51
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>>27954
>>27956
(Two agree on introducing JACK as himself)

JACK tells her his name and asks the thief for her own.

> "Obviously you can read, you got my number from that note. Did you just think the name above it was for decoration? ... It's Chloe. My name is Chloe. So, is that everything?"

>>27997
Thank Chloe and tell her you will let her know if anything comes up.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:02 No. 28070 ID: 728150
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>>28003

> "Ok. Good luck, try not to blow anything important up." *Click*

JACK hangs up the phone.

Looks like we need to find us some more kinks to wallop. Do we know where they might hang out?

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:10 No. 28083 ID: 728150
File 125004664495.png - (14.15KB , 410x154 , 77.png )

>>28076

JACK's only met them that one time. He's not really the "research and ravish" type, rather he's more the "perceive and plow" type. Other heroes usually flush out the baddies first. He's always willing to try anything once, though. Should he investigate? If so, how?

If not, what SHOULD he do?

>>28083
She said shipping crates so they must be coming in from some where head to the shipping docks.

What other heroes do you know? How do you usually keep tabs on them, for show-up-to-save-them purposes?

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)20:52 No. 28125 ID: 728150
File 125004917327.png - (8.07KB , 213x151 , 78.png )

>>28110

JACK's worked with TROJAN MAN before. Usually TROJAN MAN shows up on his own, but JACK figures he could probably spot him going on patrol tonight - he knows his usual haunts.

>>28096

There's a dock east of town that might be the staging ground for these shipments. JACK could go there and scope it out.

Better let Trojan Man do his own thing, until we know that he needs help or we need help. The docks seem like a solid lead. Even if there's no plot-important stuff happening there, that's a typical location for goons-smuggling-stuff scenes.

TLE 2009/08/11(Tue)21:17 No. 28144 ID: 728150
File 125005064587.png - (118.21KB , 1058x594 , 79.png )

>>28127

JACK takes the CROTCH ROCKET down to the DOCKS to look for a good time. It's well past business hours, and most of the seamen have washed away for the night. JACK looks around for a while and finally finds a pier that's crawling with activity.

On the horizon JACK can see something massive floating offshore. It looks as though it's poised to receive whatever's being loaded here.

>>28144
Wait till something interesting happens.

>>28144
Casually walk in to the docks they won't suspect a thing.

We have no stealth, so lets push right into the wet, messy situation.

TLE 2009/08/12(Wed)04:35 No. 28425 ID: 728150
File 125007692614.png - (209.60KB , 1193x675 , 80.png )

>>28168

JACK walks straight up to the docks. THE KINKS take note of him, but continue working. They're loading a bunch of crates onto a small boat moored to the pier.

JACK notices one chatting to himself, probably over an earpiece radio or something.

>>28425
Try and take a peak at what is in the crates.

Walk past them while whistling as though nothing is wrong.

Look for someone not wearing a mooksuit. They'll be the leader.

TLE 2009/08/12(Wed)04:50 No. 28428 ID: 728150
File 12500778211.png - (54.49KB , 721x432 , 81.png )

>>28426

JACK waits until no one is looking and pops open one of the containers. It's full of the same kind of hat Chloe was wearing. Pasted on the side of the box is a shipping label addressed to THE SPECULOTRON, with a large red "Cancelled" stamp over top it. A more recent label placed beneath it reads "Return to Sender".

( Okay, last update for the time being. Hitting the hay. )

Stuff our masculine frame into the tight, soft box. We'll get to the bottom of this.

>>28428
Find the adress's of the reciever and the sender.

TLE 2009/08/13(Thu)16:29 No. 29198 ID: 84ae51
File 125020616372.png - (97.50KB , 534x509 , 82.png )

>>28430

JACK manages to squeeze himself into the box, but it's a tight fit. He pulls the lid back overtop him and waits.

This can't possibly go wrong!

>>28573
The shipment was addressed to a 1418 Hershey Highway, but there's a "Return to Sender" stamped on the label. The sender is marked only as DMITRY'S DEN, the same sender as the other crate JACK checked.

After a while of waiting, JACK feels the box begin to move and figures it's probably being loaded onto the boat he saw earlier.

He has enough strength and self control to pull out of the box any time he wants - either prematurely or after all the movement's stopped.

>>29198
Wait until all movement has stopped.

D is for diapers, D is for deviance, but most of all...

D IS FOR DICKGIRLS

THE JIZZ SNIPER IS A DICKGIRL WITH A LARGE BORE RIFLE. A POTENTIAL RIVAL TO OUR OWN MEAT!

You saw the accuracy of their seminal shot.

Suggestion 2009/08/14(Fri)09:32 No. 29436 ID: 4e0411
File 125026753710.jpg - (47.72KB , 640x480 , 8DMajorasMask.jpg )

>>29198
>DMITRY
>/d/
I see wut u did thr

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)13:38 No. 29480 ID: 84ae51
File 125028233512.png - (81.88KB , 463x617 , 83.png )

>>29199

JACK rides until the box stops moving. He stays inside for a few more minutes, just to make sure everything's settled down. With a great push he floods the box with his manliness, pushing at the walls until it can take no more. Shards of wood fly in every direction and JACK is free.

In an instant he finds himself being bound by an incredibly resilient cable.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)13:42 No. 29482 ID: 84ae51
File 125028255114.png - (99.32KB , 750x630 , 84.png )

> "I think I'm starting a meathead zoo. You idiots just keep showing up, practically begging to be captured."

A lithe woman with a suspect bulge in her crotch stares down JACK, apparently berating him.

> "Honestly, did you really think you were going to sneak in to a highly guarded /d/eviant freighter in a shipping crate you climbed into in plain daylight, boy? Although, I suppose I should be thanking you. Now that you and your idiot friend are both here, there's no one left to disrupt our business in the city."

JACK steals a glance around. He's in a large metal chamber full of crates, probably the hold of the ship he saw on the horizon earlier. There are rafters running along the ceiling. From one of them hangs a tied and bound TROJAN MAN, who looks extremely upset.

How well do you think you can aim your crotch laser..might be able to cut trojan man down...

>>29482
Strain against the bonds and ask for her name.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)14:41 No. 29494 ID: 84ae51
File 125028607779.png - (37.03KB , 176x418 , 85.png )

>>29485

JACK is known for quantity, not accuracy. A SEMINAL SHOT would utterly destroy the ship, and probably TROJAN MAN along with it.

>>29486

JACK strains against his bindings. He can feel the wires wrapping about his MIGHTY DONG give under its tremendous tensile strength.

> "They call me Dick Girl, but you can call me 'Mistress', boy. You'll make a good table, I think, or a foot stool. I'm not sure, yet."

>>29494
Your a girl with a dick named Dick Girl who original.
If we flex our dong can we break the wires.

Challenge her to some sort of...dick...contest.

a dick off.

>>29500
...A cockfight?

>>29501
Definitely a cockfight.

COCKFIGHT!!!

Aren't their apes that practise penis fencing? Let's do that.

>>29496
He's a man with a dong called dong man.

>>29598
Glad to see someone understands sarcasm :P.

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:14 No. 29652 ID: 728150
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>>29576

JACK doesn't have an ape handy at the moment. Maybe later.

>>29496

JACK bulges out of the cord. Tatters of it snap and fly in every direction.

DICK GIRL blanches.
> "W-what? That's cuntanium alloy!"

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:16 No. 29653 ID: 728150
File 125030618240.png - (98.85KB , 1500x768 , 87.png )

>>29500
>>29501
>>29511
>>29573

> CRA... er... COCK BATTLE!

JACK flexes his assets in challenge. DICK GIRL takes a step back.

> "You're more trouble than I expected. I guess I'm going to have to go all out on you."

TLE 2009/08/14(Fri)20:19 No. 29656 ID: 728150
File 125030639031.gif - (611.31KB , 550x400 , 88.gif )

DICK GIRL unsheathes her weapon. JACK sees an opening.

(Animooted. Sorry for horrible quality/glitching. /quest/ suddenly decided SWF wasn't okay to upload after all.)

>>29656
Cockslap her, quickly!

>>29656
Take advantage of the opening! Give a mighty forward thrust!

Deflect her dong and thrust through her thighs with your own mighty meat missile.

Maybe headbutt her at the same time.

Catch her attack with your teeth. Its the only way.

>>29656
Be careful, Dong Man. Remember what happened to that Kink. Her forte seems to be precision Seminal Shots (the complete opposite of yourself), so it might be a good idea to find cover.

>>29687
Hmm...if her forte truly is precision SEMINAL SHOTS...perhaps we could goad her into releasing a few loads, dodging towards TROJAN MAN until she is tricked into shooting through his rope. Then, protective compatriot in hand, we double team her into submission.

At the very least, her load-lobbing abilities are more versatile than our own, as she's used them both to snipe through a kink's skull and then vaporize it's body in midair. While less powerful than our own epic effusions, they are still nothing to take lightly.

We need protection. We should try to get Trojan between her sticky mess and ourselves as quick as possible.

>>29653
Stay on the ground, jumping makes for an easy target. Manuever until you won't hit TROJAN MAN and then launch a SEMINAL SHOT. Take a life-raft and escape.

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)02:49 No. 29740 ID: 728150
File 125032978923.png - (516.13KB , 1931x2443 , 89.png )

>>29657

JACK moves in to strike with a powerful swing of his man-pole, but DICK GIRL is faster than he expected! She parries him and counters with a quick FEMINAL SHOT.

JACK rolls out of the way and dashes to find cover.

>>29695
>>29700

He continues to draw her fire until he feints and leaps forward, bringing TROJAN MAN's bindings between himself and the incoming projectile.

DICK GIRL realizes what's happening a second too late and, though she clutches her weapon hoping to stem its release, a small blast still spurts forth. TROJAN MAN lands on the ground, cat-like and angry.

>>29740
Attack, trust TROJAN MAN to protect you.
He's got your back, I'm sure.

Draw her fire while Trojan Man moves in!

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:13 No. 29743 ID: 728150
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>>29741
>>29742

JACK suggests double-teaming DICK GIRL with TROJAN MAN.

TROJAN MAN expresses a keen interest in doing so, but lacks the necessary equipment at the moment. He explains that they took his spear and shield and stowed it away in storage somewhere on the ship. He says that he'll be useless in a fight against a woman of this endowment without his pole and protection and suggests he go search for them.

Distract her while TROJAN MAN searches for his equipment!

>>29743
He can handle the Kinks, though?
Distract her while he grabs his spear and shield.
And by 'distract', I mean mean 'cockslap into a coma'

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:41 No. 29746 ID: 728150
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>>29744

JACK gives DICK GIRL a show while TROJAN MAN slips himself through the backdoor.

TLE 2009/08/15(Sat)03:44 No. 29747 ID: 728150
File 12503330685.png - (71.01KB , 346x748 , 92.png )

DICK GIRL is not amused.

> "That idiocy might have defeated a bunch of perverted forum-going fat boys in suits, but I think you'll find I'm a whole different breed of opponent!"

JACK felt that last one. Providing a distraction is more painful than he expected.

>>29747
Try landing as close as you can to her.

After you land, continue dodging to the best of your ability. She can't keep firing forever! ...can she?

Her specialty seems range. Lets engorge further and go for a cockslap!

You do realise a distraction can also be a proper fight, right?

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)20:59 No. 31725 ID: 728150
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>>29748
>>29783

JACK tries to get inside of his opponent's guard, aiming his soaring mass toward her. DICK GIRL takes the opportunity to unload all over JACK's hand. It burns.

JACK lands gracelessly, arm singed and numb. He is, however, in DICK GIRL's personal space.

>>31725
Cockslap to the face.

Pound that dick girl!

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:17 No. 31738 ID: 728150
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>>31726

JACK brings his bulk to bear, swinging his package with all his might. DICK GIRL takes it in the face, opening her mouth. Unfortunately for JACK, she uses her teeth.

The two are now locked in a mouth-to-crotch grapple!

OH GOD

>>31738
GRAB HER BY THE HAIR AND BUNCH HER IN THE FACE.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:44 No. 31759 ID: 728150
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>>31740

JACK decides punching her would be a better idea. He grabs DICK GIRL by the ponytail, pulls it tight, and punches her as hard as he can in the back of the head.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)21:46 No. 31763 ID: 728150
File 125074358544.png - (61.02KB , 489x364 , 96.png )

DICK GIRL spins and sails through the air, momentarily limp. She crashes through a nearby crate and finally skids to a halt on the cold metal floor.

>>31763
Make sure she's down if not finish her with a hard thrust of your mighty dong. Then tie her up and question her.

>>31763
Well, lets hope she's having trouble getting it back up.
I mean... getting back up. Lets hope she's having trouble getting back up. She seems pretty spent is what I'm saying.

TLE 2009/08/19(Wed)22:15 No. 31789 ID: 728150
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>>31777

JACK approaches his downed opponent. As gets closer, he spots DICK GIRL furiously adjusting her weapon back to fighting form. It glows vibrantly - it's clear a FEMINAL SHOT is welling up.

JACK isn't sure, but bets he could probably get there before she gets it off.

GET UP CLOSE AND PUNCH THE SHIT OUT IF HER AGAIN. NO MORE FUCKING AROUND.

>>31789
Run in, grab it, and squeeze. You may be able to prevent her from getting the shot out, and without that capability, she does not appear nearly as formidable compared to your own MANLY PHYSIQUE.

>>31789
Are we out of the ship? If so we could do a Seminal Shot and obliterate her.

>>31789

Turn the shot back into her own face

>>31795
Yes, squeezing would likely both stop her attack, and put you in a position that would allow you to claim victory with ease, since you'd have a firm grasp on her weapon.

TLE 2009/08/20(Thu)00:02 No. 31861 ID: 728150
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>>31795
>>31830

JACK lunges forward and grips his opponent's polearm with all his might.

>>31861
NOW, POINT IT AT HER FACE.

TLE 2009/08/20(Thu)00:03 No. 31863 ID: 728150
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>>31803

JACK gives DICK GIRL a taste of her own medicine.

TLE 2009/08/20(Thu)00:07 No. 31865 ID: 728150
File 125075202070.png - (76.54KB , 829x630 , 100.png )

It's super effective!

JACK is at a loss for words, his weapon still aching in victory. TROJAN MAN emerges through the door, now carrying his spear and shield.

> "Alright, Dong Man, let's take this bi-- oh. Oh wow. You... wow."

JACK is victorious this day - evil lies before him, thoroughly molested. The city's desires have been sated... for now.

> DongQuest End

Nice work Jack.

Be sure to Dick Girl back to your lair for penetration - I mean, interrogation.

>>31865

You blew her head off, didn't you? Niiice.

And- wait...

> DongQuest End

This isn't over permanently, is it? Shit, I just began reading this quest, too.

>>31882

There'll likely be a sequel/chapter 2/whatever at some point. Don't hold your breath or anything, I just want to try something else for a while. Who knew you could get burned out on dick jokes?

>>31886
Breast quest?