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File 168036555566.png - (11.66KB , 640x360 , order-up-2.png )
1060199 No. 1060199 ID: a7a180

Episode II: Attack of the Calzones

Previously: https://tgchan.org/wiki/Order_Up
Title card courtesy of Riotmode!
120 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
No. 1062678 ID: 273c18

Also call your boss to warn him that you used his ID at the checkpoint so the Emperor might think he was the one delivering the pizza.
No. 1062710 ID: a7a180
File 168325208480.png - (18.06KB , 500x500 , nobody_expects_the_inquisition.png )

>Walk off the job
Stang the emperor, stang the pizza, you’re getting the fierfek out of here. You’re in over your head, you need to warn Poof, tell him you’re - Hey, wasn’t there-

“Going somewhere?”
Your thoughts are interrupted by a woman in a white imperial mantle backed by a dozen stormtroopers. You just about manage to not scream in fright.
“Ohoho! It’s so cute when Jedi try to be sneaky. You thought seeking an audience with the Emperor himself would be as easy as waltzing in here dressed as a delivery courier, master Poof?”
You resist the urge to point out that’s exactly how easy it was… and you’re not- ohh, that’s why it sounded familiar. He looks so different from how you remember!
The woman struts back and forth, delighting in her monologue. “I've been waiting for this moment. Our eyes and ears are everywhere. We’ve known there was going to be a plot today for quite some time. We decided to lie back and let you play right into our hands, and here you are, right on schedule! Thanks for saving us a trip.”

Your eyes dart toward the shelves. Maybe you can still lose them.

“Thinking of escaping out the back door? Mm, I’m afraid it won’t work. Trust me, I tried doing that once - and I was still caught.”
No. 1062711 ID: 273c18

Huh, so... trying to run wasn't the only option? Despite the pizza being on the floor? And trying to leave didn't actually do anything?

Tell them you're not Poof. That should be obvious by the fact that you're female, and you have no mustache. Also you were shown a video for the Emperor's pizza order so you... don't know how this wasn't a legitimate delivery? You uh, dropped the pizza though. Sorry.
No. 1062714 ID: d468a7

Call her racist for thinking all xextos look the same and mistaking you for Poof.
No. 1062718 ID: e5709d

Two heartbeats and then rip your moustache off.
"Okay, screw this, screw my immigration officer, and screw my boss' immigration officer, are those @#$%-faces seriously giving us migrants identities based on famous terrorists?! I only came to this miserable planet because my ex-girlfriend roped me into living with her, and then I had to get a miserable burger job when she dumped me, and then I lost my 'chipped' faulty ID card just before I could find a new job after getting laid off and then I had to borrow my new boss' ID just to use his speedster on near impossible deliveries, and now I find out that his ID was somehow laced with the biometrics of some long-dead, mass-murdering Jedi! You know what, screw it, arrest me. I will do whatever it takes to sue the pants off everyone who was involved in @#$%ing us foreigners in the ass! Sometimes literally without our consent I mean this girl!"
No. 1062722 ID: bc24cb

Is that a light WHIP?
No. 1062731 ID: 85b96f

Dude we fr actually a pizzagirl. Can you do us a solid and pretend you didn't see us drop the order right on the floor? nice whip.
No. 1062746 ID: ffa1c0

Wait, she said there was a plot *today* so... were we just used by assassins as a red herring? Seems like the chain code is an open secret and if the message was falsified... Oh the imperial inquisition is going to feel so silly when the actual plot goes off. So... oh hell, do we have to *save* the emperor to establish innocence?
No. 1062764 ID: 85b96f

shit i think you're right. Is there a way to bring up that point without making Jynn look sus af? "Legit here for a regular pizza delivery order, not an assassin or terrorist, ~this is not the 'plot' you're looking for~." or something like that?
No. 1062767 ID: 8f9bc4

Poof is a Jedi? You didn't know he was a Jedi! How does he run an Empire approved pizzeria if he's a Jedi? You didn't know about any plot! Wait, was the plot just to deliver a pizza to the Emperor? Is she just saying she's here to pick up the pizza, and she has a habit of phrasing everything like it's a terrorist plot? Oh shit, you dropped the pizza! He's gonna incinerate you!
No. 1062834 ID: 3b86e0

Didn't esca...?

Oh, it's Ma'karena! Hi, Ma'karena, it's been so lo-!

No, wait, if she recognizes us she will sell us out as a jedi!
Let's take off the fake moustache and Tell her Poof is just the name of the pizzeria and you wear the moustache for publicity.
No. 1062965 ID: a7a180
File 168349879022.png - (17.96KB , 500x500 , sith_hits_the_fan.png )

>Is this a fancy way to get the pizza?
You don’t think she’s here to pick up the pizza.
>Nice whip!
It is! You kind of wish it wasn’t being waved in your face!

>Protest your identity
“Wait, wait! I’m not Poof! I’m not Poof!”
She raises a single eyebrow at your feminine voice. “Then who are you?”
Good question. You don’t really have a better name to put forward - just a flimsy assumed one, and a wanted ex-padawan’s… wait a tick. She said she tried escaping once. You know this woman.
Her eyes narrow. “You’re not Zena. How do you know that name?”
“You were one of the younglings, in the library. It’s me, Tala Karaay! Do you remember? I was there too!”
Your plea stirs something deep inside her, and she loses her composure. “...T-Tala? You- actually did escape?”

There’s something else about what she said that’s odd. They knew in advance, before today? You didn’t plan anything that far ahead.
>...Were we just used by assassins as a red herring?
Before either of you can process what’s been said, a familiar farghul sucker punches Zena. “Hi-yah!”
No. 1062966 ID: a7a180
File 168349879455.png - (18.65KB , 500x500 , wild_weasel.png )

The troopers shout in alarm before he knocks them all down with just a sweep of his arm. You get a good look as he bounces on his heels, ready to fistfight a dozen goons at once. This has to be the same guy you served a kids' meal to. Why is he attacking a fellow officer? He's Force user, too?

Another figure runs up and pulls you to your feet. She lifts her hood to reveal a scarred but chipper face. “Hiya. you’re the pizza guy, aren’t you? Good, we need to leave. You’re parked on the west side, right?” Her voice sounds gravelly, just like Palpatine's.
“...What? How do you know that?”
“Oh, we faked a call for pizza from the Emperor so we’d have an escape route. You’re our getaway vehicle!” A large boom echoes through the halls of the palace. “Did I mention we need to leave now?”

...You have no idea what's going on.
No. 1062967 ID: e5709d

Hallucination Nation
Just roll with it. And take Zena with you, she knows your identities!
No. 1062969 ID: be2ac4

Leave now? Sounds great! :)
No. 1062970 ID: e51896

Ask "what about Zena?"

i know we'll have to leave her behind as she joined the dark side, but it's in character to show concern for her.
No. 1062971 ID: 8f9bc4

Oh god Puff's speeder is a piece of junk it's gonna overheat and you'll all get incinerated not by Puff's speeder, but by the Emperor himself!

Make a hasty but careful getaway, and be sure not to accelerate upwards too quickly.
No. 1062975 ID: 273c18

Tell them there might be trouble, you were at a checkpoint and told them about the delivery, so they called ahead...
Also ask them to capture the whip user if possible. You think she can be redeemed.
No. 1062984 ID: bc24cb

We kinda have to kidnap Zena now that she knows your identity. Ooops! Haha, silly mistakes.
No. 1063027 ID: 85b96f

oh man you guys suck. Thanks for not leaving your innocent pizza dupe to high fry on the zero-chill imperial grill but seriously fuck you and the other cat you rode in on. But apparently that's also too much credit since you're relying on the fast food delivery drone for the getaway ride like WHAT the FUCK you're the worst terrorists.
No. 1063036 ID: 85b96f

Also your big bro gave that Zena chick a haymaker right in her sith tit, we were having a (threatening) conversation and you know that's really messed up to just do randomly to someone. That shit hurts dude and what if she's got like a pulmonary contusion or something now? Was he posing as an MP cop or something because it looks like he got way too into fucking character IMPERIAL BRUTALITY. Furthermore,,,
No. 1063217 ID: a7a180
File 168368015507.png - (16.32KB , 500x500 , think_shell_hold_a_grudge.png )

“Thanks for saving me, but this was a terrible plan!“
“It’s brilliant! Nobody saw it coming, not even you, which kept our real plan a surprise. Craig came up with it!”
“Oh, Crea’aa- Crag- um-” Her attempt to pronounce an exotic alien name ends in her hacking and coughing. “We just call him Craig. I’m Chiva, and that’s Mika! Don’t worry, he’s on our side now.” While you were talking, Mika’s punched all of the stormtroopers into one big heap. He dusts his hands off before giving you two a thumbs up.
“Well, I told their security I was coming, because I thought this was a legitimate delivery, so we might be in trouble.”
Chiva gives a hoarse laugh. “I’ll say. What do you call this?”
“The second worst day of my life!”

Oh, you almost forgot. Zena! “What about her? We should take her with us because, um, she knows our identities now.” You turn around to carry Zena, but she’s already getting up, and boiling with rage.
Her words are like a stab to your chest. “You… cheaters! Deserters! I’ll finish what the emperor started!”
No. 1063218 ID: a7a180
File 168368017262.png - (17.05KB , 500x500 , bad_news_everyone.png )

“The west side exit is this way. Go!” shouts Chiva.
You beat feet out of there. In the hall you run into a serpentine Sluissi waiting expectantly. Chiva makes brief introductions.
“That’s Craig. Craig, meet…”
“T- Jynn.” You’re not comfortable using your real name around strangers…
“Welcome aboard, Jynn.” She turns back to Craig. “So, did it work?”
He nods and holds up a datapad. [It worked! The Telescopic Force Array is no more. I’ve suppressed the alarms temporarily, that should buy us some time.] A siren starts blaring loudly. He looks up and shrugs.
Security starts pouring into the empty halls as you run for your lives. You find your route cut off by more stormtrooper reinforcements. How do you get by?

>Fight through
>Find another route
>Call on the Force
No. 1063220 ID: 273c18

>Call on the Force
We're among Jedis. This is the MOST APPROPRIATE time to do it.
No. 1063221 ID: be2ac4

Lets call on the force, surely we aren't too worried about the inquisitor by this point I don't think
No. 1063278 ID: bc24cb

Don't worry about not using your true name.
They probably aren't either. They still think you're just a pizza delivery girl!
No. 1063283 ID: 8f9bc4

By Call on the Force do you mean like a Force Push, or do you mean that thing that makes all stormtroopers really bad shots? The latter might be really useful about now!
No. 1063309 ID: 85b96f

are we really though? For real really? we're really calling these clowns jedi for real? Because they can totally handle more stormtroopers if they're for real really jedi. and if not, we should still have jynn keep Force usage in her back pocket and just look for a different route, keep things as low-key as possible unless there's no other choice. Zena will sound like a concussed lunatic if she insists to her superiors that the useless pizzagirl strongarmed by the terrorists (who zena failed to find, and prevent from doing Whatever They Did) for a getaway in an incredibly shitty pizza speeder was actually a long-lost jedi survivor from her padawan cohort. or maybe not. But still, jynn could possibly maybe might conceivably get away from this with very little heat besides a humiliated sith schoolmate who goes down a bit too easy to a sucker punch.
No. 1063337 ID: e5709d

You need to warn Mr. Poof. They will investigate him after this, and they'll do it soon. Text him now; they'll be listening but they can't react fast enough to stop a speeding Quermian:
"I'm sorry. The Resistance made a fake delivery as a distraction. The Inquisitor got angry and accused us of being Jedi. Run."
No. 1063512 ID: a7a180
File 168385115191.png - (18.90KB , 500x500 , villainous_voyeur.png )

>You’re among J-
>are we really calling these clowns Jedi?
Well, Chiva’s got the signature braid of a padawan. The fact she’s still wearing it is either a bold statement or a remarkable oversight. Mika doesn’t dress the part, but he certainly fights like one. If they can use the Force and they’re being hunted by the Empire, you figure they’ve got as much claim to the title as you do.
>Anyway, use the Force
You take a breath and try to focus. You wish you were literally anywhere else right now - and the Force obliges. You find yourself looking at your reflection, several meters down the hall. She’s just as confused as you are. You look down at your hands and find it difficult to focus on them, your attention being drawn to the floor or walls instead. The others are mirrored in similar fashion, just in time for the reinforcements to arrive. Their squad leader points menacingly down the hall.
“There they are! After them!“
The stormtroopers run right past you like you don’t even exist. Good, let them keep thinking that. You motion for everybody to stay quiet and follow you. The doppelgangers mirror your sprint but run in the opposite direction, and the troopers give chase. You’ve got almost a straight shot to the exit.
Alas, just a few doors down from freedom, another squad of Coruscant’s finest comes marching past, and you flatten against the wall to let them pass. There’s quite a lot of them. They must have rallied every soldier in the garrison to the palace. …Really, this just seems excessive for four intruders. You’re starting to get nervous that one of these guys will march right into you. You decide to duck through a door to avoid catching a stray gunbarrel to the face. As the first one in, you scan the room and freeze. You are in a dimly lit, carpeted room. You see a coffee table, a stack of old pizza boxes, and an old man half asleep in front of a holovision drama.

“Hmm… *snore*…”
You’ve said enough, Lance! You killed my husband!
No, Janice - I AM your husband!
W-what? …That’s not true! That’s impossible!
Search your heart, you know it to be true!
…Oh, Lance!
Oh, Janice…

Oh, blitznak.
The Emperor is right there. Really real, for real this time.
“…Hm? Wuzzat?”
-Oh, did you swear that out loud? Oops. Whatever power is keeping you hidden, you desperately will it to work harder.
“Mm… what’s all that noise? Did that damn senator’s kid pull the fire alarm again? Little brat. She always does this during my shows!
Hold on, is someone there? I sense a disturbance in the Force… Is that you, Vader? No, I’d hear him chugging along like a choo-choo train. It’s polite to knock first, you know.”

>get the hell out of there
>get the frell out of there
>get the phanx out of there
No. 1063515 ID: e5709d

...His reflexes will prevent you from using a traditional lightsaber backstab.
Calmly and gently feed the pizza leftovers into his face. Talk about how you made imitation Mon Calamari from the ground remains of live Bothans.
Lightly jostle his chest cavity so it feeds into his lungs.
Continue doing this and make the most powerful tyrant in the galaxy die suffocating on a pizza.
No. 1063517 ID: 273c18

"Sorry, wrong door."
>get the phanx out of there
No. 1063518 ID: 708905

>get the frell out of there
No. 1063618 ID: 8f9bc4

Hell is too derivative. I'm thinking phanx, but frell has a nice ring to it. Yes, frell. Definitely go with frell.
No. 1063647 ID: 3b86e0

This old coot is the source of all your woes. You can't just leave unpunished.

Shiv him with your lightsaber, break his TV, steal pizza, tattle tale to Vader that he called him a choo choo train.
At least whisper in his ear that Star Trek is better.
No. 1063790 ID: a7a180
File 168409234641.png - (17.96KB , 500x500 , lap_2.png )

>Just get out of there!
You backpedal hard and bump into Mika behind you. He points behind you and shrugs, as if to ask what’s in there. You make a slicing motion and wave him away, as if to say they really shouldn’t go in there. He gives you a quizzical look that says ‘why not?’, until looking over your shoulder he spots the back of the emperor’s hood. Mika starts forward with his arms outstretched and it takes both you and Chiva to drag him away from the door. Mika breaks the silence, protesting, “Oh come on, he’s right there!”
“Exactly! Now run!”
People nearby are starting to wonder where your voices are coming from, so now you prioritise speed over stealth. You divert your willpower from cloaking to speeding you up, and you run. You run for your lives. You run past stormtroopers so fast that the nearest ones are bowled over, sending the snap shots of the men standing behind them wildly into the ceiling. The rebels in your jetstream start to lag behind, so you grab them each with an arm and drag them along Force knows how with you. You blow the doors off the exit and tumble to a stop next to Poof’s worn out speeder, tossing them aboard like pizzas and hopping into the driver’s seat. The engines roar like an angry rancor as you punch it out of there.
You shoot past the security booth and gun it into the oncoming lane of traffic once again. The sounds of sirens are keeping pace with you, even with so many breaking off pursuit or crashing there’s just too many of them. The speeder shakes like it’s going to fall apart. You pray for it to hold together for just one more light…
Your focus strays from the road for just a microsecond until Chiva yells to watch out. A tractored trailer is driving across the next intersection, and you’re barreling straight for it! The overworked, overloaded speeder is too heavy and going too fast to turn out of the way or slow down in time.

Only one choice left: How badass do you want this escape to be?
No. 1063792 ID: 1ed92d

Extra badass.
No. 1063795 ID: 6b0eab

So badass, that the author will have to pay the artist extra money to make it super badass

Or we can just make it regular extra badass
No. 1063797 ID: e5709d

No. 1063808 ID: e9415c

Yeah hi can i get a deluxe neatlover's badass with extra blockbuster and uhh add a pineapple topping. And uhhh does that come with free cheesesticks?
No. 1063814 ID: 8f9bc4


Pepperoni badass with extra cheese.
No. 1063834 ID: 64d61f

So badass you have no idea. They'll need a new word for how badass this escape is, something like evil-ass, because badass just won't -

Oh wait the speeder is going to blow up.
Badass escape on hold until we're pretty sure that won't happen or the badass rating is going to be absolute zero.
No. 1063915 ID: a7a180
File 168429007759.png - (17.71KB , 500x500 , not_a_happy_landing.png )

>Pepperoni badass with extra cheese
Given that down is the direction the speeder is currently most inclined to go, you jam the wheel forward and attempt to dive under the trailer.
“Everyone, duck!” You tuck your excessively long neck between your legs and pray the last thing you see is not the stains on the upholstery. Your stomach lurches from the negative gees as the speeder accelerates downward. Time decelerates as you blindly await judgment. There’s no way you’re poking your head up to check if you’ve passed the truck yet. How will you know that, come to think of it?
Your question is answered by a shriek of metal on metal and a sudden rush of air as the speeder clips the underside of the truck, tearing off your primary engine. With its decorative rocket fins no longer even pretending to offer stability, the craft veers wildly left and right. You wrestle with the controls to keep the nose up as you desperately look for a safe place to land.
Mika taps you on the shoulder. “Jynn, your hair’s on fire.”
What? You look behind you to see your ponytail has ignited off the flames shooting out the back of the speeder from damaged fuel lines.
“That’s really bad!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll put you out. Just keep driving.” Mika grabs your ponytail to extinguish it and your head is pulled back as you protest.
“Ack! Stop! Let go!” He lets go and your head nearly rebounds into the windshield. “The flames mean it’s about to explode! Do you understand? We’re gonna have to jump!”
“Okay. When?”
“Now!” You bail out over the side, and Chiva, Craig and Mika are quick to follow.
The speeder explodes in a fireball behind you as you freefall through Coruscant traffic. You brace for imminent impact, and hear a loud bang as you collide with something- soft.
Somehow, you’ve landed on a giant inflatable Zillo beast. The bang and subsequent hiss was the air escaping after your high-speed impact. You can hardly believe your luck.
“I… I made it?”
“We all made it!” Chiva says, popping up nearby. Craig too, gives a thumbs up from the maw of the beast. All except for Mika, who lands with a terrifying thud facedown on the plascrete. A torn banner for the Empire Day parade flutters down, which would explain the balloon.
You think he might actually be dead until he peels his face off the pavement. In a dazed voice, he announces, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, cats always… land on their feet.” He shakes the plascrete dust out of his hair and just walks it off like it was nothing.
After a quick pinch assures you you’re not dreaming, you slide down and disappear into the crowd assembled for the parade.
No. 1063916 ID: a7a180
File 168429008645.png - (14.42KB , 500x500 , come_fly_with_us.png )

You make your way on foot towards the spaceport where Chiva says they have a ship waiting.

“I have to say, Jynn, you got us out of a really tough situation. You went above and beyond what could be asked of any deliverywoman.”
“Oh, uh, thanks. I was just doing what I could to survive the life-threatening situation you put me in.”
“Right... Sorry about that, I did not foresee so many complications to the plan. Few people have faced down an inquisitor and lived to tell about it, let alone those falsely accused of being Jedi.”
“Ah, about that… she wasn’t quite as wrong as you think. I used to be a padawan, myself.”
Chiva’s ears perk up. “Oh, really? Perhaps it was destiny that we met. I formed this group of Force sensitives to fight the Empire in any way we could. We could really use another member, especially one with your driving skills.”
“...You mean, to be your getaway driver? And do all of this on a regular basis?”
“It’s usually much less hairy, I promise.”
Another offer of recruitment, so soon? You haven’t even quit your last job yet. Speaking of which. “...I’ll have to think about it. But first, I’ve got to make a call.” You ring up Mr. Poof one last time.

:poofworry: Oh, Jynn, it’s you. Everything went well, then?

“Well… not exactly. It was another prank call.”

:poofworry: Oh.

“…And Jynn may not, technically speaking, be my legal name, so I may have given them your ID at the door instead. Which got me chased out of there by a lot of stormtroopers, and an inquisition lady…”

:poofworry: Oh…

“And I might have gotten tangled up in a rebel plot when they saved me from said inquisition lady. And then, crashed your speeder in the getaway. Sorry.”

:poofworry: oh.

“So yeah, I know I’m probably fired.”

:poofworry: …I admit, I recognized you the moment you walked in the door. I’m just glad you’re safe. But yeah, I’d definitely have to fire you if I wasn’t closing my business and going into hiding, again, for a long, long time. Those rebels sound like they have your back. Good luck out there, kid.

“...Thank you, Master.”

You pocket the commlink and watch Chiva board her ship. Is that a Gthroc 720? How’d a bunch of fugitives afford a ship this nice? She stops halfway up the ramp and turns back to you.
“So, want to ditch this planet and come with us?”
No. 1063917 ID: a7a180
File 168429009487.png - (11.87KB , 500x500 , jynn-uine_smile.png )

“…Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.”
No. 1063918 ID: a7a180
File 168429010513.png - (123.72KB , 500x500 , employee_of_the_month.png )

Thank you for reading.
And thanks to Mika, Craig, Chiva, and the rest of the OK Gang’s players.
And Jukashi and Tippler too, while I’m at it.
No. 1063919 ID: a7a180
File 168429010944.png - (8.84KB , 400x225 , jynns_final_judgement.png )

PIZZAS: 12/13

No. 1063920 ID: be2ac4

No. 1063922 ID: 8f9bc4

Planet ditched! Planet ditched! We have a ditched planet repeat we have a ditched planet!!
No. 1063927 ID: 273c18

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