>>1093604

Bite wounds, gashes... got any whiskey?

>Hey what did I say about surprise guests
Yeah well we're gonna have more any minute, there's a buncha nutjobs out tonight.

Just clean and bandage for now, disinfectant if you have it.

>>1093607

A bunch of psychopathically violent criminal nutjobs that think they're vampires! GET YOUR GUN!

>>1093604

Blankets. Heated blankets if you can get them heated quickly. Get some warm but not scalding mild herbal tea with honey in it for her. Clean and disinfect her wounds. Clean and bandage her. Get a fire going in the fireplace, set her in front of it. Get her a bunch of tissues and a bin for them. Get her a comfy chair she can relax and maybe doze in.

>>1093604
Clean out the wounds with high proof alcohol, and make sure you use CLEAN bandages too. You got a first aid kit? She may want some pain relievers too.

Oh, and you might want to think about barricading the doors and windows.

1/4 Buckwheat 2024/06/30(Sun)12:50 No. 1093616 ID: 15a025
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>Yeah well we're gonna have more any minute, there's a buncha nutjobs out tonight.
>violent criminal nutjobs that think they're vampires! GET YOUR GUN!
SHIT! They could easily be following my tracks still!

Gretchen: “Damn it George! GO GET YOUR GUN! CRIMINAL NUSTJOBS COULD BE ON THE PROPERTY ANY SECOND NOW!”

George: “I SAID I WILL HELP OUT, WHEN IT’S COMM-“

Sports Announcer: “This is Patrick Stagg with ESDN, and we’ll be seeing you for the final quarter. Right after these sponsored messages.”

He mumbles to himself…

George: “Alright alright, I’ll go get the shotgun. If I don’t see anyone out there by the time the games back on I’m getting back in me chair!”

I whisper to the poor roughed up deer,
Gretchen: ”’Bout time he got up off that chair. He’s always like this on football night.”

2/4 Buckwheat 2024/06/30(Sun)12:52 No. 1093617 ID: 15a025
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I take the poor thing into the other room and start digging around for anything helpful…

>got any whiskey?
No, that’s George’s. Not allowed to touch it, like I would anyway. Course it would be helpful now.

>Clean and bandage her.
>make sure you use CLEAN bandages too.
What, you think I’m dumb enough to give her used and dirty bandages? I get the first-aid kit and carefully dab over her snoot gashes with a alcohol soaked cotton ball.

Patient: “Oou! Ah! Ssss! Tha-that stings!
”
Gretchen: “Sit still just a bit more, now lemme git a big bandage on that.”

Hm, can’t exactly wrap gauze around that. Less I wanna end up muzzling her with’em. Guess sticking a few small ones will have to do. Then I get her arm wrapped up and take care of her bite marks as well.

Gretchen: “They sure did a number on you. Poor thing.”

Patient: “I-i-don’t remind me.”

Gretchen: “Oh, sorry. Well...here come on now, let’s get you warmed up by the fire."

3/4 Buckwheat 2024/06/30(Sun)12:52 No. 1093618 ID: 15a025
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I get the fireplace and stove going and wrap her up in a bundle of blankets.

>Get some warm but not scalding mild herbal tea with honey in it for her.
Gretchen: “Do you like tea?”

Patient: “I-uh…sure!”

4/4 Buckwheat 2024/06/30(Sun)12:52 No. 1093619 ID: 15a025
File 171977717464.png - (323.01KB , 500x500 , 34.png )

I get a kettle on the stove and start boiling some water. It’ll take a bit before the water’s ready. Is there anything I should talk to her or George about? Maybe I should get something else on the stove too…

> with a alcohol soaked cotton ball.

Better hope George doesn't find out!

No really, isowhatever alcohol is fine too, if whiskey isn't an option.

Can't hurt to put on a pot of soup.

>>1093630
Yeah soup. Its a long night ahead

>>1093619
Thin soup.

While it simmers check all your doors are locked.
Then sit and while she eats ask her name.
Where shes from.
Smallest of small talk.
If you see george tell him to keep that gun close even when the game is back on.
The things out there are dangerous.

Is it physically possible to get George to acknowledge the seriosity of this here situation? As insufferable as he’s being right now, I’m guessing we *don’t* want him dead. Show him the girl, emphasize what state she was in when you FOUND her. Shit is getting real, and if he doesn’t get his shit together, his shit will get eaten alive by whatever the hell is out there.

You should ask for her name. Kinda rude to just keep calling her patient.

...George already got eaten alive, didn't he.

My one recommendation is to make sure that wherever you're hunkered down, George is between you and the doors. Let any interlopers run into him first, and with any luck, the business end of his shotgun will take care of them.

Let's go talk to George and say something short but impationated, like "George, what's happened to us lately? We barely care about each other anymore. You were even willing to let our house be broken into if it let you have a few more minutes of game Time! What made you lose interest in everything else? Was it me? If we live through this, I want you to know that I miss you, I miss what we had, and I wish we can have it again." *handsqueeze*

1/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/06(Sat)21:47 No. 1093890 ID: 15a025
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>Can't hurt to put on a pot of soup.
>Yeah soup. It’s a long night ahead
>Thin soup.
My stomach starts to rumble, reminding me of why I went out in the first place. Maybe if George behaves and stays on watch, he can have some too. It’ll have to be carrot stew though, about all we have left.

>Is it physically possible to get George to acknowledge the seriosity of this here situation? As insufferable as he’s being right now, I’m guessing we *don’t* want him dead.

As much as I’d love to bash his head in, especially today, I’d be devastated and lonely without him. As for taking it seriously, well… he’ll probably shoot anything or anyone that interrupts the game that isn’t me.

2/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/06(Sat)21:47 No. 1093891 ID: 15a025
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>Then sit and while she eats, ask her name. Where shes from. Smallest of small talk.
It’s going to be a bit before that stew’s finished. I sit down for a moment and chit-chat with our guest.

Patrick Stagg: “And we’re back! This is Patrick Stagg bringing you here for the final quarter!”

Of course you are, and here comes George stampeding back to his chair, gun in tow.
Gretchen: “George be careful! You’re gonna end up-“

George: “Zip it, games back on.”

Gretchen: “George you need to keep watch-“

George: “And who is this disgusting, sickly looking creature you’ve dragged into the house anyway?!”

George: “Come on now, your nose is running like a faucet! Wife gave you a box of tissues, use the damn things!”

She looks over and blows through a few tissues.

3/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/06(Sat)21:48 No. 1093892 ID: 15a025
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Patient: “S-sorry. Uh… My name’s Gretta. Gretta Grismiller.”

George: “GRISMILLER? You? You’re a Grismiller?!”

Gretchen: “Who? George we don’t know any-”

George: “Gregg Gristmiller! You know, only the owner of the biggest lumber yard and hardware store in the state Gretchen!”

Gretta: “Oh! Y-you know my father?”

4/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/06(Sat)21:54 No. 1093893 ID: 15a025
File 172032806269.png - (7.75KB , 800x800 , 38.png )

George: “Well, not personally. I just shop at one of his stores is all.”

Gretta: “O…oh.”

Gretchen: “Something wrong deery?”

George: “Yeah! Quit yer yappin so I can hear what’s going on!”

Gretchen: “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Gretta.”

He turns the volume up on tv again.

Gretta: “I-it’s nothing.”

George: “Don’t you have dinner or something cookin? That skinny th- I mean... your guest is probably starving!”

...Is your husband a hardcore religious zealot?
Ask Gretchen if she's on... good terms with her dad. Because the serials who captured her would be pretty stupid to intentionally mess with the richest asshole in the state.

>>1093893
ETA on the soup?

This George is a real piece of work, Gretchen, and if he's the only thing between you and a devastating loneliness, then I hope you've been considering expanding your support network.

But more immediately, you have a lumber magnate's daughter in your house, and she may be hotly pursued by maniacs who are willing to kill. Does her dad's company log these woods? Is that why she was kidnapped, to be a bargaining chip with her father's company? How was she kidnapped,anyway? It might be a good thing to ask about.

>>1093893
She sounded worried he knew her father...
Run away taken advantage of maybe...
Poor greta.

Soup for her.
Maybe an extra blanket over the shoulders.

Let her rest a little and eat before figuring out what to do next.

1/3 Buckwheat 2024/07/17(Wed)19:32 No. 1094393 ID: 15a025
File 172126996720.png - (214.25KB , 500x500 , 39.png )

>Does her dad's company log these woods?
Gretchen: “Does your dad or his company log in these woods?”

Gretta: “Hm…no I don’t think he does. Maybe not yet anyway.”

George: “Ain’t no way I’d be selling our trees to some flapjack munchin wood jockeys. Not even to another man I respect."

Gretchen: “No one asked you George, go back to your football game.”

>How was she kidnapped,anyway? It might be a good thing to ask about.
Gretchen: “Gretta. I know it’s a hard question to ask, but how did you get kidnapped in the first place?”

Gretta: “Well, I was back on campus heading to my night class, when something went over my head! I freaked out and fell over. Things were pretty hazy after that. Last thing I remember was waking up in that basement.”

2/3 Buckwheat 2024/07/17(Wed)19:36 No. 1094394 ID: 15a025
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TV: “OH! INTERCEPTION, and just before the ten yard line!”

George: “WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT! Come on get your act together!”

Gretchen: “George! Don’t interrupt our guests. We’re still up a few points anyway…”

George: “Wait, what was that?”

Gretchen: “Nothing dear.”

George: "No not you! Ah never mind. Must be windy outside, receptions getting a little fuzzy."

>ETA on the soup?

Maybe some warm food will help everyone here. Wait, soup? Oh no! I started making a stew not soup. Ah well, not like George’ll know either way.

The tea kettle starts whistling, so I take care of that first. I carefully pour a cup for Gretta and dip a tea bag in. I check my carrots for the stew but they don’t seem ready yet-

*THUMP*

I freeze in place. A single knock?

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

No, it almost sounds like it’s coming from abo-

3/3 Buckwheat 2024/07/17(Wed)19:37 No. 1094395 ID: 15a025
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George: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME! RIGHT IN THE FINAL QUARTER OF THE GAME!”

Gretchen: “George be quiet! There’s some weird noises on the roof!”

George: “TV SIGNAL IS CUTTING OUT RIGHT AS IT HITS THE LAST FIVE MINUTES!”

"It's probably the insane wannabe-vampire violently homicidal criminals destroying the antenna or something. Why they care about the TV antenna... well, I did say 'insane', didn't I?"

"Great, the 'doctor' cut our fuse box. George, please murder whoever did this with your shotgun."

They stole your wood and now they're after your antenna! George's turn to deal with these hooligans.

>>1094395
Oh.
NOW hes motivated...

Reassure your guest. She's going to be worried.

Then you can tell your hubby that first they came for the wood, now they want his gametime.
It sounded like one was on the roof, so warn him.
If he does go storming out there he may get ambushed so watch his back from the door. If he forgets the shotgun, you remember it.

Oh no! Its a trap to get George outside and leave you and Gretta defenseless. Fire shots at the roof to scare them.

Santa?!

>>1094434
That big jolly bastard probably likes curling. Damn him and his deer enslaving ways.

1/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/21(Sun)17:58 No. 1094597 ID: 15a025
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>Reassure your guest. She's going to be worried.
I ignore George for now and bring Gretta her tea.

>They stole your wood and now they're after your antenna! George's turn to deal with these hooligans.
>you can tell your hubby that first they came for the wood, now they want his gametime.
Gretchen: “Have some tea and warm up a little bit. George’ll go outside and get the antenna fixed. Won’t you George?

He grumbles and fumbles with his gun out.

Gretchen: “First it was our wood, and now it’s the antenna. When are you going to do something about this George!”

George: “Now listen here woman! If there’s anyone up on that roof messing with my antenna, I’m blastin them off to Hell! I also want a play-by-play report of what I missed.”

Gretchen: “George, I’ll write verbatim what the announcers and coaches say. JUST TAKE CARE OF THE DAMN CRIMINALS ON OUR ROOF!”

He gives me a pen and pad.

George: “About time you offer to do something useful.” He then stomps out the front door, gun in tow.

Gretchen: [smal]”Alright, no dinner for George it is then.”[/small]

2/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/21(Sun)17:58 No. 1094598 ID: 15a025
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I go back to my stew, trying to ignore the loud footsteps on the roof.

George: ”YOU LITTLE SCUM BAG! YOU DON’T GET BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS HOMETEAM ON GAMENIGHT!”

A gunshot booms from the roof. Hopefully that’s the last of-

3/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/21(Sun)17:59 No. 1094599 ID: 15a025
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The front door slams open, a very muscular bear with a mask is standing on my porch.

4/4 Buckwheat 2024/07/21(Sun)17:59 No. 1094600 ID: 15a025
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He has my ax.

Step 1: Ask him to put the ax down.
Step 2: Flash your tits.
Step 3: Bolt for Gretchen.
Step 4: Escape out the window.

That stew is scalding hot. You can probably just throw the stew at him, drench him in it

Did the other masked dude even react to injury? Burns might not work. You probably have other items you could use here, like throwing pots and pans at him.
The axe is a problem though; if he swings that at you, you need to either not get hit, or put something sturdy between you and him.

You should call for help from George, and look around for something to trip the masked man up, like some oil or something else he'd trip on like a bunch of marbles.

>>1094603
stew blinding is a good plan, but you'll need to wait till he approaches close enough.

>>1094603
This
.
Back away.
Let him get close,
then its dinner time!
And while hes reeling, beat him around the head with any pan you have.
Just imagine hes george in those angry fantasies you sometimes have thatd youd never really do.

He has your axe!

Hold a pan for defense, as it will probably make for a better shield than nothing, even if it is an axe.

Picture these weirdos as the football players and that awful, awful Patrick Stagg from that stinkin' ESDN that keeps your husband hooked to the boob tube.

Then grab the boiling pot.

He has your axe? Your axe, that you gave to Gretchen? How did he get it, where did she put it?

If he's that prime a specimen, you'll have to fight smarter, not harder. Scalding him might give you a second, but it won't stop him, especially if these maskers can shrug off things that would make most people recoil. You're burning the wood you recovered in that stove, right? Would it be worth it to try setting the intruder on fire?

>>1094708
And risk getting the house on fire? Not smart. Scalding him with the stew is a good way to get him to stop for a moment. After that, I don't know, shove a poker in his neck? The biggest knife we can find? Even if he's tough as shit, boiling stew is boiling stew.