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File 159880111269.png - (194.72KB , 800x800 , FG-OP6.png )
975314 No. 975314 ID: 5fc3a0

Frillsby and Gallsby are the most real cops on the force, with fully equipped badges.

Or we did have badges, but something's wrong.
Expand all images
No. 975315 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159880112379.png - (161.80KB , 800x800 , 730.png )

"Please answer my question."
>"But you didn't ask anything."
No. 975316 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159880113475.gif - (32.73KB , 560x560 , 731.gif )

"You know what my question is."
>"... You gotta ask me first."
"Why is your badg- "
>"Everyone acts weird around me with my badge on! They all act nice and cautious, hiding all their their illegal cocaine, stopping all crime... it's weird, it's bad, and I've had enough."
"It hasn't even been 8 hours since we woke up."
>"And I've already had 7 people throw up their hands at me and joke 'I didn't do it!' or only 6, I don't think Ceo was joking. Anyway I can't do it anymore, being a cop sucks actually."
"How did you even remove the letters from the badge?"
>"The paint just chipped right off."
"And now you have a badge that just has 'Dorb' written on it in sharpie, with a star next to it."
>"That's not all!"
"Please, then, elaborate what else is there."
>"A blank spot where we can write our own word with our own sharpie. We could be anything, Frillsby! We just have to write our dream down. We can even chip off the star and write whole sentences."
No. 975317 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159880114682.png - (123.40KB , 800x800 , 732.png )

"Writing something doesn't make it real."
>"We became real cops by putting on party city costume badges! If that made us cops - "
"No, no, we're not real cops."
>"What. What was all this for then?"
"I was on the phone with Baxter earlier to help him file a case against Vabrelius. I told him about our badges, about how we were real cops, and he dropped the biggest fact on me. Did you know that cops don't exist? Like, none. It's all fake, Gallsby. Cops aren't real."
>"What! But his badge! He has a badge, it's metal!"
"I know! I told him about that. He says that the realest fake cops smelt and forge their own badges. He was proud of it, Gallsby. Which is fair, it's a really good badge, but it's literally exactly as legit as a party costume."
>"All I'm hearing is that this changes nothing, I erased Police and now I'm going to write a title and it's not going to matter if it's fake anyway. We'll make it real. We're going to make dreams real."
"Let's do it. What's it going to be? Bouncer? Civil Servant?"
>"You really believe that I thought this through, huh?
No. 975318 ID: 465a14

The consistent themes in your adventures are dicks and the associated activities. Dicksucking Club?
No. 975323 ID: d5a44e

Pro Skater, of course
No. 975324 ID: bb78f2

Gallsby, we've been anti-magic social workers this entire time, solving magic and social problems throughout the city.

We're good social worker's Gallsby, the only bad guy we came across we had to like, actually take to a jail was... whenever ago. Jail's are fake though so... I don't know, maybe he's going to a therapist now? We should have asked Baxter on the phone.

Let's go solve some problems.
No. 975326 ID: 831d71

You guys roam around helping people, taking people's problems and fixing them, tackling people doing bad things and getting them to stop but also helping them. You are friends. Professional friends. Write PRO PALS on your badge. You are the PRO PALS squad, from the PRO PALS department. Anyone need a pal? They come to you. Who knows, perhaps you shall employ more PRO PALS in the future.

Wait, if police are fake, what about the Mayor? Is she a fake mayor?
No. 975328 ID: 8fab7a

You are now the Dorb OCPS.

Original Character Parn Studs

Oh dammit, you misspelled 'Porn'.

In your acronym.

Actually, since it's an acronym, you can make it into whatever you want. Orgy Crew Partner Solutions. Ogling Cheerleaders Prevention Squad. Overt Classy Pants Seekers.

... it doesn't have to be that acronym. But -a- acronym might be cool?
No. 975330 ID: c70ff4

the one true answer is CFB for Casual Friendly Blowjobs Cool Funtime bro
No. 975334 ID: 422cea

Wait if the police are fake, what authority has anyone been operating under this entire time. I don't think I'm ready for the slippery reveal of how this is some anarchic post-apocalyptic world which would honestly explain a lot of things. I'm just here to see some ducks sucked.
No. 975338 ID: bb78f2

I'm very ready for an collectivist-anarchy society thank you very much.

I'm all for it, comrade Gallsby.
No. 975341 ID: 2e15a9

I really believe I ought to write 'dunce' on your badge, Gallsby. I'm exercising incredible police restraint by not doing it right now in fact.
No. 975342 ID: a0dfd2


"The Law." Yes, with a period at the end.

Or, I dunno, if all you're doing is enforcing safety and protecting the hapless civilians of Dorb, where weird magic shit happens somewhat regularly, guess you're really just "Civil Protection."

Yup. You protect the civilians. Because you're Frillsby and Gallsby, appointed by Mayor.
No. 975343 ID: 365ffb

Smash Club.

It has multiple meanings.

Alternatively, you could wright fuck the police on it. Dorb City FTP.

No wait. You're The Fuzz.
No. 975345 ID: bb78f2

Okay after hearing the best suggestion so far and ever I'm going to second Smash Club
No. 975347 ID: b1b4f3

If cops don't exist, then... anyone can arrest anyone else, and bring them to prison? Then without anyone whose job it is to collect evidence on crimes (that's a thing cops do), it's just what, the accused's word against the accuser?

How about make your job title "Good Boy"
No. 975354 ID: 19fdd8

Can we fit "Boner Inspector" on that thing?
No. 975355 ID: f8fa51

You are real police, because that's what you've been doing, semi-professionally. You've been policing the town, with the mostly-consent of the populace and the mayor. That makes you police.
No. 975356 ID: f8fa51

I'm going to have to vote for The Fuzz.
No. 975364 ID: e77a36

Yes, The Fuzz is good.
No. 975395 ID: 86eb65

No. 975403 ID: 422cea

I like the Fuzz.

Put F.U.Z.Z. on the badge, it stands for absolutely nothing.
No. 975483 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159906416522.png - (178.16KB , 800x800 , 733.png )

"Pro pals. Smash club."
>"Oh that's good. What about 'the fuzz'? Wait. F.U.Z.Z. It stands for Fuzz."
"There has to be a cooler acronym. Something like OCPS."
>"What's that stand for?"
"Uh... Overt Classy... Pants... Seekers."
>"Frillsby you've never sought out pants in your life!"
"Ogling Cheerleaders Prevention Squad."
"Fine, we'll do something like Dorb City Smash Club."
>"OCPS stands for Dorb City Smash Club?"
"No! And what's the point of erasing Police if we replace it with police slang?"
>"We gotta have an acronym. We just gotta. They're cool and we can't show our faces around town if no one thinks we're cool."
"We can and I'm sure we will."
No. 975484 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159906419512.png - (139.80KB , 800x800 , 734.png )

I grab a sharpie out of the depths of our utility drawer and get working.

"There's no law stating we must be cool."
>"But there's a fake law for it."
"There isn't."
>"I just made it up."
"Smash Club. CFB Division."
>"Ohh okay I can get behind that. And I will because it's a badge. Now it's time for the real questions, if we're real fake cops, who's authority are we under? I mean, if it gets out that all cops are fake, anyone could arrest anyone! Can you imagine if we were chasing Vabrelius and we were all 'you're under arrest!' but then he slapped us with a 'no you are'. What would we do? We'd be in jail that's what."
"We've got the authority because Mayor told us we could."
>"Well who made her mayor? What if I wanted to be Mayor? Or CEO! Who's stopping me?!"
"Civil responsibility, for starters. Uh... your impeccable sense of morality and respect? You know what, that's a good question. I'm going to ask Mayor some questions about these existential revelations."
No. 975485 ID: 5fc3a0
File 159906423774.png - (142.23KB , 800x800 , 735.png )

I call the mayor's mansion, if just so she can extend her authority to the newfound Smash Club.


>"Get it Frillsby?" asks Gallsby. "I'm getting behind the badge." ring "Because badges go in the front." ring "And I'm behind it." ring "So I'm getting " ring "behind the" ring "badge."
"Gallsby I'm on the phone right now." ring
>"No, the phone's on you."


I don't think the Mayor is picking up. She must be back on her 23/7 sleep cycle.
No. 975486 ID: 465a14

go inside her mansion then call her again
No. 975487 ID: 86eb65

Don't you live in a post apocolyptic crazy land?

Anyways go check with the mayor. She probably got voted in or something and thus is a proper official maybe.

As for you two you are as official as you are going to get. Wear your totally real badges with pride. You can get some fancier ones made later if you want.
No. 975488 ID: 1ed92d

Point out that Mayor is probably Mayor because literally no one else wants the job after the War destroyed all forms of centralized governance.
No. 975497 ID: b1b4f3

Hmm or maybe it's that anyone can arrest anyone but you still need evidence for any chance of conviction, and there's procedures for collecting evidence so not everyone can be *effective* at law enforcement.

May as well pay the Mayor a visit.
No. 975502 ID: bb78f2

Zoom out the camera, reveal the metaphorical badge he's talking about is someone with a Zoro mask and we had this conversation in the middle of a shirts and/or masks only, month early Halloween party.
No. 975508 ID: 365ffb

The mayor is the mayor by default and by postapocalyptic meritocratic evaluation. If she's doing the job and she's literally named Mayor and she lives in the mayor's house you're going to have a hard time convincing anyone she isn't the mayor. So she's mayor by general consensus and by the fact that nobody can be any amount of assed to try to change the situation, which is significant because you really do need a lot of ass to change things.
No. 975510 ID: 831d71

Or maybe she's been mayornapped!!
No. 975539 ID: 70d854

She's not picking up, which means she's either sleeping or kidnapped. One of these is a problem; you two'd better head over there. Good opportunity to show off your "new" badges.
No. 975558 ID: 8fab7a

There's one last way to solve an existential crisis.

Get donuts.
No. 975569 ID: f3f534

>you really do need a lot of ass to change things.
You're right! We need to find someone with a really big fat ass to make some changes around here! Let's start looking for that person!
No. 975747 ID: 15a025

Better check to make sure the mayor hasn't been mayor napped!
No. 976623 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160046345259.png - (424.06KB , 1200x800 , 736.png )

"The phone on me isn't getting picked up. Mayor might be asleep."

"Or she's been mayornapped."
>"So either she's asleep or she's napping?"
"Napping while captured!"
>"Hold on a second do you think people are kidnapped every time they break line of sight with you?"
"It's a real problem, and it doesn't help that I might be right. Let's go."

We drive to Mayor's mansion.
No. 976624 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160046349582.png - (115.52KB , 800x800 , 737.png )

"Alright, let me try calling again."

> ring

"Oh it's the town hall's phone I've been calling." I say to myself since Gallsby's wandering down the hall.

> ring

"I thought I was calling her cell phone. Oops."

> ring


> ring

>"Hey Mayor's door is wide open over here!"
No. 976625 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160046353724.png - (195.33KB , 1200x800 , 738.png )

>"I can't believe mayor's ascended beyond her bed."
"I can, because if she didn't, she'd be here."
>"So you were calling the desk? I can't believe she doesn't have a cell phone."
"She has one. It's right there, on the bed."
>"... yeah so she clearly doesn't have it!"
No. 976626 ID: 465a14

Unplugged the alarm clock, too. Either Mayor started sleepwalking to avoid alarms or Ceo or someone who knows her equally well dragged her off somewhere. It's probably fine, wacky hijinks being conducted with no thought regarding legality.
No. 976627 ID: 14c138

It won't hurt to investigate a little bit more.
No. 976628 ID: b1b4f3

Look out the window.
No. 976629 ID: ffa653

Maybe she's just wandered a bit in her sleep, or retreated to somewhere extra-secure against being woken up. Look under the bed and in the closet and things like that.

Were those hanging stars always there? That sounds to me like something Ceo would have done while Mayor was asleep as a joke. The fact that there are things on the bed is strange, though. Why unplug the clock AND move it onto the bed? Hm. And the door was wide open, you say? But if she'd left she'd have locked the place up. Very strange! This could be a crime scene after all! Time to hunt for clues.

With delicacy. This is a lady's boudoir, you know.
No. 976638 ID: 214cda

She could just be in the shower.
No. 976640 ID: 8fab7a

And under the bed, let's be fair.
No. 976693 ID: f8fa51

Check the window for signs of a break-in, in defiance of the obvious fact that anyone could have walked in the front door.
No. 976694 ID: 1ed92d

Check under the bed, and search the graveyard next.
No. 976766 ID: 15a025

Check the grave yard to make sure she wasn't ghostnapped.
No. 978799 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160298473223.png - (371.67KB , 800x800 , 739.png )

"If there was a mayornapping here, it was done clean and without a fight. No broken anything, no glow in the dark space objects yanked off the ceiling, pretty sure all these were here when we were last in Mayor's room. She did leave her room wide open, and that doesn't seem right."
>"She could've just forgot. I forget things all the time and I'm not as tired as she is."
"Yeah true but let's walk around the house a bit and see what we can find."

Not under her bed, in the shower, all windows are shut, no signs of activity in any rooms on the first or second floor at a quick peek inside each. It looks like Ceo might've moved in here, but she's not here now.
No. 978800 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160298480503.png - (248.60KB , 800x800 , 740.png )

I finish by looking over the graveyard.

>"Hey Frillsby, is the mayor out there?"
>"Good that she's not buried in the graveyard!"
"No one said anything about being buried."
>"Good! Yeah! Hold on what're you standing in front of?"
"You mean... grass?"
>"The flat grass!"
"What the hell are y - oh footprints I see. They're too big to be Mayor's. I think? Maybe? Wait, Gallsby, how big were Mayor's feet?"
>"How would I know why're you asking me that?!"
"You might know I don't know!"
>"What a wild thing to ask!"
No. 978801 ID: 465a14

next priority discover mystery eye thief who victimized the good ol falcine radium Gallsb

or call Ceo to ask about Mayor feet
No. 978802 ID: 465a14

wait fuck Gallsby looks weird and he doesn't know things you'd reasonably expect anyone to know this is a shrek you've been attacked by a shrek again quick ask him how big villi's dick is
No. 978803 ID: 1a8428

Are those footprints going out into the graveyard, or in towards some external basement door or something?... Is there a basement? Did you look in it? Is there a room up behind the clock, or an attic?

Those are odd shaped footprints. Like someone walked sideways towards/away from the house?
No. 978804 ID: b1b4f3

Alright get Gallsby down here and you both follow the footprints.
No. 978805 ID: 83ea8d

I... actually don't remember about Mayor's feet. We can't rule out if these are hers or someone else's.
No. 978827 ID: b970b2

Once you've finished at Mayor's house it's probably worth following them regardless, who knows where they might lead?
No. 978936 ID: 4d6de9

The mayor's feet are pretty normal/smallish-sized: >>/questarch/904548
No. 979094 ID: 5b0071

Try contacting CEO, maybe she dragged Mayor into something or at least knows what's up
No. 979458 ID: 15a025

Probably best to call up CEO and ask if she knows what's up? Or let her know the Mayor's missing now.
No. 979882 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160391427677.png - (217.64KB , 800x800 , 741.png )

I look at the footprints but no latent tracking talent gets awakened in me. It's like a semi-circle. No, semi-circle. Hooves? Hooves if there were no split toe. Hooves with shoes. Or just big shoes in that shape. I could try calling Ceo to ask if Mayor had any giant hooved feet all this time and I never noticed, but I'll follow these tracks while I think of how I could possibly phrase that question to Ceo without imploding.

"Wait a minute, the Gallsby I know doesn't know anything, and here you spotted tracks outta nowhere. Are you another layered ogre? Prove you're the real Gallsby, and tell me how big Villi's dick is."
>"I dunno Frillsby because I'm the real Gallsby and apparently the real Gallsby doesn't know anything so how would I know his dick is this long?!"
"Whatever, get down here so we can follow these tracks. They look like they're going away from the graveyard."

Gallsby leaps off the balcony, and gracefully somersaults onto the ground like a clump of seaweed.

"Why have you done this."
>"It was faster. Here's Villi's dick."

He draws a dick on the ground with his claw. It's a crude representation, but I could believe that's about the right size.
No. 979883 ID: 5fc3a0
File 160391429083.png - (191.93KB , 1200x800 , 742.png )

We follow the tracks beyond the trees, and I call Ceo on the way.

>"Leave a message!"
"Have you seen Mayor? If so call me back."

The tracks continue on for awhile before stopping at the edge of a back road. We look around, but they don't pick up on the other side.

"Well I'm stumped. What're you doing over there?"
>"Sniffing to detect lingering smells."
"What do you smell?"
"Oh. Then - oh, I just remembered. Mayor's feet. They're a little small, but still pretty normal."
>"Okay that's a really weird fact to know, Frillsby, I'm not sure I needed to know that!"
"Yet now you have to carry the weight of this pretty normal knowledge forever."

We either keep looking, or just wait for Ceo to respond.
No. 979884 ID: 465a14

Either search Mayor's house for secret places she could be hiding in or... the only thing I can think of that would entice Mayor would be those gas station energy drinks you guys found before. Go to the gas station and see if Mayor is craving that Intellifuck.
No. 979886 ID: b1b4f3

So, I guess Mayor got taken into a vehicle. Check to see where this road goes. The car could have gone either direction, after all... but you may be able to tell by the tracks if the car was on this side of the road or not. If it was on this side then you can follow it as if it was driving on this side, so to your right.
No. 979891 ID: 77cba3

It is almost halloween. Maybe the Mayor turns into a giant monster once a year.

Keep looking while waiting for CEO. Check for tracks and direction of said tracks. Then figure out where this road goes.
No. 979921 ID: a0dfd2


Or maybe a more regular-sized person who just isn't tired all the time?

That'd be really spooky, honestly.
No. 980146 ID: 15a025

Let's keep searching around. We don't know how long it'll be before Ceo calls us back.
No. 980877 ID: 23b523

MMM Gallsby take your pants off, we'll do this nudist style.
No. 983638 ID: abb840

Pants off! Pants off!
No. 984431 ID: e8dd22

Let's get naaaaaaaaaaked~
No. 986004 ID: dc7b39

pfft. another dead quest for the pile.
No. 986036 ID: 8a51ec

No. 986070 ID: bfd630

I mean, thread 6 of a quest by one of our most prolific authors who has three or four current stories and is actively updating a different quest right now is hardly a doomed thread. Just not right now.
No. 988532 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161377077203.png - (168.62KB , 800x800 , 743.png )

>"So what if the mayor entered the vehicle, and wore big ol' boots to leave footprints like this?"
"These are weird boots. I can't imagine Mayor in boots like that. I'm trying and failing. Cannot be done."
No. 988533 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161377078270.png - (216.14KB , 800x800 , 744.png )

>"I wonder if her magic power is turning into a huge monster once a year?"
"And then she gets into a car and drives off to have huge monster adventures, Gallsby?"
>"Yeah! One too many energy drinks, and all her sleep power blows up into a huge rampage!"
"I'm not ruling it out, but I am putting it at the bottom of the idea list."
No. 988534 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161377079303.png - (109.30KB , 800x800 , 745.png )

"While we wait for Ceo to respond, let's get in the car and drive down this road and what the fuck?"
>"My claw was stuck! I had to get it out!"
"So pull on it!"
>"I did Frillsby did you think I just went straight to ripping up my pants?!"
"I do! I do, actually! Now we have to go pants shopping later and you know how that goes!"
>"Whatever I'll just wear the car!"
"I'll put the car around my legs!"
No. 988535 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161377080233.png - (200.10KB , 1000x800 , 746.png )

Technically, he does do that. We drive for about 10 minutes.

"Okay I don't think we're going to find anything at this rate. We'll stop at the gas station a head, maybe Mayor dropped by for an energy drinks. I don't know why she'd have gone this way, though."
"Maybe she sneaks in. I mean lately she's been way more active, right? And up until lately we never even saw her!"
>"That's true. I don't - hold on, I see something ahead. It looks like car trouble, I see some smoke just off the road."
No. 988536 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161377085382.png - (209.59KB , 1000x800 , 747.png )

"Now that we're up close, that car does not look big enough f-"


I don't know what unholy noise that was, but it causes me to take my foot off the brake.

>"Hey Frillsby you wanna revisit that huge monster idea I had?" says Gallsby.
No. 988537 ID: 2748b3

I think they're having car issues, cops are supposed to help with that sorta stuff, right? Go help!
No. 988540 ID: b1b4f3

Well, go see what's going on.
You know, it's possible that Mayor has a huge monster friend and they're just out for a drive. There was no sign of a struggle. Better approach without any assumptions.

But like, don't let your guard down either.
No. 988541 ID: 8a51ec

Is there somebody in that car, or at least what used to be somebody?
No. 988542 ID: 151023

It appears that some poor citizen is having trouble with their vehicle. As police officers, it is your duty to make sure they're not in too much trouble.
No. 988545 ID: 5b0071

Car breakdowns can be stressful. Render assistance!
But yeah your Fight Karma is probably leaning towards another fight here.
No. 988558 ID: fdd320

>revisit monster idea
Not really, because then you’d have to cuff or hug that thing to affect it with anti-magic.

... you’re gonna have to try now, dammit.
No. 988572 ID: 77cba3

Yeah go see if they need a tow or ride to town.
No. 988806 ID: 15a025

Got some tow cable? Poor guy looks like his car broke down.
No. 988874 ID: 1ed92d

Let's go speak to the huge monster.
No. 988894 ID: 465a14

shun the carfucker for his carfucking ways
No. 989213 ID: 580e8b

Cheer him on, and maybe lend a hand~
You know you both want too.
No. 989249 ID: 242921

Is it really fucking it?
No. 989268 ID: 580e8b

It certainly seems like it, but it could also be another visual trick to set us up for expecting lewd stuff when the actual events are normal.
We'll just have to go and have a look for ourselves.
No. 993823 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161712459574.png - (157.41KB , 1000x800 , 748.png )

"If that's a huge monster because someone transformed into a huge monster, then it might mean I need to apply handcuffs. Or hug it. Either would work, both sound incredibly dangerous."
>"Danger is what the smash club is about!"
"We never agreed about that. Until now. Because it's true."

I pull us over.

>"Is it fucking the car?" Gallsby asks.
"What? No." I look at the guy again. "Still no. They're just looking under the hood now, see?"
>"Haha yeah just like yesterday when I 'checked' under your 'hood'."

>"And by hood I mean pants. And by checked mean I sucked yo-"
"Yes Gallsby I get it thank you. Also, he's wearing pants."

We get out of the car. Flashbacks of horror cliches come at me in the form of being unable to start a car while getting chased down by a big monster not unlike that guy over there, so I leave it running.

I thought he was like 10 feet tall but he gains a couple feet by standing up.

"Hi, there." I call out. "Do you need some help?"
No. 993824 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161712461312.png - (192.20KB , 960x800 , 749.png )

No. 993825 ID: 5fc3a0
File 161712465653.png - (255.56KB , 1000x1000 , 750.png )


".... What?"


>"I think he's trying to summon a few eldritch horrors all at once." says Gallsby.
"The garbled screeches almost sound familiar. Like I've heard them before."
>"Where could you have possible heard such a noise, tell me."
"Maybe I heard a bird screeching through a pipe made out of broken glass."

He's giving us a thumbs up.
No. 993826 ID: 465a14

Give him a thumbs up back and ask if he wants a blowjob via miming.
No. 993827 ID: 9a2966

Tear stains? They've been crying. Also, seem happy (?) to see a couple of friendly police officers.

>gives a thumb up
Good news, may actually be friendly.

Let's see... that car's one wheel is definitely busted, probably due to a sudden increase in weight? See if there's any terrified passengers/drivers inside. If not, look for signs of shredded or discarding clothing. If you can find them, you'd hazard the fellow here transformed, unintentionally, mid-drive and ducked out of their car and was, perhaps, lamenting their misfortune?

>sounds familiar
There was a 'GAL' in there, so maybe they know Gallsby somehow? The two of you know any 12-foot terrifying myth-beasts? Or people who could transform into ones?

Hm. Can they write? As good coppers at least one of you should have a pencil and a notepad. Though they'll probably have to be careful not to crush the pencil, but better SOME modus of communication two ways than strictly pantomimes.

Alternatively, see if you can't undo the transformation by touching and/or hugging them. Gallsby, you volunteer first.
No. 993829 ID: b1b4f3

Well he seems friendly enough, go over and take a look to see if anyone else is there. And also to see what happened to the car.
No. 993847 ID: a9af05

It looks like the front axle is busted, so replacing the tire and messing around under the hood isn't going to fix it. This guy needs to be towed to an auto repair shop!

I don't think our car can tow his car, even if we do shrink him down to normal. We might need to talk him into carrying his car into town.
No. 993848 ID: 77cba3

His tongue is to big for his mouth and he has troubles speaking obviously.

His car broke down and two nice dudes stopped to lend him a hand. That or he saw Gallsby and think you two are more monsters come along to help him wreck up more things.

Wander over and find out.
No. 993849 ID: b1b4f3

Did his screeching sound like the "ghost" at the Mayor's residence?
No. 993955 ID: 1ed92d

Go up to them and say hello. Ask them to respond with nods or shakes of the head since you are having a hard time with their accent.
No. 993971 ID: f8fa51

Anyone who's giving you a thumbs up cannot possibly be bad. Go over and see what's wrong.
No. 994513 ID: e13b1d

That's good enough for me. See if you can help with his car, if not you can give him a lift that probably won't end in double teaming a giant monster cock.
No. 995582 ID: 15a025

I think a thumbs up means we're in the clear to check out the car.
No. 998274 ID: d493c8

Woop yoop yoop yoop yoop yoop
No. 1002402 ID: 4ccb5d

No. 1013137 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163460974648.png - (201.44KB , 1000x1000 , 751.png )

"I think I hear your name in there, Gallsby. Do you know any 12 foot terrifying beasts?"
>"Hell yeah I do, it lives under my 'hood'!" He thrusts his hips at me to make sure I still know he means under his pants.
"Prove it."

"Wait no don't. Don't actually prove it." I turn to the actual 12 foot man, since no bad guy has ever given me a thumbs up. "Alright, guy! My name's Frillsby, we're the Dorb Smash Club and we can't understand a word you're saying."

I put my hand out to shake his. He looks pretty puzzled for someone who just said QUAZZLAOGUKHGA, but he shakes my hand back. If he was magically transformed then he would turn back to his original form, but he stays the same. This is just how he is, and if I cut off any ongoing magic effects by touching him, then no one seems to notice. That line down his eyes is definitely just a fur pattern, not a single tear is on this fellow.

>"SKAAAHJJJKAA, SSSHHHHHCKAAAAA?" I could hear an upward inflection, so maybe that was a question. I pull my still intact hand back to myself.

"Yeah, no good. Hey Gallsby do we own a pen and paper?"
>"What are we, in the stone age?"
I turn to the stranger. "Do you have a pen and paper? Nod or shake your head please."

He shakes his head, but then he steps to the side and starts drawing in the dirt. While Gallsby looks over that, I step over to look inside the car.
No. 1013139 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163460975927.png - (256.10KB , 1000x1000 , 752.png )

I don't see any terrified passengers or anything, and it looks like the back seats were stripped out just to make room for him. There's a tuxedo hanging from the passenger door that looks shaped for him. I also see a folder on the passenger seat with some loose papers, but I can't see what any of the text on it says without just crawling inside and rummaging through his stone age literature.

Now that I think about it, those noises I once heard at Mayor's mansion kind of sounded like this guy's screeching.

The stranger is coming back to the car, so I head back to Gallsby.

"What did he write in the dirt?"
>"Actually, I don't know how to read."
"Gallsby you know how to - "

"I'm pretty sure I've seen you read before!"
>"Then why can't I read this, huh?"
No. 1013140 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163460978980.png - (200.90KB , 1000x1000 , 753.png )

Maybe I don't know how to read either. It looks like he just rolled his finger around in the dirt.
No. 1013141 ID: 465a14

Time to play 20 Questions. Do you need to go someplace? Meet someone? Get something? Is it Mayor? Ceo?
No. 1013143 ID: 96c896

Alright, signs point to this guy being a foreigner. He's speaking a language, and writing one too, but it's not your language.

Hmm, the Mayor was trying to get him employed? Ask him if he knows the Mayor. Also if you can look at the paper in his car.
I'm guessing the Mayor was driving, the car broke down, and she went on foot to get stuff to fix it. Can you take a look at the car to see what's wrong with the wheel?

This is probably going to end with him directing you to which direction the Mayor went, and you catching up to her then giving her a lift to... wait why didn't she just call for a tow truck? Whatever, just do some basic investigation then ask where Mayor went.
No. 1013149 ID: d9495a

Are you the mayor? Or the mayors secret lover? Sibling? We should take the monster to the mayor.
No. 1013153 ID: 2c9826

There hasw to be someone that can help us with him? Is it a him? Doeas it have a dick?
No. 1013171 ID: 9a2966

Lament the fact you've lost the ability to appreciate literatur- oh wait, you read 'Jobs' on that folder. You're still good, this is just an unknown language or terrible handwriting or something.

Although he appears to be at least a little fluent in yours, given his apparent understanding of you and the fact that his paperwork folder is listed in yours.

In fact, given the Tux and the Jobs folder, it appears he might be travelling to get interviewed for a job? In which case the delay due to the car breaking down is unfortunate - you generally don't want to make a poor impression to your prospective new boss by arriving late for a meeting!

That must be why he seemed so enthused to see you - he must not have a phone or anything on him.

Can we call a mechanic for his car, and maybe a van taxi that can accommodate his size? A peek at the job folder might give some indication of where he was going, too. Otherwise, well, you have nowhere to send the taxi to (although maybe you could show him a map or something for him to point at, or start listing places until he starts sqrawking positively).

Do tell him you're struggling to understand him - spoken and written - and apologize for the inconvenience, but you'll do your best to help out. Also, ask whether he's seen the Mayor, and describe her. Maybe sleeping in the side seat of another car driving by?
No. 1013173 ID: b72032

I'm starting to wonder if this guy usually relies on magic to be understood.
No. 1013180 ID: 9a2966

If that's the case fuckin' lol, and also would explain why he doesn't keep a phone, since the understanding magic thing might be proximity based.

Inform him you are anti-magic and see how he reacts.
No. 1013256 ID: f8fa51

Oh, that's a really good idea.
No. 1013282 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163477699338.png - (242.94KB , 1000x1000 , 754.png )

I walk over to him. He's propped up his car and is working on replacing the tire. The engine's stopped smoking but that seems like a problem. His snug pants tell me that he is in fact male. My brain tells me that's important, but not why.

"Hey, we're having trouble understanding you, written and spoken. We're anti magic, think that has anything to do with it?"

He's shaking his head slowly but he doesn't look sure about that.

"Nod or shake your head. Do you need to go someplace?" A nod, which maybe isn't surprising since people usually drive since they need to be somewhere. "Meet someone?" Another nod. "... Mayor?" He shakes his head. "Ceo?"

A nod! That was a wild guess.

"I've been trying to find Mayor, but I can't see her and I'm trying to get a hold of Ceo, but she's not answering her phone.
No. 1013283 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163477700272.png - (101.09KB , 1000x1000 , 755.png )

He gets up and pantomimes holding a phone.

"Do you need a phone?" He nods. "Here, use mine."

I guess I'll find out if he can even use a phone. He reaches into his car to look through his binder, and I see a picture of both Ceo *and* Mayor.

It looks like he's calling a number that might belong to Ceo's company, rather than the personal number I called.


This continues for awhile, then he puts it on speaker.
No. 1013284 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163477702399.png - (198.02KB , 1000x1000 , 756.png )

>"Hey, Gallsby, are you there?" It's Ceo's voice!
>"No!" Gallsby says. "How'd you know?"
>"He overheard your name. Frillsby with you?"
"Yep, I'm here. We've been looking for Mayor."
>"Haven't seen her, but she said she was going to see me today. I think she's got her yearly errands in town or something. So you met... sorry, what was your name again, prospective employee?"
>"Got it, yeah I'll be around today. Just ask for me when you show up."

Okay, I can't believe that's just a foreign language.

"Ceo, this guy's speech..."
>"What language is he talking in?" Gallsby asks.
>"Huh?" Ceo's confused. The monster looks confused too.
"Does he communicate with magic? We can't understand his speech or writing at all, but he can understand us."
>".... Well he's telling me, in perfect english, that he has no idea what you're talking about and he communicates like anyone else. Hold on, I have a recorder here. Hey, Vin, let Frillsby put his anti-magic hand on you then say something into the phone."
No. 1013285 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163477703114.png - (225.60KB , 1000x1000 , 757.png )

"Got it. Go ahead."
>"Ahhhh!" says Ceo. "Here, let's see what the recording does when you spoke into it without magic."

She hits a button.

No. 1013286 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163477705316.png - (160.07KB , 1000x1000 , 758.png )

I'm beginning to think that this man didn't know.
No. 1013287 ID: d9495a

Welp we can just talk through others then. Guess you have neat language magic powers of understanding?
No. 1013288 ID: 465a14

Well you do communicate like anyone else, via mouth noises, that's true.
No. 1013289 ID: 088454

Oh, the poor dude
that's kinda tragic
No. 1013291 ID: 96c896

It must affect himself too. I wonder, is it only english? He could be a polyglot and not know it.

Anyway, see if you can help him with the car, using Ceo as a translator. Then tell her to inform you if Mayor shows up.
No. 1013311 ID: 2c9826

Wait, what is happening? Is he like, talking with magic, but without magic he can't talk? That is wack. I'm confused.

In any case, we need someone to translate for us at some point we are to help him.

>His snug pants tell me that he is in fact male. My brain tells me that's important, but not why.
Beacouse that means he has a penis. That is very important.
But besides that i don't know. Hold on to that idea tho.
No. 1013316 ID: f8fa51

Well, anti-magic people are presumably rare, so it's possible he's just never met any. This doesn't need to be a life-shattering discovery, but it sure does make things inconvenient for you right now. Well, may as well see if you can help him fix his car, or just give him a lift.
No. 1013331 ID: a2493c

well on the bright side, you get to be a universal translator for pretty much free, I hear that pays well.
No. 1013332 ID: 9a2966

Oh neat, so his magic gift does work on technology. And Mayor probably is fine, just out doing stuff? Without her phone...? Ah well. Another crime solved, thanks to the dedicated efforts of the Dorb Smash Club And Probably Police.

>Didn't know he was communicating via magic
Offer a few words of solace to this man's uncomfortable discovery - then find that Gallsby, with his own handicap of big claw-hands, is way better at being empathetic. Like, pointing out that being able to be understood is a wonderful gift to have for someone in their position, and a ton better than a lot of the magic bull that goes around and gets abused by idiots. If it works with every language, hey, that's even more impressive and now that he knows maybe he can take full advantage of it.

All it means, really, is that the two of you - and others like you who are anti - is gonna have to get real good at understanding pantomimed body language around him. Or have an interpreter on hand. Neither which should be that hard, so yeah, no big deal.

Frillsby, ask Ceo if she knows why there would be weird big tracks outside Mayor's house. Since she wasn't at home and her phone was still there you thought she'd been kidnapped or something equally silly (turned into her once-a-year were-monster non-hibernating form). Also ask Ceo if she can introduce you to the big fellow, so you can refer to him by proper name.

So he's applying for a job with her? Better get a car mechanic sent out here. And a taxi van.
No. 1013340 ID: 0105b8

You... apparently have communication magic of some kind! It's kinda hard to ascertain exactly what it is with 20 questions, and you seem to have places to be, but probably something to do with language.

Since he can talk to everyone else and his alibi checks out, see if you can help him with his car stuff
No. 1013344 ID: 53560f

“So, good news is that we’re likely the only dudes nearby who are antimagic so this shouldn’t be a common issue, bad news is that if you’re gonna be working for Ceo then we might meet again and you will be at the mercy of us and our pranks.
Anyway, Ceo, do us a solid and play translator since I’m fairly certain we simply have no way of understanding him otherwise.”
No. 1013367 ID: 1ed92d

Console the poor creature.
No. 1013443 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163493563066.png - (216.24KB , 1000x1000 , 759.png )

That's pretty existential, so I pat him on the back.

"Don't worry buddy, that's a good magic ability. The magic lets you be understood by everyone, right, even written text? Except us anti-magic users. It's still better than Gallsby's magical ability to function without opposing thumbs."
"You're right, he doesn't function." I ignore the 'hey!' from Gallsby "You've got to be our translator, Ceo. What did he say?"
>"I don't know, take your hand off him!"
"Oh yeah, say that again Vin."
>"He says that sounds right, but he's just as confused about it as anyone! But hey, Vin! If you're speaking to a room full of international members, it's perfect. Slap that on your resume on your way over."
>"Haha no I'm serious. Did I hear something about it working with writing? If so who knows what markets we can corner with communication demands! Manuals written in every language! It's perfect."
"For people who aren't anti-magic."
>"Yeah but those are rare and I already have a monopoly on a commodity that every anti-magic person I know is into."
"Really? What is it?"
>"It's Villi!"
"I'd tell him you called him a commodity but he'd probably blush. I take it we're the only anti-magic people you know?"
>"That's true but I bet other ones would be into Villi too, he's a loveable dor - wait a second we're not all on the phone to hear me gush about my boyfriend. Vin, status report!"
>"He says his car breaks down like this sometimes, but it's always fixable. He just needs a few minutes. He'll lead you to my place and you can meet up with Mayor there."
"Sure thing, Ceo."
>"Damn guy, you said all that with a single SKRAAA?" Gallsby asks. "You really put the 'magic' in 'magic'!"
"You're not wrong, Gallsby. Alright, Vin, if you get hired by Ceo then we'll get properly introduced and be seeing more of you. By the way, did you make tracks outside of Mayor's house?"

He nods. I start to ask him why, but Ceo's already hung up and I should leave him to repair his car.
No. 1013444 ID: 5fc3a0
File 163493563951.png - (155.44KB , 1000x1000 , 760.png )

We wait while Vin fixes his car. Gallsby leans over.

>"Do we have to?"
"Have to what?"
>"Go driving all the way to the next town. Mayor's safe right? Why're we doing that when we could go home and move all the contents of our pantry into our mouths and then sleep for two days straight?"
No. 1013445 ID: 465a14

they're your friends nerdlinger. besides you can get more pastry from Villi probably.
No. 1013448 ID: a93931

We don't know Mayor's ok, only probably. And besides, friendship and stuff. And if she does show up she'll be impressed by our diligence as cops.
No. 1013453 ID: 19ea25

Because then we can get stuff from Mayors and Ceo's pantries instead.
No. 1013457 ID: 96c896

Mayor's safety has not been confirmed. She said she'd meet Ceo, so if that never happens then she's still a missing person.
However, considering she was supposed to go on a trip today, it's pretty safe to assume she's fine, and yeah we can just go home. All we wanted to talk to her about was some existential questions about what being "real police" means. We can call Ceo later to confirm Mayor showed up.

...I wonder why he's been hanging around Mayor's house. Maybe they're in a relationship? Oh, tell him that when he sees Mayor next, tell her that she left her phone in her room.
No. 1013458 ID: 2de4fd

He makes a good point but you're already out of the house and you may as well see where the shenanigans you're already embroiled in go. Besides this dude's got a history with people and that's really interesting and you totally wanna know more and you'll probably learn more by being in the vicinity when those things are talked about.
No. 1013462 ID: 9a2966

What about making dreams real?

You had pressing existential questions to raise with Mayor about the existence of your police-ness as the newly-minted Dorb Smash Club CFB Division. Has he forgotten already? You had this major crisis only, like, two hours ago max.
No. 1013470 ID: 53560f

“We probably don’t need to go but just think of it like a road trip or something. We haven’t actually been to Ceo’s town, that’s a whole new place that hasn’t gotten the Dorb Smash Club experience.”
No. 1013480 ID: 624d42

Yes you big knifehanded dork you do have to go check and make sure she's okay.
No. 1013484 ID: 3424bf

There's a... shockingly probable chance that Mayor's sleeping in a ditch somewhere, which can't be good for her. We should do due diligence, at least.
No. 1013511 ID: 15a025

We still need to make sure Mayor is okay.
No. 1013723 ID: 1ed92d

Because finding Mayor is responsible and also Gallsby might get to ride the big monster man with the terrible voice.
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