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In memory of Flyin' Black Jackson
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File 152410426448.png - (812.08KB , 800x600 , iskamtitle.png )
879422 No. 879422 ID: a606da

This will be a one-day quest with fast updates and quick sketchy art.

Where did it start?

I guess it all began at, like, a time, and in a place.

What, you want more? Sure, whatever.
Expand all images
>>
No. 879423 ID: a606da
File 152410430727.png - (853.90KB , 800x600 , iskam1.png )
879423

The time was like, late afternoon? I don't think school was out yet because my mom hadn't called to yell at me for skipping again. (She was all about me getting into college and shit.) The place was, unfortunately, Detroit.

I forget the street names. I remember it was a nasty neighborhood, but, you know. Detroit.

I’d just come home from a garbage party with the gang down the street. They were idiots, but they were pretty cool about handing out weed and beer. I was super crossfaded. I mean, I was legit staggering. Walking home was suddenly this massive undertaking.

I was sporting my usual baggy fashion, hood up and everything. There was this one moment, see, where I looked down at myself and was like “Whoa… What’s my name, again? Nah, hold up, what’s my friggin’ gender? Shit, dude. Shit. I don’t even know.

And I had to think real hard about it, too. Like, who was I?

I feel like everyone’s gotta ask themselves these questions at least once in their lives.
>>
No. 879424 ID: 33cbe7

Phillipe Pesofield, my dude, and your phobia of trucks being out to get you is about to be proved right.
>>
No. 879425 ID: d887c0

>>879422
Neil. Male.
>>
No. 879426 ID: c4809e

Jilly Branfold, a nice young lady who gets that good buzz. look both ways 10 times before crossing the street, might want to make sure nothing is in your eyes.
>>
No. 879427 ID: 51137e

>>879423
Katherine “Kyle” Marsh, girl.
>>
No. 879428 ID: b53bd0

doesn't matter, truck-sama is on his way.
>>
No. 879432 ID: 074011

Name: AFGNCAAP
Other: Why, you appear to have forgotten! Intensely focus on this mystery as you cross the road.
>>
No. 879435 ID: a606da
File 152410782573.png - (892.18KB , 800x600 , iskam2.png )
879435

Yeah, so I’m actually Kyle Phillipe Branford. Friends call me Jilly. My legal first name is Katherine. Don’t ask. I’m a guy, but I was wearing lipstick. I forget how that happened.

I think some chick at the party had like, caked her lips with the stuff? And we might have made out. I don’t know, I forget. It was a party. Maybe I put it on myself. Who gives a shit?

Anyway, I was walking bleary-eyed down the street, when all of a sudden I hear a “Oh, hey man!”

And I knew who it was immediately. It was Fuckin’ Kevin. He used to be my best friend when we were kids. Not anymore.

See, Fuckin’ Kevin was the guy who never grew out of middle school. He’s the guy who yells dirty jokes in the middle of class and then has a giggle fit despite no one else laughing. The guy who spouts the word ‘gay’ every few sentences and never once uses it to refers to sexual orientation. The guy who actually tries to look at girls changing and then pretends it was a joke. Yeah. That’s the kind of guy Kevin is. Every time I would hear about something he did, I would just shake my head and sigh, saying “Fuckin’ Kevin.” It caught on.

“S’up? You look like trash.” Said Fuckin’ Kevin. “You get raped by a brick or something?”

Fuckin’ Kevin.

I ignored him and just kept walking. He followed, grinning at me. Fuck my life.
>>
No. 879436 ID: a606da
File 152410794664.png - (738.75KB , 800x600 , iskam3.png )
879436

Then we ran into Millicent.

“Oh, what up, Illicent!” Kevin laughed. “Lookin’ dark, girl. Represent!”

Fuckin’ Kevin.

Millie was a nice girl. She grew up being the smartest girl in our grade, and she knew it, too. Total Hermione. Then she performed in the school talent show and tried to rap, failing so horribly that rap was forever banned afterwards. It was bad. Since then, everyone calls her Illicent. Nicknames rarely stick around, but that one’s lasted for years.

She’s goth now. Pretty moody, too. Can’t blame her. We were friends sometimes. Hooked up once.

“You’re hanging out with Kevin?” Millicent asked me, wincing.

Man, that's just about the worst assumption anyone could make about another human being. I wanted to set the record straight, but I was still all fucked up. My brain was buzzing like a busted lightbulb, and about as bright.

When I did finally say something to her, it didn’t come across as I intended. Like, seriously embarrasing.

Gimme a sec, I just need to remember what it was…
>>
No. 879437 ID: 3abd97

>>879435
"Dude I'm about to get killed and reincarnated as in a girl in a different universe. Could you let me live my last moments in peace?"
>>
No. 879438 ID: 33cbe7

"I can smell you know the answer to that. UH I meant tell!"
>>
No. 879443 ID: a606da
File 152411102190.png - (657.40KB , 800x600 , iskam4.png )
879443

"I can smell you know the answer to that." I mumbled. "Oh, uh - I meant - !"

"Wow. Okay then. Looks like he's rubbing off on you, huh." Millicent curled her lip, then turned and marched away from us, down the middle of the street. "Fucking loser." She hissed back at me.

Suddenly, a large bus (maybe truck, it was really fast) came out of nowhere, at top speed, coming right at her!

I jumped out to save her, and -
>>
No. 879445 ID: a606da
File 152411125743.png - (756.44KB , 800x600 , iskam5.png )
879445

- I managed to save her without any issues.

She immediately flipped off the driver, howling furiously at him. "Watch where you're going, you asshole! Seriously, what the fuck?!"

"Damn, she's cute when she's mad." Kevin snickered, whispering into my ear. "I'd hit that. Dibs."

Fuckin' Kevin.

"Thanks, Jilly." Millicent smiled at me. "That was a close one."
>>
No. 879446 ID: a606da
File 152411132292.png - (742.21KB , 800x600 , iskam6.png )
879446

And that's about when we all got run down by a bicycle.
>>
No. 879448 ID: a606da
File 152411151131.png - (962.15KB , 800x600 , iskam7.png )
879448

>>killed and reincarnated as in a girl in a different universe.

Yo. Spoilers.

But, uh, yeah. That shit happened. Woke up on a forest floor screaming my head off and was like "oh damn, yo, what the fuuuuuck" and stuff like that.

And then I started wondering what the hell was in that beer I drank, and whether that weed was actually weed.

Then I wondered whether I was dreaming. I figured there was an easy way to check.

Uh, what was it? Fuck, man, it's been a while.
>>
No. 879449 ID: 51137e

>>879446
Well fuck... Ouch. Damage report?
>>
No. 879451 ID: 3abd97

>>879448
See if you can do some magic. You can always do magic in dreams.
>>
No. 879452 ID: 074011

It's a good thing that it's just you and Illicent in this whatever. Just make sure that if there is anyone else around you get some distance. They are probably someone you don't want to hang around with.
>>
No. 879453 ID: 33cbe7

Honk boobs. If they honk, you are dreaming.
>>
No. 879454 ID: 074011

Check out your weird outfit. Is that a utility belt? That buckle looks like it would do some damage at least.

Eat some grass, it is the only way.
>>
No. 879464 ID: 3cb845

Who cares about your situation is Illicent alright? And does she still think you were hanging out with Fuckin' Kevin? Gotta fix that.
>>
No. 879467 ID: a606da
File 152411623365.png - (842.74KB , 800x600 , iskam8.png )
879467

>See if you can do some magic. You can always do magic in dreams.
>Honk boobs. If they honk, you are dreaming.

Tried and true tests.

I attempted magic, and succeeding in making some sparkles. Therefore, it was a dream.

However, I then attempted to honk my newfound boobs, and while it was kind of hot, they did not make an audible honk. Therefore, it was not a dream.

The evidence was inconclusive. I deduced jack shit.

>Eat some grass, it is the only way.

Yes. I then went on to eat grass. I’ll never know why. I just had a hankering, I guess. Needed to work my new mouth, maybe? Fuck if I know.

>Check out your weird outfit.

Near as I could tell, my ladyfashion was garbage. Gone were the radical hoodies and baggy pants of my amazing past, replaced with some dumb dress shit that didn’t make sense. It was like silk and lace and lots of other hard-to-wash nonsense. The gloves and belt were thick fancy leather though, so that was cool.
>>
No. 879468 ID: a606da
File 152411634861.png - (869.82KB , 800x600 , iskam9.png )
879468

As I continued to eat grass and pop sparkles out of my fingers for kicks, a tiny bug abomination flew over to me and started talking.

“What do you seek in this forest, traveler? Also, why were you grabbing your own breasts? Is that some sort of ritual among your kind? We have not observed it before.”

“Yeah, totes.” I shrugged. “Your nose is all fucked up, bee-tee-dubs. You look like you headbutted a blender.”

“A what?” The little fucking bug weirdo thing puffed itself up, looking annoyed. “My proboscis is beautiful. Do not insult me.”

I began to put some understanding together, regarding this bizarre situation. If I was here, and if this wasn’t some dream that was kind of sexy and weird, then Millicent was probably here too. And she probably still thought I was hanging out with Kevin, which was horrible.

Fuckin’ Kevin.

“Have you seen Millicent?” I asked the bizarro-world bugger.

“What’s a Millicent?”

I groaned, realizing I would have to ask a lot of bullshit questions to get any answers. It took me a while to figure out what questions I wanted to ask the little Tinkerbell-from-Hell, but I finally managed to put some good ones together.

It did take a bit of thought, though.
>>
No. 879469 ID: 0d1514

>>879468
"If I'm in another world why am I still high? Is this permanent?"
>>
No. 879470 ID: c4809e

Just the simple: where am I? who are you and what do you do? I am a visitor from far away and do not know much of this land, mind pointing me to a nice inn or something? You can ask more of where you are if you want like local towns, country name, world name, and so on.
>>
No. 879474 ID: dbf422

Someone's name. Probably a dark haired person, human shaped like me, who looks upset. And yeah, your proboscis is really hot, sure. Blenders are beauty tools.
>>
No. 879475 ID: b1b4f3

Well ask where you are. Get directions towards civilization.
>>
No. 879476 ID: 33cbe7

What are you and where can I go that you aren't.
>>
No. 879479 ID: 074011

Annoy it into being truthful by giving it self-referential answers.
"Millicent is what I'm looking for." "It looks like what I'm trying to find." "When I last saw it it was next to me".
>>
No. 879480 ID: 094652

Capture ugly fae alive.
>>
No. 879481 ID: a606da
File 152412521450.png - (874.67KB , 800x600 , iskam10.png )
879481

“Millicent is what I’m looking for.” I explained.

“No, really.” The monsterbug stared at me.

“It’s someone’s name. Probably a dark-haired person, human-shaped like me, looks upset, moderately sexy, has ticklish thighs?”

“Uh… I do not know if I have seen anyone fitting that description.”

“Figures. You wouldn’t know hotness if it swatted you out of the air. What are you, anyway?”

“I am a forest pixie. A guardian spirit. I keep watch over these lands.”

“So if I leave the forest, I won’t have to look at you anymore?”

“…Yes?”

“Thank God. I’m out of here, botfly. Keep guarding the fuck out of your shrubs or whatever.” I waved absently to the skittering nightmarebeast as I strode away. Having a completely different body with a different center gravity, I then promptly fell over face-first onto the ground like a putz.

“Do you need some help?” The pixie asked me.

“I’m fine.” I muttered through the dirt. “I just need directions. Where’s the nearest signs of civilization? Please don’t tell me there are only pixies.”

“There is an inn for travelers nearby, I think.” It pointed to my left. “That way.”

“Thanks.” I got back to my feet, and then I carefully started walking again. Slowly. Like I was on fucking stilts or something. I tripped a few more times. I honked my boobs again to offset the frustration. It was hot.
>>
No. 879482 ID: a606da
File 152412530756.png - (852.77KB , 800x600 , iskam11.png )
879482

The fluttering little satan didn’t lie to me, at least. Before long, I ran into this weird Mongolian-esque hut dealie. It looked about as civilized as rural Albania, but whatever. It was better than nine-legged butterflies.

As I made my way closer to the building, I began to consider how I should act around actual people.

I wondered whether I should try to fit in, or just be me. You know, like: ‘Should I pretend to be a woman? I don’t know how that shit works. Should I be honest? I don’t know what fucked-up gender identity dynamics they have in this backwards-ass hut society.’ That sort of shit.

I’m pretty happy with what I decided to do, I think. Can you guess what it was? Go on. Give it a go.
>>
No. 879484 ID: dbf422

I mean, pretend as far as "if they ask, say you are", but you can just be yourself. Well, maybe more tactful, since you have to rely on how helpful these people feel like being. Don't say anything that'd make you seem crazy.
Or rather, do that, then play it by ear if there really are fucked up gender dynamics.
>>
No. 879485 ID: 33cbe7

Go in and ask if any other confused travelers have stopped by.
>>
No. 879488 ID: 2007b6

Don't pretend to be anything you're not. If somebody tries to pidgeonhole you into a role you're not comfortable with, shoot those sparkles in their eyes like it's magic pepper spray.
>>
No. 879500 ID: 074011

Get a weapon. A rock is enough. There is nothing dishonest about being up-front with the fact that you will put a dent in the first skull that tries to force you into something you're not comfortable with. Hopefully it won't even be an issue.
>>
No. 879513 ID: 2fe26a

Practice speaking to the horses first, that will help.
>>
No. 879568 ID: 3abd97

>>879482
I think that sort of depends on how the people receive you. If you get scary vibes from them, too much truth telling might put you at a disadvantage, or maybe an ugly situation.
>>
No. 879691 ID: 5322c5

>>879500
Put sparkles on the rock; magic dream rocks are objectively superior to normal... probably dream rocks. +1 to braining.
>>
No. 879748 ID: a606da
File 152428779351.png - (830.76KB , 800x600 , iskam12.png )
879748

I overestimated my updating speed! Oh well. Quest has been expanded from a one-day quest to a slightly longer quest. I’ll still try to have it be a fast one, though.

>Practice speaking to the horses first, that will help.

Well, yeah, obviously. The first thing I did was to go over to the horses and start chatting.

“Why the long face?” I asked the first horse I came across.

It made horse noises. Snuffling and stuff. Whatever.

“Are you even a horse? You look kinda weird.” I waited for a reply, then sighed. “No talking, huh? You’re kind of trash at this magical animal gig.”

The horse just harumphed in a horselike fashion.

“Don’t harumph at me, asshole! People ride you all day long. I’m better than you.”

The horse neighed.

“Man, who even cares what you think? You’re just a stupid horse.” I flipped it the bird and then walked off towards the building.
>>
No. 879749 ID: a606da
File 152428784768.png - (854.48KB , 800x600 , iskam13.png )
879749

As I turned to go, however, a dude with a couple of scarves wrapped around his head jumped out of the shadows with a knife.

“Give me your valuables, little lady, unless you want a blade in the back!” He sneered, gesturing for me to give him my nonexistent cash.

“Are you for real?” I turned around slowly, looking him up and down with a pissed-off inner-city eye. “You look like a cartoon. Where’d you learn how to do this shit?”

“Be quiet! Now, hand over your belongings. Quickly!”

>Get a weapon. A rock is enough.

“Hey, chill, I’ll give you what you got coming to you. Hang on, I keep my cash in my boot.” I leaned down as if I were going to pull off my shoe, then grabbed a brick off the ground, spun around, and whacked him in the face with it. I immediately blew sparkles into the wound, hoping it would give him some nasty-ass fairydust infection later on down the line. “Fuck you.” I whispered, grinning to myself. It felt like home.
>>
No. 879751 ID: a606da
File 152428793649.png - (856.50KB , 800x600 , iskam14.png )
879751

“Aaargh!” He yelled at me, lunging for my throat. “You’ll regret that!”

>shoot those sparkles in their eyes like it's magic pepper spray.

I blew sparkles in his eyes and ducked under his swing, twisting around to his back. I kicked him to the ground, stomped on his wrist, and pulled the knife from his hand. Then I stole his wallet and cut his belt, letting his pants fall down. I giggled.

I was halfway through beating him senseless with my brick when he managed to crawl to the door of the hut. Seeing what he was trying to do, I snorted and just opened the door for him, kicking him inside.

“She’s crazy!” The would-be mugger sobbed as I literally kicked his ass. “She’s gonna kill me!”

“Oh, you playing the victim card, you little shit? Hey, folks!” I yelled out to the shocked inhabitants of the bar. “This bitch tried to mug me! You think I’m lying? Look, he’s even got this fucking bandit-ass getup. Tell me that’s not open-and-shut.” Met with a stunned silence, I stepped over the mugger, letting him stand up. He immediately bolted out of the open door. As he ran away, I yelled after him: “Yeah, that’s right, dumbass, back the fuck off! And you better pray I never see you in the Cass Corridor, motherfucker!”
>>
No. 879753 ID: a606da
File 152428802025.png - (871.64KB , 800x600 , iskam15.png )
879753

With that, I dusted myself off and strode on up to the bar. “Gimme whatever this gets me!” I laughed, dropping a few of my newly-acquired coins on the counter. “I feel like celebrating.”

“Uh…” The horny bartender blinked, still startled. “You’re bleeding a little.”

“Damn, he must have grazed me.” I touched my forehead, feeling a small droplet of blood trickle down. “It’s cool. Nothing major.”

“Are you alright?” He asked, concerned.

“Alright? Hell, I’m more than alright. I grew up in Detroit, dude. The bad part.” I couldn’t stop smiling. “That right there? That was like beating up a baby.”

“Do you beat up a lot of babies?”

“Eh.” I shrugged. “So, seen any confused travelers recently?”

“I see a lot of travelers. Confused how?” He finally started getting around to pouring me a drink. He gave me an odd look. “You seem… different. Did your thing in the forest go okay?”

I wasn’t sure what he meant, at first. It took me a few seconds to come up with a response.
>>
No. 879756 ID: 33cbe7

It worked perfectly. It might have had some odd effects on other people too, though. That's what I meant by "confused" travelers.
>>
No. 879757 ID: 600f38

>>879753
"Horribly.
I need to find a girl named Millicent. Seen any tall, dark, and angry girls around here?"
>>
No. 879760 ID: 074011

"If she was trying to get bodyjacked it worked! otherwise? How should I know?"
>>
No. 879767 ID: 69d4b9

>>879753
"It went down like everything in Detroit. There was some screaming, a beautiful proboscis, and a lot of grass."
>>
No. 879777 ID: dbf422

Considering that you have no memory of planning anything, probably went bad. But you want to know where Millicent is and if he doesn't know, anything he asks you is unimportant. Consider actually talking to him if he's useful.
>>
No. 879781 ID: c0641d

“Considering I don’t remember being a hot mage lady in a magic-ass world, you tell me. Izzat what she was jonesin’ for? Two of my friends were with me when we got run down in our world, so who knows who they ended up becoming... possessing? Whatever, magic-ass world is still new to me, so who knows how that works.”
>>
No. 879787 ID: 3abd97

>>879748
>“Don’t harumph at me, asshole! People ride you all day long. I’m better than you.”
Just wait, you're going to need that horse in an update or two, and you're going to regret annoying it.

>“You seem… different. Did your thing in the forest go okay?”
Oh, sounds like you moved into a previously occupied body. She was out doing... something in the forest, until you moved in. And this dude spoke to her before.

Well shrug, sucks for her.
>>
No. 883887 ID: a606da
File 152610740239.png - (418.10KB , 800x600 , iskam16.png )
883887

“Horribly." I grimaced like a badass. "Unless she wanted to get bodyjacked, in which case it went perfectly. Is that what she was jonesing for? Because considering I have no memory of being a hot mage lady in a magic-ass world, you’d have to tell me.”

“Possessed, huh?” The bartender squinted at me like a weirdo. His eyes flickered gold for a moment, and then he leaned back, arms crossed. “Oh, yeah, I can see the pressure under your skin. Hard to notice. Looks like a soul got stuffed into you. Or… you are the soul, I suppose. A ghost, maybe?”

“Ghost? Wait, you can see under my skin? Hang on, 'soul'? Souls exist?” I admit, I got caught off-guard with that one. Realizing I was out of my element, I quickly regained control. “Well, forget about that bullshit for a sec. I need to find a friend named Millicent. Have you seen a tall, dark, angry girl with ticklish thighs passing through here?”

“If she’s like you, wouldn’t she be in a different body?”

“What? No. That’s stupid.” I thought about it for a moment, then groaned. “Aw, fuck. You might be right.”

“No worries. I’ll keep an eye out for your ladyfriend. In the meantime…” The bartender shoved the drink I ordered into my hand. “You might want to go talk to the wizard over there. You came in with him the other night.”

The bartender pointed out a burly-ass motherfucker in the corner. I strolled over, feeling like less of a man just at the sight of him. His biceps were as big as my head. I felt a sudden need to overcompensate.

“Greetings.” The big dumb loser grunted. “Was the ritual a success, your majesty?”

Yeah. He hit me with ‘your majesty’. Guess how I replied.
>>
No. 883891 ID: 33cbe7

What kind of wizard getup is that? A lame one, is what.
>>
No. 883892 ID: 094652

"Well, I no longer have any understanding of what those words and mannerisms mean."
>Your majesty, pray tell what are you intending to say-
"Once again, I have no understanding of those disgusting fart noises coming out of your mouth.?"
>>
No. 883893 ID: 69d4b9

>>883887
"Look carefully and you can see how it went. I got stuffed into this princess somehow. I don't know what happened, either, I'm a clueless kid from Detroit. Anyway you're her minder and bodyguard? What's your name? And will you help me learn enough about this princess's life that we can both avoid getting into trouble with the sovereign?"
>>
No. 883897 ID: dbf422

"Oh come on, not royalty! Why'd she have to be royalty? I feel like taking a bath, but that'd just make it worse. Oh right, well, was the ritual to summon a soul to possess "me"? Because you're talking to the guy possessing your highness."
>>
No. 883909 ID: c0641d

“Before you ask, it really, really wasn’t my fault I ended up possessing her. I think. Whatever. Last thing I remember is getting run down by a fucking bike in my world, which, as far as I know, du’n have magic-ass BS like here. How was your day?”
>>
No. 883945 ID: 3abd97

>>883887
...what was I trying to accomplish with the ritual? I can't remember. Was it forgetfulness? If so yes, that totally succeeded.

Maybe don't tell the wizard you're a ghost shoved under his majesty's skin. He might use wizard powers to pull you out and being soul-naked would be worse than being a magic magesty in bullshit magic world.

Also where does this guy get off being like seven feet tall. Or are you just really short? Strange, you don't feel very short, but you haven't been very short since you were a little kid so maybe you wouldn't recognize the feeling.
>>
No. 883992 ID: 2007b6

Sorry, Mario, your princess is in another castle.
>>
No. 884581 ID: a606da
File 152645853395.png - (445.75KB , 800x600 , iskam17.png )
884581

“What was I trying to accomplish with the ritual? Was it forgetfulness? Because I don't remember shit.” I crossed my arms. “Was the ritual to summon a soul to possess ‘me’? If so, look carefully and you can see how it went.”

“Mmhmm.” The big guy squinted at me. “I had a feeling, based on your entrance. I assume you are feeling displaced?”

“Yeah. You’re talking to the guy possessing your highness. I’m just some kid from Detroit. Last thing I remember was getting run down by a fucking bike.” I chuckled. “Sorry, Mario. Your princess is in another castle.”

“Empress, actually.” He stepped closer, eyeing my recently-acquired necklace. “And no, she’s still there. One moment…”

He slapped me in the face. I dropped my beer, and my jaw shortly after.

“Hey, fuck you!” I went apeshit on him. “Where do you get off?! I was being nice, too, you ass! I mean, what kind of wizard getup is that? A lame one, is what! You fucking trashy magic-man!”

He ignored me, instead twiddling his fingers - which looked dumb, all covered in weird bandagey duct-tape things - and this creepy emerald gas started flowing out of my mouth and down into my necklace.

“What the hell?!” I freaked, reaching forward to punch him.
>>
No. 884582 ID: a606da
File 152645855995.png - (447.81KB , 800x600 , iskam18.png )
884582

Before I could take a swing, he tore the stone from my necklace and tossed it into the air. Suddenly, a sort of slimer-wannabe starting appearing around it.

As I watched, it got more defined, finally focusing into a foggy green lady who gawked at me.

“You…” She wheezed, her voice all loosey-goosey and hard to hear, like a wimpy wind. She paused, then started again more clearly. “It’s you. You’re here. You’re… me.

“Maybe, maybe not.” I backed up a bit. Ghosts were a little out of my ballpark. “Who’s asking?”
>>
No. 884583 ID: a606da
File 152645859442.png - (392.43KB , 800x600 , iskam19.png )
884583

“Ahahah! Ha!” She cackled in a sketchy way, then flew rapidly towards me.

“Fuck!” I tried to dodge, but she hit me. It felt like running into a breeze made of jello. A moment later, I realized that she had been trying to hug me, but had sort of accidentally phased through me instead. It didn’t make me feel much better about the situation.

“Oh. Right. You’ve got my body. Well… good enough!” She continued giggling like a nutcase. “They said I was crazy, but look at me now! Ha! I’ve saved us all!”

“Have you, now.” I muttered.

“I have! Er, you have! You will, I mean.” She shot me a wild-eyed look of joy. “You’re the one. The foretold one!”

“Foretold?” I mumbled absently. I was silently trying to figure out how to get the fuck away from this whole far-too-spooky situation.

“Yes! The Hero From Across The Fade! Our savior!” She started to calm down, finally. “Oh, but you must have questions. Ask! Ask me anything! May all my secrets be yours. Hahaha!
>>
No. 884587 ID: 074011

So... You're supposed to be another version of me? You're female, rich, famous, clearly this worlds version of a mad scientist, and you're friend is tolerable. I don't see the similarities... Are you certain you got the right person?

Also, just how insane are you by local standards? Because I am getting a massive "they said I was mad" vibe off of you and I don't know if that is normal around here...
>>
No. 884588 ID: 094652

"... Imma call you Princess Airhead The (now) Overly-Inflated, because you picked the worst possible version of us from the multiverse! I don't have any combat skills, they held me so far back in school that I have to take shapes and colors as a core elective, and I couldn't find my way around a tree if you put a taco stand on one end and a butcher's rack on the other! At what point did replacing your mind with a random loser from an alien universe sound like the only way to save the world? HOW INBRED ARE YOU?!"
>>
No. 884599 ID: c0641d

"Hey, uh... Does this prophesy or whatever say anything about others like me, or am I on my own on that front? Some (approximate) chums of mine got run down with me. Fuck, did they even die with me? I mean, if not, good for them, but..."
>>
No. 884608 ID: 2007b6

Saved us all from what, exactly?
>>
No. 884612 ID: dbf422

Just what do I need to do to find my friend and go back? Or get my own body if that's bust. I mean, what am I saving you from? Why couldn't you do it yourself if you're capable of dimensional shit?

Wait, no, fuck that, just get me another beer and let me drink it or I won't even pay attention.
>>
No. 884623 ID: 33cbe7

When you flew through me, could you see your own brain and stuff?
>>
No. 884624 ID: 69d4b9

>>884583
"What kind of pressure have you been under that this seemed like a better idea than dealing with it yourself? You've got to have some serious resources at hand to have made whatever weird deal you made that dragged me into things."

"I wasn't exactly a volunteer there. What happens when you think I've served my purpose? Do I get to move on and be dead properly, or do I have to run your affairs until your body's done?"

"You going to be hanging out in that necklace mostly? I can't imagine most people would be okay with the empress's spirit advising her own body as piloted by an alien spirit openly, but maybe things work differently here."
>>
No. 884645 ID: 3abd97

>>884581
Hey wizard dude, if you need to do a spell, and it involves hitting me or something, could you please warn me next time?

>>884583
>dodged hug, far-too-spooky
Maybe try being nice to her? She is apparently cool giving you a body to crash in, is willing to tell you whatever you want, and being wherever you are is better than dead, so she technically saved you. Sure she's a little manic, but maybe she can't help it if being light-headed (heh) makes her goofy.

>questions
You're really cool being trapped as some kind of green ghost while trusting someone else with your body? Most people would be a lot less excited about this than you seem to be.

Follow up: is this permanent?

So ghostits, what's your name?

Why did everyone call you crazy?

Do you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or adorable naive children, or dying parents, or anyone else that's going to think I'm you, cause trouble if they catch on I'm not, and generally be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to be around?

Do you have any allergies or anything? I don't want to eat something or pet something that's going to make me sick.

I'm not here to produce royal heirs, right?

What size clothes do we wear?

Just in case I- hypothetically- decide to deal with the confusing and unsettling and stressful experience of being killed, gender swapped, and stranded in an alien word by getting drunk- what kind of tolerance did you have for booze?

What's that guy's name, and can you order him to do whatever I say?

What's your favorite food? As long as I'm driving, I might as well try out whatever's best on the new taste buds.

Don't Empresses usually have crowns or something? And not hang out alone in woodlands?
>>
No. 884650 ID: 4ee927

Where the fuck are we, anyways?
>>
No. 885752 ID: a606da
File 152711146352.png - (471.20KB , 800x600 , iskam20.png )
885752

“When you flew through me, could you see your own brain and stuff?” I asked, bringing up the cool shit first.

“My brain? Why, yes, of course! Squishy, electric lump that it is.” She swiveled in midair, gazing at herself. “A vestigial organ, as you can see, for true consciousness lies in the spirit!”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” I coughed uncomfortably. “Look, I don’t want to go testing my luck or anything, but are you really cool being trapped as some kind of freaky green ghost while I live it up in your skin?”

“I admit, I hadn’t expected the summoning to proceed in such a warped fashion.” She squinted at me, then laughed. “Still, it’s hardly a poor price to pay for power! Besides, it’s only a temporary state. I will reclaim my skin in time.”

“Well okay then.” I shrugged. “So, what’s your name, Ghost Tits? And if you’re really an empress, where’s your crown? Aren’t empresses supposed to have crowns or some shit? And not hang out in the woodlands like hick hoboes?”

“I am the Empress Friedrin Li Sarath XI, five-hundred-and-twenty-seventh of my line, a proud Sorceress of the Abject Light, and the rightful ruler of the Aos Sí race!” She announced with gusto. “My crown - glorious as it is! - was taken along with everything else. Stolen by iniquitous traitors! Bastards! Thieves!” She spat. The loogie sort of fizzled in the air. “Ah, ah, but you - yes, you will get it back, all of it! You will return me to my throne, and save the Aos Sí!”

“Hold on a bit.” I could tell she was getting into some heavy bullshit, so I shut her down. “I’m going to get another drink. What kind of tolerance do you have for booze? While we’re at it, got a favorite food? Long as I’m driving, might as well try out the new taste buds.”

“I drink spirits regularly, though not in excess. As for food, I appreciate draconic balut.” She frowned. “But such a delicacy would not grace a peasant’s tongue. It would be hard-found.”

“Beer’s enough, then. Thanks.”

As I went to the counter, I could hear the big dick quietly talk to the loony ghost. “Your Majesty, I must remind you again that this plan is… er, not foolish, of course, I would not question your intelligence. But we cannot entrust a complete stranger with your royal flesh!”

“Still you dare to doubt me! Imbecile. Do you not see the fruits of our efforts?!” Friedrin cackled. “The spell functioned just as predicted, regardless of its odd methods. The prophecy is already underway. My return to power is imminent! Nothing can stop us now!”

“If you are sure, Your Majesty. The summoning was successful, yes. I admit that.” The big doofus groaned. “But… retain caution, perhaps? We do not know what sort of spirit we entertain.”

“Be silent! I need not justify myself to you any further.”
>>
No. 885754 ID: a606da
File 152711148244.png - (462.22KB , 800x600 , iskam21.png )
885754

I returned with the biggest mug they had, filled to the brim with the hardest liquor they had in stock. I sipped it. It burned my tongue. I smiled.

“So, let’s see.” I took another sip, thinking. “I’m not here to produce royal heirs, right? I ain’t down for that shit. While we’re on it, you got a boyfriend, girlfriend, dying parents, or any naive kids running around? Anyone else that’s going to think I’m you, and cause trouble if they catch on that I’m not?”

“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” She paused, baffled. Then she figured it out after I made a few choice gestures. “Romantic partners, hm? My concubines are all female, of course. Can’t risk birthing bastards, and women are far more pleasurable to bed. I was planning to marry the King of the Twisted Fae, after assassinating his Queen, but I hadn’t gotten around to it. I would of course produce heirs through such a union, for political purposes. No children yet. I killed my parents myself, as is custom. I am disguised, so only a choice few should be able to deduce my true identity.”

“Concubines, huh?” I asked, suddenly invested. “How many? Where?”

“Many were among the rebels. Those who did not turn on me were themselves betrayed!” Friedrin hissed. “Fools, all of them, seized by the traitors!”

“Aw.” I sighed, taking another swig of hard liquor. “Does this prophecy or whatever say anything about others like me, or am I on my own?”

“The prophecy speaks of a Hero From Across The Fade, torn from a foreign realm of stone and steel more terrible than any nightmare.” Friedran recited the words with her usual freakish glee. “The Hero fears nothing, always acting with conviction. Conflict is as practiced as breathing to them, and the ire of others gives them no pause. In a time of strife, when dark forces rule the Aos Sí and all hope seems lost, the Hero will restore order and usher in a glorious new age!”

“Huh.” I wondered whether I should mention my friends, then decided it might be better to keep quiet. I liked the idea of having a monopoly on the whole ‘Hero’ gig. “What happens when the job’s done? Do I move on and be dead, or do I have to run your life until your body wears out?”

“The prophecy doesn’t say.” She muttered nervously. “Well, you cannot lay claim to my throne, obviously. That defeats the purpose. I must oust you from my skin eventually. Still, I shall be kind. When the time comes, I will allow you to peruse whatever traitors we capture alive. You may usurp the soul of whichever you wish, and claim their body for your own. Otherwise, your soul will simply vanish off to wherever it came from. If you were dead, then I suppose you shall die.”

“What kind of pressure have you been under that this nonsense seemed like a better idea than dealing with it yourself? Well, whatever. I’m here already.” I blinked the blurriness out of my eyes. “Come to think of it, where the fuck are we, anyways?”

“Pizter. A backwater nation adjacent to my own.” She sniffed in disgust. “Lots of open space, with the occasional little village. Its peoples are filthy and unkempt. Still, it served well as a refuge from the traitors who would see me dead.”

“What’s that guy’s name?” I pointed to the bodybuilder palooka with the dumb outfit. “Can you order him to do whatever I say?”

“Oh, Rikipok? He’s one of my old magic teachers from the Academy of the Abject Light, and a loyalist acting as my temporary secretary. He can be very stupid, but he is useful at times.” She waved idly at him, not even looking his direction. “Obey the Hero in all things, servant.”

“You heard her, Ricky.” I took another hefty swig of booze. I belched through my grin. “You belong to me now.”

Ricky just stared miserably at me.

“Alright, so, just how insane are you?” I asked Friedrin. “Because I’m getting a real ‘they said I was mad’ vibe off of you. Why did everyone think you were crazy?”

“They could not comprehend my glorious vision of the future!” Friedrin grimaced. “My idiot subjects wanted to keep the Aos Sí as a ‘pure’ race, inbred and impotent. I wished to branch out, joining with other nations and embracing diversity of flesh. For this, they called me mad! And when the courts turned on me and forced me from my throne, even those few that still remained loyal called me a lunatic for believing in prophecy! But look at me now! The Hero blooms from within me, and soon all will know my power firsthand!”

“Mmm. Sure.” I hiccuped.

“Well, then!” She smiled mischeviously, swirling in the air around my head. (Or was that just the beer? I don’t know.) “What shall our next move be, my Hero? Where will we strike first? Have you any brilliant tactics you might share with us?”

I hiccuped again. My head was all swooshy by that point. I tossed out the most intelligent answer I could come up with at the time. It… wasn’t great. Still, it was something. It’s a little hard to remember, though. Do you happen to know what I said?
>>
No. 885755 ID: 094652

"Here's what we're going to do:

Screw your old empire; we're going to build one from scratch, with the technology in my head and the magic in your brain, we can build a nation in less than a year, and a new empire in a single lifetime.

We'll start with guns. I know how to make a gun that can fire multiple times without reloading. Reloading is faster as well.

Then there's cheap limestone housing, steam engines for heavier production, superior metalworks... the list goes on.

Problem is, you summoned a DUNCE. The information's all in there, but we need to find a memory mage to help me remember it all."
>>
No. 885756 ID: b1b4f3

>>885754
Gotta get info. Find out who's leading the Aos Sí now. Also teach you magic.
>>
No. 885769 ID: dbf422

I mean your goal was like, fucking other races and teaming up with them right? First, very progressive, good job, you're a hero. Second, what better way to show how right you are, then to show up at your throne with armies of faeries and other shit? So we finally get around to that marriage plan you had, as a start. Though if I had to pick, I'd choose the queen, though if certain rites could be held off until you had your body back, I guess that could work.

Anyway, then we could worry about actually putting together an army or spying on who's actually in control of your people. That's how stopping coups work right? Or was that the Lion King?
>>
No. 885773 ID: c0641d

“First, where we sleepin’? Where’s HQ, so t’speak???”
>>
No. 885811 ID: 074011

You had something to say. Something wonderfully clever. You just wanted to quickly finish your drink first...

Do enquire after magic though. If people can shoot lightning from their finger, and have it zip over and hit someone on the far side of a room, rather than just cooking your own finger, then electricity is behaving wonkily and electric technology is probably not going to work. Same with chemistry if alchemy is a thing. Goo luck getting gunpowder to work if mixing
sulphur with charcoal produces rainbow-coloured clouds and glitter... Trusting a steam-engine around a bad-luck curse? Not healthy. They might not even have microbes. Maybe sterilising your surgical tools will drive off the helpful spirits that have accumulated over years of good works. Even then. Technology requires a large production base, and that means espionage. Technology might be an easy win, but it is far from certainty. And all that assumes that a decent mage has less combat effectiveness than a missile cruiser with all the intelligence assets it could want. Sensory magic can be terrifying...

We really have to learn the local rules before we can get our hopes up.
>>
No. 885868 ID: 2007b6

You're from Detroit, the rusted-out Arsenal of Democracy. The answer to any major military problem is, obviously, to throw more and better industrial infrastructure at it.

Who makes swords, in Pizter? Any sort of smith or metalworker at all really, including smelters. Heck, get glassblowers and ceramics involved, too, they probably know a thing or two about heat regulation and airflow in high-temperature furnaces. And some masons, this is going to involve architecture. Bring as many of them as possible together under one roof, break down whatever trade-guild codes of secrecy they've got that would normally prevent such a broad collaborative project, and set them to the task of mass producing higher-quality steel. That'll make a lot of other important stuff easier to invent.

>>885754
>killed my parents myself, as is custom.
That would explain why you're not in a wild hurry to produce heirs.
>>
No. 885934 ID: 69d4b9

Detroit was kind of a hell hole, but there were worse places to be from. At least you learned how to read and write and can sort of do algebra. But if it's worse than anything that the prophet knew of or could imagine then you've got one obvious advantage right there: where pretty much anyone else in this world would be shocked, you're not going to give a fuck about it. You can shake things up big time simply by being yourself and convincing people to try the outrageous.

A kid with a maybe-sorta-Alegbra level education is going to have a hard time jumpstarting an industrial revolution alone, and like >>885811 says we don't know the local rules. >>885868 has the right idea, gather experts together and break all the rules with them. The results might not be Guns Germs and Steel, but simply encouraging innovation will be useful.

Hell, the Aos Si might have accepted outbreeding if they'd just been exposed to enough pornographic propaganda. Getting some artists and a printing press should be a high priority. The pornography can help fund other operations too.
>>
No. 886184 ID: 33cbe7

>>885755
Yeah, I'm suuuure we know how to design and manufacture repeating firearms as opposed to just seeing them on TV.
If mingling with other nations is your aim, then we can cause a calamity that'll force the Aos Si to flee into neighboring countries, like dropping a meteor on the capital city! Then you can travel around gathering your people into a new nation, one scattered group at a time. Divide and conquer!
>>
No. 886296 ID: 3abd97

>I am the Empress Friedrin Li Sarath XI
So... I can call you Freddy, right?

>But we cannot entrust a complete stranger with your royal flesh!
Don't worry yourself dude, it's currently my flesh, and I don't really want anything bad to happen to it while I'm in it.

>a foreign realm of stone and steel more terrible than any nightmare
Well, that would seem an accurate description of Detroit.

>I wished to branch out, joining with other nations and embracing diversity of flesh
Silly question, but if that was your plan, why didn't you reach out to those other nations and diversities of flesh for help when the traitors turned on you?

>>885811
Yeah, when magically transferred to a new universe, one should not assume the fundamental laws are exactly the same, plus magic. We have no idea if electricity, or underlying physics, or chemistry, etc all follow familiar laws.

For all we know, this place is running off completely different rules. A different OS that just has a similar looking UI.

Learning what the rules are here, and then how we can apply an outside perspective to break it is probably a good starting point.

>“What shall our next move be, my Hero? Where will we strike first? Have you any brilliant tactics you might share with us?”
That said, our immediate priority is probably getting drunk and waking up with a hangover in bed with whatever local girl you can manage to pick up with the empress' looks.

Maybe see if you can get ghosttits drunk too, while you're at it. For science.
>>
No. 886449 ID: a606da
File 152740358163.png - (696.22KB , 800x600 , iskam22.png )
886449

“First, where we sleeping?" I asked. "Where’s HQ, so to speak?”

“We’ve been rooming here.” Ricky replied, looking a little queasy. “There’s more than a little mildew, but at least the beds are comfortable, and privacy is more or less guaranteed.”

“Okay. Right, then, tactics. Tactics. Tic-tacs. Oh, hey, guns! Multi-shooting guns. Bang bang, you know? Firearms?” I made gunshot noises and did finger-guns to illustrate. “A friend taught me how to make one in middle school. If you can get, like, some brain wizard to photographic-memory me up, I can probably show you how.”

Friedrin and Ricky shared one of those fancy meaningful looks that you see other people do, but if you ever try to do yourself, you end up in a fistfight and get suspended for a week. Some people just pull the wrong meaning from it, you know? Uh, anyway…

“Hah!” Friedrin laughed again. Laughing was kind of her thing. “I told you! ‘The Hero will know the mind of the enemy’! The prophecy hasn't been wrong yet!”

“Mmm?” I blinked.

“Our enemies use such weapons.” Ricky explained. “We had no idea where they came from, or how they functioned, but apparently we’re going to find out. I’ll start researching how to pull upon specific memories, that we may better understand.”

“Radical.” I take another sip. “Hey, Frayd… uh, Freee… um… can I call you Freddy?”

“Of course n-!” Ricky began to object.

“Of course, Hero!” Friedrin loudly cut him off.

“Sweet. Cool. Freddy, your goal was, like, fucking other races and teaming up with them, right? Very progressive, good job, you’re a hero. But, uh, why not use that to show up at your throne with an army of faeries and other shit?”

“And let our allies know that I have been deposed?!” Friedrin gasped. “Never! Currently, the coup is relatively quiet outside of the country. Most don’t know that it’s occurred, only that the Aos Sí have gone silent politically. Such breaks in contact are not uncommon from our nation. But it’s only a matter of time before other countries catch wind of what’s happened, and take advantage of the situation!”

“Who’s leading the Aos Sí now?” I burped. “Also, teach me magic. Like, can you give me lightning-fingers, or maybe - ?”

“We aren’t sure.” Ricky interrupted. “The coup was sudden and brutal. We assumed that it was just rebels from within our own nation, but they used bizarre magic and weaponry we had never seen before. Other forces may be involved. As for magic, I will begin teaching you if you wish. It may take some time, depending on your level of mastery.”

“Huh. Well, y’all could cause some sort of calamity, yeah?” My hair kept getting in my face, but I was having trouble moving it. I kept poking myself in the eye by accident. I eventually gave up. “Like, can we nuke your capital or something? That’d get your people to start looking outwards, wouldn’t it? Divide and conquer and shit.”

“We’re not going to blow up our homeland!” Ricky snapped. Even Freddy seemed to be on his side, for that one. She thought it over with an uncomfortable expression, but didn’t say anything.

“Mmm. Okay. Well, then, clearly we… uh… we need to…” I got distracted, giggling at a dirty joke I’d heard from my uncle years ago. “Heh.”

“Hero?” Freddy asked, nervous.

“Hm? Oh!” I remembered where I was. “Yeah, uh, right. I was going to say… what was it? Damn, I had something. It was real clever, too. Let me just finish my drink, it’ll come back to me.” I went to drink, but the cup was empty. “I’ll get another. Be right back.”

I wandered off back to the bar. And that’s the last thing I remember from that night.
>>
No. 886453 ID: a606da
File 152740382185.png - (495.52KB , 800x600 , iskam23.png )
886453

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed with an unfamiliar person. The situation was pretty familiar, though.

When I noticed that I had tits, I thought I was dreaming, but then the hangover kicked me in the brain and I remembered bits of the day before. I lazily played with a boob, hoping the pleasure would block out my pain. Spoilers: it didn’t work.

An odd-looking lady with a pig’s snout was asleep on top of me. Her skin was maroon from the neck down. After a moment, I recognized her. I dimly recalled speaking with her, and doing a few other things with her as well, but the finer details escaped me.

My head was hurting like crazy, and I was pretty damn thirsty, but I couldn’t get out of bed with pignose lying on top of me. I was stuck there, and still pretty out of it.

I’m a little embarrassed on how long it took me to figure out what I was going to do next, but I did finally make my move. Can you guess what that move was?
>>
No. 886460 ID: 33cbe7

You snapped off a horn figuring it was like a temporary tattoo.
>>
No. 886462 ID: 074011

You closed your eyes and gave up. Past-you had got you into this mess and future-you could get you out of it.
>>
No. 886469 ID: 094652

You booped the snoot with an entire dresser. Seriously, how strong are you?
>>
No. 886474 ID: f22061

You avoided causing your body permanent harm, got dressed, and left the pig lady to find your companions. Because it's not like your one night stand has ties to some secret revolutionary group of loyalists. Certainly either of your buddies would have said something.
>>
No. 886475 ID: 2007b6

Pinch pig-nose hard enough to get her to move.
>>
No. 886481 ID: 3abd97

Obviously you spoke out loud to ghosttits, who's probably ghosting around somewhere nearby.

Hey Freddy, did you get drunk too? And uh, this horns and tattoos stuff is like, your regular Wednesday thing, right?
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