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Twilight Night
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I returned with the biggest mug they had, filled to the brim with the hardest liquor they had in stock. I sipped it. It burned my tongue. I smiled.
“So, let’s see.” I took another sip, thinking. “I’m not here to produce royal heirs, right? I ain’t down for that shit. While we’re on it, you got a boyfriend, girlfriend, dying parents, or any naive kids running around? Anyone else that’s going to think I’m you, and cause trouble if they catch on that I’m not?”
“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” She paused, baffled. Then she figured it out after I made a few choice gestures. “Romantic partners, hm? My concubines are all female, of course. Can’t risk birthing bastards, and women are far more pleasurable to bed. I was planning to marry the King of the Twisted Fae, after assassinating his Queen, but I hadn’t gotten around to it. I would of course produce heirs through such a union, for political purposes. No children yet. I killed my parents myself, as is custom. I am disguised, so only a choice few should be able to deduce my true identity.”
“Concubines, huh?” I asked, suddenly invested. “How many? Where?”
“Many were among the rebels. Those who did not turn on me were themselves betrayed!” Friedrin hissed. “Fools, all of them, seized by the traitors!”
“Aw.” I sighed, taking another swig of hard liquor. “Does this prophecy or whatever say anything about others like me, or am I on my own?”
“The prophecy speaks of a Hero From Across The Fade, torn from a foreign realm of stone and steel more terrible than any nightmare.” Friedran recited the words with her usual freakish glee. “The Hero fears nothing, always acting with conviction. Conflict is as practiced as breathing to them, and the ire of others gives them no pause. In a time of strife, when dark forces rule the Aos Sí and all hope seems lost, the Hero will restore order and usher in a glorious new age!”
“Huh.” I wondered whether I should mention my friends, then decided it might be better to keep quiet. I liked the idea of having a monopoly on the whole ‘Hero’ gig. “What happens when the job’s done? Do I move on and be dead, or do I have to run your life until your body wears out?”
“The prophecy doesn’t say.” She muttered nervously. “Well, you cannot lay claim to my throne, obviously. That defeats the purpose. I must oust you from my skin eventually. Still, I shall be kind. When the time comes, I will allow you to peruse whatever traitors we capture alive. You may usurp the soul of whichever you wish, and claim their body for your own. Otherwise, your soul will simply vanish off to wherever it came from. If you were dead, then I suppose you shall die.”
“What kind of pressure have you been under that this nonsense seemed like a better idea than dealing with it yourself? Well, whatever. I’m here already.” I blinked the blurriness out of my eyes. “Come to think of it, where the fuck are we, anyways?”
“Pizter. A backwater nation adjacent to my own.” She sniffed in disgust. “Lots of open space, with the occasional little village. Its peoples are filthy and unkempt. Still, it served well as a refuge from the traitors who would see me dead.”
“What’s that guy’s name?” I pointed to the bodybuilder palooka with the dumb outfit. “Can you order him to do whatever I say?”
“Oh, Rikipok? He’s one of my old magic teachers from the Academy of the Abject Light, and a loyalist acting as my temporary secretary. He can be very stupid, but he is useful at times.” She waved idly at him, not even looking his direction. “Obey the Hero in all things, servant.”
“You heard her, Ricky.” I took another hefty swig of booze. I belched through my grin. “You belong to me now.”
Ricky just stared miserably at me.
“Alright, so, just how insane are you?” I asked Friedrin. “Because I’m getting a real ‘they said I was mad’ vibe off of you. Why did everyone think you were crazy?”
“They could not comprehend my glorious vision of the future!” Friedrin grimaced. “My idiot subjects wanted to keep the Aos Sí as a ‘pure’ race, inbred and impotent. I wished to branch out, joining with other nations and embracing diversity of flesh. For this, they called me mad! And when the courts turned on me and forced me from my throne, even those few that still remained loyal called me a lunatic for believing in prophecy! But look at me now! The Hero blooms from within me, and soon all will know my power firsthand!”
“Mmm. Sure.” I hiccuped.
“Well, then!” She smiled mischeviously, swirling in the air around my head. (Or was that just the beer? I don’t know.) “What shall our next move be, my Hero? Where will we strike first? Have you any brilliant tactics you might share with us?”
I hiccuped again. My head was all swooshy by that point. I tossed out the most intelligent answer I could come up with at the time. It… wasn’t great. Still, it was something. It’s a little hard to remember, though. Do you happen to know what I said?
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