Update 3/3 Gnuk 2017/03/02(Thu)07:35 No. 784142 ID: fc7c78
File 148846893598.jpg - (64.43KB , 600x500 , DUN03.jpg )

Some nerd: "But the hue of the actual mantle is at SNORT least two tones darker. A real fan would SNORT know!"

>>784142
Stab them

>>784143
Seconded

>>784143
>>784145
Stab them and steal their Bika bodypillow

>>784142
You see, it's that way in the books, you read them all/instead of watching the series on a crystal ball.

He has called your nerd cred into question. We have no choice but to retaliate, or you might be ostracized from the herd. We'll never get next to our mark then, but we must retaliate as a nerd would to keep our cover. We must insult his tastes in nerd memorabilia. Quick call the character on the body pillow an overhyped piece of trash that no self-respecting man would ever call his waifu.

>>784151
As much as it pains me, I second this action. Say that skut waifus are a dime a dozen.

And any REAL fan would know that those two tones of darkness are because of Monster Humper's erotic aura, one that I am unfortunately lacking as of now, there was an entire sentence about it in the book the creator of the series wrote about what it was like writing for that series!

"your waifu a shit"

Trip him, bind him, and stuff him in his smelly pillowcase.

Is that possibly the Dungeon Monitor...? Ask him if that is a limited edition Steve headband. There's no reason you shouldn't suck up to this guy either way. Allies are more useful than enemies.

>>784142
It's a black and white production. The helm shouldn't be darker at all, it should be the same tone of white as the background.

Or are you telling me you're not a purist who sticks to the original canon and that you're one of those philistines who accepts the expanded universe crap?

>>784142
Your waifu is a remorseless criminal.

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:44 No. 787641 ID: defceb
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>He has called your nerd cred into question. We have no choice but to retaliate, or you might be ostracized from the herd.
Oh no! I must act fast!

"I see you like skuts
which are most base and common
your mind must have been in a rut
to even stoop so base a brahmin

You're into a criminal
who'se frankly a dime a dozen
they have no merits subliminal
you may as well be into your cousin

what's worse is that you didn't even know
the suit was filmed in black and white
with tones later added for the erotic glow
and who but monster humper himself would have such great might?

So basically I am saying
Is that you are full of it
and this truth I'm displaying
Your waifu a shit"

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:45 No. 787642 ID: defceb
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"A bardic rhyme!? T-that's...!!!"

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:45 No. 787643 ID: defceb
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"THAT'S/...!?!?!?!?"

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:46 No. 787644 ID: defceb
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"AGAINST THE RULES! rrrraaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:49 No. 787647 ID: defceb
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"You think you can bring your bardic powers against me, the Dungeon Monitor enraged form, True Ultimate Final Boss of the Dungeon of Eternal Torment and occasionally priceless treasures but also nerd conventions and tiny glass penguin collections and also Affectionate Erotica Afficionado but sometimes science fiction author!?"

Apollo 2017/03/15(Wed)17:49 No. 787648 ID: defceb
File 148962539529.png - (206.26KB , 1962x847 , dun028.png )

Guys that health bar just keeps going

Help

Yes, because all of your weapons have been replaced with orange-tipped styrofoam replicas as per convention regulations! Ha ha! You are powerless in your own domain, while these sharp riffs can't be dulled!

Use your ultimate ability: Boss Fight Soundtrack!

Just ignore it and go in. He's not allowed to do anything during his transformation sequence, that's how they work, and the transformation isn't over until his health bar is done loading. He'll be stuck there way too long to do anything.

>>787651
Excuse me, she's*.

That health bar is so high we might be able to Mystic Quest him. Heal him, if the battle system is poorly designed enough his health might exceed the maximum integer value and overflow into a much smaller number. Wait, I can't remember if we even have a healer in the party.

Zoom out so the health bar is smaller.

>>787648
A hypermaxed hp bar.

She's made the classic blunder!

Use bard magic to cast a level 1 healing spell on her. Integer overflow will make her health roll over to negative billion or so, taking her out in one shot.

Wait a minute... WAIT A MINUTE!!!

I see titties... THE DUNGEON MONITOR IS A WOMAN!!
And she looks to be part dragon! And if she really is this huge of a nerd... oh my gods... VIRGIN DRAGON PUSSY 2X!!!!

Seduce her! But we'll need to go beyond just regular over maxed seduction, we must go further beyond... 4X TEAM OVER CHARGED SEDUCE!!!!

>>787648
Tell your teammates to hold her off for 5 minutes while you gather your power for the ultimate Bardic skill of Seduction.

This' some problem sleuth bs

By dungeon games' right
Any boss must be beatable
We shall give her a fight
Despite even our meek level

And to rally our cause,
By an epic refrain
We shall strike up a chord
And cause her much pain.

But our foe must be less stronger
We need a dragon's favour
Penelope call your father
And spare us hopeless labour

(just enough to make the fight fair, for narrative purposes)

>>787648
>Health bar
Wait, I know what's going on! She's a nerd, so she's obviously using hacks! There's only one way to beat her!

Dramatically point at her and shout, "HAAAAX!!!!!" and then a computer monitor will come flying outta nowhere and hit her in the face! This attack always one shots hackers!

Sleep! Hideous Laughter! Charm! Uh, um... Frog Song? I bet she's weak versus status effects!

>>787682

There is only one man that can do that and you know it.

>>787644
"If it's against the rules, why did you hire a bard earlier you cheater."

>>787678
Beat her with her own health bar. A thing that large must pack quite the wallop.

>>787917
This sounds like an excellent idea. What could go wrong?

>>787648
Grab her health bar and whack her with it

UPDATE 1/4 Gnuk 2017/04/25(Tue)05:56 No. 797901 ID: a100c1
File 149312499513.jpg - (70.63KB , 750x550 , DUN01.jpg )

Hah! Who truly is the fool here?

I'll bash her head with her own hp bar while she still transform.

If only this thing didn't weight tons!

"Friends! I have the strenght of a whelp.
Come here and give me your help!"

UPDATE 2/4 Gnuk 2017/04/25(Tue)05:57 No. 797902 ID: a100c1
File 149312506168.jpg - (55.29KB , 800x475 , DUN02.jpg )

Gotrik: "We are with you! In spirit! Good luck buddy!"

Penelope: "You can do it!"

COWARDS!

UPDATE 3/4 Gnuk 2017/04/25(Tue)06:02 No. 797904 ID: a100c1
File 149312536909.jpg - (70.11KB , 600x600 , DUN03.jpg )

DUNGEON MONITOR: "NOW! BEFORE I END YOU... DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS, BARD?"

"Uhm... yes i do!
right before i have to say adieu!
I don't know how to make this part sweeter
but you, my dear...

are a cheater!"

UPDATE 4/4 Gnuk 2017/04/25(Tue)06:07 No. 797905 ID: a100c1
File 149312564879.jpg - (75.65KB , 750x550 , DUN04.jpg )

DUNGEON MONITOR: "WHA-WHAT?! N-no i'm not!!!"

"You said we bards are against the rules.
And yet i'm not the king of fools!
The one you sent to attack us as your vanguard,
He clearly was, my dear... A BARD!"

Penelope: "He's right! They even had a bard off!"

DUNGEON MONITOR: "TH-THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING! S-SHUT UP!!! I-I AM "THE DUNGEON MONITOR! I C-CAN TOTALLY DO THAT!"

>>797905
INCORRECT! No one wants to follow a leader that is a dirty cheater!

SHAME ON YOU!

>>797905
Accuse her of hypocrisy.

Then tell her that she doesn't need to resort to such tactics. She's good enough without them. Challenge her to face us on a truly level playing field.

Then seduce her.

>>797905
I am willing to overlook such cheatery if you would allow me to pick the format in which our final duel will take place.

>>797905
Doing things no one else can do because you're the DM? Isn't that the very essence of cheating.

Still think we should cast the weakest possible healing spell on here and defeat her by her hp bar rolling over.

>seduce her
Come on, even bards need standards.

I'll never tell your indiscretion

If I can snuggle your midsection.

Why are you even here as a boss? I mean you're the Dungeon Monitor, not the Dungeon Massacrer.

>>797946
Smart!

And then the format can be a lewd seduce-off.

>>797996
Personally I was thinking a lewd kiss off till one gives up but it is important to hide the battle till she agrees to do it.

Apollo 2017/05/18(Thu)23:22 No. 802864 ID: efc9ab
File 149517493629.png - (124.63KB , 615x456 , dun029.png )

>Seduce her.
How could I even not flirt with a woman carrying bounteous masses.

>Come on, even bards need standards.
Standards are for lesser classes.

I'll never tell your indiscretion
If I can snuggle your midsection.

"No."

"Then I won't tell a soul that you're a filthy cheater
If I could choose the format for competition
Instead of making a straight beater
We could have a sportsmanly exhibition."

Apollo 2017/05/18(Thu)23:25 No. 802865 ID: efc9ab
File 149517514764.png - (113.73KB , 638x464 , dun030.png )

"This sounds like the pretext to a clever trap!"

"Trying to get one by you would be a terrible mishap."

"Very well! Name your game, bard."

"Picking a format against you will not be very hard.
In fact I am already prepared
To stand up and declare...!"

"An end to pointless warfare,
What I declare, here is it's name,
A skill of gods, 'The oldest game!'"

That her Satsuki Kiriyuin cosplay makes excellent battle armor and is quite fetching and very fitting on such a lady of power like herself.
when seducing otaku you gotta do it right

>>802871
Oh, man when did we last play the oldest game? Hot dang yes.

Sexual combat?

Or harem battle! You party of attractive companions is more than a match for any she could muster!

>>802871
Damn straight.

>>802871
The oldest game! then we keep listing off lewd things!

>>802865
>To stand up and declare...!"
....A game of jousting into your derriere.

>>802871
Is this supposed to reference the supposed "oldest profession"? If yes, I support the action.

UPDATE 1/2 Gnuk 2017/07/08(Sat)06:55 No. 813900 ID: b25200
File 149952214513.jpg - (38.56KB , 750x500 , DUNGEON01.jpg )

Penelope: "Challenge her to an harem du..."

DUNGEON MONITOR: "YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW PENNY!"

Penelope: "Eeehh..."

DUNGEON MONITOR: "NO LEWDING!"

"Then what I declare, here is it's name,
A skill of gods, 'The oldest game!'"

UPDATE 2/2 Gnuk 2017/07/08(Sat)07:01 No. 813901 ID: b25200
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DUNGEON MONITOR: "Like in Mudy Quest? Going for the classics i see! Then it's settled.
The rules are simple: each person simply states what they are, and the other person then has to 'become' something to counter that thing.
Person 1: I am a bunny. Grass-eating, multiplying.
Person 2: I am a wolf. Grass-prowling, bunny-devouring.
Person 1: I am a hunter. Horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing.
You play until one cannot think up a counter."

Lilian: "Yes... everyone knows how it works."

DUNGEON MONITOR: "SILENCE! IT'S IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS RESTATE THE RULES!"

DUNGEON MONITOR: "I'll go first. I'm the MONITOR. Impeccable. Power wielding!"

I am the outdoors, unmonitored and untouched by her.

I am the nature of power
fated to subvert and corrupt
to misguide intentions abruptly
by increment; age, year, or hour

I am the power cable. Loose, and easily jostled!

"I'm Gnuk."

I am a bard. Silver-tongued, monitor seducing.

>You play until one cannot think up a counter.
Or until someone accidentally repeats something that was said before.

>"I'll go first. I'm the MONITOR. Impeccable. Power wielding!"
I am a game accepted. Power limiting, failure condition imposing.

I am Anime, Monitor enticing, virgin keeping.

>>813901
I am virginity. Unable to be lost, a shame to my mother.

>>813901
>I'm the MONITOR. Impeccable. Power wielding!
I am the Bard. Master of chicanery. Monitor subverting.

>>813901
I am the quest. Interactive. Obsession-causing, Monitor-distracting.

>>813901
I am.... Nudity, Pride stealing, power weakening!

I am the monitors favorite pillow, round and soft and oh so inviting.

>>814510
>round and soft and oh so inviting.
*evil cat bitch Bludjaeger flashbacks intensify*

I am the Game Balancer. Weakening, equalizing.

>>813924
>
"I'm Gnuk. This dick you shall succ." to the tune of Belzeboss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOBKxUT9Da4

Apollo 2017/10/11(Wed)15:33 No. 835933 ID: efc9ab
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"My answer you see is quite beyond supposing.
For I am a game accepted. Power limiting and failure condition imposing."

"Yeah whatever I'm a bard, rules breaking and game cheating."

"Pardon?"

"I said I'm a bard."

"I don't wish to make your claim fall flat
But I didn't quite hear that."

Apollo 2017/10/11(Wed)15:36 No. 835934 ID: efc9ab
File 150776139425.png - (136.94KB , 611x379 , dun032.png )

"I SAID."

"I'M"

"A"

"BARD YOU TITBRAINED BABOON. I'M A BARD, A SLIMY CHEATING FORNICATING MESS WHO SLITHERS AROUND RULES AND CHEATS AT EVERYTHING. I'M A FUCKING BARD. YOUR TURN."

Clearly now you say you're the Dungeon Monitor and she has to seduce you now.

>>835936
She already used herself!

>>835934
I am the dungeon of eternal torment. Bard-trapping, escape-denying.

I am the pure heart of a fair maiden! Irresistable, love overwhelming!

>>835940
Yep. Just say you're the dungeon.

>>835934
I am the guard Bard catching Kings servant.

Just to clarify why: in order to attempt to win she has to say what the dungeon's weakness is, which we can use to escape. She can't say Monitor or Bard again, so she can't really cop-out either.

>>835934
I am a lusty woman, bard enticing, willingly seduced

>>835934
Should we tell her that her wallet and gift card got stolen?

.....nah, I'm sure she'll figure it out on her own.

>>835940
>>835950
This!

UPDATE 1/2 Gnuk 2017/11/01(Wed)10:33 No. 841637 ID: cf7371
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"And this is where the contest, my dear, becomes electrifying.
For I am the dungeon of eternal torment. Bard-trapping, escape-denying"

DUNGEON MONITOR: "Tch, you are not even trying at this point. I am the winner of the dungeon, brave, monitor tickler!"

UPDATE 2/2 Gnuk 2017/11/01(Wed)10:34 No. 841638 ID: cf7371
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DUNGEON MONITOR: "..."

DUNGEON MONITOR: "WAIT!"

DUNGEON MONITOR: "..."

DUNGEON MONITOR: "fuck"

>>841638
I am marriage. treasure stealing, adventure denying.

>>841638
TICKLE TICKLE

You heard her, tickle her without mercy!

Let her have it! TICKLE TIME!

>>841643
DO IT.

Come to think of it, we could keep playing too.

I am practical armor. Flesh-concealing, tickle-protecting.

It is over, for she has already named the victor of this dungeon - the bard!
Tickle tackle that tuchus!

I am a finger trap! Dexterity dropping, tickle denying!

Then tickle her so she can't answer and loses.

Sing a song of knocker enhancement. Make her bust out of her armor.

Repetition. That's it, she lost.

>DUNGEON MONITOR: "fuck"
Well, if you insist.

>>841657
Seems good.

>>841767
That's not repetition.

GET HER!!!