which legion is the worst

that one

All of them. We are the ultimate hybrid. All the strengths, none of the weakness.

you are from legion 17

>>614209
Or the reject of all of them.
"Here, you have him."
"No, you can have him."

Obviously you are a glorious fucking ULTRAMARINE. Your magnificent banners are the Emperor's own toilet paper. Which is why your icon looks like a toilet seat

60% of the time, your spiritual Liege, Ma- Roboute Guilliman, leads you to chapter-approved glory every time.

Hounorable Battle Brother Broom 2014/12/22(Mon)23:18 No. 614229 ID: 9dd1ee
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>which legion is the worst
>that one

The worst? nay! the greatest of them all the ULTRAMARINES!

Honourable Batttle Brother Captain Broom Reporting

Broom: "Courage and Honor!"

Brooms' army consists of:

himself
a 5 man marine command squad
a 10 man tactical marine squad
a 10 man assault marine squad
a strike cruiser filled with a thousand serfs and general shmuks, also tons of weapons and swag

What Foe shall Broom lead his might army against?

>>614229

Go find some Necrons and shoot them in their stupid faces.

Let's go slap the shit out of some dark eldar, fucking evil space elf fucks what use even ARE they

>>614232
>>614239
How about both? We have two hands, I don't see why we can't purge two xenos at once!

>>614239

A DARK ELDAR? WHAT? IS THAT AN ELDAR XENO WHICH SITS IN SHADOW?

>>614229

Heretics are always in need of retribution. When they chose not to kiss the Emperor's ass, they chose to die by your righteous, phallic weaponry.

Hounorable Battle Brother Broom 2014/12/22(Mon)23:47 No. 614246 ID: 9dd1ee
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The assault on the dreaded necrons is imminent, Broom's second in command approaches him

Captain Broom: "Honorable battle brother are the troops ready to deploy?"

Champion Buckler: "Yes honorable captain, however we've just learned new information"

Captain Broom: "Indeed honorable battle brother?"

Champion Buckler: "Yes honorable captain, we have detected space marine marine life signs on the planet already!"

Captain Broom: "honorable battle brother what are they doing there?"

Champion Buckler: "honorable captain I do not know, howevers scanners also indicate eldar raider vessels nearby"

Captain Broom: "hmmmmmmm"

a startling development how shall broom proceed?

Oh dear.

Clearly it is an inferior space marine chapter, there to steal your fucking glory.

Better drop in and show them up.

FUCK THE ELDAR WITH YOUR CHAINSWOOOOOOOOOORRRRRDS

>>614246

Consult the Codex Astartes.

>>614246
Glass it all, let the Emprah sort it out. They're probably chaos marines anyway.

Hounorable Battle Brother Broom 2014/12/23(Tue)00:28 No. 614258 ID: 9dd1ee
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>Consult the Codex Astartes.
Captain Broom: "We must consult the codex Astartes!"

an hour of study later . . .

Captain Broom: "Honorable battle brother We shall implement the Maneuver "Steel Rain" and crush the eldar!"
Champion Buckler: "Courage and Honor!"

Implementing "Steel Rain" Broom's forces quickly wipe out all the Eldar

Captain Broom: "And the greatest of them all where the Ultramarines!"

Champion Buckler: "Courage and Honor!"

Captain Broom: "Casualty report honorable battle brother"

Champion Buckler: "Honorable Battle brother Fork has been injured Honorable Captain"

>>614258

Make sure you get his jean seeds. If you don't his ineptitude won't be genetically carried through the future ranks, and that would make for far less dramatic codex art.

>Honorable Battle brother Fork has been injured
We can rebuild him, almost as good as he was before. Long live brother Spork!

>>614258
Tell him to walk it off!

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/23(Tue)10:14 No. 614433 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Honorable brother apothecary, Honorable battle brother Fork has fallen, extract his geneseed"

the space marine medic approaches

Brother Fork: "Don't take my balls honorable brother apothecary!"

Apothecary Toilet: "He appears not to be dead honorable brother captain"

Captain Broom: "Indeed? surely it is a mortal wound, he's done the primarch proud"

Apothecary Toilet: "It appears he's just tipped over, and scuffed his pauldron honorable brother captain"

Captain Broom: "oh . . ."

Apothecary Toilet: "Shall I patch him up honorable brother captain?"

Captain Broom: "Indeed! and hence forth he shall be known as honorable veteran brother Spork! in honor of his noble deeds!"

Apothecary Toilet props Spork back up and put a bandaid on his pauldron

Veteran Spork: "Courage and honor!"

Champion Buckler: "honorable brother captain I see the other space marines now they appear to be waving at us"

waving? what marine waves? check their colors.

>I see the other space marines now they appear to be waving at us
Reply to your distance brother's greeting in semaphore.

>>614437
chack colours! and ready your weapons!

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/23(Tue)13:15 No. 614541 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "The Codex Astartes dictates that thine fellow honorable marine brothers shall be recognizable by thine bright colors"

Captain Broom takes a look over yonder at the other marines

Captain Broom: "Ah, Bright red armor, they've chosen a fine battlefield as they are in perfect camouflage against the red skies and red sand, excellent tacticians these honorable battle brothers"

Captain Broom turns his head a bit and-

Captain Broom: "By holy Terra! masters of stealth as well! one has just snuck right in front of my red tinted visor!"

Seargant Seals: "Nay honorable brother captain, it is simply I honorable brother Seargant Seals."

Captain Broom: "ah forgive me honorable battle brother I hardly recognized you with all that xenos blood covering your noble blue"

Seargant Seals: "Truly I have slain many this day with my mighty power fist, Honorable brother captain is it not possible our fellow marines are also covered in the blood of our enemies?"

Captain Broom: "Indeed it is possible honorable battle brother, we may need some other means to identify our fellow legionaries"

If you squint your beady, contempt-filled eyes you may be able to make them out more readily.

wait, as captain you can take off your helmet, every knows the high ranker officers can take their helmet's off and be protected by pure plot.

>>614585

Oh yes, this is true. What is the point in having hideous facial scars if you can't show them off?

>>614587
clearly the est solution!

>>614588
You also have a name, you can't fail at this point

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/23(Tue)16:44 No. 614616 ID: 9dd1ee
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Broom removes his helmet to reveal his grizzled scarred face

Captain Broom: "with my unfettered space marine vision I can see a full spectrum of color"

Champion Buckler: "What color are they honorable brother captain"

Captain Broom: "They are red."

we'll have to risk it. they could be blood angels.

Probably world eaters. Lay a trap with some skulls and stuff and a big sign saying "HERESY HERE ->" and wait on the tactically superior high ground to see how they react.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/23(Tue)19:14 No. 614660 ID: 9dd1ee
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>Probably world eaters

Broom knows for a fact the world eaters wear blue and white clearly trying to emulate the greatest legion!

Broom and his ultramarines approach the other marines

Captain Broom: "Greetings I am-"

"Captain" Swag: "Pouchius Broom, Ultramarine Captain."

Captain Broom: "How did you-"

"Captain" Swag: "It's written on your armor"

Captain Broom: "and you-"

"Captain" Swag: "Nubis Swag, Thousand Son Sorcerer Captain."

Captain Broom: "well-"

"Captain" Swag: "Thank you for your assistance against the Eldar Ultramarine"

ask what happened. how could were they being bested by the eldar of all things?

>Thank you for your assistance
You are welcome, battle brother!

So wait, this is BEFORE the Thousand Sons went traitor? I mean, that is their pre-heresy logo.

>>614771

Yep.. Use of the word "legion" is the indicator although the mk 7 pattern armour threw me off earlier.

That's odd, the Thousand Sons normally don't get into fig....WAIT A MINUTE! Didn't Grillman create the codex Astartes during the Great Heresy?

I am pretty sure taht Codex was created after Heresy, when Jellyman divided Legions into Chapters.

Smack his smarty face!

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/24(Wed)07:33 No. 614867 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "You are welcome Battle brother!"

>Codex Astartes

"Truly it has been the greatest of honors for our noble primarch to have entrusted I to proof read the first draft of his manuscript, no doubt it will be the best seller of best sellers" Captain Broom thinks to himself

>mk 7 pattern armour
"Truly with these mkV helmets and and powerpacks that have been lent to each legion for sizing before the initial run in a few years, and copious amounts of noble blue paint no one will be able to notice our old mkIII armour is horribly out of state and rusted to the core"
Captain Broom thinks to himself

Captain Broom: "Tell me honorable battle brother-"

"Captain" Swag: "how were we bested by mere eldar?"

Captain Broom: ". . . yes"

"Captain" Swag: "Simple we were occupied doing something suspicious protecting four times our number in imperial citizens"

ah of course, the marines are know for their strength rather then their numbers, being stretched thin would indeed result in more casualties. offer to perform a joint operation to purge these xenos.

His name and legion makes me think he will one day become associated with bloody birds. We must guard our wargear closely.

Anyway, with the eldar bested we should ask for the assistance of him and his men in disposing of the necron threat.

Do you require assistance assisting the citizens, now that the threat has been removed?

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/26(Fri)20:35 No. 615751 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "protecting the citizens of the imperium is a noble goal indeed honorable battle brother"

Captain Swag: "I suppose it is . . . "

Captain Broom: "Now I must go to wipe out the rest of the xenos on this planet, shall you assist us honorable battle brother?"

A couple of imperial citizens approach Captain Swag

Psyker Cleo: "Lord swag our divination has uncovered the location of the artefa-"

Captain Swag: *Ahem!*

Captain Swag clears his throat and points at the Ultramarine captain

Psyker Cleo: " . . . Forgive my ramblings my lord, heat stroke must be getting to my frail non-astartes form, I meant to say we are ready to give you your hourly back rub my lord."

Captain Swag: "No time for that I'm afraid, there's xenos to be purged!"

Captain Broom: "Courage and Honor!"

Captain Swag: "Myself and my ten heavy weapon devastator marines are ready for combat"

Captain Broom: "An excellent addition to the battle force!"

Captain Swag: "However it would be prudent to leave 5 marines behind to guard the imperial citizens

pick 5 marines from a squad to protect the imperial citizens

total Space Marines

1 Ultramarine captain
5 man Ultramarine command squad
10 man Ultramarine tactical squad
10 man Ultramarine assault squad

1 ThousandSon captain
10 man ThousandSon devastator squad

>>615751

Give em half of your tacticool squad. Surely the citizens aren't THAT important that you need to waste that many of your glorious battle brothers on their protection.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/27(Sat)11:51 No. 615915 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Honorable brother veteran Spork take four nameless tactical marines and secure the object with your mighty "objective secured" special rule!"

Veteran Spork: "It'll be an honor, honorable brother captain"

Captain Broom: "Everyone else, let us destroy the xenos!"

Champion Buckler: "We march for Macragge!"

The Space marines engage the Necrons

Champion Buckler:"Honorable Brother Captain! the xenos return to life no matter how many times I fist them!"

How will Captain Broom defeat these un-killable foes!?

Maim them into helplessness instead of killing them. Then search for the source of their resurrection, destroy it, and then kill them.

yes, shatter their guns and legs, they will be forced to crawl, and thus confuse whatever foul xenos power brings them back.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/27(Sat)13:11 No. 615937 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Shatter their limbs battle brothers! eternal life will matter not without limbs!"

Champion Buckler: "For our spiritual liege!"

the xenos are thoroughly dismembered

ThousandSon Mid: "There brother captain! the xenos resurecting his kin!"

Sergeant Seals: "The foul xenos has done something the Honorable brother sergeant Plasmius! he's hitting himself with his own weapons!"

Kill the healer! Than we can safely purge the xenos and hopefully free honorable brother sergeant Plasmius from their tricks!

shatter that orb, it is obviously the source of these foul energies.

>>615751
Oh geez, this is hard one, but I think for the best results you should leave behind two captains and three tactical marines. Spreading the points around if you will.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/27(Sat)20:37 No. 616102 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom and his marines smash the orb, killing the foul xenos for good . . . maybe

Captain Broom: "Honorable battle brother are you alright?"

Sergeant Plasmius: "Yes honorable brother captain! the scarabs inside my brain are also dead"

All of a sudden a nearby mountain explodes, An Invincible Necron Monolith! How will Broom deal with this new threat?

EXTERMINATUS

nothing is invincible to space marines as long as you believe in the emperor! for terra, charge!

Don't you have a vehicle bigger than a mountain?

I think you do..

Advance to future victory!

(retreat)

Challenge it to single combat.

We destroy that and all this is over! CHARGE!

Brother Swag had Devastator Marines correct? They should be perfect for dealing with something like this.

>>616102
Call for anti-armor support!
INITIATE ATTACK PROTOCOL TWENTY-THREE!

It is in air and you are on the ground. There's only one choice for assaulting this accursed xenos construct. Strike from the skies, brother! Steel Rain!

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/29(Mon)17:35 No. 616625 ID: 9dd1ee
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ThousandSon Mid: "Brother Captain perhaps we should withdraw and utilise your strike cruiser's orbital strike?"

Captain Broom: "perhaps the insight of the sons of magnus is merely rumor, for you seem to have mistaken me for a son of Alpharius!"

ThousandSon Fynx: "oooooo! though art burned brother Mid"

Captain Broom: "Nay! we are the sons of Guilliman, And we march for Macragge!"

The Ultramarine echo the warcry and all the Space marines charge the Monolith

Seargant Seals: "Brother Captain! I've made a hole with my power fist!"

lead the charge into it and battle their leader from within their foul craft.

Enter the hole! We shall take this fight to it! Directly inside.

Lead with some multimelta.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/29(Mon)19:39 No. 616675 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Multi-Melta bearing brother, lead the charge!"

ThousandSon Kasun: "I wish my existance was defined beyond the weapon I carry . . ."

Captain Broom: "We march for Macragge! Battles Brothers!"

the marines charge in and defeat minor resistance

Sergeant Seals: "Brother Captain! some manner of energy conduit!"

>>616675
use power fist on conduit

Lick it.

yes, xeno energy conduits. destroy it! follow the source of the energy to find the generator. to also destroy.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/30(Tue)08:39 No. 616783 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Destroy it Brother sergeant Seals"

Seals punches the conduit, it shatters and the room fills with green lightning and the whole vehicle begins to shudder

Perhaps you should leave the device to its death throes.

Walk away from the explosion.

cool guys don't look at explosions.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2014/12/30(Tue)10:27 No. 616824 ID: 9dd1ee
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>cool guys don't look at explosions.
as the space marines walk away from the disintegrating inferno that used to be the monolith, not a single one looks at the explosion

excellent. now consult with swag about any remaining enemy forces.

Check your apothecary's narthecium for sedatives. For... research purposes.

Also check on our brothers left behind with civilians.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/01/08(Thu)10:08 No. 618876 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captian Broom: "Brother Champion Buckler fetch me brother captain swag, I would have words of tactics with my fellow commander."

Champion Buckler: "he is not among our number honorable brother captain"

Broom thinks and cannot remember swag's presence at any point during the battle

Sergeant Seals: "Five of his devastator marines are also absent, their sergeant among them"

Captain Broom: " . . . Is it possible they were slain brother apothecary?"

Apothecary Toilet: "Negative, I saw no bodies to attend to, perhaps they went to inspect the safety of the humans?"

Captain Broom: " . . . perhaps, let us attend to Veteran Spork and see for ourselves"

Broom leads the marines to the brothers left behind with the humans
on the way he questions the apothecary

Captain Broom: "Have you any sedatives among your equipment brother apothecary?"

Apothecary Toilet: "I do honorable brother Captain"

they arrive at the destination
Swag is not there

Captain Broom: "Report battle brother"

Brother Scopus: "The Eldar counter attacked as, over two hundred in number and though we slew all we saw, we lost 3 imperial citizens."

Captain Broom: " . . .you saw these citizens die?"

Brother Scopus: "No honorable brother captain, yet they are no longer among the original number so surely that was their fate."

Captain Broom: "anything else to report?"

Brother Scopus: "Veteran Spork and Brother Flamarus have been injured."

>we lost 3 imperial citizens
I see 3 honorable imperial citizens right there. How many did we start with?

>Veteran Spork and Brother Flamarus have been injured
The apothecary shall tend to them.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/01/08(Thu)21:03 No. 618992 ID: 9dd1ee
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Apothecary Toilet patches up Spork and Flamarus

Captain Broom: "Battle brother I see quite a number of of imperial citizens behind you, are you certain they are not all here?"

Brother: "Yes Captain, originally I counted forty citizens we are now down to thirty seven."

Ask the citizens if they know what fate befell their missing brethren. Did they fall in battle?

Interrogate the other Thousand Sons marines. Where is their captain? He was acting strangely, and so were some civilians with him. Could it be they are goofing off somewhere?

TO SEWERS!!!
...or other underground structure they have, almost every foul plan had taken place beneath the surface of loyal and trustful planets of Imperum of Man.

Also, what planet is this? What around us?

clearly Veteran Spork deserves yet another promotion

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/01/09(Fri)09:10 No. 619057 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Excellent work veteran Spork, I grant thee terminator honors for thine valiant deeds

Veteran Spork: "You honor me honorable brother captain!

Brother Flamarus: "honor you do not deserve 'brother', I too was injured yet no honors were bestowed to me."

Captain Broom: "Shut thine mouth Brother Flamarus!"

ThousandSon Fynx: "oooooo! though art burned brother Flamarus!"

Brother Flamarus: "Shut thine mouth thousand son, lest you invoke from me true fire"

Captain Broom: "Thousand son, where has your captain run off too"

ThousandSon Fynx: "I cannot tell you what I do not know, Sergeant Peeps however did take half our squad to a nearby temple under the statement of "rooting out xenos" however with Sergeant Peeps that could mean a couple of things."

Captain Broom: "Hmmm interesting, citizens do you know what happened to your missing three?"

Spireguard Horus: "before dee Eldar attacked, three of Cap'n Swags 'aids' left to look for'm, apparently he fergot sumpin"

shut the fuck up, Flamarus, nobody likes you.

march towards the temple while singing the Imperial Anthem. that exists, right?

Do you know what it was he forgot, citizens?

Perhaps this means the missing citizens yet live, if they were away when the battle was joined.

>>619057
Ask what "couple of things" means.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/01/14(Wed)12:10 No. 620374 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Do you know what it was he forgot, citizen?"

Spireguard Horus: "Oi'm afraid not m'lord"

Captain Broom: "Unfortunate, Brother Fynx Take us to the temple"

Broom and his marines travel to the temple
on the way he questions Fynx further

Captain Broom: "you spoke earlier that 'with Sergeant Peeps that could mean a couple of things.'"

Thousandson Fynx: "I may have said something of the sort."

Captain Broom: "What did you mean by that?"

Thousandson Fynx: "well you see, Sergeant Peeps has this um 'thing' for birds . . ."

Captain Broom: "ah the noble Aquila! truly it is among the greatest of the Emperor's symbols, his love for our lord must truly be great indeed."

Thousandson Fynx: "right . . ."

Captain Broom: "Let us all chant the hymns of aquila, let us not be out shown by our good sergeant shall we?"

and so the marines chant until they reach the temple

Thousandson Fynx: "well here we are captain"

Thousandson Zeez: "Fynx you have betrayed our mission, Knowledge is power, you would do well to guard it."

Thousandson Fynx: "better than to forget knowledge, as you have forgotten the Ultramarines are our allies."

Thousandson Zeez: " . . ."

Thousandson Fynx: "I'll give you a moment to recover from such harsh burns"

Brother Flamarus: "I do not trust these Thousand sons Captain"

Captain Broom: "be quiet brother Flamarus your own status within the Legion is already pause for question"

Thousandson Fynx: "for the squads flamer bearer Flamarus you seem to take more heat then you give."

Brother Flamarus: "I swear one more word and I'll cave in your skull!"

Captain Broom: "Enough Flamarus!, thousand sons let us pass"

Thousandson Zeez: "I have orders to keep you out, Sergeant Peeps was most adamant."

Thousandson Niles: "indeed!"

Do not take 'no' for an answer, but for a question.

>>620374
Ask them what knowledge they guard.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/01/14(Wed)22:19 No. 620474 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "You have orders to keep out a fellow astartes, a captain no less from a xenos temple?"

Thousandson Niles: "Correct!"

Captain Broom: "Why is that?"

Thousandson Zeez: "Sergeant Peeps did not feel the need to give me that knowledge."

Captain Broom: "do you not find that odd?"

Thousandson Fynx: "To be fair 'odd' describes most of Sergeant Peeps' actions"

Captain Broom: "you claim to guard knowledge, yet you seem to have none to protect."

Thousandson Zeez: "Regardless, we cannot let you pass!"

The Thousand sons seem less certain

>>620474
Tell them that you are quite sure there should be no valid reason to keep you out. You must know what pressing need their sergeant had to eschew his duty to the emperor. If it is important enough, perhaps you can even help!

If they won't budge threaten to shoot your way in.

Sergeant Peeps ordered you to prevent all from entering, or us specifically? (The latter would qualify as unusual).

Ask if he has seen Captain Swag or his 'aids'.

Honorable Brother Captain Broom 2015/03/20(Fri)15:49 No. 630147 ID: 9dd1ee
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Captain Broom: "Where you specifically told not to Let us in or to not let anyone in?"

Thousandson Niles: "ummm . . ."

Thousandson Zeez: "What ever one makes you go away!"

Captain Broom: "That is unfortunate, as we must pass, let us through or we will have no choice but to destroy you."

Thousanson Zeez: "We will die in our duty!"

The space marines all draw arms

Thousandson Niles: "Wait!"

Thousandson Zeez:"what is it? can't you see we're about to die horribly for a pointless order?"

Thousandson Niles: "But Zeez, If I fire my plasma cannon it might scatter back onto us, it would be humiliating!"

Captain Broom: "Hmm such a death is no fate for one of the emperors Astartes."

Thousandson Zeez: "Indeed, It seems fighting will be impossible, we have no choice but to let you pass Ultramarine."

Broom and his marines enter the Temple

Thousandson Zeez: "Come on brother, we best keep an eye on them."
Zeez and Niles follow

* * *
Broom and his marines come across 'Sergeant' Peeps

Psyker Isis: "Must I really wear this silly headress while I polish your armour? M'lord"

Sergeant Peeps: "YES! IT IS ESSENTIAL! AND IT'S NOT SILLY!"

while you admit that that style of helmet is rather bird like, this seems to be taking it a bit far.
cough loudly to get their attention.

...quietly sneak back outside like the lumbering mountains of metal you are. He didn't hear you approach, he shouldn't hear you go.

Shout greetings right into his ear, like a fellow Astartes would do!

>>630147
Greet him and say you admire his dedication to the great Aquila symbol.