Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)12:24 No. 612055 ID: 3d6e79
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>>612053
Unfortunately I am updating this quest with a notebook and an iPhone...my sizing limitations are quite real!

Contemplate the vastness of deep space.

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)12:38 No. 612061 ID: a81751
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>vidya games

oh right! I just got the latest edition of Halo Duty Battlecraft. I grab my Doritos and keg barrel of Mountain Dew to play some games. Online I encounter a swarm of mega n00bs. They're cramping my style. What am I to do?

Tell them you slept with their mother in the whiniest, more childlike voice you can manage.

>>612061

call in your crew for backup

Can't you just spend the rest of the week posting on other people's quests?

Also, I can sense that this isn't even a representative avatar of yourself; that this isn't who you are on the inside.

Please draw what you look like.

And then call us out for our snide and humiliating remarks with a slew of violent swearing.

You do NSFW quests already, so hit us with your biggest insult! This is a good time to tell us how annoying we are when we post on your quests! Come on!

>>612061
The best solution is to turn off voicechat. Then nobody will be able to annoy you!

destory them, call them names. and then teabag all of them.

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)13:26 No. 612074 ID: 3d6e79
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Ah why didn't I just turn off my voice chat? That way I can teabag them without bothering about them whining in my ear! Pew pew pew!

Well that takes care of that.

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)13:27 No. 612075 ID: 7c65ee
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I return to my desk and take out a box of crayons to chew on. My dead tablet lays in front of me. Goodnight, Sweet Prince

>>612075

Go play some league of legends or talk to your internet friends

listen to cute music

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)13:46 No. 612079 ID: b77899
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To cheer myself up, I load up some cute Vocaloid music. popipo popipo! My mood is increased significantly! I AM Hatsune Miku, I can feel the music!

When the song ends I'm back to sitting lazily in my chair.

make a food then gosh

>>612079
NO.

Also, have you tried whacking your tablet on one edge until it turns on again? Try to remember what side your tablet hit before it broke, and hit it on the opposite side.

Go outside and have fun with other people!

Examine room for interesting or fun stuff.

First, go on the internet. Then, go on tgchan's quests board. Finally, go to the thread "Orion's Guide to Life Without a Tablet" and start making suggestions.

Things are about to get meta!

Spin on your chair until nausea overtakes you.

>>612092
this

Life is better with two things; anime and POTOAS. Aquire these things aquire happiness!

Cure cancer?

Or solve world hunger, perhaps? Pioneer a clean, renewable energy source, maybe establish a permanent world-peace?

...So, ever think about adopting kids? Or do you think that children are just spoiled brats who are going to interfere in YOUR spoiled brattiness?

Yep.

Why not go to the pet store and buy a low-maintenance pet, like fish or guinea pigs?

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)20:58 No. 612258 ID: 0eaf76
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I decide to spin around on my rolling chair repeatedly. It doesn't take long for my stomach to spin equally as fast. I am spinning at an alarming rate.

>>612258
Extend arms, take off into the sky.

Realize your parents are going to kill you when they realize you blew a hole in the roof, then try to aim yourself towards Venezuela or something I dunno

Orion 2014/12/15(Mon)21:01 No. 612262 ID: 0eaf76
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I keep on spinning rapidly until I rocket out of my house like a helicopter. I am now flying. Holy hell! I've always wanted to fly!

Adopt a new life in Venezuela, where your parents will never find you. If you're lucky, tablets ship faster there.

>>612262

Continue spinning until you break earth's orbit!

Either that or fly to some exotic locale and explore.

Now, you out your GUN.
And start shooting wildly.

>>612262
Find out where your new tablet is and FLY THERE!

Use your spiral power to PIERCE THE HEAVENS!!

>>612262
Fly off in search of consumer electronics!

land in the land of OZ and go on dis JOURNEE

Listen to Dead or Alive.

take old tablet apart. read the entrails to find out what to do next.

>>612271
BELIEVE IN THE TABLET THAT BELIEVES IN YOU

Oh god this is no longer a guide and now a quest.

So do what comes natural and perform aerial tricks because its awesome to do so.

The obvious solution is a barrel roll

Oh know, you seem to veered into a no flying zone, here come the air police.

Do a barrel roll!

Orion 2014/12/16(Tue)08:06 No. 612379 ID: 1a57d2
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I try and do a few aerial flips and rolls, but the chair is spinning at such a horrifying velocity that I just end up passing out mid-spin.

Orion 2014/12/16(Tue)08:09 No. 612382 ID: 386885
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I wake up in a strange place. Is this...the land of OZ?! Iook around, squinting like the Asian I am. My chair is lying on top of a random person, with bright red shoes... Oh my god this is Oz. I AM DOROTHY. Where's my black dog? Ah man.

>>612382
Check the foot sticking out of the ground, and watch out for flying monkeys.

Rob the body of the no good witch you just killed.

>>612382
Check if the random person is alright.

Orion 2014/12/16(Tue)08:30 No. 612390 ID: 1a57d2
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I lift off my chair and examine the body. The only thing I can see are the legs...the body is underground. Like straight underground...like god. Well might as well take the shoes. They're cool I guess. Kinda sad there's no fanfare of tiny munchkin people to give me flowers and candy...oh well.

Welcome, To the land of SNOZ- You have crushed beneath you the wicked witch of the weast (which so happens to be the good one) and are now a murderer. Soon the gumdrop police will capture you and sentence you to your crime! You must escape before the SNOZ gets you!

Dig the witch out and loot her corpse for usable tools / body parts.

Hey, it was an accident. If you're going to be a looter, you may as well loot everything.

Make a shank immediately, life in OZ is dangerous.

>>612390
Wellll... if that was the wicked witch of the west, you should obviously go east to find the center of the land.

teabag witch

Take a shortcut and just clack the shoes together immediately

>>612390
Wow how mean, you didn't even check if she was still alive or pull her out of the ground before skipping to larceny.

You have the slippers, so it is time to look for a sentient scarecrow!

Take the striped stockings.

Alright, now, this is important: did you get a tracking number for the tablet? If so, click heels together and chant "there's no place like the warehouse containing package" and then the number.

Orion 2014/12/16(Tue)12:13 No. 612424 ID: a81751
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Since Oz is a dangerous place, I craft myself a wooden shank to fend off any monsters. Guess I should head East then, assuming this is the Witch of the West...unless I killed the wrong witch...OH WELL IT'S TOO LATE NOW.

come across a scare crow.

(note that I did not say scarecrow).

Obtain currency, ignore witches.

>>612445
Come across a scarecrow.

>>612445
Come across a square brow.

>>612445
Cum across a scarecrow.

Find the biggest baddest dragon.

Come across a smoking caterpillar.

Why not mix Wonderland and Oz?

Find the two girls (you know who I'm talking about) and merge them into one body with two heads with your phone.

>>612463
Find two girls from The Shining "Come play with us, Orion"

>>612424
summon the help of Abel, somehow

Orion 2014/12/16(Tue)16:40 No. 612508 ID: 0eaf76
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Suddenly I come across a strange smell. It smells awful actually. Oh god what the hell is that. Is it that weird bug thing over there? A...smoking caterpillar...? Wait am I in Wonderland or Oz?!

Collect super mushroom, grow, then start breaking blocks with your head, Super Mario style.

Neither, you are in IMAGINE NATION!
That or while you were spinning you hit your head pretty badly.

>>612508
Neither, you're in a After-School Special meant to teach kids why drugs are BAD.

>>612508
You probably hit your head while landing and are actually in a coma.

Regardless ask that caterpiller what is up and what is he smoking.

>>612615
Yeah, I think that's a good explanation.

Try doing mental exercises to heal your concussion or coma.

Like using your mind to summon bigger fish.

OH! Or, how about you use your mental powers to get rid of the blue lines that seem to have followed you everywhere?

Also, you may want to wake up before someone steals your new tablet.

>>612508
shank that bitch!

blow smoke rings with the caterpillar

Tell him larvae shouldn't smoke.

God dammit! You fell of the chair while you were spinning and now you're in a coma.
Lets just pray you don't wake up to zombies.

Orion 2014/12/17(Wed)19:57 No. 612824 ID: 0eaf76
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Wait...am I in a coma? God damnit. This better be like Sword Art Online and I find some hottie to whisk me away to fight super villains. But sadly, I'll just smoke a blunt with the caterpillar...hmm...this isn't really doing anything. I just feel kind of mad.

Then challenge the caterpillar to a game of wits! Perhaps even five games of wits!

And after you win or lose, punch him in the face.

Don't wait for Kirito to come save you. Be the Kirito. Dual wield blunts.

>>612824
Interrogate the caterpillar. Demand to know where you are. Also maybe where to get some hamburgers.

>>612824
Use MAD to summon elves. Get more mad. Mad about the elves.

I've told you to shank him!
loot all his stuff too!

Orion 2014/12/18(Thu)09:05 No. 612903 ID: 987d42
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That's right... I AM MY OWN KIRITO! Quickly, I grab another stick and fashion it into a shank for A DOUBLE SWORD COMBO! Boom! That caterpillar is DEAD. Eh....there's nothing to loot but a half-smoked blunt, though...

take it's antenna . everyone knows that you sell random ass body parts for cash.

>>612906
Screw the antenna, take it's scent glands!

Oh, and be careful about the hairs. Wikipedia says they have venom. Who knows what they'll do in your own mind.

>>612903
If you pray hard enough and believe in yourself, you can gain true sight to see that the blunt actually is a magical teleportation cigar allowing those to teleport while smoking it.

Or ,maybe not. I dunno. Could be.

>>612906
Wear the antenna on a silly headband.

>>612921
Or how about emptying his skull and wearing his whole head?

>>612954
Perfect.

>>612954
Empty your own skull and wear it as a helmet.

Craft a caterpillar Kigurumi.

Bury the body before any witnesses show up.

Start gathering a harem of cutiepatooties.

Paint your self with the blood of your kill... Time to go feral.

>>612977
Up vote this, it be harem time.