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File 140358382681.png - (164.90KB , 700x600 , 1.png )
580516 No. 580516 ID: c3ad33

last time: http://tgchan.org/wiki/One_Night_Only_Fractal_Drunk_Quest

oh god i emptied my savings account into my checking so i could buy a loaf of bread and some 4lokos. didn't these things used 2 be illegal

i'm no longer a shark in form but i'm still a shark at heart

what the fuck should i do
Expand all images
No. 580517 ID: f996af

Take over the west coast.
No. 580518 ID: a16dc4

No. 580519 ID: 2fd516

Turn into a sh-

Go to the park in a pidgeon suit and harass people feeding the birds.
No. 580521 ID: c3ad33
File 140358447173.png - (71.98KB , 700x600 , 2.png )

i put on a pigeon suit and fly 2 the west coast
No. 580522 ID: c3ad33
File 140358450978.png - (90.73KB , 700x600 , 3.png )

i begin 2 harass surfers. this is unfulfulling
No. 580523 ID: 0ee153

Harass seagulls. Seagulls deserve it.
No. 580524 ID: f461c5

NO! You must Recruit The Seagulls For Your War Machine!
No. 580526 ID: a16dc4

make out w the surfers
No. 580527 ID: c3ad33
File 140358504020.png - (64.41KB , 700x600 , 3.png )

i try 2 harass the seagulls but they are DUPED by my amazing disguise and become HOT 4 ME instead. i guess this would make them easier to recruit but tbqh i really really do not want to do that
No. 580528 ID: 675d4e

get the seagulls drunk too
No. 580529 ID: 0ee153

Pretend to start making out and devour them instead. You can only eat the top halves and spit out the heads if you think the other bits are gross.
No. 580530 ID: 2fd516

Run away! Use the flock of seagulls following you to get bird poop on everyone's cars.
No. 580532 ID: f461c5

The perfect crime.
No. 580533 ID: 50338d

Pass creepy bird boyfriend off to rml and gtfo.
No. 580535 ID: c3ad33
File 140358570189.png - (99.06KB , 700x600 , 4.png )

i splash 4loko in the seagull's faces to try to get them durnk
No. 580536 ID: c3ad33
File 140358572041.png - (394.01KB , 700x600 , 5.png )

seagulls are no longer HOT 4 ME. they are now ANGRY @ ME
No. 580537 ID: 9e9eb2

Grow 6 additional legs
No. 580538 ID: c3ad33
File 140358576301.png - (70.49KB , 700x600 , 6.png )

i run 4 dear life. they poop on everything in their wake as they pursue me. phase 1 of my conquest of the west coast is complete

but now i have a bunch of angry seagulls chasing me. this is not what my mother wanted for me
No. 580539 ID: 73cb92

welcome to SoCal! after you're done with the seagulls and their shenanigans, you should check out the high desert and scratch your itchy back on the joshua trees.
No. 580540 ID: 189a54

Snipe the gulls with some hacky-sacks!
No. 580542 ID: dc9b7e

welcome to morrowind. in the true morrowind fashion, steal everything that isnt bolted down and cut the bolts to everything that is.
No. 580544 ID: 93ee39

where is all the freckle tho
No. 580549 ID: f461c5

Kite the cliff racers into the guards. After everyone is dead, spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out the most valuable things on the corpses that you can carry without overburdening yourself.
No. 580550 ID: 675d4e

duck into a nearby office building for escape. wreak havoc inside
No. 580554 ID: 91bded

convince the birds to aid you in your conquest
No. 580557 ID: 0ee153

Run past nearby convenience stores. They will be overcome by the urge to pillage junk food.
No. 580558 ID: 9e9eb2
File 140358685226.png - (471.92KB , 1280x1280 , tumblr_n7fg30wPMv1qfobbio3_1280[1].png )

I redact - more birds.
No. 580559 ID: b1b7fc

change back into some regular clothes this will make them confused. did they fall for the bird u or real u?? they dont know and will fall into an existential crisis
No. 580561 ID: c3ad33
File 140358689986.png - (85.17KB , 700x600 , 7.png )

none of your suggestions make any sense and i hate them so i'm ignoring them.

POOF! i'm in hell. i am no longer wearing a pigeon costume; instead i am in the same soft grunge neowitch garbage that i wear every day of my unfulfilled, coffee drenched life
No. 580562 ID: c3ad33
File 140358692496.png - (107.89KB , 700x600 , 8.png )

satan is like yo. i am uncomfortable bc the last time we talked we parted on like, not great terms
No. 580563 ID: 9e9eb2

Count legs
No. 580565 ID: 186341

take a picture with him then photoshop in some greek busts and ferns then make a vaporwave aesthetic blog
No. 580566 ID: 675d4e

flirt with satan
No. 580567 ID: 2fd516

Awkwardly apologize. Offer to help him torture some sinners to make up for... whatever it was.
No. 580568 ID: 73cb92

"is it hot in here or is that just you?" works every time trust me i have a degree in business and administration
No. 580569 ID: f996af

Ask what satan wants from you before giving him your price, and bringing out the contract for him to sign.
No. 580570 ID: dc9b7e

post a selfie with him
No. 580571 ID: 0ee153

Offer him third-rate coffe and stale croissants as a peace offering.
No. 580572 ID: c2407a

seduce satan then make off with his valuables in the dead of night (is there night in hell. who knows.)
No. 580573 ID: 189a54

You are a stronk and independant woman and you won't take his shit! Stage a coup and become the ruler of hell!
No. 580574 ID: c3ad33
File 140358757101.png - (407.29KB , 700x600 , 9.png )

we take a selfie together and post it on our new aesthetic blog. satan seems 2 b Appeased.

#pale #glow #softgrunge #vaporwave #glitch
No. 580576 ID: 2fd516

Burn stuff in the fires of hell!
No. 580577 ID: 0ee153

delete his blog, overwater his succulents, and leave
No. 580578 ID: f996af

Get the devil to make a Fractallian pact with you.
No. 580579 ID: 73cb92

oh no.... it looks like the pic has circulated pretty quickly... is that anon hate in your inbox?? maybe the seagulls can use computers after all
No. 580580 ID: dc9b7e

answer some seagull anon hate
No. 580581 ID: 186341

catch a seagull off anon, post his comment, then screenshot all the desperate requests to take the post down that slowly morph into angry, sexist diatribe
No. 580582 ID: c3ad33
File 140358790194.png - (17.62KB , 675x236 , jkasfhsadj.png )

sweet jesus yr right
No. 580583 ID: c3ad33
File 140358791501.png - (86.86KB , 700x600 , 10.png )

satan is inconsolable
No. 580584 ID: 6be8d1

Pass out. Regret everything when you wake up. In Hell.
No. 580585 ID: 93ee39

why be w satan when u can be w queen lucy l
No. 580586 ID: dc9b7e

well, he's out of commission. pick up his slack. youre more than qualified
No. 580587 ID: f996af

get satan drunk
No. 580589 ID: 0ee153

you're a shark at heart

smell the metaphorical blood

rip him apart
No. 580590 ID: c2407a

conveniently acquire the Fiery Power of Hell and take revenge on the seagulls
No. 580591 ID: 9e9eb2

Steal Satan's legs for yourself.
No. 580592 ID: 2fd516

Drink satan's delicious tears.
No. 580593 ID: f54607

check how many likes your selfie got thatll make satan feel better
No. 580594 ID: 93ee39
File 140358868035.png - (137.86KB , 700x600 , 140358692496.png )

player 2 has entered battle
No. 580595 ID: c3ad33
File 140358871799.png - (108.54KB , 700x600 , 11.png )

satan is Weak. i can smell it. i dismember him
No. 580596 ID: c3ad33
File 140358874202.png - (46.43KB , 700x600 , 12.png )

i slap his legs onto my torso bc SOMEBODY is obsessed w the concept of me having more than 2 legs
No. 580597 ID: c3ad33
File 140358877106.png - (96.73KB , 700x600 , 13.png )

i am now QUEEN OF HELL

this is slightly less useless and awful than being chased by horny seagulls
No. 580598 ID: 0ee153

Conquer purgatory and impose a damnation tax on aerosol cheese.
No. 580599 ID: b8ceae

Find Hitler and make his punishment worse.
No. 580600 ID: f996af

Summon rad friends, make them fellow queens of hell.
No. 580602 ID: c3ad33
File 140358971670.png - (88.41KB , 700x600 , 14.png )

after imposing a hell tax on EVERYTHING, i find hitler

his sentence is 2 have poop drop on him for the heavens forever

i change the order to TWICE THE POOP. that was satisfying

but hitler is boring and i hate him. what else should i do

edit: a few days after this was posted someone approached me saying they felt the joke was in poor taste, and after hearing what they had to say i agreed that it was pretty dickish of me. they asked for me to link the explanation of why the joke sucks/apology, which you can find here:

No. 580603 ID: 93ee39

send demons to the ubisoft headquarters and punch them all in the buttholes
No. 580604 ID: 2fd516

Find the coolest person in hell and poke them with your fork. But only a little, then bump fists with them. Maybe take them up to the- wait.

No. 580605 ID: f996af

Get more booze.
No. 580606 ID: 4caf51

have a drunken party will all the cool demons in hell
No. 580607 ID: 93ee39
File 140359004333.png - (23.73KB , 500x300 , bad.png )

important suggestoin
No. 580608 ID: c3ad33
File 140359020272.png - (90.07KB , 700x600 , 15.png )

i get all the demons drunk and then we all fly 2 ubisoft headquarters

"U DON'T UNDERSTAND" screams the ubisoft guy as i own his nerd ass. "GIRLS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW"

i'm not buying it. i continue 2 punch him
No. 580609 ID: 93ee39

yesssss now fart around his eyes so he gets pink eye
No. 580610 ID: 2fd516

Give him a huge wedgie then force them to make a videogame to your specifications.
No. 580611 ID: f996af

steal his ability to draw dudes
No. 580612 ID: c3ad33
File 140359065439.png - (99.35KB , 700x600 , 16.png )

i give him the biggest wedgie the world has ever seen.

"make them all girls," i whisper, "w no silly boob jiggle physics"

but i wedgied too hard. he's basically dead. there will b no video game. ubisoft is basically useless 2 me now
No. 580613 ID: f805d2

take all of the demons and put them into pigeons. possess all of the pigeons in the world and make them do things like dance and shit fancy portraits of famous people on the pavement.
No. 580615 ID: c5f6d2

Clearly the right thing to do is to annex the Ubisoft building as part of hell and punish the former developers there. Their new job is to make videogames that sexually demean and objectify men with things like midriff-baring armour, ass-cutouts that show off their asscheeks and way too much makeup. The female characters will have reasonable proportions and reasonable dress/equipment/habits/actions in stark contrast with the industry norm of every female character either being a support character, fanservice, or both.
No. 580616 ID: c5f6d2
File 140359165088.jpg - (166.31KB , 1024x576 , selectclass.jpg )

Pic related.
No. 580617 ID: f805d2

revision to previous suggestion: take all the demons, make them possess pigeons, make the demonpigeons shit on all things Ubisoft
No. 580619 ID: 2fd516

DREAMS RUINED. Steal their mtn. dew and doritos supplies and give them to the homeless.

Or y'know just consume them all. Like a vacuum.
No. 580621 ID: a36601

>basically dead
Well make him fully dead then go get him from hell. You need a crack team of undead developers to make your best game ever.
No. 580624 ID: c3ad33
File 140359410293.png - (70.47KB , 700x600 , 17.png )

i stand on top of video game mountain. i have killed everyone who worked for ubisoft and now they are demons who work for me. my ultrafeminist propoganda game is in the works

what now
No. 580626 ID: a36601

Fulfill a dying kid's wish of becoming an evil overlord. There has to be at least one of them. Then make *another* dying kid a hero and have them both fight for your amusement.
No. 580627 ID: a2f9bc

No. 580629 ID: af5690

You see Gandhi cruising on a sweet magic carpet. Quick, catch a ride and fly out of hell and finish off those seagulls!
No. 580631 ID: 9e9eb2

You see roughly 800 years of generations of hardcore white supremacist colonialist Europeans. They all have legs.

Suddenly, you gain an urge to increase the size of your leg pile.
No. 580644 ID: 2fd516

Make out with hot demon chix.
No. 580645 ID: dc9b7e

recruit ghandi. probably the only mortal in existence who would threaten nuclear war on the devil himself and follow through. he probably gives good footrubs
No. 580649 ID: c5e29d

Hey now! Half-measures are a terrible thing! You still need to go conquer the east coast!

Would probably be a good idea to conquer the north and south coasts too. For good measure.
No. 580687 ID: e73b69

Learn dildomancy
No. 580706 ID: 55c4cf

i'm a demon sup drunk fractal ???
No. 580718 ID: c3ad33
File 140363087202.png - (197.33KB , 700x600 , 18.png )

shit. i must have fallen asleep. my tail, horns, and pokey thing are gone - i guess the demons decided that if i was gonna be a drowsy little prick i wasn't allowed to be the Queen of Hell anymore

they let me keep the cool metal bikini tho

above me, The Space Shark swims in idle circles as it has, does, and will for all of eternity. its voice washes over me like the breaking waves of a warm galactic sea.


and i think i will
No. 580880 ID: 707a11

gg m8
No. 580902 ID: cc08c7

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