>>308363
> let them procreate and grow up more things to kill, then the cycle becomes anew.
Spend the time between cycles turning yourself into a giant mind controlling space ship. Just watch out for those tricky SPHESSS MHREENS.

That's not an elf.

Hey, hold still for a second. You've got a little somethin' right there. No, a little lower. Little to the left...

Joan, snap out of it. That's your Scottish friend.

That's not an elf. That's the Scotsman. He's your friend. Don't kill him. Snap out of it. You probably went on a TK rampage just now.

>>308361
Hang him upside down and cut him from groin to sternum.

>>308361
Reveal your TRUE FORM to it.

No this fellow does not stand in the way of FREEDOME, he FIGHTS for it!

Regain your senses!

Sir Double-Shoggoth 2011/06/04(Sat)15:44 No. 309102 ID: 788dee
File 130722745254.png - (131.68KB , 870x540 , 06-15.png )

>Remember, you wanted this one to bone you. Sex, remember sex? Nice thing to do after a spot of violence?
That doesn't sound like killing everything you see.

>That's not an elf.
>He's your friend.
Sure it is. It looks just like an elf, doesn't it?

>Snap out of it.
>Regain your senses!
You speak as if you had lost your senses. Why is "to kill or not to kill everything you see" even a question when the question should be "to kill everything you see or to kill everything you see"?

You need to stop debating pointless things and get to the killing everything you see-part. The gate of Jötunheimr does not open itself.

>>309102
It most certainly doesn't. So lets get back to killing everything so the gate opens and then kill everything beyond that gate as well.

See, just 1 problem with killing everything you see. You see yourself. SUPER FUN HAPPY SUICIDE TIME :D

Joan, you look more like an elf than that guy. Seriously if you ever manage to crawl back to sanity you'll regret killing him. Unless he kills you, in which case I guess he'll regret killing the person attached to those HUGE FUNBAGS.

You should hurt everyone.

That wall behind you looks like it may be moving. Hack at it for a little while. If it looks like you're not accomplishing anything, that's just because it isn't dead yet.

>>309102
Jötunheimr. That's a thing. Why don't you do me a favor and close your eyes for a bit?

>>309188
>Jötunheimr (or Jǫtunheimr; often anglicized Jotunheim) is one of the Nine Worlds and the homeland (heim 'home') of the Giants of Norse Mythology — Rock Giants and Frost Giants.
...OH FUCK NO.

Joan, are you trying to end the world, sweetie?

ah, Joan, how far you've come since you were a scared and flat-chested little girl, trapped in a tunnel and menaced by a robutt. How much you've grown, and in so many senses of the word! How fortunate John misunderstood your attack as foreplay, and showed you the joys of sweet, sweet lesbian sergal love. <3
But I'm getting off track.
Kill? Bah! He is Scotsman! Rape him! Subdue him, pin him to the floor, raise that kilt, and do what comes natural! Make him scream with ecstasy (or terror, or pain, or whatever) as he spends himself into you! Claim his seed for the glory of...
...of...
...um...
You know what? Rape him just because it's fun. Scotsmen are good in bed.

>>309102
Dear you got some red on you.

Sir Double-Shoggoth 2011/06/21(Tue)15:15 No. 316023 ID: 4183c9
File 130869451536.png - (121.85KB , 870x570 , 06-16.png )

By the frosted balls of Iku-Turso, can you not concentrate for a second on a simple matter such as this? You need to stop thinking about unrelated things and just decide what way to kill this elf in, it's not rocket sci---

Ah good; he's BONKed some sense into you.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/06/21(Tue)16:08 No. 316053 ID: 4183c9
File 130869768201.png - (73.02KB , 870x570 , 06-18.png )

OW.

>>316053
BITCH I WILL RAPE YOU

well the fact they just bonked you instead of killing you means they are not a enemy.

Look around you. Look around you!

Have you figured out what we're looking for? It's dead bodies you killed, both friend and foe.

Freak out a little.

>>316053
Hey, looks like mom showed up to smack you a bit. Ask her what's up and if she will join you in killing all of these elves and then eating their hearts.

>>316024
Ask the stranger were they have learned this ability of mind altering judo chops!

SHMEEBLE. It's sir John Battersea of Corduroy, come to talk to you about the best cheap car insurance deals in Swansea.

Or so you thought...

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/04(Mon)13:15 No. 321570 ID: 4183c9
File 130981053962.png - (104.40KB , 870x570 , 06-19.png )

"I said what are you just standing there for? If that man is a friend, then help him, or if he's an elf then just kill him, by Äiatar's frosted cunt."

Who-

Wha-

Fuck, you just hope you killed most of these elves. Otherwise it's just embarrassing.

What man is she talking about?

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/04(Mon)13:16 No. 321571 ID: 4183c9
File 130981059453.png - (109.30KB , 870x570 , 06-20.png )

H-hey...

...How do you think you should react to this?

with lust and arousal

his ears are human. he is a friend.

Mercy and Compassion?

Wait... no... that's not it...

Booze! That's how you should react to this!

"Oh noes! are you okay? I didn't mean to thrash myself about so much in a mindless passionate rage that I almost killed you, would you like to have a 'make it all better' cookie as an apology?"

Must make sure I haven't killed John (everybody knows John is the most important character in the entire of the internets)

Respond with COMPASSION

>>321571
Booze is the correct answer. Lets raid the boozestorage and get some strong drinks, give some to that dude as well and he will be up and about in no time at all.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/05(Tue)10:13 No. 322006 ID: 4183c9
File 130988599266.png - (166.68KB , 870x570 , 06-21.png )

It seems someone else has beaten you to "raiding" the "booze", if you know what you mean.

give john a karate chop bonk to the head.

be disappoint.

>>322006

They were just about to film a porno with the "drunk friends" storyline, weren't they?

>>322006
Retrieve a couple of kegs and then leave them at it. Whatever 'it' is, probably better to not inquire closely.

>>322006
Take all the booze!

ALL OF IT!

At what point did John (or Joan, even) have a shower??

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/05(Tue)13:46 No. 322054 ID: 4183c9
File 130989881170.png - (127.88KB , 870x570 , 06-22.png )

Grabbin' peel--- you mean booze.

Also John is asking if you want to be a "star". According to her, it's "easy" and "fun".

>>322054
Do ya, girl? DO YA? Tell her to bring the camcorder, you have to claim your throne. Then christen it, the viking way.

>>322054
Of course the fuck you do. What kind of sissy elf-like creature would refuse?

>>322054
Nope, you're already the greatest star there is. You're the greatest elfkiller there is, you don't need any other kind of fame.

>>322054
Well obviously you can trust John, so go for it.

>>322054
Tell John that you'll hold the camera so she can be a star.

>>322072
Her "special talents" would make for a pretty unique movie. And illegal on most civilized planets.

Throne FIRST fuck later.

>>322054
I dont think John has ever given you an actual choice in anything up to now. Just make sure Tom's your co-star.

>>322054
No time for stardom, there's FREEDOME to be had still

be the star of the throne.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/05(Tue)15:36 No. 322098 ID: 4183c9
File 130990537155.png - (52.61KB , 870x570 , 06-23.png )

Speaking of Tom, you're pretty sure he'll die soon unless you help him.

Not that you're a doctor, but call it feminine intuition. Or, you know, common sense.

On the other hand, if you don't help him, you could go straight to throne or stardom or whatever you fucking well please. You just have to decide what you want - instead of, you know, just standing around wondering at everything and being distracted by anything shiny like some elf with mental and medical issues.

sorry, but that is impossible, can only recommend stuff and then leave it to you to decide. if it was me, i'd help tom. but that's me. what do YOU want joan?

>>322098

top priority is to help Tom.

wait, scratch that. top priority is to slap yourself for comparing yourself to an elf.

>>322098
Drag Tom to throne fix him investigate kilt mysteries

>>322098
Lets go and give Tom some booze so that he can get back on his feet. He's a scotsman, so booze should be all that's necessary.

FIX Tom

Easy solution to John being unhelpful is to agree to what she wants in exchange for her help saving Tom first, and only if she doesn't fuck it up.

yeah, drag tom over to the others so that if he DOES die he'll at least die a STAR

Why did you abandon him for booze, you heartless bitch? Go help him. And after he's been seen to enough that he'll make a decent recovery, go and do this probably erotic thing John wants you to do, she said it would be fun anyway.

Drink TOM.
Fuck BOOZE.
Fix BITCHES.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/06(Wed)09:23 No. 322380 ID: 4183c9
File 130996943256.png - (131.52KB , 870x570 , 06-24.png )

You've heard mead has healing properties. Some say it can even heal missing bodyparts - according to legend, if you drink mead and your arm or eye or whatever doesn't regenerate within the next week, you need to prepare to fight the copy of you that regenerated from your missing part. Or maybe it's just that if you drink enough, you'll start seeing double - even yourself. And all the signs of "fighting" are from your drunken stumbling or other unspecified acts.

Well, here goes nothing.

For science.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/06(Wed)09:24 No. 322382 ID: 4183c9
File 130996946217.png - (80.91KB , 870x570 , 06-25.png )

Yup, good as new!

>>322382
See, he's a true scotsman. Now grab a keg each and go a somewhat more secluded place, get drunk and find out if it's true what they say about what's under the kilt.

invite John, too.

Yes, time for celebratory boning. Claim Tom as your wench. Or vice versa, whichever one of you wants to wear the pants in the relationship.

>>322394
I don't think either of them wear pants.

>>322382
Go to throne. Sit on throne. Exit throne, sit Tom on throne. Sit on Tom. Repeat final step.

>>322412

Kinky.

>>322382

Hurrah! Now let's away to the sexmobile! Careful of John and her camera though.

>>322382
back to the sexy party to investigate their musings!

[explicit sex scene] Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/06(Wed)15:43 No. 322519 ID: 4183c9
File 130999219209.png - (200.80KB , 870x570 , 06-26.png )

Yeah, you've definitely earned this!

Mmm, just doing this makes it hard to think straight.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/06(Wed)15:43 No. 322520 ID: 4183c9
File 130999223357.png - (206.21KB , 870x570 , 06-27.png )

Ah!

Can't.

Think.

Ah!

At.

All!

[/explicit sex scene] Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/06(Wed)15:44 No. 322521 ID: 4183c9
File 130999227036.png - (104.62KB , 870x570 , 06-28.png )

czlngliv lfilixnziuxcly lfuh asj zkuhlaizcuefafskauly

To wit: that was awesome. Hot dickings are the best!

the fact that I noticed it at all probably says something about my sexuality, but there's people peeking through the door.

looks like you are gonna be a star anyway. john has the camera.

>>322521
You earned it girl. Now lets go show off your catch to your grandparents and mother. Need to get their approval as well.

>>322521

John! Upload the film to a free porn site before she realizes! Then we can both see hot sexings and avoid getting a gold account!

>>322521

I bet those boobs feel like lovely bags of sand...

Damn right they're watching, that was an explicit sex scene worthy of respect and awe. Indeed, if anyone didn't see it they would be forced to live the rest of their lives in a grey haze knowing they had missed something truly awesome.

>>322584
Indeed. I'm so glad I got that gold account.

joan is too much woman for one person.

Useful suggestions there, guys. 11/10.

Take it to the discus thread. >>/questdis/339630

>>322521
Ask how he feels about John perhaps joining in next time?

>>322521
( assuming it is pointless to point the camera out to Joan )

Get dressed once you can think straight, and find out how rich you got becoming the ruler of this elf-smeared hole in the ground.

>>322521
k, now go find your elf slave and make them carry all your stuff.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/14(Thu)15:06 No. 326381 ID: 4183c9
File 131068119607.png - (77.22KB , 870x570 , 06-29.png )

>Ask how he feels about John perhaps joining in next time?
...Maybe it would've been better to keep your mouth shut, Joan.

Sir Double-Faggot 2011/07/14(Thu)15:06 No. 326382 ID: 4183c9
File 131068121701.png - (118.63KB , 870x570 , 06-30.png )

Luckily your dorfservant expedited the process by pre-emptively bringing you clothes. It's some very old type of traditional dorfish garment.

But now what? Should you go straight to the throne room or do you want to gather everyone up first? Proper dorfish tradition doesn't really care either way about that. In other traditions, a proper dorf formally takes control of the fort before opening the treasure vault which is conveniently located behind the throne itself.

And then there's a huge feast. You're pretty sure even Abanlorban aren't lame enough to not have dorfish pudding, which is almost a requirement for a proper feast.

>>326382
To the throne room! Time to formally take control of this place and open that treasury. Then it's time for a massive party, invite your mom and your grandparents as well. They can join in on the second or third day of the partying.

>>326382
Is dwarven pudding code for dwarven bitches?

>>326382
Claim throne
open vault
look at gold
close vault
gather people
make feast
eat feast
pass out
?????????
PROFIT

>>326382

Ask someone to motorize the throne so you can gather people and look important at the same time.

>>326485
I support this plan provided we replace. ??????? and PROFIT with "Like a Boss!"

>>326564

yes, you need to do all these things in a montage and have a crowd following behind you, shouting "like a boss!" after you do each one :p

>>326382
Claim throne. Tit-slap unarmed dissenters. (slap dissenters with tits. If dissenters have tits, slap tits with tits.)

>>326589
>montage
This coincides with a thing and brings up a point. Go to >>/questdis/339630 to discus (and/or vote) if there should be a "montage" instead of a regular update next.