Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)08:45 No. 73478 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761231841.jpg - (39.99KB , 620x600 , eye.jpg )

Everything aches.

There's a heavy weight on you.

Slowly you force your eyes open.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)08:46 No. 73479 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761241646.jpg - (28.26KB , 620x600 , facetoface.jpg )

"Are you okay?"

>>73479
French kiss, just like in the movies!

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)09:00 No. 73482 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761324238.jpg - (19.18KB , 620x600 , goddamnit.jpg )

>>73480
You've been to the cons, but god damn.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)09:05 No. 73483 ID: cf407a
File 125761352428.png - (264.79KB , 760x749 , awesome_face.png )

>>73482

>>73482
It's no worse than what was under those suits, or yourself, actually.

>>73482
No, not kissing times.

Ask what happened. Where's Van Gogh?

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)09:21 No. 73488 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761451791.jpg - (21.10KB , 620x600 , finethen.jpg )

>>73484

After a long, awkward silence, Badgertaur explains Vincent flew away, followed by a swarm of faeries.

Ok, now grab her ass...

>>73488
... alright. So where does that put us relative to New Babel?

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)09:29 No. 73493 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761496677.jpg - (27.43KB , 620x600 , combobreaker.jpg )

This romantic scene has been interrupted by two gentlemen and a wheelbarrow.

Invite gentlemen to join in sexy fun time.

Maybe we should form our own wheelbarrow and say hi

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)09:37 No. 73497 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761547540.jpg - (34.65KB , 620x600 , highbrowquiztime.jpg )

"What do ye want? Cannae ye see we're busy?"

>>73497
You're late. We've been waiting for you. We're the wheelbarrow inspectors.

>>73497
Ask the gentlemen who they are.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)10:09 No. 73518 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761735912.jpg - (23.70KB , 620x600 , crumpit.jpg )

>>73501
"Ah am Mr David Hume and this is mah colleague Mr John Locke. Who are ye, if it isnae tae bold tae ask?"

Say "I'm Oliver. I'm quite new here. This is my new friend Badgertaur. We've been mutilated by teeth and such, and were wondering if you guys knew any way to reverse injuries down here..."

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)10:17 No. 73521 ID: 171ca4
File 125761786844.jpg - (103.18KB , 331x500 , 1233628799353.jpg )

>>73518
>John Locke

Hey! You've heard of this guy before...

>>73518
Crumpit inspectors. Do you have a permit for that? You could be facing some serious fines. Tell you what though... we'll let you go if you answer all our questions.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)10:21 No. 73523 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761806961.jpg - (27.58KB , 620x600 , hume.jpg )

"Well if it's a surgeon yer looking fer, ye want tae go tae New Babel. But they don' let jest anyone in, ye ken. Ye need a recommendation fer that!"

>>73523
"Thanks! And what means of acquiring a recommendation might you two fine empiricists, uh, recommend?"

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)10:38 No. 73526 ID: ee2dfc
File 125761911431.jpg - (28.79KB , 620x600 , locke.jpg )

"We could use him."
"Aye, ye might be right. Although might doesnae imply is. But it's worth tha try anyhow."
"Listen up, cur, we can get you that recommendation, but on a single condition. We are partaking in the annual philosopher wheelbarrow race. Just intercept the other teams as they arrive. If we win, we'll give you that recommendation."
"We stole tha wheel from tha Greeks' wheelbarrow and we got tha Frogs piss drunk. It's those damn Germans we're worried aboot."

"So, how about it, dog?"

>>73526

Alright, Curly. You got a deal.

We a re not a /dog/ geeze.

>>73526
Pft foiling the German philosophers should be easy, just ask them "so tell me about about your mom."

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)10:53 No. 73532 ID: ee2dfc
File 12576200286.jpg - (19.67KB , 620x600 , pawing.jpg )

After a gentlemanly handshake, the Britons depart. Would you like to make any preparations?

>>73532
Find a vantage point to gather information.
See who the lineup includes.

Replace their wheelbarrow with yourself.

>>73532
Preparations? I suppose just making sure we don't miss them. We'll get them krauts!

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:01 No. 73537 ID: ee2dfc
File 12576204811.jpg - (21.11KB , 620x600 , area.jpg )

There's a pass at the direction where the Britons came from. You assume they came through the pass. You can't see any other competitors yet.

There are some craggy rock formations around. The ground is hard-packed earth with some loose pebbles.

The arrow marks where you are now.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:14 No. 73553 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762126546.jpg - (26.47KB , 620x600 , scout.jpg )

You hear distant singing. It seems to be coming towards you. You can spy two figures and a wheelbarrow coming through the pass.

Hide behind a rock, then jump out when they come close and engage in aggressive hugging.

Hide behind some rocks, I suppose. I bet it's gonna be Kant and Kierkegaard

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:22 No. 73561 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762171980.jpg - (40.50KB , 620x600 , vivalafrance.jpg )

You hide behind a rock. You can see the two figures more clearly now. They seem inebriated.

They look like they're taken care of, just let them go past.

>>73561
Ah, those would be the frogs.

Give em a quick hug. They're not really who you're worried about, but that one guy's hair looks so murrfectly soft.

Just... don't get too caught up in the hug. We've gotta intercept ze Geehmans.

Ask them where the germans are.

They're probably ahead.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:31 No. 73571 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762229486.jpg - (23.27KB , 620x600 , hugz.jpg )

"Hein? Est-ce vous, Marie?"

>>73571
Pardon me, but I'd like to know where the Germans are. Did they get here before you?

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:37 No. 73575 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762262078.jpg - (32.81KB , 620x600 , smooch.jpg )

"Oh, Marie! Votre fourrure est si douce!"

>>73571
Oh, and add...

Non, non, je ne sais pas Marie. :(

Mais, Je vous aime~ ... J'aime votre cheveux. <3

( Gah, it's been too long since I've practiced French. )

Say "Your language is sexy," and kiss him.

>>73575
AHAHAHA.
YES. ACCEPT FROG KISSES.

>>73578
Er... sais -> suis.

Derp.

Tell them they are going the wrong way. Misdirect them so that they lose.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:45 No. 73586 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762312852.jpg - (27.91KB , 620x600 , frogprince.jpg )

You are not entirely comfortable with the turn of events.

At least he's a good kisser.

>>73586
You just got bitten in half. It's really not that bad, comparatively speaking.

Anyway, let the drunken Frenchmen be on their way, unless they can tell you where the Germans went.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)11:54 No. 73592 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762367692.jpg - (23.85KB , 620x600 , norush.jpg )

"E-excuse me.. mhmmf..."

The French do not seem to be in a hurry.

>>73592
Lick his face a little. The French fucking love that shit.

See if you can't drag them off behind the rocks or something. We need to get hid before the Germans show up.

>>73592
Aw, poor badgertaur. XD

Yeah, let's take this somewhere where the GEHMANS won't detect us.

Okay, that's enough. Say "Non! Non!" and pull away. We have to find ze Germans.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)12:06 No. 73603 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762440934.jpg - (28.07KB , 620x600 , flirty.jpg )

"Putain Voltaire, pourquoi pensez-vous de toujours laisser les laides pour moi?"

---

You struggle free of the Frenchman's grasp.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)12:13 No. 73607 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762480479.jpg - (33.75KB , 620x600 , proposal.jpg )

The Frenchman drops down on one knee and produces a ring.

"Voulez-vous me marier, Marie?"

>>73607
gasp
say i do
in french

>>73607
Where can we even get married in Hell?

... WHO CARES. Accept proposal.

Suggestion 2009/11/07(Sat)12:27 No. 73624 ID: ee2dfc
File 125762566563.jpg - (36.32KB , 620x600 , kierkegaardisdanish.jpg )

The ground begins to tremble and a low rumble drowns your words.

The Germans have arrived.

Oh and also, last update for today.

THATS NOT A WHEELBARROW! THATS NOT A WHEELBARROW AT ALL, OH GOD!

Remember that Germans are immune to MERCY, PITY, and COMPASSION, and are highly resistant to ENEMY INNOVATION, but are weak vs MECHANICAL FAILURE and AUTHORITY.

Yell "HALT!" in your loudest and most assertive voice, practiced in the art of attention-getting from countless drama-filled cons. In their distraction, throw a rock into the smokestack.

We also need to consider whether getting our legs back is good enough to abandon a romance with Voltaire. Is that a price we are willing to pay?

>>73657
>Getting legs back vs marrying Voltaire

I now declare you husband and hat? :D

>>73636
HALT! HAMMERZEIT!

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)07:58 No. 76042 ID: fa673e
File 125804149175.jpg - (60.38KB , 620x600 , g1.jpg )

The trembling paw was extended promptly.
A fragmented voice of queer bestial nature uttered a command to halt.
The goliath of iron obliged not until the very last moment, when it abruptly came to a stop, showering the audience with loose gravel and bitter engine fumes.
Two pairs of inquisitive eyes fell upon the quivering canine form caught in the middle of this bizarre play.

>>76042
Greet ze Gehrmans!

Tell them that you're interested in their thoughts on empiricism.

>>76042
Forget begging for mercy, Germans don't even know the meaning of that word.
You have to keep a brave but still subservient stance, this way they might accept you as a noble savage.

Insist that it is a categorical imperative that you count as a person because of your ability to reason, and you therefore may not be run down where you stand.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)08:26 No. 76046 ID: fa673e
File 125804316292.jpg - (47.10KB , 620x600 , g2.jpg )

"And who speaks philosophy under the guise of the wolf and what is the lamb of his desire?"

um... wheelbarrow inspector?

>>76046
Ask them if they've ever dreamt of the blue flower.

Say your name is Oliver, and he should know that the guise is unimportant as long as we are capable of exercising our reason.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)09:00 No. 76055 ID: fa673e
File 125804525097.jpg - (62.29KB , 620x600 , g3.jpg )

"To don the cloak of a Romantic and sample the profane of the Dionysian? Lo, here comes Oliver speaking with the tongues of Goethe and the evil old Kant! But pray tell, why should we remain, when there is much work to do? Two confused Britons require the attention of our iron-clad thesis materialised!"

>>76055
Look dumbfounded.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)09:20 No. 76057 ID: fa673e
File 125804644745.jpg - (45.00KB , 620x600 , g4.jpg )

"Will you stop talking to hats, you raving lunatic? And for the last time, we are not gonna run the British team over."

The grinding cacophony of the gears permeated the still air of the Inferno.
As if caught with a fit of palsy, the great machine begun to shake again, coughing and vomiting noxious fumes.

Tell him god obviously isn't too dead if he's where he is now. Ask him how that makes him feel.

Tell them the british took a shortcut. Point off in the wrong direction.

>>76057
Tell him that you are an extremely comfortable hat, as a matter of fact. We are not content merely being any old hat.

We are the ideal form of the hat, ala plato, and demand to be treated with respect.

>>76061
THIS. We are Descartes' deontological hat. INFORM THEM AS SUCH.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)09:44 No. 76063 ID: fa673e
File 125804788640.jpg - (46.57KB , 620x600 , g5.jpg )

"I am dead and I am here, why should God be an exception? And so have died the tired and outdated ideas of my predecessors, it would seem! Oh, Oliver the Hat of Useless Theories, you fill me with schadenfreude! Schopenhauer, I must have this hat!"

>>76063
I see nothing wrong with this.

Say that we'll be glad to be worn as long as Badgertaur can hitch a ride as well. <3

This is perfect! We can cover his eyes an an opportune moment. Plus, we will already be inside!

Tell him you are the overman, by virtue of you being a hat and all.

Explain that we cannot be on any head inferior to the head of the ubrmencsh we currently adorn, namely badgertaur. And as such we cannot go unless he takes badgertaur with us.

>>76065
I was more implying that by virtue of being a hat, we are always over (ie on top of) man.

>>76068
Except when the hat is taken off, of course.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)10:06 No. 76070 ID: fa673e
File 125804916998.jpg - (47.84KB , 620x600 , g6.jpg )

With a triumphant giggle, Oliver the Hat was relocated and his former bearer placed on the Engine.

Only a choking cloud of dust was left to accompany the heartbroken Frenchmen.

Suggestion 2009/11/12(Thu)10:07 No. 76071 ID: fa673e
File 125804924456.jpg - (48.68KB , 620x600 , g7.jpg )

Oliver's Inferno is TBC.

>>76070
FUCK YES.

NIETZSCHE IN A WOLF HAT.

FUCK YES.

Suggestion 2009/11/18(Wed)14:16 No. 78739 ID: fa673e
File 125858258561.jpg - (36.25KB , 620x600 , e1.jpg )

[Epilogue]
(This part of the quest is not interactive)

"Yeah, I saw him. The bastard."

Suggestion 2009/11/18(Wed)14:17 No. 78740 ID: fa673e
File 12585826493.jpg - (35.94KB , 620x600 , e2.jpg )

"Dog Man destroy Mishka's bar!"

Suggestion 2009/11/18(Wed)14:18 No. 78741 ID: fa673e
File 125858269632.jpg - (40.56KB , 620x600 , e3.jpg )

"BLBLBLB"

Suggestion 2009/11/18(Wed)14:19 No. 78743 ID: fa673e
File 125858274542.jpg - (25.66KB , 620x600 , e4.jpg )

"Squeek."

Suggestion 2009/11/18(Wed)14:22 No. 78745 ID: fa673e
File 125858293762.jpg - (38.48KB , 620x600 , e5.jpg )

"Yes! I can smell you! I can smell you Oliver Green!

You have caused more mayham in Hell than anyone before! For this, I will make your suffering trifold!

None will escape me! None!"

[End of Part 2]

>>78745
Wait a sec... He made people in hell sad... Shouldn't you be pleased with him?

>>78779
I heard Hell is really big on irony.

Track him down Anubis! Force him to watch live action Disney movies for eternity.

>>78783
You're forgetting the protagonist is a huge furry. I don't think he'd mind that much.

>>78794
Fine fine, straight porn videos featuring human males and females going at it in the missionary positions using condoms.

>>78841
You sick fuck. Why do they let you people on the internet?