(theme music)
>>713091 Jump and throw poo into his mouth while he's talking. Why do you even have that.
Tell him to look! Cute furry boys behind him! Then shoot him in his weak spot with the potato gun.
Smear poop on his face and then blast him while he's blinded by the poop.
Slap POO. There, done. Next!
>>713094 You attempt a DISTRACTION. "Hey look! Cute furry boys are right behind you!" "THAT WON'T WORK ON ME AGAIN!" PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR SHIT SLAPPED!"
>>713092 >>713095 >>713100 You then THROW a POO at ATTORNEY DOG. It his him SQUARE in the FACE. "HEY! THIS IS QUITE RUDE!"
You then SHOOT the ATTORNEY DOG until it DIES. "AARRGGHHH! NOT AGAAAIIIINNNN!" The ATTORNEY DOG has been DEFEATED.
You gotta speed this up. Try fighting two or more bosses at the same time.
>>713107 Use sword to cut him open, loot his heart for extra health.
>>713108 UNFORTUNATELY, you are UNABLE to DICTATE the TERMS of BATTLE. >>713109 ATTORNEY DOG has DISAPPEARED OFFSCREEN like all ENEMIES do. You are unable to LOOT his CORPSE. The SECOND BOSS appears: MAGEY-CHAN "We meet AGAIN, SUPER JUMPING GUY. I hope you've WRITTEN your WILL. Because you will DIE!"
I'm pretty sure wizards are weak versus gun. Have at him!
Vandalize Magey-Chan's wiki page to say he has 0 defense and attack.
>>713112 bribe him to go away with your 84 coins.
>>713114 You manage to ALTER MAGEY-CHAN's WIKI PAGE so that he has NO DEFENSE OR ATTACK. You SHOW this to him. "Look at this! You are powerless, Magey-Chan!" "WHAT?! What is this VANDALISM?! It is all LIES!"
>>713113 You PROMPTLY ONE-SHOT MAGEY-CHAN with your POTATO GUN. "Gakkk."
level up, NEXT!
>>713124 This isn't an RPG, SILLY! This is a PLATFORMER. The THIRD BOSS APPEARS: The KOBOLD DRUBLUS! "Hey look, I know I'm supposed to fight you again, but I'm tired and my feet hurt. Can I go home?"
>>713119 Aaaaand I'm dead. RIP, me.
Sure. Can I have your shovel?
>>713126 ..Throw poop?
>>713126 Is your home... in Idaho? Potato pew pew pew!
Kill driblis for ruining 4chan.
>>713126 Let him go home!
>>713126 Yes.
>>713128 >>713135 >>713168 "Sure why not." "Thanks. See ya around!" DRUBLUS has been DEFEATED.
>>713174 Alright whos next
up up down down left right left right a b start.
>>713175 The LAST BOSS APPEARS: LIMEBUSTER! "Don't be SOUR over the fact that I'm about to beat you to a PULP!" >>713177 You gained 30 EXTRA LIVES.
>>713178 Stab him.
Suck his rind.
>>713178 Lick him.
Squeeze his juices directly into your mouth. Also, watch out for surprise tentacle.
>>713178 Tell him just because it has boobs, doesn't mean it's straight.
>>713181 >>713182 >>713183 LIMEBUSTER is REALLY REALLY SOUR and would serve LITTLE PURPOSE in attempting to DRINK HIS FLUIDS. WHY would you even WANT to DO THAT. >>713180 You STAB LIMEBUSTER... but it does LITTLE DAMAGE. "HA! You cannot hope to even ZEST my TART FLESH with your tiny BLADE!"
LIMEBUSTER promply PUNCHES YOU in the FACE. "BARF!" >You dead, ding-dong! >LIVES -1
Dropkick the sword even further into him when you respawn.
>>713188 Try jumping on him this time.
You RESPAWN one LIFE lighter. LIMEBUSTER still remains. "Come at me, BRO!"
Continue shedding lives until you are light enough to JUMP over the lime.
I said jump on him. Also stop leaving updates in situations where we can't suggest anything at all. Like when we're paralyzed, or DEAD.
>>713198 this tbqh Throw poo at him.
>>713193 >>713198 You JUMP on LIMEBUSTER'S HEAD. His JUICE is SQUEEZED out of his BODY. "AAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE"
LIMEBUSTER is DEFEATED.
Make awful pun. Perhaps "Mr Citrus, maybe you should SIT DOWN."
Collect juice for later use. Drop SWORD if you have to.
>>713205 You try to make a PUN. "Boy, what a SOUR PUSS." You CHUCKLE to YOURSELF. >>713208 You DROP your SWORD OF DROWS and collect the LIMEBUSTER JUICE. It is ADDED to your INVENTORY. You are then TRANSPORTILLATIZED back to the main CHAMBER, on the OTHER SIDE of the HEAVY GLASS WALL. One of TORI'S ANGRY ROBOT MINIONS is there to GREET you.
Hmmmm jump on it!
use juice to short circuit robot
hot wire him into a POWERFUL TRUCK.
Hug BOT Squeeze the JUICE
>>713228 >>713220 You SPRINKLE the LIMEBREAKER JUICE on the ANGRY ROBOT. It SPARKS and SHORT-CIRCUITS, causing it to SHUT DOWN. In the DISTANCE, you can hear a rather MASSIVE MACHINE starting to POWER UP. You SUSPECT it might be DR. TORI'S FINAL BOSS MACHINE.
>>713231 *LIMEBUSTER JUICE. Man, we can't even KEEP the NAMES STRAIGHT.
>>713231 TEAR APART THE ROBOT AND WEAR IT AS A DISGUISE TO PRETEND YOU KILLED YOU AND AVOID THE BOSS
>>713233 This. So much this.
>>713233 >>713287 You are UNABLE to WEAR the ROBOT because it is TOO SMALL for your SUPER JUMPING PHYSIQUE. Going PAST the DISABLED ROBOT, you meet with an ELITE HELMETED DERP. It seems NONE TOO PLEASED that you SHORTED out the ROBOT.
>>713628 Shoot with gun.
Throw poop at him.
Take HELMET.
>>713628 Throw the robot at him. He's small enough it'll probably crush him.
>>713628 throw lime juice at the derp's eyeball staff
Boop with poop.
>>713637 You go with THIS because it FEELS GOOD to TOSS a ROBOT on a SMALL ENEMY, much like SUPER MARIO BROS. 2. The DISABLED ROBOT CRASHES into the ELITE HELMETED DERP, taking them BOTH OUT. "Ow my head AND my entire body!" says the ELITE HELMETED DERP.
Isn't his head his entire body? Man, why aren't enemies despawning after they die now? Or is the robot not technically dead, only disabled? Or was it never alive? Anyway keep going we gotta find the evil doctor.
>>713660 Steal helmet.
>>713663 The HELMET does not FIT. What a SHAME. >>713661 You GUESS it has to do with the POORLY OPTIMIZED GAME CODE due to a RUSHED DEADLINE. Anyways, you advance until you spy DR. TORI MYSTERIOUSLY HOVERING in the AIR inside a GLASS BUBBLE. "Welcome, SUPER JUMPING GUY! Welcome... TO DIE! Even DR. TORI's DIALOGUE was rushed in its TRANSLATION.
Smear poop all over his glass orb to blind him.
SUDDENLY, an ENORMOUS BADLY DRAWN SUPER ROBOT appears around DR. TORI. "BEHOLD! My SUPER ULTRA TARANTULA BOT 8000 1/2! HA HA HA HA HA!" Things are getting SUPER SERIOUS now.
We must blind him with the poop before he pulls out the other 1/2 of his machine then!
>>713681 Still the best plan.
>>713682 Throw poop, then rapidly pause and unpause the game as it hits, so the flawed game engine incorrectly registers dozens and dozens of attacks.
Just spray Limebuster's hot juices all over it again.
>>713684 >>713693 You proceed to THROW the LAST of your POO at the COCKPIT of DR. TORI. "This is just GROSS! Ack!" DR. TORI is BLINDED and CANNOT SEE! NOW is your CHANCE to DELIVER A FINISHING BLOW!
>>713703 You ALSO ABUSE the PAUSE SCREEN to make WAY MORE POO appear on DR. TORI'S COCKPIT.
Potato gun! Spray spud all over his robot!
Spud him good.
Stab him in his power button.
Charge your potato gun to fire a huge potato blast!
>>713703 Potatoes in the exhaust ports.
>>713705 >>713707 >>713743 >>713744 You WHIP OUT your POTATO GUN and begin CHARGING. "Argh! Where is the WINDSHIELD WIPER FLUID button?!"
You then UNLEASH the MIGHTY STARCHY BLAST of your POTATO GUN. An ENORMOUS CHARGED PARTICLE POTATO CRASHES into the ENORMOUS BADLY DRAWN SUPER ROBOT. "What the HECK?!"
In a SERIES of CIRCULAR ANIME EXPLOSIONS, the ENORMOUS BADLY DRAWN SUPER ROBOT is DESTROYED. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
DR. TORI lands in FRONT of you, all while being SHOWERED with PIECES of the ENORMOUS BADLY DRAWN SUPER ROBOT. He pulls out a WHITE FLAG and waves it around. "I surrender, SUPER JUMPING GUY."
FINISH HIM
It's a trap! I bet he's still got one more secret weapon to pull out on you.
>>713885 >>713886 "Sorry DR. TORI, but I'm not letting you ESCAPE and return in a SEQUEL! The GAME DESIGNERS will have to come up with a NEW and BETTER ANTAGONIST!" You STONE COLD EXECUTE DR. TORI with your POTATO GUN. "BARF!" DR. TORI has been DEFEATED! The DAY has been SAVED!
>>713890 So where's the credits
Finally, PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND appears from OFFSCREEN. "PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND!" "Thank you SUPER JUMPING GUY! Your QUEST is finally OVER! CONGRATULATIONS!"
Kiss the girlfriend!
Throw Limebuster juice to short out the final boss's clever disguise!
>>713894 Jump on her.
jump her(bones)
>>713896 >>713897 >>713898 NOPE, this is the REAL PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND. You can TELL because no one in the ENTIRE KINGDOM could EVER hope to DUPLICATE those AWESOME GAZONGAS. >>713895 You and PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND lean in and give each other a TOTALLY AWESOME SMOOCH. She then WHISPERS in your EAR that she wants to go to the NEAREST BROOM CLOSET for a TOTALLY HOT MAKEOUT SESSION. You say YES.
(ending theme plays, credits roll)
>>713903 And then hard mode is unlocked. Twice as many enemies, half the blocks over jumps, and only accessible right after you beat the game cause the cartridge has no capacity to save and you'll lose it if you turn it off, forcing marathon play.
You're not that stupid. Potato + Limebuster Juice + Boss Scrap = Electrical Circuit!
CONGLATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE COMPLETED A GREAT GAME! AND PROOVED THE JUSTICE OF OUR CULTURE. BUT IT MAY BE INVADED BY THE OTHER ENEMY. PRAY FOR A TRUE PEACE IN SPACE! NOW GO AND REST OUR HERO! (the end)
POTATO IN MOUTH LIME JUICE ON CHEST DO IT
>>713910 DO IT!
>>713910 >>713912 Okay.
And remember kids, the moral of the story: anon44 is a huge nerd