:|

:|

:|

Back story time?

Suggestion 2016/01/25(Mon)12:03 No. 696980 ID: fa8f9d

>>696969
>>696969
>>696969
Cletus confirmed God of sex.

So who is Cletus?

>>696969
So... where is he going?
>>696980
Now that's what you call providence.

Stifle a snicker at the melodramatics.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)12:42 No. 696994 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375452521.png - (8.62KB , 500x500 , 2-2.png )

>who is Cletus

You are Cletus, a lowly private. Thinking about what you have had to leave behind fills you with anxiety. You prefer to focus on your job, which is to obey your commanding officer and kill as many of the boys in blue as you possibly can. Today is your first day out of basic training, and you are a LINE INFANTRYMAN.

It is late in the evening and you’ve had nothing but a bowl of plain oats to eat. A battle was pitched in the field just east of your camp, but the enemy’s army has not shown up. Whispers of ambush are floating around your company.

Commander Wright: “Platoons, form up at the fire to receive orders: EIGHT! ELEVEN! TWELVE! FIFTEEN!”

The commander blows a whistle.

Twelfth. That’s you…

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)12:42 No. 696995 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375453676.png - (11.91KB , 500x500 , 2-3.png )

You form up.

Commander Wright: “A small enemy battalion has been spotted north comin’ southbound. It’s an ambush alright.”

Your insides knot up.

Commander Wright: “Twelfth, make a wide circle around the back of the oncoming battalion and fire at your officer’s signal. Fifteenth, wait for the first exchange and charge on my mark. Eighth and eleventh, follow the cavalry in. Is that CLEAR.”

“SIR, YES SIR.”

Commander Wright: “God be with you boys.”

Feel bad about snickering, then fall in line.

Well I guess you should follow orders for now...err forever is what I meant. Certainly no thoughts of insubordination here.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)13:15 No. 697007 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375654610.png - (10.13KB , 500x500 , 2-4.png )

You dropped the letter in the wooden letterbox back at camp. The courier get there ‘til the morning. You crack a smile at the strangest time. You s’pose it was a little maudlin.

She’s so sweet on you, though, that she won’t care. She’ll smile, too, and you can see it now. You’ve always been shy about looking the fool, but something about her takes away your fear. You straighten up and MARCH.

The woods are dark, but you can see the back of the orienteer’s coat as you follow.

The CO stops the platoon at the crest of a small bluff in the woods and looks on with his spyglass. You can just make out the tails of blue-coated soldiers vinestepping away from you in the distance.

CO: “Form up. By two, by two. Cadets!”

CO: “Preeeeeeesent!”

Yous CO swings out his arm.

CO: “FIRE!”

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)13:15 No. 697008 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375655937.png - (9.52KB , 500x500 , 2-5.png )

Your platoon forms up, takes aim, erupts in smoke and thunder.

The bluecoats ahead panic and begin to scatter. The private next to you falls on his face.

CO: “Abooooooouuuut face! Aboouuuuuut!”

About face? What?! WHAT?! That wasn’t part of the plan!

Two more men in your line fall. You panic.

I guess you either suck it up like a man or you run away like a man.

Well obviously your enemy had plans too. It just turns out they had somehow managed to take your plan into account when making their own. You should probably turn around and see what you're dealing with.

Pray that this is all a dream and you wake up before you get shot in the back.

Go prone, you're less of a target. Oh, and reload! Quickly!

>>697008
So does the name Lorraine mean anything to you?

You probably won't be able to reload fast enough to make a difference. Hit the deck like you got shot and see if you can figure out your next move.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)13:42 No. 697025 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375815676.png - (6.78KB , 500x500 , 2-7.png )

You drop to the down instinctively.

CO: “GET UP! GET UP!”

The noise around you is a confusing slur, and you find it nearly impossible to reload on the ground.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)13:43 No. 697026 ID: 3a9db6
File 145375818372.png - (8.59KB , 500x500 , 2-6.png )

The ambush is well hidden behind a fallen maple tree. They fire once more before your platoon can finish reloading, killing many of them.

The enemy officer orders a charge, and your efforts divert to not shitting your pants. WHY

WHY MUST YOU BE SUCH A COWARD

Because you want to live, nothing wrong with that.

Man up Cletus! Sounds like you got a girlfriend or a wife back home to defend. You gonna let these whimps push you around and...wait why are these guys attacking your place anyway?

There is nothing you can do, there's no shame in not getting slaughtered in a hopeless battle. Hide among the corpses of your comrades like a sensible person.

If you find your CO's corpse loot that shit! There is a very good chance he has a sidearm and possibly a saber.

Then this. >>697029

>>697026
FEAR IS THE FIRST STEP TO BRAVERY, MAGGOT! JUST AS PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY! YOU ARE A PROUD SON OF THE SOUTH! YOURS IS THE LAND OF WEALTH AND CULTURE! YOU WILL WIN THIS DAY, EVEN IF IT COSTS YOU THE CLEANLINESS OF YOUR UNDERPANTS!

Make sure you are in the back of the charge, but don't fall behind or they'll execute you for desertion and cowardice.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)14:31 No. 697045 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376108906.png - (8.04KB , 500x500 , 2-9.png )

>>697028
>>697037

No, now isn't the time for cowardice. Your life has just gained meaning. You have said time and again that you would die for your bonnie love, and now it is time to live up to your word, so


down with the eagle...

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)14:31 No. 697046 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376110022.png - (12.32KB , 500x500 , 2-8.png )

AND UP WITH THE CROSS

Now where is that guy you don't see coming in the chaos of battle at?

>>696969
Ooohhh, check'd.

>>697026
Hey, Cletus wouldn't happen to be your birth name, would it? Because, I've always been a fan of Charlemagne.
What I'm suggesting is that you run away as fast as you can with your tail between your legs, and change your identity.

Duck down somewhere and reload. Also watch out for any cowards trying to get you in the rear.

Put that corpse between you and the enemy's guns! And knives, and slings, and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)15:07 No. 697062 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376326155.png - (6.47KB , 500x500 , 2-10.png )

You couldn’t run if you wanted to. The battle is in full swing, and the platoon that your folk tried to ambush has joined the fray. The cavalry is nowhere to be seen. You still didn’t think you would get this far.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)15:07 No. 697063 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376327465.png - (6.93KB , 500x500 , 2-11.png )

Hhnnnnnggg

Ok there’s that guy

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)15:08 No. 697064 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376328667.png - (10.92KB , 500x500 , 2-12.png )

You barely notice that you had been stabbed. You jerk forward off of the blade and return the gesture to your assailant.

It is getting hard to breathe, and you can no longer feel your arms, but you’re not dead yet. The skirmish has gravitated into the open, so you take cover behind the fallen maple. Your shirt is so soaked. that you feel like you’ve fallen in the river.

You begin to reload your rifle, but slowly with your shaking hands. You may just be delirious, but you think you hear hooves.

Make sure to get out of the way of the cavalry.

We warned you Cletus! Take cover, hide, and try to just stay alive. Try to play dead or something.

>>697065
This is true whether it is your cavalry or theirs you don't want to be in its way.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)15:24 No. 697081 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376428506.png - (6.46KB , 500x500 , 2-13.png )

>play dead

You do suddenly feel like taking a quick nap, but there’s no time for that. You’ll miss the battle! You have found a save spot since the cavalry is coming from the south, and you are north of the battle.

Your rifle is loaded.

God: “Cletus”

You: “Huh? Who’s… who’s this?”

God: “God”

You: “Oh… hello. How are you”

God: “How am I? Wh-”

God: “What kind of question is that?”

God: “Ugh… never mind. Look out into the battle, Cletus.”

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)15:25 No. 697082 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376430193.png - (8.59KB , 500x500 , 2-14.png )

God: “See the guy there? With the stupid red belt and the saber?”

You: “yeah I sees ‘em, lord…”

God: “Shoot him”

You heard the man

Who are you to question the will of the Creator of All That Is?

Make sure he is in a blue coat before you shoot him.

>>697082
Uh. Isn't that your CO, though?

You're hallucinating. Shoot someone wearing blue instead.

>>697087
>>697088
Don't let these doubters confuse you. You have a mission from God!

Well there is the story of Isaac where he was stopped at the VERY last moment.

Don't fall for it Cletus! God would never tell you to kill anyone. Find some asshole wearing blue and shoot him instead.

Continue talking to "god", ask them why they want this dude shot.

>>697082
You are an instrument of divine will, Cletus. Mow down this sinner.

Huh apparently God is abolitionist, bit hypocritical considering Angels and all. But yeah shoot the guy, God says so right

>>697101
Both sides had red belts. Yellow ones too.

I doubt we can discern the colour of the uniform since both are the same colour when dirty.

>>697102
Well in that case so long as Cletus doesn't recognize him as one of his officers, it's probably ok to shoot.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)16:09 No. 697109 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376698790.png - (4.67KB , 500x500 , 2-15.png )

You: “Why would I shoot him, lord?”

God: “He’s your enemy’s infantry officer, you idiot!”

You: “But… what if he’s my CO?”

God: “Look over there, your CO is dead!”

You: “Oh, right…”

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)16:10 No. 697110 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376700091.png - (7.32KB , 500x500 , 2-16.png )

Well, here goes nothin’. Your hands are shaking, your vision is blurred, and you can barely steady yourself.

You fire, and by some miracle… the officer topples onto his side. The enemy formation loosens momentarily as their chain of command is interrupted… just in time for Commander Wright to arrive with the cavalry. They ram through the enemy line and scatter the blue-coats.

Cletus 2016/01/25(Mon)16:10 No. 697112 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376701475.png - (8.30KB , 500x500 , 2-17.png )

You thank God for the freebie, then lie back to relax. The ground is nice and cool. In fact, everything is cool. Ice cold.

You [whispering]: “Alright! We did it, boys! We did it! Let’s have some beer…”

Your eyes drift shut, and your mind becomes distracted by pleasant thoughts of a night beneath a young oak tree in a little town called Coxwette…

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)16:10 No. 697114 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376705532.png - (6.22KB , 500x500 , 2-18.png )

You: “Wow, you look… eh… real nice, Ramona.”

>>697114
Well, don't just look, stupid! Get in there!

>>697114
Ummmm ask if Sally's staying at a friend's house or something tonight.

Chuck do you know a guy named Cletus? Ancestor, maybe?

I take it Sally isn't home at the moment.

Ask her to sit under an oaktree with you and star gaze.

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)16:39 No. 697124 ID: 3a9db6
File 145376877627.png - (7.20KB , 500x500 , 2-19.png )

You don’t know of anyone named Cletus.

You: “I take it Sally isn’t home?”

Ramona: “She isn’t. She has to work late today since they received a large shipment of new books. I’m so proud of her work ethic.”

A silence follows, and Ramona wrings her hands a bit.

Find it hard to keep your hands off her.

>>697124
Ask her to check for dust in your room.

Well then I guess we have some time to ourselves don't we?

So what has the little maid been up to recently?

Become deathly afraid of oak trees. Whatever you do, do *not* approach them after dark.

Doggy Style the Stylish Dog

>>697135
Whoa man slow down. She considered it improper that her daughter's nightgown didn't go below the knee. I think she's going to want a bit more wooing first.

>>697124
i wonder if she wants a hello kiss?

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)18:21 No. 697148 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377488015.png - (8.79KB , 500x500 , 2-20.png )

You: “It sounds like we have a little time to ourselves then, doesn’t it?”

Ramona: “Mhmm…”

You: “Say, have you dusted my bedroom, yet?”

Ramona: “I don’t believe I have.”

Ramona: “Did you want to make sure I do a thorough job?”

You look toward the foyer as if Sally could burst through at any moment. She doesn’t, so you follow Ramona upstairs.

At some point, you're gonna have to let her know this won't be an exclusive relationship.

Make sure she gets the underside of the night stand very thoroughly cleaned. I hate dust on the bottom of my night stand.

>>697148
Oh no! This is not the time for your sudden onset chronic constipation to be acting up!

>>697150
Not at this point!

>>697156
That works. Inspect her work from behind.

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)19:00 No. 697166 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377721722.png - (9.97KB , 500x500 , 2-21.png )

You: “The nightstand is a little dusty. Specifically the underside. All the way at the bottom, actually.”

Ramona pauses for a moment, then smiles.

Ramona: “Oh… oh! Of course. I’ll be sure to take my time and do it right.”

You: “Yeah, you better. I don’t want to see a single speck of dust when you’re done.”

Ramona: “Yes, of course… sir.”

She giggles. She still has a bit of a nervous quiver, but still seems to enjoy this quite a bit.

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)19:00 No. 697167 ID: 3a9db6
File 145377723372.png - (7.86KB , 500x500 , 2-22.png )

You are also enjoying it.

>>697167
oh jeez how can we escalate this without sounding really corny

>>697173
You can't. Embrace the corncob.

Sneak up and stick your dick in it.

>>697167
"Don't forget to polish the posts."

I suppose the next logical step is to come up behind her for an "inspection".

>>697167
Now fart

>>697181
>>697157
>1129c9
>stop

>>697157
>>697181
Fuck off.

>>697167

Sweat uncontrollably.

>>697167
Grab that ass.

Suggestion 2016/01/25(Mon)19:34 No. 697187 ID: b44b0d
File 145377929688.png - (108.75KB , 872x947 , coxwettecatman.png )

>>697167
>>697167

>>697166
When in doubt, slap that ass.

>>697187
Wowie. Umm. I hope she does not turn around to see us like this.

jizz in your pants.

i think you have some serious facial control issues

>>697187
I'm not gonna lie, that caught me off guard.

>>697189
>>697192
>>697191
That isn't the author, check the IDs.

Then JIMMY THE NOOSE kicks the door down to steal your girl LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES!

Charlemagne 2016/01/25(Mon)21:27 No. 697240 ID: 3a9db6
File 145378606442.png - (11.80KB , 500x500 , 2-23.png )

This isn’t your first rodeo, and unless Sally’s adopted, it’s not hers either. Ramona is sending some pretty strong signals. You don’t think you need to make her clean up the whole room, either, so you’ll save the maid thing until she’s just your landlord again. Then it’s just her doing her job.

You waltz over and grab a handful of dogmom.

Ramona: “Oh!”

Ramona: “Be gentle Chuck! I’m not a young woman anymore.”

You: “Well, you still got it back here.”

Ramona: “You’re making be blush…”

>>697240
Keep going! Almost there, man.

And then Sally enters.

>>697240
Tell her you can do more than that.

>>697240
Enough cleaning, isn't the bed more comfortable than standing up?

Nooooo fools! Smack her butt again and tell her to run you a bath. This will set the stage for hot sudsy action and keep the teasing going for just a bit longer.

STICK YOUR DICK IN HER.

Time for the ol' bump 'n grind.

Press your chest against her back as you slowly guide our hands to her chest.

Fuck her already.

You know what would be maximum bummer?

If Ramona's husband decided to come back at this very precise moment.

>>697275
and then he speaks in a gruff voice "room for one more?"

Stab your mighty bayonet down her hole.

>>697279
>Stab your mighty bayonet down her foxhole.
FTFY.

>>697276
Kept you waiting huh?

>>697244
enters You!

>>697245
Perfect. Say this.

THEN GET IT MANG

>>697240

get some

>>697240
>>697244
>>697250
>>697275

Please no cockblock, please, quest-weaver-senpai.
Domo-arigato.

Belly rubs! Belly Rubs!

>>697471
NO! GET OUT OF HERE YOU PERVERT.

SLAP HER ASS

>>697484
Excuse me? You get out of here, asshole.

>>697550
Hes joking, like the 'holding hands too lewd' thing. (Least i hope he is)

Give that dog a bone.

>>697556
Oh! I'm sorry for overreacting. I completely misinterpreted that.

Charlemagne 2016/01/27(Wed)12:56 No. 697587 ID: 3a9db6
File 145392821456.png - (14.51KB , 500x500 , 2-24.png )

You: “Watch, I’ll make you do a lot more than blush.”

The poor lady moves like a virgin. It really has been a while for her. You untie her apron and let it fall to the floor, then hike up her skirt enough to spank that flank, then make with the bumping and grinding.

Ramona: “Ooh!”

Your thoughts drift back to the quiet morning, lying in bed with half your body nestled between her legs. It’s different this evening, but no less warm, and very plush. You nibble on her neck, since she seemed to like that this morning, and it’s very effective. Her body jolts with excitement, and she pushes back against you for the first time. Ok, your dick is on fire now, but you've never been one to rush things.

You: “Heh… there we go. Just gotta wake that young lady up.”

Ramona: “I can’t believe we’re doing this. Do you think we need a… you know…”

Oh crap, don't say it lady...

whisper all sexy in her ear,

"Do you want to use one?"

Then pray she says no, but be prepared to pull out.

Just run out of the house as fast as you can and go get some rubber from the deer. I believe in you chuck.

hell no to rubbers. dont ruin the current situation with her getting into it.

Condom!

GET YE PROTECTION

Well she's got one other hole that doesn't make a baby.

>>697596
Two, even!

>>697587

> "Do you think we need a… you know…"

the answer to this question is 'no'

>>697596
>>697597
I don't think this is related to baby-making.

More like...general safety. That other hole especially shouldn't be done without a condom.

Put on a condom, fool.

Wait. Can't you guys just do some non penetration stuff. I sincerely doubt this lady could go again after one orgasm so maybe just 69 and rubbing and shit?

>>697587
Cockblocked by your own lack of preparatiom.
Hopefully they sell those here in town, otherwise you'll be the one who's boned.

We don't need a camera. We'll make this a night to remember.

>>697603
Women don't have a refractory period.

dont be a fool, wrap your tool

No, dude, you cam to this town to lie low, not to get tied down with an illegitimate child.

If she has a sexy maid outfit I'm willing to bet she has a condom laying around, somewhere.

>>697587
There's always Plan B pills, you know. They're NOT abortion pills or bad for you, they're just post sex anti-conception pills like birth control.
You don't have diseases (that you've told us about, you don't have any right), she probably has only been with one man in her life, she's asking YOU which means she doesn't think she has any.

If you have something or think you do, don't do this.

Come on Chuck, rule one is always carry a little armor on ya.
Also has she been tested for STDs?

Condom or pill or don't do it. Sorry, man.

Just do it, don't ruin the mood. You're gonna be out of town sometime soon if all goes well anyway, right? What would you care for consequences!

FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

>>697636
Good point.

Also, pulling out does work if you don't fuck it up.

>>697587

also, even if Sally should show up, don't stop. people don't usually stop sexing just because someone else walks in on it. That only happens in movies.

>>697636
they fuck up the woman's internal hormones or whatever and the next period is irregular and obnoxious shit like that, lets not put her through that, ay?

come on dude im betting shes prepared, she has a sexy maid outfit for fucks sake

pulling out doesnt always work, because sperm can be released (in like, one spermatozoa at a time or whatever) as early as u get a hardon, so like, the last thing you want is a baby and asking her if shes in menopause is the biggest moodkiller i can think of

C'mon, Chuck! You've been in this situation enough times to know how to handle yourself.

wrap it up

ramona is beautiful but we don't want baby end just yet

we don't even know if she's asking about a rubber

besides she is a DOG and our hero is clearly a CAT

stop overthinking it

"A Safeword? Oh Ramona, you're even naughtier than I thought~!"

>>697753
This.

>>697753
Yes.

>>697587
oh shit, uh, do we have any? we really really can't knock anyone up..

But if we don't have one... Who said we had to do it that way? There's lots of other ways you can do this without sticking it in there.

Of course, we can come back to doing it properly when we acquire a condom after we're done with her...

>>697587
Is this even a universe where different species can get pregnant from another? If not, then besides the stray STD I say fuck the condom!

Whisper "a what?" as if you're having her say something dirty as a sexy thing. That'll clarify matters.

>>697765
I support this one.

just put it in the butt then it's fine

>>697765
Alternatively: Just wait for her to finish her dang sentence.

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)12:00 No. 697858 ID: 3a9db6
File 145401124741.png - (9.20KB , 500x500 , 2-25.png )

The eternal struggle between your brain and your dick rages. Every biological instinct you have is throbbing for you to rip off those frillies and go to town, but your responsibilities and cautions get the better of you. You’re clean of disease as far as you know, and you’re willing to give Ramona the benefit of the doubt. As for pregnancy… it’s possible. Interspecies pairs are less fertile, but can certainly conceive. The offspring has a 50% chance to take on one species or the other. Historically not great odds for the married ladies you’ve been with.

You are generally prepared for this with a couple of rubbers in your wallet, but you had to abandon that when you went into hiding. It’s in a sewer somewhere miles away from your briefcase of sweet, sweet bank bux.

You: “You got any? You had this sexy maid costume…”

Ramona: “Uh… costume?”

You: “…”

You: “Don’t tell me it’s…”

Ramona: “Y-yes, it belonged to my great, great grandfather’s handmaiden. The house was once very-”

You: “Hush. Don’t spoil the moment, you naughty maid.”

Ramona giggles again.

Ramona: “Oh, whoops!”

Less fertile + pulling out = haha go for it.

I don't recommend cunnilingus with your cat tongue, but yeah as long as you remember to pull out in time you should be okay. Grab a hand full of titty and get busy!

>>697858

what do you care? you're not planning on sticking around long anyway.

>>697858
You've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

Just don't forget to pull out.

Yeah, you're too deep into this, man. In more ways than one.

Ask if she's okay with like, anal or something. And there still is pulling-out if she says 'no'.

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)17:40 No. 697927 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403161340.png - (10.17KB , 500x500 , 2-27.png )

You peel down her undies, hoping those aren’t heirlooms, too. They don’t look like Victorian bloomers, so you’re probably safe. You fiddle with your own jeans to give little Charlemagne some fresh air, pressing it against her backside for warmth. You are happy with your decision. Besides… isn’t the Shoppe Stoppe closed by now? Probably.

You give her another playful spank.

You: “I’ll pull out. Don’t worry.”

You’re confident. Granted, you’re no Jimmy the Noose, but you’re pretty decent at keeping all the rats out of the cellar.

Ramona: “Ok. Be gentle…”

Oh shit this is gonna be so sweet. You’re getting the ol’ pregame rush, your heart pounding and your stomach filling with static.

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)17:40 No. 697928 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403163074.png - (10.13KB , 500x500 , 2-26.png )

With a little guidance from your hand, you slip your dick down between Ramona’s thighs. You can’t see what’s going on down there, so you just kind of push until it slides into place. It’s a little dry on the outside, but Ramona slinks her hand down to spread herself open. At that moment, everything starts go very smoothly.

Ramona blows out her mouth, shaking from shoulder to hip. You speak to her in your softest, most seductive voice. The old room echoes a little, and it helps.

You: “Relax, Ramona. Sss… yeah, there we go. Nice and slow.”

Ramona: “Sorry. Still nervous, it’s been… oh god… twenty years.”

Holy shit, really? This should count as community service. You lean forward and moan into her ear, real quiet like. It always drives the ladies crazy when they know you’re loving it. Ramona shivers and shakes her hips right and left until you’re as far in as you’ll ever be. Her butt’s like a big pillow.

S o c a s h

>>697928

RIP AND TEAR

>>697928
She said gentle so give it to her gentle.
For a while anyway. I'm sure you can speed up at some point.

You making them titties bounce yet?

Bust out some trick moves so she gets addicted to your cock and becomes open to all sorts of depravity.

Just like in Japanese animes!

>>697933
>Make them titties bounce

Please, Ramona's a far more refined woman than that. Now make that booty clap, so it's awkward for everyone within earshot for the next few days.

>>697928
Alright man, if she has a big ass then it's time to make that bitch jiggle!

>>697928
Twenty years, huh?

All right, you heard her. Be gentle - very gentle - at first. Let her ease back in to the flow of things and realize she can take more.

Then take her on a ride worth the twenty-year wait.

>>697964
yup
continue with the playful spanking, she seems to like it

Release the titties while your at it!

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)19:19 No. 697969 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403755870.png - (11.90KB , 500x500 , 2-28.png )

You shrug off your cardigan and drop your drawers just to get comfy.

>jiggle

Now we’re talkin’. Ramona is getting a little less shaky and a lot more vocal. You take that as your cue to speed up and getting clapping. Sure enough, the echo in the old house carries through the door and down the hallway. Luckily no one else is home. Ramona’s body quakes, and her cunt snatches down around you. You murmur in her ear again.

You: “Someone’s enjoying herself.”

Ramona: “Oh! I’m sorry, am I being too loud? I didn’t even…”

You just laugh and tell her it’s ok. You like a noisy bitch.

Oh shit, you might have accidentally actually said that to her out loud. At least it is the technically correct term.

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)19:20 No. 697970 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403761149.png - (5.71KB , 500x500 , 2-29.png )

clap clap clap clap

Oooh yeah… soooo comfy. Getting warmer. Waaaarrrmmerrrr…

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)19:21 No. 697971 ID: 3a9db6
File 145403766363.png - (6.05KB , 500x500 , 2-30.png )

Sally: “Mamaaaa! I’m home!”

A distant voice

Downstairs…

You hear the front doors of the Plath House close.

>>697971

"...Do you happen to be an exhibitionist?"

ABORT ABORT! ENGAGE STEALTH MODE!

Duck under bed, continue to fuck if space is available.

Hide in a closet or something without pulling out and quietly keep going. Principles and priorities, Chucktholomeus. Your honor is at stake.

Duck under skirting, continue manual stimulation until dogdaughter goes away. Flawless plan.

>>697976

>>697971
Change of plans: NOW it's time to be quiet!

But do NOT leave her unsatisfied! You have a community service to perform!

And for that matter,
>>697970
Be careful! You promised you'd pull out!

>>697971
Pull out, get to the bathroom. Finish there while she makes herself presentable.

Sounds like it's time for a twosome.

>>697976
Aw heeeeeelllll yeah. And commence sloppy make outs to stop her from moaning too loud. But you really gotta be careful cause I doubt your pull out game is strong is such a confine space.

Turn off the lights and keep the noise down. No point in Mrs. Plath making herself presentable since Sally will wonder why she's in a maid outfit. Best to make her think we're not here.

pull out, give her butt a smack, tell her to go say hello to her daughter and meet you in your bedroom later.

Clearly pulling out just as Sally walks in so she can see a penis ejaculate up her mother's back is the best thing to do

>>697971
Convince Sally that no-one is home by hiding in the closet and continuing stealthily. You'd better be good; I have a feeling that getting caught fucking the mother will lessen our chances at getting with the daughter.
I mean, unless she's into that.

P.S.
Twenty years without sex? I thought Sally was 18.

>>698000
How old is Ramona again?

Either mommy dearest made some bad decisions in her youth or she is a lot older than she looks. Either way, it doesn't matter, proceed.

Charlemagne 2016/01/28(Thu)21:47 No. 698005 ID: 3a9db6
File 145404644885.png - (10.73KB , 500x500 , 2-32.png )

You grudgingly pull out of Ramona, take her by the waist, and lead her into the closet. Your heart is beating like a war drum, and you are aching to nut.

Ramona [whispering]: “Eeehehehehe, Chuck… this is so bad.”

You [whispering]: “Shhh. I’m gonna keep fucking you now, but you’ve got to be quiet.”

For such a large bedroom, this closet is inconveniently small for sexual purposes. You can’t even fit a doggystyle in.

Sally passes through the hallway, yawning audibly.

Sally: “Mom?”

She walks up to the door of your room.

Sally: “Chuck? Are you in there?”

She knocks on the door.

>>698005
With her, all sex is doggystyle.

Cover her mouth with one hand, tell her you're going to come in before Sally does, and then do so. Squeeze her rump region extra hard for bonus points.

Do not be a quitter now, Chuckrow Wilson.

Ninja hump, engage.

No, do pull out.

Try to make as little noise as possible so that she just goes to bed.

Yeah, ignore Sally. >>698009

>>698005
dont wuss out man. grind it in there if ya have to. bust that nut in that dog.

>>698005
If you're feeling daring, you can make it a challenge. See how close you can get her to making a sound while she tries to stay quiet!

Otherwise, don't answer Sally: if she decides to snoop she'll deserve what she gets. But there isn't anything in this closet she might be coming to get, is there?

"d-don't come in! i'm indecent!"

>>698009
Aye, don't be a total prick. Do what you said you'd do. But, uh, you might not wanna get it all over her, cause uh, I bet that's not easy to get outta fur. At all.
But you know what's harder to get out? Babies.

Finish outside. Never forget that.

be a(n irrisponsible) man; get caught by the daughter while banging her mom

Aw shit isn't the light on? Fuck it. Pull out and grind between her legs and lips and keep massaging those breasts.

Charlemagne 2016/02/04(Thu)21:56 No. 699116 ID: 3a9db6
File 145465176214.png - (8.51KB , 500x500 , 2-33.png )

Ramona: “Ooo… ooo-hoo-”

Ramona begins to clench and groan, so you kiss her to shut her up. Her orgasm makes her rattle the overworked shoe-shelf she is seated on in the closet. For a moment, you feel like your whole body is wrapped up in her, and blowing your load up in that seems like the best idea you’ve ever had. You know what, fuck iT, YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT IT L A T E R

NNNNNN

Charlemagne 2016/02/04(Thu)21:56 No. 699117 ID: 3a9db6
File 145465178785.png - (12.49KB , 500x500 , 2-34.png )

WAIT

WHOOPS, NO

That was way too close. You pull out and make a few primitive bumps and grinds between her legs before making a hot mess all over her priceless heirloom uniform.

Way too close.

>>699118
Take a moment to recover before peeking out of the closet.

I do think it would be important to point out that people can still get pregnant even if you pull out, BUT, what are even the chances of that happening? ha ha ha

Good job! Remain in stealth mode, try and ninja out of closet. Get cleaned up and decide what (or who) to do next.

If the coast is clear you can do some pillow talk, and maybe help clean up that dress.

Looks like you might still be hard. Are you going to need a second round?

Charlemagne 2016/02/05(Fri)14:28 No. 699303 ID: 3a9db6
File 145471128501.png - (13.57KB , 500x500 , 2-36.png )

You peek out of the closet. Sally didn’t enter your bedroom, and probably continued on to her own.

You have a good stretch - you haven’t felt this good in weeks. All it needs is a cigarette and some… whiskey. Oh right. There’s none.

Ramona [shouting]: “Hold on, be right there! I’m coming!”

You: “Twice in a row? Slow down, mama.”

Ramona giggles and swats your arm.

Ramona: “Oh hush. You’re terrible.”

Ramona puts on the remainder of her maid outfit before realizing that she can’t very well wear it out of the room.

Ramona: “Uh… I didn’t… I didn’t think about this.”

>>699303
Oh shit. She'll have to either ditch the outer layer of the outfit and hope the inner layer is still decent, or wear some of your clothes.

It'd be suspicious but not jizz-on-dress suspicious.

>>699303
hold on a cotton picking minute, were we not just in closet!? What's in there?

>>699303
Yes, raid the closet for a new outfit for her. Paper doll mode GO!

Alternatively, if there's nothing to be found in there, both of you strip down, put on the bedsheets, and invite Sally to the toga party you're obviously throwing. (Clearly a flawless alibi!)

>>699319
a toga party is a WONDERFUL idea!

Is there a shower nearby? You, get your pants on, see about aquiring whiskey. Tell Ramona to hop in the shower as a cover

Offer to go to her room to get her an outfit. I always wanted someone to give me permission to snoop through their things.

>>699303
Yeah, quick, assemble something new from the closet. Hide the heirlooms for later cleaning.

Charlemagne 2016/02/05(Fri)18:28 No. 699380 ID: 3a9db6
File 145472568797.png - (10.58KB , 500x500 , ramona_paperdoll.png )

You search the closet for something that will fit Ramona’s rubenesque figure. The clothes range from mid-century to… older.

>>699380

that's actually kinda hot

>>699381
OH. MY GOD!
Jokes aside let's go with the older mid century clothes. You wouldn't be sexing it up in some dusty old rags anyway because that'd ruin them.

>>699381
Seconding this.

Suggestion 2016/02/05(Fri)20:02 No. 699406 ID: 9dc8a9
File 145473134656.jpg - (163.33KB , 700x530 , fe_gwar.jpg )

>>699380
Something that's not too sexy as to prevent tipping her daughter off to your relationship, but also not something so gothic that it would completely stifle her figure.
Perhaps one of pic related would do?
totally want to wear https://boldmode.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/my-fair-lady-041.jpg, but I feel that that might draw too much attention to her. What does /quest/ think?

>>699406
Something weird happened to the link, you'll have to remove the ending comma from the url.
Alternatively:
https://boldmode.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/my-fair-lady-041.jpg

>>699406
Out of those four, I say the 1914 dress would look good on her.

>>699380
Strip her to get a better idea of what you're working with.

For fashion's sake.

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)10:48 No. 699492 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478449327.png - (13.69KB , 500x500 , 2-38.png )

You find Ramona a decent dress from this century. It’s pretty subdued and looks rather like something she would wear anyway.

Ramona: “Do I look ok?”

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)10:48 No. 699493 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478451042.png - (10.12KB , 500x500 , 2-39.png )

You: “Better than ok. Maybe not for long, though.”

Your hands seem to send a shock through her body. She stiffens and gasps.

Ramona: “Oh! Where does all your energy come from? I feel like a teenager again…”

She pauses for a beat.

Ramona: “You… must be popular with the younger women.”

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)10:48 No. 699494 ID: 3a9db6
File 145478452158.png - (9.11KB , 500x500 , 2-40.png )

uh

She's very subtly asking if you're gonna be a huge slut around town.

Say yes.

Well say yes, we never planned on monogamy anyway

Say you'd hope to be popular with every kind of women, as all right-thinking men should.

Admit it but don't be obvious. Say something along the lines of "Well the ladies I've been with never complained." Ambiguous and doesn't come across as slutty

>>699499
add a bit of flattery to distract her from the point, something like: "...especially when they are as intoxicating as you are."

>>699499
I like it, let's go with this

>>699499
Add some shit about younger women not knowing how to appreciate what you do.

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)16:46 No. 699526 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480599185.png - (7.07KB , 500x500 , 2-41.png )

You: “Heh, well, the ladies I’ve been with have never complained.”

Ramona: “Ladies… oh.”

Ramona: “I see…”

Ramona looks away.

Ramona: “I wish I could share a bed with you tonight. I… I must sound like a desperate old fool. I have to go.”

She leaves the room, calling for Sally as she reaches the end of the hall.

Well I suppose that could of gone worse

Congratulations! you screwed it up... at least she doesn't look too heartbroken... Anyway, shower and go to sleep, theres not much more you can do today...

>>699526
we'll need to dwell on a way to not make her feel inadequate, I think she needs to understand that we pretty much aren't very picky with people, and even then, if we were picky Ramona would still be someone we wouldn't mind being with.

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)17:12 No. 699533 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480757434.png - (25.85KB , 500x500 , 2-42.png )

Hey, you figure it’s not your fault if the old lady thought you were gonna marry her or some shit. You know she’s not that stupid, and you’re sure she’ll get over it. You’re just glad you got to hit. You take a nice, long shower and go to bed.

Ramona leaves leaves you breakfast on your bedside table again the next morning, but doesn’t wake you up for it.

Charlemagne 2016/02/06(Sat)17:13 No. 699534 ID: 3a9db6
File 145480759136.png - (8.45KB , 500x500 , 2-43.png )

You head to work the next morning.

Marcie: “Gooood morning, Chuck.”

Marcie: “I hope my favoritest and onliest employee is feeling as super as I am today!”

You don’t think you’ve ever felt as super as Marcie feels on any day of your life.

You: “Doing great, Marcie. I’m right on time today.”

Marcie: “Yup! And it’s FRIDAY. Get to it!”

Iiiiis there something special about Friday? I was under the impression that bakeries were still open at weekends, just for shorter hours. Are there places that close up earlier on Friday around here? Does the delivery route have to go faster?

I know it's not the date she's referring to, that's Saturday.

>>699535
Maybe she is just excited about the date and wants us to make sure we don't forget the fact that our date is tomorrow . In any case, assure her that we haven't forgotten.

>>699534
Same route as yesterday. It worked without complaints then, it should work now!

>>699534
That does NOT look like how a joyful person should.
Ask her if she's actually feeling as super as she says.

>>699647
What do you mean? Big grin, eyebrows up. That's a happy face.

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)02:00 No. 699665 ID: 3a9db6
File 145483924833.png - (8.11KB , 500x500 , 2-44.png )

>>699647

It’s not a fake smile. You know because… you just know. Marcie is a happy person and it ticks you off a bit.

Just like yesterday, you start with the café.

Penny: “Aww yeah. Look at those hot buns. You know what happens when the buns are hot? People buy more. You done good, hon.”

You aren’t really sure if she is talking about the pastries.

“Psst… Chuck. Chuck.”

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)02:01 No. 699666 ID: 3a9db6
File 145483926376.png - (3.01KB , 500x500 , 2-45.png )

Someone is calling you from behind one of the booths.

YOU WONDER WHO IT COULD BE

>>699666 (checked, SATAN)

get that mouse out of there that's not an appropriate place for mice

>>699665
Weird, I wonder if, like, actually getting laid makes you more attractive to the ladies.
Strange power, Chuck. Strange power.

Are those mouse ears? Is it time for more pranking?

Check in quick. If it looks like taking a while, say you're on the clock and'll talk later, and go!

By the way, idea for later: tell Sally you want to get her mother a gift for being so hospitable, and ask if she knows her measurements. Then you can go to the tailor and get her something nice.

>>699666
Peek over the booth.

>>699693
Well, we already got meta-pranked once. Hopefully it's time for real pranks, now that the hazing's over.

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)10:23 No. 699749 ID: 3a9db6
File 145486942006.png - (6.72KB , 500x500 , 2-46.png )

You peek over the back of the booth.

Naz: “Hello Chuck.”

You: “Hey Naz-”

Naz: “Shh. Keep your voice down.”

You: “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

Naz: “I’m on my way home from installing the computer at the schoolhouse. Say, do you have a quick minute or two to help me with something?”

You: “Is it a prank?”

Naz: “It’s not not a prank.”

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)10:23 No. 699750 ID: 3a9db6
File 145486943134.png - (40.58KB , 500x500 , 2-47.png )

y/n

>>699750
Fuck it, let's do it.

uhhhhh this seems like the worst possible place to prank

While it would eat up some of our time for delivering, we could negate that by having her take the Library order to Sally in our stead. Go for it.

Okay, but what will I get out of it?

Incidentally, from this angle Naz looks kinda like she's nude. heheheh

Tell her we'll prank after work. We've got toasty buns to deliver.

>>699762
Clever!

Yes, time for a prank break.

>>699750
y y y y y y y

>>699750
yyyyyyynyyy

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)11:30 No. 699783 ID: 3a9db6
File 145487344856.png - (6.06KB , 500x500 , 2-48.png )

You: "Alright, spill it."

Naz: "Excellent. I am going to distract Penny..."

You: "Ok."

Naz: "And I want you to take this water-based white paint to the café sign outside."

Charlemagne 2016/02/07(Sun)11:31 No. 699784 ID: 3a9db6
File 145487346261.png - (30.78KB , 500x500 , 2-49.png )

[paint the sign]

Farting Ass Cafe, obvs

FRACTAL 2016/02/07(Sun)11:41 No. 699786 ID: 8679fe
File 145487409954.png - (27.81KB , 500x500 , hm.png )

you didn't specify to paint the whole thing, technically

Suggestion 2016/02/07(Sun)11:55 No. 699789 ID: 40c6ad
File 145487493131.png - (26.17KB , 500x500 , 145487346261.png )

>>699785

Too pedestrian.

Make a statement.

Suggestion 2016/02/07(Sun)11:56 No. 699791 ID: f02a77
File 145487501247.jpg - (48.17KB , 200x200 , 145487346261s copy.jpg )

It's too easy.

Nah just paint over the 'H'

"Farting Passion Cafe" sounds worse somehow.

Boxdog 2016/02/07(Sun)12:30 No. 699801 ID: 15fae4
File 145487704758.png - (22.60KB , 500x500 , signprank.png )

>>699784

fucking classic they'll never see it coming

>>699784
Change the pieces of wheat into dicks.

Buckwheat 2016/02/07(Sun)13:05 No. 699825 ID: 15a025
File 145487915521.png - (20.39KB , 500x500 , asscafe.png )

It's the best I could do.

Suggestion 2016/02/07(Sun)13:24 No. 699836 ID: 4201a2
File 145488029471.png - (13.76KB , 500x500 , 145487346261b.png )

>>699825
I'll raise you one.

First check the paint! Is it easy to get off?

>>699839
now that you mention it, are we sure this isn't another double-cross from Naz?

Yeah check the paint, then look for Cops and Witnesses before you start, then get it done quick and jet to your next delivery.

Actually, don't do anything. This MIGHt be a double-prank situation here. She said to just BRING the paint to the sign, not to actually do anything with it, so she might be pranking you by tricking you into pranking the cafe, and can deny any responsibility for it due to her wording.