you are fine, when asked just say you are poor and were trying to find cheap food before they got here.

Recognize Phil's voice, remember that you used to go to high school together before he dropped out.

>>633939
Uh go "don't shoot me please."

>>633939
Just say "excuse me" to get by. Ingrained social graces will kick in if you don't make a big deal of it.

Apollo 2015/04/11(Sat)20:54 No. 633945 ID: 7df7d1
File 142881088032.png - (117.73KB , 900x700 , 13.png )

>"Oh my god, is that you Phil! It's me, from highschool!"

"No way! It's been so long! How've you been, girl?"

>"Oh, you know, just part of that poor oppressed protestantariat."

"Proletariat"

"Oh shut up Bob nobody uses those words anyway. Are you still dating whatsherface?? Didn't she go become a cop or something?"

>Are you still dating whatsherface?? Didn't she go become a cop or something?
Oh yeah! She's doing great. I'm so proud of her, sometimes.

Don't get taken hostage as a cop's girlfriend, don't get taken hostage as a cop's girlfriend...

>>633945
Your girlfriend's totally going to show up, as a cop. Ask them to please not shoot any cops or anything. If they help you fill out the rest of your shopping list maybe you can put in a good word?

Apollo 2015/04/13(Mon)14:55 No. 634214 ID: defceb
File 142896210906.png - (197.62KB , 900x700 , 14.png )

>"Oh yeah! She's doing great. I'm so proud of her, sometimes. pleasedon'tshootanyone"

"Phil we're here to loot food and tear down the social hierarchy, not chat with friends."

"Oh fine, c'mon let's walk and talk. Or riot and talk."

This could have gone worse, I guess?

Apollo 2015/04/13(Mon)14:57 No. 634216 ID: defceb
File 142896222827.png - (227.61KB , 900x700 , 15.png )

Meanwhile...

"Security cameras at a local grocery store appear to have caught a hostage situation as riots continue to escalate. Militants have captured the significant other of local police officer and proceeded to loot various food items including but not limited to: chicken, rice, broth, soy sauce, and eggs. Police have yet to comment."

THE FUCKING MEDIA.

Find a piece of paper, write "I'm not a hostage I just know these guys" on it and hold it up to the nearest security camera.
For, uh. No reason. Just because you felt like it.
Nuh-uh I'm not using metaknowledge shut up.

For no reason, start talking about how much you hate Ox news and their lies.

>>634216
Oh. So instead of having to worry about not getting shot, and being held as a hostage over your girlfriend, you're going to have to worry about not letting them get shot when your girlfriend comes to rescue you.

Okay.

Talking heads: begin wild speculation about what the food-terrorists are planning, and what's going through the hostage's mind. One person should note she doesn't look very worried, and seems rather calm, considering. (She must have been drugged! Those bastards!).

Cut to a CNN-style virtual reality animation of the hostage taking reenactment and possible violent shootout outcomes.

Oh! Worried cop girlfriend should try her cell phone.

Ask if Phil or Bob know how to work a cash register, so you can pay and get a receipt and not end up in trouble with your girlfriend for feeding her stolen goods.

Apollo 2015/04/26(Sun)00:45 No. 636409 ID: defceb
File 143003435642.png - (125.65KB , 900x700 , 16.png )

"The food-terrorists appear to be planning to loot and pillage all of the hard-earned cash and food products in the grocery store. Based on similar riots, we also believe that this is part of a larger plan to upend the American way of capitalism, by seizing control of food distribution away from the mighty hand of the market. All things considered the hostage appears to be surprisingly calm."

"Actually it is entirely possible that the hostage has bee drugged to remain calm and compliant during the situation."

"You heard it here first, the hostage has definitely been drugged by the food-terrorists."

"Those bastards."

"News flash, the militants appear to be illegitimate children. We go now to our re-enactment of the hostage crisis."

Apollo 2015/04/26(Sun)00:46 No. 636410 ID: defceb
File 143003437692.png - (128.21KB , 900x700 , 17.png )

"Greetings comrade, I have come to liberate you from your possessions."

"Oh no! But I'm just a working class American who strives to ascend the social ladder through hard work and meager pay!"

"Nyet, your capitalism is a false god who shall crumble under my hammer and sickle."

"Save me, military industrial complex! You're my only hope!"

Apollo 2015/04/26(Sun)00:46 No. 636411 ID: defceb
File 143003439594.png - (176.38KB , 900x700 , 18.png )

"You heard it here first everyone, the hostage is a supporter of the military industrial complex. Vote yes on Proposition A to allow military contractors to further arm our police force and keep us safe from the illegitimately-born, probably hedonistic, food-terrorists."

"News flash! They have just passed through the arts and crafts aisle and the hostage now appears to be attempting communication. The sign is difficult to read, but for the sake of our ratings I will now read it live to our audience."

"*ahem* I'm... a hostage... I... know these guys."

"They appear to be saying that they are indeed a hostage and do not know these guys. Hopefully the police force will act soon to save them."

"If it's anything like the food riots in the east coast, it will probably be a blood bath."

Seriously, is anyone running this show into the ground, or has your society fractured up to the façade?

Run away, your anarchist friend probably won't fire on you, and the longer you stay the more the media and anarchists are going to escalate in stupidity.

...eh, that's good enough. Unless you want to draw a big X over the word hostage. Regardless, flip off the camera and rip the sign in half in protest.

Well, the only path is clear now.
ANARCHY IN THE UK!
DOWN WITH BIG MEDIA!
GMO FOODS WILL TURN YOUR DNA INTO POTATOES!

Meh, good enough. Ask Phil if you can borrow some foodstuffs. If he's being un-marxist and wants compensation, promise him leftovers.

Interrupt your coverage of the food riots to cut to commercials for overpriced food.

As for our protagonist: I think you just need to finish up your shopping and leave. It'll be clear you're not a hostage if you walk out of the building, right?

You could call your girlfriend and tell her you're not a hostage please tell them not to come in shooting to rescue me, except you don't even know if she's seen this yet.

Apollo 2015/04/27(Mon)00:11 No. 636604 ID: defceb
File 143011871398.png - (181.36KB , 900x700 , 19.png )

"More news after this brief message form our sponsors."

"Mega meat! So good you won't notice it's synthetic. Financing options now available."

Meanwhile...

"I'm just saying, Ox news has practically become a parody of itself. I hear they're trying to bring back the Red Scare now."

That should be everything. Call my girlfriend? But they have IMPORTANT WORK! Though I guess I could shoot them a quick text.

'hey honey caught in a riot, not in danger, plz don't worry or send superviolentSWAT teams plz ily'

Eh, can't afford grammar in this economy.

"Hey guys, it was nice seeing you again but I'm going to bounce before things get worse around here. Or that Molotov earlier burns the building down."

"Shit, Mark actually threw the Molotov again?"

"Uh... yeah? It was part of the whole 'anarchy in the UK' bit five updates ago. Anyway, seeya."

Apollo 2015/04/27(Mon)00:13 No. 636605 ID: defceb
File 143011879882.png - (114.18KB , 900x700 , 20.png )

I check the time and see I still have TWO HOURS left. Looks like all I need to do now is check out.

"Go away"

...um.

"If you're looking to steal from the cash register, there's nothing left in it."






"Also I have a butter knife and I"m not afraid to use it."

"Could you check me out, please?"

Text your girlfriend: "hey bb hanging out with phil from high school he's an anarchist proletenariet now so thats good for him <3 <3 c u soon"

>>636605
Ask if you're going to be prosecuted if you just walk out with your groceries.

So by "go away" do you mean that you, as an employee of this store, are explicitly instructing me to leave the premises with this bag of food and not pay for it? I'd be willing to, but I don't want any miscommunication.

But... you just want to buy some stuff.

Hold up your groceries in front of your chest, two handed, and go:

No,I actually want to check out. I mean, I know there's a riot now and I could probably just walk out with this, but I'm dating a cop and I'd feel guilty serving stolen food for dinner.

"Don't worry, I don't want to take any of your money." and casually stroll out, bags in hand.

Apollo 2015/04/27(Mon)10:51 No. 636643 ID: defceb
File 143015706327.png - (133.60KB , 900x700 , 21.png )

"I'd just like to check out and go home please."

"Hm... if you say so." She makes quick work bagging all the groceries. "The total will be $41.50."

>>636643
"Here's 40 bux. Take it or leave it."

>>636643
...I don't suppose I could have 3.6% off for customer loyalty in the middle of a riot?

Or coupons! Is there a coupon book laying around?

If all else fails, start raiding the take a penny leave a penny trays from all the isles. We only need 150. Or look around for the vending machines they usually have by the checkout and check the coin returns.

Wait, does that add up to 41.50$? Or are the shown prices not with tax added?

In either case the 40$ offer seems decent considering that you've been accosted by rioters.

Turn to the Ox News viewers and tell them your ransom is $1.50. Maybe they'll send you the money.

Forget the butter. Do not freak out.

Ask the rioters if they can lend you the remaining $1.50.

Probably won't work, but it's worth a shot.

Hey Phil! Can you spare two bucks for a starving-yet-scrupulously-honest proletarianite such as me?

Then give him fifty cents change back.

Suggest you should get out (with your groceries) quickly due to the fires...

Apollo 2015/04/29(Wed)20:12 No. 637020 ID: defceb
File 143036353969.png - (163.92KB , 900x700 , 22.png )

>"Uh... Hey Phil! Can you possibly spare two dollars for a poor rolypolytariot?"

"Why? You going to go buy drugs with it?"

>"I might."

"Awesome. Pay me back later!"

>"Great, now TAKE MY MONEY!"

I pay, then grab the food and run off.

Apollo 2015/04/29(Wed)20:13 No. 637021 ID: defceb
File 143036358943.png - (167.85KB , 900x700 , 23.png )

"Hold it! Nobody is allowed to leave without the bosses permission!"

Really? I'm so close to the exit.

Apollo 2015/04/29(Wed)20:13 No. 637022 ID: defceb
File 143036362849.png - (199.69KB , 900x700 , 24.png )

*bounce, bounce, THUD*

Capitalism wins again.

>>637022
Did you get a receipt? You need to be able to prove you're a law-abiding citizen.

Hum "we are the champions" and stroll out of there like a boss.

Heroic victory pose in the parking lot. Groceries, get!

The newsreel just recorded you clearly throwing money at the cashier. Wonder how well those newscasters will scribble on that kind of receipt...

Anyways, you got the groceries. Now go home.

>>637039
Reverse footage, now she's stealing from the cashier!

Apollo 2015/05/05(Tue)17:28 No. 638343 ID: defceb
File 143087209688.png - (293.46KB , 900x700 , 25.png )

I run on home as fast as my legs can take me. The trip takes half an hour.

Looks like the protests have reached here too.

"Ma'am, there is currently a large protest in action, please find another way around."

>"But my apartment is there!"

"I need to ask you to find another way around."

>>638343
Ask what streets are blocked. Know where you can't go, in order to find where you can go.

Do you know him through your girlfriend?

If so: [name], don't be a dick. You're dinner-blocking your coworker! I gotta cook.

Alternatively: explain you are totally a dangerous protestor, so he's got you on the wrong side of the barrier. He can't leave you loose! Who knows the damage you might do. Contain me!

...then when you're on the other side just walk over to your building.

go around back.

Apollo 2015/05/06(Wed)00:26 No. 638469 ID: defceb
File 143089719608.png - (107.34KB , 900x700 , 26.png )

>"I'm actually the uh... most dangerous protester! Yeah! Who knows what I'll do out here! I might even protest you! You HAVE to detain me."

"...if you insist? Right this way ma'am."

>"I LIED! Later nerd!

"S-stop right there!"

Well now I have this riot police chasing me too. Now what?

>>638469
tell him about the fascinating world of zoobooks.

>>638469
Yakkity sax.

Also jump over the barricade and have the protesters block the cop for you.

Run right through the crowd of protesters. A lone charging cop isn't gonna make a lot of headway in that crowd

1. Take out the butter
2. Take a piece off of it
3. Drop it behind you
4. Have him slip on it
5. Laugh... HARD!

Shout "Now you see the violence inherent in the system! Help, I'm being oppressed!" then use your running start to jump on top of the barricade and crowd-surf across the protesters to the front door of the apartment complex. If a cop tried the same thing, they'd just drop him.

>>638608
Do not throw away the butter you went through so much trouble for.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)13:39 No. 638873 ID: defceb
File 143103115160.png - (134.40KB , 900x700 , 27.png )

>"Now you see the violence inherent in the system! Help, I'm being oppressed!"

"I heard violence!"
"I heard oppressed!"
"LET'S RIOT."

>"Carry me home, brave prositutariat!"

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)13:40 No. 638874 ID: defceb
File 143103124972.png - (119.25KB , 900x700 , 28.png )

"Down with the burger-geise!"

Maybe I started a riot. But now I'm home, so... worth it?

So worth it. Now rush inside and get cookin'!

Hope that your beloved isn't home too early.

>>638874
Yes. Of course. Get to cooking. Hope your girlfriend isn't too mad about giving her more work.

>>638873
Crowd surf in a skirt like you don't even care.

>Maybe I started a riot. But now I'm home, so... worth it?
It only won't be worth it if the riot means your girlfriend has to work overtime and is late for (or misses!) dinner.

Hopefully things calm down before that.

Hurry up and get indoors.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)15:16 No. 638894 ID: defceb
File 143103697944.png - (153.77KB , 900x700 , 29.png )

Yes! To cooking! My apartment is near the top floor, so I'll have to take the elevator. I'm so excited to cook! Looks like someone else needs to ride up too.

"...hey, weren't you on TV earlier?"

"Yes! I was in the movie "Anarchy in the UK." I think it was on the Box channel sometime today. Did you enjoy my performance?

No, probably my doppelganger or something? You know how there's a theory that someone always looks like you somewhere in the world. It was most likely them.

I was on a cooking show once. Maybe you caught a rerun?

Stay silent. Keep that smile on your face.

>>638894
Tell him you weren't a hostage if that's what he's asking.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)18:08 No. 638921 ID: defceb
File 143104732818.png - (145.42KB , 900x700 , 30.png )

>"What, me? No. Certainly not. You probably saw a doppelganger. On a cooking show movie. On the Box channel. I'm not a hostage."

"...you're weird." They get off a few floors below mine. Whew, dodged that one.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)18:12 No. 638924 ID: defceb
File 143104754685.png - (203.88KB , 900x700 , 31.png )

Finally, home sweet home.

<sub>"...following the swat raid, the hostage appears to have gone missing. Experts assume they have been kidnapped and are now being carried away to a convenient enemy state.

In related news, police are urging people to remain in their homes and keep all doors locked and closed until the riots blow over. Here's Johnny with the weather."</sub>

Ohhh, I left the TV on again. I check the clock and see I still have an hour and half left.

Call your beloved to tell her you're alright, and get cooking.

Check if you have any messages that matter (like, "Hi hon, I'm going to be home early / late"), and then get your food unpacked and start cooking.

>>638924
Alright, time to make sure you have all the ingredients, then go through the recipe to make sure it's clear in your head before you start. Get a good estimate for how long it'll take. Defrost anything that needs to be defrosted, and make sure to preheat the oven before you start cooking!

>>638924
Double-check living room for guests.

Remember to lock the door, in accordance with police advice.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)20:25 No. 638954 ID: defceb
File 143105553633.png - (121.14KB , 900x700 , 32.png )

>Double-check the living room for guests
This is the only room! Besides the bathroom, of course. It's a small apartment but in this economy it's the best we can do.

>Defrost frosty ingredients, preheat oven, check recipe, etc
Check! It should take me just under and hour to cook everything.

>Lock the door!
Check!

>Check for messages!
Looks like I got one!

"Hey babe riots reaching this part of town. Chief letting me go 'cause of leg. Ridin' w/ Mark, gonna be heli but don't tell anyone sssshhhhh. love you lots hope you're safe<3333"

THEY'RE OUT EARLY. If they're getting a lift from Mark then they'll be here in about... thirty minutes! That's not enough time!

>If they're getting a lift from Mark then they'll be here in about... thirty minutes! That's not enough time!
Gotta stall her!

...do you have any really chatty neighbors you could put between the helipad and your apartment to delay her?

Do you know anyone who has a drone they could fly around the airspace and get in the way?

They also have to get past the riot. Depending how they do it that might take them a while.

Really don't sweat it, I'm sure they'll appreciate the nice dinner even if it isn't ready as soon as they get home. Just work fast (but not too fast, you don't want to mess something up).

>>638960
Yeah, Pretty much this. Don't sweat if you're not finished yet when they get back. I'm sure they'll appreciate it- and the riot outside will probably slow them just a bit anyway.

Patience. You've gone through a hectic time to get to the romantic dinner. Don't ruin it by poisoning the dishes through haste.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)21:50 No. 638970 ID: defceb
File 143106062034.png - (80.90KB , 900x700 , 33.png )

>Patience

You're right! I take a moment to recenter myself. Then I text the neighbor.

>"hey dude remember that favor you owe me"
"oh no"
>"I won't ask anything weird this time promiseeeee"
"what is it"
>"I need you to distract bae for like a while"
"how am I supposed to do that"
>"idk show her your ring collection again"
"I got so many tho"
>"pimp hands yo. wear 'em all. go make fiddy cent proud."
"fine"

Yes! Now that just leaves one last problem in my way...

...I don't actually know how to cook.

>>638970
Just look up the recipe on the internet and FOLLOW IT CAREFULLY.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)22:41 No. 638980 ID: defceb
File 143106367987.png - (74.21KB , 900x700 , 34.png )

>Just look up the recipe on the internet
Check!

>and FOLLOW IT CAREFULLY.
I'll... do my best!

I boil, toil, and cook my way through the recipes. I get so focused that time simply slips away.

Apollo 2015/05/07(Thu)22:42 No. 638981 ID: defceb
File 143106372338.png - (101.32KB , 900x700 , 35.png )

"Hey honey, I'm home!"

Oh no! You failed me, neighbor! I still need five minutes before everything will be ready!

>>638981
Good enough!

say hi and say you have a special surprise and to wait just a little bit longer.

Look through the peepholento make sure it's her.

Say baby I have a surprise for you so could you close your eyes coming in? Will be ready in 5 minutes.

Tell her that dinner will be ready soon.

No more drama, your mind might snap.

Dinner
Movie
Bed

Simple.

>>638986
Not just her eyes, but her nose as well!

>>638981
Don't delay, let them in.
They'll probably need a few minutes to get ready for dinner anyway!

Apollo 2015/05/08(Fri)00:59 No. 639007 ID: defceb
File 143107198896.png - (182.92KB , 900x700 , 36.png )

>”Cover your eyes! I’ve got a secret for you, but I need a few more minutes before it’s ready.

“Okay dear, but you’re going to have to lend me a hand then. Oh! Close the windows too, I think they’re going to start using tear gas out there.”

>”O-okay! Just a few more minutes.”

Apollo 2015/05/08(Fri)01:00 No. 639009 ID: defceb
File 143107204855.png - (3.48KB , 900x700 , 37.png )

“What is that? It smells really good!”

>”It’s a secret, now sit down.”

“I can’t see the chair, I'm still covering my eyes."

>”Right, take my hand. It’s right over here.”

“I hope this is food, I’m getting hungry.”

Apollo 2015/05/08(Fri)01:03 No. 639011 ID: defceb
File 143107221436.png - (185.64KB , 900x700 , 38.png )

>”Okay you can look now! I made you some broth, fried rice, salmon!”

“Oh, honey you didn’t have to do this.”

>”I wanted to!”

“It’s delicious! You made it all yourself?”

>“Well…”

Apollo 2015/05/08(Fri)01:04 No. 639012 ID: defceb
File 143107225205.png - (157.44KB , 900x700 , 39.png )

>“...I may have gotten some help.”

THE END

Dinners cooked: 1/1
Governments overthrown: 0/1
Riots started: 1/1
Illuminati plots exposed: 0/3

Achievements unlocked:

Fifteen Minutes of Fame - Starred on TV

Favored Discount - Went over budget

Anarchy in the UK - Started a riot

Super Mario Sister - Bounced off a Riot Policeman’s Helmet

Good End - Totally got laid after

>>639012
What, no post-credits scene? Laaaaaame.

>>639017
We totally got laid, isn't that enough?

>>639012
It's a good thing we didn't overthrow the government. Our girlfriend works for the government! That could have annoyed her and messed up the dinner. (And our totally getting laid after).

>>639012
>no showing the sex afterwards
7/10 bretty gud.

>>639022

Are you kidding?

11/10 cutest quest ever.

Would (and will) re-read whenever I am sad and need a happiness boost. Best quest.