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Mauve Honey Glory
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I can't help but imagine Shup's reasoning, but my imagination comes up with a whole lot of ideas that I just have no evidence for. There's no point to thinking about it.
"Could you show me how to be, uh... proper?"
>"Oh, dear, you should learn how to fight, at least you have use for it. There's just too many cumbersome rules that are, well, proper manners are intentionally prohibitive to people not in the circles. Even I'm breaking a few rules, being out here! Just, ah, try to be clean about eating things and I'll be happy."
"You've got it. Something I can't help but ask, either... I don't mean to make it sound like I don't want to be around you, the opposite is true, but there's about thirty other kobolds in my tribe, but you tolerate me?"
>"You treat me like a person. That might sound silly, but my position is overwhelming, even just as fiance. Most people see me as what I am, not who I am. It's amazingly alienating, and it's been a while since I've seen my family, so you're the first person in awhile who I could be comfortable with."
This time, I will avoid bringing up Shup.
We talk about our lives some more. She has positives and negatives to focus on, and I try to do the same without complaining about how much it turns out I dislike it here. Still, I do have family I suppose, and even if I lost Kiki and Zizi, the rest of the tribe would take care of me. And we don't always starve.
The positives seem to be seen as negatives in her reaction, though.
She ends up pausing for an uncomfortable length of time.
>"I'll be honest, though. Shup has his good points that I've been bringing up, even I didn't like him at first."
"But you love him, right?"
>"... I should be honest with you, Fen. We like each other, but in our society, marriages aren't really done for love. Shup just seemed to take a great liking to me, and he does have a few other wives, and me, well... it must sound very selfish, but he's rich, he insists on having me, and my family is in a bad spot. My great grandfather is a wizard, and he's very old. He uses his magic to help grow crops and keep livestock healthy to help boost our villages numbers, and in our world, wizards like that are almost automatically granted wood noble status. Plus, the wizard can request tribute for his services from the village. It's been like that for a long time, but he's old, and his own magic has limits. We don't have any other actual nobles. A noble's family is held in higher regard than a commoner, but not actually a noble, so when my grandfather dies, well, our family has some saved up wealth, but it won't last forever, and I just don't think we can live the life of a commoner. We just don't have the feet for landing on a rough spot. This is why I came out here, I wanted to see if I could understand how people do it... that's why I have a lot of respect for you and your tribe, Fen, because you can live this life that I realize my own family can't. Anyway... when Shup came to me, well, he offered that he would maintain our lifestyle, and my family won't have to work long hours and spend their free time in a line for half a loaf of bread. So, that's why we're marrying each other. I'm not proud of it, but I couldn't look my family in the eye if I told them I turned down a mithril noble. I mean, nevermind that turning down a mithril noble is an awful offense. Sorry, I talked your ear off, there."
"No, it's fine... I don't understand entirely, but, well, we get into heavy fist fights for rotten fish, so marrying someone for their wealth so their whole family can thrive is, well, it's worth it. How big is your family, anyway?"
>"Oh, around four hundred. Er.... is that a lot?"
"Our whole tribe is 30! How many people are in the northern empire, anyway?.... and just how rich can Shup be to support that many?"
>"Millions and millions, Fen, and even if Shup does support others so he can be supported, mithril nobles have an extraordinary amount of resources funneled into their coffers. So... I just wanted to clear the air, this is probably why Shup is letting you speak to me freely. He knows that I have my whole family one step away from the commoner's block, and knows that I wouldn't be so selfish to throw away his hand in marriage to marry anyone I loved. I see the way you look at me, Fen, and if we were born in different lives, then I would have been more than willing to spend months to get to know each other, and, if it all went well, marry out of love, but now that I have a chance to marry a noble, I can't throw that away. I'm sorry."
"No, no, it's fine, it's really an understandable reason, I can barely support myself let alone the weight you've got now. Just hearing you say that we might have had a chance in a different life means a lot."
I lied, though. It's not fine at all. I knew there was virtually no chance of being with her, but hearing it outright.... it hurts. It hurts in ways I didn't know I could hurt.
>"Fen, are you alright?"
"Yes, please don't worry about me."
I'm not alright at all.
>"You can visit me for the rest of the week if you still want, of course, and continue training with our soldiers for as long as you like."
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