>official necromancer
Welcome to employment, I suppose. You won't need to go back to the temple for further training or learning at some point?

>Terra's room, Artemis' room
Uh, who handles that kind of thing? Is there a quartermaster we talk to?

Artemis' request isn't unreasonable. People deserve their own space.

Does Tera have any stuff that need to be moved?

Tell Artemis people usually have rooms for a dark and quiet place to sleep, a private space to go where they won't be bothered, and someplace to store their belongings. Since she doesn't sleep, and doesn't own anything yet, she doesn't need much of a room, so for now she could share a room with Tera. She could be Tera's guide, and Tera could be Artemis' minder. So lets go find Reizn and find out where Tera's room is.

Now, we just got back from Thaark and Ilbir and we have good news and bad news. Good news is: They're fine, they got Kranhon back, and even snapped up two tribal prisoners as well, one of which is very likely shaman Durach's son. They're all currently on the overnight caravan back from Then’dranil and will be here by daybreak.

Bad news is: Everyone in Then’dranil is gone. Not dead; Just gone. Without a trace. Along with every other living creature in the city.

What happened is we spotted some tribesmen running down another one. Thaark and Thuul went to investigate, striking down two of the pursuers and capturing the third, along with the pursued. Unfortunately the pursuers were daemon worshipers, and in dying one of them became the channel for a summon. Thaark and Thuul got away with the prisoners right before darkness exploded from the corpse and shot towards Then’dranil. Next thing we saw was the lights in the city snuffed out.

Ilbir and Thuul went back into the city with a couple of the city guard to investigate and found no sign of the populace. No signs of a fight, no remains, no tracks, nothing, save for the corpse of the daemon worshiper smack in the middle of the city. It was decayed like it'd been dead for decades. It was also effecting Thuul and the guards' minds, making them think they were seeing jewelry on the body that wasn't there and what it was kept shifting in their minds. We decided there just wasn't the time or resources there to handle that, so we torched the body and left.

The sultan should probably be informed of this, along with Xaldin, Reizn and possibly the Keer ambassador. Also, a group of fast scouts should be sent to confirm what we saw and see what the tribes are doing with the now empty city.

well if you guys want something to shake your day up a bit the tribals MAY be in some kind of civil war but we have no real proof of that other then seeing on tribal run away form other tribals trying to kill him for not worshiping deamons, also the tribals now seem to be able to summon deamons, plus the vildmen mercs they've hired, and there ice golem army these guys are getting stronger daily. Won't be long now before they even trump your own military might. Oh well we'll figure it out one way or another.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/19(Sun)05:45 No. 558388 ID: b3ca75
File 139013913266.png - (24.45KB , 900x450 , 77.png )

>What is Artemis's status? Is she a servant, guard, what?
She’s a golem… I’m pretty sure she counts as furniture.
Yay, I want to be a chair! …no, wait, a lamp!
>Welcome to employment, I suppose. You won't need to go back to the temple for further training or learning at some point?
Actually, my full title is… um… something fancy sounding apprentice. The guy who’s the main necromancer here is supposed to teach me new stuff.
About time he got an assistant. I do believe I know where your room is, then.

>Does Tera have any stuff that need to be moved?
Well, yes, but that can wait. At least to tomorrow.
>Since she doesn't sleep, and doesn't own anything yet, she doesn't need much of a room, so for now she could share a room with Tera.
Actually, One of the voices in my head said I need to rest one hour a day unless I want to lose all my batter again.
I think you mean battery.
>She could be Tera's guide, and Tera could be Artemis' minder. So lets go find Reizn and find out where Tera's room is.
Oh, I always wanted a personal guide. There’s probably some room for you in my room, Mr. Stone McAwesomeRock.
It’s going to be like a sleepover, yay! Oh! That means we have to have a pillow fight… and spin a bottle… and be courageous!

>Now, we just got back from Thaark and Ilbir and we have good news and bad news.
What do you mean, gone!?
So we’re really fighting a daemon now?
I have to talk with mother about this… tomorrow… when Ilbir is back.
This is just getting worse and worse.
What is Deenom?
Bad people. Now, let’s get Tera back to her room.
Why are they bad?
…because they hurt people?
Why?
Because… err… they think it’s funny?
…why?
…because that’s the way they are, just accept it.
…why? Can’t they change? Maybe… maybe they hurt people because they are hungry? Animals hurt other animals when they are hungry… you hurt animals when you’re hungry… and plants. Poor plants… they never stood a chance…
…Artemis, please stop being so naively wise.

Insert Just another glorious day_

Artemis: we don't actually know why they're doing the seemingly terrible things they're doing. You're right that they might have a reason, and if we understood that reason, we might be able to do something about it.

Unfortunately, until we know why, all we can do is prepare, investigate, and try to protect those we can.

Actually, Artemis does bring up a point. We don't know what the daemons' motives and objectives are. What their needs and drives are. We don't know how they come into this world and how long they can stay. We don't even know what they are or if they're intelligent. We know hardly anything about them, and when facing an adversary as powerful as they are that puts us at a serious disadvantage. We need to find out more.

If Artemis wishes to help us on this front then suggest she learn everything she can about daemons; Become an expert on daemons. She can start with reading all the material on them in the palace library, then move on to speaking with those who know about them.

Tell Temrock what happened at the Keer city and get his thoughts. Is it anything like what he has heard of or seen before? Oh, and was there an actual daemon at Necranest or was that just an exaggeration on the part of the messenger?

Oh, and Tera, this question is unrelated to what's happening right now, but I don't know if there's going to be a good time to ask: Does necromantic reattachment to the living work with eyes? Just a thought you might find of interest.

I see something white in the bottom corner of the left most window

Anyways Artemis Deamons are incredibly powerful beings that tend to destroy, hurt, or just plain ruin someones day for reasons we don't even know. Because we don't even know why they hurt people and only really that they are really strong it adds to the deamons fear factor as people are scared shitless of the unknown. Regardless of what they may or may not be after I'm pretty sure none of them want to be our friend.

Also why are we being surrounded by guards?

>>558388
Yeah I guess we don't actually have any idea why Demons do what they do. All we have to go on is what that one Wraith said.

Speaking of which, I wonder if we could set up something to let us talk to our captive Wraith.

>>558403
>window
That's the mantis guard's abdomen.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/19(Sun)11:00 No. 558418 ID: b3ca75
File 139015805659.png - (24.37KB , 900x450 , 78.png )

>Does necromantic reattachment to the living work with eyes? Just a thought you might find of interesting.
(Of course it does… as long as the eyes aren’t to damaged… like mine. Taking someone else’s eyes doesn’t really work either… there’s a reason why Thaark is so special.)
>Oh, and was there an actual daemon at Necranest or was that just an exaggeration on the part of the messenger?
Necranest was described like it was attacked and burned down by tribals. It didn’t sound at all like the attack you guys just described.
>why are we being surrounded by guards?
Coincidence? I’m pretty sure Temrock and his guards are on their way to his chambers while that guard escorting the servant is on their way somewhere else… again… and the mantis doctor is probably going to bed too.

>Actually, Artemis does bring up a point. We don't know what the daemons' motives and objectives are.
Simple, they want to kill us all!
I’m pretty sure it’s more complex than that… it’s like with the tribes.
You guys are different. You’re people… they are not.
I’m only saying that you shouldn’t judge them all on the actions of one.
>If Artemis wishes to help us on this front then suggest she learn everything she can about daemons; Become an expert on daemons.
I’ll be the master this time! You will call me Master Artemis… no wait, you’re supposed to use your last name… err… one of the voices says it’s… B… 4... T… 3?
Can’t we just call you Artemis? Just between us friends?
Of course, friends! But I’ll start becoming master tonight, you’ll see! I’ll know everything!
>Regardless of what they may or may not be after I'm pretty sure none of them want to be our friend.
WHAAAT!? How can they not want friends!? Impossible! I think if we give them a big, warm hug they’ll become our friends!
If only it was that easy.

>Tell Temrock what happened at the Keer city and get his thoughts.
What!? That… that can’t be… are you sure? Do you have any proof of this?
Well… err… Iblir will be able to confirm it when he comes.
Well, until then… actually, keep quiet about this. We don’t need rumors or worse, a panic, right now, do you understand, lad?
Of course.
>Speaking of which, I wonder if we could set up something to let us talk to our captive Wraith.
It will be ready tomorrow… I would rather see to it that you didn’t talk to it. Let us… “professional” handle this. Oh, And Eliraz, are you sure you want to train with me? The training will start early tomorrow, lad.
Of course I want to! I’m ready, you’ll see!
Bah, you’ll probably be back to sucking your mother’s teat in less than a minute…
…lizards doesn’t have teats. Actually, I feel sorry for you lizard guys, having no fun bags to play with…
…You’re Tera, right? Reizn asked me to escort you to your room, if you want to, lass.

Insert No fun allowed… especially fun in bags_

I thought we promised Artemis the honor of seeing her back to her room

>Simple, they want to kill us all!
Unless something is a mindless force of nature, or an unthinking animal, most things have motives for their cruelty. They kill for a reason.

Honestly, if they are dumb animals, that makes things easier for us. But we don't really have the evidence t support that. Even the wraith could speak, in a fashion.

>lizards, no fun bags
Well, there's always implants, terrifying experimental genetic alteration, or just inter-species romance.

They do get tails, though. Plenty you can do with those.

And then there's always being human, picking up a tail, adding on a bolt with screw and interspecies dating for the best of all worlds.

Alright, so tomorrow Eliraz will be unavailable. Perhaps we can do more work with the Shaman then, and maybe help with Jericho's training. We can probably find other things to do based on the testimony of the two captured tribals...

Oh, we could send one of our pawns to the capital to investigate Morkay's intended target. We might be able to prevent him from getting whatever it is, or maybe even HELP him if that is mutually beneficial.

Still not sure what Morkay is, exactly. Oh, did we describe him for you guys? He looks like a really tall black Lizard, but not as wide as you'd expect. He's all stretched out, almost like it's a cunning disguise and he's using stilts or something.

Oh! Jericho, did you check the book of prophecy recently?

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/19(Sun)12:24 No. 558431 ID: b3ca75
File 139016305494.png - (22.61KB , 900x450 , 79.png )

>They do get tails, though. Plenty you can do with those.
(Hmm… I haven’t thought about that~)
> And then there's always being human, picking up a tail, adding on a bolt with screw and interspecies dating for the best of all worlds.
(That sounds… either very stupid or hot. I can’t really decide.)
>Oh, we could send one of our pawns to the capital to investigate Morkay's intended target.
(Well, we’re already in the capital… you said it was the crypts, right? That’s only half an hour from here.)
>Jericho, did you check the book of prophecy recently?
“A journey begins, a ship going north carrying the bringer of light to the dark pillars that holds up the heavens.”
“And thus it came to past, the heralds failed to give the coming darkness the son of the moral one, splintering the freemen even more.”
“A city consumed, the horde growing even fatter as the day of the dead march approaches.”
(Well, that’s not ominous at all…)
(I don’t get it…)

>Honestly, if they are dumb animals, that makes things easier for us.
Never underestimated your enemy, lad. Even the feeblest of boars will gorge you if given the chance.
>I thought we promised Artemis the honor of seeing her back to her room.
Well, Artemis can go with them, right?
Yay, adventure! Then I’ll find books about daemons! Yay!
I guess this is goodnight, then?
Goodnight Tera, Artemis… and Temrock…
See you tomorrow.
Dream of beautiful women eating marshmallows, everyone!
Err… Artemis, you’re… never mind… ugh… I really need to relax after everything that’s happened today…
Well then, was it anything else, lads and lasses? Or should we call it the night?

Insert Wrapping up_

>>558431
Ship going north? Does that refer to us sending Grey away?
>"And thus it came to past, the heralds failed to give the coming darkness the son of the moral one, splintering the freemen even more."
I'm really not sure what this is about. The Coming Darkness is the demon force, but who are the heralds, the son of the moral one, and the freemen? I wish I knew exactly when each of these new entries were written, then we could match them up with events we know about.

I'm starting to think Morkay wants to get to the crypt in order to give a whole shit-ton of Wraiths vessels right in the middle of the city.

>>558433
It's us saving Recho. We're 'heralds', the 'moral one' is Durach, and we pulled his son's ass out of the fire before the demon did whatever it did. I have no idea who the freemen are though- possibly a different faction of tribals? Perhaps the 'horde' refers to the demons as well? God prophesies can be useless. We need someone who can interpret this thing.

>>558437
Ah, I see. So we must be the heralds. I'm thinking the "freemen" are the tribals in general, and the demon horde is a growing number of Wraiths under the thumb of the demon, so it's more like "demon's horde". I wonder if Morkay is a demon?

Wait, if Recho was being chased down, that means Durach could be in trouble. Maybe we should check in with him to see how he's doing. And ask what Morkay's powers are, to see if that matches what Demons should be able to do.

Yeah, call it a night. After the day you've all had I'd imagine you'd all like to just crash. Especially Eliraz with happened with the wraith. Yanno, Elizah did say the harem gives a killer massage. How 'bout you take advantage of that, Eliraz? Or if not, then Tera could? Or Jericho? Would a massage even work for Jericho?

We did say it was the crypts, Eliraz; Specifically the royal crypts. Of course we don't expect you to go down there tonight, but do make arrangements to do so sometime tomorrow.

Oh, Jericho, could you ask Artemis to ask Rose if she was adding her own voice into the mix with ours back during the magus' test when you got all hot and bothered. There were a couple lewd lines in there that didn't come from your head or us, but they sounded like they'd come from Rose.

I think I know what the second and third lines of prophecy are. The "son of the moral one" in the second one is Durach's son, which we saved from the daemon cultists, and the "freemen" are the tribals. The third line is what happened to Then’dranil. But I dunno about the first one. It could Gray and her pawn heading north, it could be Varius on his expedition, or it could be somebody we haven't met. Anybody else we can think of that recently headed on a journey to the Northlands?

These prophecies aren't really worth much if they come in after the events, are they? Maybe Jericho should make a note to check the book as soon as it starts writing.

We better try to switch to Durach now. If he's not already dead he's probably in a heap of trouble and could use our help.

>>558441
I really doubt Mor'Kay is a daemon. Though, when we asked Durach about Mor'Kay's weird proportions, he said Mor'Kay's body wasn't a normal one; That it's "all magic and stuff." Maybe it's a suit of animated armor and Mor'Kay has missing limbs or is otherwise crippled?

>either very stupid or hot
That really does sum up Erin, doesn't it.

>Never underestimated your enemy, lad.
Not doing so. We're assuming it's intelligent until proven otherwise. At which point things would get easier. A feeble boar can gore you, yes, but I'd prefer to take my chances with the boar rather than a man who could outsmart us.

Oh, hang on. The "heralds" are more likely to be the demon worshipers that were chasing Recho. After all, they failed, we didn't.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/20(Mon)08:40 No. 558578 ID: b3ca75
File 139023603635.png - (18.91KB , 900x450 , 80.png )

>I'm starting to think Morkay wants to get to the crypt in order to give a whole shit-ton of Wraiths vessels right in the middle of the city.
Unless they can turn ash into bodies I highly doubt that would work. Hmm… of course, there’s always the possibility that he doesn’t know that we generally cremate our dead.
>We did say it was the crypts, freak; Specifically the royal crypts. Of course we don't expect you to go down there tonight, but do make arrangements to do so sometime tomorrow.
I’ll see what I can arrange.
>Jericho, could you ask Artemis to ask Rose if she was adding her own voice into the mix with ours back during the magus' test when you got all hot and bothered.
Um… she said she can’t do that.
…am I really that dirty minded?

>Yanno, Elizah did say the harem gives a killer massage.
Maybe another time, I’ve have some other ideas…
>Yeah, call it a night. After the day you've all had I'd imagine you'd all like to just crash. Especially the freak with happened with the wraith.
I don’t really sleep but… do you want some company?
Actually… I’ve been thinking… you know how I promised to show you how good I am with my tongue?
…you didn’t really promise but sure?
Well… I need to let out some steam and… would you mind… err… you know… just lie down on your stomach on the bed and lift that cute tail of yours and I’ll do the rest… err… if you want to, of course.
…wait, stomach? But I thought you… but… that my…
You’re going to love it… I promise…
Are you sure?
Of course I am… err… well, I’ve never actually done it before but… I’m as sure as one who’s never done it can be.
…have you ever done anything like this at all?
…err… well… no… I… I’ve never actually…
You’re a virgin and yet you’ve had a personal harem since you were a teenager? That’s… I have to admit, I have to respect your will power.
…actually… I… I wanted to use them but… I… I was afraid they would think I was a freak because… um… you know…
Eliraz… how many times do I have to tell you. No one thinks you’re a freak. You’re a bit different, yes, but not in a bad way. Besides, who cares what they think? You’re the freaking prince, have some self-respect!
…thank you, Jer…
Now, how about you show that gratefulness with your tongue, beautiful.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/20(Mon)08:40 No. 558579 ID: b3ca75
File 139023605027.png - (27.65KB , 900x450 , 81.png )

>We better try to switch to Durach now. If he's not already dead he's probably in a heap of trouble and could use our help.
-and how does the hunt for the last key stone go?
I’ve sent some of our best men to a likely location, warlord, but it will take a while before we have a confirmation. I know that we failed to retrieve the one near the Keer city but we won’t fail you this time. Oh, and are you sure taking the path through Deadhallow pass is the best course of action? This is a prime location for an ambush.
It the only way unless you want to traverse the endless desert on foot. Half our army would be dead before we got there, the other half sick with sunstroke. No, we’re ready for whatever ambush they have set up. Whatever they have waiting to attack us from the cliffs will regret ever getting in our path.
Let them come, we’ll slaughter them like the animals they are…
Speaking of animals. Did you really have to hunt down that Inex just to put its corpse on a pole? We already got enough food as it is…
Heh, I hear you’ve never had the pleasure to kill something. To feel its life drain away from it as you rip it to pieces… it’s so… satisfying.
At least you can refrain from licking the blood from your blades…
>Ask what Morkay's powers are, to see if that matches what Demons should be able to do.
Huh? Oh, you guys… I hope you’re willing to forgive our… actions last time we met. Mor’kays powers? Um… the warlord can control fire and stuff… I guess? Wait, Daemons?!
>It’s a trap.
…it is? Well, we are expecting an ambush but… um…

Insert Tongue twister Deluxe edition_

Uhh...City...There was a city that got a demon dropped on it, and all living critters nearby went bye-bye.
Anyone remember what that place was called?

>>558579
Okay, so definitely not a Demon then. Did he ever explain why his body is like that? Or why he has fire powers? Only the royal family is supposed to have those. Speaking of which, do you know what Morkay is looking for in the crypts? As far as we could find out, there's nothing there. Oh, and shouldn't Esiros have fire powers alongside his ice powers? He is of royal blood after all. Hey, have you told anyone about us? Like, for instance, Esiros? Please don't, not yet. Not until we can prove we have the best interests of everyone in mind.

Hang on, who would ambush you? Are you guys fighting the Demon worshipers too? Oh, we managed to rescue your son from them, by the way. They said they were serving the "Dark One" if that's familiar to you. Unfortunately we also found out that they can summon the Demon's power with their dying breath. That took out an entire town. All the inhabitants, just gone. The cultist that did that was wearing some sort of bizarre piece of jewelry that nobody could agree on what it looked like. Their corpse was left in the middle of the town, oddly dessicated. We burned it rather than mess around with something we didn't understand.

If you're expecting an ambush from the royal army or something then might I suggest waiting until we can call it off? The Demon threat is far more important than the war over water, and if we can get both the tribals and royals to work together we stand a far greater chance of preventing the extinction of all life. What are you supposed to do if they have archers on the cliffs, anyway?

>>558595
Then’dranil. Only the harbor survived.

Durach, there is going to be an ambush, but it's going to come from below, not above. The Serath have fielded their best necromancers to animate the corpses in Deadhallow Pass to attack you. I dunno how many they can raise, but they've had at least a day to prepare the trap.

Now, what I'm about to say you likely won't believe, but here goes. We saved Recho from being cut down by three tribesmen for releasing the mine owners. He's currently on a caravan to the Serath capital, so sorry for him being captured, but we couldn't stop that. That's not the unbelievable part. What is is that the three tribesmen were daemon cultists. We heard them say things about a "Dark One" and the "Darkness" and that your gods don't exist right before they were about to kill Recho.

What's even more unbelievable is that one of the cultists, as he was dying, gave up his life to summon what we think was a daemon. It was a surge of darkness that erupted from him and hit Then’dranil, snuffing out the city's lights. When we investigated we found that every person and living entity in the city was gone without a trace, and the cultist's dessicated corpse was in the middle of the city. There was some weird mind-fuckery going on around it, so we had it torched.

So the tribes have daemon worshipers in their ranks. I hope it's infiltrators, but if they're in here intentionally there's going to be hell to pay.

You said before Mor'Kay's body is "magic and stuff," so what exactly is his body? And where does his fire magic affinity come from? Who were his parents?

And what heck is with Akena? She's enjoying killing way more than she should. That a recent thing or has she always been that way?

Wait a second... "It's a trap?" None of us said that! Where'd that come from?! And "freak" was substituted for Eliraz's name! Dammit, we got an infiltrator in here! That's where those lewd suggestions came from before!

hey guy, do you know what happened to your son? Cause we think we may have an idea on where he's at, The good news it's somewhere where he isn't being chased by deamon worshipers anymore.

>>558615
It's either an infiltrator in our hivemind or the connection with our hosts is delving so deep that their subconscious thoughts are being broadcast to them as if we're saying them.

>>558637
Okay, that's a possibility, but how come it's happening now? Hmm... Perhaps a fragment of that wraith that reverberated through us broke off and is lodged in here. It'd make sense, since wraiths are all about reflecting peoples' deep and dark thoughts and fears back at them in distorted and grotesque ways. But whatever it is I just hope it doesn't get much worse before we fix it.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/20(Mon)12:54 No. 558660 ID: b3ca75
File 139025128430.png - (28.90KB , 900x450 , 82.png )

>Hey, have you told anyone about us?
I’ve told the son I have with me, but he didn’t really believe me.
>Did he ever explain why his body is like that?
It’s… complicated… I don’t know exactly but it’s magic. Magic and steel.
>Or why he has fire powers? Only the royal family is supposed to have those.
Actually, there exist more people with fire magic… of course, they generally live in other nations but still…
>Oh, and shouldn't Esiros have fire powers alongside his ice powers? He is of royal blood after all.
It’s because of his lack of fire magic he was denied the throne. He was as magicless as anyone else before the gods saw it fit to gift him with ice powers. Sometimes I question their decisions.
>Do you know what Morkay is looking for in the crypts?
A way to make the very skies cry.

>what heck is with Akena? She's enjoying killing way more than she should. That a recent thing or has she always been that way?
She’s always been addicted to fighting. But… her blood lust has started to become worse as of late.
>What are you supposed to do if they have archers on the cliffs, anyway?
Mor’kay got some plan or another. Something about weapons and formations and people sneaking in the cliffs and… I don’t really understand all this warfare stuff…
>We saved Recho from being cut down by three tribesmen for releasing the mine owners. He's currently on a caravan to the Serath capital, so sorry for him being captured, but we couldn't stop that. They were Daemon cultists by the way.
…What!? WHAT!? T-they… have they really grown this bold!? He’s alright, right? Dammit, I would have gone personally instead of sending him! I should have left him at home with the rest!
>Daemon cultists… gave up his life to summon what we think was a daemon… snuffed out a whole city.
…Is this the truth? Then it’s worse then I should ever imagine. I knew that the cultist have been growing in numbers but… to actually summon one? I… I need to find evidence of this! I need to warn the tribes!! I… I need to rally them for the real threat!

>Durach, there is going to be an ambush, but it's going to come from below, not above. The Serath have fielded their best necromancers to animate the corpses in Deadhallow Pass to attack you.
Wha- but that can’t be… unless… unless they brought them back ass mindless beasts…
The dead! They’ve been raising the very dead we’ve been walking on!
…are you sure? They seem rather… well, dead to m-
To arms, brother and sisters! TO ARMS!
T-the dead! The dead is rising!!
Change formations! Protect the archers!

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/20(Mon)12:54 No. 558661 ID: b3ca75
File 139025129530.png - (17.97KB , 900x450 , Silly1.png )

-which I’ve always found to be the easiest way to clean myself before the whole thing.
Luckily I never need to clean myself like that.
I’ve actually been wondering. How does it work with you guys… what with Ilbir being so small and Kran being… well, a mantis.
To be honest… err… I’m not one of the biggest guys you’ll find…
Nonsense, you’re big enough for me! Oh, and you really must try having some fun with a mantis some time. You haven’t really lived until you’ve felt one shooting half a dozen eggs up y-
OH GODS DAMN YOU ALL, can you stop talking about gay sex and focus on the task at hand!? We have a zombie horde right outside who are trying to eat our brains!
Braaaainss….
Braaaains…
Liveeerr….
Psst, it’s braainss… not liver.
Oh shi- I mean… braaaiins…
Living flesh taste like chickeeeen…
Zombies taste like craaap…

Insert Quick, hock up a keyboard to a dream cast and start typing like mad!_

you have at least 2 fire mages with you, why are you worried. If you're scared you might catch fire to the building just have Jericho use ice magic to freeze the windows and doors to buy time.

I'm amazed they don't just walk around the empty sides and come at yall.

>>558661
Oh it's the end of the thread.

Hey why don't you all become zombies? Then they won't eat you.

...What? Well, that was an abrupt scene change. Is it really that time again? [Checks post count] Huh, guess it is. Didn't feel that long, though.

Hey, since living flesh tastes like chicken, then EAT GODDAMN CHICKENS and leave us alone!

Everyone, get into the whitespace. Thaark, Kran, push the scenery over, crushing the zombies under it.

And "eggs?" Is that right? I thought male mantises produced spermatophores. Either way, mantis reproductive biology is weird.

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/20(Mon)14:36 No. 558679 ID: b3ca75
File 139025736533.png - (19.91KB , 900x450 , Silly2.png )

>You have at least 2 fire mages with you, why are you worried.
Because this is reality! We can’t throw around fire like in the quest out here!
>Hey why don't you all become zombies? Then they won't eat you.
That’s like Thaarks “let’s die so they don’t kill us” plan.
Hey! That was a perfectly valid plan!
Like the “Let’s eat ourselves so they can’t eat us”?
“Surrender so they can’t capture us?”
“Masturbate so they can’t rap-
Please try to keep it classy, people!

>Hey, since living flesh tastes like chicken, then EAT GODDAMN CHICKENS and leave us alone!
Because chicken taste like pooork… and I haaate pork… Also, you guys are closer.
I like pooork…
Shut up, Mr. Liveeeer…
Wait… what does pigs taste like then?
Human fleeesh…
>Thaark, Kran, push the scenery over, crushing the zombies under it.
It’s bolted to the white space!
Damn you safety standards!
>And "eggs?" Is that right? I thought male mantises produced spermatophores. Either way, mantis reproductive biology is weird.
Well, yes, you’re right, but they are generally nicknamed “eggs” or “spermballs”… mostly because spermatoph-
Do we really need to talk about this right now?
At least I’m not talking about Elizah and her date with Byarla. I bet she / he / it / tentacles / thing mortals aren’t meant to know is putting those tentacles to good use right now.
Actually, this sound intriguing…

>I'm amazed they don't just walk around the empty sides and come at y’all.
Err…
OH GODS, It’s eating my face!? Why shouldn’t it be a hot chick that ate my face instead! ARHG!!
Om nom nom!
Theen! Noo!! …do you know how hard it is to replace someone like you!? Geez, you only care about yourself and your precious brain…
So… panic?

Insert Don’t panic!_

New plan, light everything up and try to avoid the flames!

Jericho ones behind you so feel free to ax it, Kranhon the blind chick is above you, slash her open like a B-rated horror film, Thuul you still got your throwing knives on you right? Get the one above the shack on the right side, You got weapons here people use them.

Oh, c'mon! Theen's wearing a mask! That zombie shoulda broken its jaw and all its teeth out biting through that!

And wait a sec... If you can't use magic out here, then Tera can't use necromancy out here either. That means she couldn't have raised the author as a zombie, gotten bitten and turned into a zombie, and then gone on to bite others to form this zombie horde. So this whole situation couldn't have happened and ought to vanish in a puff of logic right about now, returning us back to having a dead author.

But in case I fail to convince reality that it's in the wrong, you do have weapons and the zombies don't. I suggest applying weapons to zombies.

Jericho, quit standing there like a doofus and use that poleaxe. Kranon has a sword; Use that on Tera. Thuul has throwing daggers by the dozen and Thaark has two blades, so go high and low, respectively.

>>558679
Thaark why don't you just kill them all? Jericho, use that halberd.

You need to find the laptop again, it's probably your only hope at this time.

Why did Tera's eyes turn red? Shouldn't they still be non-functional?

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/21(Tue)12:28 No. 558850 ID: b3ca75
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>Oh, c'mon! Theen's wearing a mask! That zombie shoulda broken its jaw and all its teeth out biting through that!
It’s just Paper Mache. We’re on a budged, you know!
Budget? What budget?
>I suggest applying weapons to zombies.
>Jericho, axe the gent behind you a question.
>Kranhon, you got a sword and they don’t. Use that edge while you still can.
>Thuul, use your throwing daggers to prove that point.
>Thaark, make sure the zombies cut it out with the whole brain eating thing.
The puns… they hurt us…
That was a lot easier than I expected.

>Why did Tera's eyes turn red? Shouldn't they still be non-functional?
That is interesting, ac-
Shh… don’t!
>If you can't use magic out here, then Tera can't use necromancy out here either. That means she couldn't have raised the author as a zombie, gotten bitten and turned into a zombie, and then gone on to bite others to form this zombie horde. So this whole situation couldn't have happened and ought to vanish in a puff of logic right about now, returning us back to having a dead author.
Err… Necromancy doesn’t count as magic?
…why not? It’s quite clearly magic and it couldn’t work in reality.
But… zombies?
And Jericho? Isn’t he a mummy?
Err… it’s just toilet paper! Now shut up before it he-
Toilet paper made of silk?
I… I… oh sod, too late! Here it comes!
huh? What is comi-

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/21(Tue)12:28 No. 558851 ID: b3ca75
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Giant plot hole has spawned!

I blame Ilbir!!!
My only regret is not hating you guys more!
This doesn’t make any sense at all!
Goodbye, cruel world!

Giant plot hole successfully consumed the cast!

Kaktus and Byarla 2014/01/21(Tue)12:28 No. 558852 ID: b3ca75
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…

aaaaand, SCENE!

Excellent. The eternity of the plot has collapsed into a singularity. Now we just need a single impetus to set off the big bang, and we'll have a brand new bug free universe plot.

We need someone to accidentally play god, stat.

>>558852
Time for a new cast. How about we make them all robots.

perfect, all according to plan