Give 'em Bi.

Durk 2014/03/16(Sun)11:37 No. 566570 ID: d470e9
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>Test the gui to see if it is real
Drippy did well, and that's good enough for Durk, regardless of who was better at what at whatever other point in time.

Durk shakes up that GUI to rearrange everything right up until someone's absolutely worthless.

That person is Bi.

Durk gives Bi as a token of good gesture, along with a flexing of the biceps for good measure. That satisfies the guard, and the caravan is allowed in.

There are a few points of interest.

A) Supply Store
B) Bar and Casino
C) Marketplace
D) Chief's Tent
E) Inn

>More importantly what are the Pace and Food settings set at?
Grueling and bare bones.

>Is your name even Durk anymore? Does anyone have -HP? Is anyone sick with anything ridiculous? How about your races?
Everything seems in order. Durk gets Dom to diagnose everyone just to be safe.

He claims that Blabbermouth has a case of the kleptomania. It is highly contagious, but it can't be caught by simply being around blabbermouth.

Durk says to spit out some useful information and say how it's contagious, then.

Dom says it spreads to the person who tells him he has kleptomania.

alright check supplies and see what we need, go to the supple store/marketplace and get that out of the way. Then unless something comes up to the casino.

Hmm. Tell him to stay out of the shops, but not why. Or conversely if you want the favor of the Chaos God, you could tell him to go on a shopping trip. Then when he gets accused of kleptomania, it'll spread.

>Dom says it spreads to the person who tells him he has kleptomania.
Instruct Dom to go find some worthless idiot in the town and trick them into telling Blabbermouth he has it. That way we get rid of it.

>>566570
You already own everything in the caravan, and the world
You may as well catch it

>>566587
Wouldn't that just spread the disease, not cure blabbermouth?

>>566592

a most excellent point. besides, you have too much grit flowing through you to be infected with such a trivial little thing.

of course, Dom is probably wrong anyways. either way, go to the supply store.

Durk 2014/03/16(Sun)16:25 No. 566634 ID: d470e9
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Durk can already take what he wants from this hole in the ground, he doesn't care if Blabbermouth starts stealing stuff.

Then again, Durk does run a business, and it's good business practice to not get ran out of every town he went to. Durk goes to tell Blabbermouth to stay out of any shops. When inquired as to why, Durk says he's got kleptomania, and adds not to argue that he doesn't, because Durk doesn't want to hear it.

>Check supplies and see what we need
This trip has been especially easy, and with the last acquirements, the wagon is well fed and well stocked.

Durk does stop by there anyway to purchase another lizard beast of burden. Keeps the safety in numbers up, and keeps the dual symmetry running.

A short rest can be made while Durk spends some time at the casino to wipe everyone clean with or without kleptomania, but has to decide whether the trip will continue after a brief rest, or a night's rest.

Night rest. The casino will be way more interesting at night.

night rest, more people gamble when the suns down so you can win more money that way. But we'll leave at the crack of dawn so not to wast any time.

Anyone able to divine the weather?

Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)18:18 No. 568095 ID: d470e9
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>Anyone able to divine the weather?
Used to be Bi. In fact, pretty sure Bi could still do that, but that skill ain't exactly reliable, so it didn't count. Durk doesn't need any divining.

The caravan takes a night rest, and the casino's busy. Durk takes a seat with 3 others for some poker.

Every motherfucker at this table has got literal aces up their sleeves.

>Every motherfucker at this table has got literal aces up their sleeves.
...but you don't have sleeves. Durk, you're the only one here not cheating.

Obviously, the only reasonable thing to do is out-cheat them all, win everything, and then beat their sorry asses for trying to cheat you.

And accuse them of being no good cheating kleptomaniacs on the way out.

>>568095
Hey Dirk,

Check the GUI. I want to see if it changed to a Poker menu or not.

>>568095
Obviously the smart thing to do here is to play conservatively and never show any aces. If you are ever dealt one, discard it. Fold if your final hand has an ace in it. Eventually there will be too many aces visible or more than one ace of the same suit visible, but nobody will be able to blame you.

Then while they're fighting, make off with the chips.

1/5 Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)19:38 No. 568118 ID: d470e9
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>Eventually there will be too many aces visible or more than one ace of the same suit visible, but nobody will be able to blame you. Make them pThen while they're fighting, make off with the chips.
That's for chumps with immune systems that can't handle a little kleptomania disease. Durk's gonna beat 'em at their own game.

>Outcheat the table

2/5 Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)19:38 No. 568119 ID: d470e9
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The round continues up to the gnoll.

>"Call! That's it, mates, let's see the hands!"

>Animated

3/5 Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)19:39 No. 568120 ID: d470e9
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They aren't sure if Durk is serious.

4/5 Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)19:39 No. 568121 ID: d470e9
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Durk is serious.

5/5 Durk 2014/03/30(Sun)19:39 No. 568122 ID: d470e9
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And gone.

steal the aces right out of their sleeves. It's the perfect crime because the victims will never be able to admit it was ever committed.

>>568122
Fucking fantastic. durk once again you prove to be the best ever. Use your winnings to buy clocks and alcohol.

bitchin, now to buy things... But what is there to buy in this town?

>Played 5 aces at once
>using a completely made up fifth suit
That takes an amazingly impressive amount of balls. Durk, I don't know how you walk without those things getting in your way.

>And then Durk is gone
Okay, that was mega-cool. But... you skipped the fight! The fight was important.

Obviously you need to reappear and attack them from behind before they recover from their shock, and beat them into submission.

hand in the chips, then steal them back and hand them in again.

Eh, be classy. Take your winnings and reinvest them in the economy, buying all the cheap trade goods you can manage.

Durk 2014/04/05(Sat)12:55 No. 569295 ID: d470e9
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>hand in the chips, then steal them back and hand them in again.
Durk only cheats the cheaters, he isn't some common thief.

>But what is there to buy in this town?
Durk adds a couple of grandfather clocks, and hires some carpenters or clocksmiths or whoever works on this stuff to repair and maintain the current clocks.

The alcohol levels are brought up to full, and Durk can not think of anything else the wagon requires or wants, other than keeping a good amount of backgold for when things run dry.

>Reinvest them in the economy
By this, Durk assumes the economy that is Durk and his caravan. All money has now been invested in said economy.

The rest time continues.

Admire the nighttime grandfather clock chorus. Man, it's good to be caravan king.

Who's the goblin you hooked up with there? Lawra? A confusingly dressed Naked? One of these new clocksmiths? Might be time to take another head count. Make sure everyone is properly named and you don't have any stowaways hoping to mooch those sweet sweet barebones rations. Besides all the officially registered freeloaders that is.

1/3 Durk 2014/04/15(Tue)18:36 No. 570930 ID: d470e9
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>Who's the goblin you hooked up with there?
She's Naked, except not naked. She gets a pass, since she's cozying up to Durk nicely. Except that should be done naked. Man, that is confusing. Durk strips the issue away.

>Make sure everyone is properly named and you don't have any stowaways hoping to mooch those sweet sweet barebones rations.
Well damn all, Bi's back. Guess they didn't want him. Durk can tell, because he's got a basic grasp of the written language down pat. It's just as well, the GUI's back in order, so Bi's got a couple skills left, plus the couple useless ones.

Everyone else except Blabbermouth and Drippy are back.

>Admire the nighttime grandfather clock chorus.
Durk would love to, cept it's not nighttime, and Durk hears the sounds that say he should start packing up and getting out of town. He can admire them tonight after he drops Blabbermouth and Drippy off, cause it's not far now.

2/3 Durk 2014/04/15(Tue)18:36 No. 570931 ID: d470e9
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Speaking of those two, they're finally back.

Durk confirms they're good to go. They're in one piece. Which is fine. He made no promises that he wouldn't deliver them in two pieces.

3/3 Durk 2014/04/15(Tue)18:37 No. 570933 ID: d470e9
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It's a short trip to the last home stretch. Drippy's cave is at the bottom of this dune. And it's a steep one. The tiniest mistep, the tiniest slip of the wagon wheels, and the cart will go careening down the slope. Also, it drops right into a deep, wide river. There's a reason why this is the road virtually never travelled.

The road that is travelled is right around the corner and would take another two days of which there is are no steep slopes, and also a bridge.

eh nothing ventured nothing gained, lets try it.

Okay, the plan is, we make a ramp, then careen down there and just before we hit the river someone throws the ramp in front so we jump over the river. If we have magical hydraulics that's even better.

The cave is on the other side of the river, right? Please say it is.

good thing you are the BEST. have someone install wheel spikes for traction and sharpen the oxen's hooves.

Ramp it and do like 14 flips, it'll be fine.

...are we actually under contract to get the caravan to Drippy's cave, or just to get Drippy home? Because, if it's the latter, you don't even need to head down. You could just ball Drippy up and toss her down the hill. Go bowling for cave denizens.

Well, it looks like everything else worked out pretty well, and hey, a sheer slide leading down to a river still counts as a river crossing in my book. Caulk the wagon back up and float across. Might need to caulk the oxen too so they don't hurt themselves sliding down to it.

this is why we need dragons.

get in front of the cart and prevent it from speeding out of control by holding it behind you with one hand as you descend. it's a bother, sure, but if you don't take the shortcut or break the caravan and have to stop for repairs, that's that much more time you gotta suffer these cockwombles.

Maaaybe we should take the bridge, if only because things have been crazier than normal what with how the towns have all pretty much been getting mad at us on the way out somehow.

1/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:10 No. 571736 ID: d470e9
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>Make a ramp
Lawra will get on that. She'd better hurry, cause Durk's going to start going down.

>Is the cave on the other side of the river?
Yes it is.

Durk has the animals make the first move downward. He's too good to do things like add wheel spikes.

The wheel immediately slips.

2/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:10 No. 571737 ID: d470e9
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Like Durk gives a fuck. It just means more speed for the ramp. In fact, he pulls the animals back into inventory and drives himself. Durk can steer a wagon. With loose reins.

3/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:11 No. 571738 ID: d470e9
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The wagon reaches the bottom in no time, and Durk shoves the ramp out in front of the river. The wagon launches off of it to go over the river.

Durk holds back to start doing 14 flips. He stops at 3 because that font is way too girly to continue.

4/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:11 No. 571739 ID: d470e9
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>"We're not gonna make it!"

Durk informs that Naked is not going to get herself any new set of clothes with that attitude.

>"Actually, we're fine." Drippy says in the back. Durk isn't even a little disappointed that the only other person worthy of clothes prefers nudity.

5/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:11 No. 571741 ID: d470e9
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Something under the wagon bursts apart, and a bunch of winged whatevers start carrying the wagon the rest of the way.

6/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:11 No. 571742 ID: d470e9
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Durk steers the wagon to lead them right into the cave before they disperse.

7/7 Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)18:11 No. 571744 ID: d470e9
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The landing is perfect.

Getting Drippy Home - Mission Complete.

Excellent. Collect mission complete reward, and sign your name to the top of the high scores list for this route. Because obviously you did this better than anyone else ever has or could have.

The Oremor Trail - Part 2 END Durk 2014/04/20(Sun)20:51 No. 571773 ID: d470e9
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Durk collects payment for transporting Drippy, and agrees to a request to stay the night. Lawra says all the grandfather clocks were broken or damaged anyway, so that'll have to be dealt with.

Turns out that was a complete waste of time, because Blabbermouth got his own way back. He collects a cancelled-trip fee and calls it a mission.

Durk will now put his name at the top of the high score for this route. The other schmucks weren't even close.