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File 138155922132.png - (168.55KB , 700x700 , 85.png )
543859 No. 543859 ID: d38f67

DURK NUUK'ERM has been summoned by some Lich to carry some precious cargo of people and treasure to a land far away. The journey is double. He must bring one SLIMEGIRL (1) to a land far away. He will be in charge of protecting one AMASSED TREASURE (1) to sell when convenient for what prices he can, and one KOBOLD (1) will be along for the ride.

Normally DURK feels missions of such nature are below his mission standards as KING OF THE CARAVAN, but this has a rare combination of both paying well and not dealing with hoity toity nobility.

The DURK is in no mood for waiting, and upon finding NO DOORS, the DURK forms his own entrance.
181 posts omitted. Last 100 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 557141 ID: 9cd8ad
File 138963979303.png - (72.47KB , 800x800 , 125.png )
557141

Rations are returned to bare bones with a grueling pace if they weren't already. The mermaid country's citizens avoid Durk. Gnollflakes bets they have a super interesting underwater city that Durk has absolutely no interest in. Durk says she's right about at least one of those things.

The dwarven territory has no border guards, but Lawra says that the mountains surface is considered a border.

So Durk goes on what looks like a mountain door and knocks on it.

>"Who's knockin' at tha honorable mountain doors and whattaya want ya bleed nosed vermin?
>>
No. 557143 ID: a90328

Introduce yourself and your intentions for trade in the usual fashion.

Also don't look in the back of the wagon again any time soon, and remember to hose things off later.
>>
No. 557156 ID: 88960e

Wait, weren't we supposed to fill up the slime with water? Or are we doubling back to do that later before crossing the desert?
>>
No. 557205 ID: 9ddf68

we're here to trade

and if he tries to bloody your nose feel free to brake something on him
>>
No. 557262 ID: cc212d

Wait, are we still using of one the oxen as a wagon wheel? Shouldn't we do something about that?
>>
No. 557975 ID: 9cd8ad
File 138992757550.png - (106.95KB , 800x800 , 126.png )
557975

>Wait, are we still using of one the oxen as a wagon wheel? Shouldn't we do something about that?
No, all wagon parts and other water-based specialty setups were reset to land-based setups.

>Wait, weren't we supposed to fill up the slime with water?
Drippy didn't look like she was suitable for any sort of responsibilities back there, till those drugs wore off. There are plenty of rivers between the mountain ranges and the desert to fill Drippy up.

Too many rivers.

Durk informs the dwarf that he and his caravan is here to trade treasures and rare valuables for plain gold.

>"Gahaha, you 'bolds and your jokes. Keep rolling your wagon through, lest we decide to liberate your stolen transport and beasts of burden! We aren't interested in trading gold for your pebbles, sticks and -"
>>
No. 557977 ID: 9cd8ad
File 138992758139.png - (133.64KB , 800x800 , 127.png )
557977

Durk shows his jewels.

>"Welcome to the mountain home, friends! My name is Dasmank the Iron Axebearer! Please follow me to our renowned marketplace."

Currently, Durk's best negotiator is a Gil, followed by One Eye, followed by kobolds and goblins. The best prices will be found if Gil does the negotiations, however, according to the book of prejudices, dwarves hate kobolds and think ghosts are bad omens. Gil is both of these things.
>>
No. 557980 ID: 20e539

He's not named blabbermouth for no reason, Maybe have him get into a debate with Gil, see who's the better negotiator that way.
>>
No. 557983 ID: a87e3a

Who's the second best? Send them in.
>>
No. 557999 ID: a90328

Well, either Gil or One-Eye I suppose. Mainly it comes down to how big the skill gap is between the two, and how dwarves feel about cyclopses, I suppose. If Gil's way way way better at negotiating, he should be able to compensate for any prejudice, right?

Or maybe send'em both all sneaky-like. Do the whole whispered suggestions from behind a rock thing.
>>
No. 558002 ID: 57a559

>>557977
When did Gil get a race change? He's a kobold!

They don't like anyone in your party's race, except maybe the drake. Maybe they'll like the drake. Have Gil posess the drake or hide inside her mouth and then have here do the talking.

Wait, go to your GUI and check her skills to learn about her Master or Grandmaster or Journeyman Ilusionist skill, then have her make Gil into an attractive dwarf woman that's alive.
>>
No. 558011 ID: 9ddf68

can they see gil? if not send both him and one-eye if so, just One-eye
>>
No. 558029 ID: 4a75fa

...could you stick the ghost inside of someone else? A possession or something? Or just force someone like blabbermouth to listen to the ghost in his ear and do everything Gil says?

Maybe combined with that chaos magic stuff that totally isn't a problem even if it's there. Get the druggies to repay making a mess with work.
>>
No. 558984 ID: 9cd8ad
File 139037643587.png - (80.74KB , 800x800 , 128.png )
558984

>Check your GUI for Butts McGee's skills.
>Legendary Illusionist
Bingo. Gil will be neither a ghost nor a kobold as far as the dwarves are concerned.

It is expected that this will take awhile to get the greatest deals, and given it is half of the point of the mission, Durk is willing to spend an entire night to make sure it is done well.

Which gives him time to think of any other tasks that may need doing.
>>
No. 558988 ID: a90328

Is she really only a novice whiner? Could have fooled me.

Anyway yeah, ask Butts to do her to illusion in Gil's general direction. Ideally make him look like a living dwarf. Maybe a super hot one with a beard so long it drags along on the floor, or something.

Then when she starts whining and refusing to pull her weight, go order Blabbermouth to smooth talk her into doing it. Seems to be the one thing he's actually halfway good at.
>>
No. 558990 ID: a87e3a

You could see about getting more wagon parts to replace the ones that broke. Also maybe see if they have a better crossbow than the one you're using.
>>
No. 558991 ID: f996af

>>558988
Skilled whiners get the job done.

through other people of course.
>>
No. 559020 ID: 17ac98

satiate any curiosities involving female dorfs and/or beards.
>>
No. 559038 ID: e9e331

well if she can cast a spell to let gil trade with the dwarfs then she might actually earn her bare minimum meal for once.
>>
No. 559046 ID: 4a75fa

Hmm. Do we need any new supplies or wagon parts? We did use up a wheel and an awful lot of caulk. Plus we now have more loafers to support than we started with.

A dorf town might also be a good place to have a drink or two. Or a nice relaxing bar fight.
>>
No. 560048 ID: d470e9
File 139105465014.png - (122.86KB , 800x800 , 129.png )
560048

>Is she really only a novice whiner?
Quantity over quality is her direction.

>Satiate any curiosities involving female dorfs and/or beards.
Durk has none. Not anymore.

Instead, Durk will go haggle for wagon parts and other things that may or may not be missing. The shopkeeps give Durk an awful lot of attention. It'd be good service, if that attention wasn't given by stinkeyes and frowns.

Deals are made to replace all parts back to all levels.

A LONE DWARF comes to speak to Durk. Durk suspects that this dwarf's occupation is HOBO.

>"'Lo, foul kobold! You have yourself an adequate GIGANTIC WAGON, but its craftsmanship is of the lowest quality! How'd ya like to upgrade it to a real luxury house on wheels? Only for the low low cost of 20,000 gold piece, I'll double the size of your wagon, and it'll stay the same weight!"
>>
No. 560051 ID: a87e3a

That cost does not sound very low, I think he's trying to rip you off.

Ask if he's got any proof he can do what he claims to be able to do.
>>
No. 560054 ID: 9ddf68

since when the hell have we need luxury? It would only serve to make the crew even softer then they are.
>>
No. 560059 ID: 4822b6

only if it comes with a giant spiked bumper on the front and a badass custom paintjob announcing Durk's glorious presence.
>>
No. 560066 ID: 4a75fa

...wait, if it's already bigger on the inside, what does doubling the outside of the wagon do for you?

Who built your ride, originally, anyways? Dwarves are known for their stoneworking anyways, not wagonworking.

Express your skepticism, and see if he offers up anything to back up his claims.
>>
No. 560070 ID: a90328

Punch it in the snout to establish dominance.
>>
No. 560192 ID: 37aa84

No, more room would only encourage more people to join and take up the empty space and we hear enough whining as it is without doubling our workforce.
>>
No. 560699 ID: 7ad59b

>>560048
decline, it makes me nervous that its 2x the size but the same weight...
>>
No. 561651 ID: d470e9
File 139198073339.png - (138.65KB , 800x800 , 130.png )
561651

Durk says No.
>"Eh? Why not?! Ye'll never get another chance in your short lifetime.
Durk leaves the marketplace.

It looks like Gil's got a big sack of gold, which implies that he's done. Durk has enough spare parts and supplies to last through ten storms and rivers, along with bringing up the oxen count to SIX to pull the ludicrous amount of weight that the wagon has attained.

Gnollflakes says that Muo is getting water to prepare for the desert, and everything else is ready per protocol, assuming that Durk wasn't to do any last actions before resting for the night.

Which is a poor assumption.

Durk may take one action while the rest of the crew guards the gold.
A) Participate in nightly drinking contests and probably get accused of cheating and get in a barfight
B) Gamble and probably get accused of cheating and get in a barfight
C) Admit Gnollflakes made a correct assumption after all, do nothing, and then probably get in a barfight somehow anyway
>>
No. 561656 ID: 426396

combine a and b through some sort of inventive drinking games because you're in a city of the most booze- and gold-loving race ever. except dragons.

speaking of which, I wish we had a dragon instead of oxen.
>>
No. 561657 ID: 9ddf68

I say all three

If that doesn't work see if you can't work A and B into one event
>>
No. 561662 ID: f44ca3

I say skip the middle man and go get into a bar fight that gets you accused of starting a bar fight that then gets all the bars fighting.
>>
No. 561667 ID: 4a75fa

Combine a and b, obviously. A drinking / gambling / bar-fight contest.

...and punch Gil in the illusionary dwarf-titties.
>>
No. 561710 ID: a90328

Isn't there some thing with dwarven beer where just drinking it in and of itself is a test of manly fortitude? You clearly have nothing to prove to anyone on that front, so, might as well do some gambling while you're drinking to keep it interesting.
>>
No. 561986 ID: d470e9
File 139209657340.png - (82.83KB , 800x800 , 131.png )
561986

>I wish we had a dragon instead of oxen.
That's on the to-do list. Only dragons that Durk has found have been as whiny and ill tempered as Butts McGee.

>and punch Gil in the illusionary dwarf-titties.
Durk has higher standards than illusions.

Durk goes to the bar, inviting their best to match him in a battle of booze. The dwarves laugh him off, saying it's an insult just to put a 'bold and a dwarf on the same table for that.

So Durk downs a few pints to begin with and bets a thousand gold he can beat their best.

>"E's a STINK!" one yells, to which Durk will assume is calling him a cheater.

That went faster than the Durk anticipated. Too bad dwarves manage to be both uptight and drunk. The Mountainhomes will be deemed a disappointment.
>>
No. 561989 ID: d470e9
File 139209661703.png - (48.59KB , 800x800 , 132.png )
561989

The caravan successfully escapes the dwarven mob, and moves down the other side of the mountain to the desert.

The trip should take 4 days. Drippy has enough for 6 days. At high noon on the first day, Durk encounters a wagon standing still. The party of desert kobolds say their axel broke, and they are running out of water. They do have gold though, if Durk is willing to spend a few hours repairing their wagon.

Durk checks the GUI.

Drippy is the lead merchant, carpenter and water holder. Pretty sure that's not what it was yesterday, but the GUI seems sure that's the case.
>>
No. 561993 ID: a87e3a

>>561989
Well if she's the carpenter have her do carpenting.
>>
No. 561999 ID: 4a75fa

Give the GUI a few smacks to see if that fixes it. Maybe it doesn't work so well in the desert?

In any event, you can't let your chief water holder out of the wagon. She'll evaporate. And water barrels aren't supposed to move. You'll have to use a lesser carpenter. No way around it.

Take the gold offered, and set Lawra on fixing their wagon.
>>
No. 562008 ID: a90328

Neat. Have any of the other freeloaders learned some useful skills? Go ahead and send her over. Free cash events are always handy.
>>
No. 562030 ID: 59d71b

what's pulling their cart? is it something better than oxen? is it chocobos? because then the price of repairing is the trading of them for our oxen.
>>
No. 562086 ID: 3f0c1b

Did absorbing all that water level her up? That's probably not how slimes work but it's either that or the GUI is broken.
>>
No. 562089 ID: 37aa84

I don't think slimes are all that resistant to drying out so we should keep her in the shade so our water supply doesn't start evaporating out of her, just go with our second best merchant and carpenter, whoever they are.
>>
No. 562149 ID: 256d52

It's gotta be all that water leveling her up. That's the only sane explanation.

So send her out but get one of those loafers to hold up a parasol or something to keep the sun off her.
>>
No. 564232 ID: d470e9
File 139330077159.png - (91.88KB , 800x800 , 133.png )
564232

>It's gotta be all that water leveling her up.
Yeah, that makes sense. Drippy is sent over. The GUI never fails, and Durk makes a pretty penny and a lizard something-or-another that can help the oxen out. The pace continues on.

The new steed helps keep things moving better than expected. May even be able to sell off some water at the next desert town, judging by their new rate.

>Give the GUI a few smacks
A good smack seems to fix it. Actually, no. Durk doesn't remember Bi being the best fighter in the party. Or the best nearly everything. Pretty sure the GUI's never been more wrong, so Durk keeps smacking it until those skills go to people who can put them to better use.

Pretty sure it's fucked. Little late to worry about it, they're at the gate to the next town, which is only a short ways from the edge of the desert, where the destination lies. Some short not-kobold is guarding the front.

>"Greetings and welcome. You can come and go, but this place is of peace and commerce. Do not start any commotion, and you will be welcome, however, you must first give us a token of goodwill to enter this place."
>>
No. 564237 ID: f44ca3

Ask them if they need any work done and then have whoever is good at that go fix things.
>>
No. 564242 ID: 57a559

Durk you should look at what else in the GUI might be fucked.
Is your name even Durk anymore? Does anyone have -HP? Is anyone sick with anything ridiculous? How about your races?
More importantly what are the Pace and Food settings set at?

Is this not-kobold a woman? Check who's the best rester among the men for a moment. Or poet. We might be able to get off without giving away anything valuable if we have someone with a good schmooze skill and artistic skill (art may or may not include resting, I don't know check the manual, that's paper, it shouldn't be fucked up and have accurate accounts of which skills are classified as what type, if types hardcoded into the skills they should still match with the skills, maybe, I don't know maybe your smacking gave somebody good GUI programming skill or good IT skill, if not, keep hitting the damn thing until it does).
>>
No. 564247 ID: 4a75fa

Look at the GUI, and pick who would be good to make a gesture of goodwill.
>>
No. 564263 ID: 256d52

Show that GUI who's the real king of the caravan and use it to make a profit! Smack that GUI up till you've got a super-loafer with all the terrible skills and then give them to the not-kobold.
>>
No. 564271 ID: 987919

flex your biceps and wink. in that isn't enough of a gesture for 'em, they don't deserve the courtesy of a gesture.
>>
No. 564287 ID: 116d88

Hey, here's a simple way to test what's up with the GUI. Pick some obviously observable skill like, oh, lifting. Poke your head around back, order everyone to lift up the heaviest thing around (probably Butts McGee), see if their observed ability matches what the GUI says. If it does, hey, don't question it, order the best negotiator to go start trading. If it doesn't, smack the GUI until it matches up, then do so.
>>
No. 566465 ID: 7dbd6b

Give 'em Bi.
>>
No. 566570 ID: d470e9
File 139499503612.png - (55.18KB , 685x685 , 134.png )
566570

>Test the gui to see if it is real
Drippy did well, and that's good enough for Durk, regardless of who was better at what at whatever other point in time.

Durk shakes up that GUI to rearrange everything right up until someone's absolutely worthless.

That person is Bi.

Durk gives Bi as a token of good gesture, along with a flexing of the biceps for good measure. That satisfies the guard, and the caravan is allowed in.

There are a few points of interest.

A) Supply Store
B) Bar and Casino
C) Marketplace
D) Chief's Tent
E) Inn

>More importantly what are the Pace and Food settings set at?
Grueling and bare bones.

>Is your name even Durk anymore? Does anyone have -HP? Is anyone sick with anything ridiculous? How about your races?
Everything seems in order. Durk gets Dom to diagnose everyone just to be safe.

He claims that Blabbermouth has a case of the kleptomania. It is highly contagious, but it can't be caught by simply being around blabbermouth.

Durk says to spit out some useful information and say how it's contagious, then.

Dom says it spreads to the person who tells him he has kleptomania.
>>
No. 566583 ID: 9ddf68

alright check supplies and see what we need, go to the supple store/marketplace and get that out of the way. Then unless something comes up to the casino.
>>
No. 566585 ID: 9b786b

Hmm. Tell him to stay out of the shops, but not why. Or conversely if you want the favor of the Chaos God, you could tell him to go on a shopping trip. Then when he gets accused of kleptomania, it'll spread.
>>
No. 566587 ID: a97618

>Dom says it spreads to the person who tells him he has kleptomania.
Instruct Dom to go find some worthless idiot in the town and trick them into telling Blabbermouth he has it. That way we get rid of it.
>>
No. 566592 ID: 57a559

>>566570
You already own everything in the caravan, and the world
You may as well catch it
>>
No. 566598 ID: 9b786b

>>566587
Wouldn't that just spread the disease, not cure blabbermouth?
>>
No. 566620 ID: a585b8

>>566592

a most excellent point. besides, you have too much grit flowing through you to be infected with such a trivial little thing.

of course, Dom is probably wrong anyways. either way, go to the supply store.
>>
No. 566634 ID: d470e9
File 139501231241.png - (80.85KB , 800x800 , 135.png )
566634

Durk can already take what he wants from this hole in the ground, he doesn't care if Blabbermouth starts stealing stuff.

Then again, Durk does run a business, and it's good business practice to not get ran out of every town he went to. Durk goes to tell Blabbermouth to stay out of any shops. When inquired as to why, Durk says he's got kleptomania, and adds not to argue that he doesn't, because Durk doesn't want to hear it.

>Check supplies and see what we need
This trip has been especially easy, and with the last acquirements, the wagon is well fed and well stocked.

Durk does stop by there anyway to purchase another lizard beast of burden. Keeps the safety in numbers up, and keeps the dual symmetry running.

A short rest can be made while Durk spends some time at the casino to wipe everyone clean with or without kleptomania, but has to decide whether the trip will continue after a brief rest, or a night's rest.
>>
No. 566639 ID: a97618

Night rest. The casino will be way more interesting at night.
>>
No. 566696 ID: 9ddf68

night rest, more people gamble when the suns down so you can win more money that way. But we'll leave at the crack of dawn so not to wast any time.
>>
No. 566720 ID: 116d88

Anyone able to divine the weather?
>>
No. 568095 ID: d470e9
File 139622868064.png - (156.63KB , 800x800 , 136.png )
568095

>Anyone able to divine the weather?
Used to be Bi. In fact, pretty sure Bi could still do that, but that skill ain't exactly reliable, so it didn't count. Durk doesn't need any divining.

The caravan takes a night rest, and the casino's busy. Durk takes a seat with 3 others for some poker.

Every motherfucker at this table has got literal aces up their sleeves.
>>
No. 568105 ID: ffa549

>Every motherfucker at this table has got literal aces up their sleeves.
...but you don't have sleeves. Durk, you're the only one here not cheating.

Obviously, the only reasonable thing to do is out-cheat them all, win everything, and then beat their sorry asses for trying to cheat you.

And accuse them of being no good cheating kleptomaniacs on the way out.
>>
No. 568109 ID: 57a559

>>568095
Hey Dirk,

Check the GUI. I want to see if it changed to a Poker menu or not.
>>
No. 568111 ID: 2c6ff1

>>568095
Obviously the smart thing to do here is to play conservatively and never show any aces. If you are ever dealt one, discard it. Fold if your final hand has an ace in it. Eventually there will be too many aces visible or more than one ace of the same suit visible, but nobody will be able to blame you.

Then while they're fighting, make off with the chips.
>>
No. 568118 ID: d470e9
File 139623352551.png - (66.12KB , 800x800 , 137.png )
568118

>Eventually there will be too many aces visible or more than one ace of the same suit visible, but nobody will be able to blame you. Make them pThen while they're fighting, make off with the chips.
That's for chumps with immune systems that can't handle a little kleptomania disease. Durk's gonna beat 'em at their own game.

>Outcheat the table
>>
No. 568119 ID: d470e9
File 139623353746.gif - (61.83KB , 800x600 , 138.gif )
568119

The round continues up to the gnoll.

>"Call! That's it, mates, let's see the hands!"

>Animated
>>
No. 568120 ID: d470e9
File 139623355482.png - (80.28KB , 800x800 , 139.png )
568120

They aren't sure if Durk is serious.
>>
No. 568121 ID: d470e9
File 139623356906.png - (104.29KB , 800x800 , 140.png )
568121

Durk is serious.
>>
No. 568122 ID: d470e9
File 139623357707.png - (16.99KB , 800x800 , 141.png )
568122

And gone.
>>
No. 568123 ID: 37aa84

steal the aces right out of their sleeves. It's the perfect crime because the victims will never be able to admit it was ever committed.
>>
No. 568127 ID: e1609c

>>568122
Fucking fantastic. durk once again you prove to be the best ever. Use your winnings to buy clocks and alcohol.
>>
No. 568143 ID: 9ddf68

bitchin, now to buy things... But what is there to buy in this town?
>>
No. 568154 ID: ffa549

>Played 5 aces at once
>using a completely made up fifth suit
That takes an amazingly impressive amount of balls. Durk, I don't know how you walk without those things getting in your way.

>And then Durk is gone
Okay, that was mega-cool. But... you skipped the fight! The fight was important.

Obviously you need to reappear and attack them from behind before they recover from their shock, and beat them into submission.
>>
No. 568164 ID: 903f1e

hand in the chips, then steal them back and hand them in again.
>>
No. 568204 ID: 116d88

Eh, be classy. Take your winnings and reinvest them in the economy, buying all the cheap trade goods you can manage.
>>
No. 569295 ID: d470e9
File 139672771709.png - (110.20KB , 800x800 , 142.png )
569295

>hand in the chips, then steal them back and hand them in again.
Durk only cheats the cheaters, he isn't some common thief.

>But what is there to buy in this town?
Durk adds a couple of grandfather clocks, and hires some carpenters or clocksmiths or whoever works on this stuff to repair and maintain the current clocks.

The alcohol levels are brought up to full, and Durk can not think of anything else the wagon requires or wants, other than keeping a good amount of backgold for when things run dry.

>Reinvest them in the economy
By this, Durk assumes the economy that is Durk and his caravan. All money has now been invested in said economy.

The rest time continues.
>>
No. 569298 ID: ffa549

Admire the nighttime grandfather clock chorus. Man, it's good to be caravan king.
>>
No. 569379 ID: 116d88

Who's the goblin you hooked up with there? Lawra? A confusingly dressed Naked? One of these new clocksmiths? Might be time to take another head count. Make sure everyone is properly named and you don't have any stowaways hoping to mooch those sweet sweet barebones rations. Besides all the officially registered freeloaders that is.
>>
No. 570930 ID: d470e9
File 139761219924.png - (119.83KB , 800x800 , 143.png )
570930

>Who's the goblin you hooked up with there?
She's Naked, except not naked. She gets a pass, since she's cozying up to Durk nicely. Except that should be done naked. Man, that is confusing. Durk strips the issue away.

>Make sure everyone is properly named and you don't have any stowaways hoping to mooch those sweet sweet barebones rations.
Well damn all, Bi's back. Guess they didn't want him. Durk can tell, because he's got a basic grasp of the written language down pat. It's just as well, the GUI's back in order, so Bi's got a couple skills left, plus the couple useless ones.

Everyone else except Blabbermouth and Drippy are back.

>Admire the nighttime grandfather clock chorus.
Durk would love to, cept it's not nighttime, and Durk hears the sounds that say he should start packing up and getting out of town. He can admire them tonight after he drops Blabbermouth and Drippy off, cause it's not far now.
>>
No. 570931 ID: d470e9
File 139761221057.png - (138.48KB , 800x800 , 144.png )
570931

Speaking of those two, they're finally back.

Durk confirms they're good to go. They're in one piece. Which is fine. He made no promises that he wouldn't deliver them in two pieces.
>>
No. 570933 ID: d470e9
File 139761222275.png - (81.13KB , 800x800 , 145.png )
570933

It's a short trip to the last home stretch. Drippy's cave is at the bottom of this dune. And it's a steep one. The tiniest mistep, the tiniest slip of the wagon wheels, and the cart will go careening down the slope. Also, it drops right into a deep, wide river. There's a reason why this is the road virtually never travelled.

The road that is travelled is right around the corner and would take another two days of which there is are no steep slopes, and also a bridge.
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No. 570937 ID: 9ddf68

eh nothing ventured nothing gained, lets try it.
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No. 570938 ID: 2c6ff1

Okay, the plan is, we make a ramp, then careen down there and just before we hit the river someone throws the ramp in front so we jump over the river. If we have magical hydraulics that's even better.

The cave is on the other side of the river, right? Please say it is.
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No. 570955 ID: 53ba34

good thing you are the BEST. have someone install wheel spikes for traction and sharpen the oxen's hooves.
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No. 570968 ID: cf16c8

Ramp it and do like 14 flips, it'll be fine.
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No. 570971 ID: 824f43

...are we actually under contract to get the caravan to Drippy's cave, or just to get Drippy home? Because, if it's the latter, you don't even need to head down. You could just ball Drippy up and toss her down the hill. Go bowling for cave denizens.
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No. 570975 ID: fce6ce

Well, it looks like everything else worked out pretty well, and hey, a sheer slide leading down to a river still counts as a river crossing in my book. Caulk the wagon back up and float across. Might need to caulk the oxen too so they don't hurt themselves sliding down to it.
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No. 571002 ID: d45c9b

this is why we need dragons.

get in front of the cart and prevent it from speeding out of control by holding it behind you with one hand as you descend. it's a bother, sure, but if you don't take the shortcut or break the caravan and have to stop for repairs, that's that much more time you gotta suffer these cockwombles.
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No. 571040 ID: 5bbbc0

Maaaybe we should take the bridge, if only because things have been crazier than normal what with how the towns have all pretty much been getting mad at us on the way out somehow.
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No. 571736 ID: d470e9
File 139804264070.png - (87.59KB , 800x800 , 146.png )
571736

>Make a ramp
Lawra will get on that. She'd better hurry, cause Durk's going to start going down.

>Is the cave on the other side of the river?
Yes it is.

Durk has the animals make the first move downward. He's too good to do things like add wheel spikes.

The wheel immediately slips.
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No. 571737 ID: d470e9
File 139804265169.png - (154.88KB , 800x800 , 147.png )
571737

Like Durk gives a fuck. It just means more speed for the ramp. In fact, he pulls the animals back into inventory and drives himself. Durk can steer a wagon. With loose reins.
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No. 571738 ID: d470e9
File 139804266122.png - (223.94KB , 800x800 , 148.png )
571738

The wagon reaches the bottom in no time, and Durk shoves the ramp out in front of the river. The wagon launches off of it to go over the river.

Durk holds back to start doing 14 flips. He stops at 3 because that font is way too girly to continue.
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No. 571739 ID: d470e9
File 139804267058.png - (124.65KB , 800x800 , 149.png )
571739

>"We're not gonna make it!"

Durk informs that Naked is not going to get herself any new set of clothes with that attitude.

>"Actually, we're fine." Drippy says in the back. Durk isn't even a little disappointed that the only other person worthy of clothes prefers nudity.
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No. 571741 ID: d470e9
File 139804268713.png - (121.00KB , 800x800 , 150.png )
571741

Something under the wagon bursts apart, and a bunch of winged whatevers start carrying the wagon the rest of the way.
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No. 571742 ID: d470e9
File 139804269568.png - (146.08KB , 800x800 , 151.png )
571742

Durk steers the wagon to lead them right into the cave before they disperse.
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No. 571744 ID: d470e9
File 139804270234.png - (99.39KB , 800x800 , 152.png )
571744

The landing is perfect.

Getting Drippy Home - Mission Complete.
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No. 571759 ID: 824f43

Excellent. Collect mission complete reward, and sign your name to the top of the high scores list for this route. Because obviously you did this better than anyone else ever has or could have.
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No. 571773 ID: d470e9
File 139805231760.png - (73.60KB , 800x800 , 153.png )
571773

Durk collects payment for transporting Drippy, and agrees to a request to stay the night. Lawra says all the grandfather clocks were broken or damaged anyway, so that'll have to be dealt with.

Turns out that was a complete waste of time, because Blabbermouth got his own way back. He collects a cancelled-trip fee and calls it a mission.

Durk will now put his name at the top of the high score for this route. The other schmucks weren't even close.
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