Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)08:46 No. 493117 ID: b3ca75
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Welcome to the adventure school for orphans, the place where new heroes are born every year. We have had some problems with your paper work so please answer these questions to help us sort ‘em out. First of… What is your species?

Choose your species.

Human: Damn dirty ape.
Specialty – So mundane it hurts.

Lizard Folk: Damn dirty Lizard.
Specialty – Tail fetish.

Mantis: Damn dirty Insect.
Specialty – Holy crap! Look at the size of that bug! Quick, step on it! STEP ON IT!

Mantis. We were liz last time and humans are boring.

Octopus! Okay, seriously though, bug time.

Damn Dirty Insect.

Pixels are back! Hells yes!

Bug bug bugs all the way this time.

You're back! Yay!
Anyways, lets be a bug girl this time.

>>493123
No, wait, let's be a skeleton again!

>>493124
Exoskeleton, you mean. Bugs don't have skeletons. :V

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)10:00 No. 493126 ID: b3ca75
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>No, wait, let's be a skeleton again!
Unable to find secret character ”Skeletor”. Please download to newest DLC.
>Octopus!
You have choosen Octopus! To bad your will is to weak and you can’t stop yourself ”Graping” the first shoolgirl you find. Your head now decorates the wall of a quite successful bounty hunter.

You are dead.

Premature Finish
You can buy medication for this sort of thing, you know.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)10:01 No. 493127 ID: b3ca75
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>Damn Dirty Insect.
Ah, yes, a Mantis… the abdomen should have tipped me off… alright, now to the most important question… Are you a boy or a girrrrllll…

does mating involve head eating? if yes then girl, if no then boy.

All of the above, of course.
Or at least that's what we will tell people.

female!

>are you a boy or a girl, hmmm?
Geeze, professor Oak, get some glasses. Or a smell-screen. Pheromones, man.

Girl mantis, obviously. We can make head eating jokes and threaten to fill people full of eggs. (Whether or not we actually do either).

...although the boy mantis has a much swankier collar on his outfit. Can we steal that?

>>493129
Male. Also females only eat males while under the stress of a laboratory environment.

>>493132
Of course we can. After we... eat his head!

Fem-mantis, if you please
Also fem-mantis if you don't please
Pretty much just fem-mantis

Cross dressing girl. You aren't one of those speciesist humans that can only tell the difference between boy and girl mantis' by their clothing right?

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)11:21 No. 493143 ID: b3ca75
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>...although the boy mantis has a much swankier collar on his outfit. Can we steal that?
By consuming the head of your rival, you gain his power of Swanky Collar! There can only be ONE! (Note: This is a joke. Do not try to consume you rivals head to gain his superior fashion taste at home.It works but it’s very messy, okay? At least put down some towels before you do it.)

>Fem-mantis
Mmmm… I knew you had that little extra in your abdomen… anyway, it’s time to choose a starter pokem- I mean, what is your name?

It's Clkrlgb but you can't actually pronounce our it without a proper pair of mandibles so just call us Clare.

Maexiks

Elizabeth!

Marvel at the glory of 16 bit pixels then say your name is "Chuck" since you have never met a dirty ape who could pronounce your real name properly.

>>493145
I like Claire, seems good

>anyway, it’s time to choose a starter pokem- I mean, what is your name
Scyther!-

I mean, er.

Clíodhna. (Irish, but it certainly seems buggish, don't it?).

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)12:15 No. 493153 ID: b3ca75
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>It's Clkrlgb but you can't actually pronounce our it without a proper pair of mandibles so just call us Claire.
>Clíodhna.
Your name is now Clkrlgb (Claire) Clíodhna.

Clkrlgb, huh? That’s kind of sweet name…
Hey, Dean. The other teachers thought you acted kind of wierd today so they sent me to make sure you’ve taken your dried frog pills.
Oh look, it’s my grandson! He’s been your rival since you were a baby.
…What? I’ve never meet this mantis before… and we aren’t even the same species!
…Erm, what was his name again?

Ask the poor lizard for his name so he doesn't have the dean calling him the wrong name. No point in upsetting the other students on the first day.

Dicks

>>493153
Harry.

They hoped the name would help him fit in.. or at least sprout some.

Renault! (Rennie).

Douche! Jerk! Butt! Ass! Cthulu! Nerd! Paco!
Okay, those are all the names I used to call my rival. Stupid six character limit.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)13:11 No. 493161 ID: b3ca75
File 136096266179.png - (27.95KB , 900x600 , 6.png )

>Douche! Jerk! Butt! Ass! Cthulu! Nerd! Paco!
>No point in upsetting the other students on the first day.
Most… resist… urge… to… call… him… names…
Most… talk… with… annoying… pauses… between… every… word.

>Harry.
He’s name is Harry, mighty Wizard.
WHAT!? How dare you call me hairy, like some damn dirty ape!? The names Balros, you better remember it because the next time you’ll hear it is when I kick your ass, Twerp! Now, I’ll have to take care of the old man before he does something stupid.
Oh? Is it already bed time? But I’m almost finished! There is only one question left. When you have answered it you should head to the courtyard. Just follow the signs. The group you’re in should be there right now. Now, let’s see… Do you prefer melee weapons or ranged?
How about magic!?
I’m sorry, but we had to sacrifice that choice to appease the pizza elementals. So no magic.

Dean is clearly an evil mastermind bent on destroying the universe for his own amusement. Kill him now!

Melee! That way we can use our nonexistent scythe hands.

melee

No self respecting Mantis would use a weapon we fight with our bare claws.

> no magic
Well, hopefully the lack of reality warping will prevent reality from falling apart this time.

...honestly, I'm trying to decide if it would be funnier to try and watch someone with scythes for hands try to use a sword or a bow.

Whatever. I think I'm cool actually voting melee for once, so long as we pick something interesting for a weapon or subclass.

Melee.

We have scythes for hands and the instincts to know how to use them to decapitate people. definitely melee.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)14:30 No. 493182 ID: b3ca75
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>We have scythes for hands.
While they can do some damage if used probably, they aren’t sharp enough to penetrate anything thicker then light leather.
>Melee!
Ah, a wise choice. We will bring you some Mantis weaponry later. Now, you should head to the court yard to meet the others.

>Dean is clearly an evil mastermind bent on destroying the universe for his own amusement. Kill him now!
What? How did you know I’m an evil necromancer trying to take over the world!?
Time for your pills, old man.
But how am I supposed to predict that the empire will invade us with my pills? Or that the sky will rain fire? Or how big a fish I’m going to catch this weekend, the school burning down, the dreamer is going to wake up or what I’m going to get in my happy meal?

Welp… time to go, I guess…

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)14:30 No. 493183 ID: b3ca75
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…so remember, if you are in doubt, just think BEEFCAKE!
But how do you apply that when… let’s say… outnumbered three to one?
Simple, BEEFCAKE^2!
Wait… do you even have any beefcake to apply? I mean… you are a woman, after all…
The spirit of BEEFCAKE those not care for gender, young master, but the heroic resolve that stirs within you!

…this got to be the group the dean talked about.

Insert wait where did this thing come from?_

>But how am I supposed to predict that the empire will invade us with my pills? Or that the sky will rain fire? Or how big a fish I’m going to catch this weekend, the school burning down, the dreamer is going to wake up or what I’m going to get in my happy meal?
Obviously, all of these deranged ramblings are 100% accurate predictions of things that will happen in the future.

Hmm. That's a female bug, right? Little shorter than you, though.

>insert
So... introduce yourself to your class and instructor I guess?

>>493183
Ask if you found the right group, then introduce yourself.

>>493183
Ask him how melee characters are supposed to compete with Wizards who can cast "Alter Reality" at will and throw continents with their mind.

Also, ask what women are supposed to say, since beefcake is a purely male domain.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)16:46 No. 493219 ID: b3ca75
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>Obviously, all of these deranged ramblings are 100% accurate predictions of things that will happen in the future.
Pfff, like anyone can predict what you get from a happy meal.
>Hmm. That's a female bug, right? Little shorter than you, though.
That’s a guy. The easiest visual cue for the gender of mantises is their height, with us gals being quite a bit taller.
>ask what women are supposed to say, since beefcake is a purely male domain.
She just told the others that it’s the spirit of BEEFCAKE that count, not the presence of beefcake.

>Ask if you found the right group, then introduce yourself.
Um… hi, I’m new here and is supposed to join some group in the courtyard. Is this the right place?
Ah, yes, the late arrival. You are indeed at the right place. We are sorry, but we usually let the student choose which student group they will belong to but this year they have all filled up pretty fast, especially the Spike haired emo with gigantic swords group. Beside, you enrolled almost a month after the school year start… so… anyway, welcome to group cannon fodder! I’m your instructor Arya, and you will have time to socialize with your peers in just a minute. Now, if you any questions please ask them now, as I will be leaving you in just a minute, the school day being over and all. Don’t worry; I’m sure your peers will show you around when we are done.

>Ask him how melee characters are supposed to compete with Wizards who can cast "Alter Reality" at will and throw continents with their mind.
First of, that kind of magical power is a myth conjured up by wizard apprentices. Second of, Magic user are very rare and third of, if you actually meet one just hit him before he can do anything. I found the best way to neutralize them is to put an arrow between their eyes from off-screen. They are generally wimps with no hp to speak of so that generally does it.

Insert at least it wasn’t the red shirt team, red shirts are so tacky you know_

Eat the male mantis's head to gain his power. We'll need all the help we can get.

>The easiest visual cue for the gender of mantises is their height, with us gals being quite a bit taller.
Dangit. The height was the only male cue. The posture, banding, and abdomen size all matched female from the character selection.

Team cannon fodder? Dang. Well, the key isn't so much to stay alive, it's to let the others die first.

>>493219
>"Just kill them before they can do anything!"
-Last words of EVERY FIGHTER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

Oh well. When Glorious Instructor inevitably gets lightning'd to death by evil wizards to highlight how threatening they are, we can think up a less suicidal strategy. Now, let's go pillage a Wizard's Tower. Wizards have all the best stuff, ergo, we should attack an evil one and steal his stuff.

So what is first? Some basic weapons training, trap disabling, tavern information gathering etiquette?

Huh, what's up with those two on the left?

Ask what sort of missions you'll be taking with your group.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)18:11 No. 493268 ID: b3ca75
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>The posture, banding, and abdomen size all matched female from the character selection.
Posture and banding is easily changed. Males do have smaller abdomen though, corresponding to their small size. You probably were fooled by the clothing.
>Eat the male mantis's head to gain his power. We'll need all the help we can get.
I should at least know the guy before I start with the foreplay. Besides, the head eating jokes are starting to get kind of old. We don’t actually do that, you know.
>Huh, what's up with those two on the left?
Bad graphics?

>Team cannon fodder? Dang.
I’m sure it just a joke name… hopefully…
>Now, let's go pillage a Wizard's Tower.
Wizards are very dangerous; ergo it’s a bit early in my adventuring career to try something like that and leave with all six of my limbs.

>So what is first? Some basic weapons training, trap disabling, tavern information gathering etiquette?
I already got a lot of weapon training and I assume they want you to at least know how wield a weapon if you get here as old as I am. The other two though…
Well, we do have some advance trap disabling courses you can take if you want, otherwise I can suggest to just brute force it from a distance, it’s surprisingly efficient. We also have some mandatory classes for information gathering that you will attend to later.

>Ask what sort of missions you'll be taking with your group.
If you’re lucky then there will come up some easy jobs around here for you to do, like killing some giant rats and the like. Otherwise we teachers will set up some scenarios for you to test your mettle on, thought nothing to dangerous. This is a school, not a mercenary guild after all. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll have to take my leave. Please learn to know this band of brothers/sisters while I’m away. They are after all people that your life will depend on in the future. Goodnight.

Kaktus 2013/02/15(Fri)18:12 No. 493271 ID: b3ca75
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So…um… nice sideburns, Wolverine?
Why thank you, black widow, how’s the husband? Oh, and I’m Renault by the way.
Wait… does that make Hawkeye? Because the bow and arrow stuff? And the name is Thanros.
Actually, you are more a part of the wonder twins. You know, being a twin and the whole “Form of can’t aim for crap” Thing.
While the boys are all dorks let me introduce myself, I’m Thanra and- …wait, if bro is…. Aw man, why do I have to get the lame powers…
…
Oh right. This is Waran… the quite, wannabe mysterious one… I don’t know which hero he would represent though, they are all kind of talking, you know?
…well, that was interesting… I’m Claire.
You did join us at a perfect time, Claire. We were planning on crashing the old mansion today… you know, the one that’s “haunted”? Wanna come?

Insert 99% chance that it’s haunted now_

>>493271
Sure. Let's get to adventuring right away. This isn't Pixel Training 2 after all.

Females of your race don't actually eat their mates, do they? That was observed the insects mostly because of increased stress in laboratory situations. In the wild, it's only if they're hungry enough, and males try to distract them from thoughts of food by elaborate courting behavior. Which usually works.

Yeah, sure, let's go!

>99% chance that it’s haunted now
There's also a .9% chance it's a group of evil people pretending it's haunted to cover up it's activities, and a .1% chance it's actually an innocent group of kids doing it because it's funny up until we attack them.

The odds of there being nothing there is too small to count.

>I already got a lot of weapon training
Using what kind(s) of weapon(s)? What kind of gear do we have with us?

So what's up with that guy. He's just sorta standing back away from the group and not talking. He's not some sorta creeper or silent protagonist is he?

As long as you're not the one buying the beer, sure. ...There will be beer, right? It's practically a law to get wasted when you visit a (totally) "haunted" mansion. Then all the ghost sightings can be explained away by the alcohol, everyone gets to keep using those quotation marks, and the revolving door to the hereafter doesn't lower the neighbors' property values. That's just how it's done, you know?

...Also, you kinda now want to see if Waran ends up being a talkative drunk.

I'm sure a lot of women feel the stirring of "heroic resolve" when thinking beefcake.

>>493278
Except everyone knows bugs don't drink. It doesn't do anything for them.

They get high off of cheese instead. Cheeeeeese...

>>493281
Man, where you're getting that from? They most certainly do drink, do get drunk, and don't get high from cheese... Except for that one kind made with the magic mold that sends you on a journey to happy-land. But in that case the cheese is really more the delivery method than anything else.

yuss.

Kaktus 2013/02/16(Sat)10:02 No. 493492 ID: b3ca75
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>What kind of gear do we have with us?
As a relative newly made orphan and the victim of a greedy government I don’t really own a lot. Clothes, a little money, hygiene articles and more personal things like books and stuff. Nothing really useful for this “adventure”.
>Females of your race don't actually eat their mates, do they?
In times of great famine before we were as civilized as today it wasn’t too uncommon for the females to eat the males as emergency substance. Of course, this was mostly because the guys outnumber us gals 5-to-1 and thus some was probably deemed unnecessary… and delicious.
>The odds of there being nothing there is too small to count.
The odds of anything happening at all anywhere is so magnificent small that we can just assume nothing can ever happen… oh wait.

>He's not some sorta creeper or silent protagonist is he?
Well, he didn’t hiss and explode when I meet him so he’s probably not a creeper. He is green though, so I should probably be careful to what I show him so he doesn’t release somewhere improper. As for a silent protagonist I’m pretty sure there is a maximum of one protagonist per group here; otherwise things would just get confusing.
>I'm sure a lot of women feel the stirring of "heroic resolve" when thinking beefcake.
Or you get an urge for some nice juicy meat, like me. Either way, one hell of a motivator.

>They get high off of cheese instead. Cheeeeeese...
Cheese is one hell of a drug. Seriously though, we get intoxicated from both alcohol and cheese, just in different ways.
>Yeah, sure, let's go!
As long as I’m not the one buying the beer and cheese, sure.
Of course not. You are the guest of honor. We still have to kill some time though, as we have to wait for the streets to clear out. So… anything you want to do while we wait? Maybe check out your new room or get a tour of the school grounds? Or do you just want to hang around for a while?
Um… are you really sure this is such a good idea? I mean, they did find another undead just outside the city last night… and no one has found the necromancer yet either…

Insert blessed are the cheese makers, the makers of the lifeblood of our world_

>>493492
Time to go kill the Necromancer! Rally Team Cannonfodder to your cause! BEEFCAKE!

>Anything we should do first?
Well, checking out the school might not be so bad. Or grabbing some kind of equipment. If there is anything there, you don't exactly want to be unarmed.

>>493298
>Man, where you're getting that from?
SotS, Hivers. <3

Tell them the Dean admitted to being a necromancer to us a few minuted ago but he was apparently off his meds so who knows how reliable that is.

Kaktus 2013/02/16(Sat)11:52 No. 493527 ID: b3ca75
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>Time to go kill the Necromancer! Rally Team Cannonfodder to your cause! BEEFCAKE!
Then why don’t we fix this Necromancer problem ourselves? With the power of BEEFCAKE nothing can stop us!
Now were talking! BEEFCAKE!
Um... if the guards can’t find him how are we supposed to?

>grabbing some kind of equipment.
Don’t worry, we got everything we need already packed. It’s not like we are going to fight of a horde of monster led by an undead pirate fused to a tree that is stuck in the basement or anything.

>Tell them the Dean admitted to being a necromancer to us a few minuted ago.
Well… then dean… he’s… um…
He admitted that he was a goldfish to me yesterday.

>Well, checking out the school might not be so bad.
A fine choice! Now, madam, if you would follow me I’ll give you a private tour while the rest of the gang finishes up the preparations. Just you, me and as you’ll see in a minute, a glorious vi-
: ThanraPIX: Dammit, Romeo, do you really have to hit on every female that gets close to you? I mean, she’s as far from your species as anyone can be!
Shhh, you’re ruining the magic…
Yeah, right. How about we girls go sightseeing while you boys do the preparations?

…
You now know the locations of: Armory, Classrooms, Food court, Front entrance, social dorms, and your room.
…

And here we go, your room… or should I say our room. The school doesn’t really like giving out private room, so here we are… um… do you really think it would be such a good idea to go after the necromancer or was that just a joke?

Insert rise from your grave_

Its either gain glory or be stuck as the cannon fodder. I have no desire to be cannon fodder. They have terrible taste.

>>493527
Tell them all to stop arguing and follow you, as you're going to where EVERY dark Necromancer hangs out in a city: THE SEWER LEVEL. Now we all hate the sewer level, so let's just dump burning sulphur down all the entrances. Contact the alchemists guild for hundreds of tons of burning sulphur.

Half joking? I mean, I'm not crazy enough to go hunting evil mages off the bat, but if I run into one... that's what fighting is for, isn't it?

>>493541
We'll just eat them. If our team mates turn on us, we'll eat them too. Being a carnivorous apex predator has its' perks

Lets stick to the haunted mansion, though there is a decent chance he will be in there anyway.

Kaktus 2013/02/16(Sat)13:41 No. 493567 ID: b3ca75
File 136105086757.png - (28.14KB , 900x600 , 14.png )

>you're going to where EVERY dark Necromancer hangs out in a city: THE SEWER LEVEL. Now we all hate the sewer level, so let's just dump burning sulphur down all the entrances.
I don’t think this town has a sewer system big enough to walk around in and no self-respecting necromancer will crawl around in tubes half his size filled with feces.
Besides, No one would sell us that much sulfur even if we did have the money for it.
>We'll just eat them. If our team mates turn on us, we'll eat them too. Being a carnivorous apex predator has its' perks.
Let’s not become some psycho cannibal for fun and profit, okay?

>Let’s stick to the haunted mansion, though there is a decent chance he will be in there anyway.
Kind of… I mean, I'm not crazy enough to go hunting evil necrophiles off the bat, but if I run into one... that's what fighting is for, isn't it?
…I guess, yes…
Its either gain glory or be stuck as the cannon fodder. I have no desire to be cannon fodder. They taste really terrible, you know.
You don’t really gain a lot of glory by casting yourself into a fire thought… wait, did you say we taste ba-
And besides, we can’t even find the necroman anyway, so let’s focus on the whole haunted house thing instead.
Yeah, your right. Though, I must confess, I left the others behind because I wanted to know you a little better. You know, some talk just between us women… like why you are here or-
My parents was ripped apart by the undead right in front of me.
…that…was not…um…what I meant…
…
…

The moment has successfully been slain!
You gain 10 xp!

Insert awkward silence_

>>493567
Tell her not to worry, and that you only really regretted not finding out what they tasted like. Because honestly I don't see giant mantis people going in for burial.

I think we're confirming the cannible trope. Oh well. It'll be fun! Consume your enemies for fun and profit.

>>493567
Alright, ask her why she decided to join the academy.

Wait, what's this? Our protagonist is tripping over horrible social failings that we didn't put in her mouth mandibles? What is this?

Resurrect moment with necromancy.

>>493611
We can't because we're not a wizard. Plus a moment never comes back good when you raise it with necromancy, it always just gets worse.

We're all orphans here so lets just avoid bringing up our personal tragedies, there are better things to do with our time than be depressing and awkward to each other. Tell her about what your family was like before you were orphaned.

Don't tell her you considered tasting your parents' dead bodies.

>>493703
Don't tell her HOW DELICIOUS THEY WERE.

Maybe we should lay off the cannibal jokes.

Or if it's not a joke maybe we should just not talk about it in front of people we need to get along with.

tell her about your quest of vengeance!

Kaktus 2013/02/17(Sun)09:14 No. 493802 ID: b3ca75
File 136112127016.png - (28.52KB , 900x600 , 15.png )

>Wait, what's this? Our protagonist is tripping over horrible social failings that we didn't put in her mandibles?
The very same protagonist that’s hearing voices in her head that’s urging her to eat people. I’m not going to blame insanity, but to be truthful I am apparently completely bonkers.

>Maybe we should lay off the cannibal jokes.
They started off silly but know they are just getting dull. We should at least try to be a little more original and keep away from the people eating jokes, or do I have to start to bite the head off everyone who tells them?
>Resurrect moment with necromancy.
[You do not have the necessary necromantic power to cast Raise: Moment! Please consume the corpses of your enemies to gain necromantic power!]
DAMMIT, I just told you to stop!
>tell her about your quest of vengeance!
…Vengeance would kind of be the wrong word here…

>Tell her not to worry.
I’m sorry, that was a little blunt…
No, I understand. You’re probably still shaken after that... can’t really say I know how you feel though, as my parents left me and my brother even before we hatched.
You know, let’s try to avoid bringing up our personal tragedies, there are better things to do with our time than be depressing and awkward to each other. How about you tell me why you joined the academy?
You’re making it sound like I had a choice. I already told you that I’ve been in an orphanage since the beginning, so they pretty much kicked me and my bro here as soon as we should wield a weapon to get us out of their hair. How about you, you’ve still haven’t answered why you joined. You are kind of an adult so you should have had a choice.
…let’s just say that I did answer.
…oh, sorry… um… you know… about the whole haunted house thing… we should actually try do to some haunting yourself. I’m sure it would be a great way keep our thought on something fun, scaring the guys. What do you say? Got any ideas?

Insert boo!_

Well it would probably be easier if we knew some things about them. Any dirt she can share with us. If she can't come up with anything useful we could do something generic like make a mess of our room, leave the window open, and hide so when they come to get us later it will look like someone attacked and abducted us then jump out from hiding while they're panicking.

Hey, protagonist with the name too I'm not saying because I'm too lazy to scroll up to see what it was again, are the One of Many a thing in your world? Just curious.

Whatever the plan is, its effectiveness will be greatly increased if you two remain sober throughout the evening while the others get drunk or high. Downside being that you don't get to be drunk or high, but that's usually made up for by getting to see the intoxicated make fools of themselves and remembering it so it can be retold at the most embarrassing of times.

How about once they're well into the evening and the booze, you two slip away and wedge the doors to the room shut from the outside. Then go 'round outside and throw a live rooster in through the window. Preferably one that has black feathers, or is painted black. Then watch them freak out at the squawking form that's tearing around the room, and as they slam into the stuck doors. Optionally, get a smoke bomb and throw that in right before the chicken.

that does sound incredibly fun.

Kaktus 2013/02/17(Sun)12:09 No. 493827 ID: b3ca75
File 136113179555.png - (28.62KB , 900x600 , 16.png )

>Are the One of Many a thing in your world?
The one of what now? You got to describe what it is if you want to get an answer…
>Well it would probably be easier if we knew some things about them. Any dirt she can share with us.
Dirt? Um… well… nothing we really can work with, no… Thanros is afraid of bugs, but that’s it. Small bugs, that’s it, not the kind of bug you are… at least I think it’s only small bugs.
>Whatever the plan is, its effectiveness will be greatly increased if you two remain sober throughout the evening while the others get drunk or high.
Your right about this… though it’s a shame about all the beer that will be left over…

>throw a live rooster in through the window. Preferably one that has black feathers, or is painted black.
There should be some roosters down in the slave quarters chicken pens. I think they still have this extremely aggressive cock down there. …and the paint shouldn’t really be a problem. Now the only question is how we get it over there without the guys noticing… after all, rooster aren’t really that quite…
We can always try fooling around with for a while so it gets tired.
But then it probably just fall asleep afterward. Most roosters do after you play around with them just once…

>get a smoke bomb.
…sorry to burst your bubble, but we’re not finding a smoke bomb in under 20 minutes.

Insert My Rooster is weak, but my oven is willing_

>>493827
...I really don't want to know what you intend to do with that rooster.

But I suppose that's the best plan. Go with that. I guess.

Left over beer? What, you don't think the guys'll take up the slack? They'll get suitably drunk sooner, too.

As for the rooster: Stick a blackout bag over its head and cinch the drawstring. It'll think its nighttime and quiet down. Then just tie its legs together, paint it black, stuff it in a burlap sack, stick it in a wicker basket, put the lid on, and tie that down. One of you bring all that down to the mansion and leave it around the back. Even if the rooster does crow, it won't be very loud through all that stuff.

Kaktus 2013/02/17(Sun)14:04 No. 493856 ID: b3ca75
File 136113864038.png - (28.32KB , 900x600 , 17.png )

>Left over beer? What, you don't think the guys'll take up the slack? They'll get suitably drunk sooner, too.
True… though it still a shame that the beer doesn’t end up in our bellies instead of theirs…
>Stick a blackout bag over its head and cinch the drawstring, stuff it in a burlap sack, stick it in a wicker basket, put the lid on, and tie that down. One of you brings all that down to the mansion and leaves it around the back.
isn’t that a little bit too much?
There’s no kill like an overkill.
…maybe your right. Anyway, we better hurry. We probably only got ten to fifteen minutes before the guys get bo-
Hey, gals, are you ready? Or aren’t you finished powdering your noses in there?
…or not.
…do mantises even have snouts to powder?
If you’re making out in there then you have a sacred duty to let us in to watch~
Dude, that’s my sister… so ew…
…you are kind of jerk sometimes, Renny, you know that, right?
So are you ready or what?

Insert selling time, one dollar_

...you know, this haunting plan would be a lot easier if one of you were a wizard specializing in illusions or something. :V

We should probably just go now and then prank them when we get back. If we end up seeing anything creepy in there, we can fake it returning to haunt them in their dorm.

>>493876
Everything is easier when you are a wizard. Wizards OP; nerf wizards :V

>Wizards OP; nerf wizards :V
They did! They nerfed them right of out character selection! :p

Go out and tell them Thanra already left to prepare some kind of surprise. She said to go ahead without her and she'll catch up.

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)06:03 No. 494125 ID: b3ca75
File 136119620321.png - (30.25KB , 900x600 , 18.png )

>Wizards OP; nerf wizards :V
According to legend the gods themselves removed a lot of the power from the wizards after they had grown bored of their lack of balance in the world. They even took away so much power from them that the so called pizza elementals the wizard had enslaved in their hubris got loose and… well, there’s a reason why there’s so few wizards today compared to the old age.

>Go out and tell them Thanra already left to prepare some kind of surprise. She said to go ahead without her and she'll catch up.
I signal to Thanra to keep quit while I go outside.
Yeah, I’m ready, though Thanra already left. She said she had a surprise to prepare and she’ll catch up later.
A surprise, eh? Does she really believe she can scare us?
She said it had something to do with beer.
She’s going to bring extra beer!? SWEET! Let’s completely forget the obvious prank that this is and focus on the beer… anyway, let’s go. To the mansion!

----

HA-alt, halt. Students aren’t allowed to leave after sundown.leave after sundown. Please return to your bedding. to your bedding.
…great, of course there would be servants by the main gate.
I told you we should have had left sooner, but nooo…
So… anyone have any idea how to get these guys to let us past?

Insert Slaves, slaves everywhere!_

It's daylight savings time. Obviously its actually an hour before now.

Oh gods, what are those things? ...they're like some noodle-y cross between a spathi and a hydra.

tell them there is a student outside the gates, at a location way out of your way. sneak out when they investigate.

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)08:15 No. 494139 ID: b3ca75
File 136120413565.png - (31.21KB , 900x600 , 19.png )

>Oh gods, what are those things?
I think they are called Eaggran, living plants or some such.
>tell them there is a student outside the gates, at a location way out of your way and they should check it out.
UN-nable to comply. to comply.This unit is not trained for that task. no tasks…
They are Nerve Stapled. They can’t really think for themselves anymore.

>It's daylight savings time. Obviously it’s actually an hour before now.
We are sorry, our internal clocks must be malfunctioning.is malfunctioning. Please leave the school grounds and have a nice daaaaaaaaaaay…ki-l m-, ple-se
Welp, let’s go…

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)08:15 No. 494140 ID: b3ca75
File 136120414303.png - (39.05KB , 900x600 , 20.png )

…later, in some mansion somewhere…

I still can’t see why I couldn’t have used my lock pick…
…that’s a crowbar.
The universal lock pick!
I don’t see why we should have broken down the door, we did find the key under the welcome mat after all…
So… what’s the plan now?
Well… we find a ghost, kicks it’s ass, Thanra comes and calls us all heroes and we get kisses. Good?
…she’s still my sister, so still ew… Beside, weren’t we suppose to find some cozy place to tell those ghost stories or what it was you said?
but real ghost are neater…

Insert who’re you gonna call?_

>>494140
Slavery is immoral, inefficient, and ingood. But to deal with this place, try to skidoo into the pictures. If that fails, turn all the pictures around, and check the basement.

INSPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT FABULOUS CHEESECAKE PAINTING

then go left.

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)11:46 No. 494152 ID: b3ca75
File 136121677081.png - (38.21KB , 900x600 , 21.png )

>Slavery is immoral, inefficient, and ingood.
Hey, stop trying to take away our freedom to own other people! What are you, an imperial freedom hater?
>check the basement.
If only I knew where it was…

>INSPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT FABULOUS CHEESECAKE PAINTING.
SHIT, THAT’S ONE HELL OF A NICE CHEESECAKE! Though honestly, you prefer to stick your mandibles into some nice juicy meat instead of a sweet cheesecake…
>try to skidoo into the pictures. If that fails, turn all the pictures around.
You successfully waste a few minutes making yourself look like a fool. Congratulations!

Okay, gang, if I’ve learned anything from horror stories, then it’s that we should stay together a-
Let’s split up! We can cover more ground that way!
…dammit Renault…

Renault has left the party!

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)11:46 No. 494153 ID: b3ca75
File 136121678360.png - (16.86KB , 900x600 , 22.png )

>then go left.
Yeah, let’s follow Renny to the left… seems to be some kind of storage.

Thanros has left the party!
Waran has left the party!

…wait, where did the guys go?

Insert mmm, yam_

>What are you, an imperial freedom hater?
>She asks the squabbling collective of voices operating in a hybrid anarchist democracy.
I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.

>what do?
Investigate how fresh that blood is.

Equip the axe if it's mantis-compatible and if you have any kind of training or proficiency with one.

Push the dresser/wall-unit/cabinet/wardrobe/armoire/whatever back over to the right, up against the counter to reveal the blocked door to the north. Then go through said door.

Check the cupboard, take the polearm. Check under the rugs. Check inside the wardrobe. Then push the wardrobe aside to reveal obvious hidden door!

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)12:31 No. 494161 ID: b3ca75
File 136121948235.png - (18.21KB , 900x600 , 23.png )

>I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.
Yes, maybe and bird? Was I close?
>Investigate how fresh that blood is.
It’s not blood, its paint. Its freshly spilled too as it hasn’t dried completely yet.
>Equip the axe if it's mantis-compatible and if you have any kind of training or proficiency with one.
It’s a little small for a mantis, but I should be able to use it. It’s dull, though, so I’ll have to use it as a make shift mace if I would want to do some damage with it.

>Check the cupboard.
It’s full of absolutely nothing.
>Check inside the wardrobe.
The wardrobe on the other hand is full of zombie.

Raarh! Braaaiiins!

Insert full of winrar!_

Wack it over the head a few times.

Oh no! A zombie! Whatever shall we do?

Back up slowly and shut the door behind you. Problem solved.

Bash the back of the wardrobe with your new weapon knocking it over on top of the zombie leaving it pinned on the floor.

psst its obviously Renault. Just whack him over the head a few times.

>>494161
Eat his hea- oh it's Renault. Kick him in the nads. Continue [s] looting [\s] exploring.

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)13:00 No. 494172 ID: b3ca75
File 136122121279.png - (18.17KB , 900x600 , 24.png )

>Back up slowly and shut the door behind you. Problem solved.
Didn’t you know? They’ve patched that. Zombies can now follow you through rooms now.
>High Imperial Freedom Hater!
I Knew it!

>psst its obviously Renault. Just whack him over the head a few times.
“WHACK!”

OW! Son of a… man, you’re supposed to scream and run away so we should comfort you later… buh, what’s happen to you ladies? You used to be all pretty, shy and weak, but now you’re all amazons all the sudden…
…
“WHACK!”
OW! What was that for!?

Insert whack a donkey_

Now can we check the hidden door?

Now that that is done with move the wardrobe aside and check what's behind the door.

>>494172
For being sexist. Now tell him to use his strong man muscles to help you move the wardrobe out of the way.

>buh, what’s happen to you ladies?
>but now you’re all amazons all the sudden…
That's kind of what happens when the ladies you target are all melee warriors in training. Wrong audience.

>man, you’re supposed to scream and run away so we should comfort you later…
...you're really interested in cross species comforting? *clack mandibles for effect*

Let's continue looting for ghosts. Steal everything that could possibly be valuable, to attract an angry ghost. Then kill it to level grind. You don't want to be a pansy fighter forever do you?

That was for being a clueless sexist moron who thinks he's some kind of smooth playa. [Shove him back against the wall with the axe point] Now, are you going to have to continue applying the Axe of Enlightenment, or is he going to finally get a clue and stop acting that way towards you and Thandra?

That said, back up, hook the axe behind the top of the wardrobe, and lever the whole thing over. The crash should bring everyone else running to here, reuniting the party. Then you can open the barely-hidden door.

inspect axe-looking thing and jam-looking goop.

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)23:01 No. 494373 ID: b3ca75
File 136125730956.png - (18.12KB , 900x600 , 25.png )

>inspect axe-looking thing and jam-looking goop.
The axe is marked with the sign of the school, so the guys probably borrowed it from there. The jam is just some paint they splatter to make it look like blood.
>That's kind of what happens when the ladies you target are all melee warriors in training.
Wait, you’re a melee warrior too? Oh man, both chicks in the group are melee… Why shouldn’t you be like Waran and be a medic noncombatant or something… or at least like Thanros and just stand back with a bow and arrow, but noooo…

>...you're really interested in cross species comforting? *clack mandibles for effect*
so you’re really interested in comforting a giant *Click* head eating insect? *Clack!*
Of course, I am interested in exotic women after all. You guys are like fine whisky, aft-
“Whack!”
OW! Why all the hitting!?

>apply the Axe of Enlightenment directly to forehead.
I shove him up against the wall with the help of the axe…
That was for being a clueless sexist moron who thinks he's some kind of smooth playa. Now, are you going to get the point, or do I have to axe again? Maybe I am cutting you a little short, but you aren’t really a cut above the rest.
I-I-I get i-it, I’m s-sorry… just stop w-w-with the p-puns…

Kaktus 2013/02/18(Mon)23:02 No. 494374 ID: b3ca75
File 136125732394.png - (19.25KB , 900x600 , 26.png )

>Now tell him to use his strong man muscles to help you move the wardrobe out of the way.
Y-yeah, sure. Though I can’t see what that would accomplish, the d-door is bricked up after all…
>Let's continue looting for ghosts. Steal everything that could possibly be valuable, to attract an angry ghost. Then kill it to level grind. You don't want to be a pansy fighter forever do you?
…D-don’t bother. This place is already striped clean and we already checked the whole place yesterday when we w-were preparing for the pranks today…
…so this whole thing was a bust…
…well, um, we were going to just hang out here after the pranks. You know, telling ghost stories and having a few beers. I should be able to take over to Waran, he’s the one who’s setting up the place we were going to hang out in. Or maybe we should wait for Thanra at the front gate… or maybe help Thanros scare her and Oh gods s-stop l-l-looking at me like t-that, Please don’t hurt me…

Insert cast Pun Cleave! It’s super effective!_

>>494374
Damn Claire, you scary.

Hrm. Alright, let's do a prank. Let's pretend we didn't figure out the "zombie" was fake.

Splatter yourself with fake blood and return to the others. Then he can have a giggle when they freak out and check on him, and we can have a giggle at their expressions when they get really pissed at you.

>>494374
Eat him, then smash down that bricked up doorway and look for corpses. If they ask where he went, say he was eaten by a zombie that burst out of a wardrobe.

Oh well. We can still get drunk and stuff. And now that we've busted their prank, maybe the lizard chicks will work.

>>494388
"Chicks"? I thought one was male! I really need smellovision.

>>494395
...sorry, I forgot the apostrophe. Should be "chick's". There's only one female lizard wizard in the party.

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)00:42 No. 494412 ID: b3ca75
File 136126335583.png - (30.45KB , 900x600 , 27.png )

>Eat him.
If you mean literally, then no, I’m not that kind of mantis. If you mean figurative, then it’s still no. Somehow I’m able to resist pulling of his pants and eating his delicious man flesh, though I have no idea how I manage.
>Smash down that bricked up doorway.
What, with my bare claws? Besides, I don’t think the authorities would be that happy if we started breaking stuff in here.

>Splatter yourself with fake blood and return to the others.
Oh, hi Claire, did you like the prank Ren… wait, what happen to you?
I ran into a zombie. Had to bash its head in a few times before it stopped. Don’t worry, it’s dead now, though I have to say, I’ve never heard a zombie scream in pain before…
…you’re kidding, right? …oh gods, you aren’t kidding… you killed… That was Renault! Quick, take me to him, maybe I can… why are you looking at me like that… OH NO! YOU GONE CRAZY, HAVEN’T YOU!? STAY AWAY FROM ME! HELP!

…that was surprisingly easy…

Insert HALP, I need somebody_

Start laughing at your successful prank. Eventually Waran will realize that it's happy laughing and not crazy person laughing.

Haha, reassure him before he shoots you or something.

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)06:02 No. 494457 ID: b3ca75
File 136128253630.png - (32.22KB , 900x600 , 28.png )

>Haha, reassure him before he shoots you or something.
Um… calm down, I was on-
Shh, keep going. The Lizards are coming!
…wha-
Just play along. AAAAAH!

Waran? Are you okaaaaa…
Clarie…?
…

Insert Twofer_

You're zombies too! All undead must DIE!

>>494458
Haha yeah this. And I meant "Apply enormous battleaxe to wall", but this is funnier.

>>494458
Haha yeah this. And I meant "Apply enormous battleaxe to wall", but this is funnier.

(in the least convincing voice ever)

...I swear this isn't what it looks like.

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)07:25 No. 494463 ID: b3ca75
File 136128754470.png - (32.77KB , 900x600 , 29.png )

>You're zombies too! All undead must DIE!
Oh gods, you’re tainted to!? I must purge the disease from your flesh! I must purge all the undead!
AAAAH!
…Seriously, what. There’s no undead in here…
Brains…
:ClariePIX: I’m the only one who’s clean!
AAAAAH!!!

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)07:25 No. 494464 ID: b3ca75
File 136128755607.png - (31.17KB , 900x600 , 30.png )

Run Away! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
…dammit, now I got to find him again. You guys know his sensitive… well, Claire don’t obviously, but the rest. *Sigh* oh, and Waran, next time do try to actually lie still and not laugh. You gave away the whole thing, you know. See you guys in a while…
HA! That was fun… so… um…
Psst!
OW! Why did you jab me in the ri- I mean, um, I got to go… clean of this makeup? Yeah, that’s right… I’ll be going now…
----
…
…
So…um… I got some water if you want some help cleaning away that paint?

Insert I think he made high C_

>>494464
He's hitting on you. BEFRIEND HIM. Like, actual friends. Don't seduce him, eat him, or manipulate him. He seems like a decent fellow.

>water for paint
Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.

>>494466
yep.

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)10:03 No. 494470 ID: b3ca75
File 136129700503.png - (29.98KB , 900x600 , 31.png )

>He's hitting on you.
I wouldn’t call that hitting. More like friendly.
>Yeah, that sounds good.
Thanks, Waran.
Please call me WrrWrrn.
…that’s an odd name…
I was named by humans. They thought it sounded mantisy…
Well, I’m called Clkrlgb.
Clkrlgb? That’s… very fitting your dominant personality. Anyway, how do you like it so far? …the school and the students, I mean. Oh, and sorry for Renny, he’s a little… yeah…

Insert Small talk_

It's been pretty fun so far, and learning how to fight things is always a plus.

>Oh, and sorry for Renny, he’s a little… yeah…
Eh, we got an excuse to wack him in the head a few times, so we're good.

>shy romantic interest

I detect a pattern here.

Kaktus 2013/02/19(Tue)11:58 No. 494487 ID: b3ca75
File 136130391047.png - (33.16KB , 900x600 , 32.png )

>shy romantic interest, I detect a pattern here.
Well, he doesn’t really seem shy, just quiet. Besides, who said that the first mantis I meet will be my romantic interest? Yes, I might want to tap that like a prodigal sorcerer and dealing one damage to target creature or player thus winning the game… wait, what was I talking about again?

>It's been pretty fun so far, and learning how to fight things is always a plus.
...but we haven’t learned anything about fighting yet.
I did whack Renault over the head a few times.
That doesn’t really count… oh well, welcome to the Cannon Fodders. Don’t worry, it just a name. I’ll have you know the most effective group last year was called the red shirts.
Are you sure she isn’t crazy?
For the last time, yes! Now then, we’re done with the prank part (mostly) so what’s next? Open up the beer, telling ghost stories and…
…and what?
…Renault? Are you okay? I know you got a deck of cards with you so you could suggest strip poker. And that bottle for spinning… It isn’t like you to not suggest something lewd.
Um… I-I got sensible for o-once?
Right…
Hey, why don’t we let the new chick decide what to do? Maybe she’s even more lewd then Renny!

Insert Intermission_

>Maybe she’s even more lewd then Renny
Naaah. Clarie ain't Liz.

>>494487
We have a deck of cards, it'd be a shame to let it go unused. How about regular poker? We'd just need chips. We could play all sorts of card games.

...wait, why is there a roaring fireplace and a bundle of wood in an abandoned mansion? Did someone bring the wood and light the fireplace?

>>494487
Combine spin the bottle, beer, and cards into the greatest party game of your generation.

Poker. winner gets to drink. everyone else is a potential spin-the-bottle truth or dare victim.

>>494532
This and the winner has to take off one article of clothing.

Haha, he got scared out of being lewd. Anyway, seconding >>494503 since we do have a card deck already.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)00:49 No. 494589 ID: b3ca75
File 136135014673.png - (31.81KB , 900x600 , 33.png )

>why is there a roaring fireplace?
Because Waran brought a bunch of faggots with him. You know those things that were made to be burned.
>Combine spin the bottle, beer, and cards into the greatest party game of your generation.
Why not everything? Poker, loser drinks, winner get to dare someone to something?
I like the way you think!
------
~13 beers later…
------
…and because Ranny *Clack* was a dick today, I dare Renault to *Click* make out… make out with Thanros for one whole minute!
W-WHAT!?
W-wait, why did y-you bring me into it? What did *hic* I do?
Shush, brother, you know you’ll… um… you’ll… enjoy it? You’re like a tree full of laughing monkeys high on laugh gas. Besides, Waran didn’t win. Claire did… So Claire, want to dare someone?
…Why does it look *hic* like the sky is on fire?
It’s just the sun setting, stop trying to slink away from the dare!

Insert Fire in the sky!

>>494589
That would be the Academy on fire, I bet.

Go check it out. If the city's being attacked by a horde of undead and the Academy's on fire, dare everyone to start boarding up the doors and windows and pray for their very lives.

You like the way Waran thinks, but that'd punish Thanros almost as much as Renault. Instead, dare Renault to pull off one of his socks, put it over his hand like a sock puppet, and make out with it for one whole minute. With tongue.

...Wait a sec... Didn't you lot leave the Academy after sundown? Better go have a look out the window. That is, after Renault finishes, of course.

Didn't the Eaggran say you couldn't leave because it was already past sun down? Better check outside because if it's the sun rising you better get back to the academy for morning drills.

Go take a peek out the window. If your bud was wrong, you may tease him. I expect though that something really is burning.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)07:04 No. 494623 ID: b3ca75
File 136137265629.png - (8.39KB , 900x600 , 34.png )

dare Renault to pull off one of his socks, put it over his hand like a sock puppet, and make out with it for one whole minute. With tongue.
...do I really have to use my sock? It’s all sweaty and moist…
You know what the punishment for not doing a dare is…
…Fine, I’ll kiss the damn sock… ew…

>Better check outside because if it's the sun rising you better get back to the academy.
It’s like ten o’clock! There’s no way the sun is already raising…
>That would be the Academy on fire, I bet.
Then you lose the bet, because the school is in the opposite direction. Besides, the light is up in the sky, hidden among the clouds. I wonder what it is…

-------------

Look up there, in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s… some weird flying building thingy where some of that elusive plot is happening…

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)07:04 No. 494624 ID: b3ca75
File 136137267259.png - (12.89KB , 900x600 , 35.png )

Meanwhile, in the hall of justice an ominous dark room on that ominous flying thing with ominous music playing in the background and everything.

Oh, great empress, why have you called me? We are just ready to start the invasion and I’m needed to oversee the initial strike… and why is the lights out? I mean, I can barely see in here.
‘Oy, Folken! Because it’s more ominous this way, it is!
…It’s Dylon, Mother. Folken is your 14th son, I’m your 23rd…
…yeah, yeah, Folken. Have you found the vessel yet? The one for the many!?

Insert Plot_

It is I Falken! I am the vessal of the one for the many!

I mean Dylon...

>That would be the Academy on fire
Nah, these guys are already orphans. We've already had the mandatory rpg home town destruction. The Academy is free to fall prey to other tropes.

...I like the absurdly animie bug armor. :V

>the vessel yet? The one for the many!?
Again? I guess every one of these games is gonna be about the crystals the vessel. Stupid hack writers.

Hey, yoo-hoo! Queenie! Voices of the many here, speaking. What's 'sup?

>>494624
Idiot, if you're not about to grow a spine and shank the empress, inform her that the contagious insanity has infected you.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)09:23 No. 494636 ID: b3ca75
File 136138099868.png - (11.67KB , 900x600 , 36.png )

Um… as much as I appreciate your vagueness, your excellency, but can you be a little bit more specific? This… vessel, is it a literal vessel or some kind of metaphor?
You must find the eternal vessel for the people, Folken, FOR THE PEOPLE!
That… didn’t help at all…

>Voices of the many here, speaking. What's 'sup?
…and apparently I just went mad from being exposed to the Empress stupidity… swell…
Does this one of many manifest through voices, by any chance?
You’re actually hearing them? Good, goooood… That’s mean they are nearby! The many likes to interact with important people around its vessel. I knew you would be important as soon as I saw you hatch, Folken.
It’s Dylon… and you didn’t actually see me before my 15 hatchday.
Always the kidder, Folken. Now, invade that place, find the vessel and come home. Empress signing off, peace! …um…how do I close this video thingy?
Big red button to your right…
Ah, of course! Always the smart one, eh Folken? Peace! [Empress Bloated, Pulsating, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed Slug-For-A-Butt has signed off.]
*Sigh* who changed the empress user name? And turn on the damn light!

>grow a spine and shank the empress.
…Why? She may be an idiot, but I don’t really have anything to win on it. Anyway, can you tell me where you are? It would be a lot easier to find you that way. Otherwise, please get out of my head; I’m got an invasion to oversee…

Insert Earth mantis Jim_

What's in it for us if we tell you where we are? Could we convince you to opt for a nice peaceful inviting the vessel to come hang out with you instead of an invasion full of unnecessary death and slaughter?

And why would we want to get out for your head? If we're gonna be on the other side of an invasion being launched, spying in the head of the guy running it seems like a great place to be!

Its kinda hard to tell where you are when you don't exist in conventional time and space.

We're in a mansion, near a large-ish city near your location. It's reputed to be haunted by the locals, and your giant flying castle is extremely visible. We should be inside a fairly tall Mantis lady, who is with an irritating human, a submissive mantis, and two lizards.
THAT'S WHAT THEY GET FOR SAYING I HATE FREEDOM.

>>494641

I'll hate YOUR Freedom if you know what I mean.

>>494641
Silence this.

(I mean, dude, shut up! if we're going to sell them out, we should at least get something for our trouble, and take the time to harass 'Folken' first).

>>494641
...I so wish I could punch you in the face right now, you flippin' idiot.

Okay, Dylon, could you be convinced to hold the invasion and just send down a commando unit or something to find the vessel? 'Cause if you throw down an invasion, it's inevitable the vessel will end up in the wind again, carried out of the doomed town by someone. It could also be that the vessel IS someone, who then dies in the invasion, and the vessel ends up skipping off into time and space to attach to another. You ever think of that? Ending up invading for nothing? Worse than nothing, 'cause now you've got no idea where the vessel is.

Seriously, you can hold the invasion. Just have the invaders stand out of camera view. The Empress wouldn't know one way or another.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)10:46 No. 494646 ID: b3ca75
File 136138597836.png - (3.38KB , 900x600 , 37.png )

Dammit, I told you to turn on the light, not turn it off!

>Okay, Dylon, could you be convinced to hold the invasion and just send down a commando unit or something to find the vessel?
The invasion is not only to get to the vessel. We are after all here to take over. You know, free the slaves, help those in need and absorb the rest into our culture. Hopefully it will be relative bloodless invasion. After all, we are here to protect the people, not slaughter them.

>Could we convince you to opt for a nice peaceful inviting the vessel to come hang out with you instead.
If it is willing to come, then yes, you have my official invitation. Of course, you have to tell me where it is before I can invite it. Now, if I should only find the light swish so I can start this invasion…

Insert dinner for two_

Hmm. Howabout this? You give us a password for safe passage, tell us where your invasion HQ is gonna be, and we'll see about steering the vessel your way.

>>494646
They're trying to silence me! THEY'RE IN A HAUNTED MANSION IN PLAIM VIEW OF YOUR CASTLE! It's Team Cannonfodder, go kick their nervestapling asses!

>>494651
Silence the freedom hater, again.

>>494652
Oh yeah? Well I'm silencing your silencing of myself.

>>494654
Sorry, you can't counter my trap card unless you have a counter-trap card. :V

We'd tell you where the vessel is if we knew ourselves. Unfortunately, our first memories were of popping into the head of an orphan mantis girl at the Adventurer's Academy not more than half a day ago. Maybe the vessel was brought into town around then?

>>494649
Yeah, this is alright. Give us a password for our carrier to use for safe passage and we'll see about getting ourselves to you.

Kaktus 2013/02/20(Wed)11:51 No. 494664 ID: b3ca75
File 136138987415.png - (30.62KB , 900x600 , 38.png )

>Sorry, you can't counter my trap card unless you have a counter-trap card.
That sentence activated my trap card!
>You give us a password for safe passage, tell us where your invasion HQ is gonna be, and we'll see about steering the vessel your way.
Hmm, very well. I am thinking on setting up in that old castle in the city, the one which houses an adventurer school. They are natural in the conflict and are actually renting out the top floors for whoever pays them. Oh right, password. “Learn, Adapt, Evolve”…
>our first memories were of popping into the head of an orphan mantis girl.
A mantis girl? Hmm, well now I actually got a reason to talk to all the mantis ladies I meet… official reason I mean. Of course, it wou- wait, what’s happening? You’re di-

-------

Well, the roster is ready, except it’s asleep... How do you want to do this?

Okay, I got one. This is a real scary one too!
Um… shouldn’t we wait for the girls?
We can’t just sit around doing nothing. And besides, it’s just one scary story.
So…*cough* …It was a dark and stormy night…

Insert Chicken Mighty…

Hey guys? Warning! This place is about to be invaded by the bug empire or something.

Also, there's someone at the window.

>>494669
> Warning!
COUNTERSPELL. Guys, the Empire is here for a peace conference. Stay in the mansion, so as not to accidentally cause a diplomatic incident by violating curfew.

Well we were shunted into the head of he head of the invasion force for a bit. Apparently they're here to free the slaves and integrate this place into the empire... and and congrats the Academy is gonna be thier base of operations. Oh also they're kinda looking for you Claire. Its our fault... sorry.

>>494676
Shield spell.

>>494669
That would be us. We're gonna throw the rooster in there at the climax of the ghost story.

With the restraints off and stuff, of course, so it runs around making a scene. Leave the hood on until just before we throw it in.

>>494677
You've activated my trap card. Exodia, obliterate his lifepoints!

Hah! bad move friend. I have none. Your Exodia is now lost to the Abyss that is my life. Follow it if you dare.

>>494680
Nah, I'll just use the O-Ring and we're getting off topic here. Check the window, it's likely an Imperial Gift Giving Battalion.

I think the Empire is still preparing its invasion. The window shadow is probably Claire as she and Thanra try to rouse the rooster.

Dylon, who are the five greatest rappers in the world?

>Invading Empire with floating-rock-castle ships led by a guy named Folken
Hey Folken, you happen to know a guy named Dilandau?

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)05:00 No. 494787 ID: b3ca75
File 136145163464.png - (32.07KB , 900x600 , 39.png )

>You've activated my trap card. Exodia, obliterate his lifepoints!
Card games on motorcycles?
>This place is about to be invaded by the bug empire or something.
What? Why would they invade this place? If they are going to war with the republic, wouldn’t they invade somewhere a bit more tactical sound?

>Oh also they're kinda looking for you Claire. It’s our fault... sorry.
…why are they looking for me? Why me? Am I really that important?
Earth to Claire, you there?

>We're gonna throw the rooster in there at the climax of the ghost story.
…and then, as she slowly crept up to the door, she saw it. The-
Rooster away!
The- holy marshmallow on a pogo stick, WHAT IS THAT!
CAW!
It’s the ghost! RUN!
It’s just a rooster, guys.
Don’t worry. I’ll hit that mighty cock with my mighty weapon!
NO, DON’T!

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)05:00 No. 494788 ID: b3ca75
File 136145165320.png - (34.65KB , 900x600 , 40.png )

Oh gods, they are everywhere!?
My eyes! They are pecking at my eyes!
AAAH!
CAW! CAW! Freaking CAW!
…um…
This wasn’t part of the plan…

Renault, Thanros and Waran takes 10 damage each!

Insert Rooster flavored, with a salty finish_



>Dylon, who are the five greatest rappers in the world?
The five greatest rappers in the world is Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan and Dylon. Because he can spit hot fire.
>Hey Folken, you happen to know a guy named Dilandau?
It’s Dylon, dammit! And fuck Dilandau! Fuck that guy right in his vagina!

>Card games on motorcycles?
Grampa here complaining that in his day, the absurd magic card games didn't require no motorcycles. We played in big ugly immobile hologram boxes and we liked it. Whippersnappers.

>COOCOO DEATH SWARM!
Quick! Someone grab their magic powder! It's the only thing that stops them!

Well, that or just get through the door, ASAP. They've got worse attention spans and memory than zombies.

They're looking for you because you're maybe our vessel. Turns out being the host to the theoretically omnipotent source of magic and the souls of almost everyone who has ever died gets you hunted by bug people now!
Which I guess is better than being hunted by ancient magic super robot mages.

Sweet Jebus! If that's what happens when you strike a chicken around here, how the heck do your butchers survive? Must make chicken meat expensive.

Yell at 'em to get over to ya and jump out the window. You and Thandra can bat the chicken swarm back inside until they're all through, then shut the window. Once clear Waran can treat everyone's wounds. How many HP do those three have, anyway? Is 10 off serious?

When we planned to throw a rooster at them I thought we meant an ordinary chicken not a cucco. Well I guess there isn't much we can do but rush for the nearest load point.

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)12:58 No. 494830 ID: b3ca75
File 136148031143.png - (30.38KB , 900x600 , 41.png )

>They're looking for you because you're maybe our vessel.
Wait, what? T-that wasn’t part of the contract! The gods damn those grumble grumble…
>how the heck do your butchers survive?
There must be a way to kill them off without spawning a dozen of them. At least it isn’t very hard to get more chicken.
>How many HP do those three have, anyway? Is 10 off serious?
I don’t know about those guys, but I got 40 myself… being level 1 and all…

>Yell at 'em to get over to ya and jump out the window then rush for the nearest load point.
A-are they still after us!? Oh gods, they are still coming, aren’t they!?
Man, calm down! They stopped chasing us at the mansion. They are not going to follow us here.

>Once clear Waran can treat everyone's wounds.
Ow!
Stand still.
Aw man, I’m still bleeding… That was just a mean prank…
Sorry…
Like that will heal our wounds. No, you gals own us something more.
I have to concur with Renny on this. You guys should really make for it after all this pain.
I know the perfect way you girls can make up for it b-
…
I-I wasn’t g-going suggest s-something like t-that! I promise! I-I was g-going to… um… say… n-never mind…

Insert favors_

Contract? Clair, what are you holding back on us? It could be very important because the empress wants us for herself.

>T-that wasn’t part of the contract! The gods damn those
...alright, out with it. Who did you make a contract with, and what were the supposed conditions?

>mean prank
Hey, it was relatively harmless, up until Rene resorted to animal abuse. I mean, hitting a fake undead person in the head is fine. But a fake undead animal? You monster! Just hope that PETA never hears about this...

Man, doesn't Rene know hitting a chicken summons an angry flock? He's gotta take a bit of blame in this as well.

Alright, how 'bout you two clean their quarters, wash their laundry, run their errands, do their chores, and cook their meals for a week?

It isn't hard to get chicken 'cause a dozen more spawn in if they're smacked without killing 'em. Considering that, it's a wonder the world isn't covered in a sea of poultry.

>>494836
Cucco's are just masters of summoning, those dozen cukoos in that room all came from somewhere so right now there is some poor farmer somewhere whose cukoos have all mysteriously disappeared but now that we've left the room they'll reappear right where they belong soon enough and the balance will be maintained.

>>494830
Please tell us everything you know about the aliens and your "contract". Don't hold out on us, now.

agree to cover for the three of them if they decide to play hooky so they can have a free day at a time of there choosing. CAN NOT be used to get our of quest/adventer that they do not want to do. the only way that would work is if they took there day off before they were assigned an adventer

You could always buy the group's beer next time or two.

Kaktus 2013/02/21(Thu)23:07 No. 495029 ID: b3ca75
File 136151686593.png - (30.63KB , 900x600 , 42.png )

>...alright, out with it. Who did you make a contract with, and what were the supposed conditions?
D-did I say contract? I meant…um… haha? Let’s never talk about this again?
>You could always buy the group's beer next time or two.
Do you know how much that would cost? I would be ruined!!! Ruined I tell you!!!!!

>Alright, how 'bout you two clean their quarters, wash their laundry, run their errands, do their chores, and cook their meals for a week?
For a whole week!? Isn’t that a little too much? How about just one day?
But that’s a little lackluster, clearly not enough to make up for the rooster. Hmm… how about… well… I know about this place where you can rent maid outfits~
Well, it is humiliating but I don’t know…

>Man, doesn't Rene know hitting a chicken summons an angry flock? He's gotta take a bit of blame in this as well.
How about we dress up Renny in one too?
Now that I can get behind!
…as long as I get to see long legs in a maid outfit then it’s worth it.
I can’t decide if I should smack you for being perverts or if I should support this idea to see Rene in a maid outfit…
…Doesn’t that mean you are a pervert yourself?
Shut up! Hey, Claire, what do you think? Is this deal fair?

Insert if you call right now you get 20% off!

>>495029
First thing's first: We have STRONG SUSPICION the invaders are going to hit the school first. They may be there already.

how the hell would a maid outfit work for a Mantis, not that there is anything wrong with it I just never seen it and have no idea how it would work

>>495029
One day, with maid outfits? Hmmm. Okay. A little dress up never hurt anyone.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)08:17 No. 495059 ID: b3ca75
File 136154984785.png - (30.95KB , 900x600 , 43.png )

>how the hell would a maid outfit work for a Mantis?
It would work just like it works for everyone else. We just have to wear slightly different design compared to the bipedal ones.

>One day, with maid outfits? Hmmm. Okay. A little dress up never hurt anyone.
Why do I have a feeling you’re going to eat those words?
I don’t see how a maid outfit will hurt.
You said the same thing when you dressed up as a necromancer and you know how that turned out. You can still smell the purple on Tuesdays in the courtyard.
That doesn’t count.

>First thing's first: We have STRONG SUSPICION the invaders are going to hit the school first. They may be there already.
Um… Remember those weird lights we saw? I think those where an Imperial invading force and they probably will attack the school first…
Um… why would they invade us? There’s nothing of value out here…
Besides, we are with the adventure guild. We’re neutral toward both the republic and the empire so they won’t attack us.
If anything they’ll probably hire us to work for them instead.
And from a tactical standpoint they are going to take out the guard regiments in the city first. You know, they guys whose job is to protect the city from this kind of things.
You’re worrying to much, Claire. Even if they invaded then they would leave us alone as long as we don’t have anything they want… um… you don’t have anything they want, do you?

Insert truth or lies_

>hire us to work for them
...why would be be willing to attack the place we live in, again? That seems very bad business even for mercs.

>empire v republic
Wait... if this is a republic, them why do you have imperial freedoms?

>um… you don’t have anything they want, do you?
NoooooooOOOOOOooo. Of course not. Definitely no. Why would I... okay yes. Um, probably yes.

Claire we can't advise you properly without the full story. Please give us the details of your 'contract.'

Also you're probably right about not attacking you. However they WILL be using the top floors as a abase for the invasion. The academy is renting them out.

Lemme guess. You bought the protagonist position from someone and weren't expecting all this stuff?

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)10:09 No. 495096 ID: b3ca75
File 136155656105.png - (30.91KB , 900x600 , 44.png )

>...why would be be willing to attack the place we live in, again? That seems very bad business even for mercs.
Not everyone have the same love for the republic like we do. And besides, even if the Empire wins we’ll just become imperial citizen instead of republican.
It isn’t so bad, you know…
Um… except we lose our ability to vote for who leads us, our free religion, our free market and our servants. Not to speak about their high taxes, I mean, I don’t want to pay so the poor can sit around doing nothing and live on the money I earn.
What!? They are taking the servants! But who will make me my nightly sandwiches? Those… damn.... Freedom hating imperials, stealing our property!

>Wait... if this is a republic, them why do you have imperial freedoms?
We don’t? We’re a republic because we vote. We’re republic citizen because we live in their land. The adventuring guild isn’t republic and is more a weird free global organization which goes under the rules of don’t bother us and we don’t bother you kind of thing.

>Claire we can't advise you properly without the full story. Please give us the details of your 'contract.'
I might have signed a contract for magical powers beyond my wildest imaginations… to be fair; I thought it was a dream at the time. You see… I had this weird dream when I was younger about some lizard calling herself the ageless one. She gave me a deal where I would become a wizard as long as I took care of some voices for her and as it was pretty much a non-lucid dream I said yes without thinking. So I got stuck with you guys and… magical stuff happens, the end.

Insert do you believe in magic?_

say nothing and just wait for it all to happen then say I told you so

Oooh try making it rain tapioca! Or was it pudding?

We could never get that to work.

Yep, lizbeth sold you her spot as protagonist.
Now, if only you knew magic of some kind.
Anyways, formal introduction time? We're The One of Many! The theoretically omnipotent source of magic. Take off your top.

Where are the Eaggran? SHouldn't they still be guarding the exit?

>Insert do you believe in magic?
Yes. We are magic.

Also, that Lizard was Lizbeth Suss. An ancient, ageless magical construct, the physical vessel for the voices of the many / voices of magic (that's us, b-t-dubs), last surviving bearer of the soul foci gems, an absurdly powerful mage specializing in reality warping, and to top it all off? Incredibly irresponsible and impulse driven.

So congratulations. A physical mad god basically offered to let you hold onto one of the sources of her power for a while. And you said yes. Your life is now basically going to be dealing with everyone who wants this power.

>imperial freedoms
>we don't [have them]
You were totally whining about imperial freedoms when we tried to admonish you on the whole slavery thing.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)11:19 No. 495115 ID: b3ca75
File 136156074352.png - (31.21KB , 900x600 , 45.png )

>Oooh try making it rain pudding!
Creating tapioca pudding… please stand by… average wait-time: 6 months. Started creating on 22/11/12… current date: 22/2/13… Remaining time: 3 months.

>You were totally whining about imperial freedoms when we tried to admonish you on the whole slavery thing.
Having the freedom to own plant people isn’t imperial freedom. The right to govern yourself as a state with no overlord but the emperor is imperial freedom and last time I checked we don’t have an emperor.
>Your life is now basically going to be dealing with everyone who wants this power.
Son of an Eaggran! I knew there was some fine print!

>Now, if only you knew magic of some kind.
…yes, if only I had magic… haha… ha… because I absolutely doesn’t have any right now… ha…
>Take off your top.
…why? I don’t really have anything to show under it. If you want to be a pervert you’d have to ask me to remove my bottom instead.

>Where are the Eaggran? Shouldn't they still be guarding the exit?
Speaking of servants… where are they?
That’s a good question…
Oh, gods, the empire have stolen them!
…they aren’t going to sneak them away in the middle of the night…

*Boom* Scream!* Invasion noises* I should really pay the sound guy more because these sound effects suck*

And that sounds like someone fighting… uh, maybe you were right about this whole invasion thing.
W-what are we going to do!?
Go to bed? I mean, what can we do? This isn’t our fight to fight after all…

Insert fighting fighter fights fighters_

>*Invasion noises*
Best sfx.

>what do?
You choices are to fight the invaders, hide and/or run, or hope you can join with them.

hey FYI we kind of told the guy looking for you that you were here and that you would meat him, so yaaaahh. he goes by the name of Dylon but everyone just calls him Folken so if you see anyone trying to take your head, well we did get a safety word put up to let you skip all of the fighting it was
Learn, Adapt, Evolve
or you could just say F*** it and sleep at the inn in town and hope this all just blows over

Okay wow, you are really bad at lying to us.
Okay, what magic do you know?

Don't forget that one of us happened to mention her species and gender so he has at least a vague idea of who to look for. We also seem to get jettisoned to certain important people when they are within range and the guy leading the army seems to qualify, so you may lose contact with us again while we talk to this Folken guy.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)12:49 No. 495133 ID: b3ca75
File 136156618395.png - (29.21KB , 900x600 , 46.png )

>hey FYI we kind of told the guy looking for you that you were here and that you would meet him, so yaaaahh.
So… I’m going to have some visitor soon, huh? So I either run and hide or hope they don’t want to something bad to me…
>Okay, what magic do you know?
The kind that screws up your life and we don’t talk about.

>You choices are to fight the invaders, hide and/or run, or hope you can join with them.
>you could just say F*** it and hope this all just blows over.

Fight <--
Hide
Run
Join
F*** it

You have chosen fight! Let’s crack some heads!

Well I’m going to bed… goodnight, girls.
Wait, aren’t we going to do something?
I have to concur with Waran. This isn’t our fight. Beside, we’re going to have school tomorrow even if hell invaded. So goodnight.
Goodnight sis… Claire…

…Unable to choose fight, automatically choosing F*** it. Teleporting character to bedroom.

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)12:50 No. 495134 ID: b3ca75
File 136156620494.png - (28.07KB , 900x600 , 47.png )

Wait what!? But I wanted to fight! Gah, stupid railroad plot!
Stupid rail what? Are you okay Claire? You’re looking… um… kind of pale…
…I’m… fine.

[Warning, magical power is low. Please refill your power]

Insert Om nom nom_

"The kind that screws up your life and we don’t talk about."
oh so you know necromancy so that is what happened to your, parents...oh shit sorry

>Beside, we’re going to have school tomorrow even if hell invaded.
What! You mean we don't get invasion days at this school? Or even Armageddon days? Just look at all that white fluffy snow ash accumulating! They gotta cancel!

>Warning, magical power is low. Please refill your power
...how? I thought that's what we were for. And new girl isn't a construct with a magic soul-eating gem in her we can fuel with murder, either.

>>495134
You need something to eat, I suppose?

Stare at Thanra and say you're hungry. Then... I don't know, go out and find something to eat?

Kaktus 2013/02/22(Fri)14:51 No. 495158 ID: b3ca75
File 136157351980.png - (28.87KB , 900x600 , 48.png )

>you know necromancy.
…yes.
>...how? I thought that's what we were for.
I don’t know… maybe… maybe you can’t power me… maybe only a part of you is here… maybe…
>You need something to eat, I suppose?
[You do not have the necessary necromantic power to keep your lich form! Please consume the corpses of your enemies to gain necromantic power!]
…feed…

>Stare at Thanra.
Um… do I have something on my face or…? Gods, are you sure you’re okay? You almost look like a corpse…
>say you're hungry.
Need to feed…
Well, then go to the kitchen. I’m sure they’ll get you something. Just go past the main gate, take a left at the crypt and you’ll walk right past it… or just follow the signs.
Crypt?
Yeah, for all the adventurers that have died in this area… or just the unlucky/careless students… anyway, I’m going to sleep. See you in the morning!
Feed…

Insert feeding habit_

Oh. You're a bug-lich? That's kind of cool. And with a melee build that means we can exploit awesome negative energy draining unarmed scythe attacks. Sweet!

Off to the crypts. Feed on the dead.

We should at least try to sustain ourselves off normal food. We could be involved with one of those moral choice systems that gives us a bad ending if we eat dead people.

will someone please pick up that phone because if believe I FUCKING CALLED IT. ... sorry
Anyway if there is no other way then head off to the crypt then hit the kitchen on the way back to not raise to many questions. Also those guys that that are looking for you might be, well, looking for you in the halls so be careful

>>495160
Eh, it's fine so long as we don't eat anyone that doesn't deserve it.

>>495158
Alright, get your butt to the crypt pronto.

To the Crypt!

Good thing theres an invasion going on. Lots of corpses with those.

Might be a little problem with raiding the crypt, since you need to eat the corpses of your fallen enemies. The dead there may not count.

>>495223
Quit trying to overlogic everything or you become corpse fodder

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:40 No. 495348 ID: b3ca75
File 136161604152.png - (24.63KB , 900x600 , 49.png )

>Eh, it's fine so long as we don't eat anyone that doesn't deserve it.
Everyone deserves…
>Alright, get your butt to the crypt pronto.
…feeeeed…

Chapter completed!
Current kills: 4
Corpses eaten: 2
Cheeses found: 0

Current relationships:
Thanra: Friend.
Thanros: Friend.
Waran: Friend.
Renault: Crush.
Dylon: Neutral.
Folken: Hate.
Nicolas Cage, the harbinger of bees: Arch nemesis!

Current humanity: Negative.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495349 ID: b3ca75
File 136161606349.jpg - (57.76KB , 400x311 , 134287068511.jpg )

Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495350 ID: b3ca75
File 136161607999.png - (289.76KB , 511x426 , 134287069877.png )

Hey, superman, Hey! HEY! hey!
what do you want, douche face.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)02:41 No. 495351 ID: b3ca75
File 136161609807.jpg - (39.59KB , 500x375 , 134287071295.jpg )

The dam downtown has burst and people is drowning, lets save them with whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
Shut up, dork face, I’m trying to watch my stories!
But what about the drowning people? And the whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
They can drown for all I care, ass face, my stories is on! Go and die in a corner or something and leave me alone!

You are now Superman!

Insert dickish command_

>Dickish command
Kick aquaman in the dick so hard that it physically detaches, then pick it up and devour it in front of him
show him that crossing you is a grave mistake.
Promise him that next time, it won't just be his manhood.
It will be his LIFE.

>>495351
Go freeze the water. That'll keep people from drowning.

start funneling all the water on earth into space, and tell him if he can't handle a few drowning people on his own, you'll just have to make sure he never has that problem again.

>>495357
This sounds most like Superman to me.

>>495357
Yup.

>>495357

"After all, space is a kind of ocean."

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)05:01 No. 495368 ID: b3ca75
File 136162447913.png - (190.48KB , 321x250 , ChildishAnger.png )

>start funneling all the water on earth into space
If you can’t handle some drowning people on your own, then I have to make sure no one ever drowns in your presence again! And besides, space is like an ocean, anyway.
B-but the sea life!? The people? Humankind needs water to live!
It’s not my fault those pathetic earthlings need water.
Oh gods… the whales… THE WHALES! You’ll pay for this, superman! Mark my words, you’ll pay!
Yeah, I’ll feel real bad when I find the goldfish you’ll leave on my doorstep. Now be quite, I’m going to watch my stories.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)05:01 No. 495369 ID: b3ca75
File 136162448930.png - (1.11MB , 950x815 , Justice anime.png )

We interrupt this program to bring you these urgent news.
What!? How dare they interrupt my stories!
Apparently, superman have gone mad once again and decided to funnel the worlds water into space. The justice league has been assembled to deal with this new threat. So don’t worry folks, as soon as batman… I mean Lupin have gathered some kryptonite they’ll kick superman’s ass and everything will go back to normal. This is Kent Brockman, channel 5 news.
Someone is disturbing my TV watching! ALL THE WORLDS MUST BURN FOR THIS INSULENCE!!!!!
Actually, I think it is pronounced insolence.
I KEEEEEL YOU!

Insert universal destruction_

Wow the Justice League sure looks anime today.

Superman: KEEEL

>Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!
Fuck yes!

>Insert universal destruction
Okay, realistically? The only one of these chumps that could stop you is batman. So fly around the world really fast to go back in time, save his parents, and stop him from every becoming the bat. The return to the future and KEEL everyone who opposes you.

>>495374
What about that Metallo guy? The one made of Kryptonite or something?

>>495381
Supervillain. He wouldn't be fighting for the league.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)08:49 No. 495386 ID: b3ca75
File 136163815292.png - (146.09KB , 480x206 , Youspinmeroundandround.png )

>Okay, realistically? The only one of these chumps that could stop you is batman. So fly around the world really fast to go back in time, save his parents, and stop him from every becoming the bat.

Foolproof plan!

Too bad that time doesn’t actually reverse if you spin the world the wrong way. Instead, Superman ignites the worlds atmosphere, thus killing off everyone… including TV.

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)08:49 No. 495387 ID: b3ca75
File 136163816515.png - (190.66KB , 316x414 , NotTheTV!.png )

NOOOO! Not TV! Where am I supposed to watch my stories now! BWAAAAH!

Insert welp… what now?

go insane and watch tv despite there being none.

Grab a nuclear powered television set, and fly out faster than the speed of light, until you're outside the bubble of the earth's outgoing television broadcasts. Then you can set up in deep space and watch the entire history of TV rerun as the signals catch up to you.

>>495387
According to relativity, traveling faster than light to a very distant point in space will allow you to travel back in time! Fly to the opposite end of the universe and back at faster than light speeds!

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495393 ID: b3ca75
File 136163985277.png - (84.86KB , 570x462 , WhosFAT.png )

>Fly to the opposite end of the universe and back at faster than light speeds!
But that require effort! Who do you think I am? The [Insert superhero/villain here]?

>Grab a nuclear powered television set, and fly out faster than the speed of light, until you're outside the bubble of the earth's outgoing television broadcasts. Then you can set up in deep space and watch the entire history of TV rerun as the signals catch up to you.
But I don’t want to watch reruns! I want to know what will happen in my stories! By krypton, I will never know if Sara ever gets to know that John is cheating on her!

>go insane and watch tv despite there being none.
And thus our “hero” SUPERMAN! Went completely mad and started watching TV. For once, he was happy… but he felt like something was missing…

>Summon the biggest fish
Yeeeesssssss

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495394 ID: b3ca75
File 136163986223.png - (401.14KB , 547x522 , WTFBOOOM.png )

Warning, fish mass exceeds that of normal values! ERROR! The Universe has committed an illegal action and will shut down! All your unsaved date will be lost! Have a nice day.

How dare you explode! THIS INSULENCE WILL NOT BE TO-

Kaktus 2013/02/23(Sat)09:17 No. 495395 ID: b3ca75
File 136163987316.png - (172.63KB , 500x346 , RussianCosmonoutNeeded.png )

Game Over

Revenge!

Welp, everything crashed again.

Hey, Liz, you out here in the crashed void of reality? Any chance we could check in with you before we head back to advise the poor hapless insect-lich you irresponsibly bestowed us to?

Love that you've basically taken up the role of a mad goddess fucking with things just because. You totally created a new sapient race of bug people just because you were bored, didn't you.