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File 134201780125.png - (4.79KB , 1000x356 , intro.png )
431232 No. 431232 ID: b3ca75

-Welcome back to Final fantasy Pixel Adventure!-
Expand all images
>>
No. 431233 ID: b3ca75
File 134201781819.png - (11.21KB , 697x552 , 1.png )
431233

It’s another glorious dawn, a whole new day for ADVENTURE, SCIENCE and APPRECIATE FINE ART! You really needed a good night sleep (nightmares now withstanding, stupid clown) and you can really feel the trauma from yesterday seeping away into your subconscious and disappearing. You feel like you could just lie here all day.

+1 sanity
>>
No. 431234 ID: b3ca75
File 134201783198.png - (3.90KB , 697x552 , 2.png )
431234

“Dwarf:LALI HO!
HOLY BATMAN ON A POGOSTICK!
>>
No. 431235 ID: b3ca75
File 134201784881.png - (11.96KB , 697x552 , 3.png )
431235

“Dwarf: Thou are in luck, lad! We have a lot of initiates at the moment and all our rat defeating /defending contracts are already taken so we decided to give thee a real contract that thou should show thy skills on. Thou should not worry thought, as thou will not be alone. Thou ask what thy contract is? Why thou can choose from these three!”

“Bandit raid”
-Defeat the bandits that plague the northern trade route. (Because the city guard are lazy bastards!)

“Magic nexus”
-Find the newly opened magical nexus and do some tests on it. FOR SCIENCE!

“Lost Relic”
-An old precursor relic has been stolen. Get it back before someone sells it on ebay!

“Dwarf: but choose wisely, as thy life may depend on it.”

Insert command_
>>
No. 431236 ID: 886a4d

Oh god while the other two sound interesting who could resist the lure of SCIENCE? Not I.
>>
No. 431237 ID: d8f016

We don't have to depart immediately, do we? If possible, you'd like to explore town prepare at the shops first.

Finally, someone acknowledges that intelligent study of magic is, for all intents and purpose, science (in universes where it works). Do this. You're a reality warper magic vessel something. There's no way an unstable magic nexus can't be good for you.

>Thou will not be alone.
Who's our companion?
>>
No. 431264 ID: 5c809f

Bandits!
That's a good lv 2 quest
>>
No. 431265 ID: 9202a9

>>431237
For science
>>
No. 431278 ID: 147853

Lost relic! Lost relic! Ancient artifacts are always good fun.
>>
No. 431283 ID: 6e44d2

Magic and science!
>>
No. 431299 ID: b3ca75
File 134204022216.png - (10.88KB , 697x552 , 4.png )
431299

-Mercenary guild, corridors-
> someone aknowledges that intelligent study of magic is, for all intents and purpose, science
Any Sufficiently Analyzed Magic is indistinguishable from SCIENCE!
> If possible, you'd like to explore town prepare at the shops first.
“Dwarf: Of course, lad, we won’t send thee to your dea- quest without letting thou get suitable gear first.”
>SCIENCE!
“Dwarf: a fine choice, who wouldn’t want to die surrounded by a high intensity of wild magic? Oh, and ignore these lads. They are the red shirts and will be killed off soon enough.”

“Redshirts: HUZZAH!”
“Redshirt: The F stands for cannon fodder. :D”
>>
No. 431301 ID: b3ca75
File 134204023276.png - (13.97KB , 697x552 , 5.png )
431301

-Mercenary guild, Great hall-
>Who's our companion?
“Dwarf: three other initiates will fallow thou on your quest, that way we can kill ye lads off faster than sending thou off solo. Speak of the devils, thou seem to be the last one here. These lads here will be thy companions on thy quest, so thou should learn to know them well. The only thing left is to wait for our employer, the wizard academy, to arrive and disclose the last off the details of this contract. So, lad, thou should relax a bit while we wait.

“Red Woman: …so I threw a rock at him!”
“Blue Dwarf: a rock?”
“Red Women: well… it was a very big rock…”
>>
No. 431302 ID: 886a4d

Search the wood piles for loot then lets go talk to the chatty ones. Bring up the decor of this room as an opening topic. Then ask why they choose the magic anomaly. It will give us insight to them. Ignore the other lizard for now, he doesn't seem our type.
>>
No. 431304 ID: d8f016

Forget the decor. There's another lizard person here. I don't even care what his or her gender is, we've finally got you a potential romantic partner. So up and start talking to 'em. Maybe we can take them to the dairy queen? Split that lizard wizard blizzard we've been looking forward too.

We'll get to the smelly ape and shorter hairier ape once when we're good and ready.
>>
No. 431343 ID: b3ca75
File 134205251721.png - (14.02KB , 697x552 , 6.png )
431343

>Search the wood piles for loot
The only thing you find is a crappy pun that would offend a lot of non-British people.
>Lizard gender
That’s clearly a dude, I mean, just smell the lizard hormones in the air. Smells like coffee.
>potential romantic partner
I-I can’t just walk up to him and ask him out to d-dairy queen, can I? I mean, what if he d-doesn’t like m-me? And the only experience I have with flirting is a creep that kept looking at my ass and wanted me to call him daddy. Wait… I don’t even know this guy! I can’t just start getting romantic with him because he’s the first lizard I meet! He also seems to avoid eye contact with me…

“Red Woman: Then I got him in a fabulous half nelson”
“Blue Dwarf: so the whole date was ruined, eh?
“Red Women: what? No, it was Cleary the best date ever, ja?
>>
No. 431344 ID: b3ca75
File 134205252714.png - (14.39KB , 697x552 , 7.png )
431344

>Talk to smelly ape and shorter hairier ape, Bring up the decor of this room
“Red woman: why yes, darling, that carpet is really fabulous! It does really bring the room together in a balanced spectrum of colors, ja? Oh, how rude of me, I’m Hans, and this is my dwarven friend Helga.
“Blue dwarf Helga: Ach, lassie, I’m sorry being rude but you really need a manicure! Just look as those claws, all dented and discolored…
>Then ask why they choose the magic anomaly
“Red woman Hans: Well, just between you and me, darling, I heard there this ferocious band of goblins guarding it and I always wanted to crack some goblin skulls. I heard the sound they make when they break is FABOLOUS, ja?
“Helga: well, lassie, seeing an untapped magical nexus is a one in a life time experience and I wouldn’t want to pass up a chance like this to see one.
>>
No. 431347 ID: d8f016

>smell the lizard hormones in the air
-driver for smellscreen3000 not found-

Okay, look, you don't have to be that forward with the lizard dude. You don't have to ask him out right away. You don't even need to actively flirt. Just chat him up a little. Introduce yourself. I think he's avoiding eye contact because he likes you. I mean look, I think he's even blushing now! (Right through his helm, somehow).
>>
No. 431363 ID: e3aff6

Are they mages?
>>
No. 431402 ID: 68852c

better ask them what they can do. and who that yellow creep over there is.
>>
No. 431404 ID: b85f8c

Well don't just IGNORE the lizard dude. Go say hello.
>>
No. 431410 ID: 147853

Bite the lizard dude on the nose. Do it. You know you want to.

I'm still not clear on how we can have an ADVENTURE without an ancient artifact, but SCIENCE it is...

Take your party out and go clubbing in order to get to know eachother better before you have to risk life and limb on an epic quest.

Or otherwise just get to know them better. Develop trust and stuff. Yes... trust... mweh heh heh...
>>
No. 431412 ID: d8f016

Gobos? At last, enemies with eyes. We can blind them with telekinesis tacks and our new buddies can break their heads while they're helpless. Pop-pop CRACK. Heheh.

>>431410

Don't bite him unless this a perfectly normal thing for lizardfolk to do when greeting one another, or meeting for the first time. Or a perfectly normal thing a particularly forward lizardfolk might try in an attempt at seduction.

...and we should probably go shopping before we risk losing money clubbing. Not that there's a good place to go clubbing, with the pub closed. :/
>>
No. 431495 ID: b3ca75
File 134209485749.png - (14.19KB , 697x552 , 8.png )
431495

>better ask them what they can do
“Helga: I’m a mighty fine rouge, myself, if you ever need someone with a dagger in the back just ask and we can talk prize. Hans on the other hand is a biomorphic mage and thus will be our healer this fine evening.”
“Hans: So if you ever start hurting just come to me, darling. Especially if you start bleeding, we don’t want to waste that delicious blood, ja?”
>who that yellow creep handsome fellow over there is
“Hans: The one in the plate armor? I do believe he said he was a newly graduated paladin looking for a place in life. What was his name… Kellogs,ja?”
“Helga: Kevros, lad, his name is Kevros. And he seems to have some self-esteem problem, if I could tell you the truth, lassie.
>We can blind them with telekinesis tacks and our new buddies can break their heads while they're helpless. Pop-pop CRACK. Heheh.
“Hans: What marvelous idea, darling, that exactly the kind creative thinking that I looking for in a teammate. We will have such a FABOLOUS time slaughtering goblins, ja?
“Helga: er…”

-Hans +1 Happiness-
-Hans +1 Loyalty-

>>
No. 431496 ID: b3ca75
File 134209486947.png - (13.99KB , 697x552 , 9.png )
431496

>he likes you.
You really thin- I mean, why would I c-care? He’s a stranger, nothing else.
>Bite the lizard dude on the nose. Do it. You know you want to.
Must… resist… biting… must… make… good… first impression. Beside, you’re not the kind of lady that bites on the first date.
>I think he's even blushing now! (Right through his helm, somehow).
Cleary your graphic card are malfunctioning. You should try hiring a priest to exorcist the pizza elementals within it.
>Just chat him up a little. Introduce yourself.
Hi, I’m Lizbeth, mighty wizard! Who are you?
“Kevros: …“
What did you say
“Kevros: I-I’m Kevr-ros, m-miss.
Come again?
“Kevros: I’m K-kevros, sir. I m-mean ma’am… madam… uh… miss… er… oh geez… “

Insert command_
>>
No. 431505 ID: 68852c

hey, if he's got nothing better to do and our companions don't mind, he could come with!
>>
No. 431506 ID: eda346

>>431505
He already is.
Ask him if he is ready to INVESTIGATE some MAGIC.
>>
No. 431507 ID: d8f016

See? He's nervous and intimidated by you. Do your best to be nice, reassure him, and make friends.

Then when we're done faffing with the npcs, it's shopping time.
>>
No. 431526 ID: b3ca75
File 134211123302.png - (14.03KB , 697x552 , 13.png )
431526

>be nice, reassure him, and make friends.
Now, now, no need to be nervous, I don’t bite… much.
“Kevros: You do-“
And look, someone as big and strong as you hardly need to be nervous about someone like me.
“Kevros: err…”
After all, we are both lizard right? So stop worrying and enjoy yourself, right friend?
“Kevros: uh… O-of course, friend, let’s work together to finish this contract… and then maybe we could… uh…
>Ask him if he is ready to INVESTIGATE some MAGIC.
“Kevros: W-WHAT!? We just meet and your alrea- wait, you mean the contract? of course she does, stupid.um… Of course I’m ready to investigate your ma- THE magical nexus. For SCIENCE! And all that stuff… sorry.
>Then when we're done faffing with the npcs, it's shopping time.
Alright, time to hit the mall! You just got a feeling you forgot something…

“Red Dwarf Wizard: LALI HO! Make way for Archchancellor Ridcully of the wizard academy!”

Oh right, the mission briefing.


-Kevros +1 loyalty-
-Kevros +1 love-

>>
No. 431527 ID: b3ca75
File 134211124426.png - (14.52KB , 697x552 , 14.png )
431527

“Archchancellor: Ladies and ge- um… Ladies, sorry we were late, we had to finish an article about pizza elementals for lustful Lali ho, but back to the matter at hand. As you all know we have located a new magical nexus in goblin territory. Your job is to find it and commence a thaumic experiment to calibrate the thaum wave length and blah blah blah blah blah blah SCIENCE! blah blah blah blah blah blah potentiality blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah quarck blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Scientifically sounding term blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Buy Lizard Wizard Blizzard at dairy queens today! blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then you get paid.
Did everyone get that?”

“All:…”
>>
No. 431528 ID: b3ca75
File 134211125399.png - (14.47KB , 697x552 , 15.png )
431528

“Archchancellor: sigh… follow the Map and magic compass that we give you. Press the button on this device when your reach your designation. “
“All: oh…”
“Archchancellor: Any questions?”

“Hans: do we get extra points for fabulously decapitating the goblins, ja?
“Archchancellor: Any real questions?”
>>
No. 431530 ID: 68852c

is that dorf alright? he's drooling an awful lot. he might be having a seizure.
>>
No. 431532 ID: d8f016

>-Kevros +1 love-
HELLS yes, lizard dating sim is a go. I mean, dang, lookit that blush now. Assuming you both make it through this mission alive, you should totally take him to the dairy queen. Nothing like discounted ice cream and romance after death, danger, and volatile magical experiments.

Do they have any useful information about the nexus? Like, is it associated with a particular element? Pushing through into our reality from a specific plane? Any sense of the power level? Or stability? I know we're going there to gather data, but you'd think the mages or the detection equipment that first noticed the nexus might get something at a distance.

(Also, as a reality warper, and possibly magic vessel thing you are totally obligated to try and tap into, harness, and/or absorb the power of this nexus. Don't tell them that though- they probably want it for themselves. Or they'll complain that'll interfere with the SCIENCE).
>>
No. 431533 ID: eda346

Will it take some time for to finish its measurements, or can we leave once we press the button?
>>
No. 431535 ID: b3ca75
File 134211677248.png - (5.05KB , 697x552 , 16.png )
431535

>is that dorf alright? he's drooling an awful lot.
He’s a dorf, he’s probably just drunk.
>useful information about the nexus
“Archchancellor: A nexus is a concentration of pure neutral wild magic, thus it is not associated with any element nor does it seep from another world. The power level and stability is two of the thing we wish to find out about, the only thing we know is that there is a lot of magical energy coagulating there. “
> can we leave once we press the button?
”Blue Woman Wizard: The system is self-sustaining and has several defense mechanisms installed. It should be safe to leave as soon as you press the button. “
>>
No. 431536 ID: b3ca75
File 134211678254.png - (14.45KB , 697x552 , 17.png )
431536

“Kavros: I-Isn’t this dangerous?
“Archchancellor: well, um… what do you say, dean?”
“Blue Women Dean: By my calculation there about 89% chance of horrible death while in the presence of the nexus, right Bursar?”
“Red Dwarfs Bursars: oh, yes, the nexus will probably skin you alive if you get to close but don’t fret, even if you die you will still give us a lot of information about SCIENCE!
“Dean: see, totally harmless.”
“Archchancellor: If you excuse us, we have a lot of drinking to do and so little time to do so. God luck.”
“Mercenary dwarf: huh, wa… oh, right! Congratulation on getting your first contract! Here’s 100 gold to equip yourself with, now get off my lawn… I mean guild house!

“Hans: well, time for shopping, ja? Where should we start, darling?”
- Ye old general shoppe - everything general you need-
- Blacksmith – Everything metal -
- Magic ‘r ‘us – Magic items ahoy! -
- Sten’s potion Imperium – Potions, lots and lots of potions -
- Dairy queen – Still got a coupon -

- You gain (100 + 10%) 110 gold -
- Your total gold is: 158 -

>>
No. 431537 ID: 886a4d

Not going for Lizbeth the Lesbian Lizard Wizard with a Blizzard (tm) for max alliteration AND rhyme scheme.... fail.
>>
No. 431539 ID: 7c31d2

Time to make infinite money! Pass 10 gold to one of your allies, then have them give it back, if you get 11 gold back then you should try it with more money.
>>
No. 431541 ID: d8f016

>>431537

I would have happily gone for it, but the only lesbian option we've seen to date has been Helga the dorf. And I mean really, a dwarven rogue at that, who doesn't even seem interested in killing things. That's just awful. We can do better than a small smelly hairy ape. We'll just need to find the lizard pally a belt of gender bending, or an amulet of change (or do it ourself, when our reality warping gets good enough). Then 'comfort' her, and help her get over her life altering situation. He's shy and push-around-able, and already likes us. It'll be fine.

(I am a horrible person without shame).

Do a quick run through of all the shops, list everything for sale. Then when we know what we want, we'll try to scam the shopkeeps or get discounts with your new illusion spell.
>>
No. 431542 ID: eda346

Can we lift the device with our telekinesis? If not we might want to get a cart or something so we can move it near the nexus without having to physically go there.

>>431539
That would probably just make our poor ceramic familiar explode.
>>
No. 431543 ID: 927efa

First you need some SPF9001 sunscreen. That'll take care of any skin flaying problems the nexus may proffer.
>>
No. 431545 ID: b3ca75
File 134212083375.jpg - (70.07KB , 500x317 , Dairy Queen.jpg )
431545

>Time to make infinite money!
I can’t let you do that, dave…

>Can we lift the device with our telekinesis?
The device is the size of a remote. Helga has already pocketed it.

LIST OF YE SHOPS!

(G) = things you already got at least one of.

-Ye old general shoppe-
Food ration – 5g
Water skin – 2g
Rope – 2g
Flint ‘n steel – 2g
Bedroll – 2g
Backpack – 4g
Torch (G) – 3g
Lantern (G) – 14g
Lantern oil (G) – 2g
Tent – 15g
Flask (G) – 1g
First aid kit – 10g
Clothes (common) (G) – 10g
Clothes (Fine) – 50g
SPF9001 sunscreen – 1 BILLION DOLLARS!

- Blacksmith -
Dagger(G) – 10g
Sword, Axe, Mace – 20g
Bow – 10g
arrows x 10 – 1g
Leather carcass (+1 defense) – 20g
Chainmail (+2 defense) – 40g
Plate mail (+3 defense) – 60g
Helmet (+2 defense) – 40g

- Magic ‘r ‘us -
Magic robe (+1 defense) -100g
Magic rod (+2 damage /w magic)- 100g
Tiara of power (+2 damage /w magic, +2 defense) -200g
levitating boots (levitate) – 500g
Belt of gender changing – 1000g

- Sten’s potion Imperium -
Healing potion (G) – 10g
Mana potion (G) – 10g
Potion of heroism (+all stats for one combat) - 30g
potion of invisibility (last 50 turns, offensive action cancels) – 40g
Potion of gender changing (last 50 turns) (sold out)

- Dairy queen -
Lesbian Lizard wizard blizzard (sold out)
Frozen treats – 1g

Note: wizard can only wear cloth armor
>>
No. 431547 ID: d8f016

>Belt of gender changing – 1000g
Okay, we officially have a new goal in life. Get rich enough to buy that, trick Kevros into wearing it, and then seduce Kevra during a Dairy Queen date. Then we will be Lizbeth the Lesbian Lizard Wizard with a Blizzard.

Buy:
-Magic Rod.
-Rope (always useful, especially with telekinesis)
-food
-bedroll
-water bottle
-mana potion

Sell:
-hatchet
-coffee beans
-dagger

Use illusion to make yourself as attractive as possible- flirt for discounts.
>>
No. 431555 ID: eda346

>>431547
I don't think the illusion thing would work; it currently makes a stationary illusion.
I do agree with the buy/sell list, except we should sell the lantern instead of the dagger. (We already have a torch, and we should have at least one non-magical method of attack.)
>>
No. 431556 ID: 886a4d

We should also buy a backpack to increase inventory size.
>>
No. 431561 ID: 147853

Man, why are we picking on poor Kevros now, just cause he was unfortunate to be born as a guy. Sexism much?

Rope and food and water are always necessary adventuring tools. As are other camp supplies.

As is the best armor and weapons money can buy.

MAGIC ROD. Hurk hurk hurk... No, really.
>>
No. 431562 ID: 886a4d

Here's an idea to get the SPF9001, Illusion the spot its on empty. Bring this to the attention of the clerk. When they are running around in a panic over the loss of their most expensive item let them frisk you for it. Once thats done take the sunscreen while they aren't looking then leave. Tada!

Of course if your caught you'll most likely be executed.
>>
No. 431573 ID: d8f016

We might be able to convince shopkeepers that their goods are damaged sub/par with illusions and demand a small discount. Actually using them to steal seems suicidal. Shopkeeps always seem to have hyper murder powers.

>Sexism much?
We're in it for the alliteration and rhyming, honest. The casual cruelty and abuse is just a bonus.
>>
No. 431603 ID: b3ca75
File 134213200310.png - (5.09KB , 1000x356 , 18.png )
431603

>Illusions and stuff
The bigger stores have magical wards against this sort of things. You do on the other hand succeed in tricking the old general store owner that his goods are damage and you get a food ration for free (sweet).

> SPF9001.
Apparently, a dashing dwarf rogue was able to steal it from its forbidden vault before you should set your master plan in motion. This is absolutely not going to pop up again.

-You buy-
-Magic Rod – 100g
-Rope (10 meters) – 2g
-food ration (+1 free) – 5g
-bedroll – 2g
-water skin (3 days) – 2g
-mana potion – 10g
-Backpack – 4g
Total- 125g

You sell for 1/3 of price
-hatchet – 3g

Total money left: 36g

You have exceeded your normal ability to carry, luckily the item “backpack” let’s you carry on.
>>
No. 431604 ID: b3ca75
File 134213201340.png - (10.90KB , 800x600 , 19.png )
431604

“Helga: If everyone is done shopping we can begin thinking about the contract. I’ve studied the map the wizards gave us and I have found a few different paths we can take to get to the nexus.
We can either charge straight through goblin territory, which would be the shortest route but the most combat heavy as the goblins will not let us pass without a fight.”

“Hans: Well, that clearly gets my vote, ja? We could on the way to the nexus stick some goblin heads on some spears and have a nice old fashion goblin barbeque. It would be a FABULOUS picnic with the screaming and the crying, ja?”

“Helga: Or we can skim around the goblin territory, avoid most of their patrols in the process. This way is longer though and we will probably see a lot more traps here as it is their natural hunting ground. I personally vote for this alternative. “

“Helga: The last alternative is to take the back door, so to speak. There are a lot of smaller caves and corridors that are mostly uncharted and empty right behind the nexus. Thus it would be possible to go from the main trade route directly to the nexus without ever touching goblin territory. This is a major detour and will probably net us a whole day extra out in the field.”

“Kevros: N-no fighting? I would say it is a lot better to sacrifice a day then to recklessly endanger our lives, s-so I vote for the b-back door… if thats okey with you guys...

It seems like you’re the tie breaker.
Choose an option_
>>
No. 431619 ID: 68852c

it's picnic time.
>>
No. 431623 ID: 886a4d

Some paladin, I'm seriously wondering about your taste in men.. hopefully your taste in women is better.

I vote picnic in goblin land, we need to level up and nothing does that like killing an entire village of goblins.
>>
No. 431624 ID: 147853

Coddling him would make him like you, but probably make the sexy MALE lizard pretty pansy in the long run.

Give a rousing and inspiring speech about unity, and Passion (capital P), and overcoming adversity to inspire your comrades.

Go for option D. The most effective use of time and resources to bash through goblins, skirt danger, and triumph over traps.

What's epic fantasy without epic EVERYTHING?
>>
No. 431636 ID: e3aff6

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing in secrecy. I vote the dwarf's route.
>>
No. 431642 ID: d8f016

Okay, we need to see some combat here. I was fine with lizard dude being intimidated by us, but shirking from adventure is not acceptable. We're going to toughen him up into an acceptable partner, or get him killed trying. Or if he fails to improve and somehow survives we can just demote him to harem slave or something.

Our primary mode of attack is going to be blinding and head-cracking. Seems to me this is suited better to sneaking up on small groups of enemies than a frontal attack. Helga's route.

Reassure Pally that the golbins are evil creatures, and it's a good thing to remove some of them from the land instead of going out of our way to avoid them. Reassure Hans he'll still get plenty of heads to break.
>>
No. 431708 ID: dc4a44

helga's plan
>>
No. 431879 ID: 147853

>>431642
I'll take this as another way of phrasing my suggestion, and thus second it.
>>
No. 431917 ID: b3ca75
File 134219141441.png - (16.85KB , 800x600 , 20.png )
431917

-City, Southern Gate-
>helga's plan
:helga: Nice choice, Lassie, they will never see us coming.

-Helga +3 Happiness-
-Helga +1 loyalty-


>Reassure Pally that the golbins are evil creatures, and it's a good thing to remove some of them
:kevros: W-well, you can’t really be born bad so some of them couldn’t be evil right? But you are right! If we don’t quell their numbers then other might be killed! Isn’t it a goal worthy to endanger oneself for to ensure others safety?

-Kevros +5 Happiness-
-Kevros +1 loyalty-
-Kevros +3 moral-


>Reassure Hans he'll still get plenty of heads to break.
:hans: Well, you know what they say, ja? If life gives you lemons burn lifes house down.

:guard1: Welcome to Cornelia, Star Fox!
:guard2: Shut it…
>>
No. 431918 ID: b3ca75
File 134219143144.png - (12.90KB , 800x600 , 21.png )
431918

Later in the hall of justice! some cave system somewhere.
New Area found
-Wilderness, southern cave’s-
:helga: We are about halfway to the nexus now, lads, and we finally meet our first goblin patrol. We still have the element of surprise on our side so this should be a beerwalk. Any suggestions how we should do it?

:hans: Let’s just charge them, ja?

:kevros: I t-think we should be a little more subtle then that…

Insert command_
>>
No. 431920 ID: eda346

Make an illusion of their fire going out, then stab them while they are confused.
>>
No. 431925 ID: d8f016

>you can’t really be born bad so some of them couldn’t be evil right?
He's not arbitrarily accepting things as evil in absolute terms of black and white. ...I'm not sure if this makes Kev the worst failure of a paladin there ever was, or potentially the best paladin. With that attitude, he might be real handy to have around when Ira shows up to claim his 'vessel'. Kev won't automatically decide we're an evil creation, and pally beats undead.

Okay, plan. Ambush. Liz fires off blinding tacks. At the same time, Helga sneaks off to flank the golbins, and stabs one from behind. While the goblins are confused, disabled and off guard, Kev and Hans close to melee and start killing. Liz and Helga offer support, as necessary.

Make sure you have chicken armor up before starting any kind of attack.

Okay, the illusion of the fire going out is awesome, especially if it means we can see, but they can't. We might not even need to waste tacks, then. Although we could always recover them, and having the gobos be in the dark and blinding pain when we close to finish is better than just in the dark.
>>
No. 431937 ID: d500c7

make an illusion of yourself approaching them and saying hello. if they react in a hostile manner, you can kill them by stabbing them in the back without having worried Kevros about whether they're evil or not.
>>
No. 431944 ID: 886a4d

Our illusions suck, so no mobility, no sound and probably no touch.
>>
No. 432013 ID: b3ca75
File 134221521946.png - (13.97KB , 800x600 , 22.png )
432013

> Make an illusion of their fire going out, the commence complicated plan.
:goblin1: Whoa, dude. The fire is, like, out but the light is still on, man…
:goblin2: Far out, dude!
:goblin1: Let’s get distracted by this obvious distraction, dude!
:goblin2: That sound awesome, man!
:goblin1: Oh, cool, Steve is getting hugged by an angry dwarf, dudes. How totally radic- ow gods my eyes!
>>
No. 432014 ID: b3ca75
File 134221523279.png - (14.46KB , 800x600 , 23.png )
432014

To the battlemobile!

(Insert cheesy sound effect)

:goblin1: Whoa, dude, what did you smoke and where can I get some?
:goblin2: I’m so stoned right now, man…







:kevros: Nananana Batman!
>>
No. 432015 ID: b3ca75
File 134221524628.png - (12.23KB , 800x600 , 24.png )
432015

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 4
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans

-surprise round!-
Helga Backstabs Goblin 1 for (6x2-2) 10 damage.
Kevros attacks Goblin 2 for (8-2) 6 damage.
Lizbeth casts Telekinesis Blind, Goblin 3 Is blinded.
Hans casts Weakness. All enemies effected. All enemies -1 damage done.
Helga is hiding.


Actions-
Attack
Magic

-Arcane punch (1)-
-Blind (1)-
-Illusion (1)-
-Haste (4)-
Item
Run


You can’t control your companions directly yet.

Insert Command_
>>
No. 432016 ID: d8f016

If I've learned anything from FFI, you're supposed to cast haste on your fighter and let him kill everything.

Kev wants to be the batman? Lets make give him the strength and reflexes to make it so. Haste!
>>
No. 432017 ID: 886a4d

Telekinesis Blind the Leader Goblin, hes gonna be stronger then the rest so we want him missing as much as possible.
>>
No. 432018 ID: 9202a9

>>432016
Yes and it might help him feel powerful seconded.
>>
No. 432023 ID: 306af1

>>432016

actually you're supposed to have 2 fighters and 2 white mages even though haste is black magic. but what the hell, that doesn't sound like a bad strategy either.
>>
No. 432024 ID: 306af1
Audio Battle-_FFI.mp3 - (1.25MB , Battle- FFI.mp3 )
432024

also, I'll just leave this here...
>>
No. 432025 ID: d8f016

>>432023

I generally go 2 offense people (mixed up from game to game for the fun of it), a BM for haste / temper, and a WM.
>>
No. 432041 ID: b3ca75
File 134221960347.png - (14.36KB , 800x600 , 25.png )
432041

> Kev wants to be the batman? Lets make give him the strength and reflexes to make it so. Haste!

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 3
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans
Kevros

-Round 1-
Helga Backstabs Goblin 2 for (6x2-2) 10 damage.
Goblin 2 is slain.
Kevros uses guard on Lizbeth.
Goblin 1 attacks Lizbeth – Zevros blocks the attack.
Goblin 3 misses.
Goblin 4 attacks Hans for 7 damage.
High Goblin attacks Zevros for (10-3-1) 6 damage.
Lizbeth casts Haste on Zevros, Gains extra turn.

:kevros: HolyshititfeelslikeIjustdrankahundredcupsofcoffe.

Hans casts improved taunt. All enemies effected. All enemies -2 morale and -1 defense.
:break: I will break you…

Zevros cast sacrifice on goblin 4 for (8+6+2-1) 15 damage.
Zevros takes 4 damage.


Insert command_
>>
No. 432045 ID: 306af1

arcane punch that guy's glasses into his eyeballs.
>>
No. 432048 ID: b85f8c

Arcane Punch Goblin 1, he's almost dead.
>>
No. 432064 ID: b3ca75
File 134222259431.png - (9.28KB , 800x600 , 26.png )
432064

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 2
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans
Kevros

-Round 2-
Helga throws “dagger” on Goblin 1 for (8-1) 7 damage.
Goblin 1 is slain.
Kevros attacks Goblin 3 for (8-1) 7 damage.
Goblin 3 attacks Lizbeth, Kevros take the blow for (7-3-1) 3 damage.
High Goblin uses fury on Kevros for (10-3-1x2) 12 damage.
Kevros is at 0 hp. Kevros auto use determination, got one round extra until K.O.
Lizbeth casts Arcane Punch on Goblin 3, smashing his blind status into his eyes blinding him even more, for (6+2) 8 damage .
Goblin 3 is slain.
Hans casts cure on himself, healing for 10hp.
Kevros cast Retribution on High goblin for (8+half damage taken(25/2)) 20 damage.
Kevros takes 10 damage.
High Goblin is slain.


Victory!

Kevros is unconscious
>>
No. 432065 ID: b3ca75
File 134222260709.png - (12.45KB , 800x600 , 27.png )
432065

–You gain-
+6 xp
+14 gold

+1 loyalty all companions

-Hans cast cura on Kevros. Kevros is fully healed.


:kevros: Y-yes, mother, I w-washed my hands…

:hans: we should dance on their corpses, ja?

Insert command_
>>
No. 432067 ID: 306af1

commend Kevros for being such a heroic hunk and continue.
>>
No. 432081 ID: d8f016

Dude, Kev is an awesome meatshield. We're keeping him.

He didn't miss xp for dying, did he? Cause that would suck.

>Dance on the corpses?
Maxim 1, Hans. Pillage, then burn. We don't break anything until we're done looting.
>>
No. 432085 ID: 132b99

indeed. check them for fat loots THEN dance on them.
>>
No. 432092 ID: b3ca75
File 134222563879.png - (12.55KB , 800x600 , 28.png )
432092

>looting
The goblin bodies seems to have turned into red mist for some reason. There is nothing left to loot.
:hans: what? No bodies to dance on? This is a really unfabulous turn of events, ja? Make Hans sad, ja?

>He didn't miss xp for dying, did he?
He did die after we won, so he shouldn’t have lost any xp.
>commend Kevros for being such a heroic hunk
:kevros: W-what? You r-really think so? I mean… uh… you weren’t so bad yourself… Beauti- um…

:helga: We should really start moving, lads, and look out for traps, the goblin probably riddled this place with them.

- Kevros +2 happiness-
-Kevros +1 love-

>>
No. 432095 ID: d8f016

Maaan. These insecure types are the easiest to win over. =D

Hmm. We don't really have any spells that would help us in detecting traps. I guess we can put the rogue on point though.

What about on this map? There's 3 tiles of discolored ground blocking the North passageway, and 1 discolored tile of wall on the East side of the room. Are those traps or secrets? Helga, check 'em out.
>>
No. 432110 ID: 99090a

Jeez, you haven't even really seen his face. Don't get all lovey-dovey just yet.
>>
No. 432125 ID: 147853

Kevros is ADORABLE. Let him know this, at every occasion.

Commiserate with Hans over the lack of dancing. Apologize.

Sneak around and junk. Bash more goblin heads.

Work on plan for not getting incinerated upon finding the Nexus.
>>
No. 432137 ID: 306af1

Helga's the rogue, she look for traps. also, Kevros should take point because apparently he's the party's meatshie- uhh, brave guardian.
>>
No. 432179 ID: dc4a44

Fuck. A second Boaga.

Next time we incapacitate them and then dance over them before killing 'em
>>
No. 432195 ID: b85f8c

>>432092
That discolored floor there looks like an obvious trap.
>>
No. 432206 ID: e3aff6

What is that grey thing in front of here? A random patch of stone floor?
>>
No. 432330 ID: b3ca75
File 134226376476.png - (13.45KB , 800x600 , 29.png )
432330

>Kevros is ADORABLE. Let him know this, at every occasion.
:hans: You should really stop tormenting the poor boy, darling, just wait until we are done with our mission and then you can fuck his brains out, ja?
:kevros: aghffst…WHAT?
:hans: oh, darling, you know I’m just kidding. You should have seen your face, hilarious, ja?
:kevros:

>Commiserate with Hans over the lack of dancing. Apologize.
:hans: no need to apologiza, darling. After all, I got this poor boy to torment until we find some real bodies to dance on, ja?

>That discolored floor there looks like an obvious trap.
:helga: Of course it’s a trap, lassie, I just think it was a little bit too obvious for a real trap, seems more like a distraction than anything else.

>discolored tile of wall on the East side of the room.
Du du du dun! Secret door found! Behind it you find a small room with only a lever in it. The lever is labeled “make a wish”.

Insert command_
>>
No. 432332 ID: 7c31d2

Wish for Kevros to be a girl, pull the lever.
>>
No. 432334 ID: a370aa

>>432330
wish for loads of money
>>
No. 432335 ID: dc4a44

Wish for lesbian lizard wizard blizzards for everyone.
>>
No. 432338 ID: 886a4d

>>432332
Wish for all potential love interests to be girls.
>>
No. 432340 ID: cf49fc

>>432334
L-O-A-D-S O-F E-M-O-N-E.
>>
No. 432344 ID: b3ca75
File 134227585796.png - (13.43KB , 800x600 , 30.png )
432344

>lots of wishes
Why chose one? Let’s wish for them all! Give me money, broads and female Kevros!

-Lizbeth pulls the lever-
>>
No. 432345 ID: b3ca75
File 134227588496.png - (13.36KB , 800x600 , 31.png )
432345

:goblin1: Thank you for activating the really obvious death trap. As a present from all of us to you (yes, you) we will fill the lovely cave you’re in with poisonous gas. Please consider us for your next adventure. Have a nice day.

well, crap…
>>
No. 432346 ID: b3ca75
File 134227589466.png - (13.70KB , 800x600 , 32.png )
432346

-Lizbeth has fallen unconscious-
- Kevros has fallen unconscious-
- Helga has fallen unconscious-
- Hans has fallen unconscious-


:hans: oh yes, Mr. Dolph, let me join you in your bloodbath, ja? ZzZzZ…
>>
No. 432347 ID: b3ca75
File 134227590707.png - (7.02KB , 800x600 , 33.png )
432347

Choose your next playable character!

:hans:
Hans the psychopath
Powers: FABULOUS!

:helga:
Helga the smart chick
Powers: being a dwarf, baby!

:kevros:
Kevros the rookie
Powers: I g-got powers!? I d-don’t think I got any...
>>
No. 432348 ID: 964e53

Wait, haaaang on a minute. None of you are really thinking this over? Remember, it's said this area would be trap-heavy. A free wish just for pulling a lever? Sounds like sucker bait to me. I mean, that'd ridiculously too good to be real.
>>
No. 432349 ID: 9f7e2b

Kevros!
>>
No. 432350 ID: 964e53

Ugh, I posted way too late.
>>
No. 432352 ID: a370aa

Kevros!
>>
No. 432355 ID: d8f016

Kev! Get up! Your cute little lizzard wizard crush has been poisoned! You gotta wake up and use your hunkiness and paladin powers to save her!
>>
No. 432358 ID: 306af1

dorf player is best player
>>
No. 432367 ID: b3ca75
File 134228771278.png - (15.82KB , 800x600 , 34.png )
432367

You are now Kevros

> dorf player is best player
:kevros: oh grand, I’m either gone insane and start hearing voices or I’m possessed by a demon that has a f-fetish for dwarfs…

> Kev! Get up! Your cute little lizzard wizard crush has been poisoned! You gotta wake up and use your hunkiness and paladin powers to save her!
:kevros:
>>
No. 432368 ID: b3ca75
File 134228772366.png - (18.02KB , 800x600 , 35.png )
432368

Kevros uses extreme hunkiness!

Door has been defeated!

What a glorious victory!
-You gain-
0 xp
0 gold
Worst enemy defeated so far: Door.
Easiest enemy defeated so far: Zz’erkun, the queen of bees!

>>
No. 432369 ID: b3ca75
File 134228773447.png - (17.26KB , 800x600 , 36.png )
432369

:kevros: W-wait… those goblin took all my s-stuff! And what do I do k-know? I’m so lost right now…

Current Invetory:
1 x Platemail (because the dwarfs don’t want a naked lizard running around)
>>
No. 432370 ID: 306af1

what's that stuff on the wall?
>>
No. 432379 ID: d8f016

Hey Kev! Don't worry. We're not bad voices, or demons. We're like guiding spirits that help adventures! We like Lizbeth, and we've been helping her. You're cool with that, right? Paladins are supposed to be down with guiding higher powers and all that, ain't they?

...okay, now this might be kind of a crazy question, but how would you feel about getting a lesbian experience at some point? Because I kind of sorta accidentally made this joke about getting you gender swapped, and then some of the other voices and shopkeepers took me seriously. So if you don't like the thought of a weird and varied sex life in the future, you might wanna make your objections clear.

But anyways, loot the stuff on the walls, then confront the golbins trapped in the dead end full of wood to the south. Demand to know where your stuff and friends are.
>>
No. 432380 ID: bbee3d

Kevros, you have got to tell us about the Queen of Bees sometime.

And you don't wear anything under your plate mail? You're tougher than we thought.

Anyway, on to business. Can you tell what that green stuff is, both on the floor and in the bottle? Either one could be deadly.
>>
No. 432393 ID: a370aa

loot the wall next to you
>>
No. 432419 ID: b3ca75
File 134229890939.png - (17.83KB , 800x600 , 37.png )
432419

>Hey Kev! Don't worry. We're not bad voices, or demons. We're like guiding spirits that help adventures! We like Lizbeth, and we've been helping her. You're cool with that, right? Paladins are supposed to be down with guiding higher powers and all that, ain't they?
:kevros2: H-hello? Well, if L-Liz trust you I guess I’ll trust with helping me. At least until I can find the others… they probably need some help…

>what's that stuff on the wall?
:kevros2: Looks like a pair of tongs, a small hammer, an extremely crude scalpel, a leather apron and a pink…
:kevros3: … a p-pink vibrating… thing I-I rather not mention…
>loot the wall next to you
-You pick up-
-Tongs-
-hammer-
-scalpel-
-pink vibrating… thing-
Apron is too big to carry without aid.

>>
No. 432421 ID: b3ca75
File 134229892099.png - (17.68KB , 800x600 , 38.png )
432421

>Can you tell what that green stuff is, both on the floor and in the bottle?
:kevros2: The stuff on the floor seems to be water tainted by some kind of magic. You probably are really close to the magic thingamabob you were looking for. The stuff on the table is a bottle of goblin booze.
>And you don't wear anything under your plate mail?
:kevros3: W-well, it’s not so bad with the scales and all. And it make me feel like I’m wearing nothing at all…
>tell us about the Queen of Bees
:kevros2: I took a bee keeping class in paladin collage and things got a little weird after our teacher was consumed by angry bees and the pizza elemental activists started to show up…
>>
No. 432422 ID: b3ca75
File 134229893233.png - (17.45KB , 800x600 , 39.png )
432422

>confront the goblins
:kevros2: I have at the m-moment no real weapon and I’m outnumbered. I rather not confront someone that is trying to kill me on those grounds… I can on the other hand listen in on their conversation.

:goblin2: Is this really the best virgin we should find? I mean, he’s a man!
:goblin1: well, none of the other three gave any sign on the virgin detector.
:goblin2: But he was adventuring with three females, how can he be one!
:goblin1: First of, what kind of logic is that? And second, the human is a man too.
:goblin2: But he wore a dress!
:goblin1: I think it was a robe actually…

>crazy question about lesbian experience.
:kevros3: THE WHAT? I mean… waa? I’m... but… I… I’m a guy, how can I have an lesbian experience? No, wait, p-please don’t answer that.
>>
No. 432432 ID: d8f016

Dude, you're eligible for virgin sacrifice? That's not healthy around all this evil. Really, this is the second evil place trying it we've seen in as many days. We need to get you hooked up with Liz.

>how can I have...
Didn't take a look at the stuff the shops were selling, huh?

You can use the hammer as an improvised weapon, till you find something better.

Could we get a list of your abilities, spells, stats? We'll do a better job getting you out of her if we know what we've got to work with.
>>
No. 432435 ID: 99090a

>Getting you out of her

I thought the plan was to get him IN her?
>>
No. 432437 ID: 306af1

you could scoop up some toxic water with the bottle and use that as a weapon. and a broken bottle afterwards. perhaps that stool, too. not to mention solid steel (or whatever) gauntlets to smash puny goblin skulls with. whichever has the highest ATK.
>>
No. 432438 ID: d8f016

>>432435
XD

HERE. Getting you out of here. (Dangit, I can never catch all the typos).
>>
No. 432442 ID: bbee3d

If the fact that you're a virgin is of interest to the goblins, you should probably get out of here as quickly as possible. I can't think of a single good reason they'd be interested in that. (Lots of bad ones, though.)

How strong are you? Could you quickly toss the chair and table near you into the water and hop across them? The apron could provide a possible third step.

Alternately, you could use the furniture, whole or splintered, as an improvised weapon to get out the front door past the goblins. Your armor could give you an advantage if you can find any kind of weapon at all.

Otherwise, I'm out of ideas. Pour some of the goblin booze on the magic water and see if it explodes.
>>
No. 432454 ID: 98a00e

Clever escape of cleverness?
>>
No. 432480 ID: a370aa

>>432422
be sure to give the pink thing to liz unless you can use it as a weapon
>>
No. 432491 ID: b3ca75
File 134230436592.png - (17.95KB , 800x600 , 40.png )
432491

>Could we get a list of your abilities, spells, stats?
:kevros2: I can’t use my ability without the necessary focus, which is the sword that I currently don’t have. The only real thing I have working for me at the moment is my AMEZING strength and a quite decent dexterity.
>improvised weapon
:kevros2: I’ll probably be more effective just using my AMEZING strength to push the s-shit out of things…
>Pour some of the goblin booze on the magic water - scoop up some toxic water with the bottle.
:kevros2: The booze seem to have no effect on the water and now I got a bottle filled with something I probably don’t want to drink…
>toss the chair and table near you into the water and hop across
:kevros2: The water is too deep for both the apron and chair to work as support. The table on the other hand would be perfect.

Kevros uses his AMEZING strength and quite decent dexterity to jump across the water. Success!
>>
No. 432492 ID: b3ca75
File 134230437417.png - (17.71KB , 800x600 , 41.png )
432492

> We need to get you hooked up with Liz.
:kevros3: W-wait, don’t I have any say in this?
> give the pink thing to liz
:kevros3: H-how about n-no?

:kevros2: Well, it’s seems like I got a choice on where to go. I can hear goblins screaming in fear from the north (can’t decide if this is a good thing or not), Chanting from the east and I can only see darkness to the south. Witch way o magical voices?
>>
No. 432501 ID: b85f8c

Follow the screaming. That's probably Hans.
>>
No. 432502 ID: d8f016

The screaming to the north is either some kind of horrible monster killing golbins, or one of your companions murdering their way to freedom. If it's the first, you don't want to get involved. If it's the later, they sound like they're winning just fine without you.

The chanting is probably a non-virgin sacrifice. That you should interrupt.

>don’t I have any say in this?
You can turn her down if you really want dude. Thought you liked her though. We're just offering to facilitate.
>>
No. 432508 ID: a370aa

north
>>
No. 432536 ID: 306af1

go north. chaos is opportunity.
>>
No. 432666 ID: bbee3d

Goblins screaming in fear is a good sign; you should leave that situation alone. Chanting might be something you should stop. Go east.
>>
No. 432671 ID: b85f8c

>>432666
>>432502
But our man is unarmed. He can't really do much until he gets his sword back. Shouldn't we regroup with someone who can actually fight before trying to engage in battle?
>>
No. 432675 ID: d8f016

>>432671
Meh, chanting means casters. We can just dodge and punch them in the face. Don't need no sword for that.
>>
No. 432693 ID: e3aff6

>>432675
Unless they are summoners.
>>
No. 432694 ID: 7c31d2

What if the chanting is the goblins preparing that ritual that needs a virgin sacrifice?
Stopping that would be good, but knowing our luck we'll get there right when the sacrifice is needed. With no way to fight.
>>
No. 432698 ID: 147853

You have no method of mystically locating your sword? That would be very convenient.

Any other clues what's happening down any one passage?

My votes for the screaming first. Screaming seems more... immediately worthy of attention. Chanting can take a good while sometimes, and nothings happening down the other passage.
>>
No. 432800 ID: 6e44d2

Better choose quickly. Those gobbos are about to notice that you've busted out.
>>
No. 432852 ID: b3ca75
File 134235977996.png - (18.63KB , 800x600 , 42.png )
432852

>Those gobbos are about to notice that you've busted out.
:kevros2: I can hear their screaming behind me, so it’s possible not a good idea to head back the same way.
>We're just offering to facilitate.
:kevros3: I d-don’t know if t-this is a good thing or not...
>method of mystically locating your sword?
:kevros2: I would need my focus to that, which is my sword, w-which is the thing I’m trying to locate…
>north!
:kevros2: North it is! Oh, fiddle sticks. It seems that they got Hans and there’s a lot of them and I don’t have a weapon and I got to help and stop saying and and oh g-gods…

:goblin2: We have done it! The demon is defeated!
:goblin1: YAY!
:goblin2: The monsters rampage has ended!
:goblin1: YAY!
:goblin2: The defiler is no more!
:goblin1: YAY!
:goblin2: Let’s defile his buttocks!
:goblin1: YA- wait what?
>>
No. 432856 ID: e3aff6

Would those spears count as weapons?

It sounds like if you wait a second you can catch them with their pants down. If Hans is still conscious you wouldn't have to kill them all; you would just have to distract them until he can get loose.
>>
No. 432857 ID: 306af1

oh no, not his buttocks! save your game, grab a stick and fight.
>>
No. 432868 ID: a370aa

>>432856
seconding using one of the pikes as a weapon
>>
No. 432870 ID: a370aa

also ponder how there are dead gobbos laying about when all the ones YOU defeated turned into red mist
>>
No. 432871 ID: 147853

They haven't turned into mist because they haven't been looted yet.

Improvised weaponry is your friend Kevros. You are physically more capable than any of the Goblins, I'm sure. You can find something to fight the Gobbies off your buddy Hans there.
>>
No. 432873 ID: d8f016

Use psychological warfare. Threaten to defile their buttocks with the pink thing.
>>
No. 432874 ID: a370aa

>>432873
I second this if the pikes are unusable
>>
No. 432876 ID: 147853

>>432874
Implying that if the pikes ARE usable, threaten to defile their buttocks with the pikes instead.
>>
No. 432884 ID: b3ca75
File 134236997583.png - (22.28KB , 800x600 , 43.png )
432884

>save your game
Kevros can’t use the skill save game, only Lizbeth has the power to manipulate time in that manner.
>grab a stick
Kevros use his AMAZING strength to remove all obstacles in front of item “Goblin shish kabob”.
Goblin has forcefully been removed from path.
Kevros gains item “Goblin shish kabob”.

:goblin1: Not the green sludge, NOT THE GRREEN SLUDGE!
>>
No. 432885 ID: b3ca75
File 134236999631.png - (21.48KB , 800x600 , 44.png )
432885

:goblin1: Nooo-
Goblin 10 lands in magic sludge.
-RANDOM EFFECT!-
Magic missile: Goblin 10 takes 15 damage!
Goblin 10 is turned into red mist!


>They haven't turned into mist because they haven't been looted yet.
:kevros2: Cleary, this is the only reason. It not like there is an extremely deadly disease that turns people into red mist going around, right? …r-right?

>Threaten to defile their buttocks with the pink thing
:kevros3: L-let him go or I-I’ll… or I’ll d-defile your b-b-buttocks with this pink t-thing.
:goblin2: jokes on you, lizard, my buttocks are already clean shaven!

> threaten to defile their buttocks with the pikes instead.
:kevros2: W-well, then I’ll use the p-pike instead!
:goblin2: …that would arguable be worse, yes…
:goblin1: …but my buttock are so smooth and lean…

All goblins -1 morale

:kevros2: well, this probably wasn’t such a good idea…
>>
No. 432887 ID: 886a4d

They fear the green sludge. Threaten to coat their buttocks in it. You have some in this bottle just for that purpose.
>>
No. 432888 ID: d8f016

The pink thing's a razor? Huh. Not what I was expecting. Nevermind our earlier suggestion to use it as a gift, as a Lizard Liz won't have much use for it.

Use a sweeping blow with your spear to knock the golbin on the right into the pool of chaos magic water. With your other hand, throw your bottle of the stuff at one of the others.
>>
No. 432898 ID: a370aa

>>432885
call out for helga
>>
No. 432915 ID: 147853

you know, you could just try to reason with them.

They don't seem like bad chaps really. They're not outwardly aggressive at least. You're a pretty Charismatic sort of guy, Kevros. Just be a charming nice guy like you are, and get them to play nice and stop sacrificing and killing your friends and stuff.
>>
No. 432938 ID: b3ca75
File 134238033656.png - (20.24KB , 800x600 , 45.png )
432938

> try to reason with them.
:kevros2: um… can’t we talk this out p-peacefully instead of fighting?
:goblin2: Talk it out? You just murdered on of us in cold blood! Your friend here roasted our children alive and ate them in front of their mothers! You must be punished, we demand justice!
:kevros2: Isn’t justice about protecting the innocent, not punish the guilty?
:goblin2: well, then we will protect our innocent buttocks from your spear! Any last words before we kill you!?
>call out for helga
:kevros2: Uh… Helga, are you t-there?
:goblin2: what kind of last words are that? Whatever, just kill him.
:goblin1: yes, sire!
>>
No. 432940 ID: b3ca75
File 134238035818.png - (24.64KB , 800x600 , 46.png )
432940

> Use a sweeping blow with your spear to knock the golbin on the right goblins into the pool of chaos magic water. With your other hand, throw your bottle of the stuff at one of the others.

Kevros uses his AMAZING strength to knock Goblin 1, Goblin 2 and Goblin 3 into the magic sludge!
Kevros uses his quite decent dexterity to throw bottle of magic sludge at goblin 4!
>>
No. 432942 ID: b3ca75
File 134238037241.png - (20.40KB , 800x600 , 47.png )
432942

color=#0000FF] -RANDOM EFFECT!-
Gender change: Goblin 1 changes gender and becomes a man!
Cura: Goblin 2 is healed for 25 hp!
stone: Goblin 3 becomes a statue!
Transformation: Goblin 4 becomes a metal box!
-3 moral all goblins!
Goblin 1-8 is fleeing![/color]

:goblin2: you cowards, you fools!
>>
No. 432946 ID: d8f016

Murderfy the one goblin who isn't fleeing. Let the rest go, it's not paladin-y to kill fleeing opponents.

Then check the metal box for loot and help Hans.
>>
No. 432950 ID: a370aa

revive hans and check out the gray thing to the left of you
>>
No. 432951 ID: 306af1

oh man, you're badass.

murder that last goblin.
>>
No. 432984 ID: e3aff6

TAKE Open the metal box.
>>
No. 433018 ID: b3ca75
File 134238754053.png - (23.02KB , 800x600 , 48.png )
433018

> Murderfy the one goblin who isn't fleeing
Kevros uses throw item “Goblin shish kabob” on high goblin for 7 damage.
Helga backstab high goblin for 12 damage.
High goblin has been slain.

Victory!
You gain:
6xp
10gold


>oh man, you're badass.
:kevros2: FUCK YES! Uh… I m-mean… um… sorry… for the o-outburst...um…
>revive hans
You do not have the necessary skill/item to do this. Hans will remain unconscious.
>>
No. 433019 ID: b3ca75
File 134238755523.png - (20.83KB , 800x600 , 49.png )
433019

:helga: It’s good to see you again, lad. Too bad our healer is in need of healing, eh?

> Open the metal box.
The METAHL BAWKSES contains small plastic idols marked as SPESS MAHREENS. Kevros and Helga wisely decide to leave it and to never talk about again. Ever.

:kevros2: We b-better get moving. The chanting from the e-east has become louder and there seems to be a commotion about me fleeing to the south. I can only see darkness to the north.
:Helga: who are you talking to, lad?
:kevros2: e-eh…

You can now control Helga!
You can now control Hans! (When he wakes up)
>>
No. 433025 ID: d8f016

Sup, Hela. Hunky lizard boi was talking to us. We're the guiding head-voices.

Do Helga and Hans have their equipment? Do they have yours, or know where it's stored? Has Helga seen Liz?

Kev, can you cast heal if and when you get your focus back? If not, we have a healing potion in Liz's backpack, if we ever find it.

Drag Hans, go investigate chanting. We need to find Liz! And our stuff.
>>
No. 433026 ID: 886a4d

Helga should go backstab those fleeing goblins, Unlike Kel hes a rogue and doesn't really care about killing someone who is fleeing and better a dead goblin then a live one.
>>
No. 433031 ID: 2bd7b1

one can always use an empty metal box. but whatever, ask Helga if she has any sword-like weapons. if not, retrieve pike and move chantwards with Hans' body.
>>
No. 433049 ID: a370aa

>>433019
Splash water on Hans to wake him up even if you have to use sludge water on him
>>
No. 433089 ID: b3ca75
File 134239408860.png - (19.11KB , 800x600 , 50.png )
433089

>Helga should go backstab those fleeing goblins
:Helga: a little late for that, lad, they are already gone.
>retrieve pike
:kevros2: T-they all turned into red mist for some reason. Are you sure there isn’t some d-disease going around or something?
>Kev, can you cast heal if and when you get your focus back?
:kevros2: I c-can cast lay on hands, yes.
>Splash water on Hans to wake him up even if you have to use sludge water on him
:kevros2: Yes, let’s splash him with the water that just killed 3 goblins by just touching them! Real s-smart id- sorry…
>>
No. 433092 ID: 886a4d

No way we are going to get past all those goblins. Check the storage room.

Oh and mind the gap.
>>
No. 433093 ID: b3ca75
File 134239426518.png - (19.08KB , 800x600 , 51.png )
433093

>Drag Hans, go investigate chanting. We need to find Liz! And our stuff.
Carry Hans, CHECK!
Investigate chanting, CHECK!
Find Liz, CHECK!
Stuff, maybe CHECK?

:goblin1: Animi’elatio! Animi’elatio! Animi’elatio!

:kevros2: oh c-crap, they are going to sacrifice Liz!
:Helga: Is it just me or are Liz standing a little to still? Doesn’t even look like she’s blinking…
>>
No. 433094 ID: 7c31d2

Huh. Maybe we need to actually be in Liz for her to be able to do stuff.
>>
No. 433096 ID: 886a4d

Hmm, I guess she IS a vessal; for us at the very least. Thats not good. I wonder where her memories came from then.
>>
No. 433150 ID: b85f8c

>>433093
Liz is part of the ritual, but not the sacrifice. They need a virgin for that, and you're the only virgin here, according to them.

Do not anger the huge horde of goblins. Instead, go into that door to see if there's something useful in there. Like your sword for instance.
>>
No. 433152 ID: a370aa

>>433093
distract the gobbos by tossing hans's body into the crowd
>>
No. 433153 ID: d8f016

Liz must have cast an illusion of herself in the cage! She can only make stationary ones though, so it can't blink. The real her must be hiding nearby. Look for her, loot the room to the N. Is your gear / inventory in there?
>>
No. 433155 ID: 2bd7b1

>>433152

no, he will be RAPE by GOBLINS

go into the building and go through those crates for something conveniently distracting or otherwise useful.
>>
No. 433170 ID: a370aa

>>433155
right, well at least we can burst into the room to the north to see real liz, anyway we can break into there without alerting everyone to where we are?
>>
No. 433176 ID: b3ca75
File 134239936630.png - (18.85KB , 800x600 , 52.png )
433176

> Liz must have cast an illusion of herself in the cage!
:Helga: of course! She is a smart one after all.
> go into the building
:Lizbeth: oh hai, guys!
:Helga: well, speak of the trolls.
:Kevros3: LIZ!
:lizbeth: uh… You now those voices in your head that always tell you what to do? I kind of dropped mine and I’m a little lost without it. Have you seen them anywhere?

> go through those crates
:Helga: oh hey, all our gear, how oddly convenient!

All gear returned!

:Goblin3: Brothers! The day has come! We have finally found the vessel!
>>
No. 433177 ID: b3ca75
File 134239937933.png - (19.55KB , 800x600 , 53.png )
433177

:goblin3: All hail lord Animi’elatio! O, lord, we have found the vessel that you have sought so long! O, lord, accept our gratitude, as with this vessel you, o great one, can finally ascend and place the goblin race where it belongs! ALL HAIL LORD ANIMI’ELATIO!

:kevros2: I-is that a dragon?
:hans: d-did anyone say dragon barbeque, ja?
:lizbeth: it look so happy! Just look at that cute little smile.

You can now control Lizbeth
>>
No. 433179 ID: 886a4d

Let the dragon discover the goblins do NOT in fact have the vessal. Cancel that illusion. Then RUN!
>>
No. 433203 ID: 272f27

hey, Hans is awake! welp, hide in the crates for when the shit hits the fan.
>>
No. 433207 ID: d8f016

Hey Lizbeth! We're back! We did our best to nudge Kev in your direction while we were in his head. The hunk likes yah. Even if he is hella shy.

Get everybody at full health and equipped. Make sure Liz uses her magic rod and not her dagger. Magic potion on Liz if her mp is low.

I say we let them try their magic ritual with an illusion instead of the vessel. If we're lucky, it'll catastrophically backfire in their faces.
>>
No. 433213 ID: e3aff6

Stay behind the crates but not in the room, so you have somewhere to run to when they catch on.
>>
No. 433225 ID: b85f8c

Run away! The dragon will be pissed that the vessel is an illusion and burninate everyone. Endeavor to not be there when that happens.

Actually that hole in the floor looks like a convenient escape route. Wait that was Liz's shadow, nevermind.
>>
No. 433293 ID: 147853

Kevros! Liz is okay, and you don't know if you'll survive the night. Kiss her passionately! Or bite her on the nose, or whatever it is you lizard folk do.

For the rest of you, maybe try fortifying yourselves in the storage room until things blow over a bit. That, or sneak out under an illusion or something. Sneaking out sounds like a good idea, that dragon is large, and there are many goblins present.

Though Kevros could probably strong arm through everyone pretty single handedly...

Oh! And heal hans eventually. Maybe after he's locked up in the storage room out of site of the Goblins.
>>
No. 433295 ID: 2dd991

Recruit the dragon.
>>
No. 433297 ID: 147853

>>433295
I also like this idea.
>>
No. 433475 ID: b3ca75
File 134244854533.png - (18.14KB , 800x600 , 54.png )
433475

>Hey Lizbeth! We're back! We did our best to nudge Kev in your direction while we were in his head. The hunk likes yah. Even if he is hella shy.
:kevros3: I-I can still h-hear you, you know!
:lizbeth: Yay, you guys are back!
>Run away!
:kevros2: um... s-seems like our only escape route is filled with goblins, maybe I should have k-killed those goblins that ran a-away.
>hide in the crates for when the shit hits the fan.
:hans: Well, I for one don’t want the goblins to hurt my FABULOUS little head anymore, so I vote for hiding, ja?

:goblin3: O, great lord, please accept… accept this… uh… illusion?
:pride: Is this some kind of joke!?
:goblin3: I’m sorry my lord, it se-
:pride: Stop blabbering with me and find her, INSECT!
:goblin3: of course my lord!

:Goblin2: dude, these special effect is like, far out man.
:goblin1: shush!
>>
No. 433476 ID: b3ca75
File 134244855803.png - (3.16KB , 800x600 , 55.png )
433476

> Get everybody at full health and equipped.
-Hans cast cure on hans, hans is fully healed-

:lizbeth: Hey, hands off my butt!
:kevros: S-sorry

>bite her him on the nose, or whatever it is you lizard folk do.
:lizbeth: Nom!
:kevros: Ow, what did you that for!?

:hans: Do think it safe to go out now, I awfully crowded in here.
:Helga: quite! I think I hear someone outsi-
>>
No. 433477 ID: b3ca75
File 134244857378.png - (17.14KB , 800x600 , 56.png )
433477

:Helga: -off

:pride: So, VERMIN, did you really think you should hide from my MAGNIFICENCE!?
You’ll regret the day that you annoyed a GOD, INSECTS! I WIL-

>Recruit the dragon.
:lizbeth: HAI, Mr. Dragon, do you wanna join my team!?
:pride: I… I… WHAT?
>>
No. 433480 ID: d8f016

Guys, he's not really a dragon. There's a red lizardfolk illusionist behind the purple curtain on the right.

He's not an awesome dragon worth recruiting. He's a charlatan to be pitied.

Helga, sneak up on the imposter over there and pull him out.

Then we see if Liz can run the projectionist's booth and take control of the illusionary dragon. If she can, we have our own army of orcs to boss around!
>>
No. 433484 ID: 2dd991

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain? That's not how you flirt with a pretty lizard. Moreover, why this obsession with virginity? Are you insecure or something? We'll forgive you if you turn out to be a hot female lizard.

Wait, we'll lose the chance to free a race of eons of terrible misunderstandings and to command an army if we confront their god directly. Goblins are seen as a stupid race that only serves as source of fun for heartless murderers. They will never win this war, it's a lost cause. But not everything is cause for despair. They just need a good public relations spokesperson and unique and goblin patented goods that they can use to dominate the world market. The GREEN SLUDGE, ladies and gentlemen. We can study this magnificent source of random effects and make numerous products, such as sex change potions. Not responsible for any adverse effects that may occur, however.
>>
No. 433490 ID: a73dec

Lets have some fun with this conversation: "You know, our adventuring team. Doing quests, collecting treasure, that sort of thing. By the way, your curtain is about to fall off."
>>
No. 433493 ID: b3ca75
File 134246031531.png - (17.50KB , 800x600 , 57.png )
433493

>Lets have some fun with this conversation
:lizbeth: You know, our adventuring team. Doing quests, collecting treasure, that sort of thing.
:pride: And why would I join you, INSECT!? I got more treasure then you can possible imagine, more power than you can dream off, VERMIN! WHY WOUL-
:lizbeth: By the way, your curtain is about to fall off.
:pride: what? No wait, don’t touch th-

>Helga, sneak up on the imposter over there and pull him out.
>>
No. 433494 ID: b3ca75
File 134246033231.png - (17.79KB , 800x600 , 58.png )
433494

:pride2: -at curtain… uh… Please ignore the lizard behind the curtain?

>why this obsession with virginity? Are you insecure or something?
:pride2: obsession? I… wha…
>>
No. 433495 ID: b3ca75
File 134246034076.png - (16.83KB , 800x600 , 59.png )
433495

:pride2: You know what, fuck this. Hand over the vessel and I will let the three of you live, you VERMIN, otherwise I’ll crush beneath my booth like the INSECTS that you are!

>run the projectionist's booth
The booth doesn’t seem to contain anything to control the dragon. It only contains a few “PlayLizard” magazines and some hand lotion as far as you can see.
>We'll forgive you if you turn out to be a hot female lizard
That’s quite clearly a guy.
>>
No. 433497 ID: a73dec

Tell him he might be more interested in chasing down that fleeing goblin before the others hear about his secret.
(Plus that way we can see if he actually does have any powerful magic.)
>>
No. 433499 ID: d8f016

Boss fight time. Cue da music. Open with a surprise round.

Liz? Respond "here's your vessel" and chunk the bottle of acid at his face. Helga? Backstab. Hans? This guy's responsible for the gobos who beat you up. Get revenge with some nasty sickness spell.

Last but not least. Kev? "The vessel" is Liz. This guy wants to hurt her. Engage your paladiny RAGE OF PROTECTIVE ANGER and smack this guy with something fierce, now that you've got your sword and ability focus back.
>>
No. 433500 ID: 5f8420

> That’s quite clearly a guy.
Kill him. Or use some GOBLINS' CORPORATION® GREEN SLUDGE™.
>>
No. 433503 ID: 886a4d

Before we kill him maybe we should ask what the vessal does, and what exactly is it.
>>
No. 433524 ID: 6a1ec2

>>433503

Dude, it's the vessel he's been seeking for so long. You put things into a vessel. A vessel contains things. Put 2 and 2 together, man.
>>
No. 433528 ID: 886a4d

Dude, of course I know the definition of a vessal. What I want to know is how being a vessal effects Liz.

What is she suppose to contain or what is it containing? How exactly is LIZ a vessal? What makes her so important that two powerful wizards are interested in her?
>>
No. 433529 ID: b3ca75
File 134247170706.png - (17.46KB , 800x600 , 60.png )
433529

>ask what the vessal does, and what exactly is it.
:pride2: Your inferior mind will never truly understand what you are, vessel, Only a mind of my magnificence and intelligence can have any hope of understanding it!
>Tell him he might be more interested in chasing down that fleeing goblin
:pride2: Do you truly believe they revere some kind of pathetic dragon!? They bow down for me, the great Animi’elatio!
:hans: Animi’eliti, ja?
:Pride2: Animi’elatio!
:Helga: Animi’elatao?
:Pride2: Animi’elatio!!!
:kevros: Animielestic?
:Pride2: Animi’elet- Animi’ul- Anime- you know what, just call me pride. Where was I? Ahem… They bow down to me and so shall you! You are nothing but a footnote in the book about my magnificence! INSECTS to be crushed under my booth! Insignificant peasants compared to my royalty! Filthy VERMIN to be exterminated! I am older then time itself! I AM PRIDE! MY WILL MUST BE DO-
>>
No. 433530 ID: b3ca75
File 134247171636.png - (16.65KB , 800x600 , 61.png )
433530

> Liz, chunk the bottle of acid at his face.
:pride2: Ow, gods damn it my eyes, it got into my e-
> Helga? Backstab.
:pride2: aaa, why does it hurt so much?
> Hans? This guy's responsible for the gobos who beat you up. Get revenge with some nasty sickness spell.
> Kev, this guy wants to hurt Liz.

-Lizbeth throws item “acid” on pride for 8 damage and BLIND-
-Helga backstabs Pride for 13 damage-
-Hans cast BIO on Pride for 10 damage and POISON-
-Kevros uses SACRIFACE on pride for 11 damage-
-Kevros takes 4 damage-
-Pride is half dead!-

>>
No. 433531 ID: b3ca75
File 134247172699.png - (28.27KB , 800x600 , 62.png )
433531

:pride2: do you realize who you are messing with? I AM PRIDE, GOD OF DEATH! YOU WILL BOW TO ME!

:hans: um, the floating thing is bad, ja?
:kevros: o-oh gods, not the w-wall, NOT THE WALL!
>>
No. 433532 ID: b3ca75
File 134247173489.png - (27.44KB , 800x600 , 63.png )
433532

-Wall attacks all party members-
-Hans is unconscious-
-Helga is unconscious -
-Kevros guards Lizbeth-
-Kevros successfully blocks the wall!-
-kevros is unconscious-

>>
No. 433533 ID: b3ca75
File 134247174245.png - (24.30KB , 800x600 , 64.png )
433533

:lizbeth: please, mommy, can’t I stay home and make cookies with you today…

:pride2: Well then ,vessel, bow down to my superiority and I’ll spare your pathetic friends!
>>
No. 433535 ID: 886a4d

Telekinises, meet sludge, sludge, meet false god.
>>
No. 433537 ID: cf49fc

>>433535
Yes. Back up plan? CHICKEN ARMOR.
>>
No. 433539 ID: d8f016

>-Kevros successfully blocks the wall!-
Good gods, gotta love how ridiculously overpowered early final fantasy style fighters were.

>>433535
This. Be prepared to blink and hide behind an illusion if that doesn't take him down.
>>
No. 433541 ID: a73dec

If that doesn't work, you can threaten to sludge yourself.
>>
No. 433547 ID: b3ca75
File 134247478579.png - (24.46KB , 800x600 , 65.png )
433547

>Telekinises, meet sludge, sludge, meet false god.
:pride2: oh gods! My eyes! AGAIN! Why does it always have to be the eyes!

-Lizbeth throws item “sludge” on Pride for BLIND-
-Prides magic resistance is too high, magic sludge have no effect!-

>>
No. 433548 ID: b3ca75
File 134247479583.png - (26.42KB , 800x600 , 66.png )
433548

pride2: I’m going to rip your fucking head off and shit down your neck!
>Be prepared to blink and hide behind an illusion if that doesn't take him down.

-Lizbeth uses Illusion!-
-Lizbeth uses BLINK!-
-Pride CHARGE misses!-
-Kevros “trips” Pride-

>>
No. 433549 ID: b3ca75
File 134247480562.png - (24.27KB , 800x600 , 67.png )
433549

:pride2: I’ll shove –blub- your damned – blub- boyfriend up your –blub- bum!
:lizbeth: um… do you need help?
:pride2: I AM-blub- A GOD! I’M NOT –blub- GOING –blub- TO DROWN LIKE SOME FUCKING –blub-INSECT!
>>
No. 433550 ID: b3ca75
File 134247481583.png - (24.52KB , 800x600 , 68.png )
433550

-Pride has drowned-
-pride has been slain!-
-you gain-
+25 xp
+100gold


Well, that was anticlimactic…

Insert climactic ending command_
>>
No. 433552 ID: d8f016

Victory dance!

Then see to injured companies. Start with hunky lizard boy.
>>
No. 433554 ID: 99090a

Show concern for your paladin boyfriend as if you were romantically interested in him and not just wanting to jump his bones.
>>
No. 433555 ID: 886a4d

25 xp? That it? We just killed a high level mage who had his own goblin army!. What a gyp.

Hmm, I wonder. Lizbeth can you lift that guys corpse out of the water? He might be carrying something with lots of magic on him considering how the area he drowned in is still sludgy.

Well. Speaking of the gobbos we really should skedaddle before they realize we jsut killed their god. Rouse your comapanions and get skedaddling.
>>
No. 433568 ID: e3aff6

When Kevros wakes up, tell him that he killed Pride in an awesome way (without being specific as to how), and act surprised when he doesn't remember it.
>>
No. 433573 ID: b3ca75
File 134247881648.png - (24.60KB , 800x600 , 69.png )
433573

>Victory dance!
AW YEAH! Victory dance successful!
>25 xp? That it?
Well, a goblin is only worth 1 xp for comparison. And he wasn’t really that powerful anyway.
>Lizbeth can you lift that guys corpse out of the water?
Pride has already turned into red mist. There seems to be something on the bottom of the pool thought. The water is in the way for using telekinesis and you’re not touching that water barehanded.
>>
No. 433574 ID: b3ca75
File 134247882614.png - (6.41KB , 550x400 , 70.png )
433574

>Then see to injured companies. Start with hunky lizard boy.
He’s bleeding from his forehead but otherwise he seems fine...
:Kevros2: D-did we win…?

>tell him that he killed Pride in an awesome way (without being specific as to how), and act surprised when he doesn't remember it.
:lizbeth: Of course, silly, don’t you remember? It was you after all who did the killing blow.
:kevros2: I-it was? Y-yeah, maybe i-it was…
:lizbeth: You really was amazing, you know…
:kevros2: You are really amazing yourself…

-Kevros +5 happiness-
-Kevros +2 loyalty-
-Kevros +3 love-
-Kevros is now loyal to you-
-Kevros is now in love with you-

>>
No. 433577 ID: 886a4d

Now just to turn him female!

We really should figure out a way to get whatever is in the water out however. Hmmm Maybe one of the others has an idea. A stick would work maybe?
>>
No. 433580 ID: 5f8420

>>433550
> Insert climactic ending command_
COLLAPSING LAIR and ENRAGED ARMY OF GOBLINS. Try not to die.
>>
No. 433589 ID: b85f8c

Okay, it looks like that guy was carrying the magic artifact that our mission was about.

Use the thingy we are supposed to use near it!
>>
No. 433594 ID: e3aff6

I think we can get some use out of the whole 'vessel' thing.
Once our companions are awake, tell them to act brainwashed, then go back to the goblins and pretend to be Pride. If they ask why you aren't glowing or doing god-things, berate them for failing their part of the ritual, and tell them you need to go to the magical nexus to correct it. (Though I guess we should check with the compass first to make sure Pride wasn't himself the magical nexus.)
>>
No. 433595 ID: d8f016

Hahaha, we get to keep Kevros now. =D

Check the magic compass, I bet the nexus is under the corrupted water. You wanna use the scanner to complete the mission, and then see if you can use your awesome reality warper powers to tap into it and supercharge yourself.
>>
No. 433596 ID: cf49fc

>>433589
We need the magical thingy. Use Kevros' helmet, or the furniture in the other room to reach it without touching the slime.
>>
No. 433614 ID: b3ca75
File 134248464669.png - (23.98KB , 550x500 , 71.png )
433614

>COLLAPSING LAIR and ENRAGED ARMY OF GOBLINS. Try not to die.
:Lizbeth: wait what?
:Goblin1: GRRRR!

Rumble Rumble!
>>
No. 433615 ID: b3ca75
File 134248465743.png - (17.37KB , 550x500 , 72.png )
433615

:goblin2: Dude, the guys from, like, the next cave system over prays to a weed god.
:golbin1: Oh man, that so far out, man. What are we waiting for, let’s go, man.
:goblin2: ya, man, let’s get the rest of the bros to. Cowabunga, lizard dudes!

[color=#0000FF]-All the goblins have left the cave system-
- The Lair failed to collapse thanks to incompetent builders-[color]
>>
No. 433616 ID: b3ca75
File 134248466615.png - (6.92KB , 550x500 , 73.png )
433616

>Now just to turn him female!
:kevros2: I… what?
>Check the magic compass
Why yes, it is pointing at the weird water.
>A stick would work maybe?
:kevros2: Well, I still got a pair of tongs on me…
>>
No. 433618 ID: b3ca75
File 134248467901.png - (2.67KB , 550x500 , 74.png )
433618

You successfully fished up the weird magical object but the tongs was destroyed in the process.
Let’s have a silent minute for the tongs and remember it heroic sacrifice! Gods bless that tong!

You found a Chaos emerald a weird formed amethyst (I think). The magical compass is fallowing it every move!

> Use the thingy
You try to use the thingy that the wizard gave you with your best effort but to no avail. It only says “Error, no nexus found”. Come to think of it, this thing is not looking like any nexus you ever heard about. It is brimming with power thought…
>>
No. 433619 ID: d8f016

Reach out to it with your mind. Try to tap into it's awesome magical potential!
>>
No. 433620 ID: 886a4d

Quest... Over? Welp nothing to do but use your awesome powers of a vessal of indeterminate nature to eat the gem.

Wait no thats stupid. Lets bring it back to the guild.
>>
No. 433621 ID: a370aa

>>433616
Identify PINK OBJECT in Kevros's inventory
>>
No. 433622 ID: d8f016

>>433621

It's an electric razor. Or magic razor. Automatic hair shaving golem. Whatever. The goblins revealed it wasn't what we though it was when we threatened them with it. It's of no use to hairless lizards, regrettably.
>>
No. 433624 ID: 5f8420

Oh, the irony.

> Quest... Over?
How can you forget daddy? And fetch quests? And eating THE PIZZA ELEMENTALl? And recruiting Mr. Coffee? And the bragging rights reward? And the sex change magicks? And the hot spring scene? And LESBIANS?
>>
No. 433625 ID: a370aa

well still have a nexus to find. with that said LOOK for nexus, liz
>>
No. 433626 ID: d8f016

And we still need to protect Kev from future virgin sacrifices. And animate our familiar! Lots still do to.
>>
No. 433637 ID: 886a4d

When I say the quest is over I meant the quest Liz was doing for the guild. Not THE quest.
>>
No. 433640 ID: b85f8c

>>433618
Paladin, heal thyself. Also get your helmet back on, gold-eyes.

The magical nexus could've been Pride which means we fucked up. Or maybe the device was supposed to kill him for us and get the gem? Try moving the gem away from the compass to check to see if it shows another reading.
>>
No. 433645 ID: 5f8420

>>433637
They still have to loot the hell out of this place.
>>
No. 433657 ID: 7c31d2

I got an idea! Lets look for lizard hunks equipment! Oh, and any equipment the others lost, I guess.
>>
No. 433712 ID: 2972f8

EAT IT
>>
No. 433718 ID: 147853

I second the look for lizard hunk's "equipment" option. As in Kevros's.

...
>>
No. 433805 ID: b3ca75
File 134252193604.png - (7.59KB , 550x500 , 75.png )
433805

>Identify PINK OBJECT
It’s an Automatic pink hair remover golem 84T3, Master edition. It the girl’s best friend, if she had hair that is…
> Paladin, heal thyself.
Kevros cannot heal himself, he can only heal others. Hans is out of mana and thus can’t heal either.
>Reach out to it with your mind. Try to tap into it's awesome magical potential!
You are unable to tap into its might, it’s just too powerful!
>Welp nothing to do but use your awesome powers of a vessal of indeterminate nature to eat the gem.
Best idea!

You feast upon the gem, consuming it with vigor as never seen before. You can feel it, oh yes, you can feel the power! ULTIMATE ARCANE POWER! YOU HAVE BECOME A GOD AMONG MEN! YOU HAVE BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
>>
No. 433806 ID: b3ca75
File 134252194802.png - (7.29KB , 550x500 , 76.png )
433806

Too bad the destruction includes you.

-Your party has died-

Thermonuclear explosion
:sokka: It's a giant mushroom... maybe it's FRIENDLY! Friendly mushroom! Mushy giant friend!

>Wait no thats stupid. Lets bring it back to the guild.
Yes, lets…
>>
No. 433807 ID: b3ca75
File 134252195741.png - (22.34KB , 800x600 , 77.png )
433807

> well still have a nexus to find. with that said LOOK for nexus, liz
:Helga: well, lads, it seems that the high magnitude of magic the wizard picket up was that artifact as there doesn’t seem to be a nexus nearby. So let’s bring it back to the wizards and maybe we’ll get a bonus! this is a lot more interesting than some old nexus after all, aye?
:hans: Ja, let’s head back so I can fix my fabulous looks!
Wait, when did they wake up?
> I got an idea! Lets look for lizard hunks equipment!
You’ve already found all your equipment.
> look for lizard hunk's "equipment"
His armor is in the way, get him naked first.
:kevros: wait, w-what?

> How can you forget daddy? And fetch quests? And eating THE PIZZA ELEMENTALl? And recruiting Mr. Coffee? And the bragging rights reward? And the sex change magicks? And the hot spring scene? And LESBIANS?
Don’t forget dairy queen!
> hot spring scene
This is now highest priority!
> And we still need to protect Kev from future virgin sacrifices.
:kevros: I d-don’t know if I should be happy or afraid…

:Helga: I for one actually came prepared and bought a scroll of town portal, so when you are ready well leave for the city CITY.
>>
No. 433810 ID: 2972f8

let's head home.
>>
No. 433811 ID: 996e69

What about looting Pride's throne room? If that throne is made of real gold and/or gems, we could sell it for a nice profit.
>>
No. 433812 ID: b85f8c

>>433807
Liz, I gotta ask. Are you actually a lesbian or do you just like alliteration?

Yeah let's get back home- wait no what about looting the treasury? There must be a treasury here. WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANY LOOT DAMMIT go explore the castle-type area to the east.
>>
No. 433817 ID: b3ca75
File 134253104492.png - (10.62KB , 800x600 , 78.png )
433817

>What about looting Pride's throne room?
>looting the treasury?
The goblins seem to have looted everything of value on their way out. They even took everything that was nailed down and/or on fire! They even drew mustaches on all the paintings (the fiends)!
You do find the treasury eventually, but it’s empty like the rest of the place. Only thing you find is an “IOU 1 billion gold, have to buy weed and condoms – goblins” note and a XL pack of deluxe brand condoms the goblins probably dropped. Well, that was a waste of time.

>Liz, I gotta ask. Are you actually a lesbian or do you just like alliteration?
You can swing both ways, really. You do have a little problem with other species though (just look at all that hair! Ick!).
>>
No. 433818 ID: b3ca75
File 134253105333.png - (14.25KB , 697x552 , 79.png )
433818

>let's head home.
:Helga: -port! Home sweet home, eh?
:kevros: …ow…
:rid: ah, the mercenaries have returned. Well, how did it go? Did you find the nexus? Did anyone get flayed alive in the name of SCIENCE? Did you defeat the dragon/demon/monster guardian? Please, do tell, do tell…
>>
No. 433820 ID: 7c31d2

We seduced a lizard, changed a goblin's gender, lost and found our head voices, drowned someone who claimed to be a god, almost broke the world again and triggered a very obvious trap! Also we found a magic rock. It looks tasty.
>>
No. 433822 ID: 996e69

>loot: condoms
This game apparently has an even more one-track mind than us!

We took down the dragon / lizard wizard guardian, and in that sense, I suppose he died for SCIENCE. Nexus was a bust, we found this magic gem thing instead.
>>
No. 433825 ID: 2972f8

tell 'em about the gem.

tell them not to eat it.
>>
No. 433827 ID: 5f8420

> You can swing both ways, really.
The world is changing, drags are changing, even men and women are changing. Thousand years from now, there'll be no guys and no girls, just wankers. If you can't change Kevros' sex, feminize him.
>>
No. 433829 ID: b3ca75
File 134254045158.png - (14.01KB , 697x552 , 80.png )
433829

>This game apparently has an even more one-track mind than us!
The creator is clearly some kind of pervert.
>We seduced a lizard, changed a goblin's gender, lost and found our head voices, drowned someone who claimed to be a god, almost broke the world again and triggered a very obvious trap!
:rid: …uh, well then…
:kevros: And Nexus was a bust.
:Helga: But we did found this weird gem.
:rid: Is that a…? Did you guys really found a…? Oh my! Uh… Excellent! This is an improvement from the initial objective! Here, please accept this bonus as a thank you from the guild!
:Helga: Wait, wh-
:rid: here is your gold! Please excuse me, I have pressing matters to attend to. Bye!
:hans: But what about the nexus stuff, ja?
:rid: uh… oh right, give it here, contract completed and all that. Now, bye!
>tell them not to eat it.
:rid: Please tell me that you didn’t try to eat it... oh, got to run, bye!

-You gain-
(2000/4 + 10%) 550 gold!
you lost mystical gem
you lost map/compass/nexus thingy

>>
No. 433830 ID: b3ca75
File 134254046147.png - (15.35KB , 697x552 , 81.png )
433830

:dwarf: Thou has succeeded in thy quest! Congratulation! Thou are now all official member of the mercenary guild! Here is thy gold for thee work!

-Quest completed!-
+10xp
+1500g!
-500g (guild fee)
-200g (insurance against pizza elementals)
-300g (for the skeletal widow fund)
+ 10% (50g)
LEVEL UP!
you gain a level at the end of the day!
Current gold: 1270gold


:Helga: woo, beer run!
:hans: ja, hans is for all the beer!
:kevros: I-I better get cleaned up. See you later, right…
:dwarf: I would suggest that thou visit the mess hall for lunch and meet the regular members of our guild.

Current action available:
-Go for lunch (meet new faces)
-Beer run! (With special guest Hans and Helga)
-Shopping trip! (Got ze gold, man)
- Stalk kevros(pervert)
-other (I dunno)
>>
No. 433831 ID: 996e69

Take the free lunch, then go shopping. Then we set about finding a chance to level up with Kev.

Going on the beer run with all that gold is just asking to be robbed.
>>
No. 433832 ID: 2972f8

BEEEEEEEER RUUUUUUN
>>
No. 433835 ID: 5f8420

Free lunch? Nothing is free here, dear. Anyway, meet new faces and go shopping.
You need a sex change potion or some cute clothes and makeup.

> The creator is clearly some kind of pervert.
Preposterous! Damned be this corrupt and hypocritical society!
The creator of this quest is someone excellently healthy and honest with itself, something praiseworthy at this day and age!
>>
No. 433839 ID: 6e44d2

We should've kept the gem. I'm pretty sure we just got ripped off.
>>
No. 433840 ID: 7c31d2

We now have enough money to attempt the alluringly alliterative lesbian lizard plan!
>>
No. 433841 ID: 996e69

>>433840

We're 30 gold short of being able to afford the tiara, the robe, and the belt.

I'm kind of of the mind that we should grab the gear now, and seduce him normally the first time. Save the Narbonic style gender shuffling sex for later.
>>
No. 433850 ID: 147853

>>433839
Yes.
>>433840
No.

To Dairy Queen for celebrations!

Command: Stalk Kevros. (what?)
>>
No. 433855 ID: b3ca75
File 134255396342.png - (17.51KB , 800x600 , 82.png )
433855

>The creator of this quest is someone excellently healthy and honest with itself, something praiseworthy at this day and age!
This is clearly Creator cult propaganda! Down with the creator! Viva la revolution!
>Command: Stalk Kevros. (what?)
Clearly proof that the creator is not to be trusted!
>Take the free lunch, then go shopping.
That sounds like a plan! For LUNCH!

-Mercenary guild, Mess hall-
Well, it is kind of late for lunch, so most of the mercenaries have already eaten. At least the food is free. Today’s meal is a nice buffet with chicken as the main ingredient, yum!
>>
No. 433856 ID: b3ca75
File 134255397627.png - (17.47KB , 800x600 , 83.png )
433856

Oh neat, they have one of those register-o-matictm! It automatically registers anyone in the room so it’s easier to find someone you are looking for.

Current register is:

:Sonya: Sonya “The red” Wolfswift
Human Female
Berserker

:maggy: Maggwen “Maggy” Hoardworthy
Lizard (swamp) Female
Ninja

:olof: Olof “The stout” Öberg
Dwarf Male
Defender

:graven: Graven Voiddrake
Lizard (desert) Male
Elemental Mage

ooo, neat, I’m on it to…

:Lizbeth: Lizbeth Ssus
Construct (Lizard) Female
Arcane Mage

Insert commandy thingy_
>>
No. 433858 ID: 1b9919

Yay, more lizards to add to our eventual harem! This'll be fu...

>Lizbeth, Suss. Construct.
>CONSTRUCT.

Freak out about this sudden but not quite so shocking revelation. Leave the room before the register-o-matic can give you away!
>>
No. 433859 ID: a73dec

>Register says Construct (Lizard) Female
IT KNOWS
Leave the room before anyone else sees.
>>
No. 433862 ID: 886a4d

Jeesh you guys panic easily. Just put an Illusion over the race \ sex and make it say Lizard Female instead of construct. Besides theres a sexy ninja around.
>>
No. 433864 ID: b3ca75
File 134255577020.png - (18.12KB , 800x600 , 84.png )
433864

>Liz, recruit everyone. EVERYONE!!
You might want to get a contract first to recruit to. Making friends is doable though.

>RUN!
Yes, let’s quickly leave before any- off!
:kevros3: Liz!? Uh… w-what’s the rush?
>>
No. 433865 ID: 7c31d2

Tell him you just remembered you have a coupon for dairy queen and are going to go get something from there.
>>
No. 433866 ID: bf8c23

Liz, recruit everyone. EVERYONE!

> Making friends is doable though.
Yes.

> Construct
Still capable of sex though.

> Liz!? Uh… w-what’s the rush?
Still capable of sex.

> Yay, more lizards to add to our eventual harem!
Yes, we need a harem to have a proper hot spring scene.

> Down with the creator! Viva la revolution!
Take over? Take over!

> How are you so fast?
No, really. How?
>>
No. 433869 ID: 1b9919

>>433862
Okay, the illusion on the sign is a good short term solution. Longer term? We need to buy a magic item that stops magic scans from picking up on our construct status. We may have to blow the money on this, and go for the belt later.

>construct
>Still capable of sex.
We haven't tested that yet! We'll have to do SCIENCE on Kevros. As we protect him from virgin sacrifices. And level up. ...in bed.

Invite Kev to join you for lunch, and then go to the Dairy Queen for dessert.
>>
No. 433872 ID: b3ca75
File 134255790890.png - (17.78KB , 800x600 , 85.png )
433872

>put an Illusion over the race \ sex and make it say Lizard Female
Done and done!
>Yay, more lizards to add to our eventual harem!
>theres a sexy ninja around.
These are relevent to your intrest...
>Invite Kev to join you for lunch, and then go to the Dairy Queen for dessert.
:kevros2: Lunch? Oh… yes of course, I would l-love to…
>We'll have to do SCIENCE on Kevros.
Clearly, this is a SCIENCE worthy to sacriface your time for!
>Make friends
well, you do need a little more than that to start with. I mean, who will I talk to fist and what will I say?

Insert com- eh whatever_

> How are you so fast?
Its sprites and Ctrl – C is my bitch!
>>
No. 433874 ID: 1b9919

Well, let's say hi to everyone before we start the date going here.

Start with the sociable looking people all sharing a table. Then we can try loner lizard. The when we're done talking, chicken and the dairy queen date.

>theres a sexy ninja around.
>These are relevent to your intrest...
Just scope her out for now. We want to secure Kev today, then we'll start collecting new harem members on our next mission.

This is a thing right? It's completely normal for lizards to collect harems? Nothing weird about this!
>>
No. 433893 ID: bf8c23

It's unfortunate that Liz isn't into interracial hijinks, even if she's a construct and going after lizards is already interracial. Or interrelations between mechanical and biological. Hair? You can shave it! EVERYTHING! Whatever, daddy put a foot wrong at some point.

> I mean, who will I talk to fist and what will I say?
Things will happen, stop being a teenager on the first day of school.

> This is a thing right?
Yes. If it is consensual and safe, of course.

> It's completely normal for lizards to collect harems?
Yes. It's completely normal for anything to collect harems. I hate harem stories, however. No character development.

> Nothing weird about this!
You just need to be able to take care of everyone. And not be a construct.
>>
No. 433919 ID: b3ca75
File 134256414754.png - (17.52KB , 800x600 , 86.png )
433919

>This is a thing right? It's completely normal for lizards to collect harems?
You have no idea, you never really had a social life before, you know.
>And not be a construct.
Error! Unable to run “benormal.exe”! Malfunction!
>The when we're done talking, chicken and the dairy queen date.
Well, Kevros seem to be preparing a meal for both of us, so you’ll have to socialize and eat at the same time. The horror!
>Start with the sociable looking people all sharing a table.
:maggy: Why, hello there cutie…
:olof: Do you really have to hit on everyone new?
:maggy: Hush, you.
:sonya: Please excuse my friend, she can be a little forwards at times.
:olof: At times? She’s always like this!

Insert carrots_
>>
No. 433925 ID: a370aa

>>433919
ask maggy if she has perverted head voices as well
>>
No. 433931 ID: 147853

Clearly the goal here is to be "best friends" with the ninja, and then "team up" on Kevros.

Good ol' Kevros.

I haven't yet concluded as to how the extra male fits into things... he can clearly never replace Kevros.

Because Kevros is amazing.

Kevros.
>>
No. 433933 ID: 6a1ec2

Insert carrots.

Into your mouth. Your mouth, you tramp.
>>
No. 433934 ID: 1b9919

Oh, coo, the ninja's into you. Flirt back. We'll have to snag her on the next mission. Anyways, introduce you-self and Kev.
>>
No. 433940 ID: bf8c23

> Error! Unable to run “benormal.exe”! Malfunction!
Dream of becoming a real boy, Pinocchio.

>>433931
I'll translate this for you guys.
> I'll be in my bunk.

>>433934
Yes, let's trigger another very obvious trap.
>>
No. 433964 ID: b3ca75
File 134257179239.png - (17.59KB , 800x600 , 87.png )
433964

>Insert carrots into your mouth.
Carrots insertet, they were delicious.
>Dream of becoming a real boy, Pinocchio.
Unable to dream about becoming a real boy, you are only able to dream about electric sheep.
>Lots of gush about Kevros.
It almost sounds like you are more interested in having him as a boyfriend then I am…
>Flirt back, introduce you-self and Kev.

:lizbeth: Well, you aren’t too bad looking yourself, sexy.
:kevros2: wait… what did yo-
:lizbeth: I’m Lizbeth, mighty Wizard, by the way, And this is Kevros, an amazing paladin if I have to say so myself.
:kevros2: oh…uh… greetings?
:Olof: You must be the new recruit, yes? Nice to meet some new blood.
:maggy: we must do a contract together sometime, to get to know each other better, alone.
:sonya: you guys seems awfully close. Are you a couple or something?
>>
No. 433973 ID: 1b9919

>Liz flirt
>Kev distress and confusion
>Ninja flirt (and/or veiled threat)
>Outright questioning of relationship status.

Dangit, the dating engine is trying to trick us into establishing monogamy, or losing them both! We will have to navigate this carefully.

Answer the question in a suggestive, non-committal manner. Something like "Hehehe, we'll see." Kev will think you're after him, and the ninja will think you're a fellow player. Tension resolved.

We'll have to risk the obvious assassination attempt seduce Maggie later, once we've got Kev wrapped.
>>
No. 433979 ID: b85f8c

Say you think he's neat but you aren't even dating yet.
>>
No. 433982 ID: 147853

ARE you a couple? You have two options here, you can play innocent little girly and get Kevros to answer, and cackle at his flustered-osity (on the inside), or you can just say Yes and cackle at his flustered-osity.

Or you could say No. It would break his heart, but you do your own thing Liz.

Or you could be ambiguous and bask in the tension. So I guess that's four options.


I don't trust the ninja though. Never trust the ninjas.
>>
No. 433984 ID: bf8c23

> Are you a couple or something?
Why do you ask, huh? Interested in one of the two, yeah? Fuck you and everyone who says this! FUCK YOU! Stop fucking shipping real people constructs and lizards! It isn't funny at all!
>>
No. 433985 ID: 147853

Hey, you've got like, four lizards in the room now. I just realized this.

Form an all-lizard adventure party! wooooo!
>>
No. 433991 ID: b85f8c

Speaking of four lizards, ask why that other dude is off by himself.
>>
No. 433996 ID: 1b9919

>Form an all-lizard adventure party! wooooo!
Lizbeth's Lizard Legion

>>433991
He's either an introvert, or a prick. Or both. We'll find out when we go to talk to him.
>>
No. 434016 ID: a370aa

talk to the other lizard wizard
>>
No. 434034 ID: e3aff6

>>433996
Lizbeth's Lethal Lizard Lady Lover Legion?
>>
No. 434045 ID: 147853

>>434034
Unless the red lizard is gay.

Lizbeth's Lethal Lizard Lover Legion of Ladies and Lads?

Assuming none of them are into that cross species relationship nonsense.
>>
No. 434056 ID: ab63b5

>>434045
> cross species relationship
Like constructs and lizards?

> nonsense
Fantastic racism, huh? Go choke yourself with a meatball beyond the expiration date.
>>
No. 434068 ID: 147853

She's a lizard construct. So BLEARGH to you.
>>
No. 434079 ID: ab63b5

Lizbeth Ssus is a construct that looks like a lizard that dreams about electric sheep. However, she identifies herself as a female bisexual wizard lizard and we should respect that.

> BLEARGH
I was only joking about the meatball thing, you know?
>>
No. 434188 ID: b3ca75
File 134260727651.png - (17.93KB , 800x600 , 88.png )
434188

>BLEARGH
:Nigel: Smashing!
>Lizbeth's Lethal Lizard Lover Legion of Ladies and Lads?
Let’s loot large lairs, light lamps labeled lil’ Larry and lay loving lacertid lizards… you have no idea where you are going with this…
>Form an all-lizard adventure party! wooooo!
There probably an achievement for this. Let’s do it!
> Fantastic racism, huh?
Fantastic specieism... (is that even a word?)
> I don't trust the ninja though. Never trust the ninjas.
Why shouldn’t you trust the assassin for hire? She seems really trustworthy, you know... And she really puts ass in assassin, hehehe… he…
> Answer the question in a suggestive, non-committal manner.
:lizbeth: Hehehe, we'll see…
:sonya: Ah… so you just begun dating, huh?
:kevros: uh… y-yes, we just meet this morning…
:maggy: A twofer, eh?

> ask why that other dude is off by himself.
:Olof: Graven? Oh, he’s just a little grumpy, as he always is.
:sonya: He is rather rude until you get to know him, so be prepared for that.
:maggy: And he can do this amazing thing with his tongue wh-
:olof: We don’t need to know that, sheesh!
:maggy: Party-pooper…

Also, FYI the food is delicious.

Insert Comma_
>>
No. 434190 ID: 2972f8

,
>>
No. 434196 ID: a73dec

Ask what jobs they have been on.
>>
No. 434200 ID: b85f8c

>>434188
Use telekinesis to tap him on the shoulder then wave in a friendly manner.
>>
No. 434212 ID: b3ca75
File 134262195722.png - (17.80KB , 800x600 , 89.png )
434212

>Ask what jobs they have been on.
:sonya: We have done a lot of contract so it’s kind of hard to remember them all. I myself generally chose contracts with a lot of fighting, it make you really feel alive you know…
:olof: I on the other hand aim for any contract that has a potentially got meal in it, like this one time in fighter camp I-
:maggy: Yeah, yeah, nobody cares! Everybody knows that infiltration and assassination contracts are the best. The feeling you get when you get personally close to someone you’re going to kill i-
:olof: You mean when you sleep with them?
:maggy: Hey, I’m not knocking your hobbies, am I?

> Use telekinesis to tap him on the shoulder then wave in a friendly manner.
:graven: What in the… what are you doing! You made me break my concentration!
:lizbeth: hi, I-
:graven: yea, yea, hi, greeting, nice to meet you. Did you even know what I was doing? Of course not! Now please stop disturbing me and go back to gossiping with the other imbeciles so I can concentrate! hmmf, the nerve of some people...

Well, that was rude...
>>
No. 434214 ID: 1b9919

Oh gods. She sleeps with her targets before killing them. Lets hope that attitude doesn't go both ways.

Eat your lunch, continue idle conversation with the other imbeciles friendly people. We'll try rude red another day. When you're done, excuse yourself and take Kev to the Dairy Queen.
>>
No. 434227 ID: ab63b5

> Well, that was rude...
You weren't very sensitive, either. You don't know him, his history and his motives. Keep this rancor for when it's confirmed that he is a legit son of a salamander. Anyway, let's go shopping!

>>434212
> Oh gods. She sleeps with her targets before killing them. Lets hope that attitude doesn't go both ways.
That's really exciting, actually.
>>
No. 434248 ID: b3ca75
File 134263400904.png - (8.55KB , 500x400 , 90.png )
434248

>That's really exciting, actually.
Yes, nothing is sexier then someone who kills people she sleep with…
>Eat your lunch, continue idle conversation with the friendly people.
:Lizbeth: …So I used my telekinesis to throw the sludge in his face!
:sonya: ha, nice one.

Olof +1 loyalty
Sonya +1 loyalty
Maggwen +1 Loyalty


>take Kev to the Dairy Queen.
Let’s see, what to order… they got a lot of stuff…

Lizard Wizard Blizzard
Oreo Blizzard
Double fudge cookie do-
:kevros3: hey, Lizbeth, um… I was w-wondering if you were busy this afternoon? I-I got this reservation at a restaurant and maybe we should eat d-dinner together… as a date…?
>>
No. 434251 ID: c7f8fb

Well, actually, she sleeps with the people she kills. We don't know that she kills the people she sleeps with. We're hoping this is just a sex up the murder thing, and not a murder all your bedtime companions thing. ...it would be hard to tell without potentially lethal experimentation, though.

You want to get the Lizard Wizard Blizard!

Ohho! Kev's worked up some nerve. Good for you, shy-face. Accept his offer, Liz.
>>
No. 434253 ID: ab63b5

Oh you hasty little critter! Liz, you'll break his litte cold-blooded innocent heart.

> Yes, nothing is sexier then someone who kills people she sleep with...
Unsurprisingly disappointing. I would cast dishonor upon your household, but you don't have one. Let me talk with Hans, ja?
>>
No. 434254 ID: a370aa

>>434248
go on the date with kev
>>
No. 434262 ID: 2972f8

say yes.
>>
No. 434263 ID: b3ca75
File 134263959549.png - (2.45KB , 500x400 , 91.png )
434263

>Unsurprisingly disappointing. I would cast dishonor upon your household, but you don't have one. Let me talk with Hans, ja?
:hans: Relation advice: Mortal combat with you partner spices up both your love life and marriage, ja?
> Liz, you'll break his litte cold-blooded innocent heart.
I… I can’t really say no, can I?
> You want to get the Lizard Wizard Blizzard!
Lizard Wizard Blizzard get!

Lizbeth + 3 deliciousness
Lizbeth +2 chubbiness (oh noes)


> Accept his offer, Liz.
:kevros3: I-I-I… uh… Please excuse me, I need to get s-something ready for tonight… I’ll pick you up at 6? R-right, got to go… love you…

Kevros has left the party!

He didn’t even have time to eat any ice cream and oh god I don’t have anything to wear tonight…
Shopping TIME!

Current Gold: 1270gold
Shopping list in the discussion thread: http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questdis/res/56976.html
>>
No. 434264 ID: c7f8fb

To buy:

-fine makeup (I... don't want to think too hard about what kind of makeup lizards wear)
-zero flowers (that's his job)
-fine wine (for after dinner)
-potion or two of gender changing (for hijinks, eventually)
- +2 Tiara
- +3 Robe
- +3 Rod

Sell

- Robe
- helmet helm
- +2 Rod
>>
No. 434269 ID: c7f8fb

>>434264
After seeing the designs in questdis, I'll append fine clothing to my suggested list. It's better looking for dates and hanging about in town. We can swap to the robe with stats for combat and dungeons and stuff.
>>
No. 434272 ID: a370aa

go with Custom-made fine clothing for the date and other social things and Enchanted magic robe for adventuring for the time being
>>
No. 434274 ID: 9c90ed

> chubbiness
Delicious.

> Shopping TIME!
Yes.

Food ration x3 (munchy munchy, chubby chubby) - 15g
Lantern (extra large) - 25g
Yer Flask x5 - 5g
Barbariccia's Backpack - 0g
Bondage rope - 20g
Custom-made Clothes (not too shabby) - 100g
Make up (not too ostentatious) - 10g
Really fine wine (must be THE BEST) - 100g
Healing potions (with rum) x3 and Mana potion (with liquor) x2 - 100g
Levitating boots - 500g


Sell all your old equipment. You will levitate and use nothing at all. Just boots, because.
Oh, yes. Almost forgot the most important.

Potion of gender changing (last 50 turns) - 50g
Personal lubricant (50 uses) - 50g


Liz, you who will drink the potion. That's all.
>>
No. 434277 ID: 6a1ec2

>>434264

>> (I... don't want to think too hard about what kind of makeup lizards wear)

Two words: scale oil.
>>
No. 434354 ID: b85f8c

>>434264
I support this except let's keep the +2 rod instead of upgrading to the +3. Next shopping trip we should upgrade straight to +4. My reasoning is twofold: one, it saves money in the long run. Two, we're mostly an indirect caster anyway, so +damage won't help us a whole lot.
>>
No. 434360 ID: aaeb1c

We need to get the most important items first, the potion of gender changing, personal lubricant, and bondage rope.
>>
No. 434394 ID: a7a256

>>434360
Yes, I like your way of thinking. Sensible. Minimalist, even.

This made me rethink our plans, however. Bondage isn't for untrained hands, minds and bodies. Furthermore, nothing is superior than a rope specially prepared by youself. You need lots of attention, precision, dedication and love. Unfortunately we'll not be able to make use of this fine art tonight, but that's for the better.

Lizbeth Ssus! Yes, you, construct in the image of a lizard with (why do you have those!) jiggly mammary glands! Listen, you need to find The (also Ace Detective!) Bondage Master! This is the sole reason of your miserable existence! May the Goddess of Death bless your current personality program and its backup!
>>
No. 434448 ID: c7f8fb

>>434277
>Scale oil

That's perfectly acceptable. Now, the mental image I had in my head before... lipstick, rouge, mascara... *shudder*.

>>434394
>jiggly mammary glands

Actually, to date, I don't think we've seen any evidence one way or the other to tell us if Liz is the kind of Lizard that comes with boobs or not. I've been meaning to ask that.

Hey Liz! Do lizardfolk in your universe come with improbable mammalian secondary sexual characteristics or not? Do a quick check. You're going clothes shopping anyways, good time to find out.
>>
No. 434503 ID: 147853

Breasts or no breasts, that is the question.

Lizards are hotter without them.
>>
No. 434655 ID: b3ca75
File 134270346769.png - (15.32KB , 800x600 , 1.png )
434655

>BUY SHIT!
You bought:
Enchanted magic robe (+3 defense) – 500g
Tiara of power (+2 damage, +2 defense) -200g
Clothes (Nice) – 200g - Custom-made +free (The tailor was a really nice old man.)
Make up (Fine) – 25g
Fine wine – 10g
2 x Potion of gender changing (last 50 turns) - 50g x 2
Personal lubricant (50 uses) - 50g
Discount – +9g


You sold:
Bucket – +3g
Robe – +3g
Current gold: 100g


:lizbeth: I… I’m… I’m beautiful…?
>>
No. 434656 ID: b3ca75
File 134270347890.png - (15.33KB , 800x600 , 2.png )
434656

>Bondage rope, Really fine wine, Healing potions (with rum), Mana potion (with liquor)
You were unable to find any of these things, besides you already got rope, you can probably use that for bondage, right?
>jiggly mammary glands!
Last time you check you were flat as a board, just like all other lizards. Breasts are some of the weird stuff only mammals got, like hair.
>Bondage Master!
You’ll regret that you said this, but you think that ninja Maggy is really good with bondage. You should ask her next time you see her.

You still got about an hour before the date. Any last preparations or should you just twiddle your tail until 6 ’o clock?
>>
No. 434657 ID: a370aa

>>434656
practice magic
>>
No. 434659 ID: c7f8fb

Twiddle your tail.

(This is either a euphemism. Or hilariously cute. Or both).
>>
No. 434662 ID: 2972f8

practice singing.
>>
No. 434669 ID: b3ca75
File 134271629701.png - (14.13KB , 800x600 , 3.png )
434669

-Lizbeths room-
Apparently you actually get your own room when you’re a full member of the mercenaries. It is in dire need of furniture though so maybe next time you earn some money you’ll look into that? It least it isn’t as cramped as the guest room you had before.

>practice singing.
Surprising even yourself, you don’t really sound half bad singing. Of course the biggest surprise was that you were able to sing a song that you never actually heard before…

Knock knock…
>>
No. 434670 ID: b3ca75
File 134271630480.png - (14.53KB , 800x600 , 4.png )
434670

Kevros2: Liz? Is that you? I didn’t know you sh-
>>
No. 434671 ID: b3ca75
File 134271631253.png - (15.87KB , 800x600 , 5.png )
434671

:kevros3: -afgntbutt …
:lizbeth:
:kevros3:

Insert awkward silence_
>>
No. 434673 ID: c7f8fb

Hmm. I was hoping the face fins would give us some kind of sexual dimorphism so we could more easily distinguish lizard genders without a smell-screen. But they're the same. Looks like Kev's taller though. And he has a bigger tail. Hard to say how much of that is dimorphism vs individual traits without a larger data set though.

Try saying hello. Maybe you can jump start his brain again by initiating conversation.
>>
No. 434674 ID: a370aa

sing the song again and then ask him if he knows the song
>>
No. 434676 ID: a7a256

> I… I’m… I’m beautiful…?
Dangerously beautiful. Anyone who is attracted to female lizards will be CHARMED for five turns after visual contact. This effect lasts for two days after ROMANTIC DINNER, DANCE, SING, OPERA or HEROIC RESCUE. KISS will make the effect last for one week, permanent against VIRGINS. SEX command is far too dangerous, proceed with caution. Revealing TRUE FORM and using techniques or items without CONSENT breaks the effect. More beautiful opponents will break and replace the effect, reducing your moral to 0.

> you can probably use that for bondage, right?
NO! Fool, you have any idea of the forces involved here!? A rope that wasn't specially prepared will only hurt your partner! You can't cast BONDAGE, you don't have enough EXPERIENCE, ATTENTION, PRECISION, DEDICATION and LOVE! BONDAGE is one of the many THE ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE!
>>
No. 434677 ID: bf54a8

>>434676
yeah. you need to do everything just right or you could break something and not in a fun way.
>>
No. 434681 ID: 2972f8

compliment K-Diddy on his looks.
>>
No. 434684 ID: b3ca75
File 134272039454.png - (14.91KB , 800x600 , 6.png )
434684

>Try saying hello.
:kevros3: hmm? OH, s-sorry, I kind of got lost in thought there for a moment. Here, allow me, just stand still for a moment, okay?
>compliment K-Diddy on his looks.
:kevros3: You… you look really astonishing yourself… and wait, k-what now?
>ask him if he knows the song.
:kevros2: T-the song? Um…no, but I’ve think I recognize the language thought. It sounded a lot like the language the precursors used. How did you even learn the song? Oh, and there, I’m done, what do you think?

-You gained-
Nice Flower (+1 charm)
Warning: charm is approach critical mass!
Do not increase charm before you have gained a level!

>>
No. 434685 ID: b3ca75
File 134272040403.png - (15.36KB , 800x600 , 7.png )
434685

>Dangerously beautiful.
Can.. can I really do this? I better be careful then, I don’t want to hurt kevros…
>you need to do everything just right or you could break something.
oh, I’ll keep this in mind then. I better ask Maggy for where to find tools later.

:kevros3: Um…ahem…Well then, my lady, shall we leave for the restaurant? Lady’s first…

I rather not bring with me my whole inventory and I’ll probably not get a chance to return here until tonight (or tomorrow…), So what will I bring with me? I’m guessing at least the wine as I bought it solely for the date, but what more?

Insert kinky item list_
>>
No. 434686 ID: 2972f8

a dagger and a healing potion are two things you should always have in hand. as well as the lube, obviously.
>>
No. 434688 ID: c7f8fb

Yeah, a dagger can be easily concealed in even a fancy dress, and emergency healing never hurts. Bring the wine too.

We'll save gender potion shenanigans for later. And if you really wanna mess with 'em you'll be back in your room by then anyways.
>>
No. 434690 ID: 7c31d2

You might want to bring along a handful of tacks and staples. Being able to blind attackers is always a plus.
>>
No. 434693 ID: b3ca75
File 134272608957.png - (14.20KB , 800x600 , 8.png )
434693

>a dagger and a healing potion are two things you should always have in hand. as well as the lube, obviously.
Dagger, healing potion, wine and lube... I don’t know if that combination is kinky or just scary…
>you'll be back in your room by then anyways.
Well, Kevros has a room too, you know. Beside, you don’t think gender bender shenanigans is kind of forward for a first date? …Sleeping with someone is kind of forward for a first date…
>You might want to bring along a handful of tacks and staples.
You always have a handful of tacks on you, no need to ask for them.

:Lizbeth: Is that a night sky simulator? I’ve never actually seen the night sky before…
:kevros2: It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it? It’s actually a screen blocking the view into the concert hall. When the concert starts it’ll open up for a better view. And look, w-we even got a private d-dance floor for later!
>>
No. 434694 ID: b3ca75
File 134272609893.png - (14.37KB , 800x600 , 9.png )
434694

:kevros2: So… um… while we wait for the food maybe you can t-tell me a little about yourself?
I don’t really know anything about you when I think about it…
:lizbeth: um…
>>
No. 434697 ID: c7f8fb

Okay, okay, we can take a hint. Get to the sleeping with and gender shenanigans on whatever date you're comfortable with.

>Tell me about the past you don't have.

Oh, yesterday I woke up in a dungeon full of skeletons and had to fight my way out. I thought I just had amnesia, but on the way out I discovered I'm actually some kind of 'vessel', which the crazy guy we killed today confirmed, and the magic sign in the guildhall told me I'm not a lizard at all, but a construct. Also, I keep dying but being fine because the world is actually a video game and I can save.

Screw that, we're lying. Or rather, we'll tell bits of truth, but not the details, so he can't get upset by it later.

You're a lizard wizard specializing in reality warping, obviously. You get around as a traveling adventurer and explorer. Your hobbies include signing and checking out cool decor in different places. You love doughnuts. You've inanimate animal companion you'd like to animate some day. And you're not exactly sure how far you are from home at the moment, due to a botched teleport earlier in your adventures. You're sure you'll get back their eventually, though. You've got no real family waiting for you though, so it's fine.

You also have some crazy guiding voices for some reason, but you knew that already. Not sure what they are. Come with the reality warping, maybe?

There, all of that is technically true and skirts the messy bits.
>>
No. 434700 ID: a7a256

Kevros is a gentleman. Had a nice upbringing? Was the squire of an exemplar paladin? Devoured books on the subject? He's a nice lad, anyway. Don't break his heart, okay?

> Can.. can I really do this?
No.

> I don’t know if that combination is kinky or just scary...
Next time I'll follow Hans. Regardless, lube will save your night in more ways than one. Say what I'm writing.

> Beside, you don’t think gender bender shenanigans is kind of forward for a first date?
This isn't a question of morals, customs or what daddy said to you, it depends from person to person. A bit of fun has nothing to do with commitment, but none of you would understand that. You two are progressing surprisingly fast with this relationship, to say the truth.

Anyway, I would recommend giving these sex change potions to Hans, but he doesn't need this kind of thing. Maybe Helga, but people are too insensitive to notice the difference. Look, just save them for when you need to confuse the enemy.

We'll save whatever we have in our minds for bad fanfics and terrible fanarts.

>>434697
Sounding advice. Besides, eat the table. Is it made of mahogany? What a nice decor!
>>
No. 434706 ID: 6a1ec2

Yes that sounds wait, eat the what?
>>
No. 434711 ID: 2972f8

maybe you'll tell him you have amnesia instead of probably being a construct made for dubious purposes.
>>
No. 434712 ID: b3ca75
File 134273455463.png - (7.99KB , 550x400 , 10.png )
434712

>Regardless, lube will save your night in more ways than one.
Well, true, but it wasn’t the lube I was worried about. More the dagger and healing potion combination.
:hans: Relationship advice #2: Deadly weapons are fabulous replacement for toys in the bedroom, ja?
>I would recommend giving away the sex change potions.
I never said I wouldn’t use them, just not on the first date… maybe…
>Say what I'm writing.
No
>Don't break his heart, okay?
Well, it’s starting to look like breaking his heart would break my own heart.

>>434697
>Lies and half-truths.
:kevros2: well, that doesn’t really explain a lot. But you did tell me something so I guess it would be fair to tell you something about myself too.
> Had a nice upbringing?
:kevros2: Um… l-let just say that no, I did not have a nice upbringing. A majority of the people I grew up with is either dead or otherwise “gone” so I don’t really have any fond memories from my youth.
>Was the squire of an exemplar paladin?
:kevros2: I’d wish that would be the case, really… But to tell you the truth I was forced to become a paladin… for a crime I committed…
>>
No. 434714 ID: c7f8fb

>Dagger and healing potion
It's perfectly understandably not to want to go unarmed, and to have an emergency healing option on hand. You're an adventurer. You never know when shit will go down. Heck, safe towns and innocent dates are classic moments for an attack or abduction. You're being safe, not creepy.

>well, that doesn’t really explain a lot
Geez, what's with the suspicion? Do you want really want a whole life story on the first date? You trying to mess this up, Kev? We obviously didn't talk enough sense into your head while we were in there.

>forced to become a paladin
what.
>for a crime I committed.
THAT'S NOT HOW PALADINS WORK, KEV!
>>
No. 434726 ID: b85f8c

>>434712
Liz: If he tells you a dark secret, tell him one of your own. Like, that you don't really have much of a memory.
>>
No. 434728 ID: c7f8fb

>Yes, who would ever trade the awesome techniques of a Dark Knight for low level biomorphic magicks?
I have no idea what that has to do with anything I said.

>>434726
That's doable- that kind of thing happens to adventures all the time. Part of the profession, practically. Let's not give away completely how recent and complete it is though.
>>
No. 434732 ID: a7a256

Now you know why Hans is a biomorphic mage.

> I never said I wouldn’t use them, just not on the first date... maybe...
Too late, I've already made ​​up my mind.

> Well, it’s starting to look like breaking his heart would break my own heart.
This is the real danger, you're already emotionally invested. This is far worse than CHARMED.

> Well, that doesn’t really explain a lot.
Yes, let's fuck up everything you did right so far.

> But to tell you the truth I was forced to become a paladin… for a crime I committed…
> A majority of the people I grew up with is either dead or otherwise “gone” so I don’t really have any fond memories from my youth.
Actual shocking revelation, I wasn't expecting this. Proceed, my lad.

>>434714
Yeah, who would ever trade the awesome techniques of a Dark Knight for low level biomorphic magicks?

>>434728
Your lack of wrong genre savviness disturbs me.
>>
No. 434733 ID: 9718f3

That's... rather surprising. I can't really imagine him being one to commit crimes except out of necessity or desperation. In any case, if he isn't comfortable discussing it, we don't have to. You're supposed to be enjoying yourselves.
>>
No. 434740 ID: b3ca75
File 134274308186.png - (14.24KB , 800x600 , 11.png )
434740

>Yeah, who would ever trade the awesome techniques of a Dark Knight for low level biomorphic magicks?
Remember kids. Going from a solider of darkness to a champion of light require that you’re both from the moon and can defeat your on reflation by doing nada.

>THAT'S NOT HOW PALADINS WORK, KEV!
:kevros2: Actually, there is a few paladins whom became who they were to seek redemption for past aggressions. I myself was put in a cloister after the… “accident” and choose the way of the paladin there to help myself, so to speak.
>Liz: If he tells you a dark secret, tell him one of your own. Like, that you don't really have much of a memory.
:kevros2: amnesia, huh? That actually explains a lot. Thank you for sharing it with me, it means a lot to me.
>In any case, if he isn't comfortable discussing it, we don't have to. You're supposed to be enjoying yourselves.
:kevros2: Your right. Let’s change the subject and go in the opposite direction. Do you have any plans for the future, both imminent and remote? I really hope to be able to travel the world myself. Of course, being stuck in a cloister for most of your life will probably give anyone some need to travel.
>>
No. 434741 ID: a7a256

> Let’s change the subject and go in the opposite direction.
You must be fucking kidding me.

> Do you have any plans for the future, both imminent and remote?
Lesbians!
Lizard Harem!
Goddess of Death!

I'm running out of options here.
>>
No. 434742 ID: e3aff6

I think we would like to be a better wizard, and seeing the world does have an appeal considering how little of it we have seen so far.
>>
No. 434744 ID: c7f8fb

Plans? See the world, go on adventures, check out some cool architecture maybe. You're kind of living in the moment at the moment.
>>
No. 434750 ID: b3ca75
File 134274616919.png - (4.75KB , 550x400 , 12.png )
434750

>See the world, go on adventures, check out some cool architecture maybe. You're kind of living in the moment at the moment.
:kevros2: Maybe we should become some kind adventuring couple, saving each other hide all the while the sexual tension builds up like a crescendo… ah… you can dream sometimes, can’t you? Oh, and I’m s-sorry, I have been blabbering on without giving you any real chance to talk. So how about it, got anything you want to discuss or ask me? The food would arrive in a moment so we still have some time to kill.
>>
No. 434753 ID: 6e44d2

He's loosening up. The guy's hardly stuttered at all. This date is going well.

Uh... Ask him if he's ever wondered what it's like to be a girl. Ask it all casual-like.
>>
No. 434755 ID: b85f8c

>>434750
Does he know of any way to check if someone has a soul?
>>
No. 434759 ID: a7a256

Is this a job interview?

Anyway, the stars are saying something.
>>
No. 434765 ID: c7f8fb

Goodness, the food hasn't arrived yet? We're running out of topics of conversation. Damn this game's real-time awkwardness engine. Damn it to pizza elemental hell!

>Is this a job interview?
srsly

>adventuring couple crescendo of sexual tension
Giggle / tease Kev for his straightforwardness. The blush and or laughter should buy us another minute.

If we're still desperate for time, you can tell him some skeleton fighting stories. "...and then I took the teas and blew his spine out!"

>>434755
Dude, total mood killer. Existential angst and doubt's a nono for dates.
>>
No. 434774 ID: 147853

>>434755
I think if you can wonder if you have a soul, you probably have a soul.

Ask him what he did! What crime did he commit? Get all the gory details!

I mean, since secrets are never healthy for a relationship, you know?

Then settle down with him and have like... a dozen babies, all while traversing the countryside as some sort of weird adventuring family. That'd be fun.

>>434227

You're excited by necrophilia?
>>
No. 434788 ID: a7a256

>>434774
Are you a lich, skeleton, ghoul or something like that?
>>
No. 434806 ID: c7f8fb

>>434788
Contrary to what Cheequest may have taught you, you can have non-necrotic constructs. She's more a robot build out of magic instead of science than she is a lich, etc.

Besides, it should be obvious by this point she isn't a necrophiliac. She's a lizbian. Liz is into lizards.
>>
No. 434808 ID: b85f8c

>>434755
Okay fine nevermind.

Ask him if he's got any hobbies.
>>
No. 434811 ID: a7a256

>>434806
What are you talking about?
>>
No. 434818 ID: 147853

>>434788
If you invert killing someone after sleeping with them, it becomes sleeping with someone after killing them.
>>
No. 434837 ID: 6a1ec2

Hey I've got a bright idea. How about we don't change him into a girl? And just have a nice regular, unhorrifying relationship.
>>
No. 434840 ID: b85f8c

>>434837
I thought it was just for creativity in the bedroom. Potions only last 50 rounds y'know.
>>
No. 434844 ID: 6a1ec2

>>434840

Let's just say there are some headvoices who would probably object to Liz being the one to take the gender swap potion.
>>
No. 434856 ID: b85f8c

>>434844
Oh right that. I thought that was just a joke.
>>
No. 434858 ID: a7a256

>>434818
Oh. I don't see any problem with that, though.

>>434844
Too late, we already bought the lube.

>>434837
Stop fooling yourself, every relationship is horrifying.
>>
No. 434871 ID: cf49fc

Stop turning people into women on the first date. That's third date stuff, guys, you'll drive him off.
>>
No. 434876 ID: b3ca75
File 134279172153.png - (15.72KB , 800x600 , 13.png )
434876

>Stop turning people into women on the first date. That's third date stuff, guys, you'll drive him off.
I agree!
>Ask him if he's got any hobbies.
:kevros3: well, um… p-promise not to laugh b-but…um… I-I do enjoy k-knitting on my d-down time.
>Ask him what he did! What crime did he commit? Get all the gory details!
:kevros2: I… I rather not talk about right now, it’s complicated. I promise you that I will tell you soon thought.
>Tease Kev for his straightforwardness.
:kevros3: I… uh… I-I think i-it’s the wine t-talking…heh… heh…

“Your Food, sire! And a new bottle of wine, sire!”
Wait, new bottle? What happened to the old one?

Kevros +3 drunkenness
Kevros is tipsy!


Oh…
>>
No. 434877 ID: b3ca75
File 134279173321.png - (16.86KB , 800x600 , 14.png )
434877

And thus our heroes enjoyed their fine meal, entertained themselves with the concert, committed to a dance or two, thwarted the inevitable kidnapping attempt, engaged in small talk, defeated Zz’arken, the king of bees!, enjoyed a bottle of fine wine, ate a pizza elemental and finally fallow each other home to the guild. What a splendid date!

Kevros +5 love
Kevros +3 loyalty
Kevros +10 happiness
Kevros +1 love, loyalty, happiness (fine wine)
Kevros +5 drunkenness
kevros is drunk!

Lizbeth +3 chubbiness
Lizbeth +3 drunkenness
Lizbeth is tipsy!

>>
No. 434878 ID: b3ca75
File 134279174385.png - (15.03KB , 800x600 , 15.png )
434878

-Lizbeth’s Room-
:kevros3: I... I had a wonderful time tonight… and… um…
>>
No. 434879 ID: b3ca75
File 134279175097.png - (4.62KB , 550x400 , 16.png )
434879

:kevros3: …I…I…I guess this is g-goodnight, huh?

Insert cheesy ending_
>>
No. 434884 ID: c7f8fb

Oh gods, we survived.

Hey! There's the sexual dimorphism. The skull shape is slightly different- the eye sockets don't line up.

Jump his bones! Level up together.
>>
No. 434890 ID: 2972f8

don't jump his bones, that'd drive him off. give him the lizard equivalent of a kiss on the cheek instead. you gotta be patient or you'll freak him out.
>>
No. 434892 ID: 7c31d2

Don't forget to grope him with your telekinesis when he isn't looking.
>>
No. 434894 ID: c7f8fb

I'd be willing to settle for a kiss, but I think we're moving fast enough not to have to settle for cheek.

(Lizards... do kiss right? Kissing or whatever the appropriate lizard equivalent is. Nose biting. Mutal tongue flicking. Snout nuzzling. Whatever).

>>434892
Casting while tipsy isn't usually a good idea.
>>
No. 434901 ID: a7a256

Do something you'll regret forever.
>>
No. 434914 ID: 6e44d2

Stroke his horns, pull him in close, and whisper in his ear:

"Naming a lizard 'LIZbeth' is like naming a human 'MANon.'"

Wink knowingly and push him out the door. Go to bed.
>>
No. 434917 ID: b3ca75
File 134281449789.png - (5.91KB , 550x400 , 17.png )
434917

>Do something you'll regret forever.
If I do it I’ll regret it, if I don’t I’ll regret it... so win-win?
>"Naming a lizard 'LIZbeth' is like naming a human 'MANon.'"
Or MANdaline, MANdy, MANuela, MANette. It isn’t really that uncommon.
> Casting while tipsy isn't usually a good idea.
Pff, I’ll tell you when I had enough! I’ll just need to focus for a second... nnnnope, cant cast for shit when I drunk… weee….
> I'd be willing to settle for a kiss, but I think we're moving fast enough not to have to settle for cheek.

Lizbeth uses kiss on kevros for 0 damage!
Kevros +1 love
Kevros has been permanently charmed!

>>
No. 434918 ID: b3ca75
File 134281450737.png - (17.29KB , 550x400 , 18.png )
434918

Kevros uses kiss on Lizbeth for 0 damage!
It’s super effective!
Lizbeth has fallen in love!



…He either got a great sword in his pocket or he’s really happy to see me…

Insert great sword_
>>
No. 434926 ID: bf54a8

don't forget the lube.
>>
No. 434927 ID: 6e44d2

I hope this doesn't interfere with the harem.
>>
No. 434931 ID: c7f8fb

Of course he has a sword in his pocket. He used it when the inevitable kidnapper attacked.

>Love!
You have to admit that's remarkable progress for someone who's barely been around for two days.

>"Naming a lizard 'LIZbeth' is like naming a human 'MANon.'"
I would object, if that wasn't pretty much exactly how I first thought of suggesting the name.

Although, it retrospect, Lizbeth has been kind of an apt name. She's shown attraction to both sexes, got a mysterious past, has thrown chemicals in someone's face, she has daddy issues with her (probably) evil jerk daddy, and is a (reality) hacker. She's the girl with the dragon lizard tattoo construct covering.
>>
No. 434953 ID: b3ca75
File 134282526246.png - (15.29KB , 800x600 , 19.png )
434953

>don't forget the lube.
Of course not, still got it in my pocket.
>I hope this doesn't interfere with the harem.
I… I don’t actually know if it will…
>Of course he has a sword in his pocket. He used it when the inevitable kidnapper attacked.
Of course! He got his trusty sword in his pocket! The same sword that is right now resting against the wall! The same sword that he should never be able to fit in his pocket! Wait, something seems off with this logic…

:kevros3: I-I’M S-SORRY! I-I…uh…I…um…I-I should l-leave...

Insert awkward command_
>>
No. 434955 ID: 886a4d

Kiss him goodbye. Tell him you had a wonderful evening and you hope to do this again... soon.
>>
No. 434957 ID: 6a1ec2

>>434955
>>434955
>>434955
>>434955
>>
No. 434959 ID: bbee3d

Also tell him that he's the most adorable lizard. Because he is.
>>
No. 434965 ID: b85f8c

>>434953
Tell him it's okay, it's flattering. Or alternatively that it's totally okay to be turned on by such a hottie like you, because you're so hot.

Also that you're definitely looking forward to future dates. Mmm-HMMM.
>>
No. 434968 ID: 9718f3

Give him an awkward blowjob. Or at least an awkward handjob.
>>
No. 434974 ID: c7f8fb

Is... that your tongue sticking out inches in front of your face? You got that far in? Kev pulled back that fast?
>>
No. 434979 ID: b3ca75
File 134283193126.png - (15.28KB , 800x600 , 20.png )
434979

>Is... that your tongue sticking out inches in front of your face?
That is clearly a graphical error. You should really sacrifice your graphic card to the pizza elementals and buy a new one.
>Give him an awkward blowjob.
That’s… that’s surprisingly tempting, but no.

>Tell him it's okay, it's flattering.
:kevros3: Y-you really think so? I mean… it’s kind of… uh…
>Kiss him goodbye. Tell him you had a wonderful evening and you hope to do this again... soon.
:kevros3: I-I hope that to… And s-sorry for the ruined e-ending…
>Also tell him that he's the most adorable lizard. Because he is.
:kevros3: T-thank you… …Adorable? I was hoping for somti- I mean, goodnight, pleasant dreams and all that. Uh… I’ll see you tomorrow… Beautiful…

Well, goodnight…
>>
No. 434980 ID: b3ca75
File 134283195086.png - (13.66KB , 800x600 , 21.png )
434980

LEVEL UP!
You are now level 3!
You gain:
+3 hp

New spells!
Levitate – float a few centimeters above the ground for a short while

Ghost sound – Make an fake sound that you have previously heard up to 25 meters away. You cannot imitate more advance sound like something talking.

Illusion has been upgraded!
Moving Illusion – Create an Illusion that can move in simple patterns. Cannot be bigger than yourself.

Arcane punch has been upgraded!
Magic missile – more damage, better accuracy, longer range and just plain cooler.

Choose a spell path!
Golemancer – Specialize in animating and controlling homunculus and golems (Spell: animate homunculus)

Time binder – Specialize in bending time to your will! (Spell: Time sphere (slow))

Master Illusionist – Specialize in creating a new reality out of your own desire (Spell: Solid Illusion)

Note: All paths will get the same spells in the end. Path only determine in which order you’ll gain new spells and which spells will be more powerful.
>>
No. 434981 ID: cf49fc

>>434980
Time control. Because sure, it sucks at the beginning, but at high levels we can defeat even the mightiest of Pizza Elementals, by going back in time and terminating their asses.
>>
No. 434982 ID: 7c31d2

Master illusionist for looney toons style hijinks.
>>
No. 434984 ID: c7f8fb

>Ghost sound
>Make an fake sound that you have previously heard
...and we just came from a concert? Excellent.

Okay, the golemmancer is tempting. We can animate Timmy. And since we're some kind of construct ourselves, that could provide avenues to controlling understanding our own nature.

Solid illusion would be the easiest to weaponize and exploit though. Just think of all the awesome shit we could do! Anything we can imagine, and it can hurt. Boulders, floating daggers, tripwires, fake IDs... and when we get bigger illusion casting size we can make ourselves a functioning dragon to kill things for us.

Time magic is coo and all in general, but slow by itself sucks.

I vote illusionist.
>>
No. 434987 ID: b85f8c

>>434980
Illusionist, because as we've learned from Chee Quest, mastery of illusion HACKS REALITY.
>>
No. 434989 ID: a370aa

Master Illusionist
>>
No. 434992 ID: c7f8fb

Apllication applications applications!

This basically gives us unlimited access to mundane tools and/or weapons. Whatever we need or want. We can conjure illusions of knives, hammers, screwdrivers, silverware, plates, cups, keys, hairbrushes, toothbrushes, mirrors, handcuffs... anything. Don't you see what this means?

We've beat the inventory. We win.

Then there's all the nasty combat applications.

I can't wait to use illusions of a wall to block attacks.

Or create a solid illusion of a hole in the floor, knock someone down it, and then turn the illusion off, sealing them in rock.

Or just cast the illusion of an airtight box around someone and wait while they asphyxiate to death.

Wheee! =D
>>
No. 435001 ID: 147853

1: Golemancer

2: time

3 illusions.

Golemancer just seems fun. And gives us enough understanding of our own nature to fight back if we need to, probably. just in case we have some sort of innate weakness.
>>
No. 435004 ID: cf49fc

>>434998
Whoops, let me just fix that...

Anywho, I still think Time Powers would be cool in the long run, but hey, illusions could be cool too.
>>
No. 435005 ID: e3aff6

Illusionist is a pretty great class, but in this case I vote Golemancer.
Keep in mind that we are not just any golem, but a golem built for some SINISTER PURPOSE which likely involves our destruction. If we hack our own code, then when someone tries to use us as a magical vessel we can tell them "I'm sorry. I am afraid I can't do that." and then laugh and laugh.

>>434987
That happened mostly because (Chee Quest spoiler) they were all living in a huge illusion to begin with. Though high level illusionists can get pretty close to that point in other settings anyway...
>>
No. 435006 ID: a7a256

Golemancer, because priorities.

Your dress is now a phone, go answer it.
>>
No. 435009 ID: 24aae6

Agreed on Golemancer possibly helping Lizbeth understand (and potentially even manipulate) her own nature.
>>
No. 435011 ID: c016e6

Master Illusionist ; Alter (perceived) reality? Hell yea.
>>
No. 435012 ID: 60fee2

Golemancer as primary. Master Illusionist as a secondary path if at all possible.
>>
No. 435025 ID: 6a1ec2

Don't we have a thing to animate? Golemancer! We totally need to make that cute uh... thing we stole... from our creator's lair... animated!
>>
No. 435030 ID: 9718f3

I vote Golemancer because the idea of a construct constructing constructs appeals to me.
>>
No. 435031 ID: 147853

Time magic is still pretty cool. Because tons of people are picking golemancer, I'm switching my answer to time mage.
>>
No. 435035 ID: 9202a9

Golemancer.
>>
No. 435039 ID: bbee3d

Definitely Solid Illusion. Gain the powers of the holodeck!
>>
No. 435041 ID: 6e44d2

Why are so few people picking time? What the hell is wrong with you?
>>
No. 435042 ID: 2972f8

time binding, yo.
>>
No. 435046 ID: 24aae6

>>435041
We've just got different priorities than you, dude. Also, there're no guarantees that we'd get broken time travel powers.
>>
No. 435052 ID: b3ca75
File 134287067418.png - (14.62KB , 800x600 , 22.png )
435052

GOLEM: 7
TIME: 5
ILLUSION: 8

You chosen master Illusionist! You have gained a new spell!

Solid Illusion – Create an Illusion which fools both the eyes and touch. You can make Illusion have any property of a solid material that you have seen before. You cannot create any kind of advance chemical reactions, like fire or functioning organic life, or create anything that moves on its own. The Illusion cannot be bigger than yourself.
>>
No. 435053 ID: b3ca75
File 134287068511.jpg - (57.76KB , 400x311 , Hall_of_Justice.jpg )
435053

Meanwhile, in the hall of Justice!
>>
No. 435054 ID: b3ca75
File 134287069877.png - (289.76KB , 511x426 , Moron.png )
435054

:aqua: Hey, superman, Hey! HEY! hey!
:dick: what do you want, douche face.
>>
No. 435055 ID: b3ca75
File 134287071295.jpg - (39.59KB , 500x375 , Dick.jpg )
435055

:aqua: The dam downtown has burst and people is drowning, lets save them with whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
:dick: shut up, dork face, I’m trying to watch my stories!
:aqua: But what about the drowning people? And the whales! Whales, superman, WHALES!
:dick: They can drown for all I care, ass face, my stories is on! Go and die in a corner or something and leave me alone!

You now have control over Aqua Man!

Insert pathetic command_
>>
No. 435057 ID: b85f8c

Save them with SHARKS.

That'll teach them that they aren't man-eaters!
>>
No. 435061 ID: a7a256
File 134287924835.jpg - (77.17KB , 498x421 , herewego.jpg )
435061

> Insert pathetic command_
>>
No. 435066 ID: dc4a44

clog the dam with corpses
>>
No. 435067 ID: fa9f7e

>>435061
Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
>>
No. 435068 ID: 2972f8

kill yourself for having superpowers yet still being one of the most pathetic creatures alive.
>>
No. 435069 ID: fa9f7e

>>435068
Hey now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl3ZZaXLEx0
>:(
>>
No. 435071 ID: b3ca75
File 134288547516.jpg - (99.87KB , 560x498 , ZombieSharks!.jpg )
435071

>kill yourself for having superpowers yet still being one of the most pathetic creatures alive.
And lose all my earned points on Starbucks? NEVER!
>clog the dam with corpses
Excellent idea, now you just need some corpses!
>Save them with SHARKS.
You know what’s better then sharks? ZOMBIE SHARKS!
>>
No. 435072 ID: b3ca75
File 134288548615.jpg - (129.23KB , 666x1023 , AquamanIsAwesome.jpg )
435072

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
You are unable to summon Cthulhu, as you made sushi of him last week to feed the yearly Justice League barbeque. You do have his cousin on speed dial thought! Let’s show those stupid surface dwellers who’s awesome! Starting with that TV mast! Take that stupid mast!
>>
No. 435073 ID: b3ca75
File 134288550218.jpg - (47.60KB , 486x422 , TheDarkDickRising.jpg )
435073

:dick: What is this!? Someone is disturbing my TV watching! ALL THE WORLDS MUST BURN FOR THIS INSULENCE!!!!!
:aqua: Oh crap…

Insert Awesome command_
>>
No. 435074 ID: c7f8fb

Dang liz, you have some weird dreams.

Okay Aquaman, you're facing an angry Supes. Now, with all the kryptonite that's fallen to earth, it stands to reason some of it must have fallen in the ocean. Heck, probably the majority of it, given how much more sea than landmass their is for falling green skyrocks to hit. Have a sea creature retrieve the nearest hunk for you.
>>
No. 435076 ID: fa9f7e

Blame the Batman. He has a Kryptonite ring handy in case Supes goes crazy, if this is following canon. So probably not, but it's worth a try, and even if Supes didn't give it to him, he'll probably have some anyway. Since, y'know, Crazy Prepared.

Resist the urge to correct his spelling of insolence. It won't help.
>>
No. 435086 ID: 6a1ec2

Summon fish!
>>
No. 435088 ID: 2b6ec2

>>435086
Summon Bigger Fish
>>
No. 435091 ID: bbee3d

>>435088

Summon All The Fish.
>>
No. 435096 ID: b3ca75
File 134290319292.jpg - (67.69KB , 384x576 , SHARKS!.jpg )
435096

> Have a sea creature retrieve the nearest hunk for you.
Of course! But you still need to buy time until you get your hands on some kryptonite…
>Blame Batman
:dick: Do you think I’m stupid, dick face?
Blast, he saw through my cunning ruse!
> Summon fish!
This might work... but it needs something more...
> Summon Bigger Fish
Getting closer…
> Summon All The Fish.
YES! Eat Whales, Dick! Whales, Superman, WHALES!

:dick: do you really belive some undercooked dinner will stop me, lard face? I will kill you for this INSULENCE!
> Resist the urge to correct his spelling of insolence.
:aqua: actually, I think it is pronounced insolence.
:dick: I KEEEEEL YOU!
>>
No. 435097 ID: b3ca75
File 134290320316.jpg - (31.52KB , 350x450 , DickFall.jpg )
435097

Aquaman gains Kryptonite
:Aqua: I… I can’t believe it! Who’s laughing now!
:dick: You’ll never get away with this, um… something face…?
>>
No. 435098 ID: b3ca75
File 134290321373.png - (1.19MB , 807x961 , AquamanPunch!.png )
435098

:Aqua: AQUAMAN… PUNCH!

Aquaman attacks Superman for 9001 damage
Superman is slain!
You gain
+1.000.000.000 xp!
+9.999.999.999 gold!
+Red cape!


:aqua: awesome…
>>
No. 435099 ID: b3ca75
File 134290322345.jpg - (91.20KB , 500x477 , Throne.jpg )
435099

And thus our “hero” AQUAMAN! Took over the world! But even with everyone under his tyrannical thumb, he felt like something was missing…

>Summon the biggest fish
:aqua: yes…
>>
No. 435100 ID: b3ca75
File 134290323786.jpg - (35.69KB , 547x522 , end.jpg )
435100

Warning, fish mass exceeds that of normal values! ERROR! The Universe has committed an illegal action and will shut down! All your unsaved date will be lost! Have a nice day.

:aqua: what the fu-
>>
No. 435101 ID: b3ca75
File 134290324905.jpg - (31.67KB , 500x346 , Dos.jpg )
435101

Game over.
>>
No. 435102 ID: a370aa

run lizardwizard.exe
>>
No. 435104 ID: c7f8fb

Wait! No, first:

BACKUP Pixel_Adventures\Saved_Games
UNINSTALL Pixel_Adventures.exe

insert disk: Pixel_Adventures
autorun Pixel_Adventures_installer.exe

REBOOT
RUN Pixel_Adventures\Epicmovie.wav

=D
>>
No. 435109 ID: a7a256

Call a certified Russian cosmonaut to fix this through the Russian way.
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