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File 134115550214.jpg - (65.76KB , 556x264 , 1.jpg )
427832 No. 427832 ID: b3ca75

-Press Start!-
Expand all images
>>
No. 427833 ID: b3ca75
File 134115553261.jpg - (74.08KB , 556x264 , 2.jpg )
427833

Choose your Race and Gender:
Human: Dirty monkeys
Lizardfolk: Dirty Lizards
Dwarf: Dirty Monkeys whit a lot of hair. Fun size.

This choice is purely cosmetic
>>
No. 427834 ID: 409543

Male human. Or male dwarf. Either one.
>>
No. 427838 ID: cf49fc

Dirty Lizards! Dude.
>>
No. 427839 ID: 09e5bf

Lady Skeleton.
>>
No. 427840 ID: cf49fc

>>427839
I'll compromise. Lizard Skeleton. Gender doesn't matter.
>>
No. 427842 ID: dc4a44

lizard
>>
No. 427844 ID: c3c502

Lizard, f.

Randomly mash the oft un-used buttons (L, R, Select) to see if we can stumble across the player skeletons Easter egg.
>>
No. 427852 ID: b3ca75
File 134116174741.jpg - (57.07KB , 556x264 , lol1.jpg )
427852

You have chosen secret character: Skeleton
-You are Dead-

Premature Departure
Do not pass go, do not collect 300 gold

Please choose another character
>>
No. 427855 ID: b3ca75
File 134116233850.jpg - (57.71KB , 556x264 , 3.jpg )
427855

You have chosen: Female Lizard

Choose your Class:
Fighter – Master of Melee combat
Rogue – Sneaky son of a bitch. Can use both Bow and Melee Weapons
Mage – ULTIMATE ARCANE POWAAAAH! Pew pew.
>>
No. 427857 ID: 886a4d

Choose skeleton as your class.
>>
No. 427858 ID: 3c8b7d

>>427832
Pew pew Lizard.
>>
No. 427861 ID: d1e9bf

Shit let's be sneaky.
>>
No. 427866 ID: 3eba16

>Go for the magicks.
>>
No. 427870 ID: cf49fc

INFINITE POOOOOOWEEEEEEERRRRRRR!
>>
No. 427872 ID: c3c502

Get some scaly sneaky stabs on.
>>
No. 427873 ID: fa929d

POWAAAAAH
>>
No. 427874 ID: 67ac43

Lizard wizards always suck!

Rogue.
>>
No. 427876 ID: cf49fc

>>427874
Fool. We could make her work at Dairy Queen. Then we could make Lizard Wizard Blizzards!
>>
No. 427879 ID: b3ca75
File 134116861548.jpg - (66.05KB , 556x264 , 4.jpg )
427879

Fighter – 0
Rogue – 3
Mage – 5
You have chosen Mage.

Choose a sub-class.

Elemental mage (offence): Master the five elements – Fire, water, air, earth and pizza

Arcane (utility): Use pure magic power to warp reality to your will.

Biomorhmorphic (support): Use your knowledge over the living body to heal your allies and damn your enemies whit a nasty cold.
>>
No. 427880 ID: fa9f7e

>>427879
Arcane. Reality Warping is always the best.
>>
No. 427881 ID: 09e5bf

Elemental.

So Lizard Wizard can cast blizzard.
>>
No. 427882 ID: 886a4d

Arcane
>>
No. 427883 ID: c3c502

Gotta go with the purple Popsicle.
>>
No. 427884 ID: cf49fc

>>427882
Arcane. Pizza Elementals are overrated.
>>
No. 427891 ID: b3ca75
File 134117423038.jpg - (55.00KB , 556x264 , 5.jpg )
427891

You choose Arcane mage
Stats:
Hit points(Red): 10/10
Mana (blue): 10/10, regeneration +1 every 4th turn
Gold (Yellow): 0
Experience/Level (green): 0xp / level 1

Strength: Nonexistent
Dexterity: Can’t touch your own toes
Magic: AWESOME!

Defense: Glass jaw
Magic resistance: Fire hurts, m’kay
Will: Determinator

Invetory:
Head – None
Body – Robe (+0 Defense)
Right hand – Dagger(+1 damage)
Left hand – None
Feet – Leather Boots (+0 Defense)

“Hammer space”
1x Mana potion (fully recovers your mana)

Spells: Arcade level 1
Arcane Punch(cost: 1):Fire a body of pure arcane energy that deals physical damage to everything it hits.

Telekinesis (cost:special): Manipulate items from afar. Mana cost depends on the weight of the item. Light items(coin, pillow) cost no mana to manipulate.

Mage “Chicken” armor(self only)(cost: 3): Absorbs 2 Damage before breaking. Cannot be cast again for five rounds after breaking.
>>
No. 427893 ID: b3ca75
File 134117428499.jpg - (78.44KB , 556x264 , 6.jpg )
427893

You awaken by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls. You wish that you knew how to cast magic missile so you should attack the evil darkness that surrounds you.

A powerful headache is the evidence that you either drank too much alcohol yesterday or played chicken race whit a solid wall. You have either way no recollection where you are or how you got here. Or any other memory of whom you are for that matter. You probably suffer from laser guided amnesia.

In the small room you see.
- An old rotten door that is obviously locked for some weird reson.
- An old rusty hatchet
- A few empty kegs
- Two bottles of unknown substance.
- A wall of text that’s hopefully will disappear now that we have begun.

Insert Command_
>>
No. 427897 ID: 886a4d

Cast chicken armor immediately upon spawning. Also can we abuse telekinesis by shooting pebbles fast enough to use as an attack?

Take the old rusty hatchet, the torch and the bottles. Use the axe to chop open one of the barrels.

Also check behind the banner.
>>
No. 427903 ID: c3c502

Your robe offers +0 defense. It is therefore worthless, and a waste of inventory slots / carried weight.

You should discard it, and explore the dungeon naked.

>>427852

Guys, I just wanna take a moment to say how proud I am that we managed to get killed during character creation. We got skills.
>>
No. 427910 ID: cf49fc

Quaff liquid, apply fire to banner and kegs. Cast Chicken Armor. Cast Magic Missile on Door.
>>
No. 427935 ID: c3ec0a

Pick up hatchet
>>
No. 427937 ID: b3ca75
File 134117985975.jpg - (74.37KB , 556x264 , 7.jpg )
427937

Like a coward, you cast Chicken armor (bock, bock, bwaak) on yourself. Hopefully no one saw that.

You briefly play with the idea to expose the whole world to your nudity, but quickly drop it when you realize that you are already cold enough at it is. Without your robe you’ll freeze your ass of and on what will you sit on then?

You also contemplate on the idea to use telekinesis as a weapon. Too bad that you can’t reach any kind of speed or lift something heavy enough to any kind of damage. The best you can do is mild annoyance.

Picking up the hatchet, you try to use your nonexistent mage strength to break open the empty kegs, only succeeding in confirming that they are indeed empty and getting the hatchet stuck in one of them in the process.

Searching behind the banner nets you nada. Not even a secret passage or a hidden safe, what a letdown.

You pick up
-an empty bottle whit the label mountain dew.
-a half full bottle that seem to contain an extremely alcoholic beverage. You almost get tipsy just by tasting it.
-a torch (equip left hand)
>>
No. 427938 ID: b3ca75
File 134117989239.jpg - (73.08KB , 556x264 , 8.jpg )
427938

You haven’t learned magic missile yet. Instead you use your arcane punch on the door and pretend that you’re using magic missile, you even mimic the sound (pshwooo!). The old rotten door becomes old rotten wood pieces and way forward into the darkness opens up.

A GLORIUS VICTORY! YOU HAVE DEFEATED A ROTTEN DOOR!
You gain:
0 xp
0 gold
No items

Most fearsome opponent defeated: Rotten door.

Any last action before going forth?_
>>
No. 427939 ID: 886a4d

Telekinesis on the barrel with the hatchet, lift it up as high as possible and let it smash on the floor.
>>
No. 427948 ID: c3c502

Tear down the banner, and stuff it into the bottle of the alcoholic beverage. Using the torch, you can later light and throw it as a Molotov cocktail.
>>
No. 427949 ID: 327901

>>427939
Let's not waste magic on silly things like that.
>>
No. 427952 ID: b3ca75
File 134118272877.jpg - (71.65KB , 556x264 , 9.jpg )
427952

Spending one mana point you lift the barrel to the roof and let gravity do her work, successfully breaking the empty barrel and retrieving the hatchet.

-You picked up a hatchet
-You picked up a torn banner
-you created a wannabe cocktail
-you regenerated a mana point
Gravity defeated a barrel
Gravity earned 5 xp
Gravity leveled up!
Gravity learned Harsh mistress

Afterwards you embark through the dark doorway which leads you to another nearly identical room.
Within it you see a human with a strange mask. He haven’t yet notice your presence.
>>
No. 427954 ID: 886a4d

Humans are bad news. Shank him... then just to be safe cut off his head. Thats the only way to be sure you killed him.
>>
No. 427957 ID: cf49fc

Shout "HAIL FRIEND!" at the top of your lungs, then while he's off guard, gush about how wonderful your time in this place has been while vigorously shaking his hand.
>>
No. 427972 ID: c3c502

He's a faceless mook. He literally has cross-hairs in place of a face. This makes it morally acceptable to murder him for loot, and xp. So do so.
>>
No. 428112 ID: 3c8b7d

FRIEND! HAIL!
>>
No. 428134 ID: b3ca75
File 134122114812.jpg - (74.52KB , 556x264 , 10.jpg )
428134

HAIL FRIEND, you shout on top of your lungs, getting the human to scream like a girl before turning around.

“By the gods, you scared me… wait, who are…?”

You cut him off by grabbing his hand and shakes it vigorously all the while you start to gush how amazing this place. I mean, just look at that painting! It really brings out the feng shui of this square, almost barren room!!! It’s AMAZING!!!!!

“…what?”

You have successfully confused the human.

“Who are you, what are you doing here and what do you want, lizard?”

Good question, who are you?

Insert name and command_
>>
No. 428139 ID: c3ec0a

Name Ssus
Tell name
>>
No. 428151 ID: cf49fc

>>428139
Name: Tel Sssuss.
Tell him your name, and inform him that you're the Dungeon Inspector. Ask him where the Records are kept, and request an appointment with his boss.
>>
No. 428168 ID: c3c502

Oh. The human is talking to you. And apparently unarmed. This means killing him for loot and xp is no longer morally acceptable. Unless you goad him into attacking you.

You are Lizbeth McScaley, Mistress of the Arcane Arts, Adventurer and Explorer, Appreciator of fine decor, and currently somewhat confused yourself as to how you got here exactly. Is there by any chance you could breakfast at his fine establishment? You're not sure when you last ate, and the ambiance in here is wonderful.
>>
No. 428206 ID: 4099d0

Ssus Inno'vodeelse
>>
No. 428213 ID: 886a4d

>>428168
This.
>>
No. 428309 ID: b3ca75
File 134127380081.jpg - (73.65KB , 556x264 , 11.jpg )
428309

You present yourself as Lizbeth Ssus, Mistress of the Arcane Arts, Adventurer and Explorer, Appreciator of fine décor and destroyer of the vile door tyranny of the room north of here. You also inquire if there by any chance you could breakfast at his fine establishment or any other establishment nearby as you are getting really hungry. You also mention that the ambiance in here is wonderful! Especially that painting!!! Did I mention that the painting is MAGNIFICENT!!!!?

“Well then, Liz, I am Iracundus. I must disappoint however as I can’t treat a fair lady as yourself to breakfast as I myself is also lost thanks to a mishap whit a teleport spell… And no, I can’t teleport at the moment, otherwise I wouldn’t stand here, now would I?”

-Purple Lizard need food badly-

Insert comm-

“dibs on the painting”

…Fuck
>>
No. 428316 ID: 886a4d

Motion for one of the skeletons to snag that painting for you.
>>
No. 428331 ID: cf49fc

>>428309
Nay, ask him how his magic could have warped you here along with him, as you have no memory of this location. Suggest you work together to return to your respective homelands.
>>
No. 428362 ID: c3c502

>-Purple Lizard need food badly-

Goshdangit, if we'd killed him out of hand, we could be happily eating his corpse right now.

Agree to team up. Is anything on that table edible? If not, you could eat your useless +0 boots.
>>
No. 428439 ID: bbee3d

Take everything on the table, then use FIRE to defeat the table. How dare it stand there like that.
>>
No. 428552 ID: b3ca75
File 134130948876.jpg - (76.35KB , 556x264 , 12.jpg )
428552

> Motion for one of the skeletons to snag that painting for you
You do not yet possess the ability to manipulate the interface.

>ask him how his magic could have warped you here along with him
[color=# FF66CC]”I don’t think my teleport brought you here. I’ve never heard of a one man teleport spell succeeding in moving more than one person without transforming them both to fleshy goo”[/color]

>Suggest you work together
[color=# FF66CC] “eh, sure, why not” [/color]
- Iracundus hav accepted your official high five of party joining!-
- Iracundus joined the party-

>>
No. 428554 ID: b3ca75
File 134130957231.jpg - (68.05KB , 556x264 , 13.jpg )
428554

> you could eat your useless +0 boots
You are no hungry enough to eat item “old boots that tastes like old boots”

> Take everything on the table, then use FIRE to defeat the table. How dare it stand there like that.
You hastily grab everything on the table and throw the torch at it. How dare it stand like that, all smug and superior! The torch only succeeds in making a small scorch mark as the table doesn’t seem to be that flammable. Nuts.

You pick up…
-a lantern-
-a Healing potion-
-a green bottle of unknown substance-

>>
No. 428559 ID: 223190

go through other door, duh.
>>
No. 428576 ID: 7c31d2

Drink the lantern oil, it might make you less hungry.
>>
No. 428579 ID: c3c502

Retrieve torch.

Don't drink the lantern oil. Save it for more improvised incendiary devices. Or for a lantern, if you prefer mundane utility to firepower. But I mean, c'mon, you're a mage. What are the odds of that?

Ask the human Ira if he can tell what the contents of the unidentified potion are. If he can't, quaff ID it.

If the potion does something awesome, that's awesome. If it does something awful, well, it's awesome that you have a healing potion ready for that.

(Could you use a color other than chartreuse? That text is pretty hard to read).
>>
No. 429160 ID: 3c8b7d

One day, we will come back and defeat that table. It shall know vengeance.
>>
No. 429519 ID: b3ca75
File 134157642476.jpg - (69.01KB , 735x264 , 14.jpg )
429519

Sorry, was in a real hurry last time and accidently copied the wrong color code

>Ask Ira if he can tell what the contents of the unidentified potion are.
“Looks like acid”

Sweet
”not the tripping balls kind.”
Bollocks

> Retrieve torch
Torch retrieved!

> One day, we will come back and defeat that table. It shall know vengeance.
You pronounce a vendetta against the table. You shall not rest until it knows your FURY!

-Table accepts your vendetta-
-Your vendetta list has been updated-
-VENDETTAS-
-#1 Smug ass table (hate that guy)-
-#2 Lord English-

>>
No. 429522 ID: b3ca75
File 134157671105.jpg - (105.96KB , 735x264 , 15.jpg )
429522

> go through other door, duh.
You use your superior brain power to deduce that the best course of action is going through the door. Within you see a skeleton armed with a mop and bucket. It seem preoccupied reading the billboard.

Insert command_
>>
No. 429527 ID: cf49fc

>>429522
Ask it where the big dangerous weapons and maps of the facility are kept.
>>
No. 429530 ID: c3c502

Ask, indignantly, how the skeleton was able to play as a skeleton.

After it responds with confusion, examine the board.
>>
No. 429563 ID: b3ca75
File 134159640562.jpg - (112.54KB , 735x264 , 16.jpg )
429563

> Ask, indignantly, how the skeleton was able to play as a skeleton.
Hey, how come you can survive as a skeleton and I can’t? That seems unfair to me!
Skeleton: ”pardon, wha… ahhh, living thing!”

> examine the board.
It’s the usual timetables, diagrams, schedules, unholy pentagrams and Dilbert strips that clogs most billboards.
You also find a note written I blood that says: “Buy milk, bread, virgin sacrifices and butter. Remember poker night on Monday”.
>>
No. 429564 ID: b3ca75
File 134159641892.jpg - (113.30KB , 735x264 , 17.jpg )
429564

>Ask it where the big dangerous weapons and maps of the facility are kept.
Skeleton: Pardon me miss, but I’m supposed to inhumane all living things that I encounter, not chat then up about my employer’s secrets. Of course that doesn’t mean I can be impolite about it, so let me offer you a cup of tea before I horribly bludgeon you to death whit my mop, hmm?


Insert command_
>>
No. 429565 ID: 886a4d

Light the mop on fire then do an arcane punch at one of its legs.
>>
No. 429568 ID: 7c31d2

Ask if the tea would come with those biscuit things. If it does, go ahead and accept his offer.
If it doesn't, burn him. How dare he serve tea without those tasty biscuit things?!
>>
No. 429571 ID: c3c502

Accept his offer of tea. Wait politely until he finishes brewing it and hands you the cup. Accept the offering with one hand, but then take advantage of his close proximity to shove the other forward into his empty chest cavity and cast Arcane Punch point blank on his spinal column, blowing him to pieces.

Then calmly slip tea. Make a horrible pun.
"TEA-riffic. Now now, don't go all to pieces at a little praise like that."

After that we should probably comment on the decor. And make sure you aren't eligible for the virgin sacrifice.
>>
No. 429573 ID: 886a4d

>>429571
I`ll support this though the gods of Classy Danes and Gents might strike you down for mixing tea and awful puns.
>>
No. 429575 ID: b3ca75
File 134160117561.jpg - (115.66KB , 735x265 , 18.jpg )
429575

color=green] >comment on the decor . [/color]
That is a really cool plant, eating Mario and not afraid of anything
Skeleton: “why indeed, it is a really nice plant, isn’t it.”

> Ask if the tea would come with those biscuit things.
Skeleton: Scones? I’m sorry but…


>BURN!
MEHEHEHE!
-Attack soggy mop with torch-
-Attack +2 damage-
-Ineffective -1 damage-
-Absorb fire -1 damage-
-Total: 0 Damage-

HEHehehe…

I think I’ll take that cup of tea now…
Skeleton: Splendid!
>>
No. 429577 ID: b3ca75
File 134160119008.jpg - (117.13KB , 735x265 , 19.jpg )
429577

>take advantage of his close proximity to shove the other forward into his empty chest cavity and cast Arcane Punch point blank on his spinal column, blowing him to pieces.
Skeleton: Well, here is your…

You shove your hand into its ribcage as far as you can and then fire off a arcane punch.

-Attack skeleton with arcane punch-
-Attack +3-
-Super effective +1-
-Surprise +1-
-Weak spot +1-
-Total: 6-
-Skeleton is “bloodied”-

>>
No. 429578 ID: b3ca75
File 134160120852.jpg - (216.01KB , 735x265 , 20.jpg )
429578

-BATTLE!!!-
what the?...

Swooooosh! (cue combat music)
>>
No. 429579 ID: b3ca75
File 134160125549.jpg - (40.41KB , 744x424 , 21.jpg )
429579

oh gods, what just happened? You feel a terribly nauseous…
> Then calmly slip tea.
You dropped it in the sudden screen transition, sorry

Make a horrible pun.
T-t-tea-riffic. Now now, don't-t-t fa… I think I’m going to puke...

Commands!
Attack
Magic

-Arcane punch-
-telekinesis-
Special
-Taunt-
-Read bad fan fiction-
item

-Skeleton taunts you-

”You fight like a cow!”
-1 morale

Insert command_
>>
No. 429584 ID: 886a4d

Looks at Ira`s stats... you are kinda outta place for this low level encounter aren't you? Or... Oh gods this is the tutorial.

Arcane Punch! ((Read bad fanfiction? Really?))
>>
No. 429589 ID: 7c31d2

Use read bad fanfiction.
>>
No. 429603 ID: c3c502

Oh my goodness, we're actually using ff1 sprite edits now. Liz has too many colors though. :p

Taunt: "How appropriate, you fight like a cow dropping."
(...frigger reversed the order. Tried to trick us into responding with dairy farmer, and putting him above us).
>>
No. 429622 ID: b3ca75
File 134160754486.jpg - (42.94KB , 744x424 , 22.jpg )
429622

> Taunt: "How appropriate, you fight like a cow dropping."
Skeleton: “Now that is just rude…”

skeleton – 1 morale

-Ira is enjoying the show-
-Ira consumes popcorn-
-Ira gains +1 happiness-


-Skeleton attacks-
+3 damage – 0 defense = 3 damage
-Chicken shield is broken-

Skeleton: “you’re using arcana armor? Have you no honor?”
Ira: ”I have to agree whit Mr. Skellington, you’re kind of a coward.”
Skeleton: Can we not fight like gentleme- gentlewo- gentle… lizard?

>>
No. 429624 ID: b3ca75
File 134160755644.jpg - (40.94KB , 744x424 , 23.jpg )
429624

> Use read bad fanfiction.
-You read your newest Picard/Spock Yaoi fan fiction-
-Skeleton -3 sanity, -2 morale-
-Skeleton morale is critical-
-Ira is immune against bad fan fiction (pervert perk)-


Skeleton: Sod this, they are not paying me enough!

-Skeleton flees-

A Glorious victory!
You gain:
+1 xp
+10 gold
+A dairy queen coupon (50% off on Lizard Wizard Blizzard)
>>
No. 429625 ID: b3ca75
File 134160761828.jpg - (111.98KB , 735x265 , 24.jpg )
429625

Combat ended

…wait, where did he go?

Insert command_
>>
No. 429646 ID: 99090a

See if you or Ira can pry open the elevator door. If not, go RIGHT.
>>
No. 429649 ID: cf49fc

>>429625
We have our objective. We must escape, and locate a Dairy Queen.
>>
No. 429650 ID: c3c502

Renew your chicken armor! Screw the haters, it's just good policy to keep your buffs ready at all time. It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?

Go for the donuts. You were hungry, remember?

Be cautious passing the plant. In may try to bite you. If it's a threat, slay it with fire.
>>
No. 429657 ID: 886a4d

If the plant gets uppity pour some Mr. Coffee in its planter, I'm sure its horrid.
>>
No. 429704 ID: b3ca75
File 134161918531.jpg - (110.09KB , 735x265 , 26.jpg )
429704

>We must escape
Too bad the solid steel marked exit is securely locked. You better find a way to open it if you want to escape.
>locate a Dairy Queen.
New top priority!
>Renew your chicken armor!
It isn’t ready yet.
>It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?
Well, you do have some fond memories of some berserkers that… well… eh…
> Be cautious passing the plant. In may try to bite you.
pfff, yeah right. Man eating plants don’t exist. I can even read this small warning label to confirm this.

-Audrey II-
This week feeder: Seymour
Remember to feed it fresh body parts, preferably leftover virgins.
WARNING: do not stand close to man eating plant; it might bite your head off!

…well, let’s not stand right next to the man eating plant, shall we?

>Mr. Coffee… I'm sure its horrid.
H-how… HOW DARE YOU! You do not disrespect Mr. Coffee, the god of sleep, lord of dreams and nightmares! Heathen! You better sacrifice some beans to his honor on the altar in front of you unless you want to awaken his wrath!
>>
No. 429705 ID: b3ca75
File 134161920050.jpg - (68.09KB , 550x400 , awesome.jpg )
429705

> Go for the donuts
You gasp in amazement as you lay your eyes upon it’s perfection. Millions of year of evolution has finally reached its peak, as it has created this singularity which no one dared to imagine. As you are bathed in its radiant splendor you shed a single tear, a tear not of sadness but pure bliss. It’s magnificent. It’s the Magnum opus of technology. It perfection in it simples form. It’s… it’s…
>>
No. 429708 ID: b3ca75
File 134161921851.jpg - (107.72KB , 735x265 , 27.jpg )
429708

It’s delicious!
Nibbel nibble

-You have gained a new special skill!-
- Gluttony: You gain hp and mp I you eat good food when you are hungry-
-Purple wizard is no longer hungry-

>>
No. 429709 ID: b3ca75
File 134161931182.jpg - (109.00KB , 735x265 , 28.jpg )
429709

> See if you or Ira can pry open the elevator door
Even whit your nonexistent and Iras feeble strength you are unable to budge the elevator door.

>If not, go RIGHT.
any last action before venturing forth?
>>
No. 429712 ID: b3ca75

Too bad the solid steelDOORmarked exit is securely locked. <--- Wops
>>
No. 429720 ID: 886a4d

Take the cup of coffee with you, I'm sure if its as good as you say you might be able to use it ot recover HP \ MP as well. Also check the cupboards and what is that strange red cup thing?
>>
No. 429732 ID: 01f6f1

>>429705
This... This is so beautiful!

>>429709
Recruit Mr. Coffee.
>>
No. 429735 ID: c3c502

Is Ira strong enough to carry the man-eating plant? If he picks it up by the base, and points it away from himself, you've got an awesome animate melee weapon.

Pocket some tacks or staples from the board. You can use these for telekinesis ammo- poink them into enemy eyes! (Or other weak points. Assuming any foes in here are non-undead.)
>>
No. 429746 ID: bbee3d

...Press the elevator button?

Otherwise, feed some coffee to the man eating plant and sally forth!
>>
No. 429749 ID: b3ca75
File 134162348704.jpg - (104.54KB , 735x265 , 29.jpg )
429749

>Take the cup of coffee with you
The cup is at the moment empty, you’ll have to sacrifice some beans to the dreaming god if you wish to fill it with his life blood… coffee that is…
>what is that strange red cup thing?
It is some strange precursor artifact. You believe it used to be called a phone and it seems to be functional. Someone has written “for pizza, call 666-PIZZA” on the side.
check the cupboards
Within the left cupboard you find some beans. These would be perfect to sacrifice.
In the right cupboard you find a small piggybank filled with coins and the name lil’ Timmy written on the side. Break it open? Yes/No
>Recruit Mr. Coffee
The god ignore you official high five of party joining.
> Is Ira strong enough to carry the man-eati-
Iracundus:” If you even move that plant closer to me, I’ll shove it up your bum!”

Ira doesn’t seem to like the plant.
Pocket some tacks or staples from the board. You can use these for telekinesis ammo- poink them into enemy eyes!
Good thinking! You quickly pocket all the tacks, staples and other small objects to use as ammo.

-New skill learned-
-Telekinisis Aim(blind)-


Insert Command_
>>
No. 429755 ID: bbee3d

No! You can't break lil' Timmy! Bring him along until you find a way to surgically remove the coins without killing him. He shall be your majestic animal companion.

Take the bucket too. You could use some armor.
>>
No. 429763 ID: c3c502

>It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?
>Well, you do have some fond memories of some berserkers that… well… eh…
I'm going to take this to mean you're no eligible for virgin sacrifice. That's good. Because otherwise you'd have to resort to Ira, and he's been kind of a jerk.

>>429755

I wholeheartedly support a piggy bank animal companion. We're even a reality warper- maybe we can animate him some day!

You should try ordering a pizza. In addition to being food, it can also magically heal turtle-folk. Now, you're a lizard girl, but maybe that's close enough to get some benefit?
>>
No. 429785 ID: b2112e

If you export as .png instead of .jpg your images won't look so horribly blurry, and if you zoom way in and use actual pixels and only scale up the final version before exporting, you won't end up with the misalignment you're getting.
>>
No. 429924 ID: b3ca75
File 134168291019.png - (16.74KB , 735x265 , 1.png )
429924

>lil' Timmy shall be your majestic animal companion.
You have gained a new familiar –Lil’ Timmy-. Gold gain increased with 10%! Too bad he’s still in lifeless lump of ceramic.
>We're even a reality warper- maybe we can animate him some day!
Why yes, arcane mages are known to create golems and homunculus. It’s just a matter of time before you learn how.
>Take the bucket too. You could use some armor.
Best idea you’ve heard all day!

- Bucket Threepwood’s mighty helmet (head) +1 defense-
>>
No. 429925 ID: b3ca75
File 134168293883.png - (16.65KB , 735x265 , 2.png )
429925

>you're no eligible for virgin sacrifice
Admiring the view doesn’t make you not eligible for that kind of sacrifice. To be honest, you don’t remember if you have ever done anything that would make you ineligible for that kind of sacrifice.
>resort to Ira
You don’t go that far on the first date.


>kind of a jerk.
And he keep ogling my butt when he believe I’m not looking, pervert.

You should try ordering a pizza.
Nothing can possibly go wrong whit this!
>>
No. 429927 ID: b3ca75
File 134168294658.png - (15.59KB , 550x400 , PizzaofDOOM.png )
429927

-20minutes later-

The giant rogue pizza elemental hovers over the planet. Soon it will consume it in a feast worthy of a god but first it will cover it in cheese, suffocating all life and eliminating any heroes that would dare try to stop it. Do not underestimate the fifth element, Pizza, as it will be your undoing!

- Iracundus has died-
-You are dead-

Death by cheese (mmm, delicious)
Next time, try to order one without anchovies. It won’t save you but it will make you demise so much tastier.


-Restart- -Load- -Quit- -Become undead -
>>
No. 429928 ID: b3ca75
File 134168295748.png - (22.40KB , 735x265 , 3.png )
429928

-Load-
-Game loaded-
At least you are smart enough to save before you summon horrible pizza elementals from other dimensions.

-Chicken armor auto cast-
Poof!

> sally forth!
OKAY!
The next room seems to be some kind of armory and four guardsmen stands guard within it. One of them has a golden key in his belt.

Insert Command_
>>
No. 429930 ID: c3c502

> giant rogue pizza elemental
...holy hell. I can't tell if it's a good thing we didn't got the pizza wizard route or not.

Dang. That's a lot of foes. And they're actually warriors- they won't give you a chance to surprise them with tea first. And they're undead- so you can't go for eye-blinding.

Are these the kind of skeletons that are weak to fire, or the kind that are barely effected by it? You could firebomb the room (cocktail!), and engage them 1 by 1 as they try to get through the door.
>>
No. 429931 ID: 886a4d

Ira seems like an high level mage, lets ask him if he'll help this time.
>>
No. 429938 ID: 01f6f1

Take the key. Lock the door. Run. Don't die.

Easy.
>>
No. 429940 ID: 886a4d

Push the DJ button. While they are distracted by that you can sneak by and hopefully greb the key as well.
>>
No. 430027 ID: b3ca75
File 134170681537.png - (26.92KB , 735x265 , 4.png )
430027

> Are these the kind of skeletons that are weak to fire, or the kind that are barely effected by it?
You are thinking of zombies, bones don’t really burn.

> Ira seems like a high level mage, let’s ask him if he'll help this time BLOW SHIT UP!
Iracundus: “Are you suggesting that I would use my powers for anything then self-defense? Preposterous! I’ll have you know that I’m a devote pacifist and I’m not going to break my ideals for someone I just meet.

So he’s useless…
Hey! I never said I wouldn’t help you out. I can cast a lot of wicked Illusions and reality changing magic, so just ask and you shall receive. As long it isn’t anything used offensively. Or if it is some kind of plant. I hate plants.
well… that’s an improvement I guess.
> Push the DJ button.
Okeydokey
>>
No. 430028 ID: b3ca75
File 134170682552.png - (26.79KB , 735x265 , 5.png )
430028

WARNING WARNING!

Is that a disco ball?
>>
No. 430029 ID: b3ca75
File 134170683344.png - (35.02KB , 735x265 , 6.png )
430029

DISCO AKTIVATED!
burn baby burn…

-Skeleton 1 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton 2 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton 3 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton Captain got Disco Fever!-


Wha... I… uh… why do they even… I mean…
…At least they seem distracted.
>>
No. 430030 ID: 886a4d

Get the hatchet, get the key and then get out of there.
>>
No. 430034 ID: 01f6f1

Wow! You guys are immune to Disco Fever!? Impressive! I thought everyone immune to Disco Fever was deader than dead!
>>
No. 430040 ID: c3c502

>>430034
Apparently you got it backwards. Disco's dead- so only the dead can still catch disco fever.

Telekinesis to steal the key while they're distracted.
>>
No. 430044 ID: 01f6f1

>>430040
> Disco's dead
Preposterous!
>>
No. 430177 ID: d17d40

I'm so reminded of the casinos in Dungeon Keeper 2... "Jackpot Winner!"
With that said, I support using telekinesis to obtain the key.
>>
No. 430210 ID: c3ec0a

>>430027
When you kill a zombie with fire, does a chrysalis hatch like a skeleton when the flesh is burnt? So that you have a skeleton sorta thing when a zombie has no flesh?
>>
No. 430216 ID: cf49fc

>>430029
We need that key, but we could also use allies. Use your incredible Disco Powers to win them over to your side.
>>
No. 430230 ID: b3ca75
File 134176632376.png - (34.42KB , 735x265 , 7.png )
430230

…Disco Inferno!

>I'm so reminded of the casinos in Dungeon Keeper 2... "Jackpot Winner!"
Guess which game I was playing right before that update :P

>When you kill a zombie with fire, does a chrysalis hatch like a skeleton when the flesh is burnt?
Skeletons and zombies are based on two completely different kind of magic. Skeletons are made with arcane magic and thus counts as constructs (official name: Bone Golem), most people however still refers to them as undead as they are made of dead body parts. Zombies on the other hand are biomorphic in nature, being fully functioning bodies without a mind to control it and are thus real undead. So if you would burn a zombie you would get a charred corpse, not a skeleton. Nor a horrifying heavily armored alien that infest you with its offspring as soon as I touches you and oh gods the nightmares are coming back.

>Get the hatchet
You are unable to budge it with your nonexistent stren-
Skeleton Captain: !
Oh sh-
>>
No. 430231 ID: b3ca75
File 134176633670.png - (27.44KB , 735x265 , 8.png )
430231

Burn baby burn!

> Use your incredible Disco Powers to win them over to your side.
Acting quickly, you start dancing the dance of your people!
>>
No. 430232 ID: b3ca75
File 134176634806.png - (40.01KB , 735x265 , 9.png )
430232

Burn that mama down!

The skeletons criticize your dance.
-Skelton 1 attacks (ranged): 3+1-1=3dmg-
-Skeleton 2 attacks: 3dmg-
-Skeleton 3 attacks: 3dmg-
-Skeleton Captain attacks: 4dmg-
-Total: 13dmg-
-You have died-

They didn’t find your dance particularly enjoyable.

Gangbang of the dead
Now you know how Link feels like when fighting ReDeads.
>>
No. 430233 ID: b3ca75
File 134176635658.png - (3.77KB , 550x400 , mario.png )
430233

>>
No. 430234 ID: b3ca75
File 134176636641.png - (18.45KB , 735x265 , 10.png )
430234

These skeletons seems very aggressive, you probably don’t want their attention.
> Telekinesis to steal the key while they're distracted.
Huge success! Commencing with the happy dance! Happy dance successful!

-Obtained Golden Key-
…Hey, this isn’t gold! It just yellow paint! What a rip-off…
-Obtained Golden yellow painted Key-

Insert command_
>>
No. 430236 ID: 7c31d2

Use one of your infinite lives to spawn a second you, battle the other you for superiority...
Or seduce her, after all, who knows what you like better than yourself?
>>
No. 430238 ID: 886a4d

Root around the planter now that the man-eating plant is gone... who knows what secrets it was hiding!

Oh and then open that door already.
>>
No. 430241 ID: b3ca75
File 134176964806.png - (7.16KB , 550x400 , GodLizardBadLizard.png )
430241

> Root around the planter now that the man-eating plant is gone... who knows what secrets it was hiding!
You start interrogating the flower pot, trying to get it to spill the beans. You are unsuccessful however, as the pot doesn’t have any beans to spill, only dirt.
>>
No. 430243 ID: b3ca75
File 134177052206.png - (14.37KB , 735x265 , 11.png )
430243

>Use one of your infinite lives to spawn a second you, battle the other you for superiority...
You do not yet possess the ability to clone yourself, level up your arcane magic first!
> Or seduce her, after all, who knows what you like better than yourself?
You try seducing Lizbeth Ssus. It’s not very effective. You need to gain more loyalty/happiness with Lizbeth Ssus before you can successfully seduce yourself.
> Oh and then open that door already.
You open the door and venture forth! Behind it you find a small room that has a rune of teleportation inscribed on the floor and wall. You also see a small glass jar filled with gold and got “skeleton widow fond” written on it

Insert command_
>>
No. 430247 ID: c3c502

Ask Ira if he can read what the teleportation rune says or does. He's a high level mage with (temporarily offline) teleportation magic, right? So he should be able to discern the basics, like if it'll send you to another location, banish you to another plane, or turn you inside out.

Take the jar, but don't touch or eat the stuff inside. The name is ominous- it's so poisonous it makes widows of even skeletons?
>>
No. 430266 ID: 01f6f1

Look at that whole black thing, there's a secret passage here. You don't have bombs, then kick the wall across the room until it gives up.
>>
No. 430269 ID: 886a4d

>>430266
Fool, she doesn't have the strength for that.

Arcane punch it instead.

Also take the spider food, who knows when you'll have to placate an bone spider.
>>
No. 430270 ID: b85f8c

>>430243
Take that gold. Also criticize the skeletons' spelling. Then get your buddy and jump recklessly into the teleporter.
>>
No. 430295 ID: b3ca75
File 134178579592.png - (15.42KB , 735x265 , 12.png )
430295

> criticize the skeletons' spelling
Of course they can’t spell, they got empty craniums after all.
> Take that gold
>Take the jar

Done and done!

-You gain 38 Gold-
-You gain a fairy catching glass jar-

>>
No. 430296 ID: b3ca75
File 134178582386.png - (16.10KB , 735x265 , 13.png )
430296

> kick Arcane punch the wall across the room
You successfully remove some of the white paint from the wall. It seems completely solid.
> Jump recklessly accidently step into the teleporter
Wops… at least nothing seem to happen…
> Ask Ira if he can read what the teleportation rune says or does.
“Of course. Its destination is labeled “Outside” and it will teleport one person/object ten meters straight upward when activated. It will not send you to another dimension or turn you inside out… well, probably not… it’s only got about a 20% chance of failure.”

>>
No. 430297 ID: 132b99

welp. turn it on.
>>
No. 430303 ID: 01f6f1

You have company! Be a good host and don't die!
>>
No. 430304 ID: c3c502

Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen! And does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar? Whack the stuck gold meter until it updates correctly.

20% chance of failure? Well, with infinite lives, we'll make it through. But Ira has to play the odds strait. I bet he dies, or chickens out.

...wait! There's a skele in the door! Quick, teleport out!
>>
No. 430306 ID: 886a4d

Ah! behind you an undead plant!
>>
No. 430330 ID: b3ca75
File 134179310506.png - (18.13KB , 735x265 , 14.png )
430330

>welp. turn it on.
You lack the skill and experience to operate the rune. You also still got a hangover from last night. Remember, don’t drink and teleport!
>Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen!
Clearly, you got a bug in the system. You better update “Stens Heroic Interface Simulator tm” as soon as possible.
>does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar?
35 x 0,10 = 38 (rounded down)
> Ah! behind you an undead plant!
”What! Oh gods, kill it whit FIRE!

- Iracundus casts time stop-
-Skeletons took a time out-
-You got stopped in time, you cannot perform actions-

>>
No. 430331 ID: b3ca75
File 134179312924.png - (16.76KB , 735x265 , 15.png )
430331

”…okay, dick move, but I have to admit it was quite clever. I have to say, you completed your test quite admirably, vessel, you are clearly ready for the outside. Nevertheless this is where we part way, my precious vessel, So I bid you farewell… and remember that daddy loves ya…

- Iracundus activates the portal rune-
-you are tele

>>
No. 430332 ID: b3ca75
File 134179314016.png - (11.27KB , 550x400 , 16.png )
430332

POOF!
ported somewhere else-


Welp…


You have entered the town of “CITY”.

-You gain-
+2xp for completing the dungeon
+7xp for outwitting the skeleton guard
+0xp for cheeses found
-You are ready to level up!-
-Sleep to level up-

>>
No. 430339 ID: 7c31d2

Sleep in that tree right there. No, not that one, the one to your left. Lizards sleep in trees, right?
>>
No. 430343 ID: c3c502

>and remember that daddy loves ya…
Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified at the shocking revelation that you're somehow the magically created child of a pervy human who's been staring at your ass.

When you're done being traumatized, pick a tree to sleep in. Take the one furthest away from the creepy clown in an attempt to keep it out of your dreams.
>>
No. 430350 ID: 886a4d

The only question you should have is a vessel for what exactly. My guess... your a lich's phylactery. That or hes planning on letting you get extremely powerful then kicking you out of your own body and taking it over.

Anyway, let that stew in your noggin while you sleep. Pleasant dreams!
>>
No. 430392 ID: 01f6f1

Sleep 9998 times and Transmigrate as Genius. Repeat this until you're level 9999 with 186000 stored levels.
>>
No. 430448 ID: e3aff6

Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.
>>
No. 430479 ID: b85f8c

>>430332
Ask the guards where an inn is.
>>
No. 430483 ID: 886a4d

I just had a third thought, though it is a rather gruesome one, you could be the incubator for that Necromancer's child. Once its ready it'll burst out of your chest ala Alien.
>>
No. 430520 ID: b3ca75
File 134184364324.png - (10.89KB , 550x400 , 17.png )
430520

>Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified
>Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.
You fail failing at failing to fail “Fail to freak out” objective. You become traumatized.

-1 sanity

>creepy clown, keep it out of your dreams.
Your “AWESOME!” willpower is not powerful enough to keep the creepy clown out of your dreams. Next time you sleep he will come for you.
>Sleep in that tree right there.
You climb the tree in a vain attempt to find a sleeping spot.
>Lizards sleep in trees, right?
You sure hope so, otherwise this would look really silly.

“Guard 1: Excuse me, Ma’am, but climbing the trees in the plaza is forbidden.”
oh…
>>
No. 430521 ID: b3ca75
File 134184365433.png - (10.68KB , 550x400 , 18.png )
430521

>Ask the guards where an inn is.
”Guard 1: As you seem new to our fine city, ma’am, we are authorized to administer this tourist guide to you. Welcome to the town called City (Don’t ask).”
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
“Guard 1: Please ignore him, ma’am, he fallen down to many stairs.”

-You got a tourist guide to the City-
-You got a map of the City-


New Areas have been unlocked!
-Inn/Bar (closed for renovation) - Bed ‘n Booze-
-Mercenary’s guild – Should have beds if you are a member-
-Wizard Academy (Closed for outsiders) - Neat, they even got an elevator to the surface-
-Plaza (you are here)- Creepy Clowns Central-
-Ye old shoppe- Buy stuff-
-Blacksmith- Buy more stuff -
-Dairy Queen- Important!-
>>
No. 430523 ID: 643515

Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
And what is up with that clown, anyway?
>>
No. 430526 ID: c3c502

>“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
I like swords!

Finding a place to sleep and level up should be our first priority. We can check out the shops and dairy queen after.

Will the wizards academy offer you a bed? You're a lizard wizard, but you might need to be actually enrolled or something.
>>
No. 430539 ID: 886a4d

To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.
>>
No. 430542 ID: 68852c

ask him why the town is called City. I wasn't gonna, but then he told me not to ask, so now I just have to.
>>
No. 430553 ID: 01f6f1

Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.
>>
No. 430573 ID: 886a4d

>>430553
I second this. Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira
>>
No. 430579 ID: c3c502

Okay, after seeing the spoiler for our lvl 2 spells in questdis, we definitely want to sleep before shopping. There has to be a way we can abuse an illusion to get a better deal on stuff. Heck, even a simple CHA buff if we can't come up with anything better.

>>430553
You do realize we're going to fail our will save and be driven insane. Or we'll try to kill him to save ourselves and then the guard will come and murderize us for attempted murder.
>>
No. 430619 ID: b3ca75
File 134186835447.png - (10.93KB , 550x400 , 19.png )
430619

> I like swords!
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
> ask him why the town is called City.
“Guard 1: The founder had no imagination.”
>Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
Why yes, the surface is uninhabitable thanks to toxic fumes so all settlements has to be underground. Didn’t you guys watch the intro movie of the game? It explains everything, really.
>Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.
W-why, hello, mostero- Misunderstood clown, how’s it goi-
”Fool: I’m pretty inside. Are you pretty inside? I want to so your ins-“
Nicemeetingyoubye!
>>
No. 430620 ID: b3ca75
File 134186836770.png - (10.35KB , 550x400 , 20.png )
430620

-Wizard academy: Outside-
>Will the wizards academy offer you a bed?
>Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira
It seems that the wizard hold their no outsiders rule in pretty harsh consideration as the only way in seems to be a locked teleportation rune. According to the guide the only way in Is either enrolling in academy, which you have to do a year in advance, or be personally invited by a wizard.
There isn’t even a guard or any other way to contact them from the outside! Jerks!
>>
No. 430621 ID: b3ca75
File 134186837746.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 21.png )
430621

-Mercenary’s guild: Greetings hall-
>To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.
“Dwarf: Blessing be upon thee, lad, how can an old dwarf be of service this late of the night?
Thou have a contract to order, or do thou wish to join our fine organization?”
>>
No. 430623 ID: c3c502

There's an intro movie?

Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.

Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild. The, explain you're wondering if you could join the guild to earn a place to sleep, since the inn is closed for no good reason.
>>
No. 430624 ID: 886a4d

Don't correct him on saying lad, they might be misogynist... ask what the requirements are for joining.
>>
No. 430625 ID: 7c31d2

Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.
>>
No. 430631 ID: 01f6f1

>>430620
Mushrooms. Take them all.
>>
No. 430644 ID: b3ca75
File 134187532263.png - (5.16KB , 550x400 , 22.png )
430644

>Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.
You do not find any unwanted equipment down under, thus you are still female.
>Mushrooms. Take them all.
They are as big as trees! Besides, you don’t believe the city guard would be very happy if you started to cut them down in the middle of the city.
> Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.
Cucumber Error – unable to boot “Epicmovie.wav” – please reinstall the universe and reboot.
> Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild.
Wow, just look at this room! It’s magnificent! Just look how the red goes with the gray walls and how that lonely table is really cheering the place up! IT AMEZING!
“Dwarf: why, uh… thanks to thee, lad?
> ask about joining.
”Dwarf: well, lad, thee only have to sign our guild charter to gain access to thee bed. To become a full member and work with us, thee have to take a simple fighting test to prove that thee won’t get killed by a simple goblin. Let’s start whit thee name…”

Do you wish to join the mercenaries? Yes/no

“Dwarf: Lali ho”
>>
No. 430650 ID: 886a4d

As long as fighting prowress can include magic I should be fine.. so whats the test?
>>
No. 430659 ID: c3c502

Ask if joining the guild comes with any responsibilities, or an expectation to follow other people's orders. Because you're a free spirit, and you're not so cool with that.

We have a new goal- as soon as we can find a way, we need to back up our save and destroy the universe. It's the only way you'll ever see the epic opening.

>“Dwarf: Lali ho”
Tali ho!
>>
No. 430666 ID: 01f6f1

If ye dinnae say Lali-ho, then ye cannae enter!

Ask Dwarf the Dwarf if they're accepting applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.
>>
No. 430689 ID: b3ca75
File 134188257992.png - (2.92KB , 550x400 , 23.png )
430689

>As long as fighting prowess can include magic.
“Dwarf: Of course it includes magic. As long it is effective in getting the job done and isn’t illegal then we don’t give a rats ass about what thou do.
>so whats the test?
”Dwarf: That isn’t determine at the moment, the test depends on the contracts we got at the moment.”
>Responsibilities
”Dwarf: Obey the law, complete the contracts thou accepts, don’t be an ass. Thee have no time limit on accepting contracts, but thou only get gold on completed contracts.”
>applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.
”Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got.”
>Tali ho!
WHAT DID YOU CALL MY MOTHER!?!
>>
No. 430691 ID: 886a4d

Ho as in greet, not Hoe as in whore. My apoligies for the unintended insult.

Any lets sign up so we can get a nights rest... we'll do the test in the morning if thats alright with the Dward.
>>
No. 430693 ID: c3c502

A fine, respectable example of a woman! Sorry if the pronunciation was a bit off, dwarfish isn't really made for long lizard tongues.

(I almost said an "upstanding example", but then I realized a dorf might not appreciate comments about his mother's height.)

Sign up for the test, accept lizard porn mag.
>>
No. 430695 ID: 01f6f1

> "Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got."
It was for an article about Pizza Elementals! An article! Who he thinks that Lizbeth is? His mother? Unforgivable! Let's knock him down!
>>
No. 430715 ID: b85f8c

>>430689
AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT
>>
No. 430878 ID: 68852c

sign up.
>>
No. 430905 ID: b3ca75
File 134192642511.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 24.png )
430905

>AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT
“Dwarf: If I ever hear thou speak ill of my mother again, I will hang thee by the Cali ho!“
>Sign up
“Dwarf: Thou are now an official member. Welcome to the guild.“
>Test
“Dwarf: Thou test will not be ready before the morn, thou better get a good night sleep before it“
>Night rest
“Dwarf: Thou shall fallow me and thou shall be given a bedding to slumber within“
>knock him down!
Error, you are in a non-combat zone. Combat is strictly prohibited!
>>
No. 430906 ID: b3ca75
File 134192643733.png - (4.24KB , 550x400 , 25.png )
430906

“Dwarf: Well, blessing be upon th-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: uh… upon thee, la-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: Gosh darn it to heck, narrator, stop interu-“
>SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!
“Dwarf: Tali ho, I’m leaving!“
>>
No. 430907 ID: b3ca75
File 134192645395.png - (4.15KB , 550x400 , 26.png )
430907

>Sleep
Sleeping successful!


-World 1-1 Completed!-
Kills: 1/5
Gold: 48/45
Secrets: 0/0
Xp: 10/10
Cheeses: 0/9001
-LEVEL UP!-
-You gain-
+1 hp
+2 mp
+1 Magic
+2 Will
+1 Charm


New spells learned!
Blink (Cost: 1): Short range teleport
Illusion (cost: 1): create a simple illusion that cannot move. Cannot be bigger the yourself.
Haste (upkeep: 4): Increase run/battle/cast speed.
>>
No. 430908 ID: b3ca75
File 134192646524.png - (4.77KB , 550x400 , 27.png )
430908

NEW LOCATION FOUND!
-Dreams-

uh…

Insert command_
>>
No. 430909 ID: 68852c

ignore the horrorterror behind you and jump out of the window to see what happens.
>>
No. 430910 ID: c3c502

Okay, in the waking world, you're a reality warper with awesome strength of will. In the dream world? That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess. You can literally do anything here. This world is putty in your hands, a plaything to your will.

So use your amazing dream mojo to destroy that the stupid clown juju impudent enough to intrude on your dream-space before it can fuck up your session.
>>
No. 430926 ID: 643515

Pay no mind to the shadowy figure. Who does he think he is, an emperor?
>>
No. 430928 ID: b3ca75
File 134193611223.png - (22.88KB , 550x400 , 28.png )
430928

> jump out of the window
You are way too big to fit, time to lose some weight, chubby.
> ignore the horrorterror
You try in vain to ignore it, but it’s way too tacky to ignore. I mean, a red on black clown? Girlfriend, please.
> Who does he think he is, an emperor?
You think he thinks that you think that he thinks he’s an emperor. You think…
> That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess.
Yes. YES. YOU ARE A GOD HERE! With a mere thought you destroy the room you’re in and the rest of the dream universe soon fallows. You have become DEATH! DESTROYER OF DREAMS (and eater of donuts)! Too bad none of this seems to have any effect on the clown whatsoever.
>>
No. 430929 ID: b3ca75
File 134193612759.png - (3.52KB , 550x400 , 29.png )
430929

They warned you that he would come, but did you listen?
now it’s to late! You are doomed! Doomed, I tell you!

no…

Nooooo!
>>
No. 430930 ID: b3ca75
File 134193613759.png - (2.88KB , 550x400 , 30.png )
430930

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>>
No. 430933 ID: b3ca75
File 134193621288.png - (4.30KB , 550x400 , 31.png )
430933

“Fool: I’m selling these fine leather jackets”
what the fu-

//Thread end
>>
No. 430934 ID: c3c502

Dangit, I just realized we should have tried to seduce our dream-doppelganger in the bed there before blowing up the dream universe. :p

Ah well. There's always the next time we level up, I suppose.
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