Renew your chicken armor! Screw the haters, it's just good policy to keep your buffs ready at all time. It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?

Go for the donuts. You were hungry, remember?

Be cautious passing the plant. In may try to bite you. If it's a threat, slay it with fire.

If the plant gets uppity pour some Mr. Coffee in its planter, I'm sure its horrid.

Kaktus 2012/07/06(Fri)16:59 No. 429704 ID: b3ca75
File 134161918531.jpg - (110.09KB , 735x265 , 26.jpg )

>We must escape
Too bad the solid steel marked exit is securely locked. You better find a way to open it if you want to escape.
>locate a Dairy Queen.
New top priority!
>Renew your chicken armor!
It isn’t ready yet.
>It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?
Well, you do have some fond memories of some berserkers that… well… eh…
> Be cautious passing the plant. In may try to bite you.
pfff, yeah right. Man eating plants don’t exist. I can even read this small warning label to confirm this.

-Audrey II-
This week feeder: Seymour
Remember to feed it fresh body parts, preferably leftover virgins.
WARNING: do not stand close to man eating plant; it might bite your head off!

…well, let’s not stand right next to the man eating plant, shall we?

>Mr. Coffee… I'm sure its horrid.
H-how… HOW DARE YOU! You do not disrespect Mr. Coffee, the god of sleep, lord of dreams and nightmares! Heathen! You better sacrifice some beans to his honor on the altar in front of you unless you want to awaken his wrath!

Kaktus 2012/07/06(Fri)17:00 No. 429705 ID: b3ca75
File 134161920050.jpg - (68.09KB , 550x400 , awesome.jpg )

> Go for the donuts
You gasp in amazement as you lay your eyes upon it’s perfection. Millions of year of evolution has finally reached its peak, as it has created this singularity which no one dared to imagine. As you are bathed in its radiant splendor you shed a single tear, a tear not of sadness but pure bliss. It’s magnificent. It’s the Magnum opus of technology. It perfection in it simples form. It’s… it’s…

Kaktus 2012/07/06(Fri)17:00 No. 429708 ID: b3ca75
File 134161921851.jpg - (107.72KB , 735x265 , 27.jpg )

It’s delicious!
Nibbel nibble

-You have gained a new special skill!-
- Gluttony: You gain hp and mp I you eat good food when you are hungry-
-Purple wizard is no longer hungry-

Kaktus 2012/07/06(Fri)17:01 No. 429709 ID: b3ca75
File 134161931182.jpg - (109.00KB , 735x265 , 28.jpg )

> See if you or Ira can pry open the elevator door
Even whit your nonexistent and Iras feeble strength you are unable to budge the elevator door.

>If not, go RIGHT.
any last action before venturing forth?

Too bad the solid steelDOORmarked exit is securely locked. <--- Wops

Take the cup of coffee with you, I'm sure if its as good as you say you might be able to use it ot recover HP \ MP as well. Also check the cupboards and what is that strange red cup thing?

>>429705
This... This is so beautiful!

>>429709
Recruit Mr. Coffee.

Is Ira strong enough to carry the man-eating plant? If he picks it up by the base, and points it away from himself, you've got an awesome animate melee weapon.

Pocket some tacks or staples from the board. You can use these for telekinesis ammo- poink them into enemy eyes! (Or other weak points. Assuming any foes in here are non-undead.)

...Press the elevator button?

Otherwise, feed some coffee to the man eating plant and sally forth!

Kaktus 2012/07/06(Fri)18:11 No. 429749 ID: b3ca75
File 134162348704.jpg - (104.54KB , 735x265 , 29.jpg )

>Take the cup of coffee with you
The cup is at the moment empty, you’ll have to sacrifice some beans to the dreaming god if you wish to fill it with his life blood… coffee that is…
>what is that strange red cup thing?
It is some strange precursor artifact. You believe it used to be called a phone and it seems to be functional. Someone has written “for pizza, call 666-PIZZA” on the side.
check the cupboards
Within the left cupboard you find some beans. These would be perfect to sacrifice.
In the right cupboard you find a small piggybank filled with coins and the name lil’ Timmy written on the side. Break it open? Yes/No
>Recruit Mr. Coffee
The god ignore you official high five of party joining.
> Is Ira strong enough to carry the man-eati-
Iracundus:” If you even move that plant closer to me, I’ll shove it up your bum!”
Ira doesn’t seem to like the plant.
Pocket some tacks or staples from the board. You can use these for telekinesis ammo- poink them into enemy eyes!
Good thinking! You quickly pocket all the tacks, staples and other small objects to use as ammo.

-New skill learned-
-Telekinisis Aim(blind)-

Insert Command_

No! You can't break lil' Timmy! Bring him along until you find a way to surgically remove the coins without killing him. He shall be your majestic animal companion.

Take the bucket too. You could use some armor.

>It's not like the fighters walk around without their armor, is it?
>Well, you do have some fond memories of some berserkers that… well… eh…
I'm going to take this to mean you're no eligible for virgin sacrifice. That's good. Because otherwise you'd have to resort to Ira, and he's been kind of a jerk.

>>429755

I wholeheartedly support a piggy bank animal companion. We're even a reality warper- maybe we can animate him some day!

You should try ordering a pizza. In addition to being food, it can also magically heal turtle-folk. Now, you're a lizard girl, but maybe that's close enough to get some benefit?

If you export as .png instead of .jpg your images won't look so horribly blurry, and if you zoom way in and use actual pixels and only scale up the final version before exporting, you won't end up with the misalignment you're getting.

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)10:41 No. 429924 ID: b3ca75
File 134168291019.png - (16.74KB , 735x265 , 1.png )

>lil' Timmy shall be your majestic animal companion.
You have gained a new familiar –Lil’ Timmy-. Gold gain increased with 10%! Too bad he’s still in lifeless lump of ceramic.
>We're even a reality warper- maybe we can animate him some day!
Why yes, arcane mages are known to create golems and homunculus. It’s just a matter of time before you learn how.
>Take the bucket too. You could use some armor.
Best idea you’ve heard all day!

- Bucket Threepwood’s mighty helmet (head) +1 defense-

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)10:42 No. 429925 ID: b3ca75
File 134168293883.png - (16.65KB , 735x265 , 2.png )

>you're no eligible for virgin sacrifice
Admiring the view doesn’t make you not eligible for that kind of sacrifice. To be honest, you don’t remember if you have ever done anything that would make you ineligible for that kind of sacrifice.
>resort to Ira
You don’t go that far on the first date.


>kind of a jerk.
And he keep ogling my butt when he believe I’m not looking, pervert.

You should try ordering a pizza.
Nothing can possibly go wrong whit this!

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)10:42 No. 429927 ID: b3ca75
File 134168294658.png - (15.59KB , 550x400 , PizzaofDOOM.png )

-20minutes later-

The giant rogue pizza elemental hovers over the planet. Soon it will consume it in a feast worthy of a god but first it will cover it in cheese, suffocating all life and eliminating any heroes that would dare try to stop it. Do not underestimate the fifth element, Pizza, as it will be your undoing!

- Iracundus has died-
-You are dead-

Death by cheese (mmm, delicious)
Next time, try to order one without anchovies. It won’t save you but it will make you demise so much tastier.

-Restart- -Load- -Quit- -Become undead -

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)10:42 No. 429928 ID: b3ca75
File 134168295748.png - (22.40KB , 735x265 , 3.png )

-Load-
-Game loaded-
At least you are smart enough to save before you summon horrible pizza elementals from other dimensions.

-Chicken armor auto cast-
Poof!

> sally forth!
OKAY!
The next room seems to be some kind of armory and four guardsmen stands guard within it. One of them has a golden key in his belt.

Insert Command_

> giant rogue pizza elemental
...holy hell. I can't tell if it's a good thing we didn't got the pizza wizard route or not.

Dang. That's a lot of foes. And they're actually warriors- they won't give you a chance to surprise them with tea first. And they're undead- so you can't go for eye-blinding.

Are these the kind of skeletons that are weak to fire, or the kind that are barely effected by it? You could firebomb the room (cocktail!), and engage them 1 by 1 as they try to get through the door.

Ira seems like an high level mage, lets ask him if he'll help this time.

Take the key. Lock the door. Run. Don't die.

Easy.

Push the DJ button. While they are distracted by that you can sneak by and hopefully greb the key as well.

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)17:20 No. 430027 ID: b3ca75
File 134170681537.png - (26.92KB , 735x265 , 4.png )

> Are these the kind of skeletons that are weak to fire, or the kind that are barely effected by it?
You are thinking of zombies, bones don’t really burn.

> Ira seems like a high level mage, let’s ask him if he'll help this time BLOW SHIT UP!
Iracundus: “Are you suggesting that I would use my powers for anything then self-defense? Preposterous! I’ll have you know that I’m a devote pacifist and I’m not going to break my ideals for someone I just meet.
So he’s useless…
Hey! I never said I wouldn’t help you out. I can cast a lot of wicked Illusions and reality changing magic, so just ask and you shall receive. As long it isn’t anything used offensively. Or if it is some kind of plant. I hate plants.
well… that’s an improvement I guess.
> Push the DJ button.
Okeydokey

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)17:20 No. 430028 ID: b3ca75
File 134170682552.png - (26.79KB , 735x265 , 5.png )

WARNING WARNING!

Is that a disco ball?

Kaktus 2012/07/07(Sat)17:20 No. 430029 ID: b3ca75
File 134170683344.png - (35.02KB , 735x265 , 6.png )

DISCO AKTIVATED!
burn baby burn…

-Skeleton 1 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton 2 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton 3 got Disco Fever!-
-Skeleton Captain got Disco Fever!-

Wha... I… uh… why do they even… I mean…
…At least they seem distracted.

Get the hatchet, get the key and then get out of there.

Wow! You guys are immune to Disco Fever!? Impressive! I thought everyone immune to Disco Fever was deader than dead!

>>430034
Apparently you got it backwards. Disco's dead- so only the dead can still catch disco fever.

Telekinesis to steal the key while they're distracted.

>>430040
> Disco's dead
Preposterous!

I'm so reminded of the casinos in Dungeon Keeper 2... "Jackpot Winner!"
With that said, I support using telekinesis to obtain the key.

>>430027
When you kill a zombie with fire, does a chrysalis hatch like a skeleton when the flesh is burnt? So that you have a skeleton sorta thing when a zombie has no flesh?

>>430029
We need that key, but we could also use allies. Use your incredible Disco Powers to win them over to your side.

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)09:52 No. 430230 ID: b3ca75
File 134176632376.png - (34.42KB , 735x265 , 7.png )

…Disco Inferno!

>I'm so reminded of the casinos in Dungeon Keeper 2... "Jackpot Winner!"
Guess which game I was playing right before that update :P

>When you kill a zombie with fire, does a chrysalis hatch like a skeleton when the flesh is burnt?
Skeletons and zombies are based on two completely different kind of magic. Skeletons are made with arcane magic and thus counts as constructs (official name: Bone Golem), most people however still refers to them as undead as they are made of dead body parts. Zombies on the other hand are biomorphic in nature, being fully functioning bodies without a mind to control it and are thus real undead. So if you would burn a zombie you would get a charred corpse, not a skeleton. Nor a horrifying heavily armored alien that infest you with its offspring as soon as I touches you and oh gods the nightmares are coming back.

>Get the hatchet
You are unable to budge it with your nonexistent stren-
Skeleton Captain: !
Oh sh-

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)09:52 No. 430231 ID: b3ca75
File 134176633670.png - (27.44KB , 735x265 , 8.png )

Burn baby burn!

> Use your incredible Disco Powers to win them over to your side.
Acting quickly, you start dancing the dance of your people!

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)09:52 No. 430232 ID: b3ca75
File 134176634806.png - (40.01KB , 735x265 , 9.png )

Burn that mama down!

The skeletons criticize your dance.
-Skelton 1 attacks (ranged): 3+1-1=3dmg-
-Skeleton 2 attacks: 3dmg-
-Skeleton 3 attacks: 3dmg-
-Skeleton Captain attacks: 4dmg-
-Total: 13dmg-
-You have died-
They didn’t find your dance particularly enjoyable.

Gangbang of the dead
Now you know how Link feels like when fighting ReDeads.

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)09:52 No. 430234 ID: b3ca75
File 134176636641.png - (18.45KB , 735x265 , 10.png )

These skeletons seems very aggressive, you probably don’t want their attention.
> Telekinesis to steal the key while they're distracted.
Huge success! Commencing with the happy dance! Happy dance successful!

-Obtained Golden Key-
…Hey, this isn’t gold! It just yellow paint! What a rip-off…
-Obtained Golden yellow painted Key-

Insert command_

Use one of your infinite lives to spawn a second you, battle the other you for superiority...
Or seduce her, after all, who knows what you like better than yourself?

Root around the planter now that the man-eating plant is gone... who knows what secrets it was hiding!

Oh and then open that door already.

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)10:47 No. 430241 ID: b3ca75
File 134176964806.png - (7.16KB , 550x400 , GodLizardBadLizard.png )

> Root around the planter now that the man-eating plant is gone... who knows what secrets it was hiding!
You start interrogating the flower pot, trying to get it to spill the beans. You are unsuccessful however, as the pot doesn’t have any beans to spill, only dirt.

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)11:02 No. 430243 ID: b3ca75
File 134177052206.png - (14.37KB , 735x265 , 11.png )

>Use one of your infinite lives to spawn a second you, battle the other you for superiority...
You do not yet possess the ability to clone yourself, level up your arcane magic first!
> Or seduce her, after all, who knows what you like better than yourself?
You try seducing Lizbeth Ssus. It’s not very effective. You need to gain more loyalty/happiness with Lizbeth Ssus before you can successfully seduce yourself.
> Oh and then open that door already.
You open the door and venture forth! Behind it you find a small room that has a rune of teleportation inscribed on the floor and wall. You also see a small glass jar filled with gold and got “skeleton widow fond” written on it

Insert command_

Ask Ira if he can read what the teleportation rune says or does. He's a high level mage with (temporarily offline) teleportation magic, right? So he should be able to discern the basics, like if it'll send you to another location, banish you to another plane, or turn you inside out.

Take the jar, but don't touch or eat the stuff inside. The name is ominous- it's so poisonous it makes widows of even skeletons?

Look at that whole black thing, there's a secret passage here. You don't have bombs, then kick the wall across the room until it gives up.

>>430266
Fool, she doesn't have the strength for that.

Arcane punch it instead.

Also take the spider food, who knows when you'll have to placate an bone spider.

>>430243
Take that gold. Also criticize the skeletons' spelling. Then get your buddy and jump recklessly into the teleporter.

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)15:16 No. 430295 ID: b3ca75
File 134178579592.png - (15.42KB , 735x265 , 12.png )

> criticize the skeletons' spelling
Of course they can’t spell, they got empty craniums after all.
> Take that gold
>Take the jar
Done and done!

-You gain 38 Gold-
-You gain a fairy catching glass jar-

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)15:17 No. 430296 ID: b3ca75
File 134178582386.png - (16.10KB , 735x265 , 13.png )

> kick Arcane punch the wall across the room
You successfully remove some of the white paint from the wall. It seems completely solid.
> Jump recklessly accidently step into the teleporter
Wops… at least nothing seem to happen…
> Ask Ira if he can read what the teleportation rune says or does.
“Of course. Its destination is labeled “Outside” and it will teleport one person/object ten meters straight upward when activated. It will not send you to another dimension or turn you inside out… well, probably not… it’s only got about a 20% chance of failure.”

welp. turn it on.

You have company! Be a good host and don't die!

Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen! And does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar? Whack the stuck gold meter until it updates correctly.

20% chance of failure? Well, with infinite lives, we'll make it through. But Ira has to play the odds strait. I bet he dies, or chickens out.

...wait! There's a skele in the door! Quick, teleport out!

Ah! behind you an undead plant!

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:18 No. 430330 ID: b3ca75
File 134179310506.png - (18.13KB , 735x265 , 14.png )

>welp. turn it on.
You lack the skill and experience to operate the rune. You also still got a hangover from last night. Remember, don’t drink and teleport!
>Hey, that 38 gold didn't show up in your gold meter that the top of the screen!
Clearly, you got a bug in the system. You better update “Stens Heroic Interface Simulator tm” as soon as possible.
>does that include the 10% bonus from your familiar?
35 x 0,10 = 38 (rounded down)
> Ah! behind you an undead plant!
”What! Oh gods, kill it whit FIRE!

- Iracundus casts time stop-
-Skeletons took a time out-
-You got stopped in time, you cannot perform actions-

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:18 No. 430331 ID: b3ca75
File 134179312924.png - (16.76KB , 735x265 , 15.png )

”…okay, dick move, but I have to admit it was quite clever. I have to say, you completed your test quite admirably, vessel, you are clearly ready for the outside. Nevertheless this is where we part way, my precious vessel, So I bid you farewell… and remember that daddy loves ya…

- Iracundus activates the portal rune-
-you are tele

Kaktus 2012/07/08(Sun)17:19 No. 430332 ID: b3ca75
File 134179314016.png - (11.27KB , 550x400 , 16.png )

POOF!
ported somewhere else-

…
Welp…
…

You have entered the town of “CITY”.

-You gain-
+2xp for completing the dungeon
+7xp for outwitting the skeleton guard
+0xp for cheeses found
-You are ready to level up!-
-Sleep to level up-

Sleep in that tree right there. No, not that one, the one to your left. Lizards sleep in trees, right?

>and remember that daddy loves ya…
Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified at the shocking revelation that you're somehow the magically created child of a pervy human who's been staring at your ass.

When you're done being traumatized, pick a tree to sleep in. Take the one furthest away from the creepy clown in an attempt to keep it out of your dreams.

The only question you should have is a vessel for what exactly. My guess... your a lich's phylactery. That or hes planning on letting you get extremely powerful then kicking you out of your own body and taking it over.

Anyway, let that stew in your noggin while you sleep. Pleasant dreams!

Sleep 9998 times and Transmigrate as Genius. Repeat this until you're level 9999 with 186000 stored levels.

Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.

>>430332
Ask the guards where an inn is.

I just had a third thought, though it is a rather gruesome one, you could be the incubator for that Necromancer's child. Once its ready it'll burst out of your chest ala Alien.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)07:20 No. 430520 ID: b3ca75
File 134184364324.png - (10.89KB , 550x400 , 17.png )

>Try, and fail, to resist being absolutely horrified
>Fail to freak out at the gravity of the situation.
You fail failing at failing to fail “Fail to freak out” objective. You become traumatized.

-1 sanity

>creepy clown, keep it out of your dreams.
Your “AWESOME!” willpower is not powerful enough to keep the creepy clown out of your dreams. Next time you sleep he will come for you.
>Sleep in that tree right there.
You climb the tree in a vain attempt to find a sleeping spot.
>Lizards sleep in trees, right?
You sure hope so, otherwise this would look really silly.

“Guard 1: Excuse me, Ma’am, but climbing the trees in the plaza is forbidden.”
oh…

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)07:20 No. 430521 ID: b3ca75
File 134184365433.png - (10.68KB , 550x400 , 18.png )

>Ask the guards where an inn is.
”Guard 1: As you seem new to our fine city, ma’am, we are authorized to administer this tourist guide to you. Welcome to the town called City (Don’t ask).”
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
“Guard 1: Please ignore him, ma’am, he fallen down to many stairs.”

-You got a tourist guide to the City-
-You got a map of the City-

New Areas have been unlocked!
-Inn/Bar (closed for renovation) - Bed ‘n Booze-
-Mercenary’s guild – Should have beds if you are a member-
-Wizard Academy (Closed for outsiders) - Neat, they even got an elevator to the surface-
-Plaza (you are here)- Creepy Clowns Central-
-Ye old shoppe- Buy stuff-
-Blacksmith- Buy more stuff -
-Dairy Queen- Important!-

Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
And what is up with that clown, anyway?

>“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
I like swords!

Finding a place to sleep and level up should be our first priority. We can check out the shops and dairy queen after.

Will the wizards academy offer you a bed? You're a lizard wizard, but you might need to be actually enrolled or something.

To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.

ask him why the town is called City. I wasn't gonna, but then he told me not to ask, so now I just have to.

Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.

>>430553
I second this. Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira

Okay, after seeing the spoiler for our lvl 2 spells in questdis, we definitely want to sleep before shopping. There has to be a way we can abuse an illusion to get a better deal on stuff. Heck, even a simple CHA buff if we can't come up with anything better.

>>430553
You do realize we're going to fail our will save and be driven insane. Or we'll try to kill him to save ourselves and then the guard will come and murderize us for attempted murder.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430619 ID: b3ca75
File 134186835447.png - (10.93KB , 550x400 , 19.png )

> I like swords!
“Guard 2: Welcome to Corneria!”
> ask him why the town is called City.
“Guard 1: The founder had no imagination.”
>Elevator to the surface? Does that mean this isn't the surface?
Why yes, the surface is uninhabitable thanks to toxic fumes so all settlements has to be underground. Didn’t you guys watch the intro movie of the game? It explains everything, really.
>Talk to The Misunderstood Clown.
W-why, hello, mostero- Misunderstood clown, how’s it goi-
”Fool: I’m pretty inside. Are you pretty inside? I want to so your ins-“
Nicemeetingyoubye!

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430620 ID: b3ca75
File 134186836770.png - (10.35KB , 550x400 , 20.png )

-Wizard academy: Outside-
>Will the wizards academy offer you a bed?
>Also the wizards guild might be a good place to ask about daddy-Ira
It seems that the wizard hold their no outsiders rule in pretty harsh consideration as the only way in seems to be a locked teleportation rune. According to the guide the only way in Is either enrolling in academy, which you have to do a year in advance, or be personally invited by a wizard.
There isn’t even a guard or any other way to contact them from the outside! Jerks!

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)14:12 No. 430621 ID: b3ca75
File 134186837746.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 21.png )

-Mercenary’s guild: Greetings hall-
>To the mercenary's guild! I hope they don't make you do a job first before joining.
“Dwarf: Blessing be upon thee, lad, how can an old dwarf be of service this late of the night?
Thou have a contract to order, or do thou wish to join our fine organization?”

There's an intro movie?

Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.

Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild. The, explain you're wondering if you could join the guild to earn a place to sleep, since the inn is closed for no good reason.

Don't correct him on saying lad, they might be misogynist... ask what the requirements are for joining.

Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.

>>430620
Mushrooms. Take them all.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)16:08 No. 430644 ID: b3ca75
File 134187532263.png - (5.16KB , 550x400 , 22.png )

>Check your nether regions to confirm whether or not you are still female.
You do not find any unwanted equipment down under, thus you are still female.
>Mushrooms. Take them all.
They are as big as trees! Besides, you don’t believe the city guard would be very happy if you started to cut them down in the middle of the city.
> Save, quit, reboot, watch the intro.
Cucumber Error – unable to boot “Epicmovie.wav” – please reinstall the universe and reboot.
> Compliment the dwarf on the decor of the guild.
Wow, just look at this room! It’s magnificent! Just look how the red goes with the gray walls and how that lonely table is really cheering the place up! IT AMEZING!
“Dwarf: why, uh… thanks to thee, lad?
> ask about joining.
”Dwarf: well, lad, thee only have to sign our guild charter to gain access to thee bed. To become a full member and work with us, thee have to take a simple fighting test to prove that thee won’t get killed by a simple goblin. Let’s start whit thee name…”

Do you wish to join the mercenaries? Yes/no

“Dwarf: Lali ho”

As long as fighting prowress can include magic I should be fine.. so whats the test?

Ask if joining the guild comes with any responsibilities, or an expectation to follow other people's orders. Because you're a free spirit, and you're not so cool with that.

We have a new goal- as soon as we can find a way, we need to back up our save and destroy the universe. It's the only way you'll ever see the epic opening.

>“Dwarf: Lali ho”
Tali ho!

If ye dinnae say Lali-ho, then ye cannae enter!

Ask Dwarf the Dwarf if they're accepting applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.

Kaktus 2012/07/09(Mon)18:09 No. 430689 ID: b3ca75
File 134188257992.png - (2.92KB , 550x400 , 23.png )

>As long as fighting prowess can include magic.
“Dwarf: Of course it includes magic. As long it is effective in getting the job done and isn’t illegal then we don’t give a rats ass about what thou do.
>so whats the test?
”Dwarf: That isn’t determine at the moment, the test depends on the contracts we got at the moment.”
>Responsibilities
”Dwarf: Obey the law, complete the contracts thou accepts, don’t be an ass. Thee have no time limit on accepting contracts, but thou only get gold on completed contracts.”
>applications for the next issue of Lustful Lali-Ho.
”Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got.”
>Tali ho!
WHAT DID YOU CALL MY MOTHER!?!

Ho as in greet, not Hoe as in whore. My apoligies for the unintended insult.

Any lets sign up so we can get a nights rest... we'll do the test in the morning if thats alright with the Dward.

A fine, respectable example of a woman! Sorry if the pronunciation was a bit off, dwarfish isn't really made for long lizard tongues.

(I almost said an "upstanding example", but then I realized a dorf might not appreciate comments about his mother's height.)

Sign up for the test, accept lizard porn mag.

> "Dwarf: Sorry, dorfs only. Thou should try whatever porn mag lizards got."
It was for an article about Pizza Elementals! An article! Who he thinks that Lizbeth is? His mother? Unforgivable! Let's knock him down!

>>430689
AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT

sign up.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430905 ID: b3ca75
File 134192642511.png - (5.17KB , 550x400 , 24.png )

>AAA I HAVE NO IDEA I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT
“Dwarf: If I ever hear thou speak ill of my mother again, I will hang thee by the Cali ho!“
>Sign up
“Dwarf: Thou are now an official member. Welcome to the guild.“
>Test
“Dwarf: Thou test will not be ready before the morn, thou better get a good night sleep before it“
>Night rest
“Dwarf: Thou shall fallow me and thou shall be given a bedding to slumber within“
>knock him down!
Error, you are in a non-combat zone. Combat is strictly prohibited!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430906 ID: b3ca75
File 134192643733.png - (4.24KB , 550x400 , 25.png )

“Dwarf: Well, blessing be upon th-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: uh… upon thee, la-“
>SLEEP
“Dwarf: Gosh darn it to heck, narrator, stop interu-“
>SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!
“Dwarf: Tali ho, I’m leaving!“

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:20 No. 430907 ID: b3ca75
File 134192645395.png - (4.15KB , 550x400 , 26.png )

>Sleep
Sleeping successful!


-World 1-1 Completed!-
Kills: 1/5
Gold: 48/45
Secrets: 0/0
Xp: 10/10
Cheeses: 0/9001
-LEVEL UP!-
-You gain-
+1 hp
+2 mp
+1 Magic
+2 Will
+1 Charm

New spells learned!
Blink (Cost: 1): Short range teleport
Illusion (cost: 1): create a simple illusion that cannot move. Cannot be bigger the yourself.
Haste (upkeep: 4): Increase run/battle/cast speed.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)06:21 No. 430908 ID: b3ca75
File 134192646524.png - (4.77KB , 550x400 , 27.png )

NEW LOCATION FOUND!
-Dreams-

uh…

Insert command_

ignore the horrorterror behind you and jump out of the window to see what happens.

Okay, in the waking world, you're a reality warper with awesome strength of will. In the dream world? That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess. You can literally do anything here. This world is putty in your hands, a plaything to your will.

So use your amazing dream mojo to destroy that the stupid clown juju impudent enough to intrude on your dream-space before it can fuck up your session.

Pay no mind to the shadowy figure. Who does he think he is, an emperor?

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:01 No. 430928 ID: b3ca75
File 134193611223.png - (22.88KB , 550x400 , 28.png )

> jump out of the window
You are way too big to fit, time to lose some weight, chubby.
> ignore the horrorterror
You try in vain to ignore it, but it’s way too tacky to ignore. I mean, a red on black clown? Girlfriend, please.
> Who does he think he is, an emperor?
You think he thinks that you think that he thinks he’s an emperor. You think…
> That makes you a lucid dreaming reality warping goddess.
Yes. YES. YOU ARE A GOD HERE! With a mere thought you destroy the room you’re in and the rest of the dream universe soon fallows. You have become DEATH! DESTROYER OF DREAMS (and eater of donuts)! Too bad none of this seems to have any effect on the clown whatsoever.

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:02 No. 430929 ID: b3ca75
File 134193612759.png - (3.52KB , 550x400 , 29.png )

They warned you that he would come, but did you listen?
now it’s to late! You are doomed! Doomed, I tell you!

no…

Nooooo!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:02 No. 430930 ID: b3ca75
File 134193613759.png - (2.88KB , 550x400 , 30.png )

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kaktus 2012/07/10(Tue)09:03 No. 430933 ID: b3ca75
File 134193621288.png - (4.30KB , 550x400 , 31.png )

“Fool: I’m selling these fine leather jackets”
what the fu-

//Thread end

Dangit, I just realized we should have tried to seduce our dream-doppelganger in the bed there before blowing up the dream universe. :p

Ah well. There's always the next time we level up, I suppose.