>>42577
there's just something about the flying limbs that really gets them rolling in
hurr hurr

>>42577

It is? Well, I'm bad at spotting references, and I haven't played Dead Space; I'm just watching the LP.

Suggestion 2009/09/12(Sat)07:12 No. 42980 ID: f98e0b
File 12527647559.jpg - (47.23KB , 800x600 , 66.jpg )

"Introducing...John mk.2!"

((that's your cue, john.))
((i'm not coming out, i look stupid))
((you are if you want sex ever again.))
((shit. fine.))

John 2009/09/12(Sat)07:14 No. 42981 ID: f98e0b
File 125276488052.jpg - (52.59KB , 800x600 , john.jpg )

Good morning, pinkos.

You're actually looking pretty good there, John. I don't know what made you think you look stupid.

>>42980
Bitch. Don't use sex as a way to get what you want. >:|

John 2009/09/12(Sat)07:31 No. 42988 ID: f98e0b
File 125276589428.jpg - (84.68KB , 800x600 , 67.jpg )

>>42984
John's not sure. He doesn't really feel tremendously comfortable in a suit, is all. He's never really worn one. You've probably got a better eye than him, though, so thanks.

Cassie heads to the shower. "I need to get into some actual clothes. You can have your orb thing back."

>>42985
John's pretty sure she was just joking around.

So hey, hi again, orb. It's the weekend, so there's not a whole lot to do around here. Except, now that John thinks about it, that pesky orientation he's supposed to attend today.

>>42988
>not a whole lot to do

Just Cassie. Keep her satisfied man.

>>42988
Well, if you have time before the orientation, spend some doing some light cuddling and affection affirmation first,then go.

Alternatively, spend some time figuring out how fast you can convert to a war form designed for increased resilience, strength and speed at the cost of non-immediately essential parts, and switching back. If you are to be a sergeant and you bested Oberan, odds are you are going to be doing more close quarters fighting in the future, and you could stand to get more used to readying yourself for a fight.

But one way or other, go to the orientation. This is to be your new home and new job, so this is really not something to miss.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)16:23 No. 43265 ID: f98e0b
File 125279782345.jpg - (48.33KB , 800x600 , 68.jpg )

-is is NOT GOOD.

Oh, hey Orb, nice of you to drop in. There are around a squillion rockets on John's trail. His automated countermeasure system is bleeping in alarm. He needs to drop flares, and FAST.

>>43265
Aileron roll and barrel roll simultaneously then sharply decelerate while diving, scatter flares during combined rolls.

Should shake pretty much ANYTHING from your tail.

I hope you have you body adapted to vertigo and g-force resistance though, because that is a bit of a demanding maneuver.

I gather this is a simulator to get you used to your new job?

>>43265

Drop flares fast. Do >>43270

Fire off all your missiles, survive. Last part not essential.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)16:32 No. 43272 ID: f98e0b
File 125279832679.jpg - (52.85KB , 800x600 , 69.jpg )

OK, barrel roll and flares. Got it. John thinks he can...

What the hell? He's not dropping any flares why isn't he dropping any flares HIS FLARES ARE NOT BEING TRIGGERED THE ALARMS ARE SOUNDING THISISVERYBAD-

John 2009/09/12(Sat)16:32 No. 43273 ID: f98e0b
File 12527983508.jpg - (16.28KB , 800x600 , 70.jpg )

boom

John 2009/09/12(Sat)16:37 No. 43278 ID: f98e0b
File 125279862997.jpg - (79.13KB , 800x600 , 71.jpg )

Cassie: "Aaaand that's Cassie five, John zero. I win again!"

She starts humming V is for Victory.

John: "Okay, what the fuck. X was deploy flares, wasn't it? It said deploy flares was X. And if it's an AUTOMATIC COUNTERMEASURES system, why didn't it AUTOMATICALLY COUNTERMEASURE?"

Cassie: "Why would flares be X? They need X for shooting. It's both triggers at once."

John: "Well, uh, the sun was in my eyes."

This is mildly emasculating.

>>43278
Ooh, let us try! We wanna play! Give us a turn!

>>43278
FUCK YES, HOOK US UP, LET US SHOW YOU WHAT WE CAN DO!

Don't even bother telling us the controls, many of us thrive on figuring things out as trials by fire.

...Unless you still need to go to your orientation. THEN GO TO IT.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)17:02 No. 43300 ID: f98e0b
File 125280014230.jpg - (82.70KB , 800x600 , 72.jpg )

Cassie: "What sun? This is Algrieb, it's shrouded with fog. Face it, I just made you my bitch."

John: "It was the wind blowing me off balance or something, then. I'm a gunnery sergeant, remember? How would I be unable to out-dogfight a receptionist?"

Cassie: "I am office worker, hear me roar."

John's uplink suddenly starts chattering in his ear. It's on an ultra-secure connection. Holy shit. This must be serious stuff. It's against like, ten different regulations to not answer these calls when you're alone, so John excuses himself outside.

"Go get some motor skills while you're out," calls Cassie.

Stupid sexy alien.

>>43300
you're a really poor loser john. you need to chill.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)17:11 No. 43305 ID: f98e0b
File 125280069782.jpg - (366.86KB , 800x600 , 73.jpg )

>>43281
>>43295
Sorry, little glass amigo, but the mental headset doesn't seem to work. We plugged it in but all that happened was your ship tried to move in about five different directions at once then exploded.

John makes the connection.
Whoever is calling him is using a secure connection.

>Is this Gunnery Sgt. ☳☱☵?
"Um, yeah, but you can just call me John."
The voice is distorted, probably to protect its identity. It could be Qal, but it's got a synthesized quality to it.

>Hello, John. This is your fairy godmother.
"What's a fairy godmother?"
>Never mind.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)17:53 No. 43348 ID: f98e0b
File 125280321323.jpg - (109.60KB , 800x600 , 74.jpg )

>You replaced your dead gunnery sergeant, correct?
"Um, yes, but if that was against the rules or something I can easily...
>Unnecessary. You of course wondered why you had been chosen for the promotion?
"Do you know?"
>You have friends in high places, John. And those friends would like to ask a favor of you in return for theirs.

>>43348
"Friends? And what's this favor?"

John 2009/09/12(Sat)19:04 No. 43408 ID: f98e0b
File 125280744120.jpg - (248.03KB , 800x600 , 75.jpg )

>>43399
"What do you mean, 'friends'?" asks John. "You're not exactly doing me a whole lot of favors, placing me directly in harm's way."

>Maybe not. But you have something none of your race has. Keep the shard with you, keep it secret, and keep it safe. You'll be needing it.

"So you're telling me this is some kind of mystical MacGuffin thing?"

>I'm telling you that it will know what to do when the time comes.

"Thanks for, um, clarifying. What's this you said about a job?"

>What I want you to do, John, is use your new position to get the humans home. All of them. They aren't ready for this, no matter how much they think they are, but they won't give up no matter how many of them you kill. If this war continues as it is, you'll wipe them out. You can't let this turn into a genocide, sergeant. You have to save humanity.

>>43408
Home? Aren't they on Earth already?

John 2009/09/12(Sat)19:23 No. 43431 ID: f98e0b
File 125280862168.jpg - (284.62KB , 800x600 , 76.jpg )

>>43418
"Home?" asks John. "They have a home. It's Earth. I mean, it's got some wear and tear but it's coming around again."

>Not the ones you're fighting. They're outcasts, refugees from Earth. But they don't understand. They aren't ready for the universe's challenges. They're afraid. They need a shepherd, Qal. Not a butcher. I need you to do this to save them from themselves and from the Alliance.

>>43431
If they're refugees, then the problem we need to solve must be on Earth. They won't go back home unless it's safe there.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)20:17 No. 43537 ID: f98e0b
File 125281186278.jpg - (128.68KB , 800x600 , 77.jpg )

>>43514
"Surely if they're refugees, that means the problem has to be planetside, right? You need to fix whatever it is that..."
> There aren't any problems with where they come from. They're just too delusional to see that. You need to set them on the path back home, alien. You're going to help me guide them. And soon.

John 2009/09/12(Sat)20:18 No. 43539 ID: f98e0b
File 125281192713.jpg - (29.20KB , 800x600 , 78.jpg )

>Because if you don't, I will bring your glorious Alliance to its knees

>>43539
GORD DOMMIT VROSH

>>43539
OHSHI-

Vresch why do you keep ruining everything that is awesome?!

(John, that's Vresch bee tee double you)

John 2009/09/12(Sat)20:24 No. 43555 ID: f98e0b
File 125281224850.jpg - (469.74KB , 800x600 , 79.jpg )

Full disconnect.


this doesn't seem good

>>43555
I... recommend you do what he says. Vresch doesn't fuck around.

Though I'm not sure we're going to go about convincing these refugees to go back to Earth.

>>43555
...We, uh. We had a meeting to go to, right? We should get on that.

>>43557
Vresch said we'd know what to do when the time came. I'm thinking that might mean we know who's in charge of the refugees and therefore will know what John should say to convince them.

John 2009/09/13(Sun)08:01 No. 43808 ID: f98e0b
File 125285410586.jpg - (83.82KB , 800x600 , 80.jpg )

John goes pack inside in a pensive state of mind.

"So? Who was it?" asks Cassie.

"Super secret shit, Cassie. As Gunnery Sergeant it's my duty to obey protocol and not relay messages of Class D security or higher to those I outrank..."

John 2009/09/13(Sun)08:04 No. 43809 ID: f98e0b
File 125285427253.jpg - (91.29KB , 800x600 , 81.jpg )

Cassie sends a mental command she rigged up to temporarily fry the military bugs in the room.

Cassie: "So who was it?"

John: "There was this crazy glowing thing and it said I had to save the humans and it said if I didn't it would blow us up or something and Orb says it's some kind of demon what do I do!"

>>43809
To be fair, he seems to be a fairly nondickish demon...

>>43816
Remember though, he said his major flaw was pride. He wanted his city to be the best... remember what he did to the rest of the planet to achieve that goal? Now consider the fact that he knows there are other civilizations out there, and what he might do to them to continue pursuing that goal...

I'm not so sure helping him is the right thing to do. But I also don't think we have a choice. Maybe he's grown content with his empire. But pride like that usually isn't satisfied so easily.

>>43819
>remember what he did to the rest of the planet to achieve that goal?
Um... ignored it? And eventually expanded his city to cover it?

>>43838
No, he enslaved it... You don't take over a planet by ignoring the previous owners...

>>43846
enslaved? he blew it up and then had guards patrol around so nobody would try anything funny. That's an apocalypse with a working police force, I DARE you to find a more orderly apocalypse.

John 2009/09/13(Sun)17:02 No. 44032 ID: f98e0b
File 125288653079.jpg - (55.04KB , 800x600 , 82.jpg )

Seems like this Vresch is a sinister figure. John would stay here and talk to Cass about it, but the call came around just before he was supposed to head to his orientation at the Glory. He needs to get going. He gives Cass a kiss goodbye, tells her he'll be back in a bit, and accesses the network of public transportaaaAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA

>Algrieb Shipyard L

John 2009/09/13(Sun)17:06 No. 44033 ID: f98e0b
File 125288678753.jpg - (42.31KB , 800x600 , 83.jpg )

...well huh.
The Calypso was a big ship.

John 2009/09/13(Sun)17:07 No. 44034 ID: f98e0b
File 125288682873.jpg - (54.24KB , 800x600 , 84.jpg )

This one seems bigger.

>>43846
He pretty much did until they nuked him. Then he disassembled their regime, which seems like a pretty reasonable response to me.

>>43858
No, his predecessors blew it up. His patrolling robots didn't do a whole lot of anything, besides taking people in to Neotis.

>>44032
Let's take a look at this awesome new ship they've built for us.

>>44034

Would be a bitch to keep it clean though. Who are you in liberty to divulge your recent information to? Would be nice if at least Terrens knew how bad the situation is. I take he is the one giving the tour?

John 2009/09/13(Sun)17:40 No. 44045 ID: f98e0b
File 125288880522.jpg - (55.16KB , 800x600 , 85.jpg )

>>44041
Dude, you're right. It would be a bitch to keep this thing clean...

heh.

John just remembered that's not his job anymore. All he has to do is save humanity.
And the Alliance.

>Tell Terrens
That's probably a good idea. John'll tell him all about it, but he should wait until after the orientation when he can be in a more private area. This seems like information he shouldn't be telling everyone.

"Zargeant?" comes a voice behind him. John recognizes the voice as a Marine. ☍☊-Something.

Wait, that's not right, this deck is for housing the Glory only and the only people who should be on it right now are officers...

>>44045
Don't show you've caught on.
Looking incompetent is a very good weapon.

>>44045

Your guess is as good as mine. Unless your new "mission" already made you target or Oberan is a really sore loser. Turn around and wait for explanation. Mayby he's your new bodyguard.

>>44051
Seconding veiled incompetence.

John 2009/09/14(Mon)13:02 No. 44534 ID: f98e0b
File 125295856450.jpg - (57.72KB , 800x600 , 86.jpg )

>>44051
>>44054
Right. Look like a moron. John can do that.
>>44054
He turns around, and, struggling to keep his voice neutral, says, "What can I do you for, gentlemen?"

Well, actually, upon further investigation the Delter appears female but whatever.

"Zer zame zergeant who hyumiliated First Hand Oberan, yih?"
John recognizes a strong Ventor accent. It's a rough frontier planet. Breeds dirty fighters.

He starts converting more body mass to muscle.
What should he do? What should he say?

>>44534
Also turn off pain receptors, and start making a hardened layer of chitin under the skin.

Really, convert yourself to be as strong, tireless and durable as you can on short notice, just in case.

While doing this, reply with some form of

"I fought him and won, yes, but I would not say I humiliated him. It was a close thing."

Truthful, not-bragging, least likely to start a fight.

>>44536
I'd be even more frank.
"Skin of my ass. If I wasn't so lucky it would have been much worse for me."

>>44534

"If by humialiated you mean I won by a desperate gamble then yes. Furthermore I don't think you should talk like that about your superiors, especially not someone like Oberon. Why are you here?"

John 2009/09/14(Mon)13:36 No. 44546 ID: f98e0b
File 125296057530.jpg - (61.79KB , 800x600 , 87.jpg )

>>44536
Pain receptors off. Skin hardening. John can't quite form chitin or even leathery skin without it being immediately noticeable, but if they try to cut him with something, they may underestimate the force needed to puncture.

>>44536
>>44537
>>44539
"Humiliated? I barely beat him. It was more crazy luck than skill. Oberan's a good soldier and higher in rank than you. I wouldn't badmouth your superior officers. Speaking of which, why are you here? This area's restricted."

The Delter grunts to the Qal, who gives a barely perceptible nod.

"Zhut your vucking mouth," he says to John, taking a step forward. "You zay you beat Oberan wiz luck, huh? Lookz like no one's told zer podunk space yanitor all he'z good for iz cleaning hiz own blood up avter we're through with him."

John starts backing up. "Hey, now, I don't want any-"
The blue one is reaching into his pocket. He's underestimated his opponent and has his attention away from John for a split second. John has a sliver of time to act

>>44546
Throat punch, full force and speed, to the one reaching in it's pocket. Qal can't die from that, right?

Then slap the Delter to the ground, HARD.

"No matter how you feel about me, I am your superior officer now, and while I do not require you to like me, you WILL respect me, or we shall have words. Are we clear?"

Say this in a no nonsense tone, like you could crush them, and are only refraining from doing so because they have not committed mutinous acts YET, just implied they were going to in the future.

>>44546
Step forward, put your arm around the blue one's shoulder. Use your body to pin his arm in his pocket, but make it look unintentional. "We're friends here, right? Oberan's a great guy. Any friend of his is a friend of mine."

>>44546

Space janitor, huh? Old habits die hard and I expect your uplink still has the mop. If we are going to get killed for something atupid like this let's take one of them with us. Materialize our weapon of choice and show some janitor-fu. Use it like a battle bo like I'm sure you've imagined it to be countless of times during your horribly boring job.

>>44552

This is probably best. The only problem is you can't watch two people at once. The one you aren't looking at will probably try to hit you-possibly the one reaching for a weapon. Remember to kick it out of his hand when he tries to leap for you.

>>44571
>Adaptable physiology
>Watch two people at once

John 2009/09/14(Mon)14:28 No. 44578 ID: f98e0b
File 125296371195.jpg - (78.26KB , 800x600 , 88.jpg )

>>44553
John moves quick, grabbing Blue's arm and pinning it to his side. He makes it look like he's putting his arm on his shoulder. "We're friends here, right? Oberan's a great guy. Any friend of his is a friend of mine."

"Don't vucking tuch me," spits Blue, then as he struggles against John he suddenly realizes the janitor's stronger than he thought."My arm. Zafira, he'z got my-"

John 2009/09/14(Mon)14:29 No. 44579 ID: f98e0b
File 125296374850.jpg - (76.12KB , 800x600 , 89.jpg )

>>44552
"-HOOOF"

>>44579

Grab him around the throat and use him as a shield against the other. Use your other hand to take his weapon from the pocket.

>>44579
Throw Blue into the Delter. You have enough strength to do so with enough force that it should hurt both of them. Charge in after the throw, and smack down anyone trying to stand.

Then give the little speech on 'don't need to like me, but you will respect the chain of command and show proper respect for an officer, or there will be... problems'

>>44582
Don't throw. Kick. Throwing will off-balance you a lot more, and the added lift is unnecessary.

John 2009/09/14(Mon)17:48 No. 44735 ID: f98e0b
File 125297568359.jpg - (136.11KB , 800x600 , 90.jpg )

>>44598
>>44658
Yoink.

John 2009/09/14(Mon)18:03 No. 44744 ID: f98e0b
File 125297662285.jpg - (141.07KB , 800x600 , 91.jpg )

"No matter how you feel about me, I am your superior officer now, and while I do not require you to like me, you WILL respect m

John 2009/09/14(Mon)18:04 No. 44747 ID: f98e0b
File 125297665286.jpg - (148.99KB , 800x600 , 92.jpg )

oh."

>>44747

Good job. Kick.

>>44747
You've got a split second to act. He's expecting you to talk or freeze.

Don't.

Instead, drop straight down. Slap your arms down at your sides at the same time your shoulders hit it should spread out the impact. If you throw yourself forward enough you might be able to kick the gun out of his hand.


Alternatively, get shot, die, respawn. Hope Vresch doesn't mind being made to wait too much.

>>44747
You adapted your body to be faster, stronger, more combat capable.

No hesitation, this is what you are currently designed for.

Kick the gun away, charge in, punch Delter to death. Deserves to have to respawn.

I meant like a proper snap kick...

Ok, worst case scenario, you respawn. No big deal. I dunno if you noticed, but he's aiming a bit low. Use this to your advantage, quickly move forward. You are likely to take at least one shot to your core, which is a bit of a bummer, especially considering it'll ruin your clothes, but it's pretty much unavoidable. So yeah, advance rapidly. Try and grab the gun away from him. If successful point it at him immediately.

>>44770
What if they aren't hooked up to respawners?

Oh, hey, here's an idea. Call the police while you fight for your life.

>>44798
We did steal the blue guy's weapon, too.

>>44747
Headbroom, now!

John 2009/09/15(Tue)14:43 No. 44983 ID: f98e0b
File 125305098392.jpg - (136.36KB , 800x600 , 93.jpg )

JOHN IS ALLERGIC TO BULLETS THEY HURT HIM
>>44756
>>44758
>>44770
>>44798
AAAHFGSAJKLH

>>44983

Now snatch that pistol and shoot the blue one first since it still has it's weapon. Keep shut this time as we don't like dying either. Feels all wrong and brings up bad philosophical questions about are you really the same John or did that one die tens of years ago.

>>44983
GRAB GUN FROM AIR

SHOOT TO WOUND

John 2009/09/15(Tue)16:07 No. 45016 ID: f98e0b
File 125305604013.jpg - (139.81KB , 800x600 , 94.jpg )

>>44992
>>45002

John springs to his feet and tries to grab that gun

gah fumble

>>45016
Oh just hit it away then.
Lift them off the ground (or grab them by the collars at least, then deliver a stern lecture about the chain of command.

>>45016

Yes, hit gun away. Whail on the delter like a retard and shove her on the blue. Kick until they stop resisting. If you must deliver speeches do it while kicking. The blue is still armed.

John 2009/09/15(Tue)16:32 No. 45028 ID: f98e0b
File 125305757679.jpg - (144.76KB , 800x600 , 95.jpg )

>>45017
>>45020
John reaches out to swat the
BLAM
OH WOW BLUE'S HEAD JUST EXPLODED

John didn't touch anything he promises

>>45028
It came from behind you.
While I dislike taking chances like this, the guy with the gun is more dangerous than the guy on the ground with no weapon.
See who it is.

>>45028
Stand at attention, SOLDIER!

Military is here.

>>45028

Stay very still and don't get in the line of fire, please.

duck for cover, someone's shooting

John 2009/09/15(Tue)16:50 No. 45040 ID: f98e0b
File 125305863990.jpg - (49.25KB , 800x600 , 96.jpg )

Seth is here.
He's holding a combat shotgun.

"Mind telling me what exactly just happened and why Lance Harving was trying to cap you?" he asks. He keeps his shotgun leveled.

Default reaction here should be to take the living opponent as a hostage/meatshield. Not too likely to benefit you, but it's not like there's any other cover around here.

>>45040
i accidentally his entire BFF

Oh, too slow. Okay, explain what went down.

>>45040

Two marines were earning themselves TEN YEARS OF LATRINE DUTY! And apparently I'm not very popular choice for a commander. Please put the gun away, I'll be dodging shots daily from now on.

>>45040
They decided they did not like my promotion, and wished to express their discontent.

I was just going to cause them extreme pain and arrest them for assaulting a superior officer, but what you did works too.

John 2009/09/15(Tue)17:21 No. 45063 ID: f98e0b
File 125306046827.jpg - (61.79KB , 800x600 , 97.jpg )

>>45047
>>45053
"A couple of marines decided they didn't want a janitor in charge of them," explains John. "I was going to explain to them the value of respecting officers, but what you did works too."

His bravado breaks down for a second. "Listen. Um, Seth. I feel like this is all some kind of mistake. I'm not really a warrior and if I'm this unpopular I'm screwed."

Seth seems satisfied. He's not waving his weapon around anyway. "I wouldn't worry about that, sergeant. It's more who you aren't than who you are that bugs the men. Colm was a good officer and there are people still mourning his passing. I think you've gained a bit more respect after you trounced these guys, from the marines at least.

"And, honestly, if you beat Oberan and held out against two marines at once in your first two days on the job? I think a gaggle of pinkos don't stand much of a chance. Not with the Glory behind you. Now come on-"

John 2009/09/15(Tue)17:22 No. 45064 ID: f98e0b
File 125306056517.jpg - (59.38KB , 800x600 , 98.jpg )

"We've got to get to orientation."


On the whole, reflects John, cleaning stains would probably be easier.

It's like John knows kung fu!

Suggestion 2009/09/15(Tue)18:28 No. 45086 ID: f98e0b
File 125306448331.jpg - (47.25KB , 800x600 , bonus21.jpg )

>Bonus Content

...Should John tell you that the kick was a complete accident?

>>45086
...Kinda assumed that...

>>45086

Should we tell you that we think Colm's death was no accident and Vresch has found a way to turn off the respawners? Meaning that Colm was murdered purposefully just to put you in that place to whatever end.

>>45086
Shh, it's a Matrix reference.