What do we do? We clearly attempt to remove the racoon without hurting it. It probably has babies to care for.

(also, nice seeing you over here Kynaan. Finally giving up on /tg/?)

Give a rousing speech in an effort to talk the raccoon over to our side.

Go diplomacy!

Kynaan!J.KtAXg2lc 2009/07/31(Fri)19:25 No. 19332 ID: d3e9d1
File 124909352160.gif - (4.20KB , 500x500 , rabies.gif )

>>19313
You pry its legs off your face.
(Yeah, but I may continue to post over there, though I will make my quests here.)
>>19318
You use your(or rather Headcat's) awesome pulchritude to make a Hitler-like speech to turn them over. The animal doesn't seem to care and is kicking the air in your hands. It must have rabies. This thought makes you flip the fuck out even more!

Lets take our high Monkish Wisdom (TM) and apply it to our HEAL skill to fix the Rabies.

>>19332
Turn the tables. :advicedog: Bite a rabid raccoon.

>>19313
It may not have babies, but it do have rabies! HOHOHOHOHOHO

Kynaan 2009/07/31(Fri)19:37 No. 19353 ID: d3e9d1
File 124909422053.gif - (3.73KB , 500x500 , sad.gif )

>>19338
You attempt to kill the virus, but instead kill the raccoon. Headcat is sad.
What now?

Koonskin cat for headcat?

Also, investigate tree hollow.

>>19358
(pics for later)
Making a coon-cap for Headcat will only nake him cry more, you think.
So, you go to the hollow and look inside. There is five baby raccoons, probably too young to feed themselves. The old gnome wanted you to kill them, but they're just so cute... If you don't help them, they're going to die of thirst. On the other hand, that just makes your job easier.

What do you do?

Adopt them. We will raise them and care for them and train them in the monkish arts.

They will be teenage mutant ninja coons!

>>19425
Give them to HEADCAT to care for.

Kynaan 2009/07/31(Fri)21:30 No. 19485 ID: d3e9d1
File 124910100526.gif - (5.60KB , 500x500 , coons.gif )

>>19440
You put the little guys under Headcat's belly. Just don't forget to feed them. From now on, these will be our 'prentices.
Anything more you want to do?
(also d'aawwwww)

Going to bed.
Gnight.

>>19485
Let us return to the farmer and tell him the problem is solved.
Also: G'night Kynaan.

It is now late evening.
You return to the hut, and something's not right. Your monk-nerve is tingling, and everything seems a little too still.
Investigate house? (y/n)

>>19600
Yes. But be like a ninja while doing so.

A Naruto type ninja, specifically. The ones with bright clothing that yell alot.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)10:10 No. 19618 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124914660248.gif - (6.02KB , 500x500 , ded.gif )

>>19605
>>19607
You burst in the house in the tiger-style ninjutsu. But you won't have to use your 800psi monk-kick, as you see the old gnome lying on the ground besides his crow. You put your finger on his throat: no pulse. They're dead.

>>19618
Damn! Quick, search for clues!
And Traps! You should always search for traps. But mostly clues.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)11:50 No. 19711 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124915262991.gif - (45.51KB , 500x424 , ded2.gif )

>>19621
You cannot find clues nor traps in here. They must have had a heart attack. He was old.

>>19711
heart attack? well, since the darpa chief is dead, i guess it's time to go rescue Kenneth Baker.

Shit. Ok. Lets search the house for treasure. He's probably not going to be it anymore.

>>19724
Oh no! I bet Headcat is spreading CATDIE which is killing everything and is also manipulating us!

Wait, does that mean that the old man was that WW2 sniper ace, The End? I thought he died during the cold war.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)15:08 No. 19842 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124916449822.gif - (3.22KB , 500x500 , chest.gif )

>>19825
Oh you clever little faggot...
Just kidding. Though that would be plausible and a nice end-of-story punch.
Alright.
>>19815
You find a chest under his bed. It is locked.

Search it for traps!
Look for a key. Failing that punch it open with our karate chopiness.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)15:15 No. 19848 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124916493181.gif - (46.88KB , 500x500 , mgs.gif )

>>19724
You remember some tale that sounded similar.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)15:17 No. 19849 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124916503794.gif - (86.70KB , 667x500 , big.gif )

>>19847
And where do we look?

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)15:24 No. 19854 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124916546886.gif - (17.28KB , 500x500 , chest2.gif )

>>19847
You doubt that this kind of guy would know about traps, but you search anyway.
There is none.

>>19854
Search the old man's corpse for a key, search that bird of his, search every drawer and cubbord. If we can't find a key just monk that chest open (as carefully as our fuious fists allow)

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)16:42 No. 19903 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917017632.gif - (3.55KB , 500x500 , chest3.gif )

>>19855
You find a key in the gnome's pocket, and proceed to open the chest. There are 350 gp.

Pocket that shit. Give the gnome a proper burial. Harvest some corn for our trip, and lets get going to that town nearby (to the south was it?)
Don't forget to feed/bring-food-for the baby racoons.

>>19903
Watch out for the HIGHLANDER PIECE.

>>19905
You take the 350 gp.
(will make more posts)

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)16:54 No. 19914 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917085583.gif - (4.17KB , 500x500 , Untitled-3.gif )

You bury the poor fellas. Since you did not know their names, you write "Old gnome" and "That crow" on their tombs.
(more to come)

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)16:54 No. 19915 ID: 4e2ed0
File 12491708899.gif - (4.42KB , 500x500 , 350.gif )

>>19912

Outstanding. Now onwards to that town. Maybe we can buy some more magicness for Headcat there.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)17:00 No. 19917 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917120076.gif - (10.86KB , 500x500 , corn.gif )

You take some corn.

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)17:16 No. 19919 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917221399.gif - (5.10KB , 500x500 , bolds.gif )

>>19916
You walk towards south, and soon enough you find yourself in a canyon. Farther, you begin to see a settlement. It looks like it was built either fastly or poorly. as you walk closer and closer, you make out figures hurrying around. Kobolds(or, rather, Cutebolds). They appear to have made balconies on the side of the cliffs and to have dug out appartments. Two of them approach you. They are wearing feathers and wielding what looks like macuahuitls.
One of them greets you heartily.
"Hello, halfling!"
Apparently they didn't hear about how you murdered about 200 of them up north.

Greetings mighty boldlings! How goes it? Have you any quests for a worthy adventurer such as myself? Perhaps you have some rare and powerful magical artifacts for trade or reward? Tell me, are you at all versed in the ways of racoon-raising?

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)17:26 No. 19923 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917278146.gif - (3.34KB , 277x277 , halp.gif )

>>19920
>Greetings mighty boldlings! How goes it? Have you any quests for a worthy adventurer such as myself? Perhaps you have some rare and powerful magical artifacts for trade or reward? Tell me, are you at all versed in the ways of racoon-raising?
The 'bolds have a little moment of surprise after so many questions, then awnser:
"Dwarves stealing obisidian. Hit on workers. Kobolds have potions, weapons and armor. Halfling help?"
Halfling help?

Yes. Halfling help. Show me where the dwarves come from. I shall deal them with post-haste!

Kynaan 2009/08/01(Sat)17:39 No. 19928 ID: 4e2ed0
File 124917355095.gif - (4.30KB , 500x500 , catplan.gif )

>>19927
>Yes. Halfling help. Show me where the dwarves come from. I shall deal them with post-haste!
They seem happy, maybe even ecstatic. They point to the east and say that they have been there for only one lunar cycle. Headcat thinks that we should attack them from the inside by making them believe we're part of some migrants and make them all tantrum.

>>19928
Why headcat. How delightfully evil. We'll need a beard for this to work though. And a pickaxe or something. We'll pretend to be a soap maker too, so that way we can roam around the fortress without having to do any actual work.

(Let's all brainstorm about a plan.)

The bolds say that we could use animal fur as fake beard and maybe animal meat to buff up.

Also, what will we do to make them tantrum? We can't kill nobles since they have been there for only a month. Maybe mess up the booze factory and farms? Make miasma? Etc.

Are you kidding? We're brining a Cat into a Dorf fortress. That's half the tantrum right there. Though we'll probably want to see what we can do about covertly ruining a few engravings. Maybe causing a bit of a flood to wash away a lot of them. We can give people odd orders and have them melt down artifacts. The possibilities are endless.

>>19949
This is a headcat, not a cat. It can't breed with a normal cat.
So, we wait until migrants appear? On with the story?

Yeah verilly. Though check if we can get an illusion item to make us look more dorfy.

>>19946
Seems it'd be best to sneak in and assess the situation first.

But yes, as a general thing, disrupting the booze production is the best way to do it. If we disrupt food, we'll starve too. Plus they'll be more likely to focus on farming as opposed to flipping out and killing each other. Miasma's gross. We'll keep it in mind but save it for a last resort.

PS: Fire's a classic.

set FIRE to the BOOZE.

Kynaan 2009/08/02(Sun)10:07 No. 20667 ID: 7ba0be
File 124923285828.gif - (5.36KB , 500x500 , mig.gif )

So.
Having disguised yourself as a dorf, you head off east, climbing the wall of the canyon. You see a hill in the horison. There is also a flag. A red flag. With a sigul. The hammer and sickle.
By Buddha! Communist dwarves? You killed them all some months ago in a volcanic eruption(accidentally, of course)! And is this..
No...
Fotthorlor Ironsickle. The very person you wanted to kill with a magma trap(which had failed horribly).
Oh, look, a caravan of migrants.

>>20667
Curses... He may recognize us... how worisome...
Well, we'll deal with that when we come to it. Follow that caravan! Remember: We are Urist, Soap Maker.

Kynaan 2009/08/02(Sun)15:03 No. 20882 ID: 7ba0be
File 124925062371.gif - (16.77KB , 500x500 , fott.gif )

>>20729
You follow it, trying to get into the mind of a dwarf. You finally enter the Fortress. You see a rather wide corridor with doors on the side. On the far end is a stairway down, where the migrants are going. You continue following. At once you come into a dining room/meeting hall and are welcomed by Fotthorlor(jesus christ his beard is so fucking perfectly curly like those persians or something no wonder he's the leader). You listen to his speech about the power of the people, trying not to laugh at how ironic it is. "Power to the workers" said by a fucking noble. Dem hypocrites.
He then inspects you all, and it seems your disguise works pretty well.
You are appointed to furniture hauling, even though right now no furniture need hauling.

Headcat tells you to wait until midnight then set the booze on fire. You wonder why he smiles while saying this.
(pic animated)

In Headcat we trust. Wait for midnight. Mingle until then. Discuss the kobolds and the attacks therin.

Kynaan 2009/08/02(Sun)18:31 No. 21170 ID: 7ba0be
File 124926307915.gif - (7.04KB , 500x500 , wat.gif )

>>20901
You go to your new room, made like a cell and with just a bed. Apparently, dorfs don't mind this.
You then sleep until midnight, having told Headcat to wake us up.

You dream of François, that nasty little bard, and how he did quite a few things that was more wizardic than bardic. Like that time he controlled an animal by getting in its head. Bad times.

You wake up at midnight, when all the dorfs are asleep(and the kobolds too). Headcat tells you to light the booze up to make it explode and therefore make a chain reaction with all the dorf, being full of alcool.
Headcat has a rather demonish expression right now. It is giving you the creeps.

Well... Ok Headcat... you know best after all... We've allways trusted you in the past and you certainly arent evil or anything...

>>21170
OHGOD HEADCAT IS FRANCOIS! THROW THAT SHIT OFF YOUR HEAD! 800 PSI KICK TO THE CAT!

>>21184
You cant! He's our trusted and faithful friend!

>>21185
BUT FRANCOIS IS NOT! He must have replaced him while we weren't watching!

>>21188
Headcat is on your head, and therefore controlling you. You are obliged to do as he says.
Set fire to booze? (y/y)

Last time we ran into Francoise didnt we end up teaming up with some rather... unscrupulus individuals?

>>21190
y/y/800PSIKICK! I choose kick.

Of course, we trust Headcat with our life.

>>21193
YOU ARE OBLIGED TO DO AS I SAY.
SET FIRE TO BOOZE? (y)

>>21195
MUST FIGHT IT! 8-y-0-y-0-e-P-e-S-I-e-K-I-C-s-K-s. NOOOOOOO!

Why resist Headcat? LIGHT THAT BOOZE!

Kynaan 2009/08/02(Sun)19:22 No. 21254 ID: 7ba0be
File 124926614469.gif - (7.44KB , 500x500 , flames.gif )

You reluctantly set a trail of booze near the barrels and light it up. You then run, but manage to knock Headcat off you head with your high willpower and hold him under your armpit. You run at 50km/h(easy for a monk such as yourself) and get the fuck away. You are already two kilometre from the fortress when there's a loud explosion. It seems to suck the air out your lungs, burn your back and wreck your tympans. You can see the kobold village close by and-
And huge fireball wrecks all of the said village. The obsidian mine was apparently linked to the Dorf Fortress and the Kobold appartments. At this time, all of them would be asleep.
That means...that they're...
Dead...
You begin to cry at all you've done. All you've done against your ethic code. All you've done that led to evil things.
All you've done because of François, that son of a bitch.
"That... Fucking... SON OF A BIIIIITTTCHHH" you scream to the sky and headcat. If your senseis were to hear that, you'd be expulsed from your temple. But it's alright, they can't hear you now. You're on your own. To kill that puny little bard.
You see figures south. They are wearing feathers on their head.

Go talk to them, claim the dorfs had an emergency "Fuck the world" device in place. But at least the dorfs are dealt with now

Take the charisma monocle and ring. We don't want to fuck up.

Bamp for more suggestions?

Go off in the direction Headcat landed. He still has our magic items, doesnt he?

>>22853
I am fairly sure we have Headcat under our arm.

>>22873
Haha. my bad. Thought we dragon kicked his ass into the milkyway.
Ok, lets go see those figures to the south then. While keeping a VERY STERN EYE on Headcat.

Kynaan 2009/08/05(Wed)14:30 No. 23322 ID: d3da72
File 124950782493.gif - (7.59KB , 800x600 , 19.gif )

After getting the ring and monocle, you head south to see the figures. They're kobolds, the ones you met first.
After a sad greeting, you explain to them that after killing their leader, they all tantrummed and set their booze on fire. Obviously, you tell the tale with large dramatic gestures, using your newly acquired charisma. The little boldlings start to cry, snot running down their noses and gushes of water spilling out of their eyes.
What do you do?

>>23322
Find them tissues, then find them a new home.
Ask that they construct a statue of you and then head off for ADVENTURE.

>>23322
Say that you will find them a new home. Offer to train them in the monkish arts along the way. Promise them that you will do everything in your power to return the kobold peoples to their rightful glory!

Kynaan 2009/08/05(Wed)18:33 No. 23501 ID: d3da72
File 12495223843.gif - (7.28KB , 800x600 , 20.gif )

>>23393
>"I will find you a new home, fellow boldlings. I shall train you in the monkish arts along the way. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to return the kobold peoples to their rightful glory!"

The kobolds stop crying at this, and they both wipe their eyes and noses at once, which would be quite hilarious at another time.
>"Halfling serious?"
>"Yes, halfling serious."

The kobolds both start to smile at this, and they start to cry again.
They lift you over their head.
>"Halfling!"
As they put you down you remember that you have never told them your name.

>>23501
"I AM ANTON THE MIGHTY, SLAYER AND UNITER OF DORFS AND ELVES, RACOON FATHER, EATER OF THE CORN AND BURIER OF GNOMES! I TAKE NO SHIT, FOR MINE IS THE FIST THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS!"

also, feed the 'coons. Its been a while.

>>23507
Yes.
First bit of training is ... GETTING ME SOME WARM MILK.

Kynaan 2009/08/06(Thu)12:09 No. 23717 ID: 897d16
File 124958577695.gif - (10.63KB , 800x600 , 21.gif )

>"I AM ANTON THE MIGHTY, SLAYER AND UNITER OF DORFS AND ELVES, RACOON FATHER, EATER OF THE CORN AND BURIER OF GNOMES! I TAKE NO SHIT, FOR MINE IS THE FIST THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS!
>First bit of training is ... GETTING ME SOME WARM MILK."

Fortunately, one of the kobolds always keep a waterskin of milk(or rather, a milkskin HOHOHOHO) for vague reasons. You then pour some in a bowl that you keep under youur robe and feed the raccoons who were under your hat.

Also, Headcat seems to have stopped being freaky and has started crying.

>>23717
Commiserate.

>>23717
Well, since he's stopped being freaky. Let us re-unite with our head-catty brother.

>>23719
I don't think we have a boltpistol...

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)11:25 No. 24639 ID: f5892d
File 124975590944.jpg - (78.79KB , 800x600 , 22.jpg )

>>23748
After putting Headcat back on, you realise how much you love him. It is almost lust, or maybe it is already... mmm....

UGH. That's not true!

Or maybe it's not what you WANT to be the truth.

SHUT UP.

Okay~ :3c

What to do now? There's a forest to the north(you could swear it wasn't there before).

Then for lack of better options, WE GO NORTH!

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)11:41 No. 24648 ID: f5892d
File 124975687543.jpg - (197.87KB , 800x600 , 23.jpg )

>>24642
LET'S GO.
Unfortunately, the kobolds' horses are all dead, killed in the boozeplosion. You walk up to the forest, which took you about half an hour. It is a coniferous forest. There are lots of things moving in the branches. Possibly birds, possibly imps. A blue shimmer is showing through.

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)11:54 No. 24665 ID: f5892d
File 124975764283.jpg - (197.88KB , 800x600 , 24.jpg )

You look back to make sure the 'bolds are still with you.

The desert and kobolds have disappeared.

Crap. Stupid 'bolds. Go back and look for them.

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)14:51 No. 24837 ID: f5892d
File 124976830834.jpg - (90.36KB , 800x600 , 25.jpg )

>>24668
But... where is "back"? You are completely and utterly lost. As far as you know, that forest wasn't even there in the first place, and coniferous trees in the desert? That's stupid. Obviously, someone wanted you to get lost.
François..?

>>24837
See if you can find any tracks. We might be able to retrace our steps. Or find some way out of here. Ask headcat to keep an eye out too. Two heads are better than one.
Start calling out as well. They might hear and come to you.

>>24837
Head south, because you came north to get here.

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)19:30 No. 25231 ID: f5892d
File 124978500959.jpg - (100.67KB , 800x600 , 26.jpg )

>>24896
But...where is north?
>>24860
You don't like the look of this place, and there could be monsters and the like near, so you'd better not shout.
No tracks.
Headcat is always looking around for you. That's just how awesome he is~ <3

The blue shimmer appears to be a body of water.
And boy is it cold here. You realise that there is also a soft carpet of snow.

>>25231
You can't see the sun? Climb a tree, look around.

Snow but not tracks? Weird...
Yeah. Climb a tree and call out. See if anyone is around.

Kynaan 2009/08/08(Sat)23:52 No. 25432 ID: f5892d
File 124980076559.jpg - (137.08KB , 800x600 , 27.jpg )

>>25232
You climb up a tree, which is easy for someone as manly as you, and look around. According to the sun, it is noon, even though minutes ago it was about 1am. You find north.
South is the lake you saw(wasn't that north?).
East is a hill with a cavern.
West is a clearing.
North is a group of kenku around a fire.

>>25432
Kenku are known for their sage advice, right?

Whatever, just go chat with them.

Yes let us go talk to the kenku. Let us also try very hard to forget the last time we encountered one.

Kynaan 2009/08/11(Tue)09:49 No. 27628 ID: 118865
File 125000937749.gif - (5.07KB , 800x600 , final.gif )

As you go down the tree, your foot misses the next branch. You lose your balance and fall. At least there was sno- You hit your head on a rock.
You die and so does Headcat.

Suggestion 2009/08/11(Tue)09:51 No. 27629 ID: bde1b8
File 125000951066.jpg - (5.10KB , 130x119 , 8C.jpg )

>>27628
D:

HEADCAT NO!

Kynaan 2009/08/11(Tue)09:55 No. 27630 ID: 118865
File 125000972849.gif - (6.29KB , 800x600 , 28.gif )

>>27628

Kynaan 2009/08/11(Tue)10:00 No. 27631 ID: 118865
File 125001003713.gif - (76.94KB , 800x600 , 29.gif )

>>25432
You are on top of a tree.

> ID: 118865

NICE TRY, FAKE KYNAAN.

>>27631
Climb down carefully, then facedive onto that rock from before. We must teach it to fear us.

BEGIN CUTSCENE Kynaan 2009/08/12(Wed)10:00 No. 28548 ID: fe452a
File 125009641918.gif - (4.97KB , 800x600 , 30.gif )

>>27672
You climb down carefully and facedive on the rock. You break your nose.
You are now inconscious.

>>28548

>inconscious

wut

>>28549
Typo.
Unconscious.

Kynaan 2009/08/12(Wed)10:55 No. 28559 ID: fe452a
File 125009974176.gif - (5.41KB , 800x600 , 31.gif )

Headcat gets off your head.
You are not controlling Anton anymore.

Shake Anton! try to wake him up!
If we can't, see if those Kenku can help.

Kynaan 2009/08/13(Thu)17:43 No. 29227 ID: f24b53
File 125021058691.gif - (3.23KB , 800x600 , 32.gif )

Anton suddenly disappears and is replaced by an envelope. There seems to be a ring inside.

cry out: NO! ANTON!
Then search the envelope, read the contents and investigate the ring.

Kynaan 2009/08/13(Thu)17:56 No. 29234 ID: f24b53
File 125021136419.gif - (6.52KB , 800x600 , 33.gif )

Headcat opens the envelope. Inside are a letter and a ring with an oversized jewel on top.
The letter goes like this:

"Hello my dear Headcat,
"I have kidnapped Anton by teleporting him inside my tower when he hit himself(what a dumbass, haha) on this rock. Oh, don't worry, it doesn't work anymore. 'But why?' may you ask. The awnser is simple: boredom. Being stuck here is extremely boring, and Anton is just the thing to entertain me.
"Sincerly,
"François the bard.
"(PS: I give you the ring of infinite psyche to make this quest a little more fun ;3)"

Headcat puts on the ring.

(more...)

Hey, sup. Crap. You're a cat. Cats cant crossdress. And incest is much less frowned upon in cat society.

Meh. Better than that deer though. Whats the problem, little dude?

Kynaan 2009/08/13(Thu)18:04 No. 29237 ID: f24b53
File 125021187012.gif - (6.05KB , 800x600 , 34.gif )

omg!
He's gone! Anton is gone! Anton... My sweet Anton...
I will find you! Wherever you are, I will not let this filthy bard touch you...enslave you... rape you...
...
...
So, what's this ring eh? What does it do? I think I once heard that it makes you hear voices in your head...

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/13(Thu)19:10 No. 29260 ID: f24b53
File 125021580843.gif - (5.74KB , 800x600 , 35.gif )

>>29235
I am not a dude. I'm female. So you thought I was gay all along? Haha.
I am also one of a kind. You won't find other Headcats in the world. Or maybe just my world.
In fact, François created me.

What do I do now? Go see the kenkus?

Yes. Go bring the Kenkus the note. Be sure to give them the big sad eyes so they take pitty on you.

>>29260
>François created me
Wait, what?
First off, since when can bards mess with creation of monsters?
Although the whole 'Evilface and mind control bit' was a trifle suspicious.
Fess up, kitty.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/13(Thu)19:33 No. 29269 ID: f24b53
File 125021722395.gif - (7.57KB , 800x600 , 35.gif )

>>29264
Isn't it obvious? He is not a bard. It's just a way to trick people. He isn't even really good with instruments and such. He gets good with his spells. He's a wizard, and a pretty good one, too.
Let's go see the kenkus, then.
Argh, I hate walking. I'm not designed for it.
So, what do I say? How do I make my entrance?

Gather some twigs and leaves and things and make a crude mask. Then climb a tree and jump down on one of their heads claiming to be the tribal god Hedkata!
The kenku are a timid and supersticious lot. This should work well.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/13(Thu)20:32 No. 29298 ID: f24b53
File 125022074091.gif - (7.40KB , 800x600 , 36.gif )

>>29271
Will this do?

>>29298
Use mind-control powahs to mimic oracular business.

Still suspicious of motive, by the way.

Lets get some big fan-like leaves to act as sort of ear things. That should do.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/14(Fri)16:39 No. 29548 ID: d32d57
File 125029316626.gif - (9.50KB , 800x600 , 37.gif )

>>29304
Like this?

>>29548

Now your talking! Now go drop down from a tree onto one of their heads. Preferably one that isnt wearing a hood.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/14(Fri)17:58 No. 29585 ID: d32d57
File 125029789686.gif - (11.83KB , 800x600 , 38.gif )

>>29551
Here comes nothing!
(animooted)

>>29585
I AM HEDKATA, LORD OF THESE WOODS.
HELP MY WORSHIPER OVER THERE AND I'LL FORESTAY MY WRATH.

I AM HEADKATA GREAT AND POWERFUL! ASSIST ME AND YOU WILL BE RICHLY REWARDED!

use our full charisma bonus while we do this.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/14(Fri)19:41 No. 29628 ID: d32d57
File 125030405890.gif - (23.88KB , 640x480 , 39.gif )

>"I AM HÉDKATÀ, GREAT AND POWERFUL, THE LORD OF THESE WOODS! ASSIST ME AND YOU WILL BE RICHLY REWARDED!"

The kenkus seem too busy flipping the fuck out to respond!
(animooted)

>>29628
Shit. Take control of the dude your on and make dramatic gestures. Use your massive CHA to impress and subdue the flighty beasts.

>>29628
What's he thinking?

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/14(Fri)20:53 No. 29667 ID: d32d57
File 125030841116.gif - (45.34KB , 641x480 , 40.gif )

>>29630
He's thinking "AAAHHH IT'S THE MIGHTY HEDCATA!! WHAT WILL WE DO!!! IF IT'S LIKE BARD TOLD US, THEN SHE'S GOING TO CONTROL ME!!!!"
>>29629
Okay, but, what do I say?

>>29667
Shiiiiit, minions.
...
Lead them away?
Convince them they're doing what you don't want by telling them to go towards the monk?

Take control. Tell them "Wait... he's not controlling me at all! In fact... the bard lied to us! This Hedkata is a miracle! She'll save us from oppression and give us lots of riches!"
lets see if we can roll a decent bluff to save our lives.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/15(Sat)08:40 No. 29791 ID: 504569
File 125035085431.gif - (8.85KB , 640x480 , 41.gif )

>>29681
>"Wait... she's not controlling me at all! In fact... the bard lied to us! This Hedkata is a miracle! She'll save us from oppression and give us lots of riches!"

They don't seem impressed. One of them even tries to talk his friend to reason.

>"Charles! Resist her! Don't let her mind-control you!"

>>29791
say hello to charles for us, headcat.

>>29791
Assure him that we're being perfectily reasonable. In fact, we've never felt more reasonable in our life. We feel great! They should really try this!

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/15(Sat)12:03 No. 29821 ID: 504569
File 125036301032.gif - (42.23KB , 640x480 , 42.gif )

>>29805
I say hello in his head.
>"OH BY THE GODS NOW SHE'S TALKING IN MY HEAD! HELP ME GUYS! GET IT OFF!"

>>29805
>>29819

I reeeeeally don't think this is swaying any hearts or minds guise..

Hmm... this isnt working.
Take control, have him run off into the forest. We'll talk to him there and explain the situation in a nice, rational manner.

>>29821
What did François instruct them to do?

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/15(Sat)16:04 No. 29895 ID: 504569
File 125037747555.gif - (5.14KB , 640x480 , 43.gif )

>>29837
Let me read his thoughts...
They're not minions. François just came, warned them of a cat-god that can control your mind, and went away.

I make him run into the woods, and stop after about a kilometre.
>"AAHHH GET OFF ME YOU FILTHY VERMIN"

>>29895
"You'll treat the mighty Hedcata with respect, or face the consequences."

Use Soothing Purr to calm him down a bit. Then, let him know that the spoony 'bard' has your buddy held hostage.

If we were going to control your mind, wouldnt we be doing it already? No. We're giving you a choice. We're not evil. We just want our friend back.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/15(Sat)19:12 No. 30029 ID: 504569
File 125038872759.gif - (5.00KB , 640x480 , 44.gif )

>"If I was going to control your mind, wouldn't I be doing it already? No. I'm giving you a choice. I'm not evil. I just want my friend back."

He calms down.
>"That is true. Okay, tell me about your friend."

"Well he's a halfling, effeminate, wears a dress, has a bunch of racoons in his hat... tries to do the right thing but keeps ending up with things exploding and he's the enemy of the bard which is why the bard told you that i was dangerous. "

Then explain everything thats happened. From the begining

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/15(Sat)21:40 No. 30105 ID: 504569
File 125039764695.gif - (4.86KB , 640x480 , 45.gif )

>"Well he's a halfling, effeminate, wears a dress, has a bunch of racoons in his hat... tries to do the right thing but keeps ending up with things exploding and he's the enemy of the bard which is why the bard told you that I was dangerous. "
>"Oh, but all is relative, my friend. Anyway, let's go tell this to the others. If ka wills it, they will believe you too."

So we go back to the others.

>"Tuco! Blondie! This thing is not evil, you numbnuts!"

I can't tell who is who, and "Blondie" seems like an absurd name. But wait... I think I can see two or three yellow feathers on one of them. He is wearing a vest over his robe, and his other feathers is a tiny bit more fair. The other has some kind of poncho.
Tuco says:
>"But, my friend, I will believe you more if you took him off your head."
Tuco gives a good laugh, as to emphasize how ridiculous it is. Charlie puts me down. Ow, I hate being on the ground! My legs are too weak...
Charlie awnsers:
>"I said 'Tuco! Blondie! This thing is not evil, you numbnuts!', and I still mean it."

Blondie:
>"Yeah. I believe you now."

Charlie:
>"Alright, Hedkata, let us hear your story. I don't care if it's true or not, as long as it explains some things."

Tuco:
>"Oh you, always "gray" about everything."
He laughs again.

I begin telling my story.

(cont'd, no suggestions)

>>30105

Watch out for Angeleyes

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/16(Sun)11:14 No. 30310 ID: 158363
File 125044644537.gif - (5.02KB , 640x480 , 47.gif )

>>30291
:3c

>>30286
Tuco:
>"But why didn't you just kill the elf king that would have been so faster"

Blondie:
>"Yeah but, it may have caused a mayhem."

Tuco:
>"To hell with the mayhem! At least their job would have been over!"

Charlie:
>"Why complain about the past? You can't change anything."

Tuco grunts.

Charlie:
>"Hedkata, François left east. We might want to go there."

Tuco:
>"You think he'll go to the cave or the city?"

Blondie:
>"That's for our furry friend to decide."

Hmm... What do you guys think?

>>30310
He'll go to the city and try to raise a ruccus about us. Lets go there ourselves, but we'll have to be discrete and hide under one of the bird dudes hoods.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/16(Sun)20:11 No. 30578 ID: 158363
File 125047870146.gif - (6.98KB , 640x480 , 48.gif )

>>30376
I hide under Blondie's hood. The kenkus then get on their donkeys. We go east like that, when a figure appears far between the trees.
Tuco:
>"Hey, Blondie... Is that Angeleyes?"
Blondie:
>"Yeah, and you better not get him angry this time"
The silhouette gets closer. It's another kenku. This one is wearing pants and a wide flat-brimmed hat. His eyelashes are long for a kenku; that may be the source of his nickname.
Angeleyes, in a good-humored tone:
>"Well, well, look who comes looking for their friend. I thought you said the jobs I did were too 'evil'. Don't tell me you want to work with me again."
Blondie doesn't know what to say. I guess we should help.

Mind read. Get an understanding of the current situation.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/16(Sun)20:59 No. 30583 ID: 158363
File 125048155470.gif - (22.92KB , 640x480 , 49.gif )

>>30579
They were working together, but François (always that same fucker) was giving them jobs too risky for Tuco and too dirty for Blondie. So he went off on his own, and Blondie thinks he's some kind of servant to the "bard".
I really want to kill that pig Angeleyes now.

Tell him that we still want nothing to do with the jobs. We dont want anything to do with him or the bard. we're just heading into the city is all. Nice and easy. dont want anyone getting hurt... yet.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/17(Mon)17:51 No. 30877 ID: 3536db
File 125055668230.gif - (6.97KB , 640x480 , 50.gif )

>>30696
Blondie, thinking:
"Yeah, good idea."
Still Blondie:
>"We still want nothing to do with the jobs. We dont want anything to do with you or the bard. We're just heading into the city."
Angeleyes:
>"Well then, I'll step aside."
Angeleyes eyes (ha-ha) Blondie suspisciously:
>"What's with the hood? Hidin' something?"
Oh, by the gods...

>>30877
"S-shut up! The swelling will go down soon. Its embarresing. Leave me alone!"

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/17(Mon)21:13 No. 31044 ID: 3536db
File 125056880639.gif - (6.98KB , 640x480 , 51.gif )

>>30882
Blondie, thinking:
"Won't that make me look as a wimp? Anyway, I get the idea."
>"Hiding a swelling."
Angeleyes:
>"Oh, it's just that. Well, take off that hood. After all, we're old friends, aren't we?"
Blondie, thinking:
"We're in a tight fit. What do I say now?"

>>31044
"look, its all puss-like and gross and stuff and between that and the matted blood it's stuck to the hood, it hurts to take it off and removing the hood would reoppen the wound. So just shove off so we can get to town, ok? We're kind of in a hurry."

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/18(Tue)12:58 No. 31282 ID: 255901
File 125062550055.gif - (7.00KB , 640x480 , 52.gif )

Blondie:
>"Look, there's puss and matted blood. It's stuck to my hood. If I take it off it would reopen the wound which would be both painful and unhealthy. So just shove off so we can get to town, ok? We're kind of in a hurry."
Angeleyes:
>"I take it you're going to see a doctor. Fortunately, I know a good one that won't cost you much."
Might be a trap, might not be a trap.

Thanks. We appreciate it. I mean... we did kinda have a deal with this one guy in town, so I dunno if you can get us cheaper than him... well, we'll go see and choose then.

We can always run at the first sign of trouble, right?

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/19(Wed)12:02 No. 31566 ID: 40112f
File 125070857753.gif - (5.97KB , 640x480 , 53.gif )

Blondie:
>"Thanks. We appreciate it. I mean... we did kinda have a deal with this one guy in town, so I dunno if you can get us cheaper than him... well, we'll go see and choose then."
Angeleyes:
>"Oh, don't worry, I'll pay for you. Follow me."

We continue riding to town.
Angeleyes:
>"So, who's this guy?"
Tuco:
>"That's Charlie. He's pretty skilled with his hands, if you know what I mean."
Charlie:
>"I am some kind of replacement for you, sir."
Angeleyes:
>"And he's polite, too! You got yourself a fine bargain there, boys."
Blondie:
>"We didn't buy him."

A while passes.

Tuco:
>"Hey Blondie, when are we going to go south? I hate snow."
Blondie:
>"In time, my friend. In time."

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/19(Wed)12:06 No. 31571 ID: 40112f
File 125070875858.gif - (11.43KB , 640x480 , 54.gif )

The town looks like a normal medieval town, with the very high and close-together houses. The roads are made so that the garbage stays in the middle (where the poor walk) and the sides are clean (where the bourgeois walk). It stinks.
Beggars roam about, asking for "just one coin sir". Guards dressed like vikings stand here and there. One man pushes a wheelbarrow filled with corpses, while another hits on a triangle and yells "Bring out your dead!".
Angeleyes leads us in a small, dark road to a house with a sign reading "Medic". We dismount. He knocks on the door and a small, fat moustached man appears at the door.

Angeleyes:
>"Hello, Dr. de Cormeilles. My friend here has some kind of swelling on his head. Would you mind checking it?"
>"Twelve."
>"Eight."
>"Ten."
>"Alright, ten."
Angeleyes hands him twelve coins.
The doctor speaks with a heavy french accent.
Dr. de Cormeilles:
>"Now take off zat hood zo I can zee."

>>31571

Not out here I won't doc.

>>31574
Whisper to the doctor that it's kinda a funny shape and we'd rather not show it off in front of these other folk, especially out here where we are potentially in... umm... 'mixed company'

Lets go inside we'l show you in the backroom.

Headcat, get ready to be put onto the doctors head for some emergency perception/memory alteration.

Headcat!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/20(Thu)16:19 No. 32129 ID: 0d4666
File 125081037263.jpg - (52.17KB , 640x480 , 55.jpg )

(oh fuck there's an error in the last updoot: Angeleyes gives him 10 coins, not 12.)

>>31595
Blondie:
>"Doctor, it has a weird shape, it's embarrassing. Let's go inside first."
Dr de Cormeilles:
>"Az you wish, zir."
He leads us to a room in the back with a simple bed made of straw next to a bunch of creepy instruments on a table.
>"Zit down and show me."
I laughed on the inside when he said "zit".
Blondie doesn't even take the hood off, he just puts me on the doctor's head, fast as lightning. Even the best of eyes would have only seen a white blur. I stay there for a while, messing with his memories and thoughts.
Angeleyes:
>"Oh you bastard! You've forgotten the faces of your fathers!"
With that he almost draws his short sword, since my fiends here are already ready to fight. He dicides not to engage in combat.
Angeleyes:
>"I see you found them, Headcat. Are you gonna use them in your evil plans now ? And what's that silly mask for? Trying to look like a god?"
I just found something in the doctor's head. He is Angeleyes's partner, and they are both François's minions. And there's more...
The exploding volcano and the tunnels linking the kobolds' quarters and the dorf fortress... that was Angeleyes's doing.
He doesn't deserve to live.
The doctor falls on his back as I finish my job. I quickly jump to the nearest kenku: Tuco.
Tuco, thinking:
"Want me to kill that bastard?"

No Headcat. Killing is bad. We're not about to stoop to that level. Lets just incapacitate him. Knock him unconcious. I'm sure theres bound to be enough medical equipment here that we can keep out for a while. We'll convince the doctor that he was found in the woods, ranting like a madman and that he needs to be kept drugged and unconcious at all times or else he'll start ranting about some sort of evil, mind controling cat. I mean, seriously. Someone who thought something like that is real must NEED to be kept in a drug induced coma until we're all very far away, right?

>>32177

I do hope we can keep him unconscious for a long time, or far enough away, bad guys have a nasty habit of coming back for revenge, no matter where you put them.

I'd kill him to save time but I guess we gotta have some sort of compassion.

Kynan!!plZTL3AJMv 2009/08/31(Mon)10:27 No. 36367 ID: faebf1
File 125173964763.gif - (5.32KB , 640x480 , 56.gif )

Suddenly, the house collapses.
Headcat, Charlie, Blondie, Angeleyes and Tuco have died.
Anton is raped to death by François.

That was hot.

>>36368
Why so ragequit?

>>36378
Ragequit, eh?
That's probably right.

>>36368
Great success!