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1036742 No. 1036742 ID: 220757

You are undoubtedly drained of functioning so hard for the very little benefit you receive. You desire you could have your liberty back as well as do what you wish to do when you wish to do it.

But what can occur if you don't make the choice to change? You won't have the ability to up your life. Your desires will never ever become a reality.

The time is now for you to take control of your very own economic success. Own your own life and also stop surviving like a servant to the system with our totally free guidebook. Start today as well as discover how easy it may be to live the life that you are worthy of.

Check it out, it's absolutely complimentary
>>> TOTALLY FREE INCOME FOR FREE DOT COM <<<
Expand all images
>>
No. 1036743 ID: 6a2a09

man what a weird quest
>>
No. 1036750 ID: 2fce91

I am about to report this, but you know, it would be interesting if someone made a quest that is based on these sorts of spam things.
>>
No. 1036751 ID: 273c18

>>1036750
Are you saying you never heard of https://questden.org/wiki/Bigger_Penis_Quest
>>
No. 1036812 ID: 43008c
File 165678934902.png - (15.19KB , 1182x1014 , economic 1.png )
1036812

Very well, let us keep with tradition.

You are Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann (Mix of Worcestershire and Mann), or Strfindent for short.

Up until a week ago, you were completely beside yourself. You couldn't afford a house. You couldn't afford a car. You couldn't afford a boyfriend and the rent was too damn high.
>>
No. 1036814 ID: 43008c
File 165678982993.png - (22.95KB , 1182x1014 , economic 2.png )
1036814

Luckily, all of that changed when you acquired the Charming Financial Guide!

With its advice, you were able to unlock your true fiscal potential and regain your life as an enterprising 21st century woman.

Now you have a McMansion, a luxurious, cream of the crop Toyota Corolla, managed to create your own textile manufacturing brand, and a beatiful, house-broken boyfriend that feeds on only the finest Purina.

The quest-ion rises, however: what should you do next with your new financial independence?
>>
No. 1036821 ID: e5709d

>>1036814
Go Evil and 'invest' in NFTs.
>>
No. 1036826 ID: e7c7d3

Time to summon demons for more money
>>
No. 1036827 ID: 6a2a09

make spambots to shill more ads
>>
No. 1036832 ID: cdbcf8

>>1036814
Find that bi*ch Barbra and sacrifice her to gain some demon followers, fu*ker stole your chocolate chip cookie recipe for the late time
>>
No. 1036838 ID: df76b1

>>1036821
This.

It is absolutely time to stack some depreciated apes.
>>
No. 1036844 ID: 43008c
File 165680569557.png - (46.53KB , 1182x1014 , economic 3.png )
1036844

Unfortunately, the Charming Financial Guide mostly just teaches charming spells to turn people into cheap manual labor.
>>
No. 1036845 ID: 43008c
File 165680594945.png - (54.67KB , 1182x1014 , economic 4.png )
1036845

However, with the use of your "spambots," as you sometimes refer to your brainwashed minions in the marketing deparment, you churn out wave after wave of advertisements looking for a proper demon summoning guide.

You even invest in NFTs to finance your search and soon your Depressed Monkey drawings sell for a billion bucks a piece. This gives you the edge you need to advertise your products to the whole world!
>>
No. 1036846 ID: df76b1

...what if there are other worlds than this one?

How will they be able to take control of their own economic success?
>>
No. 1036847 ID: 43008c
File 165680644828.png - (73.35KB , 1182x1014 , economic 5.png )
1036847

You (and your beautiful boyfriend) finally get a hold of a demon-summoning ritual.

The pentagram you draw looks more like a clumsy starfish than anything, but you manage to complete the ritual with the minimum required spambot sacrifice.

Before you stand two newly summoned demons (they are actually furries, but really, is there a difference?).
One of them is a very belligerent four-ears by the name of Allergine, and beside her is her goopy, snake-like seductress (who may or may not have feelings for Allergine) BFF, Amigdala.

The two of them with their power combined may be just enough to destroy that jerk Barbra van Brau and her bussiness-stealing assholery.

How do you proceed?
>>
No. 1036852 ID: f6af6f

As the only two entities you've encountered thus far who do not have sticks for bodies, the only logical plea to make is that they get naked.
And, y'know, go beat up Barbra van Brau. That too.
>>
No. 1036854 ID: 18c187

Ask to see their resumes. You cant afford not to be picky with your new hires!
>>
No. 1036868 ID: 43008c
File 165681716870.png - (31.26KB , 1182x1014 , economic 6.png )
1036868

You ask your prospective new underlings for their references and past experiences. They both hand you documents that you cannot read because they are in an alien language.

Allergine tells you she is an artificially created being made for the purpose of war and has been trained to be a soldier her whole life. Amigdala tells you she is a sentient swarm of nanobots made in a secret base that can change shape at will and had to be restrained during combat practice because she was more powerful than everyone else in the base!

Uh huh, so a super soldier and an anime character. Alright, you are hired.


You then ask them to take off their clothes to admi- APPRECIATE their physique better.
Amigdala is a shape-shifting ooze, so she technically already IS naked, so she morfs into a blob and derps around.
Allergine initially tells you to get bent, but relents when she finds out the Purina Man Chow you have is way better than the military rations she's been eating her entire life.

She agrees to undress.

Get ready, boys. She's doing it.

She's undressing.

Here she comes!
>>
No. 1036869 ID: 43008c
File 165681749210.png - (33.83KB , 1182x1014 , economic 7.png )
1036869

ZOMG SHE IS SO FLUFFY!

She is so cute and puffy! You can't believe it! This was so worth it!

You could reach out with your hand and- wait, why do your arms look like raw sausages?

"I SHAVE THEM 'CAUSE THAT'S MY FETISH!"

"Oh, okay."

>>
No. 1036870 ID: 43008c
File 165681840119.png - (65.84KB , 1182x1014 , economic 8.png )
1036870

With that out of the way, you gather your army of biggest, meanest PR minions and, along with Allergine and Amigdala, get ready to fight Barbra van Brau, the South African billionaire.

You decide that a direct assault is the best option, so you travel all the way to her headquarters in the Democratic Republic of Congo to kick her ass.

She used her Charming Financial Guide to take over the entire African continent, and your heavily armored plane had to fight off more cruise missiles than you care to count in order to get this deep into the mainland.

It all culminated with your pilot getting hit in the head and regaining his free will, but still deciding to help you because he has family in Ivory Coast and he longs to see them freed.
He sacrificed himself to make sure the plane's emergy landing was as soft as possible. It was all very touching!

The copilot is fine, though. Her name is Geraldine. You consider giving her the employee of the month medal because she is still alive.

Anyway, here we are at the headquarter metal-making factory or whatever.

What do we do?
>>
No. 1036871 ID: 4ef090

Knock on the front door and see if anybody is home. If not, help yourself to letting yourself inside.
if they ARE home, pretend to be Real Estate Agents, here for the Open House you read about in the News Paper
>>
No. 1036906 ID: 2fce91

>>1036870
Contact the local dorfs and have them pour lava around the encampment to take out the guards.
>>
No. 1036961 ID: c1d4af
File 165689685971.png - (31.81KB , 1182x1014 , economic 9.png )
1036961

>Knock on the front door and see if anybody is home.
One can clearly see the extremely realistic mind-slave guards armed with extremely realistic guns around the facility. Yep, they are home.

>Contact the local dorfs and have them pour lava around the encampment to take out the guards.
You send 3 of your PR drones-turned-soldiers to parlay with the local dwarfs. One of the PR soldiers tells you over the radio that the pygmies don't have fire powers and really don't like being called dwarfs. Also, Barbra van Brau took over the entire African continent, so the brainwashed pygmies attack soon after.

You now have 3 less PR soldiers out of 60.

I probably should have put the stuff about the African take over in bold letters before. Sorry, guys, that was on me, my bad!
>>
No. 1036962 ID: c1d4af
File 165689711176.png - (52.06KB , 1182x1014 , economic 10.png )
1036962

>Pretend to be Real Estate Agents, here for the Open House you read about in the News Paper.
You approach the factory and introduce yourself in this manner.

You know enough French to understand that the front guard is yelling at the others that you are the dreaded Strong Financially Independent textile entrepeneur from the Americas.

Yeah, turns out all that publicity has its negative side-effects.
>>
No. 1036963 ID: c1d4af
File 165689748912.png - (80.98KB , 2000x1014 , economic 11.png )
1036963

Allergine wips out two super-rad guns seemingly from thin air and starts blasting, backed up by your battalion of PR soldiers.

Amigdala uses her crazy nanobot swarm powers to swallow people, spit them out, get inside them and choke them, toss them, and all that cool stuff that oozes tend to do.

Also, it's worth noting that, this happening in Central Africa, most of these peeps are from Central African ethnicities, but they are not portrayed that way because my lawyer told me that showing a white devil and a bunch of white soldiers shooting mind-controlled people of color is the fastest way to get my grave digged up for me.
>>
No. 1036965 ID: c1d4af
File 165689776574.png - (40.27KB , 1184x1014 , economic 12.png )
1036965

Well, now all the guards are dead and you only lost 5 more soldiers, for a total of 8 dead.

You have 52 soldiers remaining.

Also, Allergine is full of holes but she is holding up. She is, quite literally, a super-trooper.

The guards and workers, along with van Brau herself are probably alerted now.
How do we proceed?

>Open the front door.
>Climb a window.
>Blast a wall?
>Other ideas.
>>
No. 1036984 ID: df76b1

We need to start living the life we are worthy of. Let's call in an (american) airstrike, then roast weenies on the results.
>>
No. 1036985 ID: 2fce91

>>1036961
Order a salted cobalt bomb to be detonated on northern africa to tie up all of the military forces on the continent to keep them from coming as reinforcements.
>>
No. 1036992 ID: 894419

>>1036965
Use the charming financial guide to lure out the defenders with promises of TOTALLY FREE INCOME METHODS
>>
No. 1037151 ID: c1d4af
File 165707017667.png - (52.04KB , 1184x1014 , economic 13.png )
1037151

You know, when that Barbra bitch is not assigning jobs to exploit the people around here, and Toto is on tour, life in the savannah can pretty ni-
>>
No. 1037152 ID: c1d4af
File 165707024593.png - (87.25KB , 1184x1014 , economic 14.png )
1037152

RAAAAAAAAAAGH-
>>
No. 1037154 ID: c1d4af
File 165707107192.png - (80.80KB , 1184x1014 , economic 15.png )
1037154

>Let's call in an (american) airstrike, then roast weenies on the results.
>Order a salted cobalt bomb to be detonated on northern africa to tie up all of the military forces on the continent to keep them from coming as reinforcements.

Oh, God! Oh, Christ! Budda Siddartha! Vishnu! Xenu!

Everything is being bombed to hell and back!

A full intercontinental assault is launched and your planes turn half the place to slag!

Wildfires consume entire jungles!

The Horn of Africa cracks with earthquakes!


A bedouin clan is glassed in the middle of the Sahara!

South Africa is on the brink of collapse! The fact that you bombed it didn't help!

You even drop a couple of Tsar Bombas on northern Africa to make sure no one stops you!

Your forces are entrenched around the factory while as the world burns!

Oh, the humanity!

Why? Why, though?!
>>
No. 1037156 ID: c1d4af
File 165707148551.png - (67.04KB , 1184x1014 , economic 16.png )
1037156

Eheh.

Heh. Heh.

Ehehehehe. Awww....fuck!

Well, I guess you kinda got the job done.

You made sure no enemy reinforcements will come at the expense of 20 bombers 15 fighter jets and like 2 million Africans.

It's a klansman's wet dream out there, but at least you won't get any further opposition outside the factory.
>>
No. 1037158 ID: c1d4af
File 165707169849.png - (26.18KB , 1184x1014 , economic 17.png )
1037158

>Use the charming financial guide to lure out the defenders with promises of TOTALLY FREE INCOME METHODS
You employ the power of your Financial Guide to lure the people inside the factory into leaving their posts.

However, as you do this, you can feel the pull of another Guide holding your own powers back. It's Barbra van Brau's Guide! She definitely is here!
>>
No. 1037159 ID: c1d4af
File 165707197426.png - (41.50KB , 1184x1014 , economic 18.png )
1037159

Uh oh!

Behind the guards, out of a nearby window, you hear Barbra's obnoxious smug voice.

"So it is YOU, Strfindent! You were stupid enough to come here yourself to try and finish me off. I'm going to turn things around and take over YOUR shit instead!
BLAST THEM!"

You have got about half a second before the soldiers start firing full force.

What now, Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann?
>>
No. 1037160 ID: 770f88

>>1037159
Go in and post MORE of the ads
>>
No. 1037161 ID: 770f88

>>1037159
Go in and post MORE of the ads
>>
No. 1037165 ID: 6a2a09

flash your tiddies, but actually cover the important bits and start yelling stuff like "CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE HOTTED BOOBS
>>
No. 1037166 ID: f6af6f

Pray to the god of all salespersonkind: Billy Mays.
>>
No. 1037184 ID: 2fce91

>>1037159
Okay, so we obviously planned for this and have several laser snipers watching the building a few klicks out. Since they are using infrared, the dudes won't even see it, they will just watch as their buddies spontaneously combust and die in agony.

>>1037156
>klansmen's wet dream
Dude, it is nothing personal, just business.
Also, the world didn't end. Only one continent got glassed, so by my calculations, that leaves 6 more.
>>
No. 1037432 ID: c1d4af
File 165732876027.png - (38.04KB , 1184x1014 , economic 19.png )
1037432

>Okay, so we obviously planned for this and have several laser snipers watching the building a few klicks out.
You came here with one plane, two demons and 60 employees with guns. You lost the plane and you bombed the whole continent to compensate. Trust me, this plan was half-baked from the start, but this gives you an idea.

You position use your Charming Guide to command your rear soldiers to shoot the guys in the windows for cover, while you and your forward troops hug the wall around the front door and plant some good ol' C4 in it. You pray to Billy Mays for the courage to do what needs to be done.

>Go in and post MORE of the ads
>Go in and post MORE of the ads
The twins have spoken!
>>
No. 1037433 ID: c1d4af
File 165732877447.png - (53.89KB , 1184x1014 , economic 20.png )
1037433

>>
No. 1037434 ID: c1d4af
File 165732880013.png - (91.32KB , 1184x1014 , economic 21.png )
1037434

BLAMF!
>>
No. 1037437 ID: c1d4af
File 165732897864.png - (86.79KB , 1184x1014 , economic 22.png )
1037437

Your troops storm the factory and fire at the guards with extreme perjudice. Allergine becomes the woman of the hour as she kicks ass, takes names, and gains even more holes.

Amigdala, on her part, uses her powers to grab and immobilize all the child laborers and put them against the walls, so you don't have to kill them and this story can stay PG-13. What a gal!
>>
No. 1037438 ID: c1d4af
File 165732900907.png - (21.66KB , 1184x1014 , economic 23.png )
1037438

>flash your tiddies, but actually cover the important bits and start yelling stuff.

You suddenly get the idea that, where magic failed, base lust might suceed!

You put your underboobs in full display and yell "CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE HOT BOOBS!"
>>
No. 1037439 ID: c1d4af
File 165732903686.png - (44.81KB , 1184x1014 , economic 24.png )
1037439

Amigdala rushes in front of you and starts poking your chest ferviently and repeatedly.

At least her ooze-like body serves as cover against the oncoming fire.
>>
No. 1037440 ID: c1d4af
File 165732911453.png - (32.91KB , 1184x1014 , economic 25.png )
1037440

After you oblige Amigdala, to which she raises her arms and does a little jumping of excitement, you approach the final stretch of the factory. most of the guards and soldiers are dead or captured, while the rest have fallen back to protect van Brau's main office. The fight was gruesome and you have lost 12 soldiers.

Barbra's office is protected by a heavy blast door, 30-something armed guards, and 10 automated ceiling turrets.

How do you proceed?

Your current forces:

Charming Financial Guide (mind-control powers)

Allergine (super-soldier demon, bleeding on the ground)

Amigdala (Nanobot swarm demon, giddy and bloodthirsty)

40 soldiers (two grenades each, low ammo)

Geraldine (Plane's surviving co-pilot, she...uh..can grab a gun, I guess?)
>>
No. 1037442 ID: f6af6f

Get some guards to pose as girl scouts selling cookies, the cookies in question actually being a box full of explosive material rigged to explode upon being opened.
>>
No. 1037463 ID: dc1018

>>1037440
Have soldiers take ammo off of the corpses. Throw the enemy corpses at the turrets to destroy them.
>>
No. 1037548 ID: c1d4af
File 165742115966.png - (63.28KB , 1184x1014 , economic 26.png )
1037548

With my Amigdala Catapult I can launch my Explosive Champion toward turrets,
>>
No. 1037549 ID: c1d4af
File 165742119220.png - (64.56KB , 1184x1014 , economic 27.png )
1037549

Shattering the entire ceiling,
>>
No. 1037550 ID: c1d4af
File 165742122811.png - (28.69KB , 1184x1014 , economic 28.png )
1037550

Thereby causing it to collapse on top of your soldiers!
>>
No. 1037551 ID: c1d4af
File 165742126856.png - (46.97KB , 1184x1014 , economic 29.png )
1037551

After that load of bollocks, the blast door to Barbra's main office still stands more or less unharmed. Opening it shouldn't take too long, mostly because road-blocking the audience like that would be poor form.
What traps, gambits and other stuff does van Brau have in store there?
>>
No. 1037595 ID: dc1018

>>1037551
Nothing, because they aren't as paranoid as originally thought.
>>
No. 1037606 ID: e7c7d3

A bucket of water propped on top of the door. The water is evil
>>
No. 1037608 ID: e51896

>>1037606
this.
There's also a whoopee cushion on a chair somewhere
>>
No. 1037663 ID: c1d4af
File 165749944299.png - (47.00KB , 1184x1014 , economic 30.png )
1037663

After like a freaking hour of heaving and pulling and a lot of WD-40, the door finally opens and 3 of your soldiers push their way in. As soon as this happens, however, a bucket of water falls on top of them.

But this is not just any water, no. This is SEA WATER, the water with the biggest kill count of all and scourge of man since time immemorial!

The moment your men are splashed with the sea water, it uses its dark marine powers to transport them into a realm of ship-sailing nightmares. One of the soldiers has his belly shaved with a rusty razor, another is stuck in a scupper with a hosepipe bottom, and the last is put in a bed with the captain's daughter.

How dreadful! You now have 37 soldiers.
>>
No. 1037664 ID: c1d4af
File 165749950779.png - (41.63KB , 1184x1014 , economic 31.png )
1037664

rolled 2 = 2

And there she finally is, Barbra van Brau, Conqueror of the Dark Continent, Subjugator of the Sahara, Heckler of Hyenas, Mogul of Metal-Making, and all 'round good girl.

You notice how she tries to upstage you in everything, including having a pretty dress and better hair than you. As in, an actual mane, not the random strings that come out randomly out of your scalp. You need to see your stylist.

You also notice she is harnessing the power of her Charming Financial Guide. She is aiming it right at Amigdala! You see the Guide glow with energy as the office lights up and- and-!
>>
No. 1037665 ID: c1d4af
File 165749958681.png - (34.28KB , 1184x1014 , economic 32 A.png )
1037665

Aaaaaand it didn´t take. Well, then looks like we've got Barbra cornered, boys and girls.

What do we do now?

Select one for each category:

What do we do with Barbra?

>Kill her (suggest how)
>Mind-control her
>Spare her?

We have liberated Africa from Barbra van Brau, What do we do with it?

>Mind-control it
>Leave it alone
>Other

Allergine, your pilot and many of your soldiers died, do we honour their sacrifice with a monument?

>Hail the heroes!
>Eh, they weren't even essetial workers, anyway.
>>
No. 1037672 ID: dc1018

>>1037665
Strip her down, put her in a straitjacket, keep her prisoner. We can decide what to do later. At this point, we should start fortifying Africa from the inevitable joint NATO-China response to the severe clouds of irradiated acid rain that are currently pouring down over Europe due to our glassing Africa.
>>
No. 1037673 ID: f6af6f

>>1037672
And also don her objectively-better-than-yours dress to really rub it in.
>>
No. 1038088 ID: c1d4af
File 165776970233.png - (54.20KB , 1184x1014 , economic 33.png )
1038088

*Sigh* So much lost, so many dead. And for what? In the crossfire of a war of greed and powerlust. Hopefully, we may be left alone this time and can rebuild our li-
>>
No. 1038089 ID: c1d4af
File 165776972773.png - (58.58KB , 1184x1014 , economic 34.png )
1038089

ABLBLELELEGGGGH!
>>
No. 1038090 ID: c1d4af
File 165776979736.png - (47.61KB , 1184x1014 , economic 35.png )
1038090

VICTORY!

With Africa taken over, you start preparing your defences for the retaliation your other adversaries will undoubtedly launch against you. You also restrain Barbra, steal her dress, take over all her assets, and send her to a secretive mental house far away where no one can hear her complain.

"Noooo! Let me go, I was the ruler of all Africa!"

*Chucles* "So was I!", says Emperor Bokassa II.
>>
No. 1038092 ID: c1d4af
File 165776989573.png - (66.21KB , 1184x1014 , economic 36.png )
1038092

Since nobody gave you any input on the matter, you decide to make a monument to honour the fallen.

The former ruling seat of Barbra van Brau and site of your grand battle, a sizable statue is erected to remember Allergine and your brave soldiers. You even decide to grant the family of your airplane pilot, living in Ivory Coast, an extra three weeks a year without being mind-controlled (not cumulative with the days in which you might forget to exert control over them, mind)!

At the base of the statue, a humble eulogy can be read clearly etched in the stone:

There once was a super-soldier from Hell
Who could punch and shoot really well.
She became our hero,
Her hater count zero,
As her dead foes can readily tell.

*sniff* She would be so proud to read it.

Her best friend Amigdala is completely heart-broken and goes to visit the statue with flowers every day. An entire garden will soon form if she continues. In the meantime, you give your surviving co-pilot, Geraldine, the grand honour of Employee of the Month, and proceed to review the biggest threats that now assail you, as your takeover of Africa has kicked the hornets' nest, and your adversaries will now take you seriously.
>>
No. 1038093 ID: c1d4af
File 165777015506.png - (156.46KB , 1578x1397 , economic 37.png )
1038093

And here they are, your Charming Financial Guide nemesis. The six most fearsome Guide-holders to ever oppose you.

Once the Charming Guides were many, but as soon as people started using them, they began vying for control, and it was not long before they fell upon each other's throats, until only 7 remained. Many were the crimes you and your surviving rivals committed in order to take of 1/7 of the Earth.

Just as you rose to control the American continent, so too your rivals control one continent each. Their names are as follows:

Barbra van Brau: Once the youngest of a poor South African family, she acquired a Guide and learned to use it to access the highest education her country could offer and soon form a mettallurgic company that took control of Africa. But we already captured her, so SKIP!



Tammy Footman: Unlike most other Guide-holders, Tammy was born in a wealthy middle-class family in England, but almost since birth, she developed an interest in the occult. She found she had a (super)natural talent to see the future and used it to learn the best course of action to have a succesful life. She foresaw exactly were Guide would land on her feet, and with its power rose to become the number one entrepeneur in all of Europe.

Now she rules the Old Continent with her foreboding magics, and has found that she can even use children's life force to empower her troops and industry. I mean, more so than the other Guide-holders, at any rate. Anyway, girl has problems. She has access to some of the most avant-garde technology in the world and her future-sight means she will see you coming. Be wary of her.



Mrs. Claus: The wife of Santa himself slowly but surely grew tired of being just a pretty face and, as decades turned into centuries, developed a resentment for the jolly bearded man. Once she acquired a Guide, she brought down her husband and declared herself undisputed ruler of the Artic.

She is probably the most dangerous of all the Guide-holders, and her Chistmas Spirit powers allow her to know when you are sleeping or awake and allows her to go anywhere on Earth almost instantly, which is why you always sleep in a house full of guards, in a room without chimneys or windows.

She also has an army of elves, which are so loyal to her, due to generations of cultivated fervor, that she doesn't even need a Guide to control them! Because of their high levels of indoctrination, as well as Mrs. Claus always having her Guide at hand, you will have 25% chances of gaining control of them with your Guide.


Pablo "El Pingûino Emperador" Drumkoff: A Chilean researcher stationed in the Antartic, he acquired a Guide to seek better job opportunities, butbecame corrupt by its power, took over the minds of his fellow researchers and local wildlife, and shortly came to dominate the entire frozen continent.

Unlike Mrs. Claus, who lives safely in her village-factory at the very center of the North Pole, Pablo bodly flaunts his domain over nature Antartic peninsula, employing his knowledge of the realm, the submarines he bought from other Guide-holders, and his army of penguins to let the world know he is not afraid to fight those that would try to take his empire from him. Still, he might be the easiest foe to defeat, though attacking him first may give your other rivals more time to prepare.


Hakim al-Ameda: A Pakistani man who bid his time as the other Guide-holders of Asia tore each other apart, then took hold of the whole continent. Because he has the most land and population in the world, including a good chunk of what used to be Russia, he has more weapons, more missiles, more troops and more resources than anyone else. Moreover, nobody knows where he is! He could be hiding anywhere, Japan, China, Mongolia, the Arabian Emirates. Finding him will require guile, patience, and probably lots of creativity. Either that, or something very witty and funny that makes me relent make him show up. Play the author, not the quest, kiddies!


Finally, there is Aiku Aramba: An Australian Aboriginal, he wrested his Guide from her sister, who just wished to use it to emancipate their nation from the Aussies. Aiku was more ambicious however and, by virtue of being a quick learner, rapidly became a farming industrialist that took over the whole of Oceania.

His capacity to rise from rags to riches better than any of the other surviving Guide-holders means he can quickly learn from anything you throw at him, so if you should strike at him, you should be sure to land a lasting blow. He also has control over animal and plant life, without the need of his Guide. We don't know if this is because he is a fan of Steve Irwin and has seen Crocodile Dundee 10 times, or because his obscure ethnocentric religion is actually the One True Faith.


The stage is set, and with your possesion of two continents, the other Guide-holders will surely put their differences aside for a moment to attack you.

Who should we face first and what strategy should we employ to defeat them?
>>
No. 1038134 ID: 6a2a09

So uh, like what does the metallurgic company do? What kinds of benefits do we get? We should analyze that before we see what opponent we should challenge next
>>
No. 1038164 ID: c1d4af
File 165782513224.png - (41.41KB , 1578x1000 , economic 38.png )
1038164

You interrogate one of the workers:

Uh, yeah, t-the metal factories take of gathering all types of metal and hard materials, either extracted here or imported, and um, shaping them into component parts for buildings, vehicles, appliances, etc. which we then use for ourselves or, uh, export to the other regions of the world.

As the first of all elements, it is a very important element because otherwise, the other big bosses of the world would have to repurpose a lot of their infraestructure to um, make the pieces and parts that we make here.

Our boss, van Brau, traded this refined metal with the others in exchange for tech, food and other resources but um, since you defeated her, they may place an embargo on all those things.
But uh, t-they probably won't be able to get a lot of replacement parts for their own weapons and devices.

You and your rivals have limited resources, unless you can repurpose some of your assets or negotiate a truce.

You currently have more access to spare parts for weapons, armored vehicles and bombs than the others, but your access to blueprints and basic resources is more scarce.
>>
No. 1038234 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038164
Weeeeeell, i suppose the Asia or Europe dudes are probably the most urgent, since they have control over military superpowers.

Tho, since we have control of the US, can we like, send a nuke sub over around Russia and one over around the English channel, and have them nuke London and Moscow respectively and then use some slight manipulation to start a nuclear war between them so they take care of each other while we focus on something else?
>>
No. 1038292 ID: 02970a

rolled 9 = 9

Well, okay then.
>>
No. 1038293 ID: 02970a

rolled 4 = 4

Let's see...
>>
No. 1038294 ID: 02970a

rolled 1 = 1

...what we get.
>>
No. 1038371 ID: c1d4af
File 165802944148.png - (61.99KB , 2088x1000 , economic 39.png )
1038371

You quickly repurpose most of your textile factory intro producing nuclear missiles and other explosives. Your enemies have no need for clothes, it's hot where they are going.

You launch your nukes like it's going out of style, and unlike the jokes in this quest, the bombs totally land!

Unfortunately, Tammy predicts your move and fires first! while also evacuating the capitals of her cities almost completely. A lot of your bases and cities get seriously damaged, even your anti-missile defenses can do so much.

Moreover, your attemps at turning the other Guide-holders against each other fails spectacularly. You send Hakim's people a picture of Tammy eating pork, but he doesn't care about that since he found out his one true god was money. You tell Pablo and Aiku Ms. Claus hates wildlife when in truth she gave them some penguins and koalas as a gift last Christmas.

Soon enough everybody who has nukes is throwing them at you.
Things explode. Everything everywhere all at once.Most of your cities in North America are turned to slag, except New Jersey and San Francisco, you bomb those yourself, no one can steal that pleasure.

America, Europa, Africa (again?!) and Asia are borderline Mad Max'ed and the Earth just got a lot hotter. You are become Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann, Destroyer of Worlds.
Most everyone runs out of nukes and it's gonna take like a year for their military bases to make more.
>>
No. 1038372 ID: c1d4af
File 165803012243.png - (111.25KB , 2088x1000 , economic 40.png )
1038372

As if things weren't bad enough, something terrible has happened!

Mrs. Claus, with her bullshit Holiday powers, has shown up at one of your safehouses and kidnapped your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend!

"Myahahaha! Go to the North Pole and drop your Charming Financial Guides at these coordinates of your lovepuppy gets it!"

What dastardliness! You know full well if she gets those Guides, she will mind control you and won't be able to date your smoking hot boyfriend anymore!


What now?
>Agree anyway (probably game over)
>Pretend to agree and set up a trap (high chance to fail)
>Pretend to agree and send a strike team to Santa's Village.
>Full scale invasion of the North Pole
>Ignore it and do something else.
>Other plan?
>>
No. 1038373 ID: 6a2a09

we have to find santa, and get him on our side
or revive him
either works
he must be more powerful-er than Ms. Claus, and with his special HOLIDAY BAG, he can grab us anything we wish for.
>>
No. 1038423 ID: b0b5f8

Pretend to agree and set up a trap!

High risk, high reward!
>>
No. 1038435 ID: c1d4af

rolled 96 = 96

Alrighty, looks like we are gonna be doing a trap AND a diversion.
Give me trap suggestions. Any suggestions, reasonable, cerebral, wacky, deranged.
As long as it's fun I'll try to add it to the rescue plan.

>>
No. 1038474 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038435
Not sure what to do for a trap tbh, but I have some ideas others can incorporate:
-Kidnap some elves and replace some non-critical organs with bombs.
-Since it is the north pole, a nuclear submarine could probably just breach anywhere throwing everyone who was on the ice into the water.
-There are other WMDs other than nuclear, like gas and biological agents.
-Do we really care about our boyfriend, or is it just the principle of it?
-Russian Santa is blue


(also sidenote that there are tons of public bunkers in Scandinavia, so we may want to sweep thru those places at some point cuz most of society could have survived. Including our adversaries.)
>>
No. 1038533 ID: c1d4af
File 165820406872.png - (44.26KB , 1474x1000 , economic 41.png )
1038533

>Do we really care about our boyfriend, or is it just the principle of it?
Of course you care about your sexy ass boyfriend, he is the best dog-brained stud in the whole wide world! Probably the only one, too.

>There are tons of public bunkers in Scandinavia, so we may want to sweep thru those places at some point cuz most of society could have survived. Including our adversaries.
Oh, Tammy totally survived! She saw your attack coming with her creepy future-seeing powers and she evacuated most of the people and useful crap from the main cities. Right now she is probably rebuilding things before she comes back with a vengeance.

That's it! Desperate times call for desperate measures! You employ the book of demonology you gained at the start of your journey to summon yet another spawn of darkness from the depths of Hell.
>>
No. 1038535 ID: c1d4af
File 165820413049.png - (41.59KB , 1474x1000 , economic 42.png )
1038535

And look! It's none other than gAyb, the protagonist from the world famous graphic novel series Rat Sex and Furry Fae Futanare.
After Stuart Little and Ratatouille, folks were horny for rats and mice like never before in history, so when that series hit the shelves, it took the world by storm as people rushed to the stores to buy them.

You no longer feel so bad about pulverizing so many of them in atomic hellfire.

"gAyb!", you command, "I know from your comic that you can use portals to teleport anywhere, I need you to infiltrate Santa's Village and do a few things for me."

"ok", says gAyb in his characteristic usual personality that this quest author absolutely knows because he totally read that story.
>>
No. 1038536 ID: c1d4af
File 165820418908.png - (81.19KB , 1474x1000 , economic 43.png )
1038536

A couple days later, you and a handful of your forces reach the expected meeting point, not too far off the coast in the Artic. An army of elves armed with flying sleds and polar bears stands around your super-hot-bun-fresh-off-the-bakery boyfriend as far as the can see.

One of the elves beside him takes a step forward. "Hand over the Charming Guides! And no funny business!"
>>
No. 1038537 ID: c1d4af
File 165820422399.png - (52.35KB , 1474x1000 , economic 44.png )
1038537

"Haha, jokes on you, you Legolas wannabes."
>>
No. 1038538 ID: c1d4af
File 165820428617.png - (45.51KB , 1474x1000 , economic 45.png )
1038538

>Kidnap some elves and replace some non-critical organs with bombs.
"My special agent infiltrated your Village and laced your bears' Cola bowls with actual cocaine!"
>>
No. 1038539 ID: c1d4af
File 165820431022.png - (69.12KB , 1474x1000 , economic 46.png )
1038539

>>
No. 1038540 ID: c1d4af
File 165820435496.png - (53.08KB , 1474x1000 , economic 47.png )
1038540

>Since it is the north pole, a nuclear submarine could probably just breach anywhere throwing everyone who was on the ice into the water.
>>
No. 1038542 ID: c1d4af
File 165820438507.png - (76.14KB , 1474x1000 , economic 48.png )
1038542

THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!
>>
No. 1038544 ID: c1d4af
File 165820443490.png - (50.72KB , 1474x1000 , economic 49.png )
1038544

"Profit One to Base, nuclear subs succesfully dropped. Santa's Village is decimated. These flying sled troops are a bunch of pussies!

Glory to financial independence! Glory to Wo-Mann!"
>>
No. 1038545 ID: c1d4af
File 165820450353.png - (72.68KB , 1474x1000 , economic 50.png )
1038545

As your Air forces make venison of the reindeer sleds above and the roar of bears and screaming of elves fills the tundra around you, all is well.
Suddenly, a snowdrift quickly rises from the horizon and quickly approaches you, coalescing into a snowy tornado, out of which Mrs. Claus appears. She looks happy to see you!

"You pr*ck-haired dog-f&#&#! You destroy my f%#&# village and kill half my f/&$&$ elves, I'm going to wreck your s$&# , you b#$"!"

Uh oh, she seems to have lost her cool a bit and is channeling the holiday spirit to tear you a new one.

What now?
>>
No. 1038548 ID: 8483cf

Suddenly, the real Legolas shows up to defend you! Oh no, he's hot!
>>
No. 1038557 ID: 7ec758

Give her a gift to buy time. Just wrap something from your pocket in whatever material you have to hand. Refusing it would be against the spirit of Christmas!
>>
No. 1038589 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038544
Holy shit, you dropped a nuclear submarine from a plane...
Am I reading that right?

--
>>1038557
Like a grenade! With the pin taped to a string so it gets pulled when it is unwrapped.
>>
No. 1038630 ID: 8004f7

rolled 1 = 1

One final roll before the smackdown.

>You dropped a nuclear submarine from a plane? Am I reading that right?
That society of former charity toy makers never saw it coming.
>>
No. 1038717 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038630
well that is unfortunate
>>
No. 1038735 ID: fe7de6

>>1038630
Uh oh
>>
No. 1038757 ID: 1075e3
File 165837024935.png - (45.38KB , 1474x1000 , economic 51.png )
1038757

As a couple soldiers jump to protect you and promptly get turned into gingerbread men, you grab van Brau's Financial Guide and throw it right at Mrs. Claus face.
>>
No. 1038758 ID: 1075e3
File 165837028907.png - (59.87KB , 1474x1000 , economic 52.png )
1038758

Mrs. Claus is temporarily distracted as she jump giddily at having acquired yet another Guide. You are about to command your soldiers to fire when suddenly...

"WATCH OUT!"

Amigdala jumps in front of you as an arrow pierces through your perfect boyfriend's perfect noggin.
>>
No. 1038759 ID: 1075e3
File 165837033484.png - (30.27KB , 1474x1000 , economic 53.png )
1038759

Thumff
>>
No. 1038760 ID: 1075e3
File 165837038788.png - (66.29KB , 1474x1000 , economic 54.png )
1038760

As Amigdala's beloved, highly detailed and perfectly rendered flower that you can totally tell is a flower falls to the ground, damaged, and your boyfriend languishes in pain over the snow, you find Amigdala mortally wounded in the one place that counts, her fashion sense.

"Aaaaaah, my style! My suave! I can't go on! whataworld"

Amigdala slowly melts into an innert nanobot puddle, having lost the will to live.
>>
No. 1038761 ID: 1075e3
File 165837046576.png - (58.74KB , 1474x1000 , economic 55.png )
1038761

>Suddenly, the real Legolas shows up!
Ho Ho Hell, yeah!

>Oh no, he's hot!
Best I could draw in short order. Just...just use your imagination, okay?

"Legolas?!" You exclaim indignantly, "I called upon you to help me fight Mrs. Claus, not side with her!"

"She may have perverted the once peaceful ways of boreandorei elves to serve her thirst for conquest", Legolas expresses in his signature elegant voice, "But at least she is not murdering them end mass!", he yells in rightful indignation.

Welp! Looks like in a fight between two tyrannical moguls, an actual lawful good hero's allegiance could go either way.
>>
No. 1038762 ID: 1075e3
File 165837059455.png - (111.44KB , 1474x1000 , economic 56.png )
1038762

>Give her a gift to buy time. Just wrap something from your pocket in whatever material you have to hand. Refusing it would be against the spirit of Christmas!

"Alright, time to finish this!", Mrs. Claus yells as she flips open the van Brau's Guide, "I can cast a spell to add this Guide's power to my own and then it's curtain call for- wait, what's this glowing pentagram here?"

>Like a grenade! With the pin taped to a string so it gets pulled when it is unwrapped.
>>
No. 1038763 ID: 1075e3
File 165837066473.png - (73.69KB , 1474x1000 , economic 57.png )
1038763

KACHUUUUUFF!

It's gAyb and the adipose king of jolly merriment himself! gAyb appears to have fred him and cast a portal back to you! Good on you, you jaundice-ridden rodent!

-"Husband?! So they freed you, didn't they?"

-"Ho Ho How are you doing, honey? You should have visited the cellblock you put me in more often, I missed you!"

-"No matter! I have enough Christmas Cheer and Financial Independence to put you right back there, sugar cane!"

-"Oh, I don't think so, cherry plum. You have put yourself on the naughty list and it's time to teach you a lesson!"

-"ok"-, gAyb lets out in enthusiastic defiance.

How do we teach her a lesson?
>>
No. 1038764 ID: e5709d

Frame Ms. Claus for crimes against humanity and strand her in the middle of Mister Rogers' playhouse

Watch the carnage unfold and laugh
>>
No. 1038765 ID: 8483cf

Our main man Santa can handle Mrs. Claus. He knows all her tricks!

We're totally boned tho when it comes to Leggy. Solution: gaYb goes to Isengard and Legolas has to follow!
>>
No. 1038771 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038763
Break all her fingers and toes, then throw her into Mount Doom.
>>
No. 1038772 ID: 0d01d6

>>1038763
idk, maybe santa also does some explicit shit to her as revenge since they are married, but personally I would rather not see that so if it happens, lets just put a big ol' censor bar over all of that.
>>
No. 1038777 ID: e51896

Get a chalk board, and teach her a lesson, literally.
>>
No. 1038778 ID: 1075e3
File 165838255455.png - (60.45KB , 1474x1160 , me either.png )
1038778

>>
No. 1038779 ID: 1075e3
File 165838256282.png - (66.17KB , 1474x1160 , me either 2.png )
1038779

>>
No. 1038847 ID: b71dce

>>1038779
lol, fair enough
>>
No. 1038849 ID: 6a2a09

i got it, the santa summons the author to erase her out of existence
>>
No. 1038908 ID: 1075e3
File 165850951706.png - (80.36KB , 2320x1154 , economic 58.png )
1038908

>Frame Ms. Claus for crimes against humanity
LOL Imagine having to frame a Charming Financial Guide holders for crimes against humanity.

>strand her in the middle of Mister Rogers' playhouse
Sadly, dear Mister Rogers passed away in 2003. Whoever unleashed the Financial Guides upon the world was either not active at the time, or was too afraid of the protective aura good uncle Fred casted upon those he made contact with.

>Get a chalk board, and teach her a lesson, literally.
Love it!

Santa employs his powers to summon an illustrative chalkboard that displays several charts and schematics and begins expound on them as he and his wife unleash beams of Festive Energy upon each other.

-"So you see, by deciding to rely on merchantile magic and enter the global market, you have made the North Pole dependant on outside revenue and a constant need to balance a GDP in order to produce ludicrous items that only serve to satisfy a military expansion industry we shouldn't even have in the first place!"

-"That's nice, deary-muffin, but the promise of world domination makes me feel far less concerned about our bottom line."
>>
No. 1038909 ID: 1075e3
File 165850958676.png - (98.25KB , 1882x1152 , economic 59.png )
1038909

Meanwhile, Legolas puts on a display of acrobatics that is the envy of any Man as he gracefully dodges bullets and fires arrows upon your PR employees-turned-stormtroopers. He mostly shoots to wound, though, 'cause they are your mind-controlled slaves and he is a jolly good guy.

-"Strong Financial witch, your hour of twilight comes t-!"

-"ok", a sudden cry for help rings out into Legolas' ears.
>>
No. 1038910 ID: 1075e3
File 165850964564.png - (84.67KB , 1882x1152 , economic 60.png )
1038910

>gaYb goes to Isengard and Legolas has to follow!
gAyb, having mastered the ability after countless nights of debased intimacy, flawlessly presses his tail against his back, concealing out of sight as he opens a portal to the flooded ruins of Isengard.

Legolas, upon seeing his short stature, oversized nose and ears, jutting teeth and ridiculously hirsute feet, confuses him for a hobbit and immedeatedly experiences PTSD. Seeing him standing over a boulder near the White Tower, he feels compelled to rescue him and rushes towards gAyb as the portal closes behind him.
>>
No. 1038911 ID: 1075e3
File 165850971487.png - (74.54KB , 1404x1136 , economic 61.png )
1038911

You rush yourself towards your god-level smexy boyfriend as he lays with Legolas' arrow jutting out of his forehead.

-"Bark-ley, stay with me, please! Can you hear me, bestest boy?"

-"Blrg....agh....ack.... ah...ah....I...I wish to obtain a loan from the bank so I can pursue a profitable college career in Marketing."

Ooooh, HELL NO!
>>
No. 1038912 ID: 1075e3
File 165850978286.png - (59.46KB , 1404x1136 , economic 62.png )
1038912

As Santa lies on the ground, bloody and battered, Mrs. Claus closes the distance and stands over him chasticingly.

-"You always underestimated me and left me in a corner. That is why I fought you. That is why I won."

-"I should have let you have a grander part in our life's endeavour, I can admit to that. Still, you can't say we didn't have good times together, right?"

-"Save the sweet-talk, honey puff, you know that nothing you try is going to work. You can't win over me."

-"I know, but they can", Santa says as he points behind Mrs. Claus.
>>
No. 1038913 ID: 1075e3
File 165850983293.png - (213.76KB , 3052x1152 , economic 63.png )
1038913

>Russian Santa is blue
As she turns around, Mrs. Claus is flabbergasted as she finds herself surrounded by Ded Moroz, and Saint Nicholas, and Krampus, and Papa Noel, and Papá No Ve, and the Santa from Santa Clause, and Whopie Goldberg from that movie where Whopie Goldberg inherited the mantle of Santa, remember that one?

Behind them are several other Santas, along with an army composed of everyone who has ever saved Christmas.

Your preparation with the summoning books you bought were thorough and you left nothing to chance, nobody kidnaps your hot-buns boyfriend!
>>
No. 1038914 ID: 1075e3
File 165850989739.png - (60.59KB , 1404x1136 , economic 64.png )
1038914

gAyb, having succesfully driven off Legolas by trying to molest him, promptly returns to your side with another portal. The Santas use this oportunity to throw Mrs. Claus down into Mount Doom.
Mount Doom is now mostly inhert after being reduced to Middle-Earth's largest pile of destritus, but the fall breaks a good number of Mrs. Claus' fingers and toes. You hope a week of eating nothing but volcanic rocks will teach her some manners.

-"Ho Ho Ho! Great work, gAyb!", Santa beams. "Even though it's July, I must confess you did it! You saved Christmas, gAyb!"

-"ok", gAyb whoops full of enthusiasm and gratitude.

-"I will make sure you recieve ALL those stylish outfits you asked me for this year, instead of another chastity belt made of coal."

-"ok", gAyb retorts with his usual sassyness.

-"Oh ho ho! You, rascal, you!
>>
No. 1038915 ID: 1075e3
File 165850996639.png - (97.86KB , 1862x1136 , economic 65.png )
1038915

Everybody's laughter at gAyb's witty comeback is cut short as you hear a child's voice boom inside your head.

"Attention, Strifindent!", the voice says, it takes a moment to realise it can only be the voice of Tammy Footman, the creepy psychic girl who rules over Europe.

"We have seen your victory over the North Pole. You have been a thorn on our side for far too long and your continued threat cannot be denied any longer. We four remaining Guide-holders who remain have made an alliance to destroy you and all those who would stand by your side. We know full well how dangerous you are and so are sending all of our forces to the North Pole to wipe you from existence."

"Use these precious few moments to make your peace with the Devil, because this is the Past, the Present and the Future as I have seen it: We are going to whoop your ass!"
>>
No. 1038916 ID: 1075e3
File 165851000651.png - (99.28KB , 1862x1136 , economic 66.png )
1038916

"You cannot win."





How do we win?
>>
No. 1038919 ID: 7b75ea

We can't change the future as Tammy has seen it... so we must do what even she can't anticipate, and change the past! Even if she can see what's happening there, Tammy can't do anything to stop you if you, say, use the Santas' combined time-bending magic to travel back and prevent Tammy from being born! From there, with manual in hand, you'll have an earlier start on a world that hasn't been blown up, with the bullshit hax psychic no longer on the board!
>>
No. 1038923 ID: b0b5f8

If you can't beat her, bribe her!
You've still got gAyb as your loyal summon, offer Tammy a portal to the PlushQuest universe.

This will use the last of his power so you'll have to find a new game-breaker.
>>
No. 1038934 ID: e5709d

Let them whoop your ass while you send assassins to make their victory pointless. Then take over with a smaller, cheaper army.
>>
No. 1038956 ID: b71dce

Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.

We also built a working Scinfaxi (Ace Combat) complete with
Crisp
White
SHEETS!

Also keep raining nukes on their continents. To keep them on their toes.
>>
No. 1039046 ID: 10a721
File 165862725265.png - (64.64KB , 1560x1008 , economic 67.png )
1039046

>Use the Santas' combined time-bending magic to travel back and prevent Tammy from being born!
You attempt this. You end up accidentally becoming Tammy's grandmother.

You decide to try a second time, but this time going somewhere more recent and less potentially paradoxy.
>>
No. 1039047 ID: 10a721
File 165862729511.png - (97.86KB , 1862x1136 , economic 65.png )
1039047

"Attention, Strfindent! We have seen your victory over the North Pole. You have been a thorn on our side for far too long and your continued threat cannot be denied any-"
>>
No. 1039048 ID: 10a721
File 165862734298.png - (81.19KB , 1560x1008 , economic 68.png )
1039048

What the fu-?


>Take over with a smaller, cheaper army.

Your soldiers make short work of the bodyguards in the room that I couldn't be arsed to draw.
>>
No. 1039049 ID: 10a721
File 165862741315.png - (243.91KB , 1810x1232 , economic 69.png )
1039049

>You've still got gAyb as your loyal summon, offer Tammy a portal to the PlushQuest universe.

I raise my flags, don my clothes
It's a revolution, I suppose
We'll paint it red to fit right in

Whoa

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse

Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioac-
>>
No. 1039050 ID: 10a721
File 165862745106.png - (44.34KB , 1810x900 , economic 70.png )
1039050

>Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.
>>
No. 1039051 ID: 10a721
File 165862749055.png - (164.64KB , 1810x900 , economic 71.png )
1039051

Gottem!
>>
No. 1039052 ID: 10a721
File 165862755473.png - (146.71KB , 2492x900 , economic 72.png )
1039052

After your victory over the Guide-holders, you, your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend and your new friends take the time to rest, comingle, and take care of the wounded, and boy howdy, are there a LOT of wounded.

After a week, you and the many Santas decide to part ways, with them returning to their respective universes. YOUR Santa thanks you for all the help with mending and burying the dead and injured elves and sets forth to take his wife back and hopefully rebuild the Village. Everybody is so happy, they seem to have forgotten that you are an amoral money-grubbing businesswoman in possession of all seven Financial Guides.

You last see gAyb with a small posse of elven supermodels as he goes to help Santa with the rebuilding. Knowing him, he's probably planning to aid in the repopulation effort.
>>
No. 1039053 ID: 10a721
File 165862765884.png - (114.99KB , 2134x1264 , economic 73.png )
1039053

As you return home to North America, you discuss with your juicy ass boyfriend the ways in which you are going to rebuild and reorganize the world now that you are basically its undisputed ruler. Your boyfriend proposes decontaminating the areas affected by the nuclear Armageddon and prioritizing enviromental efforts and the stocking of foodstuffs to reduce the damage of the on-coming fallout. You suggest building a giant, fully functional Scinfaxi instead.

As you and what remains of your troops disembark on your homeland, you are momentarily blinded by an all encompassing flash of light. After a few seconds, the light subsides somewhat to reveal what appears to be a man in a striped jacket and brown moccassins floating at the center of the beaming light, surrounded by a chorus of cherubs dressed in only the finest, hamiest, dankest swag.

You immedeatedly recognize the man as none other than David Bib, creator of the Charming Financial Guides. Telemarketer and online salesman par exellence and master of all forms of invasive marketing!
You know, David Bib? The guy who's contact mail link is on the first post of this thread? That scummy fucker.


Slowly, David lowers himself to the ground and walks up to you, a coy and menacing smile etched on his face.
>>
No. 1039054 ID: 10a721
File 165862779742.png - (52.44KB , 1572x904 , economic 74.png )
1039054

"Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann!", He says with a soft yet firm voice that is almost impossible to resist, "Congratulations! You seem to have won my special little contest. You see, I created the Guides not just to teach others the way to quick effective economic solvence for the low, low price of $29.99 but to make them hunger for it, lust for it, KILL for it."

"I sold over a thousand Guides in just a year, knowing full well their holders would not remain content with their little fiefdoms of mind slaves. No, they would soon turn on each other and seek to take all that power for themselves. And so it happened, until only 7 Guides and ONE holder survived."

"Now, with all possible opposition dead or subjugated, the world is ripe for ME to take the reins of as the One True Independent Financier...... or perhaps, not the ONLY one!"

"You have proven yourself to be assertive and unrelenting in your endeavours. You scorched four continents with atomic fire, sure, but nothing that can't be fixed with time, coordination and lots of mind-control. I see you are as ruthless as me, and I find that intriguinly appealing."

He then lift his right hand, offering it to you, "Join me, Strfindent! Ditch this looser and become MY girlfriend! We can rule together, as businessman and businesswoman! Together we can reshape the Earth, nay! The galaxy, nay! The UNIVERSE in our image and never want for lack of financial indepence EVER AGAIN! Will you do yourself the honour?"


Wh- what? Dating HIM? A-and ditch your smooth-as-silk boyfriend? NO, you couldn't! You woudln't!

But.... the power...the luxury....the sweet deals so low-priced it's basically theft just one click away! It's almost irresistible! Oh, what will you choose?


This is it! The (maybe) final choice! Think well and vote carefully! What will you do?

>Join him, sacrifice your indepence.

>Refuse him, sacrifice your influences.
>>
No. 1039055 ID: 8483cf

REFUSE! Destiny is not written in stone!
>>
No. 1039075 ID: b71dce

>>1039054
Third option: shoot him in the balls and take his power.
>>
No. 1039081 ID: b0b5f8

>>1039075
Indeed, he's just your next prey now. First a cheap shot, then you hit him with everything you've got!
>>
No. 1039084 ID: e5709d

He's brainwashing you with his superpowers! Quick, give the subtle command to your top assassins to just stab him in the back!
>>
No. 1039098 ID: 10a721

rolled 941 = 941

Voting is still up, but just to calculate what's gonna happen with one of the suggestions..
>>
No. 1039151 ID: 10a721

Crap, I realized my previous sentence was poorly constructed: the voting is still up.
I just posted to calculate a possible outcome to choice.
>>
No. 1039207 ID: 0d2390

>>1039098
That is a pretty damn good roll.
>>
No. 1039232 ID: 10a721
File 165878719663.png - (72.19KB , 2170x1028 , economic 75.png )
1039232

>Shoot him in the dick.
You silently channel the power of your Financial Guides to command one of your sharpshooters to fire David's nether region.

At the last fraction of a second, however, the almighty salesman's luminous aura turns into a shield that blocks the bullet with ease.

"I offered you partnership and you spat on my manhood. Die!", he says as he blasts you with a ray of pecuniary power.

Just as he sees David lifting his hand towards you, your sharp as nails and hot as hell boyfriend pushes you away and cashes in on the Third Law of Motion to push himself to the opposite side of the ray, narrowly saving you both from certain death.
>>
No. 1039233 ID: 10a721
File 165878727432.png - (108.56KB , 1876x1004 , economic 76.png )
1039233

As you start falling back behind your troops, David's profit angels swoop down your soldiers, who let fly with everything they've got.

One of your PR troops manages to graze David's leg with a bullet, tearing off a chunk of his pants and leaving an appreciable portion of his calve exposed to the elements.

"Oh, hell, no! We are not doing this!", David exclaims in annoyance.

You both halt the battle momentarily and calmy wait for an angel to bring your foe a pair fresh pantaloons before resuming the skirmish.



How do we beat this guy?
>>
No. 1039269 ID: e51896

Thumb wrestling!
>>
No. 1039335 ID: eae08b

Surely the final fight must be fierce. Show who has the greatest market influence! Dueling ad campaigns for a product that hurts whoever uses it. Maybe both contestants have different things to shill.
Whoever sells more of their terrible product attains complete hegemony of the market!
>>
No. 1039371 ID: e5709d

It's time to out-monster him.
Challenge him to a vile and twisted empathy-preserving contest, where both of you are injected with pure empathy and must hold it for 24 hours while committing some of the worst war crimes possible. Whoever manages to commit a higher quantifiable sum of the worst possible crimes against sapient life within 24 hours, or holds on to their empathy when their opponent loses it entirely, survives the divine judgement beam. Empathy rating will be analyzed every half-hour.
>>
No. 1039376 ID: 0838d6

>>1039371
This sounds terrifying and hilarious
>>
No. 1039380 ID: 0d2390

>>1039371
You sick, fucking depraved bastard...

I'm in!
>>
No. 1039382 ID: e5784e

>>1039371
Yes! Absolutely this
>>
No. 1039384 ID: e51896

>>1039371
Changing my vote to this
>>
No. 1039403 ID: c78b33

rolled 44 = 44

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_VI6J-d_dI
>>
No. 1039436 ID: 0d2390

>>1039403
It is on the lower side of mediocre... so not entirely damning yet... hopefully.

We definitely didn't succeed, but it gives the hope of a second chance.
>>
No. 1039438 ID: c78b33
File 165903178791.png - (271.28KB , 1702x1306 , economic 77.png )
1039438

As the battle rages on, you are suddenly approached by what appears to be a jewelry-laden Cherub made entirely out of thumbs.

"Be bedazzled, bitch!", his voice booms, "I shall now deliver unto thee a slap so hard, you-"


>Thumb wrestling

KIAAAAAAA

Your banshee screech echoes across the field as you lunge at the bling bling bastard.
>>
No. 1039439 ID: c78b33
File 165903191704.png - (138.83KB , 1986x1162 , economic 78.png )
1039439

You fight like a mad dog in heat and your soldiers follow suit. As bad guys, more bad guys and explosions extend as far as the eye can see, your hot-piece-of-boyfriend, Bark-ley, steppes forth within eyeshot of David.

-"I'll say, I'll say," he says, "I do not think this will really get us anywhere without a lot of unnescesary blood. I propose we have some sort of challenge to determine who is the superior financer, with the losing party submitting completely to the fate the other chooses."

-"What makes you think I would ever agree to such a thing?", David asks.

-"The fact that I just called for reinforcements, we control most of the planet and you can only call forth so many swag angels."

-"Hmph, I suppose I am in a rather risky situation right now. Very well, I agree, but what challenge would we take part in to settle this mess?"

-"Probably something you are both very proficient at, such as marketing and salesmanship. A test on who can make the most people buy even the most inane item could-"

-"I propose getting all hypersensitive and see who can still blow stuff up without being a little bitch!", you pitch in, momentarily ceasing to pluck one of the Cherub's wings.

-"Wait..."
>>
No. 1039440 ID: c78b33
File 165903199161.png - (103.54KB , 1986x1162 , economic 79.png )
1039440

>Empathy challenge to the death!

You and David both proceed to go take a whole of chill pills from the nearest pharmacies, watch Titanic, All Dogs Go to Heaven, and all other iconic humanizing movies, and finally take a three-week sensitivity course from H.R. It's super effective.

Afterwards, you both start to tear the world a new one while bawling your eyes out and trying your best not to break apart. Bombing villages, poisoning reefs, reigniting the odd dormant volcano. For more than a week, you both wreack havoc upon the lands, no crime too great or too petty and making you both quite unpopular among the non-mind-controlled population.

It is quite a taxing and frankly excrutiating experience, but it all comes to a head about 9 days into the constest, when you perform your most massively loathed crime of all.
>>
No. 1039441 ID: c78b33
File 165903208029.png - (113.20KB , 1554x1162 , economic 80.png )
1039441

Sparing a moment to check your social media before heading out to spray napalm on Cambodia, you post a line of Tweets complaining about a Non-Profit Organization's decision to use the term "people with cervix," saying it makes it feminity too abstract for Financially Independent women like you.

Almost immedeatedly, your feed erupts with angry comments accussing you of being a close-minded bully. Your posts get everyone so mad, even celebrities jump on to condemn your bigotry, including the entire Harry Potter cast, who had previously worked with you on your famous economically-edificating contribution to the wizarding world, Harry Potter and the Ridiculous Exchange Rate of Galleons.

Among the cast is none other than David Thewlis, the actor who played Remus Lupin. He looks so handsome under the full moon. Kind of reminds you of your irresistible siren call boyfriend, before his run in with Legolas. You can't take this much rejection from him, not your lovely Remus! It's too much, you can't go on. You can keep doing this!

You give up.
>>
No. 1039442 ID: c78b33
File 165903215391.png - (176.27KB , 1730x1568 , economic 81.png )
1039442

You give David a call saying that he has won, and you both meet up and spend an additional 5 minutes on social media to regain your average levels of anger and sociopathy.
David then starts to beam triumphantly.

"Muahahaha! You led me a merry chase for my money, but in the end it takes more than a few strifing runs through a hospital complex to deter a true telemarketer! I would give you a place among my most priced thrift shop leutenants, but I remember you trying to shoot me last time I gave a similar offer. Prepare to die!", he says, channeling his deathly beam of light as he nears the end.


You lost the challenge, but you still have one final chance to save yourself and continue the fight. You still have your 7 Charming Financial Guides, you just need to come up with a plan clever or crazy or clever-crazy enough to turn the tide on Bib.

What do?
>>
No. 1039445 ID: e5709d

... You had a good run.
HARA KIRI
Sex change into a man, your very existence imploding from the sheer betrayal of your womanly identity!
David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your corpse's DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next [insert telemarketing slur here] - David Bib himself! His strange, incomprehensible attack translated into a cliche beam of light kills him instantly!

... You find yourself in a dark room. You're definitely female again, but given the shimmering light coming from you and your geometrically perfect new two pairs of breasts, little counts when you're dead.

Is this too much? I can't tell.
>>
No. 1039684 ID: 473867
File 165935367621.png - (88.58KB , 1586x992 , economic 82.png )
1039684

>Sex change into a man, David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next - David Bib himself!

Of course! Maybe if you reshape your identity, David's luminous attack will not be able to lock onto you and instead destroy his own greed-filled carcass!

You focus all your strength and mental fortitude into altering your self-perception into the identity of a man. Within the deepest recesses of your heart, you also reshape your very moral compass, changing your goals and motivations into those of piety, kidness, frugality, and above all, self-giving.

In but a few moments, you somehow manage to reinvent yourself from the ground up into basically the polar opposite of yourself. The mental and spiritual change is so thorough, no supernatural weapon would be able to find your old self within you.
>>
No. 1039685 ID: 473867
File 165935372692.png - (51.32KB , 1586x992 , economic 83.png )
1039685

Crud, it was not a homing missile, just a mad-powerful energy beam.


It didn't work.
>>
No. 1039686 ID: 473867
File 165935377445.png - (50.85KB , 1586x992 , economic 84.png )
1039686

>You find yourself in a dark room.

As you wake up from what feels like the mother of all indian burns and attempt to reinstate your old persona out of pure spite, you find yourself blinded by a bright light.

"Ugh, w- What? Where am I?"
>>
No. 1039687 ID: 473867
File 165935381805.png - (45.59KB , 1586x992 , economic 85.png )
1039687

"Welcome, Strfindent. You stand before the sacre Rickety-Ass Desert Tree of Life.", a faint and strangely familiar voice echoes from somewhere nearby.

"Uuuh....Shouldn't it be the Great Tree of Life?", You say.

"Not many of those in Australia, no."
>>
No. 1039688 ID: 473867
File 165935387349.png - (55.59KB , 1928x992 , economic 86.png )
1039688

"Aiku? Aiku Aramba? I taught I'd got you killed!"

"You did, Strfindent. This is the afterlife."

"Afterlife?! So your very niche tribal religion that let you control nature-?"

"Was the real one all along, yes. I suggest to take moment to get your bearings, because you might be stuck with us for awhile."

"So, am I supposed to do here? Are we going to spend time learning about nature and each other and then communing with our descendants or some such?"
>>
No. 1039689 ID: 473867
File 165935393065.png - (185.38KB , 2708x1604 , economic 87.png )
1039689

"Oh, not quite, Strfindent. Me and my partners over here are still pretty miffed about our plushie-sprung deaths. Do you know cotton can pass into the beyond with you when stuck that deep? Quite a pain to remove, in more ways than one. We have been thinking long and hard on how to repay your treatment towards us and we have all the time in the world to make it so. How does a bundle of vicious poison ivy tendrils sound like for an aperitif?"
>>
No. 1039690 ID: 473867
File 165935396450.png - (94.39KB , 1908x1364 , economic 88.png )
1039690

AAAUUUUUUGH!!!
>>
No. 1039691 ID: 473867
File 165935406424.png - (344.24KB , 2724x1852 , economic 89.png )
1039691

You are David Bib. Once a grand salesman and company spokeperson famed the world over, now undisputable CEO of your own megacorporate enterprise and absolute ruler of the entire world.

The fallout of the nuclear Armageddon Wo-Mann the other Financial Guide dimwits waged against each other soon descends upon the planet like a death shroud, but you are an expert resource administrator, so you know how to prioritize.
After ten years of climate change, famine and radioactive pollution, over 3 billion deaths add to the final toll upon an already decimated world, but from the ashes rises an empire of gaudy-claded angels, mind-controlled legions, and bots, lots and lots of bots!

Your forces and chief researchers slowly but surely clean up the worst of the nuclear fallout with cold, infallible accuracy. 4 billion mind drones working as one tends to get results one would not get otherwise.

In the following decades, your empire creates new, greater cities and technology, better than in the days of yore. Innovation and economic growth spread at a practically unprecedented level, and space and interreality science flourishes like never before, all in the name of one singular purpose: spreading the brand name!

Within a mere thirty years, your satellites send out publicity pitches through the whole cosmos, your deep space probes carry Charming Financial Guides to new and uncharted worlds, and your top scientist develop portal technology that allows you entry into other dimensions.

Your word and influence spread like wildfire wherever you go, a wildfire that burns and destroys, yes, but also one that lights a bright new path towards a better tomorrow. A tomorrow united under your one and supreme monopoly.
>>
No. 1039692 ID: 473867
File 165935409325.png - (56.25KB , 1628x1126 , economic 90.png )
1039692

The Reign of One Decillion Spamcalls begins!
>>
No. 1039693 ID: 473867
File 165935415452.png - (49.62KB , 1570x1742 , econocredits 1.png )
1039693

FINAL STATS:

Charming Financial Guides obtained: 7/7
Bosses defeated: 7/8
Humanity murdered: 3,165,757,879/7,905,536,752
Boyfriends seduced: 1/6
Guest Characters not killed: 1/4
Plots of revenge a-brewing: 1/1
>>
No. 1039694 ID: 473867
File 165935420857.png - (28.66KB , 858x980 , econocredits 2.png )
1039694

Special thanks to:

Bromeliad: for revealing to us the beautiful art of spam post-hijacking.

CrossTheLine: for Last Trace and the characters of Allergine Argine and Amigdala Amica.

Himitsu: for Perpetuity and the character of Tammy Footman Temmie Butler.

Toxoglossa: for The Book of Worms. (He also made Moot Point and gAyb Gabe)

Lagotrope: for AsteroidQuest and neumonos.
>>
No. 1039695 ID: 473867
File 165935427462.png - (42.41KB , 858x576 , econopilogue 1.png )
1039695

Dimension #5471 A.K.A. the MeteroriteMission universe

54th Year of the Reign of David Bib
>>
No. 1039696 ID: 473867
File 165935431325.png - (20.57KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 2.png )
1039696

"Ah, Bark-ley, you got the ingredients for the ceremony, I take it?"
>>
No. 1039697 ID: 473867
File 165935438836.png - (22.28KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 3.png )
1039697

"Yes and don't go around saying my name so casually. It's already hard enough to pass for a regular errand boy with a big scar and a historied relationship to the freaking emperor!"

"I still can't believe you can't believe you can shrug off the mind-control with so little strain."

"Yeah, well. When you spend years yapping at cars and wetting the carpet until you get your neurons rearranged by a head injury, you quickly find your brain does not quite work like the rest. I mean, you yourself claim to be able to commune with the dead!"

"A lone neumono with no Hive to call her own has to find herself a hobby. Plus, being a Rogue means we are all a bit....quirky. Now, shall we begin the seance?"

"Yes, let's. Geraldine, please hand her the ingredients, if you would be so kind."
>>
No. 1039698 ID: 473867
File 165935443974.png - (42.60KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 4.png )
1039698

BZZZZZT


"H.... Help...."


BZZZZZT-
>>
No. 1039699 ID: 473867
File 165935450983.png - (39.00KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 5.png )
1039699

"Help me, please!"


FIN


Hope you enjoyed the mess!


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