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File 165672952149.png - (2.32KB , 779x597 , 285.png )
1036742 No. 1036742 ID: 220757

You are undoubtedly drained of functioning so hard for the very little benefit you receive. You desire you could have your liberty back as well as do what you wish to do when you wish to do it.

But what can occur if you don't make the choice to change? You won't have the ability to up your life. Your desires will never ever become a reality.

The time is now for you to take control of your very own economic success. Own your own life and also stop surviving like a servant to the system with our totally free guidebook. Start today as well as discover how easy it may be to live the life that you are worthy of.

Check it out, it's absolutely complimentary
71 posts omitted. Last 100 shown. Expand all images
No. 1038371 ID: c1d4af
File 165802944148.png - (61.99KB , 2088x1000 , economic 39.png )

You quickly repurpose most of your textile factory intro producing nuclear missiles and other explosives. Your enemies have no need for clothes, it's hot where they are going.

You launch your nukes like it's going out of style, and unlike the jokes in this quest, the bombs totally land!

Unfortunately, Tammy predicts your move and fires first! while also evacuating the capitals of her cities almost completely. A lot of your bases and cities get seriously damaged, even your anti-missile defenses can do so much.

Moreover, your attemps at turning the other Guide-holders against each other fails spectacularly. You send Hakim's people a picture of Tammy eating pork, but he doesn't care about that since he found out his one true god was money. You tell Pablo and Aiku Ms. Claus hates wildlife when in truth she gave them some penguins and koalas as a gift last Christmas.

Soon enough everybody who has nukes is throwing them at you.
Things explode. Everything everywhere all at once.Most of your cities in North America are turned to slag, except New Jersey and San Francisco, you bomb those yourself, no one can steal that pleasure.

America, Europa, Africa (again?!) and Asia are borderline Mad Max'ed and the Earth just got a lot hotter. You are become Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann, Destroyer of Worlds.
Most everyone runs out of nukes and it's gonna take like a year for their military bases to make more.
No. 1038372 ID: c1d4af
File 165803012243.png - (111.25KB , 2088x1000 , economic 40.png )

As if things weren't bad enough, something terrible has happened!

Mrs. Claus, with her bullshit Holiday powers, has shown up at one of your safehouses and kidnapped your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend!

"Myahahaha! Go to the North Pole and drop your Charming Financial Guides at these coordinates of your lovepuppy gets it!"

What dastardliness! You know full well if she gets those Guides, she will mind control you and won't be able to date your smoking hot boyfriend anymore!

What now?
>Agree anyway (probably game over)
>Pretend to agree and set up a trap (high chance to fail)
>Pretend to agree and send a strike team to Santa's Village.
>Full scale invasion of the North Pole
>Ignore it and do something else.
>Other plan?
No. 1038373 ID: 6a2a09

we have to find santa, and get him on our side
or revive him
either works
he must be more powerful-er than Ms. Claus, and with his special HOLIDAY BAG, he can grab us anything we wish for.
No. 1038423 ID: b0b5f8

Pretend to agree and set up a trap!

High risk, high reward!
No. 1038435 ID: c1d4af

rolled 96 = 96

Alrighty, looks like we are gonna be doing a trap AND a diversion.
Give me trap suggestions. Any suggestions, reasonable, cerebral, wacky, deranged.
As long as it's fun I'll try to add it to the rescue plan.

No. 1038474 ID: 0d01d6

Not sure what to do for a trap tbh, but I have some ideas others can incorporate:
-Kidnap some elves and replace some non-critical organs with bombs.
-Since it is the north pole, a nuclear submarine could probably just breach anywhere throwing everyone who was on the ice into the water.
-There are other WMDs other than nuclear, like gas and biological agents.
-Do we really care about our boyfriend, or is it just the principle of it?
-Russian Santa is blue

(also sidenote that there are tons of public bunkers in Scandinavia, so we may want to sweep thru those places at some point cuz most of society could have survived. Including our adversaries.)
No. 1038533 ID: c1d4af
File 165820406872.png - (44.26KB , 1474x1000 , economic 41.png )

>Do we really care about our boyfriend, or is it just the principle of it?
Of course you care about your sexy ass boyfriend, he is the best dog-brained stud in the whole wide world! Probably the only one, too.

>There are tons of public bunkers in Scandinavia, so we may want to sweep thru those places at some point cuz most of society could have survived. Including our adversaries.
Oh, Tammy totally survived! She saw your attack coming with her creepy future-seeing powers and she evacuated most of the people and useful crap from the main cities. Right now she is probably rebuilding things before she comes back with a vengeance.

That's it! Desperate times call for desperate measures! You employ the book of demonology you gained at the start of your journey to summon yet another spawn of darkness from the depths of Hell.
No. 1038535 ID: c1d4af
File 165820413049.png - (41.59KB , 1474x1000 , economic 42.png )

And look! It's none other than gAyb, the protagonist from the world famous graphic novel series Rat Sex and Furry Fae Futanare.
After Stuart Little and Ratatouille, folks were horny for rats and mice like never before in history, so when that series hit the shelves, it took the world by storm as people rushed to the stores to buy them.

You no longer feel so bad about pulverizing so many of them in atomic hellfire.

"gAyb!", you command, "I know from your comic that you can use portals to teleport anywhere, I need you to infiltrate Santa's Village and do a few things for me."

"ok", says gAyb in his characteristic usual personality that this quest author absolutely knows because he totally read that story.
No. 1038536 ID: c1d4af
File 165820418908.png - (81.19KB , 1474x1000 , economic 43.png )

A couple days later, you and a handful of your forces reach the expected meeting point, not too far off the coast in the Artic. An army of elves armed with flying sleds and polar bears stands around your super-hot-bun-fresh-off-the-bakery boyfriend as far as the can see.

One of the elves beside him takes a step forward. "Hand over the Charming Guides! And no funny business!"
No. 1038537 ID: c1d4af
File 165820422399.png - (52.35KB , 1474x1000 , economic 44.png )

"Haha, jokes on you, you Legolas wannabes."
No. 1038538 ID: c1d4af
File 165820428617.png - (45.51KB , 1474x1000 , economic 45.png )

>Kidnap some elves and replace some non-critical organs with bombs.
"My special agent infiltrated your Village and laced your bears' Cola bowls with actual cocaine!"
No. 1038539 ID: c1d4af
File 165820431022.png - (69.12KB , 1474x1000 , economic 46.png )

No. 1038540 ID: c1d4af
File 165820435496.png - (53.08KB , 1474x1000 , economic 47.png )

>Since it is the north pole, a nuclear submarine could probably just breach anywhere throwing everyone who was on the ice into the water.
No. 1038542 ID: c1d4af
File 165820438507.png - (76.14KB , 1474x1000 , economic 48.png )

No. 1038544 ID: c1d4af
File 165820443490.png - (50.72KB , 1474x1000 , economic 49.png )

"Profit One to Base, nuclear subs succesfully dropped. Santa's Village is decimated. These flying sled troops are a bunch of pussies!

Glory to financial independence! Glory to Wo-Mann!"
No. 1038545 ID: c1d4af
File 165820450353.png - (72.68KB , 1474x1000 , economic 50.png )

As your Air forces make venison of the reindeer sleds above and the roar of bears and screaming of elves fills the tundra around you, all is well.
Suddenly, a snowdrift quickly rises from the horizon and quickly approaches you, coalescing into a snowy tornado, out of which Mrs. Claus appears. She looks happy to see you!

"You pr*ck-haired dog-f&#&#! You destroy my f%#&# village and kill half my f/&$&$ elves, I'm going to wreck your s$&# , you b#$"!"

Uh oh, she seems to have lost her cool a bit and is channeling the holiday spirit to tear you a new one.

What now?
No. 1038548 ID: 8483cf

Suddenly, the real Legolas shows up to defend you! Oh no, he's hot!
No. 1038557 ID: 7ec758

Give her a gift to buy time. Just wrap something from your pocket in whatever material you have to hand. Refusing it would be against the spirit of Christmas!
No. 1038589 ID: 0d01d6

Holy shit, you dropped a nuclear submarine from a plane...
Am I reading that right?

Like a grenade! With the pin taped to a string so it gets pulled when it is unwrapped.
No. 1038630 ID: 8004f7

rolled 1 = 1

One final roll before the smackdown.

>You dropped a nuclear submarine from a plane? Am I reading that right?
That society of former charity toy makers never saw it coming.
No. 1038717 ID: 0d01d6

well that is unfortunate
No. 1038735 ID: fe7de6

Uh oh
No. 1038757 ID: 1075e3
File 165837024935.png - (45.38KB , 1474x1000 , economic 51.png )

As a couple soldiers jump to protect you and promptly get turned into gingerbread men, you grab van Brau's Financial Guide and throw it right at Mrs. Claus face.
No. 1038758 ID: 1075e3
File 165837028907.png - (59.87KB , 1474x1000 , economic 52.png )

Mrs. Claus is temporarily distracted as she jump giddily at having acquired yet another Guide. You are about to command your soldiers to fire when suddenly...


Amigdala jumps in front of you as an arrow pierces through your perfect boyfriend's perfect noggin.
No. 1038759 ID: 1075e3
File 165837033484.png - (30.27KB , 1474x1000 , economic 53.png )

No. 1038760 ID: 1075e3
File 165837038788.png - (66.29KB , 1474x1000 , economic 54.png )

As Amigdala's beloved, highly detailed and perfectly rendered flower that you can totally tell is a flower falls to the ground, damaged, and your boyfriend languishes in pain over the snow, you find Amigdala mortally wounded in the one place that counts, her fashion sense.

"Aaaaaah, my style! My suave! I can't go on! whataworld"

Amigdala slowly melts into an innert nanobot puddle, having lost the will to live.
No. 1038761 ID: 1075e3
File 165837046576.png - (58.74KB , 1474x1000 , economic 55.png )

>Suddenly, the real Legolas shows up!
Ho Ho Hell, yeah!

>Oh no, he's hot!
Best I could draw in short order. Just...just use your imagination, okay?

"Legolas?!" You exclaim indignantly, "I called upon you to help me fight Mrs. Claus, not side with her!"

"She may have perverted the once peaceful ways of boreandorei elves to serve her thirst for conquest", Legolas expresses in his signature elegant voice, "But at least she is not murdering them end mass!", he yells in rightful indignation.

Welp! Looks like in a fight between two tyrannical moguls, an actual lawful good hero's allegiance could go either way.
No. 1038762 ID: 1075e3
File 165837059455.png - (111.44KB , 1474x1000 , economic 56.png )

>Give her a gift to buy time. Just wrap something from your pocket in whatever material you have to hand. Refusing it would be against the spirit of Christmas!

"Alright, time to finish this!", Mrs. Claus yells as she flips open the van Brau's Guide, "I can cast a spell to add this Guide's power to my own and then it's curtain call for- wait, what's this glowing pentagram here?"

>Like a grenade! With the pin taped to a string so it gets pulled when it is unwrapped.
No. 1038763 ID: 1075e3
File 165837066473.png - (73.69KB , 1474x1000 , economic 57.png )


It's gAyb and the adipose king of jolly merriment himself! gAyb appears to have fred him and cast a portal back to you! Good on you, you jaundice-ridden rodent!

-"Husband?! So they freed you, didn't they?"

-"Ho Ho How are you doing, honey? You should have visited the cellblock you put me in more often, I missed you!"

-"No matter! I have enough Christmas Cheer and Financial Independence to put you right back there, sugar cane!"

-"Oh, I don't think so, cherry plum. You have put yourself on the naughty list and it's time to teach you a lesson!"

-"ok"-, gAyb lets out in enthusiastic defiance.

How do we teach her a lesson?
No. 1038764 ID: e5709d

Frame Ms. Claus for crimes against humanity and strand her in the middle of Mister Rogers' playhouse

Watch the carnage unfold and laugh
No. 1038765 ID: 8483cf

Our main man Santa can handle Mrs. Claus. He knows all her tricks!

We're totally boned tho when it comes to Leggy. Solution: gaYb goes to Isengard and Legolas has to follow!
No. 1038771 ID: 0d01d6

Break all her fingers and toes, then throw her into Mount Doom.
No. 1038772 ID: 0d01d6

idk, maybe santa also does some explicit shit to her as revenge since they are married, but personally I would rather not see that so if it happens, lets just put a big ol' censor bar over all of that.
No. 1038777 ID: e51896

Get a chalk board, and teach her a lesson, literally.
No. 1038778 ID: 1075e3
File 165838255455.png - (60.45KB , 1474x1160 , me either.png )

No. 1038779 ID: 1075e3
File 165838256282.png - (66.17KB , 1474x1160 , me either 2.png )

No. 1038847 ID: b71dce

lol, fair enough
No. 1038849 ID: 6a2a09

i got it, the santa summons the author to erase her out of existence
No. 1038908 ID: 1075e3
File 165850951706.png - (80.36KB , 2320x1154 , economic 58.png )

>Frame Ms. Claus for crimes against humanity
LOL Imagine having to frame a Charming Financial Guide holders for crimes against humanity.

>strand her in the middle of Mister Rogers' playhouse
Sadly, dear Mister Rogers passed away in 2003. Whoever unleashed the Financial Guides upon the world was either not active at the time, or was too afraid of the protective aura good uncle Fred casted upon those he made contact with.

>Get a chalk board, and teach her a lesson, literally.
Love it!

Santa employs his powers to summon an illustrative chalkboard that displays several charts and schematics and begins expound on them as he and his wife unleash beams of Festive Energy upon each other.

-"So you see, by deciding to rely on merchantile magic and enter the global market, you have made the North Pole dependant on outside revenue and a constant need to balance a GDP in order to produce ludicrous items that only serve to satisfy a military expansion industry we shouldn't even have in the first place!"

-"That's nice, deary-muffin, but the promise of world domination makes me feel far less concerned about our bottom line."
No. 1038909 ID: 1075e3
File 165850958676.png - (98.25KB , 1882x1152 , economic 59.png )

Meanwhile, Legolas puts on a display of acrobatics that is the envy of any Man as he gracefully dodges bullets and fires arrows upon your PR employees-turned-stormtroopers. He mostly shoots to wound, though, 'cause they are your mind-controlled slaves and he is a jolly good guy.

-"Strong Financial witch, your hour of twilight comes t-!"

-"ok", a sudden cry for help rings out into Legolas' ears.
No. 1038910 ID: 1075e3
File 165850964564.png - (84.67KB , 1882x1152 , economic 60.png )

>gaYb goes to Isengard and Legolas has to follow!
gAyb, having mastered the ability after countless nights of debased intimacy, flawlessly presses his tail against his back, concealing out of sight as he opens a portal to the flooded ruins of Isengard.

Legolas, upon seeing his short stature, oversized nose and ears, jutting teeth and ridiculously hirsute feet, confuses him for a hobbit and immedeatedly experiences PTSD. Seeing him standing over a boulder near the White Tower, he feels compelled to rescue him and rushes towards gAyb as the portal closes behind him.
No. 1038911 ID: 1075e3
File 165850971487.png - (74.54KB , 1404x1136 , economic 61.png )

You rush yourself towards your god-level smexy boyfriend as he lays with Legolas' arrow jutting out of his forehead.

-"Bark-ley, stay with me, please! Can you hear me, bestest boy?"

-"Blrg....agh....ack.... ah...ah....I...I wish to obtain a loan from the bank so I can pursue a profitable college career in Marketing."

Ooooh, HELL NO!
No. 1038912 ID: 1075e3
File 165850978286.png - (59.46KB , 1404x1136 , economic 62.png )

As Santa lies on the ground, bloody and battered, Mrs. Claus closes the distance and stands over him chasticingly.

-"You always underestimated me and left me in a corner. That is why I fought you. That is why I won."

-"I should have let you have a grander part in our life's endeavour, I can admit to that. Still, you can't say we didn't have good times together, right?"

-"Save the sweet-talk, honey puff, you know that nothing you try is going to work. You can't win over me."

-"I know, but they can", Santa says as he points behind Mrs. Claus.
No. 1038913 ID: 1075e3
File 165850983293.png - (213.76KB , 3052x1152 , economic 63.png )

>Russian Santa is blue
As she turns around, Mrs. Claus is flabbergasted as she finds herself surrounded by Ded Moroz, and Saint Nicholas, and Krampus, and Papa Noel, and Papá No Ve, and the Santa from Santa Clause, and Whopie Goldberg from that movie where Whopie Goldberg inherited the mantle of Santa, remember that one?

Behind them are several other Santas, along with an army composed of everyone who has ever saved Christmas.

Your preparation with the summoning books you bought were thorough and you left nothing to chance, nobody kidnaps your hot-buns boyfriend!
No. 1038914 ID: 1075e3
File 165850989739.png - (60.59KB , 1404x1136 , economic 64.png )

gAyb, having succesfully driven off Legolas by trying to molest him, promptly returns to your side with another portal. The Santas use this oportunity to throw Mrs. Claus down into Mount Doom.
Mount Doom is now mostly inhert after being reduced to Middle-Earth's largest pile of destritus, but the fall breaks a good number of Mrs. Claus' fingers and toes. You hope a week of eating nothing but volcanic rocks will teach her some manners.

-"Ho Ho Ho! Great work, gAyb!", Santa beams. "Even though it's July, I must confess you did it! You saved Christmas, gAyb!"

-"ok", gAyb whoops full of enthusiasm and gratitude.

-"I will make sure you recieve ALL those stylish outfits you asked me for this year, instead of another chastity belt made of coal."

-"ok", gAyb retorts with his usual sassyness.

-"Oh ho ho! You, rascal, you!
No. 1038915 ID: 1075e3
File 165850996639.png - (97.86KB , 1862x1136 , economic 65.png )

Everybody's laughter at gAyb's witty comeback is cut short as you hear a child's voice boom inside your head.

"Attention, Strifindent!", the voice says, it takes a moment to realise it can only be the voice of Tammy Footman, the creepy psychic girl who rules over Europe.

"We have seen your victory over the North Pole. You have been a thorn on our side for far too long and your continued threat cannot be denied any longer. We four remaining Guide-holders who remain have made an alliance to destroy you and all those who would stand by your side. We know full well how dangerous you are and so are sending all of our forces to the North Pole to wipe you from existence."

"Use these precious few moments to make your peace with the Devil, because this is the Past, the Present and the Future as I have seen it: We are going to whoop your ass!"
No. 1038916 ID: 1075e3
File 165851000651.png - (99.28KB , 1862x1136 , economic 66.png )

"You cannot win."

How do we win?
No. 1038919 ID: 7b75ea

We can't change the future as Tammy has seen it... so we must do what even she can't anticipate, and change the past! Even if she can see what's happening there, Tammy can't do anything to stop you if you, say, use the Santas' combined time-bending magic to travel back and prevent Tammy from being born! From there, with manual in hand, you'll have an earlier start on a world that hasn't been blown up, with the bullshit hax psychic no longer on the board!
No. 1038923 ID: b0b5f8

If you can't beat her, bribe her!
You've still got gAyb as your loyal summon, offer Tammy a portal to the PlushQuest universe.

This will use the last of his power so you'll have to find a new game-breaker.
No. 1038934 ID: e5709d

Let them whoop your ass while you send assassins to make their victory pointless. Then take over with a smaller, cheaper army.
No. 1038956 ID: b71dce

Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.

We also built a working Scinfaxi (Ace Combat) complete with

Also keep raining nukes on their continents. To keep them on their toes.
No. 1039046 ID: 10a721
File 165862725265.png - (64.64KB , 1560x1008 , economic 67.png )

>Use the Santas' combined time-bending magic to travel back and prevent Tammy from being born!
You attempt this. You end up accidentally becoming Tammy's grandmother.

You decide to try a second time, but this time going somewhere more recent and less potentially paradoxy.
No. 1039047 ID: 10a721
File 165862729511.png - (97.86KB , 1862x1136 , economic 65.png )

"Attention, Strfindent! We have seen your victory over the North Pole. You have been a thorn on our side for far too long and your continued threat cannot be denied any-"
No. 1039048 ID: 10a721
File 165862734298.png - (81.19KB , 1560x1008 , economic 68.png )

What the fu-?

>Take over with a smaller, cheaper army.

Your soldiers make short work of the bodyguards in the room that I couldn't be arsed to draw.
No. 1039049 ID: 10a721
File 165862741315.png - (243.91KB , 1810x1232 , economic 69.png )

>You've still got gAyb as your loyal summon, offer Tammy a portal to the PlushQuest universe.

I raise my flags, don my clothes
It's a revolution, I suppose
We'll paint it red to fit right in


I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse


I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioac-
No. 1039050 ID: 10a721
File 165862745106.png - (44.34KB , 1810x900 , economic 70.png )

>Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.
No. 1039051 ID: 10a721
File 165862749055.png - (164.64KB , 1810x900 , economic 71.png )

No. 1039052 ID: 10a721
File 165862755473.png - (146.71KB , 2492x900 , economic 72.png )

After your victory over the Guide-holders, you, your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend and your new friends take the time to rest, comingle, and take care of the wounded, and boy howdy, are there a LOT of wounded.

After a week, you and the many Santas decide to part ways, with them returning to their respective universes. YOUR Santa thanks you for all the help with mending and burying the dead and injured elves and sets forth to take his wife back and hopefully rebuild the Village. Everybody is so happy, they seem to have forgotten that you are an amoral money-grubbing businesswoman in possession of all seven Financial Guides.

You last see gAyb with a small posse of elven supermodels as he goes to help Santa with the rebuilding. Knowing him, he's probably planning to aid in the repopulation effort.
No. 1039053 ID: 10a721
File 165862765884.png - (114.99KB , 2134x1264 , economic 73.png )

As you return home to North America, you discuss with your juicy ass boyfriend the ways in which you are going to rebuild and reorganize the world now that you are basically its undisputed ruler. Your boyfriend proposes decontaminating the areas affected by the nuclear Armageddon and prioritizing enviromental efforts and the stocking of foodstuffs to reduce the damage of the on-coming fallout. You suggest building a giant, fully functional Scinfaxi instead.

As you and what remains of your troops disembark on your homeland, you are momentarily blinded by an all encompassing flash of light. After a few seconds, the light subsides somewhat to reveal what appears to be a man in a striped jacket and brown moccassins floating at the center of the beaming light, surrounded by a chorus of cherubs dressed in only the finest, hamiest, dankest swag.

You immedeatedly recognize the man as none other than David Bib, creator of the Charming Financial Guides. Telemarketer and online salesman par exellence and master of all forms of invasive marketing!
You know, David Bib? The guy who's contact mail link is on the first post of this thread? That scummy fucker.

Slowly, David lowers himself to the ground and walks up to you, a coy and menacing smile etched on his face.
No. 1039054 ID: 10a721
File 165862779742.png - (52.44KB , 1572x904 , economic 74.png )

"Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann!", He says with a soft yet firm voice that is almost impossible to resist, "Congratulations! You seem to have won my special little contest. You see, I created the Guides not just to teach others the way to quick effective economic solvence for the low, low price of $29.99 but to make them hunger for it, lust for it, KILL for it."

"I sold over a thousand Guides in just a year, knowing full well their holders would not remain content with their little fiefdoms of mind slaves. No, they would soon turn on each other and seek to take all that power for themselves. And so it happened, until only 7 Guides and ONE holder survived."

"Now, with all possible opposition dead or subjugated, the world is ripe for ME to take the reins of as the One True Independent Financier...... or perhaps, not the ONLY one!"

"You have proven yourself to be assertive and unrelenting in your endeavours. You scorched four continents with atomic fire, sure, but nothing that can't be fixed with time, coordination and lots of mind-control. I see you are as ruthless as me, and I find that intriguinly appealing."

He then lift his right hand, offering it to you, "Join me, Strfindent! Ditch this looser and become MY girlfriend! We can rule together, as businessman and businesswoman! Together we can reshape the Earth, nay! The galaxy, nay! The UNIVERSE in our image and never want for lack of financial indepence EVER AGAIN! Will you do yourself the honour?"

Wh- what? Dating HIM? A-and ditch your smooth-as-silk boyfriend? NO, you couldn't! You woudln't!

But.... the power...the luxury....the sweet deals so low-priced it's basically theft just one click away! It's almost irresistible! Oh, what will you choose?

This is it! The (maybe) final choice! Think well and vote carefully! What will you do?

>Join him, sacrifice your indepence.

>Refuse him, sacrifice your influences.
No. 1039055 ID: 8483cf

REFUSE! Destiny is not written in stone!
No. 1039075 ID: b71dce

Third option: shoot him in the balls and take his power.
No. 1039081 ID: b0b5f8

Indeed, he's just your next prey now. First a cheap shot, then you hit him with everything you've got!
No. 1039084 ID: e5709d

He's brainwashing you with his superpowers! Quick, give the subtle command to your top assassins to just stab him in the back!
No. 1039098 ID: 10a721

rolled 941 = 941

Voting is still up, but just to calculate what's gonna happen with one of the suggestions..
No. 1039151 ID: 10a721

Crap, I realized my previous sentence was poorly constructed: the voting is still up.
I just posted to calculate a possible outcome to choice.
No. 1039207 ID: 0d2390

That is a pretty damn good roll.
No. 1039232 ID: 10a721
File 165878719663.png - (72.19KB , 2170x1028 , economic 75.png )

>Shoot him in the dick.
You silently channel the power of your Financial Guides to command one of your sharpshooters to fire David's nether region.

At the last fraction of a second, however, the almighty salesman's luminous aura turns into a shield that blocks the bullet with ease.

"I offered you partnership and you spat on my manhood. Die!", he says as he blasts you with a ray of pecuniary power.

Just as he sees David lifting his hand towards you, your sharp as nails and hot as hell boyfriend pushes you away and cashes in on the Third Law of Motion to push himself to the opposite side of the ray, narrowly saving you both from certain death.
No. 1039233 ID: 10a721
File 165878727432.png - (108.56KB , 1876x1004 , economic 76.png )

As you start falling back behind your troops, David's profit angels swoop down your soldiers, who let fly with everything they've got.

One of your PR troops manages to graze David's leg with a bullet, tearing off a chunk of his pants and leaving an appreciable portion of his calve exposed to the elements.

"Oh, hell, no! We are not doing this!", David exclaims in annoyance.

You both halt the battle momentarily and calmy wait for an angel to bring your foe a pair fresh pantaloons before resuming the skirmish.

How do we beat this guy?
No. 1039269 ID: e51896

Thumb wrestling!
No. 1039335 ID: eae08b

Surely the final fight must be fierce. Show who has the greatest market influence! Dueling ad campaigns for a product that hurts whoever uses it. Maybe both contestants have different things to shill.
Whoever sells more of their terrible product attains complete hegemony of the market!
No. 1039371 ID: e5709d

It's time to out-monster him.
Challenge him to a vile and twisted empathy-preserving contest, where both of you are injected with pure empathy and must hold it for 24 hours while committing some of the worst war crimes possible. Whoever manages to commit a higher quantifiable sum of the worst possible crimes against sapient life within 24 hours, or holds on to their empathy when their opponent loses it entirely, survives the divine judgement beam. Empathy rating will be analyzed every half-hour.
No. 1039376 ID: 0838d6

This sounds terrifying and hilarious
No. 1039380 ID: 0d2390

You sick, fucking depraved bastard...

I'm in!
No. 1039382 ID: e5784e

Yes! Absolutely this
No. 1039384 ID: e51896

Changing my vote to this
No. 1039403 ID: c78b33

rolled 44 = 44

No. 1039436 ID: 0d2390

It is on the lower side of mediocre... so not entirely damning yet... hopefully.

We definitely didn't succeed, but it gives the hope of a second chance.
No. 1039438 ID: c78b33
File 165903178791.png - (271.28KB , 1702x1306 , economic 77.png )

As the battle rages on, you are suddenly approached by what appears to be a jewelry-laden Cherub made entirely out of thumbs.

"Be bedazzled, bitch!", his voice booms, "I shall now deliver unto thee a slap so hard, you-"

>Thumb wrestling


Your banshee screech echoes across the field as you lunge at the bling bling bastard.
No. 1039439 ID: c78b33
File 165903191704.png - (138.83KB , 1986x1162 , economic 78.png )

You fight like a mad dog in heat and your soldiers follow suit. As bad guys, more bad guys and explosions extend as far as the eye can see, your hot-piece-of-boyfriend, Bark-ley, steppes forth within eyeshot of David.

-"I'll say, I'll say," he says, "I do not think this will really get us anywhere without a lot of unnescesary blood. I propose we have some sort of challenge to determine who is the superior financer, with the losing party submitting completely to the fate the other chooses."

-"What makes you think I would ever agree to such a thing?", David asks.

-"The fact that I just called for reinforcements, we control most of the planet and you can only call forth so many swag angels."

-"Hmph, I suppose I am in a rather risky situation right now. Very well, I agree, but what challenge would we take part in to settle this mess?"

-"Probably something you are both very proficient at, such as marketing and salesmanship. A test on who can make the most people buy even the most inane item could-"

-"I propose getting all hypersensitive and see who can still blow stuff up without being a little bitch!", you pitch in, momentarily ceasing to pluck one of the Cherub's wings.

No. 1039440 ID: c78b33
File 165903199161.png - (103.54KB , 1986x1162 , economic 79.png )

>Empathy challenge to the death!

You and David both proceed to go take a whole of chill pills from the nearest pharmacies, watch Titanic, All Dogs Go to Heaven, and all other iconic humanizing movies, and finally take a three-week sensitivity course from H.R. It's super effective.

Afterwards, you both start to tear the world a new one while bawling your eyes out and trying your best not to break apart. Bombing villages, poisoning reefs, reigniting the odd dormant volcano. For more than a week, you both wreack havoc upon the lands, no crime too great or too petty and making you both quite unpopular among the non-mind-controlled population.

It is quite a taxing and frankly excrutiating experience, but it all comes to a head about 9 days into the constest, when you perform your most massively loathed crime of all.
No. 1039441 ID: c78b33
File 165903208029.png - (113.20KB , 1554x1162 , economic 80.png )

Sparing a moment to check your social media before heading out to spray napalm on Cambodia, you post a line of Tweets complaining about a Non-Profit Organization's decision to use the term "people with cervix," saying it makes it feminity too abstract for Financially Independent women like you.

Almost immedeatedly, your feed erupts with angry comments accussing you of being a close-minded bully. Your posts get everyone so mad, even celebrities jump on to condemn your bigotry, including the entire Harry Potter cast, who had previously worked with you on your famous economically-edificating contribution to the wizarding world, Harry Potter and the Ridiculous Exchange Rate of Galleons.

Among the cast is none other than David Thewlis, the actor who played Remus Lupin. He looks so handsome under the full moon. Kind of reminds you of your irresistible siren call boyfriend, before his run in with Legolas. You can't take this much rejection from him, not your lovely Remus! It's too much, you can't go on. You can keep doing this!

You give up.
No. 1039442 ID: c78b33
File 165903215391.png - (176.27KB , 1730x1568 , economic 81.png )

You give David a call saying that he has won, and you both meet up and spend an additional 5 minutes on social media to regain your average levels of anger and sociopathy.
David then starts to beam triumphantly.

"Muahahaha! You led me a merry chase for my money, but in the end it takes more than a few strifing runs through a hospital complex to deter a true telemarketer! I would give you a place among my most priced thrift shop leutenants, but I remember you trying to shoot me last time I gave a similar offer. Prepare to die!", he says, channeling his deathly beam of light as he nears the end.

You lost the challenge, but you still have one final chance to save yourself and continue the fight. You still have your 7 Charming Financial Guides, you just need to come up with a plan clever or crazy or clever-crazy enough to turn the tide on Bib.

What do?
No. 1039445 ID: e5709d

... You had a good run.
Sex change into a man, your very existence imploding from the sheer betrayal of your womanly identity!
David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your corpse's DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next [insert telemarketing slur here] - David Bib himself! His strange, incomprehensible attack translated into a cliche beam of light kills him instantly!

... You find yourself in a dark room. You're definitely female again, but given the shimmering light coming from you and your geometrically perfect new two pairs of breasts, little counts when you're dead.

Is this too much? I can't tell.
No. 1039684 ID: 473867
File 165935367621.png - (88.58KB , 1586x992 , economic 82.png )

>Sex change into a man, David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next - David Bib himself!

Of course! Maybe if you reshape your identity, David's luminous attack will not be able to lock onto you and instead destroy his own greed-filled carcass!

You focus all your strength and mental fortitude into altering your self-perception into the identity of a man. Within the deepest recesses of your heart, you also reshape your very moral compass, changing your goals and motivations into those of piety, kidness, frugality, and above all, self-giving.

In but a few moments, you somehow manage to reinvent yourself from the ground up into basically the polar opposite of yourself. The mental and spiritual change is so thorough, no supernatural weapon would be able to find your old self within you.
No. 1039685 ID: 473867
File 165935372692.png - (51.32KB , 1586x992 , economic 83.png )

Crud, it was not a homing missile, just a mad-powerful energy beam.

It didn't work.
No. 1039686 ID: 473867
File 165935377445.png - (50.85KB , 1586x992 , economic 84.png )

>You find yourself in a dark room.

As you wake up from what feels like the mother of all indian burns and attempt to reinstate your old persona out of pure spite, you find yourself blinded by a bright light.

"Ugh, w- What? Where am I?"
No. 1039687 ID: 473867
File 165935381805.png - (45.59KB , 1586x992 , economic 85.png )

"Welcome, Strfindent. You stand before the sacre Rickety-Ass Desert Tree of Life.", a faint and strangely familiar voice echoes from somewhere nearby.

"Uuuh....Shouldn't it be the Great Tree of Life?", You say.

"Not many of those in Australia, no."
No. 1039688 ID: 473867
File 165935387349.png - (55.59KB , 1928x992 , economic 86.png )

"Aiku? Aiku Aramba? I taught I'd got you killed!"

"You did, Strfindent. This is the afterlife."

"Afterlife?! So your very niche tribal religion that let you control nature-?"

"Was the real one all along, yes. I suggest to take moment to get your bearings, because you might be stuck with us for awhile."

"So, am I supposed to do here? Are we going to spend time learning about nature and each other and then communing with our descendants or some such?"
No. 1039689 ID: 473867
File 165935393065.png - (185.38KB , 2708x1604 , economic 87.png )

"Oh, not quite, Strfindent. Me and my partners over here are still pretty miffed about our plushie-sprung deaths. Do you know cotton can pass into the beyond with you when stuck that deep? Quite a pain to remove, in more ways than one. We have been thinking long and hard on how to repay your treatment towards us and we have all the time in the world to make it so. How does a bundle of vicious poison ivy tendrils sound like for an aperitif?"
No. 1039690 ID: 473867
File 165935396450.png - (94.39KB , 1908x1364 , economic 88.png )

No. 1039691 ID: 473867
File 165935406424.png - (344.24KB , 2724x1852 , economic 89.png )

You are David Bib. Once a grand salesman and company spokeperson famed the world over, now undisputable CEO of your own megacorporate enterprise and absolute ruler of the entire world.

The fallout of the nuclear Armageddon Wo-Mann the other Financial Guide dimwits waged against each other soon descends upon the planet like a death shroud, but you are an expert resource administrator, so you know how to prioritize.
After ten years of climate change, famine and radioactive pollution, over 3 billion deaths add to the final toll upon an already decimated world, but from the ashes rises an empire of gaudy-claded angels, mind-controlled legions, and bots, lots and lots of bots!

Your forces and chief researchers slowly but surely clean up the worst of the nuclear fallout with cold, infallible accuracy. 4 billion mind drones working as one tends to get results one would not get otherwise.

In the following decades, your empire creates new, greater cities and technology, better than in the days of yore. Innovation and economic growth spread at a practically unprecedented level, and space and interreality science flourishes like never before, all in the name of one singular purpose: spreading the brand name!

Within a mere thirty years, your satellites send out publicity pitches through the whole cosmos, your deep space probes carry Charming Financial Guides to new and uncharted worlds, and your top scientist develop portal technology that allows you entry into other dimensions.

Your word and influence spread like wildfire wherever you go, a wildfire that burns and destroys, yes, but also one that lights a bright new path towards a better tomorrow. A tomorrow united under your one and supreme monopoly.
No. 1039692 ID: 473867
File 165935409325.png - (56.25KB , 1628x1126 , economic 90.png )

The Reign of One Decillion Spamcalls begins!
No. 1039693 ID: 473867
File 165935415452.png - (49.62KB , 1570x1742 , econocredits 1.png )


Charming Financial Guides obtained: 7/7
Bosses defeated: 7/8
Humanity murdered: 3,165,757,879/7,905,536,752
Boyfriends seduced: 1/6
Guest Characters not killed: 1/4
Plots of revenge a-brewing: 1/1
No. 1039694 ID: 473867
File 165935420857.png - (28.66KB , 858x980 , econocredits 2.png )

Special thanks to:

Bromeliad: for revealing to us the beautiful art of spam post-hijacking.

CrossTheLine: for Last Trace and the characters of Allergine Argine and Amigdala Amica.

Himitsu: for Perpetuity and the character of Tammy Footman Temmie Butler.

Toxoglossa: for The Book of Worms. (He also made Moot Point and gAyb Gabe)

Lagotrope: for AsteroidQuest and neumonos.
No. 1039695 ID: 473867
File 165935427462.png - (42.41KB , 858x576 , econopilogue 1.png )

Dimension #5471 A.K.A. the MeteroriteMission universe

54th Year of the Reign of David Bib
No. 1039696 ID: 473867
File 165935431325.png - (20.57KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 2.png )

"Ah, Bark-ley, you got the ingredients for the ceremony, I take it?"
No. 1039697 ID: 473867
File 165935438836.png - (22.28KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 3.png )

"Yes and don't go around saying my name so casually. It's already hard enough to pass for a regular errand boy with a big scar and a historied relationship to the freaking emperor!"

"I still can't believe you can't believe you can shrug off the mind-control with so little strain."

"Yeah, well. When you spend years yapping at cars and wetting the carpet until you get your neurons rearranged by a head injury, you quickly find your brain does not quite work like the rest. I mean, you yourself claim to be able to commune with the dead!"

"A lone neumono with no Hive to call her own has to find herself a hobby. Plus, being a Rogue means we are all a bit....quirky. Now, shall we begin the seance?"

"Yes, let's. Geraldine, please hand her the ingredients, if you would be so kind."
No. 1039698 ID: 473867
File 165935443974.png - (42.60KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 4.png )


"H.... Help...."

No. 1039699 ID: 473867
File 165935450983.png - (39.00KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 5.png )

"Help me, please!"


Hope you enjoyed the mess!
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