Enemy 2014/05/13(Tue)23:09 No. 574312 ID: 337362
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"You're wondering, aren't you, why I would be holding a job interview on a day like today. Why we scheduled it today and I couldn't just let you go get a-- what did you call it, again?"

"A bugzapper burger. Two bucks at Tesla's. They only sell them today."

"Bugzapper burger." Mr. Carlson sniffs. You're very hungry. You try not to slouch. "Oof. Tasteless."

"Yes, sir. Sorry. They're really very good."

"They're delicious," says the secretary at Carlson's arm. She flashes you a winning smile.

"I'm going to be upfront with you," says Mr. Carlson. "The Human Visitor Affairs Office doesn't usually hold interviews in such an informal capacity, because the Human Visitor Affairs Office has never had an opening quite like this one before. I trust, son, that you're still interested."

1]] Extremely interested, sir. Interdimensional affairs intrigue me.
2]] I'm not sure. Keep talking.
3]] Not exactly enthused about it, sir. You contacted me. Why is that?

"I'm not sure, I'm not even sure why I was called here yet. Please do keep explaining Mr. Carlson."

2

>>574312
2]] I'm not sure. Keep talking.

Enemy 2014/05/13(Tue)23:52 No. 574323 ID: 337362
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"I'm not even clear on what the job is at this point, Mr. Carlson."

"But you are unemployed, yes?" Mr. Carlson leans forward. "And your absence from Tesla's and presence in this room indicates we have a modicum of your interest."

"Sure."

"You can walk out of this room, right now, with a job that pays you nearly six figures annually, a downtown studio apartment in your pocket, extremely flexible hours, and all the benefits you could care to request," says Carlson. "A federal job strictly off of the federal radar. So no drug test. No further application process required. You say yes, and it is yours. This is what I am offering you. Do I have more than a modicum?"

"A lot more."

"Good," says Mr. Carlson. "Sign this NDA."

You sign the NDA.

"Now five years," says Mr. Carlson, passing the paper to his secretary. "That's a long time, but not so long as all that, is it? Not in post-war terms."

"No, Mr. Carlson," you say.

"And although we've welcomed our refugees, our Visitors, as we now call them, tensions remain very high. They look like us, most of them, but they are certainly not us. Are they?"

"No, sir."

"It's hard to be us when you have more arms than eyeballs, wouldn't you say. Have you ever found any of them attractive?"

"What?"

"You know. Cute."

"They're aliens, sir."

"Extradimensional beings. Not extraterrestrial." Carlson drums his fingers on the table, thoughtfully. "What if I told you this dream job I am pitching involved dating them?"

1]] I would laugh in your face, sir.
2]] Dating? That's all? Sign me up!
3]] *Stare with incomprehending silence*

>>574323
3]] *Stare with incomprehending silence*

Wait, will you be dating for or against your sexuality? If you have a strong preference that is.

3, I guess.

Enemy 2014/05/14(Wed)01:06 No. 574328 ID: 337362
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You stare at Mr. Carlson.

"If you don't close your mouth a fly's going to get inside," he says.

"You want me to date Visitors?"

"That's exactly what we want you to do. Four or five of them in a six month period, preferably."

"Girl ones?"

"Of course. You're a redblooded young man. Right? You're single. That wasn't a question. We know you're single."
"How do--"
"And here are four wonderful young women who have agreed to take part in this new program with you."

Carlson slides a glossy photo out from under his desk. "Group picture. See? You can go in whatever order you want, as long as you get all four. So to speak."

There are women of 4 different Visitor species in the photo, as well as a human silhouette, for size reference you guess.

Your choices are:

WARRIOR]] Big, red, four-armed soldier creatures. The first rangers who went through the portals to scout ran into a horde of them and were torn limb from limb. During the war they put on brass armor and charged through hails of bullets. They killed with their bare hands.
There's one on TV now who's a wrestler. He ties two arms behind his back. This one is at least a head taller than you; the males are even bigger.

FLOATER]] Half-cybernetic flying things. They had rocket launchers strapped to their backs and strafed armored columns way back when. Nowadays they fill in jobs where their natural hovering would be useful. Sometimes you read in the news about one who went into a no-fly zone and got zapped or collided with a plane.

OCULOT]] They have one eye and they can shoot fireballs from it. They were nightmares during the first few years of the war. A lot of the time they were squad leaders or whatever the Visitor equivalent of that is. Everyone's on edge around an Oculot, because if you piss them off they can fry your brains. This one looks pretty happy, though.

SKUT]] Speedy rodent-lizard hybrid critters. In the war they strapped bombs to their backs and ambushed fireteams. Anyone who the blast didn't get was splashed with their acidic blood. Skuts keep to themselves even more than most Visitors do, and people crack a lot of jokes at their expense, but they have horns and they can spit acid so it's not usually to their face. Not that they'd do anything if they heard you; most of them are very skittish and shy.

"You can turn around and leave," says Mr. Carlson. "But this is the only time you will ever be offered any opportunity like this, ever. If you take the job you start today. Truce-Tying Day."

warrior first. if we can do this despite the inherent intimidation factor. i think we can handle it.

>>574328
You should probably start off with either the Warrior or the Skut. They seem like the ones that would make the biggest initial social splash when people saw you dating them.

>>574328
Warrior or Floater is best to begin with. We're going in this with all the hang ups of an average human bean and we should choose a species which is slightly more familiar to us

The Skut intrigues me, at least from a psychological perspective. Despite being stereotypically shy, they were also used as disposable suicide troopers during the war, which implies either vast incompetence, bravery, or fanaticism. This could be extremely important to understand in order to discover both why she volunteered for the program and what she's like as a person.
Of course, the Warrior and Oculot seem like they are perfect for stoking the fires of the world's latent xenophilia. The Oculot especially, as she at least looks the most open and friendly of the four and may be able and willing to tell us the most about Visitor culture and mannerism. The Warrior gal looks fucking confident as hell about this, though.
I can't get a read on the Floater girl. I propose sparing her our inexperience until we're ready to swim in the deep end of weird alien stuff.

floater, sounds like the easiest or at least safest one to start with.

Ask the obvious question, first. Why are they willing to pay anyone six figures to date anyone? Why does he care who's single and who's not? What's the purpose my my dating visitors?

(Floater, when we pick).

>>574328
We're gonna have to date all of them? Then our choice now should take into account others' reactions as well as the possibility of us getting killed by our date because of getting into a bad argument or making some really terrible faux pas.

People would be really weirded out by someone dating a Skut, since they're the most inhuman. The Oculot is the most dangerous. So I'd go with either the Warrior or the Floater.

On the other hand, if it's not easy to offend an Oculot, you should go with her. She's the most humanoid of all of them, so people wouldn't react as strongly.

Warrior first

So... what exactly does dating entail? Like we talkin' 2 week period with each at least or making them happy or what? I mean, what is the goal here that makes it okay to go to the next? I imagine dating each one exactly once for each is unacceptable for the contract. Unless it happens to be acceptable. I'm not sure. I don't think we're supposed to get them to love us if we have to date a minimum of four.

Carlson mentioned 4 or 5 though, where's the fifth one if number five is possible?

I concur with the thought of beginning with a Warrior.
From there...I figure next would be Floater, then Oculot, then Skut to finish off.

Enemy 2014/05/14(Wed)13:03 No. 574394 ID: 337362
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"Why are you paying me so much to date a Visitor?"

"We understand a great deal of Visitor culture on a theoretical level," says Carlson, "but most of what we know we know from the war. This is simply an experiment to get to know them in a different way. You'll report to us on what you know, of course, and what you learn, though we don't need to know all the details. We respect your privacy."

"But you know I'm single."

"We respect your privacy enough. Visitors have very similar courtship rituals to humans. It's one of the places we align most comfortably. And all of the species here can couple with us, at least on a mechanical level."

"Couple?"

"Mechanically speaking."

"You want me to have sex with them?"

"I already made it very clear we don't need to know all the details," Carlson snaps. "Just take a few months for each, get to know them, take them places, and do what you would naturally do on a date, except with the knowledge that said date has a lot of money behind it. And is very, very important for the cultivation of stronger ties at a time when God knows we could use them."

"So no pressure."

"No pressure." Carlson smiles. "You're going to be a very symbolic man, soon. There's only about two dozen people taking part in the program, and you're one of the first."

"When do I move from one girl to the next?"

"When you think it best," says Carlson. "They all know what's going on. Don't worry. They're onboard. Are you?"

You take a moment, studying the photo. "Yes. Ok. Let's do the warrior first."

"Excellent!" Carlson rummages around under his desk again. "I knew we had the right man for the job. Here"-- He pulls out a stub of paper-- "is her email account."

You read: SisterShiva@gmail.com.

"Fire off a message to her sometime tonight," says Carlson. "Arrange something. You know more about this sort of thing than an old bureaucrat would.
And just remember to have fun.
Or you're fired."
He laughs. You join in.
"Seriously," he says.

Enemy 2014/05/14(Wed)13:03 No. 574395 ID: 337362
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And that is how you find yourself looking at the blinking cursor at the top of an email asking out a red warrior woman from another dimension.

How do you start this sucker?

Oh! I forgot to ask, but, how much trouble are we expecting?
I mean, we are basically publically shoving our dicks in the faces of every xenophobic, grudge-bearing, and spiteful group of human beings and possibly Visitors on the planet. Whether or not we're acting in the interest of our employer, we're going to be making enemies left and right. I presume the HVAO will deal with security concerns, but it is pretty goddamn important to know if we'll need to make any concessions to the safety of our dates and ourselves.

>>574395
Make it casual. Don't blow off what you're doing, but show you understand the professional and personal sides to this. Act like you know absolutely nothing about her, which shouldn't be hard. This is a blind date. No arm puns. Even though she's made a pretty good one, and the fact that she cares enough to know Earth mythology is a pretty good sign.
Anyway, just keep it cool and you'll be alright. She doesn't look terribly bothereed by all this business, so I hope she's as chill as she looks.

be sure to include that they showed you a picture and think she looks pretty good.

so does this make us a whore or simply an "escort"? Just trying to figure that out so I now what to put on my resume.

but yeah for the email. Give her your name and see when she'd like to meet up.

>>574394
Start off with your name and some compliment. Maybe stay away from mentioning her physical features at the moment, since we're not sure what body parts warriors are into, or what the desired sizes for those body parts are. Thanking her for wanting to take part in this would be nice. After that describe yourself a bit, no need to go overboard but she deserves to at least slightly know what her new date looks like. If you mention your job, don't make it sound like the only reason you're doing this is to be paid--that would make you seem like a bit of a prick.

As for where you should take her, from her email address she seems to have some knowledge or interest in human mythology. Maybe invite her to hang out at the library and then go to dinner, or something like that.

*nods* I feel like a good place to start would be that email address of hers and talking about the mythology behind that particular goddess.
a BAD place to start would probably be competitive physical activities- that would end predictably and not in our favor, unless she was the type to appreciate someone who wouldn't back down from a challange.

I think you should keep it short. Tell her you've been given her email by a mutual friend and you'd like to meet up somewhere for lunch and conversation.

>>574395
If this is anything like human courtship, you should just send a dick pick.

Or a casual email, whatever. Greet her, tell her your name and a little about yourself. From what Mr. Carlson explained she knows the score.

E1M1.wad-- WARRIOR Enemy 2014/05/14(Wed)22:11 No. 574494 ID: 337362
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>Hi! Got your email from our mutual friend. Really cool that you want to take part in the program.
>Nice username, by the way!
You wikipedia Shiva really quick.
>Are you at all interested in Hinduism, etc? Apparently this thing is a cultural exchange program. We could talk about it.
>Want to do lunch sometime in the next few days?
You hesitate. This look okay. You barely know her, after all.

You need to sign your name. What is that, again?

Wade sounds pretty good. Or Wayne. Kinda in the mood for W's.

Zack

Thaddeus.

Enemy 2014/05/14(Wed)23:41 No. 574512 ID: 337362
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You sign it "Zack" and send it off.

First work-related email. Not what you were expecting.

You surf aimlessly for a while, trying to distract yourself from the little mail icon in the upper right corner of your screen.

On facebook everyone's posting Happy Truce-Tying Day statuses. An Oculot in Lisbon converted to Catholicism. It's trending.

After 23 minutes you get a message from ShivaSister@gmail.com.


hi zack!!!!!
i'm GG. DEAD excited to be seeing you soon. the url? lmao it's just an arm joke i'm not really interested in Shiva or anything too much. Sorry to disappoint you :/

lunch! yes! i am thinking Luco's near Penn or i am thinking maybe if you like big trucks the M-M-MONSTER JAM (emphasis mine) is Sunday. o but maybe Luco's will be quieter if you want to talk about cultural stuff. you're the expert ;)

btw i saw your pic. nice legs!! <-- this is human flirting

I vote M-M-MONSTER JAM. Have a good time and have a good excuse not to have anything clever to say.

So if that's human flirting, what's warrior flirting like? Should you kill anything with a knife between now and then?

>>574512
Go for the monster truck rally, then have dinner afterwards at a decent restaurant, meaning not McDonald's or any fast food place. Maybe a BBQ restaurant?

Hoo boy I think you two will be having a lot of cultural misunderstandings, but maybe you should save that sort of talk for the date. You could ask about Warrior standards of attractiveness and explain about Human standards.

Oh, but do complement her hair in the response.

yeah, monster jam sounds fine. want to get to know her personally before we get all professional about it.

>>574512
Perhaps you could ask her to an evening show at the M-M-MONSTER JAM, followed by a quieter time at Luco's afterward.

Shit son, who doesn't love some sunday night MONSTER JAM.

That and we probably wanna do what she wants, get a good time/impression?

first date being about watching a big ass truck smashing a bunch of cars... This is start to look pretty good actually. Why not it would be fun.

I also get the feeling that she is just as lost as you are in this hole dating thing so expect many awkward moments.

>>574547
Yeah, I doubt either of you have any idea of where to go from here. Just do what she enjoys. Monster Jam is good. Compliment her hair and hope it doesn't turn out to be some obscure insult somehow.

Enemy 2014/05/15(Thu)13:12 No. 574591 ID: 337362
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>M-M-MONSTER JAM sounds great. Maybe we can go to Luco's after.
>Thanks for the complement! I like your hair. It is good to human flirt.
>What's Warrior flirting like, anyway? Should I stab anything between now and then?

You wait a couple of minutes to not seem too eager then send.
After a few minutes you get a response:

MONSTER JAM MONSTER JAM

hahahaha no killing will be necessary. if any of my family members had a blood feud going on or had been killed by a Megabeast and you brought us their head maybe we'd reward you with my hand in marriage ;*
but unfortunately for you i don't think we've have any of those going in a decade or two. Boring, i know.

thank you for the human flirting. i will see you on sunday and just for u i won't get that macklemore fade i have been thinking of getting.

-GG

You check yourself in the mirror.
You're not half bad.
Your assets include a body, a charming personality, confidence, and a sense of humor.

Thought exercise: rank them 1 to 4.

Confidence is number 1 obviously. Otherwise we would not be here.

As for the rest math is hard and I am to lazy to continue typing.

body - 2

charm- 3
it's why we were hired

confidence - 1

sense of humor - 2

did I do this right?

i think it depends if high is good or low is good.

but yeah i say confidence is best. charm second, body third and humor last.

not the funniest guy but we carry ourself well.

>>574604
Charm 4
Confidence 3
Body 2
Sense of Humor 1

>>574606
ah then i change this >>574604 to
charm at the top
humor is second
body is third
and confidence is last.

Hey if we're charming they're has to be a reason why we're single.

>>574591
1. Confidence
2. Charm
3. Body
4. Humor

You may not be the best at making jokes, but you've got the charisma and confidence to make even the worst puns seem funny.

>>574591
i'd rank them all first place.

Confidence- most
humor- second most
body- second least
charm- least

It's easy to become charming, see Story Seeker, and easy to get swole. At least, it's easy for us to make you do the work and become traditionally charming and fit. Less so for the other two. Plus the usual idea of charming guy might not translate well to other species.

>>574614
Actually, swap body and charm.

>>574591
1 Confidence
2 Sense of Humor
3 Body
4 Charm

Enemy 2014/05/15(Thu)23:54 No. 574651 ID: 337362
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You're confident. Shit most people wouldn't dare to say or do comes easy to you. You can get away with it, too; there's a kind of charm you give off that makes it hard to get too pissed at you.
You've got an okay sense of humor, though you like appreciating jokes more than you like thinking them up.
Your body? It's okay. You're pretty strong and relatively fit for your age, but you're not a gym rat or anything. You run so you're a little on the skinny side. Sometimes you look in the mirror and wish maybe your arms were a little bigger, and you had more of a six pack, but nobody's complained and it's not like you have a gut on you either.
You clean up pretty good, all told.

Sunday rolls around. You borrow Alan's car ("Don't have weird interdimensional hanky-panky in it," he says, "and buy me gas and a 12-pack while you're out.") and GPS your way to the Monster Jam. You get there early enough that everyone's tailgating and milling around the parking lot, getting well tanked before the trucks show up.

Your phone buzzes.

ShivaSister is messaging you.

im heeere!
where u at? i brought brewskis

You look around the parking lot, climbing onto a curb to see over people.

GG is not that hard to spot. One she's taller than basically every human being at the arena, and two she is being given a wide berth by everyone else. She seems oblivious to the stares, focusing on her phone. A lady's taking a video of her.

How to introduce yourself?

>>574651
There's nothing you can do to avoid the attention you're about to get, so the best thing to do is just get on with it calmly. Just walk up with a wave and a smile and introduce yourself. Oh, and ask for one of those beers. The only thing that could make some time at the M-M-MONSTER JAM more hardcore is a little alcohol.

CONFIDENTLY.

Just walk up like "Hey, I'm Zack. Looking good."

Just step up with a big smile and say, "The video you are making is missing something important: Me."

I also recommend, "You appear to be a female. I like that."

Enemy 2014/05/16(Fri)01:32 No. 574660 ID: 337362
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You wave your hand over the camera of the lady taking the video.
"You think that's weird?" you say. "Check this out."

You walk over to the Warrior. There is a cloud of amber-y perfume around her. Very strong. Very vanilla.

"Hey," you say. "I'm Zack. GG, right?"

"Zaaack!" Her voice has a bit of a lilt to it. There's a trace of a zh sound at the beginning of your name. "Hey!"


"Looking good, GG," you say, and you have to admit she is. She's got a beer in one hand, a glowing cigarette in another, her phone in another, and a bag in another.

That's a lot of hands.

GG beams. "Thanks, stud. You're taller than I thought you'd be."

"You mentioned brewskis?" you ask.

She stows her phone and takes a sip. "You like PBR?"

"Sure."

"Good, because it's all I have." She turns to a dinged-up red pickup behind her and opens a cooler in back. "Maybe you can teach me about good Earth beer."

"Oh my God," whispers a woman, loud enough to be audible probably on purpose.

Choose all that apply
1]] PBR's not bad. You're learning quick.
2]] You don't drink good beer at a Monster Jam. You drink cheap beer. This is perfect.
3]] Maybe in return you could tell me about Warrior drinks.
4]] Human dating tip: That perfume's a little strong and fancy for a monster truck rally.
5]] Got a spare cigarette, too?
6]] Flip off the "Oh my God" lady

3 & 6

>>574660
2]] You don't drink good beer at a Monster Jam. You drink cheap beer. This is perfect.
3]] Maybe in return you could tell me about Warrior drinks.
4]] Human dating tip: That perfume's a little strong and fancy for a monster truck rally.

Woo, multiple options!

>>574662
yeah sounds good. maybe mention that the open air will disperse it mostly. and not to feel bad about doing it. learning these things is partly why she is here.

2]]
3]]
7]]Yuengling or Sam Adams. Steel Reserve if you want to get drunker faster and cheaper.

>>574660
2,3,4 and 6. A little extra emphasis on 6.

>>574671
Bingo.

>>574671
sounds good

Mix 1, 2 and 6. Protest to Gawking Lady that PBR is perfect for Monster Jam. The nice stuff gets saved for barbecues and such.

>>574671
Fourthing this.

Although you should probably ask if that's perfume or not first. Like, ask her where she got it or something, it'd suck if it turns out that's normal for a Warrior.

@ Enemy 2014/05/16(Fri)15:43 No. 574738 ID: 337362
File 140028021155.png - (0B , 800x600 )

You flip off the Oh my God lady. She looks around with a gapemouth can-you-believe-this-guy kind of expression, but it doesn't look like very many people are paying attention to her, so she leaves.

"What, lady, you got a problem with PBR?" you call after her. GG is laughing.

"You don't drink good beer at a monster jam," you say. "You drink cheap beer. This is perfect."
"You like it?"
"Sure. My dad would yell at you for not getting Yuengling, though."
"What's Yuengling?"
"Dad beer. Obama liked it. What do Warriors drink, usually?"
"We don't actually have fermented stuff like this. That's all humans."
"You like?"
"I love," says GG. "The closest thing Warriors have is it's this thing where you drain the blood from prey and there's this leaf you crush in it called a hjak and it gets you just really really high."
"Sounds fun."
"It's a ceremonial thing. Like a warrior bat-mitzvah thing. Getting drunk is better."

As you walk toward the arena, the cooler under one of GG's arms, you say: "Is that your perfume?"
"It is," she says. "Do you like it?"
"Yeah, but it's a little, uh, strong for a monster jam."
"Oh, shit,," GG says. "I just went into the store and said give me the most girly thing you have. I thought it would make me less intimidating."

1]] It does, but maybe less of it.
2]] You don't intimidate me.
3]] I don't mind intimidating.
4]] You're a big red 4-armed alien warrior. Embrace it.

2 and 1. she doesn't really feel intimidating to you. and for 1 include that there is still a thing known as going too far the other way, just a little to say "yes i am a girl" without trying to completely cover up the other aspects of herself.

3]I don't mind intimidating

We're at a monster truck rally after all. You need to be intimidating at one, or else drunk rednecks might try and fuck your shit up. Granted that might make you a bigger target too. PBR starts up fights like a motherfucker. Everyone's a target to a fellow PBR drinker.

Just don't get too drunk you don't know to hold back, miss. You blow up one redneck with a power punch and we're both fucked to high heaven. Just do some soft tosses or something and yells. Hang them up on lamp posts. Some people miiiight actually think to bring guns too here, so be prepared to bend shotguns, if you can do that. Not to make you paranoid. Just lots of rednecks here, probably. It's a risk that all normal Monster Truck loving humans have to deal with coming here as well, but we've decided it's been worth it for years.

Just laugh it off. It's not a big deal.

1,2 and that we're at a place where there is a constant supply of sweaty redneck smell, beer stink and gas exhaust. I really don't think someone smelling good is actually gonna be noticed.

And besides, wouldn't pick her for a date if i was scared of her right, shit we got this right?

1]]

Tell her there was some famous human warrior who said "Quantity has a quality all of its own."

Or maybe it was just the internet that said that.

>>574750
Pretty much this. Also, ask about where she learned about bat mitzvahs and if there's any place you can learn about similar stuff about Warriors.

Enemy 2014/05/16(Fri)19:01 No. 574772 ID: 337362
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"You don't intimidate me," you say.
"I don't?" GG raises an eyebrow. "Because I could snap you in half."
"You won't, though. You might scare the rednecks. They aren't used to girls who smell good."
"What's a redneck? I have a red neck."
"It means, like, hillbilly."
"What's a hillbilly?"
"Hick?"
"Oh! I know what those are," she says. "Sorry about the perfume, rednecks. Sorry, Z."
"It's no big deal. It's about to get crazy smelly in a second anyway."

"What do you-- oooh," says GG.
"I know," you say. "Like an RV grew armpits."

"No, check it out!" GG rushes out of the stadium interior to the guardrail, pushing past a pissed-looking dude in a wifebeater. "The arena."
You follow her out, looking out at the crowd while you go. There's more than a thousand people here; you can probably count individually how many Visitors are here, and they're most all of them grouped together up in the nosebleeds.

You join her at the balcony. "Have you been here before?"
"No. Have you?"
"Never. This is a new experience for both of us."
"So they're going to smash the shit out of those, right?" She points down at the half-wrecked lines of cars stacked on the dirt.
"Live and in pay-per-view," you say, scanning the stands. You and GG are continuously given a wide berth. She barely notices.

1]] The groupon was for two GA tickets, so just sit wherever.
2]] There's about a dozen Warriors up near the back. GG will probably be more comfortable there.
3]] The groupon was for two GA tickets, but lookee there: a bunch of VIP seats right there near the front row nobody bought.

hmmm... while it may make her comfortable they would probably get into a warrior thing and you will probably miss half of what she is saying.

the front would bring a lot of attention, and questions.

middle somewhere would be the best. so

A

3. Because why the hell not.

>>574773
Yeah, 1 works. If that doesn't work for whatever reason I suggest L.

3. Like anyone will dare to bother you when you're sitting with her, anyways. And if they actually have the balls to send you the bill, later, your new salary will more than cover it.

Go with 1. No sense drawing too much unwanted hostility towards us. We're here to enjoy the show, not get in a fight.

>>574772
Go with 1
No point risking anything for the VIP tickets and if GG wanted to be with other Warriors she wouldn't be here, would she.

>>574772
1 or 3. Either way, the way things have been going people will give you some space, so it won't be too difficult to get a nice seat.

Also YEAHHHHH MONSTER TRUCKS LET'S DO THIS

Enemy 2014/05/17(Sat)01:23 No. 574794 ID: 337362
File 140031502153.png - (8.37KB , 800x600 , 12.png )

"OK, it's General Admission tickets so we can go anywhere that isn't the front 5 or 6 rows," you say. "What abooout.... there?"
You point to a place near the middle of the arena. "Good view."

"Nope," says GG. She points up toward right above where the trucks come out. "I want to singe an eyebrow on the pyrotechnics."

"I didn't think Warriors had eyebrows."

"Over there," she says. You catch her giving you a funny looking glance.

1]] OK, pyrotechnics it is.
2]] Trust me. This is a better view.
3]] Is this some kind of Warrior dating code thing, GG?

1
Let the lady have her pyro show
Hard to have a bad view with Monster Trucks, you know?

>>574794
Look toward the seats she's pointing out, see what types of people are sitting over there. After that go ahead with 1 and maybe add 3 depending on who's near those seats.

PYROTECHNICS AND MONSTER TRUCKS I LOVE THIS

I think this is a Warrior thing. Maybe it's a competition to see who leads.

2.

Maybe 3, but I think that would spoil the game.

Look at who's sitting over there. Say that you'd prefer 2 and ask 3.

Hey, if she wants pyrotechnics, she can have pyrotechnics.

Enemy 2014/05/18(Sun)00:48 No. 574882 ID: 337362
File 140039929567.png - (9.57KB , 800x600 , 12a.png )

"Pyrotechnics is fine," you say.

"Killer," says GG, grabbing you by the hand. She drags you (ow) to the seats she pointed out and pushes you into one, then falls back into the one next to you. The rivets on it groan a little.

"WOO" she goes. "MON-STER-JAM MON-STER-JAM Z where are the cars?"

You check your phone for the time. "It's 7:55 and the show starts at 8. We have a few minutes."

"Boring," says GG. "Oh. Not that you're boring, or anything. I mean geez! We haven't even gotten a chance to talk to each other, have we?" She pivots in her seat to face you. "Tellllll me three fun facts. About you."

>Come up with whatever you want. Flesh yourself out a little.

Well i'm pretty rad at making sandwiches, like, really awesome sandwiches apparently.

I've got prizes for those sandwiches, i'll show you them sometimes if you want to.

you went skydiving once. was pretty fun.

>>574882
I might not look like it, but I'm actually an expert at parkour. Up in Maryland people know me as The Guru for this one time I vaulted over a priest.

I can't set foot in Utah. The Mormons still haven't forgiven me for the incident with Mitt Romney.

>>574893
>>574904
and >>574915
seem about the best options here

Enemy 2014/05/18(Sun)17:12 No. 574963 ID: 337362
File 140045832586.png - (30.67KB , 800x600 , 13.png )

"One is I am supremely good at making sandwiches."
"Oh?"
"This is not a boast. It is a plain fact. I worked at Subway for a few summers, and if you work there they call you a Sandwich Artist. Not everyone deserves that title."
"But you do?"
"Girl I have won competitions with my sandwiches. I have a plaque. I'll show you sometime. Two is I went skydiving once, and it was pretty cool."
"What is skydiving? Is it what I think it is?"
"It's you jump out of a plane."
"What. Yes. Can we do that?"
"Sure."
"Humans are crazy," says GG.
"Three is I am a persona non grata in Salt Lake City, Utah."
"Why?"
"When I was younger and dumber and I lived in Utah, me and some friends would take these parkour videos and post them online. We actually got pretty good. We were like, local celebrities."
"I wanna see those!"
"We had to take them down. I got tanked, vaulted a mormon priest and kicked him in the head."
"No. Really?"
"And to this day I am known in Salt Lake as The Holy Diver."
"That's amazing," GG leans forward. "Can I- OMYGOD"

The pyrotechnics go off and Pantera fills the air.
The Raging Buffalo, pride and joy of the Georgia Dome circuit, thunders through the mouth of the arena and ramps off an immediately pulverized car.
GG goes "AAAAAAAA"


After a blissful half-hour of crunching metal and roaring engines, GG turns from the destruction and says: "ZACK"
"WHAT?" you ask, over the speed metal piping through the arena.
"ARE THERE CONCESSIONS?"
"WHAT?"
"FOOD?"
"OH YEAH BACK INSIDE THE STADIUM"
"I'M HUNGRY ARE YOU HUNGRY?"

1]] SURE LET'S GO GET A HOT DOG OR SOMETHING
2]] I'M GOOD YOU CAN GO, THOUGH
3]] STAY HERE I'LL GO GET YOU A THING
4]] IF I GIVE YOU TEN BUCKS WILL YOU GET ME A CORN DOG?

>>574963
>>574963
1 seems to be the more neutral option here, might be best.

2 cause we're a gentleman sandwich making, skydiving utah board legend. Besides she hasn't had all her life to see this kind of stuff, let her.

>>574967
whoops, butterfingers.

I meant 3.

1. Sure, let's go get something.

I think I like 3 the best. Sure she's the Warrior, but we can be the Gentleman!

>>574963
3, no need to pull her from the M-M-M-MONSTROUS MAYHEM.

3, and if she asks, it is a human dating thing.

>>574985
This, yeah

>>574985
Yup.

>>574963
3, so you don't lose your seats. Plus she's never been to an event like this. Might as well let her enjoy the full scope of car on car action.

Enemy 2014/05/19(Mon)11:41 No. 575022 ID: 337362
File 140052486136.png - (10.31KB , 800x600 , 13a.png )

"STAY HERE I'LL GO GET YOU A THING" you say.

"O THANKS" GG reaches into her bag. "LET ME GIVE YOU MONEY"

"NO NEED" you say. "THE GOVERNMENT WILL PAY FOR IT"
She laughs but you can't hear it over Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills".

"Hi," you say to the guy at the concession stand.
"Hello." He is leaning on the counter. The show booms through the concrete walls behind you. Nobody else is in line. "You are man with red girlfriend, yes?"
"Kind of. She's not really my girlfriend."
"She has many arms. But big boob. So this is ok."
"That's a refreshingly integrationist attitude," you say.
He shrugs. "Is ok."

You squint at the menu.
1]] Get GG the "Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger"
2]] Get GG the "Constitutional Chilidog Freedomfurter"
3]] Get GG the "Tangy Tallahassee Tender n Biscuit Tasty Big Basket"
4]] Get GG the "Americrunch Nitro Nachos"
5]] Get GG the "Salad"

Get GG either the burger or the chilidog and some nachos for you both to share. (plus whatever else you want for you)

>>575023
Seconding.

>>575022
Use your sandwich skill to divine the best option from the menu.
Nachos and Burger are probably best bet.

It's probably a bad idea, but I'm genuinely curious what the heck they even mean in a place like this by 'salad.'
You probably want the nachos and the basket though, simply because they're easy to eat some of without committing to more than a bite if it turns out she can't handle or doesn't like one or the other.

>>575022
Buy the "Tangy Tallahassee Tender n Biscuit Tasty Big Basket" and "Americrunch Nitro Nachos". That way you can share with each other.

Enemy 2014/05/19(Mon)18:09 No. 575055 ID: 337362
File 140054816981.png - (11.23KB , 800x600 , 14.png )

Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger and Americrunch Nitro Nachos in hand, you return to the stands.

Shit.

GG is standing in the aisle, trying to get back to her seat. There's a guy in the way.

"You like humans, right?" he says. "Why don't you like me?"

"Get out of my way," says GG.

"I hear that back in hell y'all wander around shirtless all the time. Why ain't you shirtless?"

"I'm going to count backwards from ten," says GG.

Walk up and stuff a nacho in his mouth.

"so do you have a mother or are you a puddle of slime mimicking a human?"

As tempting as it is to just sit back and munch nachos while we enjoy the show, it's best just to defuse the situation, either by reminding both parties that a fight will get them kicked out, or by getting the hick kicked out somehow (I don't suppose disorderly conduct is enough for a booting here?).

>>575055
Walk up and try to get between the two before something violent happens and our HARDCORE NIGHT OF EXTREEEEEEMES gets cut short by getting kicked out or arrested. Ask what's going on, and be firm about it. Don't seem like you're too eager to fight, but keep in mind that this guy is harassing your date.

>>575055
"Hello, I'm her government-mandated date. Move along now, please, or I'll call in the sniper squad sitting there in the deluxe seats."
If you have one, flash your badge.

>>575055
"Are you a fucking dumbass? Christ, they really do breed you truck hat hicks inbred. Do you personally intend on being wheelchair bound for the rest of your life. Have some goddamn sense of self-preservation and enjoy the show, or go participate in the Darwin awards somewhere else. Maybe just walk out in the center of the arena and give the audience a good show."

>>575056
Oh, and pair it with "Here have something else in your mouth other than your foot."

>>575062
Sounds a bit too confrontational. We want to avoid a fight, right?

Point out that she could rip off his dick and shove it down his throat if he keeps annoying her and tell him to do something safer like wrestling one of the monster trucks.

Do not let her beat the shit out of this guy.
As the non-minority here, it's your job to tell off the asshole so she doesn't catch flak from the mostly-human crowd.

Also, don't bring up your government backing.
Something tells me she won't be too big on you relying on them instead of throwing your own weight around.

Enemy 2014/05/19(Mon)22:09 No. 575084 ID: 337362
File 140056259730.png - (10.74KB , 800x600 , 15.png )

"Oh, shit," you say, descending the steps and eating a nacho. "Am I going to have the opportunity to see darwinism in action?"

GG and the redneck turn to you.

"You could save my date the effort and go wrestle one of the trucks instead," you say.

"You the pretty boy taking out Clifford the big red dog?" he asks.

"You bring up dogs. This reminds me of when you see a chihuahua barking at a bull mastiff," you say. "You want a nacho or is there no room for it with all the foot in your mouth?"
"Your mouth full of demon titty," says Redneck.
"Cute." You eat another nacho. "Were you naturally formed by like swamp gas or did your mom drive you here?"

"Jason?" calls the redneck's girlfriend, from up further in the stands.

"Oh," you say. "There she is."

You have transferred his attention from GG directly to you.
His knuckles are white and shaky.
His breath smells like whiskey.

"Show some basic self-preservation," you say, "and let's just enjoy the show."

"Imma take a break from the show," says Jason, "and we're gonna go on outside for a hot minute or two."
"Yes we are," says GG, stepping in front of you.

1]] I think he was talking to me, GG.
2]] You heard the lady, Jason. Godspeed.
3]] Everyone calm down.
4]] Appeal to the girlfriend.
5]] Appeal to security.
6]] Appeal to the crowd.
7]] Hit Jason.

Go with 1.

He's drunk, and we're a sandwich parkour master. It really shouldn't take too much to trip this guy up without actually hurting him, or getting our face pounded in. Go for the disable. If we let red handle it, we'll have a much messier incident.

>>575084
Body's not a high perk. Option 7 is right out. So is 1, really. I don't want to be responsible for this guy's death or otherwise cause an incident on Truth Tying Day, so option 2 is out.

I wanna go with
4]] Appeal to the girlfriend.
5]] Appeal to security.
6]] Appeal to the crowd.
ANY of these. Maybe all of them, but 4 or 6 seem especially good. With our perks being in Confidence and Charm, we could do well with 6 or 4. 5 seems like it would be a good option regardless of perks, but there might not be any security nearby and it seems like a sign of weakness to just run to security.

I prefer 4, because the crowd might not be paying attention or might not agree with us. But if the crowd is on our side, hoo boy that would be the MOST AWESOME choice.

>>575084
3
4
GG, we're gonna miss part of the show. The funnest part is over with him. He's just a punk.
Lady, can you put a leash on Jason please. He's hardly housebroken and prone to barking, we'll have to call animal control soon.

Tell GG he's not worth missing the show over. 3 and 4.

Plus we're probably not physically capable of kicking his ass, we dumped body. Might want to ask GG how warriors work out later and start training with her if she likes the idea.

Enemy 2014/05/19(Mon)23:26 No. 575092 ID: 337362
File 140056716919.png - (10.67KB , 800x600 , 16.png )

You look up at the girlfriend. "Excuse me, lady listen, can you put a leash on this guy when you take him in public?"

She looks a little pissed, but you smile a hopeful, charming smile, and she gets out of her seat.
"Jason, come on," she says, grabbing his hand and pulling him away. "They ain't worth it."

"Traitor," says Jason. "Fucking dirty traitor."

"Have fun reliving the evening in the portapotties," you say.

"My cousin killed by one of you," says Jason to GG. "He was eighteen years old and one of them twist his head off like a ripe apple from a stem. I was right behind him. His head turn all around and his face staring at me and then it jest lifted right off his shoulders."

You don't have a witty response ready for that one.

"You think you a person going to our rally talking our language." Jason is tearing up. "Pretty boy don't know but I seen what you are."

Jason's woman finally drags him inside.

"Huh." GG scratches her arm. "Good riddance."

1]] What an asshole. Let's watch monster trucks.
2]] Sorry I got in the way. You could have taken him easy.
3]] Are you ok?
4]] I have a Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger with your name on it.

>>575092
Hmm. I want to see what her take on the whole violence thing is, honestly.

2.

>>575092
3 then 4
He was drunk, but let's be realistic. This kind of thing is gonna happen. So let's try to enjoy what we can ok.

>>575095
Sounds good.

4

1 and 4. Take her mind off the unpleasantries so we can get back to having a good time.

Enemy 2014/05/20(Tue)23:16 No. 575179 ID: 186341
File 140065301949.png - (11.31KB , 800x600 , 17.png )

"What an asshole," you say.
"Hum." GG rolls her shoulder. You can't help but notice that she's grinning. "A Warrior would call a guy like that a Mute Button. Loud talk but they only take one little push." She slides out of the aisle to her seat. You join her.
"I guess it's good you showed up when you did," she says. "But I want to punch something now. Or eat something."
"I have a Red White and Bleu Cheese Bacon Buchanan Burger with your name on it."

"Oh, sick," says GG, and takes a monster bite. "Mmm. Whut bout thofe chipf?"
"Open season."
"Thankf, Z!"

You take another nacho and watch GG nosh. She seems entirely unaffected by what has just happened.

"Hey," you say. "Are you ok?"
"Hmmm?" GG licks some ketchup off her lip. "Yeah, why?"

"That got pretty intense back there."

"Oh." She swallows. "Yeah but don't worry. He didn't hit me or anything before you showed up. Just got in my face."
"Just the way he was talking, though."

"Oh. The you're-a-monster thing?" She shrugs. It's a complicated gesture for her. "Actually, I kind of liked it."
"You liked it?"
"Yeah! It's nice to be reminded how big and scary you are sometimes."
"It didn't bother you that he was calling you a demon? And the cousin?"
"Why should it?" She curls her bicep a little. "We were at war for like five years. Killing each other is what everyone did. He's just admitting my kind was real good at it."
"That's an interesting perspective."
"Do I sound bloodthirsty? I'm sorry," says GG. "But, like, How do I explain this? Warrior. That's English for soldier sort of, right?"
"Right."
"Well there's a reason my entire race decided that's what we want to be called," she says. "In Visitor language the word for us is" and here her voice turns into a throaty snarl for a second "Garakton. And the word for soldier is Garak-ka which means 'One who is like a Garakton'. So when guys like Jason come and they say 'You are a big monster! Your people killed so many of mine!' a warrior doesn't necessarily feel ashamed or embarrassed. We feel, uh, good. Does that make sense?"


1]] Yes.
2]] No.
3]] Not really, but don't worry about it. I'm human. We think different.

>>575179
Yes. Kinda. Like the Gurkhas, Maori or the Iban people. Those guys used to shrink the heads of enemies the killed in battle.

>>575179
Well, 1)) Yes.
I understand what she's saying and her perspective. She takes pride in being strong, and in how her race was really good at killing people during the war. I mean, it's a war, that's what they're supposed to do. Humans can feel pride about their soldiers being effective too. But... wasn't the guy accusing her of being evil? Bloodthirsty and brutal?

makes sense enough.
only hitch is that while respect is well and good, FEAR needs to be dialed down, our races are on the same side now, and being afraid to talk to someone because their grandfather ripped the head off of your grandfather's friend makes it difficult to integrate.

Enemy 2014/05/21(Wed)00:15 No. 575185 ID: 186341
File 140065654837.png - (13.23KB , 800x600 , 18.png )

"That makes sense," you say. "Sort of like the Maori or the Gurkhas."
"What are those?"
"Old warrior cultures in Human history," you say. "Lowercase w-warrior."
"You guys had that?"
"Yeah. They used to shrink the heads of their enemies."
"Shrink the heads?"
"In like brine or something. Yeah."
"Sick," says GG. "I want to know more about them."
"The only problem is fear," you say. "Wasn't that guy calling you bloodthirsty and evil?"
GG takes another bite. "I gueff. Waf that becauf he waf afraid of me, probably?"
"Probably. Our races are on the same side now, and being afraid to talk to someone because their grandfather ripped the head off of your grandfather's friend makes it difficult to integrate."
"See you're right," says GG, chewing thoughtfully, "but there's about a thousand years of Warrior culture that says when someone is afraid of you that means you're cool and strong. It's about domination. When I walk down a street and people like walk fast to avoid me, that makes me internally fistpump."
"It would make me feel terrible."
"That's probably the biggest hurdle, then. For integration." She nibbles a nacho. "You aren't afraid of me, though, Zack, are you?"

1]] I kind of am. I just hide it good.
2]] That's because like I said, we're on the same side now.
3]] That's because I don't think you're a killer, really. Not deep down.
4]] That's because I like chicks with muscles.
5]] Does that bother you at all?

>>575185
1) "Being deceptive is a facet of human culture."

>>575185
2]] That's because like I said, we're on the same side now.
(also ridiculous confidence levels)
Also,
5]] Does that bother you at all?

naaaaaah, we too cool for that.

>>575185
Humans process fear through the survival mechanism of terror or through the social mechanism of respect, with emphasis on one or the other. I choose to emphasize respect. i.e. I respect your capacity to crush my head in a single motion more than I am afraid that you actually will.

Enemy 2014/05/21(Wed)01:24 No. 575196 ID: 186341
File 140066067693.png - (9.34KB , 800x600 , 19.png )

"We're on the same side now," you say. "I respect your ability to squish my head like a grape, but I'm not afraid of you."
"Hmm." GG puts the burger down and looks at you.
"Does that bug you?" you ask.
"No." She wipes her lip. You notice her face is just a tad darker red behind her hand. "It's kind of sexy."

Down in the arena a monster truck flies off a ramp and lands square on a volkswagen bug.

...I think our hero is now experiencing an abstract kind of terror. She just took control of the conversation and placed our hero hip deep in murky social water where there is no possible right move.

Does he smooth talk?
Does he talk right past that comment?
Does he take a stiff drink and remain absolutely silent?
Does he accept it as a complement?
Does he invite further elaboration of her perception of sexiness and how sexual activity functions for her people?

If this continues as feared, our hero's pelvis, and other bones, may in critical danger!

>>575196
"That's good! I like being sexy."
Alternatively, just grin and wink. Or both!

>Down in the arena a monster truck flies off a ramp and lands square on a volkswagen bug.
Oh jeez, premonitions of the future.

just give a grin and enjoy the show.

>>575199
>>575202
Grin, wink, and say nothing. Exude that natural charm!

Winks are kind of creepy. Let's just smile and tell her she looks good, too.

Enemy 2014/05/22(Thu)18:06 No. 575406 ID: 186341
File 140080721722.png - (10.19KB , 800x600 , 20.png )

Not many people are confident and charming enough to pull off a wink, but you're not many people. GG winks back.

By the time the Gravedigger's rolled back into the garage you get the feeling the show is almost over.
"Where is this Luco's place anyway?" you ask.
"Luco's?" GG flutters the "GRAVEYARD SMASH" pennant she bought from a hawker at you. "I'm stuffed, Z. I mean we can still go if you're hungry, but that Buchanan burger fixed me up for dinner."

1]] Let's go to Luco's. I still want to talk.
2]] Got room for dessert? There's an ice cream place on the way back.
3]] You want to go see a movie or something instead?
4]] That's OK. We should do this again sometime, not only because I'm governmentally mandated to.
5]] That's OK. It's getting pretty late anyway.

I vote #3, see if there's an adventure flick she'd like to catch. Might get her blood pumping as much as this rally, but not as much time to talk unless you like pissing off the people around you.

Movie seems like it'd go on too long.

2]] Got room for dessert? There's an ice cream place on the way back.

>>575406

5]] That's OK. It's getting pretty late anyway.
Maybe invite her to do something else on another time. Maybe watch a movie or something. Finish it on a high note.

Ice creeaaaaam.

Ask her if she'd like some ice cream. She can probably handle it, since she didn't seem to have any problems digesting the bacon cheeseburger.

Enemy 2014/05/23(Fri)01:00 No. 575447 ID: 186341
File 140083201702.png - (9.63KB , 800x600 , 21.png )

You suggest ice cream. GG enthusiastically agrees. "I've never had ice cream before."
"Never? You're shitting me."
"I just never had the opportunity!"
"It's knocking. Look up Criminy Cones on GPS and follow me there."


"Hi hi," says GG, sliding into your booth. She once again ignores the stares the other patrons give her like a champion, drumming her wrists against the chilly red linoleum table.
Criminy Cones has a walk-in line thing going on one side of it, but there's also a more traditional booth-and-menu part, where you can sit down and place an order. There's sandwiches and stuff, but you're here on a mission. You wave at the waitress and show that your +1 has arrived.

"I've never had ice cream," GG tells the waitress, as she passes you a menu.
"Never?" asks the waitress. "You gotta. We'll break out the expensive stuff." She snaps her gum and winks at you.

"So." GG folds her hands together and starts playing with her bracelet. "How do you think that went, on human terms?"
"How did what go?"
"Our first date."

1]] That was great. I love monster trucks.
2]] Pretty good, all things considering.
3]] That fight was a little bumpy, but no harm done.
4]] It was a little rough-and-tumble for date number one, but that's to be expected at a monster jam.
5]] Ugh. Redneck city. Sorry it turned out so hick-tastic.

>>575447
>2]] Pretty good, all things considering
Only minus was the hick guy disturbance. B
ut other than that, no problem.

Can't complain about the redneck. At a MONSTER JAM they pretty much count as an environmental hazard.

>>575447
3]] That fight was a little bumpy, but no harm done.
On human terms, that was a bit of a disruption.

>>575447
We had a fun time
That's what matters
so good date, yeah

>>575447
2. The disturbance was a bit awkward, but you were at the M-M-MONSTER JAM. Rednecks and the xenophobia that comes with them were part of the package.

>>575459
thirding 2

2.

If we have to give details (or she presses for them) the thing we're considering is that this was a blind date. Set up by crazy government bureaucrats. (Yes, that's what makes this weird and could have potential messed things up).

>>575472
Yup.

>>575451
Pretty much my thoughts. #2

2, I think. This weren't meant to be no evening at the opera, it was grabbing a brew, learning a bit about each other, and havin a swell ole time.
Good food, good music, good fun, and good company. Mute Button excluded, of course, though I suppose that was amusing and informative in its own right.

Enemy 2014/05/25(Sun)19:20 No. 575899 ID: 186341
File 140107083898.png - (10.71KB , 800x600 , 22.png )

"I think it was pretty good, all things considered," you say. "It was no night at the opera, and the fight was a little awkward, but it was fun!"
"That's good," says GG, her face buried in the menu. "Because on Warrior terms I royally screwed up."

"Really? How?"

"I didn't assert dominance enough. Warrior dating is all about asserting dominance. There's a winner and a loser. You know?"
"That sounds stressful."
"There wasn't any give-and-take. If you were a Warrior dude you'd have walked out an hour ago." She sighs. "I should have punched that guy in the skull. I mean" she puts down the menu. "I had a good time, though. It was nice."

"What was?"

"Not having to worry about power dynamics and who was stronger. I mean no offense but we both know I could break your little spine like a twig."
"None taken."
"So it was kind of nice. Not trying to compete. I shouldn't say that." She puts a hand on her mouth. "That's very un-Warrior. That's human dating, right? The guy does most of it?"

1]] More or less.
2]] Classically yeah, but I like to think we're more egalitarian now.
3]] Not necessarily. Some men prefer assertive women.
4]] If you feel like asserting more dominance you can pay for my ice cream. I won't object.
5]] I don't like to think about it like Warriors or Humans.
6]] It seems like you have a good handle on how we do it. Tell me more about Warrior dating.
7]] Are you ready to order? I'll get the waitress.

>>575899
2 and 3. Also ask about Warrior dating and ask if she'd like to go on a normal Warrior date and a normal human date to compare.

Also ask about how Warriors flirt.

>>575899
2 and 3, it's at least way it's supposed to be ideally
Classic dating is still big though, it's the only way a guy even knows how to date so women just roll with it unless they really hate the status quo in that regard. And then there's different types of dates, some men only date because they want to sleep with a women they're attracted to, then bail on them. Some women hate that, and want a dude that will stick around, and there's plenty of those too. But some women are also in it just for the dinner or entertainment and then post-date boning.
There's also same-sex dating, which is different because obviously gender roles can't be appropriated, and then there's other culture's way of courtship.
Human dating is different culture to culture though too, so really, that's American dating we're talking about. You might find similar styles of dating to Warrior with other cultures. Thinking of humans date is like thinking about how all the other types of Visitors date at the same time, which have you considered? Do cross-Visitors date typically? How does that go, you might want to try those techniques if you'll also be dating other men in the future, we don't know how it's supposed to go on your end with the whole program. I was just straight up told have fun or your fired. So, yeah, that's the goal for this date. Have fun and get to know each other. Techniques be damned because we're among the first to try this.

>>575899
So that thing about the seats was a bit of Warrior dating, wasn't it?

2]] Classically yeah, but I like to think we're more egalitarian now.

Wait, how does a warrior date work if you're always trying to win? Doesn't that mean it always sucks for one person who ends up losing? One of you is all hoo-yah! and the other is all, shit, man.

>That's human dating, right? The guy does most of it?
According to some cliches. It's certainly not true all the time. Heck, I don't even know if it was true when people thought it was. Truth is, we're kind of messy.

>>575899
2, 4 and 5.

Oh my god, I just thought of something awesome! Maybe for a future date but it sounds like tons of fun.

We got to do Karaoke and do a cheesy love song to show how cheesy human dating can get.

3]]

8]] Human dominance is different anyway. It's more about escalating, deescalating, and outmaneuvering with words. Real fights happen, but they're seen as a fuckup on someone's part. And both sides have to opt-in. If you browbeat someone who isn't arguing, you look like an asshole, and if you beat up someone who isn't looking for a fight, you look like a bully.

Indeed. I suggest reading Sun Tsu's Art Of War.
Not only is it insightful to the mannerisms of human warfare, but our motivations, what we hope to get out of it.
It's also surprisingly relevant to dating and romance. Not every war is head on. Not all dominance is won with brute force. Not all respect is won through fear.
We romanticize most those who can win in love and war through cleverness, skill, and strength. The versatility to know when to use each is vital. At least, in an ideal world. Truthfully, almost noone has that ability, but we try. To try is to play the game, and the game is the battlefield of the heart.

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)18:00 No. 576073 ID: 186341
File 140115244409.png - (12.09KB , 800x600 , 23.png )

"Classically it is," you say. "But that's kind of 20th century. And human dating is always very, uh, messy.
"Messy?"
"There aren't too many rules. Some men prefer assertive women."
"Is that you?" she asks.
"I don't care. I like interesting people."
"Am I interesting?"
"You're 8 feet tall and red with 4 arms," you say. "I'd say you qualify."
"I'm glad you think we're interesting." GG brushes some hair back. "Humans are pretty interesting too."
"Cultural exchange is in the job description," you say. "So that thing with the seats was a little Warrior dating, hmm?"
She nods. "I kind of gave up after you broke up the fight."
"Would you want to go on a warrior date later?"
She shrugs. "Maybe. If you want to. Those monster trucks were sick."
"So there's always a winner and a loser? Wouldn't it always suck for the person who loses?"

"Sort of," GG says. "But not really. I mean you don't go on a date with someone if you're not at all into them, right?"
"How do warriors flirt?"
"You kind of warrior flirted," she says.
"I did?"
"Yeah. When you verbally harassed that redneck. Show of strength."
"Human dominance is more about words and outmaneuvering."
"Warriors have that too. Kind of. Normally we're a little more hands-on. You have to show two things, right?" She leans on her hand. Her knee touches yours under the table. "That you're strong and also that you're sexy."

So if I have particularly strong legs, for example, I would do this."

Her leg slides past yours then in a lightning fast motion wraps around your calf and squeezes. The muscle is hard as rock under her smooth skin. She pulls your leg in a little closer and you can feel the slight padding of her thigh just around the bend in her knee. It's chilly in the restaurant and she's wearing shorts, but she's radiating heat.

"And I would say:" She bends forward a little. Her hand brushes past your calf. "Try and move that."

You try. Your leg is caught fast. GG curls her leg a little more and you're dragged forward. The arena couldn't wash away that vanilla perfume; it hangs in the air around both of you, sultry and redolent.
She giggles. "Come on, Stringbean."

1]] Try harder.
2]] I give up. You win.
3]] Not in public.
4]] What are the stakes? What does the winner get out of Warrior dating, anyway?
5]] Tickle her leg.

definitely 5

>>576073
5: time for MAX TRICKSY

[1] probably won't work since body is our weakest trait, but what the hell. Use your runner/parkour muslces!

5. If she becomes visibly taken by surprise, thrown off or otherwise caught off guard, smirk and say: "I win."

1. But after failing, move forward into a kiss and say "Strength and sexiness proven, GG." Or something like that.

5. You can't win on pure strength. Show her a little human ingenuity.

5

5, for sure. (And he's hoping we don't accidentally get our head or chest crushed when she reacts to being tickled. Involuntary movements from someone that strong and all...)

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)18:53 No. 576089 ID: 186341
File 140115558811.png - (9.98KB , 800x600 , 24.png )

You tickle her leg.
Right when she starts laughing her grip slackens enough for you to wrest your leg away from hers. Maybe you tickle her a little longer than strictly necessary.
Her skin is soft.

She laughs so hard she snorts and then covers her mouth.
"Gotcha," you say.
"Aww, shit," she says, steadying herself on the table.
"I win!"
GG still tremors with laughter. "Fuck you fuck you fuck you!"

"Um."
The waitress clicks and reclicks her pen, nervously. "Are you guys ready or should I like come back later..."

1]] No, no. We're good. GG, what do you want?
2]] GG's never had ice cream. Order for her.
3]] __________

>>576089
[2]COOKIES AND CREAM

>>576089
Ask what flavors are available.

2]]
Start with vanilla.
Heh.

And after the waitress leaves remind her the fucking happens later.

Make sure she does not have some sort of odd allergy to chocolate or nuts before you get anything.

Chocolate. How can you not start with chocolate.

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)19:41 No. 576116 ID: 186341
File 140115850267.png - (9.72KB , 800x600 , 25.png )

"Do you like chocolate?" you ask GG. She delivers a so-so gesture.
"One medium chocolate ice cream," you say. "And a cookies and cream."
"Large," GG says.
"Gotcha," says the waitress. "That'll be right out for ya."

"You ok with cookies and cream?" you ask. "You're gonna love it, I think. And you have to try the chocolate."
"Chocolate is meh," GG says.
"Chocolate ice cream is ambrosia," you say.
"You're the boss, Zack." There's that lilt at the beginning of your name again. She squeezes your leg. "I tried to salvage it at the end, but you deff won date one."
"What does the winner get?" you ask, as the waitress scoots your bowl in front of you.
"Bragging rights. We love bragging rights. And also usually the loser pays for everything. And also the winner usually gets to decide when the date ends. And, um." She trails off, sticking a spoonful of cookies and cream into her mouth.
"Um?"
"And how it ends."

>>576116
...Ah. Ask if she wants to go back to your place after ice cream and see how things go. No obligation, just if she wants, she can stop and leave anytime, it can be her place if she prefers.

More talking, sex, anything in between, whatever.

>And also usually the loser pays for everything
Well, if the loser pays for everything, then it was the government that lost, tonight.

Sex is going too far for a first date. Kiss or makeouts would be nice though.

>>576116
Mention that you love bragging rights, but uhhh, human moral conditioning doesn't really allow for that last condition at all to be true. No one ever wins that right for humans, well, most humans.

one of the more accepted dating rules is the third date rule. So I say we should end it by setting up another date. Maybe ask if we should start off with a human date at first like we did this time or try starting with the warrior date first. If we're picking go warrior as she was kind enough to try it our way after all.

Well, if we're gonna keep from being too taboo we could just straight up say the third date's the true warrior date.

We can end this date with a kiss just to keep her from being disappointed. Warriors do kissing too, right?

Good opportunity to flirt, here. Redirection of strength. Ask her how you'd be ending the date tonight if she was the one who got to pick.

>>576136
>>576140
>third date rule an actual thing

Out of curiosity, have either of you ever gotten to a third date? If so, you should know that dating "rules" do not correspond to reality. three dates is often long enough to know whether or not you'd ever want to fuck someone, but so is one date sometimes.

Same with "first date is too early for sex". Dating's not really something that you can apply rules to other than not being a douchebag. Ask her if she feels comfortable with the two of you going back to either of your places and then going as far or as short as you feel comfortable with.

Seriously, on dates, you just do as much as you feel comfortable with and most of the point of dates is to find out how far you're willing to go.

Smooches now and hot lovin' on a later date.

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)22:41 No. 576181 ID: 186341
File 140116926691.png - (8.11KB , 800x600 , 26.png )

"If it was you who could pick," you say, "How would you end this one?"

GG tilts her head a little.

She smiles.

She leans across the table, puts one hand on the back of your neck, and kisses you deeply on the lips.

Her lips are strangely smooth compared to a human's, and the inside of her mouth is warmer than you're used to. She tastes a little like smoke and a little like cookies and cream.

She holds you there for a while. One of her hands traces your quadricep most of the way up your thigh.

She finally pulls away. You're a little dizzy.

"How about that?" she asks.

Very nice. So when can we do this again?

>How about that?
...I think that's what I'd have picked, too.

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)23:08 No. 576190 ID: 186341
File 140117090462.png - (9.78KB , 800x600 , 27.png )

"Yeah," you say. You take a breath to get your bearings again. Your nose is filled with her perfume. "I think that's good. When can we do this again?"

"Whenever, stud," GG says. "I haven't had this much fun in years."
She gets her bag and slings it over her shoulder. "You have my number, right?"
"Yep."
"So call me! Or maybe I'll call you. Dominance."
"Dominance," you say.
"I like you, Zack," GG says. "You're sexy. You pick where we go next time, though." She sticks her tongue out. "And don't make me wait too long."

She walks out of your evening with a lot more of a sway to her hips than when she walked into it.

Enemy 2014/05/26(Mon)23:08 No. 576191 ID: 186341
File 140117091821.png - (21.22KB , 832x600 , 28.png )

Pick your next date.
You can go on two in a row with one girl, and you can always return to a girl later.

So... GG again?

Wait, what are we doing in between dates? You can't go on a date every night, can you? You need time to do other things, and to prepare for the next one. (Well, except where dominance kicks in).

Lets go with the Oculot. She seems nice.

I agree with the Oculot, although given the "fireballs from eyes" bit I wonder if she's keeping hers closed because she has to. Like Cyclops.

Do you happen to know if it's at will, reflexive and at will, or continuous?

>>576196
Guess we'll find out. We should challenge her to a staring contest.

>>576191
Oculot

Tempted to see what's up with the Skut. They're traditionally shy and skittish, yeah? And she looks the part... and yet, she signed up for this program. A blind date with an extradimensional being set up by the government. What's the story behind that?

Oculot, most def.

>>576206
I agree, but it looks like the Oculot is carrying this time. Perhaps next time.

Let's go the one eyed burninator this time and hope that this will not end up with tears and crushed heads.

Enemy 2014/05/29(Thu)08:20 No. 576399 ID: 186341
File 140137683975.png - (3.75KB , 800x600 , 29.png )

You get home around midnight and blearily send an email to jcarlson@hvao.gov telling him you've got one date down and you're thinking Oculot next.

You start to close Chrome when you get an immediate reply.
Excellent. Her email is polyphema@outlook.com. Good pace.
-C

That was weirdly quick.

You start up another email to polyphema.
What to say?

>>576399
Bet you you're being monitored while you're on the dates.

Write your message with eye puns metaphors about seeing things suggestions on where to go sightseeing.

Well she seems chippy and happy, maybe write something to match that? Maybe not too happy?

>>576400
Of course we're being monitored. They're not paying us six figures without making sure we're actually doing what they paid for.

>>576399
Introduce yourself again, thank her for wanting to do this program and all that. Ask if going sightseeing sounds like a good idea to her.

I'm sure she's heard all the eye puns before. We wouldn't want to bore her. Love her gmail though, these visitors sure do love their mythological references.

>>576428
Wait, it's not gmail, it's outlook.
Forget what I said about no eye puns, she seems to love them.

One subtle eye pun to test the waters and that's it for now.

eye joke eye joke...
"Yanno, I thought I was being watched."
...Okay maybe that's not a good one but hopefully someone can think of a better line.

>>576439
Eye dunno, you'll just have to see what visionary puns we come up with. They'll get so bad your eyes may water.

A statement about going sight-seeing might suffice.

>>576462
We may not see eye to eye on everything, but we should try to see things from her point of view. If we go somewhere crowded she'll just become a spectacle, and everyone will think she's an eyesore. We have to convey to her that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We can weather any kind of verbal abuse until we reach proverbial eye of the storm, even if that means we have to dig deep and harness the eye of the tiger. WE'll just have to keep an eye out and make sure no one's unsightly comments cause her undue stress.

Go easy on the eye puns. Our slightly-below average sense of humor may not transfer well through e-mail.

I don't think we should do eye jokes either. She's probably heard them all.

Suggest somewhere sensible. Like a movie or a rock concert or something.

Kinda odd that they have one eye, but two eybrows.

She looks kind of peppy, but not prim, in fact she looks almost as shy as the Skut. Almost being around 60-75%, I'd say. Nnnot entirely sure how you would address such a person, though, but definitely avoid overuse of eye puns. Something subtle is well and good, and if she replies with an abundance of them, then you can try a few when you reply. (Also: If she replies right off the bat, feel free to reply right back at her without much delay... It's less of a "Wow I'm desperate" and more of a "Yeah, I don't just leave a message and vanish" type of action)

Egh, yeah. Eye puns are really tired, and will put you off on a bad foot. Say hi, introduce yourself, ask if she's got any preferences on how to get to know each other. We have NO IDEA what her sense of humor is like yet, play it safe.

>>576399
>chrome
the hell is wrong with you?

>>576493
He has superior taste that's what.

Enemy 2014/05/30(Fri)08:59 No. 576496 ID: 186341
File 140146559472.png - (8.76KB , 800x600 , 30.png )

>Hi! The government sent me.
>Do you want to go out somewhere, sometime? Maybe dinner or a concert or we could go sightseeing somew
You pause and backspace.
>Maybe dinner or a concert or we could go watch a movi
You backspace again.
>Maybe dinner or a concert or something? I'd love to see you.
Your hand hovers over the backspace. You decide that one's OK.
>Let me know when you're free.
>Zack

Enemy 2014/05/30(Fri)09:00 No. 576497 ID: 186341
File 140146561372.png - (8.32KB , 800x600 , 31.png )

She doesn't respond that night, but the next morning when you've woke up your inbox has one new message from Polyphema.

Zaaaack
dinner. beautiful. have you ever been to taverna?
or if you want to stare at a bunch of old fossils WITHOUT makeup and feather boas i have never ONCE been to the museum of natural history.

or clubbing, if you're with that scene. i like 20/15 but you can pick your poison.
if you're thinking this is some kind of test to see what you kinds of tastes are, you're a clever young man.
text me, doll! i'll keep an eye out for you ,)

Taverna is incredibly ritzy. The HVAO is, of course, picking up the tab, but you'll be out of your element.
The Museum of Natural History needs no introduction.
20/15 you've kind of heard of. It's less bro-force and more one of those trancey, cool-as-ice places. Your friend Anika from the Art and Design school fucking loves it; she describes it as "Very visual."

>>576497
Based on what's been seen of her personality, I'm going to guess that she'd like 20/15 the most. Could be wrong, but hey.

Also, 20/15 is probably the one Zack will be most comfortable in.

She hasn't been to the history museum? What a travesty. Every third grade human has been to the natural history museum. How are we meant to integrate without sharing at least that much? This must be rectified. Then clubbing. Is there a place she might not have been though? Something new that just opened maybe?

>>576496
Pff. Already imagining her naked, you perv.

>>576497
Dat one eyed winky face. Lets take her to Taverna, it's the easiest way to actually talk, and even out of our element we've got the confidence and charm to make things work out. Number two choice would be 20/15 though.

>>576497
>text me, doll!
For all her changes in wording and phrasing, this line sticks out. Doll. Officially that is recognized as an informal term, yet it's the kind of thing you hear from ritzier folk all the time. Taverna first, and a maybe on the museum afterwards.

>>576513
That relies on her being well-versed in human slang, but it does seem like she's familiar with a good bit of human culture.

Taverna, then.

>>576513
Actually, y'know what, she wanted to know what your tastes are. Take the vantage here. Recommend what you are more comfortable with. Let's not go and lie through this one. If it fails, it fails, you'll still get some stuff to document.

But, uh, before you actually do suggest it, contact your friend and ask about Visitors in 20/15. (Very visual, I just realized, is another eye pun. I wonder if that's intentional) Even if it turns out that particular club is discriminatory, you can still mention that clubbing sounds good, but recommend another place.

>>576516
I'm fairly sure that Zack's personality is broadly-defined enough that we can reasonably define whatever choice we pick as his taste. Remember back when we ranked his attributes? This might be something similar.

>>576517
Seems to me like a huge part of his tastes probably lie in the direction of trying new things. He is in this program after all. Thats why I say find a club that just opened to check out.

How's about you get in touch with Anika and tell her you're thinking of taking a date to 20/15? She might have some tips to help you. Special drinks to order, secret handshakes to get into a more interesting part of the club, whatever.

Enemy 2014/05/30(Fri)16:44 No. 576545 ID: 186341
File 140149345631.png - (83.82KB , 800x600 , 32.png )

"Zack. What's good, hood?"
"Anika. Hi. You know 20/15? What do they think of Visitors?"
"Visitors like clientele or Visitors like the crazy Hell aliens? From space?"
"The latter."
"Oh."
"Are there aliens that aren't from space?"
"Some are from Mexico," says Anika, diplomatically. "And 20/15 are SoHo liberal as hell. They love Visitors."
"They do?"
"If your parents would hate it, 20/15 loves it. UHH I mean"
"Don't worry, Anika. Thanks."
"Are you finally thinking of hitting it up? Oooh, are you taking one of your alien biddies?"

1]] Yep.
2]] Yeah, you want to come along?
3]] I think we're actually going to give it a pass. I wouldn't want her to feel like an exhibit for a bunch of upper west siders.

1.

She's been to 20/15, so she likes it, but we don't want to make it a double date. Third wheels are no good.

Know anyone who goes to Taverna or how conservative it is? Maybe your parents? Also, ask her if there's any specific things you should know- secret menus or anything.

1! And tell her you'd invite her, but it's a date. A date that, more to the point, has your employment hinging on its success. You guys still oughta hang out soon, though!

>>576545
1.

4: "I'm not even thinking of this as an escort process during the dates, focusing entirely on having a good time with the lady."

Or something to that extent.

1

1. Also 4. "Wow, word gets round fast".

>>576605
1. Though I think she might have just intuited what we're up to by way of our questions, so the 4. here isn't really called for.

Enemy 2014/06/01(Sun)23:16 No. 576826 ID: 186341
File 140168979490.png - (11.06KB , 800x600 , 33.png )

"Word gets around, huh?"
"Alan told me. He said he lent you his car?"
"I thought so. Yeah he owed me for the soup thing. Still does."
"Are you going to borrow it again for tonight?"
"You're darn tooting. Hey we should hang out soon."
"Hey are you sure? Should I grow like saberteeth or get green skin first?"
"You know what I mean. Hey, what about Taverna? Have you been in there?"
"Me? Taverna? Zack, please. We both know I'm on paleo."
"Still?"
"And if the heartburn didn't kill me the prices would. Have fun, tho!"
"Thanks, Anika."
"No problem, Zeester. Tell me how it goes."
"I signed an NDA."
"Fuck the police," says Anika, and then hangs up.

You suggest Taverna then 20/15 to Polyphema.
Fantastic. Brill. You'll be playing the gentleman and picking me up, Zackary attackary. I don't believe in cars or anything else that necessitates depth perception.
I cannot wait to see you, darling!! We're going to have inordinate amounts of fun.

You borrow the car again from Alan ("I'm going to sniff the seats," he says, and you say, "It's all going to smell like egg drop soup still," and he says "Fuck you, Zack") and go to pick up the Oculot, realizing about two thirds of the way there you never learned her real name.

The address she gives is a Housing Authority development just outside the parts of the city that are just outside the good parts of the city. It's an ugly-looking Hell's Kitchen kind of place: all unadorned brick and brutalist apartment blocks. In the courtyard of two sizable terraces, a couple of floater kids chase each other through the air. Visitors are everywhere. You're not sure you see a single human.

Sitting on an iron bench looking out into the street is an Oculot lady with a bright yellow floppy hat and a book in her hand. A basketball thrown off-path by a clumsy young Warrior bounces near her and rockets off over a chainlink fence; she doesn't flinch.

>>576826
That's her beauty mark
go get her boy
Just say her username and mention you never caught her real name.

hubba hubba

I mean er, say hi!

Ask what she's reading.

Since you don't know her name, and for all we know a beauty mark like that could be common place, you should instead ask if she's waiting for a Zach, if she says yes, then you can say "Yeah, that's me. Sorry, I never got your name through the email... Unless it really is Polyphema?" (That might be her actual name, yeah). If she says she isn't, still introduce yourself and ask if she knows where the Oculot that goes by the alias "Polyphema" is.

Aight mang, be ready for horrible shit. You thought the warrior was alien just you wait till you can literally see each and every thread in her iris, probably gonna have a problem staring considering the tunnel vision she's gonna have, keeping eye contact might not be hard so you can be calm about that.

Just play it cool, go there and introduce yourself and for the love of god do not vomit at her massive gelatinous blob of an eye no matter how disgusting it is. Remember, you are here to learn about culture, no eyeball smoochies or whatever so you can just be calm.

Well, go up and talk to her. If they're fine walking around human places, you should be chill walking in visitor places.

>"I signed an NDA."
...you know, that raises the interesting question of what that covers, since these dates are happening in public and not behind closed doors. Just the contents of your reports / discussions with Carlson?

>>576835
That's not even vaguely amusing or clever.

Ask her if she's Polyphema, ask real name if so, if not ask if she knows where to find her.

>>576835
Woah man, chill. She seems like a classy lady, there's no need for that kind of negativity. I understand your concerns, but the date with GG went fine, didn't it? Zach's made of sterner stuff, despite his rookie xenophile status. Just go with the flow, mate.
Anyway, seems like asking if she's waiting for a Zach is the best idea avilable. Wonder if she's noticed us already. She seems both laconic and cultured, and I wouldn't be surprised if she was just waiting for us to approach her.

I'm curious. This is a girl who gives the impression of being used to the finer things. Her suggestions were a fancy restaurant, a museum, an arty club. And yet, she chose to meet you in a less-than-good part of town where mostly Visitors live. Does she live here? Or did she just ask you to meet her here to see how you'd handle yourself around Visitors who weren't handpicked for human interaction?

Either way, relax. Play it cool. "Been waiting long?"

Enemy 2014/06/02(Mon)22:59 No. 576925 ID: 186341
File 140177517504.png - (11.43KB , 940x798 , 34.png )

You pull up to the bench.
"Polyphema, right?" you ask. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Dollface!" The Oculot leans into the car window and brushes her hair back.
Her eye is very large and very blue. It's a little filmier than a human's, but you have to admit it's a very pretty color. "Hello, darling. What a gorgeous ride."
"Thanks. It's a friend's."
"Thank you, Zack. Thank you, friend." She shuts her book. "I realized while I was waiting I never gave you my actual name!"
"Which is?"
"I never said I was going to." She winks. Or actually that was probably just a blink. "Not yet, anyway. I'm sure you'll earn it tonight."
"Well hop in, Polyphema," you say. "What were you reading?"
"The Glass Menagerie." She bounces into your passenger seat and squeezes your hand. "Have you read it? I adore Amanda Wingfield. And speak of the devil here's a gentleman caller."
"I'll try to beat out Jim O'Connor."
"Don't spoil anything or I'll just kill you. Not really. But I could fry your brains. So be mindful. Are you ready to have an amazing time? That makes one of us. Ha! I'm kidding, darling. You look fantastic. This car looks fantastic. I love this interior! Is it leather?"
"Yep," you say. "It's a BMW."
"Do all BMWs smell like minestrone?"
"Just this one."
"Drive on, Minestronemobile!" Polyphema says. "Wait!"
She leaps out of the car and grabs her bag, which was still sitting on the bench. She vaults the hood and hops back into the passenger seat. "Now drive on. πάμε! Taverna! Oooooh." She picks up your iPod, which is jacked into the auxiliary for the speakers. "Do you have any music?"

1]] Pick a song, any song.
2]] Let Polyphema pick.
3]] Also think of some small talk on the way to Taverna.

>>576925
1)Pick that one song from Far Cry 3 by Skrillix since odds are dubstep is what's going to be playing at the nightclub... Make it Bundem, that's it.

That or Synth music like from the Terminator, also coincidentally on that Far Cry 3 add-on Blood Dragon
or go with the safe bet and just go with
2), "Yeah, I got music. Why don't you browse and pick a song out, if you know how to work it."

She seems excited! Maybe even to the point of babbling. She might be nervous, and trying to hide it-- take the lead and try and make her feel comfortable, just in case. "Thanks, by the way. I don't get a lot of excuses to go anywhere like Taverna. The life of a bachelor, you know?"

2: Let her pick out your choons.

1, looks like she's still trying to gauge our interests.

Peer Gynt Suite, by Edvard Greig. Not what's expected of us, I suspect. If she asks, hint that you're messing with her self-proclaimed tests.

As for small talk, try >>576931.

>>576925
Wow, girl's classy AND... Uh, I don't actually know what the word is for a person who's into clubbing and street talk and stuff. But she's that too.

>>576933
Messing with her tests... and you really do just have a broad appreciation for things anyways. I would recommend mentioning a preferred genre of music, but I don't know which genre to suggest. I mean, sure, you can kid around and tease her, but don't just leave her in the dark to feel her way around, drop her the bone after short teasings.

>>576935
Classy and Sassy?

1. Come Together by The Beatles, or something similarly smooth.

If aliens don't like the Beatles, I give up.

There's also always the Tron Legacy soundtrack

She's a jokester so try joking around with her a bit.

Break the ice with Air Raid Vehicle.

>>576933
I dare you to start with In The Hall of the Mountain King from it. That should *really* mess with head-gaming.

Enemy 2014/06/03(Tue)21:16 No. 577038 ID: 186341
File 140185540456.png - (53.71KB , 800x600 , 35.png )

You take the iPod and queue up the Beatles.
If the Visitors don't like the Beatles, all hope for integration, in your opinion, is lost.

Luckily, as soon as the first strains of "Come Together" filter through the speakers, Polyphema gasps and claps her hands with glee.
"Yes, Zack! Oh my god. I love Abbey Road."
"So I passed the test?"
"Darling, please! Not everything's a test!" she says. "But yes."
You start the engine up and pull out of the projects, heading back toward the City. There's a parking garage a few blocks from Taverna that should do nicely.
"Here come old flat-top" sings Polyphema. Her voice is a little scratchy, but in a nice way. Sort of like Janis Joplin. Her accent is much less thick than GG's; it's nearly undetectable. "He come grooooovin up slowly he got jooooo-ju eyeball hey!" She grins. "Did you do that on purpose, Zack?"
"Should I have?"
"No. I'm incredibly racially sensitive about it. Bid your brains adieu." She digs around in her bag. "I have to stop joking about that. It's a rotten habit. I nearly scared the nice lady at the laundromat to death. You're not spooked, are you, doll?"
"Not at all. Thanks, by the way."
"What for?"
"I don't get many excuses to go to places like Taverna. The life of a bachelor, y'know?"
"Do you live by yourself?"
"Yeah. It's ok, I have a studio."
"Well you certainly clean up very nice, Zachary." She sniffs. "What's that cologne?"
"Eau du Old spice."
"You wear it even better than your charmingly wrinkled necktie! Oh no don't fix it, Zack. I was giving you guff. You look very handsome, actually." She snuggles back in her chair a little. "I say that about every human, of course."
"You like humans?"
"They're all so cute! I love the clothes. On the Other Side it was all robes and headdresses. It's nice to stretch my legs." She rests her heels on the dash. She certainly has legs.

1]] You're really into human culture, huh?
2]] Robes and headdresses? Tell me more about the Other Side.
3]] So what's a nice lady like you doing outside a place like that?
4]] So can I know your real name now?
5]] Tell me about yourself.
6]] Tell her about yourself.

>>577038
1, 2 and 5. Time to learn some about what it's like on the other side.

Start with 6. Better to be oblique than direct, and if you start off by telling her about yourself, she'll feel obliged to reciprocate, at least a little. The alternative would be to seem dull, and a girl like her can't abide seeming dull.

Is it common to make joking death threats on the other side?

But yeah, start with 6, move on to 2 and 1.