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1062859 No. 1062859 ID: 8be3de

239 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
No. 1064316 ID: eb494d

Okay, but let's cast Deafen on Cyrus and use him as an impromptu human(ish) shield the entire way!

Let's go, no time to explain, not even time to slow down, onward!
No. 1064317 ID: 629f2e


You're clean! You ain't about this lifestyle anymore. Don't you remember getting a literal army sent after you because Princesses weren't filling the void, and you tried stealing a queen? You swore you'd stop, and you have! (Save a minor relapse near the start of chapter 3, but we all have our moments of weakness.)

What does this limp-dicked lizard want with something as precious as a princess anyways? He probably wouldn't even let you have any fun, it'd be all work and the only reward would be getting your things back. It's not worth breaking a streak like the one you're on. 3 threads clean!
No. 1064318 ID: e5709d

Unless I hear the words 'regicide' or 'revolution', Imma have to ask you to rotate 90 degrees and go find your stolen stuff.
Also he's running a con with your name on it. Stay far away from this you...

You're going to do this, aren't you.
Well, in the event that we can't convince you to stay far away from this asinine attempt to piss off the government and hog all the blame, here's my suggestion: why don't you just give her to the local crime lord for free and watch as she's slowly defiled and licked all over by mobsters who can't help themselves?
No sale or direct profit means they can't trace the motive back to you, but based on past history and personal experience, criminals in power assume the worst of other people. That goes for both sides.
Crown cracks down on crime, you get to steal profits in the chaos, all the heat is on something other than dragons.
No. 1064320 ID: b083ea

Don't do it! Resist! Resiiiiiiist!
No. 1064323 ID: 8f9bc4

No. 1064329 ID: 38349b

Deep calming breaths, deeeeeeeeeep calming breaths! You can resist! Remember all the bad things that happened every time you kidnapped a princess, think about math, non-erotic-math, and uhhh baseball, the taste of Cyrus's cum, anything to get your faculties together.

You don't *need* to kidnap a princess
You definitely *want* to
But the princess isn't a shard or anything, it's not like...
Oh no
Don't tell me
She has the shard or knows where it is and you have to kidnap her anyway

Ah well shucks, guess you have to kidnap a princess for your goal anyway.

Yup its totally for the pottery, and not for that insatiable dragon-like lust for capturing a princess (and maybe a lick-NO)
No. 1064331 ID: dee951

Look. You can't trust ANY details he has about this sort of thing. You can't trust that a Princess exists! Nor can you trust that there's a wealthy royal family, that they pay ransoms, that the supposed princess isn't someone they are trying to get rid of anyway, that they won't immediately send overwhelming force against you should you kidnap this alleged princess, or that the kidnapping wouldn't spark an immediate coup that ends up with the princess just being some girl stripped of all titles and now they run things with a council of wealthy plutarchs or something. You would have to do SO MUCH legwork of your own to verify any of the things that matter for a proper kidnapping scenario! And all that work is absolutely beneath you!
No. 1064334 ID: 3ed3c3

She might even be one of those "trapped-in-royalty" types who's yearning to go out and adventure. It'd hardly even be kidnapping at that point! She might even be into you~
No. 1064335 ID: f80db4

hat tassssssssssssssssles
No. 1064336 ID: 127310

do it
No. 1064339 ID: f73077

Dislodge Scrimbalt before he accidentally impregnates the entire city (starting with you)
No. 1064340 ID: f2320a

What if its a prince being protected by there family from conflict over the throne rich people are so hot by being rich imagine how much you can eat with mountains of gold.
Do we eat princesses its not cannibalism due to diffrent species?
No. 1064341 ID: dc4bad

You have to resist, remember that whole fiasco in Chapter 2 that swore you off of princesses to begin with!
Look, there was no way you could have known she was a demon in disguise, but the subsequent cult shenanigans derailed your entire quest.

Stay strong, just walk away and track down your stolen gear.
No. 1064342 ID: 2a82d3

Remember your promise, sorceress! You may not remember to who right now, but the will to quit cold turkey is usually never forged alone!

If there's a risk of him going nuclear, wouldn't it make more sense to keep him there? To keep the impact cushioned.
No. 1064343 ID: c9c21b


No. 1064344 ID: 273c18

Sounds like power word CUM is completely useless then? Unless you can give an ally powerful enough earplugs, or one of your allies is straight up deaf.

He's lying. There's no princess, he's just pushing your buttons to make you do what he wants. Leave! Get away from him!
No. 1064349 ID: 435f13

Or your ally is not present and you need to buy time until help arrives. Or you're in a desperate situation and the possibility that you will regain consciousness before your enemy is your last hope.
No. 1064350 ID: f2320a

STAY STRONG IMAGINE YOURSELF AS THE PRINCESS IN A DRESS THAT MAKES YOUR BIG BUTT LOOK EVEN LARGER, big pointy hat with tazzles on the end and tiara, those long white gloves that are like arm stockings hugging your soft bicep, a girdle squeezing your waist, big expensive bed with bed posts and a transparent drape only showing your silhouette as the prince goes into a kiss, MONEY treasures you can swim in, All those manly knights at your beck and call, feasts of mutton and fancy dainty miniature frofro cupcakes by scrench artisan bakers.
No. 1064354 ID: 36784c

Don’t do it! He’s only talked about the princess’ clothing and not the actual princess! She could be really ugly and old! You don’t want to kidnap an ugly and old princess!
No. 1064356 ID: f2320a

like that prince who took the throne when he was in his 70s
No. 1064365 ID: a7a180

Only if I get to keep her when we're done.
No. 1064369 ID: 2a3927

>You don’t want to kidnap an ugly and old princess!
I agree! The last thing we need is a reputation for kidnapping ugly and old princesses!
No. 1064454 ID: f2320a

>"graverobber" instead of a "craddlerobber"
No. 1064490 ID: 20eb82
File 168497016134.png - (178.05KB , 600x600 , rhbds 64.png )

>STAY STRONG IMAGINE YOURSELF AS THE PRINCESS IN A DRESS THAT MAKES YOUR BIG BUTT LOOK EVEN LARGER, big pointy hat with tazzles on the end and tiara, those long white gloves that are like arm stockings hugging your soft bicep. . . .

You try to calm your urges by imagining yourself as a pretty pretty princess.

It doesn't work.

Cyrus puts his arm around your shoulder.

:RHBDS_CL: "Let's go meet the crew."

You pluck your feckless apprentice from between your greatly amplified asscheeks and the two of you follow Cyrus.
No. 1064491 ID: 20eb82
File 168497016345.png - (56.70KB , 600x600 , rhbds 65.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "See, a real mansion just like I told you! Real opulent and imperial ain't it?"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "It's certainly venerable..."


:RHBDS_CL: "..."


:RHBDS_Scrimbalt: "..."

:RHBDS_CL: "Let's uh... let's go inside."
No. 1064492 ID: 20eb82
File 168497016750.png - (150.68KB , 600x600 , rhbds 66.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "Alright, here we are! The best five-star accommodations in the kingdom. Oh and look, your book and stick are already here! I told you my guys work fast."

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "When did you have time tell them to get my stuff back?"

:RHBDS_CL: "Boobsy, my crew and I... we work on a level where we don't even need words. That's how close we are. This is a well-oiled machine. Seriously this is a real top notch crew. The very best!"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Uh huh..."

:RHBDS_CL: "Lemme introduce you around..."
No. 1064493 ID: 20eb82
File 168497018310.png - (165.01KB , 600x600 , rhbds 67.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "Over here we've got Prince Limpy."

:RHBDS_Limpy: "Salutumpshumps, hohohoh."

:RHBDS_CL: "Limpy here is none other than the legendary Bloodline Hero himself!"

:RHBDS_Scrimbalt: "Wow! *The* Bloodline Hero? Then that must mean—" *gasp* "That's the legendary Bloodline Sword!"

Scrimbalt hurriedly retrieves a deck of cards from his pants and shuffles through until he finds a card with a picture of a jewel-encrusted magical sword. He holds it up to compare it to the sword at Limpy's side.

:RHBDS_Scrimbalt: "Ohmygosh! It is!" *squee* "That's Magical Item Number 264! in Poindexter's Deck of Magical Treasures!"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Of course, I recognized it immediately! But why don't you tell us more so I know you've been studying."
No. 1064494 ID: 20eb82
File 168497018882.png - (88.39KB , 600x600 , rhbds 67a.png )

:RHBDS_Scrimbalt: "The Bloodline Sword is one of the most powerful enchanted swords in history! He who bears the bloodline sword is supposed to be invincible in combat! But, only pure-blooded descendants of the original Bloodline Hero can wield it."

:RHBDS_CL: "You'd better believe it. Limpy's blood is the purest there is! When he draws that sword just stand back and watch him go. Nothing can touch him!"

:RHBDS_Limpy: "Hyahhs, weh arh deshendhed fhrom ah longh hand nohbhuhl lhineh."

:RHBDS_CL: "Just uh... you know... keep him away from scissors. Or paper. Or loose nails. Pretty much anything that could break his skin. If he gets a scratch you gotta be ready with first aid like, pronto."

:RBDHS_Plum: "Dat's what I'm here for!"
No. 1064495 ID: 20eb82
File 168497019552.png - (174.25KB , 600x600 , rhbds 68.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "This little firecracker is Plum. Plum is a cleric of uh..."

:RBDHS_Plum: "Nehebkau! Serpent of Chaos! Her coils encircle the world!"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "A goblin? I can't believe you're working with one of those dirty little treasure thieves!"

:RBDHS_Plum: "Hey fuck you, ya overgrown lizard!"

:RHBDS_CL: "Woah woah! We're all friends here! Plum is a real top notch healer."

:RBDHS_Plum: "I'm also the cook."

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Maybe I'll be losing all this excess weight sooner than I thought..."

:RBDHS_Plum: "You better hope so, fatass!"
No. 1064496 ID: 20eb82
File 168497019873.png - (113.90KB , 600x600 , rhbds 69.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "And, of course, you already know my boys."

Ah yes. Cyrus's trio of awful adult sons. Those three terrors are probably the ones who stole your bag and staff.

Scrimbalt cowers behind your prominent posterior. He and the boys don't get along...

:RHBDS_CL: "That's Peeky up there in the rafters. Best lookout you'll ever find. He can climb anything!"

:RHBDS_Peeky: "I can see down your shirt, hee hee hee!"

:RHBDS_CL: "What a card, eh?"
No. 1064497 ID: 20eb82
File 168497020214.png - (156.66KB , 600x600 , rhbds 70.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "And over there in the corner that's Pokey, the..."

:RHBDS_CL: "..."

:RHBDS_CL: "Pokey! Pokey! What the fuck are you doing? The fuck is wrong with you? Right where everyone can see you!"

:RHBDS_Pokey: >:)

:RHBDS_CL: "You're disgusting, you know that?"

:RHBDS_Pokey: >:D

:RHBDS_CL: "Just ignore him. Wunnah these days he's gonna tug that thing right off. AND THEN I'M GONNA LAUGH! Anyway he's been weird since his mom left, but he's a whiz with a knife in his hand. Need someone stabbed quick and quiet, Pokey's your guy."
No. 1064498 ID: 20eb82
File 168497020595.png - (181.84KB , 600x600 , rhbds 71.png )

:RHBDS_CL: "And finally there's Picky. World champion pickpocket. Never gets caught."

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "What happened to his tail?"

:RHBDS_CL: "Oh yeah well, his tail got caught a few days ago and he had to pop it off to get away. It'll grow back in a few weeks."

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Keep your paws out of my stuff you little gremlin!"

:RHBDS_CL: "If any of your stuff is missin' just turn him upside down and shake him."

:RHBDS_CL: "Anyway, that's the crew. Crew, I'd like you to meet Boobsy!"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Don't call me that. I am the Ridiculously Huge Boobs Dr—"


:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Wonderful..."

:RHBDS_CL: "Boobsy here is gonna be our new mage for this job."

:RBDHS_Plum: "Did you tell her what happened to our old mage?"

:RHBDS_CL: "Shut up, Plum!"

:RHBDS_CL: "She's just kiddin' around. It was all very sad. There was a little minor accident and—"

:RBDHS_Plum: "His head got exploded when he tried to—"

:RHBDS_CL: "Shut up!"

:RHBDS_CL: "Anyway, he wasn't anywhere near your level, so you got nuttin' to worry about!"

:RHBDS_RHBDS: "Hrmm..."
No. 1064499 ID: 8f9bc4

You are of course in no danger since there is no way an esteemed sorceress like you would ever try to—

You may have once tried to— but you were smart enough not to— and there were no negative consequences whatsover, even though you had to— in order to—

Get book and stick and tell Scrimbalt to stay close behind you. He is the only one of this lot with any hope of being useful to your quest to gain a sumptuous princess beast, who sings, with the bluebirds.
No. 1064500 ID: 2a82d3

>"His head got exploded when he tried to—"
To what, exactly? You want to know to laugh at the poor fool, and not because you'll do the exact opposite to him.

Unless it involved touching the princess. Pray to the nearest convenient god it didn't involve touching the princess.
No. 1064503 ID: 3ed3c3

"So, is there an actual plan, Cyrus, or are you planning to use us as fodder to take the princess for yourself? It wouldn't be the first time you gathered allies just to abandon them when it was convenient."
No. 1064504 ID: e5709d

I think you should have responded with "who are you and why should I care about a prince with no kingdom". Ah well.
...Okay, this plan went from "absolutely asinine unauthorized anarchy" to "royal spat". Which is still doomed and stupid, but at least they have a valid reason for trying - crownless king wants a kingdom and getting married to the local princess would do it. All they need is to plop one heir and then she can be 'dramatically' kidnapped and murdered by bandits due to 'incompetence'.
Question: Is Limpy simply from a eugenics-designed offshoot of the current mixed-breed governing royals, or were they really stupid enough to keep a single lineage? If it's the latter, then we don't need the details of how his family lost the throne. I feel sorry for his sister(s), they're probably even worse off since they don't get a Legendary-class item to ease the stress of being fated to pork their brother and then die in childbirth.
I see Cyrus' strategy revolves around buffing and protecting this hyper-specialist; his genetic code is severely damaged but the sword should do the trick in combat. That means your job is to neutralize traps and counterspell other fighters. Limpy's weapon should protect him when it's powered in combat mode.

"Okay. I was going to list the many consequences of picking a fight with the illusion of divine rights, but if you're working with a prince then I can see that you've replaced that list with a smaller, more disgusting list. And I can't just say no to a prince... fine. I'm in.

Here's the deal: I get first pick of magical artifacts and information. If you screw me over, I take your cleric. I'm not stupid enough to kill Prince Limpy, especially since he's necessary for the sword. But I can force you to go through an excruciating process (likely resulting in your arrest) to keep Limpy alive. I want her to stay by my side at all times. If you bail on her to screw us out of our shares of the take, her contract with you defaults to me."
No. 1064507 ID: a9af05

>"If any of your stuff is missin' just turn him upside down and shake him."
Better do that right now! Just because they returned your bag and staff, that doesn't mean everything is still inside your bag! He could even have the 1st Arkoth Pottery Shard! You better make sure you get that back!
No. 1064508 ID: cc8588

Well, if they actually ARE the ones who stole our bag and staff, shake it out of them!

Except Pokey, stay far away from that guy.
No. 1064509 ID: 273c18

"When he tried to what?"

Anyway, it's too late to get away now. They've already been introduced, which means they're major supporting characters and you'll have to join up for at least one chapter so the author gets some use out of them.

Do pick up Picky and give him a big shake. Then collect all your belongings, checking that everything is still there.
No. 1064517 ID: f73077

clearly step one is to shakedown Picky.
No. 1064518 ID: 8f9bc4

Shake down Picky who most certainly did not just pilfer all of your high level suggestive artifacts of pleasuring that you didn't want anyone to know you had.
No. 1064522 ID: 38349b

Step one, grab and flip upside down, I bet he put your massive oversized spellbooks in his pockets, somehow.

Step 2, ask about the shard cause he brought it up once and then blackmailed you, so you might as well see if there's even something you can get out of this heist you're wrangled into.
No. 1064530 ID: 755f26

Ya know what? Life's too short to deal with these kind of "people."
They want to kidnap la crème de la crème, they'll get the crème, alright.

Aim Scrimbalt towards them all.
Activate power word cum.
No. 1064533 ID: aca416

Make a strong first impression. Now is the time for 21: Greater Highbeams.
No. 1064535 ID: dee951


No that will just fuck her over too.
No. 1064536 ID: dee951

Now that you have your stuff back (shake the pickpocket to make sure there isn't more he took), you can leave and never interact with these people again!
No. 1064544 ID: f2320a

Probably was a disapointment to his own mother if not the fact all 3 are not dragons or that she could not change there ways "you ended up just like your father">>1064508 he is probably just doing it for attention and pleasure not to feel sad
No. 1064549 ID: 755f26

It's true, that poor kid is clearly trying to get response out of his neglectful father.

I vote to band together and convince Cyrus to give his son a hug.
Yes,right here.
No, you can get a shower after.
No. 1064555 ID: f2847f

The cycle must stop now. We have to be a positive role model to these children. Or, alternatively, use Lesser Gift to give the Lesser Gift of Good Parenting to a Summoned Goose and make it be a good role model and get those creeps as out of your hair and your tits as much as possible.
No. 1064613 ID: f2320a

"Are you a little disapintment for Mommy" but sensually tits literally blocking the light along with a ass so wide and thighs so fat he is thrown into total darkness free to pick any of the 3
 "I can see down your shirt, hee hee hee!"
Funny thing is.... anyone can at any angle due to there sheer size not sure it can be called a shirt
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