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Gypsy Evening Soft
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This crazy cat! What am I supposed to say in response to a question like that? “Yes, ma’am, you have a heart on your butt, and I know about it because I have a magical x-ray lens?” Or perhaps even better, “Based on the butts I’ve seen, in my professional opinion, your butt’s fur pattern is a heart!” Yeah, that’s real professional, and then she’s gonna ask me for details on other butts. I have to protect my customers.
“There’s no good answer to that!” I huff. “Who’s to say I’m even telling the truth, huh? Is that really a question you want to ask me? A question about your butt?”
“My butt is amazing,” Casey says, matter-of-factly. “Of course I’m comfortable asking you about it.”
“Are you sure?” I press. “What if I know the answer, but I give it and I’m lying? You’ve got to show your butt to prove I’m telling the truth.”
“I know the answer, duh,” Casey says with a roll of her eyes. “And I’ll know if you’re lying, too. No need to show it. So go on, answer it!”
“No, wait! Saiorse has a point,” Duran says, a smile working its way across his face. “If she’s lying, and you know it, you’ll want to punish her. But if she’s telling the truth, and you’re lying about her lying, then I won’t know if you’re just saying she’s lying so you can punish her. You’d need to show me your butt to prove you’re telling the truth about her lying.”
“Well, I just won’t lie about her telling the truth, then.”
“Even if I were to believe you, in that case, Casey,” Duran continues, “How would I know you’re not lying right now about telling the truth if Saiorse is lying? You’re a very, very good liar.”
“But I’m not lying!” Casey hisses. “Why would I lie about that?”
“Oh!” I realize. “Because if you are lying about telling the truth if I’m lying, then you can get away with not showing your butt. But in any other situation, you’d have to show us your butt. We’d have to trust that you’re telling the truth when you say if I’m lying, otherwise we don’t know what your real fur pattern is.”
“Exactly!” Duran claps his hands.
“I’m fine showing my butt!” Casey says. “I’m not embarrassed by it.”
“That’s what someone who’s embarrassed by her butt’s fur pattern would say. No matter how nice a butt it is.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“That’s why you asked Saiorse,” Zinna says softly. “To know if your secret was out, right?”
“No, that’s not why I asked!”
“Then you’ll have no problem showing us your butt,” Duran concludes. “Any situation where Saiorse answers the question, you’ll have to show it to us… unless you refuse to punish her if she’s lying, and only you know the truth about that. In which case, by not showing your butt, you’ve just proven that you’re embarrassed by your fur pattern, and you lose out on punishing her.”
“Shut up!” Casey hisses. “I’m proud of my butt! It’s a great butt! But you don’t get to decide if I show my butt. Only I do! I’m not embarrassed about my fur pattern!”
“Is she lying?” I ask Duran.
“I dunno,” Duran shrugs. “Only one way to find out.”
“And that is?”
“You lie about her fur pattern,” Duran says. “Then see if she shows her butt to prove it.”
“You assholes! It’s my butt! MINE!” Casey yowls. “Fine! I’ll ask you a different question, Saiorse. It’s-“
“No take-backs,” Duran laughs. “You agreed to the rules. Saiorse, go on, answer Casey’s question.”
“DON’T answer the question!” Casey shouts.
I have the advantage over a very dangerous cat! I can do lots of things right now… I could probably get some juicy favors or secrets or cash or… or ANYTHING, if I agree to let her change the rules, or to drop the question. Or I could answer Casey’s question and make Duran very, very happy, and probably willing to defend me from Casey’s wrath, and Zinnia looks pretty happy to see Casey put in her place. I’d be riding high with Zinnia and her fairy friends too!
Should I answer the question, leading to Casey having to show her butt? It will be a very, very nice butt, and I bet I’ll get to see it up close, to confirm her fur pattern, professionally, of course! With Duran and Zinnia loving me for it, too. It’s only fair!
Or should I use my leverage over Casey to get something out of her? I don’t know what to do with this… she’s scary!
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