Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/04/20(Mon)02:45 No. 962710 ID: 60e191
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"Oh, no," William groans. "That's the king of Ligondia, strutting next to her. Not to mention his guards! It's a whole royal procession."

"Yeah, but who is she?"

"What? I don't know. She's probably the king's daughter."

"An alien princess, huh?" I giggle. "Ooh." I lean in closer, trying to get a better look at her.

"Glad someone's excited." William sighs. "This is going to be a pain. I hate handing out food to royalty. It's so nerve-wracking, and they're always so picky. One wrong move, and I'll be up for execution."

"Well, hey, I could take over for you," I offer, innocently. "Maybe introduce myself, get to know her a little better...?"

Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/04/20(Mon)02:50 No. 962711 ID: 60e191
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"No way in hell, Tamsin."

"William. William. You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?"

"Shitting on my dreams."

"If that's what you call keeping my best friend alive, then sure." William snorts. "You can't fuck the alien princess, Tamsin. Just focus on not getting fired, would you? There are only so many jobs you can lose on this station before you go from getting fired to getting fired out of an airlock."

"But Williaaaaam," I warble, pitifully. "My dreaaaams." I give him my best dying puppy face, lip quivering, the whole nine yards.

"Oh, enough with the – okay, you know what? Fine. If you want to take over for me and hand out the royals' food, you can. Just... nothing extra, alright? No diplomatic incidents."

"Yes!" I pump a fist. "Sure thing, William. You can trust me."

"They'll be getting their table right about now," he mutters. "Go out and take their orders, quick."

Right, I've got my chance! Now... how can I make a move on the princess while taking her order?

You have to think of double entendres, so subtle that they'll slip right past the royal censors.
"Your royal space-highness, would you prefer the rawdog or the clam chowder tonight?"

>William is hissy fitting again
Change the subject.
"Why does management insist on using depleted plasma to light all our signs? They're even more damaging than staring at a strobe light featuring our entire dynasty in a @#$%-train."
>William:Maybe they want us to screw up so they can sue us for not reading the safety guidebook
"I know right?! The guidebook is even worse, how the hell did they legalize selling sheets of poison ivy inked in lead and drenched in beef fat?!"
>William:The signs are fine
"They are NOT fine, my mom swears she got a headache staring at the sign from her phone. If they were fine then why don't we see them in the dining area?"
>William:Get back to work
Ignore him and flirt with the princess when you take her order, to the tune of "Welcome to Pluto Pleasant-Me, how may I take you?"

>>962711
Okay before you make a single goddamn plan you need to make sure that's not the alien queen (or king's great grandmother or something) quickly meshsearch the current Ligondia royalty, filter for articles with pictures.

Server her plate... with panache!

time to do this shit real slick-like, serve them their food in an inconspicuous manner so you don't tip anyone off but make sure to butter up the princess, then leave her your contact on the dessert plate (and if you want to, offer to be her dessert wink wink nudge nudge)

>>962711
You will need to introduce yourself to the table first, which will give you an opportunity to say "hello" to the princess.

Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/04/21(Tue)19:36 No. 962941 ID: 60e191
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>quickly meshsearch the current Ligondia royalty

I don't have time! If I take too long to reach their table, I'll lose my chance entirely!

I strut out into their booth, all style and grace, like a real waitress. I'm actually just a janitor, but hey, how hard can waiting tables be?

The princess looks bored, and the king looks vaguely disgruntled. They're silent when I get there.

"Welcome to the esteemed eatery that is Pluto Peasantry, royal customers." I hand a menu out to the king, giving him a brief little bow. "My name is Tamsin, and I shall be your server today. Please direct any questions or concerns my way."

The king lets out a grunt of acknowledgment. The princess nods politely.

"Well, hello there," I say. I lean in close as I hand the menu to the princess. "How may I take you?"

"What did you say?" she asks, startled. Oh, wow, her voice has a gentle buzzing underneath it when she talks. That's so weird and also hot.

"How may I take your order?" I ask.

"Oh. Er..." she hesitates. "What do you recommend?"

Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/04/21(Tue)19:38 No. 962942 ID: 60e191
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"Well, that depends," I muse. "Do you like rawdogs, cucumbers, that sort of thing? Or are you more of a... clam chowder girl?"

"Uh." She gazes at me with curiosity. "Which do you prefer?

"Oh, clams, oysters, definitely. I prefer my meat layered. You know what I mean, where you have slide your tongue into it, really work your mouth to get the best experience." I grin. "But that's just me. What about you?"

She glances at the king, who's distracted by the menu, but then her eyes return to me. "Well," she murmurs. "I have a... varied appetite. But I've been known to try a clam now and then."

"Is that what you'd like today, then?" I ask, smiling slyly. "I'd be happy to serve it to you."

She looks over the menu, briefly, pointedly examines her fingers. Looks like her species doesn't have fingernails. Fuck yes. "Possibly," she says, thoughtfully. "But, well... you might say I'm a picky eater, and I've never been here before. You'll have to give me time to take in a few appetizers, get to know the level of quality here, before I really decide to dig in."

"Of course," I reply, stepping away from her again.

"You ladies and your food talk," the king mutters. "Always have to make things complicated. Can't you just pick an option and stick with it?"

The princess frowns at him, letting out a brief sigh. The table lapses into silence once again.

I watch from off to the side as she and the king peruse the menu. Once I take their orders, the only other time I'll get a chance to interact with them is when I come back to hand out the food, and then even more briefly when I drop off the check!

This might be the biggest opportunity I have to make my move. Is there any other way I can take advantage of this moment to flirt with the princess, or should I just back off and try again when I hand out their food?

strike while the iron's hot, make a move now and either slip her your number or arrange a meeting later, away from prying eyes

do NOT get caught flirting by those who might be less than amenable

DO wiggle your eyebrows

Flirting achieved. Now make sure you actually take their order before things get awkward. Definitely make sure to leave her your number, but that doesn't have to happen right now.

Littlebeast 2020/04/21(Tue)20:03 No. 962951 ID: 9c48ac

>>962942
>Once I take their orders, the only other time I'll get a chance to interact with them is when I come back to hand out the food, and then even more briefly when I drop off the check!

Absurd. All good waiters check in to make sure their customers are satisfied at least twice during the... meal.

That said, that's still a precious little amount of interaction, so make the most of it regardless.

You also forgot the all important starting question: "Can I start you with something wet to drink?"

idiom quest fuck yeah

>>962942
Drinks! You forgot their drinks! Another opportunity!

Topics to discuss:
* What does royalty do and what special traits and powers do they have? You're asking because your species was tricked by a conspiracy of evil chancellors into killing all your divinely-chosen royalty ever."
* Ask about the arranged marriages. Does she have her 'consorts' picked out?
* Do any of her duties involve sacrificing herself for the good of Ligondia? Because that would suck.
* Does she have any medical issues or allergies not listed in her species' codex? (Don't ask her father)
* ... Wait a minute, this is a ^&*(ty diner and actual royalty is calmly ordering and treating people who literally call themselves peasants as respectable servants. When is the assassination attempt going to take place and will it involve splash damage.

Use the time you've got. Got any recommendations? Don't worry about ordering too much, our tasty treats are always available to take home and eat out.

Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/05/01(Fri)21:34 No. 964604 ID: 6b8b86
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>Absurd. All good waiters check in to make sure their customers are satisfied at least twice during the... meal.

Ooh, yeah! I wouldn't want to be known for poor... service.

>Drinks! You forgot their drinks! Another opportunity!

Ah! Of course!

"Can I start you off with something wet to drink?" I ask, smiling. "Exactly how thirsty would you say you are?"

"Very," the king grunts.

"I admit, I haven't had a drink in a while," the princess says, neutrally. "But let's take it easy. Perhaps it's best to start off with something light?"

I nod energetically, and jot down their orders as they give them to me. In a flash, I'm off to the kitchen and back again, with the two drinks on a circular tray. "Here you are," I say, with a stylish half-bow and a wiggle of my eyebrows at the princess. "Now, the check won't come until after the meal, but I could give you a number right–"

Tamsin Vonelle!5tTWT1eydY 2020/05/01(Fri)21:36 No. 964605 ID: 6b8b86
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wait

WAIT

NO NO NO THIS WAS GOING SO WELL

It's like I'm in slow motion, watching the tray slide out of my hand, and the drinks start to fall towards me. There's no stopping them now! And right in front of the princess, too!

The best I can do is try to twist around, and maybe make the drinks fall somewhere else. But where? Is there still some way I can salvage this?!

Just chuck them at a rando and say you noticed they were expired.

kill two birds with one spilled drink
twist such that the drinks spill onto yourself and not anyone or anything you want to preserve from the spillage
now you have an excuse to strip
just as planned

>>964605
your own face seems like a wonderful landing place "just adding a bit of zest to your meal your majesty, my lady." *eyebrow wink*

Direct the drinks towards yourself. You'll probably end up falling and end up sopping wet at the princesses feet though

Facetank the hit. Added benefit is, it will put the platter between the drinks and them.

do not, DO NOT, allow for the drinks to hit either the princess or her father.
it'd be best if it hits the floor, really. if you have to hit anyone, hit William.

Consider for a second allowing the drinks to hit the princess so you have an excuse to get her away from her father. Think better if it but too late to stop it from hitting at least two of the three of you.

Triage, focus on saving the King's drink. Apologize immediately, but do NOT tolerate any criminal charges based solely on "accidentally destroyed decadent luxury".

>>964605
let them fall on you, play it off as comedy and a routine you sometimes do

>>964605
Catch the fine cup with your mouth. Prove oral dexterity