Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/20(Fri)19:53 No. 773717 ID: a606da
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“Well, well! It looks like Elkettio’s quick on the uptake! Say, folks, what do you say we see exactly how quick this little Painomancer is?” Fouler pauses, grinning smugly. The audience roars with applause. “Aaaaaaand the crowd goes wild.”

With that, Fouler lights three bombs with one smooth motion of his magiphone. Wait, where’d he get another magiphone…? Oh, never mind, that’s not important right now! If Fouler throws too many bombs at once, then there’s no way I’ll be able to defuse them all in time, and I can’t dodge while I’m rooted to the ground!

Crap, it looks as though he’s just about to start tossing them, too! What do I do?!

cone of pain or nausea arrow. Whatever one is more likely to make him freeze up and drop all the bombs at his feet.

Reignite significantly shorter fuse and throw it back.

Cone of Pain in conjunction with Arrow of Nausea. Hopefully he blows himself up.

You still have one of his magiphones. This is perfect.

Quick, turn to face him directly and cast CONE OF EXTREME PAIN amplified through the magiphone!

>>773717
Explosive fratricide.

Relight your bomb with your stolen magiphone, and throw it back. It will go off mid-flight, and blow up the other bombs before they reach you. Hopefully when they're still close to the other guy, so he gets multibombed.

>>773717
Dig down?

Wait, how are you burning that easily? You should still be like 70% water, it's not like you're made entirely of dry deadwood. ...right? Be sure to check yourself for termites soon.

Show this douchebag how you're supposed to use a whip! Send out various vine whips to bind him to the bombs, then detach. The extra plant matter will burn him.

Then throw the extra bomb for good measure, and start attacking the audience to drain energy from them.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:00 No. 774649 ID: a606da
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>Reignite significantly shorter fuse and throw it back.
>Relight your bomb with your stolen magiphone, and throw it back.

I light the bomb and throw it.

Fouler grabs it out of the air and snuffs out the fuse, just in time! Rrrgh. His reflexes are irritatingly flawless.

>Arrow of Nausea

I try to cast Arrow of Nausea, but I’ve already used up both of my prepared castings for that spell. Curses!

“Ha ha, what’s this, folks?! Maybe Elkettio should have spent less time in the ring, and more time studying magic! They can’t spellcast their way out of a paper bag! And without magic… how can they possibly handle this?” Fouler tosses the bombs!

>VINE WHIP!
>Send out various vine whips

It’s worth a shot. I reach out with my arms, focusing on growing. At first, nothing seems to happen, but then my fingertips explode outwards into long thorny vines!

Struggling to adapt to my new appendages, I nonetheless am able to catch all of the bombs, if only just barely.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:01 No. 774650 ID: a606da
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I wait until the fuses get low, and then I toss the explosives right back at Fouler! Ha ha, yes! Not even he can deal with this in time!

The bombs explode with a BOOM, leaving only a cloud of dust. Have I got him? Yes… Yes! A direct hit!

No, wait, what’s that? There’s something still moving in the blast crater!

“A-ahem, folks…” Fouler clears his throat, walking out of the dust cloud practically unscathed. “Elkettio’s made a rookie mistake. They’ve managed to annoy the great and powerful Fouler von Blaghard, whose sportsmanship is now expended.” He raises his magiphone, and a nasty-looking blade extends from it! “No more playing around. This ends here!”

No, no, no! Those bombs hardly even slowed him down. He’s not just fast, he’s borderline indestructible. This is unbelievable!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:02 No. 774651 ID: a606da
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>You still have one of his magiphones. This is perfect. Quick, turn to face him directly and cast CONE OF EXTREME PAIN amplified through the magiphone!

What? That’s ridiculous! As if I could simply… wait. Wait, maybe if I…?

Yes, yes, it might just work! Still, I’m only going to get one shot at this; The spell will almost certainly short out the magiphone.

I haven’t got any other options. This is my last chance!

I cast Cone of Extreme Pain into the magiphone, trying to keep it as far away from me as I can. If this goes bad, it goes bad.

Casting… casting… casted!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:04 No. 774652 ID: a606da
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Instantly, the entire arena explodes with screams.

At first I’m confused, but then I understand: The magiphone expanded my spell’s range to include every single other person in the room! Audience members, Polatia, Lorakal… They’re all writhing and howling with pain!

I smirk as I stroll over to Fouler. He fights to stand, fails, and falls to the ground. He tries to crawl away from me, but I’m faster. I step on his back, shoving him down.

“Hah. Look at me, all of you! Ha ha ha!” I burst into a fit of glorious laughter, unrestrained glee seeping into my every word. “Look at ‘this little Painomancer’ and try to deny the awe which I have earned! Suffer, you fools, and feel the pain which only Elkettio can produce! Let this agony tear you to pieces, and know that it bears my name! HA HA HA! I AM ELKETTIO! RECOIL, MORTALS, AND SHOWER ME WITH THE RESPECT I AM DUE! I AM TORTURE, I AM TORMENT, AND I AM VICTORIOUS!”

The only response is more screaming. Ahhhh, it’s sweet music to my ears.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/25(Wed)12:05 No. 774653 ID: a606da
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“W-wait!” Fouler coughs, barely able to lift his magiphone. “The - ow, oof! - the battle’s not over yet! A new challenger has - ouch! - entered the arena, just in time to dodge Elkettio’s blast of cruel magickry!”

I spin around, looking for my new opponent. I finally spot a tall girl in overalls, standing awkwardly near one of the arena doors.

“Ah… heh, um…” The girl blushes, embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m not sure what’s going on here. I thought this was the bathroom. Hold on, this isn’t the ladies room, right? I mean, it might be? No, no, that’s silly…”

“It’s too late, now!” Fouler announces. “Once you - argh! - stand in the grand arena, you take on the mantle of the gladiator! So, folks, who will take home the ultimate prize? The monstrous Elkettio, or this mysterious challenger?! Watch, and - rrgh - find out!”

Hmph. Even with as little weaponry as I now have, I can obviously defeat this girl. She’s clearly nothing more than a moronic rube. It’s just her bad luck that she’s happened to become the last obstacle standing between me and my fortune.

Heh. So, how should I take her down?

>>774653
ooooh no, do not try to fight her. just tell her where the bathroom is. she is clearly a 'hero' and heroes only work properly when fighting evil. if you attack first that makes you evil and she will become super powerful.

That hard hat's gonna make a nice bowl for her brains!

Wrap your vines around her temples and grow the thorns inward.

well punch the crap out of fouler to paralyze him so he's out once and for all. Then grab his sword walk towards the girl then grab her with vine whip to tie her up and finish her off with a punch.

Oh and since you still have caltrops probably throw those around her feet to keep her from running away.

Oh crap, this is Fouler's big trump card! He put his bumbling daughter in the ring, and she's even better than him (mostly from all the expensive training and gene mods Fouler pumped into her with his extensive fortune) and will kick your ass!

Construct a giant toilet for her to fall into. Then begin the lesbian sex. Because when it comes to Idiom's quests lesbian sex is effectively the punchline.

>>774653
kill that arrogance right now, remember a farmer has mad bonuses against plants also that her innocence might be a trick but mostly that she's currently the scissors to your paper

start shamelessly swiping Fouler's gear and using it on her, hell, use those vines to introduce her to everything you just used and or bested, put on a show!

>>774653
Just kill Fouler so he stops using ref powers to try and force you into doing things.

Then just wait until her bladder forces your challenger to flee the area and forfeit.

...or you know, instead of any of that, just sweep her off her feet with a kiss and paralyzing pollen. Plant girls get that, right?

Don't fight her, you're too clever to fall for this. Fouler clearly wants you to, so it's likely she's not as she seems. Maybe he had someone cast some type of magic on her or something. You have no reason to fight her, just tell her where the bathroom is, or if you don't know, just tell her that she needs to leave or else she'll mess up the tournament.

Punch the ref and kindly tell the girl to just sit on the ground for a second so you can be declared the victor of this fight and she won't need to get hurt and then she will be able to go to the bathroom afterwards. no need to fight if what she says is true.

Strangle.... No.... Get all Japanese With the ref and your vines.

Idiot peasant or not, Fowler just wants you to take your attention off him. Immediately make sure to grab his head with your paralyzing armbands and keep hold of it.

>The winner is the last one standing in the arena!
If she is no longer in the arena, she is no longer competition. (Even if he tries to claim the whole building as the arena despite his statement of her just entering the arena, when the finds the bathroom she is going to sit down there.) The option to just tell her where the bathroom is means you can be rid of her without having to let Fowler get a chance to recover. (If you don't know where the bathroom is, you can just make something up. Evil!)

Kill Fouler already and tell her you'll show her the bathroom if she sits down until you're done taking care of business. Voila, last one standing.

>>774701
well actually we don't even need to kill fouler to win, he's already on the ground we just need to keep him paralyzed and convince her to sit down possibly by directing her to the toilets.

>>774653
Oh shit it's the Chosen one! Quick, throw Blaghard at her! He's going to cheat like a bitch and try to kill you even if she's harmless, though, so maybe just cast Arrow of Nausea at her.

>>774704
Wait yeah, actually, just tell her to sit down and you'll tell her where the toilets are.

Finish off Fouler, calmly retrieve your knives from other defeated combatants, give the newcomer a paralytic nose-boop.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:39 No. 775539 ID: a606da
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>Don't fight her, you're too clever to fall for this. Fouler clearly wants you to, so it's likely she's not as she seems.
>Fowler just wants you to take your attention off him.
>Strangle.... No.... Get all Japanese with the ref and your vines.

“Alright, Fouler.” I lean down, strangling Fouler’s throat with several of my thorny vines while directing the others… downwards. “I know this is another one of your tricks, and I’m not falling for it. What’s this girl’s deal? Tell me her weaknesses, abilities, everything you know, now!”

“Gkkkkhhh!!” He gurgles and chokes, face turning red. “Ffhholksh, I… I don’t knuhoww anythingg about our muh-mysterious new challenger! I swuh-swear on all my years in the arena, I don’t know herrrh!”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:40 No. 775541 ID: a606da
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>Just kill Fouler
>Kill Fouler already

“Then you’re useless to me.” I pull the vines even more tightly around his neck, slowly crushing his windpipe. “Your show’s over, Fouler! Ha ha ha!”

Just as it looks like he’s about to succumb, he suddenly falls to the ground, panting but alive.

What?! My vines… they’ve been cut! But.. how? When? I didn’t even see anything touch them!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:42 No. 775544 ID: a606da
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“Sorry, miss plant lady.” Now much closer, the peasant girl sheepishly bows her head in apology. “I didn’t want to cut your li'l vines, but I think they were weeds. I mean, they were hurting that poor man!”

“I wanted to hurt that ‘poor man’.” I scowl. “Next time, don’t get in the way.”

“Gosh! For a flower girl, you sure are mean.”

“Aren’t I just?”

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:43 No. 775545 ID: a606da
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“Why would a root nymph be so grumpy?” The peasant furrows her brow, thinking. Then she gasps in realization! “Oh, duh! I should have noticed sooner!”

Immediately, she swivels around, grips her hoe with both hands, takes a deep breath, and starts flailing madly.

Poison and pox, but she’s fast! Her arms and tool are practically an imperceptible blur! I have absolutely no idea what she’s doing, but it can’t possibly be good.

>just tell her where the bathroom is
>just tell her to sit down and you'll tell her where the toilets are.

I don’t actually know where the bathrooms are in this place. Still, I only need to get her out of the ring, so a lie is just as good as the truth.

“Listen…” I somehow make my voice even more smooth and charming. “If you’re looking for the bathroom - “

“Shhh!” She spits. “Working!”

“But if you’d only listen - !”

“I can’t get sidetracked!”

“Argh, would you please just stop and - ?!”

“Nuh-uh! I’m busy! Busy busy!”

Ugh. This is going nowhere.

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:44 No. 775546 ID: a606da
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>give the newcomer a paralytic nose-boop
>sweep her off her feet with a kiss and paralyzing pollen.
>use those vines to introduce her to everything you just used and or bested, put on a show!

Yes, of course! Why am I bothering with this nonsense? I’ll paralyze her, quick and easy, and then I’ll put on a show for my victim arena!

Oooh, just wait until my already agonizing audience gets a load of what I have in store. They think they know pain now? Ha ha! Nobody will leave this arena without a few new traumas to keep them up at night! Not if I have any say, at least, and I do!

But first, I need to take care of this last little problem. Luckily, she’s distracted. I have all the time in the world.

I sneak up behind her. Then, when I’m close enough to reach out and touch her, I lunge forward!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:45 No. 775547 ID: a606da
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“All done!” She announces brightly, inadvertently dodging me as she steps off to the side. “Oh, good, you’re one step ahead of me. You don’t waste time, huh?”

I try to catch myself, but it’s too late. I fall forward into a large, grave-like hole in the ground. I scramble to my feet, but before I can even begin to climb out of the hole, that impossibly frustrating peasant has started filling the dirt back in!

I grab at the sides, but my bottom half is already buried solidly. To move that much dirt, that fast… what is she?! There’s no way she’s human!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:46 No. 775549 ID: a606da
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By the time I think to speak, my mouth has been filled with earth.

I’ve been buried alive!

Elkettio!5tTWT1eydY 2017/01/29(Sun)16:46 No. 775550 ID: a606da
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“There you go!” The monstrous farmer sits down next to me, smiling insufferably. “I don’t know who pulled you up out of the ground like that, but I’m glad I was at least able to put you back in your natural habitat!”

“Mmmph!”

“Oh, no need to thank me.” She laughs in an infuriatingly bubbly way. “I’m just glad I was able to help. You don’t have to apologize for acting all grumpy, either. I bet you were feeling pretty awful, being forced to stumble around on your roots and act all human like that. Don’t worry, now that you’re down in the dirt like all the other root nymphs, you’ll be pollinated in no time at all!”

“MMMMPH?!”

“That’s right, soon you’ll be a mom!” She nods excitedly. “Gosh, I’m so happy for you!”

This is torture!

I need to get out of this hole, fast!

...for fuck sakes!

(sigh) take a deep breath and... I don't know... grow or something? I mean you're part plant now I guess, maybe you can grow bigger and get back into this fight? What do you know about root nymphs anyways? Might help us adapt our fighting style to better suit your new biology.

>>775550
oh great she's a lucky ditz on top of being farmer.
okay this might be to your advantage if you're fast, try to see if you can move through the earth with your roots (may have to give up being in a humanoid shape briefly) to get away, if she loses sight of you the girl will probably lose interest anyway.

Can... can you just ask her to lie down and cede the battle? Her entering the ring is pretty much the only thing keeping the fight going at this point. Once it's over you could care less about hurting (most of) these people.

I mean, if she's dumb enough to do it...

Look, you're a plant, she's a farmer. Obviously you have an elemental disadvantage here. Just be nice to her so she stops trying to do things to you and you'll be fine.

Use plant powers to grow back out of the hole, appologize, thank her, and then offer to shake her hand, no hard feelings.

Then she'll be paralyzed by your Armbands of Woeful Immobilization. (And you can apologize again and say that was by accident so she doesn't curbstop you again).

...but really, even if you're not grumpy anymore, you're not ready to be a Mom, okay?

Drain every last bit of nutriment from the soil around you. Outgrow your dirt prison!

Once you're out, don't play around. Give her a straight, no-nonsense talking to about assuming she knows what's best for a dryad. Her assistance is uninvited and unwelcome! Coming into this bathroom and starting to lecture someone else on personal hygeine, it's just unbelievable! And burying a dryad somewhere you believe to be a bathroom - DO I have to spell out to you how ludicrously obscene that is? I have a right to choose where my fertilizer comes from, thank you, and I must say I am appalled by your taste! I'm reporting you to the farmers' guild missy, you're never gonna harvest in this town again. Not after you reap what you've sowed today, ohh no!

By the time your rant is finished, you'll have blocked off all exits with a thorny briar patch and taken her tool of vegetoid oppression (the scythe) away from her. She won't notice, though, because you stuck your trusty knife in her back.

Ah, so that's her deal, extreme luck is a power we have no interest in fucking with. Pull your head back to give your mouth room to speak. Explain that there's been a horrible mistake, you are not really a plant girl, you were just turned into one and you were planning on getting yourself turned back. If she'd help you out of this dirt you'd greatly appreciate it. Stop trying to harm her, it won't work, it might be shameful, but you did say that you'd do anything necessary to win didn't you?

If it comes up; tell her that Fouler is a horrible man and he was trying to kill you.

Just wiggle out enough so you are able to talk, then ask her to sit down and have a chat with you, remember to be nice. I honestly don't want to hurt her she seems so sweet and innocent, the perfect contrast to your insane sadism, you two are perfect for each other.

>>775557
Yeah this.

spit dirt out of mouth. claim you are too young to be a mom yet. if she tries to ask "well then why do you have a flower?" counter with "well when was your first period?". just because you CAN doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Having been buried alive, you're obviously no longer able to stand, and have thus lost the contest. Settle down and raise a family.

>>775633
Yeah, this. Plus she's cute, we can take a break from painomancy to indulge in a cute person

Oh damn, she really is the chosen one. We cant hurt her. Only loony-tunes esc things will happen if we try.

Just calmly lift out of the soil using our roots as anchors and explain that an arena meant for violent combat is not an optimal place to be planted. Also note that you were participating in said combat, and have now been inturrupted, though you thank her for her concern.

No use struggling. Wait for someone to arrive for pollination.