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File 147567559741.jpg - (510.65KB , 800x1137 , date.jpg )
751423 No. 751423 ID: 820864

I have a good feeling about her!
Expand all images
>>
No. 751424 ID: 63c1c2

> I have a good feeling about her!
I don't.

Bring a cleaver knife. And a fork. Some plates for extra ambiguity.
>>
No. 751428 ID: 3e79eb

...Good to know, I suppose. How long has she been your penpal, then?
>>
No. 751429 ID: 3725ee

quick, think about all the reasons you think you've gotten this good feeling from.

also what's going on with your reflection and is that a stall with a person in it behind you?
>>
No. 751437 ID: 2a7417

Get distracted by yarn until you're late for your date.
>>
No. 751439 ID: 9876c4

Alert Alert

Belt and shoes do not match.
>>
No. 751444 ID: fc828b

Quick! Tell us everything you know about this girl.
>>
No. 751445 ID: 5a15af

>brown belt
>black shoes

If you're trying to get some action, you already blew it.
>>
No. 751446 ID: 665ed8

Who is she, how did you meet,why do you have a good feeling, what does she like, and where are you meeting?
>>
No. 751449 ID: fc828b

Tell us everything you know about this girl.

It is a girl, right? You're sure?
>>
No. 751450 ID: ecd3e5

oh my GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!

why do you feel good about her? WHEN is the date? WHERE? why are you in a bathroom?
>>
No. 751531 ID: 997a70

Why are you preparing yourself for your date in a public bathroom?
>>
No. 751570 ID: 8b446c

Don't forget the novelty fish tightly wrapped in a newspaper!
>>
No. 751581 ID: ec46da

>badgirl69

There is absolutely no chance this is a girl.

On the plus side, if you're coming out of the closet and/or trying to impress a gay guy, you're perfectly dressed for the occasion.
>>
No. 752685 ID: 820864
File 147629395823.jpg - (840.32KB , 1044x1477 , date2.jpg )
752685

It takes a little more than that to put me off!
>>
No. 752686 ID: 5a15af

>>752685
Do you even know she is a cat? What if she is a mouse? Or a dog?

Go check the table to see if she is there, but don't look like you are waiting eagerly for her. If you get stood up, order a whole bottle of wine for yourself.

If this turns out to be a man, ask him why he has gone through all the trouble to deceive you this way.
>>
No. 752687 ID: 180f83

"But I can't imagine someone so sweet not being beautiful"

...You've got a lot to learn my friend.

Anyway, did you remember to bring a small gift, like a flower or something?
>>
No. 752690 ID: c6a998

Alright, it is no time to back off now, to your date!
>>
No. 752691 ID: 17a47b

You're right. What's the worst that could happen? I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong.
>>
No. 752694 ID: e65391

NOTHING AT ALL. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. DEFINITELY ISN'T THAT BADGER DUDE NEXT TO YOU.

How're you supposed to know who the person even is?
>>
No. 752696 ID: 9876c4

Your unyielding optimism is infectious, sir.

We'll get you though this, belt or no belt.
>>
No. 752699 ID: 71d443

>>752696
Preferably with no belt.

Prepare for FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES and exit the Bathroom of a Million Lost Voices.
>>
No. 752701 ID: 91ee5f

It's too late to take off your belt and hide it. You don't want your pants to fall down, do you?

>>752686
>Do you even know she is a cat? What if she is a mouse? Or a dog?
Good point. But what if it's worse than that? Could be a crocodile lady! Or a wolf! Or it could even be a guy pretending to be a girl!
>>
No. 752706 ID: 922069

That's the spirit.
go forth, have fun!
>>
No. 752723 ID: 7a0bf0

Would you be put off if your mystery date was unattractive? Or not a girl? Be sure you don't lose a friend over misunderstands.
>>
No. 752729 ID: 7da6ad

>>752685
Oh, you precious cinnamon bun.

Just...bring your expectations down a bit. The higher your hopes are, the more they have to reach ground. Expecting her to be a complete stunner will just leave you disappointed and ruin the rest of the date due to awkwardness.
>>
No. 752763 ID: 9f3729

>>752685
Well get it going then! Be sure to take an easily-concealable WEPON in case of PLOT DEVELOPMENTS !
>>
No. 752835 ID: 8cb228

>>752763
And by weapon, this means both a condom, and some pepper spray or similar. In discreet but accessible locations.
>>
No. 752909 ID: 2e4714

>>752685
Put the pepperspray in the groin of your pants to create the impression that you are well-endowed.
>>
No. 752910 ID: 9876c4

Pshaw.
Your knowledge of Tie Can Bow is all the protection you need.
>>
No. 756689 ID: 820864
File 147812395933.jpg - (1.01MB , 1044x1477 , date3_2.jpg )
756689

>>
No. 756691 ID: 85aad2

...Her name is badgirl69. What makes you think she's a sophisticate?
>>
No. 756693 ID: 9876c4

You play this right, and your days of needing pillows are over.
>>
No. 756696 ID: 094652

Oh good, she's not a dude. Or the dude's father. Or senile. Just appreciate the fact that you got a hot girl with giant tits and START THIS DATE.
>>
No. 756697 ID: 3373e2

Greet her in a respectful and polite tone, ample but appropriate amounts of eye contact and make sure you brought your wallet.
>>
No. 756698 ID: 15a025

Welp, time to show off your sophistication.
>>
No. 756702 ID: 71d443

You already have lots in common from your online interactions, yes? I think you really are a lucky tom.
>>
No. 756704 ID: 91ee5f

>Dogs aren't the type of mammal to appreciate the more sophisticated things.
Shame on you! That's racist! Or speciesist. Whichever is the proper term.

>Badgirl69 is a dog.
Don't say anything rude to her! And quit staring at her boobs! Yes, they're big, but that's no excuse!

Just sit down, start the date, and consider yourself lucky that it wasn't a guy that was pretending to be a girl on the internet.

Oh, and I hope you brought enough money to pay for the food.

But first, now that you've both met irl, its time to exchange your real names! You first, then her.
>>
No. 756706 ID: b9aa79

>>756704
Seconded
>>
No. 756718 ID: 3abd97

>badgirl69
>what if she's a dog
Did you not notice her name is a really blatant allusion to dogs. (Bad girl! Down. Stop bringing strange cats home).

Almost as bad is yours to cats. One of you knew what you were getting into, tonight.

>what do
Suck it up, try to ignore your blatant racism. Don't worry about how "refined" or "sophisticated" dogs are supposed to be- you already know her personality.

And if you're shallow, just focus on those huge knockers to sooth your worries.
>>
No. 756720 ID: cc6972

HONKERS
>>
No. 756739 ID: 9f3729

>>756689
Oh shit, she's cute.
Give her a chance broham!
"Yeah, that's me!"
>>
No. 756744 ID: 15a025

Oh no she's cute. Uh..quick...noot noot!
>>
No. 756748 ID: 350a50

>>756704
Yes
>>
No. 756749 ID: eda54c

I don't care what you do, just play with her tits the first chance you get
>>
No. 756800 ID: 594c18

>>756689
Calm down, summon your color back and treat her like you would any other date.
>>
No. 756801 ID: cedd1b

Ladies and gentlemen we have a winar

quick check to see if she has a penis
I mean bulge in her pants
which means penis
>>
No. 756802 ID: 398fe1

Reflexively hiss at her.
>>
No. 756810 ID: 37f049

Her jacket's nice! Compliment it!
>>
No. 756814 ID: c441c1

attempt a hug greeting.
>>
No. 756815 ID: 7da6ad

>>756689
Stare at her massive...tracts of land.
>>
No. 756816 ID: a5dae1

Woah um that is uh....so it's definitely a girl at least
>>
No. 756832 ID: 9027d0

Be smooth! Say, "Yeah, that's me!" Sit down and compliment her style and tell her how glad you are to meet her.
>>
No. 756833 ID: d163e3

Luckily she already broke the ice by having such a provocative online handle. Take a seat and ask what's so bad about her.

Do not forget to smile!
>>
No. 757360 ID: f65b48

Foot meet mouth
>>
No. 757375 ID: 0543a8

SHE IS CUTE FLIRT BADLY
>>
No. 757382 ID: dd7b30

:D she looks nice! tell her so!
>>
No. 757744 ID: e6e24e

>>757743
>Jenna
>Harry
>>
No. 757745 ID: 820864
File 147882335903.jpg - (1.32MB , 1044x1477 , date4.jpg )
757745

Dogname >_
Catname >_
>>
No. 757747 ID: 3373e2

Catname : Thomas but Tom also works.
Dogname : Mindy (May want to be called 'Mutt' just because I have no idea of why not.)
>>
No. 757748 ID: 595d54

>>757743
Dogname > Doggo
Catname > Tom O'neLucky
>>
No. 757749 ID: 9876c4

Dogname>Sport
Catname> Tompkins
>>
No. 757750 ID: 11414a

Dog: Katie

Cat: Tom
>>
No. 757760 ID: db0da2

Cat: Thomas (what else would his first name be?) Peterson
Dog: Jacqueline Rosetta
>>
No. 757761 ID: 3abd97

>dog breath
Seriously, you were being squeezed into those things and that's what you notice?
>>
No. 757763 ID: 188451

>>757745
Well she's very bouncy- er energetic. That tends to be a positive when this stuff happens.

Katie seems fine for her name. Very peppy.
Maybe Fritz for the cat? Needs something a bit stylish.
>>
No. 757764 ID: 91ee5f

>>757745
Dogname: Kathrine Castagnier (Lets others call her Kat)

Catname: Charlemagne "The Legend" Llewellyn
Shit, wait no, never mind, that name is already taken!

Actual Catname: Thomas Shepard (Lets others call him Tom)
>>
No. 757766 ID: c8f294

>>757750
I like this.
>>
No. 757767 ID: 9876c4

>>757763
The titular Fritz was much more low rent than this guy...

>>757764
Shepard is a weird name for a cat, because it's a dog job. How about Mauser or something?
>>
No. 757770 ID: 401b28

>>757745
aww look how adorable and excited she is

Dogname
>Kathrine, Lets others call her Kat
Catname
Tom variant
>>
No. 757771 ID: 094652

Catname: Jerry Periwinkle
Dogname: Prawn Starling
>>
No. 757780 ID: 91ee5f

>>757767
Really? You pick up on that, but you completely miss the fact that I said the dog's nickname is "Kat"?

Anyways, that's the point. The dog has a cat related name and the cat has a dog related name.
>>
No. 757781 ID: f0e552

I like the dog cat mixup name

name the dog Katherine
and the cat Tom Shepard.
>>
No. 757790 ID: 4cc846

Cat name Percy Pounce
Dog name Betty Barker
>>
No. 757792 ID: 7da6ad

Dogname: Katherine Mauser
Catname: Rex Shepherd

For no other reason but being silly with doggo and kitty names.
>>
No. 757794 ID: 7da6ad

>>757745
Dude, really, stop it. Cat spit ain't no rosewater when it comes to the smell so stop judging her for her dog breath.
>>
No. 757795 ID: 8747d9

Cat: Thaddeus Hornswogle Pendragon, The Third.
Dog: Deedee Buckett.
>>
No. 757796 ID: 9f3729

Hey man just remember, most dogs think cats are snooty racists. Don't be a snooty racist, tom! You can do it! Defeat bigotry by not being a bigot!

Also, >cat name: Tom
>>
No. 757797 ID: ccbcd2

>>757792
This
>>
No. 757798 ID: 17b144

So
Dog name Katherine, Katie or Kat for short
Cat name Thomas Shepard, Tom for short

Now we just need a surname for the dog. we've got Two for Mauser, any better ideas.
>>
No. 757800 ID: 9876c4

>>757798
Rex Shepard has some character, Tom doesn't.

If you're going for symmetry, not much beats Mauser. If not, you could render various cat breeds as names.
>>
No. 757804 ID: 17b144

Also I just realized
Your name: Tom Shepherd
Your friend: John Spacemarine(you met at hero badass fight school)
Your goal: Get dog tits and kick some gum, and you're all out of ass.
>>
No. 757825 ID: cb7daa

Dogname: Dolly Franklin
Catname: Sebastian Montclair
>>
No. 757826 ID: 9876c4

>>757825
Well damn.

This changes everything.
>>
No. 757841 ID: eb3cf7

Dog: Jamie
Cat: Jamie
>>
No. 757855 ID: 816a2a

>>757841
seconding
>>
No. 757858 ID: 521e29

Doggo: Katherine Mauser
Kitty: Thomas Shepherd
Try not to shout 'tits' instead of your name.
>>
No. 757871 ID: ea2f8b

I agree with others in the thread:
Dogname: Katherine Mauser
Catname: Thomas Shepherd
>>
No. 757906 ID: 594c18

>>757871
Yes this is the best plan
>>
No. 757949 ID: 62f7a2

Turns out you're both named Sam.
>>
No. 758041 ID: 8111b6

him... Lucky Tomson. Parents were bad at naming, and so are you.

Her... That's literally her name. Her parents were huge, huuuuuuge internet nerds back in the day. Badgirl69 Frankerz Jones. To rebel against the name, she's super nice, and kinda girlish.

>>757871
... I guess those names might be good too.
>>
No. 758055 ID: 9027d0

>>757871
These names are best
>>
No. 760944 ID: 820864
File 147992743554.jpg - (1.92MB , 1240x1754 , date5.jpg )
760944

So this is what happened:
> _
>>
No. 760957 ID: ce37f2

> Ya can't imagine how school was!
Something tells me they weren't looking at your face.

> Story
See, normally you can't just gossip about scandals that were officially published - makes your company look like rumormongers who sell their own fiction, destroys your credibility - but they let me tell this one all the time.

Five years ago I was following Jennathan Spriggers. She's the daughter of that one famous talk show host, not very important, but she's a total dumbass, posted videos of her lesbian @#$%ing all over the internet. Her father pulled some strings to get the pictures removed and threatened to sue anyone looking to offer her a steaming romp in public. So all the paparazzi needed to stay ten yards away and pretend they were there for something else.

I took the contract because it meant free gourmet ice cream and other expensive luxuries she constantly went to. So one day, Jenna was at her favorite macaroon place, and she started asking about how macaroons save the world because her father said that all the colors of corruption go into the creamy filling and it's the job of the customers to eat it all up like pussy juice. This one guy, I think he was working for one of our competitors, bursts out laughing for ten seconds straight and then points a finger at Jenna, calling her "incapable of learning how to not stupid". And then she said "duh... yes".

And then the guy laughed even harder, slipped up, knocked over a table, which flung a sundae in the air into the cashier, who then started screaming some tabletop RPG nonsense, then flailed around throwing waffle cones at everyone, and THEN some other guy screamed "Food Fight!", and half the shop go into it! So there's ice cream and sprinkles and soda thrown left and right all across the shop, and I'm hunkering down behind cover taking pictures with my phone, blindside-style, and SOMEHOW Jenna has just stood there without getting more than a few flecks on her dress. Finally, the manager storms in with a sonic whistle and blows for dear life! The entire shop comes to a screeching halt and everyone just stops where they are, the remaining ice cream hitting whoever was in the trajectory. She proceeds to demand who deserves to pay for this, and Jennathan Spriggers, without moving or turning, lights up and cheerfully shouts "I'm always ready to pay the piper long hard"!

And finally the cashier, still blinded by the sundae, throws an entire can of melted vanilla ice cream at her face.

My publishers were SO skeptical of this story that they outright refused to print it as a joke article, and most of the other publishers thought the same. I found the whole story on a newsstand a week later, with the cream-covered mug of Jennathan Spriggers on the front page. That was the ONLY tabloid issue I have ever bought in my entire life.

So, do you have anything that can... top that?
>>
No. 760958 ID: 188451

The Paris Hilton cake theft is always a neat story.
Maybe a story that has something to do with your bow-tie? (too tired to think/write anything; will erase this later and come up with something not shit.)
>>
No. 760959 ID: 180f83

Oh, what about that time you caught famous diva and actor Kit Katy Kat owning and using a bunch of illegal catnip. She had to offer so many bribes in different ways to keep that one a secret, but you all remained undeterred. She had to go to so much rehab for that, so in a way, you all kind of saved her life.
>>
No. 760967 ID: 9876c4

>>760957
This story is amazing, but it would be the equivalent of bringing napalm to a pillow fight.

Tell her about the monkeys that put on horse suits, and would have centaur battles behind closed doors.
>>
No. 760968 ID: ce37f2

>>760967
And Katherine brought mammoth-sized pillows. What's your point?
>>
No. 760970 ID: 309d35

You know William Goetz, right? Kinda A-list actor but sorta not really? Well he's been getting all kinds of kudos for his most recent movie, what's the name- the one with the jewelry heist? Well I know why. He told me- he was in a club drunk like a fish at the time, of course, but he's completely, deadly serious- he says that he did a jewelry job with the Teal Tigers. Like, to help his method acting. Says they did a smash and grab in some mall and he was on a motorcycle as one of their getaway drivers. So everyone who hears this is saying, there's no way he's serious, nobody'd brag about grand larceny, but he's like "Whatever, anybody who knows can't prove it and anyone who can prove it won't snitch."

The thing is, it makes sense. I mean, the robbery actually happened- there's CCTV footage of a bunch of guys driving into a mall on motorcycles and busting up a storefront before the movie was in production, one of which could be William. If you've ever seen a Goetz movie, you know he's always on a bike- he even has a collection of the things, It's what he did before he got into acting. And the tigers, They're mostly from Lizbia, right? Some magazine did a biography article on Goetz a while back, they said that he speaks the language.

The thing is, it's all circumstantial. Can't make criminal accusations that big based on hearsay.
>>
No. 778584 ID: f65b48

This is gunna be good
>>
No. 778800 ID: 8c34e7

>>760944
's most likely a plant hired by a celebrity's agent to either kill or kidnap you. Happens all the time in Holiwood when celebrities want to keep their image from getting smeared.

The proof is in her overly cheery fake personality, and her big boobs used to lure in lecherous paparazzi.
>>
No. 778835 ID: 3373e2

Nah couldn't be some type of spy or something, she could just be naturally happy and such.
>>
No. 778838 ID: 9876c4

The level of work per update has to be intense, but I wouldn't mind some more Catdog interplay.
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