kill yourself

Eat a bagel.

Think about really non sexual things, like bales of hay, cereal bowls, and paper clips.

Fluff up your plumage, then mating call, out the window.

Mutilate yourself at the nearest genetic surgeon

TAKE YOUR MEDS, HELEN

IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN

Just channel your repressed sexual feelings into violence like the rest of us!

Stick a dildo up your butt.

1/2 Tavern 2016/02/06(Sat)22:18 No. 699633 ID: 4b7a84
File 145482589660.jpg - (41.48KB , 534x322 , image.jpg )

>>699608
>>699616
>>699613
NO FUCK YOU

>>699610
YEAH OKAY MY COUNSELOR SAID I SHOULD "EAT IT INSTEAD OF BEAT IT." I FUCKING HATE HIM

>>699611
OKAY OKAY I CAN DO THIS I DON'T HAVE TO FUCK TODAY--

>>699617
NOOOO

2/2 Tavern 2016/02/06(Sat)22:21 No. 699636 ID: 4b7a84
File 145482607392.jpg - (47.74KB , 485x610 , image.jpg )

>>699612
>"WAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

>>699615
FUCK I'M OUT OF MEDS FUCK WHAT DO I DO

FUCK SHOULD I CALL THE COUNSELOR THIS IS BAD

Watch March of the Penguins, let Morgan Freeman's voice and arctic birds solve your problems.

>>699636
FUCK

OKAY

REMAIN CALM

CALL A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER

HAVE THEM PICK UP YOUR MEDS

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR APARTMENT

REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME

>SHOULD I CALL THE COUNSELOR THIS IS BAD
Yes, then you'd have access to someone you can fuck! That's perfect.

>>699638
>REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME
oh yeah that was hot, I MEAn UH, really bad!

Wait, why isn't masturbating an option?

Watch funny videos

>>699637
>>699638
These.

1/3 Tavern 2016/02/07(Sun)13:29 No. 699840 ID: a21ad1
File 145488054174.jpg - (55.07KB , 760x575 , image.jpg )

>>699638
I CAN'T GO BACK TO COURT I'M CALLING SOMEONE

>>699740
ACTTUALLY I DON'T LIKE HIM HIS VOICE IS UGLY BUT I'M CALLING HIM RIGHT NOW

"Hello--"

>"HELP ME NOW PLEASE!!"

"Jesus--! Helen is that you? What'd we say about phone volume?"

>"I'M HORNY AGAIN I NEED MY FUCKING MEDS!!!!"

"I'm doing an appointment right now, Helen.... Have you already had your bagel--"

>"Y E S!!!"

"Okay, just uh.... How about you put on one of the safe movies we discussed, I'll get your medecine as soon as this is through."

>"HURRY THE FUCK UP, DUDE!!!!"

2/3 Tavern 2016/02/07(Sun)13:32 No. 699842 ID: a21ad1
File 145488074683.jpg - (52.36KB , 760x598 , image.jpg )

UGHHHHH THIS WILL TAKE FOREVERRRRRRRRRR

>>699741
MY COUNSELOR SAYS I SHOULDN'T MASTURBATE ANYMORE WHEN I'M HORNY NOT AFTER LAST TIME

>>699743
>>699637
I HEARD SOME PENGUINS LIKE DIE IN THIS SO MAYBE THAT WILL BE FUNNY

IT'S NOT ON THE SAFE LIST BUT WHAT THE FUCK

3/3 Tavern 2016/02/07(Sun)13:36 No. 699843 ID: a21ad1
File 145488097605.jpg - (70.47KB , 760x748 , image.jpg )

........

"There are few places hard to get to in this world."

HNUGHHHHHH

OH GOD HIS VOICE HNNNGHHHHHHHHHHH DKFHEMSOFNRKALDB

IF HE WAS YELLING I'D FUCKING CREAM MYSELF RIGHT NOW OH GODDDDDD

THIS IS NOT GOOD WHAT DO I DOOOOO

STOP MOVIE

FOX NEWS

HORNY OVER

Morgan Freeman was too much to handle it would seem. Prepare another bagel and review the safe movie options.

Find Barney the Dinosaur show. Guaranteed 100% turn-off.

Put on anything with Gilbert Gottfried. He'll surely kill your femboner. Do you have a copy of Aladdin or any of the Problem Child movies?

>>699867
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM-hYwydfcw

>>699843
Turn up the volume so he's effectively yelling.

Crank up the volume to the max and unload a bit.

Maybe you should take a shower to calm down?

1/3 Tavern 2016/02/14(Sun)16:13 No. 701933 ID: cb945c
File 145549522782.jpg - (51.48KB , 760x634 , image.jpg )

>>699850
I NEVER REALLY BOUGHT ANY OF THE SAFE ONES THEY'RE ALL QUIET

>>699867
NOOONONONO MR. GILBERT'S ON THE BAD LIST

>>699903
>>699932
OH GOD NO I'D BREAK

>>699844
I'LL TRY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT FUCK

.....

"Politics politics, politics."

"Politics?"

"Hmmm, money. Politics."

THIS IS SO FUCKING BORING

PERFECT

2/3 Tavern 2016/02/14(Sun)16:15 No. 701935 ID: cb945c
File 145549535545.jpg - (71.01KB , 760x653 , image.jpg )

"WHAT DO YOU THINK, BILL???!!"

"P O L I T I C S S S S S S S ! ! ! !"

WAUGHHHHHHHHHHH

3/3 Tavern 2016/02/14(Sun)16:19 No. 701941 ID: cb945c
File 145549556305.jpg - (62.72KB , 760x630 , image.jpg )

"Is she still out there?"

"Yeah man, she's still going at it."

"What the fuuuuuck, it's been like thirty minutes! Should we like...tell somebody?"

"Wait a bit yo, I'm gonna take a video first."

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

FUCK IT HAPPENED AGAIN

WHAT DO I DO

How did you get out into the hallway? Cover your shame, run back into your room, and yell something at that guy about suing him if that recording shows up anywhere.

Sidenote; what the fuck is wrong with that guy? Taking a vertical video, it's just shameful.

Well, now you're certifiably out of your mind and can't be held responsible for your actions legally.

Use the closest dick-muffin.

Uh...what just happened?

>>701941
Beg them to fuck you.

Grab the phone and scream until he leaves.

>>701941
Backhand dipshit

get back in your apartment, and get some clothes on. Hopefully, you didn't throw all your clothes out your apartment window or something.

1/3 Tavern 2016/02/15(Mon)15:58 No. 702171 ID: cb945c
File 145558070170.jpg - (72.71KB , 760x631 , image.jpg )

>>701948
I DON'T KNOWWWWW

>>701946
>>701952
>"FUCK ME HARD PLEASE!!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!"

"W-what?!"

"Duuuuude you're so in there!"

"T-that's a bit forward, isn't it? I'm only like 17--"

>>701945
>"TOUCH ME AND I'LL FUCKING SUE YOU!!!! NO VIDEOS!!!!!!!"

"Wait what? Chill, I was gonna delete it! Eventually...."

>>701963
>"WAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Jesus--! She's gonna get the whole floor out here dude!"

"C-calm down lady, I'll delete the thing already! Damn!"

2/3 Tavern 2016/02/15(Mon)16:00 No. 702174 ID: cb945c
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>>701974
"WAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Ow!!"

3/3 Tavern 2016/02/15(Mon)16:03 No. 702176 ID: cb945c
File 145558100094.jpg - (74.53KB , 758x760 , image.jpg )

"Geeze! I'm sorry okay, just stop screaming!"

OH GOD

WHAT HAVE I DONE I'M IN SO MUCH TROUBLE

>>701976
MY PLACE IS IN THE SIXTH FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO I'M GONNA LOSE SO MANY PRIVILEGES FUUUUUUUUCKKKKK

>>702176
Well if you're down here naked, then you've either been seen by a bunch of people already or sneaking back up to your room shouldn't be that hard. Maybe you can think about this event the next time you're trying to decide whether or not to buy more meds.

>>702176
The heck is sticking out of you?

"Give me your clothes. Now."

You already beat them up, now steal their apartment so you're out of the hall. One problem down.

>>702176
stairs. apologies later, home now.

>>702176
is too late for saving face now.

Let it go.

Start the murderfucking spree. Become the bringer of death and go out like a true firework.