Break in. You're here to steal all their poorly utilised magical loot.

3. Funniest option is best option.

>>690943
[3] Complete Accident.
You stepped off the wrong platform during the rush to work.
And we don't know that our life is in danger. After all, we don't know that magic really exist.

3. Complete Accident.
We totally tripped onto Platform 9&3/4.

Idiom Alpha!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)08:23 No. 690952 ID: 3bc92d
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It was, of course, an utter and complete accident.

On September 1st, 1991, while on your way to work, you made a very wrong turn at King’s Cross Station, and then…

Well, before we get to that, let’s talk just a little bit more about you.

Please choose your character:

>[1]
Baxter Collins
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Nationality: English
Occupation: Cashier, Amateur Football Player
Skill Set: Athletic, Strong, Fast
Likes: Sports, martial arts, making friends, comic books, telly, dogs, simplicity
Dislikes: Math, cats, horror movies, being alone, complexity

>[2]
Riley Duibhshíthe
Age: 17
Nationality: Irish-English
Gender: Genderfuck
Occupation: Librarian Intern
Skill Set: Academic, Lying
Likes: Fucking with people, anarchism, punk rock, history, sarcasm
Dislikes: Being fucked with, people commenting on last name, the system

>[3]
Carrie Cross
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Nationality: American-English
Occupation: Journalism Intern
Skill Set: Social, Capitalistic
Likes: Solving problems, writing, clear communication, having a network of contacts, money
Dislikes: Being quiet, being denied, lies, surprises, being poor

>[4]
>_

3. We will muggle-manipulate the fuck out of those think-they're-so-wise wizards

Also, capitalism ho!

>>690952
2. Analyze the supernatural then smash it to powder so all these high-horse wizards will never be able to cast magic ever again.

Hrrm...
3.
Living in WIZARD WORLD without magic is based on public perception. And three seems like she'd know the best how to do that.

>>690952
>[3] Carrie Cross
Journalism Intern occupation makes me giggle something evil. Time to paparazzi Hogwarts and make a gossip tabloid of our own! Like Weekly World News, but with magic! And blackjack! And hookers!

1.

>>690952
2.
They will assume there's some kind of curse involved, because the wizarding world is really, really small-minded.

3.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)10:52 No. 690967 ID: 3bc92d
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Carrie Cross tended to be very absentminded when she was unhappy, such as she was at this precise moment.

It had been three years since Carrie’s parents had divorced. Her father, claiming that America wasn't big enough for him and his ex-wife to share, had moved back to his hometown, London, with little Carrie reluctantly tagging along. She had always tended to stick out, even back in Los Angeles, but that had always been her own choice. In London, she’d been forced into the role of the outsider, the spy. Her insatiable curiosity did tend to have that effect on people, especially those who preferred their privacy intact. Still, it was a very isolating experience, even for someone as stubborn as Carrie.

When she’d been a little girl, she’d always expected that by this time in her life, she’d be rich and famous. Certainly, when she’d started writing for her father’s magazine, things did appear to have been heading in that direction. Unfortunately, it seemed she was doomed to do much the same as she was due to do today: cover the odd stories which none of the more experienced writers cared for.

For today's assignment, she was on her way to Surrey, where a janitor would relay to her his secondhand account of some sort of ‘snake incident’ that had happened in a local zoo a few weeks previously. It was hardly a groundbreaking article, and Carrie miserably predicted that it would end up just as unread as all of her other works.

Carrie sighed. Her father had always told her that big stories were few and far between. She knew she was being foolish, expecting to simply chance across some world-shaking scoop. Dreams were just dreams, after all. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of its muddled, depressing thoughts.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)10:53 No. 690968 ID: 3bc92d
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However, as previously mentioned, Carrie tended towards absentmindedness, and so it wasn’t until that instant that she realized she was walking directly into a wall. This, while obviously out of the ordinary, wasn’t nearly as strange as the fact that the wall appeared to be absentminded as well, for it seemed to have rather completely forgotten to be solid. Carrie, already halfway through and unable to stop her momentum, suddenly found herself falling forward, into and through the metal barrier.

Carrie blinked, staggered. She’d gone all the way through, which was quite surprising enough on its own, but, more than that, the station she saw now seemed to be very oddly removed from the one where she’d just been. She jumped as a man in a station guard’s uniform whistled, catching her off guard.

“The boy who lived…” The guard muttered to himself, staring at the passengers boarding a large, old-looking train. “Snap my wand, but that’s a sight. I thought he’d gone the way of his ma and da.” The guard raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Carrie. “Oy, but you’re a late one, aren’t you? You one of Jordan’s lot, then? You’d better get a move on, or they’ll be off without you.”

>[1] “What? What is - what? What just happened? Where am I? Who’s Jordan?”
>[2] “Is this real? Am I having a stroke?”
>[3] “Uh… okay?”
>[4] “Where exactly am I supposed to go?”
>[5] ___________

[5]Embarrassed/confused meep, duck into the nearest traincar.

4
you get lost easy, is why you are late... yeah...

4. Play the ignorant newbie. If you've discovered a secret train platform (hidden by a hologram?) you've found a real story and you need to get all the details you can!

5. Immediately tell the guard that you have no idea how that just happened; your SISTER is the one who -

Oh crap, you left your sister with a KNIFE.

(And then do a 180 and get out of there. You don't know what secret agent academy you've just hopped into but you can easily claim that someone else was supposed to be here.)

4

>>690976
Agreed.

>>690976
kome's plan is a good

4

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)13:17 No. 690988 ID: 3bc92d
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Carrie opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally mumbling out a reply. “I - um… where exactly am I supposed to go?”

The guard looked at her as if she were mad.

“Oh, I, uh, I get lost really easily. It’s why I’m late.” Carrie forced an anxious smile. “I’d lose my own head if it weren’t attached, you know?”

“Ah.” The guard nodded thoughtfully. “That happened to a cousin of mine in Germany, once. Nasty business and no mistake. He did manage to get it back on in the end, but it was the wrong way ‘round. He says he likes it better that way, if you can believe it.” The guard sighed, then pointed to the train. “Anyway, it’s pretty hard to get lost, seeing as there’s just the one train. Go on, then, if you’re going. It won’t wait forever, and you can trust me on that. There’s always a few slowpokes who need to be flown over. Never a pretty sight. Lots of crying.”

“R-right, okay, then. Thanks for the help.” Carrie shot the guard a grateful look, then turned and made her way over to the train, stumbling somewhat. She still felt as if she were in a daze, and was not entirely sure that she wasn’t dreaming.

Almost the instant after she’d set both feet on the train proper, the whistle sounded, and the engine came to life. Carrie gazed back at the rapidly-receding station, wondering if she’d made a mistake by boarding.

She decided that if it wasn’t a dream, then it was certainly something extraordinary, and extraordinary things tended to lead to extraordinary fame for those that discover them. If not delusional, then she was certainly some sort of bizarre pioneer. She decided then that she wouldn’t turn back, and she wouldn't run home. Not yet, at least. Not until she had something solid, something which could explain whatever was happening, and prove that it was all real.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)13:19 No. 690989 ID: 3bc92d
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Carrie turned to enter the train car, only to be greeted by the sight of an impossibly huge tarantula.

Carrie shrieked. It seemed the most sensible thing to do.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2015/12/31(Thu)13:19 No. 690990 ID: 3bc92d
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“Aha!” A younger boy ran down the train car towards Carrie, grinning happily. He reached the gigantic spider, pulled out a small, odd-looking stick, then started muttering weird words. Latin? Carrie wasn’t sure. The boy waited for a few moments, then looked disappointed. He turned his head back and called down the hallway. “Found it!”

“Have you?” Moments later, two tall, red-headed boys came around the corner. They appeared to be twins. “Oh, you have. I would congratulate you, but it’s not exactly an accomplishment, is it, Lee?” Said one of the red-headed boys.

“I mean, you did lose it in the first place.” Said the other. “Losing track of a forty-pound spider is a sort of achievement, I suppose. We could celebrate that, if you’d like.”

“It might merit a party, at the very least. We could call it the ‘Lee Jordan engorged his spider, forgot how to undo it, and then lost it completely’ ball. Who should we invite?”

“Why bother with precision? We could announce it by shouting from the rafters. Wait, does this train have rafters?”

“If it doesn’t, we should give it some, so we can shout from them.”

“You’d better not!” The boy with the dreadlocks groaned. “Don’t be gits.”

“Gits?” The twins turned to look at each other, wearing faces full of faux-shock. “Us?”

“Well, if we’re gits, then we’d better go all the way.” The other twin grinned. “I think Lavender knows how to cast an amplifying charm. We could take gittiness to the next level.”

“Ooh.” One of the twins suddenly seemed to notice that Carrie was there. “Hold off. Who are you?”

“She looks like a seventh-year.” The boy with dreadlocks - Lee Jordan, Carrie assumed - politely volunteered.

“Ah, she does, doesn’t she? But I know all the seventh-year girls.”

“Come off it. You don’t know half.”

“Shame me for lying, then, and sack a point from Gryffindor.” The twins stepped forward, bowing slightly in mock formality. “Good afternoon, miss. I’m Fred Weasley, and this is my brother George.”

“Liar, liar.” The other twin clicked his tongue. “It’s still morning - hardly five past eleven, I’d wager - and I’m Fred.”

“Well, then, that makes me George, and spots another point from Gryffindor.” George smiled at Carrie. “So, introduction’s half done. You’re up, miss mystery witch.”

>[1] “WHY ARE YOU ALL SO CASUAL ABOUT THAT GIANT SPIDER?! WHY IS THERE A GIANT SPIDER? OH GOD, IT’S LOOKING AT ME! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP AAAAAAAAH”
>[2] “I’m Carrie Cross. Pleased to meet you, I think.”
>[3] “Hold up, did you just call me a witch? Is that an insult? Should I be insulted? I’m confused.”
>[4] “I’m nobody, nobody at all. Can you let me by? I need to use the bathroom.”
>[5] “I’m a very confused journalist.”
>[6] “I think I might actually be insane, at this point.”
>[7] “Can you tell me where this train is going?”
>[8] _______________________________

2.

"I'm very cross. -Er, Carrie Cross. Are you with, uh, Jordan's lot?"

Whatever the snake incident was, you have a new story you can report on: The spider incident!

Hrrm...1&3
The twins are as close as we're likely to get as a sympathetic ear.

Note to self: avoid the conductor, since you don't have a valid ticket for this ride. We might need to procure one from someone else, possibly. Secret trains don't tend to issue press passes.

>She looks like a seventh-year.
That's noteworthy. They're younger than you- you're old enough that you look like you've been at this, whatever this is, for longer than them. That means you can't ask questions that are too dumb without blowing that you don't belong.

>what do
2, play nice, try to see what you can learn just from the flow of conversation.

Now I know i'm definitely having a stroke.

If these guys are the mages, then it's time to act like a proper video game Rogue and

1, then decapitate spider (with your hands and some extra-thick gloves if necessary), collect spider corpse, then 2, 6, then "How do I get off this train? I'd rather not break your staves and force each of you to say 'Cheerio' to your Warlock balls".

>>690990
5! If people think you're supposed to be here, they won't question you being a muggle!

1 seems the most sensible to me.

[2]

If anyone asks you're a transfer student from Salem.

Also, don't be a wimp, spiders are cute. These boys seem like they could be useful to you, befriend them by any means necessary!
Don't say [1], you'll draw too much attention to yourself.

>>690990
5&6

>>691036
Second

5&6. They seem to have a loose enough grasp of the rules that they would find you interesting instead of a threat.

>>691036
What? No, 2.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2016/01/02(Sat)17:35 No. 691356 ID: 3bc92d
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“I - I’m Carrie Cross. I’m a journalist, and also very confused.” Carrie tried her best to be polite. “Pleased to meet you, I think.”

“Bloody hell.” The twins stared at her, agape. “You’re an American?!”

“Dual-citizen, actually.“ Carrie corrected.

The twins ignored her, turning away and starting a discussion as though she couldn’t still hear them. “Are Americans even allowed at Hogwarts?”

“I’m not sure. I mean, I’ve never met one, but I don’t recall there being any sort of prohibition or anything.”

“Wouldn’t matter if there was, would it?”

“Well, it would be more fun!” George grinned, swiveling back to look at Carrie. “Say, have you met the president?”

“Or Harrison Ford?”

“Who?” George raised an eyebrow.

“He’s that bloke Ginny fancies, from dad’s - what were they called - you know, those electric picture-thingies.”

“You mean… movies?” Carrie tilted her head.

“Yeah, those.”

Carrie blinked. She wondered how there could be anyone in the world who didn’t know what movies were. “Um… I haven’t met either of those people. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Fred winked. “You’re about as good.”

“Our very own American!” George cackled. “Imagine the possibilities!"

Carrie felt a bit nervous at that. “Look, are you with, uh, ‘Jordan’s lot’? The guard back at the station said that I was one of, um, whatever that is.”

There was a brief silence, during which Carrie's anxiety quickly rose.

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2016/01/02(Sat)17:41 No. 691361 ID: 3bc92d
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Lee raised an eyebrow, looking up from whatever odd ritual he was repeatedly attempting to perform with his small stick. “I mean, my last name is Jordan. I don’t know what my ‘lot’ is supposed to be, but I’m fairly well sure I’ve never met you before.”

“Really? I don’t know you, either. So why would he assume I was…?”

Carrie looked at Lee. Then she looked at herself. Then she realized. “…Oh my god.” She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow, grumbling through her teeth. “Seriously?”

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Just… nothing. Forget about it.” Annoyed, Carrie made a mental note to cause some sort of bodily harm to the guard, when - or if - she ever saw him again. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you about -“

Carrie froze mid-sentence. Slowly, heart beating quickly, she looked down, hoping it wasn’t what she thought it was. Unfortunately, it was. The massive spider had skittered over to her and rested itself on her shoe.

Carrie valiantly tried to hold herself together, but she simply couldn’t bear it. With a panicked yell, she kicked the massive spider away, and threw herself up against the far wall, shuddering.

“Hey!” Lee frowned. “There’s no call for that!”

“No call for…?! Look at it!” Carrie pointed a quivering finger at the massive tarantula. “Why are you all so casual about a giant spider?! For that matter, why is there a giant spider?” The arachnid started scuttling back towards Carrie. She scrambled away from it, terrified. “Oh my god, it’s looking at me! Make it stop! Make it stop!”

“Sheesh, calm down, would you?”

“Blimey! She’s worse than Ron.”

“Can’t be sure of that. Ron hasn’t seen Mr. Legs yet.”

“Fair point. We should arrange a meeting.”

“Or a blind date.”

“Ha!” Lee gestured triumphantly with his little stick. “Finally got it!”

Carrie’s jaw dropped. Before her eyes, the tarantula had shrunken down to normal size. With an air of victory, Lee leaned down and scooped the creature up.

“Go ahead and ruin our fun, why don’t you?” George sniffed. "Ah, well. We can work with a small one just as well as a large. You know, if we're careful, we could probably sneak it into Ron's-"

Carrie Cross!5tTWT1eydY 2016/01/02(Sat)17:41 No. 691362 ID: 3bc92d
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“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Suddenly, the door to one of the nearby train compartments flew open, and another, taller redhead stuck his head out, looking incensed. He had a strong resemblance to the twins, but he was clearly older. Their big brother, maybe? “I don’t know what it is you lot are up to, but whatever it is, you can bloody well do it quietly, and somewhere else!”

“Cheers, Perce!” George saluted. “We didn’t even know you were in there.”

“Trust that. We would have been louder.”

‘Perce’ scowled. “Clear off, or I’ll make sure you catch it from Minerva after we arrive.”

“Ooh, ’Minerva’, is it? How… intimate.” George snickered. “What does McGonagall call you, then? Her dearest Percykins?”

“George, don’t be so daft.” Fred suddenly wore an expression of pure solemnity. “Don’t worry, Percy. I completely understand, and so will mum and dad. True love knows no boundaries, after all -“

Percy slammed the compartment door closed, with rather more force than was necessary.

“Say, Lee, I’ll slip you a sickle if you can figure out how to dispel the engorgement charm on Perce’s head. It’s been stumping experts for years.” Fred chuckled. “Come on, then, let’s leg it before he starts whinging to his lady love.”

“I…” Carrie put a hand to her forehead, feeling very, very lost. “I think I might actually be insane, at this point.”

“Oh? Well, the more the merrier.” George shrugged. “Better to be a little barmy than not, really. It’s a fair bit more entertaining. We’ve got a compartment seat free, by the way, if you’re short one.” He gestured down the hall, excited. “Care to tag along? Do say yes.”

>[1] “Sure, I might as well.”
>[2] “I think I’d prefer to hold off on that, but thanks for the offer.”
>[3] “Could you kindly explain to me what the hell is going on around here?”
>[4] “Did you say something about a ‘sickle’, before? Why are you talking about farming equipment?”
>[5] “What’s ‘Hogwarts’?”
>[6] “How did you do that thing with the spider? Was it some sort of stage magic?”
>[7] ____________________

>You’re an American?!
Ah, right, the accent. I wonder how much weirdness / not knowing stuff we can deflect using that as an excuse.

>“What’s ‘Hogwarts’?”
Don't ask, from context that's obviously the name of the train's destination. Or their secret society. Someone who's supposed to be here should know what a 'Hogwarts' is.

>“How did you do that thing with the spider? Was it some sort of stage magic?”
These are the same people who made a wall you could walk though. If it's not some kind of magic it's... holograms? Something that messes with your perceptions?

>We’ve got a compartment seat free
>[1] “Sure, I might as well.”
Play along. You might learn more, there will be no pet spiders, giant or otherwise, in their closed compartment, and it's a place to sit where you aren't taking someone's seat, giving away that you're a stowaway.

1 and 4. If they don't know movies, you can plausibly not know local currency.

Do some investigative snooping around other cabins first. Where are the first years? They're the least likely to know something that'll blow your cover.

Carrie, I don't mean to alarm you but... I think these people might be wizards!

Stick with just [1] for now, we'll probably learn more by pretending to understand and paying attention to context clues than we would by asking questions directly. Try asking them what sort of sports they play around here?

>>691369
>If it's not some kind of magic it's... holograms?
The hidden station thing couldn't just be holograms, there's not enough room. And they didn't even know what movies were so high-tech teleportation stuff is out. Clearly the only reasonable explanation is that you've somehow been administered mind altering drugs without your noticing.

Let's take a recap here.

You're stuck on a train going to some unknown destination, which is likely an academy because of the current population of students. Said students have access to [advanced technology / magic / psychic powers / eldritch summons / the church of Weegee / hallucinogenic gas / the core elements of your subconscious], so this place is not meant for the public and is very dangerous to the unprepared. That means a lack of intel will get you detected early and deleted even earlier. This also means that you need to leave the second you have (A) intel and/or assets that will allow you to retire and (B) a safe escape route.

Fred and George are quite impulsive pranksters, they are likely willing to help an outsider rob their academy blind just to video-cam the entire series and post it online, but at the same time show too much blabbing and might casually hint at your identity to a literal killer. You don't know much about Lee, but he knows how to fight you (with giant spiders) and therefore may be a threat if you try to manipulate him in any way.

Check the speed of the train. Maybe you can jump off with some stolen luggage and come back next year with some mercenaries. If not, then you'll at least want to analyze the countryside or what-have-you so you can approximate what direction you're going in... if you're still on Earth.

Dangerous as it is, you should probably stick with Freddy and Georgie until you find someone who is willing to gab about useful topics, like where to find stuff that you CAN use (you're not sure how to make giant spiders) or where the exits are. Ask for a guidebook and pretend to read some tidbits that a student may want clarification on, ex. the exact day that classes start for instance, then READ.

(... The guidebook is going to literally bite her isn't it.)