>Should I tell her that Sam's here?
You might as well. He's part of what you want help with, right? She can't help if she doesn't know.

>Prune
That is the worst pet name.

Definitely.
Can she prescribe you something to make Sam leave?

for christ sake sake sam! stop popping in without invitation! ... nobody likes you!

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/06(Sun)20:53 No. 667973 ID: 3bc92d
File 144159799507.png - (293.33KB , 1200x800 , mamp3.png )

"It's, um, it's Sam. He's here."

"He is?" Dr. Wilcox leans forward. "What is he saying?"

"He doesn't like you."

"Oh dear."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Regan."

"Ugh. She's so condescending. Can we get a different one? I want a different one."

"C-can you prescribe me something to get rid of him?"

"Hey, stop trying to kill me, already. You are being a terrible girlfriend."

"Well, there are some medications we could try..." Dr. Wilcox examines a sheet of paper more carefully. "It seems like you've already tried a number of the major antipsychotic medications, though. How are you feeling about your current prescriptions?"

"They help a little."

"They don't do shit, Prune, and you know it."

"You seem very distressed." Dr. Wilcox looks concerned.

"Sam's being loud today."

"Do you want to take a break?"

>>667973
Oh, we can see sam. Just realized it. Is it just me or is he wearing a dress?

No, it's fine. He's just being an asshole. The worst he can do is give you a headache.

>"Do you want to take a break?"
Well, that's your call, but I'd say:

No. I want to talk to someone real if I can. I want to be trying to make some kind of progress, instead of just putting up with him.

>Hey, stop trying to kill me, already. You are being a terrible girlfriend.
Maybe you should accept that she's broken up with you then, and leave, Sam.

We shouldn't be too harsh on Sam. Who knows what they're capable of? Possibly even misunderstood. Take a break if you need to, otherwise we should try and address the issue.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/06(Sun)21:30 No. 667987 ID: 3bc92d
File 144160022734.png - (321.59KB , 1200x800 , mamp4.png )

>Maybe you should accept that she's broken up with you then, and leave, Sam.

”She hasn’t broken up with me. She still loves me. She loves me more than anyone. Don’t you, Prune?”

“You’re lying.” I mutter.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, I was talking to Sam. Sorry.” I try to sit up straight. “I think I’d like to continue. I want to keep making progress. I don’t want to put up with Sam forever.”

“That’s a very productive attitude, Regan.” Dr. Wilcox smiles. “You’re a lying whore.”

“Sorry, what did you just say?”

“I said that you have a very productive attitude.”

“Oh. Thank you.” I rub my forehead. “Sorry. Sometimes words go wrong on the way to my brain.”

“I see. I’ll keep that in mind.” She jots something down on her notepad. “Do you have any hobbies, Regan? I know the hospital can sometimes be a hard place to have fun.”

music to drown our the voices...and reading on the quieter days.

Oh, now I remember you. You grew up well. Didn't you use to like painting? Happy little trees, like Bob Ross taught you.

>>667987
Well, that confirms he can still hear us (though our aggravating him doesn't get us anywhere, unfortunately).

>>667987
Anime, foreign films. Anything with subtitles. It doesn't mess with text much, and it helps if my brain doesn't know the words it's hearing.

Well, I used to skin cats, but then they wouldn't stop yowling at me in my head. So I put some dogs in there too to chase them away. They're both gone now. I don't know what happened to the dogs.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/06(Sun)22:37 No. 667996 ID: 3bc92d
File 144160422115.png - (340.55KB , 1200x800 , mamp5.png )

“I used to like painting.”

“Used to?”

“Well… Sam is a mean critic.” I tilt my head slightly away from Sam, but I know he’s still there. “I prefer music more, nowadays. It drowns out the sound.”

“What kind of music do you enjoy?”

“Upbeat orchestral stuff. Nothing with vocals.” I smile. “I used to like movies, but the visuals and voices stressed me out too much. I love books, though. I can just put on some music and bury my nose in a story, and it’s like all the other stuff goes away for a while.”

“I know what you mean.” Dr. Wilcox laughs in a relaxing way. “Books are wonderful, aren’t they? I actually used to be a librarian, if you can believe it. I honestly thought it was the greatest job in the world, being able to sit around on my butt and read for as long as I wanted.”

“What changed?”

“Oh, uh…” Dr. Wilcox’s gaze seems slightly distant. “Lots of things. Stuff that made me reconsider what really made me me, if that makes any sense.” She blinks, shakes her head slightly, and smiles. “But that’s off topic, and it’d bore you to tears, I’m sure.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Nevertheless, I’d like to move on. Dr. Lancaster’s most recent notes said that you’ve been experiencing insomnia and a form of reoccurring night terrors for the past few months. He thought it might be linked to some sort of trauma, but the notes weren’t entirely clear on that point. I know it's only our first session, but... would you be willing to describe what you experience at night?”

>>667995
she swallowed the horse to eat the dog, she swallowed the dog to eat the cat, she swallowed the cat to eat the bird, she swallowed the bird to eat the spider she swallowed the spider to catch the fly

ps, Sam doesn't look like the rest of us. He looks like he died in a house fire. Some kind of cross-dressing accident, I'm sure.

Let me tell you about dating girls named 'Sam.' First of all, they're going to cling. Secondly, you will keep coming back because the smut rp is amazing.

You like RP, right, boss?

I lie on my bed and pretend it's a futon and hallucinate that psychologists named Joanne are trying to treat me.

Something with a desert and a tortoise. The details aren't there, you know how dreams are.

>What changed?
Something bad, obviously. It's not a pleasant thing that suddenly makes you reassess your worldview. I wouldn't push her on it now, though. She'll probably tell you eventually, anyways. People tell you things when they're trying to earn trust, and make you comfortable telling them things.

>would you be willing to describe what you experience at night?
The worst nightmares are the ones with your teeth falling out of your head, or with million and millions of ticks all over you.

>>667996
well when the voices first came every once in a blue moon she had a dream with all of us in it. It was always something simple, all of us voices plus the girl each with there own body and it was always somewhere nice, like some generic theme park, a beach, something like that where we'd all just hang out and have some fun at the dream of the month. Then Jerk ass Sam came into the picture, Then Jerk ass Sam got possessive and found a way to warp the dream into whatever he thought would be something that would impress her and pushes the rest of us out leaving only the girl and him in the dream, more of a nightmare at this point.

He "tries" to be charming in these things but it always just comes across as creepy as fuck. Like the tunnel of love ride which he thought it would be a good idea to use a red light in the tunnel as it's the color of love but made the water outside the boat look like blood and all the little attractions they have off to the side of the ride to help set the mood, which were just manikins with with her and Sam's heads stitched on them by the way, were in increasingly creepy positions which was only made worse by the red light.

We are the ones who usually have to wake her up but with Sam keeping all of us locked outside the "dream" we can only talk to her through reflections like mirrors, glass, water, ect. So now Sam has basically made the damn dream a boarded up concrete room that he tries to spice up by again throwing things into the room to try and make it look more romantic but only ends up making it look like either a damn sex dungeon or something you'd think you'd find out of that movie misery by Stephen king.

The saddest thing is that Sam actually does realize he fucks up... about 3/4th of the way through the dream but instead of learning he just keeps trying because he believes he'll win her heart eventually so what once was a every once a pleasant event every month or two has become a nightly slasher flick basically.

You dream of waking up in a straightjacket in a padded cell. Nobody comes to the door no matter how you yell.

Sheesh guys, stop telling her things to say that aren't true, you're being as bad as Sam now. Just tell the truth Regan. If you're having trouble getting it out we can help you put it together in words, but you have to get us started and fix it when we get it wrong.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/07(Mon)01:25 No. 668022 ID: 3bc92d
File 144161432370.png - (258.14KB , 1200x800 , mamp6.png )

“I dream I’m lying on a futon while therapists named Joanne try to treat me.”

“That… that’s fair.” Dr. Joanne Wilcox sighs. “I pushed too far. Sorry.”

“No.” I shake my head. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

”Sheesh, you make a joke, and you have to apologize for it? Just let loose, Prune. Stop worrying about what people will think of you.”

“The truth… the truth is…” I take a deep breath. “The truth is that I have a lot of dreams. Some of them are worse than others. The nightmares started with Sam following me into my dreams and ruining them, but then everything just kept getting worse. Most nights I have this one where I’m in a padded cell and a straightjacket as Sam just laughs and laughs. Sometimes, on the really bad nights, I’m covered in millions of ticks, all sucking me dry as I scream and scream but no one understands what’s wrong with me because they can’t see the ticks, only I can see the ticks, and…!” I trail off, shaking.

“You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to, Regan.” Dr. Wilcox leans forward and pats me on the shoulder. “Do you have nightmares every night?”

I nod. “I can’t remember the last time I slept for more than a couple of hours.”

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/07(Mon)01:28 No. 668023 ID: 3bc92d
File 144161453123.png - (245.07KB , 1200x800 , mamp7.png )

“The lack of sleep is probably contributing to your symptoms, and your symptoms are probably contributing to your lack of sleep.” Dr. Wilcox pulls out a computer tablet and taps her fingers on the screen, which is just out of my eyesight. “Give me a moment. I think I might be able to help end the cycle.”

”She’s messaging security, Prune. Now they know how crazy you are. They’ll lock you away in a padded cell in the dead-end ward with all of the other incurably insane people.”

”No they won’t. She’s nice. You don’t know anything.”

Dr. Wilcox glances up from the screen. “Sam?”

I nod. “Sam.”

“I understand.” She slips her tablet away and looks back at me. “I’ve ordered you some heavy-duty sedatives, and at a higher dose than Dr. Lancaster’s previous prescription. I’ll have a nurse prepare them along with the rest of your normal medication. Does that sound alright?”

“That sounds wonderful.” I sigh with relief. “I would love to get some real sleep again.”

“You certainly look like you could use a break.” Dr. Wilcox looks anxious. “Regan, I’m sorry if this session was stressful for you. Do you think you’d like to keep working with me, or would you prefer a different doctor?”

”Ask for a different doctor, Prune. Go on.”

Alright, Regan, something I'd like you to try, if you're willing. First of all, think about where Sam is relative to you right now. Hold that in your mind. He's off to the side, a little bit behind you, crouching, right?

Now, once you've got that, fidget in your seat a little, and stretch your arms so your left elbow is straight out at shoulder height. Then, quickly before he can react, pivot your left forearm up to give Sam a backhanded smack right in his smug face. God knows he's had it coming.

Ask if she actually called you a lying whore earlier or was that just your imagination; see how she responds. Don't stick with somebody who's gonna gaslight you.

"Sam HATES you, so he must fear you. You're a keeper."

>>668038

>Do you think you’d like to keep working with me, or would you prefer a different doctor?
You seem nice. And Sam keeps telling me to ask for someone else, so you must be doing something right.

>>668023
There's no reason to ask for a different doctor, Sam or not. Don't let Sam affect your decisions in any way.

Well, unless there's another Joanne Wilcox somewhere, I think I'll stick with you.

>>668032

yeah, try to determine if gaslighting.

was the sam in the dream the same as the sam right here right now?

and you can't really hit him, can you?

Hrrrm...Maybe...I don't want to just rely on pills because what if the pills run out? Or I forget?
...I miss Sam. The REAL Sam, not this creep in my head.

For the question at hand, you got to at least give psychiatrist a few sessions to know whether they're good or not.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/07(Mon)14:14 No. 668103 ID: 3bc92d
File 144166045092.png - (298.88KB , 1200x800 , mamp8.png )

“I’m sorry if this sounds strange, but… did you call me a lying whore earlier?”

Dr. Wilcox’s eyes widen slightly. “No, Regan. I didn’t. Did you experience me calling you that?”

“I, uh… yeah.”

"That’s because she did say that, Prune. She’s trying to fuck with you. She’s a psychopath. She’s going to make you worse than you are now.”

“I want to keep working with you.” I say, firmly. “Sam hates you, and he keeps telling me to ask for someone else, so you must be doing something right.”

“I’m glad.” She smiles softly. “I’d like to do everything I can to help you.”

“You’re nice.” I mumble. “I like you.”

“Thank you, Regan. I think you’re nice, too.” Dr. Wilcox stands and walks towards the door. “Well, I’m sorry, but I think our time is just about up for today. I’d like to meet with you again tomorrow, though. Does that sound good?”

I nod. “Thank you, Dr. Wilcox.”

“You can call me Joanne, if you’d like.”

”Call her ‘bitch’.”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Oh, well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I wasn’t talking to you.” I feel embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow, Joanne.”

“See you tomorrow.”

With that, I leave. Immediately after closing the door behind myself, I take a swing at Sam. “Bastard.”

”This again? You know you can’t hit me, Prune. I’m a ghost. Domestic abuse doesn’t really work on me.”

You're not a ghost, that is an insult to ghosts everywhere. You're more the incarnation of a midnight pepperoni snack, if anything.

You should get a Bluetooth headset to wear in public. People will understand you're talking to someone else, and you could actually use it as a music player.

>She’s going to make you worse than you are now
I don't think that's possible. No offense.

So what's your goal with the therapy/meds? No more night terrors, no more Sam, no more hearing anything not there (including us), or being normal? Would you be cool with Sam being there if he wasn't being such a dick?

>You know you can’t hit me, Prune. I’m a ghost. Domestic abuse doesn’t really work on me.
We're ghosts too. Can we hurt you?

Maybe we just need to make Regan a ghost sword or something to kill you with. I'd be cool with being a magic talking sword.

Definitely invest in bluetooth!

Also FUCK YOU SAM. You make us nice but kind of rude sometimes voices look bad.

But yeah, if you wanna get rid of us too no hard feelings. Also, please let us know if there's anything we suggest that you really really don't wanna do. It's your head, girl!

I KNEW IT!
How does the old Sam compare to this guy? If I had to guess...Real Sam was your boyfriend, and he WAS good, and helpful, and all you could want.
And then he died.
And now we're stuck with this creep, well, I dunno about creep, but...He's gone. Even if we DID want to continue holding a candle for this ghost...What could we do?

I am not convinced she didn't call us a 'lying whore' ; maybe in her head and we just subconsciously picked up on it.

Just because Sam is an asshole doesn't mean he ALWAYS lies. maybe it's a The Boy Who Cried Wolf thing.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)00:54 No. 668265 ID: 3bc92d
File 144169885935.png - (286.70KB , 1200x800 , mamp9.png )

>So what's your goal with the therapy/meds?

I want to be able to go back to school. I want to make real friends. I want Sam to go away. I want to be able to sleep normally again.

>You're not a ghost, that is an insult to ghosts everywhere.

“Wow, rude. Fine, I’m not a ghost. Maybe I’m an alien, then, beaming information into your brain. Is this a form you are comfortable with, pruny earthling?”

“Why do you always lie to me?”

“I’m just keeping you on your toes, Prune. Wouldn’t want you to get worse, now, would we?”

>I don't think that's possible. No offense.

”Not you, too!”

“Sorry, Prune. We outnumber you two to one. According to democracy, you’re completely insane.”

>FUCK YOU SAM.

“Hey, back at you.”

>Can we hurt you?

“I’d like to see you try. What are you going to do, yell at me?”

”Please stop fighting.”

>How does the old Sam compare to this guy?

“Oooh, yeah, let’s talk about the other Sam! Let’s talk about your silly little middle-school crush. Let’s talk about the boy who never even knew your name. Remember the only time he ever talked to you, back in swim class? You spent so long in the water, and when you came out, he laughed at you and said you looked like a prune. Oh, how you blushed at that. Say, you should call him up! Tell him all about me. It’ll be fun!”

>You should get a Bluetooth headset to wear in public. People will understand you're talking to someone else, and you could actually use it as a music player.

I already have one. I pull it out. Should I put it on? If I do, I won’t be able to hear you or Sam until I take it off.

Do whatever you think is best. In the end, it's probably best that all of us, the voices, should die in the flames of hell.

So do what you think is best. Make the first step. At least I believe.

>Not you, too!
Hey, you're taking steps to fix that. You realized that *this* is not normal, and that you need help to fix it. And you are *getting* that help. It's better to know when you're down than to deny it's happening.
Once we've helped you fix your other problems(or sooner if you prefer) we'll leave you alone; all you have to do is say the word.

>call him up
You know what, yeah. Call him up (later) and ask if you can meet for coffee. What better way to confirm how fake your Sam is than to chat with the real one. (we probably need a plan before we do chat though)

>won’t be able to hear you or Sam
That'd probably be best for now. Take 10/20 to relax and get something to eat. We'll be here when you're ready.

>Maybe I’m an alien, then, beaming information into your brain.
You're not an alien, you're an insult to aliens everywhere.

>can't get worse
Well, there's nowhere to go but up then, right?

>Should I put it on? If I do, I won’t be able to hear you or Sam until I take it off.
You mean you have a reliable Sam off switch? By all means, use it, if you need a break. We don't mind if that means we have to wait for you.

>Prune is an old nickname from school incident.

Hunh...Uhh...Well, Did you have anything else planned? You seem like you could use the relaxation time.
Sam? Could you let her rest tonight? Better yet...What if we made a deal, no meds from her if you stop bugging her. Way I see it, the meds are mainly in response to you being a jerk, so if you stop, so do they.

>>668265
Sam, can you give the girl a break? What's your problem with her? Do you just hate being shackled to her? Why don't we talk about YOU for a moment.
Regan, try your best to tune this conversation out for now. Trying to talk to Sam. Go read a book with some music on or something.

Hey, good idea! See you next therapy session.

Regan... I wonder if this Sam would go away if you got to know the real Sam? It doesn't have to be a relationship. You just have to talk to him, find out who he really is. I think this Sam is sort of a manifestation of your fears, like, he's the person you're scared Sam really is.

The prune thing sounds like a normal kind of joke to me. I mean, everyone gets all wrinkly if they spend too much time in water, so it can't be a personal jab.

How do you know sam isn't the real one and you aren't the hallucination?

>>668369
Or maybe Sam is real, and the therapist is a hallucination.

>>668376
Or maybe everything is a hallucination and she's already in that insane asylum. But we're getting ahead of ourselves, we haven't reached the "you aren't paranoid if they really are out to get you" point... yet.

>>668319

Actually, this sounds like a really good idea. Us knowing Sam might be the better route here to begin with.

>>668369
Cause Sam is a dick.

A malfunctioning brain imagining or externalizing a tormentor or aggressor of some kind is relatively common. Lots of mental issues could be considered as perception or exaggeration of a false threat, if we simply them. Brains evolved to look for patterns and threats in the world around them.

A malfunctioning brain imagining or externalizing a victim to attack is rather less common.

>>668384
So, Sam, how does it feel knowing that you aren't real?

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)17:09 No. 668418 ID: 3bc92d
File 144175737296.png - (412.37KB , 1200x800 , mamp10.png )

>How do you know sam isn't the real one and you aren't the hallucination?
>Or maybe Sam is real, and the therapist is a hallucination.
>Or maybe everything is a hallucination and she's already in that insane asylum.

“No! Stop it!”

“Ooh, yeah, I’m the one who’s real! You’re my hallucination, Prune. I wish you were more entertaining. Go on, take off your clothes or something.”

>So, Sam, how does it feel knowing that you aren't real?

“I wouldn’t know. I’d have to ask you. How does it feel?”

>You mean you have a reliable Sam off switch?

Well… I only use the headset when I want to listen to music. I listen to it as loud as I can, so I can’t hear anything else. I thought that was what you were talking about.

I don’t mind too much if other people around here think I look crazy. I mean, this is a mental hospital. I got the headset before I came here, back when I still hoped Sam would just go away on his own.

>What better way to confirm how fake your Sam is than to chat with the real one.
>Regan... I wonder if this Sam would go away if you got to know the real Sam?

But we haven’t talked in years. He doesn’t know me at all. How could I talk to him? Besides, he’d just think I was crazy. I mean… I am crazy.

>Regan, try your best to tune this conversation out for now.
>By all means, use it, if you need a break. We don't mind if that means we have to wait for you.

Okay. I’ll see you later.

Hmm hmm hmm, hm hm, hmm hmm…

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)17:11 No. 668420 ID: 3bc92d
File 144175748308.png - (199.30KB , 1000x600 , mamp11.png )

A few hours later, as I’m eating and reading in the cafeteria, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I take off my headset and turn to look.

Oh, it’s Marigold. We’re not really friends, but she’s nice, and I try to be nice to her. She’s sort of got what I have. She hears voices, too, like children whispering and laughing. According to her, the things her voices say are just nonsense.

“Hi, Regan. How are you?”

“Hello. Sam is a little loud today, but otherwise I’m okay. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m a little nervous.” She gently pokes her lips as she speaks. It’s a habit she has. “I guess I’m lonely. I don’t know. Were you going to go to group? There are supposed to be new people coming today, and I don’t want to go by myself.”

You're meeting lots of new people today. Go meet some real ones instead.

>>668420
Go with her. You might as well see some more real people, and it's not like it costs you anything to help her.

>>668420
Sure.
Uhh, that smile makes me think she's into you. It's a little presumptuous, but the thought's there.
Her voices sound harmless, I don't know why a person would admit themselves to an expensive healthcare facility if she was simply being annoyed by innane voices, other people with similar conditions are usually fine operating in the outside world since it's generally cheaper. She must have some shit that went down.

Is this a co-ed or female only facility? Just curious.

Join Marigold in greeting the newcomers.

>>668418
Having a mental illness doesn't make you less of a person.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)18:07 No. 668457 ID: 3bc92d
File 144176082728.png - (149.61KB , 1000x600 , mamp12.png )

>Go with her. You might as well see some more real people, and it's not like it costs you anything to help her.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“O-okay.” She pokes her lip one more time, then waits as I gather my things and stand up. We head over to the group therapy room together, Marigold tagging along slightly behind me.

We’re a little early, so we sit next to each other in two of the empty chairs and wait quietly.

>Her voices sound harmless, I don't know why a person would admit themselves to an expensive healthcare facility if she was simply being annoyed by inane voices

I think she has some anxiety problems, too, but I don’t like to pry. It feels impolite.

>Uhh, that smile makes me think she's into you. It's a little presumptuous, but the thought's there.

Marigold? I don’t know. Maybe? She’s never said anything about it, but she has always been very attached to me. I always just thought she was lonely, though.

I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t think I’m into girls. Marigold is a very pretty girl - a lot prettier than I am - but I’m not attracted to her or anything.

“Is something wrong?” Marigold asks, stroking her lips anxiously. “You’re looking at me kind of funny.”

>maybe
>I don't know how I feel about that
I wouldn't worry about it. This seems the worst kind of place to make presumptions, or push people to talk about things they aren't ready to talk about yet. If she does feel something, she obviously hasn't felt ready bringing it up.

Worry about it if she ever brings it up. Until something changes, nothing has changed.

I mean, if the guess is wrong, all bringing it up would do is give her something new to be anxious about. (Wait, what am I doing that makes people think I'm into girls?).

>“Is something wrong?” Marigold asks, stroking her lips anxiously. “You’re looking at me kind of funny.”
Half truth: Oh, no, sorry. Something I heard.

Sam is trying to convince her to make inappropriate advances on someone in a fragile mental state. Don't mind us.

You should tell her not to worry about it. Instead ask about her day and make pleasant small talk.

>>668457
>a lot prettier than I am
Well, you don't really know that, you just have your perspective, and most people aren't that attracted to themselves because of a desire for genetic diversity. Other people probably think different things. You think she thinks she's pretty? Probably not.

Forget it, sorry I brought it up. Just know that people may like you more than you realize. It's not just all you and Sam here. Think about how others think. Maybe establishing an empathy link will help.

Just say you were zoning out in her general direction. Too many random thoughts at once.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)19:43 No. 668482 ID: 3bc92d
File 144176659050.png - (168.20KB , 1000x600 , mamp13.png )

“Oh, um, it’s just… you know. Something I heard.” I tap my ear. “Too many thoughts. Don’t mind me.”

“Oh?” Marigold blinks, widens her eyes in realization, then nods. “Oh. Okay.”

“So how’s your day been?”

“It’s been, um, a little loud… But it’s okay right now. Being around you makes it easier.”

“Oh, uh, cool. I’m glad I can help.” I’m about to say something else, but the door opens and a couple of the other people from group show up, so I go quiet. I give Marigold a smile and a shrug. She smiles back.

A few minutes later, group therapy begins. As usual, people take turns talking as we go clockwise around the circle of chairs. Marigold and I are near the end of the circle.

…

“…so, yeah, I’m not sure if I’m getting better, exactly, but I kinda sorta maybe have a boyfriend, now…? So, I don’t know. I think I’m doing okay.”

“That’s wonderful, Nathan. Honestly, you do sound like you’re making lots of progress.” A couple of other people in the circle chime in with words of encouragement and support. Nathan smiles gently and looks a bit embarrassed. The doctor shifts his gaze to the next person down the line. “Yule, would you like to talk about anything today?”

”Pass.”

The doctor nods, looking a little disappointed. I don’t know what he expected; Yule never speaks.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)19:44 No. 668483 ID: 3bc92d
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“Moving on, then. Regan, how about you? Is there anything you’d like to bring up?”

I quickly straighten my posture, surprised. The doctor just skipped four people in the circle. Why did he go straight to me?

>>668483

Do you think you're hearing things again? Try confirming you haven't silently... Otherwise there's probably a reason. You shouldn't feel too bad to bring up what's on your mind... Then again, I know the nerves of group therapy... Just deep breaths and keep as calm as you can.

You've been hoarding peanut butter under your bed all week! You take it out at night when you can't sleep and stuff it in your ears to make the voices silent!

>The doctor just skipped four people in the circle. Why did he go straight to me?
Well, maybe he's going to be skipping around today to keep people off guard? It's only notably if you're the only one he skips to.

>Is there anything you’d like to bring up?
Um. I don't know. I still hear things I know aren't there. Sam's been loud lately, and he's been messing with my sleeping. No big changes for the better or worse.

>>668483
Stressed out by Sam and voices. The regular stuff. Nothing new, besides a new therapist and the first session seemed to go well. That's about it. No progress, just looking forward to a better tomarrow.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)21:31 No. 668523 ID: 3bc92d
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>Do you think you're hearing things again?

I - I don't know! I can't tell!

I take a deep breath and start to speak. ”Um... I don't know. I still hear things that I know aren't there. I met with a new therapist today. She seems nice. Sam is being loud, and he's still messing with my sleeping a lot..."

The room is quiet. People are looking at me strangely. I feel a familiar flash of fear.

"I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been sleeping well, Regan." The doctor's tone is relaxed, like he's trying to be soothing. "Are you aware that you spoke out of turn just now? There are still four people ahead of you in the circle."

"B-but you just-!"

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)21:32 No. 668525 ID: 3bc92d
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I realize. My chest feels tight. I lower my head. “…I’m sorry.”

”Oh, man, that was awesome! Hey, Prune, you know what this reminds me of? High school. Remember how you always thought the teachers were calling on you? This is so nostalgic!”

“You don’t have to apologize, Regan. I wasn’t trying to admonish you, I just wanted to check in. No one here is judging you. You can keep talking, if you’d like.”

”Wow, that’s a load of bullshit. They’re all judging you, Prune, and the verdict is ‘crazy’.”

I almost want to die.

Ouch. Yeah, tell him Sam's progressed to interfering with what you hear other people say as well. Such as who you were calling on.

>>668522
They're not judging you because they're going through similar things you're went through. Listen to them, not you who is Sam. Everyone here believes you.

Keep reminding yourself Sam is you. A very powerful thought, that's all he is, and all he can do is whisper in your ear. And yell.

Ask the biggest question of yourself: Do you judge anyone here?

Oh and for what to say: Just say you just heard you get called out by mistake and panicked, so that's also new. Sorry about that, you're done. Just, like a warning for future sessions, I might hear things from them that they didn't say and can't tell if they're real or not.

Can't change the past so better to just own it. Might want to apologize for now, you didn't do anything wrong but it might smooth things over.
Also bet Marigold isn't judging Regan, so wise up a bit before you speak Sam.

>>668525
Just say you had an audio hallucination of him calling on you, you'd rather wait your turn.

Keep going. You're already embarrassed- it's not like you lose anything by pressing on. And you're not going to get a more sympathetic audience.

I thought it was weird you called on me out of turn. I guess I was too nervous or caught off guard to notice it wasn't real. Those are the ones that really get to me. I mean, it's one thing to try and cope with the stuff I know isn't real. It can be unpleasant, but I know what it is. It's really off-putting when I can't tell, or I don't notice.

Seems like being functionally deaf would be a step up. So, keep headphones on all the time, and until you learn sign language and/or lip-reading, communicate only in writing.

Once group therapy is over, offer to hug Marigold.

"I... I heard you address me by name and ask me to speak. Which means... in addition to the usual hearing of voices, I'm now starting to hallucinate?"

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/09(Wed)00:27 No. 668583 ID: 3bc92d
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“I thought it was weird that you called on me out of turn. I guess I was too nervous to notice it wasn’t real. Those are the ones that really get to me. I mean, it’s one thing to try to cope with the stuff that I know isn’t real…” I breathe, shakily. “But I’ve been having more and more of these audial hallucinations, recently, where I can’t tell if they’re real or not. They scare me.”

“Why do you think you feel scared by them?”

“Look, I… I know almost everyone in this circle is like me, I mean, this is the psychosis and schizophrenia group…” I take a moment to breathe. “But I’ve been here for a long time. I’ve seen lots of people like me. Usually they just show up, stay for a little while, get stable again, and then they go. But I’ve been here for a long time. Almost a year, now.”

“Regan, everyone recovers in their own way, at their own speed. Sometimes it takes a long time.”

“But it’s been so long. Other people have gotten better. I thought I would get better, too. I’ve taken all sorts of medications, I’ve tried lots of different therapies and exercises, but… it’s like I’m only ever getting worse. Nothing helps.”

“I don’t know about that. You have your music and your books. Did you have those when you first came here?”

“No, I didn’t. But those aren’t solutions. They’re just… I don’t know. Coping mechanisms.”

“I, um…” Marigold speaks up, sounding very nervous. I’m surprised. She usually doesn’t talk much in group. “I’m not sure, I mean, I wouldn’t really know, but… I think that’s what ‘getting better’ is. It’s just coping.”

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/09(Wed)00:28 No. 668584 ID: 3bc92d
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A few of the other people in the group nod their agreement. I go quiet, bowing out of the discussion. After about a minute of silence, the doctor gives me a supportive smile. “I really do think that you’re getting better every day, Regan. Hang in there, and please tell us if there’s anything we can do.” With that, he turns back to the first of the four people I’d skipped. “So, Marie. Last session, you mentioned having some issues with your memory. How are you feeling today?”

“I don’t know.” Marie shuffles around in her seat. “I feel like I’m trapped, or as if I’m being chased, but I’m not quite sure who’s after me, or why…”

I try to pay attention to her, but I just can’t focus. I feel so weak and stupid. I cautiously slip out of my seat and exit the room. I sit down out in the hall, in an uncomfortable chair.

“Wow, you’re so nice, Prune. Speak out of turn, pour your silly little heart out, ignore their advice, don’t thank them for their support, then sneak out without listening to the very same people you interrupted. Gold star. Ten out of ten!”

>Seems like being functionally deaf would be a step up.

I reach down and grab my headset. Before I can put it on, the door opens, and Marigold quietly steps out. She sits down next to me. “You okay?” She taps her lips.

Embarrassed.

...Regan, I'm starting to think that they shouldn't be treating you for psychosis. They should be treating you for depression.

Depression is only a part of a larger puzzle here. It's probably as a result of Sam obviously and continuously giving Regan low self-esteem but there has to be a reason why we existed inside Regan in the first place that we'll have to get to the bottom of. That's hopefully what therapy will help with too, here's to hoping.

I'd trust Marigold to talk to but it's up to you if you want to. She seems like someone who is generally concerned about how you feel and unlike what Sam might think or say, just remember that people actually care for you. Don't ever forget that.

Also, don't worry about walking out before. It might be hard but please don't worry about what people think.

"Normal people don't have Sam to deal with and I don't know why he's so focused on sabotaging me instead of helping me, or just paying more attention to the other people around me that you'd think he'd find more interesting than watching someone he thinks is stupid and ugly. If you accept the idea that Sam and all the other voices are only parts of me that would make him a representation of thinking bad about myself. I'm not sure that's right but it at least makes sense. Then add in the audio-hallucinations when I hear things people don't actually say and it suddenly makes no sense again. That's leaving me lost and I have no idea what's wrong or what to try to do besides blast my head with noise to the point that I can't hear anything that anyone says, real or fake. Should I just leave my headphones on all the time and learn sign language, learn to live like a deaf person?"

It's all about confidence, I think...Hey, you ever try to have 'fun' with your current social status?
Like asking an offbeat question, or saying the thing no one else wants to say. Own the Crazy, instead of letting the Crazy own you.

>“You okay?” She taps her lips.
I dunno. I don't think I'm really any worse, but I don't think I'm having a very good day with this stuff.

Were there any new people after all? I don't think I noticed much after my thing.

>>668584
Oh, that actually seems to be something Merigold does as a nervous tic or something. It was over-analyzing. Still, your presence is obviously comforting to the girl at least.

Tell her that you're tired.

i Know we already addressed the elephant in the room, but just so we're clear: Sam, are you wearing a skirt

also, why not just make a NEW sam to beat the OLD sam. the horse that swallowed the dog. we can name him 'Same'

>>668120
>Maybe we just need to make Regan a ghost sword or something to kill you with. I'd be cool with being a magic talking sword.

Salt can injure ghosts and certain other impure things. Go to the cafetorium, food place, whatever it's called, and as politely as possible obtain a salt shaker. When Sam lies, throw salt at him.

We might be looking at a legit supernatural issue here, given that mundane treatment methodologies aren't working so great, so let's do some hypothesis testing in that domain. Stick with what works even if you're not quite sure of the mechanism, and abandon whatever lacks benefits worth the cost.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/14(Mon)00:44 No. 669517 ID: 3bc92d
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>...Regan, I'm starting to think that they shouldn't be treating you for psychosis. They should be treating you for depression.

They’re treating me for both.

>Hey, you ever try to have 'fun' with your current social status? Own the crazy, instead of letting the crazy own you.

There’s nothing fun about it. I don’t want to show off my problems. I feel like enough of a freak as it is.

>We might be looking at a legit supernatural issue here, given that mundane treatment methodologies aren't working so great

But… supernatural things aren’t real, are they? They aren’t, right?

“I, um… I feel embarrassed, and tired. I feel crazy too. The hallucinations are making me wonder if maybe it’d be better if I was completely deaf…” I shake my head slightly and force out a small laugh. “But, um, don’t mind me too much. I’m not getting worse, I just don’t think I’m having a good day with this stuff.”

“I know those days.” She nods, looking a little sad. “Still, I think you’re doing great. I don’t know if I could handle what you have to deal with, you know? You’re really, um, inspirational to me.” She pokes her lip anxiously.

“Thanks, Marigold. I honestly think you’re a stronger person than you give yourself credit for, though.”

“I don’t think so.” She mumbles, looking at the floor.

“Well, I do.” I smile. “So, were there any new people today? I didn’t really notice much. I was kind of distracted.”

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/14(Mon)00:48 No. 669523 ID: 3bc92d
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“Oh, uh, yeah. Who were they…?” Marigold pauses, trying to remember. “There were three new people - two girls and a boy. One of the new girls is named Gertrude, she’s got a bit of a lisp, but she seems nice. The other girl’s name is Xi or Chi or something. I think she’s foreign. She was very friendly, but she's so l-little that I’m not sure she’s old enough to be here.”

“Wait, is she younger than me?” I’m a little surprised. I’m used to being the youngest person in the group.

“I’m not sure. Maybe she’s just really short?” Marigold shrugs, then seems to lose herself in thought. “The boy… I can’t remember what the boy’s name was. It was like the oil, you know?”

I blink. “Oil?”

“Yeah, like… oh, that was it! C-Castor. His name was Castor.” She relaxes, having remembered. “The doctor was really protective of him, but Castor didn’t talk at all. He looked kind of confused, actually.”

“Well, I mean…”

“No, like, more confused than most of us are. He kept looking around, like he wasn’t sure why he was there.”

“Well, we’ve all got our own stuff to deal with.” I shrug

“Yeah.” She smiles shyly. “Hey, um… I know I’ve never asked you before, but do you, uh, do you want to hang out with me and do things together? Like, draw, or play games, or something…” She runs her fingers over her lips nervously. “I mean, whatever you’d want to do, Regan. I don’t know. I’m not good at social stuff.”

>>669523
That would probably be good for you, you should do it. Also it'd be fun.

Okay, I got the rest - though Chee took a bit - but who's Castor?
I'm assuming Marigold is OC.

>>669523
Sure, Sam might make things difficult though.

If Chi is Asian, I know this is a stereotype, but odds are she could be the oldest person in the group while being the shortest and youngest looking.

>But… supernatural things aren’t real, are they? They aren’t, right?
We have no reason to think they're real. You can't actually prove a negative, but the preponderance of evidence doesn't support it.

And the fact you have good reason not to trust your own senses means it's not like you could reliably investigate.

I don't think it's a productive line of thought, unless you discover adopting a religious, spiritual, or supernatural perspective on your issues greatly increases your capacity to cope. I'm skeptical about that though, as the idea seemed to distress you.

>>669523
Well, it looks like she would like you as a friend, at least.

I don't see that there's any reason not to hang with someone who wants to, unless you really need time to yourself, or had other plans. I mean, it can't be bad for you to hang around with people who like you, right?

Let's make our voices duel to the death! Yours choose the battlefield, and we'll choose the weapon!

You should go play some games with her, maybe cards or monopoly.

>>669553
How about ANYTHING BUT monopoly, instead? At least go for, like, Catan or Parcheesi.

>>669608
Catan sucks (but not as much as Monopoly) with only two players. Find a third player or go for Race For The Galaxy instead.